#just want this one point to be understood so i can delete this fucking blog and die

[emmettland]

heavy vent

i'm so tired of feeling so drained, in every way possible. physically. mentally. emotionally. creatively. i'm trying so hard to do what i love, but it's like i'm not loving it, i'm not loving anything now. i read the words i type and just see something lukewarm, underdeveloped, nowhere near greatness. i open up my canvas to draw and it's just the same shapes, same ideas, same concepts, same struggles. it's all flat and monotone where there used to be life.

i've dealt with some very bad depressive episodes. i don't think i've ever dealt with one this long. it's not that there aren't moments of happiness and relief -- it's just that it hurts more knowing the empty, bitter gray will suck me back in once they end, and i'll make myself even more jaded wishing i could get them back, make them stay.

i want to do something self-destructive, but it would negatively affect the people i live with, the people who still manage to care about me, and i also need to take care of myself enough to take care of Peggy, even though that's become a slog through the gray too. wake up, walk dog, feed dog, feed self. distract from the bad feelings.

i want to work and be productive, but whenever i sit down to do commission work, i'm reminded of my shameful unemployment. whenever i sit down and try to get in the zone while working on a project, all i can think about is how the high won't last. the interest will fade. i'll do brilliant things with it, and then abandon it, and then grieve over something that i decided to leave behind.

all that comes out of my mouth now are excuses, or silence, because talking leads to venting and i can only vent about the same problem, the same feelings (just getting worse), so many damn times before that vicious little voice in my head keeps telling me i'm the problem.

i was better for a while. i got used to ignoring it. i even got to a point where i believed it wasn't right. when i believed people telling me i wasn't a bad person, that my work was worthwhile, that i was worthwhile. i believed it, i accepted it, i fucking loved myself.

i climbed all the way to what felt like the top, only to come tumbling down, down, down. it never changes, and i never learn. the higher you go, the farther you fall. when in my life have i ever found the key to happiness and actually held onto it? it's a delusion. everything is just a fucking delusion and i can't tell why. is it my brain chemistry? do i need pills? is it the unemployment? is it getting older? is it my own choices? if the answer was just written out for me, i could solve it, because i help solve other people's problems, why not mine?

i'm not suicidal. i'm not. i sound like a raving mad man while i type this out at seven in the morning, but this is the most real that i've felt, the words are actually clear to me and not just blurry shapes behind a wall of I'm Fine, I'm Polite, Don't Worry. everything is making sense right now and the words are so bright and sharp, it's almost like digging and digging and finally finding something in the ground.

i don't want to die. i'm not sure if i want to be understood. i don't need everyone to love me, just my family and friends is fine, i would also like to be included in that equation. i think about dying all the time, but i don't want to die, trust me. i just want help. i need help, and maybe spitting out so-called edgy nonsense on my blog isn't going to help me, but maybe it's good not to backspace and delete everything. maybe it'll give my therapist something to work with because i always forget to say things in the moment.

i can't even say i'm having a breakdown. that's singular, an isolated event. this is breaking down. i'm losing it, i'm fucking losing it, but believe me, i'm holding on. it might not look like it, but i'm grabbing and not letting go, even when my grip starts to slip. my dad's an alcoholic and turned to drinking when he got laid off. my dad made my mom cry so many times when i was a kid because he let go and i won't make that mistake, i won't make mom cry, even if she doesn't live here. i will not end up like him.

#emmett vents #i'm not tired at all but i'm going to bed #i'm feeling a little off the rails

[beautifulpersonpeach]

The SM-Jessica special? That's interesting. Do you really think there's something SM did to set up and blacklist MHJ the way they did for Jessica?

***

Lol Anon,

You might as well be asking me if water is wet. There's no need to even work to come up with a conspiracy, you just have to be aware of very recent history that is public information. I mean, think about it. JYJ from TVXQ remain effectively blacklisted 20 years later (even though they have made the most remarkable improvement in the last five years), while Yunho and Changmin maintain a thriving career and spotless reputation (despite occasional whispers on k-blogs that are promptly deleted); Kris Wu from EXO, when the allegations were first made against him, he pointed out how the first girl from the Chinese chatroom had obtained the highest clearance access to him that would've been impossible without ridiculously high financial backing (he's still a rapist so it doesn't matter, but still); you already know what happened to Jessica. There's a reason SM Entertainment has earned a reputation of being the absolute worst of all the top k-pop agencies in Korea, for the entirety of the company's existence.

More recently, during the EXO-CBX slave contract scandal, an anonymous staff blind from SM posted on gossip blogs asserted that Chen, Baekhyun, and Xiumin were extremely entitled and ungrateful fuck-ups who trampled on the other staff at SM - it was a massive and effective hit job (link to the blind here - translation here). In Korea there's chatter about how the change in sentiment against CBX due to that letter, was likely a factor in the trio quickly reaching an agreement with SM.

And then there's Min Heejin. Consider how she said when the allegations were first made, her response was that the pictures of "naked children" on her wall were a gift from a friend, that they weren’t even hers and that the claim she's a pedophile was completely absurd. Very normal and expected claims from someone who wanted to defend herself. Likely an excuse. What she didn't say though, was who that friend was. That was answered less than a week later when an SM employee (with a posting history spanning years and not a burn account), posted a blind that she was the one who presented the pictures to Min Heejin and even took it upon herself to hire help to hang up the pictures on her wall, as a present to MHJ, her dear friend, who she had a history of posting about (MHJ) as a bitch, a whore, and the parasite who stood in her way of advancing at SM... There was fairly normal chatter from the Koreans in the comment section of that post, but everybody understood what happened. The next day that post and the account that made it were deleted.

Lol.

Shinwha has been the only group to somewhat escape SM and remain fairly independently successful, but the company has also done everything to make sure that's not repeated for anyone else. Including Min Heejin. Who chose to work at HYBE, of all places. Remember that tomfoolery about the "Pink Bloods"? I promise you Chris Lee and several staff think in very tribal terms about their business culture. And this is something that's widely assumed and accepted on the k-side.

Of course, none of this information really makes it to the international side. Or people note it in bits and pieces that may or may not be properly translated or shown to carry the right weight. Either way, there's a natural information barrier between Korean and international fandoms, there's Korean fans of rival groups who wouldn't want this to spread, in favour of the current narrative against MHJ and it's easy to see how SM can use this to their advantage. Also, the competitiveness inherent to k-pop ensures that so long as NewJeans is the top girl group, they are deserving of the worst and most dehumanizing handicap in k-pop: the ick factor of pedophilia.

I mean, I saw in real time how k-pop stans were in love with NewJeans precisely up till the moment the pre-order numbers for their debut album was released and was on pace to break records set by any other debut at the time. The moment that happened people started looking for anything to detract from the group, there were even bullying accusations started for Minji randomly on naver but ofc it never gained traction because only a few hours later, an account that hadn't posted since February 2022 suddenly posted a a massive thread about how the pictures on Min Heejin's wall on her Instagram (which had been posted for months without incident) were actually proof she's secretly a pedophile, therefore, NewJeans should be boycotted, hated, and shunned or MHJ should abandon working with NewJeans. This is a narrative they will never let up because it's easy to use, extremely damaging, and cruel. It's why:

none of the groups Min Heejin worked on as Creative Director while at SM, such as SHINee, f(x), NCT Dream and NCT more broadly, Red Velvet, etc, are treated as 'created with pedophilia in mind' the way it's applied to NewJeans, even though they ascribe to MHJ every portion of responsibility for the song and artist, as though it's all her work;

Also, why is it that the whole team of people who worked with MHJ at SM, many with known public sordid histories, people whose choices would've certainly shown in the work as well - why aren't they awarded even a sliver of attention or responsibility? That's how we have people believing the lyrics for Ice Cream Cake by Red Velvet were under the direction of graphic designer and CD MHJ.... Like, seriously lmao. Going by her job description, her involvement would’ve began and ended in the styling and overall art direction of the group and MV. It's one of the most iconic MVs in k-pop btw.

even they admit that MHJ is singlehandedly responsible for creating our current idea of "concepts" in k-pop. N.B: the idea that a conceptual thematic for a group, debut, and comeback should be centered around one central idea - it was established and promoted by MHJ in SM which helped establish SM as a formidable company in the Big3. Most of the classics from SM were overseen by MHJ;

It's also why names like Park Jin-young, Yang Hyun-suk, and Yoo Young-jin are names you might prolly feel the need to google to be certain of who they are, despite three of them being three of the biggest names in k-pop, certified male creeps with known public histories of drooling over teen girls on camera while being the right-hand man for a guy wanted by Interpol as in the case of YYJ (and then debuting minor groups); disbanding their groups and having sex with them while underage and then later marrying them as in the case of YG, installing cameras in their bathrooms and then debuting a group like Treasure and BabyMonster; taking minors to R Kelly's house and then debuting them with his partnership as in the case of JYP, and then debuting Wonder Girls, Itzy, NMIXX with minors and questionable approaches... and yet none of these groups are expected to be boycotted to punish their 'creepy CEO'. Even though all three men are heavily involved in their companies and in managing their groups, including in creative direction, and they take ownership of that work... they’re not treated with the same venom left for MHJ, even their groups' works aren't judged as being the product of those men alone (a reasonable assumption), the way it's done for MHJ with NewJeans (an unreasonable assumption).

To hurt the opposing fandom and group is the point for a lot of fans here, unfortunately. And that’s why k-pop stans will continue to push the pedophilia label on NewJeans and MHJ. It’s something I said as soon as their pre-release order numbers dropped before debut. Just given the nature of the threat NewJeans poses to every girl group, *and* the fact they’re from HYBE, guarantees they will always be hated by majority of k-pop stans.

I do have to mention there's many honest to goodness earnest k-pop stans who think they're genuinely exposing a danger to society, and while they could be right, most of the allegations against MHJ simply do not hold up under intense scrutiny, by my standards at least. And even if she is a criminal and a freak, I wouldn't care anyway the way I don't care now for YYJ, YG, and JYP - bonafide groomers and creeps, managing their groups till now.

That's just the fact.

And y'all already know how I feel about Cookie lol.

#newjeans #new jeans #min heejin #ador #bighit #hybe #kpop #kpop music #kpop industry #sm entertainment #bts #fandom behaviour

[kogareteplanet]

Togawa Jun - Teinen Pushiganga

Allegedly the title comes from a phrase for sitting in a cirlce and drinking. So we're making merry over resigning yourself from personhood. Translation notes at the end and personal commentary too because fuck it, a blog's a blog.

English

Far beyond the sky float the clouds Oh, in the name of my love

Such acts of atrocity No more can I resign to forgiveness

You may kill me Like a cow Or like a pig It’s alright I am merely a piece of flesh

Lala lala la Lala lala lai I am merely a piece of flesh

Into the sky fades the midday canon Oh, for my love has ended

Both love and hatred Are no more, poured into nothing

In a single moment of disgust I begin to rot I am merely a piece of flesh

Lala lala la Lala lala lai I am merely a piece of flesh

Far beyond the sky float the clouds Oh, in the name of my love

Such acts of atrocity No more can I resign to forgiveness

You may kill me Like a cow Or like a pig It’s alright I am merely a piece of flesh

Lala lala la Lala lala lai I am merely a piece of flesh

Japanese

空の彼方に 浮かぶは雲 嗚々 我が恋愛の名において

その暴虐の 仕打ちさえ もはやただ 甘んじて許す

牛のように 豚のように 殺してもいい いいのよ 我 一塊の肉塊なり

ライラ ライラ ラ ライラ ライラ ライ 我 一塊の肉塊なり

空に消えゆく お昼のドン 嗚々 我が恋愛は終止せり

あの泥流の 恩讐が もはやただ あとかたもなしや

愕然とする間もなく 腐敗し始める 我 一塊の肉塊なり

ライラ ライラ ラ ライラ ライラ ライ 我 一塊の肉塊なり

ライラ ライラ ラ ライラ ライラ ライ 我 一塊の肉塊なり

空の彼方に 浮かぶは雲 嗚々 我が恋愛の名において

その暴虐の 仕打ちさえ もはやただ 甘んじて許す

牛のように 豚のように 殺してもいい いいのよ 我 一塊の肉塊なり

ライラ ライラ ラ ライラ ライラ ライ 我 一塊の肉塊なり

ライラ ライラ ラ ライラ ライラ ライ 我 一塊の肉塊なり

ライラ ライラ ラ ライラ ライラ ライ 我 一塊の肉塊なり

ライラ ライラ ラ ライラ ライラ ライ 我 一塊の肉塊なり

ライラ ライラ ラ ライラ ライラ ライ 我 一塊の肉塊なり

ライラ ライラ ラ ライラ ライラ ライ 我 一塊の肉塊なり

Translation Notes

泥流 is the flow of lahar/volcanic mud when a volcano erupts and 跡形もなしや (written in hiragana as あとかたもなしや) is like "without leaving a trace", I thought saying literally saying left without a trace was too basic for such a powerful song, so I went with "poured into nothing" to maintain the original imagery and meaning.

Personal Commentary Nobody Asked For

Many lifetimes ago I ran the Jun Togawa Forever fansite with my friend Pat, he translated all of the songs and I did the website... stuff. Because of it, Pat got to meet Jun's manager and it was basically the thing that set me off onto wanting to study Japanese to begin with. The sadness I was experiencing at the time couldn't be expressed in my own language because I was barely fresh off being a teenager, and I was treated poorly by almost everyone around me. Real "nobody understands me" type shit. So, i'd listen to this song on repeat a lot and read my friend's translation, because it felt like somebody understood me.

The reason I stopped running the website, posting throwbacks and setlist updates etc was because I actually hated most of the English fans. Pat was working very hard at a critical time to translate information and whenever I had a question, I would ask. But people kept jumping to assumptions about what Jun's art was trying to convey. It sounds almost cliche, but the perspective of dudes with no knowlege of Japanese language or culture was dominating the discussion about a Japanese woman's work, stripping it of time, place and it's author. One person's self expression through art became a talking point for being anti-pop culture - because it was antithetical to the norm, that's all it could be, or that became the main focus. I hated how our work was just being consumed by people who's reaction was just "cool" or "thanks", and the voice behind the lyrics was stifled for the sake of making hamfisted commentary about pop culture, from a society and culture that the authors themselves had sparse knowlege of.

It is extremely petty. This was also before Suki Suki Daisuki blew up on Tiktok too. But, the phrase "anti idol" just screamed fake deep to me lol. Once I actually started speaking Japanese and explaining the perspective of non-Japanese people about things to Japanese people, they were mostly confused. BiS' producer also called it "fucking stupid." I think about deleting all of the translations sometimes out of spite.

I wanted to come back and translate this song myself because... fuck it, why not. I'm not in the same mindset as when this was the one thing keeping my head above water, but I did have some poor experiences with people at university recently. I thought about this song because it feels like it's fine for terrible things to be said and done to me, but everyone else is seemingly allowed to do whatever they want. Be it emotionally or sexually as a friend or as a coercer. But i've resigned myself from caring because hey, life goes on.

#Youtube

[incarnateirony]

Man, I go to make more Mess, and she either deleted or changed her blog. But as long as her website still exists with the stolen branding, as well as her signature on documents for businesses undissolved, running won't help, I'm not sure why she hasn't understood that.

Girl you literally signed yourself to us, deleting a tumblr blog won't fix it. It just makes your humiliation less visible to the people who follow you on it, but that's fine, you can die in private in your stupidity.

Pirate candy rumpocky riding sniff makes butt-rum. But sure, send more whiny notes on fucking FURAFFINITY TO RANDOM PEOPLE after specifically being told to stop starting shit in DMs. That'll help you.

You have literally been blaspheming a god and refusing to change when given a chance, you've had your illusion blasted but refuse to confess it to others and want to insist to continue, then wonder why everything in your life starts being on fire exactly when I fucking told you it would start and how.

If you want things to change, you have to do something to change it. That's why he's never been able to work with you. You refuse to act, only dream.

Yes Shea, Corban sent me that. The person "spiraling" is the one ripping out/shaving off her hair and having her animals die around her and hiding her blog. I don't fucking CARE what the goddamn supernatural community thinks about me. Unlike you, I'm not motherfucking roleplaying, and this shit is more important. If you favor the opinion of people still arguing about a fictional gay angel above immortal politics, you're already so fucked up you're as good as dead.

You literally can't pull the "but he's being crazy!" when this is feedback of your own beliefs. Of the two of us, you're ripping out your hair, and I get monthly psych evals and therapy as part of my job. Guess which one of us clears? That's right! The one that had a team of therapists staring at you in marvel of your dipshittery until you deleted your blog to hide from it.

Cope. You're going to have to delete a whole lot more than your blog, it's that simple. I've told you a million times you can't crypost or DM manipulate this. It's outside of that, Shea. Corban can't stop it. Hell even I couldn't stop it at this point. Only you can stop it and you refuse to. You're so used to roleplaying and manipulating because he WASNT paying attention to you, so all the games and fakery never were noticed, then you fucked up, started some shit you couldn't take back, and you're leaning on those old habits, but you can't roleplay away the divine.

Thanks for bugging him on FA though, he got a full price commission within hours of checking your DM. Lucky him, how random!

[im-constantly-fangirling-backup]

Promotion

Thomas Shelby x Reader

Requested: Yes; I lost the original request, sorry :(

Warnings: Swear Words

Word Count: 1.3k

A/N: Sorry about the repost, for some reason the old version got deleted so I’m reposting it :) I tried to make the reader badass but like I don’t know how to do that so I guessed. I hope you guys love this!!

Summary: The reader storms into the Garrison which pisses off Tommy, but when he sees what has gotten you so angry and watches your response, he can’t help but be impressed.

[Main Blog] [Masterlist] [Taglist Form] [Requests Open!]

The Garrison seemed to be the hub of all the Peaky Blinders and the people that wanted to meet with them. People were walking in with friends on their arms and out stumbling, drunkenly walking their newfound date to the closes private space they could find. And in the midst of all that celebration, you had walked in with the biggest scowl on your face- a contrast that Tommy easily picked up on from where he was leaning against the countertop of the bar. “What’s got ya so pissed, love?” he asked you, sipping on his whiskey. You sighed. “Nothing,” you grumbled, signaling to Grace that you wanted a glass of whiskey. “Yet,” you said under your breath. Tommy caught that whisper but ignored it, opting to take another swing of his drink. He had noticed every time you walked into the Garrison, you walked in with a sour face instead of your usual bright one. It bothered him that you didn’t smile as much anymore when you were there, but Tom was never a man good with words. So he simply let you stew in your anger, but made sure to brush your hand every now and then to remind you that he was there if you wanted to rant. He might not be able to talk, but he could listen. “Why hello there, love!” you and Tommy heard a deep, baritone voice say from behind you. Turning around, you saw a man with crooked teeth smiling abashedly at you, his eyes lingering on your chest too long for it to be a casual observation. Your nose scrunched up from the smell of alcohol reeking in his breath. “What the hell do you want, Trevor?” Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Tommy’s eyebrows raise slightly in shock, but when you noted his slight scowl you knew he was irritated. You resisted the urge to roll your eyes. Trevor held his hands up in mock surrender. “Just askin’ how you’ve been after all these years, love, nothing more. Certainly nothin’ to get all feisty over.” You grit your teeth before smiling at him cockily. “Yeah, now that you’ve done that, can you fuck off?” You added a bit of politeness into your voice- just enough to patronize him. “Hey,” you heard Tommy say. “Calm down, will you love? I don’t need another bar fight on my hands.” His voice was laced with frustration and anger, although his face stayed neutral. The normal glint that was housed in his eyes disappeared, replaced by indifference. It was almost like the deep ocean of his blue eyes froze over into ice. You smiled at him the same way you smiled at Trevor: with a hint of condescension. Honestly, it was a miracle that Tom didn’t shoot a bullet in between your brows at your expression. “Why don’t you stay out of things that aren’t your fucking business, Tom?” Tom clenched his jaw before turning back to his whiskey. “If it’s under me bar’s roof, it’s me fuckin’ business, love.” Trevor chuckled, causing both you and Tommy’s heads to snap towards him. “You let him call you love? What are you, his whore?” You bit your lip out of anger so hard it drew blood, the tang of copper running over your tongue. You tried to focus on the taste in an effort to not cause a scene; if you did cause a bar fight, you’d have to deal with an angry Thomas Michael Shelby, which was much worse than what you were dealing with right now. “Look, Trevor, what do you want?” You arched your eyebrow. Trevor shrugged. “Just wanted to see ya, I swear-” “You never talk to me unless you want something from me, so how about you just tell me and I can be on my merry way?” Trevor’s eyes darkness slightly, his usual energetic (and annoying) bravado slipping slightly. “I need some money.” You couldn’t help the laugh that escaped your lips. “What? So you can go and spend it on more drugs and tequila? No fucking way.” Trevor’s lip curled slightly, and you noticed his fingers twitched as if wanting to curl up into fists. “Don’t fucking humiliate me in front of Mr. Shelby!” Another laugh tumbled out of you, this one full of much more bitterness than the last. “Why? You saw no problem humiliating me in front of my father? Consider us even on that front, Trevor.” Tommy choked on his whiskey slightly, now

understanding why you were being so hostile and angry whenever Trevor was in the Garrison. You had run away from London after a man there- Trevor, apparently- had started the rumor that you recently had an attempted abortion that didn’t work, leaving you pregnant. Although you were only 19 at the time, you weren’t an idiot and eventually understood that he was making you unmarriable to everyone except him. He couldn’t raise his status, so he lowered yours. He would marry you, thereby securing all the riches your family had for himself. Thomas cleared his throat. “I think you need to leave.” His words implied that Trevor had a choice, but his deep and firm voice communicated what his words didn’t: if Trevor didn’t leave of his own free will, he’d be dragged out against it. Trevor gulped. “Please, love-” You shook your head no. “I gave you money that last time, Trevor. ‘S not my fault you can’t budget for shit. So if you want money, get a fucking job.” “If you give me money, I’ll go back to your dad and tell him I lied. I swear, love, I will just please!” Trevor practically begged, a tear slipping out the corner of his eyes. You took in a deep breath, placing your hand on top of Thomas’s when he made a move to get up. “Look, Trevor, I don’t want a fucking apology. I don’t want you to tell my father that you were lying. I want you to leave me the fuck alone.” You stepped closer to Trevor, letting your hand fall off the counter. “If I see you ever again,” you said threateningly, letting your breath fan out over his face, “You’ll only have one good leg.” You turned around and fidgeted with your now empty whiskey glass, tilting and watching the sunlight hit the glass. “If you want money, get a job. You’re smart enough to find you, I’m sure. If you were smart enough to manipulate my family, I’m sure you can get a fucking job.” You picked up Tom’s whiskey glass and downed it in one gulp. “Fuck off, Trevor. And remember my threat, because I will follow up on it. Starting in ten seconds.” You didn’t see Trevor run across and away from the Garrison, but you heard the quick clicks of his shoes against the wood. Turning around after ten seconds, you were pleased to find him gone. Thomas cleared his throat and turned to you. He eyed his whiskey glass that still rested in your hand but made no comment. “This is going to sound really fuckin’ creepy,” he began, “but that was the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.” You chuckled and then groaned. “I fucking hate that guy.” “I can tell.” You hummed. “Still pissed at me for how I talked to him? Or are we good?” Tom turned back to the bar, asking Grace to refill both of your glasses. “I want to give you a promotion, love. Your potential’s wasted as a secretary.” You sipped at your now refilled whiskey. “Hmm, wouldn’t people think I fucked my way to the top?” “If you’d scare them off like you did Trevor,” Thomas pointed out, “I don’t think a single person would voice their doubts.” You nodded. “Then I accept, Tom.” Thomas grinned and extended his hand. “You’re now Y/N Shelby, my second in command.” You laughed and shook his hand. “If screaming at Trevor was all it took to impress you,” you teased, “I would have hunted him down a year ago.” Tom sipped at his whiskey and chuckled. “You about done with that drink, love? I was thinking we could celebrate your promotion,” he said suggestively, winking at you when you side glanced at him. You felt hot, a slight blush making its way on your face. “What are we waiting for then?”

#backup #backup blog #thomas shelby x reader #tommy shelby x reader #thomas shelby #tommy shelby #thomas shelby fluff #tommy shelby fluff #peaky blinders imagine

[lipves-loona]

Dumesha…WHY YOU LEFT US 😞 come back I miss you dammit….pls

I’m still here ya know….the same admin y’all send nice asks and also to the people that send disturbing and death threats to me on a daily…I’m still the same old admin y’all communicate with ya know…idk if you’re talking about Subaru but I can always make a new account….if I wanted to it take less than 20mins to create and setup a account…

I left a lot of stuff alone & leave things It don’t matter if it’s on Discord, Instagram,Twitter or even here…why you ask..? Cus I want to….can some of y’all not comprehend what I said before..???

If some of y’all keep on forcing me to do things I don’t want to do anymore I’ll just delete the damn app & go on with my life…I’m being deadass….it will be the last time you’ll hear from me…

I’m gonna do things I WANT too i see some people isn’t here anymore which is fine idc like I say but to the ones that don’t give a shit what I post now thank you that you understood..

I’m not that stupid to change my whole blog with out a reason that would be idiotic of me

It don’t matter if you know or don’t know why…it’s done…ended…finished…vanished it’s not coming back unless I make that choice

I can’t even make my own damn choices without someone talking in my damn ear 24/7 telling me no or they’ll miss me pls don’t do that you’re just hurting me more…

Also for my discord servers I now have 2 and I’m not letting no one else join so if you joined good for you…I have to go to all of my accounts and update the rules..

If you want DL content from me that bad since you love me that much I literally have a Shu & Yui account..

It might not be to your liking but that’s the only thing you’ll get from me

Here if you want…. @asks-shu-sakamaki @asks-yui-komori

Lord… um anyways I’ll do what I what idk why y’all asking for something I already ended

Sorry for my rudeness but I can’t be nice all the damn time…I’m not gonna play the goodie-two-shoes act…

Y’all I’m only 17 remember that don’t demand me shit I don’t want to do….and if I don’t want to do it anymore as well….

My life is already ass rn ever since I was born actually…

So don’t ask me…I’m not targeting it towards you don’t get it wrong it’s to every single soul that will see this on their feed

Lord….why do I have to explain my damn self every fucking time it don’t matter what social platform i am at this point y’all always want a answer..what if I didn’t have a reason…and I just want to do it cus I felt like it??

That can’t be a thing anymore or what..?? Don’t make laugh…

The clownery I swear….

None of y’all asks me why again pls don’t I don’t want to mess up my blog

THIS IS A COLLABORATION BLOG CAN YALL NOT UNDERSTAND!???

Phew- lord….

#kimlip-yves-loona #yves-the-yyxy #diabolik lovers #subaru sakamaki #shu sakamaki #yui komori #admin #leave me the fuck alone #lord help me #i can’t do anything #smh honestly

[secondpubertyscene]

8.14.21

This year has been one of major change. In Octavia Butler’s Parable of the Sower, there’s this quote, “God is Change. Beware: God exists to shape and be shaped,” and I think for the first time since reading it, I get what was being said. While I subscribe to the idea that there is a higher power of some kind, I also believe that we (as in, us as individuals) have great power as well. That power lies in our ability to change, to grow, to persevere. This year has been one of major change, and we really have to talk about it.

It is easy to look at this last year and think, “Well, that fucking sucked” because frankly, it did indeed fucking suck. I could write you a list of things that brought me great pain this year, unbelievable, undeniable, unrelenting pain that still lingers now. But, see, the beauty of it all is that none of that pain happens in a vacuum. Along with the pain, I’ve come through it all with more wisdom, more compassion, more empathy, more gratitude, more peace, more love, and more confidence. I’d like to share how those things all are connected, but first I would like to acknowledge something.

While I don’t know for sure if this is just an American thing, it does seem very clear that Americans aren’t fantastic at processing grief, death, and pain collectively. We often are encouraged to suck it up, to shut up about it, to not make others uncomfortable with our tears and trauma. I believe this is in large part due to the fact that American Exceptionalism doesn’t quite allow us to acknowledge when our systems have failed us or when we are suffering in the “greatest country in the world.” I don’t intend on participating in that toxic positivity or to dismiss the seriousness of the year past. I simply intend on acknowledging the nuances of my experiences, the complexity of it all. Now, let’s begin.

Without recounting every moment in large detail (in part because that would be far too much and also because I don’t need to relieve my traumas today), the events of the last year have been as follows: 1) COVID hit, 2) I had a severe emotional breakdown that resulted in a short stay at the hospital, 3) my grandma passed away, 4) I broke up with my partner of a year, 5) I was officially diagnosed with adult ADHD (inattentive), 6) I got into a PhD program for sociology (fully-funded), and 7) I moved to Ohio (two weeks ago now). So much happened in what feels like a blink of an eye. When you’re a kid, you think a year lasts forever. Now, a year feels like a couple months!

Anyhow, all of these things had super intense negative impacts on my life and most of them had super intense positive impacts on my life. Let’s talk about how. I won’t say that COVID had any “positive” impact on my life, because it’s still currently making things difficult and it is still destroying lives (full worlds) every day. The emotional breakdown that I experienced shortly after COVID began, however, was the impetus for some of the greatest change I would ever make in my life. It began with new therapy, medication for the first time ever to treat my mental illnesses, and a new relationship with boundaries.

Out of this breakdown, I came to realize a few things. 1) I wasn’t really feeling most of my life up until that point. That isn’t to say that I didn’t feel at all or that I wasn’t aware of my feelings all the time, but to say that most of the time, I numbed everything out that was too hard to bear. I didn’t cry, I didn’t write, I didn’t even take the time to try to identify exactly what emotions I did feel. I just lived through it and waited until I felt better. Or, I would breakdown with rage and then feel better. Therapy, especially the group therapy I participated in for a couple weeks after leaving the hospital, changed that in huge ways for me.

Because I was able to sit in my pain, in my discomfort, I was able to actually work through some of my issues. I began to identify the areas in my life that made me genuinely unhappy and began to grant myself permission to feel disappointment. I granted myself the permission to expect more, to want more. I granted myself the permission to set boundaries without guilt or shame. I granted myself freedom. It is an ongoing journey of mistakes and back-peddling and trying again, but it is mine and I am proud of it. Had I not had that breakdown, I don’t know that I would be where I am now.

My grandma dying is one of the most painful things I’ve experienced and honestly, I haven’t dealt with it all the way yet. I didn’t get to say goodbye to her in person, I still am battling the feelings of guilt despite knowing that there likely was nothing I could have done, and my chest still feels heavy thinking about her. Even as I write this, I feel that pain. I know she is not truly gone and that she lives within me, but oh, I do miss her physical presence. The nagging, the phone calls, the hugs, the cooking, her soft hair and beautiful hands. I miss her. Because of her, though, I have been able to rehabilitate another relationship in my life. The relationship I share with my mother.

My mother is a lot of things, but for whatever reason I continually forgot that she too is a victim of hardship brought on by nothing but sheer luck. In this last year, she lost her mother, the man that she loved, multiple cousins, friends that went back to childhood, and who knows who else. She suffered a lot this year and she has suffered a lot over the course of her 61 years of life overall. For the first time, I have been able to really acknowledge her as a full being with a complex history and understand her as a person, rather than just as a parent. I’ve set new boundaries with her as a result, boundaries that have completely change the dynamic of our relationship and will continue to do so as we both learn more about each other. Gone are the days where she relies solely on me for emotional support or financial support. Gone are the days where she feels comfortable talking down to me and then expecting any kind of favors from me. She understands and respects that I am an adult, that I am independent, and that I can terminate our relationship should it get to a point where I feel unsafe again. While this might sound like a threat or even negative, it is in fact quite the contrary.

We now share the belief that I deserve better from her and that my continued relationship with her is founded upon our mutual growth. That’s a beautiful thing that arose from us being pulled together by the loss of someone we both loved more than we maybe even loved ourselves. Thankfully, though, I have come to love myself more than anyone else on this planet. This newfound self-love and respect resulted in the severing of my relationship with my partner.

I won’t pretend like my ex was this horrible person because she wasn’t. She was kind, loving, intelligent, hilarious, unique, complex, and so many other amazing things. I still love her with all of my heart and have thought about her every single day since we broke up. It is not for lack of love that our relationship came to a close. The issue was that I needed more than what she could give. I needed someone who could really sit in my shit with me without invalidating my feelings jokingly because they didn’t know what else to say. I needed someone who could make me feel safe and secure, not fearful and insecure. I needed someone who understood boundaries as openings for futures, not closed doors. I needed someone who could show up for me the way I showed up for them, even when they hurt me, even when they lied out of fear. She wasn’t able to do that. She wasn’t able to stick beside me during the worst days of my life. She wasn’t able to see me beyond our relationship. When my grandma passed and our relationship was on the rocks, she made it about us. She didn’t stop pestering me about our relationship for long enough to give me support on losing someone who meant the world to me. I couldn’t trust her after that and I also realized, I wasn’t required to.

Boundaries in that relationship weren’t healthy. I felt unseen, unprotected, and sometimes even unloved. While I am sure that she has grown even more since we have parted, the reality is that when I ended things, I knew that doing so was the most fair thing I could do for the both of us. This is because I deserve someone who sees my value inherently. I deserve someone who takes the time to understand me, to love me, to see me. Not just see me and them together, but me as an individual separate from them. More importantly, I needed to be able to ask for those things without feeling guilty or bad. As of now, I still don’t know that she sees me as me, as a singular person, and maybe she never will. That is okay. I still love her anyway. I just love me more now. As a part of that love I’ve grown for myself, I also now have sought out more help for myself. This seeking of resources led me to realizing that I was ADHD and helped me change my life.

Being diagnosed with ADHD at 21 felt absolutely ridiculous. How could I be ADHD when I can sit still most of the time and have a pretty decent amount of impulse control? The answers came from my psychiatrist, breaking down the stereotypical understanding of ADHD and allowing me to find myself within the diagnosis. Finding the right combination of medication has been difficult, but what hasn’t been hard at all is finding more resources that help me manage my symptoms. It’s because of some of these resources that I am able to sit here and write this.

A huge part of ADHD is this perfectionist mentality that makes it nearly impossible to start or complete some tasks. Every time I sat down to write in the past, I told myself that I absolutely had to write every single day, once a day, or I should just not do it. When it came to this blog especially, I had so much shame when I failed to post for a long time or had a lull, that I would either consider deleting the whole thing to start over, or just never posting again. I realize now that those were just cop outs for my brain, that I can write as little or as much as I want because it is for ME. It doesn’t have to be perfect; it doesn’t have to be anything but what I need it to be. Waiting for perfection would have me waiting forever because it’s simply not how my brain works. Accepting that is a large part of how I got into my PhD program.

I’m not going to lie. I am still trying to figure out all of the feelings I have regarding this PhD program. I am shocked that I got in, shocked that I got full-funding, shocked that I am now in Ohio, shocked that I am in my own apartment, and overall shocked that I’ve made it this far in general. While I do not believe that I am stupid or not capable of greatness, I am realizing that I’ve always seen myself pursuing something more straightforward. When I was younger, I had a pretty clear idea of what I wanted to do even as those things changed. I knew what was required of me, I knew what I would ultimately do, and I took refuge in that. Doctors go to medical school. Chefs go to culinary school. Forensic anthropologists get masters degrees and do field work. It felt clear cut, straightforward, safe. This is uncharted territory. What do you do post PhD? What do you do DURING PhD years? I suppose I’ll just have to find out!

Anyhow, this year has been intense. Change is always present in our lives and sometimes it brings with gifts that we can only receive when we’re healed enough to take them. I’m hoping to keep healing, keep growing, keep loving, and keep going. I’m learning so much about myself and about the world. I’m loving myself more than I have in the past. I am incredibly proud of where I am. And I’m not done yet.

#personal blog #vent blog #black ftm #black transman #black tpoc #black mental health #personal writing blog #sociology #sociology phd program #covid #grief

[mortedeveles]

Model For Me

HERE: PART TWO 

PART ONE.  PART THREE.  PART FOUR. PART FIVE. PART SIX. 

Summary: Y/N has always been a timid and awkward person and artist when it comes to social interactions and it only gets worse when she asks her crush and best friend, Katsuki Bakugou, to model for her.

And not just any type of modelling; Y/N needs to do a composition of a nude male body. Luckily for her, Katsuki's personality is anything but shy and he doesn't hesitate to undress in front of her. It's for art, he says. But something tells Y/N that the boy has hidden and devious intentions, intentions that she has to unravel and discover. 

Copyright © 2020-2021 by Veles.

Genre: fluff, humor, suggestive content (a wee bit of NSFW themes)

TW: cursing, sexual themes, nudity.

Pairing: Katsuki Bakugou x fem!artist!reader

________

QUIRK: LIQUIFY! Y/N can manipulate any type of liquid to her advantage and can also melt inanimate objects, but doesn't work on animals, plants, or people. And at night time she can make any type of liquid into a solid!  

_________

a/n: so here’s the second part!! we have 2-3 parts left! the first part wasn’t proofread when i published so i’m going to fix any grammar errors it may have </3. i’m a new fanfic writing blog, so please consider checking out my other works, followng me and leaving a like and/or reblogging!! i would really appreciate it! enjoy!

Today had been a good day so far. You hadn't encountered any problems up until now- your hero training had gone smoothly, you even managed to beat Uraraka in a match!-so hopefully, you could ask Katsuki the dreadful question and not die in the process.

Hopefully.

Once the final school bell rang, you could feel your soul leave your poor body. It was nearly time. Everyone began to pack up and head out of the classroom when you felt a hand on your shoulder.

''Y/N?'' Momo looked concerned. ''School is over. Are you still coming over today?''

Shit. You had totally forgotten about that. Mustering a smile, you shook your head.

''I'm sorry, Momo, I won't be able to go today. I have some art projects to do,'' 

She nodded in understanding and patted your shoulder.

''Very well. See you later, Y/N. Take care!'' 

You offered her a wave and a smile. Once she had left, you dropped the facade and groaned. There were still some of your classmates inside and thankfully, Bakugou was one of them. You could feel his eyes burn into your side. He had agreed to stay after school, but you refused to explain what you needed.

Once the classroom was nearly empty, you took a shaky breath as you slung your backpack over your shoulder, rising from your seat and leaned against the exit.

You stared at the floor while you waited for everyone to leave and once the classroom had gone silent, you raised your head. 

Katsuki was the only one left. He was scowling as usual as he approached you, hands stuffed in his pockets.  

''So, what did you want nerd?'' Katsuki grunted. 

You swallowed thickly as you played with your hands. God, how were you supposed to ask him to model for you? All your previous confidence and courage had slipped away in the blink of an eye. You should've written it down...

''Um, well, you see,'' you stammered and coughed awkwardly. Katsuki furrowed his eyebrows and you swallowed nervously. His patience ran thin with every second that you were wasting.

''Spit it out already,'' he growled. 

''Okay so, IwaswonderingifyoucouldmodelnudeformecauseIneedamalemodelpleasedon'tkillme,'' you spoke so fast that all your words glued together and Katsuki looked shocked.

He didn't reply and only stared at you with an expression you couldn't understand. Was he mad? Did he even understand what you had just said?

''Hah?!'' 

Uh oh. You felt embarrassment course through your body as you shook your head in denial. No, no! That came out so wrong!

''Oh god, I'm such an idiot,'' you breathed. ''I'm so sorry Katsuki, I'll stop wasting your time,'' 

What were you thinking?! you yelled at yourself, shaking your head as you began to walk away. While you muttered incoherent words and cursed at yourself, you hadn't noticed that Katsuki had regained his composure and wore a smug grin as he reached out for your arm.

''You should really talk slower, shitty nerd. I barely understood what you said. Learn how to fucking speak, will you?'' he snapped, eyes blazing but there was a grin on his face, so you hoped that he wasn't as mad as he sounded. 

You froze when you felt Katsuki's warm and heavy hand wrap around your elbow. His grip was strong and firm but not to the point that it hurt.

Quickly, you turned around and nearly headbutted Katsuki. Luckily, he managed to dodge your head and snickered.

''Um, yeah okay...anyways, do you think you can do it?'' 

He sighed and nodded, releasing your elbow and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

''Tch. Okay, I'll do it.''

A few moments passed in silence until you realized he had agreed.

''Yes, oh my god, thank you so much Katsuki!'' you blabbered, jumping on the balls of your feet as a wide smile took over your face.

Katsuki snorted and watched you with mild amusement, his muscular arms crossed against his chest.

''I'm so glad you agreed, Katsuki! I was so afraid I was going to ask a random guy to model for me and that would've been so awkward-,'' you stopped and took a deep breath. Screaming and jumping around really did a number on you.

Once you had regained your breath, you met Katsuki's red eyes with a wide grin. He rolled his eyes and stepped forward, grabbing your chin with his fingers and tugging you forward.

''Woah! What are you doing?'' you stammered, feeling your heart beat so loud it was a surprise Katsuki didn't notice.

''Don't think I'm doing this for free. I'm only stripping because it's for art,'' he said with a scowl. ''And since I'm doing you a favor, you're going to have to do something for me,'' he grinned like a madman.

''What..what do you want..?'' your voice faltered. You felt your stomach twist and flip. Katsuki was so close to you...he smelled like a warm and rich campfire and toasted marshmallows...

His grin grew wider at your hesitance. You prayed that he didn’t notice how flustered you were.

''I'll tell you after the modeling,'' he stated, leaving no room for argument. You swallowed nervously and nodded.

''Okay, sure..''

''Tch. Whatever. Besides, the only guy you'll be seeing naked is me, so be glad I decided you help your ass out. Text me the details. Later, shitty nerd,'' he grumbled. You nodded vigorously and everything he had just said flew over your head. You waved him goodbye with a stupid smile on your face.

It wasn't until Katsuki left that you registered what he had just said. 

''Wait...'' you mumbled. 

''What the hell did that mean?!''

You could feel yourself getting flustered again. Damn him! It seemed that when he was around, all you could was act like a giddy idiot.

You two were close friends, but not the point where you were comfortable with physical intimacy. And since it was Katsuki Bakugou, you doubted he was cuddly towards anyone.

Whatever, you thought. I'll just ask Aneko what he meant.

                         ━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

You found yourself covering your tender ears as Aneko let out a shrill scream.

''Jeez,'' you complained. ''Are you a screaming banshee?''

Aneko frowned in response and swatted your head.

''Don't you get it? He likes you!'' she exclaimed. ''I've never been more sure about anything in my life! Trust me, I know what I'm talking about,'' she held her chin between her two fingers and had a thoughtful expression.

''I think he's the possessive type,'' she mused. ''Definitely. It's obvious from what he said. Not to mention that when he met me, he wanted to kill me for hugging you.''

You rolled your eyes but you could feel butterflies swarming in your stomach as a giddy smile escaped you.

''Maybe you're right,'' you said. ''I just hope nothing goes wrong..''

''Of course, I'm right,'' you could hear the smugness in Aneko's voice. ''When I have ever been wrong?''

You opened your mouth to protest, but Aneko shushed you and placed your phone into your hands. 

''You should text him already. When are you guys planning to meet?''

You shrugged.

''I don't know. It's better to do the art piece in one session so that I can capture the same lighting and shadows, but honestly, I don't think I can work for more than 3 hours straight. Besides, I don't think Katsuki would handle it,''

Aneko hummed in response. ''You're right.''

''Well, it's up to you. I have to leave, mama's making soba tonight,'' She pressed a quick kiss on your cheek before heading out of your room.

''Okay, tell your mom I said hi!'' you called after her.

''Will do!" Aneko's voice echoed from below.

Frowning, you stared at your phone. You wanted to finish the art project quickly, but you had no idea how to organize the sessions...

Hell, you had never done a live session with a nude model before, so you felt absolutely clueless. Most of your references were pictures you would find on the internet and art books.

After several attempts of typing and deleting, you decided on a final message.

Y/N: Hey Katsuki! Would you like to do the modeling in one session? It would be really long...like five to nine hours? Or would you rather do several short sessions?

Once you had pressed SEND, you stared at your phone for several minutes. No response.

Huffing, you threw your phone aside and laid down on your bed. Maybe he was just busy. Yeah, that was it, it wasn't like he was ignoring you.

You groaned and slapped your hands over your face. Why did you have to overthink everything?

When your phone vibrated, you jumped and quickly sat up. The phone vibrated again and you grabbed it.

Katsuki: I'll give you five sessions, three hours each. Take it or leave it, shitty nerd. We'll start tomorrow so text me your address. 

''I thought I was the artist,'' you grumbled. ''Why does he get to choose the sessions? I know he's the one modeling but it's not like he's the one doing the artwork...'' your voice trailed off as you finished reading the message and began to type a message.

Y/N: Sounds good to me! My address is xxx-xxx-xxx and do you think you could come around two o'clock? I'm free at that time.

Without another glance at your phone, you raced downstairs and headed straight to the dining room, where your mother was reading a book on the dinner table. 

''Hey mom,'' you leaned against a pillar. ''Can my friend come over at two o'clock tomorrow? He's going to help me with my art project,'' you smiled.

''Sure thing, hon. What's his name?'' She returned her gaze to her book, flipping through pages.

''Um..'' you debated whether to tell her Katsuki's name. She had seen the Sports Festival and boy, she did not like his murderous attitude. Maybe if you lied and used another name, she’d agree... But then again, she was your mother and would probably see Katsuki inside the house. The best thing to do was to come off clean. 

'’Bakugou Katsuki...'' you said meekly. Hopefully, she was so immersed in her book that she wouldn't pay attention to the name.

''Bakugou Katsuki?'' her sharp voice made you wince. ''The murderous boy from the Sports Festival? He's dangerous, Y/N! Why is he helping you?''

''Um...mom, he's kinda my classmate,'' you rubbed the back of your neck awkwardly. ''And he's friend, so don't worry about it. Once you get to know him, he's a very good person,''

Your mom sighed and clicked her tongue. ''I hope you're right about this. I have to attend something with your father tomorrow at one o'clock, so I won't be here,'' Phew, you thought. There wouldn't be any incidents and they wouldn't see a naked Katsuki in your room. 

''However,'' your mom said. ''I'm going to ask your friend Aneko to come over. She's a very polite and responsible girl, I know she'll keep you out of trouble.'' The urge to snort was so overwhelming you had to cover your mouth as you nodded in agreement.

Responsible and polite? That was the opposite of your friend Aneko. But you knew that Aneko was capable to turn into a charming exemplar student model when your parents were around.

''Yeah, sure mom. Thanks,'' you shot her a smile. She nodded in response and returned her attention to her book. You raced upstairs to your room and began to tidy your belongings. If Katsuki was coming over to your house, you needed a space where he could pose for hours. 

You pushed your desk, bed, and shelf against the walls, picking up everything from the floor and left a wide space in the middle of your room, in front of your wide windows. Since your family wasn’t rich, you couldn't afford an art studio. But you worked with what you had.

After an hour or two of tidying your room and fooling around, your phone's familiar ringtone blared. You picked up the phone and pressed it to your ear.

''What's up, Aneko?'' 

A loud shriek invaded your ears. Your lips formed a thin line and you pulled the phone away from your ear and kept it at a safe distance to ensure you wouldn't go deaf. Aneko was your friend and you knew she meant well, but she could be very vocal when she was excited. 

''Y/N L/N! My, my, I'm impressed. Your mom just texted me to ask me to come over your house and watch over you and your boyfriend Bakugou Katsuki! You sure are fast!''

You laughed softly as you sat down on the edge of your bed and swung your legs back and forward.

''He's not my boyfriend, Aneko,'' you reminded her. She huffed in response.

''It may not be official, but he's practically your boyfriend at this point. When you introduced him to me, he wanted to rip my head out for holding your hand and for hugging you! Not to mention that when you were cold and we were returning to your house, he slipped off his jacket and wrapped it around you so you wouldn't get cold anymore! And there's been so many other moments. The boy is rude and violent as hell, but I know he cares about you.'' Aneko's long speech left you speechless.

''Well...'' you laughed nervously. ''If you put it that way....''

''You just wait, Y/N. I know something is going to happen. You just sit tight and wait.''

A snort left your nose as you shook your head with amusement. ''I don't think so, Anne, but I'll hold your promise.''

''You wanna bet?''

You snickered loudly. ''Alright. I'm betting 500 yen that he won't ask me out,''

Aneko clicked her tongue in disapproval. ''Oh, Y/N, Y/N. Poor little oblivious you. I'm betting 800 yen and if I win you have to do whatever I say for a day!''

Oh damn. The bet was getting out of hand and you felt slightly nervous. Nevertheless, you kept your composure and smirked.

''Deal.''

                           ━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

It had been an hour since Aneko had arrived at your house and the two of you had tidied the house. Right now, you sat on your bed with Aneko's head in your lap.

''So, when is he coming?'' Aneko asked as she stuffed her face with cookies. You glanced at your phone and frowned. It was nearly two o'clock and Katsuki hadn't arrived yet.

''He should be here soon. I told him to be here at two o'clock.''

''Do you think he has a big dick?'' 

''Aneko!'' you scolded her. ''Don't say that! Why were you thinking about that?!'' 

She shrugged nonchalantly and met your flustered face with a devious grin.

''I just said what you were too shy to ask,'' 

Your eyes widened as you gasped and slapped Aneko's arm. She giggled and rolled on your bed, enjoying your embarrassment. Flustered, you tackled Aneko and held her down.

Despite your disapproval of her crude comments, the deed had been done. And now, you were in fact, thinking about Katsuki's dick.

''Son of a b-,'' you snarled and tackled Aneko. ''No, I wasn't! Stop being such a pervert!" you held her down while she simply cackled at your amusement. 

You were about to launch a series of hits onto Aneko, when you heard aggressive knocking at your door. Both of you flinched. 

''Speak of the devil and he shall appear,'' Aneko said and smirked. 

You took a deep breath and closed your eyes. It's gonna be okay, you told yourself. Calm down. You could hear Aneko squeal as you repeated the words in your mind.

She sent you thumbs up and urged you to go downstairs. Aneko was grinning like a maniac.

Another loud knock snapped you out of your thoughts. You raced down your staircase and peeked through the windows. Katsuki stood in front of the door, arms crossed, sporting his usual scowl. You unlocked the door and exhaled loudly.

Here goes nothing. 

tag list: @deneuves​

DM me if you want to be in my tag list for this short series! i have a question for y’all, do you like how i write bakuhoe? i’m trying my best to keep him in character. 

Copyright © 2020-2021 by Veles. Do not repost, plagiarize, or read my fanfiction without my permission.

#model for me #bakugou katsuki #bnha bakugou #bakugou x reader #katsuki bakugo x reader #bnha #reader insert #fem!reader #artist!reader #my hero academy fanfiction #my writing #veles' writing

[tomhardysteeth]

u wanna say anything for spn ending? Today's their last day of filming

Yeah sure! I love how you worded this ask, it makes me want to give a very serious answer. I’ve been rewatching random episodes the past few days and thinking about how much of my life was shaped by this random lil tv show, both positively and negatively, so here we go. 

I started watching Supernatural during my junior year of college, when I was grappling with being gay and religious, and had a pseudo-girlfriend who was emotionally abusive. I remember I started watching the show because I had been on tumblr for a while and thought, well this is a popular show on tumblr and looks like something I’d enjoy, so I might as well try it. I remember barely paying attention to the first season and thinking it was kind of silly, and I distinctly remember making fun of it right up until the season 1 finale when that truck slammed into the Impala and I said oh.

I remember sitting in the dining hall between classes, hiding in a corner with my pink headphones and my laptop, watching one episode after the other, completely consumed by it. My personal life was a mess at the time and I was angry and sad and frustrated, but I could forget about everything for a little while when I watched spn. I remember falling in love with Dean Winchester, season 3, when Sam gave him the amulet. 

Because I had already spent a lot of time on tumblr, I knew about Castiel. I couldn’t wait to get to season 4, the anticipation killed me. I didn’t really have a choice in shipping destiel, I literally shipped it before I even watched a single episode of the show lol. My first time watching seasons 4 and 5, I remember how mad I would feel every time the opening credits scrolled at the bottom of the screen and Misha Collins wasn’t listed. I cared about almost nothing but Dean and Cas interacting with each other. I was totally enamored by them, by their potential. At some point I got over that and watched the show because I liked the show, but boy did my heart and brain break for destiel. 

I broke up with my abusive girlfriend. I started coming out to more people, including people involved in the Christian campus ministry I was heavily involved in, and it was very very hard. It was 2013. The first episode of Supernatural I watched live was the episode where Dean turns into a fucking dog. 

I don’t remember when I started reading fanfic, and I had no idea how to read fanfic. A friend invited me to ao3, what is ao3? I didn’t know. I used my email address as my username. I read Twist and Shout and Pie Without Plot and other very popular fics that I knew about because everybody knew about them. I vividly remember the first fics I read because I was 21 years old and had never had an orgasm in my life and believed sex was sinful and so when the sex scenes in fics turned me on, I felt guilty about it. 

I quickly got over that and started writing explicit destiel fanfic. 

I still had no idea what I was doing. I know the very first fic I ever wrote was a mess, I’ve completely erased all traces of it, but other than that I began posting with abandon. Pretty much everything I’ve ever written for spn is still on tumblr and/or ao3. I was running a Hannibal blog at the time and started posting more Supernatural content than Hannibal content, so I created a sideblog, @deancasheadcanons​, and things very quickly got out of hand after that.

I was depressed, I was confused, I was spending my last couple years of college trying to figure out my sexuality, trying to hold onto a religion that was rejecting who I was becoming, trying to find my identity while picking a career path and being sad and being pulled in a hundred different directions. Sometimes I was working three jobs at once, on top of 17-credit-hour semesters. I was getting a degree in a field I did not care about, and I spent every class reading and writing fanfic, scrolling through tumblr, making internet friends, letting my life be consumed by Supernatural. I projected myself completely onto Dean Winchester and partially onto Castiel and did not even realize it. 

I started dressing like Dean, and my sister and brother-in-law noticed and assumed I was gay. They were extremely unsubtle in their attempts at getting me to come out by pointing out the flannel and army jackets, and I did not have it in me to admit to them that I was dressing like a fictional character, but I DID tell them I was bisexual. 

I went to therapy every week during my senior year of college, and I was embarrassed about how often I talked about my “internet life,” as I called it. I remember having the arbitrary goal of getting 1,000 kudos on a fanfic, and I remember the day it happened for the first time and I remember going to therapy that week and saying that I didn’t feel any different, that I thought getting attention for my writing would make me feel better, somehow, but I still felt the same, and my therapist asked me if I would still be writing if I was the only one who got anything out of it and I said yes. But I was still obsessed with writing things that were meaningful, and despite the fact that I would receive 10 negative/mean anons per day, I never turned anon off because I desperately wanted people to tell me that my writing meant something to them, that it mattered to them. I was fighting with myself every day over my sexuality and my identity and my purpose, and I put all of that on the shoulders of Dean and Cas. 

There was also chubby!dean. I had lived my entire life with this inexplicable thing, this shame that I knew I could not share, that I knew I would just have to suffer with for my whole life, and then I joined the spn fandom and found that there were others like me, others that had a fetish and had similar experiences as I did and were drawn to Dean Winchester because there’s no other character that could make eating and gaining weight be as enticing as he makes it (in fanfic). For the first time in my life I had a community of people that I could relate to about a thing that I never thought I would ever be able to talk about with anyone in my life. I don’t remember if I consciously chose to start posting publicly about it, but at some point I did, and I started writing kink fic, but I was still so uncomfortable with myself and so scared of the things I felt, and I tried so hard to temper myself and not offend anyone and not go “too far” and not be too weird and I was so sexually repressed and pent up and full of guilt and shame, and so now when I go back and reread some of the stuff I wrote it feels like reopening an old wound and letting myself bleed out. 

I was constantly comparing myself to others and wondering why I wasn’t getting as much attention as so-and-so, and I always made excuses about how maybe my writing was too weird and I was too much and maybe I just wasn’t good enough and I hated myself and wanted to delete everything I ever wrote, but also I’m awesome and receive a lot of attention and get a lot of good feedback but maybe that means I’m just a narcissist! I acted like an asshole online and justified it by saying it wasn’t really me, that I could be someone totally different on tumblr than the person I was in “real life,” but in hindsight, now when I think back on my early 20s, I cannot separate what I was doing in “real life” from what I was doing in the spn fandom. I shared so much of myself with the spn fandom without even recognizing that that’s what I was doing. 

And I made mistakes, god I made mistakes, and I tried to be so careful about everything I said but I was also presenting a certain version of myself to the spn fandom so that people would like me (for instance: running a destiel blog and trying my best to hide the fact that I also ship wincest) and still I got in trouble constantly, and I grew bitter and mean because you can only receive the “when are you posting the next chapter?” comment so many times before you want to bang your head into a wall. I became defensive and unkind, afraid to check my inbox because it was a nightmare, and yet unable to turn off anon because, like I said, I desperately needed that feedback, I needed people to tell me that they felt what I felt, that they understood what I was writing and why I was writing it.

I expected Supernatural to give me everything I needed. I fantasized about Dean Winchester being canonically bisexual because I thought it would confirm something in me, that it would somehow make my life a little bit easier. I didn’t want to watch other shows that could maybe help me, I wanted Supernatural to do things for me that it had never promised and would never deliver, and it’s because I was defined by it for so many years. Now that I’m back on tumblr, I’ve been going back through some of my old posts on deancasheadcanons and it’s like reading a stranger’s words. Even so, I find myself telling people “I was deancasheadcanons” instead of “I ran a sideblog called deancasheadcanons” because it really was such a huge part of my identity. What’s wild is that every time I’ve tried to explain it to someone in real life, they just look at me like I’m not making any sense. 

It was easy to stop watching Supernatural. I didn’t have cable, and I had been driving to my dad and stepmom’s house each week and watching it on their tv after they had gone to bed. I was in a new relationship with a woman I nearly married, I was back in school for a new career, I was working full time and absolutely did not have time to continue writing fanfic as prolifically as I had done for so many years. I finally reached a breaking point in 2017 and haven’t watched any new episodes since then (I don’t remember the last episode I saw). But now, as I rewatch some old episodes, it is easy to feel the way I felt the first time I watched the show. It’s easy to see why this campy little heartfelt show was a lifeline during my formative adult years.

So it turns out I have never reckoned with any of this, have never written it down, hence the 2k jumble of words you see here. And it’s like, I know that a lot of this may seem silly, trivial, especially for a show that in itself is not very serious, but as it comes to an end I have to reflect on it as a person who put so much of my heart, my creativity, my pain and my floundering identity into it. I am somewhat embarrassed and wish I could respond to this ask with a joke instead, but we’re in a pandemic and I live alone and have had way too much time to think and reflect and become a lot more self-aware, and part of that reflection has definitely been about my time in the spn fandom. I remember thinking the show was never going to end, yet here we are at the end and I felt compelled to type all this out with a desire to, I don’t know, get some closure? Convince myself that I was a whole person, that I wasn’t just a faceless URL posting destiel fics into the void, that my real life was not at all disparate from the time I spent online? In any case, I’ll always think fondly of the time I devoted to Supernatural, and I’ll take the good and the bad and everything in between. Thanks for the nice ask, anon, apparently I needed to get some things off my chest.  

#madd replies #long post #spn for ts #this is 2k words i am sorry lmao #wouldn't it be cool if i had any semblance of chill

[m-a-k-k-u]

I feel this is blown outta proportion but I don't think that means your in the wrong. I personally feel like you have been very chill with your anons. They constantly come back for a reason. If somebody does not agree with how you talk to them they are entitled to their opinion but I can't understand how they rationally came to that conclusion. I understand why you would be upset if you felt misrepresented. Tumblr is the last place to get an accurate idea of who somebody is and it isn't cool that somebody chose to hyper fixate on your anons to create some reason not to like you. Says more about them really. I mean that person should be able to come to that conclusion themselves. The fact she let something that weak influence her shows she didn't care. If a friend is not willing to clarify misjudgements made about you then they don't care. They don't have to go to battle for you but simply saying "No I talk to them and they are not like that from my experience" isn't hard. It's fair to expect that of a friend even if its means confronting another friend of yours. It's just honesty. Why would you want one friend to have a false idea while the other is misunderstood? If she can't bring herself to clarify things it means she agreed with the misjudgements or was willing to put the opinion of others above your friendship. If she agreed then that should be addressed with you as a freind. If she didn't agree and didn't choose to clarify things then she clearly just lets others walk over her and control the narrative. The fact they both want to make it your fault for literally judging you without letting you actually talk is insane to me. Makes no sense. Your feelings were probably hurt because you expected to be respected as a friend and she dangled it in front of you like a treat or reward. That's fucking weird and not how it works. You came to your blog to talk about it because they clearly wouldn't listen to you so I dont understand how she can act the way she in in her blog? She sounds like a bully. It would be one thing if she was defending herself here and gave a reason to disagree but she isn't and is just being invalidating you with like nothing. If they weren't willing to show you why you were wrong in this situation or give closure than its fair to find that through your blog and by others. You tried to address how you felt disrespected by her/her friend directly and their conclusion was to just end things instead of talk it out. There was an easy solution that she didn't want to choose and she should have understood that leaving people to deal with that alone means they will find a different way to cope how they need to. Your not in the wrong for sharing it and its so rude that she is framing it that way. If she didn't want you to speak out than she should have spoken to you like an adult. She chose to be unreasonable and you are dealing with that.

I appreciate your view completely anon because I can tell you really tried to understand what I was dealing with. I do want to point out though that I was also in the wrong and the way I handled it was not the right or mature way.

Honestly, I was upset that a friend defending me depended on whether she thought I cared about her or not. Especially when the reason she didn't think I cared was because she had hurt me badly in an argument and I had blocked her for the things she said to me.

It really didn't have much to do with her friend just the fact that I would stand up for someone I cared about and wanted the same out of someone who always tried to convince me that she cared about me.

It was on my mind at the time due to my conversation with her when I wrote that ask. But I should have kept my comment to myself. What hurt though was swapping back to dms to see her telling me that we should never speak again. She didn't say delete it or that she disliked it. Just immediately we shouldn't talk anymore. I agreed and blocked her but my posts after that show the hurt I was feeling.

Some people saw angry and drunk but they should have seen hurt and betrayed. This person knew a lot of things I go through. They had told me they cared about me and would be there for me and that I was safe with them. But one ask changed that to never speaking to me again. Hurt people tend to lash out. I know I was wrong. But I also thank you for trying to understand me rather than just pointing the finger.

I do feel like the things said about me and the situation were pretty unfair given the circumstances. But I guess that's all I can expect from internet strangers. I just wish people weren't so quick to judge.

#? #maskku

[fanfic-me-up]

Yoga with Bakugou Katsuki

Your weekly competition with archrival and secret crush, Bakugou Katsuki, takes a turn when you invite him to yoga class. Maybe your hope to become something more is not so one-sided after all?

Title: Winning in Downward Dog

Pairing: Bakugou Katsuki x fem!Reader

Warnings: Bakugou trying to be a flexible pretzel and failing 😂😂

Word Count: 2,696

a/n: This is basically a crack fic pls forgive me lol If you enjoy, pls like and reblog! 💖 You can request more here. Side note: For anyone wondering, this was originally posted on my first bnha blog, but that has since been deleted. 

🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

You’re currently pinned beneath Bakugou in the middle of a training exercise where you’re supposed to be on the SAME TEAM. 

“Yield,” Bakugou says.

“Never,” you say.

It’s known in Class 1-A that you and Bakugou have a weekly competition where each of you pick a different activity to see who wins. This competition sometimes gets in the way of school. Most of the time you understood the concept of forgoing pride for the sake of education, but when it came to Bakugou fucking Katsuki you became equally hot-headed and stubborn.

Class 1-A groans in unison. 

Midoriya raises his hand.

“Sensei, you’re going to erase their quirks, right?” He looks genuinely concerned.

“Ugh, I hope so! I don’t wanna be here all day. Again.” Mina complains.

You knee Bakugou, but he won’t budge. He smirks at your struggle.

“Tch. You have to do better than that, dumbass.”

He places more of his body weight so there’s no escape. You can’t help the flutter in your chest at the sudden closeness. He’s radiating pure heat and the faint aroma of caramel emanating off him does little to clear your head.

Yes. It’s true. You have a crush on the one person who’s more concerned with pinning you to the ground during a training exercise than pinning you down on his bed where you belong dammit!

“Can ya’ll wrap this up? Some of us have plans tonight!”

Of course Kaminari would interrupt your fantasy just when it gets to the good part.

“Chill, bro, the movie doesn’t start ‘til 7,” Kirishima says.

“Can I come?” Mineta asks.

“No.” The Bakusquad reply in unison.

You buck up against Bakugou. Your leg slips from his hold and you manage to wrap it around his waist, flipping him over. He grunts as his back hits the ground. You hear crackling, but before he can set off his quirk, you counterattack, leaving him with no opening.

Class 1-A  collectively gasps as you pull an UNO reverse card. Cheers erupt from the girls at the same time the boys groan.

The class has an ongoing bet on who would win your competition at the end of the semester. Bakugou is ahead by one, but you might even the score today.

“You get ‘em girl!” Mina shouts.

“Awww dude way to let the boys down!” Kaminari shakes his head.

“Shut up, shitty hair!” Bakugou shouts.

He glares at the rest of the class, daring them to utter another word. They don’t. A couple minutes pass of Bakugou trying every which way to get out of your hold and you countering every one of his moves with ease.

“I could do this all day,” you say.

“Me too,” Bakugou spits, sparks erupt from his palm.

“I can’t,” Aizawa says, erasing both of your quirks.

Class 1-A groans in unison once again.

“Ugh! But Sensei it was finally getting interesting!” Kaminari says.

Yeah, just like my fantasy was getting interesting until you interrupted it! Hmph!

“Guess nobody wins this time,” Kirishima shrugs.

“Technically I won,” you say.

You gasp as you feel the wind get knocked out of you and suddenly you’re looking up at vermilion eyes.

“No, I win.” Bakugou smirks.

You can’t bring yourself to be upset as his hands grip your wrists. You’d lose a million times over if it meant Bakugou touching you.

“Say it.” 

You cock your head, “Say what?” 

“Say ‘I win’.” 

“I win.”

Bakugou’s nose scrunches in frustration.

“That’s not what I- you know what I mean!”

Aizawa clears his throat. 

Both of you turn to see Class 1-A hanging onto your every word like they’re watching the final battle in Avengers: Infinity War. Kaminari is munching on some popcorn, passing the bowl around to the rest of the class.

How did that boy even…? Nevermind.

It’s best for you not to think about the weirdness that is Class 1-A. It would only give you a headache.

“Nobody wins. You both failed the exercise,” Aizawa says, “And get up. You’re both making me uncomfortable.” 

You and Bakugou make awkward eye contact before he gets off of you. You swear a tinge of red flushes his cheeks as he offers his hand for you to take, but you know he’s only offering it as a sign of respect. That doesn’t stop your hand from shaking as you reach out to take it. You mumble a quick ‘thanks’ and he responds with a soft ‘whatever’ as he helps you to your feet.

“Class dismissed,” Aizawa says. Mina and Kaminari whoop before racing to the dorms. Everyone else follows, leaving you and Bakugou trailing behind. You’re racking your brain trying to come up with something to say. You don’t want to let this opportunity of getting Bakugou alone go to waste. 

C’mon, Y/N think of something…  Oh! I can ask about the movie they’re watching tonight? No… he’ll think I wanna come along or something, which I do, but I don’t want him thinking I do! 

Oh lord have mercy on me.

You’re about to fuck it and pull a ridiculous comment about the weather out of your ass when Bakugou speaks up.

“I won.”

You raise an eyebrow. He’s still on that?

“I did.” 

“Why do you have such an obsession with winning?” There’s no malice in your tone. You just genuinely want to know.

“You wanna die!?” Bakugou puffs his chest, tiny sparks fizzling in his palms, ready to blast at any second.

You throw your hands up in surrender.

Please don’t kill me. 

“Don’t get me wrong, it’s great to strive to be the best. That’s why we’re all here. But we were on the same team today, Bakugou, and you still couldn’t handle the fact that I would be the one to lead our team to victory. Why?” 

You’re just as competitive as the next U-A student trying to go pro, but even you knew when to quit, especially if it jeopardizes the team or the mission. Your quirk was just a better fit for this particular exercise and Bakugou knew that.

“I don’t need to listen to this bullshit, especially from a fucking extra.” Bakugou stomps off.

“Wait! Bakugou!”

You stop him by touching his arm; he jerks at the contact as if he’s been burned. 

“Don’t touch me!”

You try to hide the hurt as you take your hand off his arm.

Of course he’d hate the idea of touching me in any way besides holding my hand to arm wrestle. Ugh! Why can’t I have a crush on literally anyone else!?

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean-”

“Whatever. What’s the challenge this week?” he grumbles, looking away from you.

You didn’t want to push any further and make Bakugou hate you even more. It’s sad to know you don’t have a chance with him which is why you look forward to these competitions. If this was the only way to spend time with him, then you’re gonna take it. 

“Yoga tomorrow at 8.”

“Tch. Yoga? My grandma does yoga on her deathbed.”

“If you don’t show up, guess it means you forfeit and I win.”

You walk away knowing full well Bakugou won’t back down from a challenge. You hear him shout from across the way.

“Like hell I’d forfeit, loser!”

🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

You’re warming up before class when the doors swing open and in walks Bakugou with a permanent scowl etched on his face. The class regulars (who are all girls) huddle together whispering about the “hot new guy.” 

Bakugou unfolds his mat next to yours.

“Oi, Y/L/N.”

You turn to him, “Morning to you too, Bakugou.”

“Get ready to die,” he smirks.

You roll your eyes at the dramatics. 

“Please, I’m sure I can beat someone who yells ‘DIE GERMS’ every time he brushes his teeth.”

Bakugou’s teeth clench at the dig against his personal hygiene habits. You could see the vein on his forehead threatening to pop. Teasing Bakugou always brought a smile to your face. He was just so cute when he got riled up.

“You wanna go, shitty woman!?” 

It’s too easy.

“Save that for the field,” you say before returning to your stretches, but you’re interrupted once again.

“Psst.”

You turn to the girl next to you.

“You know him?” She nods at Bakugou stretching with his earphones in. The scowl on his face reads “fuck off”.

“Yeah, why?”

“He’s hot.” The girl sighs in a daze.

I know, girl. Trust me, I know. 

Every aspect of Bakugou’s body screams power. He trains harder than most and it shows. The long grueling hours spent going to the gym and honing his quirk have really paid off. From defined shoulders, to the lines of his six pack visible even underneath his shirt, all the way down to the powerful thighs that could crush you in an instant and you would happily thank them for it.

“I can hear you,” Bakugou snaps. 

Shit.

Your heart skips a beat, afraid you pulled an Izuku with thinking out loud. Thankfully, he’s referring to the girl next to you who squeaks and returns to her stretches. 

Phew… That was a close one. 

You clear your throat.

“You better not get us kicked out of this class, too. I actually like yoga.”

“Where’s the fun in that?” he smirks.

Bakugou got you both kicked out of the chess club when he went all ‘sparky sparky boom boom man’ on the chess board after you won. The president of the chess club cried. It wasn’t a pretty sight. Now, you both have to play chess in the dorms.

The class begins with simple stretches. You sneak a peek at Bakugou who looks oddly calm for once. You’re used to him either being angry or… being angry. There really was no in between for the boy. But right now, with his eyes closed, he looked almost at peace. 

“I can do this in my sleep.”

And of course the moment is ruined the moment he opens his mouth.

“This is only the beginning, my friend,” you say.

Bakugou loses some of his vigor halfway through. He’s huffing and puffing as you go into an intense hip flexor stretch.

“You okay there, buddy?”

You’re sweating a bit by this point, but not as much as Bakugou who’s struggling to keep up.

“I’m fine,” he snaps. 

The class goes into the splits. Your split is perfect, but Bakugou is still a little ways off the floor. He tries to subtly wipe the sweat beading down his forehead.

“You know yoga has a ton of amazing benefits. If you keep at it, you could knock someone out going into a downward dog.”

“Shut up,” he grunts. His knees buckle under the pressure of the new position.

“Y/N, can you assist our new student?” Your instructor asks.

The rest of the class turns to you and Bakugou. 

“Oi! I don’t need any help, old hag!”

You grimace at his loud tone, a harsh opposition to the otherwise calming atmosphere.

“He doesn’t really mean that,” you try to cover for him.

“Yes, I do! Oi! Stop looking at me dumbass, yes, you over there-”

You muffle his screaming with your hand against his mouth. You place your other hand on his waist and guide him into the correct position. You can tell he’s holding his breath.

“Breathe. That’s it. Now tighten your core like this,” you whisper in his ear. Your hands glide down his stomach. His ears are beet red and he’s looking anywhere, but at you.

“Are you okay?” 

“Tch. I’m fine. Now, get your hands off me, shitty woman.”

You sigh. Of course. Should I expect anything else at this point?

All the women bounce up to you at the end of class. They’re giggling and sneaking glances at Bakugou who’s rolling up his mat.

“Who is that?”

“Do you know him, Y/N?”

You’re taken aback. Since when were you on a first name basis with any of these girls? For the past three years you preferred to stay in the back of the class and leave once it ended. The women are a bit… much and they don’t pay much attention to you anyway, just the way you like it, so it’s startling when eager eyes are on you awaiting a response.

“Is he single?” Another girl asks.

I certainly hope so.

The group shushes each other as Bakugou walks up to you.

“Same time next week, loser?” 

Next week is his turn to choose the competition. Does he really think he has a chance of getting his splits down in a week?

“You want to do yoga again?” 

“Not for our competition, idiot.” The excitement radiating from the group of girls behind you only feeds your heart fluttering in your chest. You don’t want to get your hopes up, but Bakugou has never been interested in meeting up with you outside of class if it’s not for your competition. 

You want to be sure of what he’s asking. You couldn’t bear the thought of believing this is leading to something more only for Bakugou to say it’s not. 

“If not for our competition, then what for?” 

Bakugou looks at you, his cheeks are flushed red and you know it’s not from the yoga anymore. 

Holy shit, is this it? Is Bakugou fucking Katsuki actually asking me out? After we just spent the last hour in downward dog? Note to self: I’d like to give a shoutout to the yoga gods that made this possible. You the real ones.

You lean against the wall in an attempt to be casual, but it’s only because your legs are literally shaking from the excitement that Bakugou is asking you out. 

Bakugou glances at the girls behind you murmuring between themselves.

“Tch. Forget it.” He grabs his bag and walks out.

Wait. What? No! Come back!

You hear the girls gossiping with each other, all of them excited that Bakugou’s becoming a yoga regular.

“He’s coming back next week!?”

“Ugh! He’s so freaking hot! I can’t even!”

“What should I wear!?”

You don’t pay them any attention as you run out the door in an attempt to salvage... whatever you have with Bakugou. It’s complicated, okay!?

“Bakugou!” 

He doesn’t look back, but you know he heard you. 

“Bakugou! Wait!” 

“What!?” He snaps, but the blush on his cheeks give him away.

“I’m down for the same time next week.” 

He crosses his arms and scowls.

“Are you deaf? I said forget it.”

“Oh.” 

Bakugou sighs; his hand coming up to rub the back of his neck in a gesture you’ve only seen a couple times from him.

Wait is Bakugou… nervous? 

“I know I’m gonna pop off on one of those girls and I don’t want to get you kicked out. I know you like yoga for whatever goddamn reason…” 

“What if we had a private yoga class?” 

You’re fully prepared to be rejected. Your relationship was one of rivalry and competition, what you’re suggesting would be breaking into new territory, but you were tired of pining. It was better to know he doesn’t like you than to spend your time at U.A. wondering. 

Bakugou doesn’t expect that question and you certainly don’t expect his response.

“I do need to practice my splits more.” He looks down at the ground, ashamed for admitting he needs practice. You can tell he doesn’t admit this to just anybody. Your heart skips a beat at the thought of Bakugou viewing you as more than just the extra he claims you are.

“I can help with that,” you say.

“Tch. I don’t need your help.”

You shrug, “Fine, don’t come crying to me when you break your hip. You’ll never be able to take someone down in downward dog.”

“I CAN TAKE ANYONE IN DOWNWARD DOG! JUST YOU WATCH, SHITTY WOMAN!” 

You laugh as he childishly stomps off, gripping his palms tight to keep from exploding.

Way too easy.

Bakugou ended up taking Midoriya down in downward dog. Nobody saw it coming, but you. He thanked you with a movie date and a kiss at the end of the night. 😊

#bakugou x reader #bakugou katsuki x reader #katsuki x reader #katsuki bakugou x reader #bnha #bakugou katsuki fluff #bnha x reader #mha #bnha fluff #katsuki bakugou fluff #fanfic-me-up #mha x reader

[chenziee]

Swipe left, please

[Read on my AO3 (link in blog description) or by copypasting link below, or under the cut]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26932909

Fandom: Shingeki no Kyojin Ship: Jean/Armin Rating: General audiences Words: 2643 Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Airports, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Minor Levi/Eren Yeager, jean is smitten, Because of course he is, Tinder, but not really, jean is a very responsible working adult, armin is a very responsible PhD student, you can interpret those words however you want, hanji is not a responsible lab boss, don't be like hanji in a lab

Summary: Getting stuck at the airport for hours because of the weather was the last thing Jean wanted today, but it was what he got and honestly, if it meant he could chat with this cute guy who swept a hard 'no' on Jean's Tinder for longer, he wouldn't say no to a few more hours.

Based on a twitter post which I don’t know how to dig up.

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This is a birthday gift for the sweetest, most precious @roxi4 <3 I’ve said this a lot of times but I love you so much and I wish I could personally beat 2021 into submission so that it’s the best goddamn year of your life for you. But, sadly, I’m not a god yet so I gotta settle for writing fics for now. 

Also yes, I am posting here like two weeks late because I’m lazy I’m sorry.

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Jean glared at the departure board, wishing he could set it on fire just like that. He understood things like this happened; he could see the heavy rain and wind outside—and people called this spring? Jean demanded a refund—so really, it could have been much worse, but a three hour delay for his three hours and thirty-five goddamned minutes flight was absolutely ridiculous and only slightly rage inducing.

He sighed in frustration and, grabbing his suitcase, he turned away to head to the closest coffee shop. He needed a damn coffee. Preferably spiked or with 8 shots of espresso, he’d decide in the line.

This was seriously so stupid. He had spent an entire week on this business trip and he was tired and the only thing he wanted was getting home to his cat and passing the hell out. At least the Melbourne airport was decent enough and he could safely be bored out of his mind with as much coffee as he needed without worrying he’d catch tetanus like he was at a certain American airport a few years ago. He would take his comfort where he could at this point.

Finally, he managed to order his coffee with only two extra espresso shots—he didn’t want to seem like that much of a psycho but the barista didn't even blink at his order and Jean had to wonder what weird shit the people at a busy airport had to deal with—and headed to the corner of the departure hall that seemed the quietest. There were only a few people loitering around there, all looking just as exhausted as Jean felt. Seemed like Jean would fit right in with their collective coma.

Making his way to one of the empty seats, Jean had to weave his way through the maze of suitcases until one of them caught his attention. Or, more specifically, the book laying carefully bookmarked and discarded on it. Who in their right mind read what looked like an entire fucking encyclopaedia full of words Jean probably couldn't even pronounce while waiting on their plane? No wonder the owner put it aside eventually.

Jean inadvertently looked up at the person sitting next to the suitcase and he did a double take. He had expected some old fart, the type that just screamed of a dreadfully boring college professor who preferred his test tubes or calculations to his students—or people in general, really—not this… tiny, adorable, small animal type of guy who, from his profile, looked around Jean’s age or even younger.

He took in the young man’s small frame, the short, blond hair, and the way he sat cross legged on the hard, uncomfortable airport chair and Jean couldn’t get over how cute the sight was. He was really glad the other man was so engrossed in his phone because even Jean could tell he was staring      .  

And then something else caught Jean’s eye.

Was that Tinder on his phone? Was that… Jean’s ancient Tinder he was looking at?

Jean felt heat coming up to his face. He hadn’t used the stupid app in years, probably since like... his second year of college. He didn’t even know why he didn’t delete his profile but now he was glad he didn’t because it would be really nice to know if he should even bother trying to strike up conversation here.

With bated breath, Jean waited for the verdict. He watched as if in slow motion as the blond’s thumb moved to touch the screen and swiped—

Left.

Of course it was left.

Unable to stop himself, an awkward laugh forced its way past his lips and he heard himself say, “Hard no for him?”

Even the way he jumped at Jean’s words was cute. And when wide, impossibly blue eyes met his own, Jean felt his stomach drop. Damn, this left swipe really hurt. Jean really had a talent for getting his heart broken before he even had the chance to try. First Mikasa, now this. Did someone up there have something against him?

A few silent, painfully awkward seconds of the two of them just staring at each other passed, until the blond opened his mouth to speak, “If it makes you feel any better, your profile pic really doesn’t do you any favours.”

Jean groaned. Of course. He knew he shouldn’t have let Eren choose his picture, the absolute asshole. He couldn’t believe he still called this guy a friend. Getting roomed with him at the dorm in college was seriously the worst thing to happen in his life.  

“Thanks, I guess,” Jean said lamely, sheepishly scratching at the back of his head. Could this get any more awkward?

The other guy laughed then, and it was the sweetest laugh Jean had ever heard. “You’re welcome,” he said, smirning at Jean as he held out his hand. “I’m Armin. Jean, right?”

Jean shook Armin’s hand, almost asking where he had learned his name but managing to stop himself at the last second. They literally just talked about Jean’s embarrassing Tinder profile for God’s sake.

“Nice to meet you,” he said instead, hoping that was a better way to go about it than making a bigger idiot out of himself.

Thankfully, it seemed like it was, as Armin gestured to the empty seat next to him and Jean gratefully took it, making himself as comfortable as he could in the stupid airport chair. Seriously, why were airport chairs always so uncomfortable? People were sitting on these for hours at a time every day, one would think someone would make sure their asses were not hurting. Although, now that he thought about it, cushioned chairs probably wouldn’t last very long—or stay reasonably sanitary, for that matter. It was probably a good thing his ass hurt already.

Jean took his first, long-overdue sip of his coffee before he gestured towards Armin’s suitcase. “Interesting book you’ve got there. Wanted a bit of light reading?”

Armin paused, looking at Jean as if he was trying to figure him out. “Please tell me that was an intentional Harry Potter reference,” he said after a moment. Oh, Jean was so happy he had caught that.

“Maybe,” he only replied, hiding his smirk behind his coffee cup.

Huffing in amusement, Armin glanced at his terrifying looking book instead. “Just trying to do some research for my final thesis. But I have to admit some people really can’t write in an interesting way even when talking about interesting topics.”

“Hear, hear,” Jean muttered. “Some people really shouldn’t be allowed to publish books, especially if they then make people study from those.” He still remembered the pain from school. He particularly enjoyed the teachers who required the students read their own God-awful books. It was always a guarantee for the most boring read of the year.

“I know!” Armin cried, gesturing around in frustration and Jean couldn’t help but smile at the sight. “I can’t wait to finish my Ph.D. so I that can not read the things I don’t want to.”

Jean chuckled at his enthusiasm. He really had to love his field of study to get this passionate about shitty books. “What are you studying?” he asked curiously.

“Marine biology,” Armin beamed, making Jean gulp.

Ocean. Fish. Corals. That was about as much as his humble business management brain knew about marine biology. Couldn’t really impress with that, could he? “And you’re doing a PhD. in that?”

Armin nodded. “Yeah. Actually, I’m just coming back home from giving a guest lecture at the university."

"Melbourne university?" Jean asked, raising a brow. He kind of hoped he was wrong and he wasn't just casually chatting with some up and coming scientist celebrity.

"Yeah," Arming confirmed and blushed slightly.

"Damn, that's impressive," Jean admitted, though now he was positive that if Armin started talking science to him, he wouldn't understand a word.

Armin's eyes dropped as he looked away, obviously embarrassed by the praise, then he shrugged and quietly replied, "Not really. This stuff is really easy when you have good teachers."

Jean shook his head. "Nah, if you don't have it in you, it doesn't matter how good a teacher is. You can kiss any degree goodbye then, never mind giving lectures."

He heard Armin huff in amusement and goddamn it, it gave him butterflies. He was so fucked.

"Thank you," the blond said, smiling at Jean brightly before he continued. "How about you? Where to?"

Jean sighed wearily, sagging in his seat as he remembered his exhaustion. "Also home. On my way back from an absolutely stupid business trip."

"Why stupid?" Armin asked as he turned around in his seat to face Jean properly.

Jean mirrored him immediately, hooking one arm behind the backrest as he leaned on the chair sideways. He really enjoyed talking to this random, sweet stranger and he was really glad it seemed to be mutual. He was going to hate saying goodbye.

Suddenly, he wouldn't have minded if his flight got delayed a few more hours.

"Just, you know, people," Jean muttered in distaste. "One would think only customers can be complete idiots. Turns out coworkers can sometimes be even worse."

Armin laughed at his words, nodding along enthusiastically. "God I know. Sometimes I want to kill the doctor leading my lab. Hanji’s a genius but there is so much energy and she can be so stupid. She almost blows up or floods the lab at least once a week."

"I'm sorry, that must be so hard to deal with—" Jean cringed in sympathy at the mere idea of it— "Reminds me of my team. I love them but once in a while, I just want to fire them all when they start organizing paper boat races in the bathroom. Paper boats made from paperwork they don't want to do, by the way."

"Ouch." Armin sounded solemn but Jean could hear the hidden laughter and he just knew he found Sasha and Connie's stupid ideas hilarious. Which… Jean could admit they were, just not when he was the one who then had to explain the mess and unfinished work to his boss.

“Stop laughing,” Jean hissed, though with no real venom in his voice.

“I’m not!” Armin defended himself, but then burst out laughing when Jean glared at him so he quickly corrected himself, “Okay, yeah, I am. Sorry.”

He didn’t sound sorry at all and Jean sighed. “Everyone always finds my suffering funny.”

Armin let him grumble to himself for a bit, the two of them sitting in relative silence for a moment and… it wasn’t uncomfortable. It was actually relaxing and Jean really didn’t want this to end. “So hey—” He paused, glancing at Armin carefully, almost afraid to ask— “when is your flight?”

“Hopefully, in like two and a half hours. Got delayed almost as long as the flight itself.”

Jean almost said it was the same for him but he stopped. Could it be…? “You’re not flying to Auckland, are you?”

Armin visibly startled, blinking at Jean with eyes full of surprise. “Yes, actually,” he said slowly and Jean couldn’t believe it. He had thought he would never see this this cute, fun person ever again but—

“Me, too,” he said quietly and the two of them continued staring at each other in shock for a few moments more until they both burst out laughing.

Incredible. They were both flying to the same place and they would be within reach of each other and maybe there was a point in actually pursuing this. “So, uhm, wanna grab a coffee?” Jean asked awkwardly, pointing in the general direction of the food court.

And only when Armin looked pointedly at his pointing hand, did Jean realize he was still holding his over-caffeinated coffee cup. He really hoped his face wasn’t as on fire as it felt.

Armin only chuckled, thankfully not commenting on Jean’s blunder, and rather suggesting, “How about some actual food instead?”

-------------

By the time they got off the plane in Auckland, Jean was on cloud nine as he gently squeezed Armin’s hand in his. Jean was still not sure this was real; they had spent the entire time at the airport and during their flight chatting—not that they had miraculously had seats next to each other like in the movies, but Jean did bribe an older lady with wine to switch seats with him—and it was the best damn flight delay he could have asked for.

It felt so natural and easy being with Armin, he couldn’t wait to get to know him more during their date tomorrow, and hopefully many more after. Because Jean would be lying if he said he wasn’t completely gone for this charming, adorable genius already.

As they walked through the exit into the arrival hall together, Armin immediately waved at his friend who was picking him up. Jean had offered to give him a ride since he had his car parked at the airport but Armin had said this friend of his would be worried if he just suddenly cancelled and—

Oh hell no.

Jean stared at the tall, young man with long hair tied up in a messy bun who was walking towards them, watching as his wide smile froze when their eyes met. Of fucking course. Jean just couldn’t have any nice things in life, could he?

“Unhand my best friend, Horse Face,” Eren growled and Jean took a deep breath in an effort to calm down.

It didn’t work. “Unhand my boss, then,” he shot back, throwing a pointed stare at where Eren had his arm wrapped around the short, grumpy man who just so happened to be both Jean’s boss and his ex-roommate’s boyfriend. Levi was already sighing and rolling his eyes at them and Jean really hoped this wouldn’t affect his bonus this quarter.

But Eren started it.  

“You have no say in that,” Eren hissed, visibly bristling as his hold on Levi only tightened.

“Oh, so you admit it’s unreasonable?” Jean asked, his voice dripping in sarcasm.

Jean could hear Armin gasp as he finally realized what was going on. Obviously, he also didn’t expect this to happen and Jean was glad he wasn’t the only one. Although, really, how did it not occur to Jean that Armin was that Armin? It wasn’t exactly a common name around Auckland…

Just as Eren was getting ready to snap back at him, both Levi and Armin sighed before Levi intervened, “Shut the hell up, both of you. Have this fight when I’m not around for it or I’m talking Armin and leaving your asses here.”

“I second this movement,” Armin said firmly tugging at Jean’s hand for good measure.

Both Eren and Jean closed their mouths then, both knowing full well that was not an empty threat coming from the short grump. Not that Jean wouldn’t get back by himself but he would be stuck with driving Eren, too, without anyone there to mediate, and that would be a disaster.

They glared at each other silently for a second, until Eren hissed at him, “Usual bar, tonight. We’re having a talk.”  

“I’ll be there, I need a fucking drink after this,” Jean muttered back, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

Giving Armin a kiss on the cheek, Jean quickly retreated out of Eren’s glare’s range and towards his car so that he could get some fucking sleep before he would go out and get drunk while Eren threatened him with violence for apparently seducing his best friend, or whatever Eren would take out of this… situation. How did shit like this even happen in real life? He seriously wondered what he did in his past life to get karma like this.

At least Armin was worth it.

#-§ů #snk #jearmin #jeanarmin #aot #jean #armin #snk fanfic #modern au #based on a tweet #fluff #humor #one shot #gift fic #roxi4 #my cat wrote the first tag and i'm keeping it because yes #katie pretends to fic #i hate not putting the link in proper but tumblr hates me as a rule #also hope my cat didn't erase half the fic when he walked all over the keyboard when i was formatting it #oh well #HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROXI #late and for like the 10th time but whatever #i love you

[nametags]

But her emails...

I aim to be a woman of integrity. I’ve sat on the content I’m about to share for almost 6 years in part because it originally was a private conversation between me and a friend. A friend who happens to be a lead singer of a band, but a friend none the less. However the way people have been speaking about him and what’s been going on in the world lately, I couldn’t let this stay hidden anymore.

I’m tired of people claiming that because Patrick no longer uses social media (and hasn’t for damn near five years at this point) that somehow he doesn’t “care” or isn’t doing anything right now to help the Black Lives Matter movement. I’m also incredibly tired of people ignoring/belittling the fact that Pete Wentz is a biracial/black man in America. You really do not want the social media person in charge of Patrick’s account tweeting things out. It would be hollow and fake.

Below is both a transcript of the conversation I had with Patrick on 12/06/2014, a follow up message he sent to me 08/25/2015, and the accompanying screenshots. Unfortunately I do not have the tweet(s) that prompted me to contact him in the first place nor can I find screenshots of them to provide that context. An image of me and my younger brother Jacob when we met the band at Boys of Zummer will also be attached to demonstrate one of the people I was concerned about in my original email. 

The only redactions made were my personal email address and the name of a friend I referenced. Patrick deleted his email account at some point between late 2016 and early 2017. It’s only left in these screenshots as proof for those who knew the address before to see these were legitimate messages. I hope the content reveals not only where his heart lies not only then but where it is now. 

Allison White: So I caught the insanity way late, but it's a tricky spot to be in with what's going on. For most of my life, I didn't even identify with half of my race. I was raised with my mom's side of the family and it just didn't click for me. It really hasn't been until teen years and onward that I've opened my eyes to it all. And with that, I began to grow wary of authority in a way. Like I still believe that people go into law enforcement for the right reasons. The few times I have dealt with police officers personally I haven't been concerned, but I have noticed in the past few years that when I spot a police car on the road or an officer just out in public somewhere is if I look "white enough" or do I actually look like an adult who belongs in whatever space I am in. I know Trayvon Martin was murdered by a vigilante and not an actual officer of the law, but that was when I first started to fear for my little brothers. I knew both of them were the sort of young men that could get targeted and most likely justice would not be found for them. And then there comes this summer. With both the Mike Brown and Eric Garner cases coming back with no indictment, it makes it feel as if it's just open season for black people to be hunted by cops. Which is hurtful for the cops who are actually in it to protect and serve, and every citizen who now has to wonder if they are next. I hope that your cousin is doing alright. I hope that people aren't making his job harder right now. Just I know for me right now with all that's going on I am definitely on the side of the protesters.

Patrick Stump: Brief for now; I'm sorry in all that you didn't notice that I'm squarely on the side of the protestors too. That's a failure of my wording

PS: The problem is that I so poorly expressed myself, people thought I was balancing the empathy to be spread across the black community and cops. That's a mistake on my part. I'm angry.

I'm angry that Mike Brown's case didn't yield enough evidence to indict. But that case was a very complicated one...Brown had just (allegedly) committed a violent crime and information was murky. As sure as I was that Wilson straight up murdered the Brown, I understood the limitations of the american Justice system given how little evidence there was. That's the unfortunate reality of justice is that it needs to be just. It needs to be 100%. We can't go in with "I know in my heart." And so that case pissed me off, but I understood it. 

With Eric Garner however, this just feels so flagrant. By no accounts was he violent, wasn't he doing anything that could even be misconstrued as life-threatening enough to even imagine defending the usage of deadly force. He was cooperating and they choked him to death on camera. That's fucked up. I'm pissed. I tried to be polite and sit back and not say anything, but I'm pissed.

However, my reason for discussing the side of the police as well is that human beings are complicated. When we boil people down to simplistic stereotypes, when we create a narrative of "Us VS them," we lose sight of the humanity of it all. You can't reason with a "Them." You can only reason with a person and it works better when you remember they're people.

I don't believe in enemies. I'm not religious but I love the way Jesus preached "Love thy enemy." That's hugely influential to me. Hugely important. That's the empathy I mean.

The other night I was holding my son and I thought to myself about a black girl I used to date. And how, we could have had a kid together. Maybe a little boy. And how, that boy could (by no action of his own) be killed just for the color of his skin. Like, I've heard and read words like that before, but to actually connect with it (on as small a scale as that) was horrifying. Gutting. For a little moment I thought, all this joy and all this beauty and somewhere, someone's having a black baby boy, loving him and feeling all the same things I feel for my son. But I wondered if in between their tired diaper changes and their burpings, if they were saying a silent prayer "I hope you don't get killed by a cop." If they say it constantly because they know how possible it is. Or even if he lives to be a 100, what black man won't have an unjust run in with the law? Not to make it exclusively a male issue but seriously, how many black men are in prison right now in America? That's a disgusting thing. The young parent of a young black boy probably considers that and that's maybe the most depressing thing I've ever tried to understood. That's a horrifying thing. There really still is a racial divide in this country, and to not be black is to not say those little prayers. We live in a supposedly free country. What about the pursuit of happiness? Who's defending the right of that little black baby boy born somewhere in America to just be an adorable little baby without any pretense? And when that baby grows up, who's defending his right to walk down a residential sidewalk and not expect to get pulled over and frisked? Maybe worse? 

So I'm angry. Just plain angry. But I didn't want to offend anyone so I expressed my anger in the lightest way I could think of. 

I'm not sorry for having an opinion, I'm sorry I explained it so poorly that you didn't know what it was.

AW: All of this is hard, and there is so much anger. You shouldn't ever be sorry for your opinions, and I am pretty sure you yourself have told people only be sorry for how you express your opinions. I wasn't upset with you or what you said, I just felt compelled to share that for me there's a knee jerk reaction to the image/idea of police and why.  This whole situation has been tough and it's been inspiring watching people across this country let their anger show and demonstrate in the streets against it. It makes me wish I was brave enough to take part in it out in the streets and not just online. 

I hope this collective anger and protest leads to real change. That in 2014 we are able to do the things they were aiming for in 1964. I mean recently the full letter the FBI sent to MLK to urge him into suicide was released and it just highlights the divide between how much has and has not changed. There's a lot of value in what religion is supposed to teach. Love thy enemy, love thy neighbor. True love and care for those around you is a great thing and certainly something I'd hope people identified with. 

The past nearly seven years there has been this push for hope and change. Maybe the country is finally reaching a point to make it happen?

PS: I have a funny feeling this is civil rights part 2. I'm proud of the protests. I'm so grateful our generation is angry about something it should be angry about for a change.

AW: An argument can be made that our generation (or just post baby boomer generations in general) have been taught and fed nonsense to keep us compliant, but that veers into a territory that I am not completely sure or comfortable with. Overall I do think that this is heading a direction that the powers that be are not ready for in the slightest.

PS: Where did I go wrong? What do people think I said? They're so mad at me, and none of the people have said anything I didn't mean. I'm not getting angry right-wing stuff, people are just calling me a racist. What did I say that was racist? What do I think that's racist?

AW: There's a strong immediate reaction right now of if you sound slightly in favor of the officers that did wrong that you are racist. The swift reaction and need to dogpile on is kind of crazy. I think people took the initial comment to mean "not all cops!!!!" In the same vein as "not all men!!!" and that's where the rage is coming from. 

AW: Just to be clear, those who matter know you're not racist. You have shown both in your words and actions where your beliefs lie. I don't know how to calm the masses right now because at least for the time being its not going to get through :(

AW: You could try a blog entry on tumblr?

PS: Nah, I think I've done enough damage for one lifetime. I think I'll keep it to myself but I appreciate your talking it through with me. 

AW: No problem. I am always willing to be a sounding board for that stuff if you need it.

PS: I re-read my stuff; "I support our police," is the worst things said. I meant "I support the idea of police and the need for a police force we can trust on a national level," not "I support the police in NYC who are killing people and attacking protestors." That sucks.

AW: If you wanna try to clarify now you can. At least in your Google alert it only had one mention of he mess and it was a tumblr user supporting/defending you. 

PS: There's no fixing it. The Internet is unforgiving I think and the reality is, I said that. I didn't mean it in the way that it so obviously sounds, but I said that. So I deserve everything I get.

AW: It will most likely go easier if you let it ride out instead of trying to go out and fight it. That just gives the "he doth protest too much" air about it. Hopefully the energy behind letting you know you said something like that will dissipate sooner rather than later. And that it won't get big enough for someone to write a story about it. 

PS: Yeah. It'll sound like back-pedaling and glad-handing. Anyway, thanks for talking it through! 

AW: You're very welcome! Thank you for hearing out my side of it this morning.

PS:  I never would've ignored your side.

AW: Which is very much appreciated

AW: I say that because in the past two weeks I have lost a handful of friends because of all of what's going on and them being unable to understand how and why their words hurt me.

PS: Well that's awful and unfair

AW: It was but they were all from the "when I look at you I don't see black, I just see Ally" camp and then would go on to say things about stereotypes and "thugs"

PS: Yeah. Thug. "Oh that's so ghetto." Bullshit.

AW: When someone says "thug" it's always clear they wanna say the n word

PS: Or even if they're the kind of "Well meaning," person who knows enough not to say that word, they mean the same thing

PS: "Not like you. You're good"

PS: White America just needs to know what it doesn't know

PS: Or rather, understand that there are things they (we) will never understand. Not from a first person perspective.

AW: It always makes me want to scream. The erasure of identity so then the people known to them stay safe. It reminds me of something I witnessed the other day. My friend [REDACTED] from junior high is now an established lawyer. Needless to say he has been keeping up very much with the recent events. He made a post about it and one of his friends commented with "I wish you would go back to being my friend [REDACTED] and not my black friend [REDACTED]." Mind you there's no denying [REDACTED] is a black man. He can't pass in the slightest so the comment shocked and saddened me. Thankfully [REDACTED] handled it with poise and grace. 

PS: If you have to say you have a "black friend," then you probably don't. That's fucked. I guess I just genuinely didn't imagine how pervasive this stuff really is. Like, Pete and Joe and I have been talking a lot today. I was under the misapprehension that we grew up in a decently inclusive area. Just come to find out, nobody used those words around me. The whole time they were heckling kids like Joe and Pete. I thought racism was this thing that doesn't happen here. It's scary how much it's come out post Obama's election. Elected officials sending out mass e-mails of pictures of watermelons. I just didn't get it. Ignorance is bliss.

AW: It knows how to hide in plain sight, which is a lot of the problem. People are taught "don't be racist!!!!" Without being told exactly what racism is. People (myself included at times) aren't aware of words/phrases/ideas have nefarious ties until too late. 

PS: I think we get too caught up on words and not enough on what they imply. "Thug," means a prepackaged idea of a black male. It instantly limits his perceived intelligence, his perceived trustworthiness, his perceived value to society, and his perceived prospects in life. That's so fucked. We expect black men to go to prison. Not be doctors and lawyers. When a black man is a doctor or lawyer, we treat him like such a cool novelty. When a black woman asserts herself, she's so "Sassy." "You go girl." 

These little words and phrases feel harmless. They never were

AW: Those are the positives. Usually assertive black women are angry, mean. It's so fucked all around. 

AW: I really owe Pete for helping me be informed on Ferguson. He tweeted the hashtag the night the protests started in August and it helped me dive in. I am sure tumblr would have got me to it eventually, but seeing it from day one was a definite help. 

PS: You know part of my problem? I'm just not brave enough to say what I think. I'm just scared of offending people. Pete's not. He doesn't care. That's powerful

AW: It takes a lot to just put it out there. I am not sure if I had the amount of eyes on me that you do that I would be so "fuck you I will do/say what I want" as I am. Hell I become such a shadow of myself when at work with how quiet and polite I am. I mean I am still pierced and tatted with short hair so visually I say a lot, but then I watch my speech to make us for it. 

(Follow up on 8/25/2015)

Patrick Stump: That is amazing and I'm very flattered. By the way; Been thinking about our conversation from a year ago a lot. The takeaway is this: Saying "All lives matter," and "Not all cops," while literally true are contextually horrendous. Really awful. In retrospect I feel pretty awful about saying both. Specifically because "All lives matter," can carry a lot of implications. Who's lives? I meant by it that Latinos and Muslims are also unreasonably targeted/mistreated/murdered by cops. But is it as systematic or blatant as it is with darker skinned Americans? Not remotely. Furthermore, as a white man, I just need to remember how fucking easy I have it. It's easy for me to preach peace and unflinching patience when I've NEVER been a victim of the War On Drugs or the aftermath of straight up slavery. So there's a lot to think about in terms of what I, a white guy, have to say and do about the situation. But not a lot I have to say about the way it feels to be oppressed to the point of feeling like less than a citizen of this country. I shouldn't have spoken about it because I don't/can't know. Well-meaning white folks get to talk about policy changes and do everything we can to help, otherwise we should get the fuck out of the way. I'm sorry, really REALLY sorry to the world that I ever said either of those things. It's more than "Fuck the police." It's "Fuck this whole system." And as aware as I'd been, I hadn't realized how complacent in it I was. Anyway, disgusted I said what I said. Sorry to the whole world for being part of the problem

#text #fall out boy #patrick stump #black lives matter

[calypsoff]

Twenty Six.

Looking over at Robyn in the SUV “man, what you doing?” I said through my laughter “you are taking pictures of me again, excuse me if you start telling people about me and your toes we over” Robyn cackled “I’m not, just adding you to my story. I like to show off my man, but how do you feel? Virginia is coming to an end?” Side eyeing her “for you yes, I’m going back with the boys” Robyn huffed out “why can’t you just come back with me? Seriously? It’s not that hard Chris, come to California. Then go to Texas get your things and come back” she’s always planning “or I can go from here to Texas then to California? Better right? Then we have a big sex session before you go and then I wave you bye bye and have parties?” Robyn shook her head “I think prior to the revelation about your toe sucking and foot licking, I would have said no because you will have girls around. Boy I am not complaining, you do know my shoes just came off” looking out of the window, I am not speaking to her. She keeps reminding of something I know I did, she is annoying now “poppa please, do it for son, son. He won’t like it” Robyn tugged at my arm “poppa! Please, I’m sorry” she knows she’s doing the most and now I shall be silent with her “it made me wet when you did that to my foot?” Oh she’s trying to make things better “be quiet” I mumbled, I am done with her “ok fine I will let it go, I will not speak on it again. Robyn is done” Robyn is done but I am done with her, she can talk to her damn self.

Robyn is grovelling she wants me to care and I don’t “ok I won’t mention is again, deal?” I heard what she said but I chose to ignore her now “I was going to say I will do your foot but no, those aren’t cute” dragging my eyes away from my phone staring at Robyn’ face all in mine “I’m glad you’re happier, but at my expense” she is so cute; like I can’t even remain angry at her. She’s just being adorable “you can have a party but don’t mess up the house, see happy?” I shrugged “I suppose, but you still teasing about the foot thing. You going to stop that” that smirk on her face tells me otherwise “right well I’m going to drop you off at my mother’ house because I need to see TJ and Barry like this is not a lie and no you can’t come because the area is not safe for my love” Robyn is not happy; she is the pouting one now not just me “and you!?” She retorted “it’s my area twin, I know this area like that I can walk around. If I walk around with you then I am having to protect you because you close, so yeah. You need to go and stay with my mother while I see to them and then I will be back” Robyn is not agreeing but she will need too “so you really not coming with me to California. You are staying here for what?” I shrugged “I like my city you know” Robyn turned away “the city don’t like you, let’s not forget they trying to kill you” oh she is really not happy, I will let her get over it.

My mom is so pleased every time Robyn comes, she is like her second daughter and I find that cute “baby I will get your bed made, that reminds me” my mom pointed at me “thanks mom, Robyn is going tomorrow so I will come here for a few days and Desean I don’t have a large size for you” Tootie gasped “nigga take it the fuck back, you do not say that about my son” I snorted laughing “I am lying, I got you nephew. We about to do the photoshoot together, I am joking ok?” taking it back, I was joking with him, but I don’t want him to take it seriously “can I meet Drake?” shaking my head “yo nigga, I barely meet that nigga myself but one day. I got you. So yeah. I am going to meet up with Barry, also Robyn can tell y’all about the lovely time she had and what I did for her” Robyn is still pouting so I just kissed her lips without a care “you being too busy for me boy, when Robyn goes back we will spend time yes?” saluting my mother “of course, I will be back soon” Robyn is not impressed but what do I care, I just need to get my shit out there. Get my clothing line recognized so yes, I am busy sometimes “dad, I am taking your car. I will bring it back!” I shouted taking his keys anyways, he will hear me anyways.

TJ and Tina are so fucking weird, like the fact they are even together I find it weird, it’s just I didn’t expect it. She is practically home, his family accepted it “Tina liking that country life huh? Look at her” grabbing a can of Sprite from the side “it’s a lovely place, I do like it” Tina agreed “oh yeah, Mel” I clinked my fingers at Barry “what about her?” licking my lips smiling “you like her, go and proceed. I got her number so I will give it you, get on with it. Robyn said she a little lonely because Robyn got me and she got nobody” I shrugged opening the can “hey! Don’t be saying that about my girl, just she needs a man. Maybe Barry could be the one” I forgot about Tina being here or maybe I just didn’t care “so forget the Mel thing, did you and Robyn you know?” TJ placed his arm around my shoulders “have sex? Yes, we had sex and sex, and then more sex. It was delicious and the most precious moment of my life, I tell a joke, but it was a process time for us. It worked and I think it was needed for the both of us, we feel much closer now, well I do anyway but yeah. I came here for you. I had to leave Robyn at my mother’ home because bringing her here can be hectic, I don’t want that for her. I like her to have that normality so yeah, what is it?” drinking from the can “you are so protective of her, that is cute to see for my girl. I can’t believe she stayed there; did not she not refuse?” Tina asked “a little but I am the man of the house I told her how it is” I laughed “I joke, just said that it’s hard to just take you around like that, she understood” I shrugged, she did take it well, that is not a lie.

Sitting down on the chair taking in the VA sun, I have been relaxed since I have had sex with Robyn “does your sister fancy me or something? Why is she taking pictures of me” I asked confused “oh she is doing that TikTok shit” pulling a face “ma’am” I pointed at her, wanting her to know I knew she was taking a video, she got shy “so Seiko” I groaned out “now why do we need to speak on that, can we skip the conversation!?” TJ sighed out “I wish I could, but it is what it is, she is there because of my mistake. I am stuck, but she is doing a gender reveal and I of course is going but I would want my brothers there. I rather just work with her, my family is going, and you are my brothers so please come with me and support me” shaking my head “bro, that is my ex and she been talking shit about me and Robyn, I can’t be there. I ain’t going near that, why would she want me to be there” TJ rubbed his face “it’s not about you and her nigga, it’s about that fucking child that is a mistake, but I am stepping up. The blessing you needed because she would have pushed that on you, please be there for me. Just be there for me and then we dip, it’s just a gender reveal” licking my top lip, I do not like the sound of any of it, seems like too much would be done “her friends will be there, I fucked all of them girls. It’s awkward bro, I can’t be there” I don’t know what he wants from me “who cares? You the flyest nigga there, you ain’t done shit. You go with your head high and for me, please” he really wants me there “Barry is coming” taking in a deep breath “look, I need to speak to Robyn about it, but I don’t know, see what happens” that is the best I can do for him.

Imagine being there knowing that is my ex and she is pregnant but my best friend, I am involving myself in that and Robyn may not like that I don’t know “you still thinking on it?” TJ asked, he knows I am sat here thinking about that shit, I mean how the fuck could I go there and just act like nothing happened “I don’t know what to do bro, like it doesn’t bother me. Hand on my heart but I have a certain reputation to hold, you know? It’s like people see me with Rihanna and I can’t just be with my ex” I mean it will look like that “he is right TJ, he has to be careful. Places like Shade Room, and all those blogs will be on it if like his pictures start floating around about his ex and then Rih will be pissed off, and we don’t need that” Tina is right “but it’s not about that, it’s about me needing my best friend there. Barry is coming too, just be with me. Be in the back, you are family to me. I feel bad I did that to you already, I get it but we are coming up with some shit and the baby can come and see me alone” rubbing my face “I will speak to Robyn about it, I mean have you ever tried to ask Robyn anything like that. She is going to on my ass about it. She already wanted me to come with her to Cali and I said no I am staying here for a few days. Also I am going to Texas but then going Cali. I am staying at Robyn’ home. I am babysitting the house and I will do business from there. You are both welcome to come too. But before I do that I promised I would go on a few days of the tour with her. I suppose you could stay there with Rorrey until I fly back in. So yeah, I will be busy. We all will be” Barry’ eyes lit up “living in California!? Bruh, can we have parties?” I knew he would ask that “yeah, she said we can within reason though” I knew these niggas would come, they would never leave me alone.

Scratching the side of my face, Seiko still has me on her page like why. I do not understand why she hasn’t deleted the pictures; she deleted the couple pictures but picture she randomly took of me. I look terrible actually, locking my phone. Let me go and see what Robyn is up too with my family, closing the car door behind me. I think I am going to have my family in a bigger home, I want to get to that kind of place where I can put them somewhere private, somewhere much bigger. Like my nephew is growing, he is sleeping downstairs now that I am home so like I need to do that. Pushing open the front door “family!” placing the keys on the side and closing the door behind me, I find this home extremely small now when I am living well now, the places I have seen and lived in. It’s amazing to see that those types of homes exist “we are watching Taken!” Desean said “oh that, y’all boring. You bored?” I asked Robyn “no I am not actually” oh she is not happy “Robyn cooked for us actually, we will be eating soon” nodding my head “cool, erm. Robyn I need to speak to you” I pointed upstairs “Robyn also made your bedroom, I told her not too but she insisted and she made your bed and did your room up” letting out an oh “wow baby, you didn’t have too. Thank you” that is sweet of her “mhmm come” Robyn walked by me.

If she is moody then I don’t think I will tell her anything “uhm, why you moody?” walking into my bedroom “oh my room looks clean, thank you twin” closing the door “no, not you. I have enjoyed your family. Just the thought of going back to Cali, just depressing. But yeah, nothing to do with you” nodding my head, I guess she is feeling it “ok cool, well yeah I met TJ and Barry, we had a few drinks and spoke on something. TJ came out with something, well he asked me. And I said that I would need to ask Robyn before anything. So he’s having a gender party thing and he wants me to be there” Robyn just stared at me dumbfounded “oh wait, your ex is having a gender reveal and you want to be there?” Robyn put it in better words “uh yeah, but like I didn’t say yes because I am unsure of it. I mean the girl there will be the girls I have had sex with so it’s a little awkward, but I also want to support my boy” Robyn is not impressed “yeah why not Chris, a nice little reunion huh? I mean that is classless I don’t care what you say” well that tells me “you know what Chris; I won’t stop you going because I know you. I am not insecure, but I expect something to come out of it. I also want to say I am not happy about it, it’s a little trashy that my man will be there with his ex-girlfriend gender reveal because his best friend fucked her, and you had sex with all her friends. It’s trashy with a capital T and you know what Chris. Go, if I stop you then I look stupid and insecure because I know them rats will be speaking on it. But I am not happy about it, but I am stuck aren’t I? I would look the bad one stopping you but have fun. I just need to just go and think. Now I am going back to watch the movie, bye” Robyn is being childish “right” rubbing my face.

Pushing Desean’ head a little “let uncle sit there” walking around the couch, I want to sit next to Robyn. I do know she is hating me right now, but I still want to sit next to her, I know Desean hates me for moving him, but she has no choice in that “smile” sitting next to Robyn “for what?” she mumbled “I am here with you” placing my arm behind Robyn and then turned a little to face her “don’t be like that with me, yeah. We had a good time, and this is nothing. I get it you’re annoyed with me, but this is minor” staring at the side Robyn’ face, she is so cute when she is annoyed “you know you look cute when you mad” Robyn cleared her throat and then proceeded to place her legs over my lap “still find you annoying but massage my feet” Robyn is annoying “you’re not funny” she really isn’t “I am not happy still but that will kind of make me happy so proceed” she us doing the most, as she does but let me just massage her feet.

#Chrianna FF #Chrianna #Chrianna Fanfiction #Fanfic #Fanfiction

[nagitoandkokichioneshots]

Mod Mikan: It’s....really embarrassing for me to ask you guys for advice. After all, I’m the mother and big sister figure....it should be me that should be helping you guys out with your problems, not the other way around. I also don’t want to be so serious on this blog. But...I know that I’m never going to solve this problem unless I turn to the people I trust and love the most, so I’m just gonna say it. Plus, this has been one of the reasons why updates have been a little slow. This has been taking over my thoughts recently 

A few years ago I had this RP blog. It started as a cute little OC blog where you could interact and role play with my characters with your own. The first people who stumbled upon that blog were nice at first but...I very, very slowly started to see how toxic their behavior was. I had a list of rules and certain triggers that was a big ‘no-no’ for me to role play. For example, stuff like r*pe, smok*ng, dr*gs, and s*lf harm, wasn’t allowed. Throughout the course of this blog, I saw the people that I role played with doing that sort of stuff to their own characters. They had a rude attitude every time my characters try to stop them and their characters just responded with a simple “Go fuck yourself” (yes, that was actually their own words) and carried on with c*tting their skin or sm*king. When I DM-ed them saying “Hey this is against the rules. Can you please stop?” they responded with something along the lines of this: 

“Ya know...I always thought that the horrid stuff I was facing in real life would always follow up with me throughout the rest of my life. Everything I’m doing on the blog is true. Your blog really helps me express myself and escape reality. I’m very sorry about your mother (she died from sm*king) and you (I was r*ped). I understand that I am nothing more than a mistake. I should’ve died that night, where I was about to k*ll m*self....”

I was too blind to see they were manipulating me with a sob story. I cried at their excuses, eating up every word they said cause I had no reason not to believe them. I felt bad for them. I thought they understood my pain and why I had certain stuff set as my boundaries. I ignored my own triggers solely for the sake that they can use my blog as a punching bag--so I can take all the broken triggers and deteriorate my own mental health so they can feel better and use my blog as the ‘escape from reality’ they wanted so badly. This carried on for about a year until they said that they had to leave tumblr for a mental health hiatus. I understood, thinking that their mental state was that bad, that they would have to leave the website as a whole to focus on real life

Fast forward a year later: I got a message one year later from them. They were on a new blog, a fresh new start. They started to reveal everything after they took their mental health break--they were, and are, going through an awful, awful time. They broke down and stated that they had been checked in and out of several mental health hospitals to focus on their severe depression and anxiety. They said that everything we RP-ed in the past was a lie. They were never r*ped, they didn’t sm*ke or take dr*gs, they never even s*lf harmed. Their excuse for what they did to not only the blog that I dreamed of being ‘fun’ and ‘a good time for everyone’ and to my own mental health, was that they were going through a bad time. I was heart broken. I couldn’t believe that they lied and abused the triggers that they clearly knew about on purpose, because ‘they were depressed’? And the other followers on my blog were staning and cheering for this person......

I never wanted to be bitter and resentful of the past, so I chose to forgive them. We continued to role play. Yes, we still have minor slip ups, but they never turned into anything as triggering as they did the very first years of the blog. However, there was something I never told them: While they were taking a mini vacation from tumblr, I felt the effects of all the social beatings I took weigh down on me. I needed to escape the atrocious time that I was put through for the other person. I made a new blog myself, and never told anyone. I was ranting and venting on that blog (now deleted) and basically roasting the shit out of them. I never named names or pointed fingers directly at them. I kept referring to them as ‘them’ since it wouldn’t give anyone specifically away. They later found the blog and asked me “This is gonna sound weird and ridiculous, but are you (insert blog)”. I explained to them that it was and told them everything that lead up to that point. When I finished my explanation, I thought I had nothing to worry about. After all, from one person suffering from mental health issues to another, I thought they would understand what I did better than anyone else

But what they said shocked me

“I’m sorry, I’m not so sure I believe that. Do you just hate me or something?”

They later said that they wanted to break it off, but I begged for them to stay friends with me. I was desperate for friends, since...I had none irl. They stayed with me and it stayed a thing of the past. But I’m starting to feel the after effects, once again, of their hurtful words

What do you think I should do? Should I just break it off? I’ve been going to therapy to boost my self confidence. Why do you think I kin Nagito and Mikan so much? I hate myself. Maybe that’s why I don’t wanna leave this toxic friendship--I’m so desperate for friends.....

I’m slowly, but surely, gaining some self respect for myself. I’m only realizing very recently how borderline abusive and toxic this friendship with this one person really is. Do I continue this, even after they apologized? Or do I end it, since they take away the ‘depression excuse’ safety net whenever I need it? 

#Mod Mikan's thoughts of the day #Mod Mikan speaks!

[shoplifting]

blocks @/photosthatarensfw aka @/highladysith

TW antiblackness

[Image description: a reblog by @/osha-unofficial that says “Who is their manager.”, which is reblogged and replied to by @/photosthatarensfw saying “You want their manager? ok karen”. End description.] 

A few weeks ago I sent them an ask replying to this comment of theirs, letting them know that if she’s not Black and especially if she’s white she shouldn’t be using Karen like that, it’s not for us. I had been optimistic that they would respond well given that they hadn’t used any other AAVE in the posts of hers I’d seen. They never published the ask.

Fast forward to yesterday where they asked if people would be interested in buying merch from them. I sent an admittedly pissed off ask and this is how they replied.

[Image description: an anon that says “I wouldn’t buy pins/stickers if the procedes go to you bc i sent you an ask about whether or not you’re Black bc you used AAVE and I never saw u answer it. If u did answer it and correct yourself or u r Black yes I’d buy.” Her reply reads “K”. End description.]

And I wrote that pretty late, I didn’t really remember if she’d used more AAVE or what the original instance was and I should have been polite and ask whether or not they got my ask. I do deeply regret this ask, but now that the cat’s out of the bag, OP is addressing it and showing what they think.

This is the reply they reblogged to the ask.

[Image description: The main text reads “Sorry I didn’t answer your anon, I tend to delete baity asks”. The tags read “There’s literally nothing I can say to make you think I’m not an asshole”. End description.]

Which given how I worded the ask I would take into consideration if she was confronting the issue of appropriation. I did not say what I should have, that I hadn’t noticed if they’d used more AAVE, but she should have addressed the issue at this point in our interaction. Furthermore, there absolutely ARE ways to convince me you’re not an asshole, which include owning up and moving on with composure and respect, and my second anon was worded in a way that could be read as bait, whereas, while I don’t remember the exact wording, I hope and believe my original ask was probably simply pointing out a fact.

And now is where all of the assumptions really come in, which is driving me up the fucking wall.

[Image description: an anon that says “if you said you’re black then they’d want photo evidence and throw a fit if you didn’t provide evidence. if you said your not black then they’d “cancel” you. there’s no winning”. OP replies “Exactly”. The tags read “It’s pretty obvious what my main blog is tho so. If they wanted to know they could easily figure it out. (I literally said Karen once) (that’s why they’re mad at me)”. End description.]

WHICH LIKE?? WHAT THE FUCK??

I never hinted that I wanted photo evidence, I wouldn’t have because that’s just too much, too invasive, and I’m trusting of people. I understand that it’s a trend that people will get deplatformed for minor things but the assumption that this case was that is inaccurate. Secondly, they do not have an about page on that blog and I am almost exclusively on Tumblr mobile.

I told her that on anon this morning, as well as the fact that I understood that if she is Black (or a person of color, though I forgot to mention that in the message), then answering would have put her at undue risk and it was fine if she just corrected themself. I said this all civilly and well rested. They have not published that ask yet.

I am also not mad about the unknowing use of AAVE, I am mad about the lack of addressing it now that the conversation is being had, which I believe I had communicated. I really shouldn’t have been mad when sending the second ask because I couldn’t remember if she’d used it recently, but even when sending that ask my anger was due to them not taking accountability, not from the one instance itself.

And then there was this ask.

[Image description: an anon that says “What good comes from demanding to know someones skin colour? You arent a mega corp masquerading as someone who gives a shit, just an independent content creator. I genuinely worry that people cant see nuance in “support black businesses”.” Their reply is “They’re literally just mad I said Karen once so”. End description.]

Which just ignores the whole point of wanting to avoid giving racist people a platform or money, or holding each other accountable. And once again she is deflecting to me being mad over one word instead of taking accountability or addressing the appropriation.

They also allowed jokes to be made on the ask of mine they posted.

[Image description: A reblog by @/photosthatarensfw with a screenshot of a reply by @/verisoran that says “On the plus side, this behavior from teh anon fits the sub, as it is decidedly nsfw”. OP’s reply is “did you just call me a sub?” and their tags are the joking tone indicator and “I am not submissive and breedable”. End description]

I didn’t remember that author portraits are a thing on desktop dashboard, which is the only place you can see who they are. Their main blog, @/highladysith, does not have an about page either, and her race is not listed in their bio, but they do have a profile picture with a face in it, so, given the tags of that last ask, I’m assuming this is them.

[Image description: A photo of a young bleach-blonde white person with a sparkly filter applied. End description.]

They still have not addressed the use of AAVE even though I sent them this article about an hour ago, and of the 4 anons I sent I sent (the third message wis split between two asks), she has only published the aggressive one, painting me purely as a demanding and invasive aggressor.

[Image description: a reblog by @/penrosetri-jay-ngle that says “I feel like we’re getting a little too comfortable demanding people share personal information on the internet in order to prove themselves Unproblematic”. End description.]

Given that this is the only discussion of racism on her blog as far as I’ve seen, they’re also only portraying the outcry against this appropriating in a negative light.

They’re one of those people that posts about antiblack violence but immediately argues at recommendations to listen to Black people.

#bi rambles #blocklist #antiblackness #antiblackness tw #racism tw