Rant ahead, fair warning.
So I’m currently DMing a group. I’m the only woman in the group, and I honestly feel like that plays a role in how they treat me. I don’t think it’s intentional, but I do think it’s internalized.
They’ve all DMed before, which is fine, but it also means they all have opinions about how things should go and they have no problems spitting that out, even if they’re talking over me, the actual DM, to make their opinion heard.
The reason I think this is impacted by my being a woman is because I’ve also been in a party with every other member as a DM, and none of them got talked over as much as I do (even my boyfriend when it was his first time DMing commanded more respect as a DM than me).
I recently spoke with my boyfriend about it and he said he’ll try to subtly help me and defer to me more during games. And he did, for the most part. I could tell he was trying.
Until I gave him an answer he didn’t like. Then he said “let’s check Google.”
It was slightly irrelevant, two of the players like to spar after every level up and the question came up during that time, so it wasn’t a huge, campaign impacting decision, but it still happened and annoyed the fuck outta me.
As I was reading, trying to figure out my answer to his question, all the other players were, as is now tradition, talking over me and giving their own opinions.
I gave my answer then left the room to wash my face and just let them handle it cause I was frustrated.
After we all disconnected from discord, I called my boyfriend on it. I asked him if he wanted me to explain my reasoning for my call. He said “no, I get it, it’s cause” and then proceeded to give reasons the other players had offered instead of what I said. Like he didn’t even hear me when I was explaining it to him before.
So I called him out on that too. Told him I never even mentioned that, that that was the players, and see, this is what I was trying to explain before.
He looked ashamed and apologized but God dammit I’m frustrated. So I’m coming here to rant. I love D&D. I want to keep loving it. But it’s so damn hard when it’s almost not even fun anymore.