#just. feeling some sort of way right now

[floorpancakes]

ok but im rly into the idea of till having a new era that brings the light back to his eyes and drives him forward if he gets to escape the arena. idk where he'd go from there but i want to see ivans sacrifice both haunt him and drive him to actually live his damn life after being the captured bird refusing freedom cause of mizi. once he knows she's alive with the resistance he might be able to actually experience other things and widen his world and if that happens and he puts his personal sense of rebellion towards the human cause OR settles into finding some other way to feel fulfilment that isn't a single person that could be deeply fascinating to me i think

#alien stage #ramble #idk #till alien stage #as an xxxholic fan i want to see caged birds fly and all the fear and loss and grit and progress that comes with it #till era would be so fucking fun #especially when characters r built arnd one person or one goal or something you want to see them find new things to suffer or thrive abt (?) #random inconsequential thought imagine till hooking up with hyunas besties and they become a resistance throuple #idk i just want till to experience the wider world as the one that was the most restrained by his heart AND literally #cause even compared to the other anakt kids he suffered so much in those damn buildings and labs #i wanna see him freed and what that means for ivans legacy as the person who was unseen but someone who both contributed to and desperately #tried to stop his pain and confinement no matter what #honestly the thing i wanna see most rn off the top of my head is #till coming to terms with what he knows and sees about ivan now #no matter how he feels about it i think ivan wont be forgotten that easily #i want to know whats going thru tills head rn immediately in this moment #cause this snapped him in some way and he is acutely aware of things he didnt even notice before #while handling the mizi desth thing #that he assumed was happening #if he is assumedly saved i want to see the explosion that is knowung mizi is alive #knowing ivan is dead and how ivan felt #and knowing he has a way out of the cage #because its a triple whammy #i want to see his brain exploding in real time thinking abt all these things #and what sort of person the revelations will make him become #also i want to see mizi and till have like an actual conversation cause itd be a wildcard especially right now

[sciderman]

I swear I have read your big post regarding Peter Parker's neurodivergence and why it is best to avoid labelling him, but he definitely has a weird brain

Can't find it and feel kinda sad about it cuz I deeply related to it

i know exactly which post you're talking about and i can't find it either! i've raked through my archive, and it's just - nowhere to be seen. i think tumblr eated it (it happens.)

really, tumblr's search functionality is so so useless, i don't know what to tell you. there are plenty of keywords i can search to find it that post, but the search functionality actually just does not work!

undiagnosed audhd-addled peter parker, my darling, my light, my life, my everything.

i think peter parker's such an interesting creature to write, because a lot of people will point to a certain behaviour about him and say "this is an autistic thing, right?" but a lot of those behaviours are actually, in my head, tied to certain traumas in peter's life too.

people say "oh, the food thing, peter's a picky eater because he's autistic" and yes, absolutely. but also it's tied to his trauma with his parents.

peter gets overstimulated, and yes, it's an autism thing, but also he was bitten by a radioactive spider and his senses are dialled to 11.

it's a similar case i've found for myself, too – where a lot of friends i have kind of diagnose me because i have autistic traits, but actually - i'm hesitant to claim the label or pursue diagnosis because, actually, i know where these certain behaviours come from, and they come from certain traumas. there are events i can pinpoint in my life and say "yep. that's where this behaviour comes from."

so - i think there's a lot of overlap between trauma and autistic traits. the brain is very complex! i think the reason for that overlap is maybe as simple as the fact that people with autism and people with trauma are both doing the same thing - developing behaviours to protect themselves or soothe themselves. so - i think it's nice to be able to see a character like peter parker, who may or may not be autistic, but recognise behaviours in him and see yourself in him.

people who go undiagnosed for whatever reason - people who are really good at masking - so good, in fact, that they have no idea they might be on the spectrum - everyone and anyone at all can look at peter parker and recognise themselves. because i think we discredit the thought that every single brain does the same thing! develops certain behaviours in order to survive. every brain has that same software - we've just all been faced with different hardships that we need to overcome, and that's were all the differences come in.

autism is a spectrum, i guess - everyone falls into it to some degree. and i think events in your life probably push you along on it. but i don't know, i didn't study brain science. probably what i'm saying is very stupid and uninformed. of course there's brain chemistry involved. but i know people in my life living with autism and certain events in their life have exacerbated certain behaviours or made coping with it a lot more difficult. so maybe trauma is a catalyst.

#a lot of my traits have been exacerbated lately and i remember it was much easier for me before #and some of my friends have said “oh it's because you've been masking too long and now you're facing autistic burnout.” #and that made sense to me i think. #but then i found out about the stress thing. me overproducing stress hormone. and that's a very physical thing. #and that explains why i've been overstimulated more than usual lately. and why everything feels like too much. #and i wonder how many of these traits of mine are going to subside once i have lamar removed #and it makes me wonder a lot of things. and it's so weird how much your brain is tied to your biology. #i wonder how much i'll change. i wonder how i'll feel. i wonder if i'll still feel like me. i wonder how much me is me right now. #and how much of me is being altered by weird freaky hormones. who am i?? who will i be?? #i'm almost looking at this as like. a superhero origin story of some sort. like this is my spider-bite moment. maybe. #will i be different? will i cope with things differently?? now that my body isn't fighting something anymore?? #maybe i'll be normal. i don't know. i don't know. #i don't know what it'll mean for me. #but all of these things mean i relate to peter parker in a certain kind of way #i don't think you have to be diagnosed with autism to recognise and empathise with those traits i think #i think everyone can see themselves in peter. and i think that's the benefit of having characters that aren't diagnosed. #because there's so much overlap in the human experience. and certain feelings aren't exclusive to just one group of people. #peter has such a rich identity actually. it's an autistic thing. it's a queer thing. it's a jewish thing. it's a trauma thing. #there are so many overlapping parts of peter's identity that inform who he is and how he behaves and it's never just one thing. #it's a product of all of his things. #just like me! just like everyone. #so me? i guess i can be a million things. you can explain what i am in a million different ways. #a hundred different psychologists can all come up with different ways to explain why i be the way i be. #i don't think it's something that can be simplified. #sorry wow. i'm really going off here in the tags. #i hope people don't think i'm stupid. i don't know brain science. i'm just philosophising as usual. #sci speaks

[starheirxero]

My personal question: Can Lunar be considered an age regressor? He actively reverts into a younger mental space as a way to cope and feel comfortable.

Cause if he Is, Gemini pretty much just shamed him for being a regressor, and that's NOT okay.

Honestly, I think they can be considered an age regressor, yeah!!

I actually remember watching the therapy episode and thinking like, "oh sweet, big day for agere Lunar truthers!" bc it's a headcanon I see a lot and it's also a headcanon that doesn't require a lot of changing of Lunar's character. It just Makes Sense!

On top of that, you could also read Lunar as having autism and/or adhd (< which was actually canon at one point but I think it's retconned now 😔) which is honestly how I always interpreted Lunar from the very start bc... motions at them. yeag.

But regardless, Gemini did still shame that part of Lunar and whether it's because of age regression or because of neurodivergence or even not because of anything other than They Want To, that's still is just. kinda flat out rude!! I don't think it's causing any problems so like. come on man. 😭

#asks #anon #idk it just. really irked me?? #like. i'm worried abt getting way too in my feelings #and deciding its weird just bc it bugs me personally #but i think a lotta ppl (especially ppl who act childish forwhatever reason) know how lunar feels #to have to sort of... moderate how you act #because otherwise ppl will treat you in ways you don't like #and to see lunar get jabbed at for that is like. owch! yk??? #what an undeniably human way to judge someone. #it's okay tho bc in my heart they are having an indestructible friendship and having the time of their Life right now 🙏 #lunar and earth show #the lunar and earth show #tlaes #tlaes spoilers #laes spoilers #i feel like this needs a warning of some kind of but idk what so #ask to tag #age regression

[milimeters-morales]

get behind me gwen ill shield you from all these haters

#like people are being so mean and cruel to her and just so not understanding 😭😭 #like yes she fucked up 16 year olds do that and miles has every right to feel the way he does but stop acting like she’s some sort of + #villainous bitch who wanted his dad to die #she’s really going through it bro 😭 her dad chose his job over her #nearly shot her and now she has no actual home so she hops from place to place and she learns her dad has to die and she can’t do anything #because something as serious as the multiverse is at stake?? cmon bro weren’t you ever a 16 year old girl. cut her some slack fr #gwen stacy #spidergwen #ghost spider #spiderwoman #spider woman

[camgoloud]

you ever just. become overwhelmed by a sudden out-of-nowhere wave of tenderness and affection and longing for reconnection directed towards someone to whom you no longer speak for Very Good Reasons

#‘out of nowhere’ she says like she hasn’t been doing a lot of reading/thinking recently about various tragic messy breakups #and the later regrets of the parties involved #anyway. tell me not to text her #it’s been over two years since the last time we talked… absolutely no reason to break that streak now. lord give me strength #she was really fucking mean to me! like objectively intentionally unwarrantedly cruel! it ruined an entire year of my life #and fundamentally changed me as a person on a deep level! there’s a lot of things i used to like about myself that i don’t think i’m ever #going to get back #and yet every once in a while we have to do the whole ‘maybe i could make things right’ song and dance 😔 #the thing is most of the time i’m not even really angry with her anymore like enough time has passed since all the shit went down that #really i just sort of look at her behavior and feel sad. both because of the impact on me but also because of the ‘that’s really how you #felt you needed to act towards someone who cared about you? you couldn’t have just expressed your feelings in an honest and productive way #instead of just lashing out in the cruelest possible way and ruining the entire relationship beyond hope of repair?’ #and i feel bad and sorry that it went that way and honestly i kind of pity her and hope she’s gotten some of her shit worked out #so i’m not like. actively pissed off at her anymore. but also i can’t think about her without thinking about the worst year of my life so 🙃 #i don’t actually feel that trying to reopen that door would be very healthy for me at least #we did try a Reconciliation of sorts a couple of months after the initial falling-out and while it was kind of helpful for me in that she #like. apologized lmao. and affirmed that i wasn’t crazy and she did in fact On Purpose say the most hurtful things she possibly could have #said to me given the information she had at her disposal. and that i really had not done anything to her that could warrant that. etc. #it also left a sour enough taste in my mouth that i just don’t see a future where the two of us spending time together is enjoyable for me #and yet… the regret will always live inside me i think. maybe if i were a stronger person… #caseyposting

[matchandelure]

i fear that the undercover top secret government assassins are growing on me (cp9)

#I HAD ZERO THOUGHTS ABOUT THEM AT FIRST #IN FACT I WAS DEVASTATED THAT THE WATER 7 QUARTET WERE ACTUALLY CP9 #BUT THEN??????? I READ CP9'S INDEPENDENT REPORT AND. I!?!??!?@?!? #the thoughts are endless ive been having one piece dreams every night for the past few days and they have all been cp9 related the brainrot #is so bad. i am sodgjkadhg #i love one piece there are so many characters with each new arc i get to i get some new characters to obsess over i love it i feel so alive #ive been fighting tooth and nail avoiding spoilers for the latest episode BUT GOD IM SO SO TEMPTED TO. TAKE A PEEK #anyways last night i was once again doing a wiki deep dive and i found some silly things on cp9's pages #JABRA AND LUCCI ARE THE SAME HEIGHT!!!!! THIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNY #CAN YOU IMAGINE?!?!?! the kid you've had beef with since he was 13 (maybe even earlier since lucci alreayd knew him when he was 6) who you #used to have a whole head over is now at eye level with you i would actually be so embarrased #KAKU IS FROM EAST BLUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS OS IMPORTANT ACTUALLY!! THE MOST IMPORATNT FACT EVER!!!!!!!!!!! #so he knows the strawhats are...also from the east blue right?!? right??????! and ik the wg steals these kids early on to train them so i #doubt he has lingering attachments to his home sea but i still think this so both so so sad and so important :'(( #also not getting over how oda's depiction of tiny kaku has him holding a toy boat BC ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!?! ARE YOU K IDDING ME #kalifa and jabra's favourite dishes are both lamb based!!!!!!!!! silly because her animal motif is a sheep haha #BUT ALSO considering how her father was also cp9 and she's probably been conditioned since birth to also follow his footsteps and how jabra #holds seniority in the current lineup id like to think that these two have known each other a very long time and there were influences #the most dysfunctional fcked up family ever. cp9 #blueno and jabra are both from the north blue!!!!!!!!!!!!! and that one falshbakc we see that the two of them plus 6year old lucci trained #together but also it would be so fcked up if the two actually knew of each other before being roped into the governemnt #idk how the wg works do they just??? routinely scout around and pick up a bunch of kids ata time???? were jabra and blueno taken together?? #also wondering if ... kalifa jabra and kumadori knew each other the longest as fellow agents or soemthing #i feel like im entertaining a gazillion thoughts all at once its so hard ot balance but we know both kalifa nad kumadori have #parents in the governemnt/assassin profession that also influenced them right #idk maybe one thing they can bond over #cp9 to me is just a fucked up family of some sort. they are not found family they are like some weird forged family where they were all #forced together and somehow made it work and they all love lucci and care for his wellbeing enough to raise all that money to get him to a #doctor and they cared about each other enough to get off enies lobby together without leaving anyone behind and they went cafe hopping and #shopping and bowling together and they all care for each other in their own way

[dennisboobs]

talking to macdennis shippers makes me realize how much more i enjoy charden lmfao

#i love early seasons macden a lot but i think they sort of. fucked mcdn beyond repair in a lot of ways #where they Need to derail the show and do some genuine repairs #if theyd stayed the way they were in s5 itd be like oh yeah nbd theyre fucking lol #but now its. complicated #which isn't inherently bad but i think theres so much to unpack that its just like. if its not done right its going to be a disaster #charden have remained actual friends #it doesn't feel like a huge jump for them to be on good terms #but everyone immediately assumes something must have happened offscreen if macden are getting along #like. its overcomplicated! idk! i think dennis' entire character is overcomplicated #and it makes it really hard because he is So established to just have a fun plot #also i think theyve slowly fucked mac's character and have no intention of fixing it like they have with charlie and dennis' characters #like charlie was made Too Dumb and theyve been remedying that by making him a little more grounded and serious #dennis was Too Angry and they're remedying it by having him develop a way of burning off pressure without exploding #but everything theyve developed for mac has just sort of been left behind #if there was a moment to show how he'd changed it wouldve been post mfhp but it almost seemed like it was a complete reversal #he devolved lol #he was definitely like. better. in s16. but he's lost so much complexity while the others have gained more #and it feels incredibly unbalanced #dee is just a nothing character now too which (while i disagree with a lot of the complaints abt her in s16) can be seen clearly now #but mac is just. #okay im done rambling bye #ada speaks #idk how to explain but macden as a dynamic feels like it holds both of their characters back #and it rarely brings anything new or interesting to the table #dennis shows a different side of himself around charlie #but he is. mostly just angry or exasperated around mac

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#its sort of funny. i think my medication is working pretty well. i feel stable in a way i never really have before #is it the dopamine stablizer or is it my ion channels? whos to say. it doesn't matter. but it also doesnt change some things #the ways i think and react negativly to change. but it makes it easier to deal with. i still experience this strange dispaire on the #weekends or anytime im not working. i think the oddest thing is thst i dont think ive ever been this consistenly sad #not in a depressed sort of way. just a passing thoughts make me tear up sort of way. it doesnt feel out of control. it just feels like a #prelude to grief i guess. bc my mum is still in the hospital and its so hard to kno what that means from halfway across the country #my sisters are both home right now. they both live within 3hrs of where we grew up. one sister lives in the city my mom goes to for #treatment. so they have the opportunity to see her more than me. i dunno if they do tho. we dont really talk. i dont kno if they're as sad #as i am. if im overreacting bc i cant physically see what's happening. what the feeling is in the room. not that she would probably complain #shes the suffer in silence type. my dad keeps texting us pics of our shitty lil sunroom that hes redoing #to make my mum a lil sanctuary. he must be sad too. its his wife. hes staying with her in the hospital rn. i dunno its so weird #when i talk to my counselor she assumes i find out info thru calls or talk to my sisters abt it and i gotta b like nah we dont really talk #i get my info thru text. i havent talked to my parents on the phone in like a month. i dunno we just dont talk. so i dont kno how to reach #out and be like yo so whats up? shoulf i plan on coming home this summer for a bit?? like??? #this is the disadvantage of leaving thr place where you grew up. probably when i finish my phd i should move closer to home #somewhere in the Appalachian mountains maybe. somewere in the eastern deciduous forrest. somewhere with thunderstorms. #but thats years from now. who knows what ill b doing. for now im just sad and tired and i dont quite kno what to do in the short or long #term bc im feeling the weight of my mental limitations rather intensely. but maybe im just being self limiting #whatever. i dont have a dead mum yet. shes not even on hospice care. things are just uncertain and dont look so hot #i just dont see how it can get better from here when chemo gave her secondary blood cancer and shes still full of tumors #i dont think im being that dramatic. it just objectively seems not great for survival #unrelated

[actualaster]

I know media does it to most easily showcase how much pain a character is in, but you don't actually need to be in so much pain you're screaming from it for a limb to give out from pain.

Sometimes it's just a white-hot flash of agony so sudden it takes your breath away and the next thing you know you're on the ground/bed/back in the chair/whatever.

It's so abrupt and intense and quick that it's over before you have even a chance to make a sound and all that's left is the deep, lingering ache of it.

And sometimes it's not even pain! Sometimes a limb can just... Stop working and down you go. The pain comes after.

(That's what happened to my knee where I ended up needing to be wheeled around because I couldn't walk--just gave out and hurt after it stopped working)

There's pain you cry out from, for sure, but there's plenty of pain--pain that can be literally debilitating--that you don't scream from, either, but that doesn't make it less of an impediment. Depends on the person themselves a lot, as well as the type of pain itself.

#i have a lot of thoughts on pain and the ways it impacts and manifests and we react to it #because i have a lot of experience with all sorts of different types of pain #(i would like to not have those experiences but we can't always get what we want in life) #just kind of reading a thing right now and the emphasis on the screaming to showcase the pain #feels almost as if it's an attempt to justify a character being unable to use an injured limb #but you don't really need to be screaming for the pain to stop you from using it #you can be in the worst pain of your life and not screaming and that pain can be all-consuming #there are so many words you can use to describe the feel of pain and what it does to the body #so many words you can use to describe the countless ways the body can be broken #there is a reason some consider the giving and/or receiving of pain to be an art form after all #there are so many ways to inflict it and to experience it and to see it in another... #(...sorry if that sounds unsettling but pain is an incredibly varied and often personal experience) #(it's just that people often don't seem to consider the personal aspect of physical pain)

[longagoitwastuesday]

person obsessed with Jack: "I'm getting big Jack vibes from this guy!"

#I read Firefly Wedding yesterday while eating because twitter suggested me a tweet #in which someone stated the couple was super toxic‚ which is catnip to me‚ and posted two gorgeous panels #I didn't even look for a summary but given the art I expected the guy to be some sort of supernatural being‚ but no‚ he's just a normal guy #Anyway... They are sixteen and eighteen years old‚ and at first I scoffed because come on‚ #with the themes it would have made more sense for them to be a bit older. Except this time no‚ which was pleasant #The protagonists act entirely like teenagers and I feel that's the point? They were indeed toxic but it didn't strike me as negatively toxic #But as kids with a terrible life in a terrible situation. I couldn't help but be endeared by the deranged guy #I wanted to adopt him so bad xD #The girl was also quite out of it too and could get quite violent too but it was downplayed after some chapters I feel? #Which is a pity because it justified her bond to the male character #Anyway... I get they they are kids in a bad situation that makes the bond grow strong in a short amount of time #but one of the things that I am not sure is entirely well justified is that she falls in love with the swordman guy and not her bodyguard #The bodyguard is devoted-deranged‚ has always been with her and they're childhood friends. They also share in some ways that 'bad situation #that bounds us together' thing. I initially thought it was justified by the fact she was after all a rich kid takin him from granted #but right now it doesn't seem to be the case. So... why? I get the worst option for a story is the most interesting one but I like choices #to be in character and justified and this one didn't really convince me? The bodyguard is deranged enough to be interesting and nice for her #(who wouldn't have to deal with the bloodbaths and mood changes of the firefly guy) without her having to give up #on the obsessive devoted deranged thing she obviously digs in a relationship lol. It would he arguably more real too #Because (although again the manga right now seems to have forgotten about it) the firefly guy could have loved anyone in the same situation #(there were some scenes that were soooooo deliciously Jack and Lacie). The bodyguard loves her for her. Because they're friends #I enjoyed it at first more than I thought I would. I liked the characters initially though not so much in these last ten chapters #I think it got worse and more typical. The art is absolutely beautiful though and I love the character designs #The protagonist and the bodyguard look more normal but the male lead is interesting and the secondary characters are wonderful in design #The clothes are so beautiful. I love the prostitutes. The expressions of the male lead are great and the perspectives at times are fantastic #The story and characters are honestly better than I was expecting (I was expecting funny toxic not 'damn poor kids I want to adopt you') #But I can't say it's good given idk the way the characters change their goals and ideas so easily in a barely justified way #The art is truly very beautiful. Probably I won't keep reading because like with the Apothecary Diaries I just read these things #for a couple of hours while eating and then forget about them forever. There's Lakan and Fengxiao in the Apothecary Diaries though but yes #Anyway... It wasn't bad. It was unexpectedly better written at first imo. I am sad they are making it more what I actually expected from it #at first. 'Funny toxic' I meant typically sexist stories that are so silly you have just to laugh for a couple hours. I expected that

[numbuh424]

going to reread noelverse just to feel something again, wish me luck

#death note #noelverse #I read it for the first time in 2020 and it changed my life and how I feel about near and light forever #before noel I was a hardcore L enjoyer who only consumed content of him so I was hesitant to read a fic where he wasn't present in some way #best decision ever near and light are right up there with him as the faves ever thank you TzviaAriella #I made a playlist of songs that sort of reminded me of them after I read the fic for the first time #I'm listening to it now to mentally prepare #noelverse save me noelverse #save me moonriver #elle is talking again #also I read the first few chapters of reunion when they first came out but now I just wanna read the whole series again #before the final reunion chapter drops so I can be dealt maximum emotions

[runningatypufullspeed]

WOULD YOU GUYS LIKE TO SEE MY FUGLY UGLY ASS ALLEGORY OF THE CAVE X FAHRENHEIT 451 CROSSOVER DRAWING THAT I WAS FORCED TO DO FOR SCHOOL….. ITS SO UGLY AND MONTAG IS

WHITE.

AND THE HOUNDS ARE DISGUSTING THE COLORING IS SO SHITTY AND MILDRED …. Well ok she looks alright kindof but the COLORING ….. SKETCH WAS BETTER but do you guys. Do you still want to see it…….,,,,,,

ALSO NO OFFENSE TO WHITE PEOPLE PLEASE I LOVE YOU GUYS 🫶😁👍 within reason

#like ok maybe it isn’t. THAT bad #NO NO I TAKE THAT BACK I JUST LOOKED AT IT RIGHT NOW AND THE COMPOSITION IS ALL FUCKING VOER THE PLACE #IT. IT IS. THAT BAD #IF YOU GUYS SAY YESS YOULL SEE #ok but nasty bad art aside I know some of you will be asking why white Montag is such a bad thing and #there isn’t anything wrong with it!!! it’s just that for me personally #after I did a bit more thinking I was. physically incapable of perceiving Montag as anything other than POC/nonwhite #so when I look back at my old f451 art and stare into the eyes of a pale skittish twink it just #it doesn’t click. like that isn’t MY Montag if ykwim #now trembling BROWN skittish twink. that’s a different story #AGAIN I DONT have any issues with ppl making their own versions white I just think that . for me specifically. he looked a bit funny #a little off. a bit too crackerish for my liking #where is bros melanin 😭 #I’m complaining right now but if I wanted to I could just… go in and try and make the skin tone darker #I might do that depending on how tired I feel after doomscrolling #also if it matters even though I have read the book over at least 8 times now not once have I touched either of the movies. #and it will STAY THAT WAY. until I completely log my notes for the book #then I can move on to the movies 🥰 #but I will admit 2018 did sort of lead me to having a change of heart w my design. just a little. just a teensy bit. kinda. sort of? #actually not really now that I think about it #I have my own reasons. #TOO MANY WHITE PEOPLE MY EYES THEY BURN AAAYHHHHH MY EYES OW OW OW OWIEEEE #my Beatty design was so white that my eyes developed stage 4 cataracts #I needed a palate cleanser that WASNT Millie… oh god my Millie design… #she was white there too. terrible #it’s okay… 💔 I’ve since learned and moved on #ARGH GUYS I DONT HATE WHITE PEOPLE I JUST THINK THAT MORE SKIN COLOR VARIATIONS WOULD E NICE

[thevalkyriewarrior]

I hate the feeling of not being broken enough.

Of feeling like there's always going to be someone else who needs attention and comfort more than you

That you're less important because you're holding yourself together better

#valkyrie talks #some sort of vent tag #I'll be fine #this feeling will pass #i'm just really in my feelings right now and it sucks #for various different reasons this one is just on the forefront of my brain right now #and also the reason I'm avoiding trying to sleep #but Maybe with writing it out I might be able to let it go. #i just kinda wish I could be someone's priority sometimes. #it feels like my time with others is always cut short because someone else needs them more #and they do #and I don't want them to go without the care and support they need #but I wish I could say 'I need attention' #i wish that sometimes every now and then it's my feelings that are put first #i feel so selfish for thinking this way #i don't want my friends to be hurt #I just.... Sometimes feel like I'm the least broken #like that chipped tea cup post #i should go to bed I have work in the morning.

[magnifiico]

👏 okay, so under the influence of the forbidden magic magnifico just had to dabble in despite his adoring wife telling him not to, he actually has a very hazy memory of all the things he did during that time span

[[disclaimer: this isn't a post about to excuse his actions or claim he's innocent because of that influence—he willingly and in conscious awareness of the possible repercussions of dark magic still decided to use it and should be held accountable. but anyway—]]

he was exceptionally drunk with power (and i use that term very literally here) from the moment he opened the book and started using it. that effect only amplified the more he stole the power of the wishes for himself: each broken wish heightening the magic's control over him until, by the time he was capturing star, he was totally unhinged and barely had any conscious control over his actions

the magic feeds into and intensifies the negative traits he already has: all that narcissism, that hunger for power, that overwhelming arrogance. it has to draw from something, but it still is the reason magnifico goes so completely feral by the end of things

when he's trapped in the mirror, he's himself again—his cognizance is back—but his ability to recollect every little thing he did is foggy (and at first, he still fully believes he was in the right for using the book to begin with; so, yes, still not excused)

#˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ 《 headcanon 》 #wish spoilers #gotta figure out exactly what to do with the whole mirror aspect now #since canonically the evil magic will ALWAYS have some sort of hold on him in some way #so even if someone were to FREE him from the mirror -- the magic could still very well be a threat now that it's a part of him :|c #but that's something to dig into and decide later #fOR NOW just worth noting that yEAH SO... magnifico drank his dumb bitch juice #and had WAYYYY too much of it 8'))) #if you had just LISTENED TO YOUR WIFE like you SHOULD-- #smh so hard at this man =.=; #additionally tho i do feel magnifico in his right mind would NEVER harm amaya #or try to harm her ;; so him attacking her was absolutely under that influence #unacceptable even so >8|

[autistic-shaiapouf]

Beginning to really wonder how much of my financial concern is manufactured and handed to me as opposed to something I'm genuinely concerned by

#bc like. i'm getting by just fine. i don't have anything to be reasonably worried about #but also when i was a kid my father would break down my mother's paycheck and basically explain how broke we were #and that May Have Affected Me Somewhat #as well as just. the way you consistently see the advice to just save! don't get takeout! necessities! and i'm not intent on living like #a monk nor am i intent on being on that grindset for financial gain #it's like i don't intrinsically care but i have so many messages given to me about how i need to care a lot and it puts me in a weird spot #i am simultaneously standing still and moving at mach speeds #i mean right now i just need a safety net while in between jobs; after that i need to save up to move out of state bc the uh #political situation and upcoming presidential election don't seem very sustainable for someone like me anymore #they weren't to begin with but i don't wanna stick around to see how bad it's gonna get #but it's like. okay and then what? save for what? going back to school i guess? idk #i feel like i keep asking myself what i'm trying to accomplish and keep trying to force myself to have answers #here and now when i have to be okay with taking things one step at a time instead of having everything here and now #it's simultaneously fine and terrible and i am holding two conflicting yet equal truths #i feel i may have a clearer head once i leave my current job. i'm trying to look but nothing feels appealing given how #burnt out i already feel. i dread going back into my workplace and i fear it's showing to the patients and i don't want that #i want a month off to rediscover who i am as a person outside of getting yelled at in retail and then pick something back up #could be feasible. genuinely could be. i need to sort out the health insurance aspect but. that's lowkey the plan? #to construct a financial safety net and then slam on the breaks for a while; see if i can strike up a deal with the staff about me #coming in for specific tasks bc we already know i'm quick and efficient with the inventory so i do have a little leverage #you know what. this is getting some of it off my chest and i'm starting to feel confident again lmao #i won't be doing weekends starting either next week or the week after so that's a start! i just think i want everything done right now #bc i'm afraid i won't have the chance again but i will. i definitely will #i just need to let myself get to that point; it's just the immense drain from the register work and the Everything that comes with retail #also having to accept that it's okay to leave this; there's not something wrong with me like. ''not being able to handle it'' or w/e #no mindfulness or detachment could've saved me; it was shit and i'm hitting the bricks and that's all there is to it #i've been thinking a lot about it all lately bc it's what's most prominent in my life rn of course #idk. pondering. introspecting. as i am wont to do #anyways if you've read all this you're a real mvp and i am kissing you on the hand #shai speaks

[soulsxng]

When close to Enoch, one may notice their heartbeat quickening ever so slightly. Goosebumps raise along their arms, and they find themselves holding their breath. It feels, perhaps, similar to excitement. Anticipation.

If they meet his eyes, those feelings quickly ebb into something warmer. Something that feels almost familiar. Comforting, even...but in a way that they can't quite put their finger on.

His smile is inviting, and he gives some small greeting or another. Maybe it's his inflection, or the clear, quiet confidence in his voice that makes it hard not to hang on every word he says. Before they know it, it's as though most other noise around them has faded into the background.

It's easy to watch him. To be around him. Each movement easy and precise; a purpose to each and every one. He leaves himself little room to make a mistake, but it doesn't appear as though he's trying to force perfection, either. (even if he is) A comfortable in between that has that feeling of familiarity growing. As if those gestures and mannerisms are something they know. That they've heard and seen a hundred times before.

They come away feeling as though they know a few meaningful things of him. Like the end of a well-loved novel, it leaves both a feeling of satisfaction, and a craving to know more.

Many animals and beasts are said to be good judges of character, though. And though a vast majority seem drawn to Enoch in much the same way as other beings are, it's the opposite for others.

For these beasts, there's something more to it. Those first feelings they become aware of aren't excitement. The anticipation is different. It feels like eyes are on them. Something is watching. Something is waiting, like a predator who, despite having already had their fill, is debating on one more meal.

They catch his eyes, and it's too late. The predator already has them in its maw. It's suffocating, and they only have one move left to make before teeth close over them, and they're swallowed up.

...Only to be let go again just as their fate seems imminent. Maybe it wasn't hungry after all.

Or maybe that was a warning. Pry into something too intently, and it's likely to snap shut on you when you least expect it.

Like a mouse in a trap.

#[Enoch -headcanons-] #This is actually meant to go along with an ask that I'm answering right now #But I ended up feeling like it would be better on its own? #Yeah though essentially being around Eno causes similar feelings for just about everyone #But the...I suppose aura that he gives off usually is actually a very toned down version of the one that he has naturally #which is what some rare few can sort of pick up on #And at that point everything feels Not Great #If he wants to mess with someone #he'll just...stop toning his aura down and watch them start to get paranoid and panicking #because this sort of...'something is watching' feeling just gets worse and worse until it piles into this feeling of imminent doom #most of the time though yeah it's toned down into something that feels much nicer #if not slightly addictive in a way for some people