#kind of like dissociation but i know its not that

[musashi]

the hardest part about being a former compulsive liar is that i meet another compulsive liar and cannot stand them because i'm the only bitch in the room they haven't fooled. so i just sit there saying nothing and nodding along and pretending i believe them because what do you even do. besides be embarrassed and annoyed

#wordy wendy #i thought it would get better when i left high school #but i still meet a tons because yknow. neurodivergence #a lot of the 'might genuinely be dissociating and not realize it' variety to #which i guess doesn't really count but #mostly i meet the kinds that are REALLY good at convincing themselves of their lies #like really really good at it. tricking their brains into believing it #(i was also that flavour) #and i dont know what it is but just. the aura of it all lingers around them. its SO painful for me to sit with

[jewishfalin]

Why do so many psychiatrists love to gaslight. Okay, Hannibal Lecture.

If I had a nickel for every time a psychiatrist straight up told me lies I would have too fucking many and that's a problem.

#like first a psychiatrist tells me my seizures r psychological BECAUSE of my history of Forbidden Disorder and anxiety #and then they get worse and its clearly epilepsy and im on meds now and my condition was neglected bc a misdiagnosis based on stigma #and then now im like hey so i am still struggling with Forbiden Dissociative Disorder can i get some resources or a mf therapist rec #and this psych straight up tells me DID isn't a diagnosis anymore (I FOUND NO EVIDENCE OF THIS CLAIM BTW) #AND tells me my amnesia is bc of seizures.... LIKE I LIVE IN MY BODY AND U HAVE LITERALLY ONLY SPOKEN TO ME VIA PHONE #IDK I THINK I KNOW MYSELF A LITTLE MORE THAN YOU DO FUCKING JEFF #and i know the mf difference between switching and and HAVING A SEIZURE like??? #those r very different things. like ik theres different kinds of seizures but for ME theres just no comparing theyre 2 different things😭 #there is a clear difference between me collapsing and becoming unresponsive on the floor like a fish outta water #and me telling people to call me a different name and having completely separate identities that others notice. and i cant remember #and like ive dealt with it all long enough that I'm aware and can communicate w my alters n stuff and i have to to function #and for YEARS since highschool its been like. i talk to professionals and theyre like hm yea u basically would meet all requirements #however u might as well not get diagnosed bc no one wants to deal w that. #LIKE IVE LITERALLY BEEN TOLD THAT MULTIPLE TIMES ALMOST EXACT WORDS #and i hate how i know fake claiming being a public thing has rlly fucked w peoples perception of did n stuff #idk im so fuckin pissed man. reverting to my will graham era i fucking guess

[mingirn]

seasonal depression 0… mars 1

#every single post on here im like ’’im going through it’’ and i know its getting annoying but #im going through it 😂 #i want it to be april so bad so i can get my old job back #this winter has been so miserable. mental illness is at an all time low and my mom is at an all time worst (she is not kind to me) #and both my grandparents have faced health issues #and im in a constant state of dissociation/paranoia/derealization/depersonalisation #ive been having such a hard time reaching out to ppl or responding to things #its so bad. its all so bad. well #this wasnt supposed to be a vent i was just gonna show u guys that i started learning crochet like 3-4 days ago and i made this bookmark - #and this star :)

[rttenboy]

god i'm so confused

#i've been showing more dissociative symptoms recently #and it's probably because moving and living alone in a quiet place is triggering me #but i keep #feeling like someone else is in my body with me #i'll try to speak but it's not me speaking and its not my words #it doesnt sound like me #my handwriting changes #theres #more #but i just #dont know what to do #mentioned osdd to my psychiatrist when i saw him last n he was kinda dismissive and convinced that the dissociation is just bc of past traum #but osdd is a specific kind of dissociation caused by trauma? which i have plenty of lol #i don't know #it's so fucking weird and i feel like i'm slowly losing my mind #i can't find any answers #i just want to know what's going on #i'm scared to join any spaces for multiples to ask questions because it isn't their job to help me #but i need help so bad #this is really scaring me #dissociation #dissociation cw

[pebbledrat]

saalarinas, I want your opinions on something.

What did saal!Ranboo think the stakes were for saying no to Tubbo at any point in the roadtrip and/or how has that changed in the last 90k words?

#see i personally subscribe to the notion that he was probably at least partly dissociating when he initially agreed to be the driver #but then after that its like. there's social stakes of speaking up and being awkward. or of making tubbo upset when he's had no issue #with ranboo at all so far. #or like! does it feel like the options are black and white? go on a cross country roadtrip during the work week OR leave tubbo to starve #tubbo's shown that he trusts easily (if they're not-strangers) and that he doesn't care about traffic safety #like. is there a moral obligation to stick around and keep him from running into traffic? to keep him from hitchhiking with someone worse? #also like. tubbo is absolutely enamored with this vision he has of ranboo. of ''ranboo''. tubbo offers affection and vulnerability #and accepts the same from ranboo! #ranboo's found someone who's ready to be very emotionally involved with him without ranboo really having to do the work upfront #getting to know him and going through the awkward phases of becoming close to someone #like. is it enticing to have the end result on a silver platter? #or even like? escapism! ranboo was in a motel when we found him. doing who knows what. #what are these work calls he's dodging? what person under 20 can afford that kind of hotel room? #what is it about his job that has ranboo crossing multiple state lines with a stranger to put it out of his mind for just a little bit? #i need more brainstorming i need to know what the people think #saal #pebble speaks

[thunderparadox]

#a bit of pula 🫀 #thats why i havent been active #my man and i went to pula primarily to see arctic monkeys in concert #i think i was dissociating bc the whole thing felt absolutely unreal #but like in a good way #now im in that post goal depression u know ive been looking forward to this trip and concert since last november #and so having achieved that im kind of back to not... having a definitive life goal #the main reason for me staying alive in 2022 has literally been this trip so its definitely a heavy comedown #heavy stuff huh #anyways i had a great time i wish we had a chance to smoke there but we didnt want to risk carrying shit across the border and we didnt rly #feel comfortable enough to ask around since most people were tourists too #anywho!!! alex turner looks younger than he did in 2018 i said what i said #oh also we got to see tame impala and im so sorry altcore girlies but theyre boring as fuck if ure listenin to them sober #yeah anyway #pula #istria #croatia #trip #roadtrip #vacation #madonna #virgin mary #gold #church #bottles #bottle #aesthetic #mine #photography #edits

[sooptea]

Thinking about how i had a not zero amount of symptoms that i never told adults about while i was a child. And now i just spend the foreseeable future not know what's wrong with me

#i had frequent vertigo as a kid. i dont think ive had as big of a problem now as an adult but i havent paid attention #i also had palinopisa episodes often as a kid and teen that i literally never told anyone about #i think the one thing that ik for sure still happens that stresses me out but is that #i will just...randomly have like some kind of dissociative amnesia #like ive been in multiple friendships where i am actively talking to the person frequently and i just. forget everything about them and it #can be scary because logically i KNOW im suppose to know this person but im struggling to remember their name or how we met #and multiple times i have just straight up forgotten that i am in a relationship. that i am dating someone and weve been together for 3 yrs #idk theres other shit but yeah i really never knew how to talk about that one as a kid and its still really hard to talk about it #cause usually i cant remember after working on piecing things together but other times i just...cant. but i know im missing info #and i mean i just had this happen to me again just the other fucking day #i forgot my coworkers name. ive worked with her for 5 or 6 months now and we talk nearly every other day #and i couldnt remember her name. HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THAT TO SOMEONE AND NOT SOUND LIKE YOURE JUST BULLSHITTING

[kil9]

experiencing experiences where im flooded w memories that arent my own that i immediately forget after the episode & also forget my normal memories for like 10 minutes and instead of the normal person response -> i should go back on antipsychotics, im just like "whoa this is just like kingdom hearts"

#99.txt #definitely normal to get massive headache and dizziness/almost pass out when remembering something that might not even be real #whats an example of smth ive remembered ? i cant even tell u bcause it disappears so quickly #definitely normal to not remember who or whereyou are or the names of anyone around u 😐 wahoo #but yeah when ppl hear mental health its like ''oh yeah :) i know about depression and anxiety. maybe adhd if youre lucky'' #man you dont even know where to fucking start with me #im experiencing like hollywood style mental symptoms idek #im like i didnt think this kind of thing happened in real life lol #i dont even know what to call this #some type of dissociative thing probably #my lifelong dissociative issues come and go but they never leave me ✌ like the moon #getting that 5 minutes of clarity and being like ''wow normal people live like this''

[autismserenity]

know someone who enjoys horror stories? share this one! it's true!

hahahahahahahahahaha aarrggghhhhhhhhhh 3,000,000 deaths due to COVID-19 last year. Globally. Three million. Case rates higher than 90% of the rest of the pandemic. The reason people are still worried about COVID is because it has a way of quietly fucking up your body. And the risk is cumulative.

I'm going to say that again: the risk is cumulative.

It's not just that a lot of people get bad long-term effects from it. One in seven or so? Enough that it's kind of the Russian Roulette of diseases. It's also that the more times you get it, the higher that risk becomes. Like if each time you survived Russian Roulette, the empty chamber was removed from the gun entirely. The worst part is that, psychologically, we have the absolute opposite reaction. If we survive something with no ill effects, we assume it's pretty safe. It is really, really hard to override that sense of, "Ok, well, I got it and now I probably have a lot of immunity and also it wasn't that bad." It is not a respiratory disease. Airborne, yes. Respiratory disease, no: not a cold, not a flu, not RSV.

Like measles (or maybe chickenpox?), it starts with respiratory symptoms. And then it moves to other parts of your body. It seems to target the lungs, the digestive system, the heart, and the brain the most.

It also hits the immune system really hard - a lot of people are suddenly more susceptible to completely unrelated viruses. People get brain fog, migraines, forget things they used to know.

(I really, really hate that it can cross the blood-brain barrier. NOTHING SHOULD EVER CROSS THE BLOOD-BRAIN BARRIER IT IS THERE FOR A REASON.) Anecdotal examples of this shit are horrifying. I've seen people talk about coworkers who've had COVID five or more times, and now their work... just often doesn't make sense? They send emails that say things like, "Sorry, I didn't mean Los Angeles, I meant Los Angeles."

Or they insist they've never heard of some project that they were actually in charge of a year or two before.

Or their work is just kind of falling apart, and they don't seem to be aware of it.

People talk about how they don't want to get the person in trouble, so their team just works around it. Or they describe neighbors and relatives who had COVID repeatedly, were nearly hospitalized, talked about how incredibly sick they felt at the time... and now swear they've only had it once and it wasn't bad, they barely even noticed it.

(As someone who lived with severe dissociation for most of my life, this is a genuinely terrifying idea to me. I've already spent my whole life being like, "but what if I told them that already? but what if I did do that? what if that did happen to me and I just don't remember?") One of its known effects in the brain is to increase impulsivity and risk-taking, which is real fucking convenient honestly. What a fantastic fucking mutation. So happy for it on that one. Yes, please make it seem less important to wear a mask and get vaccinated. I'm not screaming internally at all now.

I saw a tweet from someone last year whose family hadn't had COVID yet, who were still masking in public, including school.

She said that her son was no kind of an athlete. Solidly bottom middle of the pack in gym.

And suddenly, this year, he was absolutely blowing past all the other kids who had to run the mile. He wasn't running any faster. His times weren't fantastic or anything. It's just that the rest of the kids were worse than him now. For some reason. I think about that a lot. (Like my incredibly active six-year-old getting a cold, and suddenly developing post-viral asthma that looked like pneumonia.

He went back to school the day before yesterday, after being home for a month and using preventative inhalers for almost week.

He told me that it was GREAT - except that he couldn't run as much at recess, because he immediately got really tired. Like how I went outside with him to do some yard work and felt like my body couldn't figure out how to increase breathing and heart rate.

I wasn't physically out of breath, but I felt like I was out of breath. That COVID feeling people describe, of "I'm not getting enough air." Except that I didn't have that problem when I had COVID.) Some people don't observe any long (or medium) term side effects after they have it.

But researchers have found viral reservoirs of COVID-19 in everyone they've studied who had it.

It just seems to hang out, dormant, for... well, longer than we've had an opportunity to observe it, so far.

(I definitely watched that literal horror movie. I think that's an entire genre. The alien dormant under ice in the Arctic.)

(oh hey I don't like that either!!!!!!!!!) All of which is to explain why we should still care about avoiding it, and how it manages to still cause excess deaths. Measuring excess deaths has been a standard tool in public health for a long time.

We know how many people usually die from all different causes, every year. So we can tell if, for example, deaths from heart disease have gone way up in the past three years, and look for reasons. Those are excess deaths: deaths that, four years ago, would not have happened. During the pandemic, excess death rates have been a really important tool. For all sorts of reasons. Like, sometimes people die from COVID without ever getting tested, and the official cause is listed as something else because nobody knows they had COVID. But also, people are dying from cardiovascular illness much younger now.

People are having strokes and heart attacks younger, and more often, than they did before the pandemic started. COVID causes a lot of problems. And some of those problems kill people. And some of them make it easier for other things to kill us. Lung damage from COVID leading to lungs collapsing, or to pneumonia, or to a pulmonary embolism, for example. The Economist built a machine-learning model with a 95% confidence interval that gauges excess death statistics around the world, to tell them what the true toll of the ongoing COVID pandemic has been so far.

Total excess deaths globally in 2023: Three million.

3,000,000.

Official COVID-19 deaths globally so far: Seven million. 7,000,000. Total excess deaths during COVID so far: Thirty-five point two million. 35,200,000.

Five times as many.

That's bad. I don't like that at all. I'm glad last year was less than a tenth of that. I'm not particularly confident about that continuing, though, because last year we started a period of really high COVID transmission. Case rates higher than 90% of the rest of the pandemic. Here's their data, and charts you can play with, and links to detailed information on how they did all of this:

Here's a non-paywalled link to it:

https://archive.vn/2024.01.26-012536/https://www.economist.com/graphic-detail/coronavirus-excess-deaths-estimates

Oh: here's a link to where you can buy comfy, effective N95 masks in all sizes:

Those ones are about a buck each after shipping - about $30 for a box of 30. They also have sample packs for a dollar, so you can try a couple of different sizes and styles.

You can wear an N95 mask for about 40 total hours before the effectiveness really drops, so that's like a dollar for a week of wear.

They're also family-owned and have cat-shaped masks and I really love them. These ones are cuter and in a much wider range of colors, prints, and styles, but they're also more expensive; they range from $1.80 to $3 for a mask. ($18-$30 for a box of ten.)

#covid isn't over #covid 19 #disability rights #disability advocacy #wear a mask #covid conscious #covid cautious #mask up #wall of words #public health #health care

[technicolorxsn]

I wish I was better at stomaching difficult media...

#esp bc like.... hol and lain are perfectly up my alley and i adored what i did read/watch of them but...... #i dont know if ill finish them #they trigger such bad dissociation in me that its just.... not good for me to #but theyre exactly the kind of shit i love #i just cant stomach them.. :( #makes me very sad :(

[computer-boy]

why is tanaka me whenever semester 2 exams roll around

#my posts #(about tanaka-kun is always listless) #me (knowing that i dissociate under prolonged stress): wow i wonder why i never remember anything from around the semester 2 projects #we have to do a project for EVERY CLASS and im so bad at projects because i always put them off until the last minute #me to myself whenever a task has to be done: oh wow the ceiling is so interesting. please get up. please the work is RIGHT THJERE #vent #kind of? #its nowhere near that time but im. not looking forward to it #but like seriously tanaka is so relatable

[starcolle-archive]

tabula rasa; keep moving forward

I’ve made some friends on tinder so far; some want to play board games and some want to get in my pants. But I’m talking to this kid [21; obviously not a literal kid, but it feels like there’s over a decade between us] about his depression in how the public unconsciousness is poisoned. (Speaking of which, I need to get back to writing the smut I was drafting while drinking. The guy’s getting pegged while he talks about parasocial relationships being deliberate creations of class based society; used to alleviate the rising temper of the inevitable clashing mentalities prevalent among the public unconsciousness. Obviously I’m not gonna do it justice in any way in a tumblr post, so I’ll keep it top myself for now.)

And as all the thoughts raise through my head, agreeing with him on how neoliberialism’s schadenfreude is morally decrepit, I’m reminded about our discussion(s) about tabula rasa and what it means to be one’s authentic self. Yeah, sure, ALL the kinky shit we talked about was fun, but it was always the intellectual discussions that I’ve missed most. Sure I may have been the moody sarcastic asshole at time, but I was always sincere with my interest in discussions & our intertwined betterment; no matter the topic.

So I guess that’s another reason why I’m reminding myself to keep moving forward like I used to tell you. I’m finally replying to my new therapist. it shouldn’t have taken me this long, but I’m so exhausted that I’m just now getting around to it.

Why am I even writing this? You don’t read it, and it’s already inside my head. I guess it is good to get it out, even if it makes me feel psychotic (I should probably get my psychiatrist to up my anti-psychotic, shouldn’t I? ...I jest; moistly, er, I mean mostly.)

[This is where I’d insert the sound of an hour long groan that you can’t tell if it’s the byproduct of a bad pun or from something else I might say; I’m hyper-aware except for when I need it most after all.]

#the amount of thesis I could write with a bottle of cheap ass screw top rose; a little bit of adderall; and maybe a little weed... man I #really wish I had the mental capacity to go back to college; part of my interest in a state job is the free state school classes; gotta go #to FSU like I(we) said I(we) would; right? well hey if you ever need a couch to surf (or bed but I doubt you'd want that offer) in Tally #it'll always be available so long as I'm stuck in this hell hole of a transphobic state ...fuck me up the ass (or have your bf do it) I do #not know how much longer I can stand the thought of being here; my agoraphobia has been terrible and #my ''husband'' has only marginally gotten better at being verbally abusive; she has a lot of points but she attacks me so harshly that all #I can really do is dissociate ...jk I've gotten a LOT better at picking my battles and knowing how/when to respond; if you thought I was #good at listening back then; well Im #noticeably better #(I was gonna use some arbitrary metric value but I'd rather let my actions speak for theself; and its not liek you have any interest in my #actions or my thoughts ...you've yelled at me enough times about all that already ...honestly I would've rather you apologized for all that #instead of ''everything'' that happened in our relationship; guess what: I've never kept score rather a catalog of things I'd want to talk #over if the time ever presented itself; fuck it I need to go get some sleep; trying to decide what kind of nightcap I'm in the mood for now #that I've gotten better at kicking bad habits; I've been slowly working sicne my heavy relapse(s) in summer of '20; anyways allonsy! KMF!!! #I need to get caught up with DW now that they've apparently brought David Tennant back) #personal #keep moving forward #I need to stop this absurd obsession when I know it serves no healthy purpose

[crucialplayer]

Thoughts on Mars placements 

!! everything is based purely on my experiences with signs, written with no other purpose than to share my observations and be unserious.

Aries mars. Practical jokes lovers, gentle touch haters. Hit u while laughing. Love the banter, sometimes a lil too much. Go for it (whatever it is) fiercely and without a single backthought. Explosive in conflict, but in a sense of crying screaming throwing up banging against the wall. 

Taurus mars. Life could be on Mars but they still be going on and on about that one thing. Sudden outbursts of anger. It might seem out of the blue but they’ve probably been brooding some hurt for a long time. They just hoped it’d go away… naturally. Also surprisingly horny. 

Gemini mars. Mind fuckers. That one guy defending polygamy «as a concept» rather too enthusiastically. Can talk their way out of hell with one leg already in the hottest boiling cauldron. I suppose it’s a placement most people will find charming at some point (says a lot about society…). 

Cancer mars. Rumors are true, the sky is blue, and they are manipulative. Watching anybody else display vulnerability is the same as watching a children’s play to them. Ur rawest and most disturbing moment? To a cancer mars its a chill Tuesday morning. Humanization of a silent treatment. 

Leo mars. You’d gather that its serious by the sheer scale of their reaction but I promise its not. 9 times out of 10 will cause a huge scene and won't be able to remember it 2 days after. Very defensive. Won't put themselves out there if they’re not guaranteed a 10-minute standing ovation. 

Virgo mars. They believe that they make sense but usually they don't. They’re calculating but it’s like they do it backwards resulting in some of the most unhinged decisions made. Want to be praised for… um… existing as they are. Kind of a menace in conflict. 

Libra mars. If u think it's hard for you to wait for them to make up their mind imagine how they feel. It’s similar to watching a plant move without a time-lapse. Cry when they’re angry. Go with the flow not because they’re chill but more cause it's easier for them. 

Scorpio mars. They ARE vengeance and I'm scared. Slash 3 tires after one fight mars. Not the person you’d try to make jokingly jealous. For further information read the lyrics to… really any Taylor Swift song. 

Sagittarius mars. Don't think before they do and think after they’ve done smth only if u make them. The kind of people that will try everything once just to know how it feels (and then present that to everyone as if they’ve found god by bungee jumping one time). Very easy to dare. Also are always checking someone out. 

Capricorn mars. Blood is cold, the heart is beating twice per minute. ISN’T IT lonely on top of the world fellas??? If u get them to like u your love language better not be words of affirmation. Instead of arguing chances are high they disappear for a while or just go into a rock regime. 

Aquarius mars. Are only attracted to intellectuals so naturally in a room full of sweet gentle people will go for the most narcissistic motherfucker out there. They’re sorta very patient but I feel maybe it's just them dissociating… Ponder a lot before making a move. 

Pisces mars. I'm afraid no one knows whats going on there. It's like they’re never actually present. Therefore often times can have a delayed reaction to smth, which people might read as passive aggression. Very sentimental, will write u a song or a poem on a second date. Also low LOW energy. 

#astro notes #astro observations #natal chart #mars placements #aries mars #taurus mars #gemini mars #cancer mars #leo mars #virgo mars #libra mars #scorpio mars #sagittarius mars #capricorn mars #aquarius mars #pisces mars #zodiac signs

[eddieelliotmunson]

tw for rape, CSA, ptsd stuff in the tags

not something I'd normally post but I needed to shout into the void.

#tw rape #tw csa #my therapist and case manager now know how many people raped/sexually abused me. #i dont like that i told them #and i cant get emotions out of my brain #so today is hard. ive napped much of the day #trying to ignore my emotions #i try not to talk to people about this stuff very often #remembering this trauma is kind of new to me anyway--hello dissociation #but now i remember it. now im having flashbacks. now im having emotions #and i dont like any of them. #its hard getting through the days #but im hoping each day gets easier #the hardest parts are behind me right?

[wovenstarlight]

tonight's variety of poisoning my own brain is crossovering my own AUs: ywbk/sixth sense edition. and oh I am so deeply poisoned

#waugh. waugh. hhj arriving postreg and realizing all his ghosts are gone and spending four years torn between #'its fine its fine its fine theyre just asleep or something with the rest of the system and skills' #and 'in trying to undo getting my little brother killed i killed the rest of my family for good this time' #it always gets worse around their death anniersaries too #because prereg he used to let them have the body for the day so they could go do whatever they wanted #and now its just him in there. alone. its too quiet #he talks to himself a lot and hes never quite stopped expecting responses #and then the dungeons appear and his skills are reaccessible and for one moment of searingly painful hope he tries to summon his ghosts #and no one responds #and hes. well. well. okay. so hes got blood on his hands. not really a surprise but that doesnt stop it from being crushing #and he kind of dissociates out for god knows how long and yj+yh are freaking out trying to figure out whats wrong #when suddenly theres banging on the door and when yj opens it a woman bursts through with tears streaming down her face and looks at him #and she says his name in this frantic tone. but hes never seen her before. except. wait #and when he asks if shes here for hyung and points her to his brother #both of them look like their entire world was ripped apart for a moment #and then they are hugging. and then theres a whole lot of other people showing up at the door insisting on seeing hhj #yoojin and yoohyun realize abruptly that they havent seen their hyung laugh this freely in. basically ever #star.txt #waugh. thats his extended family #yoojin and yoohyun now with like 10 uncles and aunties and hyungs and noonas #not to mention all the new friends their age or younger #i calculated it out and the ducklings would be like. yerims age. babies.... #hhj with a bunch of 12yos trailing after him.... #everyone is clucking at how old hhj's gotten and he keeps telling them to call him hyung/oppa and show him some respect now that hes older #stw is highly bemused but says hell do it if hhj wants. but hhj gets so weirded out at the thought of it that hes like nvm #they both have a debate over whether hhj should still call stw hyung given that HES the hyung now #(hhj 34 at time of dungeons while stw is 31) #the exghosts learn abt yerim and immediately befriend her family #which butterflys into. yerims dad survives too. lol

[catboybiologist]

Can I do one of those sappy "highlight/visibility" posts? It's not my usual vibe, but this is my first transgender day of remembrance since starting HRT and coming out to a few friends, and it has me feeling some kind of way.

So here's to the trans people that didn't "know they were different" from day one. The ones that don't have the stories about playing with dolls, or monster trucks, or wearing clothes atypical for their AGAB. The ones who took their first doses of estrogen and didn't have an immediate parting of the clouds, or lifting of a fog, but rather started a journey.

The trans people that had a growing seed of discomfort and no words to describe it. The ones with the vague horror of inhabiting a body that was betraying them but didn't know in what way. The ones that may have dissociated to cope and buried it deep.

The ones who are fighting and navigating through it now. The ones who are still unsure to take that first step.

The ones who figured it out on the other side. The ones who had to chisel and create who they were. The ones with a complicated relationship with their actual gender in addition to their AGAB. The ones who created who they are, and came out as a happy, loving person, despite not feeling like their identity was "defined" somewhere internally.

You are not alone, you are loved, and you are supported. You *will* make it, and you will be happier for it. You are welcome in this community, no matter what. You have the right to discover yourself. Your pain is real, but your identity is too. Every trans experience is different and beautiful in its own way.

#trans #transgender #transgender day of remembrance