Kakashi Hatake angst fanfiction where the reader is in hospital and Kakashi is having flashbacks about everything he should have done right with her.
Note: Please read part1 if you haven't :)
Warning : angst, flashbacks
kakashi sat outside your room, his head in his hands, his mask drenched in tears, he sobbed silently. He had made a lot of mistakes in his life and you've always been there for him but was he ever there for you? his mind went back to everything that he could have done wrong, he didn't want to apologize for just this one mistake, he wanted to apologise for them all. He wanted to rectify his every mistake.
His thought back to last memory before this mission, your date night....
Kakashi preferred at home dates compared to going out. It was more relaxing and comfortable. You both would often shop for ingredients together and go home and cook together, More like he would cook and you would entertain him with anything and everything you had to say. He liked that about you, you always have something to say. That day you were at the store and kakashi was teaching you how to pick the best ingredients, then she came..
"hi kakashi, hey y/n! what are you two doing here together?"
You and kakashi looked at eachother, kakashi was the one to speak..
"oh i ..uh ... bumped into y/n here and i was helping her pick vegetables"
rin clasped her hands admiring kakashi "aah! you're always helping others! speaking of help can you please help me fix the lights at my house, it's late and i can't find anyone"
"uh..yaa sure.. I'll see you around y/n" . With this kakashi gave you a look and you understood he meant for you to go back home and he'll join you in a while.
That day while helping rin Kakashi almost forgot about your date, he was having dinner with rin when it hit him... He quickly apologized to rin and rushed back to your house. It was almost midnight and he knew he messed up. He opened the door and found you sleeping on the couch in a fetal position, your blanket lying on the floor. He knelt and he could see the tear stains on your cheeks. The grocery bags were on the table, unopened. Did you eat anything? It was too late to wake you up now so he carried you to your bedroom and tucked you in, he would cook you breakfast tomorrow and apologize, he knew you'd forgive him. You must have sensed this as you woke up and looked at him..
"hey kashi, what time is it?". you asked half asleep.
"it's almost midnight y/n, I'm sorry I missed our date"
"it's fine, did you eat anything?" , kakashi could only nod before you humed and went back to sleep.
Looking back at it now kakashi could not believe he failed to see the hurt, he didn't even bother asking you if you had eaten anything. He should have woken you up and cooked for you regardless of the time, he should have appologised instead of waiting for the morning, next morning came a knock on the door, an anbu summoning you to meet the hokage, he didn't get to cook you breakfast, he didn't get to apologize, He was enjoying his dinner with rin while you were at home waiting for him. He felt his heart ache. But now it seemed like it was too late to do anything.
He looked around for the head nurse asking him if he could stay inside with you, he agreed but on the condition that he should not disturb you and he can stay only till evening.
Kakashi stepped inside your room, his eyes fixed on your face,kunai marks clearly visible on your face, you looked so frail, like you would break if he touched you. So he sat beside you and held your hand as gently as he could, feeling your pulse under his thumb, knowing that you're still here. He let out the breath he didn't know he was holding ever since he stepped inside. He brought his lips down to meet your hand and kissed it gently. whispering a faint appology against your skin. Hoping that you'd feel it.
Kakashi didn't move, he stared at you, until he heard a faint knock on the door, he looked back to see rin peeping through the glass, he nodded his head at her allowing her to come in.
"she looks weak" rin said placing a hand on Kakashi's hand and sitting beside him. Kakashi gently removed her hand and went back to holding yours.
"doctor said they did everything they could now we have to wait for her to gain consciousness, she'll be fine right? She has to come back, I won't..I won't be able to live if..if .."
Kakashi was on the verge of breaking down, he didn't want to think to of the big "IF" but he couldn't help it. He failed to save obito and now you..not you...he can't let it happen to you, he'd rather be in your place right now.
"look kakashi i won't give you false hopes, her condition seems bad, if she doesn't make it i want you to remember that it wasn't your fault"
kakashi looked at rin, he looked like he was ready to push her out of the room,scream at her for even suggesting something kike this. But he stayed calm, he knew he can't disturb you.
"when she comes back rin, not "if", i don't care how long it takes but she has to"
"kakashi it's not your fault, you need to stay practical and all of us are worried about you, when was the last time you ate anything? it's been two days since we can back, you need to look after yourself-"
"i think you should leave" Kakashi said still looking at you. His thumb rubbing circles on your knuckles.
"I can't see you like this-"
"i thought you were here to see y/n but it seems like you have made up your mind that she won't come back, if you're not here for her then please leave"
rin took a step back, she had only seen kakashi like this once before, cold, hurt,angry, lost..obito....if only he was here. She decided it's best to leave him be. Taking one last look at you, at his hand holding yours rin thought that maybe it wouldn't be so bad if it was only her and Kakashi.
Kakashi stayed by your side the entire day, looking at you, feeling your pulse under his thumb as if he was scared that if he'd let go you'll leave him for good. He doesn't remember how many times he cried, he doesn't remember what day or time it was. His senses were going haywire, he only broke away from his chain of thought upon hearing a faint knock on the door, it was the nurse telling him it was time for him to leave.
He sat outside your room the entire night, head leaning against the wall, eyes shut, mind empty untill he sensed someone familiar standing infront if him.
"hi gai" kakashi said his eyes still closed.
"hey kakashi, how long how have you been here for? you look like a mess"
"if you're here to ask me to leave then you should stop"
"aaah kakashi you underestimate me... why don't you go and clean yourself up and I'll stay here with her! I'll take good care of her!" gai flashed him his positive smile and kakashi could feel some weight lift off his shoulder. Gai is a good friend. But can he leave you? No.
"I'm fine gai, thank you"
"Oi I'm not asking you to clean up for yourself, if she sees your like this when she wakes up aaah she'll probably faint, we can't risk that". Did he smell that bad? he must have. He's been here since .. he doesn't remember since when.
After much coaxing from his rival kakashi finally decided he should clean up.
"Aah fine I'll go" kakashi got up groaning. Thankful for having a friend like gai.
Back at his home kakashi stepped under shower for first time in two days, For the first time in two days kakashi broke down, sobbed at his heart's will untill his knees could not support him anymore.
He changed into fresh clothes and looked around the house for anything that he could take back for you, he saw the scarf that you gifted him before his mission in land of snow. The mug that you gifted him on his birthday, what did he gift you for your birthday? Right .... your birthday...he thought back to another day where he let you down..
You were always excited about everything, his birthday, your birthday, his ninkens' birthday, you loved surprises he knew.
On your birthday it was a day off and you and kakashi decided to go for lunch at ichiraku and then to a park, that's all you had asked for. Both of you were strolling in park, it was a beautiful day, The park was relatively empty and you held hands. It was beautiful. Until he saw some of his anbu friends coming from the other side and he hastily left your hand. He remembered how he could not refuse their offer to go for drinks, how you reluctantly agreed to come with them considering it was your birthday only to be left sitting alone at the bar counter. He remembered now how tired you looked by the end of it. Kakashi wanted to take you to library and watch sunset from the hokage mountain but as you and kakashi walked out of the bar, the sun had long settled down and library had shut down hours ago.
Walk towards your home was filled with silence, you always had something to say so why were you silent now? Kakashi broke the silence as you reached your apartment..
"uhh hey I'm sorry for today, i couldn't refuse them, they would have found out about us-"
"stop Kakashi, they already saw us in the park! they already have their doubts why does it matter what they think?"
"it matters to me y/n , I'm doing this for you, please try to understand"
"well if it matters to you so much then i guess it must be my fault to expect something..."
"i know you're upset, we still have some time left we can go in and spend it together"
you could see kakashi felt bad for everything. It wasn't like he didn't care, he did. He just didn't know how to show it, right? so you sighed and gave him a weak smile, "we hardly have an hour left Kakashi and honestly I'm really tired. Thank you for today. We'll celebrate it next year" with that you walked insie your apartment.
Right ... he wanted to buy you your favourite book from the book store at Library, your birthday was tomorrow, If a year ago kakashi had known that this is how he'll be spending your birthday then he would have bought you all the books you could ever read, watched all the sunsets with you, would've held your hand everywhere..
For now, he packed some food pills, his scarf your favourite blanket with leaf prints and left for hospital with a hope in his heart that you'd wake up.
Kakashi reached hospital to see gai sitting on the chair.
"hey gai, it's getting late you should rest now" Kakashi spoke walking towards him.
"Nah, I won't leave my rival alone even for a second!"
No matter how hard Kakashi tried to send gai away he didn't budge . Gai refused to leave his side and decided to sleep on the couch in waiting room.
Kakashi stood before the door looking through the glass window. At one point before turning away he thought he saw your eyelids move and small hint of chakra radiating from you. It was small and fleeting. Did he really see it? Was he hallucinating?
Every few hours kakashi would wake up from his sleep and walk over to the glass window and look at you , he didn't see your eyelids flutter, nor did he see the short chakra wave..So began another long night filled with waiting, praying, regrets..
Note: Hi guys! Let me know how you feel about this one. There will be part 3! 🌼
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