#kaz telling everyone to let the ice court heist go
Note
you’re laying waste to halloween- give me a trope or an AU (soulmates, best friends to lovers, etc.) and a character, and I’ll write a fic for it that’ll be 1-8000 words in length. (you can let me know how long you want the fic to be, and if you want it on the longer side, the more specific you get about details and settings and specifics about the AU, the better!)
best friends to lovers with kaz?? maybe they grew up together and go through everything side by side and we just see their relationship grow deeper and deeper until their practically married
To The End- Kaz Brekker
Okay! Hi! First off, I'm so sorry that this took ages!! I wanted to have it written and out by Wednesday of last week but then my brain decided to nitpick the way that I'd written it by that time to high fucking hell. A storm hit late friday and we had a power outage as well, so I only had the chance to get this done at around 9:30 as of saturday, and it's being posted about three-ish hours later!! I hope that the length of this fic (a bit over 7000 words) makes up for how late this is :)
I did take it in a bit of a different direction than what you'd requested. and if you want me to rewrite, please go ahead and let me know, I'll definitely do so!
I do have Kaz and the reader touch in this fic, but that’s at the end of the fic and it’s after Kaz has worked on his touch aversion.
Fic type- fluff
Warnings- mentions of homelessness and a few mentions that the reader grew up homeless, depictions of alcohol and alcohol consumption, mentions of crimes such as arson and theft, and a mention of cheating, as well as a few mentions of water and the way that it behaves in relation to Kaz's trauma
SEVENTEEN
As Kaz’s gaze moved to the water, head inclined to it with his exhaustion, he couldn’t help but notice your footsteps. They were one of many sounds on the boat as the sun rose and people woke with the knowledge that the shores of Ketterdam were barely fifteen minutes off, but Kaz had been able to recognize your footsteps for eight years by that point. It was habitual, and at seventeen, there was no undoing it.
The heist you’d gotten back from was one that quite literally took a night and a morning. As the boat approached Ketterdam shores, there was forty-five minutes left to sunrise, at minimum. Everyone had slept through the day to compensate, and while Kaz had tried, he’d gotten four hours and called it a night.
“You were out here when I left,” you said as you joined him, standing on his left. You rested a cup of coffee onto the boat railing, and Kaz took it, the two of you moving like clockwork. “Tell me that you slept, Brekker. Even for a minute.”
“Four hours. More than I’ve gotten since we left.”
He looked at you, watching you shrug as he put the coffee mug on the railing. You took it, holding the warm mug as you spoke.
“I can’t judge,” you said. “Barely got enough of it myself, but I always get antsy on the returning trips. Trouble always awaits.” You took a sip of the coffee, placing it on the railing. Kaz took it, and when you moved, resting your back against the railing and allowing it to face the water, your eyes on his as you moved.
“Back in Ketterdam,” you said. “I’ve missed it here.” It’d been a long few weeks, to say the least of it. After the Ice Court, you’d pulled a heist in The Wandering Isle, having gotten the information through a contact you had there.
“We all have,” Kaz said. “You, especially, it seems. We’ll get the money upon our arrival?”
You glanced at shore, nodding as a grin pricked the edges of your lips. “I see the contact. They’re ready to make the exchange, if a bit antsy about it.”
“Fourteen million kruge on their person, I can imagine one would be a bit startled by it, especially so close to the Barrel,” Kaz answered. “Worth it haul, I would say. Especially when you consider the amount of jewelry, but never again will I travel so far as the Wandering Isle for a heist.”
You turned your gaze to him, smiling at him as you did. “You would,” you quipped, and damnit, you were right. For the right price, Kaz was entirely sure that he would be willing to go to any small corner of the world, even if it took him months to manage to get there.
The two of you stood, side by side, as the boat docked. Kaz finished his coffee, and shortly thereafter, the seven of you—yourself, plus Kaz, Inej, Nina, Matthias, Jesper, and Wylan—were off the boat. You shook hands with your contact, they bid a good day, and while the seven of you headed toward the Crow Club to split the rewards, your contact moved toward the warehouse district and Sixth Harbor, where a boat waited to take them to the Wandering Isle.
As you all arrived at the Crow Club, heading toward a booth at the back, greetings were tossed at you as Rotty clapped you on the shoulder, victorious smile on his face as he joined up.
“Alls well and good?” He asked.
“The heist went off with—” Nina stopped, scooting in next to you in the U-shaped booth. “Well, fewer hitches than the Ice Court.” Matthias followed Nina, then Jesper and Wylan. Inej and Kaz were the last ones in the booth, Kaz sitting at one end while you sat at the other.
“Well and good, Rotty,” you gave him a grin. “Seriously. Don’t worry too much about it.” With the words, Rotty walked away, heading into a loud conversation with a few of the club regulars.
“So, when’s the next job?” Jesper asked. Inej snorted.
“We’ve just gotten back,” she noted. Kaz watched as you waved a waiter over, ordering drinks and food for the table. “Are you so anxious to commit another international crime? Are the two we’ve managed in the past six months not enough?”
Jesper didn’t answer, merely pressing a kiss to Wylans head, purposefully ignoring the jab. Later, Nina and Inej sparked a conversation that took the attention of the whole table. When food and drinks came, the chatter only continued. There was so much of it, in fact, that it allowed you to slip away without it being noticed by anyone else.
Except for Kaz, of course. Kaz had known you eight years, and in those eight years, he’d made a habit out of noticing.
He let Inej know he’d see her, Nina, Matthias, Wylan and Jesper back at the Slat, leaving the briefcase in Inejs care before heading out, leaving through a back door and making sure his cane wasn’t heard as he walked. Nobody would notice someone they couldn’t hear, and having nobody aside from the Crows know that Kaz had left would be better for the club, anyway. Kaz’s presence was intimidating, one that most were terrified of, and when they assumed he was around, it kept the patrons of the club from cheating, or assuming that an employee wouldn’t notice and alert Kaz to it.
He let his cane be heard as he left the Crow Club, rounding the building and being careful to duck out of view from any windows. He checked the Slat, with no luck. He checked Wylan and Jespers place, not finding you there, either.
It hit him suddenly; he’d seen you leave the booth, not the building. He would’ve known if you’d left the building. As much as Kaz enjoyed your company, you had your predictable moments. Kaz could often count on you to be sitting on rooftops, enjoying the sounds of the wind as it blew past your ears.
He went into the Crow Club once more, making his way up to the roof, and—yeah. You stood, facing the direction of the breeze. Your back was to him.
Wordlessly, Kaz approached, standing to your right without saying anything. He didn’t object to look down, merely looked at the Ketterdam skyline from the vantage point provided by the roof.
“Hi,” you said after a moment. “I’m sorry I disappeared.”
“I found you, didn’t I?”
“Yeah,” you said. When Kaz turned his head to look at you, he saw that you were almost smiling. “You always manage to, Brekker. Have you started doubting yourself?”
“Eight years as your closest friend? This last one spent—well—” As your partner? As a couple? Kaz couldn’t figure out how to say it. “No. At this point, in regards to you, doubt is not a word in my vocabulary.”
You did smile that time.
“Good to know.”
Silence lapsed between you two, your eyes looking over the skyline of Ketterdam, dotted with buildings before giving way to the water, the shadowy outlines of boats as they docked and left the harbor. Sunset had started, dousing the sky in pastel blues, purples, yellows and oranges, and still, even as beautiful as it was, Kaz found that he couldn’t tear his gaze away from you.
“Wonderful, isn’t it?” You asked, eyes still on the skyline.
“Yeah,” Kaz agreed, nodding even though you wouldn’t notice it.
“Seriously, Kaz. It’s fucking gorgeous,” you said. “I come up to the roof for this view, normally late enough that I go unnoticed, but it’s wonderful to have someone to share this with.”
Kaz nodded again, eyes still not having moved to the skyline. “It’s incredible, actually,” he said, eyes only watching your expression.
When you turned to look at him, Kaz quickly brought his eyes to the skyline, fighting off the urge to grin as he did. He could feel your eyes as you watched him, felt it as they moved to the ground and back to him again.
“I have to agree with your words,” you said after a moment. “Incredible really does describe this view perfectly.” But you were still staring at him, still watching his features as he watched the skyline, noticed boats as they came into Ketterdam or left it.
Silences between the two of you were comfortable. They’d always been comfortable, easy and not difficult like silences often were with others.
“We should get back inside,” Kaz said as the darkness took the sky over. “They’ve noticed our absences by now, I guarantee it.”
You gave him a grin, the two of you heading back into the Crow Club together as you did.
-
The following morning, Kaz woke to the sound of the rain. He pressed his head into the pillow, kept his eyes closed and took in the smell of coffee and the sound of your voice as you hummed an old Ravkan tune and it carried through his office, past the small archway leading to his room, and finally met his ears.
Kaz sat up, running a hand through his hair before grabbing his cane and moving throughout the room. First, to grab clothes and a towel, then to shower. Once he was done and dressed, his hair in the process of air drying, he found himself in his office.
“You’re in quite the chipper mood,” he noted as he watched you take the teabag out of the mug you’d plopped it into. You’d set the coffee on his desk, and when Kaz took a sip of it, he noted that it was almost cold. “What’s got you so giddy?”
“I guess I woke up on the right side of the worlds thinnest mattress,” you joked. Kaz leaned back in his chair, reviewing plans he’d worked on the night before, for a heist in the Zelver District. “I don’t know why I woke up like this. Maybe I’m just happy to be back? I genuinely don’t know.”
“Well, either way, we’ve got another job next week,” Kaz said. “Zelver District. Ten thousand.”
“Crew?”
“Us and the rest of the crows, as normal,” Kaz said. “Try to relax today.”
You took your mug with both hands, flinching as you registered the heat that the cup was radiating with the boiled water still inside it, though you didn’t adjust your grip. You merely set it on the windowsill and climbed up, taking it back into your hands and appreciating the warmth that spread to them as you did.
“Relaxing is my every intent,” you said. “How’d you sleep?”
“About as well as you, though for less time,” he took another sip of the coffee, resting the mug near the corner of his desk. “No major jobs til the next heist. We need to lay low for a bit.”
“I don’t hate the idea of that,” you said. “I’m content to stay in here and read for a bit, if you don’t mind?”
“I don’t,” Kaz said. “You’re welcome to stay as long as you want, Y/N.”
“Thanks, love,” Kaz forced his gaze to the papers in front of him, the scrawls of the plan he’d set in motion early next week, executing it with you and the rest of the crows later on. He tried not to think of the nickname too much, of the implications that came with it, tried not to blush as he tried not to think.
Eventually, when the coffee you’d set out for him had been long made, your tea long drank and the mugs rinsed and set back onto the small table where they were kept, Kaz heard the sound of the downpour, falling asleep in his chair whilst you fell asleep sitting on the windowsill.
NINETEEN
“Hey,” You greeted as you walked up to Kaz. He passed you a tea as you passed him a coffee. You’d known each other for ten years by then. Ten years of knowing glances, of walking side by side, talking about everything and nothing all at once.
The pair of you walked back to the Crow Club, not talking at all. Ten years, Kaz noted. Ten years and the silences were still more comfortable than half the beds in the Slat.
You walked into the Crow Club, and it was like your attention had been commanded with your mere presence. You greeted several people with swift nods before yourself and Kaz found a table near the back, Kaz sitting his cane against the back of his chair.
You drank tea and listened to Kaz’s updates, telling him a few stories from your meeting with the triumvirate in Ravka in regards to a jewel heist. You told Kaz all that they’d told you to relay to him, and he told himself he would work on it later, knowing himself well enough to know that he’d remember every single detail you’d offered.
When Jesper, Wylan, Inej, Matthias and Nina joined you, pulling up chairs and ordering waffles, Jesper and Nina were grinning.
“So?” Nina asked.
“Next fall,” you said. “Fifty-six thousand kruge. Not much, but a lot, when considering it’s coming out of the pocket of a country that’s long been in debt.”
“They’re pulling themselves out, bit by bit,” Jesper said. “Paying back their loans. Ravka is getting back on it’s feet.”
“Nikolai assumes they’ll be out of debt completely within the next two decades,” you said. “Seems like a long time, but it’s really not, all things considered. Two decades to get out of debt they’ve been drowning in for more than two generations? I would’ve assumed they had it done before any of us hit thirty.”
“Anything from Kuwei?”
“He’s well,” you said. “Apparently he’s dating a Tidemaker who he met while on a mission in the Wandering Isle. I don’t really know, he spoke rather quickly, as he was trying to get to Davids quarters to offer an assist with something relating to fire.”
“Good on him, then,” Jesper said.
Nina ordered waters, popping a toffee into her mouth as the waiter walked off. When the waters came, you all thanked the waiter. Kaz watched you ignore the flirtations directed at you, felt anger come up from somewhere within him, though he quickly repressed it.
“So, next fall?”
“Fifty six thousand?”
“Who’s on the crew?”
“Everyone here,” you said, gesturing around the table. “Annika could be a very wise addition to the team for this one, but whether or not we’ll ask her onto the team is something that Kaz and I have yet to discuss.”
“Making decisions as a team now?”
“We’ve been doing it this way on all major jobs?” Kaz found himself stating. “The Ice Court, the heist in the Zelver District—”
“Oh, you mean the one that almost resulted in seven arrests?”
“Don’t act as though we didn’t make it away in time, Jes,” you said. “There’s a reason that you said almost. We made it out in time, evaded the stadwatch, and here we are.”
“Well, even so, it’s neat,” Nina said, giving you and Kaz both a smile. “I never thought that Kaz would have it in him to consult anyone else. It’s wonderful to know that such a skill exists in his arsenal.”
“I mean, in fairness, they’re not just his partner, they’re his best friend,” Wylan offered. “It makes sense that he’d go to them for a second opinion.”
You took a sip of your water, and Kaz watched you lean back in your chair, content to let a conversation take the table over. You loved your contented silences, he knew. You met his gaze, and for a moment, a small, almost nonexistent moment in time, Kaz wished he had the strength to reach across the table and take your hand in his.
The game he played with his touch aversion was a game of give and take. It was good days, bad days, days wherein there was simply nothing, an oddball-ish kind of in between wherein nothing took steps forwards or backwards, merely just stayed in place, caught in something like a stand still.
“I was thinking about going to Ravka before the next big thing,” you said. Kaz had known Ravka was on your mind. You’d needed something of a break, to put it simply. A break from heists, from crime. You’d needed time to lay on a bed that was better than just half decent. Since you’d mentioned it, Kaz had been debating going with you, leaving the Slat and the Crow Club in the care of either Inej or Annika. “Take a bit of a rest.”
“Ravka is always lovely in October,” it was close to fall. August was coming to an end.
“Leaving the Slat in the hands of Annika for a bit?” Jesper asked.
“That’s currently up for internal debate,” Kaz said. “Weighing it out, but if you can’t find me by this time two months from now, you know why.” Jesper cheers’d his glass against Kaz’s, grinning as he did.
“You really do look like you could use a bit of a vacation,” Nina said. “Maybe use the time to get a proper haircut, hm?”
Kaz merely offered a shrug as he brought the glass of water to his lips, meeting Ninas gaze as he did.
“Never.”
Nina laughed, leaning back in her chair, and Kaz’s gaze drifted back to you.
You met his gaze, offered him a grin, silently cheers’d your glass against his. Kaz watched you become enveloped in the conversation, content to remain quiet as he did.
-
“There’s something odd about the two of you,” Nina was saying to you a few weeks later. The two of you were walking along Sixth Harbor, having finished a job in the warehouse district and on the way to fifth, where you’d rejoin Kaz and Matthias for the last part of the job before you and Kaz headed off on a boat to Ravka, where you’d relax and see the sights for the following two weeks. “I mean—not odd, necessarily. Everything about the two of you makes a plenty good bit of sense, but—” she stopped herself.
“But?”
“I’m a Heartrender,” she said. “I register heartbeats around me, oftentimes without meaning to. Every heartbeat is unique, a sound similar to the others but also distinctly different. Kaz’s heartbeat is loud. It’s always been loud, and the one thing I’ve noticed with him, is that the second he looks at you, it gets faster than I’ve ever heard it. Even if it’s for a moment in time, a split second glance that nobody notices, the two beats that happen while he watches you are quicker than the two before and the two after. It happens every single time, too. Always.”
You looked at the ground, feeling your cheeks grow warm as you heard Ninas words.
“Your heartbeat does, too,” Nina continued. “I noticed it when I’d first met you and Kaz when we were sixteen. You’d been standing a few feet away, but every time you’d look at him, your heart would start racing in an instant. I don’t know if you were in love with him then, but if you weren’t and if I was wrong, my ears have certainly fooled me.”
You crossed into Fifth Harbor as she spoke, and as you did, you caught sight of Kaz and Matthias. They were both standing, eyes on the harbor as they engaged in conversation.
“There it goes again,” Nina said, laughing slightly. She draped an arm over your shoulders, grinning as you finally registered your own heartbeat. Nina had been correct, your heart was going fifty miles a minute. She watched Kaz turn his head, meeting your gaze in the process.
“And, there goes his!” she said, laughing a bit more. “Lovesick idiots, the two of you are.”
“Yeah,” you said, nodding. As you approached, Kaz and Matthias moved to meet you halfway.
As you looked at Kaz, you couldn’t help but grin, because Nina was right.
Fuck, did you love Kaz Brekker.
TWENTY-ONE
Fall in Ketterdam was always cold. Over time, yourself and Kaz had grown to call it pre-winter rather than fall, as the closer winter drew, the colder Ketterdam got. By the end of October, temperatures dropped to the negatives at least once every few weeks, often finding a spot in the colder side of the middle ground.
As Kaz walked into the Crow Club, cup of tea in hand, he placed it on the table at which you sat, meeting with a member of the Black Tips to negotiate the ownership of a building before it escalated to the point of a war. He didn’t look at you as he joined Inej at the table she’d chosen, though he knew you were due to join them any minute. A bit of guesswork and bluffing on your part would have the Black Tips allowing the building to come into complete Dregs ownership, and within days, the building would be ready to open.
“How’re things going with the meet?” Inej asked as Kaz sat down.
“Seemed like it was going well, but we’ll find out in a matter of minutes,” Kaz said.
“Have they told you what they want to do with the building yet?”
“They’re turning it into a cheap diner for Barrel residents only,” Kaz said. “ID needs to be provided in order to eat there, unless someone living on the streets is brought in, and the cooks are required to make extra so as to have enough to feed a few of the people living on the streets throughout the city.”
“An anti-tourist establishment?” Inej asked. “That’s incredible.”
Kaz merely shrugged at that. “They lived on the streets once,” he said. “They don’t want to become a landlord, though, so this was the next best thing. For Barrel residents, no meal costs more than five kruge, and the homeless get them for free. They’ve set up an initiative, too. They’re buying out a few of the old warehouses in the warehouse district and paying the people on the streets to help get them fixed up. The Merchant Council is regarding them as one would regard a criminal less and less these days. I read recently that more jobs have opened up in the financial district and they’re paying for transportation there from the Barrel. More rooms in the Slat have opened up, and we’re letting people in until they can get on their feet without being a member of the Dregs being on that list of requirements. All per my loves request, of course.”
“Ninas right about you, you lovesick fool,” Inej said teasingly. “It’s nice, though. I didn’t think you the type to be capable of being lovesick for anyone.”
“I’m not lovesick,” Kaz denied. “It’s a smart business plan, and if any of them decide they don’t like working for the banks or the merchants or whoever they end up working for, there’re jobs open most everywhere in the Barrel and the Zelver District. It just depends on which gangs territory they work in.”
Inej just gave Kaz a grin as you approached the table, sitting down next to Kaz as you sipped your tea, a victorious kind of glint in your eyes.
“The property is mine, Geels will be dead by tonight, and everything is already set in motion.”
“What information did you get on him?”
“Geels is having an affair with the girlfriend of the guy I met, something I found out this morning. I let him know and he gave me the property in a second before thanking me for telling him. I did it out of obligation. I don’t care if they’re a rival gang, nobody gets to cheat and get away with it.”
“Geels will come after you for that.”
“If he’s smart, he’ll do the opposite,” you said. “He’ll crawl into some hole in the world and never come out of it again.”
“If he doesn’t do such, I’ve got your six,” Kaz said. You grinned, meeting his gaze as he spoke, and Kaz felt his heartbeat grow a bit quicker, like Nina had often teased him about.
“For that, I have no doubt,” you said. “You’ve always had my six, and I’ll always have yours. To the end, Brekker.”
“To the end,” he responded, standing up as he spoke the words. “I have to meet with a member of the Merchant council in relation to a contract, and I’ll be late if I’m not heading out now. No mourners.”
“No funerals.” With the words, Kaz turned and walked out of the Crow Club
-
Kaz came home with a slight grin on his face, and it only widened as he saw you.
“Hi,” he said. You were standing, back pressed against the wall as you read through some plans for a heist that was to happen the following week. “The deal is in for the property that you’re turning into a shelter. Eliot Vales son is working for you, so he didn’t need any convincing. Pretty much just asked me to pull out the contract and a pen, signed it, and then treated me to a glass of wine and a few bottles from his personal cellar as a thanks for all the help you’ve given his son.”
“Eliot Vale is the guy you were meeting with?” You asked, eyes turning from the paper. “Goodness! I could’ve gone to that meeting with you, love. Will asked me to send along a happy update to his father.”
“Send along a letter,” Kaz suggested. “I’ll be able to help you fix up the drywall in the building over the weekend. The restaurant opens when?”
“The beginning of November, so long as I can get it in shape by then,” you said. “Provided that I work on the shelter just as much, it’s likely that they’ll open on the same day.”
“And the warehouse project?”
“It’s going a lot better than I expected,” you said. “I’ve met with the council and asked them to give me a hundred thousand to contribute to the wages of the people I’ve hired. I think it was because of Eliot that my request was approved.”
“You really are too good for this place,” Kaz said. You leaned over and tapped the papers against the desk, straightening them so that they made a neat pile, before placing them back into the binder you’d taken them from and closing the rungs.
“I love the life I live now,” you said. “I love doing what I do. Petty crimes, arson, theft, all of it, yeah. It’s among my favorite things about living here, but I grew up where so many others are now, on the streets. I hate seeing so many people going through the same. They need help, and I don’t care how many items I’ve stolen, how many places I’ve set on fire. If nobody on the Council will give it to them, I will. I don’t even care that they’re giving me the money I need to increase the wages a bit. They wouldn’t be doing so if Eliot had never been introduced to the council, if it wasn’t him to take Van Ecks place.”
Your dedication was more than impressive. It was admirable.
“Kaz, you understand it, too, right? I can’t keep letting them sweep the homeless under the rug like it’s nothing. I refuse to do so.”
“I get it,” Kaz nodded. “I kill for a cause, you live for one. We’re opposites that way.”
You nodded, the truth to the words settling in the quiet of the room.
TWENTY-THREE
You laughed a bit as you corrected another person who’d greeted you upon your entrance into the Crow Club. You sat next to Kaz, who’d been on one end of the U-Shaped booth, with you on the other, Matthias, Jesper, Wylan, Inej and Nina sat between the two of you.
“The marriage rumor has gotten too far out of hand,” you spoke as you sat. Nina slid you the brandy she’d ordered for you, and you took a sip, enjoying the way that the sweet bitterness slid down your throat. “I’ve been addressed as Mx. Brekker nine times today! I’m being referred to as such in letters from the bloody Ravkan king!”
“Are we due in for another heist down there?” Jesper asked. “Been a bit since the last one, hasn’t it?”
“Something about a dress of jewels or something?—it’s a long story, Kaz and I will explain it when he’s sent along more context,” you said. “I’m at the point wherein I’m completely ready to stop correcting people.”
“You two are common law at this point,” Wylan said pointedly. “Ketterdam law says that a couple is in a common law marriage if they’ve lived together more than two years, and you two have shared the third floor for three years now.”
“If that means I can’t correct people anymore, I’m fine with it,” you said. “I’m too sick of having to do so to continue on, anyway. If Kaz is fine with it, so am I.”
Kaz shrugged. “I don’t mind,” he said.
“How’re things with the shelter?”
“They’re going incredibly. There’s fifty occupants now, where there used to be ten times as many. Zoya mentioned putting one in Ravka with my assistance on the project, and I wrote to her recently to see about creating a space for Grisha who’re on the run from angry slavers, setting up something at Fifth Harbor to direct them to Ravka. I told her I’d need her help with that, and I was hoping to get you on the project?” You turned to Nina, who was beaming.
“Yeah,” she said. “Always happy to help the cause. Anything you need.”
“Repairs need to be made at the restaurant, right?”
“A few minor things. The storm we had last week blew through a few windows that never got closed. I’m installing the lights and fixing up some patchy drywall this week,” you said. “I’ll close the diner for a night or two, deep clean it and give it a fresh coat of paint like it deserves.”
“I can install the lights,” Matthias offered.
“Wylan and I can help with the painting and Kaz can definitely sweep a floor or two.” Jesper offered.
“Inej and I will come around to keep you lot company,”
You grinned. “That sounds wonderful. Thanks, guys.”
“We love you, Y/N,” Nina said.
“Yeah,” Inej added. “We do love you, a bloody lot, especially Kaz.”
“Any from Will?” Kaz asked.
“A letter,” you said. “He’s in Ravka working with the royals for now. He’s just been promoted to communications liaison between Ravka, Ketterdam, Shu Han, Fjerda, Novyi Zem and The Wandering Isle. His boyfriend recently proposed to him, and they’ve bought a place close to the palaces with some of the money Will had been setting aside when he got his paychecks. I promised we’d pop in for a visit whenever it was we next found ourselves there, so around the time of the next heist.” With the words, you stood, giving Kaz a grin as you walked out, heading to the diner to make a list of all that needed fixing as a result of the storm.
-
By midnight, something of a miracle had happened. The walls had been painted, the floors swept and then mopped. Lights to replace the broken ones had been twisted into their sockets. The counters had been wiped down, the ovens and stovetops cleaned and then cleaned again to be sure that no dirt had been left behind. Cabinets had been dusted and wiped down.
As Kaz looked at the time, he realized it was just after midnight. Matthias hauled in another bag of flour as you put a lid on a container full of it. Matthias opened the bag as you grabbed the last container, pouring the flour into it. Matthias passed the bag to Kaz once it was emptied, who put it into a bin and placed the filled container into the cabinet where the flour was kept.
The seven of you walked out of your restaurant, heading to the Barrel with relative silence, at first.
Then, the rain, on a relatively clear night in Ketterdam, began. At once, everyone turned to look at one another, yours and Kaz’s gaze meeting while Ninas gaze met Inej and Matthias, Jespers gaze met Wylans.
“I hate Ketterdam,” Matthias said.
“I love it,” you said. “I met Kaz when the weather was like this. I’ve loved it as long as I can really bother to remember.”
“Meeting Kaz is as far back as you can bother to remember anything?” Matthias asked. You shrugged, bare hand brushing against Kaz’s as you stepped forward, face tilting toward the sky as your arms extended. Kaz paused, expecting the water to start rushing toward his ankles, only to find that it did, for a single moment.
“Shit, sorry!” You said, meeting Kaz’s gaze.
He shook his head, waiting still for the water to react. “It was an accident. You’re fine, Y/N.”
For a single moment, the water rose.
But then? After that?
The water receded.
It stopped.
You tilted your head to the sky, and, almost completely infatuated, Kaz watched.
“When I met him, I went through a bit of a butterfly effect. Seeing him and his brother as they walked past me on the way to meet someone, it got me right here. I’m grateful for that, so yeah. Meeting Kaz Brekker is, in fact, as far back as I can be bothered to remember.”
Kaz gave you a grin, feeling his heart grow lighter.
You were the love of his life.
Well, and truly, you were.
TWENTY-FIVE
Kaz swallowed thickly as his fingertips met yours. He watched your hand, watched his own, as he willed the waters to a distance, moved his fingertips down until suddenly, your palm was against his. He could grab your wrist if he moved just a bit more, hold your hand just as some part of him had been wanting to for eight years.
“Saints,” he said, unable to think of anything else to say. He moved his hand, grabbed your wrist lightly. When he looked up, feeling the burn of your gaze, he just nodded, and slowly, carefully, you did the same.
“Saints indeed,” you said.
Kaz stared, almost unable to believe it.
He’d started working on his touch aversion shortly after the last Ravkan heist, and it’d taken him two years to get to that, a lot of trial and error, steps forward and backward, giving and taking. It was a gut wrenching, sometimes painful process, but as he held your wrist, felt the cool feeling of the ring on your finger against his own, he wasn’t in pain.
For the first time in a long time, the touch wasn’t making him want to vomit, wasn’t reeling in the waters, flooding every single one of his senses like it so often did. He could only stare, shocked, unsure of what to do next.
“Where do we go from here?”
“I’ll make that the choice of the one with the touch aversion,” you said. Kaz held your wrist for another minute. Maybe it was two, maybe three or even five, but still, somehow, it felt like it’d been bare seconds.
He let go of your hand, willed himself to look at you, really look at you.
You looked genuinely thrilled.
“Hi,” he said, almost breathless.
“Hey,” you grinned.
Kaz, completely unsure whether he was making the right call, lifted a hand to your face, cupping the side of it. He waited for the water, waited for it to flood and pool at his ankles as it always seemed to, ruining even the moments that felt more than perfect.
“This is terrifying,” Kaz said. “I love it.”
“I love you, Brekker,” you said.
“I love you too,” he responded.
That night was the same as many other nights were. It always started with Kaz trying to hold your wrist, trying to get used to letting you hold his. Some nights, Kaz couldn’t even stand the way that your fingertips felt against his own, sometimes he needed to break when your palms met, other times he just couldn’t do It, but more and more, it seemed, you progressed passed that. Kaz felt ready to try something different, something more.
And then, much like it always had to, the water pooled in, and like clockwork, you let go of Kaz’s wrist and when he let go of yours, you stepped back, went through the bedroom to the office, got started on a coffee while Kaz gripped his cane, got the waters back to bay. You passed him the coffee, holding the mug by the handle where Kaz grabbed the body, the both of you operating carefully so as to make sure there was no accidental brushing of hands.
Kaz would apologize. You would tell him he didn’t need to, that you understood and were okay with things as they were. Kaz hated himself those nights, hated to think that you’d grown used to the fact that, up to that point, Kaz had only ever been capable of loving you from a distance, loving you with his back pressed against walls and doorways.
-
Inej, and Kaz had been walking through the Barrel, heading back to the Slat. “Are the rumors true?” Inej had asked at some point. “Y/N with a ring spotted on their finger and again with one on a chain while they bartended. You, with a piece of silver around your neck, one that many think has a ring attached to it?”
“It happened at the start of September,” Kaz said. “I should’ve told you, I know.”
“You could’ve written, but I understand why it slipped your mind,” Inej said. “Proposals, engagements, in our respective lines of work? There often isn’t time to celebrate them.”
“Please, Inej,” Kaz said as he registered that glint in her eye. “Don’t tell me you planned a party.”
“Nina did,” she said. “And, even then, it’s not a party. It’s dinner at the Crow Club to celebrate.”
“Thank the saints, then.”
“Don’t start hitting me with that bullshit,” Inej said. “I had to talk Nina down from a party in one of the most extravagant spots in the Financial District. You’re lucky I even managed that, but I do have the capability to be pushed towards wanting to tell her you’ve changed your mind.”
“I will pay you a thousand kruge to do the opposite.”
Inej laughed, and Kaz didn’t fight his smile.
“You’ve changed quite a bit in the past eight years,” Inej said a while later, when the Slat had been maybe eighty more steps off. “For the better, of course. I like this version of you.”
“I’m still who I was,” Kaz said.
“People have seen you and Y/N in the past few months, hands interlaced as you talked and walked about the streets,” Inej said. “I’m not saying that you’re not the same murderous criminal that you’ve always been, Brekker. If anything, I actually think you’ve gotten more prone to violence in these past few months. I’m saying that you’re not the same person you were when your relationship had just begun. I’m saying that you’ve become a better person because of them.”
“I love them wholeheartedly,” it was the first time that Kaz had allowed any kind of a statement to be said to anyone except for you. “I became a better man because I needed to. They just gave me a reason to want to do it, and I’m grateful for that.”
“You should be,” Inej said. “You should let them know as much, anyway.”
“I’m grateful for you too, Mrs. Ghafa,” nine years of friendship, of unexpected camaraderie, and that was where the two of them ended up. Talking as they walked to the Slat, preparing for another heist like so many others they’d done before. “Seriously. Thank you.”
“Any time, Kaz,” she said. “C’mon. I have to get into an argument with Jesper, Nina, Wylan and Matthias about who’s officiating the wedding.” Kaz looked at the ground as he smiled to himself.
He’d done it. He’d proposed. He’d proposed and you two were going to get married at a date you’d not yet decided, though you’d both agreed it had to be at some point throughout October.
As Kaz walked into the Slat, such knowledge was almost mystifying. He’d gotten himself exactly where he’d hoped, but simultaneously never expected to be,
TWENTY-SEVEN
Kaz’s bare hand cupped your face, the touch almost feather light, but you knew he was there. You could feel it, feel his skin against yours. When his thumb glided along your cheek, you felt lighter than a fucking feather.
His hand had been there, in that same spot, for maybe ten minutes, one hand against your waist, his gaze unwavering.
It was funny, really. Every time you looked at Kaz, you were almost convinced he was factory made, nothing more than a severely attractive robot who’d been sent to Ketterdam to commit crime and brood. It just seemed like there was no way for someone so attractive to be allowed to exist.
“I wonder often how I got so lucky as to meet you,” you said. “I don’t understand it, Brekker. I never have, and I think I’m alarmingly content with the fact that I probably never will.”
“I often think the same thing,” Kaz said. “I look at myself, knowing all that I’ve killed, everything that I’ve sacrificed for the utmost selfish reasons, and I get confused as to why I was allowed to have you still be apart of my life. I wondered it after my first kill, when we first joined the Dregs, when you almost died in the Ice Court.”
He took another step forward, pressed his forehead against yours, watching as your eyes closed before he closed his own, and waited for the water.
It seemed, though, on that day, the water would not make an appearance.
It seemed that Kaz had negotiated a sort of peace with it, at least for that moment. The water had long grown sick of the games they played together, had given Kaz at least a day of happiness, one wherein he made more progress than the day before and allowed himself to enjoy it.
“I wonder often why the universe allowed me someone so good,” he said. “I have spent many nights thinking that I don’t deserve you, Y/N. Not for all that I am, all that I have been.”
His words were met with silence, and for that, he was glad. He was sure he wouldn’t know how to respond had you said something in turn.
“Loving you has been the greatest thing that I’ve had the privilege of happening to me,” Kaz said. “I love you wholeheartedly, Y/N. I always have, and I know that I always will.”
“I would love you in death,” you said.
Kaz opened his eyes, separated only an inch from you. Your eyes opened shortly thereafter and your gazes met. Kaz was overwhelmingly in love with you. He’d been overwhelmingly in love as long as he could care to remember.
“I catch myself wondering how a man so beautiful as you are is allowed to exist from time to time.” Kaz laughed.
“I am not beautiful,” he said.
“You’re saintly.”
“This, coming from the one who is often the most ethereal person in the room?”
“Often?” You asked.
“Always,” Kaz laughed. “Always the most ethereal person in the room, love. I apologize for my having misspoken.”
“I love you, Mr. Brekker.”
“I love you too, Y/N,” Kaz said, allowing his eyes to close. He paused, took a deep breath in and grounded himself a bit. “To the end.”
Kaz had never felt so content, as when he stood there with you, hand holding yours as yours was against his face, arm wrapped around your waist and forehead pressed to yours.
Often, outside of moments like that, ones where the water had receded and allowed him moments wherein he was so content he thought he was going to melt, he still had to lean his back against walls and doorways, still had to cast loving glances from a bit further of a distance.
There was a difference, though. Two years earlier, when Inej had said he’d changed, she’d been right. She’d absolutely been correct, as she most often was, it was just that Kaz had changed in more than the ways she’d described.
At seventeen, though he’d been in a relationship with you, there was still the thought in his mind that love was a weakness, one that could get someone killed, one that could result in a terrible kind of heartbreak.
At twenty-seven, married to you and more than happy in such marriage, he knew that his beliefs on love had changed completely, for at twenty-seven, he did not view love as weakness. He rather thought it the smart option to view it as strength.
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“six of crows isn’t a comedy”
oh yeah? how do you explain this then:
“Why don‘t you pay someone else to pay someone to burn burn your kruge for you? That’s what the big players do.” “You know what the really big bosses do? They pay someone to pay someone to...”
“I can tell you’ve never picked a pocket.” “And I can tell you’ve never given enough thought to your haircut.”
“That’s what you’re scribbling away at in the notebook?” “I also keep a journal.” “Must be fascinating. Day one: sat in tomb. Day two: sat in tomb some more.”
“It’s a weevil?” Inej asked, examining it. “A chemical weevil,” said Jesper. “But Wylan still hasn’t named it. My vote is for the Wyvil.”
“Jesper Llewellyn Fahey?” “Shut up,” said Jesper. “It’s a family name.” Inej made a solemn bow. “Whatever you say, Llewellyn.”
“Someone likes drama,” Nina said. “I mean really, who wears white to a knife fight?” “Dunyasha, the White Blade of something or other. She really wants to kill me. Possibly everyone.”
“Wedge it between your back teeth,” Kaz said as he handed the disks to the others. “But don’t bite dow-” Wylan started to sputter and cough, clawing at his mouth. [...] Jesper started laughing, and Kaz just shook his head. “I told you not to bite down, Wylan. Breathe through your nose.”
Matthias flipped him onto his back none too gently and started pressing down on his chest with more force than was strictly necessary. “I. Should. Let. You. Die,” Matthias muttered in time with his compressions.
“A sedative,” said the medik. “Is that safe for a pregnant woman?” “For me.”
“We’re not going in through the embassy,” said Kaz. “Always hit where the mark isn’t looking.” “Who’s Mark?” asked Wylan.
[Kaz literally almost drowning] “Ice Court, remember? Impossible heist? Near death? Three million kruge waiting for you in Ketterdam?” Kaz blinked and his eyes cleared. “Four million.” “I thought that might bring you around.”
Jesper struggled not to laugh. That was definitely Matthias and Wylan. Matthias was hurling the money with way too much force and Wylan with way too much enthusiasm. The kid’s throwing arm needed serious work. He looked like he was actively trying to dislocate his shoulder.
“Do I know you?” “I am Dunyasha, the White Blade, trained by the Sages of Ahmrat Jen, the greatest assassin of this age.” “Doesn‘t ring a bell.”
and i could go on and on...
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Thinking about it, I don't think we'll ever get a properly faithful adaptation of the Six of Crows/Crooked Kingdom books, at least not without some serious retconning of everything that happens with the Crows in Shadow and Bone. Let me explain:
As of now, the Crows are cleanly split into two groups.
Those who are right where they should be for the Ice Court Heist to begin right now in S&B Season 2, and those who aren't.
Kaz and Inej were clearly set up to be prequel characters that explicitely still have other stuff to do before the Ice Court Heist can happen. They aren't as ruthless or violent as their book counterparts, they work better as a team, Kaz isn't reporting to a boss or running a gang that can usurp him later (we see him running a club, not a gang), Inej is still looking for her brother in Ketterdam and has only just killed a person for the first time, and we didn't see Kaz get violent with anyone at all.
So it wouldn't make sense for these two at all to start next season off with some kind of Ice Court-ish subplot, because that Heist relies on two leads with rather different personalities, and the story would lose a lot if that were changed.
So let's assume we won't get anything Ice Court-ish next season, but instead some sort of plot that gets Kaz out of the the other barrel leader's sight, the Crow Club back (presumably Kaz and the Crow Club are 'saved' by Per Haskell, if they ever want to actually do something resembling the books), potentially a subplot for Inej to find her brother, etc.
But then what the hell are Nina and Matthias supposed to do for another two seasons?
Right now, these two are exactly where SoC starts off. Matthias is in prison, Nina got him there, she still cares about him, he hates her now. Sure, Nina needs to get herself work in Ketterdam and needs to get to know the Crows, but we already got a shot of all Six Crows together in the Sneak Peak for S2, so they won't just slowly get to know each other, they'll already be working together. All six. Matthias, presumably outside of prison, then.
I suppose they could do that. By some ploy, Matthias gets out of prison, Wylan joins the team, they (probably only briefly) all team up to briefly intersect with whatever Alina has going on in her plot. For the team up to make a bit of sense or at least for Nina&Matthias to not remain ultra static for the next two seasons, they'd need to make up again, or at least begin to tolerate each other.
Two possibilities from then on out:
1) The SoC books do get adapted and by some strokes of probably pretty awkward writing Matthias is put back in prison by the end of S3, they hate each other again, Wylan didn't tell anyone (except maybe Kaz) about his dad, everyone's all set up for the Book Heist now. Which would be awkwardly doubling a few points and/or retconning a bunch of plot.
2) No retcons, no changes, but the Ice Court Heist starts from a different point/gets changed to fit where the Crows are at the end of S3.... Which would also make the Heist almost boring, if not completely different, because the biggest factor of that adventure was that everyone at least majorly distrusted one other person on the team and at least half of them would have easily betrayed the rest. That's a big part where the tension came from. Matthias as the hostage, hating them all but Nina in particular, Nina absolutely planning to assassinate Kuwei behind Kaz's back, Kaz and Jesper fighting over Jesper's accidental early betrayel, Kaz having how own unresolved revenge plot for which he endangers the whole mission, no one really knowing Wylan or the truth about why he left home, etc.
I have a feeling S2, if not then S3 will already dig into Wylan's backstory a bit, probably showing him escaping his father's assassins, but if they spoil/reveal the "If you read this, you know how much I love you" plottwist, I will be so mad. It was incredibly well done in the books and to this day one of my fav plottwists ever.
They already gave us Nina's and Matthias' whole backstory, uncovering which was also a pretty nifty part of the Ice Court Heist because it meant you didn't know exactly where these two were coming from until they discussed openly betraying each other & Kaz in the forest the earliest, but I guess the story still works if their backstories aren't revealed gradually. An early reveal of Wylan's entire backstory would tank a lot of tension of the first book, imo.
Since they didn't really do anything with Jesper in the first season, he and Wylan are kinda wildcards. They could both start into the SoC Heist right now, since Jesper's power- or ruthlessness level doesn't really change (he's arguably way weaker in the books) and the only things missing (a serious treatment of his addiction, his crush on Kaz, his relationship to his father) can all still be added later without breaking what has been already established about his character (since he doesn't really have an arc or an inner struggle in S1, that is, not much in the first place).
TL;DR: We'll either get a significantly changed SoC/CK adaptation after S&B, or they'll have to seriously change some things up in S3/post S3 with regards to Nina&Matthias especially for SoC/CK to still work out similarly to the plot in the books.
#soc#sab#s&b#six of crows#shadow and bone#sab netflix#shadow and bone s2#sab theories#sab speculation#kaz brekker#crooked kingdom#the crows#wylan van eck
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Shadow & Bone rewatch deep dive commentary that was started on twitter and is being moved/continued here!
This is the post for EP 04: Otkazats’ya
[Episode 01 post] [Rewatch Commentary Links Masterpost]
((There WILL be spoilers mentioned for the books in the Grishaverse including the Crows duology & King of Scars duology! This is basically from the perspective of watching the show as someone who knows the books well.))
(Just a disclaimer that I’m picking up doing these commentary posts from here after season 2 is out! Just fyi, I might mention s2 stuff in these where it wasn’t mentioned in the posts for eps 1-3)
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Omg not the captain singing the drinking song Nina sang to Inej in the hold of the ship on the way to Fjerda
I love how they just toss in background book details in new places to color in the world! You can tell everyone working on constructing this show was such a massive fan of the books and it warms my heart
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As always, I’m just enamored by the linguistics and writing systems the show has designed and fleshed out for all the languages!! They make the world feel so lived-in!
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Poor Mal. He really feels so powerless and helpless; even to people who are super devoted, sheer faith and longing can’t keep people going forever.
Boy is living on crumbs atm
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Mean Girls (2004) voice: AND NONE FOR MAL ORETSEV BYE
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These two are so pure i can’t get over it.
Thank you for giving Mal close relationships (even if they eat it soon) other than Alina!
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NOT GENYA CALLING HER SUNSHINE-!!!
😭 😭 😭
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YEAH ITS CUS HE WANTS TO FEEL OWNERSHIP OVER YOU ALINA
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Yep yep giving her crumbs of vulnerability to draw her in.
Top tier manipulator shit.
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Jesper’s hair and expression here I’m fucking laughing so hard
He looks like he just woke up from a week-long bender omfg.
Jesper, honey, I’m begging you, drink some water along with whatever alcoholic beverage is in that glass
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LOVE LOVE LOVE how they find ways to weave the Crows’ plotlines into the S&B book plot.
Using the Winter Fete party as distraction was probably drawn from them using Hringkälla for the Ice Court job. But I suppose in the show it’s gonna be the other way around now which is funny. They’re probably gonna be like “Well, remember how we snuck into the Little Palace in Ravka because of their big celebration? Let’s do that with this job too!”
Very Beethoven/Bootstrap Paradox meta shit here and it makes me laugh
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Kaz Brekker has never taken a day off in his entire life and it shows
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LOOK HOW EXCITED THEY ARE
Even Inej is trying not to burst out grinning
Same you guys
I always get hyped as fuck for a heist!
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You’ve heard of Chekov’s gun, but we’ve finally found Chekov’s bullet
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The fucking barmaid’s face
I can’t
“Who is this strange Zemeni dude and why did he dump a goat in my arms and start speaking softly and mournfully to it in Kerch???”
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Not him blowing Milo a kiss
I LOVE JESPER FAHEY AND HIS DRAMATIC BISEXUAL ASS
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LYING THROUGH HIS GD TEETH AGAIN
Spinning his fake little sob stories
Manipulator 👏 Shit 👏
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I do appreciate this way of trying to make exposition about the Black Heretic story more active
And making the scene serve several purposes at once (Kirigan trying to draw Alina in with his ~relatable outcast~ stuff, as well as giving the viewers the backstory)
--
-
Again, I’m just glad these three got to be on-screen. It gives Mal other people around him that matter. (Which does then help fuel/motivate his devotion to Alina as we go forward.)
That was really also one of the things that bugged me about book!Mal (Although, to be fair, it might be less of a writing issue than a personal one) but it sticks in my craw when characters are single-person focused. (Unless that’s, like, part of their character shit to figure out, them feeling lonely or co-dependent, etc.)
Like I do understand it’s kind of been “Mal and Alina against the world” since they were young. But they haven’t always been together since they joined the military. Having relationships that span back for a long, long time can be powerful, don’t get me wrong. But length of a relationship isn’t the only measure of its importance.
I think part of it was that we only got Alina’s POV and so Mal in some parts of the series felt very one-note, unmotivated, unbelievable, etc. Because all we got was what he managed to say to Alina when he was actually present and interacting with Alina (which didn’t happen for a large part of books 1 and 3.)
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The lesbian skepticism on Nadia’s face-!!!
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I will never, in my life, get over Freddy’s acting as Kaz acting as a stuffy fancy ~artíst~
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CLEVER CLEVER CLEVER CLEVER
I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM
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Ok so remember when this was the first sneak-peek scene they released of the Crows and we got to see them in action together for the first time??
It reminded me of my thoughts about Freddy’s voice as Kaz.
At first I was like “oh, hmm, he’s got kind of a higher, smooth voice as opposed to the way Kaz’s voice is described in the books” which is that rough gravely “rock-salt rasp.”
But as an iteration of Kaz (pluralism is my friend, you guys) Freddy’s voice for him is something I actually super love?
Like it’s a different sort of menacing. It can feel icy, if that makes sense. Like the higher register lends itself to his voice sounding cold, and the smoothness comes across as that kind of menacing sort of calmness. I dunno I just dig it.
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I know we talk a lot about Inej’s knives (for good reason)
But dear saints I love Inej being invisible soundless sneaky.
I know she’d dislike me saying it, but honestly, she’s goddess material. This woman deserves to be lauded and honored at every opportunity.
--
What’s that meme again? “My idea of help from above is a sniper on the roof?”
Also, him waiting for the clock to chime to disguise the gunshot-!!!
Clawing my face off because I love my clever clever little thieves so much
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[“Oh, and Inej,” he said as he led her out of the salon, “don’t ever sneak up on me again.”
The truth was she’d tried to sneak up on Kaz plenty of time since then. She’d never managed it. It was as if once Kaz had seen her, he’d understood how to keep seeing her.”]
Ok so we all agree that Kaz 100% did the same thing as with the magician he saw as a kid, right? Where he was obsessed with figuring out how the trick worked and unraveling it so he could learn to see what was actually happening?
Like [“Some people see a magic trick and say, “Impossible!” [...] And then there are the ones who stay awake, running through the trick again and again, looking for that skip in perception, the crack in the illusion that will explain how their eyes got duped; they’re the kind who won’t rest until they’ve mastered that little bit of mystery for themselves. I’m that kind.”]
INEJ WAS A PUZZLE HE THOUGHT ABOUT OVER AND OVER UNTIL HE FIGURED IT OUT
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Oh, yknow, just reviewing stolen high-security floorplans in a public bar. As one does.
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Lmao so basically my entire family hunts (northern woodlands, man) and I’m relatively sure my grandma has something that looks pretty much exactly like this
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every friend group has someone like this in it
(in my experience said friend is usually a transmasc gremlin type)
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fucking Mal just Very Seriously doing his Very Serious tracking while these two chucklefucks discuss selling literal shit in the background
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knowing our beloved nina, the amount of sheer willpower she’s dredging up to refuse food is seriously impressive
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she aint wrong, matty boy
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ok so this is actually super interesting?? Because it speaks to Matthias having subtle curiosities/doubts about grisha and not fully understanding why someone would become grisha since he believes (read: was told) they weren’t just born that way.
In the books we never got to see Matthias speak to Nina alone until the shipwreck, there was always either other drüskelle and/or the other grisha captives on the ship (I mean there are other captives tied up here but they aren’t all shoved into a cage together so Nina and Matthias can have their own conversation)
I really like this little peek into Matthias trying to make sense of the indoctrination he was fed
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yeah exactly, he’s trying to assuage his doubts about how “human” feeling Nina is because it’s gnawing at the indoctrination of dehumanization he’s been taught
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Also, i love the camera work in this scene -- the lights are all hazy with lots of lens-flares and the shots are so so tight and close!
We’re putting two characters whose circumstances of birth and country and beliefs are so diametrically opposed together. But here they’re having a brief moment of connection where they each have a glimpse of each other’s humanity (in between all the vitriol.)
By cutting in close and having the rest of the “world” feel “out of focus” or “out of shot” it’s allowing this moment to feel like they can be two people for a brief moment rather than grisha and drüskelle. I adore it.
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Yeah, see and then when they start talking politics about the Darkling, more of the shots have the camera pulling back a bit, because the “world” outside the two of them is shoving distance back between them
(Obv this is not an exact one-to-one this mapping of shots, but the scene in general does that and its really cool)
And then it pushes back in and gets more hazy again when Matthias has a moment of decency and offers Nina the bread without strings attached
mwuah! chef kiss!
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ofc then it falls apart because these two are the most stubborn (affectionate, exasperated) people on the entire planet who can’t EXIST without taking petty jibes at each other
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Just taking a moment to appreciate Calahan Skogman because he plays Matthias so incredibly well
I’m hoping so damn hard we get to see the Ice Court job adapted so we can see Matthias get let out of detention so he can go run and play with the other kids at recess
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These are the faces of two exhausted parents at the end of a frustrating day with their excitable son and I’m living for it
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LISTEN YOU TWO
AT LEAST JESPER IS COMING UP WITH IDEAS, STOP GLARING
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Ok but this troupe leader, Marko, actually comes off as such a wholesome guy? I lowkey love his face??
Look how tear-stained and puff from crying it is?! This poor guy finally got to perform for royalty and thought his lifelong dreams had just been crushed and was sobbing into a mug of beer!
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Inej entrusting Kaz with her knives DOES something to me, you guys
There is a fucking novel of unspoken words in these expressions I’m gonna gnaw my couch cushions in to piecessss-!
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He’s so cute you guys I hope he still has a long and fruitful career even after all the fuckery that goes down at the Winter Fete
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This whole scene has me gazing in adoration like a doting parent
Me to the person next to me, pointing, with a camcorder in my hand: Those are my kids!!! God, they’re so talented, I’m so proud of them!!
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The fact that they made up entirely new playing card suits for this world-!!!
Honestly so much of what makes this world come to life in the show is thanks to how much AMAZING work the props and set people did???
They obviously loved and cared about the grishaverse so much, you can see in the sets and the costumes and the props how much work was put into making this world come to life and feel like a world that really exists with all its little bits and bobs and details!
That kind of worldbuilding minutia stuff just makes my brain go brrrrrr
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Also I haven’t mentioned anything about the soundtrack yet but hot damn they’ve done so much to make it atmospheric but also do the A+ soundtrack thing of weaving musical themes for characters/groups
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Ok tho Kaz 10000% could have gotten in as a performer too. Man’s got mad slight-of-hand skills he could definitely go in as a stage magician
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It’s time for 🎶✨~Alina’s Emotional Mushroom Trip~ 🎶✨
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Of course she was!
I feel like its super obvious that two orphan kids who’ve been through trauma and made a close connection would crave the stability of the life they have with a beloved friend, especially over an unknown where they would be alone and in a new place again having to start over???
I mean, she says she was thinking of Mal and not herself, but it’s both. Because him being alone would mean she would also be alone.
Alina was a scared little kid who had lost everything and was doing what she thought would keep everything she knew from being ripped away again.
--
I feel like in the books the dynamic of Darklina in the first book, it was obvious/deliberate that Alina felt very isolated at the Little Palace and so was kind of always steered back to the Darkling for scraps of affirmations or reassurances, plus the draw of their powers compounding this manipulation net the Darkling pulled her in by.
The dynamic feels different in the show, for a few reasons. I think Alina being aged up contributes to that. Also, we don’t get Alina’s interiority and descriptions of how her/the Darkling’s powers feel and pull her.
(Also Jessie and Ben have Very Good on-screen chemistry. And Ben Barnes is, well, Ben Barnes so the attraction-angle of the pull toward him is very believable.)
I mean, while Alina is aged up, she’s still a young woman. Her whole life she has overwhelmingly felt less than, invisible, and nothing special. And someone powerful is now telling her she’s unique and powerful and he’s the only one who understands her.
While Alina is still obviously manipulated heavily in the show, it feels less extreme? I don’t know how to word it?
Other contributing factors I think are her actually making closer friends at the Little Palace and that in the show we don’t see that extended period of time of her struggling and struggling and feeling like shit and powerless and “Other”-ed again. Also because we are shown that Mal DOES super care about her, rather than only getting her speculating and worrying.
-
And not only on Alina’s end is it different but I feel like the show we get shown more of Kirigan feeling helpless (something which is both authentic and strategic.)
Like I think its definitely real that he is struggling with these feelings of helplessness and futility in moving towards his goals.
But he is very deliberate in the ways he goes about showing it to Alina to make her feel like he’s letting his guard down with her and to garner sympathy with. As Baghra says towards the end of the season, giving Alina “a glimpse of the wounded boy.”
And it’s a huge credit to Ben Barnes that I feel that simultaneous nature.
Like in the moment, you do believe him in his pain and his loneliness. Because that is real.
But then you step back and realize he’s only showing it and showing it in such a way to weaponize it to cultivate those feelings of sympathy in Alina and keep her from seeing him as dangerous to her.
Ben Barnes’s performance really sells the Darkling so well. Because these things are all true: he has seen people die and is lonely and feels like he has to claw his way toward any change he can achieve.
But he is also playing bits of that up in very strategic ways in Alina’s presence to manipulate her.
(I always feel like I’m not gonna have more to say about the Darkling and then I end up writing a novel about it??)
--
”B-b-but-
Wait, was I the only one who believed we were actually giving them a fair trial?!?”
--
My parents’ walks to school, according to them.
--
Listen, I just love them
--
I LOVE THEM PUTTING TIME AND THOUGHT INTO SPRINKLING IN WORLDBUILDING
END ME
-
Listen all I can think about when I watch this scene is how this actor probably spent 9 hours in hair and makeup and wardrobe just to stand there, grab a stack of letters, shake his head, and walk away because he was a non-speaking extra and if he said “No” out loud they would have had to pay him the under-5-lines rate
--
Get that shit outta here, Baghra, we celebrate interdependence in this household!!
Also, the entirety of season 2’s themes would also like a word with you 👀👀
--
Ok not to sound like my northern midwestern mother but
CHILD DO NOT GO OUT IN THE COLD! AND SNOW! AT NIGHT! WITHOUT A FUCKING HAT ON?
You’re gonna get frostbite, Mal!!
It is AT LEAST below 10°F with how crunchy that snow sounds!!
--
Honestly, good for Alina. proud of her
--
This is funny to me because I know Jessie had a habit of just napping constantly in random places on set
--
Just BFF things: having matching palm scars
--
ARCHIEEEEE
Sometimes I feel for Archie because it can’t be easy playing Mal who, as characters in the grishaverse go, isn’t exactly the biggest fan favorite
And yet he’s out here giving us performances of this caliber
I see you and I love you Mr. Renaux
-
And that’s the end of episode 4!
[Episode 01 post] [Rewatch Commentary Links Masterpost]
#shadow and bone netflix#shadow and bone#alina starkov#malyen oretsev#grishaverse#the darkling#kaz brekker#inej ghafa#jesper fahey#yes im back on my bullshit#i have so many thoughts and want to talk about s2 but wanted to finish these s1 eps first
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Does anyone else think that the crows just sit around listening to kaz plan another heist and one of them goes : "Ya but it won't be like the ice court heist"
#kaz brekker#inej ghafa#nina zenik#jesper fahey#six of crows#crooked kingdom#matthias helvar#waylan van eck#kaz telling everyone to let the ice court heist go
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hello! i've had recently more time so i decided to read some of your works and i don't know what to say. they are amaizing and kaz in your writning style is so cool. that's why i want to request something.
could you please write a kaz x female!reader, where the reader is merchant's child (her mother got pregnat by her boyfriend – a gang member from the barrel – in very young age. now she is merchant's wife and besides y/n she has other child/children who aren't bastards like y/n) and she helps kaz with his ice court heist from inside because her family got invited to hringkälla. she is also a little bit jealous of inej and kaz likes to make fun of her in his own way, when they are coming back to the ketterdam.
thank you in advance! <3
You stop his heart-Kaz Brekker x fem!reader
Hi! thank you so much for requesting! I loved the plot idea! and I'm really glad you like my writing! I love you're writing too!<33 Here reader and Kaz are in a secret relationship because I love secret relationships so deal with it ppl. :P
Summary: ^^read the request!!
I like this a lot so please tell me how you like it! @messers-moony-lupin @sirisuorionblack @mrs-brekker15 @confuscita @scandalous-chaos
“Stay safe Brekker.” you held his gloved hands in yours, kissing his palms, smirking at the way his cheeks turned red.
It was ten bells past eleven and everyone at you’re house was asleep, including you’re brothers.
“I might see you there.” he smirked, “you’re family’s invited are they not? I’ll be able to see you in a ball gown for the first time.”
“You won’t be able to recognize me.” you teased.
“I would recognize you even if wore a potato-sack and shaved you’re head, you’re burnt into my memory, angel.”
“And people dare say you’re emotionless.” you giggled.
“Oh hush.” he whispered and hid his face in the crook of you’re neck.
He would have to go soon, climb out the window and into the darkness, and maybe he’d never return.
No, let me cherish this moment.
He pulled away, a little shaky, but with a small grin on his face, “Smile for me angel, I don’t like seeing you all sad like this.”
So you smiled, teeth showing, cheekbones turning up.
He grinned, kissed your forehead and squeezed you’re hand.
“ See you in Fjerda, angel.”
Inej was worried. Kaz had disappeared into the night for a long time and even she could not find him.
As she leapt over a rooftop in the Garden District, she spied his hat, he was climbing down a window pipe.
Curious, she decided go a little closer.
Kaz had visited someone in the dead of night, always before important heists and came back an hour or two later.
She waited until he left and decided to do some investigation of her own, she stalked over to the roof of you’re house and shimmied down the pipe soundlessly to the room she saw Kaz come out of.
Damn, the curtains were closed. She couldn’t see who Kaz had come to visit.
As she moved to leave, she realized whose house this was, this was the house of the merch, Viktor Steign. His two sons and his stepdaughter.
She had an inkling of an idea as to why Kaz had come here, and to be honest, she didn’t quite like it.
<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<`<`<~<~<~<
“Papa, if you want, I can go in the other boat, I know how you and my brothers like to have you’re own time and I’m sure I’d be fine on my own.” you asked you’re father, well, you’re stepfather.
“Are you sure dear? It wouldn’t be a problem if you were with us, besides it would be safer.” he looked up from his newspaper.
“Father, she just wants to be away from us.” you’re older brother George said, ruffling you’re hair from behind.
“I want to be away from you and Neil.” you swatted at you’re brother’s hand.
You’re mother died after giving birth to you’re youngest sibling Lizzie, who currently was in Novyi Zem in a boarding school.
You’re stepfather, had a wife before marrying you’re mother, and had George and Neil, and then after his wife had left him, he married your mom, who already had you, she never told you who you’re biological father was, just that he was a barrel rat and not worth her time nor her love.
You’re brothers were protective of you, regardless of the fact that you were their stepsister, they treated you as their own. Oh and Lizzie? They spoiled her and doted on her every second of the day.
“Papa don’t listen to that oaf, you know I’ll be fine.” you reasoned.
“Alright my dear, alright. But that means you’ll have to get a boat from Fjerda to Ketterdam.” he said.
“I’ll arrange passage, not to worry Papa. Thank you!” you all but squealed and hugged him.
As you left, your father sighed, “ She’s growing up George.”
You’re brother narrowed his eyes, “ Mmm, you’re right father,”
<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~
“Welcome! Mister,Steign Welcome to Hringkalla! It is an honour to have you here!” a man in a blue uniform made his way to you’re family.
“Mister.Brum! It is an honour to be here, Hringkalla is a sacred festival and I am glad to be a part of it.” you’re father said politely.
Jarl Brum, famed leader of the Druskelle, a Fjerdan special corps who hunted Grisha.
“And this must be you’re daughter.” Brum exclaimed, “Although she doesn’t look like you at all, are you sure the nurse hadn’t picked up the wrong baby?” Brum nudged you’re father.
“No Mister. Brum, we’re sure.” Neil stepped forward, his curly brown hair contrasting Brum’s white.
“Of course of course. Please do enjoy the festival.” you saw how his eyes went to a plump redhead dressed in teal who was talking to another officer, and you nearly scoffed. What a creep.
You nodded in thanks to you’re brother and left to go mingle with the crowd, eyes scanning the ballroom for anyone who remotely looked like you’re boyfriend.
Oh there he was, standing next to a druskelle guard, wearing the uniform. Wait what?
You did a double take and you’re mouth almost dropped in shock.
From the corner of you’re eye, you saw another guard approaching them, looking quite stern.
Shit, I have to do something. You quickly shuffled over to where they were, almost grinning at the way Kaz’s eyes widened.
“Oh dear, sir, may I please know the way to the balconies? I feel rather sick.” you fan yourself with you’re hand and breathe fast.
The guard’s eyes pass over you’re body and Kaz’s eyes darken. That man might not have a good night tonight.
“Of course madam, let me take you there myself” he extends his hand and you take it, smiling fakely.
“Oh thank you, kind sir.”
“Call me Andor”
“Of course, thank you Andor.”
You snuck a quick glance at Kaz and winked, making him turn a shade of red as he and the blonde man next to him walked into a small hallway.
<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~
“Papa, I think I’ll leave now, I don’t wish to be here any longer.” you whispered to you’re father, who nodded.
“Stay safe dear.”
“Yes Papa.”
You made you’re way out, showing the different officers you’re identification papers.
As soon as you stepped out, you quickly made you’re way to the Ferolind, Kaz had told you his entire plan, and you wanted to surprise him.
You saw Speight, the ex-Navy officer and went up to him.
“Mister.Speight.-”you began.
“How do you know my name missy?” Speight narrowed his eyes.
“I’d appreciate it if you didn’t interrupt me, and don’t call me missy. Mister Brekker gives you money to support you’re sister in exchange for Navy sea routes, the ship you came to Fjerda on does not transport merchandise or goods. Now, I know Kaz Brekker personally, you will let me on the boat or Ghezen help me I will-”
“Alright! yes ma’am.” he said timidly and you entered the Ferolind, waiting in the deck below.
<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~
Nina had taken the parem, shit hit the fan, he almost killed the guy that flirted with you.
But yet, Kaz felt happy, they had succeeded. Now all he wanted to see was you’re proud face smiling at him and you’re hands playing with his hair. He subconsciously ran his hand through his hair and made his way down.
“Hello Kaz.”
He froze.
“What the hell are you doing here?” he slammed the door shut.
“I needed a way to come home faster than my family and this fit the bill. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have acted so-”
Kaz made his way over to you and touched his forehead to yours.
“Angel.” he whispered, “ I’ve missed you so much.”
“I’ve missed you too Kazzie.” you answer.
“You look lovely.” he hid his face in you’re neck again, nose against you’re pulse.
“Thank you, even the guard seemed to think so.” you said, you’re voice teasing.
“I wanted to kill him.” Kaz almost growled.
“You didn’t right?”
“No, didn’t get the chance to, I broke his nose and fractured his collarbone and legs though, so I’m satisfied” he said.
��Good.” you kissed his nose.
“Can I meet the rest of the Crows?” you ask.
“If that’s what you want, sure.”
You nodded and he opened the door.
<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~
“Guys, this is Y/n.”
You waved shyly, “Hi!”
“Hello Lovely!” Jesper cheered, pointing finger-guns at you, which you returned, making him grin.
“ Hello. I saw you at Hringkalla, Thank you for helping us at the right time.” Matthias greeted solemnly.
“Thank you, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” you shake his hand, and he smiles.
“Finally, someone who is civilized.” he comments, making you laugh.
“She’s anything but.” Kaz piped in.
“ Oh hush.” you swat at Kaz, making him grin, just a little bit.
You made you’re way to Wylan and Kuwei, who both seemed to like you, Wylan opening up a bit more, talking about music shows and chemistry.
And finally Inej and Nina.
“You’re beautiful.” Nina’s hoarse voice said, making you shy all of a sudden.
“Likewise lovely, you’re hot.” you answer, making Nina huff out a small laugh.
“Nice to meet you Miss Ghafa. Kaz tells me a lot about you.” you shake her hand, unsure of what to say. She seemed so perfect.
“It’s lovely to meet you too! All good things I hope?” she asks.
“All good things, you’re amazing!” you exclaim, making her smile.
“Thank you.”
<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<~<
“You know, Kaz is really in love with you.” Nina commented.
“What makes you say that?” you ask her, eyebrows furrowed.
“With Parem, I can hear how his heart skips a beat whenever he hears you’re voice, or if even someone says you’re name. It’s so cute its borderline disgusting.” she finishes the tea you gave her and you both laugh.
“And I know you love him too.” she said.
“How?”
“I can hear how you’re breathing changes when you look at Kaz. It catches every time. As if you’ve never seen him before. Again, so cute it’s disgusting.”
“Well, I am in love with him.” Kaz beckons you to come next to him.
“ Excuse me, Nina. I’ll be back in awhile.” you smile and leave.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Well, everyone loves you.” Kaz says.
“Of course they do, it’s me we’re talking about!”
“Exactly why I’m confused.” he teases.
You’re mouth flies open in fake offence, “You meanie.”
“You love it”
“No, I love you.” you say, making him freeze and turn to look at you.
“What?” he asks, his voice low.
“Yes, I love you. And there’s nothing you can do about it.” you reply.
Kaz rests his head on you’re shoulder, kissing you’re cheek, “ I love you too angel.”
#kaz brekker x reader#kaz brekker#kaz brekker imagine#kaz x y/n#kaz brekker imagines#kaz#six of crows imagines#six of crows x reader#six of crows x you#inej ghafa x reader#jesper fahey x reader#Echo actually writes
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what do you think of the crows' characterisations? i would say jesper and helnik are on point, but i'm kind of conflicted about kaz and inej (especially inej). what are your thoughts?
(Oh this one got LONG I AM SORRY)
Jesper- I liked it how they made him easily distracted and spewing jokes, but still useful and able to improvise his way out of his mistakes. They built up the “I may fuck up, but I always make up for it” thing that will get shattered to pieces during the Ice Court heist. I didn’t like how they also implied he was the Dumb One. He might be silly, but it is never in a “I DON’T UNDERSTAND” way, or “SHUT UP, JESPER” way. And WHERE WAS HIS CRUSH ON KAZ????
Nina- They replaced her initial flirting with some justified anger and annoyance and it just made the flirting land better than ever. They played the Star Spy angle that Nina dreamed of in the books!! However,.,,,,, did she really just become a traitor to the grisha in the end????? Like w h a t???????? She betrayed them to their faces for Matthias, and since they weren’t stranded in Fjerda, but Ravka, there was no conflict of interest so she was able to explain herself to him. Since their respective loyalties to their countries is the backbone of their conflict in SOC, I am super duper confused how they are gonna spin that one.
Matthias- I loved him and Nina so much. They actually made him softer. “Oh so you don’t wanna betray your country for food? That’s okay, have the food anyway. Oh so you will just spit it into my face? Okay I’m gonna walk away.” They removed his hatred and anger, and while that makes it easier to like him, we were gonna get there anyway, there was no need to rush? Nina also got to explain herself to him right after she betrayed him, so I guess he is gonna be in Hellgate waiting for her to save him??? The reason their relationship gets bad is because he thought she captured him on purpose, but now he knows she would do whatever she can to get him out, so... once again, how are they gonna spin their SoC relationship development?
Inej- They obviously changed a lot about her backstory, but she acts the way I imagine she had before she became the Wraith- which I guess IS what they were going for, with the entire no-killing thing. My heart broke like 10 times seeing her open, honest faith and hopes get tested by everyone else. They did a great job showing us why she is the symbol of good in Ketterdam. My one nag is that they forgot about her maturity and elegance, she was cruel to Jesper and didn’t tell us a single proverb the entire season!!! “The heart is an arrow” was an episode title but it had nothing to do with her!!!
Kaz- Kaz was my least fave characterization remix tbh. Like Matthias, he was softened, but KAZ BREKKER SHOULD NEVER GET SANDPAPERED, EVER!!!! Instead of introducing him with a chill, badass gimmick like the gang meeting in the books that showcases his wit and cruelty and the ease with which he manipulates everyone around him, they decided to show him lose to Pekka Rollins. In fact, he is constantly losing, either saying the wrong thing to Inej and instantly regretting it, or getting one-upped by the plot. This Kaz is gentler, more emotional, more vulnerable, and utterly incapable of keeping up with the other forces in the universe. I don’t understand why. Let him be an asshole to Inej!!!!! Let him be cruel and unfair and money oriented!!!!!! He is the Bastard of the Barrel, dammit, not some lovestruck kid- not yet!!!!!!!!! Like, the end of his book 1 arc was "omg he finally confessed Inej isn’t replaceable!!!” In the show he says it in episode 1. Inej battles with trying to figure out if he’s redeemable until the very last chapter of the duology, but show Kaz is a completely deserving man and she has no reason to fear. I have no idea what their development will be like from now on.
Whew. Okay. Wow. That was a lot but yeah that’s my opinions
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Kaz Brekker x fem! Ghafa! Reader - Selfish
A/n: So I wasn't fully happy how this turned out but it's fine! Also btw I changed the title it was previously There for you, there for me?
Warnings: Heart break, language, it has Kaz in it so... I think that's it? You have been warned!
Summary: Inej your sister is coming back and you know it's selfish but maybe you don't want her to return?
You knew you it was stupid, they all warned you not to. But how could you not? Those raven locks and those deep cold eyes that drew you into a endless ocean of Kaz Brekker. You knew it was silly, crazy even, but maybe that's what the world needed? Did the world need the impossible? The insane? The crazy parts?
When the ice court heist left everyone in shambles trying quickly to pick up the pieces of what you had all lost, and gained. While Nina and Matthias went off to Fjerda, Wylan and Jesper ran the markets, and Inej went off fighting slavers, you...
You stayed.
You stayed for the man that your sister held his heart, the man that you fell for. Staying in Ketterdam surprised everyone, staying with the dregs surprised them even more. You could have left with Inej, you had also been trapped in the menagerie, but your heart had told you to stop listening to your head for second. Would you be happy if you did?
No.
It was the simple yet complicated answer. You realized that you would never be happy as the barrel had become a way of life for you. You were a goddess here, why would you let that go? Ya it was selfish but the sea would shallow you whole with memories you didn't need, they almost did on the ice court heist.
You scale a building as you rip open a letter from your sister giddily, awaiting to see the words on the page that were meant for you. Taking the letter out of the envelope, your smile slowly starts to fade away into a frown as your eyes go down the page.
Dear sister,
The seas have been treating me well, the slavers seems to be cooling down a bit which leads me to my next point of this letter. I'm coming back to visit Ketterdam! I really don't know how you live there, remember the seas are always open for you! Also can you do me a quick favor and in this envelope there's another note inside here for Kaz, can you deliver it for me? Thank you!
May the Saints bless you,
With lots of love, your sister;
Inej
Dread filled you up. Maybe it was selfish however perhaps selflessness wasn't one of your qualities. But you didn't want Inej to come back, you had started something with Kaz. Building anything with Kaz was hard, much less a relationship. Would he choose her over you? The possibilities were endless of what could happen, but you saw very little outcomes where you and Kaz would stay together.
Of course he would choose her, why wouldn't he? You call yourself a goddess, yet your worried what might happen if your little lover might come into contact with your sister. Ha! Your nothing compared to the Wraith.
Shut it. You think, but the truth still lays there right in front of you. It was out in the open and you couldn't ignore it anymore. But what would you do?
Be happy for them. A voice in the back of your head whispers sadly.
Yes, that's what you would do. If they would want to be together you would help them. Selflessness may not be one of the qualities you possessed but you somehow had grabbed it off of someone else shelf. It was in your hands now, and you were going to use it.
As you start to walk back over to the Slat, one thought remains in your mind at the plan you had just formed.
What about you?
+++++++++++TIME SKIP+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
You wait on the docks beside Kaz, as you two stand side by side waiting for the boat The Wraith to unload. Wylan and Jesper are also there, talking to each other like there's no tomorrow. They're probably just trying to shake off the nerves. You know you are.
You nervously fiddle with your hands as it feels like Inej's crew takes forever to unload everything and start getting everything together. You may not have wanted your sister to come back but you still wanted her to be safe.
And alive. That would be enjoyable.
Finally after what seemed like a century you see the girl come out from the boat and step onto the docks. A single beam of sun light somehow seems to hit her face perfectly as she does and it makes her look like a saint.
Jealousy fills and bubbles in your gut heating to a boiling point. But you push it down because thank the saints she came back alive and unhurt. You pull her into a hug as she comes close enough to you.
While pulling away you smile at her, one of the things that you don't do very often, even so you only really do for two people. Internally you cringe for thinking about Kaz and Inej in the same thought process.
Be happy for them.
Wylan and Jesper go in for a hug and Kaz just's nods at her not liking touch. Though, his eyes still shines a certain way when he looks at her.
"How did the sea's treat you?" Kaz ask's her and Inej goes into a whole delivery of stories about her time at sea. You all started walking to a near waffle house and the one group suddenly turns into two. With Inej, Kaz, Jesper, and Wylan at the front, and you walking in the back. Alone.
For a split second you wished Nina and Matthias were here. Although Nina would like to listen to Inej's sea stories she would have stayed with you. But this is as it should be.
You didn't deserve that kind of kindness.
They go into the waffle house and you step aside into the darkness on the street, you were no Wraith but you were still a Ghafa.
They don't even notice your absence.
You watch them through the window and although it may had been a bit creepy you were sure Kaz did worse and you lived in Ketterdam so... And everything you see just confirms your suspicions.
Inej and Kaz look at each, Kaz looks her that way and quickly looks away. They share little innocent touches that would go unnoticed by the regular person but meant your world was slowly breaking. Touch, touch, touch.
Tears well up in your eyes and you push down sobs. Turning sharply to the side you run down the street for a bit before finding a building and a ladder. You scale the building with the help of the ladder not being careful enough so bruises and scrapes would probably show up. But not having enough will to care.
You go and stumble to sit down on the edge and when you do the sobs finally at last leave your throat.
There ugly and uncalled for, because why did you have the right to cry?
No. You growl in your mind.
For once you did have a good reason. Your heart just broke. By the saints even that sounds silly and stupid but you really didn't care.
People always seem to try and describe a broken heart but you absolutely cannot know what it feels like if you have not had your heart broken before.
Tears roll down your face as you continue to sob. Then abruptly... You stop.
Well, your tears silently roll down your cheeks but your sobbing stops. The full feeling finally hits you and the roll coaster you thought you would be experiencing isn't there. It's worse.
Your heart has been ripped out of your chest and it's leaving a gaping hole. Honestly, you don't think you'll ever get it back.
Pathetic, you knew it was, but maybe so was life and this is all just some sick game for someone else's enjoyment.
You barely hear it but there's a soft click of a cane and you didn't even realize it but it was already dark out.
Shit.
You know it's Kaz and you can't face him. You really can't. One because he would obviously know somethings wrong just by taking one look at your tear streaked face. Two because how could you face the man you loved, when you knew he at least liked your sister?
"I would say the stars aren't out today, but they never are in Ketterdam." You start to say, and your voice doesn't wobble but it does have a sense of finality to it.
Kaz comes and stands behind you, and you assumed that he nodded because he didn't say anything. Or maybe nothing was needed to be done or said.
"Inej sometimes said that the stars are the saints watching over us." You pause for a second looking up at the starless sky. Where are you going with this?
"If they are then Ketterdam must be out of their reach and Inej must have brought them back from the sea."
Kaz steps forward so he's even closer to you, and place's a shaky hand on your shoulder.
"I don't think that's true." Kaz whispers into the cold air of Ketterdam.
"If the saints are real and they couldn't watch over Ketterdam. But there's one saint that's always here, that could probably leave if they could but won't. One saint that must be the child of them all, because their so much more then they give themselves credit for. And that the saints sent them to watch over Ketterdam but to never leave." Kaz stops talking and he slowly sits down beside me.
You don't turn to face him you never do when you have talks like these. It's like a silent rule between the two of you, but Kaz Brekker was literally a criminal you both are. So your not nearly as surprised as you should be when he finally decides to break it.
He place's a gloveless hand under your chine and gently turns your head so your facing him. Your eyes finally meet his and everything comes into focus and-
Oh.
You've heard people say that the eyes are the entrance to the soul and maybe you didn't believe them before but it couldn't be more right. In Kaz's eyes you see what he's been trying to tell you for months, but you were so blind in thinking that Inej loved him that you didn't see his attempts. But now, you knew.
He didn't love Inej, he love's you.
He cups your cheek and slowly leans in and lightly brush's his lips on yours. It's barley a kiss but it's enough for now. It's all you could ever ask for.
"Inej love's you." It's a simple statement and Kaz just nods. You hesitate trying to think about your next few words carefully.
"I don't want to hurt her, I never could hurt her intentionally but... What should we do?"
Kaz thinks for a moment before speaking. "Inej will be out at sea and I think one day she'll find someone. She'll be out at sea and we'll break to her when she's ready. And I think whatever we have we can- can have. I know it's selfish but I've never been know for being selfless."
You just intertwine your guy's hands together in agreement while you watch the gloomy but alive streets of Ketterdam.
It's selfish, you both know it but selflessness apparently was not something in both your personality traits.
Words 1905
-thedelusionreaderbitch
Shadow and bone taglist: @kaqua @rika90 @thefandomplace @musical-theatre-obsessed-dumbass @gallysonegoodlung
#shadow and bone#six of crows#Soc#Kaz brekker x ghafa reader#kaz brekker#Kaz brekker#kaz brekker x reader#kaz x you#inej ghafa#wylan van eck#jesper fahey#nina zenik#mattias helvar#milo#grishaverse#crooked kingdom#murder babies#saints#no mourners no funerals#kaz brekker imagine#the crows#the crow club#waffles
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An Unlikely Bond
A Wylan Van Eck fanfiction
Honestly, I think that Matthias and Wylan would have been really close. They're both the most sensible in the group, and I love the big brother-little brother relationship they should have had. (spoilers for Crooked Kingdom)
Wylan looked over at the surly, blonde Fjerdan, his legs shackled so he wouldn’t try anything. Not as if he could try anything with Kaz around. Wylan stole a glance at the leader of their gang. Kaz Brekker’s name was known all throughout Ketterdam. Even though he had lived a sheltered life, Wylan had still heard stories of the boy they called Dirtyhands. He was a loner, didn’t run from conflict, and his past was a complete mystery. Maybe that’s why Wylan had agreed to join his Dregs. Or maybe it was because he was desperate to hide from his father. Either way, he was here now, and Kaz had wanted him to draw a map of the ice court as the Fjerdan “helped” him.
“I need this done.” Kaz stated, his dark eyes boring into Wylan’s head. He simply nodded, swallowing his anxious thoughts. He wasn’t going to let someone like Kaz intimidate him. He had survived 16 years of abuse and neglect… He could endure a bit of Kaz’s demanding attitude. If he was being honest, the only thing that bothered him was the fact that he’d be alone with the Fjerdan.
Everyone else on the heist seemed easy enough to get along with… Even Jesper, though those were feelings he wouldn’t say out loud. But Matthias was different. He was the one person who seemed like he didn’t have a choice to be here, and therefore he was a bit of a flight risk. But Wylan had to try for the sake of the mission.
Wylan took a deep breath before speaking in an attempt to calm his racing nerves. He had a hard time talking to new people, and this one in particular was harder than most.
“I think Kaz wants us to figure this out.” Wylan spoke, his voice sounding much more confident than he actually was. “We shouldn’t waste any time just sitting around.” Matthias nodded, as silent as ever, and Wylan resisted the urge to groan. People like Matthias were the reason that he was so insecure about his personality. Maybe he just wasn’t the type of person others liked having around. His father had believed that.
Maybe he was right… Maybe I AM just stupid.
“What’s wrong?” It was the first words the Fjerdan had spoken to him, and Wylan was so astounded that his jaw dropped.
“What do you mean?” Wylan asked, trying to force his father’s voice out of his mind.
“You looked upset.”
“I-” Wylan felt panic rise inside of him. He couldn’t let any of the Dregs find out about his disability. If they did, they’d never want him around. He steeled his soft features, locking eyes with Matthias’, blue on blue. “I’m fine.”
“I may not have had any brothers, but I can tell when someone is hiding something.” Matthias stated, and Wylan swore his heart stopped. He couldn’t have Matthias find out, but right now, he had no idea how to cover it up. He was about to blurt out some excuse, but he was stopped by Matthias’ steady voice. “I’m not going to force you to tell me what it is. Everyone has things they prefer to keep private.”
“Thanks.” Wylaln said softly after a few moments of coming to terms with this realization. He was even more shocked when the Fjerdan offered him a smile. It made the merchling feel bad about the way he had been annoyed at the other teen before. “Sorry if I was rude.” He said, heat rising to his freckled face.
“Don’t apologize. I wasn’t pleasant either.” Matthias replied, and Wylan grinned. “But we do have work to do. And if we don’t get it done, the Demjin will be furious.”
Wylan laughed at Matthias’ dry sense of humor, and he swore that the older boy was concealing a smirk as well. He couldn’t believe he had been intimidated by the Fjerdan before. Sometimes the people you got along with best were the people you never expected to.
---------------
“I’m sorry.” A loud voice interrupted the thoughts that were running riot in Wylan’s mind. He quickly wiped at his eyes. After the cruel words his father had just spoken about him, Wylan had needed some space. Not to mention he was also terrified. His father had revealed to all of the crows that he was dyslexic,and he was worried about the ways they might react when they spoke to him. Maybe that was why he felt fear spike through him when he heard Matthias’ voice. Yes, the Fjerdan was his friend, but would he still want that now that he knew how messed up Wylan really was?
“Sorry for what?” Wylan finally responded, wincing at how his voice was trembling. He turned around to face Matthias. The older boy was standing there, a sad look on his face, and a million terrible scenarios ran through his mind. Were they going to kick him off the team. Don’t be stupid… They wouldn’t do that. We’re all friends.
“No one deserves to be treated the way your father treated you.” Matthias blurted out, and Wylan’s blue eyes widened an exponential amount. He felt shocked. Why in the world was Matthias apologizing for something he had no control over?
“It’s not your fault.” Wylan stated, wanting to make sure his friend knew that he shouldn’t have to be burdened by Wylan’s problems.
“And it’s definitely not yours.” Matthias sat down on the edge of the bed, and the exhaustion Wylan was feeling compelled him to follow suit. “You’re smart. I hope you know that… You’re the smartest one here, and none of us care that you can’t read. Nina’s a terrible flirt, Jesper has a gambling addiction, Inej has had a troubling past, Kaz has significant issues, and I tend to see life through a very thin lens. We all have our issues… Just because you have a disability doesn’t mean you don’t matter to me. We’re friends.”
It took Wylan a long time to process what Matthias had said, and he felt tears well up in his eyes. To know that he was still wanted despite his disability meant everything to him. He bit his lip to try and keep the tears at bay, and Matthias definitely noticed. “It’s ok to cry, Wylan.” The Fjerdan said softly, a tone that no one would have expected by the stoic teen. “You deserve to let out your emotions after everything you’ve been through.”
Matthias’ assurance was all Wylan needed. Tears began to cascade down his pale, freckled face, and this time he didn’t try to wipe them away. Matthias wrapped a strong arm around the smaller boy, and Wylan leaned against him, grateful for a little support. Wylan cried for the loss of fatherly love, for the cruel words he had heard regarding him, for the feeling of despair he felt when trying to read… But most of all he cried out of gratitude for the friends he had made. The ones who were more like a family.
“Thanks, Matthias.” Wylan said, his voice sounding small and hoarse, but the Fjerdan didn’t care at all. “It’s nice to know I have a shoulder to cry on.”
“I’m always here if you need to talk. If I can deal with Nina, I think I can handle a younger brother.”
Wylan’s tear-filled eyes looked up at Matthias. “Brother?”
Matthias smiled, as if he had known this was how Wylan would react. “Aren’t we all one big family?”
Wylan beamed, and all of the residual sadness he had been feeling seemed to float away. “If I’m your younger brother, that also means I get to annoy the hell out of you.”
Matthias rolled his eyes, but he laughed anyway. “You could never annoy me, Van Sunshine.”
“Wanna bet?”
---------------
“We were all supposed to make it…” Wylan’s voice cracked as he stood there in shock. Matthias was gone. He had died to save them all, and it hurt more than he was willing to admit. Their group was missing a vital piece. But it wasn’t the group that Wylan was thinking of now… He was thinking of the unlikely bond he had formed with Matthias. Wylan wasn’t just missing a team member. He was missing a shoulder to cry on, someone to laugh with, a brother, and a best friend.
#six of crows#wylan van sunshine#wylan van eck#wylan hendriks#matthias helvar#grishaverse#fanfic#one shot#grishaverse blog#shadow and bone#kaz brekker#nina zenik#jan van eck#jesper fahey#inej ghafa#fanfiction#writing
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s&b just got renewed for season 2!!!! 🥺🥺🥺
it could probably not be an ice court heist for soc characters, maybe something else entirely but here are a few dialogues I NEEED IN THE SHOW:
KAZ
“When everyone knows you’re a monster, you needn’t waste time doing every monstrous thing.”
“We’ll be kings and queens, Inej. Kings and queens.”
“Please, my darling Inej, treasure of my heart, won’t you do me the honour of acquiring me a new hat?”
“When have I ever done something for nothing, Nina?”
“Since when is Jesper punctual?”
“My Wraith would counsel mercy. But thanks to you, she’s not here to plead your case.”
“Pretty sure most of us don’t have ‘stalwart’ or ‘true’ checked off on our résumés.”
“I’ve broken into banks, warehouses, mansions, museums, vaults, a rare book library, and once the bedchamber of a visiting Kaelish diplomat whose wife had a passion for emeralds. But I’ve never had a cannon shot at me.”
“Others have tried. Somehow I keep coming back from the dead.”
INEJ
“I like it when men beg,” she said. “But this isn’t the time for it.”
“How will you have me?” she repeated. “Fully clothed, gloves on, your head turned away so our lips can never touch?”
“I will have you without armour, Kaz Brekker. Or I will not have you at all.”
KAZ & INEJ
“I’m a business man,” he’d told her. “No more, no less.” “You’re a thief, Kaz.” “Isn’t that what I just said?”
“I protect my investments.” Investments. “I’m glad I’m bleeding all over your shirt.” “I’ll put it on your tab.” Now she remembered. He owed her an apology. “Say you’re sorry.” “For what?” “Just say it.”
“No, you just have really ugly feet.” “Ugly feet that got you on this roof.”
JESPER
“Kaz,” Jesper said. “This whole ‘shoot me’ thing is starting to concern me.”
“If you’re spouting depressing Suli wisdom, then you must be feeling better.”
“Facts are for the unimaginative,” Jesper said with a dismissive wave.
“We really need to get him more suitable friends.”
“Maybe I liked your stupid face.”
NINA
“You wouldn’t know a good time if it sidled up to you and stuck a lollipop in your mouth.”
“It’s a symbol, Helvar. If your god is so delicate, maybe you should get a new one. Let’s get out of here.”
INEJ & NINA
“I’m a very valuable investment.” Nina’s jaw dropped. “Tell me he didn’t say that.” “Of course he did. Well, not the valuable part.” “Idiot.”
“He doesn’t approve of anything about you. But when you laugh, he perks up like a tulip in fresh water.” Nina snorted. “Matthias the tulip.” “The big, brooding, yellow tulip.”
“I can hear the change in Kaz’s breathing when he looks at you.” “You… you can?” “It catches every time, like he’s never seen you before.”
JESPER & WYLAN
“It was a calculated risk.” “It was cross- your- fingers- and- hope- for- the- best. Believe me, I know the difference.”
MATTHIAS
“I loved your laugh, Nina. And your fierce warrior’s heart. I might have loved you, too.”
“You don’t smell like roses any more,” he said, then wanted to kick himself. He shouldn’t be noticing her scent.
“Jer molle pe oonet. Enel mörd je nej afva trohem verretn.” I have been made to protect you. Only in death will I be kept from this oath.
MORE
Kaz leaned back. “What’s the easiest way to steal a man’s wallet?” “Knife to the throat?” asked Inej. “Gun to the back?” said Jesper. “Poison in his cup?” suggested Nina. “You’re all horrible,” said Matthias.
“I don’t like any of this,” said Nina. Kaz raised a brow. “Well, at least you and Helvar found something to agree on.”
“Scheming face,” Inej murmured. Jesper nodded. “Definitely.” She was going to miss that look.
#shadow and bone#s&b tv series#six of crows#kaz brekker#inej ghafa#nina zenik#jesper fahey#wylan van eck#matthias helvar#kaz x inej#inej x nina#inej x kaz#kaz x jesper#ice court#soc#leigh bardugo#inej supremacy#i love inej#jesper my beloved#ketterdam#book quotes#soc quotes#quotes#correct soc quotes#dialogues#s&b season 2
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There have been rumors that sab is going to include six of crows next season. Any thoughts?
whoo, do i have some thoughts™.
i should preface by saying, though, that if you are excited, good for you! if you think it’s a concept™, it most certainly is, and if you don’t want to see hate for the idea, then do not read ahead. i have some things to say about the idea, and none are too positive.
let’s get into it...
lol, plenty of spoilers ahead. mostly for the six of crows duology.
✧ *:･ﾟ
first of all, let’s hit it from an obvious, show running perspective.
six of crows is a lot™. there is so much happening in that book, and even more happening in crooked kingdom. not only are there new characters to add and explore, but there is new lore and new places that would all have to be hit. already, i felt like shadow and bone season one went fast. there was a lot to establish, and even more to expand upon, and i think there is so much to cover that trying to squeeze it all in would be a disservice to the characters and the world, which is the exact opposite of what the showrunners want, since they are lining up the grishaverse to be the new fantasy hit.
especially when the shadow and bone trilogy is adding in new places and characters, i don’t see the need for them to shoehorn in the six of crows duology. i’m sure there’s plenty for the crows to do, during these following two seasons. in fact, i’d even be fine if they wrote the crows out of the third season (which would ideally follow ruin and rising) entirely and maybe threw in a cameo at the end to get viewers excited for a six of crows show.
basically, there’s so much to cover, and shadow and bone already hit the ground running. i think that adding in the six of crows story arc would be too much of a time crunch, on the runtime of the show.
✧ *:･ﾟ
secondly, i’m ranting about a couple of characters, and how they are not six of crows duology ready.
the easiest one to talk about is kaz brekker, because book!kaz is dirtyhands kaz. our first introduction to kaz in the boks is him telling an opposing gang member that he can’t kill kaz, because if he does, his girlfriend will burn in a fire, and no matter how fast he runs, he won’t get there in time. kaz is like... “do you smell that? i think it’s her hair burning.”
and this is a more mild transgression of dirtyhands kaz. in the same book, kaz pulls a man’s eye out, he swallows lock picks, and he plans and executes the greatest heist of all time.
compare this to kaz in the show. kaz in the show is just a mean, angry boy in comparison. and this isn’t me hating on freddie carter - he did an amazing job. and this isn’t me hating on the writers either. i understand why they did that.
decidedly, there is a lot™ happening in shadow and bone season one. you don’t really get a lot of time with any one character, and if you do, it’s the shadow and bone characters. the showrunners knew they had to make kaz a likeable character to people coming into the series blind, and kaz brekker is a pretty hard character to like when you don’t get his backstory or even the slightest hint of it. part of what the six of crows books had going for it was the changing point of views, and inej’s trust and feelings for kaz. inej narrates a lot of stuff, and she does it in a more sympathetic way, making us give kaz the benefit of the doubt - especially since inej is such an upstanding character. you get a little bit of that is the netflix show, but you can’t get a lot of it because (1) time constraints, and (2) inej and kaz are actually at odds for a lot of the show - especially the opening bit. literally, their first interaction is a fight.
so, to get newer fans invested in this emo teen, they made him less dirtyhands. this is also fine because these events happen before the six of crows duology.
if we start the six of crows arc in season two, however, there is too much growth for kaz to do in between seasons. we need to see some of that on screen. especially since his plans were a bust, and the most dirtyhands thing he did was with the inferni, and he wasn’t the one to kill the inferni - inej was.
(and i love that scene like the rest of you, but there could have been other ways to get inej to save kaz while letting kaz show some more of that ruthlessness.)
and that’s just kaz. admittedly, he’s an easy character to pick apart, but we have to talk about a few more.
nina zenik? yeah, let’s talk about her. the six of crows nina we knows has a lot of guilt over what she did to matthias - even if a lot of it is repressed. she has a slew of complex emotions over matthias, and it’s all been fermenting inside of her for a year. point is, in the show nina still thinks what she did was right, and she hasn’t had time to question that inside of herself. sure, in the books she still posits that what she did was justified, but there’s a bit of uncertainty there, caused by the acidity of guilt. i want to see that war inside of nina. it makes their love story all the more compelling.
and while we’re talking about helnik, let’s just cover matthias helvar real quick, because, personally, his character needs that time spent in hellgate, now more than ever.
i’ve already mentioned my beef with aging up matthias is a few other posts, but why don’t i reprise it?
matthias is an incredibly complex character, and part of what makes his change earnest is two things - the struggle he continues to feel throughout the duology, and his age. now stick with me.
part of matthias’ struggle is that he is still that little boy whose family were killed by grisha. in the books, matthias is only 18. that seems mature, but by all accounts, it most definitely isn’t. he doesn’t know anything about the world. he has been training to be a religious soldier, where he was heavily indoctrinated. what has matthias truly seen of the world? likely, very little.
furthermore, because he’s only 18, how many expeditions has he been on? sure, matthias has seen grisha tried for their “crimes” and he has been training against grisha since he was a boy, but do you think they’re putting eleven year old matthias out there, against full grown grisha? my bet is he only started truly hunting grisha when he was 14.
when he meets nina, he hasn’t been hunting grisha long, and he’s young enough to where we could truly see how him being smitten with nina could impact his thoughts.
matthias in the show is played by a man who is 27. no hate, this isn’t ageism, but if he’s been hunting grisha since he was 14, he’s been hunting grisha for 12 years. he has gone out on numerous expeditions. hell, in the show they give matthias a large amount of credit for capturing nina. it is sO much harder for you to buy the “nina is a beautiful grisha and has changed my life” storyline when he’s 27, almost 30. furthermore, this matthias has seen way more grisha trials. the concept that he doesn’t know that grisha aren’t given a fair trial is just absurd, at this point. furthermore, you add on the fact that he’s been indoctrinated longer, and it makes his story all the more difficult to grapple with.
on the one hand, i understand that they aged everyone up (which i was happy about, for the majority of characters. kaz, i am once again looking at you). on the other hand, it puts a huge strain on matthias’ character, and if they were to try to juggle the six of crows plot with the shadow and bone plot, so much nuance would be lost and the majority of new fans would not understand people liking matthias. you would risk alienating his character (and nina’s, by effect) and that is not what either character (or actor!) deserves.
they’ve already made it so hard for us to buy the “nina changes matthias” storyline - even though they’ve made him a tad sweeter and more likeable - and if they try to fast track it, it’s going to fall through.
i think matthias needs his time in hellgate for some soul searching and some struggle. with matthias, the only way out is through, and we need to have time for that to happen.
inej and jesper are a little less difficult to juggle since they’re are done pretty well, but i don’t want to see their complexity and nuance fall through (especially jesper’s) because the show is doing too many things at once.
basically, the crows are currently in their fledgling state, and if they were to be thrown into the six of crows storyline, it would not be nearly as fulfilling.
✧ *:･ﾟ
finally, i just want to say that the overall genre and theme of six of crows and shadow and bone are completely different. i feel like there would be far too much dissonance in the show. you could already feel it in season one, but because alina fears being kidnapped and then she goes on the run, it works. six of crows, though, is a completely different show and i think it would be odd to shift from ~life aboard sturmhond’s ship~ to ~breaking and entering in the ice court~.
✧ *:･ﾟ
anyway, those are my thoughts, anon. surely you didn’t ask for this, but you received it, anyway.
#shadow and bone spoilers#s&b spoilers#spoilers#grishaverse#asks#kaz brekker#matthias helvar#i'm only tagging those two because i really only talk about them
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Trying my best x Kaz Brekker
Trying my best is a song by Anson Seabra
SoC duology spoilers
I know you think I got it all figured out. ‘Cause I walk around like my head's in the clouds. But I'm just a boy with his heart pourin' out of his head
It’s basically everyone’s pov vs Kaz’s Pov. Everyone’s pov is literally: omg kaz he’ll get us out. He’s the scariest, deadliest bastard of the barrel. And meanwhile most of his pov is : is inej ok? Jordie oml, the harbour, farm, Inej’s freedom, dead bodies, ...
I wish that you could see the pain that I've seen. All of the times I spent being not me. I hope you know that it's not always happy in my head
There are times in the duology when Kaz was debating whether to tell Inej what happened to him, what caused him to be like he is now.
Cause I don't know. The perfect road to go down. But I know. Trying my best. Trying my best to be okay. Trying my best but every day, it's so hard. Holding my breath. Holding my breath 'til I can say. All of the words I want to say from my heart
Remember there are many times Kaz told himself to keep it together? Like the time during the Ice court heist when he saw the bodies and it reminded him of Jordie. Or even the bathroom scene when he was trying to keep it together while bandaging Inej.
If you really wanted, I could let you inside. It's been so long and I've got nothing left to hide. Would you believe me if I told you that I've got flaws? Now it's time to let the curtains unfold. And tell all the stories that I didn't want told. I let it out so I unburden my soul, I won't stop
Back to the bathroom scene when Inej asked him what happened. Tell her everything. He did, with rage. but it is an improvement. He definitely felt more relieved I bet.
*the rest of the song is a repetition*
#kaz brekker#grishaverse#leigh bardugo#crooked kingdom#six of crows#jesper fahey#wylan van eck#wesper#freddy carter#kit young#kanej#ketterdam#inej ghafa#helnik#matthias helvar#nina zenik#amita suman#crow club#shadow and bone netflix#shadow and bone#siege and storm#ruin and rising#the crows#the dregs
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I hate to say this, but from the perspective of someone who at the time only watched the show, I disliked Nina and Matthias' story. Allow me to explain myself:
This has absolutely nothing to do with the actors! They were both AMAZING and I wouldn't want anyone else to play them, HOWEVER I had not read Six of Crows when I watched the show. Also, I'm not a movie critic in any way, I'm just very interested in movies and series.
Nina and Matthias story in the book is amazing. I love the way we get their story through flashbacks, how we get to see things from Matthias and Nina's perspective and, my personal favorite, how they're both trying so hard to hate each other even though they just can't.
As someone who hadn't read the book when I first watched the show, though? I had no idea why they were in it at all. Sure, they mention Nina a few times, but to me it felt like filler. I couldn't make out quite how they'd fit in Alina's or the Crows' story - and they didn't. Nina and Matthias have little to do with Kaz' story at this point in the show, and even less with Alina's. I thought the story was, and I hate to say this, pretty boring.
And let me tell y'all this: I watched the episode while writing this but I can't even remember why the Darkling wants Nina back.
Having read the first half of the book, however, I appreciate that they're in the show. I love to see the bickering and some of the iconic lines (yes, this is absolutely about the "it's not natural for someone to be as stupid as he is tall"-line) and to see Nina and Matthias on screen makes me very happy. However, from the perspective of a viewer and not a fan, I think the show would've been better if they didn't introduce Nina and Matthias until we get the Ice Court heist. The book did this perfectly: we don't get Nina or Matthias' perspective until they're introduced to the story. Imagine an episode with their backstory just after they're introduced? Everyone is at Hellgate, Nina is about to do her best to heal his wounds, he jumps to strangle her. Episode ends. Next episode starts off where Nina was captured.
Obviously, this all depends on how we're getting other backstories in the show. Alina and Mal's are seen through flashbacks and dreams and in case they keep that up, they could very well go with the same way it's written in the book. Nina does something and remembers how they met. Matthias tells everyone how he ended up at Hellgate, we see how Nina told everyone he was a slave trader.
Again, having read part of the book now? I love them. I'm very happy they're in the show, but if you're making a show based on a book you can't just think of the book audience - you also have to think of the new audience. Chances are a lot of people won't have read the book. A lot of people will have read the book. That's where it gets complicated, and I understand that. You have to please both audiences, if you change too much from the books you'll end up with a movie or show hated by the book fans and if you stay too close to the book chances are new viewers won't understand what's going on.
Percy Jackson is a perfect example of a movie that took too many liberties. It's not necessarily a bad movie, but fans of the books absolutely despise it (myself included). Characters don't look or act like they're supposed to, important plot devices aren't explained and too much of the story was changed in favor of the movie.
On the other hand we have The Mortal Instruments (the movie, not the show). They stayed too close to the book in certain aspects (and strayed from the book in others) and ended up with an even worse result - neither the readers or the new watchers liked it.
Harry Potter is somewhat of a happy medium. There's enough information for the movies to make sense, but there's also enough to tease the people who read the books. Mentions of characters not in the movies, lines straight from the books, etc.
Shadow and Bone does this, as well, and the show did it a good job: some things have been changed, but there's still enough left that the book readers know what is to come: Jesper asking for a demo man, David and Genya being hinted at, never showing Kaz' hands, and that's the biggest reason I think they should've left Nina and Matthias for next season. They absolutely could've kept the mentions, because it excites the readers and leaves the watchers wondering. I have to admit I love them though so like
Having that said, thanks for reading my bullshit <3 Again, no hate. The actors were perfect for their roles <3 And it's completely fine if you disagree with me <3 I wrote this instead of doing my course work so be nice to me thanks <3
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since this is where i live now, a few little notes abt astoria in ketterdam —
she doesn’t get the poppy-and-rose sleeve, but she does get the flowers on her back, and the snake in flowers on her left side. those are tattoos that can be covered by most clothing, and that makes her less easily identifiable if she can hide the crow-and-cup tattoo on her right arm.
she loves those tattoos, though. absolutely loves them.
she tends to dress relatively conservatively in terms of the amount of skin showing — this also keeps her tattoos and identifying scars hidden — but she prefers her clothing to be very form-fitting. when she’s home, she’s comfortable showing more skin.
she’s not a crow and she always feels like a bit of an interloper if she’s working with them. kaz is fine; she’s happy to work with him, and she appreciates how unattached he is, because he’s one of the only people in ketterdam not trying to sell something to her. of the crows pre-soc, inej is her unquestioned favorite.
her relationship with per haskell is a good one, though. she’s good at getting information, because she can seem sweet and soft-spoken and therefore unthreatening. she proves her use to him by getting involved with one of the black tips for a solid eight months.
she almost feels bad about it; it’s eight months of her sneaking off to see him and “letting slip” little pieces of information that mean that the dregs lose some money. but it’s worth it in the end; he trusts astoria and tells her enough that she can report it back to per haskell. they’re able to prevent the black tips from moving in on the fifth harbor, one of many attempts that leads to the parley at the beginning of the book. her lover is furious with her when she’s present with per haskell to prevent it. she almost feels bad, but doesn’t quite manage it.
she delivers information to per haskell that she gets in this way, and in various other ways — and she’s good at getting people to say more than they’d like, good at getting people to feel like they’re the only person in the world who matters and that she’s fascinated by them. she’s also very good at seeming like a pretty little idiot and listening when people start to talk.
one way she does this is playing up the fjerdan accent. it makes her seem interesting, and it makes it seem like she struggles more with the language than she does.
her intent is not to buy herself out of the indenture quickly. if anything, she’s considering bargaining to extend it: so long as she’s valuable to the dregs, they have reason to want her alive.
she’s good for anything that requires ships, too — and she loves being on a ship — and, in a pinch, for extracting information in less uh scrupulous ways. she’s good at a bit of torture, she’s great in a fight in close quarters, and after per haskell sees her borderline-heartrending in action, she’s less and less able to play up pretty little idiot because she’s present for more and more, almost like she’s a favored weapon. it’s part of why per haskell is willing to continue to parley rather than to strike: you’d have to be very stupid or very bold, or both, to make a move against someone who boils blood as her go-to, even if she uses that pretty rarely.
she’s fairly hedonistic, but she doesn’t revel in it quite as much as she normally would, because there’s not much denying her, or that she denies herself. and while she gets along with plenty of the dregs, she doesn’t have any particularly close friends; this lasts for years. she knows trusting anyone in the gang is foolish, and so she keeps everyone at arm’s length. by the start of soc, she’s fairly lonely, and pretty starved for real intimacy.
there are a couple of stray cats who stay with her in the slat; they followed her home one day and just never left. they have fairly free reign of the building, but they prefer to sleep on her bed, curled up at her feet or on her pillow. if she’s gone for any amount of time, she leaves the door to her bedroom open, and if there’s anything that she doesn’t want nicked or gone through by the others, she leaves it with per haskell.
per haskell recommends her for the ice court heist for three reasons: first, she’s fjerdan, and can not only speak the language fluently but can help navigate the landscape coming into and out of djerholm, since she fled the city herself years before. second, she’s a tidemaker first and foremost, and will be able to help keep them safer surrounded by that much water and ice, and will be able to help them on the ferolind. third, she’s good in a crisis, which means she’s good at killing people. it’s a risk, if anyone’s reported back that she survived crossing the border, but it’s a worthwhile risk; if she’s too much trouble, they can just let her get arrested and use that as a distraction. astoria’s very aware of this and does not mind. she’s getting bored, by that point, and is eager enough to see fjerda again that it’s worth the risk.
when pressed to choose between per haskell and kaz, she will choose kaz — not out of any hatred for per haskell, but because she prefers to choose the winning side, and if she’s gone with them to the ice court, then she’s even a little fond of kaz.
also: if she’s not using her power, she’ll defend herself with a stiletto she keeps on her person at all times. she also knows how to shoot, and prefers a rifle to a pistol, but can shoot both. as always, if she’s ever in a fistfight with someone, and she’s not using her power, there is a zero percent chance she’ll win unless she fights VERY dirty.
( part two )
#i. she had a marvelous time ruining everything. ( about )#v. i savor bitterness. it is born of experience. it is the privilege of one who has truly lived. ( grishaverse | ketterdam )#(the best thing abt this duology is that i'm getting to imagine astoria decked out like a steampunk heroine and i'm thriving)
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Six of Crows – review
Someone said, “heist movie but it’s a fantasy setting,” and I’ve been on the lookout for this book ever since. I finally found it in the clearance section of Half Price Books, and then—couldn’t read it. I got through the first chapter, I started the second, I put it down, and I didn’t pick it up again. Not sure why, but frankly this has less to do with the book than with me. I’ve been erratic about reading for, oh, years now – either I can’t focus for more than a few pages at a time, or I spend every waking moment with my nose in the book. There’s no middle ground. There’s no telling which way the cards will fall.
All of this to say, it’s not the book’s fault that it took me so long. But then the show came out, I watched it gleefully with my mom, and somehow having seen the characters onscreen made it easier to slip into their heads on the page. Two days later, I’ve inhaled the entire book as fast as I could get away with, and I’m in love.
This isn’t a regular book review – I’m terrible at ranking things, and the five-star system gives me anxiety. It’s mostly just some Thoughts™ neatly sorted for clarity, and hopefully reading over them will help you decide if you should pick this book up and fall in love with it like I did.
Mind the cut!
Characters
I am in love with them.
It probably helps that I’ve been looking forward to this book for ages, I’ve seen lots of gifsets and the occasional meta post, and of course I did watch three out of six crows swan about being fantastic for an entire season of a show that’s not even about them. But it’s not just that. There are a lot of technical literary ways you can analyze characters – arcs, themes, etc – but quite apart from all of that there’s just…are they compelling? They don’t have to be, for a book to be good, but it sure does help. And these six characters are so compelling.
(Also really likeable, which is even less necessary for a good story but which I do personally value. And I like these kids, I really do. Even Kaz “I commit atrocities without shame or remorse” Brekker. Wouldn’t want to meet him in a dark alley, or even a well-lit avenue! But I care about him and want him to succeed.)
It’s hard to devote equal time to six character arcs while also running a fantasy heist. Bardugo doesn’t try, but even the crows who get less screen time have complexity and depth. They’re all well fleshed-out, with full and distinct personalities and all that – on a technical level, these are really well-crafted characters. Top notch. Plus everyone struggles with different traumas and goals, and handles them in different ways, which gives us wonderfully varied arcs as they each move toward a deeper understanding of themselves, for better or for worse.
It also gives us really varied dynamics – some of them hate each other, some of them love each other, some manage to do both at once, some are just along for the ride. It’s as they pull at each other’s ragged edges that the story forms, in their different desperate needs and in what they can and cannot be for each other.
The show smoothed over a lot of the sharp edges and grey morality, most notably in Kaz. Kaz Brekker is a bad person. He does bad things for selfish reasons. His arc isn’t Learning To Be Good, it’s an ongoing question of whether he might, for the sake of the first person he has (quite accidentally) let himself love, consider maybe perhaps being slightly less of an amoral monster. I’ve seen this book described as “fantasy Leverage episode” but it’s really more Ocean’s Eleven, if Danny Ocean was a vicious bastard and everyone was seventeen.
And that’s great. I love that so much! Especially because the other crows run the gamut from shining idealism to casual self-interest (with a fun detour into “shining idealism but the ideal is violent bigotry”), so we really do get a morally complex story, without any easy black-and-white answers. One of the most kind-hearted people in the whole story has committed multiple murders and dreams of becoming a pirate. Kaz Brekker may do bad things for selfish reasons, but a lot of those selfish reasons boil down to “survive.” It’s complicated! It’s compelling!
Plot
It’s a fantasy heist, what more do you need?
Plots and counter-plots, double-crosses and last-minute improvisations. Magic, though it’s used as just another tool, as impressive and as prosaic as the gunslinger’s pistols. Dramatic climbs, elaborate disguises, cunning grifts, and some good old-fashioned sleight-of-hand. Six wildly competent teenagers, one impossible job, and four million fantasy dollars waiting for them if they can pull it off.
Well, okay, that’s just half of the story – maybe two thirds. The rest is flashbacks, showing us how these characters met and how they came to be the people they are; and stolen moments in between the action beats, where we see how they’re changing each other. It’s woven in really deftly. Our knowledge of the characters expands in time with the forward momentum of the plot, so that both parts of the story – the sorrows of the past and the edge-of-your-seat excitement of the present – get their hooks in you in tandem.
Worldbuilding
There are two settings in this book: Ketterdam, where we begin, and the Ice Court, where the bulk of the action takes place. The wider world outside these two cities is sketched in, alluded to in offhand comments and minor details of backstory. In theory, reading the Grisha trilogy would fill in those sketches, but I suspect it doesn’t matter. This is a heist story, after all: one entrance, one exit, and all the traps laid firmly between the two.
You know that thing authors do sometimes where they use the aesthetic of a real time and place, in the names and the architecture and so on, as a sort of worldbuilding shorthand? I’m a big fan of that. Ketterdam is clearly based on post-medieval Holland, perhaps in the late 17th century or so – a city of canals and commerce, with a ruling merchant class and a thriving criminal underworld, and a stock exchange at the heart of the wealthier district. The similarities feel like they’re just skin-deep – I don’t know that much about post-medieval Holland, but I’m pretty sure Bardugo has her own plans for the political situation in the wider world, which I assume is relevant in the Grisha trilogy. Here it’s not, and we have just enough detail to get a quick feel for the city, with extra importance granted to the politics of the various criminal gangs Kaz needs to worry about.
If I’m honest, I would have enjoyed a bit more detail in the worldbuilding. Ketterdam is vibrant and crowded, but it feels shallow; the only information we get is what relates directly to the characters’ actions. We’re told that it’s a big and complex city, but I don’t really have any idea what goes on there beyond, vaguely, “trade, gambling, and tourism.” But that’s probably just me. I’m unreasonably invested in worldbuilding. And anyway, we do get everything we need to understand the actual story.
The same is true in the Ice Court, the frozen capital of the Fjerdans. It’s a beautiful place, white and gleaming, and the parts that we see are incredibly vivid. We get scant glimpses of history and religion, the faintest suggestion of politics, and exactly enough of the city layout to understand the heist. We do, however, get a much deeper understanding of Fjerdan culture than we did of Ketterdam’s, because one of the crows defines himself utterly by the Fjerdan worldview, and his arc is largely about the difficulty of losing his place in that world and not knowing if or how he can ever get it back.
So yeah, we really do get everything we need to appreciate the story and the characters. I would have liked more, because I like worldbuilding, but what we do get is varied and satisfying.
Themes
I can’t really go in depth here without spoilers, so this’ll be a pretty vague section. I haven’t gone full lit-major on this book and I don’t especially plan to, but at a glance, the central theme is the tension between, in short, love and vengeance.
In long, several of the crows have the choice to embrace love as a force for healing and joy, or instead hold onto the (often violent) goals that have driven and defined them for so long. If they embrace love, it’ll mean letting go of the driving purpose that has kept them alive, and risking their whole identity (and possibly their lives) on a new purpose. It’s scary! It might ruin them! And it’s really not as easy as “love conquers all.”
(Big advantage of an ensemble cast: you can explore the same theme in different ways, with different outcomes, without having to settle for a single “answer” to the question posed by the theme. I really love it when that happens, honestly.)
It’s also not just romantic love! I mean it mostly is, but one of the crows has an arc that’s really about self-love, about learning to trust and prioritize not just your survival, but your happiness, your goals, and your ideals. About putting yourself first, not in a selfish way, but in a healthy, loving way. It’s really lovely, and although it has no bearing on the plot (it’s an internal moment of revelation), it’s one of my favorite things about the whole story.
#six of crows#grishaverse#book review#book ramble#booklr#book blog#booklover#book reviews#bookish#book blogger#reading#bookworm#book ramblings#books#there that's all the tags I can think of#I want people to find my blog but folks I am BAD at marketing#literally all aspects of it#and one of those aspects is definitely 'how do I tag things so they get in front of the right audience?'#akk I hope it gets there#if you're reading this: hi I love you#I hope you're interested in long and perhaps overenthusiastic book reviews!#that's what this blog is going to be#I don't think this one got overenthusiastic but the next one is going to be queen's thief#and I love those books to death#there's no way I'll be able to contain my glee
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Feels Like Flying
Pairing: Kaz Brekker x reader
Request: anonymous asked “ sweet,ok sooo maybe like the reader being part of the dregs before inej and had feelings for kaz but never told kaz cuz you know she’s scared and kaz found out annnddd yeah idk too rly. ”
Warnings: bit of violence, swearing
A/N: hey so I know this took a little bit but I had to reread some of the book to remember what actually happened in the bit I set this during and just didn’t have the time. But it’s here now so y’know...whatever right?
Word Count: 1659
*
Four years ago my parents died at sea and I was plunged into poverty. Three years 11 months and 24 days ago Kaz Brekker found me on the roof of the Slat and offered me a place in the Dregs. Three years six months and 17 days ago I realised I might be falling for him, foolish as that decision may be.
I was his best spy before Inej came along and the person he trusted most. I was the closest thing to a friend he allowed himself to have for a long time. I was the only person you might have said he cared about. He probably didn’t. I told myself that every night, repeating it like a mantra every time he smiled at me, every time he defended me, every time it seemed like maybe, just maybe, there was a sliver of space in his heart for me. It got easier to believe after the night he brought Inej home.
She became his favourite and I was pushed aside. Well… I wasn’t really but it felt like it most days. I could understand, she was better than I was so it made sense, but it still made me feel useless sometimes. He still trusted me above all the others though so at least I had that. He still believed in me and my abilities. Which is why I was shocked and hurt when he told me I wouldn’t be joining him and the others on the Ice Court heist.
“I need you to keep an eye on everything back here, keep things running smoothly.”
“Per Haskell is still here, running things is his job not mine.”
“You know he does practically nothing anymore, things would fall apart without me so I need you to take over for a little while.”
“Can’t someone else do it? I want to go on this job. You could use my help.”
“(Y/N) I need you here. I don’t trust anyone else like I know I can trust you. And besides, we’ve got Inej, she can handle anything I might need you for in Ferdja.” Well. That was that then If he didn’t need me anymore then fine.
“Alright.” He frowned at the abruptness of my response but I turned and left his office before he could say anything else. If he was even going to.
I wish I could say our reunion weeks later was in any way joyful.
The crew on the Ice Court job went into hiding and Kaz finally let me help them. Getting intel, running errands, boring work that kept being hindered by Pekka Rollins and the Dime Lions. Clearly Kaz had pissed him off royal somehow though no one seemed inclined to give me any details about what went down. Rollins knew I was one of Kaz’s favourites, everyone did, and he set his goons to follow my every move, hoping I’d lead him to Kaz. Quite frankly that was offensive. Did he really think I was useless enough not to lose them? Not to know exactly what he was doing? I was Kaz Brekker’s second for saints sake!
Sometimes though, sometimes I wish I wasn’t. Like now, in the middle of this insane plan that had landed me with a knife to my throat, the stench of a Dime Lion clawing its way up my nose. Trapped with no way out. I was good but I didn’t like my odds against Rollins and four of his crew. Not when I was already injured and had only one exit, currently blocked.
“What do you want from me?” I asked Rollins, watching him lean against the chapel door.
“Oh nothing in particular with you. I just needed a bit of bait.” He grinned and my stomach dropped. Well this was where I was going to die then. I knew he meant to use me as bait for Kaz just as surely as I knew it wouldn’t work. When his plan failed he’d have me killed. Fucking great.
Soon I spotted Kaz running towards us with Inej in tow, murder in his eyes. I tried to yell out a warning but the knife pressed more firmly against my throat, breaking the skin and drawing blood. I shut up quickly.
“Ah, Brekker, do come in. I believe we have business.”
“Quite.” He walked in willingly, glancing at me, assessing. I pleaded with my eyes for him to turn around and leave me. “Do you mind letting her go, I don’t think that’s really necessary anymore, do you?”
“No. When we’re done here, maybe then I’ll consider letting her leave.” The lie was obvious to everyone in the room. “For now she’s staying right where she is. Maybe that way you’ll behave. I doubt it though.” He smiled smugly. “I think her blood would look lovely on this floor, don’t you?”
“Fine.” He was emotionless and it stung. Seeing he didn’t care wasn’t exactly surprising but it wasn’t fun. Well if I was probably going to die, even if he didn’t care about me like I did him, I could try and help him live.
The Dime Lion keeping me captive was distracted and I lashed out, breaking from his hold and yelling to Kaz to get out of there since they were distracted. He and Inej could do it easily but neither of them moved. I gave up. What even was the point?
This time when I was pinned to the wall, there were two knives. One back at my throat and one digging into my stomach. I gasped at the pain from their steady weight against me, the sting as blood trickled out. Looking at Kaz, I could see he was angry, probably at me. But that was fine, I was mad too. Why hadn’t he left? Rollins was grinning when I caught his gaze.
“Awh, isn’t that sweet Brekker?” He taunted. “She loves you enough to die for you. Such a shame the feeling could never be returned.” He walked over to me, lifting my chin with a finger and forcing me to meet his eyes. He spoke lowly. “You put your faith in the wrong man.”
I almost laughed. Did he think I didn’t know that? It’s not like I went out of my way to fall in love with someone emotionally unavailable.
“Love isn’t a choice Rollins,” is all I said. Though if love were a choice I’d still choose Kaz.
I didn’t pay close attention to the conversation that happened next but finally Rollins and his goons left and I was free. My hand came away red and sticky when I swiped across my neck. Gross. A handkerchief was tossed in my direction and I pressed it to my neck, hoping the bleeding would stop soon.
“Let’s go.” Kaz didn’t look at me again as he stalked out of the chapel, Inej and I following behind. That had probably just ruined our friendship. I almost wished Rollins’ men had finished me off when they had the chance.
*
It was late, really late, when Kaz finally returned to The Slat that night. I’d almost fallen asleep, having returned several hours earlier, but uneven, creaking steps tugged at my consciousness. We hadn’t spoken since everything that went down with Rollins at the church and I was hoping to avoid him for as long as possible, not wanting the “I can’t feel the same way” or “don’t ever speak to me again” that I knew was coming. It wasn't my lucky day apparently.
Kaz's footsteps stopped outside my room and a moment later there was a knock. I contemplated not answering but Kaz wouldn't have knocked at all if he didn't know somehow that I was awake. He looked...nervous(?) when I opened the door and it threw me off long enough for him to slip into the room before I could tell him to leave me alone. Kaz didn’t look nervous, he just didn’t. What was going on?
“What do you want Kaz?” I asked, sighing and leaning against the door.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” The concern was odd but appreciated, I wasn’t in the mood for it though.
“We need to talk.” He didn’t need to clarify what about. The knowledge hung heavy in the air between us.
“There’s nothing to talk about. I know there’s nothing here so you can just go and we can forget about it.”
“No, we can’t. At least, I can’t.” I looked over at him and his expression was pained. “I never knew you felt that way.”
“Yeah,” a humorless laugh, “well now you do. Are we done here?” I just wanted to sulk alone in my bed.
“No. Just...let me speak, okay? This isn’t easy for me.” I nodded and he took a minute to think before continuing. “I didn’t know you felt that way and if I did, I would have done things differently.” I resisted the urge to ask what he was talking about.
“I’m not good at this kind of thing,” we both smiled a little at that, “but I might feel the same way.” My breath hitched hopefully and Kaz moved closer to me. I held his gaze as he continued. “It will take time, I don’t know how much, but if you’re willing to be patient and work with me, I’d like to give this a shot. I’d like to give us a shot.”
I couldn’t believe my ears. Kaz liked me. He wanted there to be an us. Saints, I wanted that too. So much. A smile broke out on my face, free and uncontainable. I’d never dreamed this day would come, that I’d get a chance with Kaz. It was like a dream.
“I think I’d like to give this a shot too.” He smiled and my heart soared. Maybe I should send Pekka Rollins a thank you card. Kaz took my hand. Squeezed. It felt like flying.
*
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