#kaz rietveld fanfic

[byeol-ssi]

nothing more, nothing less

Kaz Brekker was acquainted with different monsters. Those wrapped in expensive silk and bathed in sickening perfume. Those who spouted beautiful lies, enticing unwitting men into their dens. Those with hands stained crimson, preying on children and fools alike. His reflection on a mirror.

But the green-eyed beast proved to be a terrifying match.

Or, Kaz gets jealous.

✦ kaz brekker x gn!reader | grishaverse

✦ tags: jealous kaz, lieutenant!reader, (kind of?) enemies to lovers, set sometime after the events of crooked kingdom

"Brekker."

"Darling," KAZ drawled without looking up at your arrival, his tone more mocking than affectionate. "You're two bells late. Do you have the—"

A roll of parchment zipped through the air, landing in the middle of his desk with startling accuracy and ruining the neatly arranged blueprints spread atop it.

"I told you to quit calling me that," you muttered darkly. "One of these days, I'll really cut off your tongue."

He huffed, concealing his amusement. He enjoyed calling you all sorts of endearments after discovering how easily they riled you up.

There are times when Kaz allowed himself to feel, to act, like a boy again. Reconcile with a distant past, one that echoed Jordie's voice and carried the smell of fresh grass.

This was one of them. Similar to a child, Kaz reveled in your attention. Regardless if they came as threats, insults, or downright disdain.

He'd swallow a bullet first than ever admit it, though.

"How terrifying," he said, unfazed, and made swift work of straightening out the floor plan you brought him.

Silence fell, interrupted only by the soft shuffling of papers. From the corner of his eye, he noticed you shifting your weight from one foot to the other.

Normally, Kaz would come up with some sort of excuse to make you stay, but it seemed that something was on your mind.

And so, he waited.

You cleared your throat. "Do you need anything else?"

No, but thank you. You did well. Please, get some rest, his thoughts supplied. He ignored them. Instead, he simply settled on, "No."

His movements stilled. The question was unusual, especially coming from you.

"Nothing more, nothing less," you had once told him, seated on the ledge of a stadwatch tower that overlooked Ketterdam's shores. He'd nodded in agreement back then, mesmerized by the early sunlight that caressed your face.

You lived by the old saying for as long as Kaz has known you. After all, when you grew up in the Barrel, you'd learned early on that acting out of the goodness of one's heart only left a person broken. Penniless. Or worse, dead.

As such, you weren't the type to seek additional assignments without an offer beforehand. The fact that you had gone out of your way to ask was... suspicious.

His eyes finally flicked to yours. He could never afford to look at you for too long, as it was becoming increasingly difficult for him to stop once he started.

He cocked his head to the side and searched your gaze. "Why?"

You blinked, clearly caught off guard. He rarely indulged you in idle conversation or pried into your affairs.

Nothing more, nothing less.

Because despite everything you've been through together, this was the nature of your relationship too. Neither of you tried to change it, even after every scar he unraveled and laid at your feet.

Even after numerous nights spent confined in his office, shoulders almost, but never brushing one another as you pored over schemes for hours.

Even after repeatedly saving each other's necks and during the intimate silences that followed when the adrenaline wore off. Moments taut with charged tension, heaving breaths, and unspoken truths.

"I've got plans," you explained rather cryptically.

"Plans? Has someone else hired you for a job? I hope you don't forget that you belong to—"

"No, someone asked me out on a date."

Me, insisted the voice in his head, rich with desperation. You belong to me.

Kaz scoffed in disbelief. "A date? In Ketterdam?"

Fear clawed its way up his throat, determined to make itself known. It warred with another emotion he was too proud to name.

This... feeling was absurd. Sentimental. Kaz was no stranger to loss.

The seas granted Inej her freedom. A new chapter awaited Jesper and Wylan. Nina stumbled upon a second chance at love. Matthias found peace.

Yet, deep down, each farewell left him a little more empty than the last.

You were bound to Ketterdam only by virtue of being the Dreg's sole lieutenant. In truth, nothing else was preventing you from leaving.

Leaving him.

After promoting you, a tiny seed of guilt buried itself in his cold, wretched heart when he realized he held you back. That he never gave you the opportunity to pursue your dreams. Your position forced you to assume several roles, to fill in the shoes the others had given up.

But his greed outweighed his guilt and Kaz was a selfish man indeed.

The mere idea that someone could whisk you away from him brought forth a hateful bitterness from within.

"Where is the unfortunate fellow taking you?" he asked, keeping his voice deceptively calm.

You narrowed your eyes, ignoring the jibe. "It's a quaint little bar called 'none of your business.'"

Nothing more, nothing less. The phrase taunted him now. The green-eyed monster inside him rattled his ribcage ferociously, driving him to boast.

He curled his fingers around the desk's edge tightly. "Funny. I run the entirety of the Barrel, and I don't recall an establishment operating under that name."

"I'll have you know that he actually owns the place he's bringing me to," you snapped defensively.

Good, good. More information.

"And how long have you known each other?"

You shrugged. "A few weeks."

The answer relieved him somewhat. His possessiveness ebbs, its rhythm steady, before it swelled again, rising with the current of his emotions. One should always be more sure of everything. He'd learned that the hard way.

"And he's aware of who you truly are?" Kaz pressed on. "Of what you do?"

There were only a handful of possibilities. The person could have ulterior motives for approaching you. It wasn't unlikely, considering your power was only second to his.

Perhaps it was a spiteful soul he'd wronged, plotting to take advantage of you and get revenge on him.

On the other hand, there was also a chance that they weren't privy to your true identity. He couldn't blame anyone for wanting you but it was common knowledge whispered in the streets that Kaz Brekker was a man unwilling to share.

Anyone who didn't heed that advice and went against it anyway was just recklessly bold. Or stupid. The Barrel never seemed to run out of those.

This time, you broke away from his gaze. "It doesn't matter." You sniffed, feigning indifference.

The person didn't know then, he surmised. You probably met him during one of your undercover assignments, disguised and masquerading around with an alias.

Sensing his disapproval, you attempted to defend your date-to-be by adding, "He's kind. Sweet. Honest."

Everything he was not. The words, sharp as glass, ripped him apart. Crushed him with an overwhelming weight of sorrow.

"It seems naive of you to form an impression of him in such a short amount of time," he said through gritted teeth.

Pretending as if he didn't care should have been easy for him. Right now, all his years of experience in perfecting that charade were useless.

You rolled your eyes. "Not everyone is cynical and distrusting of the world like you. People can be good, Brekker."

And you deserved everything good and more. Better people could love you, he knew.

Someone who would not flinch every time you drew near. Someone who would freely kiss away your every fear.

Kaz had survived gunshots. Knife wounds. Sickness, nightmares, and grief. But the very thought of someone else soaking in your warmth was an ache he could not bear.

He felt the words scorching his tongue, his demons voicing them with unbridled cruelty. "There is a difference between being cautious and acting like a love-sick fool!"

Your eyes widened in shock, hardening in anger a second later; then they softened with disappointment, and all Kaz could see was the reflection of himself, a frenzied animal. A blown fuse. Inhumanely hollow.

He opened his mouth to speak, beg for your forgiveness, but you had already turned and walked away.

"I'll come back when you aren't hissing at me like a wet cat," you said, slamming the door behind you.

Kaz clenched his gloved hands into aching fists and hung his head, trying not to think of how jealous the idea of another man made him.

He wasn't too late. Dealing with his emotions was uncharted territory for him but scheming came as effortlessly as he breathed.

Kaz never lost a fight and he wasn't about to start now. Even if he needed to play dirty. His greed outweighed his guilt and he wasn't called Dirtyhands for nothing.

"Brekker!"

Kaz had just finished speaking with another gang member, Roeder, when he heard the heavy stomp of your footsteps, followed by the frustrated yell of his name. You appeared on the stairway landing soon after, rage thundering in your wake.

"You're dismissed." Kaz waved to Roeder. His eyes shifted to you momentarily and cast Kaz a wary glance. Not wanting to get caught in the crossfire, he scurried off, slipping past the both of you.

Kaz began to ascend the stairs, you trailing behind him. He could sense that you were shooting daggers at the back of his head, probably cursing him out silently.

"You're back early," he finally said once you entered his office. He circled back to the same place you'd left him hours earlier and sat in his chair. "How'd the date go?"

You stormed closer, wedging yourself between him and the desk, stopping him from hiding behind the pretense of work.

"You know exactly how it went," you snarled.

In spite of your anger, you remembered to maintain your distance. Not once have you commented on his aversion to skin-to-skin contact, though he was certain you harbored your own questions.

"I'm afraid I don't, darling." He raised his chin to hold your gaze, his expression carefully blank. A tailored mask. "I wasn't there."

"You had him taken by the Dregs." The hurt on your face was unmistakable, enough for Kaz to feel a tad remorseful.

It was hardly sufficient, though. Screw righteousness, old habits die hard. "Ah, I had no idea he was your date," he lied again.

"Bullshit."

"But, what I do know is that he laundered money from our coffers and forced children into building the same tavern you were just in."

Kaz went over records of the jobs you'd accomplished in the last two months. After connecting the dots, he successfully identified your date and paid Roeder to look into his background. It was pure luck that the man was a merchant who managed to con Kaz's old boss.

Pulling the strings for his capture was practically child's play. Not that he'd ever tell you that.

Your fury dissipated, replaced by defeat that slumped your shoulders. "You were right," you said quietly, avoiding his eye once more. "I'm sorry."

Kaz rose from his chair and stepped forward. Taken by surprise, you backed away instinctively, only to find yourself trapped by the desk now digging into your hip.

"Let me make it up to you," he spoke with an unfamiliar softness. It almost sounded wrong.

You furrowed your brows in confusion. "What?"

"I ruined your evening. I could have ordered the others to seize him after you finished dinner."

But I didn't want him to walk you home. Wrap his coat around your shoulders. Kiss you goodnight at the Slat's doorstep. Kaz would've probably loaded his pistol at the sight. Broken every limb that touched you with his cane.

You snorted. "Okay. Are you going to give me whatever we steal next? Increase my cut?"

"No, although we can discuss it another time. I'm inviting you out on a date."

You blinked once. Twice. Slowly, you said, "Brekker, you ask someone out when you like them."

His lips pulled into the slightest frown, mildly impatient. "I know."

"You don't like me."

"Whoever put that silly idea in your head?"

"You did. You don't like anyone."

"I may not be the best at showing it, but you know that there are exceptions to that rule," he argued. "Especially when it comes to you."

He continued to lean over you, ignoring the pressure of panic beating against the walls of his chest from the proximity.

"You called me an idiot," you countered. You refused to move a muscle, most likely out of consideration for him, but he closed the distance himself.

He dipped his head further. "Again, I never said that."

"Fine," you conceded, sounding fond. "You implied that I was an idiot."

"I'll be kinder from now on," he promised. "I can try to be sweet, if you give me time and chance to learn. And I'm being honest right now."

Nothing he could do would ever atone for his sins. But although he was renowned as the Bastard of the Barrel, he was prepared to do it right by you.

Hesitantly, you raised a hand. Every inch of his flesh wanted to turn itself inside out, but every bone in his body yearned for your touch.

A quivering sigh escaped his throat as you reached for his cheek, your fingers warm and gentle on his skin.

He braced himself for the familiar scent of death. The ocean. He willed himself to focus on the details that made your face. The line of your jaw to your ear. The slope of your nose. The curve of your lips, hanging onto them as if his life depended on it.

It did, in a way.

"Your answer?" he rasped, suppressing a shiver.

You dragged your thumb against his skin in a delicate but paralyzingly manner and whispered, "I accept."

He had never been held with such tenderness before. Your touch made him feel like he was somewhere else, far from the memories that haunted him.

Growing concerned, you attempted to withdraw your hand but Kaz grasped your wrist before you fully could. He steadied himself with your pulse, each beat, each hymn, anchoring him to the present.

He was here. With you. In his office. Nothing in the world could hurt him.

Eventually, he slid his own gloved hand so that your palms pressed together. Your lashes fluttered and you asked, "Is this really happening? Are we really going on a date?"

He hummed in affirmation. "And I'll do it properly."

Seriously, who in their right mind would bring you to that side of Ketterdam? He took the sealed envelope containing your dinner reservation from inside his coat and handed it to you.

"Thank you." Your mouth curved into a shy smile. "And for the record... you don't have to be anything else other than yourself."

"Ruthless, callous, and dishonest cheat?" His voice held a hint of insecurity, betraying his attempted nonchalance. It was a question hauled from the inner depths of his soul, the boy inside him who wondered if he could ever be worthy of love.

"You forgot insufferable," you teased, although your earnest gaze belied the lightness of your tone. He knew you could see right through him. "But, yes. Just you, Kaz. Nothing more. Nothing less."

At that moment, Kaz knew you would be his salvation and destruction. You could shatter his heart and every single piece would still cry out for your name.

He squeezed your hand. Soon, he'll make you, and everyone else in the Barrel, realize that he had no intentions of ever letting you go.

✦ byeol’s notes: new year, new fandom ?!

✦ reblogs and feedback are greatly appreciated! thank you so, so much in advance! <3

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[crvptidgf]

Whipped

Kaz Brekker x Reader

➸ summary: just as you start to think that Kaz is incapable of basic human decency, he proves you wrong (in his own, Kaz-like way)

➸ warnings/notes: none

word count: 1.2k

————————

ONE THING YOU quickly learned about Kaz was that he never showed outward emotion. In fact, sometimes you weren’t too sure he even felt any at all. That was what everybody said - Kaz was robotic in the way he interacted with people, hardly sparing a thought on the well-being or opinions of others.

While it wasn’t far off the truth, you knew there had to be more to him than a void machine with no care for anybody but himself. He was still, after all, human (despite what anybody else might say).

It wasn’t without reason that he gained his infamous aliases. Bastard of the Barrel, Dirtyhands, Demjin. That’s why it surprised you when you started getting nervous around him. Not the kind of nervous that most people felt with Kaz, but more like a stupid, naïve school-girl kind of nervous. Why? You could probably name a million reasons.

Putting aside all that he has done and all that he is, Kaz was genuine. Perhaps not like how Jesper and Inej were - and sure, he didn’t have the softness that Nina held, or the undying open affection that Matthias bared for his lover, or even the sweet, lovable awkwardness that Wylan had. He was, however, intriguing in his own way.

He was brutally loyal to those he deemed worthy; his mind worked unlike anyone else you had met; and he never, ever, took shit from anyone - no matter if it was a stranger off the street or one of his Crows. Not to mention that he always seemed to be 2 steps ahead of his foes, which was something you admired greatly. These special qualities made him who he is and you couldn’t help but fall for his cold and calculating personality.

There was always a wall separating him from being honest with people, his lack of trust and need to be in control too strong to ever let up. Yet bit by bit (or brick by brick) his shell started to gather cracks and crevices in the shape of you.

You had somehow wormed your way into his icy heart. Of course he would never dare admit it to himself, much less say it out loud, but deep down he knew. And he hated it.

He hated that he remembered your favorite color. He hated that he knew exactly how you liked your tea in the mornings. Most of all, he absolutely loathed the fact that you, out of anybody he has ever encountered, managed to become his biggest weakness.

Kaz always prided himself on his nonchalant façade. Nobody could ever read what was going on inside his mind and he worked hard to keep it that way. Until you came along. Until you wrung and twisted his insides until he couldn’t take it anymore - the thoughts of you so polluted in his mind that he couldn’t help but chastise his childish behavior.

He wasn’t a boy anymore. He didn’t have crushes (although what he felt for you was a little more than a measly crush).

All of this to say that, when he saw the small smile that tugged on the corner of your lips whenever he did something thoughtful for you, he actually found that he didn’t mind being reduced to a mindless, clueless idiot around you. He actually realized that he liked making you happy. This epiphany scared him. But if tossing and turning at night, his mind completely overtaken by you, meant that he could see your grin light up the room just one more time, he could live with it.

You, on the other hand, had no idea of his inner turmoil. Yeah you knew he was a bit gentler when you were around (not by much, you noted), but that could be for a multitude of reasons. Surely Kaz Brekker, the notorious Dirtyhands, didn’t take a fancy to you of all people. Right?

These thoughts were however thrown from your mind when you awoke to your floorboards creaking, the sound alerting your fight or flight response. Constantly being in imminent danger does that to a person. You can never be too sure when death would knock on your door.

Yet when you slowly reached your hand under your pillow for your dagger (a gift that Inej had graced you with on your first birthday at the Crow Club), a voice stopped you from your worries.

“It’s just me. No need for any violence so early in the morning.”

Turning in your small but cozy bed, you were met with a somewhat startled looking Kaz. He wasn’t expecting you to wake up - he should’ve forseen this. Saints, he was losing his game. He always did when it came to you.

“Oh,” you replied simply. “Did you need something?”

Kaz’s lips formed into a line, something in his hand shuffling as he mulled over his thoughts. He should leave, he thought. But he didn’t. Instead he stood at the foot of your bed like a total creep, his eyes traveling over your face so quickly that you almost missed it.

“Breakfast,” he said, throwing the bag that he previously toyed with in his hand.

It landed with a soft thud on your bed, the brown paper almost unfolding as it reached your knee. Picking it up slowly, you looked towards Kaz for any indication of what it was. Nothing could’ve prepared you for what was inside.

It was a sugar-roll. Something you had been craving for months, but could never seem to get your hands on. There was only one bakery in the Barrel that sold these, and it was on the complete other side of the city.

“How did you- Where-“ you stumbled over your words, utterly struck by surprise.

Kaz spun his cane in his hand, the crow's head glinting in the sunlight that peeked from your window.

You never thought you would see the day, but he hesitated before answering.

“Had some business to attend to. I just happened to walk by that bakery that you’re always harping on about.”

So he did listen to your meaningless rants. Nina had mentioned the bakery a while back, and you and her bonded over your shared enjoyment of the confectioneries that they sold. You didn’t think Kaz actually heard it, much less remembered what your favorite pastry was.

“Thank you,” you breathed out.

Kaz nodded, retreating backwards as he responded. “Hopefully now you’ll stop bugging me about that stupid roll of yours,” he said.

While his words were harsh, you could see the glint in his eyes as he spotted your excited expression, your hands pulling the doughy goodness out of its bag. In his own backwards way, Kaz was as whipped as somebody like him could get.

As he limped out of your room, the comfort of your presence leaving him, he spotted Jesper outside the door, smirking.

“What,” Kaz snapped.

“You just happened to walk by?”

Kaz rolled his eyes, sighing. He continued to walk, ignoring Jesper’s attempts to annoy the man.

“That bakery is at least 30 minutes away,” he stifled a laugh, “you need to think up better lies, boss.”

“Tell anyone and you’ll never see your guns again,” Kaz said, knowing there was no point in lying any more. He cast a backwards glance at his friend, who immediately put his hands up in defense.

Jesper smiled to himself as he was finally left alone upstairs. He was going to have so much fun taunting that over Kaz's head in the next few weeks.

The Bastard of the Barrel - whipped.

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[queenofspades6]

Greatest Investment | Kaz Brekker x reader

Summary: You eavesdrop on Kaz and Inej, you watched as they get closer, and well, it doesn’t go as planned…

Based on this request I received:

”Hiii! I haven't watched the second season yet, but I saw a Gif of a kiss (or almost kiss) between Kaz and Inej, and I was wondering if you would write about the reader having feelings for Kaz since they met, but she doesn't have the courage to talk, so at some point in the day she goes to check if Kaz needs anything and ends up witnessing the kiss (or almost kiss) between Kaz and Inej, and the reader feels like the silliest person in the world after that.”

Warnings: Angst. (Sorry…)

A/N: Hi! I hope you’ll enjoy what I wrote, I took some liberties since I was so inspired by the request!! I love some good angst! Did I use again in a Kaz Brekker fic title the word ‘investment’? Oops…I think meeting Freddy and Amita made me that way! They are so incredible!

———

Being Ketterdam’s most famous assassin wasn’t an easy life. You were one of Kaz Brekker’s Crows, always here if needed. Since you were part of the Crows, there was something unspoken between Kaz and you. There was some sort of tension from the beginning, even Nina and Jesper had noticed.

”How is the most beautiful woman in Ketterdam doing?“ Jesper asked, taking place to the bar counter next to you.

You rolled your eyes and repressed a grin.

“What do you want, Jesper?“

“Can’t I just compliment you without needing a reason?”

You stared at him meticulously, but Jesper couldn’t look back. Interesting. He needed to ask you something then...

“Fine! Fine! I need your help.“

You sighed but smiled.

”What? It’s not my fault, Y/N, if you give good advice! Don’t blame me!”

”Jesper, what do you need me for?“ You questioned, taking a sip at your drink.

“You see...“

Jesper was trying to avoid your gaze.

”Jesper. My patience has its limits.”

“Alright! Fine! I want to prepare a date for Wylan and I need your help.” He spitted, playing with his gun on his hand.

You nodded.

”I’ll help you. What do you need me for?“

”I don’t know what to plan. Maybe something he’ll like.”

You laughed, thinking about your previous conversation with Wylan about a sweet and wonderful place you both wanted to go to escape for once the cold streets of Ketterdam.

“Jes. You know what? Bring him to Butterfly’s Heaven, you declared, a smile already drawing on your lips at the thought, it’s a greenhouse where all the species of butterfly can fly freely. There’s also an endearing cafe there to drink something while watching the butterflies.” You replied, stars already dancing in your eyes thinking about all the marvelous butterflies.

“Do you think Wylan will love it?”

”Definitely! We talked about it all week, and he was desperate to go. You should bring him. He’ll love it. And buy him a stuffed toy, he’ll marry you right after.”

Jesper was smiling at the thought of Wylan asking his hand in marriage.

“Thank you, Y/N.”

“You and Wylan deserve to be happy.“

“What if it’s not enough, Y/N? What if I am not enough?” He opened up, not caring if he was vulnerable in front of you.

“You are enough, Jesper, you always have.”

You looked at him and smiled, hoping one day you’ll find someone that will care for you as much as Jesper wants Wylan.

“Wylan thinks you are enough, he loves you, Jes. And even Kaz knows it, even if he won’t ever admit it.”

You took another sip of the whisky in front of you and heard someone giggling.

”Hi Y/N!”

Wylan was embracing Jesper with his hands around his shoulders.

“Hi you.” Wylan said to Jesper.

Jesper didn’t even reply and kissed him tenderly as if he were the most precious thing in the world. And at that moment, you swore he were. They broke the kiss, and Wylan blinked several times as if to recover from the intensity of the kiss. It warmed your heart, even if you said nothing.

“What were you talking about?” Wylan asked, coming back to his senses.

Jesper almost jumped off his seat.

”We were talking about Y/N’s feelings for Kaz!“ Jesper answered spontaneously, too scared to reveal what he had planned.

”What? We were?” You almost spitted your drink on the counter of the bar. Now you were facing Jesper and Wylan. How dare he expose you like that?

”Oh seems interesting.” Wylan said, waiting for you to say more.

“There’s nothing between me and Kaz.”

Wylan looked at you wide-eyed, and Jesper sighed, before saying:

”Lie, Y/N. Haven’t you noticed how Kaz always checks on you after a heist, how you always have dresses, jewels, food, everything you want given to you for nothing in shops, you think it’s because of your fine looks? No. Even if you’re beautiful, Y/N, no offense! It’s Kaz’s doing. He made me went with him to each shop, each café, each place in Ketterdam you would want to go to pay, or should I say ‘bribe’ them for you to always have what’s best, no matter the cost.”

”That’s not true, that’s-”

”And what about this time you almost died, and he stayed at your bed an entire week, ordering every Dreg not to disturb him, and how you always have your tea and waffles ready for you every morning? Even Nina is jealous!” He confessed.

”I thought it was you or Wylan who was making me breakfast every morning!”

”It’s not.“ He muttered.

”He’s right, Y/N.” Wylan nodded. ”Even Nina told me last time about how his heartbeat jumped when you are in the same place, and how irritating it was for her to feel both of your heartbeats jumping when you’re together.”

“You should tell him how you feel, Y/N. You are the one who encouraged me to be with Wylan, because life is short, and in Ketterdam, death is always near. He cares about you, more than he’ll ever admit.”

”I don’t have feelings for Kaz fucking Brekker!” You almost screamed and avoided Wylan and Jesper’s gazes.

You took your glass of whisky and finished it all. The feeling of alcohol burning your throat almost soothed you.

”You do.” Jesper smiled and teased you.

”No, I don’t!”

Wylan rolled his eyes at his boyfriend’stuborness.

”Y/N! There you are, I thought you were with Kaz!”

You jumped off your seat. Fortunately for you, it was only Nina and not Dirtyhands himself.

”Nina, you scared the hell out of me.”

She grinned as if she had planned it all along.

”What are the three of you up to?“ She questioned, eyebrows raised.

"We are talking about Y/N’s feelings for Kaz.” Wylan answered before you could even speak.

”Not you too, Wylan!”

He smirked, almost shyly, and even if you wanted to blame him, you couldn’t blame his cute silly face.

”Hmmm, you and Waffles are not so discreet with your feelings.”

You sighed and tried to ignore Nina’s voice. You knew that if you listened to them, you would probably end up in Kaz’s office confessing your feelings for him, because on some missions, it became unbearable. The need to protect him, to check on him, how he could make you feel powerful and useless at the same time.

“Y/N. Heartbeats don’t lie.” Nina whispered to you, and you were sure Wylan and Jesper would not hear.

”Stop Nina. I- I- He’s not in love with me. Kaz Brekker can’t be in love. Love is a weakness, and I am only his latest investment.” You repeated, only to convince yourself of it.

“So how do you explain how his heartbeat go faster when you’re here, how I can feel his heart trying to get out of his chest when you’re injured. He cares. He tries to hide it, but the heart doesn’t lie. Never.”

You looked at her blue ocean eyes, and she caressed your shoulder in encouragement.

”Try to tell him, try to tell him you care, if only that. Love is a fragile thing, cherish it while it lasts.”

You swore you saw an ounce of sadness and regret flashing in her eyes as she remembered Matthias.

“I think you can help him with his past.” Nina muttered.

You looked at your empty glass, and noticed how your hands were trembling. Maybe they were right. Maybe it was time for you to tell him, that at least you cared for him. More than him being just your Boss.

You stood up, levelled up your chin, and took several steps towards Kaz’s office.

You were Ketterdam’s most notorious assassin, and you would not be afraid.*

You advanced towards the door slowly, you wanted to knock but the door was already ajar.

You could do it, you had done so much worse. You took a deep breath before-

You heard voices in his office. You heard him first, talking with a female voice, a voice you didn’t not recogn-

it was Inej’s.

Kaz and Inej were in his office talking. Your instinct was screaming at you to leave and come back later, but curiosity got the better of you.

You stayed, you tried to understand what they were saying, but you couldn’t. Slowly the most slowly possible you pushed the door and waited. Kaz and Inej were still talking, you took it as a sign they didn’t hear your presence. You weren’t Ketterdam’s best assassin for nothing. You took a silent step and looked at Kaz’s office.

You didn’t expect what you saw.

Kaz and Inej were close, too close for your liking, dangerously close. Too close that any of them could bear. So how was it they were here, almost touching each other. You swore Kaz could feel Inej’s breathing on his chin.

Watching them so close together made your heart beating faster. You wanted to scream but no sound came. No explanation came to your mind. Why was Inej here? You tried to focus on the words you heard, but none of them made sense. You were near but you couldn’t hear them clearly, it was as if your brain didn’t want you to eavesdrop. You heard some words like ‘crows’ and ‘family’.

You pushed the door again, without a sound. You leaned on the door and focused on the voices.

“Inej.”

You heard Kaz’s voice as it broke, and you needed to take a glimpse at what was going on right now. You took a deep breath and looked at them. Kaz’s gloved hand was on Inej’s shoulder. They were staring at each other like nothing else mattered in the entire world. Even if you were not close, you could decipher Inej’s surprise at Kaz’s sudden touch.

”Let me go, Kaz.”

Kaz removed his hand, and an ounce of sadness and rejection passed on his face.

“We need you, here.“

You watched as Inej shooked her head.

“Stay, Inej. Stay. Please.”

Her name sounded as a prayer in Kaz’s lips.

”I can’t, Kaz, and you know why.“ She whispered.

“We need you, Inej, please. We- I... I need you.“

Without noticing, Kaz caught Inej’s arm with his gloved hand, preventing her from leaving.

You couldn’t see them clearly; the door was blocking your path. You tried to lean on a bit further but failed miserably. Why did you push your luck? Your whole body had been trembling the whole time, even with the multiple tries to steady your heartbeat and calm yourself. The door opened slightly, and your face was greeted by the floor.

All you felt was numbness, shock and realization. Kaz and Inej were staring at you in wonder. You could already feel Kaz’s grave gaze at you.

“What? Did you never see someone fall before?“ You questioned, trying to hide your discomfort.

Feeling ashamed, you stood up awkwardly and crossed Kaz’s eyes.

“Y/N.“ Kaz declared.

You nodded.

“It’s not what you think.” Inej replied immediately, trying to maintain her composure.

Kaz was leaning on his cane, and his eyes never left your form.

”Don’t worry, I didn’t see anything. I won’t tell a soul. Keep going. I am leaving right now.” You gestured to the door and fled.

”Y/N, wait.“ Kaz said.

You ran through the Crow Club, not caring what the Dregs thought.

”Y/N!” Jesper screamed, hoping to catch your attention.

Why were you running?

Kaz followed after you, even if his leg hurt. He tried to, but you were too fast for him. After all, you were an assassin. A clumsy one at that...

You didn’t care. You ran until your lungs couldn’t bear the feeling, until your knees broke under the weight of your exhausted body. But where could you go in Ketterdam? A place where no Dreg could ever find you.

You knew the perfect place.

Months ago the Crows had gone on an heist with your help. The goal was simple, Kaz had said: ‘we enter, we take the painting, and we leave unnoticed’. He had insisted on the word ‘unnoticed’ looking specifically at Jesper. You had agreed to help them steal the damn painting if it pleases them. Truth be told you couldn’t say no to more Kruge. When you entered the grim manor Kaz had depicted, you noticed how silent and peaceful it was. No soul lived here. Was it the place where the painting was hidden? Maybe Kaz had made a mistake. But he had confirmed it was here. The manor was abandoned long ago by a duke trying to escape his demons. That’s all Kaz had told you, and you hadn’t asked for more at the time. Now you wished you had, because you were headed towards the old manor. A place where just the ghosts could disturb you. Ghosts were better than men, right? Better than some Bastard of the Barrel.

It could be the only place where you could scream and cry without someone noticing Ketterdam’s best assassin being vulnerable. Sometimes being the greatest assassin was a weakness, a weakness you couldn’t afford. It meant never showing too much emotion, never crying in front of your enemies... Wait. Was Kaz your enemy?

You didn’t know anymore. Falling in love was a weakness. Something not allowed in the dangerous streets of Ketterdam, a feeling that would destroy everything if not careful. In fact, love was a weapon, and if not used with parsimony and care, it could kill you.

You broke in the manor, remembering the precise path you used last time and found the closest room, the one you had discovered and found surprisingly pleasing. And strangely peaceful.

You closed the door, and sat on the floor, your body curled up, hands around your knees. You tried to forget the memories with the Crows and Kaz, but it was too much. You remembered your times with Jesper talking about guns, the hours eating waffles and ice cream with Nina, the walks with Wylan, the looks of approval coming from Matthias, and this cane... The cane you would never forget, even if you wanted to. You remembered the day when you had ended up wounded after eliminating a slaver. You were injured, sitting on the cold pavement. You were trying to catch your breath before escaping, but you had felt a soft but firm tap on your thigh. And without looking, you knew who it belonged to.

It was the Bastard of the Barrel.

He wanted you to think he was invisible, and unpredictable, but what he didn’t know was that long before killing the man, you knew Dirtyhands had followed you.

“Enjoyed the show, didn’t you?” You had questioned, showing your white teeth that must have been covered in blood.

That was the day when he had asked you to join the Crows, and since you had nothing more to do, you had accepted, already thinking about the free drinks you would benefit at the Crow Club.

You also remembered the day when you had wanted to leave the Crows because of some decision Kaz had made. You were angry and had prepared everything to leave in the morning. However, Kaz had watched you wrapping your clothes with a spectacular meticulousness, and had whispered:

“Stay. Stay in Ketterdam. Stay with me, Y/N.”

And you had stayed. Of course. When Dirtyhands asked you to stay, you stay. The morning he had woken up at dawn in case you wanted to leave without saying goodbye. He had found you in your usual attire, your knives and guns on your waist.

“You did not leave?”

He had asked, almost as a prayer.

”No. Something keeps me in Ketterdam.”

Kaz had said nothing, but you swore you had seen a grin on his lips this day.

You also remembered the day when you had been badly injured to save Nina from a fatal injury. You had been severely hurt; you weren’t even able to stand up. You remember watching the pitiful looks of the Crows at your broken body sprawled on the ground. Deep down you knew you were now a liability for the Crows, and especially for Kaz, so you had told them to leave you here, and escape before the men you had stolen from were back. You knew the risks and costs of each heist, and already accepted your fate.

Kaz had none of it. He had ordered Matthias to carry you, while Nina would tend to your wound as much as she could and control your heartbeat. Jesper would protect your backs, while Inej was sent to scan the path, and look for any danger. You would never forget the look Kaz had given you when he told you to rest for months if needed and had given you a room close to his own in the Crow Club.

Later, you had asked him why he had saved you instead of leaving you to perish. He had said with conviction:

”We are Crows, Y/N, we never leave our own behind.”

That was all of his qualities and flaws that made you love Kaz Brekker. He was broken, but you had always been a sucker for broken things to tend to. You had offered him everything an assassin could possess: your loyalty, your weapons, your ability to kill, and your heart, ready for the taking...

But now you remembered the sentence Dirtyhands had told you a week ago, telling you all you had to know about what you were to him, and what you could be.

”You’re my greatest investment, Y/N. Don’t fail me. “

He had told you once what you were to him, but you hadn’t listened, you had fallen in love, and now you knew. You knew you had always been an expensive investment, but only that, nothing more.

You had been his greatest investment, and that was all...

———-

Tell me what you thought about this one! I am seriously considering writing a part 2! Likes, shares and comments are appreciated, it makes my day, I really need it!

———

If you liked this fanfiction, you’ll love this one, it also has the word ‘investment’ in the title like this one:

⬇️ ⬇️

#kaz brekker x reader #kaz x you #kaz brekker #kaz brekker x y/n #six of crows #dirtyhands #kaz brekker x you #kaz x reader #kaz x y/n #kaz brekker fanart #kaz brekker fanfic #kaz brekker x oc #kaz brekker x inej ghafa #kaz brekker x fem!reader #kaz rietveld #kaz x inej #kaz brekker art #inej ghafa #inej ghana #soc inej #six of crows fanfic #six of crows fandom #six of crows jesper #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #jesper x wylan #jesper and inej #inej gafha #inej fanart #six of crows fanfiction

[aysegust]

JUST A HEALER. - K.B

Pairings: (Kaz Brekker x Reader) A/N: Hey Everyone! I hope you all are fine and feel good. May goodness be with you… So this is a new fiction of mine. About Kaz Brekker… Well, I was so stressed about my studies so I wanted to write something to keep my mind occupied. English isn’t my native language, as reminding it again, I might have mistakes. If you saw it feel free to correct it with kindness of course! I hope you’ll like it. There will be a part two. Warnings: Kidnapping, Pekka Rollins, mention of Kirigan. It is mostly based on the first season of the series but I changed things. Word Count: 1.997

You can read the last part here: More Than A Healer. - K.B

A soldier, a healer.

That was all you were to him. A soldier, a healer. Well, the story of you and his crossed in a different path. You escaped from the Little Palace and took a ticket from an unknown ship, with that you went overseas.

As the ship sailed to the shore of Ketterdam, the city where every young-blooded Ravkan wanted to see, you were finally there. Freshly dressed and eager to see a new world. Other than forced to work under king’s command. Well, the missing state you were in probably put a traitor stamp on your name but you didn’t care.

Your parents died, because of Ravka. Because of their policies about taking Grisha’s away from their parents. Your parents die because they never wanted you to be taken from them. They died, because you were a Grisha… You blamed yourself for it from such a long time. But in reality, the blame wasn’t on you, it was on them.

A week passed since you were in Ketterdam, hiding your powers and blending into public. Well, it was safe to say that you were expecting difficulties. You had nothing so it would obviously difficult.

However as the weeks passed, you were able to find a shelter to stay, foods to feed yourself and a job. Well, you were taking care of wounded people, they thought you were talented. Not a Grisha. They thought this woman, you, are just talented and hardworking about what you do. But inside of every touch of yours, you were slowly recovering them faster.

Of course, you bandaged them, cut them, stitch them, clean their wounds but without the people of Ketterdam’s knowledge, as every slight touch of your fingers did the magic.

However, as you were so good at what you do, people talked. Pekka Rollins, offered you a job which you declined smoothly a time. He was pissed but you told him you work openly. But you treated his wounds so that’s why you were still alive.

Even Pekka Rollins didn’t realize you were a Grisha but a certain man, who likes to stay in silence and sees everything in a different gaze, such as reading between the lines, he noticed it.

That night you were going to your home, you heard a sound. It terrified you, so you touched your gun. Then you understood the sound of the cane, was on purpose.

The alley was empty. It was just the two of you, you thought. “It is not a daily thing you see a Grisha in Barrel.” As hearing his words, you turned to him slowly.

“Who are you?” You said to him coldly. He looked at you ruthlessly. As you were looking at his eyes, it was harsh, you felt goosebumps. “The right question is… why a Grisha is doing in the Barrel, Miss L/N?”

You furrowed your eyebrows. “I don’t know who you are, but you surely are mad.” He smiled to that. But the smile didn’t match his eyes. “I wouldn’t say that.”

He stepped firmly into your way, you didn’t back away. You wouldn’t show any weakness to him. You were a soldier.

“There’s no need for fighting, I present you an offer.” You looked at him with curiosity after hearing his crooked voice. “I’m listening.” You said firmly.

“You can work for me, and I’ll keep your secret.” You looked at him bitterly. “I don’t work for anyone.” You looked at his eyes. “Believe me, Miss L/N, in the Barrel, a woman like you would be a great investment.” He stopped briefly. “I have been watching you, and it wasn’t hard for me to understand of your little powers.” He looked at you so smoothly.

“Bold of you to assume, that I’ll work under you.” You said it confidently. He looked at his gloves for a moment. “If they finds out you are a Grisha, you won’t last long.” You squinted your eyes. “Is that a threat?” You said.

“No, it is just a warning.” His glances wasn’t disturbing it was frightening. “I give you a day, you can find me in the Crow Club.” Then he disappeared into shadows without even waiting for you to say anything.

After that night, you thought many things. You didn’t know the man, so you pulled strings and searched his name. The Dirtyhands. Bastard of the Barrel. The owner of the Crow Club. Kaz Brekker.

Kaz Brekker.

The Dirtyhands.

He had people work under him. The Wraith, The Sharpshooter… The Dregs. The informations you learned about the infamous Kaz Brekker, led you to his Club.

As you stepped into the Club, it was lighting with warm but sharp colors. You heard every laughter on gambling tables. Some smiling like devilishly, some whine in losing.

You stepped surely to inside. As your gaze fell upon to the upstairs, your eyes met in a brief moment. From the moment you stepped inside to the Club, he knew you arrived.

He made a small gesture, the way his face turned slightly to side, it was a gesture for you to come closer.

You walked slowly into his way, as he lead you to his office. Your gaze wandered the room. The walls were covered in a thick layer, the furnitures are covered in black as the way he dressed. The room looked tidy but his desk was filled with full of papers which looked pure chaotic.

The light of the room was dim. It was weirdly calming but as his body turned to you, your gaze met his. He looked like a wall. No emotion, not even a slight expression.

As you looked at his face, two days ago, looking at him briefly on the streets was not enough for you to look deeply into his features.

Now that you see him, well, he looked beautiful. In a disturbing way, he was looking good. Except for the fact that, he knows your secret and he is threatening you. Also, adding the fact that he is the Dirtyhands. You heard rumors about him before.

“So, you heard about me.” As he broke the silence, you nodded. “The Dirtyhands.” You said with a straight impression. “I heard about you.”

He leaned back on the edge of the table. “Then you heard all the things they said about me.” He replied.

“Look, Mr. Brekker, I don’t work for people. I don’t want to make enemies.” He almost laughed at that. “No, Miss L/N, the clear thing you don’t understand is…” He paused briefly. “Eventually, when people find out who you are, you are not gonna survive a day in here.” He looked at you sharply. “I won’t expose you, but, imagine if Pekka Rollins finds out?”

As he said it, you turned your gaze into one of painting on the wall. “Okay..” It was reasonable. You turned your gaze back to his. “I’ll work for you but under one condition.” You said. “I want a good check.” He looked at you.

“Then we have an agreement.”

-

Yeah, after that day a year passed as you worked under the Dirtyhands. Well, he didn’t trust you a bit and you weren’t trusting him too but you just had to trust the promise he made.

You were clearly a good asset to him. You treated Inej and Jesper’s wounds. Other members of his crew too. Also you were a great soldier so when a mission arrives, after some time of him trusting you about coming to his thefts, you were quick, strong and loyal.

He even gave you a new identity. Helped you to have a new identity in Ketterdam. So, you wouldn’t suspected to be a Grisha, a Ravkan.

But Pekka Rollins wasn’t happy about the idea of you working under the Bastard of the Barrel, which caused you some headaches. However, Kaz was cautious about everything.

A soldier, a healer.

You were all that to him. Well, you got along with Inej and Jesper. They had unique characteristics. You could feel the joy around Jesper while feeling safe around Inej. She was quiet but she made you feel comfortable.

You can’t say much things about Kaz. He was complicated. Never trusting you much, always prepared for everything and too cautious, too careful. As you observed him through the months, you saw how he deprived himself from touching. You saw the sour face of his after someone in the crowd bumped him with no intention. They thought it was just Kaz hated people. But to you, the way he looked with every little touch the furrowing brows of his tells a different tale.

Which you were curious about it. However, you never had the intentions of learning it. So you slipped the thought away and got along with your life.

You were walking around the corners of the Barrel, you wanted to be alone, as you blended in with the others, the crowds noise was silencing your thoughts. Well, under Kaz’s command, it wasn’t very easy but you felt safe and powerful. The threats of Rollins wasn’t new, but it didn’t scare you that much. Since you were a traitor in Ravka. You flied away from there and left the Army.

Of course, over the time passed Kaz learned why you were in Ketterdam as you told him the story of your life. You thought he would judge you but he was no better man. So he just didn’t mind it.

You earned his respect with how much you cared for his crows. How you treated their wounds after a fight very gently and how you were loyal to him and his team. It didn’t slip from his gazes.

As you turned around the corner, you felt a pair of hands grabbing your mouth harshly. You panicked just for a second. Then you tried to fight back to the man who held you tightly. You took a knife out of your pocket and hit him on his belly, as he whined in pain, you freed yourself from his prying hands. As you turned to look at the man, you heard a strong accent.

“I can say, I was very disappointed to hear you began to work under- Mr. Brekker, aye?” As you heard his voice, you turned to the owner of the voice. Pekka Rollins.

“What do you want?” You said sternly. He approached to you. “It is such a clever move, I say,” He looked terrific. As meeting his gaze, Pekka’s gaze didn’t seem to move away from you. “Hiring a healer? A Grisha.” He smiled. “A traitor…” You look at him disgustingly.

“Well, I don’t know what you are talking about.” You said it dumbfounded. He looked at you with range. “What should I do to you, Dame Blanche, huh? Or should I say… Miss L/N?”

You looked at him with anger. “I don’t care what you’ll do. I won’t back away from a fight.” You said it confidently. He looked at you with smug smile. “Oh, I won’t do you harm, The Black General, I think he is going to do.” You looked at him disbelief. As two of his guy grabbed your shoulders, you fought to get away from their grip but you couldn’t succeed.

Pekka approached to you and squeezed your cheeks in a hurtful manner. “After what would done to you, you are gonna regret to work under that bastard, lass.”

The next minute, you felt pain on your back as slowly, your vision blurred and your eyes went black.

As couple of hours passed and you opened your eyes, the sharp pain on your head was making you feel uncomfortable. You tried to open your eyes but your eyelids were too heavy and you feared.

What if Kaz couldn’t find you?

What if Kaz wouldn’t find you?

What if he doesn’t care about your sudden disappearance?

What if he,

if he thinks you betrayed him too?

#kaz brekker #shadow and bone #reader insert #kaz brekker angst #kazzle dazzle #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x fem!reader #kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker x y/n #kaz brekker imagine #kaz rietveld #kaz brekker fanfic #shadow and bone series

[system-to-the-madness]

How Kaz would take care of you during exam season (Headcanons)

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x Reader (can be read as any gender, no pronouns used) Genre: drabble, fluff Word Count: 317 Warnings: food, Kaz is staring and he’s aware of it

He always brings you coffee, or rather your favourite hot drink. It takes him a few tries to get it right, and he always watches you very carefully when you take your first sips, so he knows how to improve it.

If he doesn’t make the drink himself, he gets it from your favourite shop. He knows your order because he always pays close attention when you talk to the staff, so he can learn it.

He is not very good at languages or sciences, but he aces math, even though he never really paid attention in classes. So, if you need help with math, he’s the guy to go to.

But actually... you don’t.

Because he always turns up before you even know you’re going to have a question, it’s never you who approaches him, but he who approaches you. It’s almost like he’s desperately searching for a way to spend more time with you… but he wouldn’t. Why would he?

Everyone is always scared for your life when they find out he’s helping you, worried he might lose his temper with you, but even though he is often grumpy, he never shoots a nasty word your way, never raises his voice, never gets impatient.

As a matter of fact, he’s more patient with you than you’d like. You almost feel bad for how much he takes care of you and helps you, even when you’re unconcentrated. And when you brood over an exercise or are writing an essay, Kaz doesn’t just leave. Instead, he props his elbow up on the table, chin in his gloved hand, and leans over a book. The only time he’s actually looking at the book though is when you lift your head. The rest of the time he just watches you, and he would absolutely deny it, but there’s a soft smile on his lips as he watches you work.

#kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker imagines #kaz brekker headcanon #kaz brekker hc #kaz brekker fanfiction #kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker fanfic #kaz rietveld #kaz brekker x reader hc #kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker x y/n #mad headcanons #mad soc

[applecidersstuff]

Kaz's journey to grieving his brother properly will start with Matthias.

Do you ever realize that Matthias is the second loss Kaz has ever experienced? He had witnessed many deaths among the Dregs, but he never allowed himself to get attached to any of them, so he didn't really viewed them as losses. In almost ten years, crows are the first people that Kaz has accepted as his family, and while Kaz and Matthias are hard to call best friends, they are friends. They are on more of the "high school rivals" side of the spectrum, but it doesn't mean they don't care about what happens to the other.

And the news of Matthias's death hits the crew right after Kaz has finally avenged his brother.

So, don't imagine how lost Kaz will be when he realizes that the pain he felt after the swim from the reaper's barge came back, but now it was there on behalf of the big Fjerdan.

Don't imagine how he will freeze when he finds the map of the ice court with Matthias's crooked handwriting or pardon that he never got to use and realizes that it is all that's left of Helvar.

Don't imagine how his thoughts slowly switch from one thing to another, and he slowly realizes there's nothing left from his brother.

Don't imagine how he feels something on his cheek, and when he tries to wipe it off and feels water, he realizes that he's crying.

Don't imagine how, while walking through the Government District, and passing Fjerdan Ambassy, he sees an ash tree, and in his head, he hears Matthias mumbling something. It's some Fjerdan prayer, designed to give peace to the dead, that he was saying on the black veil.

Don't imagine how Kaz approaches the tree and quietly repeats that prayer.

And please, don't imagine how after that the pain in his chest finally disappears. He knows it will be back, but it won't be as bad.

And from afar, Jordie is smiling. His brother had finally forgiven himself for staying alive. He can finally be at peace.

#*just in case this is not a ship post!* #six of crows #kaz brekker #kaz six of crows #kazzle dazzle #kaz being kaz #jordie rietveld #kaz and jordie #kaz and matthias #mattias helvar #matthias helvar #kaz rietveld #six of crows analysis #six of crows angst #soc #soc fandom #soc headcanon #soc fanfic #soc analysis #soc angst #grisha #incorrect grishaverse #grishaverse #the grishaverse #tw ptsd #tw death #crooked kingdom #ck spoilers #six of crows fic #six of crows fanfic

[catapparently]

Five Times Kaz Brekker Denied His Feelings and One Time He Didn't

---

AO3 LINK

MASTERLIST

Request by anon!

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x female!Reader

---

Kaz Brekker wasn’t known for being particularly emotional. If you asked anyone in the Barrel to describe his emotions, you’d be given the lack thereof as an answer. Though if someone’s ever seen the way the Bastard of the Barrel goes downright ballistic when his second-in-command gets hurt, the word to describe him would be angry. Furious- or more like a wild animal, protecting his own.

Nina had been the first to figure out that ruthless, cold Kaz had a penchant for his dear second-in-command. His heart usually had a steady beat, but when you would enter the room, his heart would skip a beat and set on an erratic pace, practically begging Nina’s Heart render abilities to calm him down.

It annoyed her just how stupid this man could be when it came to his own feelings, and if there was something you could say about Kaz, it would be that he’s probably one of the cleverest and most calculating people you would ever meet.. She was almost tempted to increase his heartbeat even more to the brink of a heart attack just for the sake of maybe making him realize just how in love he was with you.

The first time she’d noticed it was on a rainy evening. For the first time in forever, Kaz was in the Slat common room, sitting in front of the fireplace with the rest of their little team, planning another meeting at the Exchange. Nobody dared sit next to Kaz, even though there was another spot on the couch next to him. Inej was sitting on a windowsill as usual while Jesper and Wylan were squished together in the armchair. And Matthias was… well, Matthias. Ever the prude, debating whether he could publicly wrap his arms around her and hug her close or not.

Then you walked in, and Nina felt Kaz’s heartbeat spike. She’d initially been somewhat worried that he was having a stroke, not that she’d be fully devastated if he died. Then again, maybe even Matthias would miss the demjin.

You plopped down next to Kaz at a respectable distance, but to everyone else, you might as well be draped over him at this point. He didn’t say a thing. If anything, Nina swore she saw him take a bigger breath, as if he was lacking air.

“You’re late,” he stated, looking at you.

You scowled back at him. “Well, sorry, someone had me filing random papers and specifically told me to not leave the room until I was done.”

The Heartrender wanted to scream in frustration and tear Kaz’s terrible haircut off his scalp. Even Matthias hadn’t been this oblivious to his own feelings.

“You horrible, dense podge,” she muttered under her breath, secretly hoping Brekker had heard her.

~~~

Wylan sighed in frustration. This was the seventeenth time Kaz had made him redo a set of designs. He kept saying it wasn’t perfect enough, that the rings of the brass knuckles didn’t seem comfortable, that maybe they needed something softer around where the fingers would go; that maybe a fine plate of diamond over it would be more efficient… the list went on and on. Wylan was tempted to just dump the papers on his desk and tell him to design it himself.

“What do you even need these for?” the redhead asked. “Even if you steal all the materials necessary, commissioning a Fabrikator to make such sophisticated brass knuckles, a weapon you don’t even personally need, will cost you a fortune.”

Kaz scoffed. “You still speak like a spoiled merchant’s kid with a horde of tutors.”

The older man scrutinized the plans again, making sure nothing was missing. “It’s a gift for her. She needs them.”

He didn’t even need to mention her name for Wylan to know who he meant. There was only one person that the thought of could make his tone change like that and soften his gaze- even just a tiny bit.

Wylan cocked his head. “Why? Can’t you just get her a dagger or something? It’s much more efficient and a far bigger range.”

Kaz rolled the papers carefully and tucked them under his arm. “Her arms are strong and so are her hits. She has no technique though, so the deadliness of the brass knuckles should compensate for it. Besides, nobody can suddenly master knives. Knowing her, she’d knick herself instead of the opponent.”

If Wylan didn’t know any better, he’d swear that the smallest smile tugged at a corner of Kaz’s mouth, barely there.

“Does she matter that much to you, oh mighty Dirtyhands?” the younger boy lightly teased, hoping Kaz wouldn’t kill him for it.

“I can’t risk losing a very valuable asset.”

With that, Kaz turned around and walked out of Wylan’s little lab, leaving the sunshine of the Crows sighing at his denial.

Truth to be told, Kaz had freaked when he saw you bloodied, bruised and beaten on a simple mission. All you had to do was distract the guards while he broke into a vault. The guards had gotten suspicious and attacked. You hadn’t been able to keep up, instinct making you try to punch back aimlessly but without doing much damage. Kaz had heard the commotion and quickly stepped out of the vault.

He’d frozen. Kaz Brekker does NOT freeze. At that moment, he was Kaz Rietveld. Kaz Rietveld, watching his brother get beat up by a lowly thug. Every single cell inside of him screamed at him to do something, to risk something.

When the two of you finally made it out alive and got back to Slat, you expected him to scold you for not being good enough. For not being charismatic enough like Nina or Jesper or as stealthy as Inej.

Instead, Kaz locked himself in his office and spent all night finding a way to help her in fighting.

~~~

Jesper wasn’t sure what was going on. Kaz had given him a heavy bag of kruge and sent him down to the auction house.

“With how much you gamble, you’re excellent at randomly yelling out big sums of money,” he’d told him. “You’re walking out of that auction with that DeKappel oil painting of the beach. I don’t care how much it will cost.”

Jesper had felt absolutely insulted. Randomly yelling out big sums of money? Who did Kaz think he was? It wasn’t random. Jesper put utmost thought and precision into his choice of what sum to yell out when he was making a very risky gamble.

He had no choice but to go down to the auction house. He had to sit there for hours. The item he’d been tasked to bid on had yet to appear. So far, he’d seen some ancient lipstick that belonged to a star from many centuries ago and some queen’s rotten panties, which sold for more than Kaz could steal in a lifetime.

Why hadn’t the said man stolen the painting instead? It would surely cost a fortune. Since when does Kaz acquire stuff honestly, anyway?

Finally, after waiting and waiting and resisting to bid on a gorgeous set of diamond encrusted bullets, the infamous painting appeared on the auction stage. Jesper stared at it, dumbfounded. It was… just a painting. He was expecting something enchanted, something special. Not… a painting.

It was pretty, sure, but it was a basic depiction of the beach; turquoise waves crashing on the shore with a sun hanging low on the horizon.

But Jesper was a good boy, so he did exactly what he was told to and bid all of the money in the bag. Then he brought home the canvas, carrying straight up to Kaz’s office.

He looked at Jesper oddly as he entered. “What are you doing with it in my office?”

Jesper huffed in annoyance. “No ‘why, thank you, oh gorgeous and wonderful Jes’? I went through so much mental pain to get this painting for you. I even watched stale old grandma panties up on display for Saints know how long.”

Kaz shot him a cold glare. “It’s not for me.”

“Oh? Then for who is it?

“…”

“Aww, does the mighty, ruthless Dirtyhands have a little crush? A little, itsy-bitsy weakness? Is there something going on between the two of you? Is- OW!” The sharpshooter yelped in pain when Kaz’s lead-lined cane jammed into his side. If looks could kill, Jesper would be long since buried six feet under, underneath a pile of bricks that Kaz dumped on him brick by brick.

“There’s absolutely nothing going on. If you don’t want to die, then you can go up and help her place it on her wall.”

Jesper’s pain- both mental and physical- lifted in an instant. So the painting truly was for you. Adorable. He sauntered out of the office and down to your room, which was conveniently located right under the attic, closest to Kaz’s.

He didn’t even bother knocking, knowing he’d find you there, either lazily curled up in your bed or munching on sweets.

“Darlin’, look what good ol’ Kaz got you!” he exclaimed, waving the canvas in your face.

You stared at it, a soft smile gracing your features.  “Kaz got it?”

“Well, to be fair, he sent me out to get it since he’s a lazy shit, but it’s still from him.”

You smiled and bounced out of your bed, taking it from him and placing it on a nearby hook on the wall where you used to hang a darts target before it broke because of overly angry dart throwing.

“So he really did remember.”

“Remember what?” he asked.

“Sometimes I tell him about my childhood and my travels. I once visited the beach in the Southern Colonies when I was a kid, and I still remember how magical it looked. I kinda miss it.” You stared fondly at the depiction of the beach.

Jesper was once again left standing there, dumfounded. Kaz had gotten her a painting of the ocean just because she missed the beach? Kaz? Kaz?!

And he dared say there was nothing going on between the two of you?

~~~

“Can’t you ask any nicer?”

Kaz scoffed. “Oh darling Inej, treasure of my heart, will you do me the honor of teaching my second-in-command how to fight?” he answered, a sarcastic tone taking over the usual cold one.

“Fine. But why is this so important to you?” the Suli girl asked.

“I can’t afford to lose such a valuable asset to the Dregs. I can’t always be there when she’s in trouble; she has to have a way to defend herself.”

A valuable asset? It was just as bad as back in the day when he’d call Inej a very important investment. He hadn’t changed a single bit.

Inej sat on the edge of the windowsill again, crossing one of her supple legs over the other. “I don’t suppose you gave her a weapon to work with, at least?”

“I commissioned a Fabrikator. Lead-lined brass knuckles with a fine diamond plating on the impacting area.”

A surprised look appeared on Inej’s face, along with a slight twinge of something in her heart. Kaz had gotten her a pair of brass knuckles at some point in time too, though they were plain.

She didn’t exactly have a right to feel jealous. After all, she was the one who’d pretty much rejected him. She wanted someone who she’d be able to touch, someone she could actually kiss and hold. It had hurt her at first, to definitely cross out Kaz in her heart, but she knew it was for the better. She deserved what she wanted, and she wouldn’t settle for anything else. Besides, why should she give up on her dreams of hunting slavers for a man?  

She was genuinely happy for you. You were fine with Kaz’s touch aversion and his rather slow improvement. The both of you fit together well.

In her opinion, Kaz had been more in love with the idea of her than actually her.

“Okay. I’ll teach her.”

Kaz gave a slight nod. That was probably the closest to a thanks that she’d ever get from him.

“I heard that some people down in the Fifth Harbor are planning on selling some good ships,” he started. “Thought you might want to know.”

Her lips curved into a smile.

So long, Kaz Brekker.

~~~

Matthias thought he’d seen it all. He’d seen Grisha on parem, flying through the air and turning into water. He’d seen –and experienced- a gang of teenagers stealing a tank from the most safely guarded prison in the world and crashing it through a wall, then bombarding a bridge. He’d even see a girl, his girl, raise the dead and make them attack people.

Though, quite frankly, this, by far, took the cake to the point where Matthias had to bite down on his palm to make sure he wasn’t drugged and delirious and was back in Hellgate.

What in Djel’s name?!

The moment was so intimate that he felt the need to bleach his eyes and never be able to use them again in order to give the two of you a bit of privacy. Even though Matthias was still new to the language and local slang, he found himself muttering, “what the fuck?!” over and over again.

Kaz had recently come back wounded from Djel knows where. His excuse was that he’d snuck into some clinic to steal something, and instead of making himself fake wounds with makeup, he decided to cut himself up to make it look more real.

Matthias knew the story was fake. That little demjin was lying through his teeth.

Anyhow, with whatever had happened to him, Kaz couldn’t move around well, especially with his teeth. He also looked sore, wincing every time he moved, especially in the arms.

Maybe Matthias should have expected this. Maybe not. He was halfway down the wooden staircase that led down to the Slat common room. Most of the members were out and about, in the Crow Club or doing Djel knows what.

Kaz was seated at a smaller table in the far back corner of the dining room with you across from him. There was a plate of food in between you.

Matthias rubbed his eyes again to make sure he wasn’t seeing things.

You dug a fork into the food and lifted it up to Kaz’s mouth. Kaz, who obediently opened his mouth and took the bite.

What in the name of Djel?

His arms were stiffly bandaged up, and his posture was just as stiff.

Matthias groaned inwardly. He could already hear the “she’s a very important asset…” speech. He didn’t get paid enough for this. He whirled around and walked back up to his room and into Nina’s warm, sleeping embrace.

~~~

Kaz was feeling strange lately. His heart had been feeling lighter, and he could almost say he’d been in a good mood if it wasn’t for the headache he had. All of his thoughts kept circling back to you. You, you you and you.

It would have been annoying if he weren’t so fond of his best asset.  On an evening, he’d stood in the open doorway to your room to make sure Jesper had brought you the painting. He had to force himself to not smile at the thought of you going to bed and staring at the depiction of the beach, thinking about all those memories you had. That’s what he’d wanted. He wanted you to go to sleep thinking of a happy, carefree life. A life he wanted to give you but that he knew was impossible in the Barrel, so he’d settle for this.

You always refused to leave. He didn’t understand. You could go anywhere in the world. There was nothing keeping you here. He’d even give you the money for the travel and expenses if you needed.

Yet every time he brought it up, you always said the same answer. “I’m not leaving home, Kaz.”

His heart had soared with delusion and lightness. Home? Was he your home? He knew that he was overthinking it, but he could only dream.

It brought him to his current dilemma. What was going on in his heart? He knew he’d come to care for you more than he’d want to admit, but he also cared for Wylan, Jesper, Inej, Nina… maybe even Matthias too, even though he still wasn’t a major fan of the infamous blonde tulip. Even the tulip comparison someone had brought up was wrong. The Fjerdan was more like an overgrown weed you kept trying to rip out, but it only grew stronger and more resilient to your desperate tugs.

His heart fluttered when he looked at you. His heart lurched at the thought of you being in danger. His heart felt content when going to bed with you on his mind. His heart felt sad when dreaming about you and then waking up without you at his side.

He found himself standing at the door to her room again. His mouth twitched at the sight of the familiar sign that spelled your name. You changed it regularly, not liking the way you engraved your name, always complaining that a specific letter wasn’t curvy enough or another was too tall in comparison to the others.

You had personality. Kaz loved it.

He froze just as he was about to knock at that thought. Love? Was this love?

He didn’t even bother knocking anymore; he just burst through the door.

You were, as usual, seated in your bed. You’d been so insistent on getting one huge, soft bed instead of a smaller bed and a miniature couch. Kaz couldn’t complain; on rare moments of weakness, he often came and lounged on your cushiony mattress while the two of you made plans about missions and other stuff.

What caught Kaz’s attention was the little black ball of fluff with ears in your lap.

He swallowed thickly. “There’s a very strict rule that says no pets at the Slat. Not even crows.”

You look up at him with a grin on your face as you pet the small kitten. “Too bad. I’m keeping it. Forever and ever.”

Kaz sat down on the edge of the bed, his mind swirling and his heart still racing from his earlier realization. “I guess I can’t argue with you then, hmm?”

He hesitated. Then he removed his leather gloves, ignoring the slight widening of your eyes, and reached out a palm to lay it on the fluffy feline’s head. He moved his hand in a petting motion. He was pleasantly surprised that the contact didn’t affect him. Then again, animals were a different case.

“It’s cute.”

You didn’t say anything about him removing his gloves. Kaz liked that about you. You let him move at his own pace. You didn’t prod him or push him for more.

“What are you going to name it?” he asked.

You moved your hand down to rub the kitten’s belly, very careful to not accidentally touch Kaz’s hand in the process.

“I dunno. Either I’ll name it after you, Kazzle Dazzle or something, or I’ll find some other fitting name.”

Kaz let a slight smile appear on his face. He suddenly didn’t feel like keeping all of his guards up around you anymore.

“Don’t name it after me. Name it a real name, like Orion or Onyx or Jordie or Shadow-.” He held his breath, hoping you wouldn’t notice his intentional slip-up. He wasn’t sure exactly why he’d suggested that specific name to you. Maybe now that Pekka was no more, he’d healed a bit. Maybe he didn’t mind the little healthy reminder, a small piece of his brother prancing around with mice in its jaw.

Or maybe he didn’t mind sharing himself, all of his thoughts and past and trauma, with you.

“Hmm. Jordie. I like that.” You smiled fondly at him.

His hand slipped and brushed against the side of yours.

It wasn’t an accident.  

#fanfic #six of crows #six of crows duology #kaz six of crows #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker #crooked kingdom #kaz x inej #past kaz x inej #kaz being kaz #kaz rietvelf #leigh bardugo #grishaverse #helnik #matthias helvar #the crows #nina zenik #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #wylan van sunshine #wesper #kaz x you #kazzle dazzle #kaz rietveld #soc #soc kaz #soc inej #kaz brekker/reader #kaz x reader #soc wylan

[warnerisbetter]

Kaz brekker taking care of sick reader

Kaz×gn!reader

'Just go rest.' Kaz says when you sneeze for what feels like the 50th time in the past 10 minutes.

'No, i told you I'm fine. I want to help.' You say while sorting out the masses of paperwork on his desk.

~~~~~

A while passes but you don't get any better and kaz gets annoyed with it.

'No.' Kaz stands up.

'No?' You ask.

'Youre going to rest.' He says firmly and starts nudging you in the direction of your bedroom before you can opose. Once you're both in the bedroom kaz turns to leave. 'I'm going to go get some things sorted for you, get changed into something more comfortable.'

You do, you put on some old clothes and sit on the bed, too tired to fight him on it. Kaz comes back in with a mug in his hand. 'Drink. Its tea.' You take the mug off him and gently begin to drink being careful not to burn yourself. Anyone else would call you crazy if you said kaz brekker, dirtyhands, made his ill partner tea.

'Lay down, you're bot going anywhere for the rest of the evening.' He says. You chuckle slightly at how he can make something so light hearted sound almost threatening but you obliged anyway.

A few moments later you feel kaz gently touch your forehead, you hadn't even noticed him take his glove off. You'd been working on physical touch for some time now and while making progress he still couldn't get passed a few seconds before the water rose.

'Saints.' He says. 'I don't have to be a doctor to tell you've got a temperature, a bad one.'

'I'm fine.' You roll your eyes.

'You should sleep it off.' He says completely ignoreing you.

'Whatever you say, kaz.' You say sarcastically but lie down and close your eyes still, not denying a few extra hours sleep.

'I love you.' You quietly whisper to him not really expecting an answer but knowing kaz but wanting to say it anyway.

You feel a hand gently stroke your hair and not matter how much you want to you don't move or even lean into his touch knowing it could effect kaz too much. Soon he stops, maybe he thought you'd fallen asleep which you nearly had to be fair. You hear a gentle voice, the one he only uses in very tender, rare moments, 'I love you too. Sleep well darling.'

#books and reading #book boyfriend #headcannons #six of crows #kaz brekker #kaz x reader #kaz rietveld #fanfic #kaz brekker fluff #fluff #cute moments #kazzle dazzle #freddy carter #kanej #leigh bardugo #booktok #shadow and bone #grishaverse

[jahayla-parker]

💭Headcanon: send in a character and a scenario or type of reader to get a bullet point list of thoughts on it.

okay okay, kaz brekker x sister!reader

Kaz Brekker's Sister Headcannons

I feel like his sister would be the youngest (born after both Jordie and Kaz). 'Cause part of his trauma is being afraid to rely on someone older who he thought would take care of him.

Running with that thought, Kaz would take that ^^^ type of role towards his sister very seriously. He vowed he wouldn’t let her down the way Jordie let him down (don’t come for me! His internal thoughts mention this frustration in the books so it’s canon).

We know Kaz is obviously very protective over those he cares about, which would undoubtedly extend to his sister. But, his role as the older brother added to that. And his disappointment and anger towards Jordie’s role in what happened ask those years ago, added to that as well; he wasn’t going to do that to his sister.

Although, he knew it wasn’t something he could prevent. Since it already happened to her once; the same day it happened to him. Jordie was her older brother as well. But Kaz nevertheless vowed to never let her down.

Kaz vowed to never make her have to worry about or even question having a roof over her head, a warm room to sleep in, food , etc.

He kept a healer on hand should she get sick ever (even so much as a cold). He wasn’t taking any chances. While he refused to let healers touch him he required it for her wellbeing.

She never had to worry about her safety. He’d taught her how to defend herself, how to fight, kill, etc.

He kept her from having to experience the financial difficulties he was old enough to experience due to Jordie’s deal with Rollins and as they aged, he made sure it stayed that way now that she was old enough to be able to know if that was the case as he made sure they always had enough funds saved up and the means to get more some should it be needed.

Kaz would’ve been so upset when his sister became ill, to the point it inadvertently made himself much sicker from stress.

Kaz tried to do whatever he could to get her feeling better, giving any scraps of sustenance to her instead of taking his portion/share and using their only blanket to cover more of her body by not covering any of his.

It would only have driven his anger against Pekka even further because he not only lost his older brother, he almost lost his little sister and he watched her suffer the loss of jordie as well

Given she was so young (given the age gap between Jordie and Kaz at the time of incident, I’m assuming she’s roughly 7 ish), it was a lot to process and try to make sense of

And poor Kaz wasn’t much better at that; certainly not to the point he’d be able to be much help for her in this area

As such, he resorted to simply helping raise her as if this new life was simply how their lives had always been

Because he’d used the blanket on her and not himself, and had literally given her some of the clothing off his back to keep her from freezing to death, she’d managed to survive the night.

In fact, while her body was too hypothermic to wake up when the medics came through and took her brothers, she was fortunate enough to be just warm enough to not be considered dead the way Kaz was, and as such, wasn’t dumped in the harbor with Jordie.

As such, she didn't develop the trauma with touch like Kaz

But, it was her presence on land that truly drove Kaz’s survival.

His body was giving up and he wanted nothing more than to just give in

And he especially didn’t want to have to use his brother’s body as a flotation mechanism in order to survive

But his vengeance and his inherent need to protect his little sister drove him

We know Kaz is shit when it comes to being around sick people now (understandably) but the one exception would be his sister should she fall ill.

That’s not to say he wasn’t still horrible at handling it, or that he wouldn’t go into a full on panic spiral at the tiniest sign of her getting sick

But, he was also unable to pull himself from her side until she healed.

He refused to ever risk being away from her while she was ill ever again.

As far as his touch phobia, that undoubtedly extended to his sister as well, although he truly hated himself for it (more so than when it came to his touch phobia in general).

But, it was out of his control. Besides things got better with time.

It started rough and killed his spirit each time when his little 7yr old sister wanted to hold her surviving brother’s hand while walking through the “scary” streets of the Barrel or otherwise simply sought physical comfort from him.

Especially because he’d once been able to offer that to her and he knew she was old enough to remember that and he saw the clear proof of that in her sad eyes every time he pulled away

But by that point, he’d suffered the worst of it. So he knew they’d power through

The worst was when he made it back to her and he’d had to explain to her that jordie was not coming back. As if her sobs and screams weren’t painful enough for Kaz, she tried to cling onto him for support, only to find herself confused and more distraught when he scrambled away

With time, the two orphans inevitably took over the town.

At first Kaz wouldn’t let his sister get involved

Until he realized that was futile, especially if he wanted her to start safe

He had caught her defiantly trying to help on her own, so he eventually caved and taught her everything she needed to now how to do and brought her into the business

Inej and Kaz’s interaction about crows was actually similar to what happened with his sister years before and that’s what made him choose to name their new elite crewmembers and dare his sister say friends, his crows.

Kaz used his power in the Barrel to create a safety shield around his sister

He knew she was a vulnerability to him and in turn was at risk by association, so most people didn’t know she was his sister

She’d been hurt at first when he told her this was how they’d go about their new life, after all, she was so young and didn’t understand but he did it for her sake

And if people did find out about them being siblings, they’d assume that she and Kaz must not be as close as normal siblings because they saw the business relationship only and assumed that’s all there was between them even when finding out about the blood relation (it helped that Kaz always made a name for himself as someone who didn’t care about anyone else), which worked to keep people from using her as bait or something against Kaz. Which was what he’d masterminded of course.

She was 7 so she didn’t understand the need to change their last names and start fresh but she trusted Kaz fully

She is and was the only person he ever took flack from and or allowed/allows to yell or argue etc with him but only in private

Kaz knew his sister would be struggling with Jordie’s death, as he himself was and still is

But he knew he was not going to be much help

He did as much as he could, if she’d suffered anxiety or panic attacks, he was there to offer verbal assistance and support

And he helped her take part in getting revenge for what they went through

But he couldn’t talk about it. It was still too much and talking was no longer a strength of his.

He couldn’t talk to her when she was younger as he needed her to simply follow along with what he said and believe this was just the way things went all along

But as they got older he still found himself unable to talk to her about it

But that’s why he finally told Inej just enough for her to know that his sister would be having similar issues as him since she was so worried about his behaviors and in turn, he knew Inej would go to her and be able to offer the support he couldn’t

Again, I could go on and on, but I loved this idea!

Kaz Taglist: @dil3mma @directioner5life @ell0ra-br3kk3r @b3kk3r-by-br3kk3r @winstonthecow22 @alex-kazbrekkersimp @wolfmoonmusic @phoenix666stuff @kentucky-criedfricken @twlegit @valeridarkness @shara-ne @crazyhearttragedy @opheliaofficial07 @historynerd77 @missdreamofendless @nikfigueiredo @el-de-phi @adalia-jaycee @bookloverfilmoholic @beekeepingageissome

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[sky-neverending]

Jordie lives fics? Yes.

Jordie dies and is a ghost along with Wylan and we get wesper ghost/human romance plus Kaz reuniting with his ghostly brother all those years later because he and Wylan both haunt the canals and therefore, they know each other through the ghost social web? Something only I am crazy enough to come up with and write.

this au is once again consuming me. thanks for listening. let me know if you'd read.

#sky’s stardust #six of crows #shadow and bone netflix #wylan van eck #jesper fahey #kaz brekker #jordie rietveld #kaz and jordie #wesper #six of crows fanfic #im crazy but im free

[auroravictorium]

snow on the beach (pt. 1) (k.b.)

Summary: kaz tries to freeze reader to death, but he's actually just trying to do something nice.

Pairing(s): kaz brekker & reader (semi-stablished relationship)

Word Count: ~2.0k

Warnings: mentions of prior stabbing, allusions to kaz's touch aversion, mentions of a near-death experience, reader thinking about punching kaz because he's hot, kaz trying his best

Genre: fluff w a touch of angst at the end

Author's Note: had to break this beast into a two-parter, otherwise it would end up being way too long. thank you all so much for the love on the midnights series <3 i'm so glad you guys are enjoying this as much as i am while writing it!! tag list has been added at the bottom, so feel free to let me know if you'd like to be added :D happy reading loves!

part two

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There were exactly six inches of distance between you and Kaz's shoulder, a fact you were acutely aware of as you walked down the cramped sidewalk. Cold air gusted off the Fifth Harbor, chilling you through your coat, and you pulled the collar up to stop the wind from reaching its icy fingers down your neck. If you could, you'd burrow yourself into Kaz and leech off his body warmth, but you knew that wouldn't be subtle as you patrolled the harbor. He also wouldn't enjoy the contact, so you kept your hands firmly to yourself.

"I told you to bring a scarf," Kaz muttered just loud enough for you to hear. He limped along without slowing, but you knew he was watching you out of his periphery.

"And I told you that I hate the cold. Why didn't you bring Matthias?" Your teeth chattered, and you tugged your coat tighter around you. If anyone could bear the chilly weather brewing over Kerch, it would be the Fjerdan. But no, Kaz woke you up at dawn and dragged you along on his scan of the harbor. Meanwhile, everyone else was back at the Slat, sleeping or staying warm by the fire. If you were more money-minded, you would charge him interest for the time he was taking trying to freeze you to death. 

"Because Matthias hates me," Kaz answered. "And I find you more tolerable." He looked unbothered and unaffected by the cold, aside from a dusting of red across his stupidly handsome cheekbones. You thought about punching him for looking so attractive. It was unfair.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd think you just wanted to spend time with me." You glanced up at him, a smirk playing on your half-frozen lips. "But I must say, I'd enjoy this time spent together a bit more if I didn't feel like a walking ice block."

Anyone who knew Kaz only as the ruthless, greedy Dirtyhands wouldn't have noticed any change in his face. But you saw his lips twitch in an almost smile, and his eyes glittered with joy. He must've been in a great mood to risk letting his mask slip like that.

"You're impatient," he told you.

"You're cruel," you retorted, turning your eyes to the cloudy sky. 

The clouds were thick and dark, blocking most of the morning sunshine. Nasty rain was almost certain to happen, but with the frigid cold, a small hope blossomed in your chest that it might turn to snow. Rain was characteristic of Ketterdam, but snow? It didn't happen often enough for your taste. Ironic, considering your loathing of the cold, but there was something magical about the snow. It reminded you of when you were young and watched it fall through the cracked living room window of your childhood home.

Kaz didn't respond, but amusement radiated off of him. You dared to huddle closer to him for warmth, and you were pleased to discover he didn't seem all that inclined to move away. In fact, Kaz was completely unbothered by your closeness to him and your arm pressing against his. He waited for the terror to claim him as it usually did, but he was surprised and pleased to find that little came. He felt nothing more than a tad nauseated.

"Are we almost done? It's nearly breakfast time." If you didn't get next to a hearth soon, you would refuse liability for any acts of violence you committed. 

Kaz again didn't answer, and he remained silent for the next two minutes, even as you huffed and muttered under your breath. You halfheartedly considered pushing him into the road and seeing how well he could dodge a carriage.

After another minute of walking that felt like an hour on your numbing legs, you opened your mouth to ask what was next after the wintry patrol of the harbor. Kaz suddenly stopped walking, and you nearly ran into him. He either didn't notice or didn't care and gripped your elbow to tug you across the rough cobbled street and into an alleyway.

"Couldn't wait for the cold to get me?" you asked, taking in the grimy alley you'd been pulled into. You wouldn't blame Kaz for tiring of your pestering, but you hoped for a more scenic view if your demise was coming. Maybe a nice view of the harbor.

"I realized killing you myself would be more efficient," he answered. His lips quirked up in a smirk.

Kaz pulled you toward a doorway you hadn't initially noticed. Instinctively, you felt for the holster at your waist, but Kaz didn't seem concerned about safety. He was still uncharacteristically cheery, for him at least, and his shoulders were relaxed as he released you in front of the door and rapped his gloved knuckles against the wood three times.

"Has anyone ever told you how you have a way with words?"

You examined the door set into the brick wall: there was nothing special or flashy about it. It was a simple dark oak door leading into a building from the alleyway. You couldn't imagine Kaz making a house call, and walking through the front door on a heist wasn't his style. So why had he brought you here?

The door opened suddenly, and you nearly jumped in surprise. There stood a woman whose perfect tan skin and immaculately styled hair immediately told you that she was Grisha. You examined her more closely, searching for any imperfection, and concluded that she was a Corporalki. 

Her brown eyes flicked between the two of you suspiciously before she seemed to recognize the man at your side. She paled under his icy gaze. "Mister Brekker. I didn't- I must have missed your appointment," she said.

"No appointment, Amalia." He jerked his chin toward you. All hints of humor or amusement had disappeared from his voice. "She needs her tattoo. The crow and cup."

You looked up at him in surprise, your lips parting. After two years with the Dregs and almost a year in Kaz's closest circle, you were finally getting your tattoo? Most Dregs got it sooner, but yours had been put off. For a long time, you wondered if it was because you still needed to prove yourself as a valuable member of the Dregs. But here you were on this stranger's doorstep, and Kaz said this to Amalia as if it was a daily occurrence and not something you had been looking forward to for a long time.

You examined his face, looking for any indication of how he felt, but the expressive Kaz from your walk had disappeared and been replaced with the aloof Dirtyhands everyone feared. You nearly shivered at the sight; of course, you weren't afraid of Kaz anymore. But he so rarely wore that look around you that when he did, it reminded you of what he was capable of. He was not just the man who shared gentle touches of hands with you or tapped his cane against your boot when he wanted to remind you that he was there. He could be cold, calculating, and downright cruel when he needed to be.

Amalia nodded and poked her head out of the doorway to peer into the alley. "Of course. Come in." Her eyes flicked around, searching for anyone following before she stepped aside for the two of you.

Kaz led the way inside, ducking into the warm, incense-filled parlor. You trailed behind him, eyes on his neck as you tried to process the news that Kaz had decided not to tell you about. The door shut behind you, and you examined the dim, smoky entryway. One long, threadbare carpet along the creaky floor, an old staircase with a decaying railing, and a few obviously forged paintings on the peeling wallpapered walls.

"A moment alone, please," you murmured to Amalia as she passed. She moved into a room to your left and then shut the door to give the two of you privacy. Turning to Kaz, you raised your brows. "I'm getting my tattoo?"

Kaz turned to face you after removing his coat and throwing it over the rickety handrail. He leaned against the rotting wood and met your gaze. His eyes filled with warmth again as he looked at you; Dirtyhands had receded for now. "It's been two years," he said softly, so Amalia couldn't hear from the other room. His voice was unexpectedly tender, and you stepped closer to him. "It's overdue."

"You usually send new recruits to get theirs alone and see if they back out of it." You met his gaze. Your heart fluttered in your chest as one side of his mouth quirked upward. Every time he smiled, you were grateful you survived a dagger to the chest nearly five months ago and got the opportunity to finally see it.

"You're hardly a new recruit," he responded. Kaz's cheeks were pink, and you couldn't tell if it was from the heat of the parlor or whatever he was thinking. "And if I sent you alone, this wouldn't be much of a surprise."

"You wanted to surprise me?" you said softly. Your heart was going all mushy on you. Damn it. Pull it together. It's just a tattoo. But it was a tattoo that he came with you to get, even though he didn't have to and probably had a million other things to work on. 

Kaz scowled. "Don't be ridiculous." He had a reputation to uphold, and here you were, completely correct in accusing him of trying to surprise you. His heart flipped in his chest at the happiness on your face, but he maintained his frown. That happiness would be his ruin, but so be it. He hadn't spent three days by your bedside and walked through the blistering cold waiting for damn snowflakes to fall for nothing. He did it for you, for the smile that threatened to break down every barrier he'd put up around his heart and his emotions after Jordie died. 

The icy water of the harbor lapped at his ankles in warning. Stay close to shore, Kaz. 

"Kaz Brekker wanted to surprise me. I'm honored," you teased. You stepped closer and beamed up at him, unaware of how much further Kaz's thoughts went than the tattoo. The scowl on his face lightened, and he looked at you with an expression you didn't recognize on him at first. 

His eyes flicked down to your lips, and you realized what that look was.

Longing.

Kaz didn't move closer or further away, fighting against the water rising around him as your chests touched. You were so warm, so close, and he could see every beautiful shade of color in your eyes even in the dimness of the parlor. If he could paint, he would cover a million canvases with it to try and replicate it to be kept forever. He would make a miniature to keep in his jacket pocket, close to his heart.

He didn't realize that he'd leaned in until a wave of panic threatened to drown him, and he had to jerk away to get air. He turned away from you, and your heart sank in your chest. Not because he hadn't kissed you, but because it was clear he wanted to. It broke your heart to watch him battle himself and then be furious when he felt like he lost each time. You wished there was more you could do.

You brushed your fingers against his shoulder. It's okay, the gesture told him. His shoulders loosened again. He wasn't aware that he'd bunched them up.

"Let's go inside," you whispered. 

He nodded, and for once, Kaz Brekker did not meet your eyes. He thumped his cane against the creaky floorboards and then strode into the room Amalia was waiting for you in.

You took a deep breath, turned your eyes toward the sky and whatever may be there, and followed Kaz into the adjoining room to receive your tattoo.

[part two (coming soon)]

TAGLIST: @b3kk3r-by-br3kk3r

#kaz brekker #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x you #crooked kingdom #the crows #six of crows #six of crows duology #midnights but make it kaz brekker #inej ghafa #jesper fahey #nina zenik #matthias helvar #wylan van eck #kazzle dazzle #kaz rietveld #soc kaz #shadow and bone netflix #shadow and bone #leigh bardugo #shadow and bone fanfic #six of crows fanfic

[swanimagines]

SILENT ECHOES | KAZ & JORDIE RIETVELD

Note: This was my first fic for S2 and was published on March 22, 2023. So SaB spam incoming.

Summary: Your father is one of the only kind-hearted and honest merchants in Ketterdam, so when you find two boys who have contracted firepox at the alleyway, your father makes a flash decision to help them, and of course you are helping too.

Ketterdam was a city of thieves and murderers, a place where compassion was a luxury few could afford. That was something Kaz Rietveld had yet to learn. The naive, innocent boy wiping his sick brother’s sweaty face at that dirty alley. He already knew what was to come, and nobody would help them. The disease a Ravkan ship had brought Ketterdam had claimed them both, Jordie worse than him, but he still kept up hope that someone would help them. Maybe foolish hope, but he still looked up at every passerby who even glanced up their way, desperately hoping that someone kind would see them and take them to a medik.

And maybe some greater powers were looking over them, because one day, you, your father and the family maid were walking down the street, shopping groceries. Your father was one of the only honest merchants in all of Ketterdam - kind-hearted, generous, fair and loving. All those features were something not appreciated enough - people were expected to be cunning, cruel and greedy, but that wasn’t the case with your father, and your family was still wealthy. Enough wealth to have a big house, a family maid and a Grisha healer on a payroll, and your father was appreciated by those in need.

Still, it wasn’t like he was naive. He knew when someone was going to scam him, from the moment he met them. He had a knack of recognising such people, and that knack had never failed, so eventually people stopped attempting it.

You had inherited his kindness and selfless nature, so when you saw a little boy, maybe two years younger than you, sitting at the dirty alley, crying as he shook an older boy’s body, you stopped in your tracks, tugging your father’s sleeve.

“Dad,” you muttered, and his eyes followed yours, also seeing those two boys with firepox sores on their faces, and you both knew what was wrong. Firepox had struck them, and coming near them could be dangerous. But still, your father left your side, approaching the boys. The younger boy snapped his gaze up when he saw a shadow approaching, and your father knelt in front of him, quietly talking with him for a moment before putting his hand on the older boy’s forehead. Then, he turned to look at you and the maid.

“He’s still alive. Femke, please get Noor, bring her to our house.” he called out to the maid, and she nodded, immediately hurrying back towards your house. Your father then lifted the older boy up into his arms, nodding at you as a sign to help the younger one.

In any other case, you weren’t sure if your father would have helped like that, to be honest. He may have waited for Noor or a medik instead - but Noor was extremely skillful with her healing skills, so she would be able to stop the virus even before it would even start to affect you, your dad or anyone else living in your house.

“Come on,” you said as you smiled at the boy, reaching your hand towards him. He eyed you and your hand suspiciously for a moment, but then his eyes drifted towards the older boy in your father’s arms, and he carefully took your hand, letting you pull him with you.

He coughed into his hand as you walked towards your house located at the better area of Ketterdam, and people looked at you and your father in disgust, immediately either turning around or making their way around you as far as possible. But finally, you made it to the house and your father carried the older boy in, quickly walking up the steps to one of the guest rooms, you following him. By the time you reached the door, the older boy was already under the blanket, a towel on his forehead and Noor was getting ready to begin the healing process. The boy beside you gasped quietly, and you looked at him before nodding towards one of the beds.

“You should rest, our healer is the best in the whole city, she’ll be able to heal you and your friend,” you said and let go of his hand, but he didn’t yet move.

“Brother,” the boy corrected. “He’s my brother.”

“What’s his name?”

He was quiet for a moment, staring at his brother’s body, watching Noor working on him. You wished you’d see what he’s thinking at that moment, but decided to wait. They had clearly gone through a lot lately, it was natural if the boy was in shock.

“Jordie,” he finally replied with a hoarse voice and swallowed.

You nodded. “What’s yours?”

He kept a pause again, shorter than the last one, but you sensed he hesitated. But then he spoke anyway.

“Kaz.”

You nodded, running your thumb over the young boy's shoulder, and told him your name. "Noor will take care of both of you, I promise you’ll be alright. I’ll ask Femke to make you some soup or something hot to drink, okay?”

Kaz didn’t answer anything, staring forward blankly. Then he sighed and climbed up to the bed, pulling covers over himself. You could almost feel how warmth surged through his body for the first time in days as he made himself comfortable on the bed, his eyes looking at Jordie for a moment before his exhaustion kicked in and his eyes drooped closed. Noor smiled at you briefly and you nodded, closing the door behind you.

Her checking the rest of you for the disease was a task she’d do later, now the most important thing was that those two boys would turn out alright. Jordie looked like he had been just hours away from death, and it was a miracle you found them just in time. It was like Saints themselves had ascended on you and guided you to find them.

Maybe the city of Ketterdam wasn’t owned by thieves and murderers, not completely. Despite everything, there were people like your family, and you would always help those in need. People needed hope and compassion, and Kaz and Jordie had gotten that.

In a city of darkness, you and your family had been the only ones who had shown compassion for those two brothers, and they’d never forget what you did for them.

---

Requests are always open! FANDOM LIST | PROMPT LIST(S) | RULES (READ!!!)

#kaz brekker #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker imagines #kaz brekker fanfic #kaz brekker imagine #jordie rietveld #shadow and bone x reader #shadow and bone fanfic #shadow and bone imagine #shadow and bone #six of crows imagine #six of crows x reader #six of crows #grishaverse imagine #grishaverse x reader #grishaverse fanfic #grishaverse #female reader #reader insert #my works

[queenofspades6]

The Monster you wanted me to be - Kaz Brekker x reader

REQUEST: “i’ve been thinking of like a fic where reader is like not innocent but doesn’t like killing people and kaz tells her she needs to grow up or something so after some time she ends up being like super badass and just like batshit crazy and comes back from a mission just drenched in blood and kaz like reflects on what he’s created because he liked her but didn’t mean to turn her into this and they have a conversation.”

Warnings: Violence. Murder. Rape. Blood. Touch aversion.

Author’s Note: I loved the idea! Thank you for the request! I hope you liked it! It was so fun to write it! I may have added to much violence, and background for reader, I hope you don’t mind! Enjoy!!!

———

Kaz Brekker was the one who saved you. Usually, you didn’t tell people how you first meet Kaz Brekker, because who would believe you? When it happened, you were a young girl with no family left, no home, and no money. So when a man named Pekka Rollins found you begging for food in the street, and promised you a marvelous and wealthy future you couldn’t say no. You were not naive, but you had nothing left. It was going with Pekka Rollins or dying in the streets. What you didn’t know was that Rollins wanted you to be his prize, the beautiful girl he would sell for the highest bid. At the time you didn’t know...

Pekka Rollins brought you most of the time when he had to meet with investors, promising you to these men if they made a deal.

You didn’t know until that one evening Pekka had told you to dress well and show some skin. You had purposely worn a red gown with cleavage, firmly believing that Pekka wanted you to look beautiful to help him make a deal. And it did. You thought at least Pekka would respect you, but he didn’t.

You learned the hard truth after a promising deal, when he told you to go home with a huge, bearded man that had stared at you all night with desire. He told you to please the man, to be gentle if that was what the man wanted, that if he was to slap you, you would be still and accept it. You had frowned, and grimaced, telling him you wouldn’t do it, but he grinned at you.

“You will. You owe me money now, you can’t go. And if you ever do, I’ll find you, and you’ll regret saying me no.” He whispered into your ear.

A single tear had run down your cheek, he had licked it with his tongue, making you want to vomit.

“Don’t cry sweetheart, it will make him push harder, you don’t want that, don’t you?”He muttered, caressing your cheek.

***

You didn’t cry.

This night would always remain in your memory. It was probably the worse night you ever had. The man had beaten you until you were bleeding and had pushed into you without warning.

It hurt, you remembered. You hoped to fall unconscious, but your body betrayed you. You had screamed once while he pushed harder into your core, and then you stayed silent, and remained still. It was hopeless to scream, the man was loving it even more. He wanted you to cry, but you couldn’t let him win, so you repeated these words in your head until he was finished: ‘I can survive everything’. ‘I can survive everything’ ‘I can survive everything’ ‘I can survive every-‘

After this dreadful night, Pekka had asked you to sleep with other men to conclude deals. The times you said no, you were almost beaten to death.

The day when you met Kaz Brekker had been one of these days when you had said ‘no’. Pekka punched you until you vomited blood. Your upper lip needed stitches, and your side was bleeding.

You needed a drink after being beaten so badly, and while going to the nearest tavern, you noticed three armed men trying to steal the jewelry of an old woman. Even if you still tasted blood in your mouth, you ran towards the attackers, and fought them until they ran for their lives. You didn’t kill them, you couldn’t.

Kaz Brekker had watched the entire time. He saw you, a frail and bloody girl defending an old woman in a street with your bare fists. With no weapon, you defeated the men, and helped the old woman go back to her house.

Kaz had followed you for hours in Ketterdam’s streets, watching your every move. That’s when he saw you stealing people’s wallets without them noticing, and that made him convinced he needed you as his crow. Since then, you had always been a Crow, a young girl who knew how to handle blades and especially firearms. There wasn’t a single day when he regretted hiring you. He paid off your debt, and promised himself to kill Pekka when he could.

For Jordie, and you.

***

You loved to think you were a friend of Kaz. Even if you wished you were more. He always asked if you were alright, always tried not to involve you when it was about Pekka Rollins.

He never mentioned once, to anyone that Pekka had forced you to be an escort. Nobody knew. Dirtyhands had let people think you had stolen something from Pekka, and that was why Pekka wanted his money back. Nobody questioned Kaz when it came to you, nobody dared.

He was always thoughtful with you, always considerate. Sometimes he sent you jewels, leaving a necklace on your bed with just a note with a crow drawn. You knew it was him, because you had looked for these notes in his office, and you found multiple. So he must care, right? If not, why bother with all this?

***

Even if you worked for Kaz for years. He never noticed that you didn’t wish to kill. You had promised yourself to try with all your might not to kill. Of course, Kaz Brekker couldn’t know. He didn’t need to know, until one day, he asked you in his office. Alone. Right now.

What had you done? Dirtyhands usually summoned all the Crows in his office, not just you.

“Kaz.” You greeted him.

He acknowledged your presence with a simple nod.

“I need you.” He declared, his tone grave.

If it was not Kaz Brekker saying this, you would have thought it romantic.

“What do you need me for?”

“There is a man I need you to kill. I’ll give you the name, the address, it must be done tonight.”

“I don’t kill.” You retorted without a second thought. You couldn’t bear taking a life and watching someone you killed die.

“You don’t kill?” Kaz repeated, a menacing tone in his voice, and his eyes piercing through you.

You tilted your head in disagreement.

“I need you to kill this man.”

“I’ll say it again, Kaz, I don’t kill.”

“Why?”

You saw something passing in his eyes, but you couldn’t decipher what.

“Because I can’t.” You replied.

“Oh yes, you do, Kaz started raising his voice, just grow up, you’re living in Ketterdam, Y/N, if you can’t kill, you won’t survive in the Barrel.”

Determined not to yield, you crossed your arms and shook your head.

“You are going to kill this man, Y/N, because if you don’t, you are of no use to me.”

You felt anger rushing through you, and sadness. You thought maybe Kaz had appreciated your presence, but that was a lie. Another lie from a powerful man. You were only an investment. Only one of his girls.

You didn’t answer, and quickly approached the door, ready to live.

“Y/N, don’t you dare leave this room!”

The hand still on the handle, you opened the door, and left the room, slamming the door with all your might. You almost smirked knowing the whole Crow Club would hear.

You passed through the people in the crowd of the Club. You spotted Inej, and Jesper at the counter of the bar. But you couldn’t face them tonight.

Kaz wanted you to kill someone. But how could you? You knew that if you did, you would not stop. It would become easy. So easy to take a life, to watch someone take his last breath, and smile.

How many times Pekka Rollins had taken lives without remembering the faces of the dead? And Kaz?

You pushed away the thought. Pekka and Kaz were different, but weren’t they both using you like a puppet only to serve their ends?

You wanted to scream, to go back to your room in the Crow Club and forget that this ever happened. But you couldn’t.

You looked at the small piece of crumbled paper in your hand. Kaz hadn’t noticed you had taken it from him. You looked at the name and the address written in Kaz’s handwriting before folding it and putting it in your pocket. One look at your revolvers displayed on your nightstand gave you all the answers you needed.

Kaz wanted a monster, then you’ll give him one.

***

“Boss. You here?” Jesper asked and entered Kaz’s office without knocking.

“Jesper.”

“What happened? I saw Y/N leaving your office in a rush.”

“It’s none of your business.”

Jesper rolled his eyes.

“What did you do this time?” The Zemeni boy asked.

“I told Y/N to kill someone, and she didn’t want to.”

“And? Why did you ask her? Nina, or Matthias could do it, why Y/N? Or I could do it. I never miss a target.” Jesper winked at Kaz, a malicious grin on his lips.

Kaz sat, and sighed, holding his cane between his hands, and looked at Jesper.

“What?” Jesper asked. ”I am looking good, I know.“

His hand still on his cane, he looked away, avoiding Jesper’s gaze.

“What if Y/N never comes back, Kaz? Did you think about that?”

Kaz groaned.

No, he didn’t think about it. He couldn’t. He didn’t bear the mere thought of never seeing you again.

And what if Pekka found you? He tried to push away the thought of this first time his eyes set on you. So frail. Bruised and bloody, but still standing triumphantly.

“She will come back.” Kaz declared, almost as a prayer.

“What if she doesn’t?” Questioned Jesper.

“Then we let her go.”

“No! She’s been part of the crew ever since you took her in. She is one of us, Kaz. Inej didn’t want to kill either and you let her stay, why not Y/N?”

He didn’t realize his breathing was heavy, and that his hold on his cane had tightened. No, she wouldn’t leave the Crows, the Crow Club and the Dregs. No, she wouldn’t leave him.

At this moment, Kaz Brekker felt lonely. Even if Jesper was there in his office, something was off.

“Leave, Jesper.” Kaz asked, almost wishing Jesper would stay without a word.

“Kaz, you can’t let Y/N leave! You care about her!”

“Leave! Now.” Dirtyhands shouted.

Jesper raised his hands and left the room.

Miserable. That’s how Kaz felt. He put his face in his hands, sighing loudly.

What if you left?

Since that day in the streets, he knew he wanted to protect you from Pekka Rollins, from Ketterdam, and himself. He had tried. He prevented you from ever being involved with Rollins or even with the Dime Lions.

Sometimes, you would enter his office late at night while people were playing Poker in the Crow Club, you would wait for him to talk. About anything. At first, he found it annoying, and hated when you did that, but now he secretly treasured these moments. He wouldn’t admit it, but you could make him smile.

The first times you came to him late in the night to talk, he stayed silent, and you were the only one to speak. Through your secret meetings, you told him about Pekka and the men that had raped you. He had mentally taken note of the names, and these men were found dead a few days later.

But now how was he supposed to forget?

***

A body was lying in a pool of blood.

The feeling in the air was foreboding. The bloodied knife on the desk was displayed on the kitchen counter.

A young woman was looking for a towel or a piece of fabric in the cupboards. Taking her time, she opened them one by one, and when she finally found a blue towel, she took it and wiped the bloody blade of the knife. The woman glanced at the corpse and was tempted to clean the mess.

There were sheets of paper soaked in blood placed on the ground. The woman had read them all.

The man had his mouth open almost as if before dying he had screamed.

Albert Ackers was a slaver; he separated the children from their families to sell them to the highest bidder. Maybe he had deserved it.

The woman unfolded the little note in her pocket with the name of the man, she brought the flame of the lighter near it, before letting the paper burn.

***

The door of Kaz Brekker’s office opened suddenly, Kaz frowned.

“It’s done.” You muttered, looking Dirtyhands in the eyes.

He nodded, grateful you finally returned home.

Home.

This was it then? His home, your home? The crows’ home? You were going to leave his office, without another word.

“Y/N, wait.”

You closed the door, leaving him in the dark again.

***

Kaz Brekker never regretted anything in his life. Until he asked you to kill Albert Ackers. He knew the man was the devil himself, but he should have respected you enough to let it go.

And now you ignored him all the time. Late at night, the door of his office was always ajar where it never was. Each night, the Bastard of the Barrel was waiting for you to come.

You never came.

***

You were only there when the Crows were waiting in his office to discuss a contract. Kaz had noticed you didn’t hesitate to kill anymore. You could be ruthless, and even cruel sometimes. Kaz Brekker hated himself for that. He had taken what he loved the most in you. He loved how compassionate you were, always willing to help even if it meant hurting yourself.

Kaz regretted deeply what he had done. Even more when he began to find every night a new jewel he offered you, displayed on his bed. How he hated himself...

He had lost Jordie, and now you. What was the point of being the King of the Barrel, and having thousands of kruge if he couldn’t have what he wanted?

***

“Y/N, what happened between you and Kaz?” Inej questioned you.

You were sitting at the bar of the Crow Club drinking alcohol with Inej.

“Nothing.”

“Y/N. Everyone noticed the changes in you and Kaz.”

You shook your head, avoiding the Wraith’s gaze.

“Y/N, what happened?” Inej asked, putting a hand on your arm softly.

You finally dared look at her, almost shamefully.

“He wanted me to kill someone, and I didn’t want to.”

Inej raised her eyebrows in wonder, listening to you carefully.

“I killed the man, Inej.” You confessed. “I did it for Kaz.”

“That’s why you’re ignoring him?”

You nodded.

“I am a monster, now. The monster everyone wanted me to be. I became what I despised, and the worst, Inej, is I think I like it.”

Inej approached you and caressed your arm gently.

”You are no monster.”

***

The Crows were reunited in Kaz’s office to steal an ancient weapon worth thousands kruge. You all discussed with the details, and when it was settled, the Crows began to leave, you were going to follow them, until you felt a soft hand on your arm.

“Y/N. Stay.”

“Why? To remind me I am just another investment. Just a puppet to take care of people? No, thank you, I am good.” You declared, almost angrily.

“That’s not true. Stay.” He muttered, praying you would listen for once. “Please.”

His hold on your arm tightened, you pushed his hand away as if it was poisoned and left the room.

Here he was. Alone at last. Again.

***

Kaz had given Nina, Matthias and Jesper a mission to retrieve folders from an important man in Ketterdam.

There were many disappearances these last few months, and Kaz had heard this man was probably involved. Disappearances were not good for business, Dirtyhands had to take the matter in his own hands. He needed information.

The plan was perfect: breaking into the man’s mansion which was heavily guarded, stealing the folders, and leaving. What Kaz didn’t know was that you were going too.

Nina, Matthias and Jesper had agreed to let you go with them. In case things went wrong, another person would come in handy.

You all entered through a window as silently as possible. You looked around you, and stared at the room you were in. Firearms of all length were displayed on the walls. It was a splendid weapons room exhibiting firearms with the most advanced technologies. Jesper made a little scream.

“God answered my prayer!” He whispered. “Am I dead because it’s like being in heaven.”

“Jesper, focus.” Nina reminded him while Matthias was guarding the door.

Matthias glanced at Nina, letting her know it was time to look for information.

”Go with Matthias, Nina, I am going to stay with Jesper. Be fast.” You told her.

She nodded and followed Matthias down the corridor.

You stared at Jesper, your hands in your hips, a frowning look on your face.

“What?” Jesper questioned, kissing a gun.

“Jesper, we need to go.”

“But Y/N, have you seen these guns?”

You nodded, and he sighed, feeling disappointed. Jesper kissed the firearm and caressed the soft metal. The cold metal felt good against his skin.

“Take some if you want.” You told him. “But be quick.”

He almost embraced you but was too preoccupied to gather some of the most amazing guns he had ever seen.

“We need to move.” You said, crouching and watching the hallway.

Jesper followed you when you advanced in the hallway. There were so many rooms, how were you supposed to find the good folders? Hopefully, Nina and Matthias would have more luck.

You began to look for the folders in the rooms, Jesper looking for the bookshelves, and you for the desk. Nothing.

“Oh. That’s good, you need to hear that, Y/N.” Jesper exclaimed, a hand open in his hands.

“What? You found something.” You whispered, almost expecting he found one of the folders.

“Yes, I did! Watch that.”

You looked at the pages Jesper showed you, it was about some Saint of firearms that never missed his target.

“Jes, stop that. We are not here for that.”

“But Y/N, what if the Saint is me?”

You stared at him incredulously, wanting to laugh out loud. You tapped him in the shoulders, and Jesper being Jesper let the book fall out of his hands. It fell on the floor in a loud thumb. You hoped nobody had heard.

“What was that?” A distant voice cried.

You heard footsteps. Two people. In the hallway. You told Jesper to stay still, and when the guards opened the door, they never saw what was coming. You threw a dagger in the neck of the first one, and with grace, you were going to slit the throat of the other one, but Jesper shot.

You groaned. Now everyone knew you were here. Thank you, Jesper.

“To my defense, he tried to kill you.” Jesper declared.

“Come on, we need to find Nina and Matthias, and the folders if we have time.”

You moved without a sound, Jesper following you closely when you heard a woman screaming.

“It’s Nina!” Jesper shouted.

Both of you didn’t wait, you ran towards the sound. There were more guards waiting, and one was pulling Nina’s hair.

Without thinking, you threw yourself at the man, a knife in the hand. You stabbed the man in the neck while he kicked you in the stomach. You stabbed him again in the heart. His breathing stopped. You were covered in blood. You could feel the liquid running down your cheeks and your lips, feeling the metallic taste.

“Damn, Y/N.” Nina muttered. You ignored her, and asked:

“Do you have the folders?”

She nodded.

“We need to go fast.”

Matthias, Nina and Jesper followed you to the nearest room. You opened the window slowly. You heard male voices in the hallway. You were glad you had locked the door, but it wouldn’t last long.

You gestured to Nina to go first, and then Matthias helped you through the window. Jesper did the same, and Matthias came too. All of you began running on the roof following the same path you used to come. At least you were all safe and you had the folders.

***

You threw the folders all soaked with your blood on Kaz’s desk. His arms were crossed as if he had expected Matthias, Nina and Jesper to come back. He was furious you went too.

“This is what you wanted.” You exclaimed and held his gaze.

Kaz noticed how drenched in blood you were, the skin above your eyebrow open, and wounds on your arms. You did kill after all. Dirtyhands would have preferred you didn’t.

Nina said something, but you were too caught up in Kaz’s gaze to hear.

“Ugh, if you’re going to stare at each other all day, then I’ll let you to it. I am hungry.” Nina declared, already leaving.

Matthias followed her, a shy hand on her back. Jesper followed them too.

You stayed. You didn’t know why, but you remained still. Kaz stood up, and advanced towards the door. He closed it behind Jesper.

Now it was just the two of you.

“Y/N.”

You plunged your gaze in Kaz’s, almost losing yourself in his ocean-blue eyes. Even if you were angry with him, you couldn’t hate him, even if you wanted to.

“Kaz.”

He examined your face and your body for any wound, he found multiple. You were covered in blood, soaking his office with the dirt of your boots.

“You went with them.”

It was more like an understatement, than a question. Watching you wounded and bloodied made him feel bad. Terribly bad.

You nodded, a hand on your hip, waiting for him to speak.

What was it Kaz wanted to say? He had prepared what he wanted to tell you, but now no word came.

“Are you done? Because I desperately need a shower.”

“I am sorry.” He whispered eyes fixed on the ground.

“What?”

“You heard me.”

A small smile was drawing on your lips. Was it real? Did Dirtyhands really apologize to you?

“Stop smiling.”

“Was it an apology I heard from the Bastard of the Barrel?” You questioned.

“I told you, Y/N, I am sorry. For everything.”

You sighed and were ready to leave.

Kaz put his hand on your arm, tightening his hold to make you stay.

“Sit on the desk.” He commanded you.

You did as you were told. With the back of your hand, you pushed the documents on the desk, and sat, feet no longer touching the ground.

Kaz had a bowl of hot water in his hands, he put it carefully on the desk with a clean towel. Your eye caught a needle and thread. You winced at the thought of the pain.

Not leaving your gaze, Kaz gently removed his black gloves. You swore you saw him shiver.

He took the clean towel and put it slowly in the bowl, and then with meticulous precision, he approached it to your face.

The towel touched your face, caressing the skin to remove the blood. You didn’t close your eyes; you were staring at Kaz the whole time. His eyes were focused on his fingers and the contact of the towel on his skin.

He tried to touch your cheek with his thumb. The touch was unbearable, but he stroked the skin nonetheless. He closed his eyes and sucked on his breath.

“You don’t have to.” You told him, noticing his invisible pain.

“I want to.”

I need to, he wanted to say.

Then he removed his hand from your face and watched your arms. You began taking off your shirt. Kaz broke your gaze, shy at the thought of seeing more skin on your body.

He washed the blood from the towel and took another one. He rubbed the excess of blood from your arms, brushing your skin and sending shivers down your spine.

“Why?” You whispered.

He plunged his eyes into yours, and you thought he looked like a little boy, not Dirtyhands.

“You’re hurt, it’s my fault.”

You desperately wanted to say ‘no’, and he needed you to say it. But you didn’t, you knew better.

“Your debts to me, to everyone in Ketterdam no longer exist. You are free.”

You nodded, not really realizing what happened.

“Free to flee wherever you want, I’ll give you money, you can even buy a house, begin over.”

No answer.

“But...”

“But?” You asked.

“But you are free to stay. You’ll always have a place here. You’ll always be a Crow.”

“Am I not an investment anymore?” You questioned eyebrows raised in wonder.

“You never were.” He muttered.

“That’s not what I felt.”

“I am sorry for Albert Ackers. I knew you didn’t want to kill, I forced you to do so, and now... “

“I am the monster you created. You wanted me to kill, I kill now, isn’t that good enough for you?” You shouted, taking the bloody fabric from his hands.

“It was already enough. You were already enough, Y/N.” He whispered.

“I became what you wanted me to be, Kaz.”

“I didn’t want that, Y/N.”

“Me neither.” You replied.

“You’re already enough. Stay. Stay with the crows. Stay with me.”

“I am a monster, Kaz.”

“You are not.”

“I am. And you know what’s worst? I don’t mind it, and that scares me.”

“Do you remember the faces of the people you killed?” Kaz asked.

”Each of them. Every night.”

“No monster would remember their faces.”

You closed your eyes, and let the tears run down your cheeks.

“What am I becoming, Kaz?” You cried.

He stood still, staring at you crying, scratching his hands. He wanted to hold you but he couldn’t.

Slowly he touched your shoulder and caressed it. You welcomed the contact and took his soft hand in yours. His breathing became heavy, but his eyes were still locked with yours.

“Stay, Y/N. Stay with me in Ketterdam. We’ll try to tame our demons. Together.”

You nodded, and approached your delicate hand to his face, waiting for him to refuse. He let you touch his cheek even if it burned, and he wanted to scream, but he didn’t. You deserved the world, and for you, he needed to face his demons. Eyes in his, you approached your mouth to his ear, and whispered:

“Together.”

———

If you liked it, don’t forget to like, and comment, it motivates me to write! Thank you!

———

If you liked this x reader, you may love this one with Kaz Brekker:

⬇️ ⬇️

#kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker x fem!reader #kaz brekker x y/n #kaz brekker x oc #kaz brekker x inej ghafa #kaz brekker #kaz brekker fanart #kaz brekker fanfic #inej ghafa #six of crows jesper #six of crows #six of crows fandom #six of crows fanfic #dirtyhands #kaz dirtyhands brekker #dirty hands #pekka rollins #kaz rietveld #kaz x reader #kaz x inej #kaz x you #kaz x y/n #kaz brekker art #nina helnik #matthias helvar #wylan van eck #six of crows fanart #six of the best #shadow and bone

[aysegust]

I WILL RESCUE YOU. - K.B

A/N: Okay, this comes of very late I know but I need to make somethings clear. If you know that English is not my main language, so I didn't write a second part for this fiction because of that and now I felt ready for this and I hope you'll like this. I'm in my exam week and I will take an exam for college end of the year so, I can't be active a lot, however, I want to write again so... I will write ofc! -So this is the second and last part for I WISH I WERE- Warnings: Angst, fluff ending. I don't own you or anything and this lovely song is from Lauren Daigle - Rescue :) Word count: 4K! :)

After that incident, you were hiding behind the shadows. As to be not seen or not to be heard. What happened with eavesdropping on Kaz and only to be caught up to Jesper and with that left him dumbfounded was making you sick. You wanted to talk to them, you wanted to laugh with them, or just sit and plan a heist with them.

 However, your desires were left to burn inside you. Of course, you felt pain a hundred times but this was the most painful of them all… You wished, you deeply wished to come back to the day that you injured yourself. You wouldn't make that mistake again so you wouldn't get hurt like this. Because this was so painful…

"Thank you for the sweater." Inej's voice rang inside your head. You replayed that scene like thousand times and the aftermath…

 You were sitting in the Crow Club, watching men gamble and quietly drinking your tea, too caught up in the thoughts but a voice interrupted you. “Care to explain why you're so distant, Y/N?” It was Inej, your beloved friend. You loved Inej, truly. She was so sweet towards you. She loved you and you loved her too. So, you just couldn't blame her for this whole situation. You looked at her, so sleepy. 

“Well, a lot is going on so, I had things to arrange-" She cut you so softly yet so sharp. “Don't lie to me, I'm your friend.” She took a deep breath and looked at you with worried glances. “Y/N, I'm worried about you. We all are.” That sentence made you smirk a bit. Because you wanted to laugh about the idea that Kaz cared about you and worried for you… 

“Seriously Inej, don't you have better things to do?” You felt your stomach twisted to see your dear friend's sadder glances. She sighed. “I'm not gonna push you, but know this, If you ever need to talk I'm with you.” You squeezed her hand. “Thank you, Inej. That means a lot to me.” You said as she left you alone. To yourself.

"I wish I were Inej." That poisoned thought came to your mind again as you felt unease so you got up and about to leave for fresh air, someone shouted your name. Saints! Can't you just leave me be… You thought to yourself as you turned around and found Jesper staring at you with grinned teeth. 

“There you are! I missed the bloody face of yours, angel!” You couldn't help yourself but smile at him. “You don't have to shout at me, you know.” He came to your side to hold you. “Can't help it, you were ghosting me, and even I was the innocent one!” You smirked. “Can you believe it?” He went on with his ramble again, only you shushed him as you hugged him. Deep down, you felt a bit guilty. You never wanted to ghost them. All of them, nevertheless you did. You had to, you needed to pull yourself together.

Suddenly, you felt crept about the idea, someone was watching you.

You are not hidden

There's never been a moment

You were forgotten

 When you looked up and saw his face through Jesper's shoulder, you quirked up. “What's wrong?” Jesper whispered into your ear. “Nothing, I felt cold.” You broke the hug as you avoided Kaz's glances towards you. “It was good to see you, too, Fahey.”

 You had remembered the night as you left the Slat to Ketterdam's cold streets, as Jesper behind you, yelling for you to stop running away. As you confronted him about what you heard, you remembered he held you against his arms, as an amazing brother as himself. You wouldn't forget that.

 As the time passed to the night and you heard from Jesper that Kaz wanted to see you, you were so sure that he now wanted you to leave the club as you were the weakling. You stepped firmly into his office. Couldn't be able to forget the incident so you just shushed your emotions to taking the better of you. “You wanted to see me?” You told him with a little hint of concern in your voice, however, you masked it. 

 “You said you were taking a break to arrange something about your private life. So, I didn't interrupt you.” He paused for a second and looked at you. Like he was eyeing you with those sharp eyes of his. You knew he totally understood. You felt a bit unsettled so you lowered your gaze to somewhere else as you waited for him to speak again.

 He saw it. He saw you, as you lowered your gaze. How could he ever be blind as you were in front of him? With all of your vulnerability, he knew you were so strong, yet so smart. He blamed himself for not coming after you as you tried to find him on that mission day and after that, he blamed himself for not making some things clear with you that day.

You are not hopeless

Though you have been broken

Your innocence stolen

“You know Y/N, crows care for their pack. If someone in the pack got hurt, or taken, crows will be there for them and never leave their side.” You got a bit confused at first, cause he made you feel a lot of things. “I know you got hurt by something and also Inej and Jesper know it too.” He paused. He was never this direct before. “I get this, you needed some privacy to get over it. But-“ You cut his word in half as an unsettled feeling crept upon you.

“Kaz, why are you saying this to me?” You got a bit frustrated about this whole speech. “I'm saying this, It's because the team needs you to come back.” The team, of course. You looked at him with nothing, as you felt nothing at that moment. You were kinda in a denial at first but now you were accepting the hard truth that he will never love you like that. 

 He can sense your frustration, and when he looked into your eyes, he saw the pain. He meant something more, but, at that moment he understood so deeply that you were in some denial. You were missing some part and he needed to figure out what happened there… About what really happened to you… “Yeah, I don't need any break anymore.”

—

 It was one of these days that Kaz gathered all of you in his office and explained something about the new mission. It is extremely dangerous work but he knew his crows can pull this out. So, he explained the plan and Jesper interrupted with a show-off. “You know, boss, this beauty,” He shoved his face, “can do anything perfectly.” You and Inej smiled at him as you guys shared a glance. You guys were on better terms. Inej was always good but you make it better with her. To ease the misunderstandings. “Whatever you say, Jesper!” Inej said while you gathered your things. 

 Night came and y’all had your positions. Inej was on the roofs to watch out for guards. As Jesper hid outside near the garden to check out for some clearance, You and Kaz were alone. Waiting for a signal to enter the luxury place. When you heard a tiny frequency from Inej it was the sign to enter the place. 

 You were behind the Kaz as both of you entered. You were cautious as something can happen in a minute so you controlled areas. “Check the first door, I will head south.” He gave you an order. When you went quietly and quickly to the first door; you saw that it was unbelievably silent. You looked at the tables, there were papers everywhere as you checked and read some of them. 

 While you were reading and Inej was on the roof, she heard a noise. As she looked behind her, she saw a figure searching for her. She quietly changed her place for a better view, she understood then… They were trapped. Someone baited them or heard. 

 Jesper cleared the area, it was easy for him. He even got bored waiting for them to finish. Honestly, he didn’t understand what was going on between Kaz and Y/N. He thought their love was requited as he and Inej bloody saw his gazes towards Y/N. He was too caught up thinking this however, he was careful in the mission. So, he heard some cracking. When he looked behind the building's garden, he saw some explosion articles. “Oh, Saints!” He sweated and as he turned to the side, Inej also heard an explosion in the garden. 

“Hello, Wraith.” Inej heard a man's voice. As she was hiding behind something as she wanted to assassinate that man. She got exposed when she left her hiding spot. “And who are you?” She asked as he could her firm voice. “Your killer.” As he said it, she smirked. “I wouldn’t be so sure about that.” She threw a knife at him but he was quick, he dodged it. 

“You and your bastard boss will never know what will happen to them!” He said with such rage. She didn’t answer. Whereas she dodged one of his counters. She was quicker than him, but his grip was powerful. He sure looked like a vulture mixed with something. He took one of Inej’s knives and pushed her to the ground. “Is that all you got, Wraith?” He smirked. That smirk disgusted Inej. 

  Jesper was laying on the ground, trying to pull himself together because of the explosion. Then he heard steps towards him. After he looked up and quickly rolled to the side, he saw a Grisha. What the hell is a Grisha doing in Ketterdam? He thought. When he seized the Grisha’s kefta he saw that it was a Durast, indeed. 

“Let's begin, shall we?” He quietly said so cautious not to be heard. He moved silently to the side and he shot fire at the Grisha. Unfortunately, Grisha was quicker too. So she bent over and smiled. “You think that would kill me?” She smirked. “Well, let’s see what will happen, don’t we?” He mocked her voice. That pissed her, so she ran to the side and she pulled some knives at him. Whilst she was throwing the knives, Jesper shot them all and they went directly to the wall. 

 She then pulled something inside her pocket and she threw it at him, it was intoxicating. “What the hell is that?” He coughed but he didn’t stop his movements as he ran to the side, she didn’t answer his question. 

 He had to kill the Grisha. So, he moved out from where he was and he shot three shots. Grisha laughed at that. “Is that all you got, you a dwarf?” Jesper’s bitterness could be read by his face as he heard the nickname that she gave. It was disrespectful. Other than trying to kill him, of course. 

 So he shot another shot at her Kefta and she suddenly felt weak. “How?” when she took the bullet and was about to hit him with that bullet, Jesper went out and shot her in the head. “You are not the only Durast.” He silently spoke as she fell to the ground. 

 While Inej was under his grip, she was looking at the sides of the roof, as she tried to find a way to loosen his grip so she could get away from him. She saw a ceiling fan with which she struggled under him. “Hush, love, I’m almost done.” He was squeezing hard on Inej’s neck. As she moved her leg to hit his foot, she took out a little knife. 

 While his grip on her loosened a bit, she stung her knife into his leg. He hissed and he moved a bit back so she got away from his grip and suddenly she felt the air in her lungs again. Of course, Inej felt dizzy because of the cut of air, and the air coming back was hurting her throat and by the dizziness, she needed her strength. 

 However, that vulture-looking man was about to run to her side. But Inej was always quicker. So she moved her body to the left and she threw a knife at his eye. He screamed with such pain when she ran to him to break his neck. 

 When she came to his side to break his neck, he held her body and cursed something at her. He took her leg and when he tried to attack her with her knife, she pulled the knife out of his eye. So, he backed out and fell to the ground. 

 Inej made the final move and she cut his throat. “May Saints, will be with you and try to help you on your sickening journey in another world.” Then, she leaned against the wall and rubbed her throat to ease the pain.  

 You heard some explosions on the garden side as you were close to the window, you looked down and saw some light. You got utterly worried about what was that explosion. 

I hear you whisper underneath your breath

I hear your SOS, your SOS

 You needed to find him. To find him and protect him from any harm that he could ever see right now. Of course, that dirtyhands could protect himself from any harm or even protect you from anything, however, you were so deeply in love with him so, that made you worry so much. 

 As you ran in the dark corridors of the big mansion, you felt panic rising in your throat, you licked your dry lips when you heard some muffling steps sounds from the south corridors. 

I will send out an army to find you

In the middle of the darkest night

It's true, I will rescue you

 When you rushed to the side of a colon, you lowered your body and try to fit in hiding at the spot. As you heard some hisses from guys, you took a knife from your pocket, whilst you quickened your pace to catch the guardians off guard, you saw Kaz being held by outnumbered men. You saw his worried glances towards you. 

There is no distance

That cannot be covered

Over and over

 You felt anger so deep at that moment. As you saw him being captive by guards, you threw your knife at the guard who held Kaz tightly. The knife hit his eye, and as his body fell, Kaz pulled away from him. He quickly found his cane when you took your gun from your holster to shoot that guy who ran towards you to beat you. 

 He got up after you killed the other guy, and when you saw the third guy that was about the attack you with his blade, Kaz hit him with his cane. The cane got bloody by second after he then pulled the cane and beat him with that cane all over. 

 You were afraid when you saw him like that. Blood splashed all over his face, as his features got sharpened and he was so focused to beat that man. You saw how messy his hair got after he was held captive by that man you killed, you were so afraid that you thought you lost him. 

"Kaz! It's enough!" You rushed to his side to stop him. When your slight brush to his arm, he startled. You immediately pulled yourself back. "It's enough." You repeated with a whisper. He looked at your face as to begin to say something, he quickly looked behind you as he saw footsteps coming towards both of you. "Come behind me!" He yelled at you. 

You're not defenseless

I'll be your shelter

I'll be your armor

 You went behind him as you gave him your gun. You quickly took two knives from your pockets that Inej gave you after your first mission with them. You held them tight, when more men entered the room you threw the knives at their heads as Kaz shot one of them after your attack. Three men fell on the ground when you rushed to exit the door, you were running in the corridors, trying to find a way to escape. You saw Kaz had stolen what he wanted at the beginning. 

I hear you whisper underneath your breath

I hear your SOS, your SOS

"There!" He leads the way for you. When you both come down the stairs, you saw two more men coming your way. "Go upstairs and jump from a window, I'll handle this." You looked at him in disbelief. "I won't leave you!" You yelled and you jumped at one of the armed men's faces as you cut his neck with your blade. You saw one of them coming at you but Kaz shot them in the head. 

 You two fight with more men, however, the injuries you got from fighting those men, one of them cut a big scar on your belly. You didn't mind it at first because of the adrenaline, you and Kaz cleared the area downstairs, and as you ran away to the exit you finally saw Jesper. "Jesper, quickly!" You yelled at him as you held your belly. 

"We got trapped, Kaz!" Jesper squirmed. Anxious glances towards him as you saw Inej is already coming your way. "We dealt with this later. Now we need to leave right now!" Kaz raised his voice as he looked at his sides to find their carriage. When he couldn't find it, he looked at all of you. "We'll split up. Inej, I want you to go on the roofs if we are being watched." He then turned his gaze to Jesper. "You will go with Y/N." Inej looked at him. "You will go alone?" She sounded unsure. "Yes." He replied with a simple word. 

 You couldn't intervene in his sentence as Jesper pulled your arm to push you aside with him. All of you were escaping from this broken mansion, you heard sirens. No one saw you on the outside as you and Jesper entered the Slat first with the help of the darkest alleys of the mighty Ketterdam. 

"Agh-" Your face got soured. No one saw the cut on your belly as y'all tried to escape from that bloody place, Jesper stopped his movements. "Seriously? You got injured!" He copied your gestures as he felt bad on the inside. "There were a lot of men in there, come on!" You hissed at the pain you felt. 

"Let me help you." A voice behind you gently said. As you turned your head to him, you felt a bit uneasy. "And how might you could help me?" You feared that he would be sickened about touching your body. But deep down you knew, he wanted to help you. But something was pulling him back. His greatest demons were pulling him back so tightly that he couldn't touch that person that he trust most. "Come with me." He leads you to his bathroom. It was a crooked place but it felt so safe for you. Him. 

You felt so safe with him. 

In the middle of the hardest fight

It's true, I will rescue you

 When he pulled a fresh bandage for your wounds, you watched him silently. You prayed the sky above so that you won't make something idiotic to ruin the moment. He hesitated at first. As to pick up your blouse to see a better view of the wound, you saw his sweaty forehead. "Kaz. I can do it by myself." You saw him struggling. He looked into your eyes. 

 He sighed and he backed away from you. It was enough for you. The thought of him being want to help you was enough for you. So you looked at the mirror and pulled up your shirt to take a better view, you silently hissed. When you looked at him through the mirror, you saw his bruised face. 

 You cleaned the area before you took the stitches to cover the open wound. You struggled a bit at first, but you were strong, you felt the adrenaline running through your veins. After you cleaned and stitched yourself, you held a wet, clean cloth and handed the cloth to him. "Here, for the dried blood."

 He accept it as he gently wiped his face with the wet cloth. "You saved my life." He didn't meet your gaze after the words fell on his lips. You watched him through the entire speech. "You saved my life so many times." You sweetly said. 

"It's even then." He spoke again only to meet with your gaze now. "Y/N... I want to be clear with you." He put the cloth away and came a bit closer to you. "What you heard, that day with Inej, you didn't hear the whole conversation." You felt a bit shame as you remembered eavesdropping on their conversations. When you tried to interrupt, he shushed you. "I am not going to deny that I gave Inej something from me, but the beginning of the conversation was to ask her about an opinion." You got confused at first. He went on with his explanation. 

"I was asking Inej... that...that- I wanted to give you," He paused. "I asked her about something. Something... for you." Your cheeks reddened as you heard his whisper. "Why?" You lowered your voice to meet his low voice. 

 He looked at you. You could see, he was very nervous. He was trying to find the right words to describe what he was about to say. You waited in silence. You were anxious too. So you waited for him, patiently because despite being anxious, you needed to hear him. 

 You were so lost in your own thoughts but then he spoke. "You are important, to me." He loosened his shoulders, it was tense. Due to the moment. You met his dark eyes as he spoke these five words. "I wanted to give you-" He paused then he pulled something from his pocket. You saw the packet, it was small and wrinkled. 

 He gave you the tiny packet as you looked at him, still confused but he could see the hope through your eyes. You were curious but the fear of rejection inside you was overwhelming. You took a deep breath as you opened the packet, it revealed a tiny necklace with a special silver crow head. You looked at him instantly as you saw the necklace. You hold the necklace up, how could you misunderstand everything? 

"Inej was helping me to find the right necklace." He didn't meet your eyes. Suddenly you felt guilt wash over you. "But- You were glancing at Inej." You hesitated, then your voice reached out as a whisper. "I saw it." He glanced at you softly. "I don't look at Inej, the way I look at you..."

 Your head was spinning so fast, you had to hold his table edge. When you looked at him again, you saw his worried glances at you. "Are you alright?" He asked you as you shook your head to say yes. "I was just confused. I thought you had feelings," You paused. "feelings for Inej." 

 "No, Y/N." He said calmly. "The thing about surviving in the Barrel is not to care or love anything." He sighed. "But I'm willing to take that risk If it's meaning that I could see your bright eyes every day." 

 You looked at him in pure shock. But you totally felt every word he meant. He truly meant it and you loved him so madly, so much. It felt a big relief to you, to feel your love is requited. You swore that day, that you will be there for him. 

 As for something you didn't know is that he swore this, was the day that he first helped you to get away from the Stadwatch.  

#kaz brekker #kazzle dazzle #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker angst #kaz brekker fluff #kaz rietveld #shadow and bone #reader insert #kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker x you #six of crows #kaz brekker fanfic #kaz brekker x fem!reader #kaz brekker x y/n #crooked kingdom #jesper and inej #inej ghafa #jesper fahey #y/n

[ravenyenn19]

I’m just saying that I’m supremely disappointed in this fandom for the absolute lack of Kaz & Jordie art- don’t get me wrong, there’s a few & all of them beautiful/heart wrenching. BUT I NEED MORE Jordie + Kaz. Happy them pre-Ketterdam. Tragic them in Ketterdam. ALL.

🐦‍⬛Jordie as a ghost fighting Kaz’s demons. (Bonus if he uses phantom farming tools like swords.)

🐦‍⬛Jordie watching as his brother falls in love with Inej. (Bonus if I get to see Jordie’s ghostly hand wrapped around Kaz & Inej’s at fifth harbor)

🐦‍⬛Kaz & Jordie reuniting when Kaz has passed from old age & then all the crows when the time comes meeting Jordie in the afterlife.

Just… TAKE MY KRUGE. *slams fist of bills onto table with enough force to mutter a tiny ‘ow’*

so. Anyway. I can write. But uh… artists? Feel free to steal any idea I named here but I will climb into your walls, brick by brick, if you don’t tag me so I can see it. 😘

#six of crows #crooked kingdom #kanej #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #shadow and bone #grishaverse #kaz x inej #soc #leigh bardugo #dealing with our demons #dwod #six of crows spin off #six of crows fanfic #six of crows fanart #fanart #jordie rietveld #kanej fanfic #kaz and jordie #the dregs #ketterdam #please i’m begging #take my money #and my mental health

[grey-pastels]

Names

Fandom: Six of Crows

pairing: platonic! Kaz brekker x reader

summary: reader is set on finding out what kaz' name is.

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It was ten bells and the night was just getting started. This might have been a quiet time in any place but not here,not in ketterdam,not in the barrell.

I was currently leading Jesper back to the crow club after having to basically pry the cards from his hands. I had found him in one of the gambling dens,as usual. And he was losing,as usual. Normally I would've just sat next to him,letting him do his thing. But tonight I wasn't in the mood for it. I really didn't want to deal with the speech Kaz would have about him losing all the money again. He would most certainly still hold one but I was just hoping it wouldn't take 10 minutes this time. As we entered the crow club I spotted him sitting in a dark corner,his corner. He glared at us, his usual unamused glare or maybe it was just how his face was stuck by now. When Jesper spotted him he immediately looked away and made a beeline for the bar. I did not. I walked towards him and sat down. I was waiting for him to speak,but of course he didn't. He was waiting for something. Maybe an apology or maybe a simple explanation. I would not give him that,not today. If he wanted it he could ask for it nicely and I might just comply.

"Fancy seeing you here,kazper" I said mockingly.

He was staring at me. He hated it. Ever since I joined the dregs, approximately 3 years ago I had started bothering him with these nicknames. To me it just seemed improbable for someone to name their kid Kaz. I have met jespers and even inejs before. Not many but they existed. So I have made it my goal to get his name. Not for the reason others might want it. I didn't want leverage on him or his past. I just wanted him,to know him. He was a walking mystery to everyone, but not to me. I have tried many names over the years. My personal favourites include kazzie, kazper and kazpian. He didn't show a hint of emotion other than annoyance when I said them so I presumed they weren't right.

He stood up and walked up the stairs. He walked rather fast despite his limp so I had a relatively hard time keeping up. He didn't say anything yet but that didn't stop me. I followed him to his room.  When I closed the door of his office he stood alarmingly close to me. Something Kaz never does. He seemed irritated,by me.

"Why are you so set on knowing my name?"

"Well for starters,kazstration. you know mine. You know me and I know you would never admit to it but i am the closest thing to a friend you have. I am aware inej and jesper are there too but it's different with us. Inej is your faith and jesper your- well actually I am not sure what he is to you"

" You are my crow, an investment. You all are. Not more nor less"

"I don't believe that"

He leaned his head to the side in disbelief. He always hated how stubborn and blunt I can be. I would never change it. It was one of my many talents to help annoy people, annoy him especially. When we first became acquaintances he had said " if you keep that up you won't survive long in the barrel and even shorter in the dregs" I simply smiled at him and continued with my day. Three years later I was still alive and he still disagreed with my ways.

"You are my family,kaz" he almost laughed at that. And  I realised what I had said. It wasnt the fact that I called him my brother, I meant that and I wasn't ashamed of it. But it was the first time I had called him kaz in years. I am not sure why I had done it but it felt right. I needed him to see I was serious and it wasn't another joke.

He kept quiet after that. I didn't expect him to say it back. I didn't need him to. I slightly pressed my palm against his shoulder,shoving him gently out of my way. I could hear his breath hitch for a second but he calmed himself rather fast. I was aware of his aversion to touch and I did my best to avoid physical contact. But now I just needed space and I didn't have the nerve to communicate it. Why would I need to speak my thoughts when he never does? I turned around and opened the door to leave. Before I fully shut it again I spoke up again. "You won't get rid of me, not of my energy either. And one day your gonna have to admit it. Speak the truth. Say that you like me around and perhaps admit it to her aswell,she isn't as patient as me with you and i dont blame her" I didn't need to speak her name, he knew. He always did. " I will see you tomorrow, Kazimir" he made a noise. I shut the door and I was sure I had it. I had his name. I had him.

#kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker #kazzle dazzle #kaz rietveld #six of crows #soc #shadow and bone #crooked kingdom #kaz #kaz brekker oneshot #oneshot #platonic reader #fanfic #fanfiction #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #wylan hendriks #inej ghafa #nina zenik #matthias helvar #kit young #freddy carter