Name: Zomboni
Debut: Plants vs. Zombies
Plants vs. Zombies is such a silly game. Silly is baked into its very code. And I love that! You know me! I live under rotting wood, eating silly and breaking it down into nutrient-rich soil! But I think Zomboni has the honor of being the silliest thing in this already-silly game!
There is no way Zomboni would exist if it weren't for the wordplay. So thank goodness for the wordplay! A zombie, on a Zamboni. Though, we are informed that it is actually "more closely related to a space ogre than a Zombie". What impeccable word choice! So it's not even actually a space ogre. Just some weird guy creature. Awesome
Zomboni drives an ice resurfacing machine, and I have no idea what the general public's knowledge level of these things is. Does the average person know the exist? I knew, but I played and hated playing hockey as a child so I got to watch the ice being resurfaced, which was the best part. Some guy who may or may not be tangentially related to space ogres will drive this machine around the ice rink, cutting down the surface and laying down fresh ice to make a nice and smooth surface, I think. Now, I may be using the generic term for this product, but commonly, there is one brand name that is used commonly, like Band-Aid or Q-Tip or Velcro, and for that we can thank...
Name: Frank J. Zamboni
Debut: Utah
Frank J. Zamboni! Hooray! What do you have to say, Frank?
Wow. So true, Frank. I'm sure this message is reaching its intended audience in this post. Anyway, ol' Ice Tank Frank made such an iconic machine that it is THE ice resurfacing machine in the public consciousness, and there is even a trademark for its iconic shape! That seems unnecessary but ok. Now, when the ghost of the Zamberino was scrying the mortal realm for references to his work in media, he came across parody in a funny video game, and OBVIOUSLY something had to be done about that!
And from then on, Zomboni's description was updated to reflect that it is NOT to be confused with a Zamboni® brand ice resurfacing machine, you silly billy, why would you think that? And they also plugged the Zamboni website in-game, so that the audience of, I must emphasize, a silly video game, would be more likely to buy an entire ice resurfacing machine, or at least its related merchandise. I really would think this would all be fine under parody law, but maybe it has to do with the shape trademark. Whatever. To the Zamboni company's credit, they have some incredible merchandise.
What a powerful item. With this, the course of a baby's life can be changed forever...
Zomboni with an O, I mean with two Os, approaches while creating a trail of freshly laid ice that cannot be planted on. The brand-ambiguous ice resurfacing machine is quite tough, but instant-kill plants are effective, as are Spikeweeds and Spikerocks, which will instantly pop its tires!
Zomboni is a considerable threat, instantly flattening any plant it reaches before its destruction, though the player should be pretty well-equipped to combat it, and the ice is laid on the right side of the screen, rather than the precious left side. Pretty manageable! But Zomboni is only the beginning, and as much delight and intrigue as I have gleaned from Zomboni's existence, it's what FOLLOWS Zomboni that is, in fact, my favorite zombie(s) in the game.
If Zomboni is allowed to create an ice trail, it will be used by Zombie Bobsled Team! Yeah, Frank got a whole "name/debut" section and these guys just get a bolded name in a sentence. You never know what I'm gonna do next! Hee hee!
Zombie Bobsled Team is exactly what it sounds like! A team of zombies, in a bobsled! So that's four zombies, with a defensive vehicle that has to be destroyed before they can be harmed! Zomboni was already over-the-top silly, and then Zombie Bobsled Team goes even higher over that top. And it's a Big Top, where they keep all the clowns. There is not much else I can say about Zombie Bobsled Team, but it really speaks for itself!
For some reason there exists official art of "Mullet Zombie", the Zomboni driver without his vehicle and hat. And for an even somer reason, they put it on the box art for the DS version! PvZ1 is simply very strange when it comes to official key art. Messed up.
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ghhhhghhghhghghhh i hate when things suddenly change the interface font. evil .
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i think owning a waffle maker would save me
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i swear, every pride month, i end up unfollowing like close to a dozen people--including mutuals--because everyone just gets completely politically unhinged and horrible. either it is aphobia, misogyny, or antisemitism, but soooo many people just go off the rails with it. i dunno what it is about this month, but where i used to look forward to it, i've begun to absolutely dread it.
i used to love pride online because irl pride is so hostile to jews (it isn't that much better here, tbh) and i could at least participate here, but where it used to be mostly sane, it has quickly spiraled into homophobia/biphobia/aphobia, misogyny, and exploitative regressive politics where the entire point of pride is sidelined to appeal to some fucked up groups that this website loves propping up as mascots. no one on here seems capable of being normal about forgotten marginalized groups, like women, aces, and jews. it even has a lead up sometimes; the lead up this year felt like pms, my dash has been so bad the past couple weeks and today the floodgates opened. i haven't seen this much unmasked misogyny and aphobia in a long time and it is only day one. this year is gonna suck, i can just feel it.
all this to say, if i end up unfollowing you and you're a mutual, it isn't personal. i'm just getting close to my wits end
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I know it's probably just the DVD logo in my brain hitting the corner perfectly but I think the reason the Bad Apple animation in r/place makes me so emotional is reminiscent of the pale in Disco Elysium. It's like yeah maybe in a few years Martinaise and Revachol will cease to exist because it'll be swallowed up by the pale... but it exists now, and it's a whole complex, intricate, and aggressively passionate world, and just because it's a bit broken and will soon vanish doesn't mean it wasn't beautiful while it existed.
Everyone knows that reddit is on its last legs because of the whole API controversy and the timing of r/place feels like a distraction from that. but despite their anger, it also might be the last time an r/place canvas is opened up, and well... if it's the last time, we might as well make something beautiful, right? something that takes a unique advantage of the fact that r/place is a place of change rather than a static canvas, and needs to be meticulously timed and curated? something grand and borderline impossible, just because we love it and we're passionate about it? because reddit is still here right now, even if it's breathing its last, it's a place that their users surely loved, where you were able to meet people who loved the same things you did. our communities might fragment into smaller and smaller pieces in the future if we lose reddit. it might be the last time we can still convene and hold hands like this. so we'll make something as beautiful and as passionate as we can, even if this place will no longer exist in a few years...
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You know we talk about how the speed of communication has been used to increase the amount of time employers and institutions can demand from their employees, but do you notice that the reverse is never true? More and more automated help services are hiding or outright removing the ability to call someone and get help and instead force you to email about it, which despite being electronic and sending much faster than physical mail... Gets responded at about the same rate.
Essentially when they who hold the power want you, they can get a hold of you at any moment and you're usually just expected to comply with the intrusion on your time. But when you need critical assistance or just need to outright demand what you're owed, they're suddenly unavailable and you need to calmly write your grievances in an email that they will respond to in 7 to 10 business days. Unless of course it got lost amongst all the spam they receive everyday and surely you understand.
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it’s 4 am and i just reread crank by ellen hopkins for the first time since i was 13 for some godforsaken reason
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I am disappointed in myself
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what's next staff gonna remove chronological order now?
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So like, the Reddit strike going on right now, yeah? I've been seeing a lot of people comment on how they appreciate the protest and then go on to say that this has the notable downside of them constantly looking up questions and not being able to easily find the answers because all of the easily-findable answers are exclusively on Reddit. I am not sure if most of the people making this observation are within the line of thought of "man, maybe this protest isn't such a good idea after all" or "man, it really sucks that we've let the internet get so consolidated," and I'm really hoping its the latter.
Like, all of this? This right here? Reddit making a shitty, anti-consumer grab for money and control over how people are allowed to access the information on their servers, and the website going dark in protest causing tons of people to not be able to access important information? This is exactly what people mean when they say that it's bad that the internet has shrunk down so much and is mostly comprised of, like, 10 websites. It's a fucking problem that one company making one bad decision and causing their website to crash and burn can jeopardize so much of humanity's cumulative information.
This two-day glimpse into the internet without Reddit is the warning shot. Imagine what will happen if Reddit actually goes down for good for one reason or another one day. Imagine what will happen if/when Discord or Fandom bites the dust, or gets rendered practically-unusable without paying an ever-increasing premium because they're owned by blood-sucking corporate leeches.
Another big thing is Twitter clamping down really hard on your ability to DM people if you don't have Twitter Blue. If this goes through, it'll put a ton of artists and sex workers who rely on Twitter DMs for their business operation into a shitty situation. Now, obviously, it's not gonna be the end of the world for them, but once again, it feels like a warning shot to me. Twitter is a sinking ship, and unless something changes and it starts to course-correct, I worry that it'll go under and all of the creators who rely on it will suddenly be in an extremely precarious situation.
These are the sorts of things that we, as the users of the internet, need to seriously think about as time goes on, and if we don't find an adequate answer sooner, we're going to pay for it later. I still hold that the best solution is to start making and using more individual, niche websites. Things like Twitter, Reddit, Discord, etc. have their place, of course, but I seriously think a lot was lost through the death of things like individual forums and the existence of many different wiki-hosting sites.
We need a concerted effort, not just on the side of larger creators, but on the users themselves, to stop exclusively using these larger websites and support the creation and growth of smaller, more niche websites, and prevent a catastrophe before it actually happens. I simply hope that people with larger platforms than my own pick up on all this and start talking about it and swaying people to act sooner rather than later. I know it's possible to correct the problem of the mysteriously tiny internet before a modern Library of Alexandria moment happens, I just don't know if that correction will actually happen in time.
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I think the discussion that made time loops my brand was entirely confined to Twitter, so since this website has gone all in on time loops of late, here, have the story:
Several years ago, I suggested to my wife that we have an agreement that if either one of us ever came to the other and said that we were in a time loop, we just accept that it's real and get on with things, thereby eliminating the frustration of the looping partner having to convince the other one every day.
She REFUSED. Because "time loops aren't real."
Well, we had this debate on and off for several years, and finally, she got tired of me bringing it up and agreed. So now we have a deal: We'll believe each other, but if I ever do it as a joke, the deal's off.
It turns out that the reason that my wife has been refusing to make this agreement is less that time loops aren't real, and more that she's concerned I would come to her one day, claim to be in a time loop, and then the next day declare the time loop had finally broken. And since that is, of course, exactly what it would look like to her if I really was in a time loop, she'd have no way of proving it.
I explained to her that she's completely right, that would be incredibly funny, but I'd never do it because there's a part of me that is legitimately nervous that I will actually end up in a time loop one day, and I need her to believe me.
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YOU -- mm i want a fat man on me gaystyle but with clothes on
FURRY INCLINATION [Medium: Success] -- Any *animalline traits* to him, two-legs?
SENSATION -- That would do nicely, texturally speaking...
YOU -- not for now, but i'll keep that in mind.
POSTER'S GAMBIT [Easy: Success] -- Yes. YES. It's the perfect emotion. Everyone wants -- even if not that. So generalize, blogsman. Ambiguate. With this, you can finally build your *viral empire.*
BROAD APPEAL [Hard: Success] -- With your crowd: three faves, and a flirtatious re-blog from some fur-fag. Eight if the bitcoinette or the not-lycanthrope touches it...
POSTER'S GAMBIT -- Try again. We're *this* close to another "you have to let 'denny's parking lot at 3am' go."
YOU -- mm i want big men on me gaystyle #gay #mlm #lgbt #asexual
SENSATION [Medium: Success] -- But it's not about "big" -- "big" alone is nothing. Non descript. You crave *plasticity* -- you want to feel him pushing through, between your fingers...
FURRY INCLINATION -- Oh, yes. Sounds *sonft,* two-legs.
SENSATION -- *Really* sonft. If we must say it that way. And so *heavy* on our supine body, too. I almost wonder if we could...
New task: Administer the *auto-hand-job.*
SENSATION -- Yeah.
POSTER'S GAMBIT -- NEVER MIND THEM. Never mind any of that. You're almost there. Keep going, blogsman. *Earn* the U.R.L.
BROAD APPEAL [Hard: Success] -- Thirteen faves, four reblogs. None flirtatious -- none you think.
YOU -- what's missing?
BROAD APPEAL -- What do you think?
YOU [Impossible: Success] -- the *sapphic* factor.
BROAD APPEAL -- Exactly right. I *told* you I'm named this way for a reason...
HIGH SCHOOL G.S.A. -- Do it for Erin. And Michaela. I wonder if they're still...
BROAD INTUITION [Medium: Success] -- They're not.
YOU -- mm i want big men or women on me #lgbt #ambiguously queer
HIGH SCHOOL G.S.A. -- Ah-ah-ah.
BROAD APPEAL -- And about that word "big" ... you know what has to happen.
YOU -- but that's the core of it to me, kind of.
POSTER'S GAMBIT [Easy: Success] -- And to the fur-fag sector.
BROAD APPEAL -- A sector is nothing. We want the *website* in our hands. Even the proponents of Astarion, and the proprietors of "best girls"...
YOU -- Yuck.
BROAD APPEAL -- I know. But they're the only way.
VANITY [Easy: Failure] -- God, we'll be on *Ellen.*
BROAD APPEAL -- Enough of that. She's out.
YOU [Impossible: Success] -- mm i want anything at all #lgbt #ambiguously queer #asexual
POSTER'S GAMBIT -- STOP THERE. YOU'VE FOUND IT, BLOGSMAN. QUICKLY -- BEFORE WE BOTH FORGET -- TYPE IT UP AND POST.
BROAD APPEAL -- The known numbers don't go high enough. You've found a ticket out of here -- out of *Massachusetts.*
SHIVERS -- IN 2027, A METEOR THE SIZE OF A KLEAN KANTEEN WILL LAND IN THE CENTER OF ROXBURY AND LEVEL BOSTON WITH ITS ZETTA-JOULES OF IMPACT ENERGY. TOO SMALL AND TOO QUICK FOR EVEN M.I.T.'S OBSERVATORY-BOYS TO DETECT.
POSTER'S GAMBIT -- More important things than that are happening -- and sooner, too. Type it up, blogsman. This is the easy part...
YOU -- You type: "mm i want anything at all #lgbt #ambiguously queer #asexual."
SENSATION [Hard: Success] -- Stop. Go back. It's dishonest.
BROAD APPEAL -- This was never about you -- you were only ever the basis on which *this* could be constructed. If that...
POSTER'S GAMBIT -- Post it, blogsman. Make the world relate to you.
YOU -- You hit: "post."
YOU -- The progress bar reaches -- reaches -- completes. A green light indicates success.
POSTER'S GAMBIT -- YES. YES... Oh, I suppose we should have waited for *optimum posting hours.* It doesn't matter now. It's done -- and the onslaught faves will begin rolling in catastrophically in three... two...
POSTER'S GAMBIT -- In three... two...
Thought gained: Any day now...
POSTER'S GAMBIT -- Don't worry, blogsman. Just keep checking your phone -- the *wi-fi* here is *bunk,* anyway.
VANITY -- And once it does -- Ellen.
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WAYS WE CAN HELP PALESTINE:
as of 9am today, 8131 palestinians were killed, 20438 are injured and 1.4 million have been displaced. it’s important for all of us to help palestine in as many ways as we can.
i also cannot stress how much just spreading awareness in general can help. staying silent because of your discomfort is not an excuse to sit by while a genocide takes place. when we learn about these events in history we often think “how was this allowed to happen?” but that’s exactly what’s happening now and it’s our responsibility to not sit by and let an entire country be wiped out. i will continue adding more ways to help to this post and i’d really appreciate it if anyone can spread this as much as possible.
it’s important to get educated on everything going on in palestine right now, here are some sources that could help!
decolonize palestine - made by two palestinians, answers a lot of questions regarding everything right now (including debunking a lot of myths from biased news stations) and provides a lot of historical context.
list of documentaries to watch if you want to gain further knowledge
list of accounts to follow on twitter that can also provide information
linktree with information
you can also donate to organisations! even if you can’t donate tons of money, you can help by spreading these links so others can also try to donate!
red crescent
PCRF
MAP
doctors w/o borders
palestinian social fund
palestinian in pain launch good
this website is free and uses ad revenue for donations, all you need to do is click it once daily!
some more places you can donate to and some more
boycotting will also help!! also some of the kpop idols we stan have brand deals with ones that support 🇮🇱 so please let’s not interact with their posts with those brands
list from BDS of companies to boycott
signing petitions!
write to representatives and demand they retract their support of 🇮🇱
ways to contact local governments about helping palestine
if you’re in the uk here’s a link to contact your local MP
change org ceasefire petition
Text "CEASEFIRE" to 51905 if you live in America. The link provided leads you to a page to sign and call for a ceasefire once the goal is met. They are so close to meeting its goal!!
here's a link that lets you send a letter directly to your state representatives
here are some threads that will also give you ways to help.
thread of things we can do to help palestine
HOW TO HELP PALESTINE!! resources and links to other threads on how to donate and spread awareness of what's happening in palestine currently!!! a thread 🧵
here’s what we know, and links to donate to help aid palestinians, a thread:
Here is a list of list of resources and people you can follow to educate yourself on what’s going on in Palestine RIGHT NOW🇵🇸
Ways US, Canada, and UK residents can reach out to their state representatives and MPs to call for ceasefire in Gaza:
if there are any more sources that you would like me to add pls send me an ask or dm me !!
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