#justifiable anger is hot on anyone most of the time

[talea456]

Thoughts on: Stoick's act of grace

Okay, look, I'm gonna put OFMD in the tags cause this is one of the most beautiful fucking reunions I've ever seen and I want more of this type of reunion between two people who love each other. Like, sure, angst and it's resolution is all fun and stuff, but IDK...maybe I'm just getting old, but I'm tired of all the damn angst. I wanna see grace. I wanna see forgiveness. I wanna see someone's love for the other person override those angry, bitter emotions and see the healing that healthy, safe love can do.

Maybe the reunion couldn't or shouldn't happen on OFMD cause their separation was very early in their relationship versus these two characters who were married and had a baby when she left, but OH MY GOD, is the grace Stoick shows here not the most fucking beautiful thing you've ever seen?? Like, you can see she's spent 20 years going over and over what she'd say if she ever saw him again. She's armored up (emotionally and physically) for a fight. She's ready to be seen as a monster who abandoned her family rather than as a human who made a mistake, didn't know how to fix it, and then convinced herself it'd be better if she just stayed away because of that.

But Stoick. He's a guy who spent 20 years grieving over his (who he thought was) dead wife. He spent 20 years missing her. Probably thinking of her everyday and seeing her in his son and reliving the same fights and heartbreak over and over again. So what he sees here is that second chance. The answer to that never-ending prayer of anyone who has lost someone they love dearly: "If I could only have one more kiss. One more chance to hold them. One more dance with them." So he takes it. He takes that chance to just love her again. Heartbreak, anger, and distrust be damned. His love just overrides them. And that's just fucking beautiful, is it not?

I know this type of stuff can seem unreal to younger folk. Heck, 20 years ago, I would think this was unrealistic. But the thing is, when you live with loss and trauma and pain for 4+ decades of life and then you start to heal from all that pain, you just get tired of it. All that pain is like a used porta-potty sitting out in the sun on a hot day--you don't want to revisit if you don't have to. Sure, justified anger still bubbles up from time to time when you feel rejected or not respected and petty arguments are just a part of life for two strong-willed people, but overall you just want to love and feel loved. To be safe with your person. To rest and be at peace with them. Cause when you start to heal, you start to see that things can be different and that you do get to decide what emotions to focus and act on. Stoick decided to focus on and act out of love, maybe because he had already done some healing between the first and second movies re: his son and his perspective on dragons.

This grace you see in this gif set? This is what comes from a life filled with loss and grief. With regret and deep, bone-aching sorrow. So, when your person (or people) show up and offer a safe place to rest, you can choose to hold on to it like the life-raft that it is. That safe, healing type of love really is strong enough to override any heartbreak or anger--if you have the grace to allow it.

#how to train your dragon #heartbreak and healing #ofmd meta #blackbonnet

[pebblysand]

i don't claim to have any novel, hot takes on this but i've been going through my 2023 tumblr archive to update my FAQs (linked in pinned post) and the sheer violence of those anons i was receiving last may from trans activists just for being a HP fan is baffling. it's funny how quickly you forget, or how you sit there and wonder if maybe, you overreacted a bit. in hindsight, i don't think i did. those were horrid.

i wrote a couple of pieces at the time (here and here) about how i felt these people (who send hate to strangers on the internet) were harming the cause, which to me, is very much stating the obvious. of course, they are harming the cause. you send people death threats for literally no reason and you sound insane, and thus cheapen the work of all and any activists out there who are supporting the same cause as you. that's how the right wins. by saying: look! these people are violent and insane! and getting away with harmful legislation to "combat" them.

but, i think what's interesting is that this isn't exclusive to trans rights. as we, on the left, have seen the right radicalise (and no, this is not only a US problem) there seems to be this tension that emerges in the question of: how do we react? because the fact of the matter is that whilst the act of sending strangers anonymous death threats on the internet is relatively harmless, the right has fallen into a habit of using increasingly violent methods to get their point across, some of which do work on the masses, the same way all authoritative governments work, by instilling fear.

and, i think, for a lot of people on the left (myself included) there is a real question as to whether we are ready to and/or should, be using similar methods. cancel culture and online death threats and all of these moralising exercises from people who claim a societal moral high ground, is an iteration of that. and, i believe that this is actually not an easy question to solve. because, just like on a playground, there are times when it is actually appropriate to hit back, there may be times where the use of violence and threats is justified. there are people who have been "cancelled" who... deserved it. JKR is probably first in line. and, i don't think that's a particularly shocking take.

i come from a country where most major societal advancements have been won through armed revolution and the spilling of blood, so i'm not someone who actually believes that peaceful protest will always get you where you want to be. sometimes, in the face of violence and oppression, violence has its place. and, i am not a trans person myself, but i can understand the outrage and anger you might feel as one, seeing the violence and the legislation out there, especially in certain american states, or in the uk. so, you see someone on the internet enjoying the work of someone who seems to be threatening your right to exist, and you want to respond in a way that is equally violent. i do see the logic. to be honest, when you look at the harm JKR is being accused of, sending death threats to people who enjoy her work may even seem tame.

at the same time, as i've said above, anyone with more than two brain cells can see that whatever these people are trying to do, aligning with the violence of the right and responding "in kind" is ridiculous. it's going nowhere. it's making other trans activists look crazy by association, because what the fuck are you doing sending death threats to people for writing fanfiction about a book? chill. get off your high horse and understand that we are all navigating the world in shades of grey. it goes beyond lunatic behaviour and is, again, reinforcing the right's legitimacy in imposing laws and sanctions that are preventing people from having basic human rights. just like when the right sends twitter death threats to and doxxes left-wing activists, we, on the left, look at them (rightfully) thinking they are insane and evil.

at the time this happened, i had a conversation with a friend of mine who basically said (i am paraphrasing) "don't use the words 'trans activist' to talk about these people. they are not trans activists, they are harming the cause, and it's hurting me to be grouped with them." so at the time, i didn't. but... i'm not going to lie, this comment really angered me and stuck with me, though. i didn't say anything at the time, because i was not in the mood to get into another argument (especially with a friend - and i kind of know you'll be reading this, and if you are, i'm sorry i didn't say these things to you at the time), but i felt like "hey, you're not on the receiving end of death threats from these people, you don't really get to tell me what to do."

and, now that time has passed, i think i know why i felt like that. because these people, sending death threats on the internet in support of this cause, are trans activists. not only do they identify as such, and act in favour and support of this cause, but also, i'm pretty sure i would agree with most of what they believe in. and, i think, for a lot of us on the left, it's very easy to distance ourselves from this violent fringe that has risen in the past few years, instead of looking at it for what it is, which is an active part of our political spectrum. i think distancing ourself from it helps us avoid the real question of: are we okay with using the right's methods to achieve our aims of protecting human rights?

obviously, in this debate, you also have to weigh in the fact that internet activism is a mostly fake. i'm pretty sure that beyond sending HP fans death threats on the internet, these people have, IRL, actually achieved nothing of substance in the fight for trans rights. which makes their existence and belonging to the movement even more frustrating because not only is their particular brand of activism harming other forms of left-wing activism, but it's not even a net positive. but they are part of this movement and i think recognising them as such is actually pretty important.

i say i don't have any novel takes on this debate because this is a recurring question for the left and it’s been so for decades, and i don't have a solution. i don't really know what my opinion is on these people and their methods, and i, too, am navigating shades of grey. there is a part of me that will always believe that the left should not, actually, respond in kind. ever. that we're better than that. but, should we be?

i think there are things that we believe in, and principles that we uphold, that do not and cannot support idiotic behaviour, such as sending strangers death threats on the internet, regardless of the fact that we are doing this to match the other side's energy. but, other types of more violent action? i don't know. i don't know where the line should be drawn. there is a difference between the potential, debatable legitimacy of armed revolution and, again, a fake form of internet activism which helps literally no one. but, i think we do need to recognise that these two ideas stem from the same root of matching the right blow for blow and using its methods to advance a cause. it is a form of activism, it's just not one that we like to think about.

#musings on nothing at all

[thestobingirlie]

I saw a post saying that Steve was a huge bully, and that it's mentioned in every season that he bullied others so much and other characters talk about how bad he affected them.

And I was just thinking where?

The worst we get is season 1. With breaking Jonathan's camera, and then the fight in the alley. Breaking the camera was 100% justified. There were photos of a minor changing. And even without the photos of Nancy, it was a massive invasion of Steve's privacy. And the fight Steve was somewhat provoked into saying those things. Yes, a lot of what he said was uncalled for, but he was provoked by the photos, then seeing Nancy and Jonathan together in Nancy's room despite the photos, and then Nancy and Jonathan showing up together in the alley just sealed the deal that there was something going on. He's a bit of an asshole, but not a bully. And sure, he gets referred to as "that douchebag, Steve Harrington" by Lucas in episode 1, but the kids don't know him at this point. They've most likely never met him, and anything that they know about him is hearsay.

Season 2, I don't think there's any mention of him being a bully or even much of a mention of him being an asshole. It's obvious that Jonathan doesn't really like Steve, but that's more jealousy. And sure, the kids don't seem fond of him to start with, and he's the last resort, but they don't really know him, so they don't yet have a reason to trust him. They would have only met him in passing, Mike might have met him for a bit longer at times, but not enough to actually know Steve.

Season 3. Robin says that Steve was an asshole and a douchebag, but she admits to having a biased view. She said that she felt that way because he wasn't paying attention to Tammy Thompson and she was jealous because of it. And him not remembering her from the class they shared. Not remembering someone doesn't mean that he's an asshole. We don't know how many students were at Hawkins High, but the few scenes we see of more of the student body, there looked like quite a lot. I went to a small school (100-120 kids each year) and I barely recognised and remembered some of the kids I had classes with. And I really didn't recognise anyone that wasn't the same age as me. It doesn't make Steve a bully, it just makes him a little self-centred in the way teenagers are.

Season 4, the only scene we get is his talk with Eddie. And Eddie admitted he was wrong to consider Steve a douchebag, and it was just based off of assumptions of him, because he didn't actually know him.

(This person also said that Billy wasn't a bully on the same post. Even if you discount all his interactions with the other main characters, his first scene in season 3 he is literally bullying a child. He is shouting at this kid and repeatedly calling him lard-ass in front of a crowded public pool.)

i feel like i saw that post, and i just scrolled past lol. it’s so weird when people take characters that are obviously biased at their word when there is evidence to the contrary.

no one has ever said that steve bullied them, they’ve called him names, but never about personal experiences with steve, just because of their assumptions.

yeah. i will always defend the breaking of the camera in s1, and anyone that defends him with ‘jonathan’s poor’ like… maybe he shouldn’t have taken pictures of people looking through the fucking trees into a house. and yeah, the fight is fucked up, steve says stuff he shouldn’t, slutshames nancy, and it’s all disgusting. but it’s not bullying.

s2, there’s nothing to imply steve’s treated anyone badly, and in s3, like you said, robin doesn’t actually mention any bad behaviour from steve, she just takes out her anger on him because he could have tammy thompson, he has all her attention and he doesn’t even look her way.

then yeah, s4, eddie admits he was wrong about steve, that he made presumptions because steve was rich and hot.

(omfg i hate that scene with billy calling that kid a lard ass, because those middle age mothers literally see billy calling a child names and are still looking lustfully at him!!)

but yeah, steve isn’t a bully, to say he is one is just… wrong lmao. the freaks and geeks all take out their anger at not being popular on steve, unfairly, and to just believe them when all evidence does against what they say, is kinda funny

#steve harrington #jonathan byers #nancy wheeler #robin buckley #eddie munson #stranger things #asks #anon

[marley-manson]

The first time I watched The Grim Reaper, what struck me about it most was BJ's blase attitude about Hawkeye's impending court martial - sipping a martini and telling him that Bloodworth has an open and shut case, and getting more upset about his gifted jacket than Hawkeye potentially going to jail. It was intriguing enough that it was the final push I needed to start shipping them lol, so this is my personal Beejhawk episode.

Upon rewatch it was a little less notable lol, probably because I'd built it up in my head a little bit. BJ still has his moment of dismissiveness that upsets Hawkeye, but it felt more like a continuation of his earlier chiding of Hawkeye's anger after the first scene with Bloodworth ("you came off a little strong in there" "would've been worse if I'd had my knitting needles on me.") More like they were aiming to contrast BJ's cool-headedness with Hawkeye's hot-headedness, rather than actually intending for BJ to seem shockingly unconcerned.

That said, whatever the intent, BJ still does come across as shockingly unconcerned for someone whose friend is being threatened with jail time, and I'm still intrigued by it. Like, it's a huge contrast to earlier seasons where Trapper would be perjuring himself or helping pull off a scheme that gets Bloodworth demoted or court martialed or something. Obviously it's a tonal contrast because the show is no longer a heightened satire where the characters can get away with stuff like that, but yk, from a pure character headcanony standpoint it still interests me as a shift, especially for Hawkeye.

His only ally in this episode is Potter, who patronizes him, tells him he deserves it, and then erroneously takes credit for Bloodworth dropping the charges lol. I could see Hawkeye starting to really feel more alone at this point, maybe getting clingier in some ways to make up for the emotional distance between him and his friends, and maybe responding to their detachment with his own. It's this kinda thing that I point to to justify why Hawkeye doesn't tell anyone except Charles about his dad in Sons and Bowlers, eg, or why he goes to Mulcahy instead of opening up to BJ in Letters.

Like obviously this is headcanons running wild here, but there is a reason this episode is the first one that made me really want to see Hawkeye and BJ fuck miserably lol. I don't thiiink it's the first episode that highlights the disparity between BJ and Hawkeye's attitudes and BJ's aloof, detached approach to a lot of Hawkeye's problems, but it's definitely the first one that does it with fairly high stakes. And I love it as a messed up dynamic.

#more on this episode later or tomorrow bc i have more to say but i wanted to talk about this stuff in one post #marley on mash #mash s6 #ship hb #tl;dr hawkeye and bj should fuck but only if it's weird and sad and this ep is exhibit a

[traditional-with-a-twist]

lvi. Beauty and Her Beast

<<Previous || first arc || second arc || third arc || AO3 || Next>>

Shirayuki was alone and in distress, fatigued from her journey, upset by the shock of violence, friendless and ill.

What she wanted most was a knight — a champion of the defenseless, selfless in service, tireless in courtesy and charity.

Once, Mitsuhide might have been that to her.

...

He might have stepped into the breach and taken up the mantle, with the confidence born of purpose.

He would have aided her steadfastly, remaining by her side until he was assured of her security and recovery.

Now he knew better.

...

Mitsuhide was no knight.

...

He brought her to a hunting lodge not unlike the one where they had first met, in another time, another life.

It was the nearest shelter, now that night had fallen. Shirayuki’s assailants had lured her outside the city walls, and these would be sealed until daybreak.

The lodge was overloaded with memory, hauntings of the time before the war, but it was also well-provisioned and warm. 

It would do.

...

Another man might have shied from the pain of remembering, ignited by the familiar scenes of his former life, but Mitsuhide bowed to it.

He let the reminder of all that he had lost wash over him, allowed the ache to sink into his bones.

He deserved the pain.

...

Like a spur in his side, like a burr or a stone in his boot, the memories served as reminders to him. They bit into the skin of his heart, rubbed the callouses raw again. Some were scored as if with hot metal into the fabric of his mind.

Remembering kept it always before him – why he was here, why he was no longer a knight.

It could do nothing to atone for his failures, but it was better than walking free, as if none of it had ever happened.

...

Mitsuhide carried Shirayuki inside, glad to see that she had drifted into a doze.

He was no nurse, but his former duties — as he thought of them – had extended to mending a scrape or two.

The weight of those years gone pressed on him, paradoxically made heavier in their hollowness.

...

This was the burden that made him grim and unsmiling, taciturn in his hidden struggle as he tucked Shirayuki into a bed upstairs, checked the window for drafts, then retreated back down to warm a brick in the grate.

He kindled the coals. He hauled water from the cistern in the back. 

All the while, he was steeling himself to a task he found far more insurmountable than facing old memories.

...

Shirayuki might be feverish; she needed care.

It ought to be someone trustworthy, someone skilled – and someone who could get here fast.

Mitsuhide knew who it must be, for there was none better. Under such circumstances, he would hardly have trusted his friend to anyone else.

Shirayuki wanted a knight, and that knight was Kiki.

...

The trouble was, his former partner deserved to be left in peace, not harassed with messages and favors asked by one who didn’t merit her notice.

Disgraced in his own eyes as a warrior, still worse as a friend, he had never intended to  presume to renew contact – least of all after the response his parting gift had occasioned.

Mitsuhide had angered Kiki. There was no point in seeking her pardon, because her anger was justified.

...

He had no right to address himself to her, had forfeited all claims to her attention and assistance — but neither could he abandon Shirayuki to continue her journey alone in wintertime, bent on her dangerous search.

Not to act, in this case, would be worse than to give further offense.

...

He would be brief, Mitsuhide decided.

He would make his appeal not as an acquaintance, not with reference to a history now past, but in the name of charity.

He would write to Kiki.

...

First, Mitsuhide delayed.

He opened the cellar and extracted whatever might be of use from the supply cache stored there. From a sack of root vegetables, he prepared the sort of hardy stew that would warm and revitalize a body.

As food, it was fit more for camping or campaigning than for sickbeds, but he hoped it would do Shirayuki no harm at least.

Leaving it in the pot to simmer, he went out to ameliorate his hasty attentions to his horse, arranging its feed and brushing it down with meticulous care.

...

Satisfied that the animal would rest easy after its unaccustomed exercise, he returned inside to check on his charge.

On his way to the upper floor, he passed the satchel of messages stamped with the Clarines seal. It waited yet on the table inside the door, accusing him with its silence.

There was no one to carry word that urgent business had detained him because he was, after all, the courier of this route.

...

Another time, the delinquency might have troubled Mitsuhide. 

Even knowing his absence to be rightful, he would have fretted over the disappointed expectations of the dozens of faceless names. Each was expecting a letter, perhaps eagerly sought, perhaps of critical importance.

Now he accepted the fault as his natural state. It came as no surprise that he would find himself inadequate in neglecting even this simplest of duties.

...

Grimmer than ever, he eased open the door to Shirayuki’s room.

Shirayuki stirred at his entrance but did not wake, so he advanced in silence to slide the hot brick into a bundle of linens at the foot of the bed. 

He was tiptoeing out of the room when a sound stopped him.

“Mitsuhide,” she sighed, her eyes unfocused.

...

He set a bowl of the steaming stew beside her bed.

“Where are we,” Shirayuki mumbled, her face turning towards the smell.

“Somewhere safe,” Mitsuhide answered, his shoulders tensing. 

...

Before she could inquire further, he hurried to ask, “Are you—shall I—?” He gestured uncertainly to the bowl, but she was already sitting up and pulling it towards her.

“Gotta keep my strength up,” she informed him, gripping the spoon with a look of intent concentration. “Long way to go.”

Mitsuhide didn’t argue with her. He hovered, with just a trace of his old anxiety, as she adamantly ate her way down to the dregs.

...

Shirayuki sank back with a sigh, looking spent but less pale — a touch of color had entered her cheeks.

The wan face on the pillow, crowned like the sun with its halo of red, seemed easier now, the lines of pain and tension eased.

Mitsuhide backed out of the room without another word. He chided, berated himself for neglecting her out of no better motive than the wish to avoid embarrassment. The time for delays had passed.

...

It was a formal, yet urgent letter. It outlined the facts of the case, without any expectations of resuming contact for his own sake on his own auspices.

Shirayuki may be ill, he explained. I fear for her safety should she continue alone, unguarded.

He noted the address. He signed it simply, not giving himself time to dwell on the closing or what reception it might meet with.

Then he sealed it and secured it in his courier bag.

...

Mitsuhide stacked the fire high with logs, so that the stove would not burn out in his absence. He left the stew on a low simmer, for Shirayuki to refresh herself when she woke.

Then he bundled himself into his cloak and set off into the night.

There was a letter to deliver, and that was his work now – the only work he was fit for.

#Akagami no Shirayukihime #obiyuki #mitsukiki #Beauty and Her Beast #PurePassion #some TLC #and letter-writing

[softcorecurcits]

Maybe it’s a bipolar thing or maybe it’s a aromantic thing or a trauma thing but the thought of being perceived romantically makes me physically ill and upset to the point of anger every time without fail. Flirting is fine if I know you just be clear that it’s platonic and will only ever be viewed as platonic in my eyes and I might not always be in the mood to flirt back. I’m also fine talking about nsfw topics because I just find them interesting but I have no sexual desires for other people whatsoever. (Objects and fictional characters are another story)

I wish there was like npc mechanics where I’m undatable and there are no mods that can “fix” this. Also wish people wouldn’t get crushes on me but I can’t really change the way people feel I can just like cope ig. Not vauging just something that’s been on my mind again, also remembering an unpleasant encounter with a fan of my work thinking that liking my art (but hardly knowing me) was justifiable enough info to develop and confess an undying crush on me. Idk it just reads as you don’t actually care about me as a person and something is appealing about me either with what I can do for you (art wise or god forbid, sexualy) and what you imagine I’m like (not real, not actual me) or even worse, you’re a chaser and just think it’s hot that I’m trans??? my online persona is a lot different than the real me FYI. This is a small lense into my life and I don’t think anyone can actually form a decent idea of romantic compatibility from online interactions alone (LONG DISTANCE AND E-DATING ARE VERY DIFFERENT) I don’t believe in e-dating and if you can’t meet up before dating eachother I don’t think you should date online, you don’t actually know the person and can’t get a good look at how they actually are irl and you don’t wanna be a year or two into dating someone and find out you’re absolutely incompatible with them irl or worse they are horribly abusive irl. I feel like I’m gonna get a lot of hate for this but that used to be my only form of dating and it quite literally ruined a good chunk of my teenhood and my early adulthood and I just don’t see the appeal of it anymore and every time I see it in the wild it’s 9/10 the most toxic two individuals who should not be in a relationship with each other at all (or worse, a very passive individual with the most toxic grading and blatantly abusive person I’ve ever witnessed) and I just gotta gawk at it like how… how do you think this is love or enjoyable at all?

Also don’t look at me, this is romantic advice for someone completely repulsed by the idea of dating so take it with a gigantic grain of salt. I don’t judge anyone who is e-dating I genuinely don’t care. If you can make this work in a healthy way I’m happy for you! But I don’t think a majority of people are mature or mentally stable enough to actually make it work without devolving into codependency with a fucking screen.

If your partner on your screen can make you cry you should break up with them they don’t get better irl in fact it will most likely be worse.

#rant

[isayoldbean]

today is part 2 of the @woltourney beefaganda loredrop! in truth i meant to post the full thing yesterday but i was exhausted and my whole body threatened to beat me with sticks if i didn't go to sleep when i did, so. i will finish today!

when we left off yesterday, beef had decided to run away from her grief by committing atrocities and working her way up the most wanted list instead of going to therapy like a normal person.

unfortunately for everyone--including herself--she was incredibly good at it, experiencing a meteoric rise to infamy over the next few years. and while she did retain her own sort of moral code, the amount of blood on her hands could not be justified or rationalized away. she had to be stopped.

and so an ambush was laid. many had been attempted before, but this one was different--during the fighting, she received what should have been a mortal blow and was swept overboard into the sea. a brief search for her body yielded no results, but based on the damage she had taken and the amount of time she had been submerged, she was presumed dead and the mission deemed a success.

what they did not factor into the equation was hydaelyn. who would? the thought that the will of the star would intercede on the behalf of somebody like her would never have entered anyone's mind. and yet...

this was her chosen champion. although she could barely recognize her from her villainous behavior, there was no doubt in her mind that this was the warrior she had been waiting for. and so she reached out, expending as much aether as she dared to ensure her champion could continue on to fulfill her destiny.

and so the unconscious form of the roegadyn we now know as huge beef washed up on a distant shore, altered from the deluge of aether she had been subjected to in ways both perceivable and unknown, where she was found by a young raen woman who brought her home and nursed her back to health.

when she came to consciousness, her mind was a blank slate. the amount of aether her mind had been bathed in to keep her alive had the unfortunate side effect of aetherblasting her brain into something of a factory default. and yet even though she could not remember, she felt--a violent snarl of anger in her chest, urging her to lash out at somebody, anybody; a heavy cloud of grief she couldn't place that nonetheless haunted her like a shroud; a potent cocktail of abject misery that she had no reason to be feeling, and yet it refused to leave.

she was grateful nonetheless to the woman who had helped her, and offered to stay and help in any way she could. however, this was occupied garlean territory--somebody with her penchant for violence offering to 'help' could bring more danger than anything. and so the woman arranged to sneak her onto a ship headed for eorzea, where she could start anew.

when she arrived, she learned that eorzea was starving for adventurers. she could be as violent as she liked, and as long as she directed those impulses towards monsters, garleans, or other acceptable targets, she would earn praise, money, and glory instead of infamy and scorn. with an offer like that, how could she refuse? and so she set forth to make a name for herself.

eventually she was discovered by y'shtola, who despite her reservations about her character (as she was such a hot mess at this point), offered her the opportunity to join the scions and use her gift of the echo for a noble purpose. beef didn't see much of a reason to refuse, so she headed to thanalan to investigate.

at first, she saw the scions merely as the means to an end--all she wanted to do was fight stuff to appease the ever present roiling anger within her, but doing it for an allegedly noble cause would get her better benefits in the long run, and the scions had agreed to help her try to find out about her missing past as well. but as she continued to work with them, something strange began to happen: the anger and grief within her started to ebb away, and a strange warmth and peace took its place. she began to heal. from what, she didn't know. perhaps one day, she would remember.

aaaand that's beef's story through arr, roughly! obviously there were many more Horrors awaiting her as msq progressed but that's the basic backstory. if you read all this, consider voting for her in her upcoming @woltourney poll!

#there is a version of this post where i rant about hydaelyn saving beef's life #so that beef had a chance to become the sort of person she would need to be in order to save venat's in endwalker #but i don't know if everyone following the woltourney is caught up to msq and i don't want to spoil anyone with details #but suffice it to say it is there and it makes me want to eat drywall #Final Fantasy #Final Fantasy XIV #ff14 #WoL #Huge Beef

[fandomandfuntimes]

Self Shipping Obey Me Fan with an active imagination 18+SFW/NSFW Account

I don’t comment a lot so here’s a bit about me/my MC and what to expect. 

Allison Outside of Devildom (IRL)

Call me Allison (They/Them), I'm a 28 years old pansexual self shipper and I'm a huge simp for Obey Me. Most, if not all, of my content revolves around it in some way. My major contributions to the fanning community are Audioscapes and fan fiction. I tend to be socially awkward and recently found out that I may be autistic so I apologize In advance if I come off wrong. My main goal is to share my passion and connect with others who are doing the same in a positive safe space.

Important Notes & Boundaries

I'm super into kink and kinky things. I think there's a lot to be learned and discovered through it. With that being said I'm super against kink shaming and will not put up with it. I don't care what your kink is, does it make you happy? Cool. Is it hurting anyone? No? awesome! That's my only two rules. As I like to say; Don't kink same, no shame.

I don't care what your ship is. I'm a believer that there are many reasons and desires to ship. Those reasons can be complicated and can really only be known based on the person's personal view of their ship. For those reasons, I don't care what your favorite ship is and I'm not here to decide the morality of it or judge it.

I do, however, care if you use your ship to justify unjust acts. For example liking Joker and Harley Quinn but trying to say the abuse is healthy (I like these characters btw). I prefer to interact with people who hold the "this shit is totally unhealthy and I'm living for it." View, it's in reality. Hell, even real relationships we want to be in aren't always healthy, it's the reality of relationships. No need to sugar coat it.

About Allison (Obey Me MC-insert)

Allison is a cheerfully hotheaded human exchange student with a heavy background in occult sciences. She was anointed as a witch at the age of 18 and is well versed in Elemental & Charming magic. They try to only use their magic to assist, and they feel guilty about abusing their pacts.

What is the Relationship Dynamic Like?

Allison is in a poly relationship with the 7 Demon brothers, Diavolo and Barbatos. The relationship is open with the boundaries of letting each other know and talking. Allison is Solomon's apprentice, friend and sometimes fuck buddy.

Below are the individual dynamics Allison has with each of the dateables.

Lucifer

Allison's workaholic and perfectionist ways rubs Lucifer in all the right ways though he does sometimes wish they would take a break (how ironic). At times these two are a bit too much alike which causes a lot of friction. Sometimes Allison's stubbornness makes Lucifer wonder which one of them is the avatar of Pride.

Mammon

A bad influence. Mammon brings out the wild side of Allison. They get into the most trouble and have the most trouble. Lucifer has never quite trusted these two together since Allison hid cards under their skirt during the last casino visit.

Leviathan

Two peas in a pod. These two are constantly having video game and cosplay nights. They cook anime themed meals together in the kitchen and Allison plans launch parties for most of Levi's anticipated releases, complete with video game themed menus. It's not uncommon for Levi and Allison to sneak off at events to de-stim. They once were caught playing 1-2 Switch in the bathroom, Diavolo joined.

Satan

Cat lovers, book readers, and hopeless romantics. Allison and Satan are like Romeo and Juliet, if they were both hot headed and kinky. These two can cool each other off or rile each other up. They are perfect at defusing each other's anger, when they aren't both in rage.

Asmodeus

Hyper sexual & outspoken. Allison is a bad influence on Asmodeus. Get these two in a room together and they are playing slap ass in 5 seconds. They play off each other's sex jokes & finish each other's sentences. They hate to argue & love having Asmo-night sleepovers with Solomon. Self care is at the top of both their lists.

Beelzebub

Beel & Allison both see each other's hardships. They take time to comfort each other, and sometimes at night Beel checks Mc's room to make sure they're safe. Beelzebubs laid back attitude and Allison's hot temper pairs well together. When she gets too hot to handle he carries them out over his shoulder. Piece of cake.

Belphegor

How can two individuals be at each other's throat and cuddling? Well, that's Allison & Belphie. These two love to tease each other. They slap each other a little too hard in playful fights and kick each other under the table. Yet they cuddle together, go to one another for nightmares and explore the world of dreams together. They talk about their pasts and bond on feelings of loss.

Diavolo

Coming Soon...

Barbatos 

Coming Soon...

Solomon

Allison never expected things between them and Solomon to be anything more than platonic. It was a quiet night and Allison was helping Solomon with his latest magical experiment. Not unusual considering their his apprentice. What was unusual, however, was Allison’s extensive knowledge on occult sciences. It was one of the few times he felt normal again; he was laughing, with a human at that, about the world of magic, How charming. And that’s when it happened, Allison went to grab the final ingredient to pour into the mix and Solomon, placing his hand against Allison’s face, guided them into a kiss they didn’t resist.

#obeymemc #obey me self insert #fandom #this game is such a comfort #obeyme #obey me #smut #18+ #Allison MC #The Devildom Poly Bunch

[bravevolunteer]

🔥 any hot takes on your own muses lore/fanon?

send me a “ 🔥 “ for an unpopular opinion.

oh for sure LMAO, uh?? for a Simple one before i get into what will probably turn into a mini essay, i don't like the michael possessing glamrock freddy theory. it just feels lazy to me tbh! their personalities are just so strikingly different to me and... i know fnaf has already fucked with the ending of ffps but i've never really liked that so... i much prefer having michael in some kind of body of his own in sb verses ( it's funnier to give him and freddy one sided beef anyway LMAO ).

something more substantial is that, i feel like in terms of fanon, portrayals of michael either lean VERY HEAVILY one way or another— either he is overly passive, paralyzed by guilt, very sensitive, and always faultless... or he's a selfish, always aggressive asshole who doesn't care about anyone other than himself. BOTH of these ways of talking about him are so one dimensional and fundamentally flawed to me. michael, though i can dive HEAVILY into the explanation behind why he tormented evan and acted the way he did, while he was neglected and traumatized and COULD HAVE been given better avenues for handling this, was still in the WRONG for all of that and isn't owed forgiveness from his brother or anyone else he hurt. there is also just no accurate way in which he did a complete 180 after the incident. stopped outright harassing others and acting like a bully? sure, yes, but the idea that he could just let go of all his anger issues that easily is NOT something i agree with. trauma and guilt don't fix anger, they ENHANCE it. while he begins to make more conscious choices, he still fucks up again and again, he still holds so much anger in him and experiences repeated outbursts when he can't anymore, he says and does things that hurt people both because he doesn't know how to communicate with them properly and as a survival tactic to make up for feeling unsafe in his own home. again, not the right thing to do a lot of the time, but there are reasons why he presents himself this way.

simultaneously, he is plagued by guilt. he experiences depression and pulls away because he thinks he doesn't DESERVE to have people around him when he'll just end up hurting them. he will apologize for things he's said or done but that doesn't automatically fix anything. constantly i try to emphasize the fact that, for a very long time, michael is STUCK in this push and pull between justified ( but often unintentionally hurtful ) anger and the haunting thought that he deserves to be resented. yes, there is a passiveness in that idea, but it is in such constant conflict with his more REACTIVE personality, the part of him that is bitter and thinks it's all unfair.

AND michael cares about the people he values. he wants to love and protect them, though he doesn't always do so in the best or most communicative way. he becomes so overwhelmingly dedicated to helping the lost souls, atoning, giving everything to right his father's wrongs, and he is still flawed. michael's experiences HAVE made him rude, vindictive, irritable, etc.... and he is still a fundamentally kind person. he still actively makes the CHOICE of kindness ( with emphasis on the difference between nice and kind ) as much as he can in spite of the kneejerk reaction that trauma has sewn so deep into him and sometimes giving in to it. these are important facets that all coexist.

fanon is always a case of simplifying characters really, but it's very important to me that michael is given this nuance, that he is portrayed as human rather than one dimensionally on one end while ignoring the othr.

#[vibrating at intense speeds] i am so entirely normal about michael #⁂ ･ﾟ: i was looking for a job‚ and then i found a job‚ and heaven knows i’m miserable now ➛ ooc #muutos #⁂ ･ﾟ: i feel more free than i have in years‚ six feet in the ground ➛ answered

[kendrixtermina]

5 vs 6 guide

It was brought to my attention that this is another 'this should be its own, linkable post cause I keep typing it up' situation - also made some edits in response to previous improvement suggestions.

Marked Vigilance vs. narrow focus of concentration - are you always looking out for possible dangers and things that could go wrong, or do you tend to be rather oblivious to your environment except for what you're currently focussing on? If you're an iNtuitive you're not necessarily good at spotting dangers but you'd still try. Also, the type of dangers would be filtered through your instinct - a social dom might be on the outlook for social dangers like offending people or being influenced by questionable groups. 5s by contrast would tend to be completely absorbed in whatever they're currently pondering & in a conversation would pay attention mostly to the content being discussed.

Practical vs Personal motivation - generally, a 6 is more likely to be interested in things because they're Relevant and Important (dangerous, threat to safety or stability, important to society, practically useful...), whereas 5 is driven by personal interest & preference & don't care so much if it interests anybody else or if anyone praises them for it (on a subconscious level, it might be something that they find scary or that gives them a sense of power) - as a result, 6 has a 'detective-ish' quality of wanting to find out the truths about where they live, whereas 5 can seem to just 'collect' information for information's sake. Its important to note that both types (and 7!) would have naturally inquisitive & curious disposition, however. Asking lots of questions, being analytic, lots of interest in understanding things, always looking for patterns etc. could be any of those three types.

Reactive vs. Competency Triad - Do you have, like, more of a hot anger that flares quickly but passes just as easily, or is it slower to build up but also slower to fade, & more of a icy, critical sort of anger? Is it important to you to to use the appropriate method to resolve situations (as opposed to overreacting), or would you prefer to just shoot from the hip & say what you don't like without a filter when you feel justified in doing so?

Withdrawn vs. Dutiful Triad - Are you quick to jump up when someone's like "fetch the milk"? (or some other trivial errand - not an important thing you would need to "think through") Or would you sit there thinking about it first, being slow to respond? Do you spend most of your free time in contemplation or unstructured pursuit of your interests, or do you often go take care of what "needs to be done" in a given situation? In a horror movie would you be that person who splits up & gets eaten by zombies, or would you stick with the group for survival though you might dislike it?

Attachment vs. Rejection - Do you like to 'talk through' or 'doublecheck' your decisions with others to bounce off of their reactions, even if you already more or less have a fully formed opinion of your own? Or do you rather avoid consulting others unless it's needed? Is your typical inner struggle to do with being torn between wanting to do your own thing vs maintaining connection with others (even if you tip heavily to one side over the other) or is it more something about how no one will want anything to do with you unless you have something useful to bring to the table & feeling like you have to shut up, or struggle with what to say, if you have nothing to add or no 'topic' to bring up?

#enneagram

[pointlookout]

6, 7, 12, 26, 39, 70 aaaand 71 for Miss Lori plssssss 🥰

6. What is their purpose in the story?

in my version of the game there are so many more informants that donovan reaches out for them to aid lincoln and lori is one of them!! donovan doesn't approach her straight away and instead scopes her out just to weigh up weather or not she's trustworthy. he absolutely bugs her apartment just to back up any doubts hey may have (he's definitely overheard some very interesting conversations) and even visits the club she works at a few times just to justify his reasonings. once he's certain she'd be an asset that's when he finally reaches out to her and she's more than happy to help. given her job and the amount of high profile people she serves and stuff it's very easy for her to pick up on any little pieces of information which may come in handy. lori has her own agenda in taking down the marcano's so i think sometimes her personal reasons get in the way and she acts without thinking which sometimes results in her getting into some unpleasant situations (like giorgi finding out she's involved with helping lincoln lol)

7. Do they know how to fight?

absolutely!! when she first got to new bordeaux she was on her own and had to fend for herself which most of them time involved violence to protect herself. she's soooo hot headed and fiery and her big mouth has gotten her into situations where she's had to throw hands

12. How do they cope with struggles?

she basically suffers in silence :( growing up she never had anyone to talk to when things were hard so she just bottled things up and she's got so used to doing it she'd rather be caught dead than tell people she's struggling. she's quite prideful and doesn't want to be seen as weak so if she's ever having problems she won't tell anyone but will express it in other ways mostly through anger

26. Do they have any survival skills?

yeah!! like i said when she first came to new bordeaux she was on her own and shes done a lot of questionable things in order to get where she is today. like shes so money orientated because everything she did to survive revolved around getting it no matter what. she's done things she's not proud of and a lot of it she wants to forget. it's also why she's so bad with money because of how much she struggled growing up

39. Do they make questionable choices?

she dated giorgi so yes. she's so impulsive and doesn't really think of the consequences and it's gotten her into trouble in the past lol. a true aries queen <3

70. Do they like themselves?

yes and no. she goes through phases of loving herself and thinking she has to be the most desirable person in the room at all times. her job doesn't help and because she has to upkeep this image of being beautiful but also untouchable it's definitely given her a big ego boost and made her borderline narcissistic i think. basically she just wants to be noticed and she'll do whatever it means to be the centre of attention. however on the flip side her self-image is so distorted because whilst she wants the attention she also needs instant gratification otherwise she will burst into flames. she needs constant approval that whatever she does is good and when it's not it frustrates her because she feels she's not good enough and hates feeling like a loser. also because her job focuses a lot on physical beauty she does have issues with her appearance. a lot to unpack there

71. Who do they dislike?

giorgi🐀 but for real after the betrayal his family are like top of her list (i mean his dad and his aunt were already on there but after the fire she just had to complete the set) as well as just the mob in general lol. she dislikes a lot of people (which the feeling is mutual) but they stand out the most

#thank you gigi <3 #these were fun #ask #lori

[hogwartslegacyrp]

QotD 4: How quick is your character to anger?

Feel free to answer these with your own OCs even if you're not on our server :)

Opal:

Not at all, Opal is usually always looking for the positives even in the worst cases. Given the fact she deals with customers all day at Honeydukes, she's used to the customer service life, and takes a lot to actually get angry. Even when she is angry, she is usually a master of hiding it, though she does have a breaking point it's very hard to push her that far.

Sebastian: It doesn't take him much to get angry, though this can mostly come through in showing him being annoyed or jealous pretty quickly. My boy is trying to work on it, but it definitely doesn't take much to set him off. Althea: I didn't initially write her with a short temper in mind, but having written her out a lot now and coming more into her own I think she is a bit... quick to anger. It's most often justified, but she'll definitely exhibit the cliché signs of anger by stiffening up, pacing, cursing, getting red in the face. Samuel: Not an angry guy, but not a pushover. Okay, maybe a bit of a pushover when it comes to himself, but he'd be very quick to anger if he feels like someone he cares about is the one threatened. I can imagine him taking a punch for someone with no question about it.

Ominis: He's kind of lowkey angry 24/7 at the general state his life is in tbh but he rarely lets it show. He's mostly decided it was useless to express it since obviously it doesn't do shit, right? Trying to focus on more positive things and helping himself not be stuck in a constant negativity loop. Anemone: A true hippie, doesn't need to smoke to be chill man. She does get angry once in a while about certain things, like if you bring up poachers she can rant about them for a while, but most of the time she's rather easy to calm down. Also- she cries when really angry. She cries whenever she feels anything strongly to be fair but... Yeah she might cry and yell at you when pissed off for good. Weasley: If she was quick to anger she'd change job. She can get a bit riled up, and can scold students, but most of the time it's out of concern for them. She rarely gets truly angry. She does get very annoyed at her boss though, but it doesn't usually show. Maybe a snide comment here and there when he's away.

Aodh: “What is Anger? does it involve crying?” In all seriousness, Aodh is sooner to cry and avoid a situation if it brings him emotional distress. If he was unable to leave an upsetting circumstance, and it continued to elevate, he might respond in anger, but it would be slow to build and quick to apologize.

Bjorn: In his youth, he certainly had a bit of a temper. (Holding an unjust grudge on his father after his mother had passed.) However, in his later years, he appears more grumpy and disgruntled, before becoming actually angry by anything. More than naught, he uses his grumpy demeanor with the students to maintain a sense of authority, but with his peers he’s much more complacent and easy going. If he does get angry, he would be hot and loud, and likely hold a grudge.

𝐑𝐚𝐟𝐚𝐞𝐥: He gets annoyed more quick. Anyone could see in his eyes that he’s upset but he always kept a smile so he doesn’t completely lose his cool. He tends to take walks by himself if he gets to the point of anger to cool off and oddly doesn’t really talk to anyone until he’s okay.

#hogwarts legacy #hogwarts legacy rp #hogwarts legacy roleplay #hogwarts legacy oc #hphl rp #ominis gaunt #sebastian sallow #hl rp #discord rp #hphl oc

[freeblinklyrics]

ANTHEM PT 3

(by Matty Rendell, who said, “I, Matty Rendell, wrote this by copy and pasting tweets by twitter user and comrade hilary agro.”)

Are the straights ok?

Fuck everything

Have you considered that a generation of people who grew up with the knowledge that all US wars are about oil and imperialism are simply not willing to participate in the slaughter of their fellow humans for corporate profit

Fuck everything

If you're in the military, show solidarity with drug users by constantly eating poppy seeds til they give up on drug testing altogether

Fuck everything

If your biggest hater isn't a local politician or reactionary journalist, you're doing it wrong

Fuck everything

Let's fucking goooooooooooooo

It's techno time baby

I put rainbows on my eyes and question how much of why I'm doing it is because of capitalist patriarchal beauty standards

Fuck everything

Twitter is like high school. When you're trapped here you adapt to survive, it's fun but also hell, and once you're out in the real world none of it should matter

Fuck everything

Every prisoner is a political prisoner

Fuck everything

Using condoms, masks or clean needles sometimes is far better than not using them at all

Fuck everything

Trying to shop at co-ops whenever you can is more helpful than saying "no ethical consumption under capitalism" and giving up bothering

Fuck everything

Doing mutual aid once a month is better than never

Fuck everything

I'd like to see a lot more encouragement and positive reinforcement for people when they do good things, and less shaming and anger when they don't.

Our anger may be justified, but that doesn't mean venting it is the most productive thing to do with it.

Fuck everything

The hot take industrial complex has ruined people's ability to engage with actual good faith arguments stated plainly

Fuck everything

White fragility is wild wtf

Fuck everything

Want to try psychedeIics? Get guidance from a professional drug nerd

It’s techno time baby

Fuck everything

Capitalism dehumanizes and harms everyone. And I do mean everyone.

Fuck everything

Yesterday someone hit our parked car and drove away. At least the kids weren't in the car when it happened but this hit and run is gonna cost us at least $1000 haha woooo

PayPal is here if anyone with stable income is feeling generous paypal.me/hilaryagro

Fuck everything

Hierarchical systems rot people's brains, man. Injecting ranking and competition into every aspect of human life is so poisonous

Buddy, I hope you're sitting down for this one

When you say "sorry, I haven't had my coffee yet"

you're actually saying "I function better when under the influence of drugs than I do sober"

so maybe stop looking down on people who use heroin or meth for the same reason

Fuck everything

[eristic-kaleidoscope]

Till the end right? | Erisu | Trial 3.5 | RE: Voting Results

One could hear a pin drop as Erisu held her breath, as she waited for the end to come. She knew the results, she knew how it was going to go, but there was still a hope. A gleaming hope that this wouldn't go this way. 

And then it did. 

Biting her lip, she looked away. She didn't want anyone to see the hot tears that were streaming down her face. There was a hope she wanted, a hope that she desired. She wanted to leave this place and see the world. She wanted to stop going places and enjoying them from high up windows. She wanted to mingle with people, and she wanted to do that with Eureka. That was selfish, wasn't it? When Cosette died, Erisu cried for a kindred soul that just wanted to be remembered. A potential friend.

Now she cries for one of her closest friends. 

She listens to the reasoning, and there is a pit of anger that grows in her throat but she swallows it. She keeps it down, because she knew how much that meant to Eureka. She knew that the only thing the woman desired was revenge. 

That was what she had told her on their aquarium 'date'. 

"I will not...judge you for actions committed in such a place. I cannot."

Hypocrite. 

Such a hypocrite. 

There is a part of her that is crushed. There is a part of her that is dying. There is a part of her who feels she isn't justified to feel this way. It had only been such a short period of time. She was not entitled to the other, and yet. And yet, she wanted to be. She wanted to spend years getting to know one another. She wanted to call her when things got rough, to call her with good news. She wanted a normal life. She wanted a normal life with her. 

"I hate this. I really do. I do not think you are in the right but that does not change the fact that I love you. I really love you. Or, at least this is the starting of love for we were never given the proper time to let it kindle, right?" She laughs softly but that only causes the tears to fall down her face even more. "You are a smart woman, but you are an idiot... you...You really were blinded by your own plan that you probably did not think that anyone could catch you." 

God she did not want anyone to catch her. 

As Erik says his final line, the anger she was keeping down spilled forward. What the hell. Pushing back damp hair, she tries to calm down. Calm down...calm down. She can't. Was this what people wanted? Was this how they wanted her to behave. A faucet of undealt with emotions unable to stop, flooding forward at every single stressor now. Crumpling into herself, she keeps trying to catch her breath. It fails.

It keeps failing. 

Used Erik to make them break up? Was that why they nearly killed each other...did she cause...? 

She doesn't care right now. Part of her is angry that Erik even brought something up like that. But she does not let her bitterness spill forward, instead she just looks at Eureka; eyes damp, hair disheveled, nose running.

"I would have done anything for you, you know that?"

Who has surprised you the most from their initial impressions?

Eureka.

It had always been Eureka. 

#Erisu #chapter3 #trial3 #submission

[bciwasinlove]

Stan twitter (I'll call it stan twitter but they're on other platforms too, especially Tiktok) is full of sociopaths and I'm not exaggerating. Those people are mentally unwell. We all have mental issues but they're beyond help, are so out of touch with the world, are so angry and insecure and have victim complexes. They hate anyone who is popular. They turned on Harry when he beat Taylor Swift's vinyl record for most albums sold. They hate him because he is a threat to their faves and are desperately trying to cancel him. All of this hate started when he started breaking music records. They did the same with Olivia Rodrigo (they turned on her). Ed Sheeran. Justin Bieber. With Olivia Rodrigo they were struggling to come up with reasons to cancel her so they started painting her as a racist and using photoshop to fake tweets she made. Nicki Minaj stans are one of the worst, along with Kayne fans and pop girl stans like Swifties. Nicki fans have been harassing the woman who spoke up about Nicki's husband sexually assaulting her. They're just awful.

Hi anon as someone who has been on most major SM apps besides IG I can say yeah people are toxic and hypocritical. I wouldn't go as far as saying their mental don't feel like that's something we should call others but yes I do understand why you are at such a high level of anger towards twitter and tiktok users.

There's the regular non fan accs who hate Harry based on misinformation and shit that's just not true and those are the people that for no reason hate Harry and want any excuse to justify their hate even tho he is probably one of the better celebs to like. These are also the people who don't get fandom culture and have made fun of those in fandom culture since the 2000s. Just bc you don't understand how a singer, youtuber ect. can make someone's life better doesn't mean you need to shit on those who get it and the people they like.

There's the hypocritical ones are those who act like that hating Harry for ??? reasons but ARE fan accs and for people like K**ye, Blondie and N*kki who have proven time and time again they are not even remotely close to a good person so why tf are talking about Harry and his fans? Also I noticed they all have the same thing in common with the notion of always being the victim and never the problem. N*kki as you mentioned bullies actual victims.

And there's the Harry fans who clearly just like Harry bc they feel they need to and or have a following in his fandom so they don't want to leave it even tho they dont give af about him fans are just as bad. These are the ones who care more about being "fandom famous" than actually caring for the artist they stan. They just stan whoever is hot in the moment and probably change their stan list often.

I see this often with OT4/5 stans who say they stan Harry but any chance they get they will throw Harry under the bus to help uplift other members usually Liam or Zayn. Also what you said happens a lot people claim to stan Harry but then get mad when he beats records other singers they stan held. If you actually liked Harry you would be happy for him. If you're mad he "beat you're other fav" clearly the other is the only one you actually like.

#toxic SM stans #toxic twitter stans #toxic tiktok stans #harry hate #hate on harry #hypoctical stans #fake stans

[hadtoputitsomewhere]

Sunday, October 16th, 2022, 10:58 PM

I haven’t been a human in so long. In so so long. I hate it. It’s getting so hard to organize my thoughts about this but I’m going to try to reel it in and keep it together. This, more than any other letter, might devolve into ranting and anger, but I swear I’m going to try to keep it in check.

I’ve lost myself completely. I don’t remember who I am, if I ever was someone at all. The person I think I am, the one I like, feels like just another face. I’m not anything. I’m so angry all the time, but not like the white hot violent rage that propels me into jihad and justice that I advertise. I’m just broken and don’t want anyone to touch me or to ever ask anyone for anything, not for any petty reason of perception or weakness, but because it feels so plastic. What can anyone do for me. I don’t really think I’m lovable anymore. Whatever part of me people think they love is the face I put on.

I want so badly to cry and beg for help but I just don’t have it in me anymore. I’m complacent suffering. It isn’t all the time, anyway. Sometimes I distract myself from the fact that I’m wearing someone else’s skin. I wish I had never read No Longer Human. I’m constantly confronting the reality that some people die sad and unaccomplished. The only thing I have is the love I keep giving out but nobody will take it from me. Life is about the little things but the little things I do are pathetic. I’m such a loser. I am not going to find love. I’m not going to have a family. I’m not going to provide anything to anyone that they can’t find somewhere else. In a few years when I’m living on my own I’ll be wholly unimportant to anyone. What will I have then, what will I do. I am so unbelievably mediocre.

It sounds so selfish, which is a large reason why I don’t think I’ll ever share these thoughts with anyone. I swear I don’t want to be someone that people “need.” I don’t care about some grand image of myself saving people. I don’t want to be important I just want to be proud of myself. I just want someone to tell me I do something right, uniquely right. I want to mean something to somebody, anybody. I’m tired of the plastic tolerances people offer me. I am not the man they think they love. He is not real, he is an illusion. Me being someone’s brother or someone’s son or someone’s friend does not justify my worth to myself. I need to give something back. I just want so badly to be held. I’m hurt. I’m hurt all the time. But I will never take what I do not give back, and unfortunately the people who need to be held cannot hold, and those who can hold do not need to be held, save me. I’ve forgotten what I’m fighting for. I keep trudging onward in the hopes that one day it will get better. I don’t even know what “it” is, much less know how it would ever get better. There’s an ache in my heart that I’ve learned how to live with but it’s poisoning me and I want it out.

I don’t know what else to say. I’m so angry because I’m so sad and I can see other people perceiving me be in a bad mood and that’s not what I want. I’m stopping myself from healing every time I get close and it’s infuriating because no matter how hard I try to fix it I can’t. I need help getting help. I’m so unable to be independent that’s the most pathetic thing about me. I’m so fucking mad. I’m going to quit while I’m ahead. If I think of anything else I’ll just write another letter.

#angry #lost #sad