#kellsreplies. obd love
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I was reading through the comments of OBDaMH and, I know it was from four years ago, but I saw someone insult Bucky (who was so strong, so brave, so loyal, so compassionate after his fathers death, an abusive relationship, and being forced to marry someone he doesn’t know, into this new life that he doesn’t know), and I got so MAD! Luckily you shut that person down very eloquently and efficiently so I feel better now :). Just wanted to let you know lol
(imma stop bothering you about OBD but I have so much to say!) someone accused Steve of being manipulative/the relationship of “Stockholm Syndrome” due to the power imbalance and it was so wrong! Society forced them into that role, but it doesn’t mean that their dynamic was unhealthy. Steve made it clear that Bucky is just as important in the relationship. Steve only started acting as headship when Bucky was ready! I hate that they twisted this beautiful, loving dynamic into something like that.
Anyway, OBD is one of my favorite stories of all time. Like not just one of my favorite fanfics, but one of my favorite stories I’ve ever read. I couldn’t stand it when I saw ppl criticizing any aspect of this story, bc it’s literally perfect! It’s perfect! My only complaint is that it isn’t longer !
Aww thank you so much! This is so nice of you <3
Surprisingly, more than once person got on Bucky’s case at the beginning of OBD but i think that was mostly because they wanted to see the stucky happen vs my slow burn.
As for the thing about Steve, if we’re talking about the most recent slew of comments, all I can say is they were very polite and I just don’t think the world meshed well with them. I think they were viewing through a modern lens only. That kind of story just isn’t for everyone and they did the polite thing after asking me if that part of the story changed and just exited.
Thank you so much for the message! I hope you’re healthy and doing well!
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Hi I really love your work! Of Broken Dreams and Mended Hearts legit got me through quarantine. I was wondering what happened to part 2 of "D/s Fun With Steve and Bucky"? I was trying to find it and it doesn't seem to be on ao3 anymore, is there another place I could read it? Sorry if it is and I missed it :)
Thank you so much! I'm so glad to hear that my fic helped you through such a rough time :) I was actually skimming through it the other day, once again wondering if I should turn it into original fic.
Part 2 of D/s Fun with Steve and Bucky should be viewable now. Sorry you had trouble accessing it!
Thanks again for reading!
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How are OBD!Steve and Bucky doing? Still hopelessly in love and happy I hope ?
Oh, nauseatingly so.
~~
“Are you quite sure, husband?”
Steve, who’d been in the middle of saying something to Sam, stops in the middle of his sentence to look at Bucky. Bucky’s quite aware that interrupting his headship is not just a breach of etiquette, it’s also quite rude. Their dinner table, which has been a buzz of soft conversations since they sat, falls silent. The only noise remaining is that of eighteen-month-old Thomas, Natalia and Clint’s son.
“Am I sure about what, Bucky?” Steve asks after taking a moment to glance at their dinner guests as though worried he missed something.
He hasn’t, of course. While Bucky’s been lost in his own thoughts, pondering over what Steve told him earlier in the evening before everyone arrived, Steve’s been actively engaged in conversations with all their friends. They all eagerly accepted the invites to come to an impromptu dinner party the week before Christmastide. All their closest friends.
Peggy and Gabe -- who’ve left Sharon at home with a sitter for a night out on their own. Natalia and Clint -- who said they’d leave Thomas at home but gave in and brought him after being begged by Bucky. Sam and Maria -- who just celebrated their anniversary. Tony and Pepper -- who left their six-month-old daughter, Morgan, home with the butler despite Tony’s pleas to his headship to bring her along.
These are the moments that Bucky knows he and Steve fought to have. Happy and genuine. No one to impress. No one passing judgment. No one stuck in the thick, sticky mud of old and outdated traditions. Just friends who are as good as family here to enjoy each other's company before the holidays.
This brings Bucky to his seemingly random question which, really, isn’t random at all.
“About staying here,” Bucky says. “On the Isle, I mean. For Christmastide.” A cool, easy grin pulls at Steve’s lips. Before he can reply, Bucky says, “Because it’s okay. Really. It’s only the second one without...” He doesn’t finish that. Steve knows already that this is the second Christmastide without Sarah. “We can go to the farmhouse. It’s okay.”
As much as Bucky would simply adore staying here and spending the time with his family -- because Steve’s allowed him such a thing -- he understands if Steve still wants to be with his own family instead. Though Bucky hasn’t been on the Isle with the House of Barnes since his father passed, his mother and sister have joined them at the farmhouse. He’s always had them with him. That first year. Last year.
This year, if they don’t go to the farmhouse, Steve will be only in the company of Bucky and the House of Barnes. No one from the House Rogers. If he’s not ready for that, Bucky certainly doesn’t want to put it on him.
“Oh, my Sweetheart,” Steve murmurs, slipping his hand at the side of his neck. Even in front of their company, Bucky’s eyes fall closed and he leans into Steve’s soft touch. “It’s all right. I want to give this to you.”
“Yes, but, Steve--”
“Listen to your husband, Bucky.” Eyes flying open again, Bucky gazes into the eyes that make him melt. That burn with so much passion and love. That look adoringly back at him. “We stay here this year. We spend this time with your family. Because they’re as much a part of us and the House Rogers. Right?”
For a few seconds, Bucky cannot breathe. His head spins, the room shifting beneath him. Still, after these three years of marriage, Steve’s generosity still manages to stun Bucky. This world does not deserve that heart.
“Yes, husband,” Bucky whispers.
Steve’s hand is still at the side of his neck making Bucky’s heart thump pleasantly against his ribs. They lean in closer. Slowly. The world around them fading away to something that exists only in the background and with no consequence to them and their love for one another.
“If you two are going to lunge at each other right here...” Tony’s voice yanks them back to reality. “Can you at least warn us so we can adjourn to the drawing-room first?”
Next to him, Pepper sighs and turns a look at him. Tony gives his headship a sheepish grin and shrugs.
“What?!” he exclaims. “Do you really want to watch them have each other right here on the table?”
Laughs bubble around the table while both Steve and Bucky blush. It’s still so simple to get lost in his husband and headship that Bucky easily forgets they’re not alone. Nice to know that Steve feels the same.
Steve, however, after the initial blush, clears his throat and ignores Tony’s comments, moving the conversation back to Sam and Maria’s trip to Eire, asking if they visited the same castle that he and Bucky had when they took their trip last summer.
As they all begin to talk again, though, Steve slips a hand right over Bucky’s thigh and gives it a squeeze, making a breath catch in Bucky’s throat. A promise for later. Bucky grins, and Steve leaves that hand there for the rest of the evening.
#anon love#kellsreplies#stucky#steve rogers#bucky barnes#obd love#kellsficlet#i was just thinking about these boys the other day#<333#Anonymous
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Hi kells! I am almost halfway through Of Broken Dreams and Mended Heart, and i am absolutely in loveeee🥺❤️❤️ you are extremely talented. I would like to know tho if ur story has a happy ending? I am extremely anxious about that whole pierce thing. No other and i mean NO OTHER (and ive read so so many) fanfic made me this invested and anxious, that in every scene I’m like BUCKY TELL HIM FFS TELL HIM and thats all bc of ur amazing writing💯😘😘
thank you so much! i’m so glad you’re enjoying! It makes me so happy that people are still reading it when they come across it.
To answer your question, yes! it does have a happy ending! It’s definitely an earned happy ending, but a happy ending nonetheless!
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I’m rereading OBD for like the fifth time and I’m wondering: what would’ve happened if Bucky told Steve about Brock/Pierce as soon as it happened? What if he was like: “Steve I did something horrible and here’s what happened please don’t hate me I’m so so sorry I didn’t mean to! But I wanted to tell you sooner rather than later so that we could have a plan.” Would Steve have been more understanding? Would he still fall in love?
To all of it.
If Bucky had come to Steve right away, his first reaction probably would have been to comfort Bucky and then decide on a course of action. As it happens in the fic, Steve is so shocked that it happened so long ago and that Bucky never mentioned anything, that that’s what really hurts him.
His knee-jerk reaction is actually panic in the fic and, yes, he is angry, but he’s mostly scared and confused and doesn’t know how to make heads or tails of the situation so he just falls back on anger until he calms down.
And if Bucky had told him right away he most definitely sill would have fallen in love with him. That wouldn’t change at all. He’s already smitten with him and that level of honesty would have just increased those emotions.
Also omg thank you for reading it again! That makes me so happy!
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I’m gonna yell at u about how brilliant Of Broken Dreams is okay?? Soon ! When I’m sober ! But I’ll do it! Also: why is Every Time We Touch LITCHERALLY them ?
thank you very much! i’m so glad you liked it! It’s so cool that I’m still getting comments like this for this fic :) Makes me so happy!
And do you mean this song?
youtube
because omg you just tossed me back, like, a decade!!
But omg i love listening to songs and thinking STUCKY!!!!
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OF BROKEN DREAMS! 😘
So, i think this is the same anon as before but on the off-chance that it isn’t
thank you so much for reading! I’m so glad you liked!
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I absolutely adore Of Broken Dreams; it was the fic that got me into Stucky, and it's my go to when I need a pick me up! I love all of it, but Christmas at the farmhouse is one of my favorite sections and I would love a little bit of a DVD commentary on your favorite bit of this section! (I can't decide which is my favorite bit XD)
Omg, yes, my dear Lords Rogers and Barnes. I miss them. I should write a one shot with them. anyway I’m gonna do this bit. It’s on the long side, but you need the whole thing for my feelings on it lol
And thank you so much! That is such a huge compliment!!
“You’re even the most popular one here.” Steve chuckles as he fixes the ends of the blanket with one hand so that it sits around him. The other hand’s holding a saucer and teacup. “I think they like you better than me.” He smiles and hands him the saucer. “Here.”
Bucky looks at it without taking it. “What’s this?”
Steve gives him a shy smile. “Your cocoa.”
“My…” Oh. Bucky’s tickled pink. He can’t believe Steve actually made him this. A giggle’s about to ripple through him. “I was only fooling, husband!”
“I know.” Steve chuckles. He shrugs and sits down, placing the cocoa in his hands now. “But I promised.”
“Is that where you’ve been?”
“Yes. I’m sorry it took so long. I had to wait for my chance at the stove.”
“Oh. I thought… maybe you… forgot about me.”
Not forgot, not truly lost from his mind. Became distracted and engrossed in deep enough conversation that Bucky was just a distant memory. The expression on Steve’s face though, those large eyes filling with worry and possibly bordering on the edge of panic, tells him his fears have been for naught, and Bucky feels positively absurd. He’s not quite sure he even understands himself anymore.
A year ago he could waltz into uncharted territory, date on his arm--lady, fella, it mattered not--room crowded with people whether he knew some of them, none of them or all of them, and the air would breathe contently around him. Bucky can smile with ease and make others blush with just a bat of the eyes. He’s sweet-talked his way into lots of bed before, taken great care to be the source of pleasure and tenderness to those he’s shared nights with. But this place, surrounded by the House of Rogers’ laughter, he feels small and timid.
“I’m sorry,” Steve whispers. “I didn’t mean to take so long. I should have come back to sit with you while the water boiled.” He leans in closer, scoots over enough that he’s able to slip his hand under the blanket and across his thigh. Gives him a tender, arousing squeeze. “Shall I show you how you’ve been on my mind, my Sweetheart?”
The cup rattles in Bucky’s hands. Steve stays them so he doesn’t drop it and spill cocoa all over his lap. Everything, everything, in his body is tight.
“No…” Bucky whimpers. Eyes frantic as they glance around the room to make sure no one has noticed. “Steve!”
His husband snickers and takes his hand back. “M’sorry.”
Bucky glares at him. Tries to anyway. He can’t really complete the expression, can’t fully conjure up the proper amount of heat when it’s too busy surging through the rest of his body.
“You really are mean, husband.” He sniffs. Turns his nose up. “I hope you realize you can no longer hide this fact from me.”
He laughs. “I know it. You don’t really seem to mind all that much.”
“I suppose I don’t,” Bucky sighs and glances down to take a sip of the drink he’s been given. He laughs before he can even bring it to his mouth. “Are there really seventeen marshmallows in this?”
Steve folds his smile in, blush sneaking under his skin as he peer through his lashes.
“That’s how many you asked for,” he says softly. Innocent, even pouty like. “And you were tickling me.”
“Oh boy.” Bucky takes a drink this time. Gives him a peck on the cheek as a means of a peace offer. “Maybe you’ll go easy on me when you find out how ticklish… I am?”
“Ah.” Steve lights up with this information and lets his fingers run along Bucky’s ribs. Bucky tenses and makes a funny, embarrassing noise, but Steve doesn’t wiggle into his side any more than that. “I can be nice, too, you know.”
“Nice?” Bucky muses. “I think you can be much more than nice, husband. But I still believe you’ll tickle me.”
“First chance I get.” He snickers.
Bucky whines. Lip pushed out and eyes big, round and puppy like. One of those illegal looks he knows Steve likes. Letting his eyes fall closed, Steve rests his brow against his, lips curving up.
“And you say I’m unfair,” he mutters.
A giggle rivers through Bucky. Soft and tranquil, and he’s about to run fingers through his husband’s hair when someone shouts. Loud, powerful and followed by a bursting round of laughter. Though neither of them were paying attention, Steve is smiling; gaze focused on the red-headed aunt that doesn’t seem to have use for an indoor voice.
Bucky watches him for a moment. His husband, here, comfortably surrounded by all these people, where it’s noisy and loud and there’re so many different things happening at once. Music is playing from the big phonograph and the children have taken to singing along. Stories are being shared by means of affectionate shouting. Not all that different from a club yet nothing like one at all. Something inside Bucky clicks.
He’s nervous around these people. Feels those knots tying inside of him whenever he thinks of them ignoring him, even tighter whenever he think of them talking to him. They’re sweet and kind, friendly and accomodating and every bit as easy to get along with as Steve. None of that makes being lost in the middle of all of them any less nerve-wracking. Because Bucky’s not here to put on a show.
Not like going to a club opening. There’s no flashy smile or flick of the eyebrows. No running his fingers through his hair and a cool, casual wink or witty remark that’ll win them over. This isn’t about Bucky. Or rather, not just about Bucky.
This is for Steve. This is Steve’s family. The House of Rogers is Bucky’s House now. And… Bucky wants them to like him.
“Are you okay?”
He hears Steve’s question. Looks at him and tries to offer a smile. There’s no real answer. Bucky’s as okay as one who keeps discovering new things of themselves lately can be.
“Okay, everyone!” Lord Rogers, Joseph, as he’s been insisting, just like Sarah, for Bucky to call him, announces. “It’s five minutes to midnight and you know what that means!”
The children hop up and down. Their little hands clap together and they cheer while some of Steve’s aunts and uncles whistle through their fingers. Only Bucky’s not quite sure what it means. Other than it being five minutes before the official start of Christmastide’s Eve, of course. He glances over his shoulder. Steve smiles at him.
“House tradition,” he whispers in explanation. “Dad’ll tell one ghost story before we open the parlor doors and we’ll all add one decoration to the tree.”
“Oh…”
Bucky can feel his face falling as quiet descends upon the room. The walls that once held a cacophony of voices are now hushed as they wait patiently for Joseph to begin. The electric lighting have been turned off, the children excited to make the atmosphere right. Shadows lick the ceilings and floors, hugging everyone as they dance out of the fire in the fireplace and along the wicks of the candles placed haphazardly around the room.
“Is that…” Steve tilts his head. Must see the apprehension growing in Bucky’s eyes even in the dimmed light. “All right?”
“Uh… it’s…”
Something he’s always been teased about. Always. Ghost stories are tradition even in the House of Barnes and from childhood to adolescence to adulthood he’s never outgrown his embarrassing fear of them. Fear of the unknown, of unseen creatures sneaking into his room in the middle of the night to make a playground of his privacy, of his life. Fantasy or truth, it matters not. As a child he’d crawl into his mother’s lap. When he got older, Rebecca would hold his hand. When he grew older still, she held his hand under the table where no one could see.
There’s no Rebecca this year. No sister to hold his hand in hers, fingers gliding over skin when he tenses at the parts that get to him most. No mother to kiss his cheek and offer to check under his bed when the stories have all been spent. A joke of course, but Winifred would’ve done it for him if Bucky asked. No father to clap an arm over his shoulder and remind him that they’re only stories. Stories meant to remind the living to live true and righteous.
“Bucky?”
“Yes,” Bucky whispers back since Joseph is clearing throat to begin. “I’m… fine.”
This story is one that Bucky particularly hates. It’s the outcome that gets to him most. The uncertainty of it. Does the school teacher live or die? Does he make it across the bridge? Does the headless man catch him or not?
Bucky’s trying to focus mostly on the cocoa that he has. Making heavy work of drinking it slowly. But not even halfway through the story the glass is empty and if he doesn’t focus enough, it’ll rattle atop the saucer in his shaky hands. The second time this happens, a pair of large hands cover both of his and the teacup and saucer. They appear out of the darkness and startle Bucky enough that he gasps.
From next to him, Steve, the source of the hands, of course, snickers. More embarrassment flushes through Bucky when he peers up at his husband. Even in this darkened room his eyes glow, piercing through the blackness like a lifeforce. He leans forward after setting the cup aside, mouth by Bucky’s ear.
“Are you scared, Bucky?” he whispers. “Do you not like ghost stories?”
He opens his mouth to answer. Nothing comes out though. All he can manage to do is give Steve a weak nod. Hope his husband won’t be too harsh with his teasing. Only Steve smiles at him. Smiles and then opens his arm out for him. There might not be a sister here tonight. No mother. They’re back on the Isle of Manhattan. No father. Lost to the world. But there is his husband. His Steve.
Bucky scoots closer, lets himself melt into Steve’s embrace. To help out even more, Steve gently cradles the side of his head, pressing a hand over Bucky’s ear so that his other is resting up against his chest. He can hear, even feel Steve’s heart. Beat, beat, beat. His chest rises up and down with his contented breathing, as though having Bucky so close provides some sort of extra comfort. Smooth, rhythmic movements that at first hide the small vibrations running through him. It takes him a few minutes longer for Bucky to figure out what it is. Steve is humming. Blocking out the sounds of the story even further by humming to him.
Not just any tune either. Bucky recognizes it immediately. Their wedding song. Steve is softly humming their wedding song.
I love this particular scene because of how much Bucky’s grown over the course of only three to four months. I think it was easy for people to forget that his life was literally upheaved. The rug was pulled out from under him after his father died and this was not the life he’d been groomed for. And, sure, we the readers know that Steve would never do anything to hurt him, but in the story, Bucky has no idea.
Bucky’s been in a spiraling depression since the night his father died and it’s around now that he’s finally seeing his way out of it. Not for Steve, though, but because Steve’s been shining a light for him and letting him climb out on his own terms and at his own pace.
No longer is Bucky wary of Steve’s touches. In fact, he’s so comfortable with him now that he misses him when he’s simply another room away. And because Steve is so much more comfortable here with his family, Bucky gets to see just how real and genuine he is. Steve is so kind-hearted and good-natured that Bucky is blown away by it.
This is also Bucky’s first holiday away from his family, people he’s not even supposed to consider his family anymore and even though he still mourns for what he’s lost, he’s able to take comfort in Steve.
And, Steve, well, Steve is just thrilled. They’ve been playful and teasing and touching. Exploring a whole new side of their marriage. Since they’re all pretty sure this will be Sarah’s last holiday with them, this is hard on Steve and having Bucky here with him is like a warm anesthetic pumping through his veins.
The children are all taken with Bucky, too. Even when he’s not trying, Bucky’s charming and sweet. It’s just part of who he is and the House of Rogers fully embraces him. Bucky’s always been popular and well-liked, but he actually wants Steve’s family to like him for who he is, not a song-and-dance for Society and their watchful eyes.
Fanfic DVD Commentary Asks
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Man I just reread Of Broken Dreams and 3 years later it's just as good. So this is just a thank you for the lovely things you write!!!!
Thank you so much!!!
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“Your… oh… oh, Bucky…” Steve stands back up, understanding touching his face. He does understand too. Bucky can see it. Sees the moment his mismatched and frazzled words shape perfectly to Steve’s mind. “Bucky, I’m…” He’s going to apologize again. Make him feel worse. Only instead of the word sorry coming out he says, “It’s still yours. It’s yours, baby. Nothing can change that.”Bucky glances at the metal growing out of his body.
Ah from Of Broken Dreams, when Bucky’s star was chipped off his arm.
What I was thinking when I wrote this
This part actually made me tear up while I was writing it. This was such a vital part of Bucky’s life and was a physical reminder of what he needed to give up in order to help his family. I hated doing this to Bucky, but in the end not only did it bring him and Steve closer together, he finally felt a sense of closure and acceptance of his metal arm. Something he didn’t really have until Steve helps him realize that it wasn’t the painting that his father did for him that made it his arm, but that it was always his arm.
Why I wrote this in the first place
This was one of those scenes I pictured perfectly from the moment I started writing. I knew that Bucky’s star, despite the meaning to him, was going to have to go. Not only because of Societal expectations but to give Bucky the moment of self-discovery.
What’s going on in my character’s head
Since this is in Bucky’s pov, I’ll give you Steve’s thoughts. Steve had zero idea what Bucky’s star meant to him. When he realizes it, he’s completely horrified. If he had known, he probably would have found a way around it. But it does end up being a good thing and gives him the chance to reaffirm his beliefs to Bucky that Bucky doesn’t need to feel torn away from his family. When Steve repaints his shoulder with half the House of Barnes crest and half the House of Rogers’, it makes them that much closer.
This is also another example of how Steve always manages to surprise Bucky with his heart. Bucky is completely sure he’s going to say the wrong things--ask about the arm, say sorry, unintentionally make him feel worse--but he doesn’t. Instead, Steve immediately comforts him and assures him that no one can take his arm from him.
Fanfic DVD Commentary Asks
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Tumblr is being a jerk and not letting me reblog this properly, but i must acknowledge this bc I have to say it’s pretty much the last thing I expected to see while scrolling down my dash on this random Sunday afternoon.
Um @mom---nicole This is so awesome so to see??? Thank you for such crazy cool compliment!!
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I do not know if you're still accepting dvd comments, mine is about Broken Dreams because it's my favorite stucky fanfic. He is talking about not wanting to see him with another, this was surprising, he was not expecting to see it because he seemed so reluctant about Steve, but we see that vulnerable side of him. I wanted your comments on that. Your writing is wonderful.
Well, thank you very much!!
Ohhhhh do you mean when they’re first at the club and Bucky sees Steve with Tony and then later that night when they’re talking about Steve having paramours?
What I was thinking when I wrote this
It was around this time that something needed really start to pull Bucky’s walls down. Or rather, give Bucky a reason to start peeking over them. While he’s still super conflicted about his marriage with Steve, this gave Bucky a chance to really see that he can be positive about it, maybe even hopeful.
Why I wrote this in the first place
This was another way to show the societal difference between the two of them and the hierarchy that comes with an uneven marriage. However, in spite of that, I wanted this part because it fully opened up a good, secure line of communication between Steve and Bucky for the first time and started bringing them closer together.
What’s going on in my character’s head
Well, you already get both povs in the club, but while they’re discussing the idea of Steve having paramours Bucky’s feeling awfully small and vulnerable and for the first time in a long time, is starting to feel safe and hopeful. This is a turning point for both of them, but for Bucky especially. He’s finally beginning to understand that he can trust Steve and that Steve isn’t trying to use him for anything.
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GOD yes a obd one shot i would loooove. was one of the first fics i read fully years ago as well. it’s so good
Awww thank you! That’s so flattering!! And I totally wanna write one I just need the inspiration or prompt or something to get it going :)
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you probably get this alot but its been like a year since OBDaMH and its still one of the best stucky fics ive read !
I will never tire of hearing it! It’s great to know that it stays with people!! Thank you so much!
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... I'll share my playlists with you eventually but I'm shy about it haha! I messaged you ages ago just after I finished OBDAMH saying that Heartbeat by Carrie Underwood was my absolute ANTHEM for it. and since then it has grown and grown lol
I remember! That’s so awesome! But also I totally understand. If you ever feel up to sharing I’d so love to know it!! Even if you wanna just send me a list of the songs on anon!! Totally up to you, I just love knowing what songs remind people of my fics, it’s such a cool feeling knowing that people other things out there with my stories! :D
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