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inkskinned · 8 months

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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

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dougielombax · 5 months

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I wonder what the largest shellfish is?

Edit: Okay this post is getting a LOT of traction. What is going on?

Edit: Fucking hell.

This post has set off a fucking MINEFIELD!!!

What have I DONE????!!!!!

I’ve lit the blue touch paper and found there’s nowhere to run to!

I’ve summoned a wolf only to unleash a tiger!!!!! Made of fire! And nails.

Probably….

Idk.

Edit 2: 5,000 Notes! Good god! What the HELL do you want from me. I’ve never had a post of mine take off like this until now.

Some got close like the one about homeowner associations (fucking powertripping middle aged mediocrities!) which got at least 1.5k notes but this is the most I’ve gotten on a single post so far.

Anyway.

AND this post has officially gone to hell. (6,666 notes)

Edit: 8,000 notes! Holy shit!

Edit: 9,000 notes!!!

Edit: 10,000 notes!!!!!!!!!

Edit: 15,000 notes!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Edit: 20,000 Notes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHO THE HELL TURNED OFF THE REPLY THREAD FOR THE REBLOGS?!

Okay never mind it’s back. For now at least.

Anyway.

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084392 · 28 days

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had never heard of "mlp infection aus" until this month and ngl i still dont know what they are but. it made me want to draw some of them getting taken over by their cutie marks or something......

#if any of this needs to be tagged pleaseee tell me idk how to tag this kind of stuff for blacklist...#mlp #my little pony #twilight sparkle #apple jack #rarity #fluttershy #my art #mlp infection au #<-again. no idea what thats actually about but this seemed like a fun design thing...thats literally all this was to me.#also i havent watched the show in years.#body horror

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wolfythewitch · 2 months

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Jonny boy

#art #yeah i dont have any good captions #sketch #jonathan sims #the magnus archives #he seems like the kind of guy to have grey hair idk

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saradiation · 5 days

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Hey it's that time of the year again :D

HAPPY 413! 🎂

#my time zone is a little early haha BUT HAPPY 413 EVERYONE <3 #this is kind of a redraw of last year's 413 illustration and I'm so glad I could see some progress :)#I tried to make them look their age + keep their personalities and also give them cool GT outfits instead of the pjs ones I often draw #idk how much of that you can see though 🫣#ANYWAY I had so much fun drawing them all together again!#homestuck #homestuck fanart #homestuck art #beta kids #413 #happy 413 #john egbert #rose lalonde #jade harley #dave strider #my art

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hoarart · 8 months

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ah, poor demon

he is not responsible for his actions

#is this some kind of beer label?#idk #1827 definitely IMPRESSED me #hand on the waist #aziraphale #aziracrow #good omens 2 #good omens fanart #good omens #artists on tumblr #ineffable husbands

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jadenvargen · 27 days

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SEPppphtictanc yaoi

#cloud strife #sephiroth #sefikura #ffvii #myart #i havent played the game i just watched a yaoi trailer and i kind of lived idk

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reallybadblackoutpoems · 1 year

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the crucible (1953) - arthur miller

“ough”

#ough #ok #i know i literally never fucking post #but um #i will not be as active #i am genuinely very sorry #idk #im just kind of having a rough time #who isnt tbh #but anyway #this is my warning and also my apology for this #sorry #blackout poetry

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paxopalotls · 3 months

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The fanfictions are infecting me with brainrot oh my god have some au doodles before I explode

#the fanon here hits different idk #like?? why is there so much vivisection #danny phantom #danny phantom fanart #danny fenton #danny fenton fanart #dp #dp fanart #this is like a #fully dead au #where no one knows #kind of thing #jazz fenton #bc I'm obsessed with their sibling dynamic #why are they on the roof pax #bc after Danny died jazz started stargazing as a way of feeling closer to him #fuck you #I have thoughts about this au actually #in it Jack and maddy are still trying to get rid of the ghosts but mostly as penance #bc they know the ghost portal is what killed Danny #and they want revenge #Danny's aware of this but convinced his parents wouldn't love him enough to believe him if he revealed himself as their son #jazz helps phantom without knowing he's Danny #pax art #pax doodles #pax rambling #technically #tho all the rambling is in the tags

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shroombies · 1 year

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Got needlefelting supplies for Christmas

#my art #i guess sort of kind of #idk i love him

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inkskinned · 2 years

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fucking hate it when the stuff everybody says "actually works" does actually work.

hate exercising and realizing i've let go of a lot of anxiety and anger because i've overturned my fight-or-flight response.

hate eating right and eating enough and eating 3 times a day and realizing i'm less anxious and i have more energy

hate journaling in my stupid notebook with my stupid bic ballpoint and realizing that i've actually started healing about something once i'm able to externalize it

hate forgiving myself hate complimenting myself more often hate treating myself with kindness hate taking a gratitude inventory hate having patience hate talking to myself gently

hate turning my little face up to the sun and taking deep breaths and looking at nature and grounding myself and realizing that i feel less burdened and more hopeful, more actually-here, that i am able to see the good sides of myself more clearly, that i am able to see not only how far i have to grow - but also how much growth i have already done & how much of my life i truly fill with light and laughter and love

horrible horrible horrible. hate it but i'm gonna do it tho

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stuckinapril · 3 months

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friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me