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kessielrg · 3 years

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[Kingdom Hearts] Of Memes and Regrets

Summary: In which Lea has a guest star for his YouTube's next Let's Play, and she perfectly steals the show from him.... again. [oneshot][platonic LeaxOC (AxelxOC)]

Rating: K+

Word Count: 2,412 words

If you liked this story, please reblog!

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Lea glanced at the timer placed by his monitors and nearly tisked at the time.

She was late.

With a rather tired sigh, Lea started to work on making sure his software was still working right. Maybe while he was fiddling around with stuff, Sabrina would join the video chat so they could get a session done. He knew he should have asked Roxas to join again. Xion would be great to bring in too, if she wasn’t too busy working on her next article for her school’s paper. But alas, his subscribers had spoken, and they wanted Miss Priss and her insatiable need to annoy everyone. Especially him, apparently.

Not that he could blame them, she was great on camera.

Lea hummed as he booted up the game they were going to play. It was a review copy he had gotten a few days back, and he was actually looking forward to bumping it. He would be the first to admit to not being a big fan of the original franchise, but the graphics were crisp and the controls were smoother than butter. He knew Sabrina would have an appreciation for it too; as far as he could tell, the female characters were dressed sensibly- not at all designed just for the male gaze. They could have some fun talks about it when she got here. If she got here.

With the game running as expected, Lea started screen recording. He got a few minutes down before turning on his webcam as well. His face appeared on the screen to his left, with the game and recording software on the right. It was a good time to adjust lights while he was at it. Once that was settled, he began recording from the webcam as well. Lea admired himself in the webcam feedback for a moment. It was always better to overshoot, even if you weren’t really doing anything more than vocal warmups and adjusting your lighting.

Lea cleared his throat a bit before going through with his intro. He kept his tone bright and energetic. It was bad form to go in this early at full blast, but if Sabrina wasn’t going to remember their agreement, then he’d have to make due.

“Hey everybody, welcome back to AxelotlGaming! I’m Axel, and we were going to have a guest. Turns out she’s not coming, because at this point, we are well past being fashionably late.” Lea moved a bit away from the mic before grumbling, “It would’ve been nice if she actually bothered to tell me when she wasn’t coming. Could’ve been halfway through a recording by now.” He grimaced before remembering that he was still recording, so he turned back to the camera with a wide grin. He realized he was going to cut out a lot of his annoyance in editing later if he kept this up. The show always goes on, and whatnot.

“With or without our guest,” he went on to say to the webcam, “We’ve been sponsored to play the new-”

He hated to admit that he jumped when the ping for someone joining the video chat chimed. Lea quickly ended his recording softwares and accepted the newcomer. A new face appeared on the same monitor he kept his webcam feedback on, and he grimaced at seeing them.

“You’re late.” he huffed. He swiveled his car a bit just to glare at her feedback directly. Lea then almost proceeded to get knocked out of his seat looking at her.

Sabrina was a natural beauty and knew it. She was always light on her makeup regimen unless she was going to be seen on video or photograph. Today she did not plan on disappointing; her lips were painted a deep red, her cheeks the faintest of pinks to give the illusion of being an absolute sweetheart, and even the color around her eyes make them look more expressive. It was rather impressive- she must have worked on that for a good hour just to make sure she didn’t look like a raccoon.

“And now you realize why I’m late.” Sabrina smoothly told him, folding her arms with a smirk on her face. Even through the webcam, she looked so in control of everything. Lea didn’t know if it infuriated him, or was genuinely impressed.

“Yeah, yeah,” he said with a wave of his hand. “But know this, princess; just because I have an arguably easy job on paper, it doesn’t mean I don’t keep a schedule too. Got it memorized?”

“Just hire an editor.” she told him in the least of caring tones.

“No way!” he argued back. “I’ve got a certain method to my madness, and I’m not going to have someone else get their fingerprints all over it.”

“What a funny way of saying that no one else is as deranged as you.”

“Enough talk,” Lea then said to her with a clap of his hands, “We should be halfway through a session by now. Start up the game and make it snappy.”

Sabrina gave him a little wave of her hand before doing as she was told. She must have known how late she was- usually when someone told her to do something, her instinct was to react with the opposite. As she did that, Lea also went over his recording equipment and made sure he was recording as well.

“I’m ready when you are,” he decided. “Are you recording everything on your end?”

“Looks like it.” she agreed. Her eyes looked elsewhere for a moment- likely to check if everything was running smooth enough. When her eyes went back to the webcam, she settled back a bit in preparation for the next hour or so of recording.

“Are you doing the intro today?” she asked, gently placing a hand under her chin.

“My show, isn’t it?” Lea smirked. Knowing that she was ready meant it was time to start recording again. About time, too.

“Alright princess, put on your video face.” he warned her. “We’re getting serious in three… two…”

Both of them shifted in their spots slightly to appear more presentable. Lea gave them a few more moments of getting comfortable before going through his intro.

“Hey everybody, welcome back to AxelotlGaming! I’m Axel, and today I’ve got a very special guest. Special guest, why don’t you introduce yourself. Not that you need it, of course.”

“Of course.” Sabrina smoothly agreed, even twisting a piece of her hair. She looked at the webcam before giving a double wave to it. Her voice carried a perkiness never seen before as she said, “Hey guys! You asked for me, so here I am! Your favorite Lady Sabi here to show up, ah, I mean, play with Axel today.”

“So humble.” Lea playfully retorted. Sabrina only gave a wide -rather smug- smile in return.

“What are we playing today, Axel?” she cheerfully chirped. For a moment, Lea wondered if he was friends with a bubbly airhead instead of a pessimistic downer.

“We’ve been sponsored to play the new Blue Bomber MMO called ‘Renegade Chaser.’” he said, gesturing his hands to the side. He’ll edit in the box art during post. “Designed with old and new fans alike, Renegade Chaser can be played online and off with both multiplayer and single player modes.”

“Sell out.” Sabrina coughed into her hand.

“Yeah, well,” Lea mused, “Not all of us get free stuff just by looking pretty on Instagram. Of course, with almost a million followers at PrincessSabiAes2012, you’ve almost got enough influence to carry this channel on your own.”

“Nice plug.”

“Why thank you.”

“Bad rep for you though.”

“Why thank you.”

Sabrina let out a genuine laugh at his misfortune. But this was the kind of repertoire his subscribers enjoyed between them. Just hearing her laugh gave him a vision of a future comment along the lines of ‘hearing Sabi laugh at Axel adds 9,999 years to my life.’ Too bad the actual object of Sabrina’s -disguised- affection wasn’t on YouTube much, let alone have an account. Which was all for the best- he didn’t want to admit it, but Ventus got jealous real easy. Embarrassingly easy, depending on who you asked.

“Now that you’ve harassed me and we’re not even a minute in, how about we pop into game and see what we’ve got?”

“Let’s.” Sabrina agreed with a sweet little nod.

Lea stole a look at her as she adjusted some things on her end to make sure her game footage was being recorded. Lea chastised himself for being so focused on her. He needed to stop getting distracted by her Clark Kent-ing her onscreen persona. But the switch was just so… uncanny, to put it in the nicest terms possible. There’s no wonder that despite her near million followers, Sabrina had yet to be recognized by any of them in person.

Lea shivered before continuing with his show. Two minutes of recording down, another 58 to go.

. . .

You could tell Sabrina was having a hard time getting used to the game because for ten straight minutes she did nothing but harass Lea instead. Not that it wasn’t to be expected- she was a puzzle girl, not a shoot-em-up girl. That being said, once she figured out the controls, she was nigh unstoppable. She even managed to figure out the special weapons before Lea could. Of course he called her a cheater for it. As long as it was in good fun, who really cared- right?

Another disorienting thing about Sabrina; she kept going from her usual snark to bubbly sunshine in mere seconds. The true (or as true as she wanted to be) part of her came through when she was at her most frustrated. It was yet another thing that his regular viewers came to appreciate of her. A lot of viewers really hated her bubbly self, even though it was arguably when she dished the most one-liners. Lea knew she was actually having a good time when she let the side of her he usually saw come through. That little lady knew how to be a savage and thrived in it.

One such occasion happened during this session. While the two were playing around with the various modes the game had, Lea had found a one-on-one free-for-all that the two took to immediately. Sabrina got so into beating him that he had to talk directly to her or else all commentary would have gone flat. Every word that came out of Sabrina’s mouth was straight from her mind, with no conscious censoring in the slightest. Lea feared so much for her that he intentionally threw the match. He did put up a fight- but it was definitely one of their shorter matches. Sabrina didn’t seem to notice as the victory screen appeared for her.

“Yes!” Sabrina gleefully declared, slamming her hands into her desk before giving her chair a spin. As the chair slowly came to a halt, she threw one of her hands over her head and gave an absolutely satisfied expression.

Lea knew right away that the moment his viewers saw that reaction, there were going to be memes of it. He could practically see them now- a really poor screenshot of that slightly worrying pose she was making, Impact font saying stuff like 'when bae buys you tacos without asking' or 'when Lea's such a moron and makes winning easy.' He'd have to ask her for her footage. He could emphasize the moment to help make some of those insufferable jpegs look slightly better.

It wouldn't have been so bad, but Sabrina was already the source of one of his channel's memes. 'Scrub my feet, peasant' was a line uttered during one Monopoly match that did not go in Lea's favor. Sabrina had also made a rather memorable pose in her chair, coupled with a rather smug face. It became so popular that Lea had to get her permission to make it into a t-shirt. Both Sabrina and his viewers had yet to live it down; Sabrina wearing the shirt anytime she knew the two of them would be in the same room together, and his viewers still made comments that referenced the line.

Good thing she was more of an Instagram queen and not a YouTuber. Lea would probably lose half his subscribers the moment she actually posted videos of her own.

“Heh, I let you win, my lady.” Lea boasted. This realization came to Sabrina with a slow grimace.

“You did.” she said in disappointment. She then smirked at him (not at the camera, but him directly on the screen), before spitting, “There are other ways to flirt with me than making me look superior to you.”

“Oh yeah?” Lea snorted. “Like what?”

Sabrina then smirked like she was taking on a challenge.

“Oh Axel,” she purred into her microphone. Almost immediately, Lea could feel the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. “If you wanted a mistress to teach you how bad of a boy you are, you could have just asked. This doesn’t have to be hard.” She paused for a moment, just to make it dramatic. “Unless you want to be…”

Lea was dead certain that his soul left his body for a hot second. His face absolutely betrayed him, though. He looked away just to hide how red it was.

“Oh well, just look at the time.” Lea decided, already reaching for the keyboard key to finish the recording. “We’re all gamed out for the day. Thank you for watching!”

“But Axel, we still have ten-”

“Thanks for watching!” he loudly declared before smacking the keyboard key. Not long after, his head hit the desk in both relief and frustration.

“Are you alright?” Sabrina questioned, a teasing smirk still on her lips.

“God I hate you.”

“You gonna be alright with that nosebleed?”

“Shut up.” Lea whined.

Sabrina just laughed at him. To rub salt into the wound, she ended the video chat mid-laugh. It was far too effective in leaving a phantom image of her on his mind. Lea let out another groan as he thought about his viewers’ reaction. This was going to be an episode to remember, he had no doubt about it. It was likely going to fuel even more rumors that the two had the hots for each other- which was the last thing he wanted.

He really needed to stop inviting her back.

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maandags · 5 years

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Good for the Soul (Keith x reader)

HAPPY (LATE OOPS) BIRTHDAY MY DEAR FRIEND @panda-noosh I LOVE YOU A LOT

This is a birthday gift for a lovely and very very talented friend of mine, I hope you enjoy it love <3 (also this was supposed to be SHORT ack)

~Mod Water

Word count: 5.6 K

Genre: fluff/angst

Notes: masterlist - roommate au - broganes for the win - i promise i’ll get to the requests now asap i’ll abandon my uploading schedule to update as often as possible ack

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You grunted under the combined weight of your backpack and your big suitcase, slightly out of breath after climbing three sets of stairs, logging them along. You squinted at the crumpled piece of paper in your hand, on which you had scribbled the building name, and your floor and room number. Room 2.14, second floor.

You started pulling your suitcase along the hallway, occasionally smiling at your fellow students who were holding pieces of paper similar to yours, some looking like they knew exactly where they needed to go, others looking like they were completely and utterly lost. You had thought that the dorms would be way more crowded, but it was the middle of the afternoon and a lot of the students would be spending their time outside. It was a warm, sunny day, and they would be making the most of it before classes started. You squeezed past a group of boys and girls idly chatting in a doorway, glancing to your right occasionally to check on the door numbers.

2.8, 2.10, 2.12... at last, you stopped before the door that bore a big 2.14 in golden numbers. You scanned your note again, just to make sure that you weren't about to barge into the wrong room. No, this was it, you were sure of it. You adjusted your grip on the handle of your suitcase and turned the doorknob.

You didn't know what you had been expecting. This was the Galaxy Garrison, after all. The most prestigious university in the country. However, that didn't mean that the dorms were overly luxurious. There were two bedrooms, one for you and one for your roommate, a small living room containing a sofa, a couple of chairs and a television, and a bathroom that you would share.

Were you nervous about meeting your roommate? Definitely, at least a little bit. You had spent half of the five-hour-long train ride from your home to the Garrison imagining what they would be like, the conversations in your head ranging from worst-case scenario (a creepy, unpleasant dude-bro type) to best-case scenario (a very adorable, nice, caring sweetie of a roomie). You were prepared for almost everything. Almost everything.

"Keith, get off your ass and go outside before I drag you there."

"Fuck off."

You stood in the living room, slightly disoriented and confused over the bickering that seemed to be taking place in one of the bedrooms. You assumed one of the voices must belong to your roommate. Cautiously, you tiptoed to where the voices were coming from, leaving your suitcase standing in front of the couch.

"You can't run from people and socialising forever, you know." This voice was deeper, sounded amused. You took another step towards the voices.

"Watch me." The other voice was a little higher, slightly hoarse, but still definitely a guy's voice. He sounded tired, voice slightly muffled as if he was lying face-down on a pillow. "Let me sleep, Shiro." You were going off a wild guess that the last voice belonged to your roommate.

You rounded a corner and stopped short. Your path was suddenly blocked by a very tall man. As you craned your neck to look him up and down, you felt smaller and smaller. He towered at least a solid foot over you, and his stocky build and broad shoulders didn't help. He stood with his back to you, leaning against the doorframe. He wore a white shirt and jeans, and his dark hair was cut short. You tried to look over his shoulder, standing on your tippy toes, and just managed to make out a vaguely human-sized shape curled up on the bed.

"Should have gotten enough sleep yesterday. You knew you'd have to get up early to catch your train," the tall guy chided. You thought of a father reprimanding his kid, and you had to bite back a snicker. The other had called him something, what was it again? Shane? Chad?

"Fuck off, Shiro," came the muffled voice, though it sounded more like a whine than anything else. Ah, you thought, Shiro. That had been it. Over Shiro's shoulder, you caught a glimpse of the other guy curling even more into himself, as if trying to become so small that Shiro would forget he was there. It didn't work.

"Keith," Shiro tried again, a slightly exasperated tone to his voice. So that was his name. "Come on. It's nice outside! You'd get to meet new people, and I'm sure Matt would love to see you."

"Just ten more minutes."

"You said that half an hour ago, dipshit."

This went on for a while, Shiro never seeming to give up on getting Keith up and outside, while Keith showed a remarkable amount of spine and flat-out refused to move from his perch on his bed. A few times you actually thought he'd dozed off, until Shiro snapped his fingers and brought him back to the world of the living. You leant against the wall behind you, arms crossed and a grin playing on your lips, grateful for Shiro's big frame shielding your small one. The two boys were so focused on each other that they hadn't even noticed you.

Finally, Shiro said, "What will your roommate think if they find you like this?" You pushed off the wall. This was the perfect moment to reveal that, hey, said roommate had been standing right here all along! You racked your brain for a funny one-liner that was bound to make a good impression, when you heard Keith's reply.

"Look at all the fucks I give."

And you snorted. Shiro whirled around, eyes alarmed, when his gaze fell on you and his expression morphed into one of surprise and confusion. You cleared your throat and raised a hand. "Hi. I'm–I'm the roommate."

Shiro's eyebrows shot up. A surprised "Oh!" left his lips, but then he seemed to catch himself and he extended his hand, an easy smile on his face. "Nice to meet you. I'm Takashi Shirogane."

You took his hand. His grip was surprisingly gentle. "Y/N L/N," you answered, trying to muffle your grin. Shiro glanced over his shoulder, suddenly looking a little embarrassed.

"How–how long have you been standing there?"

You chuckled, following Shiro's gaze to the tangle of blankets and human limbs that was Keith. "Long enough." You ignored Shiro's slight flinch of embarrassment. "Hi," you shouted over his shoulder. "I'm Y/N. Nice to meet you." A hand rose up from the blankets and gave you a tired wave before flopping back down. Oh well, you thought, you'd have it.

"Don't mind him," Shiro said as you went back to the living room to retrieve your suitcase. This was the fourth time he had apologised for Keith's behaviour in the past ten minutes, despite you insisting that it was really no problem. You wheeled your case to the room that had to be yours and heaved it onto the bed with a grunt, then turned towards the door where Shiro was still standing and planted a hand on your hip.

"I'll make sure he sees some fresh air before tonight, all right?" You gave him a tired smile. You had just travelled five hours by train and frankly craved some peace and quiet. The subtle hint didn't go unnoticed by Shiro, who finally exited your room after telling you that you could always knock on his door if you had a problem. You said you sure would, even though you didn't have a clue where his room was, and gently but firmly ushered him out the door. You closed it with a sigh and checked your watch. It was half past four. Dinner would be served at seven, and you were determined to spend at least some time outside, getting to know the school grounds. You turned back to your still-bare room and started unpacking your stuff.

About an hour later, your room looked less barren and actually like a place you could see yourself spend your time, studying or otherwise. You had stuck up some photos of your family and close friends on the wall above your bed, had arranged your clothes in your closet, placed your books on the shelf you'd been delighted to find there. Once it was empty, you shoved your suitcase underneath your bed and looked around your room, feeling quite satisfied with yourself. It looked kind of cosy. You made a mental note to invest in fairy lights as soon as you could. You had them at home, hanging around your window. You'd had them ever since you were a little kid. This place wouldn't feel like home without them.

It was close to six o'clock, and the sun started to descend along the sky. You grabbed your key from your nightstand and closed the door to your room behind you. As you passed Keith's room, you shot a glance inside and stopped short.

You planted a hand on your hip. "Well, look who's alive. Come to join the land of the living?"

The boy sitting on the edge of his bed had the decency to look at least mildly embarrassed. He had cleaned up his room, you saw: it wasn't nearly as much of a mess as it had been earlier this afternoon. He had straightened the sheets on his bed and was now tying his shoes. He looked up and shot you a somewhat awkward smile.

"Yeah. Sorry about this afternoon." He stood up and walked towards you, extending a hand, though a little stiffly. You shook it, examining his face for the first time. A pale, pointy face, a sharp jawline. He was also quite a bit taller than you, though not as much as Shiro. Black tufts of hair fell in front of his dark eyes. You couldn't quite make out their colour.

"I'm Y/N," you said, just for the sake of a proper introduction. Keith smiled.

"Keith Kogane."

---

Keith burst through the door into the living room, where you had plopped yourself on the sofa with your laptop resting on your knees. You calmly paused the film you were watching and took off your headphones. "'Sup?"

Keith threw himself onto the sofa next to you and closed his eyes, hood pulled up and shadowing his face. His jaw was tense and he bounced his knee in the way he did when he was upset or worked up. You frowned, setting aside your laptop and shifting closer to your friend. "Hey, what's wrong?"

It had been six months since you had first met Keith and started living with him. The first days had been slightly awkward, but you had soon grown used to each other. Now, you couldn't quite recall what it was like before the two of you had been living together. You and Keith had grown very close over that time. You were bound to; you lived together, after all. You had become attached to each other. You couldn't remember the last time you had a friend you trusted like you trusted Keith. The last time you had a friend that you cared about like you cared about Keith.

Which meant that you noticed exactly when something was bothering him. Like right now, something was bothering him.

"Keith," you pressed, nudging his arm. Keith wrapped his arms around his legs, pulling them up to his torso and resting his chin on his knees. His eyes were stormy, a dark grey. It was a startling difference from his usual violet. His dark eyebrows were knotted together, his black hair only shadowing his eyes further. People would call Keith scary when he was like this. Furious. To you, he just looked sad.

"What happened?" Keith shot you a sideways glance, burying his face in his arms.

"I got an official warning. From Iverson," he finally mumbled. You frowned, shaking your head slightly. "I'm on probation. A month." Your heart seemed to skip a beat.

"What? Why?" Keith turned away from you, but you grabbed his arm and forced him to look at you. You instantly noticed something was wrong. The living room was dark, and Keith's hood shielded his face to a certain extent, but his left eye seemed narrower than his right one, and something wet shone on his upper lip. With trembling hands, you lowered his hood.

"Fuck, Keith, what the fuck!" you nearly shouted in horror. You fumbled for the light switch, ignoring the way Keith seemed to shrink away from the sharp light. "Oh, no." In the light, you could see his face even better. In this case, that wasn't such a good thing.

Keith's left eye was swollen and black, and a huge purple bruise blossomed over his left cheek and below that, a similarly-sized bruise on his jaw. His nose didn't seem too badly hurt, but it was swollen and purple and it did bleed, and droplets of blood trickled over his lip onto his hoodie. A nasty cut bled angrily over his right eyebrow.

"Let me see your hands," you demanded shakily. Keith offered them to you without a word. The knuckles of both hands were bloody and bruised. You scrambled up, dashing to the cupboard to grab the first-aid kit and forced Keith to look at you and take his hoodie off. You popped it open and took out the disinfectant, spreading it on some cotton and gently dabbing it on Keith's cuts. He flinched and hissed when the stingy product came into contact with the open wounds, but he didn't move. He closed his eyes and simply allowed you to patch him up. It was a slow process, and you weren't very skilled, which became only more clear when your hands wouldn't stop shaking with worry.

"Sorry," you muttered as Keith sucked in a breath through clenched teeth when you rubbed a soothing salve on his bruises just a little too harshly than necessary.

"'S okay," he said softly. You finished tending to his beat-up face as gently as you could, and sat back with a sigh when you were done.

"What the hell, Keith," you asked weakly. You had tried to hide how you felt when you looked at him when he looked like he just got run over by a car. But his bruised and bloody knuckles had been enough confirmation for you: he'd gotten into a fight. A pretty bad one too, from the looks of it. Keith knew you as well as you knew him: there was no point in hiding how shaken up you were. "Why?"

Keith looked away, eyes a little dazed, pulling his knees up to his chest again. "Nothing. It's not important, anyway."

You fought the urge to hit him. "What do you mean, it's not important?" Keith opened his mouth to reply, but you held up a hand to silence him. "You fought. You got caught, and now you're on probation, and you tell me it's not important? Do you think I'm an idiot?"

Keith lifted his head and cast you an almost hurt look. "No, of course not, Y/N."

You took a deep breath. "Who did this to you?" You kept your glare fixed on your laptop, the paused screen long since turned to black. Anything not to look Keith in the eye. Your heart had lurched almost painfully at his hurt expression.

"Some sophomore assholes. They–they got on my nerves. I snapped." Keith fiddled with the hem of his shirt, the way he did when he was embarrassed or nervous. You hated that you knew that. You hated the way your heart beat faster at the sound of his hoarse voice, the edge from earlier gone. Now his voice sounded merely tired.

You rubbed your forehead with the back of your hand. "What did they say?"

For a while, no sound except your breathing split the silence. Then Keith grunted as he tried to stand up. You were by his side in seconds, helping him lean on you when he needed to. You pursed your lips as you led him to his room, where you gently lowered him onto his bed. He was still fully clothed, but he didn't seem to mind. He closed his eyes, tried to even his breathing. You stood in the doorway for only a short while as you watched him, before turning to your own room, your mind a hurricane of thoughts.

What had the guys said to Keith to make him snap? You knew of Keith's history as his high school's troublemaker, but he'd assured you that he didn't want to fight any more. And it had really seemed that way. For a while, at least. Until tonight. You had seen him dangerously close to throwing a punch, when he'd clench and unclench his fists, trying to regain control of his emotions. You had learned a way to calm him down, and things had gone well.

Until tonight.

The fact that Keith hadn't wanted to tell you what the fight had been about bothered you. You and Keith told each other close to everything. For crying out loud, he was on probation. If he stepped out of line again, he would be suspended, maybe even expelled. The thought made you sick. The thought of not having Keith around anymore made you sick.

You rolled over, clutching your comforter and staring at the fairy lights you'd strung up around the window. You'd have to text Shiro tomorrow morning, in case Keith needed help showering. You thought he might have a couple bruised ribs. With those happy thoughts on your mind, you finally drifted off to sleep.

Turned out that you were right. You had called Shiro first thing the next morning, after seeing that every movement seemed to cause Keith pain. Shiro swore and assured you that he would be right there, and the two of them had helped Keith limp to the infirmary.

Now you both sat in the waiting room at the hospital wing, Shiro bouncing his knee restlessly and glaring out of the window with his arms crossed. You quietly observed him, slightly impressed by the intensity of his scowl. He looked like he was wishing a slow and painful death on each and every pigeon that dared fly across the window. You felt the need to speak up. You did, even though it caused you to cringe because of how loud and out of place your voice sounded in the empty waiting room.

"He's gonna be fine, you know."

Shiro cast you a sideways glance and heaved a sigh. All the tension seemed to disappear from his shoulders, and suddenly he just looked weary. "I know. It's just..."

He bit his lip, fiddling idly with the hem of his shirt. "In high school, Keith was known as the brawler. The guy who couldn't back away from a fight. He promised that he was going to change that at the Garrison."

"But he did," you said cautiously. You had heard this story already. You wondered why Shiro was telling it to you again. He shot you a tired look.

"Yeah, he did. And the only reason he was able to hold himself back was you."

The words hit you like a truck, and you had a hard time processing them at first. You stared at Shiro, waiting for him to jump up and say April fools! Shiro merely stared back, gaze serious as ever. You shook your head dumbly, uttering a sheepish "What?"

Shiro sighed, slumping back a little in his chair. "He's just–more himself when he's around you. I've noticed the way he kind of leans into you when you take his arm to prevent him from beating some sorry asshole to a pulp." You stared at him dumbly, unable to form words. Your brain had hit TILT. "He relies on you, Y/N. And yesterday, when he came across those sophomores, you weren't there." You cringed at that. You knew that Shiro hadn't meant it as an accusation, but you couldn't help but feel guilty anyway. "I'm worried about what will happen to him when you're not there to hold him back."

You took a shaky breath, trying to hold back tears. You racked your brain for something to say. You came up empty.

Thankfully, the nurse chose that moment to come knocking on the waiting room door and inform you that Keith was ready to see visitors. Nothing serious, she assured you. Three bruised ribs, a bruised hip and a mild concussion. Keith would have to stay in the hospital wing for one night, then he'd be able to go back to his dorm. He wasn't allowed to go to any classes for a couple of days, at least. Make sure of that, she told you with a stern look. Yes, nurse, I'll make sure. Then you started after Shiro, who had already joined Keith at his bedside.

Something in you made you halt. Maybe it was the feeling of intrusion as you watched the two boys speak to each other in hushed tones. Maybe it was the desire to know what Keith would say when you weren't there. You hold him back, Shiro had said. I don't want him to hold back right now, you thought. So you sidled up against the wall and listened.

"I thought we made a deal." Shiro's soft voice. He was trying to hold back his anger, you noticed. The slight tremor in his voice gave him away.

"You weren't there, Shiro." Keith. Piled-up emotion, a crack. He'd never been good at keeping his voice level. You let the first tear fall.

"What happened?"

"They were–they said awful things. About them. About Y/N." His voice shook. He didn't even try to ban the absolute fury. "What they'd like to do to them. Then one of them started shouting at me. He knew that I'm their roommate." A deep breath. "I just–my vision went red. I snapped. I'm sorry, Shiro. I don't know what came over me, but when it comes to Y/N–" There was a pause, and you imagined Keith opening and closing his mouth, not knowing what to say. He meant it. You could hear that he meant every single word of it. The tears flowed freely now. You weren't even trying to hold them back anymore.

You pushed off the wall, wrapping your arms around your torso, as if that would keep you from falling apart. You were confused, worried and scared. Scared of Keith's honesty, and scared because you knew that those words hadn't been meant for your ears. Not yet, at least. You didn't know if Keith ever planned on telling you what he just told Shiro. Pushing through the doors of the infirmary, you felt a little guilty for leaving Keith. But he had Shiro, and you were not quite ready to face him yet. A part of you was relieved that he wouldn't come back to your room until the next evening; it gave you time to think. Time to figure out what exactly it was that you felt.

You were scared because your own feelings had just been thrown in a blender. You were never one to dwell much on feelings. You didn't necessarily ignore them, but you also didn't face them. It was like seeing a vaguely familiar someone as you walk through a park. Should you go talk to them? Nah, It probably hadn't even been them. Oh well, you think with shrug, and then you stroll on.

---

A crash woke you with a start. Your heart thundered in your chest and out of reflex, you tried to make your breathing as quiet as possible. You slipped out of your bed, your socked feet not making a sound on the linoleum floorboards. A grunt sounded from the living room, and you heard heavy breathing. You grabbed the first object you could find that would be somewhat suited as a weapon. In this case, a metal ruler.

You tiptoed towards the living room, steadying your breathing, brandishing your ruler, getting ready to slap any intruder there might be. Your fingers travelled along the wall until they found the light switch and rested atop it for a moment. You took a deep breath, tightened your grip on the ruler, counted to three and flipped the switch–

"Keith?"

It was him, that you were pretty sure of. You'd recognise his mop of raven hair anywhere. What you didn't understand was why he was lying on the floor of your living room at one A.M., clutching his knee and generally looking like he was in agony. In the back of your mind, you thought, Didn't I lock the door? But the door was still locked, and above Keith was–

"Keith, please tell me that you didn't scale the building and enter our room through the window."

Keith cast you an unimpressed look. "I didn't scale the building and enter our room through the window?" He frowned, gaze falling on the ruler you were still holding out like a knife. "Is that a ruler?" His eyes shot to your face, shooting you an accusatory glance. "Were you going to hit me with a ruler?"

"I thought you were a burglar!" you defended yourself, feeling your cheeks go red. "You know what, I should hit you with this ruler. You gave me a fucking heart attack."

Keith sighed and pushed himself up. He flinched, a hand pressing to his still-sensitive ribs. Though it had been several weeks since the fight, they still hurt sometimes, as did his hip. Obviously, scaling a two storey building didn't particularly help that. Normally, you would have helped him out, but right now you felt like he deserved the pain. You spun on your heel and stalked back to your room.

"Y/N, wait," Keith said weakly from behind you. You gave him the finger. You plopped onto your bed and crossed your arms, glaring at Keith with an icy stare and an arched eyebrow.

"I'm waiting," you informed him. Keith gave you a sarcastic nod and stood in the doorway, awkwardly patting his jeans to rid them of any dirt. He was fidgeting, you noticed, and he wouldn't look you in the eye. A beat of silence passed.

"Forgot my keys," Keith finally said, gaze firmly fixated on his hands. Your eyebrow disappeared even further towards your eyebrow.

"And you couldn't call me? Knock on the goddamn door? We have one of those, you know."

"I didn't want to wake you up," he said. He leant on the doorframe, tightly crossing his arms. His cheeks were tinted red. He was blushing, you realised. Keith Kogane was blushing. Then again, it was one A.M. and you had just caught him trying to sneak back into your room through the window.

"You know you could have woken me up. I wouldn't have minded."

"Sorry," he said sheepishly.

You sighed, lowering your head into your hands. "You literally just recovered from bruised ribs and a concussion, Keith. What were you thinking?"

"I was feeling fine! I am feeling fine. It's not the first time I've done this, you know."

Your head shot up and you glowered at Keith, whose eyes widened as he realised his mistake. "Wait, no, Y/N–"

"What?" you hissed, slowly rising up and stepping towards Keith, who held up his hands in surrender and took a step back.

"I know what I'm doing, okay? I swear I'm careful–"

"Considering you bruised your ribs and your hip two weeks ago I would beg to differ," you scoffed, running a hand through your hair and poking Keith in the chest. "When did you start doing this?"

Keith rubbed the back of his neck and gave an embarrassed chuckle. "It was a dare. Just Pidge, Lance and me dicking around in the parks, playing a stupid game of spin the bottle. We didn't plan it or anything."

"That's supposed to make me feel better? The fact that you've spontaneously decided that doors aren't challenging enough for you anymore?" You planted a hand on your hip, trying to keep your face stern, but at the sight of Keith's almost pleading face you had to hold back your laughter.

"Spontaneity is good for the soul?" It sounded like a question, and you couldn't hold back your giggles anymore as you slumped forward and rested your head on Keith's torso. He tensed slightly underneath your touch, but you were too tired to process it and you discarded the thought as soon as it came to you.

"You're gonna be the death of me, Keith Kogane," you mumbled into his shirt, voice muffled by the fabric. Keith took a deep breath, hesitantly resting his chin on top of your head. You closed your eyes as he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you only slightly closer to him. This wasn't the first time you'd hugged, but somehow this time felt different. You blamed the fact that your heart was suddenly beating a lot faster on the fatigue.

"Y/N," Keith started softly, running his hands up and down your back. His featherlight touches made you shiver, and you were pretty sure that your cheeks were bright red. You snapped your eyes open as you realised that maybe, just maybe, you weren't just tired. You hummed, not entirely trusting yourself to speak.

Keith cleared his throat. "Two weeks ago, the fight–I just realised I never told you what it was about." You raised your head to look him in the eye. He had indeed never told you, but you knew anyway. But you wanted to hear it from him, and that was why you kept your mouth shut and held Keith's gaze. You wanted to know if he was actually going to tell you.

"The sophomore guys–they were talking about–well, they were talking about you," he said. His grip tightened just a fraction, but the protective gesture was enough to send a shiver up your spine.

"What did they say?" you asked, even though you had a pretty clear idea of what exactly the men had been saying. Keith sighed, unwrapping his arms from around you to run a hand through his hair, leaving tufts of his raven locks sticking up in every direction. You had to fight the urge to smooth them down.

"General asshole talk. But that's not the point, Y/N, it's how I reacted. I lost control and I'm sorry."

You reached up and brushed some of his hair aside so you could properly look into his eyes. They shone their usual violet colour, and they held a tenderness that made your knees weak. "You don't have to be sorry. You might make me worry to death if you continue like this," you said with a laugh, absent-mindedly tracing your fingers over Keith's cheek, "but you don't have to be sorry."

A deep blush reddened Keith's face, and you realised that your hand still cupped his cheek. A lazy smile pulled at your lips and you cocked your head, pretending not to notice the sharp breath he sucked in through his teeth. His hands twitched at his sides, as if he desperately wanted to lay them on your hips, but was too scared to do so.

"Can I kiss–"

You grabbed Keith's face and pulled him down, pressing his lips to yours. A happy sigh left his mouth at the contact, and the way he leaned into you while simultaneously wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you closer to him had your head spinning. Your other hand came up to rest on the back of Keith's head, your thumb brushing over the nape of his neck and your fingers burying themselves in his hair.

You felt like you were going to burst. You pushed yourself up on the tips of your toes, already craving the feeling of his lips on yours before you'd even stopped. Your head was a flurry of thoughts zipping by, a blur of memories you hadn't deemed important before, but now...

One of the memories was of you and Keith sitting underneath a tree, revising for one of your many tests. As you rattled off answer after answer, Keith looked up and grinned at you, a fond look on his face you hadn't seen before. Your heart did a little leap in your chest, and you wondered now how you hadn't noticed before how much you had wanted to kiss him.

Now you pulled away just enough to look Keith in the eyes. His pupils were blown, his lips plump from kissing. His entire face was red, and a giggle left your lips as he nuzzled his face into your shoulder, his nose brushing against your neck. He mumbled something into your shoulder and you pinched his side.

"What was that?"

"You have no idea for how long I've wanted to do that," he said, tightening his grip around you as if he was afraid of what would happen if he let go. You smiled, gently running your fingers through his hair.

"Did it go the way you'd imagined?"

Keith chuckled, trailing his lips up and down your collarbone, pressing featherlight kisses to the exposed skin. You had to struggle to keep your breathing level. "It certainly was... spontaneous." He straightened and kissed you again, ever so gently. If he kept going on like this, your weak heart probably would never recover.

When you finally broke apart, you pressed your forehead to his, gazing into his violet eyes. "They say it's good for the soul."

#voltron fic #vld fic #voltron #voltron legendary defender #voltron x reader #vld x reader #keith x reader #voltron keith x reader #voltron keith kogane #vld keith x reader #vld keith kogane #keith voltron #keith vld #shiro voltron #vld shiro #voltron takashi shirogane

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stormylofi · 6 years

Link

2.8k, mostly fluff with a small bit of violence somewhere. G/T rating.

This is from the HC that Valkyrie absolutely loves Disney songs. This is written so that each scene is about a different Lion king song, but it was this one that basically inspired it; (We are one- Lion King 2) https://youtu.be/glDGAo9SIqs

This is also a birthday fic! I hope you have a very happy birthday Silky, and I hope you enjoy!!! Also side note, I love all your headcanons and I agree that these two are flipping adorable. Sorry if they at all seem ooc to you.

____________

The first time Ela had ever come across the woman, she was singing a damn Disney song. Not that Lion King wasn’t amazing, but she honestly didn’t think her timing was the best.

They were meeting at a busy cafe under the guise of school friends for an intel hand off, but when when Ela wandered over, pretending to be excited, the woman just grinned goofily and continued humming some random song as she stood to pull her into a hug, slyly dropping something into her pocket.

“Amanda! It’s been far too long wow, I’m glad I found some time to see you while you’re in town.”

“I’ll actually be here for a bit! Jack’s got a job in one of the law firms downtown so maybe a few months?”

She made up something about loving to show her around if their schedules match up, before starting to gossip about something one of their supposed ex school mates had gotten up to.

The woman she knew to actually be the Seal ‘Valkyrie’ started humming the same tune again as she talked, and it finally clicked in her mind what it was.

Hakuna Matata, what a wonderful phrase.

She paused and squinted her eyes into an accusatory glare.

“Are you humming… Hakuna Matata?” She regretted asking the minute humming changed to singing. Loud, obnoxious singing. Immediately she sprung across the table to slap a hand across the woman’s mouth.

“What are you doing?” She all but hissed as laughter bubbles under her palm. They were meant to be inconspicuous and believable, she doubted bursting into Disney counted as that.

“Ok, ok.” She removed her hand, settling back into her seat as she glared off looks from other customers. “Sorry, I’ve had it stuck in my head all day.” A disarming smile was shot her way and she sighed, deciding to let it slide.

They met again a little while after operation Orange Sky and it soon occurred to Ela that it wasn’t a one off. No, it seemed to be a regular thing around the operative.

The next time it happened, they were on their first practice operation as Rainbow Six members in a killhouse.

They had both wandered from their objective room and had ended up in a small room with a hatch on the floor and two windows, one of which was half busted open. Ela had her gun aimed steadily through it and into the yard below them when it started.

“Be prepared for sensational news! A shining new era is tiptoeing nearer.”

She moved from view in seconds, spinning to glare at her teammate for giving away their location.

Valkyrie hadn’t moved from her careful angle on the doorway, hardly even moving as she continued to sing, doing the next line in a silly voice.

“But, where do we feature?”

Ela couldn’t help herself as she said the next line with a growl.

“Just listen to teacher.”

The smile she received was blinding and she rolled her eyes in response, turning back to the window to peek. At least she shut up.

“I know it sounds sordid, but you’ll be rewarded-”

She spoke too soon.

With a huff she gave up and left the room.

Despite the usually ridiculous timing of her Disney songs, Ela realised she found it amusing. It bugged her at first but Valkyrie more than proved herself plenty of times as a fully capable operator who never got stunted by her silly habit. If it wasn’t causing issues then Ela didn’t see it as a problem.

As a matter of fact, it was kind of endearing.

Today they were both laid across the couches in the Rec room, Ela quietly drawing while Meghan scrolled through some app on her phone.

It happened gradually. She didn’t notice at first, too focused on her drawing.

The tapping was quiet and repetitive and so she passed it off as a bit of boredom. After a little bit she recognised that it was a regular beat and not just random, around the time she also decided it was distracting her from her work. She glanced up, ready to tell the other woman to shut up, only to catch a gaze that was locked on her with a playful smirk.

Meghan was sat upright, tapping against the table and waiting for Ela to finally look up. When she did and met her gaze, humming started to match the beat.

It look her a second to recognise it, but when she did she wanted to literally facepalm. Huffing a short laugh, she gave the Seal her ‘are you serious?’ eyes, before giving in.

After all, she didn’t doubt the woman’s persistence. She probably wouldn’t stop until she did.

“I’m gonna be a mighty king, so enemies beware.”

“Well I’ve never seen a king of beasts with quite so little hair!” Valkyrie immediately jumped in for the birds part- Zazu if she remembered correctly.

“I’m gonna be the main event, like no king was before. I’m brushing up, I’m looking down, I’m working on my roar.” She couldn’t help but return the amused smile the blonde sent her, snorting when she exaggeratedly threw out an arm for her next part.

“Thus far, a rather uninspiring thing.”

She couldn’t help humouring her as she leapt to her feet and shouted “Oh I just can’t wait to be king!”

Meghan stood too, dancing her way over as they continued the impromptu duet, slowly getting louder and louder until they were basically belting the lyrics, arms waving around as they ‘acted out’ the song.

Toward the end, Sledge appeared in the doorway with an eyebrow raised and yelped in surprise when he was immediately drawn in, the two girls bouncing around him like idiots as he joined in for the final lines, arms wiggling above him like one of the inflatable tube men some stores use.

As they came down from laughter, Sledge decided it was time for a party and put music on, leading to all three dancing until they tired themselves out, much to the amusement of the crowd they gathered. Other people continued to dance while Ela dropped back to the couch she originally was in, sending a cheeky wink to Valkyrie as she fell to the floor and spread out, winking and wiggling her eyebrows back only after situating herself in an appropriate starfish position.

_____

A few months later they were in a boat on the way to an op, and Ela was nervous. This wasn’t the sort of operation she was used to. No, she’d never been comfortable on the water so securing an oil liner that had been overtaken and planted with a bomb wasn’t ideal for her.

Heck, the only reason she was chosen was because there were so many opfor and they felt that her mines would be ideal for disorienting, especially as they were on high waves.

Her sister unfortunately was on another mission so that left her. There were two teams, both lead by the Rainbow Six Seals. Alpha was tasked to clear and secure hostages while her team, Bravo, disarmed the explosives. Bravo included herself, Echo, Jäger, Rook, and-

“Deception, disgrace, evil as plain as the scar on his face.” Valkyrie sent her a wink before lifting her voice a little. “Deception-”

“An outrage.”

“Disgrace!”

“For shame.”

Everyone laughed at Echo joining in, clearly knowing the song well. Jäger looked a little confused but still amused by the antics, clearly not used to Valkyrie at all.

“He asked for trouble the moment he came!”

Their boat bounced over the water but Ela didn’t even think about it as the whole team morale lifted and they all carried on singing to random songs, tapping beats on the metal of their vessel.

They fell silent, serious modes engaging as their comms came to life to announce their approach. All the same, Valkyrie send a reassuring smile to the girl next to her, squeezing her leg before responding to her radio to say their team was ready for boarding.

The boat stopped and they climbed outside, shooting two grappling hooks upward before starting their ascent.

_____

The mission was successful overall, but due to a mild explosion from an undetected bomb, Valkyrie and Jäger had been injured, the latter more drastically. All the same, they were both returned to base unconscious and now resided in the medical bay.

It was really a shame that IQ wasn’t available for their mission. Really, Ela was angry at their superiors for their planning despite the fact that she knew they couldn’t simply send the German girl back for immediate redeployment.

Still, as she sat by Meghan’s bed, she couldn’t help her grumbling. The beeping of her heart monitor was as irritating as it was relieving. The injured woman had woken briefly earlier but fell back asleep shortly after from her pain medication, but all the same Ela was glad because, much the same as the beeping, it meant she was ok.

A ruckus out in the hall caught her attention as she heart the raised voice of Doc.

“Bandit, Dominic! Don’t you wake her!”

The GSG9 rushed through the doorway, Doc tailing him. He stopped in the doorway when he caught sight of her repositioning herself to the end of Valkyrie’s bed and crossing her arms, radiating hostility.

The Bandit completely ignored her, marching past her- or attempting to. Her hand shot out to grab his arm and push him back, causing him to stumble in surprise before turning his dark glare to her. She merely returned it with her own.

“Get out of the road, arschgesicht.” She didn’t need to understand German to know he was throwing insults so she bristled a little at the word.

“Leave.”

“Your friend here is the reason Jäger is in the room over! She has some fucking explaining to do.” Her fists were clenching and unclenching in hopes of keeping calm, for Doc’s sake, the man watching exasperatedly from the door.

“No one noticed the bomb. We’re all to blame and have all been chastised.” Her voice was cold but calm and her words measured.

Clearly that wasn’t the reply Bandit wanted.

“She should have seen it, Jäger could be dead and it’d be her fault! Maybe she’s not a fit team l-“

Ela’s fist met his jaw before he could block it.

He stabilised himself and came back in heavy retaliation, more than ready for the fight Ela would happily provide.

Doc rushed in and yelled for them to stop, trying to push himself in between them without success. When he realised they weren’t going to stop, he rushed out to get another ops assistance.

They traded a few blows before Bandit took them to the ground, punches landing across Ela’s ribs and face before she rolled out from under him and wrapped her elbow around his throat in a choke hold.

The bastard squirmed valiantly but he couldn’t escape and in moments he was out cold. She dropped him unceremoniously for the others to deal with when they returned, sparing him a kick to the stomach before she moved back to her chair.

Valkyrie was awake, merely watching the fight through hazy eyes. When she turned her gaze from Bandit to Ela she frowned at her bruises, getting a careless shrug.

“It’s the circle of life.”

Meghan blinked and confusion and she laughed.

_____

She never got an apology from Bandit but she never expected nor cared for one. She understood worrying for a friend and the desire to defend them, despite the fact that she was sure those two were more.

Doc told Valkyrie to abstain from exercise for a few weeks while her bruised rib healed, but still she lingered around the gym. It was easily noticeable just how much she wanted to be working out but she did as told without complaint.

Ela of course noticed her friend lingering and invited her over to talk whenever she could, trying to distract her and keep her entertained.

By the end of the second week she had an idea.

She waited outside the gym room, lock pick in her pocket and cheeky grin on her face. Sure enough, Valkyrie rounded the corner at her usual gym time, eyes on the ground as she listened to Blackbeard talk. She snorted and punched his arm in reply to something, causing him to laugh.

He met Ela’s eyes and she respectfully nodded, getting a wide and goofy smile in response. He mumbled something else, causing Valkyries head to snap up. Her cheeks were slightly flushed as they stopped in the doorway.

“Hey,”

“I’ll leave you girls be. I can feel my arms going floppy-” he nudged Meghan but ignored her scowl. “Nice to see you Elżbieta.” He ignored Ela’s scowl too as he strut off with a laugh.

“What a dick.”

“Yep.”

They both looked at each other before breaking into laughter. They both loved the man and couldn’t deny it, he was like the big brother neither of them ever had.

“So anyway, I’ve got an idea.” She wandered across to the staircase door just beside the gymnasium entrance.

“Are we going to get in trouble?” Ela shrugged as she knelt and started picking the lock.

“It’s possible, but I’d say it’ll be worth it. Especially because I saw Buck and Jackal enter earlier.”

“…Buck and Jackal? What have they got to do with anything?”

The lock clicked and Ela quickly opened the door, ushering her friend inside.

“You’ll see.”

The climbed up to the room that looked down over the full area, moving to crouch along the furthest wall to cross to the room out of sight. When Meghan spotted the sound system she frowned before a mischievous smile lit her face.

“Oh, we’re not, are we?” Ela merely grinned over her shoulder in reply. “What song do you have?”

“Just wait. You’ll love it, I promise.”

They stopped next to it, Valkyrie watching over Ela’s shoulder as she plugged her phone in and brought up her song of choice.

“Oh my god. Wait I’ve gotta bring up my camera.” She laughed as she grabbed out her own phone and moved to the windows corner, laying on the ground to hide as best she could still.

Throwing a thumbs up to the green haired girl, they both giggled as the songs swapped.

“I can see what’s happening, and they don’t have a clue. They’ll fall in love, and here’s the bottom line, our trio’s down to two!”

‘Can you feel the love’ filled the air and caused everyone to stop, looking around in confusion.

As predicted, Buck’s face lit with red as Jackal winked at him, sitting down his weights to start shimmying toward him exaggeratedly. Buck just buried his head.

They didn’t miss the look shared between Sledge and the new member, Maestro, which definitely intrigued them.

Some people decided to continue working out while others started singing the song and dancing in a silly manner. Blackbeard glanced up to them while laughing, causing Rook- who had been spotting him while he did bench presses- to also look up and spot them. He shook his head while the two continued to record, giggling as Jackal draped himself over his flustered boyfriend.

_____

Ela had noticed something the other day. Valkyrie loved Disney and often randomly sung songs from it but… never Lion King. That was only for when she was around. It had unintentionally become their thing.

The idea warmed her heart and cemented her choice.

She wandered through the halls, seeking out her friend as she hummed the song that had been stuck in her head all of the past week.

She already knew to go to the shooting range, had been told where to meet the woman.

The air was warm when she stepped out into it, eyes meeting Valkyrie’s that had turned to see who had joined her outside. Thankfully, no one was around. She was confident in their relationship but she couldn’t help the small amount of anxiety bubbling in her.

Nonetheless she strode forward, humming the Lion King 2 a little louder to distract herself, the upbeat tune drowning out the nerves.

Of course, Meghan shot her a strange look as soon as she was within hearing distance, most likely recognising the song.

Ela didn’t stop, marching until she was within arms reach where she reached out and pulled her friend in, clasping their lips together. It took a moment for Valkyrie to respond to the kiss, most likely shocked. Still, she gradually melted into Ela’s hands, soft lips returning the movement before they broke apart, resting their foreheads together.

Meghan mumbled the next line with a fond smile.

“Upendi, it means love, doesn’t it?”

#r6s #rainbow six siege #r6s Ela #r6s valkyrie #valkela #this isn’t read over so I’m really sorry

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voidingintotheshout · 3 years

Text

I am just going to rant.

Note: I will not edit this until tomorrow. All mistakes are phonetic and easily rectified.

I am Muslim, but I am drunk. My best friend‘s mother just died and he was drunk and it shocked me because he never drinks. He tends to have an addictive personality and so it freaked me out that my friend who hasn’t drank any alcohol at all in five years is slurry and stumbling around his deceased mother‘s trailer in South Carolina trying to keep it together.

I am worried about my friend, but more worried, like the rideshare driver that I am about being a good steward to people and reminding him to set his alarm now so that he doesn’t oversleep for the appointment with the funeral director tomorrow. I have the high holy day Muslim prayer tomorrow at the mosque and it is very difficult and or unlikely for me to get there on time. I’m feeling very guilty because I haven’t drank almost anything in nearly a year and yet I am drinking tonight, in the wee hours of the morning before the holy Muslim prayer of Jumah; now, I sit here with my head moving further than my body does, feeling out of it and disoriented after my second large glass of Arak.

It’s been such a strange day, I sit here feeling drunk. I woke up and I had a car with a nearly flat tire and a dead battery. The kindness of a stranger helped jumpstart my battery and give me some very good advice. I pushed back my physical therapy appointment for my bad shoulder and drove across the city to the one reputable used tire place to refill my tire. Now, I have a car with a working battery and a tire that is not leaking air and, after doing my laundry I call my friend, expecting it to be more of the same with his mother, circling the drain having more days of sleeplessness only to be thrown out of my universe and be told that no, she’s dead. She died this morning. I didn’t tell you earlier because I knew you would call. Some thing that I almost forgot to do.

Why am I telling you this? I don’t care. Only three people will ever fucking re-blog this. No one will even read this far. Anyway, I was in a completely different headspace for most of his hour and a half call. I wanted to crack jokes and cheer him up but how do you crack jokes about someone having their mother die in his arms? How do you make a funny joke about a woman peeing herself and then having hospice rush her to the funeral home? What witty one-liners do you use for that? How do you feel of use in a situation where you were 600 miles away from someone and you can’t do any goddamn thing to actually help them other than just feel impotent and powerless on the other end of a phone line. What the fuck do you do? Seeing your friend who has always struggled with addictions get drunk off of a concoction of very delicious sounding margaritas in the trailer that had here too for been occupied by his mother, the last surviving parent. Now here I am dealing with the fact that he is living some thing I will have to live through very soon enough when my second biological parent dies and I am left with virtually no family outside of an aunt who I talk to once every two or three years. I feel like he is living my future. His future is filled with drunkenly stumbling around a trailer that is not his, feeling impotent and powerless trying to focus on anything else other than the fact that his mother is never going to have a conversation with him again. I am trying to have a conversation with him try not to remind myself that I will once again have to prepare myself for some thing that no one can prepare themselves for: the death of someone you truly love. In this case, my mom. He starts getting drunk, and so do I. I just want to feel numb.

I don’t want to think about how I needed to get new clothes yesterday because I got too fat for most of my T-shirts. I don’t want to think about the fact that the people at the physical therapy place think I’m weird because I like obscure Russian movies and I don’t have anything in common with normal people. I don’t wanna think about the fact that my friends think that I am irritating every once in a while because I have ADHD and severe depression and anxiety which are comorbidities with ADHD. I don’t wanna think of myself as a burden to my friends. I don’t like thinking about myself as an annoyance to people who I love, but that haunting Spectre in the back of my brain reminds me that that may be exactly what it is. I may be ultimately just a burden who stays a burden, alone, and then dies. That may be all I accomplish, outside of worthless posts on here that few people will ever read, like this one.

I’m laying on my bed at 2:40 in the morning and one of the bits of clothing I got yesterday today. A new T-shirt that ironically says kindness matters but, what can I say? I’ve always been a person who felt like that slogan was about how I should treat other people but I could never figure out how to treat myself that way. With other people I can always give them the benefit of the doubt that they have their own shit to work through and that they are doing their best but I know myself too well. I know I’m not doing my best. Might be kind someone who is ultimately not trying hard enough to do their best? It seems like a waste of time to try to support someone who you know is going to fail. Someone who you know isn’t giving everything they have. Someone who is in hustling enough to actually reach the finish line. You feel like you’re just pumping someone up that you know he’s not gonna actually make it. Someone who you know you’re gonna have to be there telling them that they tried their best. Again. That’s how I feel like it is like to cheer myself up to pep myself up. I know it’s just proceeding telling myself that I’m gonna get them next time. Next time my story will be published. Next time I’ll have enough confidence to actually set up the profile on the dating app. Next time, the date with a nice guy is going to be a reality instead of just some kind of daydream fantasy that I entertain myself with while I shuttle people around who could care less about my existence.

Here I am, at nearly 3 o’clock in the morning with a phone that is nearly dead, my friend is probably getting ready for bed, too drunk to really think much about his mother who is going to need to make funeral plans at the funeral parlor tomorrow. My life will be completely uneventful. It is always uneventful. That is a blessing, I realize, but it is the stagnation that makes me feel like what is the pointing going on living when I am just going to spend it in nothingness? Why bother doing anything when it’s just gonna end up being made siphoning resources away from the poor and taking up space until eventually I just disappear and nothingness, forgotten buried somewhere, wherever.

What is life but just a waystation on the way to death, trying to build up enough supporters and memories and accomplishments so that the sting of death doesn’t hurt as much. It’s like running for class president. You’re trying, in the limited time you have to garner as much accomplishments and support as you can before you run out of time and you’ll be judged as either good enough or not good enough. That’s life. At least that’s how it seems to me at nearly 3 o’clock in the morning right before I’m supposed to do Muslim prayer, and I still have a little bit left on my second glass of Arak.

What am I even doing? I’m a gay Muslim. Why even bother? I feel so pathetic every single time I find another Muslim. Like I found a Muslim lady in my building from the United Arab Emirates. She seems so nice! She like to read! Something in common! I didn’t even bother to tell her where I lived or to introduce myself because I knew, but I didn’t know, but I assumed, that when she found out I was gay she would think of me is disgusting and an idiot for ever thinking I belong at the Muslim table and that I should just stop wasting my time trying to appeal to a God who I would never be good enough for. I like writing this year because I know that most of the people reading this are either non-religious, non-Muslims, or gay and so all of you reading this also think I’m stupid for ever trying to appeal to a God who I believe in but who probably will never be satisfied with me. Some of you reading this will probably feel, rightly so, that it is hubris for me to imply that I know the will of God and therefore I should just try to be the best version of myself that I can. That is probably the helpful advice. Unfortunately, I don’t feel like helpful advice right now.

That’s the problem. I feel like I want to punish myself for the piss poor excuse for life I have created even though, I don’t know what I was expecting? I guess I was expecting to have it all. I wanted to be surrounded by friends and a gorgeous caring boyfriend and a wildly successful riding career. I wanted my ADHD to not be an issue so that I could’ve accomplished all of those things with all of the silent work in the background that those goals actually require. I wanted to be happy. I wanted to be satisfied. I wanted to be able to throw my money around buying useless garbage like expensive meals that I could’ve made at home and not even thought about how much they cost. I wanted to have enough money to be one of those wasteful gay people they can throw their money on garbage on Etsy that they don’t really need, expensive bespoke clothes that they could get cheaper elsewhere, and restaurant quality meals that are going to provide fleeting joy and are ultimately just expensive fuel for the body. I want to be that kind of a person. I want to be someone wasteful. Burns the money that could feed the poor on their on alter to themselves. I want to be that kind of person, but I have always somehow fucked it up. I want to be that type of person, who can create this world about making themselves the best and most beautiful and amazing thing in the world and insisting that everyone else treat them as this beautiful jewel even though they’re really just some random fucking asshole who will live, and then die. I could never do it. I mean there are people Who devote their entire lives to helping the poor. People who Sean the television and the Internet and spend their free time writing because they are actually writers and they love writing, even if they never publish anything and their contribution to the world is thousands of pages of glorious fanfiction on AO3. They are more writers than I will ever be with my stories that no one reads. The pain of being jealous of a couple in what is clearly an unhappy marriage because at least they were in love once, some thing I can never claim.

I take another sip of the alcohol, almost wishing that I could be videotaped and have this monologue in this pathetic scene where a 40 year old fat lonely man records a drunken monologue in his studio apartment at 3 AM. I wish they could show that at the mosque right before I arrive so everyone would be able to see that I am unworthy. Why do I want this? Is it sadism? Masochism? No. It’s a more toxic reason. I want everyone else to know so I can justify my own feelings of self hatred that are ultimately self created. It’s easier for me to imagine that the whole world sees me as terrible and pathetic than to imagine and except the terrible, terrible truth that I am actually a really great guy who is accomplished a lot. The terrible truth that I am totally fine and accomplishing a lot I just have depression that doesn’t let me see it. It’s so much more horrible to know that all of those negative self feelings are just in your head, you know? It’s so much harder to except that they are all in your head then to except that they are true. You almost want all of those negative self feelings to be true so it’s not just you being cruel to yourself for no goddamn reason. That’s the motherfucking horrible thing about being alive sometimes. Being a person with all of the advantages in a prosperous society like America and still having the nerve to not be happy. It’s like an insult to all of the people in the world that are struggling with not enough.

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