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bangtansocean · 3 years

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Letters: Part 03

Synopsis: Good things never last long, and unfortunately, his promises were a little too good to be true.

⏤𝚙𝚊𝚒𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐: taehyung x reader // slight yoongi x reader

⏤ au: [Historical Fiction, soulmates au]

⏤𝚐𝚎𝚗𝚛𝚎: Heavy Angst, smut, fluff

⏤𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: smut continuation- mature content ahead [18+]: Love making, praise kink, overstimulation, creampie, heavy angst ahead. mentions of death and life, lying, health issues.

⏤Word count: 4.7 K

Chapters: 01 l 02 l 03

click here to go back to master list

a/n: Lots of angst ahead, prepare your tissues and I apologise in advance! Thank you for reading, ceci :]

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Taehyung adjusts himself between your legs, sliding his member between your folds, collecting as much arousal as he can before slowly entering you, making you both moan in relief and pleasure.

Tae fucks you slowly and lovingly, leaving kisses everywhere on your body as he pushes himself in and out of you repeatedly. Both of you moan each other's names as he deepens his thrusts with each stroke.

“Fuck, I love you so much.” He says against your lips as you wrap your legs around his hips helping him deepen the thrusts.

You can feel your third orgasm approaching as Taehyung hits your sweet spot repeatedly, his dick twitching every time your walls tighten around him involuntarily. His thrusts become sloppier but his speed increases, letting you know he is close. He slides his hand between your bodies, ghosting two fingers over your clit, making you dig your nails deeper into the skin of his shoulder which makes him moan your name as he increases the speed of his fingers against the swollen bud.

“Tae, I love you.” you moan one last time before your orgasm takes over you for the third time tonight.

Your confession makes Taehyung pull out, cumming on your folds with a loud moan as he enjoys his orgasm. He pumps his length a few times over your lips and clit, spreading his cum all over your sex with his tip, surprising you when he slams his dick back inside you as he pumps the remaining cum inside of you until he is soft, both whining at the overstimulation.

He leaves small pecks all over your face, lingering a little bit longer on your lips as you feel him soften inside you. He pulls out with a hiss due to the over sensitivity, and manages to roll over to your side as he lays next to you, leaving a kiss on your shoulder and wrapping his arm around your waist, holding you close against his chest.

“I love you.” he says for the 100th time tonight. You turn your head to find him pouting at you, waiting for you to say it back.

“I love you too.” you giggle, struggling to turn your head to kiss his lips one more time before the exhaustion takes over your body, falling asleep in Taehyung’s arms for the second time tonight.

“I love you more princess, I’ll be back, I promise.” Taehyung whispers one last time before he falls asleep too, fearing this could be the last night he ever gets to hold you.

—————————————————————

You wake up to the sound of the birds chirping, meaning sunrise is happening soon and work is starting in a few hours, which also means Taehyung is leaving soon. You try to move around when the sudden ache between your legs stops you. There’s an uncomfortable stickiness between your legs and the smell of sex that reaks from you forces you to freeze on the spot, making you remember the events of last night. You smile to yourself as you slowly roll to face Taehyung, ready to invite him to shower with you, only to find his side of the bed empty.

“Taehyung?” Panic takes over your body as you look around your room for him. You call his name repeatedly, hoping he will come out of the bathroom or answer to your desperate calling. Your tears are already streaming down before the main door of your chamber cracks open.

“Morning princess.” He stands by the door with his hair wet from the shower, wearing his new uniform and holding a tray with some fruits and tea for you. You sigh with a smile which he reciprocates, his eyes softening at the sight of your tears.

Taehyung walks towards the bed, struggling to close the door with his feet. You sit up on the bed and cover your body with your sheets, drying your tears quickly and tapping Taehyung’s side of the bed inviting him to join you. He shakes his head, letting you know he is not joining you in bed, which makes sense since he is already changed and showered, and the bed, well, the bed is not in the best conditions. He lays the tray in front of you as he carefully kneels on the bed, reaching to connect his lips with yours. You look at him dumbfounded, rejecting his kiss with a frown. He raises an eyebrow as he looks at you in confusion. Did you really just reject his kiss?

“I’m stinky and sticky all over, I haven’t even brushed my teeth” you say with disgust. Your frown makes him laugh as he leans forward to kiss you again, leaving a sweet peck over your pouty lips.

“Yeah and who’s fault is that? Me.” he laughs as he kisses you again, his eyes shining with a very peculiar glisten. “I still think you’re the most beautiful and wonderful woman in the world, stinky and all that” you laugh against his lips as he leaves one last peck before he dramatically sniffs you and fakes a gag, making you both burst in laughter. “Eat up and go shower. I’ll change the sheets for you “ he says as he caresses your cheek. You look at him hesitantly before nodding. He hands you the tea he made for you and with a quiet thank you you begin to enjoy your breakfast with the best company. You finish your breakfast quickly, and make your way straight into the shower.

“I’ll be right back” you sing as you grab the bathroom’s door handle.

“I love you” You hear Taehyung say, freezin on the spot. You turn around and smile at him, his eyes looking like he’s about to cry.

“I love you too.” You say quietly, your eyes getting teary once again. He walks to where you are standing and wraps his hands around your waist, leaning in to leave a sweet kiss on your lips.

“I love you more.” He replies in a low tone, “Go shower, I’ll change the sheets now.” he says as he connects his lips to your forehead, slowly letting go of your body as you turn around again and walk into the bathroom. Hearing him walk back to the bed and take the sheets off.

You hop into the shower and take your time washing yourself, the hot water against your skin easing your muscle pain. You hear the main door shut, and you call for Taehyung as you close the faucet, meeting a dead silence from the other side of the door. You call his name; still no answer. You get out of the shower and wrap yourself in your towel quickly, your shaky hands reach for the handle as you burst the door open.

“Taehyung? Where did you go?” you call for him, your voice trembling as you notice your bed is perfectly made with a fresh set of sheets, a small bouquet of daisies placed in the middle of the bed. You walk towards the bouquet and lean in to see a little note attached to it. You slowly pick up the bouquet and detach the note, quickly recognising Taehyung’s beautiful handwriting:

I’m not strong enough to say goodbye, please forgive me for parting this way.

I love you.

Eternally yours, Taehyung.

The small note falls from your hands as it slowly sways its way to the floor. One hand on your chest, and the other one over your lips to muffle your sobs, tears streaming down at an unstoppable pace. You can feel a stabbing pain in your heart, and the temperature of your body drops. Suddenly the room is spinning, and your vision is blurry.

This can’t be happening.

You can hear someone calling your name, but the ringing in your head overpowers the familiar voice. Not being able to bring yourself out of your state of shock, you’re sobbing uncontrollably as your knees make contact with the cold ground, collapsing on the floor.

He is gone.

“y/n? Hey, can you hear me?, y/n please” the sound of the masculine voice now sounds closer as he slowly approaches you while you sob desperately. A warm body drops to the floor with you, strong arms quickly make their way around you, holding you close as you cry helplessly. “I’m so sorry y/n. I was looking for you everywhere when the troops were being dismissed, I thought-” His voice cracks as he now is crying, too. “I’m so sorry y/n, please don’t cry.” Yoongi’s voice starts to fade away as you feel your surroundings closing in, the last thing you remember is Yoongi calling for the nurse, after that, everything went black.

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It's been two years.

Two years since Taehyung left without saying goodbye, two years since you’ve heard from him. You won’t lie and say you weren’t miserable for most of the time, but surprisingly things are not as bad as you thought they would be.

Yoongi has been by your side ever since Taehyung parted and has become your most reliable friend. You can remember waking up in the infirmary room with him by your side, holding your hand as he prayed you were fine after fainting on the bedroom floor. His faint voice was always present in your subconscious, always there reading you a book, or singing you a lullaby. You remember he cried when you woke up, and he held you close as you both grieved the parting of each other’s soulmates. Yours being Taehyung, and Yoongi’s being his childhood best friend Hoseok. And a few hours after you got discharged from the infirmary room, Yoongi made it his personal mission to take care of you until you got better again.

He fed you, sang you to sleep and even helped you wash and change from your clothes on the days when you couldn’t manage to get out of bed, crying until you fell asleep in the prince’s arms. He would read you books everynight, and bring all sorts of activities for you two to do together: cross stitching, painting, puzzles, you name it. He made sure to keep you happy and distracted, helping you heal a lot faster than you thought you could. You were very thankful for him. His patience and love have been crucial to your health and really helped you to move on from the pain, that is, for the first few months. Because even if you felt like things were slowly getting better, it didn’t take long for your world to come crashing down again.

“Shh, it’s going to be okay,” Yooongi’s voice comforts you as he rubs your back gently, the scene feeling a oddly familiar to you.

The white walls of the infirmary overwhelm you, the intense smell of sterilizing alcohol, blood, and medicine makes your stomach sick, the nausea taking over you as you are holding the bucket in front of you for dear life. Throwing up has to be one of the worst things in life, you frown at the smell coming out of the dirty bucket.

“Oh my God, please take this away from me.” You shove the bucket towards Yoongi as he calls a nurse to have it cleaned out for you, his hand never leaving your back as he caresses you gently, hoping to provide some comfort to your paranoid and sick self.

“Can we leave? This is so unnecessary.” You complain again, too anxious to care about your rude tone, “I fucking hate this place.” Your eyes get teary as you turn to look at Yoongi’s soft eyes, a pitiful look on his face.

“Let’s just wait for the results, once we know it's nothing serious we can move you to my chambers and we can have a private nurse attending you until you’re fully recovered.” His words comfort you as you nod in agreement, silently hoping you can be out of this place as soon as possible before you empty your stomach into that bucket again.

“You don’t have to, you know, move me to your chambers, I can just go to mine…” you reply shyly, growing embarrassed at the thought of invading the prince’s private space any longer. “You have been so kind to me, giving me your bed for almost three months ever since… you know” the lump in your throat stops you from finishing your sentence. Yoongi smiles at you as he noods, understanding your concern. He takes his hand towards your face, gently brushing his thumb on your cheek.

“I know, and I understand you must feel like you are ‘invading my privacy’.” he whispers to you, “but I wouldn’t have it any other way, I want you safe, and I want you to be okay. I know that room makes you cry, and it holds many memories that make you…” he is careful with his words, not wanting to offend you or trigger your sadness. “What I’m trying to say is, I will sleep on my couch until I know you’re okay, no matter how long it takes, you’re all I care about.” He is now closer to you, his eyes drifting from your eyes to your lips.

You don’t realise you have started to cry at his gentle and caring words, your hand now finding his as you squeeze his hand gently, thanking him in silence for everything he has done.

“Your majesty, a word?” The head nurse politely bows as she waits for the prince to follow her to her desk which is just a few steps away from you, yet far enough for you to not be able to hear their conversation.

Yoongi leans forward, leaving a sweet kiss on your cheek that makes the nurse shift in her place nervously, not knowing how to proceed with the situation. She bows to you as she turns to her desk, Yoongi following her with quick steps.

The head nurse talks at a rapid pace, unable to read her lips and understand what was happening, her anxious expression making you nervous. It wasn’t until Yoongi turned around with a horrified look, his face now pale and his lips trembling, that you realised things were worse than what you expected them to be.

—————————————————————

“Yoongi, please tell me you are joking.” Your words are desperate and panicked. You are now sitting in Yoongi’s bed, the way from the nursery to the prince’s chambers being the longest 5 minutes of your life. You fix your hair with your shaking hands as you stare at him with worried eyes, hoping he would start laughing and end this torturous moment. This can’t be happening right now.

“I would never joke with something like this y/n, the nurse confirmed it already.” He sighs once again, “You are 3 months pregnant… and they think it’s mine.” He says, his words hitting you like a stab to the heart.

“I can’t fucking believe this.” your cry into your hands as you sob violently. This is not how things were supposed to be, this can’t be true.

He slowly slides into bed with you, his arms embracing you as his hand makes comforting patterns against your back. “Shhh, It’s okay. You’re alright, everything is going to be fine.” he coos you as you try to control your breathing and come back to your senses. “We’ll figure this out together.” He whispers against your hair.

“Yoongi, I really appreciate you’re trying to help but I can’t let you get involved in this. It’s too risky.” your voice cracks a little in the attempts of sounding strong and confident. He chuckles lightly at your statement, before he lets go of you and looks you in the eyes.

“As much as you want to handle this yourself, it’s going to be a little harder than that, love.” He says as he reaches for your hands, interlocking your fingers. “We’ve been sleeping in the room for the past 3 months, and everyone in the castle thinks we are already messing around.” He sighs, closing his eyes for a second before he shakes his head and looks back at you. “The second you try to leave this castle with a child that could potentially be the next king’s heir your neck is on the line, and the baby’s too.” He reaches to your cheek, wiping the tears from your eyes as he sighs again, “And I can’t lose you, y/n. As selfish as it sounds, I can’t let you go and grow this child by yourself with the entire kingdom turning their backs to you. You can’t leave the castle like this.” He finishes as he swallows, the idea of you being in danger because of this child makes him dizzy.

“But if I stay, Yoongi, they’ll think the child is yours. Do you know how bad that can be for you? To have people think the next King’s heir is a bastard, with a castle employee?” Your lips tremble as you try to hold it together, not wanting to show Yoongi how much this situation is hurting you. He huffs with an annoyed smile on his face. You both stay in silence for a while, trying to come up with a solution to the situation.

“Marry me then.” Yoongi’s voice startles you. It takes you a second before you can process the words that just came out of his mouth. “Let’s get married before we announce your pregnancy, I can claim the child as mine, and you can stay in the castle as my wife.”

“Yoongi you are talking nonsense why-” Your words are quick and mushed together, not understanding the logic behind his words. “Why would you want to claim a child that is not yours?”

“Even if we say it's not mine, they won’t believe you.” He says now with pain in his tone. “You’ve been sleeping in my bed for 3 months, and everyone in the castle has seen us together ever since the troops left. All factors point against our favour y/n. Claiming the child could save your life, and the child’s, without having to send you away from the castle.” You’re now crying against Yoongi’s chest. Everything is happening too fast, too soon.

And Yoongi was right. Even if his plan seemed odd, you couldn’t find another way out of the situation without putting the life of your child in danger, or Yoongi’s reputation on the line. So you made your mind up and agreed to marry him, having the ceremony right after he proposed to you in a formal dinner where his father had made public your relationship to the entire castle and kingdom. It wasn’t until a few months later that your belly started to show, and before people could start being suspicious about such a sudden pregnancy, Yoongi made sure to speak loud enough around the cleaning ladies about trying for a child and wanting an heir as soon as possible. It didn't take long for the rumours to spread, and soon enough the entire kingdom was celebrating the birth of the next prince.

The sudden warmth of a body embraces you, snapping you out of your thoughts. “Y/n? baby, what’s wrong? Is everything alright ?” Yoongi suddenly bombards you with questions as you hide your face in the crook of his neck, not being able to answer verbally yet, scared your voice could crack, but slowly nodding with a hum, letting him know that you were okay.

“We need to get moving, birthday lunch starts in a few minutes.” Yoongi whispers before he kisses your forehead. “I’ll get the bath running for you.” He leaves a sweet kiss on your cheek before he leaves the bed, walking into the bathroom as you decide to take a quick walk down the hall to check if your baby is still asleep in his room.

You stroll down the hall thinking about how different your life came around. Laughing to yourself before you bump against an old friend who smiles brightly at you, excited to see him after all this time.

“Jimin! You’re back?!” You hug the small blonde as he giggles in your embrace, his hands reaching for your back as he squeezes you with the same excitement.

“Home sweet home! I arrived last night at the castle, I hear a lot has changed since.” He lets go of you so he can scan you cautiously, nodding to himself. “Yeap, you definitely look like a princess now, who would’ve thought our young handsome king would capture your heart!” He giggles again before he realises what he just said, growing ashamed. You watch his facial expressions change in a frown, before he bows to you, his lips shaking in doubt before he talks again. “ I-I actually came looking for you, your majesty.” He clears his throat as he reaches for his pocket, his shaky hands pulling a folded dirty paper from his pockets. “ I promised Taehyung I would give you this when I came back.”

Your heart skips a beat at the mention of his name, feeling your soul leave your body as you blink repedently, trying to stay calm. “Oh, Okay… Thank you?” you say with a questioning tone, scared to ask the same question Jimin is hoping to avoid. “And where is he?... Taehyung?” You cough as Jimin awkwardly shifts in his place.

“Y/n… He-” You feel him hesitate, his eyes filling up with tears as he takes a deep breath. “He got injured during one of the riots and … the nurses tried everything they could” Jimin is rushing his words, circling around the topic before his voice cracks. “Taehyung didn’t make it.” He looks down as he dries his tears, scared to look up and see your reaction to the terrible news. “The last thing he told me was to make sure you got his letter, he wrote it while trying to recover.”

He didn’t make it. Those four words keep playing in your head.

He didn’t make it.

“Whe-when did he um… die?” You ask, the lump in your throat making it almost impossible for you to talk. Jimin shifts in his place again, dreading the situation.

“He died 3 months after we left.” You feel your knees weakening at his words. “We weren’t able to contact the King to let him know we had lost our commander, so I had to take over until we were able to come back, which was last night.” He looks up to meet your teary face, surprised to see you are not as affected as he thought you would be.

You had made peace with the idea before, and when Jimin delivered you the news, it did hurt, but it didn’t surprise you as much as you thought it would.

You had a feeling something had happened to him, and right after discovering you were pregnant, you didn’t have time to wonder much about his whereabouts. All you could do was think about your child, and do the best you could for your baby. You thought that after so many years of not hearing from Taehyung he must have moved on from you, or lost his life along the way, but you never expected to receive another letter from him. Much less after knowing he was gone, and that his last words are plastered in this letter. The letter that Jimin was handing to you right now.

You take the dainty piece of paper back from Jimin’s hands as you let out a disappointed sight. At least he is in a better place now, you try to convince yourself.

“Mommy!” The loud voice of your child makes you look behind Jimin, the little toddler running towards you as kneel down, receiving your child with a big hug.

“There’s my birthday boy! Are you ready to celebrate tonight?” you ask him in a sweet voice, moving his black curls from his eyes and tugging the strands behind his ear.

“Yes mommy, I’m two!” he giggles as he mimics your actions, tugging your hair behind your ear.

“Hi there little prince” Jimin’s voice startles you both. You look up to find Jimin smiling at the child, his smile fading as soon as your child smiles back, his boxy smile feeling oddly familiar to Jimin. He stares at you with questioning eyes, worry and guilt reflecting on your eyes as he stares at you, perplexed at the oddly similar features this child shares with his long lost friend.

“I’m not a little prince!” He laughs as he releases himself from your arms, extending a hand to Jimin as he grins proudly at your friend. “I’m Taetae.” Jimin's jaw drops to the floor as he stares at you with disbelief, what the hell is going on, he thinks to himself.

“Nice to meet you” he bows. “If you excuse me , I-I’m sorry I-... have to go” He bows before he turns around quickly, ready to walk away from the disturbing scene in front of him before you call out his name.

“Jimin.” You pray he turns around and listens to what you have to say, which thankfully, he does. “I can explain-” you can feel your eyes burning and your throat closing, Jimin’s eyes softening at your scared expression. He walks towards you and embraces you into a gentle comforting hug.

“You don’t have to explain anything to me, I can imagine how hard this must have been for you.” He whispers as he gently pats your hair. “I’m so sorry” He says now before you let out a sob against his shoulder. “Does um, Yoongi know?” you nod against his shoulder and Jimin sighs in relief, Thank heavens Yoongi is behind this, Jimin doesn’t even want to imagine how bad it would’ve been if he didn’t know that child was not his.

“Mommy? Why are you crying?” The voice of little Tae breaks you and Jimin apart, as you quickly dry your tears and kneel back down to face him.

“Mommy is just happy to see her old friend, baby.” you ruffle his hair, making him giggle. “Why don’t you go into the room and find your dad? I heard he is running a bubble bath as we speak!” His eyes shine at your words, quickly jumping out of your lap as he runs towards your room, calling for his dad repeatedly before you hear Yoongi’s laughter bursting from behind the door.

Jimin turns to look at you once again, his eyes filled with worry. “Has no one suspected anything yet?” You shake your head, answering the question that was messing with his head. He sighs in relief as he places his hand over his heart “Okay, that’s good.”

You walk together towards the small bench at the end of the hall, taking deep breaths as Jimin hesitates to speak.

“Are you going to read it?” Jimin asks, pointing at the paper that is placed perfectly between two fingers.

“I’m scared.” you confess to him, not trusting yourself to be able to be strong enough to read it without feeling like you're dying inside. Jimin places a hand over yours as he sighs, understanding how you are feeling.

“If you don't want to be alone, I’m here.” He reassures you as you stare at the piece of paper that's dangling from your fingertips. You sigh as you open the envelope carefully, unfolding the paper and taking a deep breath before you catch a glance of the last words of the letter, already feeling your tears building up as you remember all the times he wrote letters to you, always ending the exact same.

“....With love, Taehyung.”

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a/n: Thank you so much for reading letters! II hope you didn’t cry as much as I did writing it! I’m thinking about making an extra ‘chapter’ where I include the letter Taehyung wrote before he died. Let me know if you guys would be down to read it so I can work on it and upload it soon! Please don’t hate me too much, happy reading, Ceci x

#bts fanfic #bts smut #bts x you #bts x reader #taehyung x you #taehyung #taehyung x reader #historical fanfiction #taehyung smut #taehyung angst

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darkwingsofimagination · 3 years

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I have lots of thoughts and feelings about Madre Solo Hay Dos, and this post is an attempt to express it. Since I'm posting through the android app I can't use the keep reading option, so SPOILER ALERT IN CASE YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED MADRE SOLO HAY DOS YET.

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So, when I began watching I couldn't find a trailer or a teaser, was relying solely on the small synopsis Netflix gave - which honestly was the best thing for me.

It also meant that at fisrt I was really surprised there was a husband at all not to mention two older kids in Ana's life, but I grew up watching enough mexican telenovelas to know that one way or another things would work out (I surely hoped so). But I liked how the story unraveled.

I was also VERY SURPRISED by Mariana and Elena's relationship because I definitely wasn't expecting Mariana to actually be with a woman before falling for Ana.

Juan Carlos cheating on Ana was both expected and utterly irritating (how could he do that when he had such an amazing wife and family?) And it cannot be justified by the fact she was controlling and workaholic. It just isn't, I mean he knew that control was how she showed love - he said it in episode two - and knowing he met her in university he must have known she was and would still be career driven. And to me that marriage was in the verge of ending and not just because he cheated, but for how he treated her. Always making her feel bad on focusing on having a successful career. I like him as a father, he is pretty good. But as a husband to her he was an asshole. I mean I could understand him asking her stop working a little to spend some time with the baby, for health and bonding issues, (and in a way she did need some rest) but I can't say I liked him in the first episode, because as soon as I knew he cheated that was it. But I tolerated him, he had some nice moments.

Pablo made me so pissed at him for the way he treated Mariana, specially after she said no to him. Although I didn't see him as being manipulative at first, I do agree he seemed to only want Regina if Mariana would go back to him. Besides, the fact he kept competing against Elena (he didn't see Ana coming at all and I really love that lol) irritated me. To me he was clearly treating Mariana as if she were some prize. As if she came back to him would prove he was better than Elena, that Idk Mariana was only with Elena because he left you know? Like getting her back was just to boost his ego - just my opinions. If he could work on not being an ass to Mariana just because she doesn't want to go back with him and still be in Regina's life and for all that's holy if he finally stops listening to the jerks he calls friends he could be tolerable.

I like Elena, I don't love her though, but I like her pretty much, however telling Mariana that she was just confused about how she felt for Ana was a jerk move. I get it, she is hurt and maybe she feels like getting revenge because what Mariana did to her wasn't nice (I mean, it was pretty clear she let Elena assume they were more than just friends who occasionally kissed) but still doesn't justify it. Honestly, I don't even think she should have told Mariana that she noticed she fell for Ana. Mariana needed to that on her own (which she was almost there if the gay panic on her face while she looked at Ana during their "bonding" ritual for Regina's spiritual reception was any indication). What happens is I think that Elena accepeted that she had lost Mariana to Pablo, and to her ir made sense: he was there first (in the sense he was her previous relationship), he was a man, and she was the first woman Mariana ever was with, so maybe she was trying new things and he is Regina's father, maybe she even thought Mariana was still in love with him on some level (which is even sadder, honestly). But seeing Mariana fall in love with Ana, made her realize that Mariana likes women, that she can fall in love with another woman, she just never fell for Elena. So yeah, if they don't make her into a manipulative bitch she could still be an awesome character - my headcannon is both Elena and Pablo getting their heads out of their asses and helping Mariana win Ana back.

All of the men in Ana's life are stupid.

Juan Carlos doesn't appreciate all the effort she puts in trying to be a business woman, a good mother and wife. Neither does Daniel, her ex, seems like he actually understood her. While he read a bit of his book to her she seemed very unconfortable, just as when he talked about not being able to keep up with her. And like he said, her smile is beautiful, yes (the woman is masterpiece of beauty) but she's way more than that. However her ex did look like a fool in love when he saw her again (which Juan Carlos never does) and I guess that's what drove her to him.

I'll save the best for last, so bear with me just a bit more before getting to Ana and Mariana. Before I'd like to talk about Teresa.

Even if I wish Mariana didn't hide from Ana what happened I do understand her. First Tere (beautiful woman, wich honestly this show just slayed me with so many beautiful women) is her mom and she is kinda manipulative (although I'm sure she sometimes means well most of the times she doesn't think about the consequences of her actions) and I don't know, I think as strong and as independent Mari is, she does want to have a family that gets along and people here in Latin America sometimes get in too much of that "family is blood" bullshit, and not only Latinex but the rest of the world seems pretty adamant in having children listen and forgive their parents and carry on toxic parent-child relationships because "they are your parents", which sucks, but it's true. And not only that as much as Ana feels hurt I don't think she would have believed Mariana if she told her. After all in 20 years Juan Carlos never seemed to show any signs of ever being unfaithful to her. Even if it was the right thing to do, it's not the easiest decision. It wasn't just a relationship of a married couple it would affect but also JC's relationship with the children, because it does change their view of the parent - hence he cutting Ana before she said to the children she cheated on him. And yes Tere is her mother and the thing about parents (and other immeadiate family members) is that even if they screw us up all the time we always feel like we have to stand by them someway, somehow. And (and it's a very unpopular opinion and I'm not sure if I'll manage to get my point across very well but I'll try) I guess Mariana felt guilty for what Tere did, not only for keeping the secret but for her actions as well. Mariana is always trying to fix things with and/or for Tere and I guess she might have felt guilty over bringing Tere into Ana's life, even if she knows it's not her fault anything happened... but guilt is something really weird, so yeah. why I think she feels guilty is because, well, I don't know how it is for other people, but when living with manipulative people they managed to make you feel bad for things you have nothing to feel sorry for, not to mention that her attempts of protecting and trusting her mother comes from a feeling of guilty of not being able to trust her - which is also another thing both Pablo and Teresa want from Mariana without ever giving her reason to and then making her feel bad about not being able to trust them.

And finally, what I thought of Ana and Mariana's relationship.

I love how Ana and Mariana balance each other, I like the age difference as well. I thinks it sends a great message as well, not only with the cliché that you may find lkve whenever, but that no matter how old or how young are life happens and you have to deal with it. Being married and having a stable life didn't stop Ana from having her life turned upside down, and the same with Mariana, in her case it just meant that her mess of life got even crazier but that just it.

I love how the relationship between Mariana and the kids just flows naturally as well. And I love how Mariana does support Ana and shows she is happy for her a lot more than her own husband. Even if they are not married they do act like each other's partners, at least to me.

I feel like their relationship begins to shift at the end of the first episode when they decided to live together - and 'Flotando' by Francisca Valenzuela playing during the scene, to me, it's a very beautiful and subtle way to say to us viewers that we can and should expect more from their relationship.

However the second episode it feels to me like it's fundamental, specially for Ana. They both fell very silently for each other, and without noticing and I think Ana began falling when Mariana not only broke her rules but defied her and told her the truth everyone else was afraid to say - and not only that that bond the girl began forming with both Ceci and Ro. I loved how she was super attentive in listening how Pablo was a jerk and then being super protective of both Mariana and Regina when he began coming around - but I also loved that she relented, albeit reluctantly, when she saw that Mariana really thought Pablo could be of importance to Regina. The fact that Mariana was so worried in making sure Ana approved of him showed more of how much she valued Ana's opinion than whatever she may feel for her ex, which to me was step 1 of Mariana falling for Ana, step 2 was definitely the scene where she makes faces at Valentina just so the baby would smile at Ana and the woman could be a little happier, and sideways hug was the cherry on top - the way she feels uncertain of it before doing was very well thought out and executed.

The scene where Ana introduces Mariana and Regina as her other daughter and Valentina's other mother without explaining further than "we are the mothers of the two babies" was really such a heartfelt moment I just died.

I loved how after those initial moments they were constantly checking on each other (I really do love when Ana goes check on Mariana after her disaster of day with Anuar and she gently tucks Mariana's hair out her face in such a beautiful caress).

The scene in which Ana is shocked about how Mariana's date went is definitely one great indication of the fact she was feeling something more (I mean, saying that if she were a man she would definitely hit on her? That has got to be the oldest play on the book, the famous "I'd kiss you if I weren't straight"). Also on the same episode but before the horrible date, she did ask Mariana to never again say she wasn't attractive, which I also saw as something more, 'cause she was able to read between the lines. Mariana out loud said she wasn't sure about her body, not really saying she didn't feel pretty but one could read it. I think it meant something because Ana seems not that much of an expert reading people, so to be able to be so certain would mean she really paid attention. When Ana said Mariana should try with someone she trusted I think that she wanted it to be hed, even if she didn't realize yet. Or maybe did. In the episode where she takes time off before accepting her promotion there's a scene after she wakes up that Juan Carlos begins to kiss her, clearly intending to have sex (and they did have it) but her face is like "god this is boring/I don't think I really want to" that just makes me think ok, maybe she's already realizing she wants someone else (I had this impression). The episode where they go away and not only Mariana manages to convince everyone to go without being intrusive it's really nice, I also loved how fast Ana embraced everyone else as family for Mariana and Regina. The pool scene, oh my, I melted. First how pissed Ana was to know that Tere got distracted and Mariana almost drowned and how she instantly went after Mariana to chek on her, and not only trying to calm her about the water, listening to her about her fears and at the end asking if she trusted her (like I said before I really think she already wanted Mariana and knew it) and then the way they looked at each other whilst in the pool with the babies. Perfect!

Ana feeding Mariana the baby food was the cutest, and I know she said the girls weren't ready to be parted because she was afraid of she might have cancer I really do think she also meant because she wanted them there (let's not forget the lengths she went to make Mariana stay when Juan Carlos said he thought it was time to get back to normal).

Ana's "Te amo" makes lots of people think it came out of nowhere, but I don't think so. I really do believe she fell in love with Mariana, silently and without even noticing - the lingering gazes and gentle touches are some indication - and while she was drugged and asked Mariana to promise her to take care of the girls and she did I guess it hit her right then and there how much she fell for her and you know, most people do say that when you're drunk or high you tend to do and say the things you really want to because your filter just doesn't work. So yeah, I admit to me it was both unexpected and not at all.

I keep wondering if Mariana would have told Ana that she kissed her had she not told her she needed to do the biopsy to rule out cancer. Either way I love everything about the scene. How grateful Ana is to know that she can count on Mariana and how fearful Mariana looks. I loved that Mariana just stopped everything to accompany Ana to the hospital.

I loved that Mariana never for one second seemed to think of saying yes to Pablo and how even with all of her mother bs she refused to live with them because Ana needs her.

The baptism is the peak. Their bonding ceremony is not only wedding vows worthy but it's also the it finally hits Mariana that she fell for Ana, and I just love the gay panic she clearly has. I love her face of fool in love when Ana goes to her friends and how happy both of them look while holding the girls through the ceremonies.

Even if I'm very grateful for the declaration and the kiss we got - highlight for the lightning of this scene. The way the sun hits them helps give the impression that they will work it our - however Mariana should've processed her feelings first but I get her, she was afraid of losing Ana without a fighting chance - both for not telling and for Ana may having cancer. That scene is as beautiful as it is heartbreaking with both of them so miserable. The ending is one more proof of how well this show knows to pair scenes and songs. Cobarde's lyrics is so perfect it feels like it was made for the scene (or perhaps the scene was thought for the song).

I really hope we get these two together in season 2 - however I love me some angst, and usually is what we get, so I think that Ana's tests will come back positive and that Mariana will go back to take care of her and things will go on from that.

And that was my TedTalk, thank you for having the patience to read the ramblings of a very enthusiastic viewer.

#madre solo hay dos #daughter from another mother #mae so tem duas #paulina goto #ludwika paleta #lesbian #ana y mariana

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carewyncromwell · 3 years

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“We were dreamers not so long ago, But one by one, we all had to grow up. When it seems the magic’s slipped away, We find it all again on Christmas Day...”

~“Believe,” by Josh Groban

x~x~x~x

The Ravenclaw VS Hufflepuff match was one for the ages. With a final score of 320-10, it was one of the most decisive matches in Hogwarts history, let alone one of Ravenclaw house’s greatest triumphs -- and all of it was because of the combined efforts of Seeker Cho Chang and Ravenclaw’s Chasers, led by their Star Player Robert Bellamy. It put Ravenclaw well on its way to winning the Quidditch Cup for a second time, and it also made Robert once again the talk of Ravenclaw house. People latched onto the idea of him using echolocation to signal to his fellow Chasers where he was on the pitch and began to say he could fly faster than any bat, whether a real one or one from Ballycastle.

And yet, despite all of the praise and fawning he received, just as Cecelia said, Robert shrugged all of it off.

“All of us train more than just our eyes,” he said with a shrug. “And besides, signaling would’ve meant nothing if Roger and Randolph hadn’t been good enough Chasers to toss the Quaffle to me blindly -- and if Roger hadn’t been a good enough Captain to lead our team, to begin with. Not to mention Cho catching the Snitch in the middle of that fog -- that’s infinitely harder than anything we did...”

Atticus @cursebreakerfarrier couldn’t quite understand how Robert could be so determined not to accept praise for his abilities when it was so clearly warranted...but even so, he found himself smiling every time he heard him respond with such modesty. For as flippant, rebellious, and devil-may-care as Robert was, he wasn’t full of himself. It was a rather endearing quality.

When December arrived, the student body got into a predictable tizzy about the upcoming holidays. Atticus, as always, found himself grumpier than usual due to the noise. He’d never really liked Christmas even as a kid, and at Hogwarts the season only served to make him more surly. Atticus recalled, however, that Robert was one of those people who got obnoxious around Christmas -- it had always irritated him before, whenever Robert would sing Christmas carols loudly at the top of his lungs while helping decorate the Ravenclaw common room. And this year was no exception. The Star Chaser helped smuggle a tree up to Ravenclaw Tower, hung garlands and clusters of holly all over the Ravenclaw commonroom, and greeted and said goodbye to absolutely everybody with “Happy Christmas,” and on the morning of December 8th, the very day he no longer had to dress all neatly like Atticus, he pulled out his old red-felt Santa hat and wore it every single day for the rest of term.

Atticus was frankly done, and the holiday break hadn’t even started yet.

“Aw, come on, Lestrange!” said Robert one day after Potions, giving the other boy a light punch to the shoulder. “Lighten up -- it’s Christmas!”

“So you keep reminding me,” Atticus said dully. He tried to bury his nose in his copy of Moste Potente Potions, but Robert wouldn’t drop the line of conversation.

“Well, I wouldn’t keep reminding you if you cheered up a little,” he said with a grin. “Do you always have to be such a Scrooge around this time of year?”

“Do you always have to be so happy about it?” Atticus shot back. “...What’s a ‘Scrooge’ anyway?”

“A character from A Christmas Carol,” Ceci explained with a small, amused smile. “It’s a Muggle book -- it’s a lovely one too: you’d like it, Atticus...”

“Better have Rob read it aloud for you, though,” said Barty with a big grin. “No one reads it like Rob.”

“A Christmas Carol is a masterpiece of literature -- all I do is treat it accordingly,” Robert said offhandedly. He shot Atticus a wry smile over his shoulder. “Though I suppose if it’d help you actually get to sleep at a reasonable hour for once, I could always read it to you as a bedtime story, Lestrange -- ”

“No thank you,” Atticus cut him off crisply.

Her face appearing rather sympathetic, Ceci lightly bumped her arm against Atticus’s as they walked.

“Are you staying here for the holidays again, Atticus?”

Atticus nodded. “The library’s always nice and quiet, over break. It’s a good time to get some extra work done...”

Robert’s light-hearted expression faded -- something almost guilty passed over his face.

“...Mm...”

His black eyes drifted away, off toward the far wall. Barty offered both his best friend and Atticus a smile.

“Well, uh...maybe we can do some work over break together, then, Atticus,” Barty offered.

Atticus stiffened like a startled cat. “Huh?”

“My parents are taking a trip to visit my aunt and cousins in Normandy,” Barty explained sheepishly, “so I was thinking of staying at Hogwarts over break too! Don’t reckon much of anyone else in our year will be, so maybe we can hang out a bit over break, if you’d like...”

Atticus truly couldn’t think of anything he’d want to do less. Knowing it’d be incredibly rude to say so, however, he forced an uncomfortable smile. Ceci, however, jumped on it.

“That’s perfect!” she said. “Maybe you and Atticus can do some extra research, Barty.”

Atticus blinked in confusion. “Research?”

“About our dreams,” said Ceci eagerly.

Barty nodded. “One thing all of our visions have in common is that we all look older, right? You said that the guy in your dreams kind of looks like me, but older -- and Ceci, Rob, and I all see each other looking older too. But when we looked into Divination, all we really got was a lot of vague preaching -- ”

“You mean utter rubbish,” Robert inserted with a smirk.

“So Robert was thinking,” Barty pressed on, “if this is some kind of future sight we’re having, maybe we can find out what’s causing it by studying Time-centric magic.”

“And what better person to help us with researching something in the library than Atticus Lestrange?” Ceci said with satisfaction, taking both of Atticus’s shoulders from behind and giving them a light squeeze.

Atticus, however, didn’t look so sure. “Well, thank you, but...I’ve already read every book in the library about Time Turners -- and I don’t think there’s anything in there that might explain what’s going on...”

“Every book?” prompted Ceci, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes,” said Atticus. “Well, except for the Restricted Section, but...”

He trailed off, noticing the wicked look that Ceci and Robert exchanged before they both glanced at Barty.

“Except for the Restricted Section,” repeated Robert, his lips spread in a broad white smirk.

Barty grinned -- his expression was perfectly angelic compared to his cohorts, and yet it was determined.

“Atticus,” he said in a very soft, but perfectly fearless voice, “mind if I join you on your evening Prefect rounds, over break?”

And that was how Atticus Lestrange got roped into sneaking into the Restricted Section of the Library after dark on Christmas Eve with Barty Gilbert.

Atticus had been very wary when he lingered in the hall outside Ravenclaw Tower as planned, waiting for Barty. He knew his father most assuredly wouldn’t approve of this, and even despite that, he dreaded the thought of willingly spending time with his school rival. It didn’t matter how pleasantly the Gryffindor acted around him, or even how fond Atticus was becoming of his best friend -- Atticus didn’t like Barty, and that was that. And he absolutely hated the thought of getting into trouble just because he was roped into working with him.

Unfortunately Atticus was so uptight and stiff while waiting around that he nearly had a heart attack when Barty’s disembodied voice whispered in his ear.

“Sorry!” Barty whispered quickly. “I’m sorry -- I was really trying not to sneak up on you, but Filch is around that next corner...ack! Here he comes!”

He threw some sort of translucent cloth over Atticus’s head, prompting the other boy to crouch down so it covered both of them.

The crabby Hogwarts caretaker, Argus Filch, rounded the corner, raising his lantern and looking around. His beady eyes glided over where Atticus and Barty were standing, narrowing suspiciously, before he trudged away.

“Andskotans djöful,” Atticus swore under his breath.

He was clutching at his chest and breathing very heavily as he turned to gawk at Barty over his shoulder.

“You have an Invisibility Cloak?”

Barty grinned sheepishly. “My parents own several robe shops. I figured one of their stock going missing wouldn’t be the absolute end of the world...”

He adjusted somewhat so that the fabric wouldn’t drag on the floor.

“Come on -- let’s get to the library.”

Fortunately the two managed to get into the Restricted Section without incident. Once they were positive no one was in the Library to catch them, Barty stood watch under his Cloak by the door, his wand over his chest, while Atticus combed through the shelves of books, his own wand lit and held aloft so he could scan the titles. The two didn’t talk much -- the discomfort congealed between them as Atticus tried to keep his eyes on what he was doing.

“Anything promising?” asked Barty.

“Not yet,” said Atticus shortly.

Silence returned. After another moment, Barty spoke again.

“Atticus...may I ask you something?”

“What?”

“In your dreams...do you see bad things happening?”

Atticus paused. Then he slid another book from the shelf and opened it, flipping through the pages.

“Not really. I don’t see much of anything, I think -- at least, not that I can remember. It’s...feelings, mostly.”

“Feelings like you know something’s wrong? Like, even if you can’t see what happened, you feel so much pain and sorrow that you know it’s bad?”

“Sometimes.”

Barty nodded, turning his focus back out into the blackness of the Library.

“As far back as I can remember,” he said very softly, “I’ve had this dream where I was trying to reach someone. I couldn’t ever see their face clearly, but I just knew, somehow, that the person was in trouble, and that I had to help them. But no matter how fast I tried to run to try to get to that person...my vision would black out and I’d feel like I was frozen still, unable to move at all.”

He bowed his head, his eyes cast into shadow.

“...I would wake up screaming and crying at night, when I was little...all because I couldn’t reach that person in time. Because I knew that, because I didn’t move fast enough...that person was dead.”

Atticus’s hand had stilled on the book he was flipping through. His eyes were wide upon the page, but clearly weren’t taking in any of the words printed there. The memory of his own mother trying to comfort him after he woke up crying about a pair of red eyes and warm arms rippled over his mind.

“When I got to Hogwarts,” Barty said lowly, “my dreams became a little clearer. I still didn’t know where I was or what I was doing...but this person who I’d been running to try to save, my whole life, suddenly had a face. A man with black eyes and curly hair...just like my best friend.”

He looked up at Atticus, his face incredibly serious.

“I don’t know why you’ve seen someone like me in your dreams, Atticus,” said Barty, “and I know you don’t like me...but I could really use your help, in getting to the bottom of all this. Robert is my best friend in the whole world. He’s the first person who became my friend solely because of who I am, rather than who my family is. If I lost him...if anything bad happened to him...”

A dark, miserable shadow passed over his face.

“...I don’t know what I’d do,” he whispered.

Atticus looked up at last. His blue eyes were rather uncertain.

“What about Cecelia?” he asked. “Didn’t she become your friend for who you are?”

Barty’s eyes softened as his face flushed lightly.

“...Ceci means everything to me. We’ve known each other forever. But her family only engaged with mine because we had money...and my parents only let us play together because her parents would bring her over. Our parents encouraged her to play with me because my parents reckoned she’d be a ‘good influence’ on me...might help me come out of my shell some...”

“Well, I suppose they were right,” muttered Atticus. “Now you’re the hot-shot Dueling Champion and Dragon Tamer...Hogwarts’s Golden Boy...”

The last words came out before he could stop himself and he immediately looked away, his insides prickling with discomfort.

Barty, amazingly, only smiled weakly.

“It’s easy to be brave when you know you’re doing the right thing,” he said, “when you’re standing up for somebody or trying to calm an animal that doesn’t know any better. When you’re fighting, or protecting, there isn’t any thought -- you just do. Because it’s the right thing to do.”

He looked down again, his shoulders falling slightly.

“...But when you’re around people...trying to figure out just what to say, to tell people what you mean...or even just how much to say, when you know not everyone means you well...well, that’s not so easy. You feel like the whole world is watching you, and judging you, no matter what you say...even if you say nothing at all. But at least when you’re quiet...people can kind of just see what they want to see...”

Atticus frowned. Barty had always been rather soft-spoken compared to witty, sassy Robert and sociable, amiable Ceci, but he’d never really taken the time to conclude that Barty was actually shy.

“I’ve always envied Robert that way,” admitted Barty, offering Atticus a small smile. “He’s never at a loss of what to say. When you and he go at it, bantering like you do...I can tell you like each other, but there’s just such a charge there -- like the eclectic lamps Professor Burbage has in her Muggle Studies class!” He beamed a bit more broadly. “It’s so cool.”

Atticus stared at Barty for a moment, unsure of what to say. Then, after a moment, he looked back down at the book in his hands.

“...Thanks,” he said at last. He could feel his ears burning again.

Barty, however, only smiled, his blue eyes very understanding and patient as he returned his focus to the dark Library again.

Atticus glanced up at Barty without raising his head, considering him for a moment. Then, with a swallow, he spoke again.

“...I...used to wake up crying too. When I was little.”

Barty looked up, taken aback.

“I used to dream about this person with red eyes,” said Atticus. “He’d be squeezing my shoulders -- almost as if he was afraid to touch me at first, but then gently, purposefully. Then, as he held my shoulders, he would start to laugh...but even though he was laughing, I would hear the sobs. I could tell he was crying...crying in grief and joy and something else altogether...but so much pain. A kind of pain I don’t think I could ever know...”

Just remembering the heartbreaking sound made Atticus’s throat clench and his eyes well up with traces of tears. He wiped them quickly from his eyes with one hand.

“My mother used to comfort me, telling me that it was just a dream, that nothing in it could hurt me,” he said lowly. “But she never needed to say that -- I knew he wouldn’t hurt me. He was the one hurting.”

He swallowed. The lump in his throat was painful.

“...I didn’t have the dream as much, as I got older -- just time to time, around some of the other weird ones. Maybe I just don’t sleep long enough stretches to dream as much anymore,” he added as an afterthought. “But when Bellamy and I got paired for Binns’s oral report...well, that feeling came back, out of nowhere...and again, when you, Ceci, and I were watching the match against Hufflepuff.”

Atticus forced himself to meet Barty’s eyes at last.

“I don’t understand this whole thing at all...but I want to know why I’m feeling these things, and I want to know why you, Ceci, and Bellamy see what you’re seeing, too. If that’s what you want too...well, then it’s only practical that we work together.”

He offered a weak smile of his own. Barty was definitely taken aback, but within seconds, his face had lit up with a warmer, more determined smile and he nodded.

“Mm-hmm.”

From that day on, Barty Gilbert and Atticus Lestrange had made peace.

Unfortunately their night in the Library proved fruitless, research-wise. Not even Dark or restricted magic could explain the kinds of bizarre, fragmented visions the four students were experiencing. And so Atticus returned to his dorm that night feeling very disheartened. He was less so, however, when he awoke out of a restless doze in the Ravenclaw armchair Christmas morning to the feeling of someone holding his shoulder and lightly shaking it.

“Atticus. Atticus.”

Atticus blinked sleepily up at who’d woken him, to see a familiar, shyly smiling face framed by auburn hair.

“Happy Christmas,” Barty greeted gently.

Atticus shook his head rapidly, trying to orient himself.

“W-what? Gilbert, what -- what are you doing in -- ?”

Just behind Barty, Atticus could see both Ceci and Robert grinning from ear to ear.

“Surprise!” said Ceci brightly.

“Happy Christmas, Lestrange,” said Robert, his black eyes dancing with mischief.

Atticus looked around at all three of them, perfectly bewildered. “But -- but you -- you two went home for Christmas -- how did -- ?”

“Rob and I took the Floo back!” Ceci explained.

“It was Rob’s idea,” said Barty. “I thought I’d keep the whole thing quiet, until they got here.”

“I couldn’t change my plans and stay for my whole break, since I have to be at home for Christmas Eve church service,” said Robert, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably, “but well, the thought of you being stuck here all alone...”

His eyes drifted up to the ceiling.

“‘The school is not quite deserted,’ said the Ghost,” he recited from memory, “‘A solitary child, neglected by his friends, is left there still.’”

He returned his gaze to Atticus seriously.

“A Christmas Carol,” he added as explanation. “It’s part of why Scrooge ends up hating Christmas so much -- he wasn’t allowed to go home for the holidays to see his family, so instead he stayed at school all alone, with nothing but his books for company. I know this whole season isn’t your thing and all, but...it just seemed rotten, to leave you and Barty alone.”

Barty beamed at Atticus. Atticus, on the other hand, was too overwhelmed to respond. He felt like his throat had gone very dry, all of the moisture instead moving up toward his eyes.

Robert and Ceci had put their holidays with their families on hold for him. Yes, Robert said it was for him and Barty, but he’d been thinking of Atticus and how lonely he’d be. No one had ever done anything quite so kind for him before, and it made Atticus feel like his heart was flooding.

“...You...” he murmured, “...but...why?”

Ceci laughed. “Why do you think? You’re our friend, Atticus! We wanted to spend Christmas with you!”

Atticus’s heart swelled.

Friend. He was their friend?

He looked from Ceci to Barty to Robert -- his black-haired dormmate smiled, his black eyes sparkling as he nodded in agreement.

The tears that had been prickling at the sides of Atticus’s eyes actually leaked through, escaping down his cheeks, as he smiled back. He quickly wiped them away, his smile gleaming as he looked up at the three of them.

“...Thank you,” he said at last breathily. “I...I don’t know what to say...”

Ceci brought her arms around Atticus in a sideways hug. “Then don’t say anything! We have presents to unwrap! Come on, come on -- Barty, Rob and I put ours under the tree before we woke you...”

Atticus felt a bit guilty that he hadn’t thought to buy any presents for Robert, Barty, and Cecelia, but he honestly hadn’t expected that they’d want to get him anything. But sure enough, all three of them gave marvelous presents -- Barty gave Atticus a book on Dark creatures; Ceci gave him his own leather-bound copy of A Christmas Carol; and Robert gave him a beautiful bookmark carved out of wood into the shape of a Phoenix and painted brilliant shades of red and orange. The card enclosed said,

Ceci helped me paint this for you. Hope this little turkey can keep you company in the Library.

Happy Christmas!

Robert

Atticus was amazed when he learned that Robert had actually carved the bookmark himself by hand. Apparently Robert had used some of the leftover wood from the trunk of the tree he’d smuggled into Ravenclaw Tower to make Atticus’s bookmark -- he’d also used some of the branches he’d had to trim off to make Barty a carved picture frame and Ceci a pretty wooden heart pendant she could wear as a necklace. They were all a little rough around the edges, but the effort showed through, and it warmed Atticus’s heart to think of the amount of work Robert must’ve put in to make his presents.

The whole day put Atticus in such a good mood that he even encouraged Robert to read aloud from his new leather-bound copy of A Christmas Carol, so he could hear it. The request made Robert’s dark eyes light up more brightly than Atticus had ever seen them before...and indeed, when Robert finished reading the beautifully written, emotional novel with such warm sincerity and articulated poetry that evening, Atticus had to admit -- it was a very, very good book.

#golden era #hphl #hogwarts legacy #reincarnation!au #my art #my writing #bartholomew varney #atticus grimsley #cecelia crouch varney #hahaha you've heard of christmas in july?? well now it's only may #but christmas is bat's favorite time of year hands-down #grim's canon relationship with christmas is harder because he initially thought it was 'eh'#then he met bat and he started really enjoying it #but then bat died right before christmas so toward the end of grim's life it only brought back bad memories #and admittedly atticus as his modern self didn't have much fun at home during christmas when he was a young'un #I'm so glad to see barty and grim finally finding some common ground!! :')#also yay for sneaking into the restricted section around christmas LOL

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khaleesiofalicante · 3 years

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OH MY GOD! ITS HAPPENING! Its only the summary and I’m emo 😂 I should be studying for my exams, but I have tomorrow for that ;)

Ok, lets do this:

UDHWIJSHW THEY ARE SO CUTE FOR EACH OTHER I CANT-

"He preferred to hide his heart away. But he couldn’t hide David. He didn’t want to. David deserved to be seen." Like father like son. Both speeking poetry about their love ones. (and no, Idk which father I'm talking about 😂)

“I don’t think they are fake dating,” David hummed from the other end. “You don’t talk for hours every night if you are just fake dating.” (THANK YOU DAVID! SOMEONE THAT ITS NOT BLIND)

"They like doing chores. Let them do it. They fight demons all day and then come home and do chores. I feel like it’s their form of therapy. They need this.”“So, by not helping them, we are technically helping them?” Bapa had asked and Max had nodded with a grin. “Shadowhunters are weird.” “True dat,” Max had laughed. They were all weirdos. But Max loved them anyway. He loved his weird shadowhunters. (The domesticity lf this is killing me in a good way🥺)

“Will you on a date with me? Tomorrow?” Max asked then – because why the hell not. (Hell yeah Max. Go big or go home babe😎)

“This date is going to be the best first date in the history of first of dates.” In retrospect, he really shouldn’t have said that. (I'm already feeling his chaotic ass will do something like Magnus did, but lets keep hope)

"Maybe Lexi and Liv would probably enjoy a date – a fake date - in the arcade." Could I be more in love with both of them?? Is that physically possible?? 💙

Elyaas giving Max dating advice!! Lmaooo 😂😂

"His parents would not be pleased if they knew Max was summoning demons for relationship advice. But they had also encouraged Max to make friends with everyone regardless of their identity. So, technically this was their fault. They gave him very mixed messages." YOU LIL SHIT. YOU ARE NOT WRONG THO...

FUCK. An attack??

You lil shit Max.

Yep, Rafael has to deal with it everyday 😂

OOMG YESS. THE ALIANCE RUNE!!

"So, when he got tired, he would simply fix the problem by eating. It was a win-win to be honest." I feel like I should say something, but tbh it makes sense

Ok, this fight is intense

Wait. Anjali is there??? What?

Oh ok, it wasn’t

“Say the thing!”Rafael groaned and raised his hands, the alliance rune lighting up.“I’m not just a shadowhunter,” Rafael said through gritted teeth. “I’m Magnus Bane’s son.” I'm dead 😂

THAT SCENE WAS EVERYTHING. LOVE THOSE TWO

“Well, demons are stupid,” Max pointed out. “Yeah, that makes sense,” Rafael said with a mouthful of food. “You are half demon after all.” “Asshole,” Max laughed and punched his brother.

“Text dad we are okay,” Rafael said, slowly recovering. “They will worry.”Max nodded and did that. (This just summ up sibling relationships so well *chef kiss*)

“It can be hard, Max. Bapak and dad…Sometimes I look at them and feel like I will never have what they have.” YUP. THEY HAVE SIBLINGS DYNAMIC. ALSO RAFAEL IS JUST 🥺🥺🥺

David got wounded???

Oh ok. False alarm.

Rafael sat down next to him and put Bapak’s head on his lap, gently massaging it.

“Are you okay?” dad knelt down next to his husband. “Just a little tired,” Bapak replied.A little tired. Max knew Bapak was fucking exhausted." "Bapak never showed it. He never complained. Max wondered what else he hid away from everyone else." “Okay,” dad whispered and kissed his husband on the head. “Get some rest, my love.” Bapak nodded and closed his eyes as Rafael hummed something softly. (Well, now I'm crying 😭😭)

" His niece found an herbal medication that helps with the pain.” ANJALI!! I LOVE HER💙💙

"Dad finally smiled and went out to the balcony, phone in hand. He seemed to hang out in the balcony a lot lately" No no no. I dont like this. Babe find a better copying mechanism!!

"Bapak smiled then. A brilliant grin. The one dad probably fell in love with." jsyeihdiej I cant🥺💙

"Bapak sniffed when dad sat down next to him and gave him an odd look. But he didn’t say anything." Magnus tell him something. I dont like where this is going😭

“Does that mean Bapak is a capitalist?” Max asked. “Do not drag me into this!” Bapak protested and dad laughed at that" Ahh yess. Typical family discussions 😂

"David: Mr Herondale yelled “Yes! Two out of three!” (😂😂 I HONESTLY LAUGHED WAY TO HARD!!)

“Well, no! I don’t want drama. But I want you to be dramatic so I can tell you not to be dramatic!” I would like to say WHAT? but I honestly get it 😂

“Also, we all know you had an embarrassing crush on Uncle Jace growing up,” Rafael snickered. “And you definitely still have a crush on Uncle Jem.” Oh god 😂😂 but I mean... Who doesn't have a crush on Jem?

“Oh yeah?” Max demanded. “Well then let me explain your type. You are probably going to fall for someone who is like a combination of Aunt Izzy and Aunt Lily! Some femme fatale type who is a heartbreaker and looks like a supermodel and-” Boy got it right huh? 😂

“You two are dating?” dad demanded. “Since when? Who else knows about this? Why didn’t you tell us before? Were you dating when you were in London? Magnus, did you know about this?” “There you go!” Max yelled triumphantly. “That’s the dramatic reaction I was looking for. Thanks, dad!” lmaooo 😂😂

"And that’s how the next hour turned out to be the most painful and most embarrassing hour of his life." I. I have no words

“I’ll have you know this conversation utterly traumatized me. I demand financial compensation.” “Not happening,” dad said into his coffee, and Max groaned before walking back into his room. (THAT FAMILY 😂😂)

" I tried to hurt your father once.” OH no, the angst is coming

" He didn’t know about this. He knew about their story. Everyone did. The accords hall kiss. The fight in Edom. The changing of the law. Their love was legendary. Not this!" THIS IS BRINGING BACK SO MANY FLASHBACKS

“All I know is that I was terrified. I love your father. I love Magnus more than anything in the world. And I didn’t want to lose him. And I didn’t know what to do.” 😭😭 NOT AGAIN!!

"When you love someone so much, sometimes you do crazy things.” THIS

" Love had made a fool out of them. Love had made them blind." Yup. tsc: a summary

"When you love someone, you have to be honest with them" And THAT is character development!!

"They called it The Jem effect." I'm using this from now on 😂💙💙

"Uncle Jem was wearing a tank top and and ripped jeans." So its time for SIMP over Jem Carstairs? Okey then.

"In fact, he used to have a crush on both Tessa and Jem. It’s how he had found he was bisexual." Same here 😂

“MINA! I SWEAR TO LILITH I AM GOING TO GET YOU BACK FOR THIS!” OH MY GOD I LOVE MINA!!

“In my defense, I was busy!!” “Oooo, someone has been getting busy!” Mina WINKED. (You lil shit! I love her 💙)

He didn’t know he could blush!!!

" They had gone to hell and back for Roman. It wouldn’t have been possible if not for Catarina. She was, and always has been, a miracle worker." Again, I love my queen💙💙

“I believe in Mavid supremacy.” ME TOO

"There is something so queer about Ferris wheels!" Someone needed to say this

"They had their own space in the spiral fucking labyrinth. These fucking legends." I BELIEVE IN WARLOCK TEAM SUPREMACY

"But Ragnor had always had a soft spot for Rafael." 🥺🥺

I love my warlock squad so much I cant-

Ragnor is so done😂

“I don’t want to lose him,” Max said it out loud for the first time. “But you will, Max,” Catarina said gently. “Everyone loses people they love. Every day. It’s how life works.” (its to early to be crying)

“Yes, we do,” Ragnor replied. “But it also means we fall in love over and over. Century after century. It’s our blessing.” (these warlocks are just to perfect)

“And that love is going to last for a lifetime,” Tessa said softly. “Can you imagine that? Someone loving you for centuries. Someone remembering you for eternity. Doesn’t that sound wonderful?” 🥺🥺

David deserved to be loved like that – endlessly and impossibly. (OK BUT THE PARALLEL)

Tessa should definetly write a guidebook

“Je t’aime à la folie,” Max said.David’s eyes widened. “Vraiment?“ "Je t’aime. Je t’aime de toute mon âme. Je t’aime pour toujours.” ( I literally screamed and woke up my sister, I just love them so much!!!)

"David smiled. The smile Max fell in love with" 🥺🥺

“I know I am not your forever and I am okay with that.” Max bit his lip. “Okay.” “But you are mine,” David said. “You know that, right?” (ksidjdldk its just all this was beautiful!)

“I got it all planned,” Max said – for someone who had no idea what he was going to do." (Me as I should be studying 😂)

" And you were just scared. You were just a kid." “I just…I just realized you might not have had that when you were growing up – that there might not have been people you could talk to about these things.” THAT!! LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK!

"Max pulled him closer and kissed him again. Every kiss a promise. A promise to love. A promise to fight. A promise to survive" I would die for this two

OMG he took him to the Celestial Palace!! Thats so perfect and 🥺🥺

“Oh mon dieu! Ceci est incroyable! Il y a tellement de livres! Oh mon dieu! Je l'aime tellement!”💙💙 Idk how you manage to make me love David even more

“Of course he doesn’t hate you!” Max chuckled. “But he did say he will put your nerd ass in the silent city if you don’t bring me home by 11.” David blinked. “You’re joking, right?” “Of course,” Max grinned. His father had actually said that but there was no need to scary poor David any further. (😂😂 Imagine having the Consul as father-in-law, poor David)

“Yeah, not good with words my ass,” Exactly!! They say they are not good with words and procede to recite poetry of their love one??!!

Ughh I love this chapter so much and I loved how they deal with the inmortality thing! I just love when people comunicate and talk to each other! THATS A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP! And how they didn't repeat Alec and Magnus mistake. I just love it! *chef kiss*

Anyway, this was really long and it took to open notes to fullfill, so i'll just leave💙💙

Bro I just felt like I read the whole chapter again and I am feels. I AM FEELS SEND HELP. Not me catching feels over my own shit lmaooooo.

Thank you so much. I have some work to do and I was like meh and now I have some energy to do it lol. I hope you spend tomorrow studying! You better!! Good luck!

ps - I love you notice the parallels and references. It makes me lil heart go boop!

also why do I feel like y'all are eternally doing exams????

#ily thank youuuu #lbaf

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invincible-selfxmade-punk · 3 years

Text

My So Called Rise Against Life

All lyrics written and owned by Rise Against

No band, not even AFI, sings the soundtrack of the last 20 years of my life like Rise Against has. I was dragged to my first Rise Against show by Emily. Emily, the suicide girl, quite possibly the hottest girl in Corpus Christi, barely 5'1 and 98 pounds soaking wet, covered in tattoos and with Angelina Jolie's lips. To this day I cannot imagine why a girl who looked like that wanted to hang with me. I had never been to a gig at that little club called The Underground where the disenfranchised youth of Corpus Christi congregated. This was the very cusp of my punk rock midlife crisis and I went in scared to death because I'd heard concerts of this nature were violent.

At this point I was already considering the decision to become straightedge. I was curious but knew little about it. The sum of my knowledge was this: two of the guys in AFI were, and the guy at the mall was. The memory of this guy never leaves me. Like a stray dog with a tennis ball, catching a welcoming scent on the air, then chasing after a passing stranger who never looked down, I chased after him and each year I spent in that fruitless pursuit felt like seven. His friendship I would never win, but he would remain on the outskirts of my life, like the brass ring I reached for again and again only to fall on my face. I would see him that night too, but I didn't know this when Em invited me out. It was billed as a hardcore show. I had no idea what hardcore was back then, I just assumed it meant a rough crowd of millitant straightedge vegans that would have a sixth sense that I wasn't one of them and chase me out the doors. Rise Against was headlining and an equally unknown band called Avenged Sevenfold was opening. I'd never heard of either. Emily wanted me to go and I wanted to get out of the house for the night so it wasn't that hard for her to twist my arm in the matter. I met her at her apartment which was filth ridden, with drug paraphernalia everywhere, a wall size Misfits poster that took up the entire SIDE of her apartment, and electric guitars propped next to skateboards. As she slipped out of her clothes and into something slinky much to my viewing pleasure, she pointed me to her freezer with a purloined bottle of tropical Schnapps from the liquor store she was working for. Toasting in miniature tea cups I downed the bright blue liquid. I remember it so well, the frost covered bottle, cold in my hand, the electric blueness pouring into what looked like a child's tea party set up. This wasn't the last drink I would take, that would come two months later, yet I remember every detail of the experience. Suited up in skimpiness, we were off to the races. We hauled ass in Emily's SUV and she sat behind the wheel, dwarfed by it's hugeness and her smallness, joint in hand, careening down the expressway and swerving around orange construction barrels. As we exited into the worst part of town I had ever seen I must have looked uneasy. She turned to me and proudly exclaimed "Don't worry, I know this place! I used to score crack here!" We walked in and the first person I saw was the straightedge boy, who was taking money at the door. It was a good sign of things to come. It would also mean I would completely ignore Avenged Sevenfold's set in s stupid quest to get his attention long enough to make conversation. But Em was a champ, she stayed with me through the whole thing. In fact, I don't remember having the guts to say a word. She talked to him, I watched him talking to her and twenty feet away M. Shadows was screaming his sexy, tattooed, egotistical lungs out but I was utterly oblivious. From there we went to the merch booth where Em bought me an Avenged Sevenfold poster that I kept for years on my wall before finally giving it away right on the cusp of actually starting to listen to them. She also bought me a Rise Against patch that is still on my Dickies bag today though it is nothing more than a mess of black thread. We wandered over to the PETA booth, watched some gruesome videos, signed up for mail and picked up a cookbook I would later use to make one of the mall kids a vegan birthday cake. Then Emily spied someone she knew and I followed her over, still looking suspiciously through the crowd sure someone was just going to come up and punch me for no apparent reason. Still following, I watched as she struck up a conversation with this cute guy in glasses. I politely listened in as they talked about how they haven't seen each other since Warped Tour. For the life of me I can't remember what they talked about. I was distracted by a guy that looked like Davey Havok. Their conversation muffled to a drone until the guy looked at his watch and said "Oh crap!! I need to be on

stage! I'll talk to after the show!" and it was at that moment I realized Emily had been talking to Joe Principe of Rise Against. This was our cue as well though there was already too much of a crowd to get near the front. There were maybe one hundred people there and Tim held every one in the palm of his hand. I was amazed. I had never heard them before in my life so I can't tell you the set list but I knew from that time on I wanted to hear more. At the end Emily and I waited at the stage to talk to Tim. I had no idea what to say so I just shook his hand and now I wish I had held on a little longer. Emily got a shirt signed and talked to him for a while. Again I was too preoccupied with the AFI look-alikes in the crowd that I wasn't paying much attention. To this day I wonder if the dude I thought looked like Davey was actually Zacky Vengeance. I'll never know for sure. Soon enough Joe was with us again and he and Emily were engaged in conversation when he turned to me and said "Did that hurt?" I had NO idea what he was talking about, I was too overwhelmed by his very presence. I actually thought he was pointing past me to the PETA booth and I stupidly sputtered "What KFC is doing to chickens?" I swear to god when I'm miserable and in need of cheering up sometimes all it takes to make me smile is thinking "Hey, Joe laughed at my joke." The night drew to an end, Emily went out with the band, and being married, I went home. Next to singing a line with Dave Peters of Throwdown, that first night with Rise Against was the best night of the last ten years of my life. The next time I would see Rise Against they would be back in Corpus, opening for Bad Religion. This happened during what I call "The Emo Dave Era". I met Dave because of Rise Against. He was a little emo boy wearing a Rise Against shirt, skipping school at the mall. I stopped him and asked him about it and well that was it, he just kept coming around. I would end up knowing him for five years and eventually hiring him to work for me. By the second time they came to town Siren Song of The Counterculture was out and I remember bragging to Dave that if it was any other band I would have just downloaded it, but for them I would actually spend my hard earned money. I remember DRINKING in the songs, trying so hard to memorize all of the tracks before the gig hit. I remember the second Rise Against gig for many reasons. It was the first gig I went to alone at a time I was in the grip of panic attacks whenever I had to be in wide open spaces by myself. Two of my "mall daughters" met me at the gates and stayed with me the whole night. I remember that. I remember Dave hitting the merch table before me and buying me Rise Against stickers that I regarded like they were jewels and kept them in some special place until I hid them so well I hid them from myself. Dave and I and the girls were in the front row together, and sadly none of them I am in contact with now. Not only that, but Dave and one of the girls I was up front with would end up working for me and stealing over $1300 from my business during their tenure as my employees. Years from knowing this though we happily stood side by side and sang along for the whole set. What I remember most about that second gig was standing in front of Joe and when he sang "Single file like soldiers on a mission." I saluted him and he saluted back. Tim was wearing the exact same shirt he wore at the first gig but I was probably the only one to notice it. And when Tim asked "Who was here at our first gig when only 20 people showed up?" I proudly raised my hand. All the memorizing I did was pretty much for naught because I was so excited to be in the front row I damn near forgot every word to every song, but for some reason I knew every word to 1,000 Good Intentions. The first Rise Against show was in August, I can't tell you the date of the second one. I made my commitment to becoming straightedge sometime between December and January. I don't know the exact date because I was so scared about the whole

thing I kept it to myself "You're the new revolution The angst filled adolescent You fit the stereotype well..."

.All I know for sure was that I'd been edge several months by the second Rise Against gig at Concrete Street in Corpus. he second Rise Against gig also brings to mind another phantom of my past: a girl I was close to named Amanda (not the Amanda I went to Warped Tour w/, that Amanda I've always called Di because her screen name was Dionysus). This was Amanda's first night aout after being kidnapped and raped. Her parents were druggies and didn't want the cops involved so the guys who did it just got away with it and I'd see them at the mall all the time afterward and I couldn't do shit. It was her and her big sister who met me at the gates and stayed with me all night. I loved those girls. . . . Again, digressing. From First To Last opened and we spent the whole set talking about how much they looked like AFI. I ended up leaving the gig early, going to the house of one of them who still lived with his folks, ringing the doorbell and leaving a note in the mail box that said 'YOUR SON RAPES LITTLE GIRLS----just thought you should know'. It didn't really help anything but it made me feel better. During this mindlessly courageous time I was blinded by my commitment. I jumped into being edge with a fervor reserved for things like joining the Hari Krishnas or Jehovah's Witnesses. It was a complete make over of every idea I'd ever held. I didn't know a great deal but once I found it, I knew it was all I had been looking for. The only other person I actually knew who was edge was the straightedge boy, who now had become god-like in my mind. He was the first face of straightedge for me, the ideal, the standard, the one thing I felt I had to live up to. Sadly, by this time he was long gone, moving away from the mall where we worked and on to better things. This fact only drove me forward in a Holy Grail level quest to find him. When he was there I was terrified of speaking to him and then when he wasn't I kicked myself for not having the courage. I was sure that if I did make my way to him, he could impart some knowledge, some advice that would make my whole solitary experience make sense. The soundtrack of that quest was Blood to Bleed: "Steps I take in your footsteps Aren't getting me closer to what is left of the dreams of what I once claimed to know Within my bones this resonates...." Within weeks of each other three amazing things happened: Ceci, my best friend Amanda(Dionysus) and I went to Warped Tour to see AFI and in the process saw Rise Against as well. Then The Sufferer and the Witness came out, and at the same time Jadey and Ceci came to visit me in Corpus for quite possibly the most idyllic summer of my life. It was that summer we saw Rise Against for the third time. At that Warped Tour again we were in front of Joe, and again when Tim sang "Single file like soldiers on a mission... " we saluted Joe and he saluted us back and it was like a little piece of heaven fell to earth, the moment was so perfect. The set was

short because it was Warped Tour but we didn't care. We were together, we loved each other and we sang along with every song we knew. Sufferer and Witness came out in July right in time for Warped Tour and the girls coming down for a visit. I remember this so well because I had a cd of the straightedge boy's band and it seemed so important for me to play it for Jadey and Ceci. Do you remember that line in The Lost Boys: "Now you know what we are, now you know what you are." ? That was how it felt for me, this romanticized notion that my edge was not my own and it was all owing and belonged to someone else. I wanted to be able to trace it like a family tree to say, if I had not met him I would not have found out about AFI, I would not have made my committment, we would have never met, so therefore the life and friendship we have shared has all traced back to THIS. Well, they weren't all that impressed. I have a very clear memory of us being outside the Sonic Drive In and Jadey asking me "Please turn that noise off and put in something else." That something else was the The Sufferer And The Witnessand it stayed in the player for the rest of the trip. Ready To Fall was the song that defined the next year, much later, that I made my edge my own. In my journey I had looked to so many others for advice or reassurance or validation. I did this because I didn't believe in myself. I thought I was weak and sought in others what would make me strong. Sometimes I received it, like messages sent back and forth the guys in Throwdown and the near religious experience of seeing them live all the times I have, of singing a line with Dave, shaking his hand. Most of the time though my search was in vain. I remember very clearly seeking out help online. One guy told me I would never know who I was until I went to a hardcore show. This wasn't exactly bad advice, hardcore shows had the most amazing energy flowing through them and it did feel good to be surrounded by like minded people. The only thing I really learned about myself through going to hardcore shows was that if God had wanted me to hardcore dance, He would not have given me boobs. There was another guy who told me only the most insecure person would EVER wear a straightedge shirt out in public and if you were sincere about it, you'd keep it to yourself. I thought that guy was nuts. The whole POINT of being edge to me was proving I was not like the idiots around me. "With your eyes Glazed and half-smiled Explain to me the details of your God-given right You point your finger In my face but You can't remember what you did last night" I asked another guy what to do if I was tempted to drink again and he told me if I was tempted I was never really straightedge to begin with and I should just do the scene a favor and kill myself already. Then there were the kids that thought I was just the bees knees and were coming to ME for advice. I had no idea what to tell these kids, but I wasn't about to tell them not to wear sXe gear or kill themselves. Because of my own search for answers I refused to turn any kid away. One day they were telling me I was their hero and begging for advice, the next they were telling me I was out of my mind and to get lost. It took a good four years before I learned not to believe them in either case. "This could be my great awakening But how would I know when it's all noise to me? Are these words falling on deaf ears?" Right in the middle of this I had the good fortune to meet a guy named Chris X from Philly. He neither worshipped nor ignored me. He was simply THERE. I have the most vivid memory of this one morning. I had the same dream about the straightedge boy only this time I stepped out and stopped him and asked him if the hormones levels in milk made people more aggressive the way steroids did and asked if I should stop drinking it. Why this popped into my head I will never know. As usual the alarm rang before the blurry form opened his mouth and imparted wisdom. I woke up at 5 am and suddenly HAD to know

the answer to the question. It happened that Chris X was up too. I contacted him and he took the time out of his morning to discuss this with me completely out of the blue. I don't know why this sticks out in my memory but it does: Him being up at five am and taking an hour out of his morning to answer some moronic question from a girl he didn't know and being so nice about it. He is still edge, we are still friends and he is still there when I need him. He is the exception to the rule. Friends fell away and I remained steadfast, yet alone. Slowly though there came the time when I realized I needed to look no further than in the mirror. It wasn't like this was a new thing. I was told this many times and yet I never believed it. Right about this time Rise Against released Ready To Fall: "But here in this moment like the eye of the storm It all came clear to me I found a shoulder to lean on An infallible reason to live all by itself I took one last look from the heights that I once loved And then I ran like hell" The heights I once loved were ego driven, the compulsion to wear a straightedge shirt every day and X's for every gig and dare anyone to tell me otherwise. It was that romanticized notion of my edge,--that it hadn't been mine and all I was, was owed to someone else. It was as if I believed someone had physically stood between me and a fridge full of alcohol that first year and kept me from it. Or that someone had been there to comfort me when my husband was drunk or in a bad mood and was calling me names or throwing me around because I dared come home with a book of Marxist writing or simply did not shut up and go along or renounce my beliefs. I healed myself, I comforted myself and I did almost all of it completely alone. It was slow in dawning but it finally came to me that I was the only one I had to inspire or impress, and my own approval was all I needed. This revelation was scored by every track on Sufferer and Witness. The fourth time I saw Rise Against, I met Ceci in Austin to see them at Stubb's. Stubb's BBQ is a grand place to see any band because if you get there early enough, you can have lunch on the balcony while watching the band's sound check. We found this out the first time we went there, seeing The Rollins Band open up for X. Going to the Rise Against show I told myself "It's not big deal, I've seen them three times before, I'm just going to kick back and eat and enjoy the sound check" but as soon as Tim and Joe took the stage I could barely consume a thing I was so overwhelmed. As we waited in line after lunch for the doors to reopen, I met Ceci's brother Jordan who is, wildly enough, still my friend. Jordan. He hovers on the edges of my life, always there with a kind word whether I actually deserved it or not. He is the only good thing to come out of my friendship with Ceci. Evergreen Terrace opened that show and we were right in front of the guy in the Straightedge Soldier tshirt and that and a brilliant cover of "Mad World" was all I remembered of their set. Circa Survive came on next and Ceci and I took turns booing them and flipping them off. Not that they were necessarily bad, but we were in no mood to entertain the mopey emo set at that point. Soon we were all piled together up front, again in front of Joe. I didn't get to salute him at that gig. Ceci's arms were too tightly around me. Ceci, her girlfriend Grace, Jordan and my husband were tangled in a sea of arms, so tightly that I wasn't sure of whose hand I was holding most of the night. Though by that time I was perfectly comfortable in my commitment, Blood to Bleed still only reminded me of one person and Ceci knew this. I felt she understood me then, I felt she was one of the very few who knew me best. Beside me was my husband, but in my heart was a dream of someone else, of someone who shared my commitment and my ideals, a dream of an idea more than a person, the perfect guy/relationship/life I would never have. Two months later I would find out my husband was seeing a girl from work

that had got him hooked on heroin. Two months later he would come to where I worked and attack me in front of multiple witnesses and when called, the police would do nothing. Two months later I would sit sobbing in the back of a police car because I was too afraid to go into my own apartment and get my things. When responding to my call the enormous officer would glare down at me and say "Why are you afraid to walk in your own home? Are you on drugs or are you just retarded?" Instead of accompanying me inside to get my things they would search me for drugs. Two months later I would realize why Henry Rollins hated cops so much. Two months later. after ten years together, I would leave my husband. I did not know any of this then. All I knew was that in that instant my heart was bleeding inside of me for want of some friendship I would never have, the one thing I believed would make my life complete. It was that friendship, that idea of a person, of perfection, of everything I wanted myself and my life to be, that seemed like the holy grail of the second part of my life. Looking back, maybe it held value only because it was unobtainable. I had not yet learned to find it in myself so I sought it so furiously in a stranger. So, with the ridiculously angelic vision of the first straightedge boy I ever met in my head, and my unfaithful husband beside me, in that crowd at Stubb's, Rise Against tore into Blood To Bleed. It was our first time to hear it live together as they had not played it at Warped Tour. Ceci looked down at me, wrapped her arms around me and held me tight because she knew exactly who I was thinking of and why. As she held on to me with one hand and ran a hand through my hair, we both screamed out those lyrics that had haunted me and driven me on for years. "This place rings with echos of lives once lived, but now are lost Times spent wondering about tomorrow I don't care if we lose it all tonight Up in flames, burning bright.... Within my bones this resonates Boiling blood will circulate Could you tell me again what you did this for?" And just like I was blind to what was about to erupt with my husband I was just as blind to time bomb ticking inside of Ceci that would turn her into a complete stranger the next time we met, at the very same place it would turn out. Had I known that this was the last time she would hold my hand and sing with me and look down on me with love and empathy in her eyes, I would not have wasted my sorrow in grieving for a friendship that never was and instead would have known to grieve for the real friendship I was losing. I should have grieved for hers, but in retrospect, it was no more real than the idea of the one I chased after so fruitlessly. "I don't love you anymore is all I remember you telling me never have I felt so cold But I've no more blood to bleed Cuz my heart has been draining into the sea...." And the strange footnote to that day, that time, that moment of hope and loss and all that was to come is this: Even though his friendship I never actually earned, in his status of a wise, polite stranger, that straightedge boy I never really knew was far more civil than Ceci. His responses, however short they were, however long it took to get them, were genuine. It is such a small thing, his honesty, yet it is more than I can say for ninety percent of the people I've known in the last several years. Another song we sang together that night was Prayer of the Refugee. I had no idea then but that song was about to describe my life. "We are the angry and desperate The hungry and the cold We are the ones who kept quiet and always did what we were told But we've been sweating while you slept so calm in the safety of your homes We've been pulling at the nails that hold up everything you own."

The split with my husband was brutal. First I had to deal with police that didn't care, who told me at one point "Well, if he tries to kill you, call us back, otherwise there's nothing we can do. He's your husband and he has the same right to live here as you do." Thanks to the police not doing anything, I was thrown out of the apartment I had paid for for ten years. The battered women's shelter was full and I would have found myself homeless had it not been for my friend Lilo. Suddenly I was having to start from scratch and then, upon finding a place, having to pack up ten years worth of my life and move it all by myself. "I hit the ground and I'm still running but I need a place to stay tonight I swear I'll be gone in the morning I just need some place warm to close my eyes." Every day I worked until the afternoon, went home and packed until 2 am, fell asleep until 5 am and then got up and did it all again. Then once I was packed I had to move it all. I can't remember why I didn't ask for help but I moved it all alone except for the bed, entertainment center and tv. "The drones all slave away They're working overtime They serve a faceless queen They never question why Disciples of a god That neither lives nor breathes But we've got bills to pay Yeah we've got mouths to feed I won't go back..." This was such a strange time. There was no way to hide what was going on: my husband came to where I worked and jumped me in front of everyone there, I had to tell my boss "My husband kicked me out and I'm homeless at the moment, could I possibly get my check a day or two early to put a deposit down on an apartment?" and I had to own up to the fact that I was straightedge and my husband was a heroin addict. "We're broken but still breathing We are wounded but we are healing We pick up right where we left off Breathe on the ashes that remain So that these coals may become fire To guide our way.." This made my life suddenly seem a really bad B movie. There was nothing to do but go on. I would have asked myself "What would that straightedge guy do in this situation?" if I'd had any idea. Instead I asked "What would Dave Peters of Throwdown do?" and of course the obvious answer was "punch something". As much as I wanted to, I couldn't do that. However, I knew for sure what he wouldn't do and that was curl up in a ball and cry. So I didn't do that either. It was a such horrible time and yet when I look back all I remember is my own strength and the exhilaration I felt when I finally left. "So give me the drug Keep me alive Give me what's left of my life Don't let me go... Pull this plug, let me breathe On my own, I'm finally free..."

Lilo and Di swore I looked great, like I had suddenly gotten 10 years younger. They said I was glowing, but unless I had come in contact with radium I certainly didn't see how. I remember thinking "Well hell, maybe the Socialists were right. Maybe 16 hour days are the way to salvation." "Wake me up inside Tell me there's a reason To take another step To get up off my knees and, Follow this path of most resistance. And where ever it takes us, Whatever it faces and wherever it leads" As I came into my own power, the straightedge boy who had loomed so god-like over the first years of my commitment shrank back down to human size. Deep down I still hoped that if he was to know of all I had gone through he would be a little proud of me for surviving with my integrity intact. But if he didn't, well that was okay too. Survive I did, survive I continue to. "Somewhere between happy, and total fucking wreck Feet sometimes on solid ground, sometimes at the edge To spend your waking moments, simply killing time Is to give up on your hopes and dreams, to give up on your... Life for you, has been less than kind So take a number, stand in line We've all been sorry, we've all been hurt But how we survive, is what makes us who we are" When I had my own place and my own life again, to celebrate I bought myself a Christmas present: a tattoo of a sparrow carrying brass knuckles in her beak. It reminded me of this lyric that had been echoing in my head the whole time: "And if strength was born from heartbreak Then mountains I could move If walls could speak I pray that they would tell me what to do." I enjoyed more than six months of solitude in my cozy little apartment on Airline. I filled my weekends with walks on the beach, solitary shopping excursions for meatless dinners, and nights were spent at the House of Rock and the Underground watching bands, enjoying the freedom of staying out without getting yelled at or called names. I spent Christmas alone on Lilo's floor stuffing myself with processed cheeseballs and watching movies. It was my first UnChristmas. The Jehovah's Witnesses would have been proud! "Warm yourself by the fire, son, And the morning will come soon. I’ll tell you stories of a better time, In a place that we once knew. Before we packed our bags And left all this behind us in the dust, We had a place that we could call home, And a life no one could touch."

But I am flawed and cowed and crippled by the Christian concept of forgiveness. And by the time I would be seeing Rise Against again, my husband would be back by my side. In West Texas his mom had ran him through the MHMR system, let them start him on 7 different drugs, ---including three different tranquilizers and pills for hallucinations and seizures, which he never once had,--- used him to get on welfare, disability, and Medicare. Once he's served the purpose, she called a friend in the sheriff's department and had him pulled from her house, drugged out of his mind on meds at the time, and stuck on a bus to Corpus Christi. The Glasscock County Sherriff's Department called me at work to TELL me "Your husband is on a bus to Corpus, he'll be there at two am. He's your responsibility now." On the bus, because of his state of stupor, he was robbed of everything but his clothes and as much as I wanted to just shove him into the closest homeless shelter, I couldn't. Had it been me, as unlikely as that would be, I would want someone to have compassion. "We are the children you reject and disregard These aching cries come from the bottom of our hearts You can't disown us now, we are your own flesh and blood And we don't disappear just because your eyes are shut" I took him in. At first it was easy. Thanks to the drugs he was sleeping 18 hours a day. Finally I started to investigate what they had him on, what he could do without and how to get him back to normal. I'm not sure how I did it, but I weened him off of every drug he was on. At first it was out of necessity since I was making too much money for him to stay on state sponsored help and he'd have run out eventually. Looking back though, had he sustained that amount of drug intake for long he would have probably died. So he was back for good and conversely Ceci and Jadey and nearly every other friend I had at the time would have turned their backs on me and flocked to other, cooler individuals. All those kids that convinced me they would have killed themselves, starved themselves, cut themselves to shreds, OD'ed, etc had they not met me, who all imposed their problems and lives on mine for five years or more and took up every spare moment of my time and every inch of my heart all turned 18 at once. In turning 18 they realized they knew it all and I was no longer worth their time. "And if you think your words will ever make a difference Think again and carry on..." My husband and I are still together, but all those friends are long gone. I wish I could say he gave up all his demons, but he didn't. He simply traded the big ones for a myriad of lesser evils. He will never be straightedge. And though he claims to be proud of me, to this day he is convinced, utterly falsely, I am hiding some secret affair with the straightedge boy from years ago. I sat him down one day and asked "Do you get that we are straightedge? Do you get that in being straightedge we could not possibly cheat on our significant others and remain straightedge? Do you get that no matter how much he influenced me I barely knew him and he barely gave me the time of day? Do you get that what you are accusing me of is utterly impossible?”

Despite his insistence on this, the idea doesn't bother him enough for him to give up his own addictions and become edge himself. He no longer asks me to change and he is no longer violent, thank god. I no longer ask him to change, though I pray every day he will. We have been together for twenty years now and I have never been with anyone else. This doesn't keep me from dreaming of some nice sXe man who shares my ideals. But I think of it much like I imagine racing on the autobahn, knowing it will never actually happen and knowing I’d never do it even if I could. "We live on front porches and swing life away We get by just fine here on minimum wage If love is a labor I'll slave til the end..." Things in my life settled down for a bit as we prepared to see the boys again at Stubb's BBQ. Through myspace I found my friend Linda that I had not spoken to in fifteen years. As we sat on the balcony at Stubb's I kept one eye on the stage and the other on the door waiting to see her again. When she walked through the doors it was like the last fifteen years never even happened and instantly we picked up right where we left off and again were tearing through Austin with her at the wheel like we had so many times in the past. Because of this joyful reunion I was not first in line when the doors opened, I was buying rainbow necklaces in the gay shops in town and snickering over whether the guy behind the counter was flirting with my husband or not. - That was a strange memory for me, being in the very back of the audience for once, singing alone as Aaron sat on a rock and read a Robert Jordan novel. I was happy to be there, the music was incredible, but the feeling was all wrong. I was isolated and alone, in the back row with my fist raised and Aaron tugging at my arm every other song asking "What song is this? Do I know this one?". I wondered if Ceci was there in the front row, holding on to someone else and convincing them she would have killed herself if they hadn't come into her life. I imagined others in the front row, in our place, saluting Joe, singing our songs while I was the interloper that did not belong anymore. We walked out of the sold out show before the encore, a long drive home facing us. Aaron never lets me stay for the encores. He always wants to hit the road. As we walked to the car, with Worth Dying For wafting through the air above us, I blew a kiss to the wind and told Ceci goodbye. "Feel me rise in the strength I've found inside the warm embracing air Like a glacier melting watch me dissipate I searched for love in an empty world but all I found was hate" It was the lyrics of Rise Against that echoed in my head when I sat down to read the words of Marx and Lenin for the first time as a whole other world opened up for me. It was Rise Against that drove me on as I worked sixty hour weeks. "We're losing daylight but I can't work any faster Under the veil of dust we go on..." Their lyrics saw me through every major event of the last several years of my life. Appeal to Reason was released in the Fall of 2008 and though the year found me miserably poor and unemployed, I still bought it the day it came out. It was on my mp3 player and as I sat in the welfare office applying for food stamps I would hear the lyrics "Despite these petty fortunes we still can't afford a life...." for the first time and I would pause a moment just for the whole zeitgeist effect of it. For Christmas of 2008 I received an email from Ceci after a year and a half of ignoring my every attempt at contacting her. I had tried everything, even terribly childish measures to get some kind of reaction but every letter---first polite, then angry, then groveling-- every call, email, and package was met with silence. A year and a half passed and then I got the email saying "I got the new Rise Against and it made me realize how much I loved and missed you and loved AFI and I want to be friends again. I know you can't forgive me but can we be friends again? There's this song on that new Rise Against that

reminds me of you." True to the bond we had once held there was certainly a song on the new Rise Against that reminded me of us too: "Identities assume us as nine and five add up Synchronizing watches To the seconds that we lost I looked up and saw you I know that you saw me We froze but for a moment In empathy I brought down the sky for you but all you did was shrug" This was exactly what happened the last time we saw each other when she turned up her nose and pretended not to know who I was, just a week after sending me a letter saying how much she loved me. This led to the year plus of her not speaking to and ignoring all attempts at contact I made, even the immature ones. "And if you see me please just walk on by Walk on by Forget my name and I'll forget it too Failed attempts at living simple lives Simple lives Always keep me coming back to you." But too much time had passed and although that Christian weakness crippled me so with my husband, for once I stood strong and had no trouble in keeping the door to my heart shut. I told her not to contact me again. "I count the times that I've been sorry Now my compassion slowly drowns If there's a time these walls could guard you Then let that time be right now."

That doesn't mean that my mind does not still light to her like a bee to a flower, the years we were friends, that feeling of love and camaraderie and the bond I imagined we had. The last three Rise Against albums play the soundtrack of our friendship whenever I turn them on. When I play Appeal to Reason I wonder if this song reminds her of me:

"It kills me not to know this but I've all but just forgotten what the color of her eyes were and her scars or how she got them" If I close my eyes I am there again in that Port Aransas condo, the night we met face to face after talking online for so long. We are huddled together in the bedroom sharing the earphones of a cd player listening to Placebo's Sleeping With Ghosts. I am pulling down the zipper of my boot and showing her three freshly razored X's cut into my ankle, the blood still stuck to a wad of tissue pressed between my sock and skin. She is crying and wrapping her arms around me and telling me she understands everything and that someday she will show me her scars too. "I'll show you mine If you'll show me yours first Let's compare scars I'll tell you whose is worse Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words..." She never did show me her scars. I wonder now if she even had any. There are lots of songs that transport me back then when she was my world. But now I know nothing about her nor anyone else I knew then was real and I wonder if that song ever reminds her of me and the way she led me to believe I was her lifeline, right up until the moment she cut me off and forgot me like a favorite toy after adolescence destroys the need for such playthings. "As the telling signs of age rain down a single tear is dropping through the valleys of an aging face that this world has forgotten ..." This is the music that accompanied my feet hitting the pavement of park sidewalks and treadmills, it is the melodies that buoyed me through endless work weeks and settled into the recesses of my heart in times of quiet contemplation. As I read words written years ago by writers we were never allowed to study in school, it is the soundtrack that played in my mind when those concepts began to make sense. When I read Ten Days that Shook the World by John Reed, what I was hearing in my head was

"but these ghosts come alive like water and wine walk through these streets singing songs and carrying signs, to them these streets belong.." As I struggled to understand the Communist Manifesto I was thinking to myself: "Unknowing, we lie and wait for the rain To wash away what they have made Face down in the dirt with your foot on my back In the distance I hear thunder crack C'mon Stand up! This system of power and privilege is about to come to an end Here come the clouds The first drop is falling down" I look back at many things and laugh. I remember when I was first looking for straightedge shirts I came upon one that said SUPPORT LEFTIST HARDCORE. I had no earthly idea what it meant and was way too scared to ask anyone. Now I can quote Trotsky. When I first turned edge I stopped eating meat for several months until my husband found out and started calling me a Communist. At the time it seemed like the worst thing in the world to be called. He still calls me a Communist but now with laughable results. I'll cock my head, say something to him in Russian, he'll mumble under his breath 'Yeah you only say that because you've had sex with the entire Communist party!", I'll roll my eyes and we go back to our common denominators of movie quotes, comic books, and making fun of people. I always loved the way the Russian alphabet looked and shortly after we were married I got a tramp stamp with his initials in Russian. He now claims it actually means "Welcome aboard, Comrade." I just laugh and we kid each other and life goes on. In the great Holy Grail of a search for wisdom that I thought could only come from the first straightedge boy I knew, I had one great fear: what if I found him again and he was no longer edge? I was terrified of this, sure that if he fell I would too, that if that touchstone was gone, all would be lost. This no longer worries me. I would be sad if it happened, but it would not affect my journey nor cause me to stumble because I have found my own way. It was hard way full of work, trial and error and pure blind luck. Maybe it would have been easier if things had gone differently and yet it is all mine and no one else's.

I have now seen Rise Against eight times each with its own small dramas, like when I was working for Job Corps, worked an 18 hour day, literally passed out in my car from low blood sugar and exhaustion—luckily before I had started the engine. I somehow made it home, downed two peanut butter sandwiches and went to the show where I had no energy to dance, but just stood there and sang.

The last show was the best in years for me. I was in the second row behind a little boy and his mom. His mom was my age and it was her son’s first concert. He was there to see NOFX. They put on an incredible show and I did my best to keep the crowd off the kid. As a reward, the mother gave me their spot and they went to the back when Rise Against came on. I had not been in the front row since that show with Ceci. I felt like I was twenty again. Rise Against is the music that scores ALL of this in my memory. It is the sound of hope and loss, of new directions and ideas, of the brass ring becoming just another small cog in the great, silent machinations of my soul. It is the music of discovering that the strength of the world lies inside my own heart. It is the sound of me walking away from what I loved, it is the joyous noise of friends you're certain is lost forever coming back to you. This is my so-called Rise Against life

#rise against lyrics #rise against #long post under cut #spilled ink

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hatlvs · 3 years

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hi .. it’s cecy again, i’m so sorry skfdsl i’m the mun of OPHELIA AYDIN, now bringing u my son, atlas ! just hit the heart if u wanna plot ! @mapleviewstarters

『 jonathan daviss. twenty-two. cis-male. he/him. 』 oh heavens, is that ATLAS HOLMES from CHESTNUT DRIVE i see roaming around mapleview? minnie may’s always calling them -APPREHENSIVE & -RESOLUTE. i happen to think they’re not that bad! they’re a pretty cool VET INTERN and every time i’ve seen them, they’ve always been +DILIGENT & +INTUITIVE. i hope i see them around again!

tw: drugs, physical abuse, stabbing.

THEN:

atlas is born and raised in mapleview, been here his whole life, his family has been here for several generations and the name is very respected. his grandparents were very involved in town politics and stuff

his parents are the town’s weirdos like they’re very open, very fun, were definitely hippies once upon a time and still kinda live by that. everyone who’s met them and are friends of atlas’ are adopted by the holmes’ now. i don’t make the rules

atlas has an older brother, orion, yes his parents had a theme, and after they got him things became really hard for two ppl who weren’t really used to taking responsibility. they started using a lot and whilst they were always very loving, they also tended to unintentionally neglect their son

things got worse when atlas came around, definitely a mistake and his parents tried their best to fit him into their lives, but there really was no room for children in their then current lifestyle

a long custody battle erupted between atlas’s parents and atlas’s grandparents. most of atlas’ early childhood was spent bouncing between them, but at 7 his grandparents won custody over him. orion, 14 at the time, got to stay with their parents

his grandparents were a literal nightmare, very religious people, atlas was not allowed to do pretty much anything he wanted to do and was expected to be the perfect grandson at all times. any mistake was punished, any time he spent w friends outside of school hours were punished. that didn’t stop him from sneaking out to hang out w lane tho

he was very often physically abused, would show up with new wounds and bruises every week at school, but would ofc blame it on being clumsy etc etc. it’s a small town so some people definitely had an inkling

at 13, atlas had a fight with his grandfather which resulted in a kitchen knife in his chest, a sudden but deliberate action not meant to kill, but definitely to harm. he was hospitalized for a week and it was then he was given back to his parents as his grandparents would never see him or any family again really. today atlas has a scar, but no other wounds/ailments (except the trauma).

his parents really did their best all those years to get him back, but in a town where atlas’ grandparents were so influential very few wanted to get on their bad side — and who would believe a reckless couple who couldn’t care for their own children after all?

NOW:

the holmes-case got a LOT of attention not just in mapleview, but nationally. it was a huge scandal, a heartbreaking case, one of the biggest court cases the town had seen. atlas doesn’t like to talk about it simply because he doesn’t wanna be pitied or defined by it. of course, he’s never going to escape it entirely

after atlas moved to chestnut drive at 19 to live by himself, his parents moved out of town and have opened a fox sanctuary where they save foxes from fur farms. they have about 15 foxes in total and atlas has a large outer area at his own place for his own pet fox, malakai

loves his parents, doesn’t get along w his brother bc atlas is lowkey bitter and has trust issues

works as a vet intern just outside of town and loves his job

PERSONALITY / MISC:

*aggressively* “i’m FINE”

atlas is a really chill and respectful dude, gets along w everyone for the most part. be nice to him and he’s nice to you, it’s always been that simple

he’s pretty logical and intelligent, has a tendency to let that rule over his feelings tho

does not shy away from physical touch, if you need a hug or some cuddle time he’s got your back

not the most gregarious type, he’s quite the introvert, but he makes exceptions if u get close to him

has a lot of respect for animals and the environment. there lives a tiny sjw within him

loves nature!! wants to live in the woods. hozier probably wrote a song about him

atlas struggles with (rarely, but it happens) anger issues. he never learned how to deal with his emotions and when he was finally back in a loving home the only thing he dared to feel was anger — anger that a whole system let him down

he smokes a LOT of weed, it helps him calm down

a n x i e t y

it’s clear his past has left some imprints bc he still flinches when people around him move very suddenly, but he’s getting better gradually

he goes to therapy, but he hasn’t told anyone but lane

abandonment issues, big time. does get kinda clingy on his closest friends bc of it

has a big old van he drives around in like the lil hippie he is

TL;DR:

nice boy who has endured a lot of pain in his childhood. loves his friends, has a pet fox rescued from a fur farm. calm and pragmatic most of the time, but can react with anger if he’s facing difficult emotions he doesn’t know how to respond to. anxious and doesn’t know how to trust himself. has the aesthetics of a witch honestly.

POSSIBLE CONNECTIONS (whatever gender is fine)

a neighbor of his grandparents (they lived on main street), someone who probably sorta knew what was happening there whilst atlas grew up. could be someone older or someone around his own age. could’ve tried to report it or not

former classmates !

a flirtationship ! they lowkey look like they’re dating, but they always brush the comments off. could be just platonic but could also turn romantic !

someone atlas used to crush on and it was super obvious and he’s still awkward about it

someone he babysits for, or he walks their dog, or something like that idk i’m not great at these

exes on good terms

exes on bad terms

sibling-like friendship

protective friendship

neighbors! chestnut drive gang come thru

friends !!! lots of them

someone he lowkey dislikes bc they’re part of the system that failed him ? idk how this would work but i’m throwing it out there

anything anything anything at all

#mapleviewintro #( 𝕠𝕠𝕔 — ❛・° › is there anything better than pussy .. yes a really good book.#sorry about the tag i just rly miss vine KLSMDFK

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bayrut · 3 years

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thoughts on me 😌 jk Okay, thoughts on every solo album from each former member of one direction (but just the ones you wanna do, don’t do anything that makes you uncomfortable 👉🏽👈🏽)

thoughts on ceci: truly iconic i love her. best gifs, edits. funniest person. sweatest heart ever. deserves better. underrated.

i put my thoughts on each solo album under a cut because it got very long (took me 30 mins to write) and sorry i did not proof read i wanna go shower

okay let’s gooo

mind of mine-zayn: i’m gonna be honest, back when it came out i didn’t love it because it wasn’t my music style at all (still isn’t) but i knew it was good. like music can be good even if it’s not my style you know? but i had a few tracks i really loved a lot (for example, it’s you, she, intermission:flower, truth) that i loved a lot. but i have been relistening to the album for the last year and i think it’s really growing on me. but i still dislike pillowtalk, haven’t heard it since it came out, and probably never will again sorry i do not like it

hs1-h: when it came out i listened to it like 1 time, some songs i couldn’t finish, and i honestly don’t remember what they sound like (meet me in the hallway, carolina, only angel, kiwi, ever since new york, woman), the rest (sign of the times, two ghosts, sweet creature, from the dining table) i was like okay, maybe they’ll grow on me, so i listened to them for a while, maybe a month or two, still, they did not grow on me. some of the lyrics are quite sexist imo and make me uncomfortable. then i didn’t listen to them at all, apart for sott since it was played on radios etc. i heard hs1 one last time (not completely, only partly) around july 2018 because i watched a livestream of his last show? but i got bored halfway so didn’t watch it all. it was his only live show i’ve seen videos off. i’ve never heard those two unreleased songs he used to sing live ever (medecine, anna)

flicker-niall: i would like to send a kiss to mr niall james horan i love this album so much!! okay not all songs, but the majority make me feel so warm and i love them!! shout out to this town, seeing blind, paper houses, since we’re alone, flicker, and on my own. i don’t really like on the loose and slow hands, but not because they’re bad, i just can’t relate to them oops. also the orchestra version? amazing, probably the best decision niall has ever done his entire life!!! in conclusion, i love it, what a great opening for his career, iconic, i knew niall would deliver, but, it deserved better.

icarus falls-zayn: thank you king for all this good food i love it. no but really, zayn was like here’s 30 songs enjoy! like wow awesome. ok i don’t love the collabs on it, tbh i don’t listen to them. i like the vibe of the album, the story, the visual videos, etc a lot. it’s a very different feel from mind of mind, very refreshing, i love it a lot. although it’s thirty!!! songs, it leaves me at the edge of my seat asking for more, i can’t wait for his third album. my faves are definitely: let me, natural, common, stand still, flight of the stars, there you are, i don’t mind, satisfaction, entertainer, good years. it has a feel of a 3am drive with a friend, but you’re both not talking and you’re both going nowhere. that sad summer nostalgia. love it, makes me wanna cry.

lp1-liam: i honestly liked liam’s ep, and his singles, a lot better than his album. but he didnt write too many songs on them, it’s a bit weird because i can’t really judge liam’s music from it, since i don’t think it’s completely him. remember and heart meet break are probably my two faves from it.

fine line-h: thank God i have not heard any of those songs, and i hope i never will. i’ve read lyrics of it. very sexist i hate it thanks and can he stop singing about fruit? i like eating fruit he’s ruining it for me

heartbreak weather-niall: okay tbh the teasers were so cute and i was very excited for this album, the whole story concept etc, the colours etc. still to this day idk if i prefer flicker or HW because they’re both really good!! i think in terms of music, you can see a clear evolution from flicker to HW, he improved a lot. but still i love flicker because the songs make me wanna cry. some songs i can’t relate to at all: small talk, arms of a stranger, new angel, etc because niall is horny (which is valid but i’m asexual). but surprisingly i’m addicted to small talk from his live performance... makes me wanna scream i love it. my faves are heartbreak weather, dear patience, everywhere, still. i think still is the best song niall has ever written ever he can’t possibly outshine it it’s too good.

walls-louis: ok i did them all in chronological order but left walls for the end because i just!!!! love it so much i will cry. there are only 2 artists for which i can not skip any songs at all and louis is one of them i’m not exaggerating. any other artists i like (even like, mika) have made some song-mistakes. louis no. never. never has and never will i know it in my heart. walls means so much to me but before i get into that can i just say i love the 4 pre walls songs???? they deserved better rest in peace 2017!lt1. ok so now walls. it is so personal, the lyrics are so so clever, the music is beautiful. my faves are kill my mind, don’t let it break your heart, two of us, we made it, too young, walls, habit, always you, fearless, perfect now, defenceless, only the brave, (and yes i am adding the japan bonus tracks because i am BITTER), just hold on, miss you. yes i did just list the whole album no i do not care you are not allowed to complain about that. this summer at work i was so bored i’d just sit in the sun and sing all of louis’ discography in my head on loop. and i’d listen to walls 1/2 on my way to work and 1/2 on my way back home. the album is so beautiful ceci sorry i am not making sense i am not eloquent at all but it means so much to me i can’t believe his album was delayed so long. i think because it was delayed, maybe the songs aren’t as coherent as in other albums. so let’s think about that for a second. if it’s a bit patchy and this good, what about lt2? it’s gonna be amazing so good he’s gonna kill it he’s just gonna get better and better and better i can’t wait to see it. i’m so thankful that we are allowed to experience louis as an artist, and louis growing as an artist over the years, because he will, and it’s gonna be so beautiful and i’m gonna cry a lot. my description did not do walls justice but know that i love it a lot okay

ask me about my thoughts on stuff 👀

#asks #1d solo albums #tomlinsonn #skylesbian

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luciehercndale · 4 years

Text

On Repeat // Gabrily

For @ohmygodherewegoagainnnn ✨🌼 I hope you like it!

Couple: Gabrily, Gabriel Lightwood and Cecily Herondale Rating: T Prompt: “Why are you here?”

Cecily remembered the night she decided to leave Ravenscar Manor.

It was raining, and even the thick layers of her coat couldn’t shield her from the pelting and chilly drops of water. She told herself not to cry because she would go back to her parents, but in her gut, she was aware that was a lie. The sky knew it too, and it was bawling his eyes out for the grief of the separation.

She couldn’t help it.

She knew that she had to leave and face her brother. She had to ask him to come back, to write a letter to their parents at least. She wasn’t ready to think about that she would be far from her beloved parents yet, not even when she realized that Will would never go back with her, that they would never be together if she would leave again. That was the reason that made her stay. Among other reasons.

As Cecily had grown accustomed to the life at the Institute, she had also grown fond of another person’s company besides her brother. That person was Gabriel Lightwood.

If Will angered her because he was stubborn and didn’t want her to become a shadowhunter like him, Gabriel amused her because he was arrogant and believed he was the best thing to ever grace the earth. Any other woman would fall at his feet just because of his looks. Cecily liked him not only because he was handsome indeed, but also because of his attitude.

She loved challenges, and Gabriel had been one at first, until she fell for him and decided that she would eventually marry him one day.

The next time she saw her parents, she was with him, and she was excited because they would meet him. She didn’t know how they would react, since her father and her brother still thought she was too young to have a boyfriend, let alone a husband. She had to admit that her parents’ approval was important to some degree, and she tried to hide her restlessness when she introduced Gabriel to them.

“I used to know your father,” Edmund told Gabriel after meeting him the first time. “Couldn’t say we were friends, but I was filled with consternation upon hearing of his death.”

Cecily remembered how Gabriel paled at the words, and how he muttered a “Thanks, sir,” and wasn’t able to say more. She squeezed his hand to comfort him silently, in the case the conversation would continue on this topic.

He was still trying to forgive himself because he had been the one to erase Benedict off the face of the earth. They hadn’t talked about this topic much, but she knew that he was still regretting the gesture. After all, it was still his father even if he had turned into a worm. Not matter he had killed him for the safety of the other shadowhunters as well.

When they lived at the Institute after they got married, she saw him sneak out of the drawing room often when they gathered there to talk after dinner. He probably thought no one would notice him leave the room, but she did. Every time.

She didn’t debate whether she should follow him or not. Sometimes she gave him space, but other times she didn’t. Was she nosy? She didn’t think so. She knew when to leave him alone and when to give him a shoulder to cry on or something else.

She was sure she would find him in their bedroom. Whenever Gabriel was in a wistful mood, he sat on a red armchair by the window and didn’t use a witchlight or a candle to animate the place. He just sat in the darkness, staring at nothing in particular, until he grew tired and went to bed.

She padded into the shadowed room and put a hand on his shoulder. He didn’t flinch, despite he was spaced out. That was the extent of his repentance. At some moment during the day, he wouldn’t be able to think about anything but that day of several years before.

“Why are you here?” Cecily asked casually.

“I was tired.”

“I can see it. Do you want to talk about it?”

She felt his muscles tense under the hand she still had on his shoulder. He had probably tilted his head towards the direction of her voice, but they couldn’t see each other well in the dark so she wasn’t sure.

“I don’t want to bore you.”

“You never bore me, Gabriel. I thought you should know by now.”

Gabriel chuckled softly and grabbed her hand. “Why don’t you sit down?”

“Where should I sit- ah!” she gasped. He had pushed her on his legs, which only meant that he wanted her to be cozy or that he was about to tell her a lot of things. Either way, she liked that. She eased her head on his shoulder and tightened the hold on his hand.

“I’ve been replaying that day in my head,” he revealed after a moment of silence. He then proceeded to tell her about his feelings and his guilt. She didn’t reply all the time because sometimes you don’t need to say anything. She tried to make him feel that she supported him, that she was there in case he wanted to vent more or he wanted to hear someone tell him that he had to do that. It was necessary. He had turned into a worm; he was dangerous for everyone.

“I can’t say you will forget about it, because it would be a lie.”

“I don’t want to forget about it,” he admitted. “I want to tell my children of him and how he died.”

“Our children?”

“Why, don’t you want to have children or you don’t want me to tell them?”

Cecily blushed. “No, I want to have children with you, Gabriel Lightwood. I thought maybe, you didn’t want to.”

“You thought I wouldn’t want to have children because of my father?”

“Probably.”

Gabriel held her close to his body. “Oh, Cecy.” Cecily could smell the faint scent on his neck and hear his beating heart under her cheek. “I’m tired of his shadow looming over me. Sometimes it takes hold of my sanity and I need to be alone in order to send him away, but it needs to stop. I need to move on. I need to accept what happened and live my life.”

Cecily smiled in the crook of his neck and kissed him there. “I’m proud of you,” she whispered. “And pregnant.”

“Wait, what?”

“I’m proud of you,” she repeated with a louder voice in his ear. He didn’t know but she had purposely avoided to repeat the second sentence she had just said.

“Not that, Cecy. The other thing.”

“That we are going to have a baby?”

“Yes. Are… are you sure?”

Cecily didn’t answer. She nodded, and he felt her head on his chest. He held her body close and lowered his head on her forehead. She realized he was crying because she felt her skin dampened by the tears.

“Are you happy?”

“You have no idea.”

“You’ll be an amazing father.”

“No doubt.”

And to that, Cecily couldn’t help but laugh and be thrilled.

They were going to have a baby. She didn’t tell him, but she thought it was a girl. She knew that Gabriel would live up to his self-confident remark, and couldn’t wait to see it happen in front of her eyes. She just had to have a little more patience.

#Tweety celebrates 8.8K #gabriel lightwood #cecily lightwood #cecily herondale #gabrily #tlh #tid #the last hours #gabriel and cecily #cecily and gabriel #tsc fanfiction #tsc #the shadowhunter chronicles #tweety writes #chain of gold #chain of iron

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rkxjongsuk · 3 years

Text

Final Post ||

I spent most of yesterday evening and this morning just kind of mentally processing the actual closing of rookies after seven years. Seeing the amazing plans that would have come to fruition makes me a bit sad but also kind of happy that rookies ended where it ended. Thank you to the mods for prolonged effort to keep this rp running as long as it did and I am glad to have been here as long as I was.

I first joined rookies six years ago on the 15th of October, 2014. 2014 and subsequently 2015 had been a chaotic formative years for me. At the time, I was in my third year of college, constantly questioning whether or not I should be doing my degree, watching my parents get divorced in the summer of 2015 and moving out of the house where I’d lived for twelve years. Rookies (at first through Sungjong in October and then through Kevin in March (03.04.2015) and Kris in April (04.29.2015)} was a writing escape and somewhat of a comfort. Over the years at rookies, I have grown, graduated from college with a business degree and ended up completely a different person then I was five years ago.

My writing improved a lot and I can confidently say that it was mostly thanks to Rookies. I had been completely scared off writing after an English teacher bitched at me for my skills but thanks to rookies, I got more confident in my own skills. Sure, there’s been other rps before rookies and at the same time as rookies, but they had never lasted quite as long. Through the years, I have made some incredible friends through rookies and I am glad to have them in my life. You guys are genuinely the best and I’ll always love you. I have no intentions of ghosting any of you and hopefully, we’ll write again together somewhere else.

Now, onto what everyone actually wants: rkmuses future and taking in the ideas and everything set out by Bianca in account, where they would end up?

rkxjongsuk: the trc vocal king, easter bunny, princess diva of youtube fame - formerly rkkevin

I know I always used to say that I wanted him to debut the most since he’s my oldest muse, but in all honesty, he would have never fit in the idol bubble. Going off the ideas set out by Bianca, however, his future would have been pretty satisfying.

He would have ended up staying in TRC (since he had signed his contract for the second time back in may) and debuting as part of the rkmonstax group with the other trc boys in early 2021 (most likely as their main vocalist). Jongsuk would have felt pretty accomplished by this, and had been ready for the idol life. However, he was not ready for the rules and restrictions that would come into play with the group.

he’d always had a kind of laissez faire approach to everything and so the idol life is kind of shocking to him. it wasn’t what he’d fantasized it would be. so, jongsuk would probably become the first member to officially leave the group before their six-year contract would expire citing personal difficulties and mental health issues (three years and a bit after debut)

During those three years with the group, however, he’d make a name for himself as the King of OST. He would have gone on to King of Masked Singer (making it to R2 and shocking everyone with the high note octaves), gone on to be one of the trainers on the Voice of Korea partnering with Dynamic Duo, and make multiple appearances on Immortal Songs (a la Kyuhyun). Simultaneously, he’d also be collabing with idols across companies, most notably fellow former mga 3 contestant Gyeoul of And*Roma and Jiyeon of HEARTZ.

Upon his departure from the group, he moved back to San Francisco and resumed his Youtube life and career. He would still support the rest of the boys, as an international fan and would always buy up a lot of their cds to support and tell his followers to stream. However, being back in his element, Jongsuk would feel a lot more relaxed and a lot more comfortable.

A few months after his return home, he’d gain a collaboration with Smashbox or Morphe for a makeup line and he’d release an eyeshadow palette, two lipsticks and three eyeliners with the branding Smashbox x Stark: Rave on Mad (an homage to his youtube name: starkravingmad). He’d most likely send it in packages to his best friends in Korea. Jongsuk would find success in other fields outside of music and delve into what made his channel tick and what made him the happiest.

Eventually, I think, he would have found love (maybe in the form of another tall actor who was in school 2013 with him) and been a happy youtuber, taking constant new challenges all over the place and always stepping to his own beat.

As for his friends, he would have definitely gone back to Korea for Kangjoon’s eventual wedding and Jiyeon’s eventual wedding as well. The invites to visit him in San Francisco, California would have been extended to all his friends and even in his busy schedule, he’d always find time to show them all around the city that he’d been born. He’d even always be happy to see his former groupmates if they came on tour to California and would always be the first one for the backstage/VIP passes.

rkxrm: the kt chaebol, nsg’s main rapper and actor extraordinaire - formerly rkkris, rkkmh, minhyukxrk

namjoon had always been the unwilling debut, since I honestly never saw him actually debuting before jongsuk and instead, here we are. he’s the established idol.

With NSG’s debut having just happened, he would probably stick around as the rapper before KT began shoving him into acting everywhere. Most likely, would have ended up as leader of another subunit (maybe?) in the future putting that leadership expertise to the good use. After the first two successful comebacks, he would have gone into acting officially with the first main role on a web-drama as Cha Gihyun on A-TEEN.

His charisma would have definitely shined and stolen the screen time since he’s a former actor already. Following initial drama success, he would have tried his hand in modelling and endorsement, with Honda and Skool Looks. He would have gone further in modelling and acting, eventually becoming more known as the actor Kim Namjoon than the rapper of nsg.

He would have had his share of crazy fans (mostly noonas, pretty girls and drama grandmas) and even probably taken the top bias spot for quite a few people when they would have found out his past. Of course, during the course of promotions (I envision this would happen during Regular-Irregular promotions), it come to light that he’s an actual chaebol (he’s never hidden it but netizens think this is a big deal) and the heir to Kim Securities with a former Canadian award winning actress as his mother. It also comes to light the dysfunctional family dynamic that he’d always had with them.

It caused some hardship between him and his family but he had the support of nsg behind him (his ride or die brothers and family) but in the end his family did began treating him a lot better and he eventually gained their support.

He would have stayed with NSG all through their first contract, but probably wouldn’t have renewed and most likely would have either gone to acting agency where he could focus on acting or go back to that chaebol life and actually fully embrace it as a future heir.

In terms of his love life, he would have officially asked Jiyeon to date him at the Halloween party and they would starred in a few dramas side by side (Cinderella and the Four Knights being their first). They would kept secretly dating and eventually after their mutual dating ban was over, would probably reveal it in a cute couple shoot for Ceci or Dazed and Confused (like E Dawn and Hyuna). After Joon would have left NSG (post contract non renewal), he would have probably still kept acting and modelling alongside Jiyeon. NamYeon would have been a lot like the Rain/Kim Taehee acting and visual power couple.

He would have definitely still kept in close touch with the rest of nsg (since they’re like brothers) and even with all his former kt friends, loving the time that he had spent in the company.

rksxngyeol: nova’s artist, the mangaka

sungyeol had been an incredibly refreshing muse to write. he’s always been someone who actually doesn’t want to debut and he just wants to draw. i initially got him because minhyuk (joon) and jongsuk were getting really exhausting.

there’s not much to say about sungyeol’s future. his contract with nova would have expired in november and he would have left the company on his own terms with the two years behind him. he learned a lot during those two years at nova and even realized a lot about himself.

following his contract expiry, he would have asked his boyfriend (myungsoo) to move in with him over christmas with a key in a box attached to a black butler keychain. if the other said yes, then the new year would have kicked off with the duo moving and cooking together and spending time with each other.

sungyeol would have resumed drawing manhwa and mangas, combining his webtoon comic into a more professional looking five volume manga series with the same title. eventually he would have gotten an anime deal again and even a live action deal on his works (if your muse would have wanted to be in the live action of the Princess’s Sword, go for it). That would have propelled his family to actually recognize him as a talent and he would have been reinstated into the family.

This would have led to myungsoo officially meeting Sungyeol’s family. His parents would have loved him to bits and his grandparents would have been iffy on it, but his grandmother would end up dying three years after of heart attack and his grandfather would have followed her a year later of old age.

After having dated Myungsoo for about five years, Sungyeol would have proposed to him and they would have most likely gotten married on the beach while on vacation somewhere warm. (we love a happy ending ;.;) Also, he would have moved into a bigger house and brought Haebin with them so that they could be a cute happy family.

Eventually, he would have come back to work for Nova as a producer and creative direction artist under Wendy as CEO (if that would have happened), and if not, he would have taken over his family’s company despite the lack of education and simply learned on the job. (Can I say that he would have been Myungsoo’s sugar daddy at some point even though they would be married or engaged at this point???)

Thank you for reading to the very end and I love you all. Let’s stay friends and meet again in another rp.

#that was very very long

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zahra-kha · 3 years

Text

Dear Diary 17

The Plume was hopping the other night! I was really surprised but pleased! Also, we have a new bartender. He’s uh...interesting? He’s funny and audacious and I’m not sure if Veladrys is gonna murder him or not but we’ll see!

I got matched up with Zhao again. She tried something different this time around with fire and I got signed pretty bad. I ultimately won though! It was a fun rematch, a lot more fun than our first fight. I wonder if it’s just me or if she’s a lot...I wouldn’t say nicer, but less hostile towards me than before. Did I mention this before? I feel like I have. Oh well! I don’t mind it, it’s almost like a twisted sort of rivalry? Or maybe not. Zhao is weird. I don’t really want to try and understand her, but in a weird sort of way I like her.

That’s just between you and me, diary. If anyone gets a hold of this and tells her I will hunt you down.

Side note: If I ever fight against Khan, fight dirty as fuck. He told Zhao to go for my tail. Arsehole.

Conor’s fight was vicious as always! I mean, you should never underestimate lalafell anyway but he’s always something else, whether he wins or loses! A part of me wants to fight him, another is a little wary of fighting that whirlwind of destruction! He went against Ceci this time around and it was pretty close if I remember right! Damn good opening match.

I was serving and met a really kind roegadyn named Echoing Thunder who ordered one of e v e r y t h i n g on the menu. Including the desserts. Kaito really had his work cut out for him. Guy was really hungry, I guess! Bringing that all out had been challenging!

It had been someone’s nameday too and I guess Veladrys knew the guy? Because after they brought down the cake he popped out of it with a mighty roar and I...

Eorzeans are weird. Gods they’re so weird.

Anyroad, the cake got all over Erith’tan’s new dress (I’m guessing he got that dress since he couldn’t get the Coconero Cup dress?) and he was distraught. Thanks to Tyme and a few others they managed to get him cleaned up and consoled but it took a bit.

After that nameday boy and Trystan went at it. It was a good fight! It’s a little hard to serve and pay attention to everything going on but it was nice to see everyone so lively.

Trystan and I also spoke for a bit about the Gold Saucer. I’d never been there before so he offered to take me. I felt a bit bad about it, but I suggested making it a group setting on purpose. It felt too much like a date setting for me to feel comfortable. That wasn’t the only reason though: with Starlight coming up, having everyone together at a place like that would be a lot of fun. It’d be an easy way for me to give everyone their gifts.

Also, why were there so many Diremites that night? Was the entire clan there? What in all the hells? Were they having a clan meeting after or something?

I guess Veladrys got enough cake off his fur to get ready for his match against Jasper. It was...bloody. Jasper took an axe to the chest and lost a lot of blood. I think the blood god quota was met for the night with Jasper alone. Well, at least until that one creepy Banemite guy got involved and literally sucked the blood back into Jasper.

Eorzeans are weird.

I...couldn’t really look or talk to Jasper much after that. I mean I did but I didn’t want to. It’s hard to explain even in this diary how and what I felt. Tyme and the others picked up on my brooding but it’s hard to explain something when you haven’t nailed down the specifics of it all. If there was a visual of it, it’d be a series of thick, squiggly tangled lines. I don’t really know how to face Jasper right now.

I did get to meet the owner of the Murder Puppy (I don’t think that’s his name but that’s what I’m calling him, because he’s a cute murder puppy) Lvcia and she was very polite and kind to me. I’d like to become friends with her. We didn’t even know each other well but she was willing to lend an ear to a perfect stranger. I know I didn’t seem very receptive but everyone’s kindness was appreciated. It’s nice when people show they care.

#zahra's diary #ic

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yesevl · 3 years

Photo

hi it’s cecy again back with another character who is a trainwreck, please be mean to her @mapleviewstarters.

『 moon gayoung. twenty-five. cisfemale. she/her. 』 oh heavens, is that YESEUL CHANG from MAIN STREET i see roaming around mapleview? minnie may’s always calling them -UNSCRUPULOUS & -IMPASSIVE. i happen to think they’re not that bad! they’re a pretty cool CON ARTIST/LAW STUDENT and every time i’ve seen them, they’ve always been +ASTUTE & +PERTINACIOUS. i hope i see them around again!

tw: death, robbery, car accident, drowning.

THEN:

yeseul was born in seoul, south-korea. had a lovely early childhood, her parents loved her dearly. at 2, her mother unfortunately passed away in a car accident. her father, yongsuk, fell in love with an american woman just months after, and by the time yesi was 3 they had moved to mapleview

yongsuk nurtured his incredible talent for magic and in the states he became quite a famous magician. yesi’s new stepmom, linda, didn’t care for it, but yesi was in awe of her father, her hero. she soon took up magic just like him

when yeseul was around 10 she started acting out. she would steal from shops, get into fights at school, and was generally a difficult kid. linda already disliked her, but at this point the two girls could barely stand each other at all. yongsuk was the mediator, but really always sided with yesi

yesi was becoming an increasingly better magician, as well as doing good in school, all thanks to the little extra attention her father was now giving her

when yeseul was 15, her father would perform his most ambitious — and also very last — trick ever. being called the houdini of this generation, yongsuk let it get to his head, and he was put in a box, chained in, and sunk into a lake, promising his daughter he’d be up soon. he never emerged again

linda found a way to secure himself whatever fortune yongsuk had and effectively kicked yeseul out. she soon found herself moving to new york to stay with her aunt

new york catered to her in a way mapleview never did. she found her crowd, was introduced to a whole scene of thieves and liars. snuck her way into venues to seduce dumb men and steal their wives’ jewelry. she’d snap people’s wallets and make a show out of it. invincible but utterly lost

at 18 she moved to las vegas and began gambling and soon found she was very good at it. cheating her way through everything and emptying pockets wherever she went, yesi had soon become a criminal that no one seemed able to catch — think the movie now you see me. very much the life she should be living right there

3 years ago she returned to mapleview, kicked her stepmom out of what yesi felt was rightfully her house with the documents ( albeit not real ) to prove it

NOW:

eat the rich !! your valuables are safe if you’re not flashing them around in an annoying way. to put it this way: she’d steal from jeff bezos, not bill gates

yesi studies law not because she cares to reinforce it, but if she’s breaking them it’s good to have a foot on the inside. it’s practical even though it’s boring

nights are often spent at bars, fancy venues, often outside of mapleview, scouting out her next victim — and she is good at it, almost to the point one might think there is actual magic involved

how did she land a job with a good man like robin abrams you ask ? she’s efficient, a quick learner and she does a good job. sure, she may give him a hard time and be blunt, but at the end of the day she’s committed to her work — both of them

PERSONALITY/MISC:

there’s really no way around the fact that yesi feels broken. she’s apathetic almost to a fault, rude and careless and extremely blunt. there is no sugarcoating where she is involved. that doesn’t make her mean though — if you’re her friend you’re in good hands. but she doesn’t exactly go out of her way to make friends. she’s very fine and capable of being on her own

she acts like she’s better than everyone else, but deep down she knows she’s not. it’s safer this way though. it’s as if nothing ever hurts her. may be a tad narcissistic, definitely has too much confidence

she’s a drama queen. she lives for the dramatic flare, making a show out of things. it’s not necessarily because she wants to be in the spotlight, but she just doesn’t see why she shouldn’t when she can. she would love to one day pull off a great heist, of the likes of the pink panthers, but mapleview is limiting that greatly

yeseul is intelligent and also has photographic memory. that’s how she graduated high school so high in her class and also got into law school. there may have been some falsified documents in the mix as well, but you’ll never hear it from her

beneath it all, yesi has a big heart waiting to crack. if one pushes the correct buttons, the girl is bound to break

TL;DR:

another cinderella story, yesi was an orphan at 15 with an evil stepmother, always loved magic and wanted to become a magician like her father, but she started using tricks to steal from people instead. is really good at what she does which is being a horrible person and lying. real ugly <3

POSSIBLE CONNECTIONS ( any gender ) :

a best friend she can actually be open towards

an ex she really fucked over

an ex that actually broke her heart

opposite friends that, for whatever reason, sorta actually works

fwbs

this :((

ride or die

flirtationships

people she flirts with bc it annoys them

someone who’s also into some shady business .. perhaps they can partner up or something idk

good influence

sibling-like friendship

someone who’s intimidated by her bc she will take SO much advantage of that

anything, just say the word <3

#i feel like i forgot something but rip #( 𝔬𝔬𝔠 — ❛・° › this bitch empty .. YEET!#mapleviewintro

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willykappymarnsmatts · 4 years

Text

Lose My Mind (K. Kapanen)

Requested by the wonderful @eikoxx 😊💙

*Y/N’s POV*

When I started going out with Kasperi, I quickly learned that the media portrayals of the guys were very false, more so than I thought. Kappy is the sweetest, most humble guy I’ve ever met. He’s very overprotective, and I appreciate it, although sometimes he gets a bit much. Even around the guys, who I’ve become good friends with, he often pulls me away and asks if they’re making me feel uncomfortable.

“Kap,” I start, as he’s getting ready to leave for the rink. I’m going to be making my way over later with some of the other girls, but he needs to leave earlier than me.

“Yeah, babe,” he says, throwing equipment lazily into his bag.

“Kappy, you don’t need to constantly stick up for me and defend me, okay?” I move towards him and as he puts his jersey into his bag and stands up straight I put my hands on either side of his face. “I love you, so much, but you need to trust me, okay? I got myself.”

He nods, slightly taken aback. “I just, I want to protect you from the world.”

I nod, smiling big at him. “I know, and I love you so much for that. But trust me, I can handle myself, okay?” He nods once more, turning towards the closet to pick out a suit. I point at a dark green one and grin. “That one. Your butt looks good in that one.” I wink with a smile on my face and Kasperi laughs at me when I turn and walk out of the bedroom door.

•••

*KASPERI’S POV*

During warm up skate, I look up and around the arena, looking to see if I can spot Y/N in the crowd. I know it’ll be impossible, but I like to do it anyways. It makes me feel like I know that she knows I care that she’s here, watching me.

“We gonna kick some Winnipeg butt, eh Kap?” Mitch yells when he skates up to me and we stretch together.

“I swear to fucking god, Mitch, you are the most Canadian boy I’ve ever met and I literally can’t stand it.” Mitch just laughs. We’ve been friends for too long for me to be intimidating at all, and we both tease the living shit out of each other.

“Let’s go Kap, lets gooooo,” Willy calls as he skates past me and towards the tunnel. I roll my eyes. If he didn’t make me leave warm up so early, I’d stay out until the very end with Auston and Mitch. Well maybe not until the very end, because that’s their thing, but my point stands.

The clock ticks away until it’s game time, and we obviously start out on the bench because Keefe’s dumbass refuses to put me on the first line even though I really do deserve it. When it’s finally mine and Willy’s time to shine, I lick my lips and crack my neck while adjusting my helmet. I jump over the boards and skate towards the circle for the face off and go to Kerfy’s right.

The guy next to me, I don’t even care to look, starts flying his mouth and I roll my eyes. He says some stupid shit, chirping my hair or something that doesn’t bother me. I give him a shove when the puck drops, but leave it at that.

When the whistle blows because Ceci iced the puck again, the same dude skates up behind me, but this time my ears perk up when I hear Y/N’s name roll off his tongue.

“Why you dating that, um, Y/N, I think was the name? Good in bed or what?”

I whip around and face him. I shove him back with my stick. “You better shut your mouth, asshole.”

He shoves me back and continues his chirping. “Nah, really, bud. An ugly piece of junk, eh? Doing her for charity?” He licks his lips, like he’s proud, or some shit.

“Really,” I drawl, and shove him harder. “Open your mouth one more time, dick, and you’ll regret it.” In the back of my mind I wonder why no ref has skated over to break us up. But it is the back of my mind, and I continue going at it.

“She’s a real fucking piece of work, bud. She must be really good at sucking it, cause she ain’t no-“

I don’t let him continue, and I don’t even realize what I’m doing until my gloves are on the ice and I have his jersey clenched in one hand and I’m throwing punch after punch in his face. He gets a few good ones in, but I barely feel it. My fist doesn’t stop flying until I feel three pairs of arms pulling me away from him and I see Willy and Kerfy tearing him away from me. Only then do I reach my hand up to my face and see it come back covered in blood. My helmet flew off a long time ago, and my hair is flying everywhere.

I suddenly realize that I’m not just bleeding, I’m fully dripping everywhere. Willy grabs me by my waist and drags me towards the bench where I’m immediately lead into the locker room. I shake my head once I’m seated on the table in the doctor’s, studying my knuckles, ripped wide open.

“The fuck did he say?”

“Hmm?” I mumble.

“What did the guy say to get you to pound on him, and to rip open your forehead?”

“Oh, uh, just something about my girlfriend,” I mutter, slightly ashamed. The doctor just nods and continues cleaning my face up. “What was my penalty?”

He chuckles and I frown at him. “You must’ve been hit a couple too many times in the head. You’re out for the rest of the game, same with him, and we’re gonna have to go through concussion protocol.”

“But the game just started! I played one shift, and I barely even touched the puck!” He shrugs and tries to get me to sit still when I see The Needle in his right hand. “Fuck me,” I mutter, and slouch forwards, allowing him to fix me up.

•••

*Y/N’s POV*

“Kas!” I cry when I see my boyfriend leave the locker room and come into the hallway where I usually wait for him. Basically his entire face is stitched up and bright red. One eye is slightly swollen and as he nears me I see his knuckles are bright red. “Kasperi, as hot as that was-“

He laughs loudly, cutting me off. He wraps me in his arms and holds me tight. “He said some shit, and I had to shut him up,” he explains simply, like it’s no big deal.

“Kasu, you weren’t responding to anyone, you were so upset. Will had to drag you off the ice! What did he say?” We make our way to Kappy’s car.

“Just something stupid.”

I wait a few seconds for him to continue, and when he doesn’t, I go off again.

“Kasperi fucking Kapanen, I deserve to know why your face is thoroughly messed up and the entire city of Winnipeg now hates you.”

“He was saying some shit about you, and I got pissed off. Okay? Are you happy now?”

I’m shocked silent momentarily, unable to come up with words for him. “Babe, what did I literally say before you left.”

“That you think my butt looks good in these pants?”

I laugh, but don’t let him get away with this conversation. “I’m serious!”

“Yeah, I know. And I’ll work on it. But I love you, and I hate hearing people talk about you the way he did. Trust me, he deserved it.”

I smile at him. “I love you, you know that?”

“Yeah, but it doesn’t hurt to hear every now and then.”

“Oh my God you are genuinely the most annoying person on this planet, Kasu.”

“That’s a funny joke. I’m standing next to the person holding that title.” He bumps my hip and I falter sideways in the parking garage. I hit him back, and he picks me up and throws me over his shoulder.

“Kas! Kasu!!” I scream between giggles and trying to catch my breath. When we get to the car, he lets me drop, and pulls his body against mine, his hands on either side of my waist. “I love you,” I whisper against his lips.

“I love you a million times more,” he whispers back, and kisses me hard to prove it.

#kasperi kapanen #kasperi kapanen fic #kasperi kapanen imagine #toronto maple leafs #kasperi kapanen/reader #toronto maple leafs fic #toronto maple leafs imagine #hockey #nhl #hockey imagine #hockey fic #nhl imagine #nhl fic #nhl hockey #nhl hockey imagine #nhl hockey fic #canada #hockey boys #hockey fight

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star-light-sims · 3 years

Text

Coming to terms

Nani: Are you excited for your first year of school?”

Reina: More nervous than anything actually... I’ve never really known much outside of Oasis and Selvadorada, but I’ve fought way to hard to go, I'm going to do my best to be excited.”

N: I still can’t believe your mom let you attend private school, I still can’t believe she even lets you visit Sulani.

R: I know, I can’t stay over night like most of the other students, so Its a three hour drive everyday, but Its a small amount of freedom, from her Majestad. *sighs* It took more convincing than it should have from my aunt, uncle and Padre, to get her to budge we had to use the excuse of diplomacy and Ceci for her to let us visit Sulani as often as she does.

N: I’m not surprised about that, she is a very strategically minded woman.

R: It makes her a great Empress, but it doesn’t make her many friendly allies. Though that’s not her main motive.

N:Fair enough, Tutu respects her immensely, she says your mom reminds her of my late aunt.

R: How is your Tutu doing? Last time I saw her, her eyesight was going, I’m assuming your cousin Lia is taking care of her?

N: Yeah, its harder and harder for her to see, right now the world is blurry for her, or at least that what she says still nothing gets passed her nothing I swear she doesn’t need her eyesight to see.

R: *giggles* Sounds about right.. *looks away to hide giggling*

N:Theres something else going on in that wonderful head of yours Pulelehua?

R: One day you are going to tell me what that means, but its mostly about my impending nuptials, and what that means.

N: Wait she told you who it is?

R: *sighs* No, not yet I don’t get to know until I turn 18, then get married at 21, not much time to get to know a stranger that I’m spending the rest of my life with.

N: Fair, but we still have some time left. *Looks down at Reina’s wrist and blushes* Your wearing your birthday present, I’m glad you like it.

R: *blushes* I love it, I’ve been wearing it non-stop much to her Majestads annoyance.

N: Emanuel gave you that neckless didn’t he?

R: * blushes harder* Yeah, I also wear it a lot... Don’t tell me your jealous? You are seeing an engaged woman... to be fair and engaged woman who doesn’t know who she’s marrying, but still.

N: No, not jealous...*takes a deep breath* This sucks, we can’t be together in public, it can’t look like your more than friends with either of us, I... I just...*sighs*

R: Ya lo se, But their isn’t much I can do about it, you know as well as I do our people always come first, and the Empire is still healing after all those years of strife, I can’t rock the boat. If I play my cards right my great grand children will be able to rock the boat.

N: Your 16! You shouldn’t have too!

R: I’m the Heir to an empire full of people that I need to protect... I don’t have a choice. You know that as well as I do, Your a princess too, and you know how rigorous that is for us heirs, just look at everything your little brother has to go through and learn.

N: I know! And it’s still not fair!

R: * looks down, quietly*... I never said it was..

(Note: Emanuel’s hair is meant to be Blond he got his Mum’s blond hair, the Sims ended up changing it to black and I didn’t notice until after I had taken the pictures. If he appears as blond after this that’s why, he didn’t dye his hair, sorry for that)

Emanuel: Hey, Marcus is wondering if you two need anything its getting dark.

N.R: *together* No were good.

E: .... No your not, did you two have an argument again?

R: Yes.

N: No... Yes.

E: About Butterfly's engagement? Nani, you know their isn’t anything either of us can do about it.

N: That doesn’t mean I have to like it.

R: I never said you had to, I warned you about this, and you’ve known about it since we were children I called you crying about it when I found out.

N: Its not fair.

E: No its not, but their isn’t anything we can do, we can just enjoy the time we have left with her.

R: Azul, you make it sound like I’m dying, I’m just going to get married.

E: I know, but its not going to be same for us anymore. * runs ringer thorough his hair and sighs*

N: See I’m not the only one.

E: *speaks up when he notices Reina start fidgeting with her hands* School starts in two weeks, Marcus said Jayda is going to guard you at school.

R: Yeah, she’s not very happy about that, not that I blame her.. she really doesn’t like me...

N: It’s not like you stole her dad, he was your body guard the second you were born.

R: I know, she’s a year younger than me, but he spends his time with us except every other weekend, and on vacation days. So I can see why she doesn’t like me .

E: I mean I live at the school during the school year, I could be your guard, its what I’m training for and my mom is the Empresses head of security.

R: Her Majestad knows how we feel about each other, and doesn’t want it to become and issues or anyone else finding out and causing issues, *turns head and looks at the ocean* so Jayda it is.

R: Sulani is so pretty and calm reminds me of Selvadorada.

N: Does Ceci know about...

R: No, I wasn’t meant to know either, but she noticed how close the three of us were becoming and wanted to nip it in the bud. Her Majestad doesn’t do things without a purpose.

E: Yeah she almost fired my mama, Mum had to calm mama down after she came home form that meeting.

R: I’m sorry her Majestad is very forceful when she deems it necessary.

N: At least Cecelia and Kaimi seem to get along fine.

R: *Looks over at her little sister and crown prince Kaimi*

R: I’m glad, I hope they have a wonderful friendship, and if their lucky fall deeply in love.

N: That would be great, at least you can always use the excuse to visit us once your married.

R: True. * wraps arms around self and shivers* We should be heading in its getting chilly.

E: * takes cardigan off, and drapes it over Reina*

R: Gracias, I forgot how chilly it can get near the ocean.

N: What a gentle man.

N: *teasingly pokes Emanuel’s shoulder* But you don’t offer me a coat, how rude.

E: Hey, you look fine, you’re used to the weather here.

R: You two behave, *laughs at their antics*

N: Just because I’m not cold, doesn’t mean I wouldn’t a appreciate the gesture.

E: No you wouldn’t, you would put it on Reina either way. * tries desperately to hold back laughter.*

R: * tries to cover her laughing*

N: At least it got her laughing.

E: True, lets go inside Marcus had the cook make some steamed vegetable dumplings for us.

R.N: Yes!

Bonus Picture

( Word Bank under Break)

Word Bank

I am trying my best with the different languages I'm using, if something is wrong please let me know nicely and I will do my best to fix it.

Tutu: Hawaiian for grandparent ( in this case grandmother)

Majestad: Spanish for Majesty ( in this context used like, Her Majesty.)

Pulelehua: Hawaiian for Butterfly (Reina’s nickname)

Gracias: Spanish for thank you

Azul: Spanish for Blue ( Emanuel’s nickname because of his eyes)

Ya lo se: I know or I already know

#MyRoyalFamily #sulani #Oasis springs & Selvadorada #OSS RF #sims 4 #Sulani RF #my royal family's

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carewyncromwell · 3 years

Photo

“It's just like déjà vu, me standin' here with you, So I'll be holdin' my own breath -- Could this be the end? Is it that moment when I find the one that I'll spend forever with?”

~“Gotta Be Somebody” by Nickelback

x~x~x~x

In 1941, the vampire called Bat Varney was murdered by the dark wizard Grindelwald for aiding the resistance movement organized by Ministries across Europe. Bat left behind many friends, including Danny Gibson @catohphm and the Selwyn-Ellison family @that-ravenpuff-witch -- but the person most devastated by Bat’s death was his most constant companion, Atticus “Grim” Grimsley @cursebreakerfarrier. Never in his life had the retired professor considered that he’d be the last one standing, out of the two of them -- and in his last days on earth, just before he died peacefully in his sleep at a ripe old age, all that he wished was that he might see his first true friend again. Little did Atticus know that -- in his last moments alive -- Bat had made a similar wish...praying that maybe he and his mate Grim could meet again someday, somewhere where Bat didn’t have to regulate how much or how long they touched...maybe even with his real face...as Robert.

About a decade after Professor Grimsley’s death, the only son of a well-respected Pureblood family started his first year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and was Sorted into Ravenclaw house. The boy -- appropriately enough also named Atticus -- wasn’t particularly popular at school, given his hyper-focus on his academics and on satisfying the high standards of his father. Not only was Atticus expected to bring his family honor and esteem, but he also had a rival at Hogwarts who he was expected to “outdo.”

Bartholomew “Barty” Gilbert (pronounced “JO-behr”) was the only son of an up-and-coming Pureblood family who’d just emigrated from France and made a lot of money investing in robe shops in Diagon Alley and Hogsmeade alike. He was also now a Gryffindor in Atticus’s year, and Atticus’s father was very firm that Atticus not let the boy surpass him in anything. Although Atticus normally obeyed his father with a certain degree of reluctance, in this case, he didn’t like the thought of losing to Barty Gilbert either. Not because the Gryffindor wasn’t pleasant -- no, in fact, he was almost too pleasant...too amiable, too inoffensive. And that made it so that even though Barty got away with doing whatever he wanted without worrying about his family’s expectations, it only served to earn him more friends and admirers. Even before that, though, when Atticus had met Barty in passing before school, he still couldn’t help but dislike the other boy. There was just something off about him -- something Atticus could hardly put into words. It was like whenever Barty opened his mouth, he sounded wrong -- whenever he smiled, it looked wrong...even his eyes weren’t as they should be. There was something almost familiar about Barty’s auburn hair, face, and height -- and yet something was wrong. And it just made Atticus upset for a reason he couldn’t really explain. It reminded him of those times, when he was a very small child, when his mother would try to comfort him after he woke up sobbing and could hardly explain why. Something about someone with red eyes squeezing his shoulders, tears streaming down his face and laughing like his heart was breaking...

So Atticus was determined to throw himself into his studies and do everything expected of him. Just because Gryffindor Golden Boy Barty Gilbert refused to do things the right way didn’t mean he shouldn’t -- and Atticus knew karma would eventually go his way in the end, if he put in the proper work. It didn’t mean that he didn’t still sometimes feel somewhat resentful every time Barty Gilbert waved to him in the hall, his two best friends at his side. One of them was the most popular girl in their year (of course), another Pureblood witch named Cecelia “Ceci” Crouch -- the other was one of Atticus’s own dormmates, a poor Muggle-born boy who in third year had become Ravenclaw’s Star Chaser named Robert Bellamy. Despite sleeping in the same dorm for five years, Atticus and Robert had really never talked -- Atticus was focused almost exclusively on his studies, of course, but even Robert seemed actively disinterested in talking to Atticus. Perhaps it was because of how much Atticus kept sticking his nose up at his best friend Barty -- perhaps it was because of how much of a stick-in-the-mud Atticus was -- or perhaps it was for a reason Robert couldn’t quite put into words, the same way Atticus couldn’t completely explain his instant dislike of Barty.

One day at the beginning of fifth year, however, Atticus and Robert were forced to engage with each other when Professor Binns inexplicably decided to actually assign a paired homework assignment. (A possible result of Headmaster Albus Dumbledore casually reminding the History of Magic professor of a similar assignment he’d assigned his OWL class back in the days when he was still alive.) Although Binns of course didn’t remember any of his students’ names, he nonetheless paired Robert with Atticus. Neither of the Ravenclaws was particularly pleased, but none of them was the type to actively argue or complain.

After class, Atticus approached Robert outside the History of Magic classroom. Robert told Barty to go on ahead to the Great Hall and that he’d catch up. Once Barty was gone, Atticus uncomfortably questioned Robert about when they could meet to work on their oral report on the Witch Hunts of the 14th century.

Robert frowned slightly, his well-toned arms crossing casually over his chest.

“Hogsmeade weekend starts tomorrow,” he said placidly. “You occupied then?”

Unlike the rest of his classmates, Robert wore his bronze-trimmed blue Quidditch robes over his disheveled uniform, instead of his usual black school robes. Atticus couldn’t help but wonder if Barty Gilbert’s buddy just liked to remind everyone that he was one of Ravenclaw’s Chasers.

Pushing this faintly condescending thought aside, Atticus shook his head. “No -- I’m available.”

“Good. Meet me at the Three Broomsticks and we can talk there.”

He turned on his heel as if to go. Atticus couldn’t help but sputter and he quickly rushed in front of the other Ravenclaw to stop him from walking away.

“What is there to talk about? We need to get started right away!”

Robert raised his eyebrows. “Tomorrow isn’t soon enough for you?”

“The project’s due on Monday,” said Atticus seriously. “We’ll need to spend a good deal of time at the library, if we want to be prepared -- ”

“No need,” said Robert with a shrug. “I already know everything we need to know.”

Atticus couldn’t keep himself from quirking a disbelieving eyebrow. “Oh really? Robert Bellamy, slacker jock who always dozes off in History of Magic, knows enough about the Witch Hunts of the 14th century to get us an O on our oral report? Somehow I doubt that.”

Amazingly Robert didn’t react with anger -- instead his black eyes turned very cool.

“The Witch Hunts really can’t be narrowed down to just the 14th century,” he said in a very level, matter-of-fact voice appropriate to a professor. “Not only did the ‘witch hysteria’ phenomenon last well into the 18th century, until the Age of Enlightenment, but there was a lot of set-up beforehand that laid the groundwork for it. Witchcraft, specifically black magic, was considered illegal even in ancient times -- the Romans considered it a capital offense. And of course one can’t ignore how early Christians demonized pagan beliefs by associating them with witchcraft, hence why images of the Devil came to embody traits associated with the nature god Pan. The Witch Hunts of the 14th century largely came about because a bunch of Muggles got their knickers in a twist about an increased interest in necromancy and herbal remedies among the poor, spurred on by the printing and circulation of older Islamic texts. The fact that many of those people who had the most use for those herbal remedies were women -- frequently mid-wives -- scared the church as well, of course, given the sexism of the time. And of course when bad things happen and there’s no explanation for it, people love to find a scapegoat. Add a text like the Malleus Malificarum that tells the terrified masses all of their problems are the fault of evil witches to the mix, and Incendio -- you’ve got yourself a bonfire.”

Atticus was completely sideswiped. He caught himself staring with his mouth open, and quickly closed it.

“That...well...”

He felt very sheepish. His ears burned -- his mother would’ve been scolding him if she were there, for jumping to conclusions like that.

“...That’s really impressive,” Atticus said self-consciously. “Forgive me, I...I was very rude, just then.”

He brushed a loose piece of his dark brown bangs out of his eyes.

“...How did you even know all that? I don’t recall Professor Binns ever saying -- ”

“I doubt he did,” said Robert. Once again he didn’t seem the least bit offended by what Atticus had said and was currently grinning cheekily. “I got my hands on the fifth year History of Magic syllabus from an older student before term started. I went to the Muggle library and borrowed a whole stack of books about the Witch Hunts so I could read them over the summer.”

Atticus blinked. “Muggle books? But -- but wouldn’t that information be incomplete?”

“In some ways, yes. But honestly, magical history isn’t much better that way -- it leaves plenty of stuff out.”

“I suppose it does -- but Professor Binns expects you to know what he teaches too. That’s why he does those lectures.”

“And puts the whole class to sleep,” said Robert with a snort of laughter.

“That’s beside the point,” said Atticus firmly. “It’s good that you studied the material so thoroughly -- very admirable, in fact -- but there is a right way to do things, and falling asleep in class when your professor’s trying to teach you will only make it harder for you to get top marks.”

Robert shrugged. “Guess I don’t see the need to regurgitate my professor’s lessons like a parrot. And how do you know I don’t already get top marks? I don’t remember you ever asking to see my grades.”

Atticus faltered. “Well -- it’s just -- I never see you study.”

“Probably because you never leave the library,” said Robert with a rather mischievous smile.

The words were an unpleasant barb in the corner of Atticus’s chest, and his eyes narrowed to hide the slight hurt he felt. Noticing the shift in the other boy’s expression, Robert immediately put down all trace of humor.

“Only joking,” he said defensively. “Crimey...you really are too grim for your own good...”

As soon as the sentence had left Robert’s mouth, there was a strange, silent ping that seemed to ripple through both young men’s ears. The word “grim” had hit Atticus in the heart stronger than anything else Robert had said. The young Pureblood had stiffened sharply, and his expression tensed further when he realized that Robert too seemed to have suddenly gone oddly pale.

Did...did the word affect him too? Did he also find it so strangely, frustratingly, achingly familiar? Why?

The two stared at each other, both looking incredibly disconcerted. Then Robert, stuffing a hand into his pocket, quickly strolled past Atticus.

“...I’d better go catch up with Barty,” he muttered. His voice sounded oddly calm to Atticus’s ears -- almost evasively so. “Is tomorrow at noon okay?”

Atticus glanced over his shoulder to look at Robert’s retreating back.

“...Yes,” he said quietly.

Robert didn’t turn back around.

“Three Broomsticks?”

“All right.”

“Good. ...Bring some books from the library, if you want. I’m sure Madame Pince will have some suggestions I haven’t read yet. Just don’t tell her we’ll be at the Three Broomsticks -- poor thing would probably throw a fit if we spilled butterbeer on her books...”

With that, the Ravenclaw Chaser departed down the hall without looking at Atticus again.

Atticus didn’t move from his spot in the hall for a while afterward, unable to completely shake the heavy, invisible weight that had settled down on top of his heart.

He’dd only ever felt such a strange, irrational kind of déjà vu around Barty Gilbert before, but this kind...this kind was different, somehow. The feeling that accompanied Barty Gilbert made Atticus feel irritated for no reason at all. This one accompanying Robert Bellamy...it was cold, and yet also so soft at the same time -- like the feeling one has when they hear a beautiful, sad song...or when they wake up sobbing from a dream where someone is squeezing their shoulders, while tears stream down their brokenly laughing face...

#golden era #hphl #atticus grimsley #bartholomew varney #my art #my writing #au #reincarnation!au #OH MY GOD #REINCARNATION TIME BABY #let's give grim and bat a real happy ending shall we?!#I mean sure bat had a lot of happiness in his life before he finally died but he only lived a half-life as a vampire #and this way bat can be there for grim when he's younger so grim can live the life at hogwarts he deserved #without his father's influence looming like a shadow over him the entire time #also yay bat can touch! and actually grow up! and actually be a professor!#I see bat and crew being in cedric's year #so they'll be seventh years when cedric dies and just be starting careers when the wizarding war starts #of course we all know bat would join the order of the phoenix because...duh #but yeah so this means bat flies alongside cho chang!! :D #robert hasn't gotten the nickname 'bat' yet but he will #and of course atticus isn't 'grim' yet -- even in his original canon he only ever was okay with bat calling him that </3 #robert's discomfort around atticus really comes back to him seeming famiilar and yet 'off' too #in this case because grim is supposed to be happy!! he's supposed to smile!! he's supposed to dance and have fun!!#and yet he's this huge stick in the mud that has a beef with robert's BFF -- what's up with that?!#he really doesn't *dislike* atticus at this point but he is uncomfortable and unsure and when bat is uncomfortable he tends to disappear #in all universes bat does not like being uncomfortable or talking about things he doesn't want to talk about XD;;#also yeah bat is smart AF but is the type to only express it when his intellect is useful #he doesn't show off his intelligence by answering every question in class or sharing his grades or going to the library constantly #instead he most often expresses it whenever he's tutoring someone in something or when the knowledge solves a problem #so it's no wonder atticus had no clue that robert's not just a dumb jock XDDD

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pengychan · 5 years

Text

[Coco] Mija

Title: Mija Summary: Héctor hadn’t expected to wind up in a cenote. He hadn’t expected his daughter to be there, either. [Protagonist Swap AU.] Characters: Héctor Rivera, Coco Rivera Rating: K

A/N: This fic was written for @twinklecupcake - it is based on their AU where little Coco visits the LotD, believing Ernesto to be the father she remembers so little of. They asked for something where Héctor realizes who the little girl he’s been hanging with really is, and here it is. Hope you like it - and happy birthday!

***

I need to get out. I must get out. I must find Chica-- get her away from him-- tell everyone what he did-- cross the bridge--

Héctor’s thoughts are a jumbled mess of anger, desperation, and the sort of utter bewilderment that can only come with the sudden knowledge he’s been murdered, and by his best friend of all people. He doesn’t know how it’s possible, but he does know that this can’t be out it ends, at the bottom of a damp cenote, trapped forever with his little girl at the other side of the bridge. Trapped forever with his little girl on this side of the bridge.

The thought chills him to the marrow. It would mean losing the one hope he holds onto - that even of he can never cross over, one day her life will have run its course and he will see her again in the Land of the Dead. But if he stays trapped in there until he’s forgotten and turns to dust-- if he cannot find a way out-- then he will never see her again. He will never speak to her again. He will never hug her again.

He will never be able to tell her how sorry he is, how loved she was, how he tried to come home.

“No,” he chokes out, clawing at the ridiculously smooth wall of the cenote, trying to gain some traction-- trying to climb up. “No, no, no, no! Let me out of here! Ernesto! You can’t do this to me! Someone, anyone--”

“NO!”

The sudden shriek above him causes him to trail off and look up, alarmed. It is the voice of a terrified child, and one he’s learned to know well; horror wells in his ribcage at the realization.

It can’t be. Not his own daughter. What is he doing, why, how could he--

“No, no, no, no! Let me go! Please! Papá! PA--”

There are shadows above him, against the pale light making it into the cenote, and with one last shriek something is suddenly dropped, down down down into the water.

“Chica!”

Héctor is in the water the next moment, just as the little girl breaks the surface with a gasp and struggles to stay afloat. “Papá!” she calls out, looking up, and the despair in her voice cuts deep.

“I’ve got you,” Héctor gasps, putting an arm around her and helping her stay afloat. “I’ve got you, Chica, come--”

“Héctor,” she chokes out, and clings back to him. He can’t see tears, her face all wet, but he hears them in her voice. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry--”

“Hey, hey--”

“I should have listened to you! I should have listened to mamá and my tíos and Ceci and-- they told me, you all told me-- mamá tried to warn me and I ran away from her-- mamá loves me and he doesn’t and I said such mean things to her...!”

By the time they make it to solid ground, the little girl is a sobbing mess. How could she not? Finding out that her papà - the man she hardly remembered but whose faint, faint memory she’d so clung to for so long - was a murderer, a fraud, and willing to let her die to keep his secret… it would break anyone. “... We’ll get you to your mamá, yes?” he says gently, pulling her close. She’s shaking, but still so warm compared to him; her bones can be seen, but not felt. She is still alive, and does not belong here.

But she will, if she stays any longer.

He chases away the thought, trying to reassure her; she’s curling up against him, and he finds himself rocking her like he did to his Coco, only a few years and yet an eternity ago. Ay, how he misses her. “We’ll find a way out,” he promises, knowing there is none. “I’m sure she’ll be happy to see you, and give you her blessing to go home, and… and this will be like a bad dream.”

“But it isn’t,” Chica chokes out. “It’s all true. And-- he murdered you-- I’m so sorry--”

“It wasn’t you, nenita. You have nothing to apologize for.”

“He didn’t care. All those letters and he didn’t care,” she’s weeping quietly now, head resting against Héctor’s ribcage, where his heart would be. And something may very well be there, because oh, there is such a tightness in his chest cavity. “Chica--”

“We had a song-- he said it was for me, but then he shared it with everyone else… a-and it wasn’t even his song! He stole it!”

Remember Me. That backstabbing rat had sung her Coco’s song, of all songs, and meant precisely none of it. Anger rears up its head, and he opens his mouth to speak-- but she speaks first, and whatever he was about to mutter turns into ashes in his mouth.

“He said it was our secret song, that-- not even mamà knew it, and we could sing it together every night, no matter how far apa--”

“Qué??” His outburst causes the child to recoil, and pull back to look up at him, startled. Her eyes look so large for her little face, and for the first time-- no. No, it cannot be. This is all… this isn’t… it would be absurd. Ernesto had used his songs for fame, his death for a movie scene-- surely he wouldn’t hesitate to use his exact words, too.

But he never heard them, did he? No one ever did, except--

“... Coco?”

Those warm brown eyes grow larger, stunned. She looks up at him like he’s grown antlers. “How… how did you guess my name?”

His Coco. For a moment, Héctor cannot speak. Something in his head is buzzing like a trapped moth; the greatest shock of his life or afterlife - his best friend murdering him - suddenly doesn’t seem all that shocking anymore. He reaches out, his hand moving almost on its own, to brush away some of the wet hair stuck on her cheek. Oh God, how could he not realize it sooner? The eyes, those cheekbones, the chin-- the tilt of her head so much like Imelda’s-- the fact Pepita was after her when they met… how could he be so blind?

“Héctor?” Coco whispers, anguish melted away into confusion… and something else, something that is balancing just on the brink of comprehension. She keeps staring, transfixed, as Héctor’s bony hand cups her cheek.

“... You got so big,” is all he can say. Suddenly he has no more words… but what he does have, what they do have, is a song. “Remember me, though I have to say goodbye, remember me…”

As the words come unbidden to his mouth and the melody fills the cave - the real melody, how it was always meant to be, not the shambles Ernesto turned it into - he can see his Coco’s eyes growing bigger, comprehension finally dawning in. And then-- then she sings, too, a small hand reaching up for his face, almost close enough to touch.

“Know that I'm with you the only way that I can be...”

“... Until you’re in my arms again…”

She remembered. She remembers, and suddenly her eyes are brimming with tears again, the way they would when she was little more than a baby and had a bad dream, when he and Imelda would come with a candle to comfort her.

“PAPÁ!”

Her shriek echoes throughout the cenote, her arms reach around him, and Héctor holds her close and tight, tighter than he ever held anyone in life or death. It is staggering, incomprehensible: after years of trying, it wasn’t him to cross the bridge. Coco did, and she found him. All along, for hours now, his little girl has been right by his side. In his arms again.

“Coco,” Héctor manages. “Mija...” he pulls back with what feels like the biggest effort he’s ever made, staring down at her. He cups her face, stroking her cheek with his thumb. “I was trying to come home-- I kept trying, every year. I missed you so much. I love you so much.”

“I missed you too,” she chokes out. “A-and mamá-- she thinks you just left, and I thought-- I didn’t want to believe it, but I you never came--”

“I was trying, Coco, I was trying to come home. I’m so sorry, I should have never left.”

She sniffles, wiping her eyes. “H-he… de la Cruz… he killed you,” she whispers, and suddenly she’s glaring, features twisting in fury. “He took you from us!”

He did, and Héctor will probably be furious again soon enough, but right now all he can think is that he has his little girl again. Coco is with him, and everything is all right.

… Except that it isn’t. Coco is not meant to be there. Coco cannot stay there.

“You… you need to go home,” Héctor says, pulling back. She shakes her head.

“No! I need to tell mamá what really happened before I go back! And... I can’t leave you here! We must get out, a-and-- the photo, we have to get it back…!”

“I’ll be fine,” he lies. He has no idea if he’ll ever be able to get out of there at all, or if so when, and the thought of sending his little girl away from him now hurts, but he brushes all of that aside. “If you stay here, you’ll die. I can’t let it happen. I can-- God, I could have given you the blessing all along! You could have gone home-- I-- I’ll do it now!”

Her little face falls. “Papá…”

“Hush. Por favor,” he brushes the back of his hand against her cheek. It’s so small, so soft, so warm. Flesh and skin and blood-- it’s life, all hers to live. He makes an effort to smile, and reaches for her wet hair. “Go home for both of us, sí? Pass on my story. I… I'll find way across, and you'll see me again one da--”

The flowers. The marigold flowers he’d woven in her hair before the talent show are gone.

No. Oh no. No, no, no.

Horror must have shown in his gaze, and Coco looks up at him in despair. “I’m sorry,” she murmurs. Héctor shakes his head. He feels as though something had struck him.

“Th-they must have come loose when they threw you in,” he mutters, and stands, taking a few steps towards the water. “I’ll have a dive and find them, we only need a petal, they-- they must be somewhere in the wa--”

“I took them off.” Coco’s voice is so small, so regretful and frightened. “A-after we a-argued at the talent show-- I was so mad, I’m sorry, I took them all off and now--!”

“Coco…” Héctor kneels next to her, or maybe his legs give in, but it doesn’t matter. He takes her back in his arms, tight. “I’m the one who’s sorry, I shouldn’t have raised my voice-- I just-- all I could think was crossing the bridge…”

“To see me,” Coco sniffles, and he nods.

“Yes. Yes, mija, to see you.”

“I-- I’m sorry I lied to you. I really wanted to see my papà,” she mutters, holding him back. “... I have now. I’m so happy it’s you.”

It would make his non-existent heart swell, in any other moment, but not now and not here. Even as he smiles down at her, all he could think is how desperate their situation is: stuck at the bottom of a cenote, without anyone who’d help knowing it… and her time is running out.

It’s his fault, Héctor thinks, all his fault. How could he be such an idiot? So many details fit now that he knew the truth, how could he not realize earlier that he was looking at his own daughter? How could he be so blind not to recognize the most important thing in his world? He could have given her his blessing any moment, he could have sent her home any moment, and he had not.

Remember me, he’d asked of her, but he… he couldn’t even recognize her. His mind was stuck on the image of the small child he’d left behind, and now it’s too late. He messed up again, and in the worst possible way. He doomed her, he--

“We’ve got to look for a way out,” Coco speaks suddenly, and stands. She wiped her face and looked down at him, a scowl creasing her brow, looking so much like a general poised for battle.

So much like Imelda.

“We have to get your picture back so you can cross over! And we need to find mamá and tell her the truth,” she declares. “She thinks you left us and it’s not fair. And we’ve got to tell everyone what de la Cruz did! He murdered you and took your songs and he’s got to pay for what he did to our family!”

Yes. Definitely Imelda.

Pushing the dread - it is useless, there is no way out - out of his mind Héctor stands, and takes her hand. She’s right: they must find a way out, or at least try. He never gave up trying to cross the bridge and he won’t give up now, either. Not with his daughter’s life at stake.

“... Right,” he says, and makes an effort to smile. “Let’s find a way out of here, mija.”

Coco gives him a smile that contains all the beauty in the world, and Héctor is too mesmerized by it to hear, somewhere above them, the flapping of huge wings as something lands by the sinkhole.

The roar, however, doesn't go unnoticed.

***

“--Grounded for your entire afterlife, do you hear me? Oh just you wait until you cross over again! Run off to de la Cruz’s mansion! What was that even about??”

Her mamá’s voice rises over the wind rushing against her face and over the powerful beats of Pepita’s wings, all anger and terror and relief and unshakeable love underneath it all. It makes her smile wider as he papá, holding onto Pepita’s tail, speaks up in her defense.

“It’s not her fault, Imelda! She thought Ernesto was her father!”

“SHE THOUGHT WHAT!” Something else enters her mamá’s voice - utter outrage - and Coco’s smile turns just a little sheepish. “If he were the last man on Earth, I wouldn’t-- how could...!”

“Well… you know, that photo, and the guitar…”

“YOU-- me, marry that cabrón! I have never been so insulted in my life and afterlife!”

“Sorry!”

“You better be, señorita!” Her mamá raves on a little more, but Coco can’t stop smiling. They’re not out of the woods yet, they still have a photo to recover and a murderer to kick very hard in the shins, and her mamá is still mad at her papá - but they can fix everything.

Her familia is together again and she believes, with all her heart, that all will be well.

***

[Here’s another thing I wrote based on this AU]

#pixar coco #hector rivera #imelda rivera #coco #protagonist swap

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