#just trying to escape the pain here

[katyspersonal]

If I had a nickel for every time a person that quite seriously helped with public slandering and humiliating me for fake ass reasons, supported drastically ableist stance on me and took the side of my stalker (that also I remind you bullied other fans for headcanons) then got upset and "insulted" at the fact that I vented about how much they hurt me and my friends, I'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot but what the actual fuck.

Like... Maybe consider not spyoning on a blog of a person that "makes you uncomfy"? You will be happier if you don't check up on things and people you hate, seriously. And if you do, why you act so shocked that I express my pain and disapproval of your actions and mindset, the very same that hurt me and my friends? In fact, why DOES it hurt you to learn what I think and feel after your words and actions? Why do you CARE about feelings and opinion of a person you despise and disrespect so much that you deemed them worthy of all this, and even their friends deserve to be hurt by association? Like... NOW you consider my feelings? Of course I fucking disapprove of backstabbing me and my friends after over month of pretending to forgive me. Of course I fucking disapprove admission that you are willing to help slandering and humiliating a person that you were not even scared and hurt by. I wrongly assumed that if you hated me that much, I must have actually done something wrong, but now I know I still didn't because you admitted that you were willing to harm someone and even shun their friends without even as much as hard feelings, because they are a "heretic"?

Is what hurts that I had very high opinion on you and then flipped on a dime when something drastic came out? But isn't it the same way for you? Didn't you both like my blog and thought I was cool and then one day it was over? I think it is safe to assume that unfortunately it can work like that. And everything can be fixed and worked into neutrality and 'cold peace' coexistence, but you don't want that. You'd rather keep getting upset and self-isolate from everyone that likes my company, or isolate them from me, so this hole just keeps growing and growing and all good things that could have been keep falling into it. Or you really expect me to leave just because of all this? When I was a kid and a teen and a bit of a young adult, I've dealed with bullying to the point of having literal stones thrown into me, and never once I avoided the places where it was happening. Because it made no logical sense that some jerks could decide who belongs or not belongs in a place that is for everyone. I tried to enjoy my time anyway. I was not, listening and enduring all that, but I tried. Sometimes I'd get really bad for me and I'd snap and fight back, and I remember they were scared when I did because anger of cornered rat is a terrifying thing you know? One time it got especially bad with one of them and I snatched the bat from her hands and smacked HER over the face, worse than she hurt me but I've had enough. Then finally adults bothered to get involved, and what I received from the bullies was "but why didn't she just leave this area? :(" Why the question is "why won't you go away?" instead of "why I feel entitled to bully out a person that didn't even do anything bad to me but just makes me uncomfy with not being like us?"

In the end, I walked a full circle. Some autists just have a power of bringing out the worst in people with how much they don't understand unspoken social cues, cultural rifts, even the language and semantics often times. I have a friend with similar problem, he had a bad luck of using combination of words that make people go blind from rage without meaning to, and you find out he actually made a perfect logical sense after talking to him for context and reasoning. I thought it was a curse, but it is a blessing. I decided I will never fix what is "wrong" with me, if it really helped to separate fakers from real ones in such a short time. Without it, I'd be friends with traitors, cowards, bullies, fools, conformists and stalkers. And the worst part, I would not ever learn it.

Yet again: you are NOT harmed by me venting in MY blog about how I was hurt by your words and actions. If you two were okay with slander and public humiliation of someone and their friends, sure you must be okay with someone venting about actual harm. Or else you have double standards. You are not supposed to care about what I think about you either, you are supposed to crawl into your Discord groups to share screenshots of my posts and mock me there for "being so butthurt" like your kind of people always does. And if you do not want me to hold grudges, you've had enough chances to neutralize me. I was not having you blocked for a good reason. But you chose to keep throwing stones. Too bad for you, I've been trained for this shit, when your spoiled soft asses cry harm and trauma over a single slightly negative experience. Heck, over even reading something you don't like!

Here is a thing: I do not namedrop you. I only namedropped two people when it was relevant, and only because they made themselves public first so I didn't "out" them. And if some people read "he reblogged posts bullying me 50 times too often and was too eager to hate on me, like to the point it was scary" and instantly think of you, then consider what reputation you have. Why? Why? Why you'd throw me (and. my. FRIENDS.) to the wolves and then get angry that I react? Tell me why! It is your problem that you are willing to harm people willy-nilly without considering their feelings or bothering to actually learn whether they deserve stalking and bullying and their friends getting collateral damage, and in the end you don't even have the honor to be genuinely mad and scared as your motivation for it. It is """not personal""". So getting unhealthy obsession with helping slandering me was "not personal"? So acting oh-so-supportive towards my friend who got to talk about her identity and then instantly dropping her upon learning she was interacting with me, after previously having been thankful to her for being one of the first to support YOU, was "not personal"? And the worst thing, I believe it. This is just your Tiktok generation of cruel, overly-judgemental people. You did not get to learn about real life and real relationship and real complexities, and you never will. And I was such a fool doubting myself thinking that you were scared of me.

So tell me why. Tell me why NOW you care what I think of you? Why you care that I vent in MY blog, without namedropping? Why you care what I say and feel if I am nothing but a name of "heretic" to block and pass along for you, a person you don't know and don't think has feelings and nuance worthy of considering before mistreating? Why do you CARE about my opinion? Is this because I effects your self-image? But I am just a stupid bigot in your eyes, so how can my opinion have any power or credibility for you? Are you scared that people will find out? But I do not namedrop! Are you upset that "I don't know you" to say such things? But you do not know ME, and yet that didn't stop you from accepting and helping to spread extremely hateful and uncharitable headcanons about my personality, beliefs and motives your friends crafted, so clearly you are okay with "saying things"? Why? TELL ME WHY! Tell me how it is supposed to hurt you, because it does NOT! The worst I can do is to yell at you and run away crying, and I didn't even do THAT!

Unless I just did, because yet again you decided to sneak around and check my blog. Dude, you hate acknowledging my existence to you point of abandoning mutuals that answer my asks, so why would you check my blog? Just don't do that? Just not check it? There were 4 coincidences about your art that made me think that you were snooping on my content, I am helpful with the lore I know, and took some stuff for inspiration, and one time was passively-aggressive about how I drew a certain female character. But I've got a relief that no, they were all coincidences, and you were not stalking me. So now I have to worry about it again? So I should give into my paranoia, because there was a reason in the end?

Just go away, okay? Just go away. The alter that grew from guilt and pain, and admiration, that you've triggered, is dead, anyhow. It was painful and felt like getting the whole entirety erased and written again, but it's done, so you don't have to worry about it either. Just not sneak on a person you dislike, because, again, me venting without namedropping won't effect you, nor you should care what "just another heretic" thinks. I am not a human for people like you, after all your drama-hungry kind does, and stop pretending that I am. My friends aren't either, they are just "traitors" that refuse to cooperate for your group, and I hate every single conformist bastard that blocked them by association. Not you, them. I won't have a gaslighting of "it is not us vs them!!!!" when actions speak louder than words, and all effected people know what they did.

So far I do not have an incentive to stop digging myself deeper into a hole of "wronged intellectual" self-image, which is a bold claim for someone with quite large intellectual disability as myself, I know. But none of this makes any sense, and doubting that maybe I just don't get something about people availed me nothing. I do get it, society IS just as bad as it seems, deny it or not.

#/vent #I am sorry if I've lost the train of thought I just started shaking from crying while writing #and then it just was kinda gone #I need a drink /srs #yes I know it is not healthy coping mechanism but I am tired #I can't escape the loop of 'why the fuck are you VOCAL about the pain and harm we caused you?' #I just wish I was not born into a world that stands on this #it is not just here its always been this way. and I mean ALWAYS. #humans dont change #I tried to blame culture I try to blame time and generation but no. humans are JUST like this. #there is no reason or story.

[crimeronan]

i am so miserable these days it's unreal. let's hear it for the misery folks everyone give it up for the misery 👏👏👏

#i do nothing but sleep and then overeat out of stress and pain and then become more stressed and pained and sleep more #nothing excites me nothing is worth waking up for nothing makes me passionate or happy #i wake up every day after awful nightmares and the first thing i notice is the agony in my hips and it does not improve #i cry 2-3 times a week when i used to never cry at all while on my bipolar meds #i have stories i fall in love with (like the silt verses) but they only fleetingly hold my attention compared to the past #every time i flap about headcanons it's a little more desperate a little more transparently trying to escape my body #having more and more days where i simply play phone games all day because i'm in so much pain that #even merely scrolling tumblr or trying to watch tv / youtube makes me feel pukey #i need to see a doctor really bad aha. except theyre just going to say #you're fat and out of shape. stop eating everything and take a walk #completely disregarding that my hips are both subluxing with every goddamn step i take #it's fucking horrible. it's fucking horrible in here and if i was an animal they'd put me down out of kindness #unfortunately. i am a human being. #negative #disordered eating / #food / #i GUESS. #autoimmune tag

[craycraybluejay]

i should get more method by smoking more weed + remembering the million times i got too fucked up and thought i was going to die or just very but not too fucked up and how it felt in the moment. the confusion, weird fixations, wack visuals, nausea, dissassociation, shame, real and vivid fear of death.

i can tell y'all i have had someone make active attempts on my life but there is no death as frightening as the idea of dying in a puddle of puke and other bodily fluids feeling so disoriented and so much physical pain and discomfort that you'd pay a million dollars to crawl directly out of your body. there's easier OD concepts to stomach like one depressants but the concept of dying on a psychedelic or an upper or even a stimulating dissociative is terrifying. or dying from contaminants which injure you a lot more than whatever you were meaning to take ever could.

i want to write angel having a seizure the way i did. i want to write him compulsively adding different substances because just the one isn't enough. i want to torture this lil guy as he tries and fails to save himself :3

#as i always say please test your drugs im begging you #delete later #getting too personal up in here #but fr the world of serious substance use is a crazy place to even visit let alone live in #the entirety of reality just does not work the same way #its beautiful and scary and you dont want to become a permanent resident there #but its a lot like toxic relationships and maladaptivelt returning to them over and over #i want to parallel angel's drug abuse with his relationship to valentino #because even if you OD or have some kind of serious problem from it or get spiked with something awful #chances are you will always have that curiosity and urge to try again. try more. different new novel fun #bc even when it feels like hell its a unique hell. and more importantly its not your life anymore #no worries about being abused or homeless or very sick if the drugs bring a whole new hell #sometimes when you almost die you just get grateful it wasnt the real world that almost killed you #sometimes when youve looked in the void you laugh at how ridiculous your pain and grief and life is #its all stupid! none of it matters! we are all going to die and your exit card from the real world is in a box of mints #idk. sometimes a drug is an enhancer of reality and sometimes a different reality altogether. a lot of the experience depends on why you #take it. if you get high socially youre going to lean into related effects more heavily. if you do it to escape or explore thats what youll #get. ive never had the level of Problem Angel does but I Get It. i get why #im too broke to sustain a Problem of that nature lmao. like ok if i spend all my money i can lose my mind for a week #then ill be withdrawing and hungover from 20 diff things and penniless. no ty #however i will rarely say no to sharesies ill suck ya dick for my DOC 👍 #JOKING. ish

[soupernatural]

nobody talks about how mary is given exactly two seconds to mourn the loss of her husband and babies and likely everyone she’s ever known.  when do they tell her that ellen is dead?  when do they tell her that ellen had a daughter? when does she have time to process the loss of the family she wasn’t allowed to keep building?

#maryellen #maryposting #ellen and mary sitting at the roadhouse and talking about their futures and getting out of hunting and having a life outside of this #ellen and her little knowing smile because mary has her out. mary's out is john and still here mary is #sneaking off to hide in the corner booth with ellen and talk about escaping like she isn't currently doing just that. #the out they want isn't from hunting its from conformity and husbands and fathers and they giggle about the bruised and cut knuckles #that mary got on her hunt and when ellen brushes over them she sees marys ring finger and the little tanline where she's not wearing /them/ #this is brought to you by my marytoni fic and how i'm trying to write in mourning ellen and jo. #jo would have called her aunt mary and would have loved her so so so much. mary knows this mary and ellen talked about how they'd raise #their kids together and in all their fantasies about it the husbands are suspiciously missing #all of this. all of that. and mary is expected to just keep going like she's fine like she didn't lose everything overnight #family home turned funeral pyre. life burnt up and left on the altar of Male Pain and Suffering. #sapphicnatural

[pear1ridge-a]

I just think. I think more violence. More horror.

#tate is so good for it bc of the natural horrors of his life and the people surrounding him 🥰 #no but write intense shit w my muses always pls #i can work stuff out for any muse but tate is v similar to kurt in that i can put him in Any situation with ease #and i like to use that opportunity to physically and mentally fuck him up 🥰 #bradley kidnapping him was top tier of me bc that was his best friend! he knows what makes him tick! #plus hes the one that. heavily encouraged tates drug use when he was younger and it wasn't addiction but it was. close #and for bradley to then force dose him when hes kidnapped when hes older and clean is just #its such an easy way to keep him more docile and to make sure that even if he gets away he has to deal with withdrawal #and it'll never be as simple as just escaping and being free #he still has wounds he has to heal and he has to go through withdrawal and he has two fingers that arent gonna come back #him shooting bradley in the dick is iconic and deserved and good #trying to turn the gun on himself after. less good extremely painful #drug abuse cw #kidnapping cw #ask to tag // #idk how this just turned into a rant ab me loving tate and hurting him but here we are

[samwisefamgee]

The funny thing about constantly telling yourself that things could be worse is that sometimes. They are :)

#youd think the moldy trailer was gonna be rock bottom #but apparently its staying in a basement covered in the dust of a thousand thousand catshits #with the same people who traumatized me over 22 years until I moved into the moldy box in the first place :) #because im STILL dumb enough to believe their promises after decades of betrayal! or more accurately i dont get the choice lol #either way if i dont get outta here fast it is game the fuck over. been too much mental and physical pain for this shit to be worth it #fucked anyway given how much debt and permanent degenerative damage has been done but at least I can live whatever shit years I get left #in relative peace #I mean fuck I used all my fucking energy yesterday doing shit for them instead of taking care of my own stuff and WHY #all I got was get asked over and over to work even fucking harder like what the fuck did I expect #years pass and nothing changes for the better with these people what the fuck #and even if I DO manage to find somwhere to stay with folks who WONT lie to me for years to abuse my labor and psyche #I'll be broken in body and mind and spirit and ill need a job within the week to not fall behind #i still havent gotten on my feet and every attempt to rely on family. no matter who. #was just an excuse for them to use me for all I had for nothing in return #cant exactly find roommates with no money no credit no will to live and 20 problems on top of that that mean I cant pay rent yet #and without any family who wont try to kill me slowly or any friends who arent so fucked themselves they cant help its lookin like #im fucked once again gang #to think i was so fucking close to escaping all of this before the pandemic happened lol. even what I had then just isnt possible anymore #if I hear one more baseless 'things get better with time :)))' I WILL vomit until I choke to death like buddy that just isnt true sometimes #straight up some people are born to eat shit and die. babies get cancer. its been 24 consecutive years of eating it and I aint whistful fam #not anymore at least #keep sayin 'well it could be worse' when its about the worst its been and youre just asking fate to prove you right #only reason Im not completely homeless instead of technically homeless is that folks actually on the streets are much tougher sort than I #gonna jinx this whole fuckin rant but it really is a fuckin joke. i cant live like this but most folk Ive met on the street #would jump the moon just to live in the moldy trailer I got kicked out of let alone a filthy basement. #this COULD be a home I could work and live out of. fellas is it picky to prefer despair over living with people who traumatize you #does that answer change depending on circumstance and time or is there truly no justification in not making your life worth it #or am I really just the pathetic stoner burnout dropout that my folks see me as? I mean categorically yes. #is there any justification redemption or even just comfort to be found in that state considering the Weight that induced it #does it even matter if no other person knows what that Weight has been or for how long its built. if no one ever will know? whats the point

[perenlop]

also for screenwriting im basically like adapting and heavily rewriting natch and wisp’s story for like a 50 minute screenplay (partly having trouble bc i didnt care for natch’s original story and theyre now humans in an emotion driven magic realism setting about bigotry instead of the convoluted fantasy story they were in my head) and like everyones asking abt the characters and where i got the idea and i dont have the heart to say that they’re former kirby ocs that have been retooled to be their own thing twice now

#i mean i dont have to say that at all actually but its like wild to me... theyre furry ocs #ppl seem to really like them and are interested and giving genuine constructive criticism tho so i do feel ok abt the story #just abt the pacing and ending is where im like. augh #fun fact i did have them as humans the first time i retooled them just really fantasy setting #the main plot is taken from like a personal part of their arcs that appeared in their original story and are basically front and center #im sad ill have to cut most of my ghost lore for time as well as the thing that made them most fun to write for the sake of the ending #but whatever #general theme is like. trying to live in a world that oppresses you and you cant escape the oppression bc its ingrained in society #but still trying to find ways to cope and thrive rather than just shut yourself off from human connection entirely #and themes of like. toxic friendships and learning to let people go and move on from your pain #their original story talked more abt abuse and moving on from toxic family to live yourown life and theres still that here #but more of an emphasis on the fear of living as a marginalized person in a conservative community #bc like. idk. i kinda wanted to write that bc ough. hm. yeah #also natch wont be redesigned as a human like official this is just like emery screenwriting class au #shes still a little kitty cat #echoed voice #and she'll probably stay in a fantasy setting about ghosts and souls and magic

[burger-goblin]

.

#was dreaming that The Thing has a sequel but it was real life #and i kept narrowing escaping one harrowing ordeal after another and watching people i love die in horrific ways #woke up only when i was crammed in an suv with people that were trying to escape #and the guy next to me kept having spasms in his arm and he was obviously in a ton of pain so i was like 'pull over' #but we were going 90 down the highway so it was gonna take a sec to stop. and this guy's arm exploded into bits all over the interior #i woke up just as soon as i saw his body starting to split apart #where's the Winded SpongeBob reaction image. insert that in here lol #i'm still so tired

[insertdisc5]

🎮 HEY I WANNA MAKE A GAME! 🎮

Yeah I getcha. I was once like you. Pure and naive. Great news. I AM STILL PURE AND NAIVE, GAME DEV IS FUN! But where to start?

To start, here are a couple of entry level softwares you can use! source: I just made a game called In Stars and Time and people are asking me how to start making vidy gaems. Now, without further ado:

SOFTWARES AND ENGINES FOR PEOPLE WHO DON'T KNOW HOW TO CODE!!!

Ren'py (and also a link to it if you click here do it): THE visual novel software. Comic artists, look no further ✨Pros: It's free! It's simple! It has great documentation! It has a bunch of plugins and UI stuff and assets for you to buy! It can be used even if you have LITERALLY no programming experience! (You'll just need to read the doc a bunch) You can also port your game to a BUNCH of consoles! ✨Cons: None really <3 Some games to look at: Doki Doki Literature Club, Bad End Theater, Butterfly Soup

Twine: Great for text-based games! GREAT FOR WRITERS WHO DONT WANNA DRAW!!!!!!!!! (but you can draw if you want) ✨Pros: It's free! It's simple! It's versatile! It has great documentation! It can be used even if you have LITERALLY no programming experience! (You'll just need to read the doc a bunch) ✨Cons: You can add pictures, but it's a pain. Some games to look at: The Uncle Who Works For Nintendo, Queers In love At The End of The World, Escape Velocity

Bitsy: Little topdown games! ✨Pros: It's free! It's simple! It's (somewhat) intuitive! It has great documentation! It can be used even if you have LITERALLY no programming experience! You can make everything in it, from text to sprites to code! Those games sure are small! ✨Cons: Those games sure are small. This is to make THE simplest game. Barely any animation for your sprites, can barely fit a line of text in there. But honestly, the restrictions are refreshing! Some games to look at: honestly I haven't played that many bitsy games because i am a fake gamer. The picture above is from Under A Star Called Sun though and that looks so pretty

RPGMaker: To make RPGs! LIKE ME!!!!! NOTE: I recommend getting the latest version if you can, but all have their pros and cons. You can get a better idea by looking at this post. ✨Pros: Literally everything you need to make an RPG. Has a tutorial inside the software itself that will teach you the basics. Pretty simple to understand, even if you have no coding experience! Also I made a post helping you out with RPGMaker right here! ✨Cons: Some stuff can be hard to figure out. Also, the latest version is expensive. Get it on sale! Some games to look at: Yume Nikki, Hylics, In Stars and Time (hehe. I made it)

engine.lol: collage worlds! it is relatively new so I don't know much about it, but it seems fascinating. picture is from Garden! NOTE: There's a bunch of smaller engines to find out there. Just yesterday I found out there's an Idle Game Maker made by the Cookie Clicker creator. Isn't life wonderful?

✨more advice under the cut. this is Long ok✨

ENGINES I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT AND THEY SEEM HARD BUT ALSO GIVE IT A TRY I GUESS!!!! :

Unity and Unreal: I don't know anything about those! That looks hard to learn! But indie devs use them! It seems expensive! Follow your dreams though! Don't ask me how!

GameMaker: Wuh I just don't know anything about it either! I just know it's now free if your game is non-commercial (aka, you're not selling it), and Undertale was made on it! It seems good! You probably need some coding experience though!!!

Godot: Man I know even less about this one. Heard good things though!

BUNCHA RANDOM ADVICE!!!!

-Make something small first! Try making simple: a character is in a room, and exits the room. The character can look around, decide to take an item with them, can leave, and maybe the door is locked and you have to find the key. Figuring out how to code something like that, whether it is as a fully text-based game or as an RPGMaker map, should be a good start to figure out how your software of choice works!

-After that, if you have an idea, try first to make the simplest version of that idea. For my timeloop RPG, my simplest version was two rooms: first room you can walk in, second room with the King, where a cutscene automatically plays and the battle starts, you immediately die, and loop back to the first room, with the text from this point on reflecting this change. I think I also added a loop counter. This helped me figure out the most important thing: Can This Game Be Made? After that, the rest is just fun stuff. So if you want to make a dating sim, try and figure out how to add choices, and how to have affection points go up and down depending on your choices! If you want to make a platformer, figure out how to make your character move and jump and how to create a simple level! If you just want to make a kinetic visual novel with no choices, figure out how to add text, and how to add portraits! You'll be surprised at how powerful you'll feel after having figured even those simple things out.

-If you have a programming problem or just get confused, never underestimate the power of asking Google! You most likely won't be the only person asking this question, and you will learn some useful tips! If you are powerful enough, you can even… Ask people??? On forums??? Not me though.

-Yeah I know you probably want to make Your Big Idea RIGHT NOW but please. Make a smaller prototype first. You need to get that experience. Trust me.

-If you are not a womanthing of many skills like me, you might realize you need help. Maybe you need an artist, or a programmer. So! Game jams on itch.io are a great way to get to work and meet other game devs that have different strengths! Or ask around! Maybe your artist friend secretly always wanted to draw for a game. Ask! Collaborate! Have fun!!!

I hope that was useful! If it was. Maybe. You'd like to buy me a coffee. Or maybe you could check out my comics and games. Or just my new critically acclaimed game In Stars and Time. If you want. Ok bye

#reference #gamedev #indie dev #game dev #tutorial #video game #ACTUAL GAME DEVS DO NOT INTERACT!!!1!!!!! #this is for people who are afraid of coding. do not come at me and say 'actually godot is easy if you just--' I JUST WILL NOT. #long post

[insanechayne]

Barely slept, wake up too early for some reasons, now can’t get back to sleep because my brain decided to replay memories of him and make me anxious and sad. All I want is to talk to him again, at least to say my piece like I deserve, and I have to keep reminding myself he’s not coming back. Like a thousand tiny deaths a day. I’m so tired and I just want to cry

#i hate missing you #you were so toxic and narcissistic but because you left me you’re all I can think about right now #I didn’t deserve to have to go through this when you were the one always hurting me in the first place #yet here I am and I can’t escape this hell we’ve made for us #I’m so tired of pain and tired of trying and having to keep making it through the days #all I want to do is cry all the time now and that feeling never really goes away #kinda wish I were dead rather than having to keep going through this over and over again #I’ve lost better people than you but you were one more on top of a pile of broken hearts and bad memories #nothing of value is truly lost in your leaving and yet all I want is for you to come back to me #can I just be in a coma until this all blows over? #personal

[piplupod]

urgh. i feel like my brain needs to bathe in acid or smth. fry off like four layers of it and maybe the rest of it will be workable

#i dont feel good fjfkfl #haven't felt very good in a while tbh but today is Bad for it #idk my brain is very broken dhfkdl i am trying to fry it with noisy music but its not helping i think #i wish i could just... rest. have a safe place to let my guard down for a while idk just sleep without being afraid all the time #i also wish i could escape this brain and my abuser by sleeping but noooope then i get to have nightmares :))) #okay im going to stop complaining on here for now sorry fjdkdl #just. damn. idk what to do. dads sleeping again so i still cant play piano fjfkdl #i also cannot tell if im in pain or not fjkdld I think i am but i cannot rly tell bc brain isnt working right w body signals #i neeeeed to do uhhh..things today. i dont remember what things but i know smth has to get done today #pippen needs 2nd breakfast

[lilithland]

imagine you’re running late, trying to move some laundry, because of course as the inferior sex, you do the cooking and the cleaning

you’re almost done moving your clothes when you see your favorite sock stuck in the back of the machine, you try to stick your arm as far into the machine as possible but you still can’t reach the sock

you maneuver your body until your head and both arms are in the machine, you successfully grab your sock but when you go to pull your body out of the machine you find you are stuck

you wiggle and squirm but can’t seem to get out of the washing machine

your partner was supposed to pick you up for a date later (you had left them a little note hoping to suprise them when they got home) so you knew eventually someone would come to your rescue

20 minutes later you’re scared shitless when you hear a loud knock at your door, it can’t possibly be your partner because they have a key and it’s way too early for them to be back

you start to panic a little but try to ration that a burglar wouldn’t try to knock first before entering, you hear the loud knock again followed by your door opening

“maintenance”

you don’t know if you should holler for help or pray to god that they don’t enter your laundry room, you’re beyond humiliated at your predicament

luck was not on your side, you hear heavy footsteps approach you, you hear a low whistle behind you

“and what do we have here?” rumbles a deep voice

you swallow your pride, “hi, um, sorry about this, wo-would you be able to help me … please?”

large hands grab your hips, you naively think you’re about to be set free

when instead of attempting to pull you out of the machine, one hand retracts and lands a hard smack on your ass

you scream in pain and jolt a little in the machine

“what the hell is wrong with you?!” you scream trying harder to wiggle your way out

“well sweetheart, when i enter a house and find a note that says i can’t wait for all the dirty things you want to do to me and then find a hot babe with an incredible ass on display, i have to oblige and give them the fucking of a lifetime”

you still at his words, he had found the note you left for your partner, he thinks you set up this elaborate plan to have wild sex with a stranger

“no you don’t understand that was meant for my partner i am seriously stuck please help me get out” you start pleading and begging

“sure, and i’m sure you’re gonna keep screaming no and for me to stop, even while your cunt squeezes and cums on my hard cock over and over again, is that the game we’re gonna play tonight sweetheart?”

you really start to thrash inside the machine, it doesn’t matter what you say, this stranger is about to r4pe your tiny holes

he shushes you as he continues to grope your ass with his giant hands

he flips the skirt you had been wearing up over your ass, giving him a perfect view of your thong

your boobs hadn’t quite made it into the machine, he yanks your tank top down freeing your titties, smushing them against the cold machine

the cold instantly makes your nipples hard and you can’t help the moan that escapes your lips

“oh is someone finally getting excited?”

the strangers rough hands pinch your nipples as you start back up your protests of no’s

he gives your titties a rough smack and you scream and jolt in the machine again

he alternates between painful pinching and rough slapping, you start crying with how rough he’s being

“doesn’t matter how much you protest princess, i know you’ll be soaked when i go check on your princess parts again”

you refuse to believe him, but when his hands stop abusing your tits and go to remove your thong, you can feel the sticky trail being pulled from you

you feel his rough fingers collecting the juices at your enterance, the embarrassment of it all makes you leak around his hand even more

he wipes your girl juice along your thighs and all over your ass, the more his fingers just barely touch your cunnie to collect more, the more you drip for him

you hate how your body is betraying you

he removes his fingers and you hear some shuffling, you emotionally try to prepare yourself to be thrusted in to

you weren’t expecting to feel a wet tongue

you werent expecting to feel a wet tongue eating out your ass

you try to squirm but in the process accidentally push back more onto his tongue

his big hands deliver a hard smack to your thighs before pinning them down and holding them in place

“i can also go in dry baby doll”

you totally still at the implication he’s going to fuck your ass

you whimper and cry more

he removes one hand from your thigh and starts to play with your inferiority hole while he continues to eat out your asshole, he alternates between rubbing your nub, a little too hard, and roughly fingering your fuck hole

you don’t know how but his rough administrations make you have cummies

you clench the fingers inside you tightly as he continues to fuck you through your orgasm

before he stands he spits a glob of saliva right on top of your asshole

seconds later he’s rubbing his hard cock up and down your slit, collecting all of your girl juices as you continue to leak

without warning he starts to slowly and painfully shove his dick into you

each inch is excruciatingly painful and his dick seems to go on forever and ever

by the time he bottoms out you think you might pass out, there has to be at least eight inches of dick in your freshly r4ped asshole

he stills for a moment and decides to abuse your body some more while you adjust to his length

he smacks your ass and your titties, runs your overstimulated clit too hard and too fast

when he’s done playing with your body he grips your hips painfully and begins to piston in and out of your ass

he sets a brutal pace from the start, roughly fucking you against the washing machine

your abused and sensitive tits sway with each thrust, causing them to smack against the machine over and over again

you lose track of time, only knowing the sensation of your asshole being abused

without warning you hear a guttural grunt and feel a warmth deep in your gut

the maintenance man pulls out with a plop

“don’t worry baby, i’ll make sure to get a video of your gaping asshole leaking my hot sperm into your delicious cunt”

you’re horrified at every aspect of what he just said, your stomach churning at that the thought of such a video getting uploaded to the internet

as he said, you can feel the cum leaking out of your open asshole, slowly dripping towards your inferiority hole

as the sperm starts to pool, his fingers are on you again

or rather in you, his fingers easily slide into your gaping asshole, collecting his own jizz

to your continued horror he then shoves his fingers deep into your cunt, fucking his cum into the proper fuck hole

you aren’t on any birth control

his fingers move in and out of you slowly, you’re humiliatingly wet so he has no problem getting a few in you

“should i cum in your pussy next or try to get my fist in your ass?”

#rough cnc #nsft concept #an@l wh0re #an@l slvt #wet and needy #dumb slvt #dumb wh0re #use me pls #send me threats #corruption kink #r4p3 fantasy #r4p3 kink #r4p3b4it #r4p3 m3 #cvmslut #cvmdump #c0cksleeve #hand k!nk #hand kink #send dirty asks #attention wh0r3 #dumb puppy #cvm wh0re #pain k!nk #slap my ass #free use slvt #f1ngering #fr33use #cnc free use #f

[bunnyhugs77]

High Demand

ꕤ- Pairing: Dealer! Jungkook x Reader

ꕤ- WC: 2.6k

ꕤ- A modern day Romeo and Juliet

Content: college student! reader, grumpy jk, brief texting! au, jk is lowkey whipped, drug use (marijuana), reader is his special customer, vaping, opposites attract, suggestive themes, minor jealousy, idiots in love (but they won't admit it), shot gunning, grinding, fwb?

Other Content: thigh riding, high sex, jk titty appreciation, unprotected sex (no.), hand job, soft dom kook, reader is a little needy, brief switch! koo, hickeys, pet names, spit, biting.

Shaking your head with a small giggle as you looked at your phone before tossing it aside. You're totally his favourite. You know he's stubborn and he would never admit it but deep down he loves delivering to you the most.

Looking around your sad and dimly lit dorm, all the lights were off and your roommate was gone for the weekend doing god knows what with her weird ass biology major boyfriend who would collect rabbit tails in jars for 'science'.

You were looking at one right now actually, it seems they left one behind, on the coffee table. It was just fermenting in... you actually weren't sure and didn't want to know.

Your eyes felt like they were on fire the longer you looked at the stupid philosophy paper you were writing. The bright light from your laptop was beginning to drill into your head. Your head lolled to the side glancing at the time on your phone.

It was almost 11:30, and time for a break. Abandoning the device on the couch for a quick wake-up shower; by the time you'd gotten changed and returned to the living room, you could expect Jungkook any minute now.

Except, this is Jungkook we're talking about. He's always late.

That's why when you heard the familiar rattling of the rusty fire escape you were startled. It was a little past midnight. Climbing through the window in nothing but your basketball shorts and a white tee.

Pleasantly surprised to see Jungkook scaling the platform with a bag of takeout pinned in between his teeth. The sight of you looking down at him from where he climbed made his eyebrows raise but of course he couldn't say anything.

Not until he was finally close enough for you to grab the bag from his mouth and he stands up. You climb back inside first with him following behind with a pained sigh. "I'm so sick of coming here. Got me climbing walls like its fucking subway surfers." He curses while you place the food down on the table.

Completely ignoring him, practically drooling as you slowly peeled open the bag. "And I thought you said you weren't gonna bring me anything." He snatches the bag.

"I didn't."

You let yourself fall onto the couch, arms crossed and unbelieving. "Oh yeah? So you just coincidentally craved Wendy's and decided to haul it up three flights up a ladder from your mouth when you could've just eaten it in the car?"

"Yeah exactly." He shrugs, obviously lying.

"Give me the bag, Jungkook."

"Fine. But I'm charging you extra for the delivery and the labour of bringing it up here." He hands it to you and you roll your eyes knowing it was nothing more than a bluff.

"It's not my fault you're out of shape," you mumble unwrapping the burger. "Oh yeah? Is this what out of shape looks like to you?" He says it almost offended but challenged.

Choking briefly on your food as he lifts up his shirt, revealing the defined abs that you have such lewd memories of. "Yeah, that's what I thought. You try climbing 3 flights up a ladder and tell me it's easy." You shrug,

"Not my fault you're banned from the campus." He drops himself down beside you, reaching for the bag of fries and taking some for himself. "But it is, if you hadn't called me to drop off a stash for Angelica's dorm party maybe I could still take the stairs."

You drop your half-eaten burger with apologetic eyes, "How was I supposed to know they were doing random security checks in the lobby? At least you didn't get arrested." You pout and he scoffs.

"Bare minimum." He says via grumpy mutter under his breath so you offered up the rest of your food to him as a peace offering. A little sad that he actually took it but you were getting full anyway.

As he finished up the rest of your food you couldn't stop yourself from asking, "So do you still do drops with Angelica?" He nods with his mouth full of the last bite, stuffing the wrappers back in the bag.

"How often does she call you?-- for deliveries I mean." He chuckles, licking his lips, "Jealous?" You take the trash off the coffee table and bring it to the kitchen to toss it in the garbage. "You're delusional."

"I can't help it if I'm in high demand." He manspreads, his arms stretched over the back of the couch. "Just shut up. Do you have my pen?" He reaches for the pocket inside his leather jacket, pulling out the slim box.

Already knowing that you were going to use it now, he began to unbox it while you collected the cash you needed. "40 right?" You say handing him the small spread of bills, "Yeah, but for you, I guess I could make it 30." He shrugs conceitedly.

"Because I'm your favourite." You say and he shakes his head, "No. Because I ate your food." Which he paid for but you didn't dare to say that out loud, you were getting cheap weed.

"So who's your favourite then Jungkook?" He hands you the pen, "Listen. I don't climb up the fire escape when I do deliveries for Angelica, I make her come to me. Is that what you wanted to hear?"

Trying to tug the pen out of his grasp but he holds it firm until you respond, "I guess I can work with that." He smiles softly, letting you take the first hit as his arm wraps around your shoulder.

The two of you passed the pen back and forth, with little giggles here and there and wide eyes on the episode of SpongeBob that was playing.

By now the dark living room is illuminated by nothing more than your roommate's lava lamp and a strip of purple LEDs' taped behind the TV. You could see the smoke as it floated past the few sources of light.

"Open." He directs, taking a particularly long hit, leaning into you and blowing the pungent smoke into your mouth, sucking it in from his lips.

The pen is now forgotten as it rolls between the cracks of the couch. Straddling Jungkook's muscular thigh as he flexed it every now and then, taking hits from his blueberry Ice vape and blowing it to the ceiling, giving you a prime view of his sharp jaw under the soft purple lighting.

The sight made you shake, gyrating your hips almost desperately as you chased the feeling of friction on his denim-clad thigh. "You like that? You feel good fucking yourself on my thigh?" The question was rhetorical, you were too dazed to answer him anyway.

Your heavy-lidded gaze slowly rolls up to his pretty face once you feel his hand move from your hips to gently wrap around your neck, not applying any pressure, just there to let you feel the weight of his hand. "Answer me," He says, and you fall forward "Yess, feels so good." You moan, and Jungkook has danced this dance with you enough to see you were close.

But of course, he couldn't let you cum so soon, not yet. His hands flew to your hips and pinned you down on his thigh, restricting your range of motion. "Please," You beg and he wishes he had a little more willpower but he couldn't say no to you, not when you looked so fucked out when he's barely touched you.

"Fuck. Take your shirt off." Leaning back and crossing your arms over the base of the shirt, you pried it off your body desperately. Leaving you in your black lacy bra and it pulled out a guttural groan from Jungkook's chest.

"You little whore." he grits through his clenched teeth, grip tightening on the arm of the couch nearly ripping the fabric.

This position was no longer giving him what he so desperately craved. Shrugging the jacket from off his shoulders and taking off the tank top underneath letting your eyes roam over his built upper body, oh how you wanted to just...

Without thinking your tongue striped up the expanse of his bulky pecs. This was new, but Jungkook was so high out of his mind anything and everything you did felt like he was on cloud 9.

Your mouth dropped down to wrap around his rosy nipples and you could've never anticipated the worked-up reaction you got from him. "Oh shit, shit shit." He gasps, hands gripping your waist tight enough that you're sure there will be bruises by the morning.

Letting your tongue lap around his nipples with pure hunger, an inexplicable flame burning in your core as you were finally the one who got to watch the other be reduced to a moaning mess.

His once soft moans turned a little breathy and high-pitched, His hips bucked causing you to jolt in his lap, he was getting close.

"Didn't think you'd like having your tits played with so much?" You tease him but he didn't find the humour in it. He holds you by the throat once more, this time applying a generous amount of pressure, pushing you off him.

Unbuckling his belt and you knew what that meant. He slides out of his pants, followed by the boxers that were the last barrier between your moistened lips and his throbbing cock. "Let's put that smart mouth of yours to good use, yeah?" He hums, watching as you sink to your knees, hand carefully wrapped around his base, starting with slow pumps.

"Spit on it." Doing as told, you let a wad of spit fall from your pretty, plush lips and coat the shaft of his dick, you worked your palm up his length. Already satisfied with the way his head was thrown back.

"Just like that," Reaching for the vape, he takes a few good hits, the head rush mixed with the pleasure had him seeing stars-- the object falling from his hands immediately the moment he felt the warm heat of your mouth wrap around his sensitive tip.

"Y/n-" He breathes out, almost scared, he was so close, too soon. He's never struggled to hold himself back this badly before. What were you doing to him?

The obscene sounds of you choking as you struggled to take all of him in your mouth, letting your nose touch the soft, trimmed hairs near his base. Focusing on breathing through your nose before you felt a heavy hand on the back of your head, pushing you lower.

You were quite literally slobbering on his dick, gagging with every buck of his hips. "That's it, princess. You're doing so well--Shit. Mouth feels like fucking heaven." His praise rushes to your core and has your left hand trailing down to rub yourself through your lace underwear.

The rough friction being more than enough to get you there, "I'm gonna cum, baby. Where-- Shit!-- Where do you want it?" He gasps, his hips snapping, pushing his length down your throat almost erratically. You don't answer, only hollowing your cheeks to take him deeper, making your desires clear.

Your own fingers quickening their pace, your own sounds travelling through his dick in vibrations and pushing him right over the edge with you, filling your mouth with his warm cum.

Swallowing as if it were second nature. "Stick out your tongue," He says softly. His chest rises and falls rapidly as he tries to regain his composure from his overwhelming climax. Your tongue was out and cleared of any of his cum and it made him crazy.

He remembers the first time he'd brought an order to you over 6 months ago. He thought you were nothing more than a cute little philosophy major, never did he think he'd have you beneath him like he does right now.

Looking up at him, daring to give you an almost angelic gaze while the two of you ruined each other. Tainting each other with your own touches. "Kiss me?" You ask it so cutely, tempting him with the pout on your lips. You weren't being fair.

His body didn't give him a choice before his lips were on yours, his hips grinding into yours. The feeling of his solid dick rolling against your skin making the butterflies go ramped in your stomach.

The way you licked over his bottom lip with your own made Jungkook weak, stumbling on his elbows as he held himself up over you. Soft groans could be heard the deeper the kiss became.

Messy and intimate. Your hand crept up the back of his neck to tug at the dark locks of hair on his head. There was a loud pop and the two of you paused.

With Jungkook between your legs and with you under him, your heads turned slowly towards the coffee table where the jar was, dedicated to the fermenting rabbit tail. "What the fuck is that?" Jungkook slowly sits up, "My roommate's boyfriend's weird biology shit. I dunno, it freaks me out too." You sit up, now remembering what the two of you were in the middle of doing.

"That shit's not gonna blow up or anything right." You gently peck him on the lips but his brain seems preoccupied by the jar, "who knows," you say, kissing right under his ear and that seemed to get him to zone in on you.

Catching his bottom lip under his teeth as your kisses became more eager, suckling on a certain spot on his neck, his head falling back against his will. "Fuck, Y/n-- Don't you dare." You pull off his soft skin with a soft pop, admiring the burgundy bruise left behind.

"Oops." Your apology was ingenuine and bratty, and Jungkook hated brats.

Tearing you out of your final pieces of clothing before manhandling you into his lap. "Sit on it." He demands and you follow without question. Moaning out loud as his dick spread your lips apart like butter.

Sliding down with ease and a stretch of your velvety walls that were currently squeezing Jungkook for everything he's got and he's got nothing left, everything was yours.

"I-Shit! You feel so good, Kook!" He couldn't bother to correct you on the annoying nickname you were incessant on using. "Yeah? You like that- fuck, you feel so good." He curses, bucking his hips up into you as you raise your hips trying to match his thrusts.

He was fucking you so good, so ruthlessly, your head falls onto his shoulder and you needed more than just the couch to hold on to, your teeth sank into the muscular meat of his shoulder and his pace faltered.

"Shit shit shit! Do that again." He groans, picking up an inhumane pace that had you bouncing all over the place until he stilled you in his arms. His grunts and breathy moans came out right beside your ear only pushing you to your orgasm faster.

"J-jungkook-!" You pant, unable to speak, feeling like your insides are being rearranged, "Me too, baby. Cum with me." You finish first, and with a few more unsynchronized snaps of his hips, you were being filled to the brim with his cum.

The room is filled with nothing but the sound of muffled music playing from your neighbour's next door and laboured breaths. Jungkook gently lays you down on the couch beside him, staring into your eyes.

This felt so intimate. You felt his gaze deeper than just behind your eyes, it was as if he was looking into your soul. His eyes were tinted red as he looked at you with an adoring gaze. "You're cute." He says it casually as though he hadn't just fucked you.

Your eyes roll before they close, feeling the sleepiness begin to kick in. "Bet you say that to all your customers." Mumbling the words into his chest while he began to grin a little.

"Nope. Only to my favourite." Your eyes shoot open.

"I knew it."

#jungkook #bts #jungkook fic recs #jungkook ff #bts jungkook #jungkook smut #bts one shot #jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook

[youronlydarlin]

warning: Sex pollen :), noncon/dubcon, some of them are mean on this one, horny desperate men going insane for your hole, not proofread 😭

Jus' over here havin thoughts about sex pollen infecting your favorite boy man

Finding yourself in the middle of a botched mission, you desperately try to open the door that separates you from your lover. You can hear him hacking, n coughing on the other side. N'd your sweet soul's nearly crying at the thought of what's happening to him. Is he dying !? Pink gas escapes from under the door and you don't even have the time to react before it suddenly opens.

Captain John Price who tries keep some of his composure. You must commend him for it, really. But you turn around to see if the coast's still clear and that's all it takes for his composure to break. Before you knew it you're being lifted into the air. Back pressed tightly against your Captain's chest while he holds you up with the back if your knees. He's got you in a full nelson :( And all of a sudden there's a knife in his hands. You cry out at the thought of what he could do to you but you're silenced the moment he uses it to rip an opening through your trousers, all the while he's rutting against your ass, cause he's just so pent up. Oh, you have to understand!

His dick is inside of you the moment it's freed. Tries to be considerate about it, gives you a few seconds to adjust before he's drilling into you with wild abandon. Fucks you so deep, there's a bulge in your tummy and spots in your vision. Sinks to the floor with you the moment he cums, holding you close to his chest and trying to come up with a decent enough explanation.

Simon "Ghost" Riley who let's out a loud grunt before falling on top of you. The impact makes your head spin, and it momentarily knocks the wind out of your lungs. His body crushes yours beneath the concrete floor and you don't have time to recover before the feeling of phantom hands start to roam your body. And you can no longer blame it on your fall, because your trousers are being ripped away by rough gloved hands.

Poor, little, you can't even object when he wrestles you into a mating press :( Shoving two of his thick digits inside of you with no warning. He's moving them in a scissoring motion, and you cant help but cry at the dry, and painful insertion. He's so mean!

"Shhh, puppy... 'I need this..." Doesn't even say please! Doesn't even give you a warning before the mushroom tip of his cock is breaching past your entrance. It's definitely way thicker than his fingers, and a lot more harder to get used to. He uses your bunched up knees as leverage to fuck you deeper, n deeper till your pretty eyes roll to the back of your skull.

He sounds like an animal when he cums. Growling pure filth to your ear while he grinds his dick inside you. Ready for a round 2?

Johnny "Soap" Mactavish who doesn't even wait. He was already hard as a fucking rock, hearing your cute voice cry out for him on the other side of the door. But now that it's opened, the only thing in his mind is dicking you down till your addicted to his cock.

Very impatient. You're literally like a ragdoll to him and he jus' manhandles you so you're face down, ass up :(

Shoves his fingers in your mouth while pulling your trousers down. He eats you out like a man starved. Like this was going to be his first, and last meal. Not a moment later and he's bullying your hole with his fat cock. Babbling nonsense about how fucking tight you are and how he's "waited to do this for so long". But he cums, and he cums deep.

The definition of painting your insides white.

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick who looks like he's in so much pain. Unlike the other boys he tells you not to get close. He's not right in the head, can't you see that?? But you're sweet. Too sweet, and he wonders if you taste just the same. He's wetting his lips before knows it. He feels terrible. Eye fucking you while you're just trying to get him to talk about what's happening. Is he ok? He's not dying, is he? Tell me where it hurts, please.

You fret over him, and he's never felt such embarrassment in his life before. He feels bad, looking down at the massive tent in his pants. But he feels worse when he's pushing you against the wall. He's tried to hold back. Really, he did. But there's just so much a man like him can take in a situation like this. And he's trying to whisper apologies to you while he hasn't fully lost himself.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, just please....Fffuck–let me fuck you. Please..."

He's so desperate n'd whiney. As if he's not making your thighs shake and your brain into goo. He's fucking your mouth with his tongue, sturdy hands grabbing hold of your legs and wrapping them around his firm waist.

It's all too much. You're brain moving slower than your mouth can say "slow down". In a second he's got your trousers to the side, and his pants bunched up on his knees. He's shaking so much you're worried he might topple over. But he doesn't. Instead he slams his hips directly into yours. Your mouth opening in a silent scream.

He cums the moment he gets his dick in you. He's just so sensitive, ok :( And he doesn't stop at just one round, not even two. Three and his cum's leaking out of you, staining the floor and both of your thighs. Still moving his hips like a man possessed. Four, you're nearly passed out. And there's a slight bump in your stomach from where you're sure his cock, and cum is.

Head lying limp on your shoulder, you wonder how many times you've cummed already, or if this was even going to end. He smiles at you, so brightly he looks like your Kyle again. But he's kissing the side of your mouth before biting at your lips.

"Jus one more. Jus' one more, I promise..."

a/n: I literally don't know what bought this on. Are the parts where I lost motivation obvious? Yes? Ok. Fuck Some characters parts are longer than others I'm so sorry 😭 This has been rotting in my drafts for about 2 days. Hope you enjoy this more than I do 😞. Eat up, my loves!

Yours, truly,

–dolly

#cod x reader #cod imagine #call of duty x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #simon ghost x reader #simon riley x reader #ghost x reader #ghost x reader smut #captain price x you #john price x reader #captain price x reader #john soap mctavish x reader #soap x reader #soap x reader smut #captain price smut #kyle gaz garrick x reader #gaz x reader #kyle garrick x reader #gaz x reader smut #x gn reader #x female reader #x male reader

[ladywuvly]

— ∘☽༓☾∘ ♱ overprotective!simonriley drabble

warnings|| MDNI; 18+ content, unhealthy behavior, k!dnapping, implied attempted sa, overprotective!simonriley, p!v

not only does he not like you leaving the house by yourself, but he borderline wants you chained to the bed.

you plan a grocery trip? just give him a few hours to finish his work and he’ll go with you.

you text him that you have to run to the store? no bother he’ll get whatever you need on his way home.

you want a late night snack? "no way darling, just climb back in here under the covers with me…"

to tell the truth he’s just so protective of you. he just doesn’t want his pretty little girl to be in any unnecessary danger.

but he dreams of the day someone try’s to take you from him. he’d know exactly what to do. he did it for a living. shit, he got payed to do it.

he’d find you, probably gaged and bound, in the back of some dead guy’s van. his precious baby all teary-eyed and red faced.

god, and when he gets his hands on you. he’ll teach you exactly why you should never leave his sights…

“…isn’t that right, baby?” he slurred into your ear from behind.

he had your lower half pulled out of the van’s back door. bent over, hands still bound, spit soaked gag dragging against your hardened nipples with every one of his painful thrusts.

“c'mon use ya’ words…” but you can’t. the only thing escaping your parted lips is a breathless moan of his name.

“simon…”

“at’s right… fuck… say it again.”

“i’ll neve- ah… i’ll- oh fuck… simon…”

he pull you up by your hair, pressing you against his hot chest. slipping his hand around your hip to play casually with your clit.

“don’t ya' wanna cum, princess? or ‘ave ya’ not learned ya’ lesson yet?”

“i have! i have!” you’d cry, fresh tear cascading down your previously damp cheeks.

“please…please simon… i-i wanna cum…”

“y'know what to say darlin’.” his trusts were relentless. dragging against your cervix with each snap of his hips.

a sob was drawn from your throat before your lips babbled out the words…

“i’ll never leave you again!”

“good job, baby… good girl.” he slurs before dropping his head into your shoulder, his mouth taking hold of your neck as his thrust became even rougher…

masterlist. socials. recs.

© ladywuvly please do not steal, copy, or translate any of my work onto other platforms!

#ladywuvly. m.list #18+ content #simon riley smut #simon ghost riley x reader #simon riley x reader #simon riley x you #ghost call of duty #ghost headcanon #ghost x female reader #ghost x reader #simon riley #fanfic #navi. #18+ blog #fandom #simon ghost riley drabble #simon riley drabble #simon riley headcanons #overprotective!simonriley #overprotective!ghostxf!reader

[assassinsblade]

Arrows and Ashes

You and Cassian are ambushed when trying to meet with Eris in the Autumn Court. When an interrogation ensues that leaves you permanently scarred, how will Azriel react?

WC: 4.7k

Warnings: Pining, friends to lovers, gross gore, injury, violence, blood, vomit, all that kind of stuff.

Part 2

—————————————

Drip. Drip. Drip.

It was damp. From the cold, wet floor to the musty air and your blood-soaked skin.

How long had you and Cassian been here? How long had it been since Autumn soldiers had ambushed you in the woods of the Autumn Court, shooting arrows directing into the war general?

It couldn't have been more than a day. You didn't even think it was night time yet. But it felt like it had been an eternity.

From the interrogations to watching Cassian writhe around in pain due to the faebane arrows protruding from his wings... time continuously ticked slower.

You ached. Your entire body cold with sweat despite your lack of clothing. Dirt and blood coated your skin, and you tried to ignore how uncomfortable it felt against your normally soft flesh. You couldn’t though. You couldn’t ignore the situation you were in. Not when it only seemed to be getting worse, and you had no escape in sight.

You might not make it out of here.

You had left that morning expecting to return home quickly. You had left with a plan to meet Eris Vanserra and return to the House of Wind for a bath, to read a book, to have a nice dinner with friends, and maybe even get to spend time with your mate.

Azriel. You wondered what he was doing right now.

If you focused hard enough, you could almost picture him bursting through the cell door, blue siphons ablaze with power and face molded into an expression of beautiful fury.

But he wasn't here. And you might never see him again.

"Cassian..."

"Don't." He demanded. His voice was cracking with weakness, but he tried to sound resolute. "Rhys is coming."

He didn’t sound convinced, and you could tell that he was worried you were running out of time too. It might not have been long enough for Rhys and the others to be concerned, but it was long enough for the Autumn Court to inflict permanent damage.

You let out a shaky breath, grief already swimming in your chest. Grief for what could have been with you and Azriel if you hadn't been so scared. If you had told him sooner about the bond that had snapped for you. If you hadn't been so focused on him wanting you for you and not the idea of the bond.

“I need you to promise me you'll tell him."

Tears leaked from your eyes, and you tried to hold back your cries. You didn't want your life to end so sadly. You wanted to be able to speak with your friend, pretend like everything was okay, reminisce on the happy times you had with the people you loved.

Instead, you were laying nearly completely bare on a concrete floor, shackled, covered in blood, tears, and vomit. Your body had been taken apart, your skin flayed open, beaten. You thought you must look like an animal on a butcher's board, your body a canvas of gore.

Cassian was not unharmed either. When they had captured the two of you, they had shot him down with faebane arrows: a dozen or two of them. His wings were severely injured, and his power was subdued from the faebane. He had taken beatings as well, but when they realized how well-trained the general had been in withstanding interrogations, they turned to you.

Inflicting damage on your body was a way to get either yourself or Cassian to talk. They taunted him with your pain, and you felt guilty that this would most likely haunt him as much as it haunted you. Would he forgive himself for doing the right thing and protecting his court?

The two of you were on your way to meet with Eris to go over some plans when you were ambushed by Beron's men. Based on their line of questioning, they still did not know of the eldest son's plans of a coup, but they were suspicious of the Night Court presence in their land.

They used the opportunity to not just ask why you were there, but to interrogate you about the new Night Court addition: Nyx. They wanted to know about his powers, how strong he seemed to be, if he can be used as a weapon, how many guards are constantly with him...

But you and Cassian would never betray your family nor your court.

So when Cassian refused to answer, and the whip came down on your torso, you tried to block out his yells, his growls, his apologies. You tried to block out the pain as the leather cleaved into your skin, flaying it open until muscle showed. You focused on what you would do when you got out of here; how you would go to the library with Nesta and pick out new books, how you would go shopping with Mor, how you would go flying with Azriel.

You focused on happy memories with your friends as fists landed on your cheeks, dug into your ribs. As Cassian took blows, you tried to remember the way he'd make you laugh, contorting his groans of pain into his teasing hums and chuckles.

But as you laid in a pool of your own blood, the taunts of the soldiers echoed in your head, and you knew what was coming.

Your wings would be next to go, and with that, so would you.

Despite yourself, you wondered how Azriel would react. If he would mourn you, if it would hurt him as badly as losing him would hurt you. You wondered how Cassian would tell him about the mating bond, if he would have Azriel sit down first, if Rhys would be there for support as well.

"We are getting out of here," Cassian said, voice stronger and more determined. "And you are telling him yourself."

But then the cells were opening, footsteps marching down the hall, and three males were walking toward you with purpose. They gripped you by your forearms, pulling you up harshly, and you closed your eyes and tried to swallow your panic down.

The lacerations on your arms and abdomen from the whip were burning with a vengeance, infection certain to be spreading from the dirt pressed into them on the concrete. The males' hands twisted around your wounds, and you gasped weakly at the pain as they hauled you to your knees.

The shackles were connected to a hook on the wall, lifting your arms slightly, allowing them full access to your back. Your back that they had not whipped, because they were waiting for this.

"Daisy," he called your nickname -- the one given to you by Azriel when you all were only kids. "Look at me. Just look at me, alright? I'm here."

Your whole body was shaking, trembling with fear and anticipation at what was to come. Panic was suffocating you, building in your chest and making its way up your throat, and you thought your bladder might have even released with how petrified you were.

Cassian's voice was still echoing in the background, but you could only focus on the clanging of chains, the footsteps behind you, the sound of a sword unsheathing.

Your fingers dug into the shackles, fingers white with how hard you were gripping them, trying to steel yourself for what was to come.

"Lord of Bloodshed..." one of the males taunted, spinning the sword around in his hand. "I think you know what this is for."

You drowned out the male's voice. His nasally, grating, voice that seemed to irritate your ears. You drowned out the words that would doom you, focusing instead on listening to your own breathing and heart beat.

You were alive. You were strong.

There was silence after a while, and you squeezed your eyes shut, gritted your teeth, tried not to sob.

“I’m sorry, Daisy,” Cassian cried.

You tried to suck in a breath, tried not to let his protection of his nephew, his protection of his brother, of his court, hurt you. But the sword came down, and your lungs were not yet filled with air.

You couldn’t breathe, you couldn’t breathe, you couldn’t breathe.

It was like your limb was being torn from your body, nerve endings flaying open, on fire, agony coursing through your veins and sending a shock through your body all the way to your head.

You thought you might have made a noise, but you couldn’t hear over the ringing in your ears, and your chest seemed stuck.

Blood splattered across the wall as he pulled the sword out of your wing. It hadn’t gone all the way through; instead, it had gotten stuck in one of the lines of thick membrane, and you gagged when he pulled it from where it had stopped, tissue separating with the motion.

It came down again, a hacking motion, unclean and barbarous, dragging through tendons and nerves.

You had never been in so much pain before. You thought you might be going into shock, your body shaking, stomach nauseous, vision going fuzzy, ears ringing with white noise.

You were only semi-aware of the burning coming up your throat, of the smell of your own vomit.

Cassian’s voice was muffled, drowned out in your mind, but you could hear the sorrow, the panic, the guilt.

Your hands were limp in the shackles, body slumped forward into the wall when the first wing fell to the floor with a thump.

You thought you heard Cassian retching.

And when the sword came down toward the second wing, your adrenaline now out of your system, you couldn’t help the piercing scream that echoed off the walls. You screamed and sobbed and shook until the hacking broke through the second wing too, slicing and grinding it to the floor.

Your entire body was covered in sweat. Cheek pressed to the wall, arms hung above your head but body hanging limp. You tried to stay conscious. You tried to focus on the sounds of Cassian’s sobs, the way he called your name and tried to get your attention. You tried to blink the dizziness away, tried to focus on the blood pooling around you into a large circle.

But everything ached and stung.

As the shackles were released from the wall, weight now imbalanced, your body didn’t even know which way to fall.

You landed in a puddle of your own blood, urine, vomit, and tears. But you were too tired to move, too hurt to move. So you laid there, cheek pressed into the sticky, hot, red liquid, and watched as your friend begged you to stay awake.

Breath stuttering in your chest, blood wavering in front of your mouth with each heave, you reached a hand out to your friend. Just barely. With only enough strength to inch your fingers forward, your body twitching with pain and exertion, you made the motion, tried to communicate that you did not blame him, that you understood, even if your chest ached with hurt.

And then you were going in and out of darkness.

There were times you could hear voices, ones you recognized. Other times it was peacefully quiet. You tried to bask in those moments, where there was no pain or noise—only you and your mind. Where you could pretend like everything was fine and you and Cassian had never left for the Autumn Court early that morning. Or that you had met with Eris as planned, gotten the intel you needed, and returned in time for supper.

But those voices would interrupt your peaceful state, arguing and panicking.

You’d hear glimpses.

You make one wrong touch and you’re dead.

Big threats from a bedridden brute.

You were only brought back to full consciousness briefly when you felt a searing hot pain in your back, pulling you from your sleep gasping for air.

You were on fire, dear gods, you were burning alive.

And then Cassian was in your eyesight, his hazel eyes shining with concern. His hand reached out to cradle your head where it laid atop a pillow, the other stretched across the tops of your shoulders to keep you held down onto the table.

“I know, I know,” he reassured quickly. “It’s okay. It’ll be over soon. You’re okay.”

But you didn’t believe him. How could you be okay when you felt like this? When you didn't even understand what was happening?

You were choking on your own cries, on the tears and drool pooling in your mouth. Cassian tried to wipe them away, leaning down and pressing a kiss to your forehead, whispering encouraging words into your ear.

Your fingers grasped at the wood underneath you, your legs kicking at an invisible weight holding your lower half down.

“Please-“ your voice shook as your body trembled. “Stop.”

You could feel yourself losing consciousness again, your vision going spotty, the pain too much for your weak, shocked body to handle.

“Eris…” Cassian warned, his tone threatening.

“Do you want her to live?”

You didn’t think you would live past this though. This was unbearable. Pure hot torture raging across the skin of your back and melting the muscle, nerves, and bone.

Distantly, you realized what they were doing. They were cauterizing the wounds. Burning the flesh to stop the bleeding, to give you a chance at healing before it was too late.

Mouth dry, your voice gave out, and you let out hoarse squeaks of pain.

It could have been sixty seconds or five minutes, but it felt like an eternity before the weight on your legs shifted, and the fire edged away.

Your lashes and cheeks were wet with your tears, tongue bitten in your screaming. And as you tried to breathe again, tried to focus on Cassian’s voice as he addressed Eris, on his hand stroking your hair back, you thought of where you could be. If you were actually going to make it back to the Night Court, if you were actually going to survive this.

Gruesome lashes ached on your legs, abdomen, and arms. The weightlessness at your back paired with the smell of burnt flesh brought an image of barbecue to your brain that had you gagging again.

You might survive, but your body wouldn’t. This was no longer you, no longer the body you would have willingly given to Azriel, with the glowing bond in its chest he remained unaware about.

It was hacked and burnt and damaged and-

“We’re gonna get you home,” you heard Cassian speaking softly to you.

Eris moved around in the background, gathering and packing up supplies in another room of whatever isolated home he had brought you to. You never thought you’d be so grateful to see the auburn-haired male, or that he’d actually put his ass on the line to save you, but here he was.

Had he heard you were captured upon your missed meeting? Did he release you himself?

You knew he would have to find a way to explain how you two got out from the cells. It would most likely end in some form of physical abuse toward him from Beron. The thought made your stomach turn with more sorrow and guilt.

“Eris sent a letter to Rhys. He knows where we are, and he’ll be here soon.”

You let the words comfort you, your eyes fluttering shut and muscles trying to relax after being attacked.

A sharp pain separate from the physical torture you endured burned in your heart, though, as you realized how everything was going to change. Your wings were gone. They took your wings, and with it any happiness or confidence you had felt.

You felt tears swim in your vision, your eyes so exhausted you could barely keep them open enough for the liquid to fall down your cheeks. Cassian immediately wiped them away with his thumb, his brow scrunched in concern as he watched you.

“My wings-” your voice wobbled, and Cassian immediately brought his head to yours in a makeshift hug.

“I know,” he tried to soothe, his voice pinched with sympathy. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, Daisy.”

Eris appeared once again, carrying a blanket and what looked like a loose nightgown. You only then realized how bare you still were from the dungeon and your injuries.

“Here,” the usually cold Autumn lord set the clothes to the side, pulling the blanket out instead. He draped it across your body, adjusting it so it covered from your shoulders to your toes. Cassian gave him a somewhat surprised and suspicious glance, but nonetheless nodded his head at the male gratefully.

“Rhys responded and should be here any minute. The wards are open to him. I assume he is collecting his own healer-”

Eris didn’t even have a chance to finish before shadows materialized in the corner of the room, an intimidating presence taking up the space and charging for the auburn-haired male.

“What the hell did you do?”

“Azriel-” Cassian jumped to his feet, pulling the shadowsinger back. Azriel’s eyes remained locked on the Autumn Court heir, though, his eyes promising a pain he knew all too well how to deliver. “He got us out. We got caught, and he helped us. Without him, she'd be dead.”

Azriel swallowed harshly, body tense with anger. He seemed to take the moment to consider the words, to consider if he believed in their truth. Ultimately, he dropped his hands and turned toward where you laid.

His face crumpled, all anger and drive deflating into devastation.

Feet carrying him over to you, he fell to his knees in the same spot Cassian had just occupied.

“Oh gods…” he breathed, shaking hand coming to rest against your cheek.

You tried to blink up at him, but your vision was still slightly blurred. You could still see the concern in his eyes, though. The way the green and brown melded together with worry and care, sparking the gold tether in your chest alive.

“My sweet Daisy,” he muttered to himself. “What have they done to you?”

Daisy. The nickname was sweet on his lips, sweet as the day he labeled you as his flower. The young boy who had taken a look at the young Illyrian female ravaging her horrible family's garden in a rage and had endearingly called her Daisy. Had compared her to the pretty life that could grow in a horrible place, in horrible soil that kept preventing her from sprouting.

You didn't know what to tell him. Your body still shook with pain, adrenaline, and shock.

You heard Rhys arrive, heard Cassian and Eris explaining what had occurred to the high lord and his healer. You heard Madja curse at the arrow wounds in Cassian's wings, and Cassian insist she help you first.

"You're going to be okay," Azriel placed a soft kiss to your fingertips peeking out from the top of the blanket. "And I am going to make them pay. They are going to regret ever touching you."

You tried to focus on his pretty eyes, his dark eyelashes highlighting the light hazel. He looked so worried, so hurt himself.

Shuffling behind you made your breath hitch, and then the blanket was being moved down your back, exposing your wounds to the cold air.

You winced, a sound you would equate to a wounded animal echoing into the solemn room. Azriel’s hand gripped your own, eyes watching your reaction intently.

But you watched as his eyes moved from your own to glance at what everyone else was seeing—what Madja was here to work on. His face immediately paled, his jaw clenching tight, and his fingers digging into your own.

Did it look as bad as it felt?

You wondered if someone would be able to find you beautiful after this. If Azriel would be able to look at your skin and see a pretty female and not someone who had been put through a meat grinder.

He swallowed harshly, ripping his eyes away from your back and locking onto your own again.

His chest was rising and falling heavily, as if he was trying to contain himself, reign himself in from exploding.

“I didn’t tell them,” you finally spoke. Your voice was hoarse from screaming and throwing up, and dry from lack of water.

Azriel looked as if you had hit him, and you heard Rhys immediately come to your side next to the shadowsinger. He knelt down and placed a kiss to the sweaty skin at your temple, stroking your hair lovingly before looking at you sternly.

“All we care about right now is that our friend is alive and safe. Don’t worry about anything else right now. I’m not.”

“They wanted Nyx,” you croaked.

Rhysand looked haunted but not surprised. “Cassian told me. We will figure it out and plan for the worst.”

You didn’t answer the high lord, focusing on your breathing as Madja began skimming her hands over the gouges in your back.

Violet eyes met your own, and the hazel eyes next to him watched the healer’s actions with intensity. “I will never be able to repay the price you paid to keep my family safe. I am forever indebted to you.”

Tears fell down Rhys’ cheeks, and you wished you could hug him, the male you think of as a brother. But then you thought of how odd that would feel for you—for him—to hug without your wings.

You remembered his story of being captured during the war. How he said he went through endless abuse and torture, but they didn't touch his wings. He had said that touching them would have been the one way to get him to talk.

But you didn't.

“I’d do it again-” you began to say, but you were cut off by Madja’s actions, a piercing pain shooting through you. You gasped, eyes squeezing shut and hand clamping down on Azriel’s.

“Rhys.” Azriel demanded. What he was demanding, you weren’t sure. But his voice was firm, strong, a tone you hadn’t heard him use before with his brother.

Rhys seemed to understand though, because he stood and walked a few steps to the top of your head, putting a hand there.

“Can I take some of your pain away?” He asked gently, voice still strained from the emotions he showed.

You could barely give a nod of your head with how badly your muscles were tensed in agony. But he saw it, and as you felt the mental talons drag along the walls of your mind, your tear-filled eyes met Azriel’s.

“I’m so proud of you,” the shadowsinger said, eyes gleaming with sorrow. “My strong Daisy. My brave, brave girl.”

And with some of the pain gone—there, but now slightly more bearable as the healer worked—you could breathe a bit easier.

Azriel continued speaking to you, distracting you from the work going on around your body. “Before you know it, we’ll be back in Velaris. We can go to that bookstore you like and pick out as many books as you want. I’ll read one with you, if you want. Even one of those romances you like so much.”

He tried to give you a soft smile, but it looked sad, and it made your heart hurt.

A rough twist near your back and a sob escaped your mouth. Rhys’ energy swarmed stronger in your mind, and Azriel was quick to lean forward, face inches from your own, eyes drowning in fear and worry.

“I’ve got you,” he repeated, voice heavy with panic. “Just focus on me. I know it hurts, but we’ve gotta do it. You’re almost done, sweetheart. Just hold on a bit longer.”

Your cries were becoming louder and you could hear Azriel cursing, could see through your tears the way he tipped his head up to look at Rhys in desperation.

“Can we put her to sleep?” He asked toward the healer, and if you didn’t know what he asked, the sound of his voice would have made you think he was begging.

It was silent for a moment, and you could feel Azriel’s hands start shaking around your limp one in his grasp.

Madja finally responded, sounding grim. “She’s lost a lot of blood. I don’t want to risk it.”

“What can I do?” Azriel pleaded toward the healer.

You tried to control your sobs, control the way your body convulsed at the touches of the healer behind you. But it was excruciating, the lack of wings, the deep tendons, muscles, bones, and nerves ripped from your skin and haphazardly cauterized despite possible infection. And now to try to fix the rushed burns, to check for infection and draw it out...

“Keep her awake.”

Azriel’s head dipped down for a moment, either in sorrow or in order to compose himself. But then he was looking at you, so lovely and beautiful you nearly felt like you were dreaming.

And he tried to sound positive, his voice going up a bit to sound lighter, but it was strained and not entirely convincing.

“I found that cat you have been following around Velaris. The stray that tries to sneak into the coffee shop? I guess some of the customers feed him. They call him Bix, and he lives under the porch of the place.”

Your vision swims as you try to pay attention to what he is saying, and his fingers lightly tap your cheek.

“I'll take you to visit him soon. Okay? I'll even pet him this time."

You tried to smile at the image of the stoic shadowhunter holding a cute stray cat, but even the muscles in your face felt heavy and lethargic.

"Maybe we can get you a cat," he continued when he saw you listening. "I know you’ve always wanted one. And Rhys would probably give you fifty now if you asked.”

His voice was soothing, and the more he spoke, the more you wanted to sleep. His presence was like a balm to the last ten hours, the scent of him, the feel of his hand in yours, the sound of his voice in your ear, all reminded you that you were safe again.

Rhys’ power rushed through you, and you could feel your body start to go numb, the pain ebbing away thanks to your friend and high lord.

Now you were just tired. So so tired.

“Hey-” Azriel sat up a little straighter, the movement pulling your eyelids open once more. “You gotta stay awake, sweetheart. You can sleep soon, I promise. Just not yet.”

But you could barely hear him. Your mind was already falling, vision warping into a blurry vignette.

Azriel was here. You were safe.

“Madja-” Azriel's voice became more frantic as he watched you start to fade. In a panic, he stood from his position at your side and gripped your face in both his palms.

His fingertips were gentle on your face as they lightly tapped, trying to get your attention without hurting you. When you didn’t respond, your heavy eyelids beginning to succumb to sleep, he began to tap a little harder, his strong hands trying to pull you back up.

The last thing you heard before finally allowing a pain free and peaceful rest to overtake you was Azriel pleading your name, a shuffle of two bodies, and then his touch being gone, his deep voice suspended in the room instead—a darkness trailing underneath it that would have had you on your knees if not for you floating into unconsciousness.

“Prepare for a war, Rhysand. Because if she doesn’t wake up, I will slaughter every last member of the Autumn Court.”

Before darkness enveloped you, you briefly wondered if their bodies would look like your own when he was finished.

#acotar x reader #acotar fic #azriel x reader #azriel angst #azriel x you #azriel fluff