#just thinking about it makes me ill to my stomach

[lexirosewrites]

Steddie as rival lawyers who have very different careers.

Steve became a prosecuting attorney after graduating from a top school at his parents’ insistence. It pays well and makes them happy, even if it’s joyless for him to fight for things he doesn’t believe in.

Prosecuting innocent people and fighting for the sake of money without morals.

On the other end of the spectrum is free-spirited Eddie Munson. He’s a defense attorney who shows up in ill-fitting suits that show off his many neck and hand tattoos. Piercings in his ears and hair that’s not tidy or tamed in any way.

He’s a rebel who barely graduated from some lower tier law school with no prestige whatsoever.

Steve naturally assumed their first trial would be a breeze.

But somehow— sheer dumb luck, bad jury selection, or just stupid fate— Eddie wins. And he keeps winning.

Over and over for months.

Steve’s long uninterrupted winning streak becomes a losing one. If Eddie’s in the courtroom too, Steve knows he’s already lost his case.

It’s humbling.

Actually, it’s frankly embarrassing to lose to someone who’s so unprofessional and doesn’t take the law seriously like Steve.

Eddie is respectful of course, but he doesn’t use lawyer-speak unless he’s referencing a precedent of a law. Other than that, he’s overly casual and friendly. Everyone’s favorite lawyer.

He doesn’t lack passion though. No, the guy all but hops up on tables to make speeches about freedom or the American dream during every trial. Utterly ridiculous.

It works though. The juries fall for his bullshit about being down to earth and his clients walk free because of it.

Steve can’t stand it. He can’t stand Eddie and his mockery of his career.

This ultimately culminates in a confrontation in the parking lot one night after a particularly tense trial conclusion.

Once again, Eddie’s guy walked free and Steve knows he’s gonna hear about it from his boss (who also happens to be his dad).

So he might snap a bit when Eddie comes out whistling and looking happier than anything.

“Hey, jackass!”

Eddie looks around like Steve might be referring to some other jackass, despite the otherwise empty parking lot.

He points to himself in question and Steve rolls his eyes in answer.

“Hi, sweetheart,” Eddie finally greets him with a smirk. “Chinese takeout for tonight sound good?”

Steve’s stomach growls at the mere suggestion.

He’d accidentally skipped lunch earlier so he could make changes to his closing argument. Fat load of good that did him.

“Yeah, sure, whatever. You’re not off the hook that easily though. What the hell was that brutal cross examination on my witness, you dickhead?”

Eddie smiles extra sweetly and presses a quick but affectionate kiss to Steve’s forehead first.

“All’s fair in love, war, and court, baby. You can whine about it later when we’re home if you really want to. I happen to know some very nice pillows that would love to muffle your pretty little moans.”

Asshole.

He blushes, glancing around to make sure they’re still alone before he pulls Eddie into an embrace.

They’ve barely spent any time together this week because of the tense trial and he really missed his boyfriend (not to be mistaken for the jackass who argues with him daily in the courtroom).

As much as they can separate their personal and work lives, it’s hard to not be on the same side of things.

“What if I want you to hear me moan, Eddie? I think it’s only fair since you seem to get everyone else off and I’m the one always suffering for it,” he mumbles snarkily into Eddie’s shirt.

Eddie laughs at the pun. He knew that he would.

“Is that why you’re sulking, babylove? You want me to get you off too?” He nods with a pathetic whine. Not getting to cum for a few days can do that to a person. “I think that can be arranged. You’ve been such a good boy for me lately. You’ve earned a treat.”

Steve melts into his boyfriend’s arms, feeling loved.

“I missed you.”

Another kiss to the forehead, but this time Eddie’s lips linger there as he speaks.

“Missed you too, sweetheart. Not sorry for winning, but I am sorry that you lost.”

Steve knew the defendant was innocent. There wasn’t much of a case to be made anyway. It still stings though.

“Yeah... I’ve been thinking about that and it might be time to quit my dad’s firm. I’d much rather be on the same side as you,” Steve confesses.

Eddie pauses.

“Does that mean…”

Steve looks up smiling and confirms, “Yes. I’ll accept the job offer if it’s still on the table.”

The rival lawyer had offered him a job months ago, before they even got together.

By accepting the position, it means they’d finally be allowed to be a couple publicly and they’d be sitting on the same side of the court for once.

It would also free Steve from his dad’s control and disappointment.

“Stevie, I’d love nothing more than to have you as my partner. In both the court and life. I love you, sweetheart.”

He can’t resist.

“I love you too… jackass.”

Eddie makes good on his promise to get Steve off that night. He even brings out the handcuffs for accuracy sake.

#don’t ask me how we got here because I have no idea #enemies to lovers as rival lawyers makes sense maybe #steddie #steve x eddie #steddie ficlet

[dazednmatthews]

sick!matt headcanons

based on this ask n answer i saw on my feed!! all credits to both of these amazing ppl for the idea!!!

-matt is definitely the type to be a whiny mess when he’s sick

-we alr know his ass is in his room and sleep 24/7 but the second he starts to feel even a little bit ill he’s in there with blinds drawn and bundled in his blankets so tight

-he’d be texting you every second he is awake though, begging to see you

-“please baby. i just want to be next to you.”

-and ofc course you don’t give a damn about getting sick because that’s your man and you’re gonna stick beside him!

-“i know, honey, i’m coming. gotta stop at the store to get you some things.”

-matt always likes to find new shows to watch. it’s like his thing, but when he’s sick it’s a constant marathon of all his comfort shows and movies.

-“can we watch taken?”

-“again?”

- “it’s such a good movie, babe. liam neeson is just too good not to be a real spy.”

-“whatever you want, matty.”

-you love taking care of him, but getting him to take medicine is the most annoyed you feel

-“that shit tastes so bad, i’m not drinking that.”

-“do you want to feel better or not?”

- you’d argue back and forth for a little while but you get your way regardless

-“matt if you don’t take this fucking cough syrup, i’m going home.”

-“…fine. where is it?”

-a lot of naps. constant napping.

-you’re both cocooned underneath several blankets, legs intertwined, matt’s head on your chest. he’s been in and out of sleep all day while you’ve been watching the movie playing softly on the t.v. your hands are running through his hair affectionately. his hands are wrapped around your waist tightly. you think this is the closest to heaven you’ve ever been.

-when you eventually have to get up, you do your best to unwrap yourself from his hold, but his ass will not let go.

-“where are you going?” his voice is thick with sleep and a little nasally cause of his congestion.

-“babe, i have to pee.” you pat his head affectionately. “you’re gonna have to let me up.”

-“nooooooo,” here comes the whining again. “stay.”

-“the quicker you let me up, the quicker i’ll be back, matt.”

-chris and nick make fun of him so bad for it.

-“he’s fucking insufferable when he’s sick. i don’t know how you’re doing it right now.” nick says.

-“he’s not that bad,” you roll your eyes while heating up some soup for the two of you.

-chris laughs, “this is hilarious. big, bad, tough guy matt getting his ass kicked by a cold.” he’s much more happy than he should be at that. “mr. tough guy getting spoon fed soup by his girlfriend.”

-you let them have their fun for a while before you light heartedly shut them up. “lets not forget that mr. tough guys girlfriend has cleaned up your-” you point at nick, “vomit, and has also babied you when you got your ass kicked by a sunburn.”

-they shut up after that

-sleepy matt is one of your favorite versions of him

-when you come back into the room he’s sat up against the headboard shirtless, doing that cute thing where he rubs his eyes incessantly, blankets pooled at his waist

-his hair is strewn about, fluffy and wispy. he stretches, enough for you to see the top of his pj pants

-he looks at you as you enter, gatorade and soup balanced in your hands

-you put the dishes and drinks on the bed side table and he smiles at you oh so warmly

-he moves from his spot to the side of the bed where you stand, opening his legs for your to go in between them. he looks up at you, pulling you towards him. your hands find his shoulders, kneading softly.

-“thank you, baby.”

-“of course, matty. you’ve gotta stay hydrated if you’re gonna get better.”

-“no, not for the soup. well, yes for the soup, but i mean for everything. for staying with me. for taking care of me. i know i’m a lot right now.”

-he looks sheepish, so you bend down to kiss his cheek.

-“you’d do the same for me.”

-you stay there for a couple sweet moments, his face pressed into your stomach and your hands playing with the hair at the nape of his neck

-eventually you both lay back in bed, ending the day doing your favorite thing, just holding each other

-of course you end up sick

-you’re a lot better at being sick than matt but it never matters

-he’s babying you just the same

-“can’t believe being a good girlfriend got me sick. i hate you.”

-he rubs your back while your head is in his lap

-“i’m sorry sweetheart. don’t worry, though. i’ll take good care of you. just rest.”

-you’re not worried in the slightest. he always does.

#matt sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #christopher sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #nick sturniolo #sturniolo edit #chris sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo imagine #chris sturniolo fanfic #christopher sturniolo x reader #matthew sturniolo #matt sturniolo x reader #matt stuniolo fanfic #matt sturniolo headcanon

[hopelesslyromanticshark]

Hey can u try to be more inclusive within your fics not all of us are blonde white and blue eyed (at least for the pics u use)

so…i got this ask a few days and i took some time to think about it and talked to some friends of mine as to best approach this situation. i want to answer this is poise and the delicacy that this requires.

bc inclusivity is EXTREMELY important, especially within fandoms. (a wonderful example is the pjo show and all the ‘controversy’ with the casting (which was just disguised racism but whatever))

but i don’t think i’m the girl for the job. and ill explain why.

first and foremost, i do not feel comfortable just deciding one day to write from the perspective of race xyz and then doing another race another day. (unless explicitly stated in the request and even then i tread lightly bc it feels a little wrong to me to be writing from a perspective i haven’t personally lived. bc stereotypes ARE harmful even in a space as silly as fanfic writing)

secondly, i feel the need to point out that this felt a tad…passive aggressive. the tone of this message, as perceived by me, felt jabbing and left me shaking for the rest of the night as i felt i had done something completely disrespectful and completely morally wrong. i never want someone to feel excluded and that was never my intention when selecting pictures off of pinterest.

(while i’m white passing, i grew up in a hispanic household and i do not have blonde hair, or blue eyes either. and the thought of, even accidentally, excluding my little cousins, my beautiful nieces and nephews has me sick to my stomach. EVERYONE deserves to be seen, ya know??)

as far as the pics go, that is something i’d be willing to give a shot in trying to adjust, but it also goes back to my first point. it’ll feel even more, dare i say racist, to just switch around races constantly when it comes to different fics. but idk idk. maybe im reading too much into the situation??

(the ap gov kid in me is screaming for yall to look into the case of shaw v reno bc the whole problem with that case was OVERCORRECTING. due to previous racist precedent, those who redistricted the state made an overly conscious effort to enforce a few largely africans american districts which would later be deemed unconstitutional. it was seen as overcorrecting of past issues which would just cause more issues) (my ap teacher would be proud lmao)

anyways, if anyone has anything they’d like to say, please don’t be shy in the comments, but do be kind. this is a serious conversation i want to have and if we start throwing anger around, we’re gonna get nowhere fast.

if yall really want this, i could make it happen with some research and your help, but i dont want to just start doing this unprompted, ya know???

i guess i hope you have a good day and that this was a productive conversation and that you are able to see my side of the story?? if not, i’m sorry.

actually, either way, i’m sorry.

#ive been holding onto this for a few days bc im scared that im gonna sound like mean or racist or something but i promise im not trying to!! #i feel like a piece of shit 🙃 #and i don’t even know what a i did tbh #god i’m not gonna sleep tonight #FUCK #anyways #all my love ౨ৎ #return to sender ౨ৎ #𐙚๋࣭ ⭑ how covey got her phd in yapping

[samioli]

I humbly ask for your NaruMitsu headcanons. Please

OOOOH man. this is hard to think on the spot but ill try my best! SFW headcanons:

-Phoenix is Bi. He also experimented with larry in college, you cannot convince me otherwise fdsnjkdsf

-Miles is gay (in my mind) and also demisexual!

-phoenix has ADHD and BPD, Miles is autistic

-Miles either makes too little eye contact or too MUCH eye contact. no in between

-Miles may pretend to be indifferent, but he LOVESSSS phoenix's scruffy look during the 7yg. finds it v hot and wants to stim on his stubble

sorry i cannot think of anymore sfw headcanons JNDFKJNDSFJK

NSFW Headcanons

-I think they're switches, but I think Miles leans more into being submissive of the two of them. Just my opinion! and i think he can def be dominant, especially if phoenix wants that.

-going off of that, i think it takes time for him to be comfortable with that too. In my head, he's tried to hook up with other men in the past, but he always felt sick to his stomach when trying. He thought for a while if he was in control that would help, and i think part of him def wants to be in control when he's with strangers, but once he's with phoenix he learns that he can start to let go of some of that control in a safe, loving environment. and eventually he's like putty in phoenix's hands

-Once Miles and Phoenix start dating, miles at this point thinks he's asexual and "warns" phoenix, bc he's concerned it might be a dealbreaker. phoenix totally understands, tells him they never have to have sex if that was what was comfortable for miles, that he loves Miles as a person. miles is so smitten with this man

-Phoenix often checks in with Miles during like kissing and everything if its all okay, and one day when they're making out, Phoenix pulls back and asks him if he's okay--Phoenix with his hair a lil messy and his checks flushed and lips swollen. and miles is like. oh

-He feels himself actually WANTING to touch phoenix and make him look even MORE disheveled and he's just SO overwhelmed but in a GOOD way and he WANTs

i think it goes down like this:

Phoenix: "U-Uh, Miles? Should we, uh--hnghh--sl-slow down, or…?" Miles stops for a moment: "Would you like to stop?" Phoenix, sheepish: "W-Well, no, but what about you? Isn't this--?" Miles: "Wright. I'm quite certain if you do not take your trousers off right this second, I will surely explode." Phoenix: Phoenix, internally: ᴏʜ ᴍʏ ғᴜᴄᴋɪɴɢ ɢᴏᴅ ᴛʜᴀᴛs sᴏ ʜᴏᴛ

-once thats out in the open, miles is fucking KINKY. and a horndog. me and sapphirewine have joked that they're just going at it over and over again until phoenix runs dry bc miles is insatiable now that he feels like this

-miles def has some like, fantasy kinks. micro/macro. unrelastic kinks like that. cum jar who said that

-and phoenix is just a pure freak he's like YEAH SURE!!! WHAT ELSE!!!!! YOU WANNA BE THE NAUGHTY YEAST TO MY BAKER?

-they are so weird and i love them for it

-it gets to the point where its like they always "yes and" each other during sex. this is both good and bad. good bc they're in a loving relationship where they can trust each other and they're very similar with their kinks so they bond over that. Bad in the sense that they be having sex roleplay where, as sapph said once, "spilled milk on aisle 6 and grocery store employee" they'll somehow do it. i believe in them.

-they have very few limits i feel

-again. both good and bad dkfjndjksfn

my brain is getting sleepy so ill end it here but i hope you enjoyed my rambling!

#narumitsu #miles edgeworth #phoenix wright #ace attorney

[xemmez]

hello people of the interwebs tonight i am going to open up on my weirdfur tumblr account real because i love you all. imagine i’m talking to you at a sleepover and i’m laying on my stomach kicking my feet in the air as i speak.

(cw : medical talk/mutilation)

okay to be so real this isn’t anything important. i’m just genuinely trying to get my thoughts down and it’s beeeeeeen a time and a half lately.

so. i have a chronic illness is the pelvis area so i get consistent ultrasounds and ct scans to make sure it’s (mass) not getting worse while the doctors decide if i need surgery or not. it’s a real scary thing and it’s been my life for a while now so i’m almost getting used to it, but truly i’m still getting hit by surprises left and right. with this.

the biggest. surprise that i received today is that from my latest ultrasound/ct exam, my main doc basically confirmed that i am intersex. which is insane and something wild to be dropped on me in the middle of my 12 hour shift at work. it’s very confusing though because my main doctor basically confirmed it while my secondary doctor (the lady who does the ultrasound specializing mess) — basically brushed it off immediately.

i feel like it does make sense and explains some stuff i’ve never really considered in my life. apparently i’m “missing some internal equipment” and my genitalia has some “unusual scarring” that i’ve never noticed since it’s underneath the whole show if you get my deal.

i am. really brainweird over this revelation. as much as i wish it was the answer to my problems and would magically fix my issues, i’m really hoping that it just won’t make it worse. i used to routinely go in and out of urgent care and this was one of the first times i’ve actually been to a real specialist for this stuff and this is the answer i get which is never what i would have thought.

i know my hormones are fucked up too. but i also have other stuff wrong with me that affects my hormones, so i thought THAT was part of it. but it might actually be part of this and i guess i’ve just never considered this in my entire life.

i’ve always felt weird about gender and stuff like that. either due to being plural or due to other factors, my gender has always been really difficult to pin down. i really have felt “neutral” in my identity for years now since i’ve been questioning for so long anyways and i’m wondering if this hormonal and disconnect from even having a true “sex” assigned whatever is making it weird again.

i don’t even really know where to start. i mean, it’s actively now apart of my recovery since my doctor’s have to discuss the parts i have that are underdeveloped or straight up missing to talk about how to solve my problem (the problem may be BECAUSE of this too) so it’s kind of a stressful thing but also new??? i don’t know honestly.

like now i’m having gender thoughts and then i’m feeling disconnected from my body and then i’m feeling worried about my chronic stuff and then now i don’t know how to feel. i don’t even know if i’m diagnosed like i don’t know where that goes??? i don’t even know what that means for me it’s just so strange they’re treating it like such a casual thing but i guess they’re just wanting to not freak me out and want to focus on the issue.

hhmmmghhhh. i don’t know. i think i’m having a gender crisis kinda but like what do i do about that right now while i’m just trying to focus on all this health stuff and other stressors. i luckily have a day tomorrow to just rest before my next appointment on tuesday and i can just think.

if you read this mess….. thank you my friend bc this is just a ramble session of the greatest kind. i might be intersex and that’s really fucking with my gender big time right now. you are very nice for reading a sillybrain midnight ramble.

#xemme talk

[welcome-to-the-shit-library]

to everyone whos ever been a fan of a ship/pairing that had a shitty ass fanbase and now the whole pairings reputation is ruined you should get an award

#..... Saiouma. sorry #SORRY. they just. the parallels got me #the tragedy got me. sorry #Saiouma fans when theyre parallel lines and theyll never touch not really #saiouma fans when its about trust and its all too late. im sorry I never knew you. im sorry I wanted to know you #talk to me about them someone talk to me about them. #eveytime I think about them I get sick to my stomach they make me ill physically #charlie's rants #I could keep going I could keep going for so long you guys dont even know #dee knows. dee definitely knows #dee has heard it before but the REST of you havent

[thethingything]

I used the prescription toothpaste and managed to not end up dry heaving for several minutes while brushing my teeth. within about 5 minutes of finishing brushing I start to feel like I'm gonna throw up regardless. I feel shaky and nauseous and I've also almost thrown up so many times while brushing my teeth lately that the act of brushing them now seems to activate our fight or flight respose and I feel like I'm about to start crying. awesome /s.

I really don't know what to do about any of this because I can mention it to our dentist on Thursday but I don't think there are any alternatives that won't just do the same thing

#thoughts #personal #🍬 post #vent post #emetophobia tw #I feel like I've talked about the toothpaste a lot but unfortunately this is a big deal because of how fucked our teeth are #but I genuinely don't think I can handle using this on a regular basis #I feel so unbelievably sick and if we use it every day we start feeling sick all the time and that also makes it hard to eat #which is really triggering now after that 10 months of being ill where our appetite was fucked and we struggled to eat anything #my stomach actually kind of hurts a little bit on top of me feeling really sick #like the food poisoning kind of sensation we had yesterday so I think that was from the toothpaste after all #we try very hard not to swallow any but like it's in your mouth so you can't exactly avoid that fully #my throat feels irritated and weird too actually and I've just realised this might be why we've had a sore throat over the last few days

[oetter]

god bless my professor i love that woman so much

#im fucking. shaken up by what happened earlier. it scared me more than i realized at the time #hockey is a dangerous fucking sport. i didnt even see the kid get hurt but watching them get him on a gurney and wheel him out #with a neck brace and an iv just. god. he’s 19 years old. he’s a teenager. he’s still in critical condition right now. #going back through the footage i got isnt really helping and i know i can’t do proper voiceover work right now or i’ll sound like a child #emailed my prof abt the sitch and she is. the kindest woman in the world and offered an extension despite the policy being 24 hours advance #and it’s due in two hours. yet she gave me another full day. im gonna cry #i need to go to bed. i just. i feel sick to my stomach about the poor kid and about this assignment. #it just didn’t hit me that it can happen to people i know and love and seeing the ambulance pull up to the rink i just about ran inside #trying to make sure it wasnt one of mine. but that didnt even matter. #god. why do people still play hockey. i dont think i could ever manage. #i might honestly need to take a break from even watching hockey for a little bit. ill see how i feel in the morning #right now i feel like crying though. gonna go do that. #oetteryaps

[hella1975]

there may be an influx of ethel cain mutuals atm and im even willing to share the podium but i will ALWAYS be the strangers mutual. stay humble

#BUT GOD IS TELLING YOU AND I THAT THERE IS DEATH FOR ALL OF US #IN YOUR BASEMENT I GROW COLD THINKING BACK TO IT I WAS ALWAYS TOLD DONT TALK TO STRANGERS OR YOU MIGHT FALL IN LOVE #FREEZER BRIDE YOUR SWEET DIVINE YOU DEVOUR LIKE SMOKED BOVINE HIDE HOW FUNNY I NEVER CONSIDERED MYSELF TOUGH #YOURE SO HANDSOME WALKING OVER TO ME NOW I TRIED TO BE GOOD AM I NO GOOD AM I NO GOOD AM I NO GOOD #WITH MY MEMORY RESTRICYED TO A POLAROID IN EVIDENCE I JUST WANTED TO BE YOURS CAN I BE YOURS CAN I BE YOURS JUST TELL ME IM YOURS #IF IM TURNING IN UOUR STOMACH AND IM MAKING YOU GEEL SICK #WHEN MY MOTHER SEES ME ON YHE SIDE OF A MILK CARTON IN WINN-DIXIE’S DAIRY ISLE SHE’LL CRY AND WAIT UP FOR ME #WE’LL MAKE LOVE IN YOUR ATTIC ALL NIGHT EUPHORIC IN SOME STRANGE DELIGHT IM HAPPIER HERE CAUSE HE TOLD ME I SHOULD BE OH #YOUR SO HANDSOME WHEN IM ALL OVER YOUR MOUTH WHEN IM ALL OVER YOUR MOUTH WHEN KM ALL OVER YOU MOUTH I TRIED FO BE GOOD #AM I NO GOOD AM I NO GOOD AM I NO GOOD WITH MY MEMORY RESTRICTED TO A POLAROID IN EVIDENCE #I JUST WANTED TO BE YOURS CAN I BE YOURS CAN I BE YOURS CAN I BE YOURS IFNIM TURNING IN YOUR STOMACH AND IM MAKING YOU FEEL SICK #AM I MAKING YOU FEEL SICK??????? AM I MAKING YOU FEEL SICK?? #AAAAAAHSHSHAGAFFGQGQUUAHABSBSNJASHDJCNCJSKAIAJABBSBDBNDJEJAMQLWOOSKZNANBABDHIAJQBBANAAKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #FOUND YOU JUST TO TELL YOU THAT I MADE IT REAL FAR AND THAT I NEVER BLAMED YOU FOR LOVING ME THE WAY THAT YOU DID WHEN YOU WERE TORN APART #I WOULD STILL WAIT WITH YOU THERE DONT THINK ABOUT JT TOO HARD OR YOULL NEVER SLEEP A WINK AT NIGHT AGAIN #DONT WORRY ABOUT ME AND THESE GREEN EYES MAMA JUST KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU I DO AND ILL SEE YOU WHEN YOU GET HERE #ethel cain

[rosicheeks]

Unfortunately relatable. I grew up in the church and have a lot of Christian trauma from that. I show up for special occasions for my parents… sometimes. But it’s uncomfortable from the moment I step through the door. Bigoted pastor, the self-righteousness disguising the prejudice, the political comments from the altar. Shots at young people left right and center as if the hell on earth wasn’t caused by the same older generation 90% of the congregation belongs to..

I miss being young in the choir and the youth groups and not struggling with it. It’s wild to look back at the younger version of me who was unshakeable in his faith and honestly just saddening.

I was texting my sister today about it and she said

“I 100% think ALL of us have a ton of religious trauma and everyone else in the family just doesn’t realize it cause they’re still drinking the kool-aid.”

I ran out of tag room and didn’t want to delete any 😭 seriously not lying I could write a book about all my thoughts and experiences

#I relate to all of this so much #and it’s so sad how many people truly have religious trauma #I still find myself lucky and privileged cause I know there are stories MUCH worse than mine #it’s really hard cause my parents still think I’m a Christian #honestly at this point I have no clue what i am #even if I end up still being a Christian that doesn’t help or heal all of the years of church trauma #but the hard part is still acting the part for my parents #growing up I always tried to fit into the good Christian girl mold #cause I know that’s what my parents wanted and I didn’t want to disappoint them #but once I started smoking weed and they found out? it went all downhill from there #their perfect angel fell from heaven #and I feel like ever since I haven’t been really their daughter…. I’ve just been living on the outside looking in to everything #it hurts looking back at all the years I spent brainwashed into believing that was the ONLY faith #it genuinely makes me sick to my stomach thinking about the fact that I went to a pro life rally #the thing I was talking to my sister about was how mental health was never talked about in the church #when I started dealing with it and went to my parents or the pastors or any adult really and told them what I was dealing with #wanna know what the first thing they would ALWAYS say? well have you prayed about it? the way they treated mental illness was that it was #YOUR fault cause God is punishing you for something…. that you need to pray or go to church so then God will eventually take it away #and the thing is I don’t necessarily blame my parents (which kinda sucks cause I want to blame someone) #but honestly it’s just the environment they grew up in too… like I’m 99% sure my dad has dealt with depression his entire life #but won’t get diagnosed or anything cause they always believe faith has something to do with it #which makes me incredibly sad cause I just think about how much my dad has suffered and how he didn’t need to #^^ I was typing this out when I was late to my family gathering hahaha but then I think my sister called or something so I had to stop #sorry this post is all over the place - I swear I could write a book about religious trauma #yesterday went ok surprisingly but today? TODAY is going to be so much worse #sure I’ll make a post about it later but I guessssss I should go to bed now? it’s 2am and I have to get up at 5:45 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃 #and I have a fuuuuull day of fun Christian festivities while I’m dealing with all of this bottled up and unresolved crap from my past #please don’t get me wrong I love my parents and like I said I don’t blame them - they did their best #it just really sucks wondering what my life would have been like if I didn’t grow up in the church or in a super religious family #I wonder if when I told my parents I was depressed if they would have instantly brought me in to get help

[nutklcker]

When the triggering illness returns

#read: when you get nauseous and vomity for no apprently reason and it's very triggering to you #I just needed to vent really #I wish I was like #what's that animal #the animal pyukumuku the Pokémon is based on #where it throws up its stomach and releases what it's eaten to try and scare predators off because it makes them look bigger and murkier #is that just how all nudibranchs work? or is that a specific one's thing #is pyukumuku a nudibranch? i thought it was but now I'm thinking about it it looks more like an sea urchin #haha urchin looks like ur chin #put me out of my misery /LYRING no killing me okah besties #Cw sick #Cw illness #Cw vomiting #Cw throwing up #Cw sickness #cw ill

[coridallasmultipass]

Vent/transphobia in fandom

I regret looking in the trans //// Dirk tag bc wow... people sure do love to shit on other people's interpretation of canon.

Someone fucking said "people are making him trans to 'soften' him and make him more likeable" like holy shit???? Am I actually reading those words?? Someone being blatantly transphobic in the tD tag, where y'know, trans people wanna read posts about tD.

If you think making a character trans 'softens' him, that's literally the definition of transphobia, and that's something you need to work on. Trans men aren't Men Lite. We're not softer and more likeable than cis men. Shut the fuck up.

I feel so fucking sick after reading that. Fucking asshole piece of shit. I did not need to read that tonight, while I'm literally suffering from a 'trapped in the wrong body' flavour of gender dysphoria and S.I. and just TRYING TO FIND PEOPLE BEING NORMAL ABOUT TRANS ///// DIRK SINCE IT FEELS LIKE I'M THE ONLY PERSON WHO FUCKING CARES RIGHT NOW.

Whatever. I will blaze my own way down the tD path. I'm doing it for ME. Not for anyone else. Fucking rancid-ass take, get the fuck out. No one wants to see your whiny transphobic arguments against tD, IN THE TAG FOR TRANS //// DIRK. Keep your transphobia to yourself, or I am busting out the duct tape. (Duct tape=block button. Yes, I blocked them. Don't need that negativity in my blogging experience.)

((Do not talk to me about anything that happens after Homestuck proper. I do not perceive those things. I do not want to know about those things. They do not exist to me.))

PS. Oh, I absolutely love finding any canon evidence to make toxic male characters into trans men (Handso//me Ja/ck, Joh//nny Sil//verhand, Br/o Str/ider, etc... actually now that I line them up like that, Bro is totally tame and normal lmao, HJ is wayyy worse of a person and there's tons of canon evidence I can argue with...)

Anyway, transing the bad guys... It's my favourite passtime. I could not give a fuck what you think about that. I like my men toxic and trans. I don't give a fuck about having "good" representation, because a trans man is still a trans man when he's a toxic asshole. That's the point. Trans men are the same amount of man as cis men. So you can SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT NEEDING A 'SOFT' BOY FOR TRANS MEN'S REPRESENTATION. DO IT YOUR-FUCKING-SELF AND LEAVE THE TRANS //// DIRK TAG TO THOSE OF US WHO KNOW THE TRUTH.

#let me preface this by saying im internally bleeding from all my organs and in a really shitty pms/pmdd mood and cramping #transphobia #vent #im so fucking sick of trans men getting pushed aside bc were not man enough to have a voice in fandom/media #i seriously cannot believe someone said that were making dirk trans to soften him #makes me fucking sick to my stomach #i dont need more reminders that ill never be man enough for people who arent trans men #jfc i spend like 2 weeks back on tumblr and its already making me sick i didnt think iw as gonna find transphobia here in 2024 #remember the time someone told me i was transmisogynistic for saying mettat//on was a trans man? lmao #good times (not) #why cant people be normal about trans men for fuckkng once #rant #angry trans man grumbling #this probably needs tags but idk what they should be bc i dont want this to end up in the associated tags #if ppl havent seen what i just saw i dont want to remind them that transphobia abounds #Cori.exe #Post.exe #i literally feel like my organs are being scraped with a cheese grater #i wish i had a different body im so sick of end/ometriosis #my body is actively being transphobic against me and i am dealt this additional blow by fandom jackasses calling trans men soft #s m fucking h

[skyllion-uwu]

Am I nauseous because I'm hungry or because I triggered myself last night

#my stomach hurts and i need to eat but the idea of doing that is. ack #and i cant tell my parents why because id have to unpack so much spontaneously #like id have to explain i was on the internet before they let me make an account and that i didnt tell them when i was getting those dms #and how its basically ruined any neutrality i had towards sex because ill be fine and then BAM! #everyone else is 12 year old me and im an adult and im my abuser and im going to hurt them if i keep talking about this #just because it was only words doesnt mean it fucked everything up forever. i know back then i was aroace but didnt have the words #but i sincerely think id be just sex neutral if it wasnt for that fucking asshole and now i think about sex for too long and get sick #and i didnt say anything because i thought they were my friend and i dont know if they were 11 like they said they were or not either way #its just. im getting so much off my chest here i wish i could go back in time and tell myself to block after that first message #and i didnt say anything after i realized because i wasnt allowed to have social media and i didnt want to get in trouble over that part #fantasizing alone is one thing but as soon as someone else is involved theyre me and im that person on da and i hate it. i hate it i hate it #i hate it i hate it #is that a common thing. where you feel like youre the abuser in certain contexts even if youre nothing like them #whatever. i have physical therapy and then ask a prof if i can use him as a reference and then finish my application if he gets back to me #and then i can rot all i want #sky vents like amogus

[nexus-nebulae]

brrrrr (/pos)

#weight talk #<- just in case even though this is pos #but like. okay ive been. SEVERELY underweight all my life #like i looked like a skeleton you could see all my bones it was AWFUL #i just. I've literally always hated looking like that i hated looking like a walking corpse i mean i looked ILL #but recently i started taking remeron for anxiety #partially bc my anxiety keeps causing me to not eat properly bc i feel sick constantly #so i kept ending up in the ER for malnutrition and dehydration and my liver getting messed up #well i started the remeron for the panic attacks bc daily panic attacks suck but the psych mentioned it could increase appetite #and it???? did????? I'm eating on a slightly more regular schedule???? I'm eating more than once a day???? #and like. ok I've always weighed like 100lbs #highest i ever got was 111 when i was 16 #and then it dropped 10 #and then dropped 10 more in the span of 3 months while i was in and out of ER #and i was genuinely starting to panic over it bc i could PHYSICALLY FEEL my muscles getting eaten bc i had no fat left #like i was getting drastically weaker by the day my knees still won't stop buckling #but in the about three months I've been taking those meds I've. gained 10 back #I'm actually gaining weight like me and my mother are genuinely SHOCKED this genuinely hasn't happened since i was fucking TWELVE #and just now i took off my shirt and noticed. holy shit. my stomach doesn't go CONCAVE when I'm hungry anymore #like whenever i couldn't tell if i was hungry before i would just look at my stomach and be able to tell if it was too curved inwards #but now!!!!!!! it doesn't do that!!!!!!! and I'm genuinely fucking ecstatic like oh my god i don't look dead anymore #I've always wanted to gain weight i feel like i would be 100% more comfortable in my body as a fat trans man #and i can't talk about that to anyone bc they always say it's either self harm or fetishistic #when no i just genuinely feel more comfortable in my skin thinking of myself that way #and now i have confirmation that i would genuinely be happier that way with this bc the sheer joy i have at not being underweight anymore #i mean I'm still a bit under but at least im gaining SOMETHING like at least i dont look like a drowned street cat #seeing the very slight rolls and folds in my stomach when i move the right way makes me happy

[david-watts]

it's that time of the night where I want to have a nice fancy burger. maybe it's just like. oogh need carbs need meat need the happy chemicals from food that doesn't make me want to off myself or that it's been like ten hours since I last ate

#I feel like there's about five different things preventing me from truly feeling good about eating #one of them's health related one's mental illness related the main one as I often bemoan #I live with a grandmother who thinks that hashbrowns/chicken soup/peas/cornflakes as a casserole sounds good #and will get incredibly rude and nasty if you dare not want her cooking #that is either Bad to mediocre served at the wrong time (think six o'clock when we don't get home til eight) or when neither of us #are hungry due to medication side effects or just because the food is Evil #I know I can talk my cooking is fairly bad and possibly dangerous #but. the horror that is her sweet and sour sauce recipes. her curry. her casseroles. #the meal that was grey unidentifiable mince served with microwaved potato and gravy that genuinely looked #like the hospital food we still make fun of four years later because it looked like actual slimy shits. #and then we discovered that I dodged a massive bullet by immediately spitting it out since it was a week expired when it was cooked #and the freezer had done it no favours. yeah the 'mysterious' stomach upset that I avoided was Food Poisoning. #yeah like when we can't even guarantee ingredients won't be used in those sorts of horrors (and genuinely they are horrors) #it's fairly difficult to ensure that you're gonna eat. not only well in the technical sense but things you like and enjoy

[paradoxesofgalaxies]

God fucking damnit. At 2:13am I just discovered that I took NONE of my meds today 🙃 somehow, despite the notifications that don't go away until I click confirm that I don't ever click until the meds are in my mouth, I managed to not take my morning or afternoon meds today.

No wonder I felt like shit today. All day I've been wondering why I'm just vaguely malaised and in pain all over and why my stomach has felt like an acid pit and I've been exhausted and vaguely depressed. I assumed it was just the temperatures dropping out but Nope. I just didn't take any of my meds and it's too late to take them now 🤡

#i just... #how the fuck did we manage this?? #like i often go back to my pill box three or four times just to make sure i took my meds and I somehow just didn't even think of it today #at least now I can stop worrying about being sick #not taking my stomach meds will cause the ill feeling I've had today (and I'm lucky that's feeling nauseous was all i had to deal with) #and missing both doses of cymbalta sure will leave me fatigued and in pain and depressed #what the fuck guys #we really dropped the ball on this one #galactic gab #vent tw