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headspace-hotel · 1 year

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some times i see people talking about the Earth and climate change saying things like "now i know it is difficult to deal with utter hopelessness, terror, and visiting the thoughts of death"

and it's like wow I am so deeply sorry about the suffering. but...concern. Concern. Tell me, am I missing something important? Why do I feel a sense of hope for our planet? Am I a lonely fool? Have I been consumed by naïveté and misguided optimism?

That would be weird. It feels weird. It feels like I would be well suited to despair. My natural temperament is Mortal Terror making my body crushed for a thousand years at the bottom of the deepest trenches of the ocean. I've thought before "I can't live any more. This exceeds the tensile strength of the human spirit."

And then? After irreversible catastrophic failure of the soul, there is...what?

We try to imagine the future where we fight to save our home and it is very painful. The resistance feels so small and the machine of death feels so vast. But something's missing.

Everyone else is missing—the plants, trees, bugs, beasts, and creatures. Hello? Are the other humans seeing this? Nature wants you to know that she is not a princess in a tower. Look! Look at the chaos moving through every cell! Iterating! Adapting! Becoming! Thriving! Watch the pollinators tirelessly at work, observe the mycorrhizal network in the forest floor distributing the rich fruits of decay and photosynthesis for every inhabitant! Pay attention! We belong here too. They feed and shelter us, give us the very air we breathe, and in return we plant and propagate, cull, thin, and burn, shape, trample, till, shepherd and sprout seeds. Our species can look toward the future, to the world of our descendants. We can call every plant and animal by name and teach our children to use and care for them responsibly. We can feel this anger, pain, and grief on behalf of the family of Life, OUR family, and we can love the smallest beetle and the humblest moss.

Look at it! This thing is nothing like me, it does not benefit me, it has no use or purpose for me, but LOOK at it! Look at its intricate structure! Look at the marvelousness of its behaviors and biological functions! Look at its uniqueness throughout the whole universe! Look at it, and see its infinite value!

I saved a baby tree from the scorching hot gravel of a parking lot. I watched it grow and thrive in the hands of its caretaker. Many more followed, trees and herbs and flowers, rescued and carefully placed in cups and old tubs that once held yogurt and sour cream. This is so strange, I thought. They're everywhere, offering themselves for free, and no one thinks to take them. Everyone thinks transplanting a tree is hard and that nothing grows on the edge of the pavement but weeds. But it's so easy??? This is weird. Plant Nurseries Hate Her: Get Free Plants With This One Weird Trick.

I protected an old barren garden patch where nothing had thrived from being mowed and weed-whacked, and transplanted little plants that I found. I marveled at the bees that came. Chicory bloomed, then asters and goldenrod. I shed actual tears over a spicebush swallowtail. I ordered some milkweed from the internet, and the monarchs came for them. Less then twenty-five bucks for a divine experience like this. Wow, everyone else really needs to know!

I started volunteering at a nature center, and was allowed to transplant flowers where they sprouted in inopportune locations. I collected tons of seeds all fall and winter long.

There is much, much more, all of it bigger than I ever would have imagined. But this spring there were more birds, in number and in species, than I'd ever seen in my back yard before. Chickadees, swallows, finches, nuthatches, jays, cardinals, warblers, sparrows, woodpeckers of every kind...I remembered just a couple years prior when all I ever saw out there was a couple grackles or starlings or robins, with the occasional sparrow. Those birds come in flocks rather than couples now. And then the bumblebee arrived. An American bumblebee, endangered now, a queen. For a few days she was always out there, would fly out and buzz around me when I came out to tend to my now-innumerable plants. It's nesting time for them. She chose this place I was creating. She saw that this place would take care of her.

A week ago, I discovered wild strawberries growing in my Mamaw's driveway. I found lyreleaf sage growing beside a gravel road. I've become a master of transplanting; I took several of each home. Yesterday, I saw a tiny, metallic blue bee, an Osmia mason bee. Today, I saw an oriole and a strange, very fancy fly. I see something new almost every day. Every day I am being irreversibly changed as a person. How did I ever fail to see how much this matters?

I said I feel hope...do I feel it? I don't think it's a feeling, I think it's a practice. It's being part of our communities and our ecosystems. Nature's interconnectedness is both reality and example: to survive, we take care of one another. And when one member of the community helps another thrive, it creates a cascade that increases the thriving of all. Just by existing, you help us all survive.

You can only take care of so many plants before you have to give some away. You can only hold so much knowledge before you have to give it away. I gave seeds to a dozen different flowers to my next-door neighbor and she invited me inside and wouldn't let me leave without food, and we talked about plants and trees. A family friend lets me have goats' milk and heirloom vegetables in exchange for help around the farm, and I listen to him talk about trees, bugs, and soil and learn so much I feel like I'm about to explode from knowledge.

Being a caretaker is unavoidably a community-oriented, community-forming thing. You can't grow plants all by yourself. Your garden will make too many tomatoes. Share them. Your milkweed will make hundreds and hundreds of seeds. Spread them. Wild blackberries invite you to take and eat. Your lonely retired neighbor invites you to talk and keep her company. Once you grow delicious fruits or little oak trees, you always have a reason to greet someone and say, "Look, it is a gift!"

We're not alone. We are not separate. We take care of each other. Every species, every individual. A single action of caretaking creates a cascade effect of thriving. A single unapologetic love for a creature creates a blossom of curiosity and fascination in everyone surrounding. It's so powerful.

As my chemical romance says "I am not afraid to keep on living"

#nature #community #plants #gardening #you are not separate from every other thing #the wonders #caretaking #plantarchy

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thecapricunt1616 · 25 days

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Lily of the Valley - (c.b. oneshot)

O/S INSPO: Lily of the Valley Soothing, calming, draws peace and tranquility, and repels negativity. Assists in empowering happiness and mental powers. Married couples should plant Lily of the Valley in their first garden to promote longevity of the marriage. POSTED DATE:03/30/2024 W/C: 4,114

A/N: FINALLY!!!! I am so sorry this took forever! This O/S is based on this adorable request from the LOML @daysofyellowroses - please check out her blog! I hope this satisfies your Carmy Proposing idea! I'm sorry it took so long i've been sick, but were back baby!!! Requests are opennnn y'all! This is also heavily inspired by my amazing OOMF @gingergofastboatsmojito - In another timeline Carmy still somehow came across Madame Stardusts jewelry (she transcends time and space that woman!) , & Stella exists too! If you want to meet more of that character in the universe Ginger created (I highly recommend you do)you can read that AMAZING FIC HERE ! Please be sure to leave kudos & comments & give Ginger all the flowers she deserves!!!

WARNINGS FOR BTC: Smut, Swearing, NO USE OF Y/N - As little physical description as possible, fluffy Carmen, OC Carmy - (He's more emotionally grown obvi hahah)

➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭

You pushed the heavy, bulging tote bags full of groceries up your arm as you walked back to Your&Carmy’s shared Condo Building. The wildflower seeds you’d thrown on the little patches of grass on your walks to the train, along the sidewalk on your block had finally started to bloom. Adorable tiny little flowers in vibrant shades of blue, pink, purple, yellow, and white peeking out over the sidewalk's edge.

Spring had most definitely sprung in Chicago by this point. Your commute whilst walking to work down Michigan Ave, passing the stunning array of tulips, had told you that fiercely every time you walked to and from the train this week on the way to work. It was finally Friday, and you couldn’t be happier.

Carmen had been so busy this week- busier than normal. You’d usually just hang out with your best friends to fill that pathetic, lonely void while grading papers and doing your own assignments- but they were busy this week too! You were convinced the universe had bound you to loneliness this week, so naturally, all you wanted to do was get home, crawl into bed, and sleep- until Carmy came in around 2 to 3 am, and get that savored 15 minutes of cuddles after his shower, before exhaustion came over you again and you fell back asleep.

You used your special key fob to get in the door of your condo’s shared building, which to your standards was very luxurious- it included amenities you’d never even thought of. You and Carmy had moved in together 3 months ago, it took a lot of convincing on your end. You and Carmy had lived on opposite ends of town, so every time you’d see eachother, (which was very often) - it would be an hour's drive that he insisted- or, him losing the battle- and allowing you to take the train back all those stops.

You weren’t particularly religious, it was more just a personal preference - that you would be at least engaged before you were to move in together. Especially before having a mortgage together. You’d told Carmy this, and he’d given you the same answer each time over the last two years he’d been begging - “Baby we know we’re in love, you know we’re eachothers forever person - we tell eachother every day! We’ve been together 3 years, Let me take care of you”

It wasn’t that you didn’t want to be taken care of- it’s just…you liked working. You loved your job, you’d went to school and earned a masters degree for Christ sake, and were currently working on your PHD. You couldn’t ever see yourself giving that up, and moving in with a boyfriend and him insisting on paying all the bills made you fear you’d fall pregnant, and then your professional life would be over.

But, Carmen had insisted to you he wasn’t interested in children unless you were. You were sure at one point you never wanted them, but you were becoming more afraid, because seeing as amazing an uncle Carmen was, how naturally kind and understanding he was of children- it brought out something in you. It was so sudden that you could imagine turning your shared library / art studio into a nursery during slow time at work.

You walked down the hall, in no rush to be home. The only presence waiting being your cat, Truffle, Carmy had insisted on the name due to his deep black fur.

You approached the door, confused as to why you were hearing…music? From your apartment? You shook the hope of Carmy being home this early away, not wanting to be dissapointed. The neighbors downstairs must be blasting that same kind of jazz instrumental Carmy listens to so loud that you heard it through the floor.

You unlock the door, and sure enough the music playing softly through the condo gets a tad louder but the first thing to catch your eye was the white and pink rose petals making a trail to the kitchen. You heard Carmy humming lightly, the sound of chopping on the cutting board.

“Bear?” You quickly nudge the door shut with your hip, not even bothering to take your shoes off and rushing down the hall into the kitchen. Sitting atop the breakfast bar, was a vase packed with beautiful pink and white roses.

He looks up from the cutting board “My favorite girl” he stops what he was doing immediately coming and taking the bags from your shoulders, setting them down before greeting you with a sweet kiss. He cupped your cheeks gently, pulling you in to him so you were flush together with his other hand.

“You used our card f’that right?” He asked softly when he pulled away. You roll your eyes a bit, he had insisted you get a shared credit card, and that you purchase everything with it- and at the end of the month, he will show you the statement, and only pay a quarter of the total, just another one of the ways he assured every financial burden of yours was eased significantly.

“Yes, what is all this baby?” You asked, motioning to the roses. “Did I forget somethin? Our anniversary isn’t for another 2 months” you asked a bit nervously. Carmen wasn’t a stickler for dates, but it would break your heart if you were to forget something important.

“No- no. I just…just love you- I wanted to show you, and especially after this week I know I’ve been crazy busy, and I’ve been comin’ in late and leavin’ early, and…I just wanted to show my best girl how much she means t’me” he kissed your forehead sweetly and you felt a blush creeping to your cheeks.

“That’s so sweet Bear. Thank you I love you, this is…no one’s ever done this- oh my god- are those balloons?” You giggled, seeing heart shaped foil balloons tied to your chair at the table and he smiled proudly.

“Mmhmm, the lady at the flower place said that - we can talk about it later. You wanna cook w’me? You can just watch if you want?” He asked, gently brushing his fingers through your hair.

“I never turn down a lesson from the best, let me go get changed real quick” you headed toward the bedroom and he stopped you by your hand pulling you back into his chest, kissing your neck with wet open mouth kisses earning a giggle that you couldn’t contain.

“Mmm- don’t go in there right now, it’s for later. I already got your pajamas right here” he said going over to the couch and grabbing your favorite pair of sweatpants and his old ‘the beef’ tshirt that to you was the most comfortable thing in the world, especially when he wore it to bed for a few nights before giving it back.

“For later huh?” You muse, taking off your heeled booties and unbuttoning your slacks before peeling them off and trading them for your soft fuzzy grey sweatpants.

“Mmhmm” he hummed in response and took your pants for you and your blouse and bra as well, bringing them to the laundry room as you put the shirt on and got your hair situated into a bun.

“What are we cooking today, chef?” You asked, heading over to the kitchen to see there were little bowls of vegetables that have been precut and you gasp happily. “Stop- are we really?” You giggled.

“I told you that it’s easy baby but you hate eggplant so ratatouille isn’t gonna be something you’re a big fan of” he chuckled. You had watched the movie with him, and told him that the ratatouille dish looked insanely delicious and that you wanted him to make it for you, but he told you your aversion to eggplant would probably turn you off the dish.

“But there isn’t eggplant” you said looking over the dishes filled with various vegetables.

“That’s right, this is princess ratatouille. I’ve been figurin’ out different vegetables w’Syd that would work for it, we finally got it right. We have zucchini and a few different squashes, and we have onion and garlic, tomato, bell pepper, everything you like. I think you’ll love it baby.” He said rubbing your back gently.

“Of course I’m gonna love it bear, I love everything we make together you have the magic touch. So what’s my job?” You asked eagerly.

“You my special sous chef, are gonna help put the veggies in and I’m gonna do the sauce” He kissed your temple gently.

“Ok! Let me get my apron” You said, happily turning to the drawer you kept your aprons in.

“Wait-” he said, holding your arm. You look back at him and he looked…nervous.”Is…something wrong?” You questioned, brows furrowed slightly in concern.

“No- no I um….i got you a new one” he said sheepishly, walking over to the island and opening up the cupboard beneath you never used.

“Oh- ok..Leveling up are we?” You joked, happily leaning against the counter.

“Jesus-” he chuckled, “Close y’r fuckin eyes- carnival psychic” he teases and you laughed, obliging and closing your eyes.

“Carnival psychic?” you asked and he came over gently putting bundle of fabric in your awaiting hands.

“I swear t’god- you went snoopin’? Open your eyes” he said. You opened your eyes, looking into your hands and seeing an apron. It was white, just like his, and folded perfectly. In thick black letters, intricately painted, ‘ Will You Marry Me? ‘ Adorned with a little red heart over the center pocket that had a square shaped bump.

You felt all of the blood leave your face, your knees feeling wobbly, your mouth gaping in to an O shape, as you stare down at the apron. “Where did you get this?” you whispered, completely awestruck.

“I-I…um…made it?” he rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “I- shit. Fuck- is this not how you pictured it? I’m so fuckin sorry babe- I-I thought…I dunno- like.. You wanted it private? Cause I know you said you’d never-” he’s interrupted by your lips crashing on his in a fervent wanting kiss, a mix of spit and teeth and lips and tongues, he moans softly into your mouth, squeezing your waist.

You were pressed together so firmly that the small box dug into your ribs, eventually pulling away from him with shaking hands and reaching into the pocket, pulling out the small black velvet box. You ever so carefully opened it, your breath catching in your throat when you saw the absolutely breathtaking ring.

“I-it’s not uh..not a diamond- cause I know you said-” you interrupt him

“Princesses and Queens don’t wear diamonds, they wear crystals” you finished, staring at the beautifully cut opal, at least 8 carats, banded by a intricate edwardian band… nothing short of a ring for a Goddess.

“But..But- this one…it does- it has both…because uh” he swallows thickly. “It…in my mind- when I s-saw it, it represented your soul, and your physical body.. And I liked that. Cause- y’re my diamond, but you’re also my queen, my everything, baby. Like how - how you said that…you wished your aura was opal? It is. It is, angel. And every time you look at that, I want you to remember that you’re beautiful from your diamond exterior, to your opal soul” he brushed his finger over the ring, before meeting your gaze once again.

He gently wiped the tears that were running down your cheeks freely, hot and wet and open. It was rare that Carmy genuinely used his words rather then his actions to express his love for you, so you were nothing short of savoring this. “Holy fucking shit” you laughed, shaking your head and looking down at the ring box. “Put it on my hand” you held your left hand out.

He chuckled a bit, “so… yes? You will?” he asked carefully, pulling the ring out of the box.

“Are you kidding, YES! Put this ring on my finger and fuck me dumb- this is all i’ve ever wanted, Bear, I fucking love you- and youre asking if I want you to be my husband?! I’ve wanted nothing more for two years- at least!” you shake your left hand for emphasis, a wide large grin on your face.

He carefully slid the ring over your manicured finger, and it just made you cry more how it fit perfectly. “How do you know my size?!” you asked, since most of the vintage rings he'd bought you were adjustable so it didn't matter the size of the rings he’d gotten for you before.

He chuckled a bit, “so- y’re ring…y’know the one…y’thought you lost it at Chipotle like…ahhh- 8 months ago now? In the bathroom? Y’took it off at the table, you wore it on your ring finger so I had to take my chance. You kept sayin how it was like- the only ring you’d found that fit without takin’ it to the jewler. So uh” he dug in his jeans pocket, placing your beloved vintage ring with your starsign on it in your palm.

“I got that ring, based on the size. I got it uhhh…sorry dont be offended- it’s not new… I got it at an estate sale of this lady- it was crazy- the way I came across it babe… like fate. It was when Syd and I went to New York for that interview, she literally dragged me to this sale cause she said the lady who died was said to have a bunch of vintage fur and stuff she was looking f’somethin- anyway. We met the lady’s daughter- Stella? I think it was? Doesn’t matter… but she um..said her Ma was some crazy astrology nut, also said she only wore crystals. So I took a look… that was the first box I opened. And y’ring on my pinky, it fit perfect, so I tried it on- it fit like a glove. I’m glad we don't have to size it. Asked her if it was real, she said - her Ma told ‘er some…. Like life coach? Er- astrologer life coach author? Gave it to ‘er on a trip to Jamaica in the 60’s. Told ‘er ‘this ring will someday be worn on a hand proudly as a devotion of true love’- Miss- No! Madame ! Madame Stardust. Nutty name right?” he chuckled a bit.

You smiled proudly at the ring, a devotion of true love indeed. “I think” you turned to the counter, stacking the bowls of vegetables together and putting them in the fridge as you friskily countered “you are not going in to work at all next week- wifes orders” you walked over to him, hips swaying. “And after you fuck me absolutely stupid” you grabbed his collar, pulling him in so your faces were meer inches apart “Oh- and we talk about how this mademe stardust? Confirms that our souls are indeed woven together like a fucking wicker basket” you kiss him roughly, weaving your fingers through his dirty blonde curls and tugging firmly.

He moaned into your mouth, his hands trailing down and squeezing your ass firmly. You hummed in satisfaction, leaning against him and he stumbled back, back, back, pushing the bedroom door open with a squeak. You looked up, Breaking your kiss with wide eyes.

All throughout the bedroom, were printed photos of you and Carmy throughout the years, suspended with clear wire so it was as if the photos were floating midair. You clasp your hands over your mouth, admiring all the hard work and pure thought that had went into the gesture. You looked over all the photos, three years of memories hanging before you like a gallery of love surrounding you, all of your fondest happiest memories at every flicker of your eyes.

“Carmen” you whispered, walking forward and admiring each and every photograph…

He comes behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his chin on your shoulder.

“Y’know how you said no work next week…” he said softly, kissing up your neck with wet, sexy, open mouthed kisses. “We leave Sunday… F’Cyprus” He said hotly in your ear, his breath tickling your neck causing a moan to escape your lips as he gently lifts your shirt, palming your breast gently.

“Is- is that-” you breathe out

“We’re getting a tour of Aphrodites Baths” he said softly, rolling your taught nipple between his thumb and forefinger.

“Ah- y-you remembered?” you gasped, he let out a soft deep chuckle, Kissing the corner of your mouth and gently laying you down upon the soft sheets of your shared bed.

“I’d have proposed over a year ago- when I got the fuckin’ ring if i coulda gotten us the tour sooner” he muttered into your skin, tugging off your- (his) shirt, leaving supple, gentle kisses over your stomach and up your ribs.

“Mm- are we- can we swim?” I asked hopefully.

He gently wipes your tears away, “No” he said a bit sadly, “We can dip our hands… some asshole ruined swimming for people years ago…before we met…but- we were also gonna Parga Greece, baby. We’re spending 2 days in Cyprus, then flying to Parga on a charter- we can swim, fuck, do whatever in those waters baby. Amidst the Goddess of the Underworld f’five whole days” he smirked and you gasped, as if he’d gotten you the moon on a string.

“The Acheron River?” you whisper and he nodded, gently rubbing his thumb over your lips.

“That is the sexiest thing i’ve ever heard in my life- you’re gonna make me cum in the 2nd most famous river of Hell?” you giggled and he snorts a laugh, pushing you on the bed gently.

“Fuck yeah, you little fuckin’ freak” he teased, tugging off your panties and sweatpants in one swift pull, leaving you soaked and bare before him.

You gasped at the rough action, quickly being soothed by soft, sweet kisses over your hipbones.

“I fuckin smell y’kitten fuck” he growled, kissing the inner of your thigh in the way that made you creen.

“Shit- good- right? If y’compared me to a seafood market i’d break your nose” you teased, hooking the crooks of your knees over his shoulders, shivering when he leaned in closer, his hot breath directly over your clit- his lapis blue eyes boring into yours.

“That question doesn’t deserve an answer” he grumbled hotly, spreading your folds with his fingers and admiring the wet, slick, mess in front of him. “S’fuckin pretty princess- fuckin’ prettiest pussy in the world” he nearly moaned, burrying his mouth where you needed him most, eyes fixed on yours.

You couldn’t even make a sound- a hot breathy gasp escaping your slack-jawed stance as your head flopped back on the mattress with a soft bounce. “Mmmmm shit” Carmy hummed, satisfied with your taste as if he was devouring his favorite dessert.

“F-Ffuuuckkk” you whimpered out pathetically, voice cracking and bleeding out between the fracture lines of your hot intense pleasure.

“Mmhmm-mmmhmmm” Carmy mumbled confidently against your now firm clit, tongue flicking over it at a mind-numbing pace, bringing you right to the edge and hanging you there by a single finger.

“Ahhhh-Ahhhh-Fuck!! Carmy! Oh- ohhhh!!!” You whined, spine pointing in an arch off the mattress, your hips and thighs quivering and shaking wildly as your orgasm crashed over you like hot lightning before you could even warn him, or know yourself it was so close.

“Goooood girl, thats it- mm- my good fuckin’ girl- Y’gonna be my fuckin’ wife baby? Mmm? Gonna be mine? F’rever?” He grumbled, placing a gentle kiss to your clit before placing gentle yet firm pressure over it with the pad of his tongue that made your hips buck with a mind of their own.

He chuckled slightly into your heat, the vibration causing you to whine pathetically. “Y-yes-yes-fuck i’mfuckinyoursBear-y’gonnamakemey’wife? Yeah? Gonna make me Mrs. fuckin Carmen Berzatto?” you slurred, pulling him into a messy wanting kiss, soughing at the flavor of your core coating his spit.

“Fuckin- spit in my fucking mouth- claim me” you groaned. He smiled against your lips, pulling away slightly, a thick hot string of saliva connecting the two of you.

“So fuckin dirty” he grumbled with a smirk “Open that filthy fucking mouth” he ordered, getting quiet for a moment as he gathered saliva in the front of his mouth.

You obeyed him immediately - your jaw going slack, tongue stuck out ever so slightly and eyes fluttered shut. Then- you felt it, hot, sweet, salty saliva coating your tongue, you groan at the flavor as it continues pooling over your tastebuds. “Do not fucking swallow yet- greedy girl” he tapped your chin firmly, before pulling your jaw open wider with Tthe pad of his thumb.

“Stick out that pretty little tongue” he grumbled, you obeyed with a smile, opening wide as you could, sticking your tongue out far, showing off the creamy white saliva he’d dressed your tongue in, so much it was seeping down onto your chin, threatening to coat the front and back of your throat.

“Good girl- that's my good little kitten” he purred, “How d’you want me princess?” he gently collected the excess saliva from your chin on his thumb, sucking it off his digit hotly as he awaits your response while you swallow gratefully, the taste setting your soul ablaze.

“I want you to fucking claim me, Carmy, holy fuck- use me, worship me, fuck me like a goddamn animal- whatever you fucking want- please” you begged after you’d savored the taste while you swallowed, his sky blue eyes going dark as navy slacks with lust at the admission.

“Yeah? Why not all three?” he pushed you down to the mattress by your throat, not hard enough to bruise- but hard enough for the breath to leave your lungs and your core to throb so hard you were clenching your thighs, trying to give any solace of pressure to your swollen aching clit.

“P-please” you stuttered, writhing against the mattress and he chuckled darkly.

“Are we a little needy? Mmm princess?” he pushes your knees apart with his thigh, aiding the throbbing pressure with his strong fingers, rubbing firm, slow circles into the twitching bud that made your hips snap into the mattress and head fall back to the bed, eyes rolling back with a sharp gasp of pleasure.

“Pl-please-” you gasp out, spine arching sharply as he replaced his fingers with his mouth on your clit, 2 fingers slipping inside of you with no resistance due to the fact your core was so soaked it was beginning to pool at the dip of your bum and soak the sheets. The squelching as he pumped into your g-spot mixed with your high-pitched moans and frisky growls was absolute sin.

He opens his jaw wider, tonguing your entrance wildly and nuzzling his strong nose against your clit in broad strokes, randomly flicking back and forth quickly making you squeal in pleasure as you grind against his mouth, fully out of control of your movements as if you were a puppet on a string.

“H-Hooooo-i’m cumming- oh- don’t you dare fucking stop Carmen” you growled, grabbing his curls and pullinghim further into your core. “I’m cumming- i’mcumming-holy-holyfuck-imfuuuckiing-AAAH!” your thighs and hips shake and quiver, stars of ethereal white filling your vision.

“Mmhmmm” he grumbled, coming up and sucking your nipple with his slick lips, his chin and nose soaked with your arousal, so much so his chin dripped onto your ribs.

“H-Oh-yes Bear” you whined out, head tilting to meet his gaze. “I need you- I-I need you inside- like- fuck- when you- you have my knees around your hips and y-you fuckin’- just drill me Carmy- I need that- need you deep” You reverberated wantingly, wrapping your thighs around his waist taughtly, making it easier for him to take you exactly how you wanted.

“Jesus Christ- I can’t fuckin’ stand y’baby. Y’re like a fuckin’ drug- it’s like I fuckin’ function unless I’ve had a hit” he nibbed your collarbone, quickly removing his jeans and boxers, aligning himself with your entrance.

You gave him a mischievous smile, inching your hips forward. “C’mon- I don’t give a fuck ‘bout cooking right now- fuck me absolutely dumb- then take me to Sam’s f’r chocolate chip pancakes- sure that waitress will be over the moon bout my ring” you mused, capturing our lips together, as he scoops up your shoulders and holds you chest to chest, your third of many orgasms that night building throughout every muscle.

It was going to be a long night….

#carmen berzatto #the bear fx #carmy berzatto #the bear fic #the bear hulu #carmen berzatto fanfiction #carmy berzatto fanfiction #the bear #the bear fanfiction #carmen berzatto fluff #carmy the bear #carmy berzatto x reader #carmy x reader #carmen x reader #carmen berzatto smut #carmen berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto x you #the bear fandom #borders & banners by saradika

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hwanghyunjinenthusiast · 1 year

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Between the pages

AN: Shoutout to Indigo for violently thrusting me back into my Namjoon feelings. This has been a long time in the making.

Synopsis: If anyone asks, Professor Kim is definitely not crushing on the pretty librarian he spends all of his free time with on campus.

Heads up: Kim Namjoon x Fem! Reader, friends to lovers, so much pining, Non-Idol AU, University professor! Namjoon, Librarian! Reader, Reader wears glasses and Namjoon thinks it's hot, alcohol and alcohol consumption, Reader kisses Namjoon without his explicit consent at first, dirty talk, fingering (f. receiving), Reader sucks on Namjoon's fingers post fingering, praise kink (f. receiving), unprotected piv sex and creampie.

Word count: 4535

I will block you if you are a minor and/or have no easily visible indication of your age on your blog if you interact with me in any way.

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Namjoon tries to convince himself that the reason a smile immediately graces his face when he enters his department's library is because of his love for knowledge. That's it. That's all.

It definitely has nothing to do with getting the opportunity to see and talk to the very attractive head librarian. Nope. Nothing of the sort.

"What's got you all smiley? Found a new favourite philosophy journal?"

Namjoon studiously ignores the way his heart stutters in his chest. He turns around to face you directly and is once again caught off-guard at how ridiculously attractive you manage to look in a simple pencil skirt and flowy blouse. Your glasses framing your warm eyes, and your glossed lips quirked upwards in amusement.

God, he had it so bad.

"Am I not allowed to simply smile for the sake of smiling?" He asks with a grin of his own, the two of you seamlessly falling into step as you make your way to your office where he was initially headed.

"Answering a question with a question is deflection, Professor Kim," you respond with a good-natured poke to his arm. He jokingly rubs the spot, "Violence and referring to me as Professor Kim? Y/n I thought we were friends. I'm hurt."

He doesn't miss the way you roll your eyes with that unfairly pretty smile on your face as you hold your office door open for him, "I never took you to be one for dramatics, Namjoon."

Namjoon feels little better than a schoolboy with his first crush. Warmth flooding his face at the way you say his name. He just hopes his body wouldn't hate him enough to make his blush obvious or, you'd give him the curtsey of not mentioning it.

"Clearly you don't know me all that well then, Miss y/l/n. Seems like all this hiding out in each others' offices might've been for nothing," he retorts, making himself comfortable on the lounge chair by the window you'd both unofficially agreed upon was his. He tries not to think too deeply about that.

Typically you'd join him by the window, but you opt to prop yourself up on your desk, and Namjoon's tongue turns to sand in his mouth. Your already figure-hugging skirt sits tighter on your hips and thighs somehow, even riding up enough for Namjoon to feel the need to take a generous sip from his trusted water bottle.

"Wow really? My surname? Now you're being petty, Joon," you say before taking your first bite of your lunch.

It had become a habit for the two of you to meet for lunch whenever possible. Usually alternating between offices or whoever was closer to the other's side of the campus on a particular day. Namjoon thinks it's partly during these lunch sessions that the seeds of his feelings for you were planted. Though he hasn't quite decided how to unpack that can of worms yet, he wouldn't trade these moments with you for the world.

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Namjoon can't stand these end of year functions, but he attends because he knows it'd be a terrible look if he didn't. He does have other people in the department he's friendly with, but they definitely don't outweigh how tedious these functions can be.

He's standing somewhat awkwardly in the back of the room nursing a glass of juice (because of fucking course they wouldn't be serving any alcohol) when he first spots you. Namjoon knows you're beautiful. It's a fact that he's violently reminded of every time he sees you. However, he's never seen you like this. He thought your pencil skirts were form-fitting, but the way the red dress you're wearing now cups your ass and hugs your hips has the blood rushing to his dick at record-breaking speed. He's never seen so much of you at once, a hint of cleavage peaking out and the dress coming to a stop mid-thigh. To make it all worse (or better, depending on one's perspective), you're still wearing your glasses.

Namjoon is just happy he hasn't spontaneously combusted yet, honestly.

The bright smile that spreads across your face when you spot him and make your way over to him makes him feel more nervous than he has in ages. Which is saying something considering how tongue-tied he gets around you in general.

"Joon, thank god. I'm so happy you're here. These functions are always so boring," you say as you pull him into a hug. Instinctively, he wraps an arm around you, his body moving before his brain can fully process you pressed against him and your perfume invading his senses. God, you smell delicious.

"I'm glad to see you too. Yeah, I've been entertaining myself with a glass of juice for the past 30ish minutes. Having the time of my life," he responds sarcastically but makes sure he's not loud enough for anyone to hear him other than you. These functions may suck, but Namjoon has no desire to sour his relationships with his colleagues.

The mischievous smile that graces your face makes his palms sweat, "Want to get out of here? I have a bottle of wine I've been saving in my office."

"Wine in your office? That's pretty unprofessional of you, Miss Librarian," he responds with a grin.

"Well, I've been keeping it for a time like this. Unless you're content to sip on juice all night and make small talk about semester plans," you retort, mirth twinkling in your eyes.

"It has been almost 2 hours, so it wouldn't be a bad look if we excused ourselves now..." he reasons, and honestly he could use a drink right now.

"Glad to see you're on board. You're always so serious and responsible, I'm a little surprised you agreed," you say with a small snort, grabbing his arm and steering him towards the door.

You two say goodnight to everyone who crosses your path, and Namjoon resists the urge to roll his eyes at the grins and thumbs ups that Hoseok and Seokjin give him.

"I'm not that uptight," he argues a little defensively when you two are finally by yourselves.

"There's nothing wrong with being responsible. It's a big reason why I think you're such a loved and respected professor. I just think you could stand to let go sometimes," you say and, Namjoon's heart is trying its best to beat out of his chest.

You think he's loved and respected? You think he's a good professor?

He knows he doesn't need your validation, but it means the world to him all the same. The genuine sincerity and concern in your voice making it challenging for him to find his words.

"I plan to let go a little tonight. I think you're a bad influence," he jokes, playfully shoving you with his arm.

"I'm a fantastic influence. That's why you spend so much time with me," you retort with another one of those cute, amused snorts. Unlocking the door to the library when you two arrive quicker than Namjoon expected.

"I spend so much time with you because Hoseok's unending optimism and positivity drains my energy," he fires back, closing the door behind him once you enter the library before him.

"Hoseok's a sweetheart. You're just grumpy and overly jaded," you respond, leading the way to your office.

He tries not to feel too jealous hearing you refer to Hoseok as a sweetheart. You're not wrong. It's fair to refer to him as such, but it's still not exactly pleasant to hear.

"Me? Grumpy? Overly jaded? I'm delightful!" He says in mock offence, settling himself in his chair and watching you pull out the bottle of wine and two coffee mugs. Biting back a groan when he takes in how amazingly your dress hugs your ass.

"I never said you weren't delightful. I wouldn't be offering my treasured wine stash to you if I didn't at the bare minimum like you," you argue with a light laugh as you fill up your respective mugs.

"You just used the wine to bribe me to sneak out with you. I'm flattered nonetheless," he says with a laugh of his own, graciously accepting the generously filled mug you offer. He's severely unprepared for you to take a seat on the arm of his chair, your thigh brushing against him as you get comfortable.

Namjoon is starting to think this isn't a smart idea after all.

"Have you spending time with Seokjin? Is that why you've been so theatrical lately?" You ask with a smile before taking a generous sip from your mug, your pleased hum affecting him more than it had any right to.

"I'm just seeing this for what it is," he says, taking a swing from his own mug. Sweet. Seems like you enjoy your rosé. He makes a note of that for any future gifts.

"Sure, Joon," you respond, patting his shoulder. Taking another sip from your glass, licking your lips to chase the remnants of the wine. The wine is only worsening the hazy sensation he feels seeing the action and the slight smudging of your lipstick.

"Your lipstick looks nice," he spits out and immediately cringes at himself. Resisting the urge to rest his face in his hands as warmth floods his face. What the fuck was wrong with him? Surely it wasn't the singular sip of wine he took.

"Oh," you say, sounding surprised, "Thank you. You know I'm not one for make-up, but I thought why not since it's a special occasion. I'm glad you like it. I didn't take you for one to notice," you finish, playfully nudging his arm with your thigh.

Namjoon takes a generous sip of his wine before responding.

"I always notice these kinds of things when it comes to you and, you look pretty," he says before panicking at the implications of his words, "Not that you don't look pretty without the lipstick. You look pretty all the time. It's just-"

"I got it, Joon," you laugh, taking a drink from your own mug, and Namjoon definitely doesn't notice how appealing your neck looks. He needs to get his shit together. He's too old to be this flustered talking to a pretty woman. Well, you're more than just that, but that's besides the point.

"I'm flattered that you think I'm pretty. I didn't know you thought of me that way," you say so quietly that Namjoon has to strain to hear you. You look almost...shy? Completely unlike the sarcastic, confident woman he's become familiar with. It's cute. You're cute.

"I think you're beautiful honestly but, it's not exactly like I can just drop it in casual conversation," he says, surprised by his own confidence but, he's already called you pretty. What more does he have to lose?

"Kim Namjoon, are you flirting with me?" You ask with a smile behind your mug, but he can still see what he thinks is shyness in your expression.

"Is it so bad to flirt with the prettiest librarian on campus?" He asks, taking satisfaction in the stunned look on your face, your lips parting as you sit there just staring at him.

He watches you flounder with your words, a very private part of him enjoying being the one to fluster you for once.

"You think I'm the prettiest librarian on campus?" You ask quietly, as if you can't quite believe what's he saying to you right now. In your defence, he can't quite believe what he's saying to you right now either. He has the feeling that he's reached a crossroads now. Whatever he says to you now might change the nature of your relationship entirely, and Namjoon is tired of being a coward.

"I think you're the prettiest librarian I've ever met," he says with so much seriousness that there's no possible way you could misunderstand his words for lighthearted bantering. His heart bouncing off the walls of his chest as he waits for you to say something. Anything.

"Namjoon," is all you seem to muster at the moment, wide eyes still locked on him.

"You don't have to reciprocate my feelings, y/n. I've liked you for some time now, but I'd never put my feelings before yours and before this friendship. You mean too much for me to do that. I'm so sorry if I made you uncomfortable -" you promptly shut Namjoon up by cupping his face and pressing a searing kiss to his lips.

Well, it seems like it's his turn to be stunned.

His eyes widen as you seemingly pour everything you have into his kiss, your hold on his face tightening momentarily before you pull away. All Namjoon can do is stare at you. Looking unfairly attractive as you struggle to catch your breath and your glasses look slightly askew.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have just kissed you. I just-I couldn't find the words to tell you that I like you too in the moment. I'm sorry," you say in a single breath, and Namjoon has to strain to catch all of your words. However, panic hits him when your words do finally register.

"No, hey, it's okay. I was just surprised, is all. It's not every day the woman of your dreams kisses you. Give a guy a minute to recover," he jokes, reaching for your smaller hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze. Your hand squeezes his back, and frankly, Namjoon is just impressed that he's managed to remain conscious through this all.

"Woman of your dreams? Namjoon, please," you whine somewhat embarrassed, and that just endears you to him more.

"It's true," he says and means ever word of it.

"If you keep looking at me like that and speaking like that, I might just have to kiss you again," you respond playfully, resting your mug on the small coffee table.

"Is that a promise?" He fires back with a grin of his own, following suit.

"You're so annoying," you retort with an affectionate eye roll before you press your lips against his once more. This time, he's better prepared and more than ready to reciprocate. One of his hands tentatively resting on your thigh as angle yourself better to deepen the kiss. The feeling of your tongue against his own sending sparks down his spine. Arousal pooling in his gut, fed by all the little moans and whimpers you let out.

"Is this okay?" You ask breathlessly when you straddle him, your chair barely big enough to fit the two of you, but Namjoon isn't going to complain any time soon. Your soft thighs press against his and he's almost completely certain that your panty covered pussy is pressing against him.

"Yeah," his brain pulls itself together enough to spit out before weaving his fingers into your hair and, tugging you down for another earth-shattering kiss. Months' worth of desire and frustration pouring out of him. His other hand tentatively holding your hip in place all while he hopes his erection isn't too obvious to you.

He can tell the moment you feel it because you still against him momentarily. "Shit, I'm sorry. We don't have to do anything you don't want. It's just a natural reaction-"

"Joon, breathe. It's okay," you giggle, pressing a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth. "I want this. I'm just as excited as you are," you breathe, taking his much bigger hand in yours and guiding it up your ridiculously soft thighs. A quiet moan falling from your lips when his fingertips make contact with your wet panties.

Namjoon wonders what heroic acts he committed in his past lives to find himself here.

"You're already so wet," he breathes, fingers lightly running along your slit. Lidded eyes taking in the way your lips part to let out moans and your hips buck into his touch. Your fingernails digging into his shoulder when he's certain he's found your clit and uses that information to his advantage.

"You don't have to ah say that out loud, y'know," you respond, but any sarcasm that would typically be present in your voice is replaced by breathy whimpers. Namjoon thinks he much prefers them. As much as your quick-wit is one of his favourite aspects of your personality, he's finding that he immensely enjoys rendering you speechless.

"Why not, baby? You are so wet for me already, though. I could always stop," he trails off, stopping the movement of his fingers and keeping them pressed against you. A smirk spreading across his face when you whine and squirm in his lap.

"You're being mean," and fuck if the desperate edge to your voice doesn't shoot straight to his dick. Deciding to be merciful this time around, his fingers continue rubbing over your wet slit over your panties. Kissing along your jaw and neck as you whimper and grind against him in search of friction.

"Joon, please. Touch me di-directly," you hiccup, pressing yourself firmly against his fingers. Your nails digging into his shoulders. He had no idea you'd be so needy and desperate. He briefly wonders if you're always like this or if this is all because of him. His self-esteem certainly hopes it's the latter.

"You're so cute when you're needy," he rumbles against your throat, canines brushing the skin there while his fingers push your panties to the side. He thinks he'll remember the strangled gasp that flies from your lips when his fingers make contact with your clit as long as he lives.

He knew you were wet before, but he's severely unprepared for the effect feeling said wetness for himself has on him. His cock already leaking pre-cum where it rests untouched underneath you. Teasing you is a double-edged sword. You're not the only one becoming desperate here.

"Namjoon," you whine, "Please, please let me feel your fingers. It hurts. Please-" your begging is cut off by a sharp moan when he finally concedes and pushes two fingers inside of you. How can he say no when you sound so beautiful for him? He's just a man.

He tugs you into another messy kiss while he fucks you on his fingers to distract himself. He feels like he'll lose his mind soon if he doesn't feel you around his cock soon. Groaning into your mouth at how harshly your velvety walls grip his fingers as he familiarises himself with the spots that make you moan louder and hold onto him tighter.

The whimper you press against his lips when his thumb finds your clit and rubs slow circles against it is immaculate. In the dead of night when he'd fantasised about having you like this, he hadn't considered how sensitive and pliant you are. Reality is significantly better than any of his dreams.

"Joo-Joon, I- ah I'm," you whine out, your glasses slightly skewed and foggy on your face while you ride his fingers and chase your release. Namjoon doesn't think he's seen anything more erotic in his entire life.

"Are you going to cum for me?" The gruff edge to his voice or perhaps the question seems to do it for you because before he knows it you're holding onto to him for dear life and he has to slot his mouth over yours to silence your suddenly sharp cries. His cock pulsing as he feels your walls hold onto his fingers so tightly that he can barely move them anymore and, your wetness drips down his palm.

"That's a good girl. You did so well for me," he says, kissing your neck and shoulder softly as he waits for you to come back to him. He takes notice of the way your walls momentarily clench from what he assumes is the praise. Well. He'd happily give you all the praise you wanted.

"You're ridiculously good with your fingers," you mutter, cupping his face and kissing him as though you have all the time in the world. Something dangerously close to love for you swells in him from the affection you pour into the kiss. You rest your forehead against his when you pull away, a small smile playing on your bruised lips.

"Thank you," is all his brain can come with right now with his fingers still nestled inside of you and being harder than he ever has been in his entire life.

"Would it be okay if I sucked you off?"

You're trying to kill him. This is what this is. An elaborate plot to end his life in an instant.

His cock very much likes the sound of that, however.

"You don't have to do that,"

"I know. I want to,"

He closes his eyes and tries to gain his bearings for a few seconds.

"Maybe next time. I don't want to cum in your mouth right now,"

The pout on your lips is surprising and unfairly attractive, "Why not?"

You really were going to make him spell it out for you, aren't you?

"I'd rather cum while I'm inside of you,"

His jaw clenches when he feels your walls clamp down on his fingers once more, a barely there whimper falling from your lips, "Kim Namjoon, you're going to be the death of me."

Funny you should say that because the feeling is mutual.

He does laugh at that. Pressing a kiss against your cheek, "And you think I'm dramatic. We can just stop here if you don't want to. Plus, I don't have any condoms on hand. I wasn't exactly...anticipating all of this."

"What in the world would make you think I'd want to stop now?" You ask, sounding genuinely baffled, "And on the topic of birth control, I'm on the pill."

His eyes close then, and he can't bite back a groan. You would really let him fuck you raw? He's not sure if you're insane for suggesting it or if he's insane for seriously considering it.

"If you're not comfortable with that we can just stop here. I'm not in a rush," you reassure him, pressing a soft kiss to his temple and it's then that Namjoon thinks he may lose his mind if he doesn't have you right now.

Without a word, he pulls you into another earth titling kiss, grinning against your mouth when you grip his fingers like a vice when he tugs on your hair and nips your lip. "You really don't know what you do to me," he breathes, easing his fingers out of you and chuckling darkly at the way you whimper from the loss. He might be pushing his luck here, but "Open."

He watches through lidded eyes as you eagerly suck on his fingers coated in your wetness. Your lashes fluttering behind your glasses and, your soaked slit grinding down on him in search of some sort of friction. "Such a good girl," he praises, kissing you while his hands fumble with his belt and the buttons of his pants. Relief coursing through him when manages to finally free himself. His cock slapping against his shirt covered stomach unceremoniously.

Your reaction to seeing him does fantastic things for his ego.

"You're...bigger than I anticipated," you breathe out, your eyes laser focused on his dick while your hands absentmindedly tug on his hair. "You thought about my dick? I'm flattered," he says with a smirk likely a touch too smug but, he can't help it. It's not every day the woman of your dreams casually mentions that she's fantasised about you and you have her spread out across your lap.

"I've thought about more than your dick but, it's featured in a fantasy or two," you laugh breathlessly, squirming in his lap.

"Well, I shouldn't keep you waiting any longer then,"

When you slowly start to sink down on him, Namjoon knows he's a goner. His hands grip your soft hips for dear life as your warm, wet walls gradually accommodate him inch by inch. He's not sure where he wants to look more. Your pretty pussy stretching around him or the blissed out look on your beautiful face right now.

His hand impatiently tugs your dress down and he takes a hard nipple in his mouth both to distract you from the discomfort and, for the simple want to. His head spins when your pussy clenches around him at the contact. Needy hands tugging on his hair while you moan from the sensations.

"Nam-Namjoon," you moan out so brokenly and, he's pretty sure he's never heard a more beautiful sound. He might be inlove with you actually but, he shoves that thought aside as soon as it arises.

He grits his teeth when you slowly rise up and sink back down on him again, your nails biting into him as you try your best to establish a steady rhythm. "You're so beautiful," he groans as he watches you bounce on his cock. He didn't intend for that thought to slip out but, he doesn't regret in the slightest when he watches your eyelids flutter and your pussy tightens around him.

You can't even coherently respond to him. Too lost in your own pleasure and the feeling of his cock to string together a sentence at the moment. Not that Namjoon can really blame you. Your walls are like a vice around him, and he feels his release approaching dangerously quickly. There's no way he's going to cum without atleast getting you to cum for him one more time.

One of his hands tugs on your hair to pull you down for another heated kiss. All teeth and tongue and spit. While the other reaches between your thighs, the corners of his mouth ticking up when you gasp against him as his fingers draw quick circles on your clit. Thankfully, he's a fast learner.

He nearly bites down on your lip when you cum. Velvety walls clenching and spasming around him while you cling onto him for purchase. I mean, is it really a shock that it doesn't take much more than that for him to follow suit?

Groans and stuttered curses leaving his lips when pulses inside of you. The symphony of your sounds of pleasure and heavy breathing all that can be heard as he fills you. Holding you to him while he rides out his intense release. He doesn't think he's ever cum this hard in his entire life. Guess that's what happens when you cum inside the love of your life.

Pushing that insane thought aside once more, he loosens his hold on you when he regains feeling in his body. The sticky combination of your releases dribbling out of you and down his groin but, he can't bring himself to care at the moment.

"Usually, people go on dates first, no?" You ask still sounding breathlessly but, he can hear the smile in your tone.

"Mmm yeah, usually they do but, I don't think there's anything wrong with doing things a little out of order,"

"You're not wrong. I hope you know this is my roundabout way of asking you out,"

The laugh that forces itself out of him is hearty and more carefree than he's felt in a concerningly long time.

"I'd love to go out with you, y/n."

#kim namjoon smut #namjoon smut #rm smut #bts smut

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fleur-bbyy · 1 year

Text

BIRTHDAY BOY

✰ wc: 2.9k

✰ warnings: female reader, in the porn cinematic universe, p in v sex, rimming, pegging, unprotected sex, am sleepy will edit this im the morning apologies for spelling mistakes.

✰ a/n: happy birthday to my fav fictional boy! i think I restarted this a total of seven times and this one was the one i was the most content with. branched out of my comfort zone a bit but it was well worth it.

“fuck- ride my shit. ride it like it’s yours.”

the sounds of his sweaty skin slapping against your equally as sweaty skin filled the air of your bedroom. his heavy balls hitting your ass each time you bounced on him. his big hands roaming your body, only stopping to grope at your ass and tits. your body working overtime to bring him to his high.

you had started the evening out nicely, both in looks and events. you made sure weeks ago that bakugo wasn’t to be scheduled to shoot anything on his birthday so he could take the day off and relax. even going as far to make him turn off notifications for his socials and putting his phone on do not disturb so he wouldn’t be bothered by work at home.

you had cooked for him, finding out his favorite foods through your growing time shared together. you had also dressed up a bit. donning some of your more nicer, but still relatively casual clothing and putting on some of the blue colored mascara you knew he went crazy for. although he never really showed emotion, you could tell he was thankful for the effort you put in for his birthday.

now you looked a beautiful mess. blue-tinged tear tracks ran down your cheeks and your lipgloss had been smudged, but he still thought you looked like you were sent from the heavens. katsuki thrusted up into your needy, aching hole even though you insisted he just sit back and relax. telling him that you wanted to do the labor for his birthday, but he was never the one to hold back when he wanted something.

“y’gonna cum soon?” you couldn’t form the words to respond, instead just feverishly nodding your head. the fire in your belly only growing as you approached your release. “‘m so fuckin’ close. cum with me, baby. look at the fuckin’ camera and cum f’me.”

you’d hadn’t initially planned for this to be filmed. katsuki was the one who insisted on it. you tried to argue that having the camera would be like him still working, but he countered back saying he just wanted to be able to rewatch you whenever he pleased. who were you to keep trying to put up a fight with him on his birthday?

“gonna cum- fuckin’ shit- ‘m gonna cum so hard.” it only took a few more rough thrusts before you were arching your back and clenching down on him and he was spilling his seed into your wet heat. bouncing down on him to ride you both through your orgasms and going until he physically holds you down to stop you from moving.

“have some fuckin’ mercy. ‘m not as young as i was yesterday.”

“oh my god, you’re so damn corny.” you playfully slapped his shoulder and he gave you a half smile. one of those smiles you give someone when you’re too worn out for your muscles to pull your lips up all the way.

“i can be corny on my birthday.” he pulled himself out from you and laid is head back against the headboard for a few seconds to collect himself. lazily stroking your bare skin in the time being. “‘kay now, lemme up.”

“why? ‘m not done with you yet.” you firmly planted your hands against his bare chest to press him back down against your bed.

“what else could you possibly have prepared for me after dinner, the sloppiest head i’ve ever received, and amazing sex with a pretty girl?” you grinned a mischievous grin that didn’t go unnoticed by him. his face going from looking playful to a little more fearful.

“remember when I said I wanted to try something a little different with you?” he slowly nodded his head, narrowing his red eyes at you.

“thought we could maybe try it today?” you leaned over the edge of the bed to open your bedside drawer and pull out the dildo and harness that you had nestled away.

his reaction was honestly ten times better than expected. he didn’t explode into a fit of rage and he didn’t immediately deny you either. just stared at the silicone dick in your hand. a few moments of silenced passed before he replied.

“sure i guess.”

“i respect your choice and i’m sorry for- wait what?”

“i said sure. you goin’ deaf on me?” you inconspicuously pinched your leg to make sure you weren’t making this up.

“no. i just didn’t expect you to say yes.”

“well I did. you’ve been good t’me since we met, might as well indulge you a bit.” you smiled at him and he mirrored your reaction. reaching around to grab the back or your neck and pull you into a sultry kiss. “now go put that shit on. show me whatcha got.”

you hopped up off the bed to put the harness on. carefully fastening each loop and tightening the straps. this wasn’t something you’d done before, only having been done to you by women that knew what they were doing. you couldn’t help but be curious on what it’s like to be on the giving end. bakugo watched your every movement. eyeing your hands as you adjusted everything for your body. he’d been with other people with dicks, he’d just never been the recipient. he couldn’t deny the nervous feeling that stirred in his gut.

“just take it easy on me, alright? don’t wreck my insides.” he said as you climbed back into bed with him.

“course not. i’ll take good care of ya, birthday boy.” you slotted your lips against in another sensual kiss. swiping your tongue across his pink lips and tasting the saliva that they were coated with. he groaned at the string of spit that still connected the two of you when you parted.

“gonna need you to flip on your stomach.” you spoke as you climbed out of the way.

“already? y’just gonna stick it in just like that?” the way his voice was kind of shaky made you giggle. the thought of him actually nervous about something was a wild thought.

“no, dumbass, just listen to me.” you slapped the inside of his thigh and waited for him to turn over. smirking as he rolled his eyes and did as told. rolling onto his stomach and making a show of arching his ass into the air.

“do i look just like you?”

“eh, you’re a little flatter than me,” you had positioned yourself behind him and caught a good look at his unamused expression, “you’re pretty hot though, i’ll give you that.”

“got that fuckin’ right. just had you screamin’ my name and- oh fuck.” the sudden feeling of the pad of your tongue pressing against his ass stopped his train of thought. he moved into your touch. trying not to grind into your face even though he was dangerously close. his cock had grown hard as a rock and began to drool pre onto your sheets.

“you’re so fucking good.” his voice was almost whiny, arching his back even more into your touch as you dipped your tongue in his hole. spit had began to drip from your mouth and pool onto the bed. you couldn’t stop your hand from reaching around and grilling his thick cock. running your thumb over his slit and smearing the pre he had produced down his shaft.

katsuki never thought he’d be so greedy for someone tongue-fucking his ass, but the way his body careened into your touch was undeniable. nobody had ever left him whining and panting like this. nobody had ever made him start to sweat so quickly. he began to wonder if you were somehow sent to earth to be his personal kryptonite.

you kept jerking him and eating his ass until he was pulling away from your touch and babbling on about how he didn’t want to cum before you even got to fuck him. giving him one final good lick from his balls to the curve of his ass.

“fuck, y’tying to kill me?” your core started to tingle at his breathless voice. a surge of dominance shooting down your spine knowing that you caused it.

“just giving you a good birthday.” your hand connected with his ass and he groaned at the feeling.

“think ‘m ready for you.”

“you sure? i didn’t finger you or anything.”

“i’m ten seconds away from fucking my fist if you don’t fuck me soon.” you smiled down at him and caressed his cheek. his skin looks rough, but he always feels so soft under your hands. you used your other hand to grab a bottle of lube from your nightstand, warming up a small amount and spreading it along the shaft.

“should’ve made you suck it.”

“you like to push your luck.” you both giggled a little. you cherished moments like this. little lulls in the intimacy that look awkward from the outside. it created the best memories that you enjoyed to replay in your head from time to time.

“you ready?” you rubbed the tip around his hole and waited for a response. just earning a nod of the head. you positioned yourself and leaned over his body, blonde hairs tickling your face as you leaned into his ear.

“happy birthday, katsuki.”

you slowly worked your way in. earning moans and groans from the man underneath you. your hand snaked it’s way to his face and turned his head to look at him. his pretty eyes were tightly screwed shut and you could tell he was biting the inside of his cheek. your soft lips met his once more in an effort to distract him from the unfamiliar stretch.

“y’don’t gotta go so easy on me,” he began once you pulled back from him, “was only joking earlier. i can take this shit.”

“you sure?” you had bottomed out after a while of shallow, slow thrusts to accustom him to the size.

“i’m katsuki fucking bakugo. i can take this shit.” a smirk creeped its way onto your face as you pulled almost all the way out.

“whatever you want, kats.” your hips roughly slammed back into his ass, causing him to jump forward a loudly let out a moan. your hips kept up the pace, it wasn’t as brutal as you could take, but it was bad enough for him to not be able to hold back the noises the left his throat.

your hands trailed up and down his sides in somewhat of an effort to relax him some more. nails lightly grazing his skin just enough to cause goosebumps to raise. his hips began to gently meet your thrusts as he got adjusted to the stretch.

“how’s it feelin’, kats?”

“so goddamn good.” it was as if the wind had been knocked out of him when he spoke. voice breathy and barely loud enough for you to register his words.

you used one of your hands to knock him off his hands and down to his elbows, allowing you to thrust deeper and also causing the tip to hit his prostate every time you bottomed out. the sensation unfamiliar to him and only causing his whines to grow louder and his impending orgasm to come even closer.

“makin’ me go fuckin’ crazy, baby.” something about how he already sounded so fucked out made your pussy gush onto the already soaked crotch of the harness. you reached around once more to you with his cock. the tile was an angry red and his pre continued to feverishly drip from his slit.

“gonna cum already, katsu?” you could feel his heavy balls tightening as you fondled them and it was becoming harder and harder to push in to his ass.

“shut up and let me have this.” he didn’t feel like being witty with you. in all honesty, he probably couldn’t even try to come up with a sarcastic remark. his brain was too foggy with pleasure for him to think.

your hand was small in comparison to his thick cock. it barely fitting around as you continued your ministrations. he was leaking all over your fingers as you jerked him and he was practically fucking himself on your cock trying to chase his orgasm.

“fuck.. ‘m gonna cum. please please don’t stop.” you could’ve been a bitch. could’ve got him back for all the times he’s edged you. could’ve denied him and waited for that impending feeling to subside and start all over again, but you weren’t a total asshole. deciding to save payback for another day.

your hand was beginning to cramp from how hard and fast you were jerking his dick. your hips beginning to stutter as if you could feel any sort of sensations from the silicone cock. your eyes traveling to his ass, the curve of his back, and to his face that was almost smushed in the mattress, and going back to his ass. the way it jiggled like yours when you were being hit from the back. you couldn’t deny how pretty he looked and you wanted to see how pretty he looked when he came from you topping him.

“come on kats, cum for me. i know you want to. just let go. fucking cum for me.” you had leaned over his hulking, sweaty figure once more to speak directly in his ear. lips ghosting the shell before you moved down to place open mouthed kisses on his neck’s sweet spot.

“i- shit- ‘m cumming- fuck fuck fuck.” he grunted one last time before he the coil twisted in his stomach finally unraveled. the first rope of cum shot as far as it could reach, hitting the part of his chest that was pressed to the bed. the next few still shooting a little closer to your fist, but still far enough that it didn’t touch your hand. the last few ropes spilling onto your fist as his hips still slightly bounced back on you to ride out the last bit of his orgasm.

you gently and slowly pulled out of him and he collapsed onto you bed. unfastening the harness and letting it drop to the ground before stepping your feet out from the holes.

“gonna go get water. you’ll be good here, right?” you took the lazy wave of his hand as a yes and scurried downstairs.

bakugo always claimed he wasn’t much of a sweet tooth, but you always watched the way his eyes widened when he came across red velvet cake. learning from one of his friends that his mom made it for him when he was younger and thus making it a favorite. you pulled quite a few strings to get in contact with his mom and convincing her to make the cake. having to drive a few cities away to pick it up.

you carefully cut a slice and placed it on a plate. grabbing a fork and making some ice water before returning back to your bedroom to see a sweatpant-clad katsuki taking your soiled sheets off the mattress and into your laundry basket.

“why are you doing my laundry on your birthday?”

“just felt like the nice thing to do.” he turned around and his eyes slightly widened at the sight of the slice of cake in your hands. “where’d ya get that?”

“had once last surprise for you. you’re just like mrs. bakugo.” you could’ve sworn his eyes softened when you said it was his mother that made the cake.

“thank you, seriously, haven’t had someone do so much for me on my birthday in a long time.” you handed over the plate and let him dig in whilst you threw on an oversized tee. noticing the red blink of something placed near your dresser.

shit. you forgot the camera was still recorded.

“how the fuck did this thing not run out of space?” you quietly grumbled to yourself, but it was still loud enough to catch the blond’s attention.

“you can edit that and post it if you want.”

“huh?”

“open your damn ears woman,” he paused to chew and swallow another bite of cake, “i know there’s a swarm of people that wanted to see me take one up the ass.” you guffawed at his last sentence as you took the camera card out to transport the footage to your laptop.

“thank you again. serious. i actually enjoyed gettin’ the princess treatment.”

“nothing to thank me for. just hope i made your birthday memorable.”

“oh definitely, sweets. won’t ever forget losing the back door virginity.” his large arms settled onto your shoulders as you inserted the card into the card reader. he placed a light kiss to your temple as you got to work on the computer.

“this mean you’ll let me do it again?”

“push your luck one more time i swear to god.”

“i’ll let you fuck me again if it means you’ll consider.” you smiled and looked back at him as he pretended to think. eyes rolling to look at the ceiling and tapping a finger against his chin.

“think you’ve got yourself a deal.”

#i prommy i will edit this in the morning but i am sleepy #bakugo katsuki #katsuki bakugo smut #bakugo x reader #mha bakugou #katsuki bakugou #bakugo smut #bnha bakugo katsuki #mha smut #bnha smut #katsuki bakugo x reader #bakugou smut #bnha bakugo smut #bakugou katsuki x reader #katsuki bakugo mha #my hero academia #my hero academia smut #fleur bbyy

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acescavern · 7 months

Text

END TO START - LEE TAEYONG X READER

Navi - M.list

Pairing: Soulmate!Johnny x Soulmate! reader, Taeyong x reader. ( Ft Mark, Jungwoo, Ten, Jaehyun, Taeil, Yuta. Mentions Jaemin once.)

Genre: Heavy angst my guys, soulmates au, neo frat au, university au, fluff, Hanahaki Soulmate trope.

Synopsis: Taeyong had been perfectly happy to sit back and watch you and Johnny be together. However, when he starts to notice certain behaviors that are all too familiar, he finds himself unable to watch you slowly die. Just because Johnny may not love you anymore... doesn't mean Taeyong doesn't love you either.

wc: 4.9k

Warnings: Heavy angst, Blood, Mentions of death, suffering, choking, johnny is unfaithful, it's a Hanahaki au so they basically cough up dead and thorned flowers. It's not a graphic description but there are descriptions of pain too, mentions of weight loss due to being unwell, Unrequited love, hurt, Taeyong's been in love with the reader since before her and Johnny got together, heavy rejection, soulmate rejection ( Just because i have written this does NOT mean that i think any one of the nct members would cheat or act thi way. this is pure FICTION.) Please let me know if i have missed any warnings

Note: Hi! I have a few fics in the works but I'm worried I wont get them done for Halloween. So, I am blessing you with this heart-breaking fic. I wanted to release this fic early as a thank you for all your love on Operation Rizz! Now, this is the same frat universe as all my other NCT fics. they can all be read as stand alone though, so don't worry! Any feedback is once again appreciated. I do not own the concept of Hanahaki.

Likes and reblogs are appreciated

Soulmates were supposed to be someone's everything—the one person who was meant specifically for them. Someone you can lean on and cherish, who would dote and adore you. Someone to dish out as much love to you as you unto them. To stay by your side and grow old together. However, some people are already at that stage when they meet their destined person. There was also the worry of some people not having a soulmate. Legend says that only the blessed are gifted with such.

Gifted? Yes. To many, the Soulmate system is a curse - depending on what type you are assigned to. Tattoos? Easy. Mind reading? Okay a little more difficult. Red string? That practically takes you straight to them. Eternal life? Near impossible! You could spend many years with someone you thought was a soulmate only to see a wrinkle and realize you aren’t made for each other at all. Seeing things in black and white only to suddenly be overwhelmed with color at a music festival and not know who the hell you’d bumped into in that massive crowd that could possibly be your soulmate. Not everyone even had a soulmate, they could be with whoever they wanted without consequences.

But there was one type in particular that nobody wanted. Hanahaki. Named after the fictional Japanese Hanahaki Disease. It comes from the Japanese words Hana - meaning flower and Hakimasu - quite literally meaning, to throw up.

In a soulmate's case, when they first meet each other a seed is awakened. It grows thorned roses - the flowers of love - cradling the person’s heart and twining around inside their lungs. For the most part, other than the occasional flutter and heartburn, it goes unnoticeable. So long as the soulmate reciprocates the feelings of love. But, should one soulmate start to fall out of love? The other will suffer terribly. The flowers will die, the spikey stems squeezing at the organs they were once gently caressing with love. Crushing in their anguish.

Of course, unlike the other soulmate types, there are two ways out of Hanahaki... Let the weight of the unreciprocated love drag on painfully until you die, or convince your health insurance to accept the cost of the operation to remove the offending plants. However, by the time one realizes they are soulmates, it is likely that the bond has already been unreciprocated.

Taeyong knew this. He knew this because it happened to him. He had once been on the receiving end of the agonizing scratch of dead rose stems climbing up his throat in a mess of blood and wilted petals. Taeyong had nearly died. He recognized the signs clearly and that was the reason he was so shocked to see them in who he did.

Johnny’s soulmate.

Taeyong first took notice when you walked through the door of the club. A celebration night to celebrate the frat’s anniversary alongside Taeyong’s new choreographer position in the dance studio he works in. Your face had a slightly paler tone and although you were doing a good job at keeping your breathing even… Taeyong recognized the telltale signs of a wince when you took the air in too harshly.

But when he saw Johnny approach you and press a loving kiss to your forehead, he scolded himself for thinking such things. Taeyong knew something was up though, your smile didn’t meet your eyes and when you congratulated him with a hug, he swore he could feel your body tremble.

He tried not to worry too much throughout the night but when he saw Johnny by the bar, his charming smile dazzled at some sorority girls that had been invited… Taeyong wondered where you’d gone. The disappointment within him only grew when he watched his best friend and frat brother go home with one of them.

So, maybe his suspicions were correct. A few weeks passed and he’d not seen a glimpse of you, Johnny hadn’t even uttered your name. The rapper hadn’t had time to sit him down and ask him about the incident. Until now.

Taeyong dabbed the sweat from his brow with the neckline of his shirt, swiping his water bottle from the floor. He shuffled toward his friend, watching as he grinned at his phone as he typed. He was talking to someone and Taeyong only hoped it was you. That you’d both mended things to stop it getting worse. The thought of it all being a misunderstanding had a relieved smile spreading across his face as he settled on the floor next to Johnny.

“You texting ____? Tell her I said Hey.” Taeyong said, twisting the cap off his drink to take a swig. Taeyong was almost taken aback at the irritated flash that crossed Johnny’s expression at the mention of your name.

If Taeyong wasn’t so observant, he would have missed it. Johnny shook his head, swiftly locking his phone when his leader went to peer over his shoulder. “It’s not. It’s Yuki.”

Taeyong’s eyebrows scrunched, posture freezing for a moment. “The sorority girl you went home with?” He tried to keep his tone level. Memories of the same thing happening to himself reoccur in his mind. “What about ____?” The question hung awkwardly in the air, Johnny staring at Taeyong as if he’d asked something ridiculous.

“What about her?” He shrugged. “Just because I do stupid things, doesn't mean I don’t love her. She’s my soulmate.” He paused, an almost defeated sigh sagging at his shoulders. “The only one I got.”

Taeyong took notice of the slight bitterness in his words. Almost as if he didn’t realize that he did it. “Do you?”

Johnny rubbed at the back of his neck, his mouth opening but no words coming out. Once again, a defeated shrug of his shoulders. “Yeah… yes.” He cleared his throat as his voice broke. “I’m sure we’d of noticed by now if I hadn’t.” Johnny left no room for debate, standing up with a clap of his hands to suggest they continue their lacrosse practice.

You knew. You knew Johnny’s feelings for you were dwindling. You were reminded every time you coughed. Reminded by the way your breath left you in an agonizing squeeze when Johnny would kiss your forehead.

But, even though you knew… it didn’t make you love him any less. You knew what he got up to when your nights weren't spent together. You didn’t do a thing, didn’t bring it up. You almost tried to ignore it. You loved Johnny. You always would. And, as long as you continued to love him, he wouldn’t have the same fate as you. You would never wish this pain on him even if he was the cause.

You wished you’d heeded Mark’s seemingly lighthearted warning at the beginning of your relationship. ‘He’s one of my closest friends but he doesn’t always do the right thing, just… please be careful.’ Mark had said one evening. You hadn’t truly understood why he had said it, nor did you get to question him before Johnny had slid his arm around your middle.

You understood perfectly now. Especially as a sharp tickle wheezed in the back of your throat, your eyes discreetly scanning the new text message from your seat at the very back row of English lit class. ‘Can we rain check date night again? Coach is being a hardass and wants us to stay late.’ For the third week running, the same excuse. Sure, you’d seen Johnny. But Thursday was always date night. Something you’d both stuck to like glue once before.

Pain twisted in your chest, your breath rough. You brought the sleeve of your hoodie to your mouth, attempting a discreet cough. It didn’t do anything for you, the feeling like you’d swallowed razorblades. The world felt like it was spinning for a moment and you had to close your eyes and count to ten to steady it again.

One look at your sleeve had you frowning. The next stage had started. You’d read about this. Discoloured petals. You’d only coughed up one but one was enough for you to be sure. With one last attempt at clearing your throat, you brushed the blackened petal to the ground.

Taeyong shared this class with you. Whilst he didn’t often sit next to you, he was mostly always on the same row. Not many people occupied the back row and so, when he heard the muffled hack come from your direction he had looked over, shoulders tensing as he watched you.

He approached you at the end of class, watching your sluggish movements as you shoved your laptop back into your bag. “____, Are you alright?” He asked softly, noting the sheen of sickly sweat coasting your forehead.

Lips pressed firmly together, you nodded. You were certain if you opened your mouth you'd start coughing and choking again but you didn’t want to be rude. “I’m fine.” Bad idea. “Sorry, Yong, I gotta go-” Taeyong had never heard your voice so scratchy and coarse. He had also never seen you flee so quickly before he could even open his mouth, your notepad falling from your unzipped bag as you vanished before his eyes.

As he knelt down to collect it from the ground, his fingers made contact with a velvety, withered texture.

A blackened rose petal.

The next time Taeyong saw you, you were much worse than he could have imagined. He had only turned up at your apartment because he assumed Johnny had left his phone at your place. He couldn’t really understand the rushed words of ‘Shit! I left my phone at her place, I’m already late!’ When Taeyong offered to go and get it, he naturally thought of your place.

So when you answered the door, he was standing frozen at the sight of you. Your eyes had bags under them that would put JFK airport to shame. Your complexion was grey, lips cracked and dry. Taeyong could definitely see you’d lost some weight too, your knitted sweater nearly slipping off one shoulder. His gaze caught onto the marks along your neck, long red streaks almost looking like you had been clawing at it in your agony. Your winced call of his name kicked his brain into gear.

“Now isn’t a good ti-” His hands flew out to rub and pat your back as your words were interrupted.

Taeyong’s heart broke as he watched you struggle. You couldn’t get your breath, your face turning red from the strenuosity. Taeyong backed you into your apartment, kicking the door closed behind him. He sat you on your couch, disappearing from view for a moment.

You didn’t even take note of what exactly was being thrust under your nose, only that it would catch what your body rejected. One of his hands held the bucket, the other sweeping your hair away from your face. It was all too familiar for him. Except for Taeyong, he had done it alone.

“It’s okay, ____” He hushed, palm flattened over your back to rub comforting circles. “Breath through your nose and count to ten. It helps.”

You did as such, shoulders relaxing as the air finally seeped into your lungs. You wiped your mouth with the back of your hand, sighing at the crimson residue that was becoming all too familiar. You opened your mouth to speak, only to be gently hushed once more.

“It’s okay, it’ll hurt too much if you talk.” He set the bucket down on the side table. “You should get yourself some grapeseed oil. A teaspoon a day should at least prevent the attacks so often.” Taeyong didn’t look at you as he spoke, his hands busying themselves with opening the small drawer to your coffee table in search of tissues.

“You mean this?” You rasped, pulling the small droplet bottle from your pocket, and setting it down on the surface before you. Taeyong’s eyebrows creased.

It was the exact same bottle he was sure he had. Though, catching sight of the label on the bottle he knew it was his bottle. ‘Taeyong’ scribbled messily on the labeled sticker. He looked at you expectantly.

“Johnny gave it to me.” Just uttering his name sent a pang of hurt through you, a wave of emotion rippling from your jaw to the tips of your toes.

Taeyong understood immediately, a deep sigh resonating as he nodded once. “He knows then.” To which you nodded, eyes fixed on your lap.

He had never seen you cry, and he would hate to admit it but your eyes looked pretty when you did. It was as if the glaze of tears enhanced the colors of your iris. “He doesn’t know it’s this bad. He thinks the tickle has just started.”

“____, you’re dying and you’re telling me Johnny hasn’t noticed yet?” To say that Taeyong was in disbelief was an understatement. The new knowledge that Johnny knew now had floored him.

Why? Because Johnny hadn’t once let it show. Taeyong had been around the guy all week and he was still the happy comedic genius he always was. Not a hint of anything bothering him.

“Yong, It’s okay. I..” You drew your knees up to your chest, patting the spot next to you for him. “I’ve come to terms with it.”

“Come to terms with it?!” He spluttered. “____, you are in your twenties! You can’t be okay with dying in your twenties.” His hand raked through his hair, eyes blinking rapidly like he couldn't come to terms with how calm you looked right now.

Taeyong could feel the anger bubbling up in his chest, his gaze hardening as he addressed you once more. “You know he’s been seeing her too, don’t you?”

You were silent, shame eating at your subconscious. “If I ignore it then he won’t have to be like this too.”

Taeyong sprung up to his feet. “Wake up! He’s out there living his life with no regrets and you’re the one to suffer? I can’t…” He shook his head, shoving his clenched fists into his pockets. “I’m sorry, I just-” With one last shake of his head, Taeyong left you there. The slam of your front door announcing his absence.

Johnny remembered the conversation between the two of you very clearly. He was convinced he still loved you a lot. Just not in the way you need. At first, he thought it was doubt, but as time went on he started to notice the dry tickly cough and the abundance of petals scattered in your trash. He was sure it wasn’t harmful yet, certain that he still held the love in his heart for you.

Johnny didn’t love Yuki. She was fun. She was different. She wasn’t you. He could spend time with her without any strings attached. It was freeing, knowing he wasn't destined to be with her no matter what.

He felt guilt at first. He didn’t like lying to you, but it was for his own selfish gain that he did. Johnny had seen Taeyong go through the pain and near death of a soulmate falling out of love, he didn’t want that for himself. Johnny had too much to live for, as arrogant and self-centred as that sounded.

He remembered what you said when he gave you the vial of grapeseed oil, how your shaky hands had placed over his own. How you told him it was okay, it wasn’t his fault. But Johnny couldn’t help but think it was. Johnny tried so hard to make himself love you still. Your words of comfort swirled in his mind and kept him up at night. ‘Nobody can help who they do and don’t love. Feelings change, People don’t’ You’d said to him.

Johnny felt ashamed. Being unfaithful to you whilst you still loved him with every ounce of your soul. Deep down, Johnny knew you only had two options he just hoped you made a decision before it was too late.

Taeyong had been seen by barely anyone all week. It was as if he was attending his classes and then picking up every extra shift or odd job imaginable. The Neos were even more shocked when Mark slapped a flier down on the dining table ping pong table in front of some of the brothers. A for sale flier, advertising their frat leader’s motorcycle. The very same one that he cherished and spent a fortune to modify.

“Do you think he’s in debt?” Jungwoo frowned, setting his beer on the table.

That question alone earned a chortled laugh. “Woo, we’re in university. We’re all in debt.” Yuta clapped him on the back. “But, on a serious note, He’s been acting super weird lately.”

Everyone launched into debate, trying to determine why Taeyong would be selling his pride and joy so suddenly. Conversation ceased when the front door opened and the man in question shuffled into the open-plan living space with an exhausted wave.

“Ty, are you actually selling the bandit?” The question came from Taeil, Neo frat’s oldest member.

Taeyong moved through the living area, taking a seat at one of the beanbags littered around the table. “Already sold it.” He bobbed his head in a nod.

It earned him many concerned looks. “Are you in trouble or something? Are you trying to cover the water bill from when Mark broke the faucet?”

“No, Jae. I’m not in trouble. It’s not for me.” He reassured, his voice dying down quietly. “It’s for ____.”

Everyone stopped. Mark locked his phone, Yuta stopped chipping at his nail polish, and Taeil nearly spat out his beer. Jaehyun and Jungwoo were already staring at him.

“Why?”

Taeyong took a deep breath, anticipating the question.It didn’t take long for him to catch them up to speed. “You haven’t noticed? I can’t watch her die. Even if she’s come to terms with it.”

“She’s not been to class for a few weeks. Professor Choi just straight-up skips over her name now. I’m guessing they know.” Jaehyun hummed.

“Hm, Jaemin said he saw her last week on his midnight ramen run.” Mark recalled, “Said she looked like something out of living dead.”

“Mark,” Taeyong gave him a warning look. The younger just shrugged his shoulders. “I’m going to book the operation for her. She doesn’t know. I just need the deposit. After that, it’s monthly payments. I can scrape enough together for the monthly just fine.” He looked pained. “Whenever I see her, it’s like I’m watching myself go through it again.”

One by one, Jaehyun, Mark, Jungwoo, Yuta, and Taeil offered their help.

The six of them didn’t make it known what their plans were but soon enough, after Taeyong had put what he had already saved with what the others offered, it was enough. He rocked up to the private medical center, cash in an envelope that was tucked neatly within the inside pocket of his jacket.

Taeyong was pleasantly surprised that he was allowed to schedule and pay the deposit on your behalf. Acting on best interest. The receptionist did stress that you needed to fill in the form and sign consent upon arrival but Taeyong was more pleased that he was giving you a chance at life. That there was a possibility that you could carry on.

What he didn’t expect, was your immediate refusal when he brought the leaflet and forms over to your apartment the following morning. The smile dropped from his face as you tried to hide away from him. ‘He could die.’ You’d cried at him. And whilst it had been proven he wouldn't, you were convinced.

“He won’t, ____.” Taeyong begged. “Please, you can’t just accept this.” The bed dipped as he sat on the edge. The many times he had visited you now, you had always been. The last time you got up to open the door, Taeyong honestly worried that you would pass away right there on the doorstep. He took your spare key after that.

Taeyong’s gentle fingers lifted the damp wash cloth from the bowl at your bedside, running the cool material over your brow and cheeks. A light smile twitched at the corner of your lips, the sensation easing your fever, only a little but it was better than before. He knew he wasn’t going to get many more words from you this evening. You’d exhausted yourself already for the evening. Taeyong was just content enough to sit here and care for you.

Honestly, before it was known that you were Johnny’s soulmate, Taeyong had hoped you’d notice him. He had often found himself wishing that it wouldn’t last so he could at least have a shot with you. His hopes were crushed when Johnny had run through the fraternity declaring you were both soulmates. Taeyong had made peace with the idea that maybe he was meant to be alone, satisfied just by seeing you whenever Johnny brought you over to hang out.

He never wished for this, though.

Tenderest of touches brushed your hair away from where it had clung to your forehead. Taeyong clicking on the standing fan in an attempt to offer you some cool relief. “Trust me, ____.” He whispered, voice brittle. “I went through this.” His confession had your right eye cracking open.

“Back in the first year,” Taeyong recalled. “Watching you and Johnny go through this… it’s like a mirror. I nearly died,” He picked up your hand, engulfing it in both of his own. “I refused the operation until it was nearly too late. For the same reason, actually.”

Your fingers twitched in his own, your index finger hooking around his thumb to offer comfort. You have suspected Taeyong had some close experience with this. Especially in the way he always seemed to understand your pain, the sad gazes, and his drive to help you. You had never expected that he would be the one in your position though. The meer thought had tears welling up in your eyes. You seemed to cry a lot around the man these days.

“He didn’t die though. Apparently, he just… coughed up the root.” He lifted your hand, the ghosting feeling of his lips against your knuckles. “I promise you, Johnny won’t die… At least think about it.” To which you nodded in agreement.

Taeyong made you soup, your favorite kind. You weren’t even sure how he knew it was your favorite but he did. He parted from you with a lingering kiss to your hairline. Just like every night. This form of unrequited love seemed to of hurt him more than his last.

He’d left the forms and leaflets on the empty bed space by your feet.

You’d asked Taeyong not to come over for the last four days. As worried as he was, he had to respect your wishes. You didn’t want him to see your sudden decline as you entered the last stage of the rejection. Meaning, that Johnny had almost fallen completely out of love with you now.

You were expecting it, Taeyong too. You and Johnny had broken things off the last time you saw each other. Both of you doing so without even having to clarify the matter. He was free. Almost.

Taeyong had been stressed all week, even his frat brothers had given him a wide berth. Many put it down to the lacrosse game the pending evening. Only a select few really knew that it was because today was the same day Taeyong had scheduled for your surgery.

He hadn’t known it was the same day as the game, Jungwoo uttering the words with caution the day before. Taeyong swore to himself that he thought he booked it for next week. He didn’t even know if you were going to accept it… Any time he brought it up you tended to change the subject.

How Taeyong managed to even pass the ball with steady swings amazed even himself, his hands hadn’t stopped shaking. He had nearly skipped the game in favor of being with you, but he knew he couldn’t. The game had gone smoothly, they were winning by one. In fact, Johnny had to take the penalty shot.

The whole field waited on bated breath, all eyes on Johnny as he just stood there, his expression morphed in such a way that Taeyong exchanged a look with Jaehyun.

“Seo! Take the damn shot already!” The coach didn’t even get through his ending word before Johnny’s form curled over, knees slamming into the ground.

Taeyong rushed over as his friend tore off his helmet and spat his mouthguard to the ground. He would worry about that later. Taeyong slid to his knees beside Johnny, his own helmet crashing to the ground out of his grip.

Johnny had never felt such pain. His airways were burning. The sensation in his chest felt like all the oxygen was being torn from him. The team crowded around him, blocking anyone else's view of the scene. A choked cough left his throat, a shout of agony following after. Petals. Blood. Stems. The flower was unwinding itself, pulling at the roots from within his chest and lungs.

The team managed to maneuver Johnny back to the locker rooms, it took four of them to carry him but soon the male was slumped against the tiles of the showers. Taeyong was beside him once again. “Cough it up Johnny, you’ll do more damage if you don’t.” He tugged Johnny’s arm to sit him forward, his fist thumping down in the center of his back. “Johnny, come on!”

To say Taeyong was relieved when Johnny finally started coughing again was an understatement. “You gotta carry it on, it’ll hurt but I’ve got you.” He pleaded over the sound of his friend’s cries and chokes.

Johnny doesn’t know how long he continuously coughed for. All he knew was the last one to shake through his body finally offered him release, Taeyong tugging him away from the mangled mix of plant and blood only to rip him, Johnny, from his shock-induced state by shoving him under the freezing cold shower stream - kit and all.

A big, clear breath left him.

“What the fuck, John?” Ten peaked his head around the corner, having raced in after the team to check on his best friend.

“Dude, that's your flower.” Mark grimaced, crouched down next to the offending object.

The announcement made Johnny’s spine straighten, and Taeyong hung his head. “What does it mean?” Johnny shakily stood, pressing the button to stop the stream of cold water.

It was fascinating how Johnny already felt better. He felt no pull in his chest, no weakness even after the whole ordeal. He felt new. But if he felt like this… then what had happened to you? The realization of what had happened weighed heavy on his guilt.

He turned to address the sort of traumatized, faces around him but it wasn’t him that spoke up. It was Taeyong. “It means I need to find ____.”

Taeyong had raced past his teammates and into the locker room without any further explanation. His phone cramped between his ear and shoulder as he tugged on his sweats at record speed. “C’mon, Petal. Pick up.” He swore to himself, only removing the device from his ear to throw on a t-shirt from his locker. It was a term of endearment he had taken to calling you of late, though quite often when you were too dazed to notice.

He ignored the looks of confusion from his friends. Well, from those other than Mark and Jaehyun. From the look on Johnny’s face, he was still piecing things together. Taeyong didn’t have time for that, snatching the keys for the beat-up Honda he had gotten recently and sprinting from the room.

Taeyong continued to call you on the way to your apartment. He had just hoped you’d gotten yourself to the appointment. He didn’t want to think about the possibility of losing you like this. He found himself afraid to enter your building, scared of what he may find. His head thumped against the steering wheel, eyes burning with unshed tears. You had to be okay.

His phone buzzed, body jumped when he saw your name flash on the screen. He swiped to answer, bringing it up to his ear with a relieved sigh. “____.” He listened to your breathing for a split second, registering the steady beeps in the background.

“Is he alive?” Your tone was filled with urgency but your voice was clearer than Taeyong had heard in weeks. It had a relieved laugh bubbling from his chest, salty droplets cascading down his cheeks and leaving his tear ducts with the tension in him.

“He’s fine.” He sniffled, rubbing at his face. “ Petal, you’re okay. I tho-” You interrupted him with a soothing call of his name.

“You were right.” He listened to you pause, the sounds of you sipping through a straw present in the receiver. “There are things I do have to live for.” You spoke quietly. “The first one being myself.”

He hummed in agreement, starting up the car again. “Yeah? I’ll be there soon and you can tell me all about the second, Petal.” He was rewarded with a breathy laugh. “What?”

“Petal.” You murmured, Taeyong could hear the slumber lingering back into your tone.

“Get some rest. I’ll be there soon.” He was about to pull the phone away from his ear when you quietly called his name again.

“Yes?” He hummed, clicking the hands-free and setting the phone into the holder on the dash.

“Can I tell you my second reason?”

“What’s that, Petal?” He smiled softly to himself.

“It’s you.”

©Acescavern - I do not give permission for my works to be copied, translated or reposted

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nokiatelava · 7 months

Text

✿✿In A Good Way✿✿

⊹₊⋆☁︎⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆☁︎⋆₊⊹

Author’s Note - Hello hellooo!! Okay, so in this story it’s gonna be an OC!Na’vi x Fem!Sully!Reader. I’ve never, ever written a story where there is a OC love interest. So I’m very excited but just as nervous because I am definitely trying something new out! Also, please if I had made any grammatical errors I apologize! But anyway, please enjoy the story!

⊹₊⋆☁︎⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆☁︎⋆₊⊹

Summary - Y/n Sully, was the daughter of the mighty Toruk Makto. She was striking, a pleasure to the eyes of those that stared. But Y/n wanted more than just looks, she yearned for love. True love. Yet she was to scared. Of the heartbreak, the pain, the grief, the dread. But, she just so happened to meet a very special boy.

⊹₊⋆☁︎⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆☁︎⋆₊⊹

Warnings - helpless romantics, young love, annoying siblings, light swearing, family love, yearning, self-doubt (never doubt yourself!!), reassurance, father-daughter talk, comfort

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚

The stiff fibers of your newly weaved basket rubbed gently against the palm of your hand and finger tips as you walked down the small path in the forest.

You were on your way to forage Lionberry seeds as well as the Melon Tree fruit you’ve been craving to taste for the past few days.

As you continued walking down the path you were able to spot a small cluster of the blue Lionberry seeds, almost successfully tucked away behind a few trees.

Once you made your way to the plants, and plucked enough seeds from the center. Snacking on some yourself for the extra energy, you ventured back onto the path.

The chirps and abundant distant howls brought a serene atmosphere to everything as you walked through the sunlit forest. Your eyes still peeled looking for the Melon Trees.

Which was right up across the path, a clearing that held a bunch of the Melon Trees and the fruits you had been searching for.

As you walked into the passageway, a feeling of trepidation pooled hot into your stomach as you stared at the muscular back of a young na’vi man who was picking the fruits you were about to.

You were frozen in the entrance of the passage way, thinking about the only three options you could go about the situation you were in, or bound to be in.

1. Back away slowly and forget you even wanted fruit in the first place.

2. Walk into the clearing and pick the fruit as if nobody was there.

Or 3.. Which you were currently doing. Continue to stare at this young man who is definitely your age’s back.

Embarrassment pinged down your spine as your face grew hot at the sight in front of you. Diverting your dry eyes and walking into the foliage either way.

Trying to ignore that you would be in there regardless of the fact that there was a boy there too.

Or may you say man.. The physique of his body made him look like he was not one to be trifled with.

The almost silent patters of your feet against the grass caught his attention as he turned his head towards you. His eyes widening for a split second as he saw you, up close.

“Y/n, Oel Ngati Kameie.” He did the universal sign of respect and greeting.

“Oel Ngati Kameie. I don’t think we’ve ever met before. Tell me, what is your name?” You couldn’t even believe the words coming out of your own mouth.

When did you ever want to start a conversation? The tone you used made you sound like your mother. Nothing was wrong with that. But where the hell did it come from?

“My name is Awpxey! It’s nice to formally meet you,” A close-eyed smile took over his features, your eyes looking up into his face at the bright attitude.

“It is nice to formally meet you too, Awpxey. I see you were picking Melon Tree fruit, they are ripe enough now correct?” Your fingers tightened against the handle of the basket. The fibers feeling as though they were gonna snap with the pressure you applied on them.

‘Why are am I being so awkward? I mean at least I didn’t ask him how’s he’s doing! Don’t conversations always go downhill from there?’

“Ah yes, all the fruits are seemingly becoming more ripe by they day. Finally, I have been waiting to long for these fruits. But they are to good to forget about.”

You nodded along in silent agreement with his words.

“It’s a bit of a mood spoiler when you find your favorite fruit isn’t ripe yet isn’t it?” Your body language was against your own better judgment.

Your tail low and swaying, the short grass tickling the underside as it swished faster the longer you stood in front of him.

“Yes! It kills my day every time!”

The both of you stood still. Awpxey was stuck staring into your eyes. His body stiff as he stood in front of you before he cleared his throat, his face getting hot.

“W-well, I should let you go get your fruit then! I still have to finish picking mine..” Awpxey gave a small chuckle as he rubbed the back of his neck. His face turning a light shade of purple as he blushed before turning his face in the direction of his basket.

‘Did I just stutter? In front of Y/n? You’ve gotta be joking. Literally.’

“Yeah.. uhm, yeah. I’ll be right, uh, right there,” you pointed to a specific Melon Tree that had not gotten picked yet. Far enough away from the one Awpxey was at but just close enough.

“Great, well, I’ll be right there then.” Awpxey reluctantly turned his face back towards Y/n. A nervous smile on his face.

You give him a smile and a small nod, walking over to the tree you had pointed out. Going about your business picking the medium sized fruits off of the tree.

The clearing was now filled with a comfortable silence, the rustles of the leaves and the crunches of the grass set a peaceful ambience to the area.

That was until a loud snap rang in the area, your shoulders tensed at the unreasonably loud sound. A small, embarrassed ‘oh’ being said but not by you.

It was Awpxey. His basket that carried a good amount of Melon Tree fruit snapped. Breaking due to the pressure of so much fruit on it, not only that but it was certainly worn down.

“Here, let me help.” You brought your basket over to Awpxey, picking up his fallen fruits and putting them in your own basket.

“No Y/n, no. You do not have to carry my fruit for me, plus, you have seeds in here, it might break again.” Awpxey felt guilty as he watched you pick up his fruit. Awkwardly holding the few in his hand as he refused to place it in your basket.

You took the fruits out his hands — a spark running up your hands — and placed them into your basket, picking up and placing the remaining fruit in your basket before standing back up.

“Come.” You beckoned him to follow behind you, which he quickly did.

“I will weave you a new basket. Meet me here tomorrow at the same time and I will give it to you.” You spoke as you walked out the clearing.

You were offering, but also demanding at the same time. You’ve had time on your hands recently. So what good to do with it than make a basket for someone who’s just broke?

Awpxey’s eyes widened. “No Y/n! You don’t have to do that, seriously! It’s alright I promise,” Awpxey was trying to convince you he didn’t need a new one. But you knew better.

“Not asking Awpxey, come here tomorrow and you will have a new basket.”

Awpxey’s shoulders slouched as he realized you wouldn’t change your mind. “Okay…” He said with a grumble as you walked in front of him.

Once you made it back to High Camp, you asked Awpxey to direct you both towards his family’s hut so you can drop off his fruit. An apprehensive look developed on his face as he got closer to his family’s home.

Hoping his parents wouldn’t say something that could drive you away.

You both entered his family’s kelku, a small smile on your face as you looked towards his parents.

Who had turned to face you quickly once they seen you walk in, their current conversation put to hold as shock visibly enveloped their faces.

“Oel Ngati Kameie.” You greeted, bringing your hand to your forehead before taking it back down.

They both recuperated themselves, and greeted you back, “Oel Ngati Kameie.” His parents had small smiles on their face also. Their minds jumping when they noticed the basket full of the Melon Tree fruit. Was it an offering to ask for their blessing?

Awpxey’s face dropped and started to get hot as he realized where his parents minds were turning to, but before he could say anything, his mother spoke.

“Y/n, what brings you here dear? And with all that fruit!” Itxä was a nice woman, you’ve met her before at clan gatherings and have spoken to her while she was in Mo’at’s tent more than a few times.

“I came to help bring Awpxey’s fruit back! His basket broke while he was picking the fruit and I decided to put them in mine! I do plan on weaving him a new basket, he will receive it tomorrow!” You explained yourself in a soft tone, his parents were sweet people.

Awpxey’s father, Puo was a funny and sweet man. Always wishing to keep the ones around him safe and happy.

“And you’re holding the basket? Awpxey! I took a long time out of my days to teach you to be a gentleman and this is how you turn up?” Puo exclaimed. You covered your smile with your hand as you watched Awpxey put his hands forward, trying to explain himself to his father.

“No dad!- That’s not even what happened!-“ Puo looked at his son with a bored look as he put his hands on his hips.

“Well from what I’m seeing, that is what happened. You idiot!” You never knew men could be so sassy, but you have your own fair share at your home.

And it’s not just Tuk.

Itxä helped you sort the Melon Tree fruits into their own fruit bowl, making sure you had more still in your basket, much to your own protests before she sent you off with a smile.

As you walked home, it was almost as if realization was settling into you.

You just went to that boy’s home.. Met his parents. And talked with his mother…

A blush adorned your face once you entered your own hut. Quickly setting away the fruits before anyone could notice your warm face.

But it just had to be your father who spoke up first.

“What’s got your face all warmed up babygirl?” Dread was the only thing you felt once you heard all the conversations stop. All eyes turning towards you.

Lo’ak smirked, deciding on taking his chance to do his daily readings.

“Yeah big sis. Couldn’t help but notice you came home blushing.. Did you meet a boy?” You cringed as you heard the smile in his tone. And cringed at how he got his reading assumption, correct.

You hissed lightly in his direction to defend yourself.

“Shut the hell up Lo’ak! I didn’t meet anybody. And even if I did. It’s definitely not any of your monkey brain business.” You clapped back at him verbally, which shut him up.

For only a few seconds.

“I do not have a monkey brain! And even if I did, don’t you remember what Norm said? He said monkeys were one of the smartest animals, since they were like human technically?” He thought he had shut you up now, that was before you noticed this was just gonna become a stupid bickering back and forth that could go on for hours.

“Who are you trying to fool Lo’ak? You’re one of the dumbest people I know.” Your arms were now crossed over your chest. Facing him as you say on the floor, trying to start weaving Awpxey’s basket.

“Oh yeah? Well then who’s the smartest person you know!?” You don’t know where he was going with that, but you answered anyway.

“I am.” You said nonchalantly and started to make the basket.

Tuk scoffed loudly as her face scrunched.

“Excuse me? I thought I was the smartest person you knew Y/n!” Tuk’s tone was smart mouthed.

Your eyes widened as you realized what you said. “I was just joking Tuk! You know you’re the smartest person here!”

Now it was your father’s turn to scoff, placing his hand on his chest.

“But you said I was the smartest babygirl?” Now everyone was looking between you and your father. And your face held disbelief as you paused in weaving.

“Um… Well… Yeah you are too dad!” You noticed your mother patting your father’s shoulder as he held a look of exaggerated betrayal on his face.

“Can I weave in peace?” You ask defeatedly. Neteyam’s face scruched in confusion at your question.

“Didn’t you just finish weaving one, like yesterday?”

Dread, once again, enveloped your body as embarrassment sunk in. Lo’ak was having a ball at your flushed face and obvious body language.

“You’re making one for a boy aren’t you?” His tone was sleazy and you wanted to sucker punch him right in his nose.

“Shut up Lo’ak!”

Your father’s face twisted into a grimace, “you’re courting somebody?” His voice was dry, as if his mouth was only grating sandpaper.

“No dad! No, I’m not courting anybody. I’m only doing somebody a favor..” The way your dad visibly softened his back and rested against your mother made you feel calmer.

“Who are you weaving for ma’ite?” As soon as the question left your mother’s lips, everyone in the room perked up and stared at you.

“Umm… It’s for Itxä’s and Puo’s son..” Your parents smiled at the familiar names.

“Itxä is a nice woman, she’s sweet.” Your mother stated.

“Puo’s one funny man isn’t he?” Your father said chuckling. You nodded with a small smile, finally feeling in the clear as the random chatter started all over again.

“Wait.. Did you say son?” Neteyam spoke looking at you, 5 other heads turning in your direction once more.

You groaned, now annoyed at the fact the attention was on you once again.

“Yes Neteyam. I said son.” You grumbled.

“Why are you making a basket for him Y/n?” Tuk asked as she moved to sit next to you on the floor, curling up into your side.

“His broke Tuk-Tuk, I’m just doing him a favor.” You explained as you put your arm around Tuk, playing with one of her short braids softly.

“How do you know his basket broke?” Kiri asked with a smirk. You felt like your heart almost broke. Never, ever did you expect Kiri to join in on your brother’s teasing you.

“Were you guys out, together?” Lo’ak questioned next. Raising his eyebrows up and down repeatedly, taunting you.

“Did nothing interesting happen while I was gone? Why are you guys so focused on me. Like didn’t Lo’ak shit himself 4 days ago or something?”

Lo’ak’s face paled. “That was eight years ago you skxawng!”

“Oh, well it feels like yesterday-”

“Language, both of you.” Your dad cut in.

“Skxawng isn’t even a bad word!” Lo’ak was quick to try and defend himself.

“But it is an insult, and Y/n, you know better to be swearing here. Tuk is here!” Your mother scolded you both.

“Huh?” Tuk said as she looked over to Neytiri, she hadn’t even been listening.

“Well never mind that then. But anyway, you both know to watch your mouths.”

Lo’ak grumbled his incessant nothings while you continued to weave.

Hours passed in the blink of an eye, the basket was fortunately halfway done and it was dinner time. Tuk had ended up falling asleep against you, so you woke her gently before joining your family at the table.

You all ate, somewhat peacefully, as Lo’ak sped through the whole meal and almost choked more than you can count on two hands.

Once dinner was over you helped clean up the table and settle everything away.

Taking it upon yourself to put Tuk to bed early as she seemed so tired.

You brought yourself back to the center of you kelku, trying to at least finish the basket before tomorrow.

Jake watched you sadly from the table. His ears folded down and eyes looking a darker yellow with sadness.

Neytiri noticed his grim attitude immediately. “Ma’Jake? What is wrong?” She sat next to him, placing her hand on his shoulder.

He looked at you a bit more before turning back to Neytiri.

“She’s already growing up so fast… like she’s getting a boyfriend?.. It feels like just yesterday I was holding her while she cried..."

Jake remembers how tough you were to put to sleep at one point. Missing that feeling of pride he had when you finally closed your eyes.

Neytiri cringed as she realized what she’s gonna say may hurt Jake’s feelings.

“Well you could always hold her.. The crying part may or may not happen…” Neytiri hoped she spoke so quiet Jake couldn’t hear her, but Neytiri knew better.

“What do you mean by that?” Jake was quick to ask.

“She’s met a boy Jake.. You never know what path Eywa has planned for her. Maybe she could stay with Awpxey forever, maybe Awpxey could break her heart. But no matter what happens ma’Jake, you have to be there for her always. You are her father, one of her confiders. She trusts you, and forever will.”

At this point Jake was a blink away from bawling like a baby. Neytiri’s words gave him a newfound confidence, but also a newfound fear.

He didn’t want you to go around chasing boys, and getting your heart broken in return.

The last thing he wanted his sweet babygirl to run into was a player. But he felt a feeling in his heart that told him not to interfere.

It was to be left up to Eywa. Your fate and will was in her hands.

In your own head, you weren’t really thinking about a future or anything with Awpxey. You were doing him a simple favor. But you couldn’t help yourself as your mind drifted to the memory of his back in the sunlit clearing.

Your hands became clammy and your throat dried. Heat bursting in your neck and spreading down your spine to your whole body.

Your hands moved hastily, finishing up the basket with an embarrassed huff. You were hoping nobody was looking at you.

“Come you guys, it is time for us to sleep!” Your mother whisper shouted. Acknowledging the fact Tuk was already asleep.

You all complied, filing into your sleeping mats and saying goodnight.

A giddy feeling was all you could feel in your chest and stomach as a smile broke out onto your face.

You were going to see Awpxey tomorrow and you were beyond ecstatic. You closed your eyes as they began to fall shut themselves.

In the morning when you all awoke and gravitated towards the table for breakfast, you embarrassingly ate at a pace that would put Lo'ak to shame.

Lo’ak was feeding into your flushed face and rushed actions.

“What's the matter big sis?” He asked, cocking his eyebrow annoyingly with a sneer on his face. “You excited to see your boyfriend?”

You growled at him in annoyance, “He is not my boyfriend.”

“Yet,” Kiri added before covering her mouth with her hand, trying to mask her smile.

"Kiri!" You said in an irritated tone.

"Why are you joining them with their bs!?” You felt like you were being cornered, without a corner.

“Watch your mouth,” your father grumbled exasperatedly.

“Fine.” You sighed, finishing your breakfast a whole lot slower now.

“Y/n? Can we go to the forest with you too?” Tuk laid her head against your collarbone, closing her eyes as she felt your hand brush through her braids softly.

“I’m sorry Tuk, not right now. But if you want, later we can go to Grandmother’s tent and I could teach you a few more things…” You whispered into her ear, watching how it perked as you spoke about teaching her new things.

“Of course! Only if you pinky promise!” You laughed as you folded your other fingers down, leaving your ring finger sticking out awkwardly.

When you, Kiri, and Lo’ak were younger your father had taught you about pinky promises. You three made promises about random stuff almost everyday.

Tuk and Neteyam picked up an it quickly and wanted to try and make them too, just using their last finger as a makeshift pinky.

“I promise Tuk, okay? I’ll see you later.” You kissed the top of her head before grabbing the new basket you made and waving to your family.

Your pace was almost a skip as you went towards the ikran, mounting yours and quickly flying down to the large forest below.

Your keen eyes surveyed the forest from above trying your best to look for the clearing you and Awpxey were just at yesterday.

When you finally spotted it, you landed your ikran a little bit away from it, choosing to have a small walk the rest of the way.

When you finally entered the clearing, you were greeted with the same muscular back you saw yesterday.

Awpxey gave you a smile as he seen you, quickly walking towards you.

“Hi Y/n.” He said in an almost hushed tone.

“Hi Awpxey.” Your voice was breathy, light and clear as it traveled to Awpxey’s ears. Which turned a darker pink as they folded against his head.

“Here’s your basket, I hope you like it!” You presented the gift to him, and he took it with hasty hands and and a happy face.

“It’s perfect Y/n! Thank you so much!”

Your face heated as you felt shy under his praise and gaze.

“Y-Yeah it’s no problem at all Awpxey, if you ever need anything else you can always tell me.”

He smiled, his fingers fidgeting with the strong fibers of the weaving.

“I definitely will..”

A quiet pause enveloped the clearing, it wasn’t awkward. Just silence, with the sounds of chirping and hooting from other animals in the forest.

“Hey Y/n… I was wondering if you wanna hang out?” Awpxey’s voice came out slow and controlled. Almost as if he was rehearsing. Which he had.

There was a quick blank silence.

“N-Now?” Your mind was still working on trying to process what you had heard. But once it clicked you answered back quickly.

“Yeah that’s fine Awpxey, w-we can hang out if you want.” You didn’t even know when he wanted to hang out, but you had no objections if it were to be right now.

Awpxey’s tail was shaking behind his back, as he was trying his best to not let it sway to excitedly where you would notice.

You were on the same page as him, fighting the urge to reach behind your back and pull your own tail.

Awpxey nodded, “I was gonna ask if you think now is okay?..”

“Now’s perfectly fine!” Your smile was small, though it was grateful.

That whole day, you and Awpxey strolled around the forest, looking at all the different animals and plants.

Multiple “accidents” happened where as you both walked, your hands would bump. There was a unfamiliar feeling that would bloom in your stomach as his touch sent an electric shock up your arm.

Eclipse was bound to happen soon, so you both decided it would be smart to start heading home now.

As you two continued to walk side by side, the sudden memory of this morning and Tuk rushed through your head.

You had spent the whole day with Awpxey, you forgot about literally everything.

Your steps paused, hand coming to your forehead as you sucked a guilty sigh.

Awpxey was quick to stop, turning to face you quickly.

“Y/n? Are you alright? What has happened?” He paced a step closer, placing his hands and your shoulders.

You had a grimace on your face,

“I forgot that my younger sister wanted to play with me today… Gosh how could I have forgotten?” Guilt was eating away at you.

Tuk was probably home all day, waiting for you, and most likely pestering your parents for when you were to come home.

Awpxey gave a small reassuring smile. He had no siblings, so he couldn’t really say he understood. But he understood the guilt of being late.

“I am sure she will me alright Y/n, we should get you home now so you don’t make her wait any longer!” Awpxey nudged you forward gently, to which you complied and walked.

“I promised her- Promised! That since we couldn’t come to the forest, I would teach her new things about different herbs and pastes in our grandmothers tent together.”

You were rambling, talking with your hands. You felt disappointed in yourself.

How could one make a promise and just forget it?

Awpxey just walked next to you, soft smile adorning his full lips. He could tell you felt guilty about leaving your sister, so he let you ramble and didn’t interrupt you to try and invalidate your feelings in any way.

Once back at High Camp, you wanted to go home quick, but you never left without saying goodbye.

“Bye Awpxey! It was really nice hanging out with you today, had lots of fun! We should do it again!”

You were saying as you scurried off your ikran, facing him quick.

Awpxey climbed down with grace.

“I know, it was really nice today Y/n. We have to do it again.” His voice was so deep and sultry, a rumble passed through your bones.

Purple was becoming to spread on your face, so you turned quickly and ran home.

“Bye Awpxey!” You threw over your shoulder, sending him a small wave.

“Bye Y/n..” He lifted his hand a bit to wave too, although his goodbye was quite silent.

You didn’t even want to enter your kelku.

You walked so slow towards the enterance of your home, taking deep breaths as to just calm yourself down.

Though you ended up entering quick due to the guilt that ate away at your stomach.

You felt irresponsible.

How could you just have left Tuk over him? Over a boy?

Your whole life all you have been taught was to just care for your family. Only pay attention to your family.

They are what’s most important. Your responsibility.

“Tuk-” You mutter as you enter the hut.

Eyes turn to you, studying. But in your state of mind they felt judging.

“Hi Y/n.” Tuk said with a wave and smile, she held a snack in her hand.

“Tuk. I’m really sorry about not coming home earlier. I know I said I was going to take you to see grandma but I really forgot, it completely slipped my mind and-“

You were cut off.

“Y/n.” It was your father. Jake’s gravely voice grounded you quick, snapping you up straight.

“It’s fine you didn’t come and get her, she was sleeping for almost the whole day anyway. She had a headache.” Your father explained to you.

It didn’t help. It made you feel more guiltier than ever.

You should have been there. She was in pain.

“Oh.. Are you feeling better Tuk?” You were now next to her, placing your hand on her forehead.

“Mhm! I got snacks, see?” Tuk held up her small handful of cut up Melon Tree Fruit.

Seeing it made your heart thump just a bit harder.

It was the exact fruit that had made you meet your ma- The man you were with today.

“Oh, well that’s good. Do they taste good? Are they ripe yet?” You examine the fruits color from afar.

“Y/n.”

The voice pulled your attention from Tuk.

It was your father who had called you.

This alone made your mouth feel sticky, your hands already becoming clammy.

“Yeah dad?” You tried your hardest to make your voice the same tone it was before, to not sound nervous.

To not crumble under the gaze of your mother. Nor your siblings who were barely visible.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?”

Shit.

Did you do something? You raked your head as hard as you could to think of any recent events that could have possibly gotten you in trouble.

Was this about Awpxey?

Before you even noticed you were at a secluded area of your family’s kelku.

Alone with your father, and beyond nervous.

“Come, sit with me babygirl.” Your dad waved his hand towards himself, taking a seat onto the floor in a criss crossed position.

You quickly sat down, deciding to sit with your legs to your chest for now.

Your ears twitched as you heard your dad sigh. A pit crating into your stomach.

Was he upset with you?

“I’m not angry with you babygirl.. I just have.. A few questions is all.” He spoke softly. His voice hesitant and surprisingly, nervous.

You nodded, “okay dad. You can ask me.”

Your father opened his mouth, taking in a breath before closing it and turning his head. He didn’t know what to say, how to ask his question.

Your fingers fidgeted with the jewelry on your hands.

Just how nervous was he to not even be able to face you and speak?

“That… Boy. That you’ve been talking to recently, Awpxey. The ones your siblings keep teasing you about.” The sentence came out stiff, hesitant. As if it hurt him to even say the boy’s name in a sentence.

You nodded, signaling to him to carry on.

“I was, um, just wondering if you guys are… You know.” Your father lifted his hands at the end of his sentence.

You were trying to process his words, what is he even talking about?

Then it suddenly clicked.

He thinks you and Awpxey are dating.

Oh god.

“Dating?” You say the word out loud, it sounds so taboo to even say it. In front of your father no less.

“Yeah. Yeah, dating.. Are you guys, dating?” Your father almost looked pale. What exactly is going on here?

“We’re not dating. No, definitely not.” You were quick to respond. You hoped it wasn’t to fast to be considered ‘suspicious’.

You father slowly nodded, his lips pursed as he was working your words.

“Well, I just. I really, um, wanted to tell you that..” There was a pause.

It was really hitting Jake now.

His babygirl is growing up.

This is going to be a new chapter in everyone's lives.

You've found love.

Now he— and everybody else— is going to have to learn how to transition from having you most of the time to having barely seeing you. Though he's come to realize, it's been like that ever since you moved to High Camp.

Jake has come to terms that he isn't the best father. But he loves all his children. And always will. And Eywa knows he prays so much to her at night. Asking for patience, knowledge, and strength to help him become a better father.

It’s going to be hard for him to accept that his babygirl is growing up.

Jake took in a much needed breath, “I just wanted to tell you I love you.” His nod and smile gave you that feeling of happiness from back when you were younger.

“And that I’m here for you, always will be. I will be your shoulder to cry when you need it, I’ll listen to every problem you want me to hear because I love you. I want to see you mentally, not only physically as my daughter. But emotionally as my first baby.” Jake’s voice cracked slightly throughout his sentences. Small tears pricked the corners of his eyes.

You were no better. As soon as he said he loved you, your eyes burned. It feels so good to hear your parents say they love you when you feel they haven’t said it in such a long time.

You wiped your eyes, “I love you too dad. And I’ll be here for you too. You can tell me anything too.” Both of you were vulnerable. Your hearts were exposed, almost as if they were out of your chests. The words your father shared were deep. It was personal, but he still told you.

Because he wanted to.

“And I also want you to know. You have my blessing. If that boy starts courting you and you know truly that he’s the one you want and the one you see. You have my blessing.”

Your smiles were contagious, both of you had mirrored smiles on your face, giggling at each others slowly swollen faces.

Before embracing in a much needed, daddy-daughter hug.

hi! this story was a process and a mf half! so much happened while this was in the making, research, blah blah blah blah, school, home stuff but it’s fine! i got it done! and i’m happy i did! if any of you think I should genuinely keep the story going and make a part two please tell me! I’m always open to accepting requests! bye, and thank you for reading 💖!

#jake sully x daughter!reader #jake sully #neytiri sully x daughter!reader #neytiri sully #neteyam sully #neteyam sully x sister!reader #lo’ak sully x sister!reader #lo’ak sully #kiri sully #kiri sully x sister!reader #tuktirey sully #tuktirey sully x sister!reader #avatar: way of water #avatar #avatar oc #oc #awpxey x reader

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emojackolantern · 20 days

Text

UPDATE I AM STILL THINKING ABOUT THE POTENTIAL DAN AND PHIL TAROT AND @slitsfordan ASKED FOR MY RANT ON IT SO HERE ARE MY THOUGHTS ON CARD SYMBOLISM AS IT RELATES TO DIP AND PIP !!

The Fool - PINOF, particularly PINOF 1. the fool is about new beginnings, pinof 1 is the origin of dnp.

The Magician - superamazingproject. the intro to their collaborative content. the dream they put out into the universe. the seed they planted hoping something would come of it.

The High Priestess - BBC Radio 1. they didn't know when it happened how much would come out of it, they just knew they had to do it. that's intuition baby. that being said whoever said sister daniel you're funny as fuck.

The Empress - DAPG. the empress is about fertility and creation, mf they birthed a whole new channel.

The Emperor - DAPC. to me, if the empress is about birthing new ideas, the emperor is about raising them and giving them structure by which to grow. DAPC is just another in the saga of their collaboration, at this point.

The Hierophant - TABINOF. the hierophant is about tradition and also represents the teacher/student archetype. i think of them kind of like profits bringing the word to the people for the first time lol.

The Lovers - TATINOF. think of any picture of them together on tour and tell me im wrong.

The Chariot - DAPGO. im ngl this one is kind of a space filler for chronology's sake, but them writing a second book was definitely a choice they made that furthered their joint image. they willed that into existence.

Strength - Interactive Introverts. Strength speaks on the bravery and fortitude needed to overcome obstacles. Dan particularly has spoken at length about how this tour was hard for him.

The Hermit - Dan's hiatus.

The Wheel of Fortune - The wheel of fortune is about inevitability of change and the cyclical nature of life. I think this one might be too vague for a direct comparison to a specific event? That being said if you can think of an example of a time they were faced with the inevitability of change I am all ears. Either way drawing this card in line with the rws but with dnp motifs would be fun as fuck

Justice - Justice is about karma, about getting back what you gave. I think of their dynamic as a duo, how they give to each other and get the same energy back. I think generally this card would be more negative, talk about literal justice, but I don't think that applies to them.

The Hanged Man - The hanged man is about sacrifice and surrender. I already said this in previous posts but to me this is Phil— going back in the closet for Dan, staying in London while he went on tour, etc. it's the willingness to let things change how they will because you have faith that no matter how much they change they'll always be a little the same.

Death - the changes themselves. sister daniel is a really good representative of this to me, and of the ways dan- but both of them really- have learned to be more comfortable both with themselves and with us as an audience. it's a change for the better.

Temperance - temperance is about balance, to me the most obvious example is their work/life balance. the value they place on their privacy. the taking weeks off after particularly long stints of work. it's doing what you have to do to make sure this work continues to be fulfilling.

The Devil - Dan and Phil Crafts - Slime (duh lol)

I WILL UPDATE THESE LATER BC IM BUSY BUT ALSO IF YOU HAVE SUGGESTIONS I AM OPEN TO THEM:

The Tower - upheaval

The Star - hope for the future

The Moon - the unconscious

The Sun - success over the unconscious

Judgement - review

The World - conclusion

#dnp #dan and phil #daniel howell #phil lester #amazingphil #phan #danandphilcrafts #dapc

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justalittlesolarpunk · 4 months

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hi! i have been experiencing The Horrors lately (just general hopelessness about the state of the world and especially in regards to climate change) and i am just wondering - do you have any advice for incorporating climate action into one’s everyday life? i need to do something about this but the problem feels so big that i feel like i can’t, like i am drowning in it and i need to learn to swim

Hi my love, sorry it took me a while to respond, I’ve been quite tired!

So first off, the Horrors are reasonable, it’s a very sensible human response to the state of things around you and shows you have empathy and that you care. I say this because it’s all too easy to shame yourself for despair, but it’s natural that we fall into it sometimes.

In terms of doing climate action a little every day, there’s so much you can get your teeth into. For starters, there are personal choices, like giving up flying or meat and dairy if you can. Sure, these don’t add up to much, but they can really change how you feel and working with a smaller burden of guilt can be life-changing. Similarly making choices like switching your electricity and heating and getting an electric car (or even better, taking the train, bus, tram, your feet or a bus) can help you get into a more positive mindset as you feel like you are ‘doing your part’. Check if you have any savings or pensions invested in fossil fuels and switch them over. Even buying from zero waste shops can help shift your mood, even if it’s too small to shift the whole economy.

Once you’ve got all these little changes out of the way, it’s time to think systemic. Most places will have a local activist group you can join, which usually only involves a commitment to weekly meetings - can you attend XR, A22, Greenpeace or Friends of The Earth gatherings in your neighbourhood? These will usually allow you to start attending protests and keying into wider campaign networks.

Something else you can do is bring the subject up with people in your life, to contribute to a wider cultural shift where climate conversations are normalised, and you can agitate for changes at your job or university/school that will bring the institution’s emissions down.

Try to consume a more balanced media diet, seeking out what is going right in the world as well as what is going wrong. Sites like Positive News and the Good News Network are helpful for this. Supernova is a purely positive social media app if you’re looking for a more uplifting scrolling experience.

But much more important is to get outside and to make real-life community. If there’s a conservation or gardening volunteer group in your area I’d highly recommend getting involved with it - nothing has helped me as much as getting my hands in the dirt, doing meaningful work to grow food to feed my neighbours. A lot of our climate anxiety stems from fear that we won’t be able to feed ourselves or that natural beauty will vanish, so connecting with crops or landscapes is a great way to soothe some of that. Building relationships with neighbours or affinity groups (such as LGBT, POC or disabled organisations) can help you feel part of a more resilient network of people who can help each other out in a crisis. Plus if you get to plant trees regularly I guarantee that will help you feel like you’re contributing.

Solarpunk content is great for improving your outlook too - whether it’s optimistic sci-fi, utopian cityscapes or anarchist politics, it all uplifts you and reminds you of what’s possible. Check out people’s stories of what they’re doing to make the world a little better to remind yourself you’re not in it alone.

If you can afford to, a regular donation to groups working to reforest, re-wet peatland, re-seed mangroves or combat soil erosion is a pretty tangible way to fight the climate crisis. Be sure to do all the obvious stuff like voting and engaging with other political pathways too.

A fun weekend’s activity could be seedbombing with friends or building a bee house - there’s lots you can do that’s crafty or creative that also helps your local environment, even if it’s just growing food or pollinator friendly plants on your windowsill or letting your lawn rewild itself. Taking an attitude of grateful, affectionate kinship with all the plants and animals around you will aid in building a sense of connection with the ecosystem and reminding you that you’re part of a grand, resilient web of life.

Put together the emergency kit I detail in an earlier post, so you feel prepared for facing extreme weather and taking part in mutual aid. Teach yourself to forage or at the very least recognise the common plants in your area. This counteracts species blindness and makes you more considerate of the non-human.

You could even consider altering your career path, if you’re an adult, and re-training to work in the climate movement, though this will not be accessible for everyone. If you’re a younger person you could look into pursuing an educational path that will allow you to join the green sector.

If you can get some, therapy with an eco-informed professional can be hugely beneficial for channeling your very reasonable feelings of terror into meaningful action that benefits you and the planet, though admittedly there’s only so much individualised therapy can do for such a huge problem - perhaps there’s a support group you can go to?

And finally, make sure you take some time every day, preferably an hour if you can spare it, but certainly at least fifteen minutes, to do something you really love, that brings you genuine joy, and has nothing to do with the climate crisis. You can’t pour from an empty cup and you can’t put out fires if you’re burnt out. Rest, regeneration and self-care are prerequisites for sustainable movement building and you deserve to have moments of unalloyed happiness. You are categorically NOT in this alone, you are part of a huge, ever-growing moment full of people who are working towards the same goal even though most of you will never meet. And so while we need you now more than ever, there’s also enough of us that you can take a few minutes to feel better and it won’t cost us the fight. As an older activist said to me recently, even when we sleep our comrades across the world are waking up ready to face the day’s struggle.

Ultimately, a lot of these are just things that have worked for me, and they won’t all be accessible or appropriate to you. Some of them are more about changing your viewpoint than radically altering the status quo around the climate. But I know I fight better when I feel optimistic and well in myself, so these are my suggestions. I hope some of them help, and I want to commend your strength and bravery in reaching out for advice and connection, because that’s how we keep fighting, and that’s how we win.

The Horrors are real, but so are the Wonders. And one of those Wonders is you.

#solarpunk #hopepunk #environmentalism #social justice #cottagepunk #community #optimism #bright future #climate justice #positivity #looking forward #keeping on #activism #sustainability #the wonders

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whalesandclouds · 7 months

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How can I lead a more abundant life? | PAC reading

Hi!

Please pick an image that first catches your eye. If unsure, close your eyes, breathe in and out a few times and then look again.

Just a friendly reminder that this is a general pick a card reading, so only take what resonates. Any feedback is always appreciated!

1-2 3-4

●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・● ・○・●・○・●

PILE 1

I can lead a more abundant life by releasing what no longer serves me, so my light can shine brightly. Old stories from my past are coming up to be healed. There has never been a safer time to clear these patterns then right now. What old ways of being have expired in my current life? When I acknowledge these old patterns, they lose any power over me. I am courageous and I am able to release the old with ease. I shift my perspective and look at them in the light. I think of my fears as an opportunity to expand. Perhaps I have forgotten my own strength? Then it is time I go deep within to find it again. To find in my heart what feeds my soul and makes me come alive.

●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・● ・○・●・○・●

PILE 2

I can lead a more abundant life by staying balanced and patient. I take accountability for my actions. I recognise that I am enough and I am able to stop overthinking this. I am already facing the right way. The foundations have been laid and connecting with the divine feminine energy allows me to nurture the seeds I have planted. I will give them time to grow. I acknowledge that not everyone will understand my journey and that is completely okay. I embrace my true self and I let the world see who I really am! This will bring harmony into my life.

●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・● ・○・●・○・●

PILE 3

I can lead a more abundant life by not getting completely consumed by employment and family commitments. Letting go of fear, anxiety and lower-based energies helps me to stay neutral and one with my true self. I feel like I want to put on my favourite songs and dance the stress away. By shifting my energy I am flowing along with the Universe, not against it. I also wish to connect with my soul family right now. How can I be open and connect more with the people, who truly matter to me? That lift me up and make me forget my need for isolation..

●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・● ・○・●・○・●

PILE 4

I can lead a more abundant life by having faith. I recognise that what was previously hidden is coming to light. However, I am completely capable of purifying these areas of my life. My capacity to love and hold others is limited to my capacity to love and hold myself. I am ready to forgive myself. I am ready to let more love into my life. There are ideas, truths, concepts, books and creations waiting to be birthed into this world. I have a great gift in being able to see the potential of things before they exist. I won’t give up now!

●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・● ・○・●・○・●

#pac reading #pick a card reading #pick a pile #pick a picture #tarot community #tarotblr #divination #free readings #intuitive readings #pac

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visibleclosedeyes · 8 months

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✧ᴀ ᴛʜᴏᴜꜱᴀɴᴅ ʏᴇᴀʀ ᴠᴏʏᴀɢᴇ ᴜɴᴅᴇʀ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡɪꜱᴅᴏᴍ ᴏꜰ ᴀʙꜱᴏʟᴜᴛᴇ ɴɪʜɪʟɪᴛʏ✧

IX x reader

1k words Ao3 version here

To repeat how and why you ended up in this position would be like trying to recant the story of several centuries of here and there, so at some point, you just let it go—let the words you had once told centuries ago washed away into the ever-flowing stream of the intergalactic void.

But as an emanator of the Nihility —perhaps this suits you best.

Today and yesterday and tomorrow and last year and a century have been blended together like an ever-growing vortex of void—at some point, nothing really matters that much, including your life story. Perhaps this is how IX feels, all the time. Maybe they were a breathtakingly beautiful creature that rivaled that of the Aeon of beauty and the abundance Yaoshi—but then they had touched the darkness that is the pit of this universe, and—and now they lost all those faces because it hardly ever mattered which form they took.

You understood you thought—as you have touched nihilism too. Or, to be accurate, IX has gazed upon you. Only those with an unrestrained arrogance dare to compare their plight to those with Aeonic status. But you thought, at the very least, you get a fraction of how they felt.

“Big or small, all things are touched by the same bottomless meaningless vortex,” Aeon of Nihility told you once, a fraction of truth is still truth nonetheless.

“Why are you planting seeds into the ground?” IX asked. Although their voice was low and acoustic; bouncing all over this fabricated dimension used for holding IX themselves when they went to sleep, you can feel the genuine curiosity behind those blob eyes of theirs.

“ Someone has said to me once that beautiful flowers help people get into a better mood,”

“ Maybe for mortals, but those tricks don't work on us who knows,” IX said. Even with a rather distant and monotone, there is a hint of somewhat concern.

“I know,” you said—your voice, too, was bouncing off the metaphorical wall. It created the signature acoustic sounds that, as you remember, were once disorienting when you first arrived here. Now? It would have been weird to not hear a slight echo in your or their voice.

You kneeled, the gray and tender sand soil you have gathered in your palm felt cold. It shines against the soft light emitting from the other side where IX was crawling opposing it. The light existed alongside the nihility, belonging to the Doctor of Chaos. “—You don’t have to be too worried. This is mostly for them,” when you continued speaking, the sand was allowed to slide past your hand—it flowed down, but immediately dissolved mid-air into nothingness.

“All things that exist would come to its conclusion. And all things exist for one single purpose; to exist, to continue to exist, and then struggle for that existence—against the unknown, against the others. Only when they no longer could stomach this any longer, shall they perish—left nothing behind,” the Nihility said, Their tone was rather melodic despite the absolutely horrifying speech they have given to you. Yet, it didn’t shake you. Perhaps, being their emanator has some interesting and useful additional benefits.

“I understand, and you are right more than wrong. Still, I plant this for them,”

“ If I am right, then who else is them ?”

“ Those who will walk this path, the same path that I did, and those who will receive that gaze of yours,” you said with an amused yet exhausted smile on your face.

“ No, no. There will be no others. You are selected, but there will be no more others. You are my first and the last emanator,” IX burst out—a rather strange demeanor from those who hold the status of an Aeon; but then again—we don’t really know all that much about Aeon after all. They almost sound anxious—almost but you just burst out laughing.

“Are…you laughing? At an Aeon..?”

“Who else would I be laughing at?”

“…why?” The aeon exclaimed with a voice filled with a hint of annoyance. You inhaled—trying your best to suppress the laugh that seemed to be indefinitely pouring out.

“You are wrong about most things, you were wrong then before you gazed upon me, and you’re wrong now that you assumed you won’t gaze at anyone again,” you said. Most of the dirt in your palm was already gone. Turn around to face your Aeon who, to best describe it—seems to be in absolute shock. Mortals or immortals with less significance do not challenge Aeon, and if they do it will be done not in such a flippancy like this. IX has faced hostility by mortals before by the name of ‘annihilation gangs’, it was…something for several seconds…and then they were nothing, swallowed whole by the crushing weight of nothingness. But—you are special, IX recognized that genes the Aeon’s gaze that craved a mental scar of nihility into your mind. Yet, uniqueness does not exempt you from absolute nothingness. In time, you will perish, and the millions of steps you have to take to be at this point will quickly be washed away by the current of time…and the ever-looming, uncaring silence of the universe. Like the dirt that no longer sits among your fingers, your life will soon slip from the grasp of the Aeon.

And yet—yet, this fact did not dim your light, not one bit. You know full well of the approaching darkness at all of the universe’s corridors—they have let you see it yourself. Still, you have insisted on the very same stand you have held before. Despite not chasing foolishly trying to create artificial meaning to life and the universe—you have understood and even believed the same thing IX believed, you have chosen to face such issues with a totally opposite reaction they have expected.

You faced your Aeon now, the metaphorical barren land of gray and emptiness was now occupied by blooming bio-fluorescent white flowers. It shines bright, but not too bright where it hurts—but bright enough to stand firm against the blackest of black sky that enveloped the garden and both entities facing each other.

“Before you crowned me as your emanator, you had none before. You don't believe in bestowing your ‘blessings’ upon anyone—you have seen no point in it, and you believed no beings could tolerate such nihilistic gaze anyway. Then you gazed at me, I suffered from you and I survived, and I got better. You said, in the face of looming darkness, I will understand and change my way—and I have not changed, before or after,”

IX looked straight into the eyes of their emanator and thought— why is she so difficult? But perhaps that is why she interests me…

“You are unbelievable, breathtakingly chaotic,” IX said with exasperation but their gaze was soft, as soft as a freshly cleaned wool. Something rather surprising coming from the Aeon represents coldness and emptiness.

“Now stop bothering me, I want to sleep…” With that, IX closed their eyes—essentially turning themselves into a mass of darkening black hole that seems to suck away all the life force surrounding it. This made-up space for you and them has dimmed its light, the world was asleep now as both you and the garden of light fell into the dark. You sat down, in an environment with minimal light, and closed your eyes too—drifting into a state of inactivity like your Aeon. Still, you and the garden emit soft light like a nightlight for the Aeon to anchor on. IX didn’t need it, and yet… you wanted to do it.

This place should be hell for any other, but for you—you felt comforted by the presence of the Nihility. It’s true that you were now in the darkness swallow but this darkness itself soothed you—just like the Nihility has too. Tomorrow, there will be work to do; but now you just want to rest beside your aeon. Basking silently in each other comfort.

#hsr x reader #honkai star rail x reader #honkai star rail x you #aeon x reader #hsr aeons #aeon IX #hsr IX #IX x reader #honkai star rail

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domfock · 8 months

Text

Ayo, Bookclub, I am back with another information clarification post.

Today we're gonna talk about Chronica, Domina, and Plants in the universe, as well as looking at the timeline. A lot of this information is already given to us in Vol 12, and the rest will not really be any spoilers but serve to give everything mentioned later more weight.

Right off the bat, Chronica and Domina are both Independent Plants. They're now born with neural blockers that contains their powers and prevents them from fusing. It seems to be common place for Independent Plants to serve upon Earth vessels, which gives us insight that Independent Plants are not only trusted, but also admired and respected in these military positions, as we see the Captain always refer to Chronica for her analysis and expertise.

And about Earth. Information was obviously lost over time, so it is easy to imagine the people on planet No Man's Land just assumed Earth was gone, or simply didn't bother hope for anything beyond surviving to the next day. With Earth dying, they sent out fleets to colony other planets, not knowing if they would ever make it possible for finding each other again. All that mattered was that humanity had to survive.

In time, they managed to develop a better and more sustainable form of energy, both to preserve Earth and Plants, and this allowed humanity to also develop warp drives to easily travel the stars, finally making the dream of connecting all of humanity across the stars.

Also, with a quick look at the timespan and year we have, we can use the dates offered in the notes about Tesla to nail down a time period. Tesla was born May 3rd, 2405. She survived for seven month and a half months, making that some time in January, 2406.

An unspecified amount of time passed before Vash and Knives were born, but let's go with a year or so for simplicity, which is then in 2407. Add then the one year plus a few extra months for the time they grew up on the ship, making it 2408. Now we add the 150 or so years, making it 2558, give or take the about three years of the entire story, putting us at 2561 as the current year of the story.

Chronica than states that it's been over two centuries since they started colonizing the universe, setting the year for when the SEEDs ships left Earth at around 2361, give or take a couple of decades or so. Meaning the colony fleets flew through space for like fifty or so years, at least the one Rem and the crew was on.

There's an unknown amount of human colonies out in the universe, most likely doing better than our main planet, since they managed to land on suitable planets and didn't crash and lose all their tech and information like No Man's Land did because of Knives.

It seems the tech and understanding surrounding Plants was not fully understood by the time the colony fleets were sent out, making Independents an unknown whenever they would eventually happen to each fleet and/or colony. With all these unrestrained Independents Plants across the universe, it is no surprise that Chronica speaks about having faced similar situations.

From what Chronica states, non-neurally blocked Independent Plants have for the most part turned violent and dangerous, as well. Might be caused by the access to near-unlimited power, even if the Plant situations could look a lot better on other Planets. They could've been treated like subjects, like Tesla, and grown their hate this way.

This also suggest how much of an anomaly Vash is, having been raised like a normal child, with love and care, growing into a reasonable man. It is possibly other Independents out there shared a good childhood too, which is why Chronica says most unrestrained Indepedents are violent, but not all.

It's also worth noting, that despite Independents having neural blockers to prevent them from fusing, they can still be forcibly assimilated against their will through direct contact, as we saw happening to Domina. Another person in Knives' long list of victims whose autonomy was taken away and body invaded by him, because he cares so much about other Plants and totally not acting out of his own hate and fear.

I hope this cleared some stuff up for everyone. I for one absolutely love thinking about what the rest of the world could look like, considering the scope of the world.

#trigunbookclub

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ask-eden · 7 months

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Etoile: Like for example! In most Universes... Earth's creatures are CARBON based lifeforms... So what I find a barren planet.. and try to make lifeforms that are NITROGEN based! Or BORON based!

Etoile: Or I see what happens when I plant the same seeds of DNA.. on a planet with only ice! Give it a chance to evolve and grow in new ways that are foreign to how Earth works! Or a planet with no seas! Etoile: Or I make non habitable planets, habitable! In my solar system, I terraformed Mars! I planted the seeds for a whole new set of life to occur! It is much greener than it was before! Etoile: Although... none of the life I've been able to cultivate is.. sentient.. most are still only plants.. or in the early bacteria stages.. I do have some with some fishlike creatures on it! Etoile stops, flipping upright to continue speaking Etoile: I did.. not get to create the lifeforms on Earth. It was not my job. I never got to create life and only ever had to work with what was given to me by another.. I never got to experience the true Origin Mew life... Etoile: The progression of life is extremely important to me. I love to see life thrive and persist through anything! It's extremely fascinating to me and I'll continue seeing how life begins in any setting! And I-

Etoile stops suddenly, gasping loudly and her short fur puffing up a bit Etoile:- AND I COMPLETELY FORGOT TO INTRODUCE MYSELF TO YOU! Look at me mewling away at you like a kitten!! Forgive my manners! Etoile bows in respect to Kyurem and looks up with a grin Etoile: I was given the name "Etoile" by others long ago, so that is what you can call me! Or you can just call me Mew if you prefer! I am accustomed to both! - - - -

[ @askthehoenngods ] [ First two panel backgrounds by @/sinnohsiblings ]

#chrono #Etoile #sinsibgala #askthehoenngods #sfw #pokemon ask #pokemon ask blog #mew #kyurem #I know there is a lot of yammering in this post. Unfortunate for Kyurem Etoile LOVES yammering about creating life a little too much heehoo #add alt text

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wandafiction · 3 months

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In Every Universe - Part 4

Warnings: Descriptions of abuse and death

You wake with a small groan and the sound of the door clicking, rubbing the back of your hand against your eyes to rid them of sleep, sitting up careful to not wake Peter who can feel is sleeping next to you. You’re not sure how he is quite comfortable, since he is between you and the wall, but he looks like he is enjoying a peaceful sleep so you don’t dare wake him. Instead you look to whoever has walked in, tilting your head at the two people standing by the cell door, their eyes flicking between you and Peter.

“That kid.” The man, the one you recognise from hiding in the vents says lightly with a chuckle.

“He is a smart kid.” You tilt your head the other way, your eyes darting to the other man, who you instantly recognise.

No one says anything as you carefully climb out of the bed, making sure the blanket doesn’t fall off of Peter and shifting him a little so he isn’t so cramped against the wall. You didn’t tell him about the flashback, and when he asked how you knew about the Percy Jackson film you simply said one of your hydra buddies had mentioned it, the pang in your heart going ignored as he smiled at you. You brush some hair out of his face before turning around and quietly making your way to the cell door, stretching out your muscles as you do to rid your body of the last remnants of sleep.

“To what do I owe the pleasure of being visited by the one and only Tony Stark and his cowardly vent hiding buddy who shoots arrows?” You were looking between the two of them, deciding to sit down on the floor crossing your legs and leaning back on your hands.

“We just wanted to check on the kid.” The man sets down his bow and arrows against the wall moving to sit on the floor opposite you.

“I don’t kill children.”

“He’s 17.” Your eyes dart to Tony Stark, the corner of your mouth twitching disapprovingly. “I’m just saying it means he is a teenager.”

“Still a kid. And I don’t bring harm to them.” You say with authority, smirking when Tony holds his hands up in defeat.

“So you don’t kill kids, that's a new one for someone who works with a terrorist organisation.” Your jaw locks at the labelling he gives Hydra.

“My job was to complete contracts, I avoided the ones where there was a potential kids could get hurt.”

“So you have morals.”

“Children are innocent, and if me making sure they live and don’t watch someone be murdered in front of them then sure I have morals.”

“You know, you’re different from other Hydra agents I have interviewed, or interrogated whatever word you want to use.” Your eyes slowly trail from Tony to the man sitting in front of you, your mind made that you definitely don’t like the rich man in the room.

“How so Clint Barton?” He doesn’t react as you say his name, instead he seems to relax more by copying the way you’re sitting, he’s relaxed.

“Well Y/n y/l/n most Hydra agents bite the fake tooth with cyanide when it gets too much, yet here you are letting a kid drag you into a movie night and not even trying to escape when he gave you multiple opportunities.” You scrunch your brows looking at the still sleeping Peter behind you.

“He was testing me?” You look back to Clint who looks at Stark and your scowl as you look to the man.

“He didn’t know. We simply planted the seed about maybe a movie night bringing back a memory or something and he did the rest.” You don’t know why but that makes you stand up in frustration glaring at Stark.

“You used the kid without his prior knowledge?” Stark shrugs and you shake your head, your glare not wavering from the man in front of you. “You’re a sick man Stark. That boy trusts you and you use his innocence against him to test me?”

“Well when you put it like that you make me sound like a dick.” You scoff nodding.

“Yeah that's because you are. Just because I am the enemy in your eyes does not make me the only bad person in this room. Sure I've killed and hurt people, I’ve tortured many, taken peoples lives in front of their significant others but I am not the monster here. You’re the man standing in front of me who thinks there are no consequences to his actions, the man who thinks that just because he has money that he can pay his way out of a situation, just because you work under the name avengers doesn’t mean you are absolved of your sins. You are just as much the enemy in people's eyes as I am yours.” You spit angrily.

“And yet I am out here while you are in there.” You kiss your teeth at his smug smirk, looking to Clint who has stayed silent and when you see him simply observing you look back to Tony.

“I am in here because of him, he did his job, he caught me. Sure I am in here and you are out there free to walk about, free to do whatever pleases you Mr Stark, but the threat to the people of this earth is just the same as it was before. See I am a faceless, nameless assassin who most of the world are in the dark about. They hear about a murder on the news and they feel sorry for the victims, not scared for their lives. But when they hear about something that is an avengers level threat, or Iron man is here to save the day … well they run inside. They barricade themselves in, afraid that today is the day they die. Not at my hand, not at the hand of the enemies but at the hand of the avengers. You do not avenge for the people of this earth, you just enjoy the spoils after the battles and the praise from those who believe you are the good guys.”

“We are the good guys.” Tony takes a step forward pressing his finger against the glass, from the corner of the glass you can see Clint standing up and you take a quick glance over your shoulder to make sure Peter is still asleep.

“No.” One word, the force of which you say it makes Tony flinch and you chuckle to yourself. “How can you label yourself the good guys when you have more blood on your hands than someone you label bad. Make the maths make sense because from where I am standing you are the enemy, you are the one who hurts humanity the most. You are the bad guys.”

“Where is the person who used to be all about saving the human race, stopping threats that could wipe out humanity. What happened to the person that would fly next to me into battle and have a drink with me afterwards?” You chuckle, shaking your head spinning on your heels feeling your powers trying to break free inside you.

“Whoever this person you think I am, I am not them.”

“You are Y/n y/l/n and you are, were, my friend.” You grind your teeth together, your mind pounding as hazy thoughts flash in your mind but nothing is clear and it's just a lot of white noise.

“I am not this person. I am agent P, a level 8 Hydra agent who has 568 kills to my name with a success rate of 100%. I was born and raised in Hydra and will continue to serve them once I get out of this hell hole of a place.” You don’t notice the way the room around you is slowly heating up, not registering the voice of Friday alerting the main to the sudden increase.

“Tony, you need to stop.” Clint looks worriedly between the two of you then Peter, but the rage inside of you is blinding.

“You are Y/n y/l/n. I found you the day your powers exploded and you killed those you loved around you, burnt your house to ashes in mere seconds. I was the one to find you curled up in the fireplace that was the only thing to survive the blast. I was the one to rescue you from yourself, so don’t tell me that I don’t know you because without me you would probably be dead in a ditch somewhere.”

“Shut the fuck up.” You don’t register your power surging until it's too late a flash of flames, erupting from your hands and chest, floods the room in a flash.

You fall to your knees curling up slightly as your powers pull all the energy from within the room back, the flames being pulled back around you, a dangerous swirling fireball in the middle of the room is all that the others could see. Your hands fly to your head as the flashes become clearer and you shout in agony as the pounding in your head only gets worse.

/\/\/\/\

“Hey mom.” You chuck your bag on the dining room table, sitting down next to your mom who places a gentle kiss on your temple.

“Hey sweetie. How was your day?” You lean your head against her shoulder looking at her work on her computer which to you looks like a bunch of numbers that somehow make sense to her.

“School was okay.” You shrug grabbing your phone and look to see texts from all your friends, most of them calling you awesome and totally amazing.

“Just okay.” You close your phone before she can see anything humming.

“Yeah, school is just school.” You shrug and your mom just hums in response, before both of you jump slightly when the door slams shut.

“Oh my god I can’t believe you got into a fight today!” Your little brother comes running into the room, stopping when he sees your mom sitting next to you. “Shit.”

“You got into a fight?!” You stand from your seat smiling sheepishly trying to avoid the look of rage on her face.

“Look, I can explain.” You move to your bag to grab the report that you were hoping not to show your parents.

“Oh I want to hear this.” You cringe at the sound of your fathers voice as he enters the house and you stuff the report back in your bag. “Why have I just got a phone call from the highschool telling me you got suspended because you got into a fight?”

“You got suspended?!” You look between your mom and dad who both have looks of anger but also disappointment, then glare at your brother who mouths out a small apology.

“Look, I can explain.” You try again as your dad sits down next to your mom, pointing to the free chair at the head of the table and you are quick to sit down.

“Go on then. Tell us for what reason did you end up in a fight.” You grit your teeth trying not to shout at your parents to shut up and listen.

“Yes, how exactly is there a good excuse for mom, dad I got suspended because of a fight.”

“It was a boy.” You shout and both your parents look at you with bewilderment before scoffing.

“What so you got into some scrap with a girl over a boy?” You mom chuckles in disbelief.

“No, no. I got in a fight with a boy.” You tap your foot on the ground, this is really not how you wanted to do this.

“And why exactly would you fight a boy, you are a young lady. Ladies do not fight, let alone fight boys.” You hold your tongue stopping yourself from rolling your eyes at your dad.

“So you got in a fight with a boy because what? He didn’t want to take you to prom? He denied you himself and you got angry? Did he not look in your direction when you called his name?” You shake your head chuckling at your mom’s ideals. “How is any of this funny young lady? Stop laughing this instant.”

“Sorry, I just, you think I would fight a boy because he wouldn’t look my way?” You look at your brother who is trying to hold in a laugh of his own and you signal with your head for him to escape to his room knowing this is going to be a long night.

“Well it wouldn’t surprise me?” Your head whips around to look at your dad, both your parents with a look of utmost seriousness.

“And what do you mean by that?” You are just about ready to walk away from the table and leave the house at this point.

“I just mean it doesn't surprise me if boys don’t look in your direction because you don’t dress like, well a girl. If I didn’t know you were a girl I would assume that I had another son.” Your jaw locks, your eyes glaring into your fathers. “I just mean you dress too manly, don’t wear enough dresses. No wonder you haven’t brought a boy home yet, I would have been embarrassed to bring your mother home if she dressed like you do.”

“You know what fuck both of you!” You stand from your chair grabbing the handle of your bag and move to walk away, but a harsh grip on your wrist stops you and pulls you back as you feel a hand make contact with your cheek.

“Don’t you dare speak to us like that. We are you parents, we demand respect.” You father seethes but you simply stand in front of him, rolling your shoulders back a little and look up to him.

“Maybe I would show you respect if I got some in return.” You look past your dad to your mom. “And just so you know I didn’t fight a boy because he didn’t look my way, I fought a boy because he couldn’t keep his hands off of a clearly uncomfortable girl. My girl.”

“That was not your battle to be a part of, if she didn’t want his attention she should have spoken up.” You pull your arm harshly at your dad's grip, hardening your gaze as you look back up at him.

“And maybe if the boy had listened to her I wouldn’t have left him with a black eye and a knee where the sun doesn't shine.” You take a step back so you can look at both of your parents. “Maybe if he showed a little more respect then he wouldn’t be in hospital making sure he can still have kids. Maybe if he showed a little more respect he would have stopped when the girl asked him to. Maybe if he showed a little more respect I wouldn’t be standing here teaching my own parents about the need for respect.”

“Lower your voice, Your brother is going to get upset.” You laugh sarcastically at your mother.

“Like I care, in fact he is the only one who cares enough to make sure I wasn’t hurt. He is the only one who cares enough to get to know me. He is the only one that cares enough to know that, that boy got what was coming. He is the only one that cares enough about anything in my life. So do not bring Matty into this when he is just an innocent bystander. I am 17 and you treat me like I am 5 and I’m done. Yeah I’m done.”

With that you go to walk past your parents, to make your way upstairs but you’re pulled back by your hair wincing in pain at the harshness. Your eyes water as a hand comes in contact with the other side of your face but you don’t let them see, locking your jaw and dropping your gaze to the floor. You could feel something growing inside alongside the rage that you have been feeling since you got into the fight.

“You disgust me.” Your mom grips your jaw turning your head with such force you're surprised your neck doesn’t break.

“Get the fuck off me.” Everything feels like it's boiling inside you ready to overflow as your eyes meet your mothers, a rage you’ve never felt before building behind them.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” You don’t quite understand what she means as she takes a step back, the color draining from her face as she looks behind you too your father.

“You little bitch.” Suddenly your dad is turning you around and his fist connects with your face sending you tumbling to the ground.

“Y/n are you okay?” You look to see your brother at the top of the stairs looking down at you on the floor.

“Yeah I am good buddy, just go back upstairs we can play some playstation in a minute.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure matty. I just tripped over my own feet, that's all.” He looks between your parents before hesitantly nodding.

“Okay well I can’t wait. Love you.” You smile through the pain at him.

“Love you too, I promise I will be up in a minute.” He hums glancing one last time around the room before making his way back to his room.

“You’re a freak.” Your dad turns you over so you’re laying on your back with his fist raised. “Freak.”

As he brings his fists down you cover your face with your arms, curling up as you feel his fist connect with them once, twice, three times. On the third time you feel the rage inside you boil over and shout in anger scrambling to your feet and tackling your dad to the floor. You’re too quick for him to put up a defence as your fists strike his face over and over as your mom shouts at you and tries to drag you off of him.

You hardly recognise his face as you fight off your mothers attempts to stop you, purely seeing red and your body is consumed with rage. With one final punch, you scream out in pain and anger, your eyes scrunching closed at a sudden bright flash feeling your energy being sucked from you at the same time as feeling vast amounts of energy being pulled towards you.

Your head hurts from the two extremes, your hands on your head as you scream in pain before you feel a final burst of energy leave your body and you collapse on the floor next to your dad.

Your breathing is laboured and heavy as you turn your head to look at your dad, but you feel a wave of absolute terror course through your body when all you see is ash and smoke. Nobody is lying next to you, just ash and timber smouldering away. You sit up quickly to look for your mom but you feel yourself get dizzy when you see nothing but the blackness of smoke. Your eyes dart around to look for anything, standing quickly when you remember your brother is upstairs.

Running up the first few steps you shout your brother's name, only it turns into a yelp as you fall to the floor. You groan in pain rolling onto your side to get yourself back up, looking at how you fell. Then you see it, or don’t see it. There are no stairs. You look up. There is no upstairs. You look around. There is no house, not truly. You feel the panic set in as you look around the house that is just ash and dust, the smoke from earlier dissipating as you walk around.

“No, no, no, no.”

You get on your hands and knees searching the remains of what used to be your home, a small amount of hope igniting inside when you see your brother's dog tag necklace laying in front of you. He has always wanted to join the military so you had brought him some dog tags for his 13th birthday ready for the day he joined. Your hand reaches out for them pulling them quickly hoping to find your brother with them, but when you simply end up with the dog tags in your hand you realise that there was no hope.

“No, no, no, no.” You push yourself backwards, your back coming into contact with the brick fireplace that had somehow survived the blast and you don’t take even a second to hide yourself inside of it curling up in a ball hoping that the ground would simply swallow you whole. “I’m sorry, matty, so so fucking sorry.”

/\/\/\/\

“Peter!” The shouting of his name quickly snaps you back to the reality of the situation, and you’re quick to jump into action.

You jump onto the bed as the flames lick the side of it covering the now very awake, and very panicked, Peter with your own body. You feel the flames dancing around you, your loss of control over your powers making it harder to control the flames themselves but you manage to push them away from you enough to have a few inches of moving room. .You’re quick to grab the blanket that Peter had pushed off in his panic, wrapping it over him and placing yourself down on top of him, your arms protecting his head as you fight off your own flames.

You close your eyes, taking a few deep breaths feeling the flames grow as you do but as the rage inside of you begins to calm the erratic movements of the flames calm as well. No longer are you trapped under a raging flash fire, but instead the flames move slowly in a rhythmic dance above you and Peter. Only then do you climb off of the boy moving to stand as far away as possible.

You close your eyes once more thinking back to the recent memory of Peter you had, replaying it in your mind over and over until you feel your rage replaced with something else. Something you can’t decipher just yet but when you feel the energy in the room around you go back to what is deemed normal you open your eyes.

There are no flames.

The cell is still intact.

Peter is still alive.

You feel your eyes roll to the back of your head as the room spins, stars and blackness taking over your vision as your body crumples to the floor. The last thing you see as you struggle to fight your own body to stay awake after exuding so much energy is Peter running towards you followed by more than two other people.

“Hey sis, stay awake for me.” You feel yourself being consumed by the blackness, finally giving in to your bodies needs one last voice breaking through to you.

“Stay with me baby, stay with me.”

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#wanda maximoff #wanda x reader #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda x y/n #wanda x you

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