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#kind of dumb. but i thought it was funny to think about
theplottdump · 2 days
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Ditching the ranch hand in favor of higher ground; for the first time this arc the Angels were able to get a good look at their primary target, which also happened to be their only solid lead: The campgrounds tucked away on the plateau below.
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Kate: 𝘏𝘶𝘩- I sort of thought it would be bigger. Vera: I checked the map and the biggest lot in the National Park only goes up to 50x50. And we're looking right at it. Poppy: It looks so small from up here. Kate: Everything looks small from here. That's why we have binoculars.
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Poppy: You see anything? Kate: There doesn't seem to be any real security measures. No one looks like they're being held against their will. Vera: One could argue that the closest town being ten miles of desert away is a pretty effective deterrent for potential escapees.
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Poppy: I can't believe we only brought one pair of binoculars. Kate: M said something about limited luggage space- 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨- xbox- 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪���𝘨.
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Poppy: Well what else do you see? Kate: Look 009, you want a turn? Be my guest.
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Kate: It seems pretty cut and dry- a bunch of rich dumb idiots and a buttload of drugs in the desert, the perfect set up. Vera: But how are they transporting it all? If you can't get get a car up here then wouldn't that put a little dent in the supply line?
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Poppy: You think it might have something to do with the League of Evil? The Brutalist maybe? I'm seeing a lot of designer furniture- and folding glass doors on the structure there. Vera: True, she did invent those. Kate: -but running drugs doesn't really seem like her usual MO.
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Poppy: Maybe it's not the League at all then. Vera: Independent Evil. Much less dangerous, but unpredictable. Kate: The whole thing is so- Poppy: Weird. A Legacy sim. Kate: Like I said, rich dumb airheads.
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Poppy: Funny, it's almost a the kind of place you'd expect to see-
𝘰𝘩𝘮𝘺𝘨𝘰𝘥.
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Poppy: 𝙈𝙊𝙈?!
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chaoslynx · 8 months
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anyway in a soulmate AU where your soulmate's first words to you are on your body, in the anime-verse Eiji would have "Do they use kids for assistants in Japan?" and Ash would have "I'm older than you."
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m3llowm1sh · 1 month
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guys holy shit i predicted melodie................
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meatmensch · 8 months
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#thinking again abt the horrible things he said to me bc some of them were so stupid and mean i will never truly get over it until i go to#his house with the hammer!!#'why are you interested in the yiddish language' 'well first of all most yiddish speakers are dead it's a dying language it's a fucking#murdered language and i think it's important to preserve plus it's cool' 'well by that logic most english speakers are dead too' here's#what i should have done in that scenario. get up grab my things grab my keys and leave. versus what i did. continued to try to explain to#him why i'm passionate about the culture for hours and he never truly got it.#and it was so funny because the next day HE was all mopey. i was like 'what's your problem' he was like 'i think i feel bad about some of#the stuff i said last night...' here's what i should've said. 'yeah you rat bastard you should feel really bad you suck i hate you beg on#your knees for forgiveness.' versus what i did. a simple dose of the silent treatment#i will never get over this i will never get over this because no one i have cared so much about and thought was so kind and understanding#has been so stupid he's just an antisemite. i was like he's not a nazi he's just dumb. girl when u gotta ask urself 'is he a nazi' get out#of there pronto. and of course i feel stupid for still having feelings about this a year later. but i don't need to feel that way it's ok.#ok i'm tired. goodnight#personal log#back again. reread the texts i sent to my best friend immediately after that conversation like righttt i'm not crazy that WAS mean. thank#you melanie from a year ago!
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floral-hex · 9 months
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My therapist asked if I dressed ironically and I had to assure him that no, I just really like florals
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chiropterx · 10 months
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Adding to more horror thoughts concerning Man-Bat but despite his animalistic tendancies, he is absolutely intelligent enough to lay basic traps? Man-Bat can reasonably gauge threats and plan how to deal with them accordingly, focusing on the most dangerous threat first such as whether or not they're armed with a gun or why they may he pursuing him. He may leave objects of interest (or kidnap victims) in plain view situated away from where he's hiding, giving him the perfect vantage point in which to observe the situation or launch a counter attack from.
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nyxqueenofshadows · 5 months
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so officially finished kiwami 2, majima saga aside which won't take long. ignore how this isn't a screenshot, this was easier
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i'm just gonna dump the thousand words or so of thoughts i put in my fic doc here for posterity and anyone who might get a kick out of reading them. lots and lots of messiness, vague spoilers for rgg online plus one itsy bitsy reference to the stage play
hot take that there were maybe some redeemable elements in the last bit (mainly all the times kaoru and ryuji talk to each other) but so much of it is so fucking stupid and full of HE WOULD NOT DO THAT (mainly kiryu). idk. i don’t hate it but it needed some work
interesting things learned tho, ryuji didn’t expect to live long, he says he made it further than he was expecting. as we now know from rggo, he already knew about his jingweonha connection and was actively ignoring it (which is why terada marks him for death in the first place. slot han in here?) and remembered the night where his father died (despite being like 2 at the time, at most). kiryu also reiterates that he sees nishiki in ryuji, which i think is fair (and the stage play people clearly agreed). ‘the least i can do is honour a man like that’ is an interesting attitude to have. also ryuji is like ‘i see why my sister fell fer ya’ which is not quite the japanese line (ish) but it’s also not the straightest thing he’s ever said. ryuji also very clearly would have doted on kaoru quite a lot, if they’d lived together as children or otherwise, and i really think we missed out on seeing more of them. maybe i’m just soft for that kind of thing.
i feel like a more interesting conundrum would have been both ryuji and kiryu being wounded from their fight, delaying it again (cos they’d done it once no reason not to do it again) but neither are moving the way they should and (believing the bomb is real) kaoru has to pick one to carry and one to leave behind. (maybe halfway down the stairs or smth?) it wouldn’t be especially original but it would make more sense imo. her going down the lift does nothing but slow her down (ig she has access to the controls and doesn’t use them for hashtag drama reasons) which i don’t think fundamentally changes her position that much from before the second ryuji fight. it also gives her smth to fucking do that isn’t just crying and grabbing fences and doing that dumbfuck charge that i don’t think she would have done (her gun hadn’t gone far! then again i have hindsight and am thinking clearer than she is). anyway kiryu pushes her to take ryuji (guilt over nishiki?) and locks them in the lift thingy and sends them down, fully ready to die now. his and ryuji’s wounds mirror each other but i feel like kiryu got the shorter end of the stick? plus he was shot slightly earlier so has been bleeding for longer.
i cannot say this enough, kiryu would not leave ryuji. like, he just wouldn’t. if there was even a chance he was still alive, he would make sure he got to someone or he would at least try. he’s at his most inactive in cutscenes in kiwami 2 (i think) and it’s frustrating as a player asdfghjkl
ALSO if sudo and date and haruka went to the effort of preparing and going up in that helicopter, why didn’t they also prepare a rope?? or smth to rescue people who were on top of the tower???? they clearly knew there was a bomb up there (beforehand or not is unclear but we don’t see them have a conversation about it) and want kiryu and co. to leave. (and not MAKE OUT ON A ROOFTOP they were really going at it huh, ryuji’s ?corpse? is right fucking there guys oh and goda jin’s? he sort of vanishes from that last bit)
also it would have been kind of funny if, while there was still that ten minutes, everyone sprinted for the stairs and made it down and they’re waiting for the building to blow and when it inevitably doesn’t they’re all just standing there checking their watches like is it late? did smth break? who wants to be the sucker and go check? can we call an ambulance for the two idiots? majima is down in the construction yard i think so he’d probably send nishida, maybe?
idk kiryu has no interest in kaoru to me. he treats her no differently to anyone else aside from the two times they kiss, both of which feel very out of character for him, and that romance subplot takes away any and all girlboss power kaoru had. she went from beating men up and threatening them with bokuto and shit to like, i love man, so sad. (they knew each other like a week!!!!!! and they’re dying for each other!!!! give me a break!!!!!) that’s not to detract from the awful fucking week she has of learning who her family are (some racism in there??? i’m not qualified to speak on that, maybe it’s just the gang thing, ) and then watching literally all of them die one after another. except mama, she’s fine and never appears again. it’s very much aiming for a ‘she can be a ‘woman’ (i.e. be emotional and like cute things and not try and match the locker room attitude of the men) and also take names’ but it doesn’t succeed at that at all. from kiryu’s conversation with her on their little date thing (which is cute, i’ll give it that) he was telling her to be true to herself, right? it's his go to line. which suggests that her kicking dudes in the face a lot and working incredibly hard (she’s a prodigy, in multiple fields! this doesn’t get explored enough) is NOT her true self, the one who plays with teddy bears and falls in love is. which, again, not that those two things can’t co-exist, but the game doesn’t allow them to either. just, ah. more wasted woman potential in a yakuza game. yayoi gets the same treatment :((( you gave me two step on me yakuza ladies and dropped the ball on both of them, come on guys. hopefully she gets to live a little in 8.
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bmpmp3 · 1 year
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so i’ve always been of the opinion that the whole twist ending of Drawn to Life The Next Chapter is wack as HELL but i will say it is a bit of a power move to do an “it was all a dream” ending where the person dreaming isn’t even the perspective character. just some guy
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princekirijo · 2 years
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So this is a very random question but are there any foods that Riku could easily and happily eat loads of at a time?
To explain the sudden question, my friend linked me to a video of a show with the seiyuu that was suggested to you for Riku, Nobuhiko Okumura I think his name is??? But yeah, he and a few other where doing a challenge where they had eat a desert every minute for 45 minutes and omg it was one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Like he starts off so strong (And I mean strong, this man straight up inhaled a slice of cake in two bites) and then you just slowly start to see his soul leaving his body. I would send you a link but I accidentally deleted the tab so it's gone forever... But I think the channel was called something like Abema??? If I ever find it again, I will let you know.
But yeah anyway, I was watching it and thought "why can I so easily imagine Riku doing something stupid like this?" Like he got dared to enter a competition like this so his stubbornness comes out and he has many regrets afterwards. So yeah, if he were to be talked into doing something like that, what foods would it require to persuade him? Or would it not take much persuasion at all?
And honestly? Thanks for reading my insane ramblings, this was probably one of the dumbest things you've ever had to read so thanks for taking the time ✌️
OK first off thank you for sending me this, I absolutely ADORE when anyone asks/talks to me about Riku no matter how dumb they might think it is because as we all know I love my little scrunky and the fact that y'all come up/think about fun scenarios or facts or whatever with him makes my day so again thank you!!!
SECOND to be honest Riku is a real foodie so he's very much one of those "I'll eat anything" kinda people. I haven't really thought about any specific food he loves (although I could see him really liking cheese lol) he absolutely adores his mom's cooking and always asks for seconds. In terms of desserts and treats though I feel like he's a cookie guy :]
Third HELP I LOVE THAT IDEA SO MUCH?? I can imagine it really wouldn't take much to convince because as I said he's a foodie and he has a sweet tooth so of course he would be down for something as ridiculous as that 💀. A scenario that is starting to form in my head is like: Riku happily says that he would eat any kind of dessert and Akiren is like "oh really 👀 I don't believe you" and Riku is like "alright bet give me some desserts and let's do this". I can also imagine Ann would take part in the challenge because she is more chaotic than people think (also Riku brings out that side in her) AND she's totally doing it out of solidarity for one of her best friends and not so she has an excuse to eat as much desserts as she likes 💀. Either way both of them and their stomachs are regretting it big time but hey they had fun 💀
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inkskinned · 1 year
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it's been said before and i'm sure said better than i can phrase it. but really, really - if you like making "i'm going to kill myself" jokes, please try switching to being ironically conceited instead.
anytime something goes wrong, say things like "ah well at least i'm beautiful and charming and everyone loves me." when you forget something, try "my big huge brain is so smart and thinking about too many other very big wizardly thoughts you wouldn't even understand." when you're frustrated by one of your symptoms, start talking like you're in My Immortal. "Life has come for me but my eyes are beautiful pools of gorgeous fire and my hair is amazing. I stuck my middle finger up at life and told it to fuck off and it did."
just... try it for a month or two. try saying the most absurdly self-congratulatory shit you can think of.
i know it's tempting to make suicide or self-harm jokes. and for me at least, a decade ago (!) when someone suggested i stop making those kinds of jokes, i was kind of at a loss for what to replace them with. i wanted to make light of these moments, but genuinely (at the time) my first thought really was suicidal ideation. there was a part of me that even felt like ... i was kind of "making light" of that voice. that if i could say i want to die lol, it would help take the sting out of that genuine (albeit passive) desire. like i could turn my illness into a joke.
when i started complimenting myself instead, it felt awkward and stupid. it felt really, really ironic. what i was actually saying was nobody would ever think this stuff about me, that's what makes it so fucking funny.
but. the effect was immediate. first thing i noticed was the people around me. when i dropped a glass and said ah my skin is too beautiful and sleek the glass has swooned and broken for me, other people were suddenly overjoyed to jump in with the joke. rather than making an awkward moment, we'd both start cracking up. ah princess sleek hands, i've heard of you.
i was 19. i hadn't noticed i'd been making others tense when i said i want it all to end. i know now that it's incredibly hard to know how to walk that moment - do you talk to them about your concern? do you potentially make them uncomfortable by asking if they're okay? do you ignore the situation? do you help them pick up the glass, or do they need to do it by themselves? are they genuinely made suicidal over this small moment? and most importantly, how do you - without professional training or supplies - actually help?
most people want to help you pick up the glass in your life, they just have no fucking idea how to do it. they don't want to make anything worse. they don't want to make assumptions about you. they love you, they're scared for you - and being scared makes people kind of freeze up. it's not because they don't love you. it's because they do.
now when something bad happens, my first thought is how can i make a stupid joke about this. it isn't my brain saying you're a dumb fucking bitch. i spend more time laughing. i spend more time being gentle with myself. i spend more time feeling good.
and the thing is - what's kind of funny - is that you'd be surprised by how many people agree with you. the first time i said i'm too pretty to understand that, someone else said to be fair you're the prettiest person in this room. i promise - you really don't know how kindly your friends see you. but they love you for a reason. they sort of reverse-velveteen-rabbit you. your weird and ugly spots fade away and you just become... the love they want to give you.
go love yourself ironically. the worst thing that happens is that you end up tricking your reflection into actually loving you.
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rhys-ravenfeather · 9 months
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A moment of silence for the days where I could actually come up with creative/clever titles for my fanfic chapters.
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jyoongim · 1 month
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Heyyy, it’s me again, the singer anon. Can I request an Alastor x Reader where she is sent by as a spy by Vox after our fav slithery boy failed? She’s really bubbly and friendly, but she eventually grows to care for everyone in the hotel but Vox owns her soul. She torn in between getting herself killed by him and not betraying anyone anymore, or continuing the job. She goes and confesses to Alastor, breaking down and thinking he’ll kill her, which she thinks would be best so she doesn’t have to betray anyone anymore. Just breaking down in tears telling him she doesn’t want to hurt anyone but Vox has her under a contract, begging him to kill her so she doesn’t have to. Just for Alastor to call her a good girl and ughhhh some possessive smut if you don’t mind? Sorry brain rots in my head and I’m in love with him, lol. Thank you! <3 also the three requests story set off the trigger in my head, loved it! Thanks again! <3!
This been in my inbox for weeks and i finally got a plot for it!
⚠️warning: 18+! Smut smut smut! Plot if you look hard enough!
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No one suspected a thing.
You were sent to the Hazbin Hotel after Sir Pentious miserable attempt.
Your orders were simple: ”Keep an eye out on that old fossil. I want to know why that fucker is sucking up the Lucifer’s daughter”
And you did just that…you were executing your mission flawlessly.
Until you began to care about those who stayed at the hotel.
Until you began to grow closer to the Radio Demon.
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You had been staying at the hotel for a few months now and its been great!
Charlie was always finding new ways to help the residents build bonds and encouraging everyone to do their best.
At first, you were arrogant, playing along until you actually saw the the demons there were actually changing even if they didn’t admit it
But now, you thought of the princess as a friend, along with everyone else.
Especially Alastor.
Now that you’ve been around him, you’re not sure why Vox hate the demon so much.
Alastor was funny, kind (in his own twisted way), and truly looked after the hotel.
A soft smile curled on your lips as you thought about the demon, but the ringing of your phone interrupted such thoughts.
Vox.
You took a deep breath and answered “H-Hello?”
”Tonight’s your chance to take out that prick and after that come home” he demanded.
You blinked “what? B-but Vox…” you bit your lips “But it’s actually nice here. The hotel isn’t a scam…a-and everyone is a lot nicer than we thought ” Vox laughed “Oh baby please! Nice? You actually believe in that redemption crap? You think that they’ll let you stay if they knew why you truly were there? Hahaha! Oh my dumb little girl, how naive you are. ” 
You pouted, a frown on your face “I want to stay”
Vox growled through the phone “ah ah baby you don’t make demands remember?” 
Electrical shocks ran through your body from the collar you wore.
You gasped in pain “I OWN you. Did you forget that? You do whatever I say when I say it. Now I expect you home before morning or I will kill you.”
The phone call ended and you were in tears.
You didn’t want to go back. 
You liked being at the hotel and able to be yourself. 
You liked the friends you had made here.
You would do anything for them, even if you had to die to make your wrongs right.
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“Come in” the voice answered after you knocked on the door. You were sweating as you stood outside of Alastor’s door.
You had decided that if you were going to tell anyone why you were at the hotel, it would be Alastor.
You opened the door and walked into his radio studio.
”Hey Al” you said weakly as the demon spun around and smiled at you “Hello darlin! What do I owe the pleasure?”
You fiddled with your hands.
”I want to tell you why I came to the hotel”
Alastor quirked a eyebrow, smile widening as he gestured for you to take a seat on the couch.
”Do entertain me of your tale my dear”
You were in tears by the time you finished telling Alastor everything.
Of Vox and his plan.
The deal between you and Vox.
The reason you came to the hotel.
Everything.
”I-I’m sorry! So so sorry! I-I just didn’t know what to do!
Kill me! I deserve it! J-Just let me say my goodbyes first. I would rather you kill me than Vox! Please!” You cried, hands covering your face as you sobbed.
Alastor had been quiet for the entirety of your confession. He had half a mind to kill you when you told him of your deal with Vox.
The pesky television didn’t know when to mind his business.
His eyes focused on the collar around your neck.
 You were Vox’s and by contract, he wasn’t allowed to kill you.
And he wasn’t. No he had grown accustom to the pretty demon who seemed to light the hotel’s halls.
However…he could override Vox’s ownership of your soul.
You flinched when you felt a large hand pat the top of your head. You looked up through teary eyes ay Alastor, who just sported a soft smile.
”Now now my dear don’t you worry. I appreciate that you came to and confided in me. What a good girl you are.” His smile stretched as you sniffled, looking at him with glossy eyes.
”Y-Youre not g-gonna k-kill me?” You asked looking down.
He chuckled as he tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, claws finding their way under your chin to make you look at him
He rolled his eyes ”Oooh my dear of course not…” His fingers trailed down your neck, toying with your collar. “But I am in a bit of predicament”
You wiped at your eyes “how so?”
“Under normal circumstances, I would rip you to shreds and broadcast your screams for all of Hell to hear” his pupils turned to dials and his smiled turned wicked. You felt your heart stop a little.
He calmed down slightly “however I have another idea to break your deal with Vox” 
He smiled at you as you tilted your head in confusion.
”I know just the thing hehehe”
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You whimpered as you tried to hold yourself up against the force of Alastor’s thrusts. “A-Al!” You whined as the demon tugged your hair to pull your body into his. A deep growl vibrated through you as Alastor sunk into your weeping heat, his cock hitting that soft spot inside you.
“Fuuuucckk!” You hissed, eyes rolling into your skull as your body buzzed with pleasure.
Alastor pulled your body til your back was flushed against his chest, his sharp teeth nipped at your skin before latching on and marking you. You winced as his tongue lapped at the blood, he purred as trailed his tongue up your neck.
”To think Vox had such a sweet cunt all to himself. Ooh darlin you’re wasted on him. But you’ll be a good girl for me wont you? You seem to love having a real cock fucking you” he chortled, giving you a harsh thrust. His hips grinded up into your ass, coaxing your cunt to take every inch over and over.
Your gummy walls tightened around him as you whined at his words. You could barely focus on what he was saying, not giving two shits either as he bullied your insides.
”I-I can be a good girl please please oh fuck! Aah! Aah!” You whined. Alastor’s large hands trailed up your body; kneading, pawing, and squeezing at your supple flesh. Pausing at your bouncing tits to tweak your hardened nipples, sending currents to your abandoned clit.
“I know you will baby” 
He nudges his head into yours, to gain your attention and capture your lips with his, swallowing your moans as one of his hands moves down to toy with your puffy clit.
Your body jerked as he rubbed tight circles on the bud; your cunt fluttering as slick dripped down your thighs.
”Ill make a deal with you darlin” he whispered against your lips, lidded eyes staring into yours, as you mewled, wanting his tongue back down your throat. 
“I keep this little mishap under wraps and in return you belong to me. Youre free to do whatever your heart but im no pushover m,a cherie.”
His thrusts sped up as he pinched your clit.
You keened, pushing your hips back into his, trying to follow the motion of his fingers, seeking to reach your orgasm.
”Do we have a deal?” He purred never breaking his pace.
Your collar let out blue sparks, Vox’s way of ‘reinforcing’ his control over you. You whimpered as the shocks edged you, but Alastor let out a deep growl as he wrapped his claws around the collar.
”Do we have a deal?” A snap of his hips pulled a moan from your throat.
”oh! Yes! Yes! F-fuuuc-cckk”
Static ran through your body causing you to jerk as your orgasm washed over you, your collar fizzled out as Alastor’s cock pounded your cunt, riding your orgasm out.
The wet SQUELCH! Of your cunt echoed as high pitched whines left your throat. 
“That’s a good girl. Cummin all over my cock. Feels better than that robot huh? Yeeesss fuck! Take my cum darlin take it”
Your eyes crossed as your mouth opened in a scream. Alastor crashed his lips on yours, tongue pushing through your lips and pulling you into a heated kiss as he pumped you full of his cum.
Alastor let out a sigh as he slipped out of you, cock coated in creamy essence and smiling as he watched your cunt clench around nothing and dripping cum.
In your dazed state, you faintly heard a snap and a cool sensation coated your neck.
Instead of the sapphire jeweled collar, a gold chained ruby hung from your neck.
Alastor hummed as he rubbed your tired body, smiling wickedly as he slotted back into your soppy heat. You moaned softly as he rolled his hips against you.
”now lets send that mediocre podcast a proper video”
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princeofyorkshire · 1 year
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god i miss my recurring anons. those were fun times
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snowsinterlude · 4 months
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melted snowflake.
(coriolanus x plinth!reader)
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summary: coriolanus never thought he would fall into his own trap. his plan wasn't falling for you. no, it was the contrary, he was supposed to use you. but god, you were so perfect for him.
based on this ask!
c.w: snow being a bit of a jerk, manipulation, jealousy, plinth reader x coriolanus snow, snow being head over heels with you, fluff (?)
you were a district girl, of course. your parents made sure to take that out of your head, but you couldn't simply forget about everything you lived in the districts. you were a child, but it didn't mean you were dumb or blind not to caught up on the things surrounding you.
the first time you saw snow was when your father met panem's president and left you to play on the kindergarden with your brother, sejanus. of course, it didn't go as planned when you were pushed away by a random kid and he protected you and your brother.
of course, after that, he never talked to you guys. a snow is not supposed to talk nor look at poverty with kindness. that's what his grandma'am taught him.
with this being explained, neither him nor his grandma'am expected your family to get richer than the snows, but after his father's death it was only natural they would be poor.
"y/n?" he approached you, now at the academy. he was a beautiful young man, often obtained your attention because of how much praise he recoeved from teachers and others. even though you were rich now, of course you wouldn't fit in as well as he did. not when you and your brother disagreed with everything the capitol kids stood for. "i'm sorry to interrupt you, but the teacher assigned us to do our assignment together." it was a lie. you could tell right away.
but why not see where he'll go with this?
well, that's what you decided to do. every lie he told you made you want to slap him from how dumb he seemed to think you were.
everyday you would caught him staring at you, at your eyes. stealing glances, stealing everything he could from you. hearing your voice was turning out to be the best moments of his days. but you knew deep in your heart that he was taking you for stupid. you were a girl, smaller than him, more soft looking than him, and he thought it was adorable.
but snow, being a snow, had something other than that silly feelings in his body. plans that didn't go as planned when you slapped his face hard, the red print kf your hand on his white skin being visible.
"hey! what are you-?" you interrupted him.
"look, i allowed you to go as far as lie to me about everything, even what others had to say to me. but i will not allow you to say anything about feelings, snow. this isn't funny. this is sick, and twisted. to think you want to have whatever i want so much that you would go as far as say you love me makes me sick." you said, and he blinked his eyes quickly, dumbly looking at you.
"ah, c'mon. don't look at me like that. you really thought i would believe you when you said clemencia hated me? man, she doesn't even know my name!" you kept going, and he gasped a feel times, his hand touching the place you slapped. "stop coming after me."
and you were gone, just like that. everything snow had planned for you both had gone down the drain while you walked away from him.
and after that, he tried to talk to you. he truly did. but you were always so far away from him, and when you caught a glimpse of him walking your way, you would always exit whatever place you were entering.
"man, what you did to the plinth girl? she's running from you like the devil runs from a cross." festus said, watching you exit the library the moment he stood up from the desk they were in.
"i don't know," he said, but he knew what he did to you. he knew he was wrong. and god, the ache he felt on his chest when he saw you laughing at a joke some body made to you was unberable.
that's when he noticed it. that's when he noticed he liked you, more than he planned to. you were supposed to be his accessory, his pretty ornament on the shelf, used when needed to. but now? ah, you had him at your bare feet and you didn't even knew, and if you did, you didn't care.
it was his fault, of course. he didn’t need to tell you that clemencia hated your guts, or that festus was betting that he could fuck you till the end of the year when you said he was pretty, or anything before and after that.
and thinking of that, he had a white bouquet of roses on his hand, provided by his grandma'am when he said he needed to apologize to the prettiest girl he had ever seen. mentally rehearsing his apology and what he would say, he didn’t even notice when he was already at your door, nervously knocking.
you were rich. why was it you the one who answered the door? god, if you were his wife in a near future, you wouldn't even need to move your hands to eat a grape and-
slam!
you closed the door right when you saw the white bouquet on his hand and the ashamed face he had on.
"y/n!" he called you, knocking on the door and pressing the bell of your house multiple times. it was so loud, so irritating, that you opened the door again.
"god, what the hell do you want?!" you asked, angrily frowning at him.
"you," he said. "please, i'm sorry. i-i didn't took you for stupid- you're actually the smartest girl i've seen in the academy, and the prettiest too, and i'm so sorry for being a douchebag to you but i wasn't planning on-" he stopped talking, gulping down.
"planning on what? being a jerk? a liar? a manipulator? a-"
"on falling in love." he said.
"there he goes again." you said, rolling your eyes.
"y/n, i'm serious!"
"prove me." you said, crossing your arms. and he fell on his knees at your feet, placing the roses delicately on your ground. "i'm sorry. i think love is a weakness, i am not used to feeling it- nor any kind of affection towards others but- i can't stand the sight of you, the thought of you being with anyone that isn't me, please-"
ah, how cute. anyone who saw coriolanus at your feet right now would be surprised, his grandma'am would go nuts, saying that snow's are supposed to be on top and not on the bottom of some district girl's feet. but he didn’t mind. he needed to do it. if being on his knees was the only way to get back at you, fuck it. he would be.
"get up." you said, looking away. he obeyed you promptly, eyes looking at you with hope. "that's your last chance, coriolanus." he nodded, almost falling on his knees to kiss your feet.
well, within the span time of seven months, you both were dating. but it didn't change much, coriolanus was always, and i mean always ready to get on his knees for you. he was a sucker for you, even if he was all high and mighty with others, with you, he was a melted snowflake. and he was fine with it.
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beloved-daydreams · 7 months
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Jurdan gets funnier and funnier the more you think about them and realize how much of a big loser both of them are when it comes to love.
Mfs get married to supposedly "form a trustworthy alliance" -> Cardan exiles Jude the next day to impress her, because apparently his rizz disappears when it truly matters 💀 -> Jude takes it seriously, stays in the human world for months and is salty af -> Cardan cries himself to sleep and writes pathetic little letters to her. Like wow you did that to yourself you dumb bitch 😭
And don't get me STARTED on their dumbass confessions. Cardan's was, I'm pretty sure, 80% on a whim. Like, maybe he had prepared the words in his mind but he didn't plan to confess to her right then and there at such a bad time. Says "well you probably already guessed as much" at the end then RUNS AWAY probably because he's overwhelmed and Jude is left standing there like???? No I fucking didn't guess you liked me lmao??? I'm dumb af bro, should've been this direct from the start :')
And Jude's is also hilarious because she says it kind of hurriedly as soon as they're alone, since she had promised herself to tell him the first moment they get together. Girlie confesses and CARDAN DOESN'T BELIEVE HER 😭 so homegirl has to EXPLAIN in DETAILS when she thinks she started to fall for him, why she started to like him, why she believed he didn't like her and why she felt the need to hide it. And ONLY after that whole ass explanation Cardan's finally like "omg!!! You liked me because I'm clever and funny?!?? Omgggg..."
Those fuckers were really married for months before fumbling their way through awkward confessions because they can't indulge in the thought that the other likes them. Like they were legit EMBARRASSED to admit that they like eachother while being MARRIED. Please this is so unserious, get real.
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dotster001 · 1 year
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Hello! I really liked your fanfic about mistletoe and I would like to submit my application. Can you write what type of girl the characters in the twisted wonderland like?
What Kind of Girl they Like
Summary: Fem! Reader What girl the twisted wonderland boys say they will fall for, versus who they will be attracted to.
CW: Fem! Reader, some of the boys are assholes with their answers, it's explained away in the who they end up with section, so take it with a grain of salt, also these are just my opinions. If you don't agree that's ok!
A/n:it is truly humbling how few of these I actually fit the description of 😭 also, feel free to send in an ask if you want the staff and non nrc boys, or a masc. Reader version (there are some differences for some of them for a male lover)
Masc Version gn! Version
Heartslaybul 
Ace Trappola
What he says
"I dunno, she'd have a great bod and make me sandwiches. Kidding! Sevens, don't glare at me like that, I was just messing with ya! She's probably smart, and sweet as sugar, and let's me get into trouble. And a great bod wouldn't hurt- hey don't throw stuff at me!"
Who he ends up with
Ace is going to be naturally attracted to a girl he can "bring out the worst in."  She probably starts out shy and quiet, then Ace adopts her into his friend group, and now they are sassing each other back and forth. She calls him out on his bullshit, and fights against his teasing with teasing of her own. But she also takes care of him when he's down. He's hiding a lot of insecurity under his cool guy exterior, so if she lets him snuggle, and lets him whine, and then whispers how much she loves him, he'll be a happy man. Also, side note, he's fine if you like sports, but if you know nothing about basketball, it means he gets to look really good when you come to his games. Just saying….
Deuce Spade
What he says
"Huh, I've never really thought about it. Um, I guess she's nice and funny, and isn't scared of my past. I'd also want her to be a little like you, Y/N….not that I like you! Well, I like you, not like like you, shit I'm sorry! This isn't sounding any better…"
Who he ends up with
He really means it when he says he wants someone like you. You're one of his first friends, and, in his mind, the person you date/marry should be your best friend. But if it's not you he ends up with, he will probably be attracted to a girl who's book smart, but less street smart. A little "dumb" like him, in a cute kind of way. He likes a cuddler, and maybe a girl who is shorter than him so that he can feel like he's swallowing her whole when he wraps his arms around her. Also, someone who encourages him and helps him with his homework/paperwork. 
Riddle Rosehearts
What he says
"I don't have time for a relationship right now….but I think I want someone well behaved who follows the rules- what are you smirking at? Just because you're a rule breaker doesn't mean every girl is. I'd also like her to be in the medical profession. You know, someone who works the same profession as me so we have similar interests."
Who he ends up with
As much as he hates to admit it…he's attracted to rule breakers. Not as bad as Ace obviously, he's not trying to go gray early. But if she says something like "let's have a non herbal tea" when it's time for only herbal tea…damn what a rush. By the time he gets serious with someone, he'll be confident enough in himself to cut ties with his mother, so she has to be strong willed, and willing to live off of a low budget for a while.  He'll need someone understanding, who knows he'll have relapses and be too much and too angry sometimes, and she has to be understanding of that, and encouraging of improvement, or he'll live with guilt for the rest of his life. 
Trey Clover
What he says
"Someone who's willing to settle down and grow fat and old with me. You're laughing, but I'm going to be running my parents bakery, and feeding people is my love language. Speaking of, you better finish off that slice of cake before the others steal it."
Who he ends up with
Trey isn't that picky. He really means it when he says he wants someone to get old and fat with. That's his dream. Running a bakery with his wife by his side, and growing old together as your own kids grow up and bring home their own spouses. But he also wants a girl he can blindside with his sadistic side. Someone who'll enjoy that side of him, but also someone who easily forgets it's there. It makes things more fun for him.
Cater Diamond
What he says
"Ha ha someone trendy and totes hot. Someone totally cammable. Aw, are you jealous? Don't worry, you'll always be my fave girlie, even if you're not the girl I love."
Who he ends up with
Cater wants someone who won't disappear when he looks away. Yes, if she's "cammable" that's the first thing he's looking for, but when all is said and done, if she seems like she's going to be flaky, he won't take it too seriously either, as a defense mechanism. He needs a girl with mental endurance, because he's going to spend the beginning of the relationship trying to scare her off. Not that he wants to, he just needs to know he won't be left alone like he usually is. He is going to be attracted to a girl who humors his trends and magicam addiction, but who also sees through him. Someone balanced.  She sees the real Cay Cay, but she's also willing to be his "trophy wife" online.
Savannaclaw
Jack Howl
What he says
"Oh, I uh, well someone who can keep up on a run with me I guess…"
Who he ends up with
Jack says he wants someone who can work out with him. And he would really be happy if he had a girl who was as active as him…but he'd also be happy with a curvy girl. He gets blushy thinking about holding someone soft and plush against his firm muscles. But he's flexible. In the end he won't choose his future wife based on appearance and activity. Wolf beastmen mate for life, so the main thing he is looking for is loyalty. Loyalty, and someone who would want to raise lots of kids with him. As long as you have those two traits, nothing else really matters to him.
Ruggie Bucchi
What he says
"Girlfriends are expensive, shihihi. Tell you what, you find me a lady with sticky fingers, and we'll eat the rich together."
Who he ends up with
This is a deflection. Ruggie loves the idea of a busy business wife, while he is a trophy househusband, cooking and cleaning for his high powered  lady. He wants a strong woman who will scratch his ears and tell him he did such a good job! Then he'll draw her a bath, and massage her feet as she tells him about her day, then they'll snuggle and make out until they fall asleep…that's the dream anyway. He can be a little worker bee until you rise through the ranks, which you will, Ruggie has absolute faith in you. You guys can rob people early on if you have to. In short…Ruggie wants a dommish woman who will call him a good boy and keep him well fed.
Leona Kingscholar
What he says
"Body pillow"
"That's not-"
"Body pillow"
Who he ends up with
He's going to be attracted to a strong woman who whips his ass into shape. Someone who says, "Hey bitch, you're going to therapy, cause I love you and want you to be happy!" And then she actually makes him go. And when he does go, she rewards him with snuggles, and soft kisses. He wants a woman who's never scared of him, who's self assured, and is certain and vocal about her feelings for him.
Also, she has to accept that nighttime is when she's a body pillow. That's an absolute must.
Octavinelle
Azul Ashengrotto
What he says
"Why do you wish to know? Are you attempting to reach my standards? Ha ha, let's see. A woman who is ethereal, who is willing to dress stunningly, and sit in my lap when I make deals, so that competitors can see what a high value man I am."
Who he ends up with
If that didn't make you want to throw up 🤢. He'll be attracted to someone who makes him feel beautiful in subtle ways. He knows how easy it is to spin a verbal web of lies. But there's some things you can't fake. Like allowing someone to rest on your lap, and caressing their hair. Or squeezing someone's hand gently when you have to let go. Or pressing a kiss to someone's cheek after you help them straighten their outfit. It's the soft romantic moments that'll speak to Azul when he finds his love. Aside from that, he's not looking for anything in particular. Just someone who makes him feel loved and beautiful.
Jade Leech
What he says
"Fu fu who's to say? Perhaps you are the woman of my dreams. Or not."
Who he ends up with
She's a woman who can see through him. She's someone who never compares him or confuses him for his twin. She's smart. Very smart. She eats his mushrooms and goes on hikes with him. She is patient with Floyd. What Jade is looking for….is female Jade. Someone like that is the only one who can truly keep up with him.
Floyd Leech
What he says
"Aw Shrimpy! Are you worried? Don't worry, whoever she is, I'll still squeeze ya!"
Who he ends up with
He's looking for someone fun. That's his only criteria. At least that's what he says. He can't be sure if he loves her because she's fun, or if she's fun because he loves her. In that sense, it's sort of a soulmate situation for Floyd. Whatever will be will be. He'll just know. 
Also she has to be squeezable. 
Scarabia
Kalim al Asim
What he says
"I love everybody!"
"But-"
"Have some of this ice cream, it's amazing!"
Who he ends up with
He wants someone he can spoil, but he doesn't know that. It's something in his subconscious. He doesn't want things in exchange either. So she has to be someone who is okay with being spoiled, and doesn't feel guilty about it. He's going to be attracted to someone who loves life like him, but also helps to keep him grounded. And if she has a spark of danger in her, oh man, he'll be simping so hard. 
Jamil Viper
What he says
"I'm not going to even think about it until my freedom is assured. Kalim has promised, but it would be irresponsible to force someone into servitude with me."
Who he ends up with
Jamil is going to be attracted to a hard worker. Someone who's dedicated, and slightly serious. He's also looking for a girl who will see how hard he works, and pampers him from time to time. He's never been in charge of anything, so he likes being the boss of the household. Not that he doesn't see her as an equal! On the contrary, he wants his marriage to be a partnership. But the idea of having somewhere where he is king is definitely something he likes. She can rule the house from as well. They can split the time they rule over the household. They'll take turns being served and pampered.
Pomefiore
Epel Felmier
What he says
"Um, she knows I'm the boss. Wait, that came out misogynistic, sorry I jus mean she knows I'm manly and can support her an all that."
Who he ends up with
He says he wants a cutsie tiny housewife, so that he can be the manly man at the manliest job for mans. He really will be attracted to any girl who doesn't doubt his masculinity, nor call him cute. Someone who tells him that they feel safe and secure with him. He says he wants a short wife. But he's fine with any size or shape as long as she sees him as someone who can care for her. 
Rook Hunt
What he says
"Mademoiselle trickster, I can find beauty in every woman."
Who he ends up with
What he says is actually true. He can and will fall in love with every kind of woman. It's hard to say who he will tie himself to, in the end. It'll be someone who he heavily bonds with and imprints on. It's a lot like with Floyd. Essentially a soulmate situation.
Vil Schoenheit
What he says
"Hm. Why do you want to know, potato? I suppose she's professional, and beautiful, and cares about her image enough that she doesn't cause a scandal."
Who he ends up with
The thing about Vil is, he's not that far off from Rook in his take on beauty. He doesn't so much believe in conventional beauty, or societal beauty standards. He knows everyone has an individual definition of health and beauty. When he says he's looking for a beautiful woman, he's looking for someone who's willing to reach her full potential. Or, more accurately, to allow him to help her reach her full potential. Vil never admits it, but he adores pampering and styling people. His love language is helping people look their best. So if she's someone who knows herself enough to know what style she likes, he'll appreciate it, and take up the mantle of doing the hard work, ie making outfits, styling hair and makeup, formulating skin care etc. TLDR, he wants a confident self possessed woman he can dress like a doll, and show off.
Ignihyde
Idia Shroud
What he says
"-------------" mutes ipad.
In his head, he doesn't think any woman would ever love him. But his dream woman is a sexy anime cat girl.
Who he ends up with
What he'll be attracted to is someone who is patient, speaks at a reasonable volume, and is assertive enough to make him leave his room. Essentially, winning Idia's heart is a siege. You'll have to starve him out. That's the patience bit. The reasonable volume comes from him being easily scared by loud noises. Assertive enough to make him leave his room…well that speaks for itself. He wants to believe he can be part of the outside world, and the girl he will fall for will be willing to show it to him.
Diasomnia
Sebek Zigvolt
What he says
"She is someone of noble bearing, who shall help me defend my liege!"
Who he ends up with
He'll fall for a woman who is stronger, mentally, physically, etc., than him. A woman who can put him in his place. A woman who speaks, and it makes him shut up, and sit pretty. She's assertive, and can come off as abrasive to others but to Sebek? Sevens, he'd die for a smidgen of her affection.
Silver
What he says
"I don't think it's worth it to try and define the girl I'll fall in love with. There are so many wonderful women, and my father always told me that love is the greatest mystery in this world. Who's to say who I'll fall in love with?"
Who he ends up with
Silver will fall for someone soft. The entire romance will be soft. Soft caresses in the moonlight. Soft kisses in the morning. Soft fingers gently intertwining.  She'll be empathetic about his sleep condition, never blaming him since it's not his fault. She'll be gentle with his animal friends. She'll be sweet and kind and the very image of a Disney Princess. I'm picturing Aurora, actually. How ironic.
Lilia Vanrouge
What he says
"Fu Fu Fu wouldn't you like to know."
Who he ends up with
Lilia can and has fallen for every kind of woman. He's lived a long time. He's had the time to romance lots of women.  What he'd probably fall for in this stage of his life, is someone he can tease, and play around with, but who is also ready to settle down a little bit. Someone who enjoys the little things in life. He's getting a little old. He wants to build onto his family that he already has. Silver can stand to have three or ten more siblings, right?
Malleus Draconia
What he says
"You."
Who he ends up with
You.
....
Tag list-@shytastemakerthing @stygianoir @leonia0 @lleoll @eccedentesiast-sapphic
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