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jahayla-parker · 9 months

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Foolish One : Kaz Brekker x Reader

Description: 4.7k wc, angst set to the tale of Foolish One by Taylor Swift. Reader has feelings for Kaz and her wishful thinking results in her suffering from a heartbreaking realization when Inej returns.

Warnings: angst, heartbreak, sadness, crying, unrequited? feelings, SoC standard triggers/topics, no happy ending

Y/n stifled her hopeful smile as she knocked on Kaz’s door. Upon hearing his gruff voice express she could enter, y/n took an anxious breath as she turned the doorknob leading to his office. “Morning, Kaz,” y/n greeted sweetly, stepping into his workspace.

Kaz looked up from his desk. While it wasn’t a smile, the edges of his lips did curl up faintly in response to y/n’s greeting. He knew of her feelings towards him. Normally that would mean pushing her away, but since Inej had left them, he’d been trying to be better at these things. As such, Kaz had been working on being warmer and less harsh towards y/n. He figured if he could, maybe he had a chance of one day being in a semi-normal relationship.

Y/n gracefully crossed the room and sat in the chair across the desk from Kaz. She was always careful to respect his boundaries. As such, y/n kept her hands in her lap instead of fiddling with the new set of pens on his desk.

Kaz picked up on y/n’s gaze and a smirk took over his face. “You can play with them if you’d like,” he offered civilly. “There’s no need to drool over pens,” Kaz joked in a monotonous tone.

Y/n felt her cheeks warm rapidly in embarrassment. She gave Kaz a small grateful smile before she reached across the space between them to grab one of the pens. As y/n spun one of the new pens in between her fingers -her eyes scanning the shiny device-, she couldn’t help but wonder if this was a sign from Kaz.

Y/n had developed a crush on her boss -and friend- Kaz Brekker about a year ago. She never acted on it, assuming it was one-sided and fruitless. But, over the last few months, things seemed to change. Kaz was friendlier, more open about things (albeit minor things, but it was still progress), sought her out to help on things she suspected he didn’t actually need her assistance with, and overall made it seem like maybe, just maybe, he was interested in her too. Y/n’s foolish heart clung onto that hope and belief from the very first sign. Now she was in too deep. After all, Kaz was only simply letting y/n play with the pens on his desk, and she was taking it as a small gesture of his affection.

Jesper had tried to keep y/n’s crushing heart more grounded, worrying her feelings towards Kaz wouldn’t end well. While he’d have to admit that he had seen the way the Bastard of the Barrel was softer towards y/n than he was to the other Crows or Dregs, Jesper didn’t want y/n to get her hopes up. He knew Kaz wasn’t capable of being clear about his feelings and didn’t want y/n to get caught up in all of that. He’d seen it happen to himself and Inej already.

Jesper knew y/n was an incredible person, and it wasn’t that he didn’t think she was worthy of Kaz’s attention or romantic interest. Instead, he didn’t think Kaz was worthy of y/n’s affection. Wylan had kept Jesper from interfering with whatever was transpiring between Kaz and y/n as of late. But, that didn’t mean that Jesper didn’t see it and worry about what was going on.

As great as y/n was, Jesper knew she wasn’t the exception. He knew Kaz would never be able to offer y/n what she was looking for, what he and the other Crows knew she deserved. Nevertheless, he saw y/n’s hope lift anytime Kaz showed her any attention or consideration. Jesper tried to warn y/n not to stitch her happiness to someone like Kaz, much less to Kaz’s cold and distant heart; but she didn’t want to hear it.

In fact, even when there were warning signs that something wasn’t right, y/n’s wishful thinking took over and brushed those fears away. For example, in the last few days, she’d been getting less and less from Kaz. Y/n had heard from Inej that she was returning to Ketterdam in the next few days. She knew Kaz was aware of this as well as their group had discussed it the other night over dinner. Yet, instead of connecting the dots between Kaz’s sudden shift in attention and this simultaneously learned fact, y/n ignorantly disregarded it.

Y/n didn’t often fall this hard. In fact, she had started to move past her crush on Kaz until he began treating her as if she had a chance. By now, he’d manage to give y/n just enough attention to keep her hopes too high and block out the voices of reason in her mind. She wasn’t usually known to be foolish, otherwise she’d likely have never been part of the Dregs; much less made a Crow. But, when it came to Kaz, things were different.

No amount of reasoning voices in y/n’s mind could keep her from falling harder and harder for the Bastard of the Barrel. She didn’t need Jesper’s friendly -yet protective- warnings about the situation. Y/n’s own mind had told her all of those same sentiments already. Yet, she nonetheless found herself sinking further into her wishful thinking more every night.

“You can keep that one,” Kaz offered, his rough voice cracking through the thoughts in y/n’s mind.

“Huh?” Y/n mumbled as she tried to refocus on the present moment. “Sorry, what?” She asked, looking up from the pen. Y/n’s eyes met Kaz’s for a brief second before he looked away.

“It’s nothing special,” Kaz muttered casually. “So you can have it,” he said, waving his gloved hand dismissively.

Y/n’s heart flittered with hope at the notion. Even if he claimed it wasn’t special, y/n knew Kaz only offered her the pen because of how she’d been staring at it for so long just now. The fact Kaz was freely offering her something of his, something so new and shiny no less, made y/n’s chest feel warm.

“Oh,” y/n smiled lightly. Truthfully, she didn’t care about the pen. It had merely been where her eyes had chosen to land as she daydreamed about her situation with Kaz. But, she cherished the sentiment from Kaz. “Thank you,” y/n replied, hooking her fingers around the pen tightly.

Y/n sighed to herself as she watched the sun set. She rubbed her arms aggressively with her cold hands in an attempt to stay warm despite the chilly air. Y/n should’ve known she’d be alone tonight. She had invited Kaz to join her, hoping watching the sunset would help him decompress after their failed heist earlier today.

Kaz had agreed to meet her, but didn’t say when he’d be out. As such, y/n had been sitting out here for awhile before the sun began to set. Normally she wouldn’t have waited so long for someone to show up to an agreed upon event. But, Kaz knew how to keep her waiting. In fact, he actually said he’d come tonight. So, even as y/n watched the sun disappear behind the horizon, she told herself maybe something came up that prevented Kaz from joining her like he’d said.

When y/n made it back to the Slat, she quickly learned she was correct; something had come up. Y/n rounded the corner near Kaz’s office and heard Inej’s voice. She was back earlier than expected. Normally this would’ve made y/n happy as it had been awhile since she’d last seen her friend. Only, she could see the agonizing closeness between Inej and Kaz.

It wasn’t just a metaphorical closeness either. Kaz allowed Inej to stand mere inches from him, his gloved hand resting on Inej’s clothed arm. Y/n knew the two had been close friends, or what amounted to a close friendship for someone like Kaz. But, she couldn’t help but feel jealous as she witnessed the two sharing a look as if silently communicating something with just their eyes. As metaphorically and literally close as y/n had gotten to Kaz lately, both achievements were easily outdone by the scene before her.

Y/n went to back up, hoping to quietly flee the scene. Only, her heel smacked into the corner loudly. She winced as Inej and Kaz parted instantly and looked her way. She pasted on a fake smile as Inej grinned upon seeing her.

“Y/n, oh hey!” Inej exclaimed. She stepped away from Kaz and neared her friend, a smile gracing her lips as she did. Inej watched y/n’s eyes flicker to Kaz for a split second before looking away and then back at Inej.

Y/n hugged Inej as she acted like she was fine. It wasn’t the first time she had to seem bulletproof around Kaz. But, this time it hurt more as it involved her friend as well. She didn’t feel like she even had the right to feel this way. Y/n knew she couldn’t call Kaz hers. Yet, these last few months had her thinking one day he’d come around and that maybe, someday, when they were older, the miscommunication and longing was something they would laugh about.

Y/n ignored the way she could feel Kaz’s eyes on her as she greeted Inej with faux enthusiasm. She couldn’t wouldn’t show weakness or sorrow. She didn’t have the right to. And y/n had seemingly misunderstood the connection she felt she and Kaz were forming these last few months. So, she would act as if as if she were fine.

“We need to catch up!” Inej exclaimed, squeezing y/n’s arm lovingly. She slid her hand down until she reached y/n’s palm and then interlaced their fingers. Inej looked over her shoulder as she offered Kaz a soft smile before guiding her friend from the room.

Y/n kept a false smile painted on her lips as she silently walked with Inej. She felt bad for not being super excited to see her friend. But, she couldn’t help it. Kaz had once again given y/n just enough to keep her guessing and waiting, but not enough to know where she truly stood.

Was Kaz interested in y/n? Was he interested in Inej? Saints! Was Kaz even interested in anyone at all? Y/n didn’t know. But the voices of reason in her head kept trying to warn her that something’s really not right. Nonetheless, y/n’s foolish heart allowed her wishful thinking to cloud those warnings. Kaz simply missed Inej. Besides, Kaz and Inej had been friends much longer than Kaz even knew y/n, it made sense that they’d be closer. Surely it didn’t automatically mean anything more than that.

Or at least that’s what y/n’s foolish heart allowed her to believe. Even as she laid on Inej’s bed -the one Kaz left unoccupied even as the Dregs grew in size- listening to her friend catch her up on her adventures, y/n ignored the mention of how Kaz had written Inej multiple times during her trip. Kaz didn’t write or try to communicate with y/n when she’d been gone on a few week long trip for a personal matter. Y/n assumed it was because that just wasn’t Kaz’s thing. But now, it seemed like he was perfectly capable of doing it, he just hadn’t. At least not when it came to y/n. Y/n’s mind screamed at her that Y/n clearly wasn’t the exception to Kaz’s shutdown persona. But once again, she let her foolish heart and wishful thinking mute those voices of reason. Kaz was new to this whole romance thing, that’s likely all it was.

Y/n stuck to that notion even as she laid wide awake in her bed that night. She could faintly hear Kaz talking to Inej, their muffled voices seeping through the old floorboards of the room above hers. While she couldn’t make out what was being said, y/n could tell by her friends’ tones that they were both interested in whatever the discussion was. Y/n could tell they were both too intrigued with the conversation to even consider saying goodnight to her much less keep her company tonight. So, once again, the way she had during various times when Kaz would inexplicably shut her out again for a bit, y/n talked herself to sleep again.

Unable to fall back asleep, y/n rubbed the fatigue from her eyes and rose out of her bed. She’d woken up to yet another nightmare. They weren’t foreign to her at this point, so she knew how to handle it. As such, Y/n groggily tiptoed down to the main level in search of some water and maybe a snack.

In her exhausted and still slightly on edge state, y/n hadn’t paid attention to the fact that there were a faint amber glow showing underneath the door to the kitchen. This meant, she unexpectedly came face to face with the scene on the other side of the door upon sleepily entering the kitchen. Y/n’s eyes widened and her hands instinctively lifted up in surrender as she took note of what she’d walked in on.

Inej was standing before Kaz in a tank top, her back to him. Kaz was behind Inej, a wet washcloth in one hand and a needle in the other. Both of Kaz’s hands were uncovered; he’d removed his gloves, for Inej. The slight maroon tint staining the washcloth told y/n that Kaz was attending to a wound on Inej’s back.

Y/n quickly glanced away from her friends, her eyes dashing to the grungy floor beneath her now shaking legs. “I-I.. I’m sorry,” she mumbled bashfully.

“It’s fine y/n/n,” Inej assured her.

Y/n could hear the slight disappointment in Inej’s voice loudly in the otherwise quiet room. It confirmed for y/n that whatever she’d walked in on was as intimate as it had looked. Y/n shook her head, trying to keep her tears away. She could do this, she could act bulletproof. She’d done it countless times now, surely she could do it again now even after witnessing how Kaz had pushed through his boundaries for Inej.

It wasn’t that y/n wasn’t proud of Kaz for being able to tend to someone’s wound, especially without his gloves no less. But, it was only a few days ago when y/n had gotten hurt on their failed heist and had to be patched up by Nina when Kaz refused to even look at her wound. So, seeing he and Inej like this tonight stung y/n more than any physical wound ever had.

As y/n glanced up from the ground, she chose not to look Kaz’s way. She didn’t want to see the indifferent and likely even frustrated look she expected to be on his face at her accidental interruption. “Sorry…” y/n whispered again, giving Inej a remorseful look.

It was the same look Jesper often gave y/n wherever Kaz would give y/n just enough attention to keep her foolish heart hanging on to a thread of hope. She knew what it was like to be in Inej’s position. Theoretically that is, since Inej had only been back a day and was already in a better, more romantically intimate situation with Kaz than y/n had made it to in the last several months. Nonetheless, y/n knew what it was like to be teetering on the edge of what felt like a moment where Kaz just might actually confess his love only for something or someone to interrupt and burst that moment. So even though her heart was breaking with every second she stood there in the kitchen, she still felt for Inej. Kaz wasn’t one to offer such a confession, but he knew how to keep someone on the ropes in search of one.

“Y/n,” Kaz’s voice echoed through the empty kitchen. When y/n’s reluctant gaze landed on him, he offered her his equivalent of a sympathetic expression. “Did you need something?” Kaz asked, making a show of looking at his pocket watch.

Instead of her eyes landing on Kaz’s golden pocket watch -he one she’d gifted him-, y/n’s eyes were focused on the paleness of his bare hands. Kaz had never so much as removed his gloves around y/n unless absolutely necessary. Yet here he was, practically touching Inej with his bare hands in the dimly lit kitchen in the early hours of the morning. Y/n swallowed thickly, hoping to ease the lump in her throat as she willed her eyes away from Kaz’s hands.

“I.. I umm…” y/n mumbled, panicking more when she saw Inej’s unspoken concern as to why she was so nervous. For once, Y/n let the voices of reason in her mind guide her tonight. You are not the exception, she told herself as she steeled her facial expressions. “I had a nightmare, I just came down for some water,” she explained, adding a ridiculously stiff nod as she sidestepped her friends.

“Are you okay?” Inej asked sweetly, moving away from Kaz to check on y/n.

Y/n gripped the glass in her hand tightly to keep from showing how much her hands were shaking from what felt like betrayal. She flicked the handle on and held the glass under the faucet for a few excruciatingly long seconds. “Yes, thank you Inej,” y/n replied shortly, turning the water off. She silently took a few sips of her water as Inej and Kaz watched. “I’m fine,” y/n added, boldly braving a fleeting glance at Kaz.

Y/n gritted her teeth with annoyance as Kaz wore what almost seemed like an attempt at an apologetic expression. She shook her head wordlessly before taking a few more sips of water. Y/n was still excessively thirsty, but every second she spent in the kitchen like this with Inej and Kaz was too much. She quickly dumped the remainder of her glass down the sink and mumbled a hushed goodbye to Inej before quickly departing from the room.

Y/n threw herself onto her bed, the tears bursting through the temporary dams she’d built minutes before. She didn’t even bother wiping them from her face, instead simply letting them cascade down her skin in all directions. By the time her mind had tired enough to let her sleep, her pillow was damp. The dampness only made y/n realize just how thirsty she still was, even more so after having cried for so long. But, she refused to leave her bedroom. While she figured Inej and Kaz likely had left the kitchen by now, y/n didn’t want to risk it.

Y/n wasn’t sure how much more she could take. Inej had only been home for a little over a day now and y/n was already crying herself to sleep. Truly it wasn’t Inej’s fault. Saints, it wasn’t even Kaz’s if y/n was being honest. Jesper and the others had tried to warn y/n about this. Y/n’s own mind tried to warn her about this. But it wasn’t until tonight that she truly started to realize those thoughts might be true.

Y/n knew that Kaz wasn’t a love confession type of person. And as much as she wished for one from him, she believed she’d somewhat accepted that it would never come. In reality, she just hoped to be the exception. Or, at a minimum to get a clear sign from Kaz that he authentically felt the same way y/n did when it came to this situation between them. She was foolish enough to think that maybe, just maybe, he’d come around. But as she felt her exhausted eyes drifting closed against her damp pillow, the voices of reason in y/n’s head amplified until there were louder than they ever had been before.

Y/n rocked on her heels as she waited for Inej to answer the door. She knocked moments ago, but still hadn’t heard anything from the other side of the door. Y/n looked at the plate of waffles she managed to sneak away from Nina as they grew colder on the plate in her hands. She leaned her ear up against the door to listen carefully for any sign Inej had heard her. Only, the door creaked open from the pressure of y/n’s head resting against it.

Y/n cautiously pushed Inej’s bedroom door open the rest of the way. She quickly examined the room, promptly noting that Inej wasn’t there. Nothing seemed out of place or as if something bad had happened. So, y/n figured her friend had ventured out for an early morning walk along the rooftops of the Barrel.

Y/n sighed softly to herself as she set the plate of waffles down on the ratty desk by Inej’s window. That’s when she saw something was out of place. On Inej’s windowsill, there was… a handpicked collection of y/f/f. While it struck y/n as peculiar, the writing on the minuscule note tucked into their stems made her freeze in place.

There wasn’t any explicit confession of love for Inej on the note, but y/n would know that handwriting anywhere. She blinked through her now watery eyes as she re-read the note again. “The Crows are glad to have you back,” y/n whispered, her lip trembling. It was Kaz’s writing and the flowers and note were as much of a love confession as one could expect from Kaz.

Y/n’s cheeks dampened with tears as she hastily exited Inej’s room. She couldn’t believe it. Kaz had actually given someone flowers. He’d actually even seemingly utilized his Barrel-learned skills to sneak into someone’s room to do so.

But the worst part for y/n wasn’t any of that. It wasn’t even the indirect note Kaz had written to Inej. Although, that hurt too as y/n could easily read past his words and how he tried to cover up his own emotions. She could see the note for what it was. And Kaz had never said nor written anything of the sort to y/n.

Yet, it was the specific type of flowers Kaz chose that served as the final blow. The fact Kaz picked y/f/f to gift Inej was the kill shot, the bullet that pierced through y/n’s façade of a bulletproof heart and erupted once it made contact with her soul. After all, it was less than a full 24 hours ago when Kaz had asked y/n what the best type of flowers were.

Y/n had foolishly let herself read that inquisition as a sign. Her wishful thinking also had her momentarily believing that the fact Kaz had remembered it enough to bring it up in a later conversation with her was proof he cared enough about y/n to not just ask questions and listen to her response, but to actually memorize her answers, her likes and dislikes, her favorite things; her favorite type of flowers. If y/n was honest with herself, she’d even been foolish enough to think Kaz might one day get some y/f/f for her. In fact in her mind, y/n had foolishly seen it play out the way it seemingly had in real life to Inej; a vague note -not directly confessing Kaz’s feelings but enough to make her feel loved, her favorite flowers making her realize he cared about her interests and took time to show it -even if he tried to cover it up as to not be too vulnerable, the flowers and indirect love note left casually for her in her room unsigned and unannounced.

That’s what made it hurt so much, y/n hadn’t gotten kaz so terribly wrong. She just wasn’t the exception. Y/n hadn’t learned her lesson in time to prevent her foolish heart from shattering into an infinite number of tiny shards. She should’ve walked out a long time ago. She should’ve listened to her friends’ warnings and her own internal voice of reason. Y/n should’ve never expected anything from Kaz. She should’ve known that even though she made headway, she’d never be Inej. And she’d never get his heart.

Y/n only made it a few steps before she felt her miserable body crumpling towards the floor. She let gravity slide her down the wall just outside of her bedroom, her right shoulder grazing the corner of the doorframe. Y/N’s head dropped into her shaking hands as more tears poured from her tired eyes. “How could I not see the signs?" She sobbed quietly, her nails poking the skin on her forehead as she shook.

Y/n had been a stepping stone, a lesson, a pointless heist one uses to gauge their ability and the threats the real heist would entail, and nothing more. She wasn’t Kaz’s exception. Inej was. Inej always had been. As far back as y/n could remember, Inej was the exception. Yet somehow while Inej was away, y/n had let herself believe it was her; that maybe y/n was the exception. When in reality, Kaz had been trying to better himself for her; for Inej. Kaz’s exception was Inej; not y/n. The love confession from Kaz was never going to come. Not even in a Kaz-like manner. Not to y/n at least. Inej was the one who got Kaz, the one who he wanted by his side and maybe one day on his arm, donning his ring on her left hand. Not y/n.

Y/n had finally learned her lesson, but in the most painful way possible. Instead of walking out when she first started getting mixed signals from Kaz, she’d stuck it out. She held out thinking he was the one. Thinking she’d be the one to be able to get through to him. But she wasn’t.

Y/n learned the hard way that she wasn’t the exception, Inej was. And somehow, y/n now had to act as if her foolish heart hadn’t ever lead her astray. That she never had fallen for her friend and boss. That she never once believed her wishful thinking was anything more than that. Y/n cared deeply for Inej and so, she’d have to keep these painful lessons to herself.

Epilogue:

“Oh,” Jesper sighed heavily, sharing a knowing look with Wylan. He frowned and slid out of his boyfriend’s embrace as he slowly made his way to y/n’s broken form. Jesper slid his back down the wall to the left of y/n, resting his head in her shoulder.

Wylan gazed lovingly at Jesper for a moment before joining him and y/n. He sat on the other side of y/n, in front of her door. “Are you okay?” He asked rhetorically. It was obvious from her red eyes, tangled hair, and chapped lips that she was wanting but okay. Yet, Wylan didn’t know how else to see if she was okay talking about it without making it worse. He suspected mentioning Kaz would only drive the knife in further.

“I’m so….,” y/n whimpered, pinching the bridge of her nose. She sniffled and shook her head. “How could I not see the signs?” Y/n whined again. “I actually let myself be foolish enough to think that one day…,” she trailed off as more tears left her eyes.

Jesper sighed sympathetically, intertwining y/n’s fingers with his own. “He doesn’t deserve you,” He declared. “It’s not foolish to want someone to shout from the rooftop their feelings for you,” Jesper encouraged, “he just isn’t the one.”

“Or,” y/n’s voice cracked, “maybe I… maybe it was wishful thinking to believe I would ever earn someone’s confessions of love”. She wiped her wet face on the fabric covering her shoulder since both boys were holding one of her hands.

“The day is gonna come for your confessions of love,” Wylan encouraged with a sweet smile. “Don’t give up hope just because he wasn’t the one,” he added quietly.

Jesper smiled at Wylan and nodded in agreement. “Exactly!” He exclaimed, tenderly nudging y/n’s shoulder. “When all is said and done, he just wasn't the one,” Jesper told her.

Y/n nodded quietly. She appreciated what her friends were trying to do, but she could still feel her heart breaking. They weren’t wrong, Kaz wasn’t the one, not for her anyways. That much y/n had learned the hard way. But, it didn’t erase the pain in her chest and the self blame echoing in her mind. Hopefully time would.

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jahayla-parker · 1 year

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Cracked : Kaz Brekker x Reader

Description: 6.7k wc, Kaz mistakes the reason y/n’s hands are cracked and it leads to him needing to fix the situation and do something he rarely does; apologize. Hurt-comfort fluff

Warnings: SoC topics, couple fighting, that’s all I think

Notes: Not proofread 🫣

“Why is it lower today?” Y/n asked, setting her pointer finger onto the line she was referencing on the note Kaz had before him.

Kaz stiffened, sitting up straighter as he shifted his jaw and closed his eyes.

“It was just a question Kaz” y/n giggled at his reaction, “was it Jesper’s balance?”

He ignored y/N’s question as he opened his eyes and look back down at her finger that was still on the paper.

“Oh, am I too close?” Y/n asked apologetically as she took a step back, “sorry I didn’t know today was a bad one”.

Kaz scoffed and shook his head, turning in his chair to finally look her direction.

He held his hand out towards her causing her to raise her eyebrow at him in question.

“It is not a bad day” he clarified, moving his gloved hand closer to her, “now let me see your hand”.

Y/n slowly set her hand in his gloved one, uncertain why he was acting this way.

Even on his bad days, her boyfriend never snapped like that when discussing holding her hand; let alone when he himself seemingly wanted her hand.

Kaz grew impatient and grabbed her hand, bringing it closer to his face.

Y/n resisted a flinch as his fingers pressed onto the cracks on the back of her hand.

He scrutinized her hand before he dropped it and motioned for her other one.

She again reluctantly raised her hand up for him and he took it again.

This time she knew to bite her tongue to limit the desire to flinch from the pain of his gloved fingers on her broken skin.

He clenched his jaw tightly as he dropped her hand again and abruptly stood up, pushing himself alway from his desk.

“Kaz?” She whispered, concerned.

He ran his gloved hand through his hair as he mumbled under his breath harshly.

“I can’t hear you K-“ she began, stepping closer to where he now stood, bracing himself with his cane.

“I told you not to” he grumbled, his head snapping to his girlfriend.

“What?” Y/n questioned, looking around the room to see if maybe she’d ordered something for the crow club she shouldn’t have when doing their books.

Kaz growled, “to fight!”.

“Y/n I told you not to fight!” He shouted, waving his hand dismissively towards her.

“Kaz, I know..” she began slowly.

He shook his head, his eyes shooting daggers at her, “yet you disobeyed me! You explicitly ignored what I told you to do!”

She shook her head but flared back at him, “I’m not some dog Kaz! Besides, I did not disobey or ignore you. I didn’t fight anyone!”.

Kaz scoffed, his eyes glancing down to the cracked skin on her hands, “riiighht, your knuckles just magically split on their own”.

Y/n rolled her eyes, “no, but it isn’t from fighting”.

Kaz shook his head, “why can’t you just listen?!”

Y/n scoffed but before she could respond, he kept going.

“One thing. Hell, y/n, out of the other crows, I rarely ask anything of you! And yet, you don’t even care! One thing!” Kaz muttered, his hands forming fists.

She stood there in shock, Kaz never having behaved this way with her.

“Can you just not control yourself?!” Kaz shouted, jaw tight as he watched her.

He hated the look in her eyes, never having seen her look at him that way.

But he couldn’t help himself, she agreed not to fight and yet here she was with busted hands again.

“I didn’t-“ she began again but he barely registered her words as he kept complaining.

“I asked you not to fight y/n! I know you think you need to defend me when people make remarks, but I told you to stop!” Kaz reprimanded aggressively.

“For saints sake, I wasn’t fighting to defend you!” Y/n yelled exasperatedly.

Kaz paused briefly, his eyes softening ever so slightly in guilt, “were you defending yourself?”

Before he could ramble out a threat to whoever made her have to fight, she shook her head.

“No, Kaz. I -“ she tried to explain.

Kaz loudly clicked his cane on the floor, the sound echoing as he stormed to the door, “get out”.

“W-what?” Y/n asked, her voice cracking.

Kaz swallowed thickly, looking anywhere but her face as he repeated himself.

Y/n forced a nod as she walked towards the door while staring at the backs of her hands.

Part of her was mad at Kaz for his reaction and not letting her explain.

But that part was overruled by the other part of her.

The part that was shocked and hurt by Kaz’s behavior.

She had more than a reasonable explanation, and she wanted to give him it.

Yet, what was worse was that regardless of whether she had a reason, he snapped at her unlike anything he had directed her way before.

Her heart clenched as she stepped through the doorway.

Kaz hesitated a mere five seconds before he slammed the door behind her.

Y/n bit her lip to keep her emotions in check but as she looked up from her hands, she saw Inej watching her with concern in her eyes and her walls cracked the way her hands and voice had earlier.

Inej rushed to her, rubbing her back as she guided y/n to her room down the hall.

“He hasn’t…” y/n mumbled as Inej brought her some tea.

Inej sighed, “hasn’t yelled at you like that before?”

Y/n nodded weakly, wiping her tears with the back of her hands before wincing, “that was stupid”

Inej walked to her dresser, getting out some gauze, “I thought he had someone else in there, the way he was acting”.

Y/n shook her head, “just disobedient me”.

Inej groaned, “he didn’t actually call you that! Did he?!”.

Y/n nodded, “he thought my hands were like this from fighting”.

The wraith set down her tools next to her fellow crow with a loud sigh, “you didn’t tell him the truth?”

Applying some of the lotion Inej set down, y/n shrugged, “I tried. He wouldn’t even let me speak “.

“Saints he can be so stubborn” Inej complained, grabbing the gauze wrap.

Y/n gave her a weak laugh and nodded, “usually is… but normally I can get him to compromise. He wouldn’t even listen to me today. And his anger… it’s never been directed at me like that”.

Delicately taking y/n’s left hand, Inej began to wrap it in gauze; hoping to keep the moisture inside and dirt out.

“I can try t-“ Inej offered but stopped as her friend shook her head.

“I don’t wan-… I just need time. I need to clear my head” y/n countered.

“Meaning?” Inej pushed, wrapping y/n’s other hand as she waited for an answer.

Y/n frowned, “I’m not leaving Inej. I just… I need to focus on something else. At least for the rest of today”

Inej nodded in understanding, “Arabella’s?”

Y/n smiled faintly at the name of her favorite bookstore and nodded, “without a doubt”.

Kaz glowered at the papers on his desk from the moment y/n stepped out of his office.

Yet, he’d gotten nowhere; his mind having been racing and spinning around itself since the moment he saw her injured hands.

He knew it was unlikely she’d break their agreement.

After all, the only time she went out of her way to fight someone was when someone had severely insulted Kaz.

And even then, he knew she’d wait for the other person to make the first attempted strike before she’d attack.

Yet, despite her agreeing to stop fighting, she came in tonight with cracked knuckles.

He regretted the way he snapped at her.

He hadn’t intended to react quite that way.

But his fear fueled his anger and he couldn’t stop thinking about what could have happened.

He hadn’t told her why he was so adamant she stop fighting random patrons and other pigeons.

He didn’t want her to stress, he was taking care of the matter.

But, he’d feared for her safety.

Sure he wasn’t fond of the idea of the people she was fighting getting the upper hand; but he suspected that chance was insanely low.

But his main concern arose when there had been a reliable threat made against his crows.

It wasn’t a significant one, but the person who made the threat knew things about his crows that they shouldn’t.

Inej had been looking into it for him and they learned someone had been spying and was aware of the crows’ recent habits; Jesper’s Friday night dates with Wylan, Nina’s decreased random flirting, etc.

He suspected Y/N’s fighting would likely have made their list of observations as well and he did not want her to fall into a trap by still behaving that way.

Kaz knew he’d need to find a way to clear the air between him and the girl he loved.

But at the moment he was still furious.

As he kept staring at the numbers on the sheets before him, his door suddenly swung open.

“Seriously Brekker?!” Inej remarked.

Kaz rolled his eyes, “did I say you could enter?”

Inej ignored him, storming up and slamming her hands on the other side of his desk, “she’s been gone hours and you’re still just sitting here acting as if you-“.

“Who?” Kaz barked, cutting the wraith off.

“What?” Inej asked, stunned he actually responded already.

“Who has been gone for hours?!” He snapped, crumpling the papers on his desk as his fear spiked again.

“Y/N obviously, she-“ she said, standing up straight as Kaz stood up instantly.

“Why am I just now hearing of this?! Any insights as to her location?!” Kaz began, rattling off questions as his mind raced.

“Wha- wait. No Kaz, she’s safe” inej promised.

Kaz dropped his cane, his body clearly deflating from its tense posture as he let out a loud sigh of relief.

He closed his eyes momentarily as he calmed down.

Remembering he wasn’t alone and it wasn’t y/n who was with him, he composed himself and resumed his normally stoic expression.

But it was enough of a defection for Inej to pick up on it.

“You.. that’s why you were being such a jerk today, you were worried about her” Inej said, thinking aloud.

“You can leave now” Kaz stated, sitting back down at his desk.

“No. You may have been acting that way out of fear, but-“ Inej remarked.

“I do not fear anything Wraith” Kaz argued.

She rolled her eyes, “right… nonetheless, you hurt her Kaz”.

He clenched his jaw as he ignored the pain in his chest at Inej’s implication.

“It is not your business. But since she decided to include you, if you must know, I told her not to fight. She agreed but still did” Kaz remarked.

“She wasn’t fighting anyone you idiot” Inej insulted, “Kaz, her hands look like that every winter”.

Kaz slowly lifted his eyes from his desk to the wraith’s face to signal his interest and for her to continue.

“She always hid it, from the others, from you. I only found out when I snuck into her room one night after seeing her grip her left hand tightly earlier that night” Inej started, holding a hand up as Kaz opened his mouth.

“Y/n said she didn’t want any of us to know, especially you. She worried it would make you limit her ability to go on heists or worse, you’d kick her out of the crows. It doesn’t impact her ability or skills Kaz, but she knew how you’d react” inej glared.

He wanted to argue but it was clear inej would not listen.

Kaz knew Dirtyhands would likely make it seem like he’d remove her from the crows, but even Dirtyhands wouldn’t do that if there was no imapact on her performance.

Ironically, Kaz Rietveld on the other hand would have worried about the pain before each heist.

Nevertheless, he doubted he’d have removed her or demoted her over it unless she’d asked him to.

It physically hurt to think y/n assumed that, but he understood where it came from.

He’d always treated her differently from the other crows, against his own desires.

Yet, he was not good at being gentle or someone one wanted to be open with.

When they got closer and eventually started their relationship, Kaz worked on it but still struggled to start these conversations.

So it didn’t surprise him she hadn’t told him, but when he realized she was likely trying to earlier tonight he felt immense guilt.

“Kaz, she wasn’t fighting. In the winter months, her hands get so dry they crack. The more she uses her hands, the more she-“ inej continued.

“Stop” Kaz ordered, standing back up and walking to his coat rack.

“Excu-“ she scoffed.

“Where is she?” Kaz asked, placing his hat on his head.

“You’re going to see her?” Inej gasped, confused at how easy it was to get him to cooperate .

Kaz groaned but decided it was quicker to explain than to argue back and forth until she gave him y/N’s location.

“She tried to tell me. I didn’t listen” he stated and rolled his eyes as Inej nodded -already knowing this-, “where is she?”

Inej smirked, “she needed to clear her head. I’ll tell you where she went after you let me explain wh-“.

Kaz waved her off, “I will hear from her what she wants to disclose Wraith. I will not pry nor will I get it from you. I do not need you to tell me where she went. You already did”.

He tugged on his coat, smirking as Inej stared in confusion.

“You stated she needed to clear her head, she obviously went to Arabella’s. Now, finish dealing with the threat we’ve been investigating” he stated, opening his door, “I expect it to finally be finished when we return.”.

Inej smirked at the “we” part of his order but nodded to herself before heading to the window.

“Y/n” Kaz spoke, voice firm but low as he approached her.

She was curled into a beanbag chair in the back corner of the bookstore; her usual location when she wanted to be alone.

Y/n continued to stare at her book but Kaz suspected she wasn’t actually reading it, just using it as a way to ignore him.

He sighed and stood next to her, peering down at her as she turned the page.

“I saw the cover as I approached,” he said trying to soften his tone.

He never usually spoke harshly to her but after today he wanted to be even more delicate with his voice.

“I know you’ve already read that book. I assume you are having a hard time focusing?” He guessed, looking at the pile of books next to her that he knew she would rather be reading.

Y/n sighed to herself, placing the free bookmark from the store into the book before closing it.

She sat the book next to her, separated from the others.

“My dear, it’s Ka-“ he began since she still hadn’t looked up.

He was aware she would know it was him by now, but he wasn’t sure how much she’d blocked out of his presence.

She had a way of escaping into books when she needed to, but Kaz usually could pull her out of it.

He just wasn’t sure if today she’d even recognized his voice in her attempt to focus on her book.

“I’m aware it’s you Kaz” y/n stated matter of factly, “your cane echoes in here”.

She neglected to mention she could also smell his signature scent as the wind blew past him when he’d opened the door, before she could even hear his cane.

Kaz nodded to himself and sighed as he watched her keep her eyes away from him.

He looked around, ensuring no one else was near.

“Can we speak elsewhere?” He inquired.

Y/n scoffed, but grabbed her books from the floor and stood up.

“Thank y-“ Kaz began, offering his free hand to her.

She ignored his hand and stood on her own, “they were likely going to ask me to leave anyways. I’m surprised I was able to stay this long”.

Kaz shut his eyes in guilt, she never rejected his hand, and she shouldn’t have been here alone for so long.

Y/n walked silently over to one of the shelves, sliding the book she already owned and read back into place.

She held the others to her body as she turned to walk to the front desk.

Kaz walked behind her, trying to appear as stoic as normal.

But to his crows he knew he’d look like a kicked puppy following its owner.

“Ahh Ms. Y/l/n, you found some after all” the clerk greeted as y/n set her pile on the counter.

Y/n nodded, giving the woman a small smile, “I did, yes. I should have credit on file still”.

The clerk smiled, “yes I believe you’re correct. One moment”.

Kaz impatiently stood behind y/n as the clerk began looking through her notes.

“I can p-“ Kaz offered, his hand slipping into his pocket.

Y/n turned slightly, putting her palm towards him without looking his way, “no Kaz”.

He sighed but removed his hand from his pocket and continued waiting for the clerk.

“Ahh yes, here we are lovely” the clerk exclaimed, “that’ll cover the top three”.

Y/n raised an eyebrow and Kaz waited to see what her plan was now that she rejected his offer and had four books on the counter.

“I thought there was a sale” y/n said softly.

The clerk nodded, “there is, but that one is too new to be included. I’ll mark it down for you, but it’ll still be two kruge”.

Y/n pursed her lips, “appreciated ma’am, but I intended on using my credit. I…”

She sighed, sliding the newer book to the side, “I left without grabbing any currency. My apologies, I’ll do these three alone”.

Kaz sighed quietly, he knew he’d truly upset her and caused her to doubt him.

She’d never really ask Kaz for money, but the last time she needed help to cover the cost of a good, she’d at least let him pay the difference.

Of course she’d tried to pay him back when they returned to the slat and she had access to her own kruge, but he refused.

Kaz quickly dug into his pocket and pulled out a handful of kruge.

Just as the clerk was finishing tallying the credit exchange, Kaz set the wad of currency on the table, his shoulder faintly brushing y/N’s as he reached past her.

“Leave the credit as it is, this should cover the set” Kaz stated, as y/n began to turn to him, “for all four”.

Y/n finally looked at him, but she was glaring and shaking her head.

Still, Kaz was pleased she finally looked at him; even if she was less than thrilled.

“Y/n,“ Kaz sighed, “I can-“.

Y/n still shook her head, shooting him one last glare, “I do not need your charity Kaz”.

She turned back to the clerk who was frozen watching the two with uncertainty.

“Ignore him, please use the credit for those three “ y/n encouraged.

The clerk looked between y/n and Kaz, hesitant.

It was clear she was looking at Kaz longer, fearful of disobeying the Bastard of the Barrel.

Y/n sighed as Kaz suppressed a smirk.

“Leave the credit, take the kruge” Kaz stated, moving the fourth book into the paper sack the clerk placed the others in.

He grabbed the bag and walked to the door, waiting as y/n mumbled something to the clerk before turning to the exit.

She shot him an annoyed glare as she walked through the door he held for her.

They walked in silence as Kaz struggled to find a way to start the necessary conversation.

He was never good at apologizing, rarely feeling as though he ever needed to.

Yet, he knew he owed y/n more than an apology today.

When they were within a few meters of the slat, Kaz stopped walking and slid his cane across y/n’s waist to block her from moving.

She sighed again but less angrily this time and looked up at him as she waited for him to speak.

“I…” Kaz groaned, hating his inability to express his feelings, “I was wrong”.

Y/n nodded slowly, suppressing a scoff as she knew this was already hard for him but he was at least trying.

“I did not listen” he added, glancing down at her dry hands.

Y/n tucked her hands into her coat pockets; well since the coat was one of Kaz’s he’d leant her, maybe they were his pockets.

Kaz was silent for a moment as y/n stared at the cobblestones under their feet.

“I’m sorry” he admitted, his tone sincere but voice almost frail.

Y/N’s eyes instantly snapped up as she lifted her gaze to her boyfriend.

He stood before her, looking truly apologetic and almost… sad.

She took a deep breath and lowered her shoulders, “okay”.

Kaz’s lips curled up slightly as a small wave of hope hit him.

“We need to-“ he shook his head, lowering his cane and kindly staring into her eyes, “I would like us to talk about this”.

Y/n was taken back by him self correcting his wording and by his desire to communicate with more depth.

They’d had plenty of length and intimate conversations, and he’d usually watch his wording around her.

But this was different, he was not one to want to talk deeply after a fight.

To be fair, this fight was a bit worse than others.

Y/n nodded and as Kaz shuffled slightly out of nerves, she slowly reached for his hand.

Kaz mistook her movement and murmured an “oh, right” as he handed her the bag of books.

She giggled once as she tucked the bag under her arm before reaching for his hand again.

Kaz’s eyes flickered as his lips formed what y/n knew to be his best attempt at a small smile.

Y/n held her hand out, not wanting to force the contact on him.

Kaz noticed and quickly took hold of her hand, tugging slightly to force her to step nearer to him.

“I am” he told her, his eyes scanning her hand he held, “I am sorry for…”

Y/n nodded, cutting him off so he didn’t have to keep struggling for the right words, “I know”.

Kaz gazed at her face and his small curl of his lips increased faintly before he looked back at her hand.

He took his time in lowering his lips to her hand, focusing on keeping the waves of nausea at bay.

He knew he could do it, he just had to relax and remember it was y/n and she was here with him; safe and alive.

Kaz took a shaky breath before he pressed a tender kiss to the back of her hand, his lips frowning as they felt how cracked her skin was.

“Come now, let’s address this” he stated, not letting go of her hand as he walked closer to the slat.

“Kaz” she whispered, noticing Rotty standing guard outside.

“I know” he told her, “they already suspect something anyways”.

Y/n bit back a grin but Kaz noticed nonetheless and smirked to himself, closing his gloved hand over hers.

“Umm” she mumbled shyly, making Kaz pause instantly as he turned to look at her in concern.

“I know I said it needed to be a secret for your protection, but I wouldn’t-“ Kaz explained, hoping to reassure her.

She shook her head and laughed quietly, “no Kaz. It’s just, my hand hurts… I hate to do this, but I don’t think I can have you holding it right now”.

Kaz quickly lowered her hand and nodded.

“I’m sorry Kaz, I-“ y/n sighed, but he shook his head.

“Do not apologize when there is nothing to apologize for” he told her, “now, let’s head inside”.

She gave him a grateful smile and walked next to him as they neared the slat.

“Wait” she said, making him pause again.

He raised and eyebrow and smirked teasingly as he looked back at her having stopped them again.

“Does this…” she began, a warm feeling filling her cheeks, “is this okay?”

Y/n hesitating looped her jacket-covered arm through his, linking their elbows without touching him yet.

Kaz smirked widely and nodded, moving his arm in a way to show her it was okay for her to relax into his touch and not stiffly keep the separation in place.

Y/n smiled and let her arm rest on his, feeling his warmth radiate through both of their jacket sleeves.

Kaz felt his mouth twitch as he looked down at her before resuming their return home.

Y/n giggled loudly as she entered Kaz’s room.

Kaz laughed softly as he closed the door and walked towards her, “I think he was surprised”.

Y/n kept giggling as she sat on his bed, “surprised? I think he had a heart attack seeing us linking arms”.

Kaz silently listened to her beautiful laughter, pleased she was in a better mood now.

But he knew they still needed to talk about earlier; he needed to address it and make it right.

He let himself listen to her hypnotizing giggles until she stopped laughing and relaxed back into the pillows against the wall.

Kaz hung up his hat, coat, and cane before limping towards his girlfriend.

She set the book bag down, “I’ll need to somehow make room”.

Kaz glanced at the makeshift bookshelf in his room that was overly full of books; nearly all hers.

“I’ll get someone on it” he promised, pleased by her excited smile.

“Listen… I… I’m sorry I was so… short with you at the store” she began.

“Y/n, -“ Kaz attempted to stop her but she shook her head, looking at her lap.

“I was. I was mad… well, a bit mad, more hurt to be honest” y/n mumbled as Kaz sat inches from her.

“I know dove, that’s why I want us to talk” he told her.

She nods, “okay. But I want to apologize, I was too stubborn”.

Kaz chuckled but shook his head softly.

“Yes I was, more than normal I mean” she explained, understanding his laughter.

“I… it just really hurt Kaz. But, I should’ve-“ she continued.

“Dove, please. Stop. You did not do anything wrong. You could’ve stabbed me right then and there and I still wouldn’t blame you “ Kaz told her firmly.

She scoffed playfully, “I’d never waste my skills on that. But, seriously, I… thank you for coming to find me and for the books, I’ll pay you back in the mo-“.

Kaz set his gloved hand on her knee to stop her, “I do not want your money”.

She nodded, “you can’t buy my forgiveness either though Kaz”.

He nodded, “I’m aware dove. And that’s not my intention. You wanted the books, they’re yours. It’s as simple as that”.

“You scared the poor clerk you know” y/n mumbled.

Kaz chuckled briefly, “I will not apologize for that”.

“She might never let me back” y/n groaned.

“I’ll see to it that’s not the case” Kaz promised.

“No, no. Just leave the poor woman alone” she laughed.

Kaz smirked and nodded, “as you wish dove “.

He took a deep breath, “it does not justify my actions, but I was angry… furious rather… because I had a reason I asked you to stop fighting “.

“I know, you don’t think it’s that big of a deal, but saints, some of their remarks-“ she grumbled.

Kaz shook his head, tapping her leg with the hand he had resting on her knee still, “more important than that. There was a threat to you and the other crows. I didn’t want you to worry… I was also em…. They had been able to spy on us. That shouldn’t have been possible. They knew everyone’s habits-“.

Y/n noticed the frustration in his voice and read between the lines, “Kaz. I get it. You were worried about them using our habits- such as my recent fighting against people who insult you- as a trap, hmm?”.

Kaz nodded, running his other hand through his hair, “Inej is seeing to the end of the threat as we speak, but I… seeing your hand like that…”

She sighed, resting her palm over his gloved hand on her knee, “I understand. Next time, don’t keep things like that from me. We’re in this together, remember?”

Kaz relished in the warmth his hand felt as it rested between her knee and her palm, the warmth making any remaining flashback sensations cease.

“I remember” he agreed, “I should have told you. I also should not have treated you the way I did. You deserve better”

Y/n nodded, “I do. And you have always treated me better. I forgive you Brekker. But you need to forgive yourself”.

He turned his head to look at her, his eyes gazing into hers.

“I’m serious Kaz. I know why. We both acted in ways we regret today. Let’s call it a wash and move on, please” she told him.

Kaz smiled faintly and nodded, “okay. But, I would like you to tell me about the real cause for your cracked hands… if you-“.

Y/n cut him off as she removed her hand from his to lift it up into the minimal light in the room.

“Every time it gets cold, we’ll colder than Ketterdam normally gets.. such as in winter, my skin does this. It’s nothing serious” she said, seeing the concern in his eyes.

“But, it does. And before you try bringing Nina in to fix it, I already went to a healer before for it. There’s nothing they can do that’ll last. It doesn’t impact my ability-“ y/n continued.

Kaz groaned, “darling, I could not care less about that aspect”.

Y/n blushed, “nonetheless, I promise I can still do my job. Moving on though… basically my hands get excessively dry from the weather and they split like this. Just the backs of them since the skin is tighter there. But yeah”.

“And it hurts “ he stated, eyes scanning the cracks and breaks in her skin.

“Oftentimes, yes. Water makes it worse. So washing my hands usually causes the breaks to open and reignite the pain, drying them after rubs against the already irritated skin. If nothing touches it, the burning pain isn’t so bad” she told him.

He sighed, his mind searching for ways to help her, “nothing can be done?”.

“To fix it long term? No. Inej usually wraps it when it gets bad. I took it off today as it made turning the pages harder” she said, biting her lip as Kaz groaned at her admitted behavior.

“Does the wrapping help?” Kaz asked, taking her other hand into his to examine.

“Not much. But it makes her feel better so I let her. The lotion does the most benefit. It just doesn’t last long because I can’t not use my hands all day” she said.

He nodded, smirking as an idea popped into his mind, “have you tried gloves?”.

She looked up at him, “like winter gloves?”

Kaz shook his head, “no, like mine”.

Y/n thought for a moment before shaking her head, “didn’t think of it”.

He hummed, slipping his gloves off.

“Kaz-“ she began, appreciative but apprehensive at making him remove his gloves for her.

“Just let me try this” he stated, pushing himself up and walking to his dresser.

“My pain balm should help both the pain and is a lotion, so-“ Kaz rambled as he grabbed the tin from his dresser before limping back to her.

“You don’t need to Kaz” she sighed.

Kaz rolled his eyes, “we have different opinions on that my dear. Now, please, let me see your hands”.

She held her hands out before him, Kaz sitting next to her as he took them in his.

Y/n watched as he held back the waves in his chest as he held her bare hand.

She wanted to stop him but could see the determined look on his face and knew better.

Kaz looked into her eyes and took a deep stabilizing breath before he returned his gaze back to her hands.

“If it hurts too much, you have to tell me” Kaz demanded as he began to very tenderly rub the pain lotion onto her cracked skin.

Ever few seconds, he’d lift his eyes to check on her and return to focusing on her hand after she’s give him a reassuring smile or nod.

Kaz took his time tending to her hands, being sure to cover every single spot.

Any anxiety or tension in his chest was pushed away between the warmth of her hands, her calming words she whispered knowing how it helped him in these moments, and his pride in being able to help her.

Once the lotion was coating the entirety of her hands, Kaz set the tin down and grabbed his gloves.

He delicately guided her hands into the leather gloves, his lips turned upwards as he stared at his completed work.

“Thank you” she whispered, beaming at him.

Kaz looked into her eyes and nodded, “let’s give it a try. If it doesn’t work, we will try something else”

“It genuinely already feels less severe Kaz “ she promised, Kaz’s muscles relaxing a bit in response.

“Okaaay, Kaz “ y/n stated, entering his room.

He turned to face her, inej stopping her report as she entered.

“Oh! Sorry Inej,” y/n gasped, smiling she added, “I’ll come back later, resume your conversation!”

Inej laughed and shook her head.

“Stay” Kaz said, motioning towards her chair next to him.

Inej nodded as y/n questioningly looked at her.

“I was just explaining that the threat is over now” she stated, Kaz nodding in approval.

“You’re certain?” He asked firmly.

Inej rolled her eyes, “yes. Rotty saw to it. They’ve been handled”.

Kaz hummed, “good”.

Y/n nudged Kaz faintly and he groaned.

“Thank you Wraith” he added, understanding y/N’s nonverbal request.

Inej smirked and nodded, “you’re welcome, y/n”

The girls laughed as inej excused herself from the room.

Kaz rolled his eyes, shifting to look at the girl beside him, “you were saying something as you entered”.

Y/n nodded rapidly, “oh, right! Yes, I don’t think this arrangement will work after all”.

Kaz glowered at her hands, “and why is that? Is the pain back?”

His mind raced as he calculated how long it had been since he last applied the lotion to her hands.

“No, but I’m learning I’m not as skilled in wearing gloves as you are” she giggled shyly, “I need my fingers more free”

Kaz chuckled, calming down as he shook his head, “ you’ll get used to it”

“I cannot grip things Kaz” she whined, “I tried to use my blade and it nearly slipped”.

He sat up straighter, his brows furrowed, “why? What happened? Who-“.

Y/n shook her head, “no one, I was just trying it after Jesper tossed a spent shell at me in an attempt to catch me off guard”

Kaz chuckled as he recalled Jesper’s other attempts to get y/n to drop things.

She was known for her quick reflexes and being able to use her finger strength to grip even the most difficult surfaces, allowing her (despite Kaz’s annoyance and fears) to hang on to the smallest ledges without falling.

“I dropped it Kaz!” She groaned.

“Okay, alright dove “ Kaz laughed quietly, “give me a moment”.

Y/n pouted and rested her head on the desk as she waited for a new solution.

“Inej!” Kaz suddenly shouted, making y/n jump.

Moments later, the wraith returned, arms crossed over her chest in frustration at having been yelled at.

Y/n glanced between the two as she and inej waited for an explanation.

“Go to Axl’s and pick up the order he should have ready” Kaz ordered.

Inej raised an eyebrow and waited until Kaz gave her a sarcastic ‘please’.

She looked over at y/n and rolled her eyes as y/n shrugged, “is it for her?”

Kaz groaned at her persistence but nodded.

“Fine, give me five” inej remarked, offering a smile to her friend before leaving again.

“Your order?” Y/n asked, facing Kaz.

“I planned for you needing another option. I figured you would not enjoy your fingers being covered” Kaz stated simply.

Of course he had; Kaz Brekker always had a backup plan.

“How do they feel?” Kaz asked as he zipped up the fingerless gloves he had made custom for her.

He hoped the zipper aspect would allow her to remove them without the martial rubbing her cracked skin.

She wiggled her free fingers, the material of the gloves only covering the cracked areas of her skin and leaving her fingertips and upper area of her fingers free.

“These are so cool” she murmured, hopping off the bed and rushing to his desk to grab something.

Kaz smirked to himself as he watched her excitement.

She grabbed one of her blades off the desk and looked around, letting it fly from her fingers as she found a clear space on the wall.

Y/n cheered as she hit her target with ease, Kaz rolling his eyes as she never missed.

“Hey!” She defended, noticing his eye roll, “it wasn’t as hard to control this time!”

Kaz smirked again and nodded.

“Toss me something “ she said, turning from him.

“Y/n” Kaz spoke, throwing a Ravkan coin towards her, thin edge facing her.

She spun and caught it between two fingers effortlessly, beaming widely as she did.

“They’re perfect!” She exclaimed.

Kaz smirked, “so, they’ll work?”.

Y/n ran back to him, grabbing his gloves hand in hers, “yes! Thank you Kaz”

He nodded, lifting her hand to his face and placing a soft kiss to her exposed fingers.

“No more cracked hands my dove, you’ll wear these for winter months” he said softly, hoping it came across as a request despite him needing her to agree.

“The deal is the deal” she smirked, tapping her free fingers on his hand.

Kaz smirked back at her as he slouched back against the wall.

“I bet I can read now too!” She gasped, rushing to grab a book.

Y/n got on her tippy toes as her finger tips hooked into the edge of the book Kaz bought her.

“It’s a bit tall now” she muttered, barely reaching the book from its place on the new bookshelf Kaz had his dregs build to store more books.

Kaz shrugged, “you could always ask for assistance, darling”.

She smiled, “true! Okay, let’s see!”

Kaz pulled the blanket back as she crawled onto the bed next to him.

He set it over her lap as she settled into her reading position, book placed over the blanket.

“Saints, Kaz, this is great; it doesn’t hurt to turn the pages now and is also easier to do than with the full gloves “ she gushed, smiling over at him.

He smirked, closing his eyes as he rested his head on the wall behind him, “I’m pleased love. But, I don’t think my name and saints belong in the same sentence”.

Y/n scoffed, “oh bite me! You’re lucky I’m not calling you a saint, these are wonderful”

Kaz chuckled quietly, his cheeks reddening at her comment, “anything you need y/n”.

She smiled over at him, happy he was finally calmer now that they found a solution that worked.

“You know, people will really know we’re together now as we’ll be matching” she teased.

Kaz laughed loudly, his hand clamping over his mouth as he shook his head, “you’re insane”.

She shrugged and went back to reading, Kaz watching her contentedly.

He couldn’t help but feel proud of himself.

Not only had he managed to find a solution for her cracked hands, but he fought his own tendencies in order to address the way he made her voice crack earlier that day.

And now he was determined to not let either crack happen again.

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