#just venting because tomorrow's gonna suck when i find out how much getting this tooth extracted is gonna cost 'XD

[oncegilded-blog]

Snow

@atramentousxedge - Okay so this is what I found/copy/pasted. yet haven’t read through yet to see if I got it right. >.> I haven’t begun on their meeting one though. And I think I should before re-reading this. So--- gonna go hunt that shit up now as best I can.  ps- our tags are fuuuucked. we suck

▬♦M♦▬ Snow wasn’t magical. It didn’t make for cheery winter wonderlands. And it didn’t leave her itching to go ‘play’ in it like some silly child. It just made for frozen toes, frost bit fingers, and finding food much harder. Snow simply made you cold, wet, and hungry. Which was the trifecta of a bad fucking day in Tess’ book, so she wasn’t about to argue with his logic.           ”Indeed—-“ The word was crooned softly as she shivered, tugging the throw she’d found in the charming bachelor more tightly around herself. She’d been right about the place being clear and quite high enough to afford them some small sense of security, seeing that it was positioned above a small bar that had been well boarded up before the owners either left or turned. The only problem was it faced the storm that was rolling in, and had no means of keeping it warm unless they started a fire in the damn electric oven. Wind howled, gusting snow and whipping it in big swirls around the large window at the front, making her wish they’d have had time to scout out a more practical place before the storm hit.           ”—-Though maybe we coulda kept lookin’ a lil longer.           This place is comfortable, and decently stocked,           but damn, I’m gonna freeze t’death here.” _________________________

Sitting with one knee up and supporting his elbow, Kazu looked up from his whittling at her agreement. The pile of shavings he was going to use as tinder, while the wood itself he was tapering to be used as a shank or stake.

He ran hot, and while he too was chilled, he was nowhere near as cold as she apparently was. The place had been a jackpot, as far as he was concerned, even if it did need a few repairs. Winter was already upon them, and they had to start somewhere. First things first was to get a fire going for her, even if he had  to rip apart the busted oven for a pit tomorrow. Potentially dangerous and loud, he was reluctant as he scanned their surroundings one more time searching for any other durable canister.

         “ No. ” He answered her as he went back to whittling.          “ —any longer and we would have been caught out                     in the storm and froze to death out there. ”

Setting the wood and knife down he stood up and moved towards a metal filing cabinet that was overturned in the back corner. Opening one of the drawers, as quickly and as hard as he could, he tugged and ripped it free on the first go. Walking back with the metal drawer that would suffice until a more efficient means was presented as their fire-pit, Kazu set it down and began to build her a fire with the tinder and books he had pilfered along the way.

He’d need to risk breaking apart furniture for more substantial fuel, but for now the small fire would have to do the trick. Motioning her over after a minute, he held out a paperback book to her.          “ Come here Tessa, keep this going. ”

_________________________________________

▬♦M♦▬ Watching the winter storm move more fully in on them she only casts a glance over her shoulder when she hears him get up to move about. Simply arching a brow, impressed over how he manhandles the filing cabinet.          “Well I mighta, but you seem alright.           Somethin’ tells me you’d not a’ froze t'death.” So, she was glad he helped her make it back to the little pad she’d found before, for her own sake anyway. Though perhaps he was cold too. However he wasn’t shivering, growing pale, or huddling in on himself like she was. As he made his way back she turned to face him, brows furrowing faintly as she watched him light the fire.          “Mm– ya think we should tear out the fan above the stove,           and give the smoke some place t'escape.           And by we– I mean you, T1000.” Because there was no way she’d be able to wrench that hood vent off, and yank out a fan to open up the ventilation shaft without some decent tools. He on the other hand– could probably use his hands. With a sigh she shifts, reluctant to let her blanket slip as she shuffled closer and took up the book, leafing through it with a little chuckle that only seemed to grow the more she read.          “Yeah this book deserves t'be burned.” With that she rips out a page, holding it up to the dim light from the small fire just starting to take off, and reads the words on it with a mock lustful purr.

“Ilyan shed his suit jacket and shirt until all he wore were his pants, and those were easy to get rid of. I wanted to do that myself, unbutton his shirt, caress his chest, but Ilyan was the type who wanted all the control when we fucked. It was a small thing to capitulate to his desire, especially when he made me come so many times.”

          “—-Oh lordy, they even spelled cum c-o-m-e.” She’s far too amused with how bad that thing reads to be the least bit embarrassed about it. Perhaps because it was so ridiculous, it didn’t ring as being seriously sexual in the least. Snickering so as to almost snort with laughter over the cheap romance novel he’d managed to snag, she crumbles the bad writing up to toss to the flames. They licked around it, finally engulfing it in a low whoosh, and she moved on to another. This time just rolling her eyes at what she found there before discarding it to burn as well.          “Ya think we can get into the bar below later?           I bet they have some better stuff t'burn.           —Maybe some booze still too?” Flashing him a tooth lil smirk, hoping he’d see it as an implied request to find her some alcohol, she rubs her hands together, and lightly blows on the little fire to flare it up some more.

__________________________________________

   “I would not have let you freeze to death.” He told her even as he stood and turned towards the vent above the busted oven and had to shake his head at himself with a low chuckle. Here he was, ex marine, biological weapon given flesh, taking orders from a cute little red-head in an abandoned bar in the middle of a nasty snow storm during the apocalypse.

Walking over to it, he braced an arm on the wall to lean over the appliance and looked up into the fan. His next words were grunted, curt from his bent position.      “Correct you are. I do not get cold easily,                though admittedly…                It would have been bothersome.”

Reaching up to grasp an edge, the cold bite of the metal sent a ripple of goose bumps down his arm, but he ignored it and yanked. The metal separated with a sharp and quick screech as he tried to be as quick, but as careful as possible.

Even in the storm, there was no telling how acute the eaters hearing was, and it was best not to provoke a test. He felt the air move, now free to rise up and through he turned back around to find her holding up a page of the book and reading aloud a passage. He made a face of disgusted amusement as he set the hood on the ground next to the oven.      “I prefer the real thing, personally.               Reading about sex never really did it for me.”

Moving to stand behind her as she further amused herself by burning the terribly written novel, Kazu crossed his arms and looked over towards the large window and open balcony that looked down onto the bar below.

For now the bar below was inaccessible, as he had intended once they were secured on the top level—no surprises during the night, Kazu wasn’t fond of having to wake up swinging. The entire hallway had been stuffed with the tables and chairs that had been arranged close to the balcony. Looking back down at her when she requested alcohol, he arched an eyebrow.

     “I didn’t take you for a drinker. What’s your poison?” ___________________________________________

▬♦M♦▬           ”No, right— I know.” The reply sounded almost sheepish, realizing that her words could be taken as if she had little faith in him having concern over her well being in that away. However after what he’d done to keep her alive so far, and in such a short amount of time, she was certain he wouldn’t let something as simple as a snow storm take her out already. A curious, and perhaps a little self indulgent, gaze slid from her work with the fire to watch him remove the oven hood and vent fan. Her darkened eyes drink in his actions, the bend of his body to better position himself for the pull, and the flex of muscle, brawn bulging as he broke apart the appliance with relative ease. All of course made extra obvious by the tightness of his second hand shirt. Which looked damn good on him despite the fact that his quick clean up was unable to remove all evidence of it’s previous gore bath down the front. Cheeks flushing, she yanks her attention back to the page before her, distracting herself with reading the silliness of some sloppily structured erotica. Which was far less sexy than the man soaking up space in the small room. Good lord, this bachelor pad looked so much bigger with just the bed at one side, and the strangely shaped modern couch on the other as the main focal points of the place. Now though—- with Kazu in the midst of it—- The space was just filled up with him. He was the main focal point, no matter what else she had to busy herself with. With a faint little cough, a strangled sound of unexpectedness at his frank and so casual response to her reading and comments, she tears up more of the book before muttering, mostly to herself.        “Yeah well I have had far more satisfyin’ books than lovers, so—-“ So she wasn’t going to admit she might be a bit of an expert on the sort of trashy novel she was incinerating at that moment.   Once the conversation was drawn towards the bar below, Tess can’t help the light laugh that bubbles up as she turns towards him, drawing the blanket tighter about her slender shoulders.        “I’m sure there’s an awful lot about me that might surprise ya.         But everyone has their vices, amiright?         Mine’s mostly whiskey. A good bourbon, or Scot.         Though I’d take jus’ about anything t’add a bit a’ fire t’the blood right about now.” She knew that technically alcohol didn’t warm you one bit, but it sure did take the edge off of feeling so cold. Or so sore and rattled still too. Which she was, and doing her damndest to ignore. Though there was no doubt, with the weather, and the way her ass had hit so hard on the pavement earlier, she was going to be aching in the morning, no matter how much liquor she loosened her limbs with tonight.        “However I suggest we stay away from vodka or tequila.         Vodka just makes me kinda volatile.” And what do they say about tequila? Yeah, she should avoid that tonight too. __________________________________

He allowed himself to smirk a little at her reaction to his crass confession, but it was true. Reading about sex wasn’t even foreplay to him…                    Well–                           maybe… He considered that perhaps given a certain context it had potential to be. But certainly not for entertainment purposes. Kazu preferred soft flesh and liquid warmth to paper and ink. Not that his imagination was lacking.

Her small insinuation that the men in those stories kept her warmer than a living, breathing man made him grunt in concern, but pulled himself short. It wasn’t his place nor was it the time to inquire or comment. To easy would it be to find a game in making her flush or squirm. There was still too much to discuss, too much to worry about for now. Starting with the explanation he felt her owed her. That man attacked her because they saw her with him.

That little joke back at the store about the fences suddenly seemed grossly inappropriate and knotted in his stomach like a lead weight. He should have just told her the truth, but how could he have known? What would he have even said? That dangerous men were potentially nearby, but don’t worry its probably nothing. Paranoia might have saved her the trouble…                     Fuck.

Maybe she would have been a little more careful, or gone a totally different way through town if he’d only just said something… It was too late now though. No use in stressing over the what could have been. He could warn her now, and he could keep her safe. At the very least, until he sorted out the bad blood and made sure, in any direction she chose to go, she had a safe path.

              “I have no doubt you are full of surprises, Tessa.” He spoke, looking down at her when she turned in place, swathed in her blanket, to look back at him. Already she looked better then she had earlier that day. Still a bit scuffed, with the vibrancy of her hair dulled only a little from her tussle and close call. His mind went back into a three part rewind; recalling how she’d looked while in that room back at the store with him, to the look in her eyes when he cowed her against the wall. Right up to current times; right now, as she looked up at him.

He could see the phantom tremors behind her eyes and in the lines of her face with his acute senses. She definitely wasn’t giving herself enough credit, and he fully planned on reinforcing that. After he told her everything he knew about the guy who attacked her, and the guys who’d attacked him.

             “At least you have good taste.” He smiled approvingly, especially when she expounded on the passing of tequila. No need to open that bottle of liquid hormones.

               “I need to break apart some furniture,                         that paper won’t burn forever.                         Wait here, and ’ll bring you back                         a bottle for you while I make sure                         we have enough to burn to last at                         least the night” _____________________________________

▬♦M♦▬ Pleased that he didn’t argue, or try to prove she was easily readable, the corners of her lips quirk up a bit more, gazing up at him as she was then, eyes flashing in the dim light of the small fire.         “I would hope so.          My father had a thing for the Scotch.          Had some family ship over his favorite straight from the source.          It was the easiest thing t’get my hands on when I was younger.          Guess you could say I cut my teeth on ‘the good stuff’.” Shrugging she simply snuggled further into her blanket, and tucked some loose curls away from her face, nodding as he changed subjects towards a trip below. There wasn’t a chance in hell she was going anywhere at that moment, too cold and too scared of running into more from that group, Tess had every intention on waiting there long before he basically commanded her to. After all, from what she’d seen, he would be far better off without her. Able to move faster, and fight better without having t worry about her getting in the way. In fact she wouldn’t blame him one bit if he bailed as soon as the storm let up. Especially after that run in out there on the street. Surely he’d over heard something that led him to believe she was nothing but trouble. Hell he’d already had to save her ass twice, right? What man in his right mind would want to stick around any longer than he had to with someone who was going to be a bit of a burden? And that’s what she felt she’d be to a man like him, so clearly capable of handling everything himself, he didn’t seem to have need of someone such as she. Even the mending of his wound had been forced on her part, showing that the main skill she possessed wasn’t exactly wanted by him either. Part of her planned on telling him it was okay to feel that way. And essentially give him permission to take off on her. Once she apologized for the shit she’d drug him into that is. After that she was sure he’d be happy to have such an easy guilt free out. Of course she’d been a little distracted with the whole getting away and not dying bit to take note of everything the man had said, and assumed the mention of the man with dreads had only been because he’d seen Tess exit the building with Kazu. So, she had no way of knowing his ‘fence’ was actually the boys that asshole was upset about losing. Had she though, perhaps she’d not have been sitting there as she was, dazed and doing her best to sift through all the possible ways to explain what that had all been about in a way that didn’t make her look like—- well a killer. Because despite the blood on her hands due to them, she never really could think of herself in such a fashion, and would be horrified if anyone else did.          “Right—- I’ll uh— I’ll wait right here.” She mumbled then lifted her gaze from her bruised wrists to him once more.           ”Hurry back.” We hafta talk— While he was gone though she had actually managed to move from that spot, and had taken up some of the wooden utensils in the the kitchen, using her knife to make some shavings and keep the fire burning. Having sliced the wide parts off of two spoons, and a spatula, she put them into a lil tee-pee in the center of the makeshift fire pit, and had their tiny fire burning a bit brighter by the time he returned to find her toying with the knife, still bundled up in her blanket, and gazing into the flames. ________________________________________

Kazu reached across his chest to rub at his shoulder, ignoring the twinge at his back. He hadn’t reopened the wound, at least it didn’t feel that way, in his attack on her aggressor earlier. He’d have Tessa look at it when he got back, she’d likely want to know.                  “ Cut your teeth on it, huh?                            Well, I’d say we have something in common then.                          Good whiskey and all– ”

But obviously tossing the guy bodily down the alley had pulled something in or around the wound. He grunted a little at himself, thinking back on how brutal he must have appeared to her. Funny, but he’d never really given it much thought. Since the dead had begun to rise, Kazu had spent the majority of his time where he well… spent the majority of his time. In the forests. The wild. He had only participated in civilization for monetary and necessary purposes. He still had to live being who he was. Of course, that was ‘before’.

Now though he found himself… No. He didn’t care for judgment, and never had. Kazu wasn’t a man who concerned himself with the huffs and critiques of sheep. He wasn’t human and didn’t pretend to be. Kazu was exactly who he was, without exception or remorse. Just before he passed through the door into the hall, he paused and glanced over his shoulder, watching the light from the small flame do tricks with her eye color as she observed her wrists and fell into a sort of introspection that allowed him to study her without her knowing just yet.               “ –seems we both enjoy that fire.                         I won’t be long—not ten minutes. ”

Set on raiding the interior of the downstairs before breaking apart one of the chairs constructing his barricade in the staircase, Kazu used a bit of magic once out of range, to make the leap without disturbing the mess. Landing at the foot of the stair’s should have sounded like a small bomb going off, but the foxfire burning under the soles of his feet absorbed the impact. His body of course, still suffered the shock, sending ripples up his back and arms as he crouched low and remained in place. It was dark down here, the smell of dust and dead blood, rotting food and stale beer stung his senses. Standing up slowly he stepped into the dark of the lower level, his eyes flashing pearlescent; reflective as his pupils widened.

There were no biters down here, none that had been disturbed already by their low conversations from above, but that didn’t exclude nasty surprises. More than once a body he thought down entirely and unresponsive the first time around, came back with a vengeance to try and bite him on his ass. Literately. He’d taken to shoving his blade through the forehead of any he came across as a standard precaution.

The soft sing of Ester as he drew the blade from his back reflected from the light coming in through the windows, but he was otherwise silent as he made his way towards the kitchen and staff area of the bar.                        Clear. Sheathing his blade he found an orange, plastic crate and began to fill it with canned fruit and a decent sized bag of unopened peanuts. Finding the beer cooler, Kazu set down the crate with a barely contained chuckle of pure glee. It was still locked, three bolts and a bar latch. Hand burning hot with foxfire he grasped the metal bar and snapped it as quietly and quickly as he could. Pulling Ester from his back again, he slipped it into the eyehole’s of the masterlocks and snapped those too. Opening the door he waited and used the sword to move aside the plastic flaps.                        Clear. Two chilled bottles, of Tennessee Honey and Devil’s Cut went into the crate before he made it back upstairs the same way he’d come. With the crate under his left arm, and a plain, wooden barstool over his right shoulder, being the only difference. Setting the barstool down he waited for her to notice him. Gesturing to her with his now free hand, he glanced at the knife, connecting that she had used it to shard the bits of a wooden spatula and spoons.               “ You know how to use a knife? ”

A fleeting moment of teaching her crossed his mind. If she didn’t, at least he could show her, that hulk of a spear she carried, she could certainly use some practice with as well.

______________________________ ▬♦M♦▬ Unsure of how long he’d be gone Tess had busied herself attempting to keep the small fire from fading before he brought back some real fuel for it. And of course mull over how to open this particular can of worms that was staring her in the face now. Perhaps it had only been a handful of minutes that passed as she’d let the blade of her knife slide down the length of wooden utensils and shave off curls of wood that took to burn quite quickly. However it felt as if it was ages. Not to say he was exactly lonely without him there. After all that would be silly since she’d been so long on her own and hardly knew him. However without him in the room it felt—- oddly empty. Kazu simply absorbed space. His size and his very presence too up all of one’s attention when he was present, and now that she knew what it was like in there with him, the place felt vast , barren, and almost cold without him. Nope, check that. It was actually cold, but in more so the literal sense. Shivering she huddled close to the source of warmth she was slowly building bigger, and began etching a pattern in the wooden knife block she’d found and intended to burn once the fire built up a bit. It was just a few notes of music she once enjoyed playing, nothing fancy, because it would be pointless to put any time into something she was just going to light up a little later anyway, but it was a way of distracting herself from the shit swirling around in her head. In fact it was working so well she didn’t notice his return right away, which was saying something, since things just felt different with him close by, like he affected the environment around him with is very aura, as cheesy as that sounded. Coppery locks, made all the more flame like with the light of the fire dancing along them, cascade around her face as it turns it up ever so slightly to greet him, and allow a dark auburn brow to arch curiously, unsure of exactly what he meant. She knew how to use the blade to shape a spear tip that she could fire harden for a weapon—- that much was obvious. And she could kill undead with it, if she had to get that close, but as far as anything else it would be used for, she hadn’t even a clue. The thought of actually fighting with it aside from stabbing walking corpses in the head hadn’t even entered her mind either. Though the idea of outright killing someone with it had.           ”I uh—- I dunno if I know how t’use it real proper like.            But I —— I have used it before———.” Tucking it away then she drops her eyes from him, jaw clenching, fighting back any feelings that came from the images that stirred, and their connection to the man from the street. Hands come to clasp hold of the edges of blanket, and curl herself in it once again, as if she could physically hide from the words that she was about to let slip out next.            “——-on that man’s brother.” The tone with which she said it spoke a lot more than her words, showing horror at her actions, due to the deadpan and distant nature of her voice, but the firmness there implied that she didn’t have regrets in it. It had been a necessary evil. However this was no where near the way she’d wanted to start this conversation. Nearly the whole time he’d been gone she’d been rehearsing ways to work into it, so as to not seem like she was a walking burden and a magnet for trouble. And now she assumed she just came off like a cold blooded killer. ______________________________________________________ Kazu watched her look up, the lush of her hair framing her face as she stared back at him for a moment and he could see the gears working behind her eyes. Tessa was working up to something, and by the set of her brows and the look on her face just before she spoke, set off a small warning bells in the back of his mind.She cut herself off midsentence though and turned from him. His eyes widened and he fought the urge to suck in a breath as her body language screamed. Almost as if she feared a physical reprimand, she turned in on herself and huddled under the blanket. Then she finished her sentence and the crate felt suddenly heavy under his arm, but oddly fragile as the muscles in his arm flexed, making the plastic groan a little in protest.                               –that man’s brother….It ran through his head like a mantra, winding back through the events all the way to the first time he’d seen her in that store. Further back even, his mind whirled to the events of his own altercation days ago. His mind skipped forward again, this time to the man in the alley standing over Tess, and it suddenly connected. The tumblers fell into place, one after another until he came to a single conclusion. Her reaction, the way she’d said it in such a stoic but self-loathing manner—she was taking the death of her aggressor to heart, blaming herself in some way?Kazu walked over and sat the crate down beside him before he set his elbows on his knees as he crowded her space a little to the left of her.                   “ I should have told you this way sooner. It may have                                saved you that mess in the alley,                                but I thought I could take care of it myself.                     That fence that I was telling you about before                                —was no fence at all. I was attacked by a group of                               men a couple days ago. I killed two of them. ” His watched her carefully, almost intently as he spoke.                   “ —I thought that was why he went after you. ”He shook his head a little.                    “ —I know those men, Tessa. Don’t blame yourself,                                 its not your fault. ”                                     “ Its theirs. ” ____________________________________ ▬♦M♦▬ A hard exhale leaves her as he closes in, consuming the space beside her with his powerful presence, and making her feel even more small, more meek—- and weak. Because Kazu’s own confession did little to ease her, to make her feel less responsible for how everything had happened, since she didn’t know how often he had shed blood to survive, just that she was the reason he’d just had to add to whatever number he kept. Her eyes drop away, not wanting him to be able to read the vulnerability that was screaming out from behind them. And when she spoke, her voice was distant, yet strained, doing a poor job of keeping the welling emotion out of it. God this wasn’t how she wanted this to go.        “It is though——         David said my hair— it’s how he found me in the crowd the first night we’d went out.         Without it, I’d a’ died along with my father.         He said it was my signal flag.         Even if undead could easily grab it,         I kept it long like this so he could spot me if we got separated again.         B— but so could others.         Being scared as I was then, an’ sentimental now, I still leave it long.         Hopin’ —hopin’ he’ll spot me an’ come for me once more.         But again it was one a’ them—-         It is my fault.         It’s my fault t’day more than ever.         Cause after that night—- after his brother—-         I knew they’d never stop lookin’ for me.         An’ I shoulda been more careful.” The muscle in her jaw flexed as she clenched her eyes closed tight then, trying to will away what she was seeing in her mind’s eye now that she’d confessed that condemning truth. Partly because she didn’t want to see if he would look at her differently, knowing she wasn’t as innocent as she might appear, knowing she was capable of killing someone in such an intimate way as to thrust a knife into them. But mostly she just tried to keep the flood gates locked down tight, and not let them open wide and drown her in thoughts of things she couldn’t change. Though right then it seemed futile. That damn night was too clear. Even when repressed it was too vivid, too alive and real, almost more so than the situation she was currently in. She could feel him close, calloused hands roughly grabbing- groping, the slick of sweat on gritty grime covered skin, the salty taste of it and the cigarette he’d smoked before he’d forced his tongue upon her own—- it made her stomach roll, and a shiver of disgust to shake through her even still.         “Maybe if I’d not fought him or cried out, if I’d been quiet, and jus—- jus let him.          Maybe David wouldn’t a’ tried so hard t’stop him when he was in no condition t’fight.          Maybe if I’d a’ trained t’fight myself—- or— I dunno— something,          I’da been able to save David without—- without—-“ Eyes slowly open, gazing down at her hands as they unfurl, palms up, fingers loosely curled before her, as if still able to see every drop of blood they’d bore.         "It was warmer than I’d imagined.          And sticky—- so sticky when it cooled.          I thought it would never come off.          But it did.          An’ worst of all I didn’t regret it.          I wanted t’kill him after what he did— what more he was goin’ t’do.” And that was her shame and guilt in it all. If she’d have been better trained, she could have stopped him without him ending up dead, without those men having a vendetta against her. But she didn’t even try. She’d reacted. Someone she loved was in danger, and all that compassion she’d prided herself on just went out the window, and she was thrusting a blade in the back of another human being’s head, —because she judged that he deserved to die. After a moment she pushed it all away, locking it down as tight as she could again, though her teeth had come to make a mark upon her lip with the effort it took to raise her gaze back to his own. Tess just looks at him then, measuring his reaction to everything in almost a numb way, like she was ready for him to throw up his hands and walk out on her, because she was clearly a magnet for trouble. Blinking slowly she lets her upturned hands just sit in her lap as she finally responds directly to what he’d said.         ”I knew it.          I knew no fence had done all that damage——-.” With that a small spark of herself shown through her eyes once more, as a ghost of a self abasing sort of smile formed and she darts her gaze toward his crate.         ”I really need a drink right now.          Please tell me ya found us something.”His eyebrows lowered and Kazu tilted his head as he absorbed her body language. Tessa had turned from him, taking those expressive eyes from his view and turning in on herself again. _____________________________________________________________________

 His elbows on his knees bent a little as he resisted the urge to move his arms and touch her. She setting off his instincts to sooth and protect without having said even a word yet.                   Christ… When Tessa started speaking, her tone was almost hollow, as if just saying the words physically hurt her. As he began to piece together what she was saying, he looked up at her hair and realized exactly what she had meant. Her hair had called those men to her like a beacon.Even if they hadn’t been looking for her…His gaze sharpened and his hands balled into fists as he mentally went over just how he’d rip those men apart for their transgressions. It pissed him off, men taking advantage of women simply because they could. As hot as he was getting under the collar, he wasn’t prepared for her next implications.His torso jerked in a subtle flex, a physical lockdown to not only her spoken words and the way she said them—but that she blamed herself at all. When she finally did look at him again, he was looking down and lifting his hands to his forehead, pushing his dreads back from his face. Unwilling to speak just yet, because the rage roiling inside him would likely terrify her more than the image of him in the alley ever could. So he annually forced his facial features to relax enough to open his eyes and look at her. Hands still semi-holding his head up and his hair back, the dark of his eyes were both still very angry but also sympathetic.                   The next time I see those fucks…She’d said it herself, she didn’t regret it; but the weight of life’s blood on your hands was something he understood far too well. Kazu was a killer, a beast capable of so much more than she could even fathom; but that didn’t mean he didn’t understand compassion and just what that would do to someone. Someone like her. She’d been given a very hard choice.Dropping his hands he ignored her request for a bottle, for the moment and moved one of his knees to drop to the floor as he shifted his weight forward a little and plopping down into a more comfortable spot.              “ I’m not going to blow colored smoke up your ass, Tessa.                             It sounds to me like you were given a very shitty choice,                             and in your shoes I would have done the same thing. ”He reached into the crate beside him and pulled one of the bottles out. Wrapping his hand around the top, he twisted and broke the seal with a grunt. Offering her the bottle he tossed the cap into the crate and pushing it closer to her for her to inspect.             “ That doesn’t make it your fault.                    Your hair is your only way to signify to David                    —it’s not your fault those bastards were twisted                    enough to use it to their advantage….                               As for the rest of it. ”He grunted and plucked the remaining bottle from the crate and cracked the seal of that one too, for himself. He canted his head as if he were seconds away from mentally ripping the man apart, which he was, and took a long pull from the bottle               “ —I can teach you a few things, so you’ll never                          have to find yourself in a situation like that,                          or be forced to choose between your life and someone                          else’s.                That too, is his fault for making you choose. ” Setting the bottle down Kazu snickered and nodded, reaching up with his other hand to sweep a hand across his beard in a gesture of habit.                “ Well—there ‘was’ a fence involved but no… Not a fence                          that hurt me. Which, reminds me—think I pulled                          something back at the alley. ”

__________________________________________ ▬♦M♦▬          “I know——” The words were mumbled, not bothering to meet his eyes and let him read anymore of her at the moment, because regardless of that fact that her options had been shitty, she’d still taken one that haunted her, and caused her to be hunted as well. Which would make one rather remorseful even if they didn’t regret the choice they’d made.          “Thanks.” Slender fingers wrapped around the bottle, accepting it with a shrug before taking a deep hard swig of it. No, taking several consecutive ones, downing a good measure before pulling back to let the burn settle in with a small grimace and a hiss between her teeth. A shiver shook her too when the heat pooled in her belly and started already to blossom warmth through her veins. It had been a long time since she’d drank whiskey with such abandon. A nip here or there was all she’d had in what must be a year or more. But she figured she deserved to drown a few demons after the day she’d had.          “I’d a’ hid from ya if I could’ve, because a’ those men.           It’s what I’ve been doing since I lost David.           I’ve been too scared t’approach any other survivors,           even when I’d really needed help.           I jus’—- I couldn’t go through something like that again, alone.” With another shrug she snuggles down into her blanket and toys with the neck of the bottle before taking another drink. This one wasn’t as long, but she’d already done a good job of getting a healthy dose of alcohol into her system to help numb her nerves.          "Guess it’s a good thing I turned ya down about walkin’ me here, huh?” If she hadn’t, if she’d went with him, she wouldn’t have been attacked, that was true, but it would have made things worse. Obviously they were watched, and should she had been with Kazu, the man who’d tried to take her might have simply kept watching—- until he found where she was going to be hold up that night. And seeing that there’d been no altercation to cause him concern enough to stay, she’d been there alone, and vulnerable. Especially if he’d brought in others by then . Yeah, as bad as things went, they could have been worse for her. Though none of that was any real reason he should stick around, so she took the offer to teach her with a grain of salt, seeing as he’d told her earlier he’d always been alone. It was probably the way he preferred it. With a deep breath she finally caught his line of sight again, letting him see the look of grim determination behind her otherwise soft blue eyes.          “Look, ya don’t need t’feel sorry for me an’ stick around.           Before I found out you’d been involved with those men too—-           I’d planned t’tell ya you could leave after the storm passed,           cause I wouldn’t blame ya for avoiding burdens like the ones I brought.” Her thumb rubs the smooth lip of the bottom, eyes dropping to that idle action a moment before lifting to his again.          “Now though I see we both made enemies with ‘em,           but the sentiment remains—-           Ya don’t gotta stay.           You killed some cause they attacked ya.           I killed their leader, an’—- well prolly a couple others as well,           when I let biters in t’their camp t’distract them so David an’ I could escape.           I violated their sense a’security, and took out the one they looked to.           Pretty sure that makes me enemy number one to ‘em.           So I’m thinkin’ they’re prolly not gonna come after you.           Ya can jus’ walk away, Kazu.           Come mornin’—- if the storm’s let up—-“ I won’t even be surprised to find you gone before I wake. It wasn’t what she wanted though, and she worried the tone of her voice betrayed that, because she’d felt safer, more secure with him even after all this shit today than she had in ages. And she was loathe to be alone anymore. The very thought of it burned her chest more than the liquor alone. __________________________________________________ Sitting with his elbows on his knees, Kazu regarded her body language with a critical eye. When she thanked him she didn’t respond vocally, instead he picked his own up and lifted it in a gesture of acknowledgement. His eyebrow arced as she drank heavily, long pulls that made him shake his head a little with a frown of someone who recognized the action. Kazu didn’t smother his demons though, they were a part of him and he made peace with that a long time ago. He was, what he was. There was no way to change it, and in doing so was a waste of energy and time he could be putting elsewhere. Now that the world was shit, and he didn’t have to worry about the hounds on his heels, Kazu took it upon himself to dispose of the undead like it was a personal mission. As a tool of war, that was where his skills were needed the most.This however didn’t mean that he was incapable of understanding her pain, and the weight she carried at having taken human life—he’d spent years watching, learning and adapting to the world of man. His time in the Wars were especially telling, what killing did to a man. He gleaned the nuances of their behavior mostly out of habit, but it was an aspect of his training. Kazu liked to people watch like other people watched birds or animals, even if the conditions were as morbid as they had been in the trenches, with explosions and chopper blades, gun-fire and death cries. In the moment of her indulgence, his gaze had gone introspective and it was the sound of her voice that drew him back into the present.                   “ I try and help any survivors I find, so I consider it a good thing.                             Besides, having seen you solitary would have prompted                             me to track you anyway. A woman should never travel                             alone, least of all in the middle of the damn apocalypse.                  “ Our new ‘friends’ being the primary mutual—as if the eaters,                             infection and natural selection were not bad enough. ” He shrugged and lifted the bottle to his lips, taking a few healthy pulls before pulling it back and letting the glass neck hang between his knees as he adjusted his elbows.                 “ Agreed, a good thing. Aside from you being on the front line,                             it exposed our enemy and gave us a chance to defend                             ourselves. If you hadn’t, we might have been under attack                             the moment we took shelter. ”She made a point of catching his eye, and Kazu arched an eyebrow as he took another pull of his liquor, recognizing the look of a woman about to play a righteous, self-sacrificing card. He’d seen it before on a woman who’d been bitten and was trying to ‘save him’… Ridiculous, it wasn’t in him to leave her, he stayed with her to the end and not because she had been female. Women weren’t the only survivors he’d come across that had been given cruel choices. Children, men, young and old; but he knew what dying alone felt like. He remembered his own first time dying… before he knew his life was a cruel and twisted joke of nature. As she began to speak though, he lowered the bottle from his lips and regarded her steadily, though silently. It took him a moment after she stopped speaking, letting her words sink in as he grunted with a nod, letting his gaze move to the floor as if in deep introspection. In reality, his mind had been set the moment he threw that man to the eater.                 “ Come morning if the storm lets up. ” He started, looking back up at her from under his heavy brows.                  “ —I’m going back down into the bar and we’re going to empty                            all the can goods I can find and I’m rigging up an alarm                            system and then I’m going to teach you how to use a                            man’s body weight against him. ”Setting the bottle aside and reaching into the crate for the peanuts, he opened the bag and picked out a few before offering her some.                “ If you’re basing your crime off violation, you’re thinking about it all                           wrong to begin with. One ill turn does not beget another,                           however—you did what you had to do to survive, I’m                           assuming in a moment of panic where you ‘had’ to make                           a choice. Don’t fault yourself for the laws of the world as                           they are now.                 “ You can’t save everybody, there are no hero’s. Every action we                           take, no matter big or small, how the world is or was…                           Every action has a reaction, a ripple effect.                           It has always been like that. It will always be like that.                           You will burn yourself out thinking like that and I will not leave                           you in such a defenseless position, and for damn sure not with a                           guillotine swinging over your head.                           So–.” Kazu popped a few peanuts in his mouth and looked square at her, the stubborn arch of his eyebrow and the set of his jaw indicating his own determination.                  “ —strap in, woman, it’s going to be a long winter. ”

#atramentousxedge #reksaisdaddy #firesxofxcoclare #snow #format- italics and bolds are all fucked up- but here ya go hun