did i ever tell you guys about my white supremacist[?] high school history teacher who taught an extra cirrcular abt philosophy that i took and afterwards i said kierkegaard was my favorite philosopher that we studied cos he said cool things and published them all under different pen names and didnt tell anyone and even today we dont know what all kierkegaard wrote. and he just sort of looked at me and went. so none of the stoics then?
had the WILDEST experience at university the other day. got really overstimulated(? i think) after class and was feeling like i wanted to go hide in a closet so nobody would be looking at me/it would be dark and quiet for 10mins so i could calm down, so at the end of class my friend texts me and asks if i want to meet up in the library. it's reasonably quiet/private in some areas there and she says she wants to go up to the study rooms that are usually free
... you know hannibal lecter's cell. with the fluorescent lights and brick and the Big Glass Window like a zoo exhibit. that's how the study rooms are built, one side completely open to the hallway. so people don't fuck in em i guess
i did not know this
also you have to pay to book them but apparently she just?? walks in sometimes?? and sits there and nobody ever bothers her abt it. so my anxiety is THROUGH the fucking roof
i'm staring out the glass window of this cage of a study room panicked that 1. everyone who walks by can (and does) stare at us 2. the fluorescents are Bad 3. WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE WE'RE GONNA GET YELLED AT AND KICKED OUT AND MAYBE THEY'LL MAKE US PAY FOR IT AND I DON'T HAVE MONEY AND feeling like a fucking zoo animal
Fun fact, part of the Witch Origin is that villagers seemingly either hate or fear you.
Which would mean that, in-world, this is a scene of Scar thinking he’s comforting this poor depressed soul when in reality the villager thinks he’s a monster and is hiding in a dark room avoiding eye contact out of fear/disgust.
fondly remembering when someone said to me i should "just stick to drawing men" bc i obviously suck at drawing women like im not some weird agender something with a weird relationship to gender and its performance altogether that has been drawing nothing but either also agender monster creatures or just drawing characters how i want and not actually care what gender they look and if i do draw women 100% intentionally draw them with a more 'masculine' look to them, which in most cases really just means "not a blown out of proportions sex doll" or extremely traditional feminine, and not bc i cant actually draw them however that person imagined women should look
so in recent hgsn chapters, we've got 'hikaru' acting real unusual, more than normal. the first time it happens is a bit after hikaru pulls out "half his insides", the 2nd is a more drastic version, hikaru does his eye thing (whether its mentally or physically) in the same way he previously did to asako where he admits he thought he should kill her, the only difference is his eyes beforehand. the third time happens again very soon after the second, hikaru now seemingly completely different. we'd probably guess he's not in control, but i want to say he doesnt even remember these events.
so first off im gonna talk abt hikaru lying. obviously, we've got 'hikaru' being introduced lying about his identity, the entire 1st vol revolves around the revelation and how both boys react to it. hikaru tries his best to act as hikaru and is very upset when he's found out. they get over it and yoshiki is now in on the secret,
our 6th month old ghost-god-boy's got terrible social skills for certain situations, dismissing certain concerns, laughing things off, reacting in an extreme, not normal way, or sheepishly not wanting yoshiki's disapproval. he clumsily struggles to follow yoshiki's reasoning why murder is bad and at that point already gleans that yoshiki probably wont like an admission of "yeah, i killed the neighborhood grandma",
hikaru's probably being more anxious about yoshiki's perception of him than his act morally, therefore he avoids telling the truth, he also spends half of ch 16 stressing over yoshiki's reaction. asako flat out says she wished to speak to the spirit, and hikaru literally doesnt react to that at all outside of thoughts about himself, and is still just a little guilty talking abt it later on.
hikaru did gain a bit of confidence before yoshiki momentarily gave up on him, or calms down at least to be able to suggest showing his inhuman qualities to yoshiki again, but isnt clear in what he says he'll do, once again freaking yoshiki out, even though it supposedly did help him against other spirits. hikaru's probably got a tied "love" of yoshiki and absorbing things, and got a little greedy, still not understanding how to even broach the request.
my point with all this is that he usually feels guilty, or some sort of emotion, about his actions, especially in regards to yoshiki and that does show he remembers what he's done. but in contrast to those moments, on this page where yoshiki asks him why he went to his door, hikaru cant come up with an answer. hikaru, who gives a dopey smile to asako once again accusing him of not being human, doesnt show a hint of hiding a secret for going to yoshiki's house before. hikaru looks more confused at even trying to recall what yoshiki's referencing, as if yoshiki asked him abt some unimportant comment from long ago
hikaru marvels at yoshiki's soul, and is very sure he doesn't want yoshiki to die, and even includes asako in his thoughts, and becomes extremely upset at the thought of yoshiki dying.
later, after hikaru decides to prove himself to yoshiki, he got his head lopped off by a special ghostbusters sword, and has a scar duct tape apparently cant fix, so i wonder if because of this he cant balance his body too well and is acting too much like his original, spirity self, viewing yoshiki first as only soul, not even with a body, maybe in the same way the other spirits view humans?
anywayss, hikaru's said he cant quite remember his role as a being and what he even did before, hence yoshiki carrying their ghost project, but also, before, he at least acted in yoshiki's defense. he declares he'll protect yoshiki and uses his funky eye to be all ghosty, but now he does it in a different way completely, the eye making a diff shape. yoshiki might become a snack instead of hikaru's wish and hikaru might not even remember what happened
me when the season still doesn’t answer 1) what precisely the cube does and 2) show the set of circumstances that leads to aaravos ultimately getting out of his prison
there this time in middle school pe class this girl sitting next to me ask me do i know no one in the class like me and i just casually respond i do i just literally dont care no thing
It's not easy to be a guy with a weird gender and complicated relationships with its sexuality and romantic attraction and fat and autistic and traumatized to the bone but someone has to do it
A few nights ago i had a dream that i was roommates with Herbert and Dan and it sucked. theyre like 0/10 for roommates
i didnt care if they did weird shit in the basement but god herbert kept using my dishes to hold organs and stuff and i would get real pissed and we would fight and dan didnt anything just "guys dont fight 🥺"
anyways from i remember i would sit on the couch with my notes and glare at him (herbert) while he would walk by