#just wanna stare at them all day...

[puppyeared]

doodles of my fav sillies

anton belongs to @poicyss

#my brain is a barbie dreamhouse and theyre all just living in it #im especially fond of the second one because my mom used to hold me like that all the time <3 #im drawing them a lot lately because im being crushed by the horrors and have to compensate for it somehow #homemade comfort blorbos...... #watch me draw anton inconsistently bc i can never decide if i wanna draw him close to how he actually looks #or yassify him and give him soft fluffy hair and kind eyes and defined features. head in my hands #i dont really have a lot of drawing ideas for them bc they dont have like. a canon storyline or anything methinks #its just stuff me and bow toss around and giggle abt thru messages lol. maybe ill draw infant vincent one of these days #i just come up with stuff and draw them doing it. it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside #cuz like anton works for lobocorp as an abnormality BUT hes super duper chill and cute and does his funny little tasks so its fine #AND hes unkillable. auggie is an oc ive had since like 6th grade and i smushed them together. and vincent was for fun but i got attached #i dont have much of a read on anton either bc i think hes meant to be more of an insert character??? if im using that right #on one hand i dont think too hard abt anything being ooc since im not taking it seriously. on the other hand i just hold them in my hands #and stare into space until i can come up with something to draw since i dont have much to go off of. but its fun to build on small tidbits! #i think bow called it an au so i guess??? its an au????? im not really sure. bow if youre reading this im just willy nilly #the only thing i know for sure is that they boink like rabbits. im talking gomez and morticia levels of boinking #maybe ill go back and look at my old doodles for them and redraw em lol #myart #my art #my oc #oc #friend oc #augusta #anton #vincent #sillies family #doodles

[luck-of-the-drawings]

"And soda; runs off into the street..." "...and soda... is totally okay!"

#jrwi fanart #jrwi show #jrwi suckening #cw blood #something something cracking open a boy w the cold ones #IF THERE ARE ANY MISTAKES I MISSED I SWWWEAR TO JEBEDIAH. IF I STARE AT THIS ANYMORE IM GONNA DIE IT NEEDS TO BE DONE #ALSO RRRAAAHAHHHGHGH CAN I JUST TAKEA SECOND TO SCREEAAMM ABT HOW MUCH I LOVE SODA AND EMIZEL.. LIKE THERYE SO CUTE.... #THEY ARE HOMIES THAT KISS EACHOTHR GOODNIGHT. THEY CARE SO MUCH FOR EACHOTHER. SODA LOVES SODA AND SODA LOVES YOU #do u guys remember how willing he was to share blood w his vampire bestie. like cmon. remember when emizel memorized sodas Soda Schedule. #LIKE CMON.... they just have eachothers backs so much. ouhhh my god... ANYWAY SO THE ART HUH. I FEEL LIKE I SCRAMBLED W IT FOR A WHILE #DRAWIN IS HARD..... i think i did well in the end tho.. i like the lil heart beat effects. and i hope i made soda look Suffieciently Scared #i ALSO had fun w the teeth. i however did not have fun w the walls. if i had more drugs i mightve done every brick in more detail #but i didnt WANNA!!!! this will suffice.I HOPE IT FLOWS WELL&THAT ITS CLEAR... IVE STARED AT IT SO LONG IT IS NOW VISUAL SOUP. HELP!!! #i want my comics to have more Pauses and Space and Thought and Momence. i feel like normally they go so fast. but THIS time #i think i did good.... huuoouhhhh.... comics are HARD art is HARD but i am HARDER. or something. OH YEAH I HAVE MORE ART THINGS #soda was RLY HARD FOR ME TO DRAW FOR A MINUTE..but i like where his design is now. i wanted his hair to be curly swirly.like soda fizz #i THINK thats all my thoughts for now. if u have thoughts u should spill them in the tags i looooove reading tttaaggsss #have a goodnight i gotta go to work soon. maybe. unless the casinos power goes out AGAIN. OR SEOMTHING... UUGHHH MY SCHEDULE IS IN SHAMBLES #I THOUGHT I WAS WORKIN 3 DAYS INA ROW SO I RENTED A WHOLE DAMN HOTEL BC THE JOB PLACE IS FAR AWAY.. I HAD TO CANCEL THE WHOLE RESERVATOn #annd im MMMMAD ABOUT IT!!! like ill get over it ofc BUT IM PEEVED!!!! IM INCONVIENIENCED AND GENTLY AGGRIVATED. BUT OVERALL FINE. #hope yalls weekend goes well. sleep well. if u get the chance to.

[pup-pee]

aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i havnt drawn in a little

#I 4GOT CISSIES EARRIGG BG S #HITS TVSLE AAAAAAAAAA IM 2 LAZY 2 GO BACK IM SRRY GORLIE :((( #just a kint of konbart as a treat 4 me ig #4every piercing kon has; the more pronouns she attains #if i explained my thought process whenever i draw kon it would just be hehehehehehheehheheheheehe #heart glasseess!!!! i need 2 find more fun glasses shapes 2 draw her in tbh tbh #i did light shading & my head starts hurting godAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #i havent been on ib like a while & theres sm posts omg yummy im looking @ all my moots & kickin my feet omgg tehe #i need 2 try 2 sleep get rid of this headache b4 i continue 2 stare @ my screen tho….. i prolly wont i wanna talk im tired of bing sad LMAO #more kart 2 day ((literally prolly tmr)) #ive been thinking about aus sm this is so its so woahhhh #kon el #kart #puppee art #GAAAAHHHHHH I WANNA EXPLAIN MY STUPID HCS 4 Y I DRAW KON LIKE THISSS #i dont bc im 80% sure ill b ripped apart but like i love talking about them i love talking about kon sm #@ least i do 2 my doggie

[eyestrain-addict]

I wish we had gotten to see more domestic moments between Louis and Lestat. Ik they aren't 'important' to the overall story but it's just like... pls.

What's worse is when we get Claudia's POV in ep 4 we actually see the outskirts of some domestic moments between them -when louis tells her no running in the house he and lestat are sitting on the couch together calmly talking, on her 17th birthday we see them singing happy birthday and then dancing together in the courtyard- so we KNOW these moments are happening, we just don't get to see them because Louis is to preoccupied with the pain. Which, fair, but still I wanna see them doing stuff together without the curtain of pain

#thinking about how louis and or lestat love seeing movies together #was there ever a moment where louis laid on lestats chest on the couch while he read a book? no noise but the sound a pages turning and #the crackle of the fireplace? Lestat playing with Louis' hair while staring at him lovingly?? #could louis ever convince lestat to have a nice christmas together? #did they ever play some jazz on the gramophone and slow dance together? but the slow dancing thats essentially just hugging while swaying? #god i can think of so many moments that could have happened but never know if they did #iwtv #interview with the vampire #loustat #louis de pointe du lac #lestat de lioncourt #we hear all the bad times i wanna hear the good times #louis finds a french book thats above his language level and lestat helps him read it #louis sings to himself one day when he thinks hes alone and lestat overhears and tries to get him to sing more but louis is embarrassed #lestat trying to teach louis to play chess but louis keeps messing with him calling the knights horses #and at first hes mad but then he sees the mischievous look on louis' face and just melts #i jist.... i love them so much..... #louis trying to nonverbally tell lestat he loves him....

[missphanosaur18]

I've officially made a folder in my phone that's solely pictures and videos of my parter. Because I have bpd and think about them 24/7 and since I can't be with them 24/7 I must be able to look at pictures or videos of them to satisfy my brain's needs. God I am so down bad. Idk what I'm going to do when they inevitably abandon me...😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔

#I haven't told them because I'm scared they will think it's weird #but fuck they're so cute and hot I just wanna stare at their pretty face all day #bpd #borderline personality disorder #bpd favorite person #bee speaks

[stardustvanfleet]

goodnight my gresties my loves!!!!! still thinking about THEM ……….. they have literally been plaguing my mind all day i am in hell 🥰🫶🏻

#just stayed up until almost 2am just. drawing jakey. i’m not even a real artist i just doodle for fun but. jfc. #these men (esp jakey) have me so whipped i am drawing PORTRAITS. #idk if people ever wanna see my gvf doodles i’ll share them?? but also i have no idea if they’re any good or total shit LMFAO #but anyway it’s late and i’m rambling and i’ve been staring at the twins’ pretty faces and perfect bodies all day and i need to go to sleeo #before they KILL ME #anyway i love all of yalll so much!! #li speaks #josh #jake

[neverlandofimagination]

do you think in MCD they know what holidays are or do you think c!aphmau randomly made them in her village not knowing it's weird to others until it got popular ?

#aphverse #aphblr #aphmau #did she create them all #now I wanna hc that she went “ this day is this ” and everyone just stares at her in confusion #poor emmalyn cant look it up in any of her books

[bunnie-bits]

i wanna kis (⁠´⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠.̫⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠`⁠) it's almost midnight ladies u know what that means .. (yearning hours)

#me n my friend got crossfaded n rly cozy and i wanted 2 cuddle but that wouldn't b appropriate btwn us (⁠´⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠.̫⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠`⁠) i wouldn't #dare ask omg. but now i rly want someone 2 lay on my chest n hold them n give each other eepy kisses ₍ ᐢ. ̫ .ᐢ ₎ #i also wasn't expecting company 2 day bc i didn't have the energy 4 stuff this wk and it's like (⁠｡⁠ﾉ⁠ω⁠＼⁠｡⁠) #i don't wanna kick u out given ur night but i should be laying down rn (⁠´⁠-⁠﹏⁠-⁠`⁠；⁠) either that or doin fuck all in the back lol #and so i brought us 2 the back n we smoked n talked in the dark‚ and got to trade ghost stories bc she also dealt w ghosts as a kid 0: #that was fun (❁´◡`❁) I'd been wanting to do that w her since i found out #it's nice having a friend who's been into horror since they were young too ╰(￣ω￣ｏ) that talk was after watching 2 movies hehe #we saw evil dead rise n malignant 😈 and then talking abt spiritually in a non-religious sense then ghosts #and originally i was gonna get food but nah we used a coupon for 2 pizzas n got delivery it's been an extremely chill night and i needed it! #things have been so crazy this week with work omg. my weekend is probs gonna b uneventful (hopefully!) and i wanna b at home!! #just veg out n play bibyo gaym (⁠〒⁠﹏⁠〒⁠) and buy more bags of food for the squirrels n birds #these squirrels omg 😂 i work in the back and they know i give them food so they've been getting up on my lap sometimes like hello?? #or i look over my laptop and fr see a squirrel just sitting in the chair across from me poking their head up over the table staring #i knoooow babies i know I'll get u ur food as soon as possible. omg and i have monday off?? i forgor ;u; !! n e ways I'm feeling good 2night #started out Yearning but (⁠✿⁠^⁠‿⁠^⁠) what a great way to start my weekend. she called me just as i was wrapping things up w work :3 #i can actually Breathe this weekend and I'm not exhausted (⁠￣⁠ヘ⁠￣⁠;⁠) nice. #im gonna go listen 2 my silly little music n go back 2 yearning hehe. but hiii a girl is Up now and im v stoned n in sleepover mode

[hyaciiintho]

🌸｡*ﾟ+. THIS IS A TEST POST !! This is not an actual inbox call, I just wanted to test and see how the graphic would look posted to tumblr ;; ;; Might use this when doing inbox calls and then a copy/paste text body.

With that being said-- how do people feel about a "permanent" inbox call post? Just for my own reassurance so I don't feel like I'm bothering people but don't wanna like... constantly make a new inbox call post. Basically just a list of people commenting below a post, one that maybe specifies whether people prefer random IC interactions or want asks leaning more to IC questions/ooc headcanons stuff?

I know it's silly because if we're mutuals, we shouldn't be afraid to reach out to each other, BUT !! I also know some people do not like random asks, so... it would just be for the sake of... "You have permission to send random things whenever you feel like it" but of course it's not like I'm expecting you to answer things immediately after I send them either.

But yeah, just a thought! If it seems too silly I'll just keep making individual posts each time ♡ c':

#MUN SPEAKING 🌸 ᴬ ʷᵉᵃᵛᵉʳ ᵒᶠ ᵗᵃˡᵉˢ; ᴾᵃⁱⁿᵗᵉʳ ᵒᶠ ˢᵗᵃʳˢ #Starting to think I'm gonna just be living off inbox calls I swear gdfshjk starting replies has just been so hard for me. But I mean. #C'est la vie. Es lo que es. One day I'll finally get myself to start and then steamroll through them like a boulder rolling downhill :'D #And y'all will get pelted with activity so hard it'll be OVER for y'all. But until then. I'm just gonna keep trying other things to like #keep interactions and activity flowing in other ways even if I'm stagnant in replies ;; ;; #I'LL DO THOSE MEME STUFF AND THREAD REPLIES SOON I PROMISE I JUST-- I'm going Through It™️ and trying to GET Through It™️ first gfdhjk #Life is just curb-stomping me in the face constantly and it's like “Gurl can I catch a break please????” But she says ✨No✨ each time fdsjkd #If anything those art memes will be done soon for sure. I'll just do them on my PC instead of my ipad dgfhsjk so they'll be... #... considerably better c': and maybe that'll make up for the long wait on... literally everything dfhskj #It's also been super hot and without AC I don't wanna turn on my PC or other electronics and like... :'D y'know #boil myself alive with all the heat pumping out of my tower and my screens radiating heat sdjhkdg #I RAMBLED IN TAGS AGAIN LEMME STFU AND GO BACK TO STARING AT MY LAPTOP SCREEN VACANTLY BYE HAVE A GOOD DAY Y'ALL

[homogranates]

i'm so serious when i say that school makes me wanna rip my flesh off

#feeling murderous rage #i hate devoting every minute of my day to doing these stupid math questions (and i actually used to like math!!!) #i wanna go out for like a walk or something rn but it's late and i still have so much to finish. like i've been working on hw for 4 hours #like i miss having time to myself #it's like everytime i think of school i break down... what a fucked up education system #i don't want to go back to school tomorrow... literally want to throw up #it's so stressful i hate it so much #all i do is get home. eat something. do hw for like 4 hours. sob for like 15 minutes. stare at the wall. and sleep. how miserable is that #and i just wanna punch someone rn. wish i could tell my teachers that assingning so much hw everyday only makes me wanna kick them #trapped in a simulation where all i can do is try my best to finish all my hw. and still not be able to complete it!!! #i just wanna be a teenage girl doing stuff that isn't school related.... is that too much to ask for #gonna sob soon bye ✌️ #personal

[flxmekeepr]

ps when i follow the rest of ur blogs it's not just for a number, it's because i genuinely wanna write with every character u have

#* temp tag / ooc. #even if i don't know them because listen....if ur a wonderful mun and an amazing writer....sign me tf up all around #i'm willing to learn about ur character #u have no idea #i'll spend ages on google #on ur docs #everywhere #and if u wanna give me info i'll gladly take it #i have been staring at my drafts all day sorry LOL #but i wanted it clear that i'm not just following all versions of u for a number #LET ME WRITE WITH ALL OF U!!!!

[skitskatdacat63]

Why do I say things like this. Like what was the need. Why do I feel the need to jinx myself. What was the reason.

#lol just looking thru my drawings and i saw that tag #and im like YOU! ITS YOUR FAULT IM BURNT OUT! I BLAME YOU(catie from that specific day) #anyways trying to draw nando and ITS NOT GOING WELL YKNOW #i still really struggle with drawing real people #seb is okay bcs ive drawn him the most and like have stared at his face for hours so...familiar...yeah... #and i do in fact look at a fuckton of nando pics BUT GOD HIS FACE IS SO DIFFICULT #he just has very like odd features i guess. AND HES VERY HANDSOME FOR IT but god they do not lend to easy drawing #i miss oc drawing where theres no accuracy really required since its all from my head #not that im never drawing ocs again. theyre still my beloved but i dont rly have any ideas atm for them :< #wanna draw rüß as an f1 driver tbh bcs ive been maladaptive daydreaming about that for the past few weeks #but as you know im somewhat allergic to drawing racesuits 😭 #also im wondering if drawing chibis so much fucked up my sense of style bcs now i struggle sometimes w proportions #i just. dont want to be burnt out anymore. i know its something you cant really force yourself thru #and also that you shouldn't force yourself cause it just makes it worse but #idk. i wanna draw so badly 😭 and i do it and sometimes it works out and sometimes im just staring at the screen like. oh. #i want to also finish the pt 2 to the boy king ficlet. i always randomly add a few paragraphs to it #blah blah anyways just thinking. i feel a bit frustrated and unfufilled atm i guess #like that feeling in your chest of tightness. its the worst. i wanna throw something or break something i guess #PLEASE JUST LET ME DRAW MY PORTRAIT OF KING NANDO IM BEGGING #he'll be so pretty okay 😭😭 i just cant get his fucking face right #ignore me ignore me. catie is: going through it #i miss the sense of urgency that drawing before my flight gave me #i like having that sense of incentive and deadline. like: you genuinely need to finish this right now. #if not then its me creating meaningless deadlines in my head that actually make me have worse burn out 🙃 #i love how before texas im like i am going to finsih all my wips!! anf then finished exactly: zero #catie.rambling.txt

[itsnotalemon]

Nothing quite like a coworker getting pissed off at you to make you wanna front flip off a building

#im just been getting really anxious lately #my 3 of my 4 goldfish have this mystery infection #i thought i finally got them over it #so i moved them back into their tank once they started feeling better after finding a medication that actually worked #but its been only 2 fucking days and they are showing signs of stress again #so now im asking all my coworkers questions and none of them really know what to do #and i feel so stupid for asking questions they dont have answers to #and then my fucking old ass co worker has just been a passive aggressive ass hole to me until he left #i tried to be friendly and ask how his day was going and he brushed me off #i went to go help a customer cut something and he would like... pace up and down the isles #and when i asked for help and didnt understand what he was trying to explain to me and that i wanted him to show me #he just stared at me like im fucking stupid #and then #i said id clean one sections of aquariums tonight cuz it gets slow once im the only one in my department #and he got pissed and me to get it done and stop standing around #and like #i get that #but he notoriously does jack shit all fucking day #he probably got bitched out again but really? you wanna talk to me about time management when you hardly clean a sump a day #puts me on edge #now im worried that im not doing enough #and im too slow #and im just some lazy asshole #i need some time away from people #lemon post #vent

[nerosdayinanime]

wanna make my own kny httyd au

#httyd movies are good but. theyre kid plots yk? #not a bad thing but i wanna use the wolrdbuilding more. like cmon its fucking DRAGONS man #so far giyuu & tsutako live in a little seaside village that regularly gets raided by dragons mostly stealing their livestock (and anyone #caught in surprise undefended) one night hes out doing errands he forgot to do during the day (doesnt want to dissapoint tsutako) #and gets caught out in a raid. hes running for cover and comes across a juvenile dragon. hes scared shitless and frozen as it creeps closer #and closer until he can feel its hot breath sniffing at him. curious purple eyes stare into his own. a loud fireball explodes near them #and the dragon nudges him away from the carnage. tsutako sees a dragon near him and flips her shit. ready to die trying to keep #her baby brother alive. he screams at her to stop- shoving the dragon away as she screams for him to get away from it #dragon flees and tsutako drags him home stressed out her gourd but thankful hes alive. #later on hes out walking in the woods to get away from it all (the other kids dont like him very much) and comes across the dragon again #he ends up making friends with it and names it sabito ('rust' for his orange-red coloration & 'rabbit' for the little hops he does) #comes across all the little dragon quirks as he hangs out- meanwhile back in the village they need more warriors to fight off the dragons #giyuu gets forced into training for it despite his (& tsutako's) protests. time comes to training against actual dragons and he miraculousl #survives using his knowledge of quirks hes learned from sabito- it astonishes /everyone/ bc hes a wimpy little fuck #yadda yadda he accidentally becomes top student just trying to avoid actually hurting the dragons and gets assigned to kill the Big Bad One #they release the beast and it crawls around the top chain netting for a bit before it notices giyuu. it drops to the floor and slowly #advances towards him. giyuu intentionally drops his weapon & shield and steps towards it with big wet scared eyes. everyone's shocked and #tsutakos screaming for them to call it off. the dragon stops posturing and sniffs at him- lets him gently pet its nose. he quietly pleads #with it to go back into its cell as guards are hurrying to get into the arena with them. the dragon looks around at them & at the sky befor #looking back at giyuu's sad eyes promising theyll both be safer if it goes back in. it hesitantly does so and giyuu locks the doors back as #the guards get to him and drag him to the village leader's hall to get the scolding of his life #he tries to reason with them that the dragons arent bad but they hit back with 'so what are we supposed to do boy. starve as we let the #dragons take all of our food? grow up. /we cant live in harmony with them.'/ #hes fucked up over it & everyone starts treating him as even more of an outcast than before. #one night while tsutako's doing dishes 'tako-nee?' quietly called out. 'what giyuu?' she doesnt even turn to glance at him. #she /always/ stops to give her full attention when he calls for her like that. his heart sinks to the floor. 'goodnight' barely keeping #the crack of his voice away. 'goodnight giyuu' #she awakes the next morning to no response. an empty house. she finds a red shirt of hers missing & a note #giyuu's neat writing shakey & slowly delving into a messy scrawl as it furthers along. one- two odd dried spots on the letters turned to #countless (/27/) blotches in the ink before it fully dried. 'im sorry' left pristine atop the worst of it at the very bottom.

[todayisafridaynight]

GORGEOUS case bro I've never seen one with a continuous design like that and the embossment itself is so tasteful... always happy to see Mr. Dunkulous too <3

ALSO AYO YOU WATCHED MONDAY? How was it? Either way you're almost done with the Sabu Tsutsumi catalogue then... that's epic... I'm glad you liked Destiny too, it really is such a cute movie

Also I'm pretty sure PS4 preloads are open too BUT I'm still salty Xbox gets it a day early </3

Its one of the first designs i ran into while looking up wallet cases LMAO lucky me me thinks…. Its very pretty <3 mr dunkulous here to stay and keep me company lest i totally lose my mind <3<3

AND I DID i mentioned so durin stream yesterday ! i REALLY loved it, sabu keeps putting ttm in terrible situations and it makes me giddy seeing him panic 🥰 AND DESTINY WAS ADORABLE it was so cute….. really wholesome and what my soul needed….

OH PS4 PRELOADS OPEN ? Ill check it out when i get home later……. Why does xbox get it a day early thats rude me thinks…..

#snap chats #cancelling a post i was gonna make to bitch in the tags of this one <3 #anyway on this day this monday we remember the words of our king ryuji goda #A Real Man Oughta Be A Little Stupid DO YALL WANNA KNOW HOW MAD I AM. #HOW I JUST SPENT A FRACTION OF MY FOOD MONEY ON A STUPID CARD #WHEN MY FUCKING ID WAS UNDEE MY TABLET. CAN YOU IMAGINE MY RAGE. MY ANGER. #I TORE UP MY ROOM ALL WEEKEND BUT NEVER THOUGHT TO CHECK UNDER MY FUCKIN TABLET #its a lilfunny….. im tryna make the most of it ok GODAMMIT IM SO MAD THO I CANT #$20 is like $5 in todays society everything is twenty fuckin dollars i cant live like this #at least my deadnames not on my id anymore… and it doesnt look like its falling apart ig… #STILL HAVE THIS TERRIBLE PHOTO AND ID RATHER BE DEADNAMES AND HAVE $20 THAN NOT HAVE $20 #NO ONE TALK TO ME ANYWAY kinda funny. hang on. #at least i dont have to get a new sticker… i just scalpe the old one from my oher card.. lol… knife came in handy… #was leaving to Waste Twenty Dollars when i ran into one of my roommate’s boyfriend for the ninth time this semester #and we both clamber into the elevator and he like ‘ive seen you a lot lol so uhh whats your name :)’ #and the struggle i had… do i say Aforementioned Dead Name do i say my Thinking Of Changing First Name do i say Last Name…. #the safe answer is always last name so thats what i did but god i floundered..i stared at him for a second longer than i shouldve #today sucks. at least i dont have a night class today… #i’d stream y0 but streams dont go well when i stream them at 5 #plus i have to work on a comm… ouugg lemme cap it here before i rant for thirty tags straight LMAO #anyway. love my new case. destiny was cute. angry jealous frog ttms funny and sad at the same time. monday made me giggle 🥴 #this was a good post to make while making sure my cars battery didnt die LMAO ok bye <3

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#ahaha we r playing it fast and fucking loose out here in the middle of fucking nowhere #like for real. dangerous fucking day. why? bc being around ppl stresses me out so fucking much i cant function #we've done 16hrs of driving in the last 3 days and i have not eaten much bc i get so stressed in restaurants #and so many things either bother my braib or my stomach and nothing tastes good and i csnt advocate for myself and if someone else tries to #advocate for me i get freaked out and paranoid abt being watched #so yeah. low on food and im so neurotic that i cant pee in public restrooms. which is not good so i dont drink much which is double not #good. which is to say that i got up todsy at 6am in an undernourished condition and then did fucking like 8hrs of field work in #the fucking desert. real real bad move. do not fucking do that. my pee looks so bad. god if i dont have a panic attack or burst into tears #by the end of the week it'll b a miracle. im already going all weird. i have v little bandwidth to pretend to b human then i do field work #and it all goes out the window bc im focused and trying to get things done asap and if things arent efficient i start to freak out. so ppl #will try to joke or talk to me and i just stare at them for a beat too long bc my brain is lagging and its all awkward. just like dont talk #to me and let me get this over with. i basically did lunges for like 5hrs my legs r gonna hurt so bad and we have 4 more days. like it was #bad today. like the undergrad with us also thought so. i feel so bad 4 him but hes a good sport. i dont kno whats gonna happen the rest of #the week. i got back todsy and wandered around bc there r like 3 rooms in this field house and i csnt relax if someone else is in the room #i went outside and ate a jelly sandwich sitting on the ground like a weirdo. like im pretty sure im noticeably being weird bc i do try to b #slightly charismatic normally but rn im stripped to my base elements like. oh ur talking to me? ok u arent saying anything interesting so #im moving on. im not gonna speak unless i absolutely have to and im gonna find a corner to hide away in. pls do not contact #hopefully im so stressed ill skip my period bc i do not wanna deal with that on top of everything. and the fact that im wide fucking awake #at like 11.30 after the day ive had is not looking like a good sign on that front. its a sign if fucking crazy. im laying #here on this bunkbed in a too warm room. no pillow bc im a freak and i dont wanna sleep bc im not tried and i cant sleep around other ppl #ugh so many bad vibes. do not do what i did. pls. that was real dangerous. #god i think that was at least a 13 or 14hr day. fuck that. i don't even care abt this project and im worried that's showing #not to mention the bad thing i did like a month back when i was losing my mind has caught up to me. its fine. awkwardly annoying but fine #hhhh actions have consequences ☹️ #tw food #unrelated