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#kpop idol au
mosinterlude · 2 years
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━━ BRUTAL ✦ MASTERLIST
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PAIRING. idol! hanni pham x fem! idol! reader
SYNOPSIS. God, being a teenager is brutal. Of course, it's even more torture when you're in the spotlight; every move you make is documented and recorded to be used or held against you at a later date. And while most of the time it's justified, for seventeen year old idol Y/N L/N, it's a pain in the ass. especially when she ends up tweeting on the wrong account about her dumb little crush on newly debuted idol Hanni Phạm. And of course it comes right around the time that theyre ready to drop her solo debut album, aligning with NEWJEANS's debut. God, it's brutal out here.
GENRE. idol x idol! reader, wlw, angst, fluff, idol au, strangers to friends to lovers, crack, smau
WARNINGS. strong language, drama, sexual jokes/references, idol drama, mentions of mental health, fighting, idol beef, internalized homophobia & biphobia.
FEATURING. newjeans, le sserafim, mentions and/or appearances from fromis_9, txt, svt, itzy, ateez.
STATUS. ONGOING ( August 7 - )
NOTE. this is my first work on this account and im so excited!! i hope you all enjoy this fic as much i will, hugs and kisses!!
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PROFILES. #THEINTERNETSBOYFRIENDS. THE SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELING PANTS.
CHAPTERS. elysian headacanons!
1. we're sending you to the asylum
2. sour no skip album
3. oh fuck
4. complete joke
5.tba
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TAGLISTS. brutal taglist. (OPEN) @coffeewon @myinzu @starzzns @sarcasmhadachild @luv4vernon @luvhyun3 @strwberrydinosaur @nomniki @i-dubu perm taglist. (OPEN) @jangwonie @bigtoewinwin
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purecantarella · 2 years
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Secretly Yours
belated happy lia day everyone!! now this is coming out later than i'd have liked it to because i once again, took a lazy nap HAHAH im vv sorry but i hope you all still enjoy oblivious lia, very very oblivious lia highschool au choi lia x reader disclaimer/s : nothing much, a bit of cursing but other than that not much happened
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Since she was young, Lia was never the center of anyone's attention. As the eldest, the attention was always on her younger brother and she was the kind of person you never took a second look at.
At least that's what she drilled into her head.
It got to a point that she simply downplayed any achievement or live milestone. Sadly, that included birthdays. That is until she reached middle school...when you entered the picture.
You had known Lia for years, having the same classes, riding the same bus home, and you had thought she was the most beautiful person in the world. The mere sight of her had your palms sweating and heart hammering against your chest.
What you felt for Lia was something you'd never felt.
So you pumped yourself up and built up the courage to put the letter you'd written for her in her locker, in very middle school fashion. Each time you tried though, you were nearly caught or it didn't feel like the right time.
Then you got lucky.
"Okay, N/n. You've got this, nothing to worry about." You mutter to yourself as you turn the corner with your note in hand. Your breath had run ragged as you began to panic. As you approached her locker, to your surprise the hallway was empty. You grin to yourself and jog over to the metal box, slipping the paper through the slits.
You smile to yourself proud of yourself for finally allowing yourself the chance to be happy. As you turned, you almost jumped out of your skin to see Lia walking around the corner, even worse, she met your eye. She smiles brightly, and speeds up.
Your brain stops working, trying to piece together an excuse. It seems like she moved at lightning speeds as she stood before you before you could even blink. "Hi there Y/n. Did you need something?" Her voice kind and delicate, it made your heart beat impossibly faster in your chest.
You sputter softly, thoughts still not forming completely, but ever patient, Lia only smiled and placed a hand on your arm gently. Your nerves calm and you eye the book in her hand quickly, biology, you didn't share that subject that term. "I...uh...heard you were doing well in Bio, I just wanted to ask for some help." You say nervously while scratching the back of your head.
She nods quickly, "I'd love to help, let me just get my notes from my locker—"
"No!" You blurt out suddenly, before cupping your hand in front of your mouth, stunning the poor girl. "I mean...We can do without notes for now, I suppose." You reason, feeling the blush crawl up your face from such an outburst.
Lia surprises you back by merely giggling. "Alright, come on then. I know a place that can accommodate the two of us." You nervously look back at her locker then back to her as she opened the book in her hands, asking you what part of the lesson confused you.
"...I understand if it's this, the concepts are rather complicated." She rambled until you laughed softly. Dread was written all over her face when you bumped her shoulder against yours playfully. "You're adorable, Lia." You compliment quickly, catching her off guard and you immediately catch yourself before you can make a bigger fool of yourself.
You point down to the book contents, "It was this one. I wasn't in class when it was discussed." You explain, as Lia reads the topic title and flipped through the page. She took mental notes on what she wanted to discuss to you.
As you both entered the quaint café, as per Lia's recommendation, you immediately eyed one of the cake slices in the window of the chiller by the register. "I'll pay, it's the least I can do for your help." You offer with a small smile. The shorter girl didn't bother arguing, she knew from stories that you were rather headstrong, and nodded before taking a seat around the back of the shop.
A little while later, you return and she immediately begins lecturing you on the topic. You knew the topic fairly well but there were things that she pointed out that you were simply unaware of, only furthering your admiration of the girl.
Just as she is about to finish her spiel, a cake slice slides onto the table in a smooth motion as the waitress walks away quickly to attend to another family. Lia looks at the cake rather surprised and you can't help but smile at her, ducking your head back down into your textbook, "Happy birthday."
Thus began a long winded friendship and a tradition. You two would sit at the same café on her birthday and share a slice of cake while her family forgot about her, trapped in their own endeavours. But in the span of five years, you'd never missed it once.
You were her rock as she was yours, she shared everything with you.
As such, Lia told you about the letter from her secret admirer the very next day. Blissfully oblivious to the fact that you slipped her that note. You never broke it to her though, it would be selfish of you to ruin her happiness for the opportunity for her to go out with you.
And that's when you're personal tradition started. The letters.
You get to Lia's locker quickly, right before students were dismissed for the day. Cautiously, you slip the light green envelope into her locker, shocked when you hear a loud slam beside you. Standing beside you was your closest friend aside from Lia.
"Boo." They teased as you clutched your chest and rolled your eyes as you slipped in the note as you did every year. You sling your bag back onto your shoulders and position yourself naturally as you hear doors open and footsteps begin to patter across the cheap linoleum.
"You think that she'll figure it out this—Ah fucker!" Your friend grunts as you elbow their side, as Lia speeds around the corner. You open your one arm up to Lia. She excitedly tumbles into your side and you can't help the airy laughter from slipping from your lips. Immediately, you slip your other arm around her waist and hoist her up into the air. "Happy birthday, princess Lia!"
The shorter girl giggles and kicks the air, squealing for you to put her down. Your other friend waves casually with a half-smile. "Happy birthday."
She nods her head gratefully as she jumped out of your arm, her hand still firmly planted in your shoulder as she opens the worn out metal frame. The letter you'd just placed flowing carefully onto the ground. Her eyes light up as your friend's narrow onto you.
"Thank you guys. And you..." She pokes your cheek lovingly before motioning for you to follow her once she'd shut her locker. You chuckled and saluted to your other friends to which they flashed you a teasing kissy face. You rolled your eyes and wrapped your arm around your best friend.
"Now what's all the secrecy about, Lia..." You asked rhetorically, you knew why she dragged you all the way here.
It was tradition after all.
She quickly and rather dramatically pulled out the familiar note out, proudly flashing it to you. You smile and gingerly pluck the envelope and pretend to open it. "I'm sure it's the usual spiel about how amazing you are." You point to your chest while lifting the letter higher than she can reach normally, "I could have told you all of that if I'm being honest." Lia is quick to jumping to retrieve the letter from your loose grip.
"It's our senior year, you'd think whoever this is would grow a pair and tell me in real life this time..." She pouts before trailing her finger along the edge of the paper, staring at the stationary longingly. You bite back an argument you would have used to defend yourself. You breath a subtle sigh, "Well? Open up, birthday girl." You usher her gently.
Lia looks up at you excitedly and smiles before breaking the wax seal on the envelope. She pulls out the paper and her eyes scan the paper, the smile on her lips grows until her eyes had completely formed crescents while she coos in between. She flushes pink and bites her lip as she continues reading.
You watch her reactions as she read the letter you'd rewritten over and over for the past week, in spite of the harsh teasing of your other friends. It was well worth it. By the time Lia is done reading, your still staring at her affectionately and she gently shoves you, beaming up at you.
"They've done it again." Lia announced while handing you the letter. You take the paper from her hand and lifted your brows, feigning shock and awe. You fan your face with the scented letter, trying to hide the flush on your face from the rather embarrassing admissions you'd written down. "They truly know how to pull on the heartstrings, eh?"
You push off the wall you leaned on, plucking her back off from her. "Come on birthday girl, we have to beat those kids and their parents to the good cakes." You snicker to yourself but when you don't hear the usual scolding or suppressed giggle from Lia, you turn to see her looking down at the letter intently. You tilt your head to the side. "What's up, princess Lia?"
Her head shoots up and she bolts towards you, your heart pounds uncontrollably as you find her right in your face, the smile on her face forming the crescent moon eyes that you simply adored. "N/n, I want to find them." Your eyes bulge out and you quickly mask fear and shock on your face with curiosity. "It's the last year they'll be able to write to me this way and I don't want to loose the chance of meeting them."
Guilt chips at you while she stares up at you with so much enthusiasm and hope. You chuckle nervously and retort, "You wouldn't want to just announce on the P.A system, 'to Choi Lia's secret admirer, please come to the front of the building'?"
Lia whines softly taking your hands in hers, pulling them up to her chest as the jutted out her lower lip and began to plead, "N/nnnn..." As she begged, you cursed yourself and your inability to deny Lia anything and sighed while lowering your head. "Fine, but only because it's your birthday."
She jumped up and down happily, unable to contain the ecstatic feeling building inside her. "Thank you, N/n! I love you so much!" She cries out and you can't help but laugh at her enthusiasm. You compose yourself place a hand atop her head tenderly as it mindlessly trailed down to her cheek, the contact lingering longer than you'd intended, your thumb brushing her cheekbone gently.
Lia beams up at you before pulling you out of the school, her arms wrapping around yours while you carried her bag on your other shoulder.
The shorter girl drags you to her house, her parents nor her brother were anywhere to be found, but she had grown used to it. She didn't really mind either. After all, she had you.
Lia disappears briefly but soon reappears where she presents each letter you'd written, in pristine condition, to her on the living room table. There was a clear writing style and pattern, she just needed to match it with the way other people spoke to her. And she was deadset on finding who this mystery person was.
Then there was you, casually reading through the letters you'd written again. You couldn't help but cringe at the idea of everything you'd written from years ago.
'...There is just somethin g in the way you smile, the way you speak, the way you treat others with such kindness and grace, even when they've treated you like nothing. I've never quite seen anyone willingly do so with no—'
A loud groan pulls you away from the terribly written letter from eighth grade. You raise your head and see Lia frustratedly reading from another piece of paper, her hand messily weaved into her brown locks. You reach over and take her hand from her hair, offering her a warm smile.
Lia looked over at you and her creased brows smoothed out as she looked at you. There was always a calming effect that you held over her and she was forever grateful for it. "Hey, it's going to be fine alright? This person isn't some genius. We'll figure it out, you're highly intelligent, Lia. Nobody matches your wit." You compliment softly.
She smiles and nods slowly, briefly leaning on your shoulder. "I'm sorry for dragging you into this..." She mutters softly before you pull her hand to your lips, pressing them to her knuckle gently. "Let's just get this person alright? Then we can get cake." You joke making Lia smile against your shoulder before nodding and sighing deeply, returning to the letter she was reading previously.
"This person is really elusive if we can't find them." Lia jokes but the change of your tone from your usual playful demeanor to a more defensive one as you respond makes her ears perk up. "I wouldn't say elusive, maybe you're just not seeing the simplicity of things."
"Sometimes a person is just too close to the situation to figure it out..." You mutter quietly while Lia looks up from scrolling through her contacts, she pauses. Finger lingering over your name on her phone. Her mind lags for a moment, thinking over the subtle things you'd say about her secret admirer, the odd way you and your other friends would talk around her birthday, and the way you went above and beyond for her...further than any friend would.
You finally notice her silence as you re-read the different notes you'd written over the years, going through your own memory lane, when you push her shoulder gently. Lia's eyes meet yours and there's a sense of clarity in them, one that you couldn't help but find adorable. Your lips quirk up into a smile as you tilt your head to the side curiously.
"What is it princess Lia?" You ask affectionately, teasingly getting closer. Your nickname for her...it was often hinted at in the letters to her, 'treated like royalty' or 'the cutest princess to walk the halls.' Your smile fades when she doesn't speak for longer than you'd liked. You adjust yourself to face her better, voice soft and gentle, "Hey, what's wrong?"
Then it finally clicks.
Lia stares at you, a small smile of disbelief growing on her lips, "It was you."
Your eyebrows shoot up in surprise, but that melts away into an impressed smile as you chuckle softly. You lean back and read one of the later letters again, not daring to meet your best friend's eye as you felt your cheeks burning. The nerves beginning to get to you...and you knew Lia knew it too.
You tried playing it cool, tossing your hair to the side. "Took you long enough, Choi...Didn't think that you'd get it in this centur—OW!" Her fist quickly collided with your arm repeatedly, her pale cheeks growing redder in hue. She continues her onslaught on your arm. "You could have told me anytime! But you decided to make me go through five years of wondering!"
"Choi Lia so help me God!" You cry out before catching her fists in your hands stifling laughter. She was now panting, straddling your torso as you stared up at her, not making a peep. You know she's waiting for an explanation so you sigh, retracting your arms and crossed them over your chest.
"I didn't want to ruin the image you had in your head. You were expecting charming and sweet." You pause, leaning back before nonchalantly adding, "I don't exactly emulate any of those characteristics Lia."
Lia looks at your sulky face, letting herself sink in the moment. There's a silence and it hangs in the air. But all you can hear is the way your heart pounds against your chest, her breathing, then there's laughter and your heart sinks.
The sweetest sound that you'd come to look for each day became nails on a chalkboard. Before you can say anything more, she's up and disappears into the hallway. You sigh and push the letters away, mere reminders of your idiocy.
You sigh into your hand as you mumble, "Well, that went to shit..."
You pluck your bag up from the ground and stack your letters into a neat stack before getting up. You open the door and hesitate before stepping out. Biting your lip, you pull the it shut, your mind rushing a thousand miles a minute.
As you walk away, you think of all the things you could have done differently and about how you'd lost the greatest friend you could have ever hoped for. While you'd wallowed in your own self-pity though, the very same voice that you thought you'd never hear again calls you, "Y/F/N!"
You turn and see her barreling towards you at lightning speed before you catch her into your arms. Like she always had she smiles up at you, her hand lacing with yours. She twirls on her own axis allowing you to see why she had disappeared into the hallway. Lia stood before you in a slightly nicer outfit than earlier.
The shorter girl centers herself before she teases, "Did you forget about the cake? Were you really going to break tradition, N/n?" Your eyebrows shoot up in amusement before you chuckle to yourself before your expression softens, "Wouldn't dream of it, princess Lia."
She nods her head, clearly happy with your response and wraps her arm around yours, like she'd done a million times before. But this time it felt completely different. Like something in the air had shifted between the two of you.
You couldn't help the thought that maybe something could grow from this...and neither could she.
i tried to emulate the way a teenager would think in this scenario actually and i apologize if it was rlly cringe. in all honesty, i feel like the ending was a bit messy but in spite of that i hope you all still enjoyed it!! i sort of am behind schedule as this was supposed to come out days ago and it was hwasa day yesterday, hope yall aren't too upset that i missed all these things 🥹 i'm trying to figure out a schedule that works for me personally but anyway, i hope you all enjoyed and i will see you all very, very, soon!! i love you all and take care!! bye lovelies 💖 - r
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soulkeeper801 · 2 years
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Wait For Me
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Im Nayeon x F!Reader
Not everything can be perfect in Nayeon’s life.
The debut was a success.
The joy filling the air showed how thrilled everyone was about their efforts being recognized. All the hard work had been worth it. All the sleepless nights in the studio and meetings after dance practices, all for this moment.
Nayeon grinned widely when she realized everyone in the room was wasted. Even her.
The bottles of soju and beer spilled everywhere mixed with the loud music reminded her how lucky she was.
She chugged another shot before returning to the dance floor where her friends were still dancing and singing to the top of their lungs.
You shook your head with a soft smile on your face. That was a mental picture you would never forget. 
As she was getting carried away by the music, she glanced towards you and called you with her finger. Her friends cheered and called you to the middle to dance with her.
You chuckled. How wasted could they be?
"Thank you for being our designated driver, Y/N," Nayeon whispered to your ear as you arrived at her side. "It means a lot".
The hours went by as everyone had fun. Drinking, dancing, cheering. The only one sober was you who had already taken everyone home. Nayeon was sleeping peacefully in the driver's seat.
"Where are your keys?", you asked as you arrived at her place.
She was still half asleep.
Carefully, you took her purse and found the keys to open the door. 
"Take me to bed", she whispered and your heart skipped a beat. "I'm too tired".
You nodded and wiped her makeup off. After getting her in her pajamas, you tucked her in bed. 
She chuckled softly, pulling your face towards her. You pulled back.
"Yah..", she whined. "Thank you".
She left a soft kiss on your cheek that lingered for a couple of seconds there.
"And I hope one day you can forgive me".
She was still drunk but her mind wouldn't let her forget some things.
"One day, after all this madness comes to an end, would you still be willing to try?", she asked, her forehead pressed against yours, her hands cupping your face and her lips trembling.
You smiled sadly. 
The love you both felt for each other was sacred. Nothing in the world could ever compare. 
But Nayeon was mature enough to make a decision. 
She wanted to love you right, to give you all her time. Her love wouldn't bear spending a couple of hours with you every other month on rushed dates and hidden meetings. She couldn’t even imagine having to keep you a secret when all she wanted to do was show you off. Her heart would break just thinking how hard it would be for the both of you. That's not what you deserved. You deserved the world. And she was willing to give it to you when the right time came.
"I'm always going to wait for you".
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astrehours · 1 year
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WATCH : HOURGLASS MAKES THEIR CRITICS SAY “UH-OH” IN RETRO COMEBACK M/V
ib : thelargefrye & soompi
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MV / TEASER APRIL 8, 2023 Y. SHION
after a successful world tour, the members of hourglass remind everyone why they're called the 4th gen vice leaders by releasing their fifth mini album: amour plastique. uh oh—the title track—is described as a boom bap hip hop track with a strong 90s vibe.
while memorias most likely had a hourglass comeback on their 2023 bingo card, what came as a surprise is the artist that was featured in the song. ateez's lua effortlessly blends in with the group as they dominate the music video with a bold aura.
it's safe to say that regardless of what haters say and/or do, hourglass will remain at the top of the scene.
let us know what you think about this.
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hourglass's taglist : @stealanity @thelargefrye
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alwaysvivid · 2 years
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⇢ ˗ˏˋ  THE 𝐕𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐒 OF THE 𝐊𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄 !!   ♡ ˚◞
@inter-stellar-jyp @nct-krown
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flowrbed · 1 year
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꙳ ࣪ * ༻❁༺ ₊°    …     the florettes are a fictional five-piece girl band under timeslip the label, a subsidiary of edelweiss entertainment. their group name refers to the petals or florets of the daisy flower. the band consists of members dazy, juri, sua, sunday and binna. they made their debut in 2019 with their title track, why so lonely? which had a dance performance and band version that the girls performed at music shows to introduce their split concept. since then, the florettes have been known for their nostalgic sound and refreshingly charismatic performances. often praised for their versatility and all-in-one packaged talent, they're known to be edelweiss' most successful girl group as of date, dubbed as the company's “flower garden.”
however, the girls have also simultaneously been met with hateful comments regarding their passion to “true music” when performing conventional kpop tracks. most backlash aims to discredit the members of their sound and creativity, or fans fight one another about which side of the band performs better. currently, the florettes are rising to more international popularity after promoting their english single brand new moves.
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꙳ ࣪ * ༻❁༺ ₊°    …     flowering !
group name the florettes official fandom flowerbuds official colors pink kiss ( #d689a7 ) + mary's garden ( #68923f ) debut date may 14, 2019 company timeslip the label, edelweiss entertainment debut song why so lonely? genres kpop, synthpop, bubblegum pop, rnb, dance-pop, folk-pop, indie pop concepts romance, relationships, youth, slice of life, social commentary, girlhood
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꙳ ࣪ * ༻❁༺ ₊°    …     in my field of daisies !
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dazy '98 : lead guitarist, main dancer, main rapper, vocalist, leader juri '99 : keyboardist, lead vocalist, lead dancer, visual sunday '01 : bassist, main vocalist, lead dancer, face of the group sua '01 : drummer, lead dancer, vocalist, lead rapper, center binna '02 : rhythm guitarist, lead vocalist, dancer
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꙳ ࣪ * ༻❁༺ ₊°    …     sounds of nature !
debut single (2019) : why so lonely? 1st mini album (2019) : day & night 2nd mini album (2019) : mad man 1st full album (2020) : girls need l-u-v 3rd mini album (2020) : love station special winter single (2020) : dear santa 4th mini album (2021) : mirrorball 2nd full album (2021) : down 2 earth 1st repackage album (2022) : hunny bee 5th mini album (2022) : secret garden 1st english single (2022) : brand new moves
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haveanotherkpopblog · 2 years
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Metamorphosis Incorrect Quotes
Masterlist
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Seonmi: What does BDSM mean? I heard Haeju say that Annaliese was really into it.
Jinae: It means--
Annaliese: BIBLE DISCUSSION STUDY MEETINGS! Hallelujah I love the Lord!
Seonmi: Really? I love BDSM too, then.
*LATER*
Seonmi: Wait... I thought Annaliese was Buddhist?
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strayerthings · 2 months
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"I've got you"(18+)
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Synopsis: Caught in a stressful situation, you do the only thing you can think of - texting your friend's older brother, Chan. However, was that really the better option?
Content info: Chan x afab reader, one-shot, idol Chan, friend's older brother trope, fluff/smut/slight angst
General Warnings: Smut (specifics under the cut), unwilling drug use and comedown, swearing
Word count: 10.5k
Strayerthings Masterlist
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a/n: Hey readers! Long time no see - hope your holidays were fantastic. As promised, I'm releasing this in January. Please let me know your thoughts and don't forget to reblog! There is a sensitive scene filled with macho bullshit at the start but it doesn't last long. I must say, writing for Chan is always such a ride. Anyways, enjoy! 🖤🌻
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Smut: dom/sub dynamics, dry sex, oral (f receiving), unprotected sex (don't), dacryphilia (crying/begging kink)
Explicit content - minors do not interact.
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“Look at Y/n for example, she’s hot but also a gaming nerd obsessed with Kpop so she hardly gets any. We should be going after girls like that since they’re not the sluts showing their tits on OnlyFans.”
You slid further into the couch, trying to make yourself look small. Your mind was a haze and you could hardly stand up for yourself like you normally would. Your colleague was making the most ridiculous, sexist statements that screamed ‘Andrew Tate’ but all you could do was try and hide your shaking nerves. It had gotten so bad that your teeth were chattering. Jack had always been nice to you and you thought he was a solid guy but a different side was brought out when he revealed the party favours. You had accepted the invitation to his house warming without worrying about what the night would hold - your plan was to show up, act impressed at the large space, have one drink and then bounce. It couldn’t have been further from the truth because now you were sitting in a room with around six people, coming down from the coke they had pressured you into taking (you were too inebriated to say no) and he was spouting all this bullshit about how women were always out to get each other and kissing you all over your face. The more invasive he got about your body, your sex life and the inferiority of women, the more you froze up. You had never felt so unsafe before so you stumbled to the bathroom, trying to think fast - who could you message to come get you? It was 3 am in the city and most people were either too drunk or asleep. Who could you count on to always answer the phone? Who would you feel safe with whilst coming down? The questions were racing through your brain and you were about to give up when a name hit you square in the face. He was here. You thought hard about this - he had arrived the previous day and you hadn’t seen him in years. Would you really want your friend’s older brother seeing you high? Yes, you had kept in touch over the years - he had even gotten you a VIP ticket at a discount price - but this was too much. Suddenly, a knocking startled you out of your reverie.
“Y/n?”
It was Jack.
“What are you doing in there? Do another line with us because you’re looking way too sober, you can stay over!”
Oh fuck no.
You texted Chan.
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You didn’t know how much time had passed - perched miserably on the couch, staring into space when a banging was heard over the music. The others looked at each other warily and a girl proceeded to open the door, widening her eyes. In strode a medium-length broad-chested man wearing a tight black t-shirt, ripped jeans and a black cap pulled low over his face. His silver earring glinted in the soft lighting. He tipped his head at her slightly and then lifted his head, serious eyes searching for something. When they landed on you, his jaw clenched. Hard. You struggled to focus but you were pretty sure you looked wrecked. Crossing the room, he knelt down at your side, glaring at the guy next to you who shifted further away. 
“Y/n.”
“Channie,” you breathed out, relief etched across your features.
He cupped your cheek softly and sucked in a breath, finally taking note of the situation. When he saw the white lines of powder on the mirror in the middle of the table, his head whipped back to you with a questioning frown - you could only nod in response, too ashamed to admit to it verbally. His frown deepened and you instinctively cowered back in response - why did you think it was a good idea to text him? But, as if he knew what you were thinking, he grabbed your hand and rubbed soothing circles into the back of it, trying his best to school his expression. 
“Knew it was too good to be true.”
Why couldn’t he just shut up? Chan shifted himself so that he was facing the rest of the room, scowl deepening with every second. 
“What?”
Jack eyed him from where he was pacing, “I said it was too good to be true. Here I was, thinking that Y/n was so innocent - I was actually telling her to go to Korea to hook up before she grows old in order to satisfy her curiosity. With that hair, those tits and face - they would definitely notice her! But I had no idea she had already found herself one. Careful, Y/n, don’t turn into one of those loose bitches.” 
There was so much to unpack here and your eyes widened in horror, frustrated tears pooling in your eyes. How dare this asshole speak about a culture like that? All you did was appreciate Kpop, the fact that he had implied it was a fetish for you had your brain spiraling. You didn’t even care about the remarks about your body - he had insinuated that you were sleeping with Chan and that you were only sleeping with him because he was Korean. You didn’t know where to look, humiliated and furious beyond belief. You opened your mouth, about to rip him a new one, but the man next to you had stood up, hands balled lightly into fists and eyes stern.
“Say one more thing to her and I’ll tear your head off.” 
You couldn’t look up, too anxious to lift your head but the tone of his voice sent a ripple of fear through you. You could see it mirrored in the others’ faces because they immediately grabbed Jack and whispered in his ear. He casually sat down with a grin.
“I’m just messing around, man, what you do with your free time is not my problem. You sound like you’re from around here - have a line with us, let’s chat. What’s your type?”
Oh, this guy was deranged. Chan turned to you again, trying to meet your eyes in order to assess the damage. When he saw the panic he gently helped you up, pushing past the others with an arm around your shoulders. He silently led you down the stairs and while you waited for an uber, he held you close. You shook in his warmth, his strong arms encircling you - you were too embarrassed to look at him and he knew this so he whispered soothing words into your ear. He helped you into the car and when the driver set off, he started to talk.
“You all right?”
You studiously avoided him and he gently touched your hand, waiting a while before trying again. 
“Y/n, look at me.”
You sighed and looked at him from the corner of your eye. He noticed something outside the window and straightened up.
“We can talk inside.”
Inside? You saw that you were entering an underground carpark of a hotel and turned to face him fully with an eyebrow cocked. 
“You can’t honestly believe I would drop you off at your place after all that’s happened, right? Especially in this condition…” His voice had softened and he was back to stroking your hand. You just blinked and turned away again, feeling his hand retract. 
When the car stopped, he opened the door for you, guiding you in with a gentle hand on the small of your back. He pulled out a keycard and you were ushered into an elevator. A thought struck you and you forced out a hushed question.
“Chan, we’re not going to your room, are we? What if the others found out?”
“Don’t worry, I booked another room as soon as you texted.”
Oh. You felt something that you couldn’t identify. Why would he do all this for you? Where was the boy who would push you into the pool as kids, who’d lock you out the house when you came over? You studied him surreptitiously - at least, you thought you were discreet. It had been years since you’d last seen him - you had obviously seen photos and videos, being a fan of their music, but nothing compared to the real thing. His shoulders had broadened, his face had become more defined and the look in his eyes had matured. When did his arms turn into those? Even in your beaten down state, you could appreciate this evolution. But you shook your head, you would not think of him like that. You hadn’t really spoken to his sister since you grew apart in first year but it was still slightly odd to find her brother attractive. You’d had a puppy crush on him back then but wasn’t that normal? It didn’t feel normal right now. You felt like a creep and tried not to let your admiration show. He and Lily only had a few years between them and you used to go over there quite often as kids which is why you had exchanged the odd message every couple years or so. He must have seen you as the annoyance of his childhood - especially now. He led you to your room at the end of the corridor, keeping his hand on you. You wished he would let go and just step back.
When you were inside he turned to you.
“Have a seat and I’ll be right back.” 
You grabbed his hand as he tried to walk past you, silently asking him not to leave you. He removed his hand carefully and cupped your face, murmuring, “Don’t worry, I’m just getting you some clothes. Take a shower and I’ll be back before you know it.”
You slowly nodded and took a deep breath, watching him leave then you looked around. The room was magnificent. Everything was lit up in a soft, golden glow and the furniture was plush and new. The bed was monstrous and looked like you would sink straight into the mattress. But none of that registered with you - you felt disgusting. A dark cloud of insecurity had settled over you, chilling you to the bone. You had never done that particular drug before but the comedown was bleak. You felt so vulnerable, convinced that no one would be there for you. If Chan hadn’t been in the country, how would this night have ended? The chill had numbed you, made you apathetic - you were upset but couldn’t get the emotion out. You wandered into the bathroom, hoping the heat from the shower would warm you up and get you to feel something.
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A soft knock on the door had you startling out of your thought process. Chan’s voice came through, telling you he had left the clothes outside the bathroom. You heard his footsteps retreat back into the room. When had he gotten back? You realised you’d been in the shower for a while, trying to get the heat back into your bones but it hadn’t worked. You felt cold. Cold and alone. You wrapped a towel around your shivering shoulders and cracked the door open, swiping an arm out for the clothing. You pulled on the navy blue t-shirt which was wonderfully baggy and settled on your thighs but the pyjama trousers were way too uncomfortable so you decided to forgo those. You were now faced with a dilemma - do you don your underwear or do you go commando in order to separate yourself from the night’s events? You skipped the panties. The shirt was so long that he wouldn’t notice anyway - at least, you hoped not.
You exited the room, still feeling nothing but the biting cold. Chan was settled on a champagne coloured armchair on the other side of the room, freshly showered and dressed in a black t-shirt and soft, cotton shorts. His dark hair was still damp and he was busy running his hand through it, looking tired. As soon as he saw you he froze, eyes raking down your bare legs. You almost felt a spark. Almost. When he noticed you shudder, he nodded towards the bedside table closest to him where a steaming cup of tea sat. You gingerly walked around the bed to his side and opened the duvet, sliding into the bed and propping yourself up against the headboard as gracefully as possible - your mind was still numb yet full of images, you needed this cloying frost to dissipate. 
“Y/n.”
You lifted your mouth from the cup, sighing in defeat as the hot water still did nothing for your nerves. You wanted to scream but the emotion was so deeply embedded into your chest that you couldn’t claw it out. 
“Y/n.”
You met his gaze timidly. He was bent over, resting his elbows on his muscular thighs to be closer to you and you took in every detail. Tired but warm eyes, curly hair, prominent nose and a plush mouth. A plush mouth that was pulled down in a concerned grimace. Again, you almost felt something stir. 
“How are you feeling?”
You cleared your throat and willed yourself to speak but only a whisper was heard, “Better now, thanks to you.”
He narrowed his eyes but did not refute you.
“What happened tonight?”
“I went to a housewarming party and took drugs, that’s all.” You couldn’t bear to go into details, it was all too raw. 
“Did you accept the coke willingly?”
You thought about it, did you consent? To be honest, you couldn’t remember much of how it started.
“Well, I didn’t say no…”
“Were you drunk when they offered you some?”
“Yes.”
“Have you ever taken it before?”
“No.”
“Fuck.” 
“I’m sorry..”
Chan snapped his head up from where he had been glaring at the floor and looked at you in confusion, “For what?”
You didn’t want to talk about it but knew you had to since you owed him that much, “For what he said. About you. You have to know - that isn’t - I would never…” Chan made a furious noise at the back of his throat.
“Don’t apologise for that asshole! You have nothing to feel guilty about - how long have we known each other? I know you. You have a kind and beautiful soul. God, when he said those things about you, about your body - I thought I was going to have to bury a corpse. You don’t go near him again, got it?” 
You didn’t respond, looking down at your hands until you felt him remove your cup. 
“Hey. Don’t cry, I’m here now - you’re safe.” You hadn’t even registered the icy droplets running down your cheeks. He grabbed your hand and looked into your eyes, “How are you feeling? Are you sober?”
You numbly nodded your head and stated in a small voice, “I can’t feel anything except the cold - I can’t warm up.” 
“Here, move up.” He slipped into the bed and tugged you down, coaxing you into turning on your side and wrapping his arms around you - effectively spooning you. Your breath hitched in your throat as you finally felt a spark of heat run up your back. Turns out, you needed to feel safe in order to heat up. But it was still not enough. Chan felt you shiver and pulled you closer, not an inch of space between you. He then started talking in order to distract you.
“Are you still a horror fanatic?”
“What?”
“I remember you and Lily being obsessed with those god-awful movies about possession and zombies - remember thinking, how could these munchkins enjoy that stuff? But then, your true colours revealed themselves and I was more terrified of you two, to be honest.”
You chuckled weakly along with him and bit back, “Hey, it’s not my fault you were scared of your own shadow - you made it way too easy to get back at you for all the times you’d bully us.” He shifted behind you with a sound of incredulity, “Excuse me, how was I able to be the bully when two vicious girls were ganging up on me all the time. If anything, I’m the victim here.” He giggled, hugging you tighter instinctively and you bit back a gasp. His face was now buried in your neck and you suddenly lost the ability to breathe. 
“Do you ever talk to Lily?” He murmured against your skin.
Sighing, you felt yourself grow sad again. “No… I let us drift at uni, didn’t make enough effort with all the shit I had going on. I feel so guilty, she must hate -” He cut you off, turning you to face him.
“Hey. No, she doesn’t. I know my sister and she has a tendency to get swept up in her own life, she is just as much to blame and she’ll come around if you reach out. Besides, no one could ever hate you.”
 He stared into your eyes for a couple seconds and you felt yourself heat up some more. But it was still not enough. The frost would dissipate for a few moments and then insidiously pull you back in again. At this point, you didn’t know what to do and he must have recognised the insecurity in your eyes because he gently brushed your hair away from your face. 
“Y/n…” he breathed. “What’s up?”
Your lip trembled. 
“I’m so cold.”
“Still?”
The frustration pulled at his features as his mind raced. He entwined his legs with yours and stroked your hair and then… And then he softly pressed his full lips against your forehead, lingering. The warmth trickled from that point all the way to your toes and you let out a relieved sigh. He took note and rested his forehead against yours - the calm gradually stretched until it twisted into something else, something heavy. It built until he tilted your face up slowly but instead of stopping there, he searched your eyes carefully and found whatever he was looking for because his own widened and you felt his heart race as he pressed his nose against yours. 
You felt dizzy but this was the boost of emotion you were chasing so you closed the distance and brushed your lips against his. It wasn’t fireworks, not by a long shot. It was the comfort you needed which was a million times better. You moved slowly in tandem, experimentally angling your heads and applying different degrees of pressure - when you accepted his silky tongue he melted into your mouth, hand moving down to your hip.
You couldn’t believe this was happening - kissing Channie after all these years was never on the agenda. You were so lost in your head that when he made a strangled noise and pulled back, staring at you in a panic, you were thoroughly confused. Did you do something wrong? Were you a bad kisser? 
“You’re not wearing any underwear!”
Oh. Right. Fuck.
You looked down quickly, realising he had been stroking your naked hip under the shirt. Where his fingers trailed, a line of fire was left in their wake - the desire was clogging your throat. Not enough. He made to disentangle himself but you weren’t about to let that happen so you pulled him back, swinging your leg over his hip, grinding up against his clothed erection. You both keened hard into each other’s mouths, caught up in the situation. The frosty darkness had started to seep from you entirely and you felt the knot unravel in your chest but all of a sudden, Chan pulled back, panic flitting across his face again. His chest was heaving in exertion and something else, you weren’t sure what.
“We can’t… we can’t do this.” 
“Why!” Your outburst shocked the both of you but you didn’t care. Anything to feel. Anything to get rid of the gnawing ache of fear inside of you.
“Please, Chan, please, I need this. I need to feel warm, I need to feel safe, I need to get rid of this pain, I can’t….” You didn’t even notice the tears running down your face in absolute devastation. He quickly moved back in and cupped your face, whispering, “Hey, sshh, sweetheart, you’re okay. You’re okay. Don’t worry, I’ve got you.”
You quietened down, soft whimpers falling from your lips as he gently pushed you onto your back and caged you in. He lifted up to rip his shirt off and then leaned back over you, bringing his lips down to yours. When you tried to remove yours too, however, he grabbed your wrists to stop you.
“If we’re doing this, we’re doing this my way.” Never breaking eye contact, he parted your legs and settled between them. He brushed your hair to the side and when he started to softly suck a mark into your neck, his hips started rolling. And rolling. And rolling. 
“Fuck, Channie!” 
You were in agony. There was so much, almost too much. His strong arms kept you close, the heat from his shining chest washing over you - you were separated by the thin layer of his cotton shorts but nothing could prevent you from feeling his enormous, leaking member grinding against your pulsing clit. You begged to remove your shirt but he wouldn’t let you, hands staying over the material - he didn’t even caress your breasts. You couldn’t worry about it though, not when he was giving it to you so good. 
“I-I think I’m gonna cum,” you panted against his skin to which he groaned a response. 
“Yeah? You gonna cum for me, baby?” He started sucking harsher marks onto your collar bones, speeding up his movements. 
“Cum for me, sweetheart.”
The orgasm ripped through you - it was unlike anything you had ever felt before, the fire spread over you, burning everything in its wake. 
You were finally safe.
When he was sure you had come down from your high, he lifted his head, looking at you. Simply looking at you with blown pupils and you had no idea what he was thinking but, at that moment, you didn’t mind. He kissed you sweetly and rolled off you, spooning you again. Before you drifted off, you heard a faint murmur into your hair.
“Good night, baby girl.”
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The sun was high in the sky when you woke up. When you woke up alone in a hotel room, to be exact. You tried to rack your brain in your sleepy state and it took you a few moments but boy, did it pay off when the memories came rushing back. Chan had brought you here. Chan had brought you here and you’d had dry sex. But wait… You sat up swiftly. Where did he go? Did he not enjoy it? You remembered your mindblowing orgasm but couldn’t remember his. Oh god. You had embarrassed yourself. You had begged him to fuck you and he hadn’t even enjoyed it. You had taken advantage of him in your desperate state and it was a pity fuck. Quite frankly, you wanted to disappear. As you turned around to bury yourself into the pillow, two foreign items on the bedside table caught your eye - a coffee cup and a paper bag. There was no note. Good old Chan, despite thinking you were pathetic, he still took care of you. You grabbed your phone off the table, checking for messages but none were from him. What was interesting was the notification you received about a concert that night - a certain Stray Kids concert you would be attending as a VIP. You sucked in a deep breath and then let out a huge..
“FUCK!”
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“What’s he staring at?” 
“I don’t think it’s a what, I think it’s a who.”
“I can hear you.”
Chan turned around from where he had been standing backstage and the two who had been observing him, Hyunjin and Jisung, took the opportunity to sneak around him. They craned their necks as they located the object of his scrutiny. The smaller crowd had walked in to see their soundcheck and so it was easy to spot you.
“Ahhhh is that the girl you raced to help last night, Ch-rizz-topher?”
“Ooh I can see why, she’s hot!”
“Shut the fuck up, Hyunjin.” Chan rubbed his temple and stared at you again, brows furrowing as he noticed a young guy lead you to your seat, hand on your lower back. He couldn’t blame him though - you looked amazing. You were wearing a tight contraption in your skin colour with red outlines tucked into black jeans, and a black leather jacket thrown over. The corset gave the impression that your torso was bare with blazing streaks across your body and he visibly twitched. Why did you have to wear that? The guilt was eating away at him already. 
“What are you guys staring at?” Minho and Changbin had just joined the fray.
“Chan-hyung’s girl!”
Minho moved closer, “The girl from last night? She’s hot.” 
Changbin eagerly nodded along and Chan could feel his blood pressure rising.
“Guys, she is not my girl. Simply Lily’s friend who needed help.”
“Hey Seungmin! Check out Chan-hyung’s hot girlfriend who happens to be Lily’s friend!”
“Jesus Christ, Jeongin!”
Chan had had enough. He couldn’t have this distracting them right now. They were about to go onstage in a city near his home and they needed to focus. He decided it would be best for everyone if he ignored you so, squaring his shoulders, he said something that he thought would end the discussion.
“She’s like a sister to me.”
“So you mean she’s available? OW, WHAT THE FU-”
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You were right. You had embarrassed yourself last night. There were a number of factors that led up to this conclusion. Firstly, he hadn’t texted you since the incident. You chalked it up to his schedule but you were slightly hurt by the notion that he didn’t want to check up on you. Despite your mortification, you had dressed up really nicely - you weren’t sure why as you would not let it get to you. He was just busy. But now, as he walked down the stage, right past you, he kept his eyes carefully trained away from you. You knew he was aware of you, it was obvious by the way his jaw was clenched. You sighed inwardly - this was awful. Would you get the chance to apologise or would he shut you out completely? At this thought, your throat closed up but you were getting ahead of yourself. One step at a time. 
The concert was incredible. You had never had so much fun in your life despite feeling the underlying stress of the situation. The boys were so talented and gorgeous. You admired Chan and even though you knew you shouldn’t, the events of the previous night flitted through your mind. When he hugged Minho tightly from behind, you felt his arms around you too - soothing you to sleep. When he brushed the hair from Felix’s eyes, you felt his featherlight touch as he dried your tears. When he lifted his shirt you were reminded of the smooth, hard muscles rippling under your fingertips as he brought you to your demise; and when he turned around, you remembered the firmness of that ass, clenching in your grip. Fuck - this was not happening. You were not growing feelings for him, were you? He had simply helped you out platonically and the way he was ignoring you proved that. But you found yourself questioning everything when he pulled his tight pants lower surreptitiously, showing his happy trail and briefs. You saw him look at other girls and your heart dropped - his dimple was on full display for everyone but you… You were shaken from your maudlin thoughts, however, when the other members drew your attention. They seemed to have taken quite a shine to you, completing hearts and throwing big smiles your way. It didn’t seem like a coincidence by the way that Chan visibly tensed up and pulled Hyunjin away from your side of the stage or smacked Changbin over the head when he sat down and stared at you during a speech. How much did they know? They were quite obviously getting a rise out of him and you were kind of enjoying it immensely. You were about to give up hope completely until something finally happened. It was during Red Lights. Chan was directly in front of you when he was doing his floor work and when he lifted himself up somewhat, his eyes locked with yours. You felt the air escape your lungs. The way his revealing jacket gleamed in the red spotlight, making his firm chest glow; the way the sweat trailed down his neck; the way his pretty pink mouth parted. All that made you dizzy but what had you wet was his stare. His stare. The way his dark eyes drove into you, the way his brows furrowed in consternation. You couldn’t decipher what he was feeling but you needed him. You hoped he craved you too. You were royally screwed. 
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The members were backstage while the audience was watching a video, getting ready for the final number. Minho saw Chan nervously darting his eyes to the wall, as if he had suddenly received the gift of X-ray vision. Chuckling lightly, he rested his chin on his shoulder and proceeded to play the part of the devil.
“How you doing?”
“Fine.”
“She’s alone here, right?”
“Yeah. Wait, I mean, I think so?”
“She staying at the hotel again?”
“How did you know where she stayed?” Chan turned to him in confusion. Minho merely smirked which annoyed him further and he turned back around, moving to catch a glimpse of you. His second in command zeroed in again.
“So? She coming with us?”
“No.” Chan grit his teeth, wanting nothing more to do with the situation. Nothing more to do with you.
“But… how will she get home? You can’t expect her to wait outside, in the cold, in the dark, alone, for a random taxi?”
Chan faltered at that. What kind of person would he be if he left you alone without checking up on you? He thought back to how small, vulnerable, scared you looked sitting on that couch and his heart clenched, the anger stirred. He still had your room since he didn’t know how much time you needed to rest so what was stopping him? He didn’t want to think about the answer to that question.
“Fine.” We probably have something to discuss anyway.
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You were singing along with the final number when you heard a voice in your ear, shocking the bejeezus out of you. You turned around to find the young, attractive usher from earlier hovering - he beckoned you closer and told you to meet him by the side door as soon as the audience started filing out. You tentatively agreed, knowing what this meant and wondering what the fuck you were going to say when you were face to face with the man you simultaneously wanted to kick and kiss. As you turned back to the stage you caught him quickly turning his gaze away from the two of you - did you perhaps affect him in the same way? No, surely not. He was probably just annoyed at his protective instincts - that’s what landed you in this mess in the first place.
You realised you had zoned out because when you came to, most were cheering and moving around to leave. This was your cue. You moved to the door behind you and loitered a bit until the staff member came to get you. His name was James and he really was very nice but you couldn’t reciprocate his flirting - not when you were about to meet him. He led you through the corridor all the way to the back of the building and knocked on the door of the green room. You felt a warm sensation on your lower back and noticed his hand resting there - before you could ask him to remove it the door opened, revealing a wet-haired Changbin in fresh clothes. He opened the door with a wide smile and stepped back to let you in. You looked beyond him and saw Chan staring daggers at the man behind you who dropped his hand reluctantly. You thanked him gently and walked in. 
You knew this was a mistake the moment you did because Chan went back to ignoring you, making you feel very out of place. The room was big, couches settled against the walls and make-up stations set up in the middle but, because of the absolute rejection, you felt the walls squeeze you in from all sides. Your heart stuttered and you started to instinctively move back. This was worse than you thought. How would you two ever be able to go back to normal? You wanted to be alone to mourn your childhood but, just as you were about to make your excuses and leave, a hand guided you to the couch where you were gently pushed down. The man followed you swiftly and sat by your side - it was almost invasive. You turned your head and found yourself staring at the most beautiful pair of lips. Hyunjin. His voice was like molten silk, sliding over your nerves, settling you. 
“So what’s your name?”
“Y/n.”
“A beautiful name for a beautiful girl.”
You heard a scoff from somewhere and straightened up, refusing to appear vulnerable. Minho jumped into your line of sight and towered over you, gripping the couch. 
“So. You’re the girl Chan valiantly rescued last night.” He smirked evilly, shooting a look at him who had his back to you, shoulders tensed. He still hadn’t acknowledged you. Minho, undeterred, was on a roll.
“How long have you known each other? Because he was frantic when he got the message from you. You two must be awfully close. Isn’t that right, Chan? I think he’d practically do anything for you.”
You schooled your breathing and answered without thinking, using his childhood nickname, “Well Channie and I -”
“Of course, I would. She’s basically my little sister.”
He didn’t look at you as he cut you off and you fought to swallow down the bile comprised of hurt, shame, anger. You knew he was in the right since you forced him into what had happened but you couldn’t help it. You needed to be wanted, you needed to be seen as a woman so you decided to fight fire with fire and focus on the members instead. You let a mask slide across your features.
 Leaning back, you smiled demurely up at Minho, saying nothing in return. You took in the other boys - they were all so striking, so unique. Jeongin was staring at you shyly, Seungmin was maintaining nonchalant eye contact and Jisung was adjusting his belt. Good god. Felix had made himself comfy on the other side of you and thrown his arm around your shoulders, murmuring into your ear with his deep voice.
“If I may be so bold, I love your outfit. The red really pops against your smooth skin.” At this point, your face had started to match said colour. What were they playing at? You couldn’t say you weren’t relishing in it, however, as your inner brat was trying to rear its ugly head.
You crossed your legs and pushed your chest out slightly, noticing that Chan had now turned around and was staring balefully at the others. You couldn’t help but stare at him, his annoyance rolling off him in waves. The way the black tank hugged his torso as he crossed his arms really had you pulsing. 
“Thanks, I am feeling a tad warm right now though so I might take off this jacket - could someone help me?”
 Changbin appeared out of nowhere, pulling you upright and helping you out of it. You practically purred out a thanks and pretended not to notice how Chan’s scowl had deepened dramatically. The boys raked their eyes unabashedly over your body and when you turned you heard an appreciative gasp. You felt someone’s fingers trail over your shoulder and realised what they had seen.
“Your tattoo... So fragile, so delicate, so dark.” You realised it was Hyunjin and shivered when he brushed your hair to the side, seeing that it flowed up the back of your neck. It wasn’t a big tattoo by any means but you looked over your shoulder and caught Chan staring at it, eyes wide. You felt a quiet sense of satisfaction which was masking your lingering hurt so, clinging onto it, you gave Hyunjin a cheeky smile and reached out to touch his new piercing, eyes locked on his. His hair was shorter, shimmering maroon and his shirt was showcasing his collarbones. He was beautiful.  He seemed just as entranced by you so he leaned in.
“Are you single then?”
“All right, Jesus! Stop acting like horny teenagers - she’s here because we’re helping her, what use is that when you’re harassing her? Y/n, put your damn jacket on - I can see the goosebumps from here.”
Chan started aggressively gathering his things, muttering under his breath. Hyunjin’s eyes gleamed at you and it all fell into place. They were all baiting him…and it had worked. As everyone got their bags, you moved to slip past them to the door.
“And where the fuck do you think you’re going?”
Chan was grimacing at you, arms crossed.
“You guys are getting ready to leave? Didn’t want to be in the way. Have a safe flight and well done for the great concert.” He was being an absolute prick and you realised that a written message three years from now would be sufficient. But as you started to open the door, a strong hand kept it closed, an arm effectively caging you in. You turned your head slightly and was met by his hard stare. Fuck me. You quickly looked behind you to see all the boys simultaneously turn and stare at a particularly ugly painting. 
“I like the…brush strokes.”
“Yes, the mustard yellow is quite…prominent.”
Chan lowered his voice, “You’re here because the hotel room is still available and we don’t want you going home alone. Please… just go there.” 
You grit your teeth and tried to tug at the door but his hand wrapped securely around yours and held you still. He leaned in, face unreadable, “What’s going on with you? I’m getting worried.” Your heart clenched painfully and you schooled your expression.
“Oh, don’t worry about me big bro - I’ll be fine.” He flinched and you cast your eyes down, feeling slightly guilty. You sighed, adding, “But I’ll take you up on your offer as I’m too fucking tired to find an uber in this madness.”
Everyone was quick to gather their things and when it came time to leave, you received your instructions.
“We will head out first, draw the crowd in and so forth. Once we’re on the road, you’ll follow us in a company car. You have your room key card?”
You nodded mutely and stared at the ground - so he wasn’t going to talk to you later. The disappointment and relief twirled into a glutinous mess and you felt sick. Someone approached you with a black cap and face mask, and you looked up to see Hyunjin in front of you. He gave you a gentle smile and silently asked if he could apply them. You nodded again and he slowly slid your mask into place, fingers trailing across your cheekbones. A hiss came out of nowhere and suddenly a new person had taken over. From behind you, Chan ran his fingers through your hair - you had seen him approach you but even if you hadn’t, you would recognise those fingers anywhere. The way they raked across your scalp had you seeing stars, the sensation threw you back to the bed where this had all started. You thought you might be imagining it but you could feel his heart race through his shirt and you shivered. After he had balled your hair up, under the cap, you were ready. He stepped back and avoided your gaze. You noticed Jisung clutching his chest, expression cooing and Jeongin blushing in the back. You rolled your eyes and watched the members move towards the van. Just as you started contemplating making a run for it, a harsh voice whispered in your ear.
“Don’t you dare think about it. Stop being a brat and go to the hotel.”
“Come on, Channie! The car is waiting!” Minho cackled and Chan jogged on, scowling the whole way.
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Once in the car, Chan’s mind raced. He felt like absolute scum. He had hurt you. He had hurt you the night before and it was evident in the way you interacted with him. He knew he was being standoffish but he was scared to look you in the eyes because everytime he did he was reminded of the tears glistening there as you begged him to fuck you. He didn’t even know he had a crying kink until you outright sobbed, clutched onto his shirt and stared beseechingly into his eyes. God, he had never been so hard in his life. He had let himself get swept up and now he was paying the price. He had acted like a frat boy and taken advantage of you in your vulnerable state. You. You, who knew who he really was, who had grown up with him - he was supposed to protect you, you fucking trusted him. He’d let one of the most important people to him down and he couldn’t bear to face you. He’d seen the hurt etched across your features while he was onstage and, like the coward he was, he ignored it. Like the coward he was, he had slipped out of your bed and fled. Like the coward he was, he didn’t message you, no matter how much he wanted to. And like a pervert…he had gotten himself off in the shower as soon as he could. How could he not when he noticed the patch of arousal you had left on his boxers? You probably hated him and he couldn’t face it. He instinctively gripped his seat as he remembered how you looked in the changing room. His heart had stuttered seeing you up close, your hair tousled, your eyes shining as you looked at the other members. He thought about that tattoo, when had you gotten that? It might quite possibly have been the sexiest thing he had ever seen. It reminded him of how you’d grown up without him, how you had bloomed into this gorgeous creature, how you were different yet not. He wanted to trace his fingers over it or better yet, his tongue but Hyunjin had beaten him to it and Chan had to hold himself back from strangling him. He didn’t know how you felt about him, he wasn’t supposed to want you but he couldn’t help it. When did he start liking you in this way? Did you like Hyunjin? The jealousy had flooded him when you touched his piercing with a smile. You had smiled at him like that when you were in his arms. Right before you cried and begged him to fuck you. Fuck. He was an absolute fucking mess. 
He had to apologise to you, he had to make this right.
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When you opened the door to your room, you froze. There, sitting in the same armchair as the night before, was Chan. He was staring hard at the carpet, saying nothing. After a while you slowly closed the door and shifted from one foot to the other, not sure what to do next - you didn’t particularly want to sit on that bed in front of him. 
“Are you just going to stand there?”
His face was impassive as he looked at you, it made your heart hammer in your chest. He was angry at you - you wanted to melt into the carpet but knew it was better this way. You wanted him to just get it over with - yell at you and then leave. You didn’t deserve anything less. So, mustering up your courage, you made your way to the bed and perched on the side of the mattress closest to him. His eyes were dark and you forced yourself to maintain eye contact - he was really angry. Your lip trembled as you realised there was no going back for the two of you. This was the end of everything.
“Y/n. I need to say something to you - fuck.”
He hissed the last word as he noticed your eyes glinting. Scrambling out of the chair, he moved to the massive windows, back to you.
“Please stop crying,” he gritted out.
Embarrassed at how pathetic you must look to him, you hastily wiped your cheeks and stood up, moving towards him. When you placed a hand on his arm (you had to apologise to his face) he jerked away as though electrocuted, muttering, “I can’t do this.” 
You turned away in defeat and made your way to the shower, thinking you would make it easier for him to leave. You found his pyjamas on the sink and choked back a sob, why was this so hard? 
After scrubbing your skin for fifteen minutes, you ventured out. You wanted to curl up into a ball and berate yourself further for jumping the man who’d always been there for you in one way or another but you came face to face with Chan again. He hadn’t left, he was sprawled in the chair again. Why won’t he just leave? I would much rather send him a fruit basket than do this. You steeled your shoulders, opened your mouth, but before you could say something he cut in.
“I’m sorry.”
What?
He repeated it and looked you dead in the eye. It confused you so much that you stood there, gaping like a fish for a good few seconds. When you were finally able to get words out, your voice sounded shrill.
“Chan… what are you apologising for? I’m the one who should be doing that.”
His brow furrowed and he tilted his head questioningly.
You stepped forward slowly, it was now or never.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for last night - I forced myself on you. I begged you to sleep with me and you gave in. I assaulted you. I’m so fucking sorry!”
Now it was his turn to gape - he felt even worse than before. 
“Is that the impression I gave you? That I didn’t want it?”
“You were hardly touching me, wouldn’t take my shirt off and you didn’t come!”
“That’s because I was forcing myself to stay calm and not lose control! You have no idea how incredible you looked under me, how fucking much I wanted to ruin you. I am so sorry. Even though I tried to restrain myself somewhat, I violated your trust in me. You were coming down from cocaine for god’s sake and I took advantage of you. I don’t even deserve to be alone with you right now.”
“No.”
You started to panic, hands shaking and breaths shallow. You couldn’t believe he was trying to do this again. To protect you and make you feel better about you assaulting him. Typical Chan. You’d had enough. Angry tears pooling in your eyes, you strode forward until you were standing right in front of him.
“You don’t get to do this. Not again! I fucking attacked you and now you’re trying to make me feel better? Chan, stop hiding your feelings - I know you’re resenting me right now and I need you to be honest. You’ve been ignoring me all evening, acting aggressive when I approach you. Saying you ‘can’t do this’ a moment ago. Stop being so nice!”
He had stood up by this point, towering over you. 
“Being nice? I’m being nice? Do you want to know what I actually meant when I said I can’t do this?” There was no trace of empathy on his face and it made you nervous. Were you wrong? He continued on, moving even closer.
“You had just started crying and it turned me on. It fucking turned me on. Apparently I’m into that. If I didn’t shake you off, I would have taken you against the window for everyone to see. I’m disgusting.”
Your breath caught in your throat. God, you wanted him. He was about to move away in shame when you caught his wrist. He studied you carefully and noticed your dilated pupils, mouth parted and cheeks flushed. You loved his confession and it twisted something in his chest. He wrapped a hand around your hair and lifted your face up, admiring the silvery sheen of tears glistening on your cheeks. He groaned and with his free hand, wiped them away with his thumb. When he slid it into his mouth and sucked at the salty residue, you felt your guilt wash away. He wasn’t joking. And you were going to lose it.
Gripping the back of your neck, he bent down to lightly brush his lips against yours but you both stopped before sealing the deal. His eyes danced.
“Tell me to stop.”
“No.” 
You mirrored his words, “Tell me to stop.”
His reply came fast and breathless.
“Never.”
The kiss was immediate, it was forceful with teeth clashing and lip biting. 
He pushed you onto the bed and, this time, ripped your shirt off. 
“As much as I love seeing you in my clothes, I just need to fucking check something.” He turned you onto your front and roughly brushed your hair out the way, stilling for a moment as he took in the sight. Your painted shoulder was glorious.
“When did you even get this?”
“Back in uni, six shots of tequila helped me gain the confidence to share my design with an artist.”
“So you’re saying, I leave you for a couple of years and you go wild? Shit, I’ll have to keep my eye on you in case you come back with a nose ring.” You felt his arousal through his shorts and smirked to yourself.
 He bent his head down and finally got to slide his tongue slowly over the clean lines, causing you to shudder and arch your back. He licked up your shoulder, to your neck where he bit down. Hard. It had you bucking in his grasp and he sternly pushed your hips down.
“Oh baby - settle down unless you don’t want to come. At all.”
Your eyes rolled back into your head and you quietened down, panting in anticipation. 
“Good girl.”
Fuck. When did he get so authoritative? He gripped your hair and bruised your mouth with his, licking into you. The pace was rough and you suddenly became aware of how gentle he had been with you when you needed him the previous night. He had gone at your pace, fluttered his fingers over you and made sure not to make you uncomfortable. You smiled into the kiss as you truly realised that he wasn’t reluctant, he was respectful - he was treasuring you. You were both idiots. He quirked a brow, feeling your smile and pulled away. 
“What’s on your mind, baby girl?”
“Channie, you could never hurt me - not even if you tried.”
He understood your meaning, giggling shyly (how?), but decided to take your words literally. 
“You sure about that?”
He bit the shell of your ear sharply and your eyes darkened in response. Now was not the time for sentimentalities. Ripping his shirt off, he flipped you over and nestled between your legs - his eyes trailed down and his lips quirked.
“You didn’t learn the last time?”
“I have a thing against wearing dirty undies after a shower.”
“Who are you?” His face tightened in thought and you needed to bring him back.
You cupped his face, “Chan, I need you to understand that I’m not the girl from your memories anymore. I’ve grown up - which you can clearly see - so please, don’t be gentle and don’t regret this. I want you and I realise I’ve kind of always wanted you - you were just either too thick to see it or you didn’t want to. I’ve grown up, I’ve dated and I still want you. Tell me you want this and then stop worrying about hurting me, if you’ll have me - I’m all yours. At least for tonight.” You swallowed thickly with nerves and waited for his response - would he finally see a beautiful, worldly woman (like the ones he must hang out with) or would he not be able to get past his impression of you, his little sister’s friend. You hoped it was the first. He took a few moments and you thought you might just cry which you did not want to happen as it would, apparently, just persuade him to fuck you.  
He sucked in his bottom lip with a sigh and stared up at you from below his lashes. His warm brown eyes narrowed in something akin to concern. He opened his mouth and then thought better of it, leaning down to place a warm kiss against your forehead. You shuddered and waited, heart sinking.
“Y/n. I can’t promise that I’ll be able to separate you from the girl I knew when I was little. In fact, I don’t want to.” Your shoulders tensed and you waited for the inevitable rejection. What an unfortunate position to be doing this in. 
“When I saw you on that couch yesterday, scared and so alone, an image of you crying in the rain hit me. I don’t know if you remember but you were sixteen - your parents had had a fight and gone to bed, forgetting to unlock the front door for you. I pulled you to your feet and cuddled you on Lily’s bed while we waited for her to get home. Anyways, you looked exactly the same, lost and feeling abandoned. I wanted to gather you in my arms again, I needed to protect you again. You mean so much to me and I wouldn’t want you to be anyone else. Just be Y/n, the annoying neighbour who I had a massive crush on before I left. Why do you think I kept in touch all these years? I needed some semblance of normalcy, I needed the comfort of home. I needed you. And I still do. So, stay with me as you. Yourself. Be mine.”
You let out a relieved laugh and he cradled your face again, whispering,“But you gotta stop doing this, darling, as you’ll send me to an early grave and you wouldn’t want to disappoint my fans now, would you?” 
He was kissing a stray tear away and you decided you would indeed try your best to shed a few everyday if it meant getting this treatment. 
Suddenly, you felt his breathing grow ragged as he looked you over.
“Now call me Channie again and let me have you.”
You bit back a whimper as he lowered his mouth to your neck and then, realising you were stark naked under him, you tugged at his waistband. He broke away for a second to rip both layers off and then captured your lips with his. It was a slow, deep kiss this time - as though you were savouring this pivotal moment together. His hands softly entwined in your hair again and yours slid leisurely over his back, running your nails over the tight planes of flesh. He hissed and you felt woozy, arousal dripping from your core. He slid his cock through your folds gently and held eye contact - it was almost too intense for you so you turned your face away, only for him to grip your chin and bring you back.
“Look at me. Please.”
You blinked and nodded dumbly, watching as he slid his fingers down to your begging hole. You were sopping, ready, and he knew this but a cheeky smile flashed across his features and you narrowed your eyes at him as he slowly made his way down your body. He trailed his tongue across your collarbones, flicked your nipples, grazed his teeth along your ribs and when he reached your pelvis he bit down on your hip. All while maintaining eye contact. You yelped and jerked your hips up from the bed but he easily draped a muscular arm across your torso, glaring at you.
“What did I say about moving?”
“Sorry…” you murmured, head in the clouds. You felt him chuckle, breath ghosting over your pussy. He hummed quietly and kissed your folds. It felt so good that you knew you’d be begging for more later. When his tongue swept over your slit you keened loudly, forcing yourself to stay still. He sucked your bud in between his plush lips and you felt your waterline pleading to release. No, this is too soon! You tried to keep your impending orgasm at bay but it was as though he knew all the right spots on you so as soon as his tongue slid inside you and lapped at your walls you lost it, thighs locking around his head and mouth open in a silent scream.
You felt him nip at your thigh and position himself over you, waiting for you to return to him. You lazily smiled at him, combing a hand through his messy locks and he kissed you all over your face, making you push at him.
“Tell me to stop before I make you scream.”
You widened your eyes as his confidence swept back at full force and choked out, “No.”
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
He gripped your hip with one hand and sheathed himself in you, apparently deciding he couldn’t hold back anymore. And scream, you did. 
“Fuck, Channie!”
He said nothing, starting off at a punishing pace and you felt the breath leave your lungs. You held onto his biceps, honestly trying not to pass out. You realised he adored edging you because the heat in your belly would build up at the abuse you endured by his thick cock slamming into your walls but, at the last minute, he would feel you clenching and change the pace. It was frustrating the hell out of you and you wouldn’t have it any other way. He had monumentally slowed down his pace when he started talking. 
“How are you still so tight, baby girl? I’m so deep inside you and your wet cunt is still trying to suck me in. Fuck. Is this good for you? Do you like it when I take you like this?”
You let out an embarrassing noise, too fucked out to speak. At this, he slowed down even more.
“What was that? Speak to me - what do you want?” His face hovered over yours, smirking devilishly at you. God, you hated this man. You tried your best to glare at him and pulled your lips firmly shut, two could play at this game. He stopped completely and gripped your face hard, pushing his thumb into your mouth - you felt your eyes roll back as you instinctively clenched around him.
“Stop being a fucking brat, Y/n, and tell me what you want. Beg for it or I’ll make you cry.” He clearly was not going to move and your pussy ached so much as you had been going for quite a while. You realised that if you were going to sleep with him again, you would need to learn to hold your own but it wouldn’t be tonight. He heard a sound around his thumb and pulled it out.
“Hmm? What was that, sweetheart?”
“Cum. I need to cum. Now.” Your voice broke around the last word and he sucked in a breath, eyes darkened to black. He rose up on his knees and folded your legs up against his chest. You had thought it would be impossible but he was even deeper than before.
“If I see even one more tear, I’m going to stop.”
He started up his brutal pace, watching your face contort in the most delightful way. Your eyes took him in as much as you could - the furrow between his brow, his mouth hanging open, sweat trickling down his neck and shoulders. The way his arms bunched around your legs and the way he was breathing was coaxing you to the edge - when he started to feel you contract he licked his thumb and swiftly brought it down onto your clit. It sent you hurtling to your destruction, taking him with you.
Later, whilst facing each other on the bed, arms and legs tangled, you searched his eyes. The sparkle was there, no hint of regret in sight. You felt a surge of relief until you heard his next words.
“The sun’s not out yet and we are far from finished.”
Fuck.
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Your body was sore. Really sore. It felt as though he had split you in two, you shuddered at all the positions you had tried (successfully). But you had been over-ambitious and now you were paying the price. Opening a weary eye, you looked around. It was morning, the sun was gently washing in from behind the light curtains…and there was nothing blocking it. Chan wasn’t there, Chan was gone. You struggled to sit up but managed to slouch against the headboard. Was something wrong? Had you fucked up again? You got nervous - when he said “be mine” did he mean “just for tonight?”. You racked your brain, trying to remember what time his flight was but the sound of your discarded phone ringing had you scrambling to reach for it. When you looked at the caller ID, the air returned to you. 
“Channie?”
A warm chuckle met you and you sighed in happiness - until you realised he had destroyed you physically and ran. Was he already at the airport?
“Where are you?”
“I’m at a cafe, getting us some breakfast. In fact, I’m currently fighting over a Pain au Chocolat since I remember you liking those.”
“ …oh.” 
“Baby, did you think I’d left you again?” You imagined him softly smiling into the phone and you mirrored his action as you heard his next words.
“Don’t worry, sweetheart, I’ve got you.” 
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remedyx · 2 months
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Celestial Ruin
Pairing: Fallen Angel!Yoongi x Angel!(f)reader x Angel!Namjoon
Rating: 18+ | Dead Dove
Genre: Fantasy, Supernatural, Angels and Demons, Angst, Smut, Corruption
WC: 11.1k
Warnings/Tags: explicit sexual content; language, yandere!Yoongi, religious undertones, corruption, morally gray characters, coercion (?), unprotected sex, fingering, dacryphilia (implied), praise, light degradation, spanking in the form of punishment, creampie, multiple orgasms, lots of dirty talk, Yoongi is kind of mean, dub con (consent granted through questionable means)
Summary: Just being in his proximity made my skin crawl. As if his tainted wings were contagious and I was putting myself at risk just being near him. Yoongi was corruption incarnate. Once revered upon his throne and now cast aside for the sins he committed. Inky wings replacing the beautiful gold they used to be. The sign of the Fallen. And the way he looked at me said he wouldn't be sinking alone.
Dividers credited to @cafekitsune
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The hall was filled with bodies. No room to be had as more and more celestial beings packed within the high court for a glimpse of the sinner. Murmurs filtering through the room, most too quiet to hear exactly what was being said. But I was sure some were in disbelief, others mocking the immortal currently bound and on his knees in front of the judicial panel. The normally regal man reduced to this. His dark hair in disarray, strands of it hanging in his face, obscuring his features from onlookers. His honey-colored golden wings folded against his back, the tips of the them brushing the floor. 
It wasn’t as if you could fault anyone for gawking. Trials in the Heavens were uncommon as it were, trials for high-ranking angels? Unheard of. Especially ones of his caliber. He hardly moved from the spot the guards had forced him to. Didn’t utter a word as they dragged him inside to kneel before the group of angels who would decide his fate. I tore my gaze from him long enough to flick my eyes towards Namjoon. My direct superior. But also the petitioner for the trial at hand. 
I had worked under him long enough to read him. The clench of his jaw and hard set of his eyes betraying how he felt looking upon his comrade before him. I stood behind him at his seat. Ever the silent and respectful attendant despite how sick I felt watching what was happening. Namjoon leaned forward, the subtle shift in demeanor enough to silence the entirety of the room. His golden eyes burning as he looked down at the angel kneeling on the marble in front of him.
“Min Yoongi you are on trial for the cardinal sins of lust and envy. How do you plead?” 
The power behind Namjoon’s inquiry lingered. No one dared to make a sound or so much as breathe while they awaited the defendant’s answer. All eyes on Yoongi. Even my own. I watched with bated breath as he slowly raised his head. Black locks parting to reveal smooth, pale skin and the gold of his eyes. Matching Namjoon in color and vibrancy. A common trait among high powers. He met Namjoon’s glare head on, feline-like orbs flickering over his shoulder to me only momentarily before leveling an expressionless glower back to the head of proceedings. 
“Guilty.” 
I quickly turned my face to hide my surprise. The room erupted with gasps and murmurs once more. Even the jury seated at the panel with Namjoon were confused. Eyes looking between him and Yoongi as if they weren’t entirely sure how to prosecute. In all fairness with the defendant admitting to prosecution there was no purpose for them any longer. To the side of where Yoongi was sitting, one of his closest advisors stood shaking his head. Hoseok seemed disappointed more than surprised as he looked on at his friend in pity. The only one to seem unfazed by Yoongi’s confession being Namjoon who raised his hand in a bid for silence. Immediately, the room quietened again. 
“So you don’t even deny it.” 
“There’s no use in denying it. It’s the truth. I’ve committed the sins you’re accusing me of. The sooner I admit to them, the sooner I can be absolved of the torture being here continually inflicts upon me.” 
“You won’t even pretend to regret what you’ve done?” 
Yoongi’s lips pulled up at the corners. Eyes moving from Namjoon to me again. 
“Why should I when I don’t regret any of it?” 
I couldn’t look upon him anymore. My head dropping to the floor so I wouldn’t be made to look at the gold of his eyes. Namjoon’s hand came down on the wooden tabletop harshly. The loud noise made me jump while he rose from his chair. The heavy piece of furniture scraping across the floor as Namjoon’s fiery gaze seared into Yoongi. 
“Min Yoongi. You are hereby found guilty of the charges brought against you. You are to be stripped of your title as a Power of Authority and banished as a Fallen for the rest of your immortal life.” 
The sentence might have come as a greater shock than the confession itself. However, Yoongi hardly blinked. The tiniest narrowing of his eyes on Namjoon being the only outward indication of his displeasure. Hoseok’s shout of objection could barely be heard over the chatter of the nearby crowd. My disbelief cast a cloud over my mind. The guard nearest to Hoseok drew his weapon, poised in Hoseok’s direction threateningly when he attempted to move towards Yoongi. 
“Namjoon!” He snarled, realizing he wouldn’t be getting anywhere near the man still kneeling. “Banishment is absurd! He’s admitted his sins and-“ 
“And has expressed no inkling of regret. My decision stands. Get him out of here.” 
With one wave, the guards descended upon the chained man. I could do nothing but watch. Feeling utterly helpless in the situation at hand. Especially at the rank I stood. Yoongi’s gaze finding mine once more. A deep unsettling feeling creating a pit in my stomach as he never looked away from me. Part of me wondered why he kept looking at me. Maybe he expected me to be capable of changing Namjoon’s mind. But no one was ever able to change Namjoon’s mind. I may have been by his side, serving him for years, but even I was incapable of that. 
“Y/N.” 
The sound of my name jerked me into action. My rather dull blue eyes in comparison to the bright gold of Namjoon’s meeting the man himself. One tilt of his head telling me to follow him. I spared one last look towards Yoongi as he was dragged from the hall. Perturbed by the way he still watched me. He never wavered; my own orders forgotten as I fell into the depths of his pools of gold. Except, they didn’t remain that way. The color swirled, darkened, decayed. The once beautiful shade depicting him of his power and rank fading into blackness. So dark I could no longer see his pupils. A Fallen. 
Terror flooded my veins like ice. Chills coursing through me at the sight of someone so revered, so respected falling into ruin like so. But apparently, even someone like him wasn’t completely untouchable. 
And that sparked more fear in me than anything. 
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I stared down the dark corridor. The holding cells were always creepy. I hated when I was made to come down here, which wasn’t often, but I never went unless I was told to. Until today, that is. I hesitated in the doorway, casting another look over my shoulder to see if anyone was around. The last thing I needed was for someone to see me sneaking down here and report it to Namjoon. Especially after he had explicitly told me to leave it be after I tried to persuade him to rethink his decision for Yoongi.
“But sir, don’t you think banishment is-“
“Not enough.” Namjoon growled. “Yoongi knew better than to do what he did. And you heard him. He doesn’t regret it.”
“I heard him, but that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be allowed time to refle-“
“He has nothing to do with you. We have too many other issues right now to worry about someone who has betrayed his oath and his savior.”
I sighed quietly. Seeking Yoongi out now meant I was disobeying an order. But I couldn’t shake my belief that he should at least be heard more than he had been at the trial. He admitted his guilt, yes, but was not given the opportunity to defend himself. If he had even wanted to. There was always the possibility that Namjoon was right. Yoongi very well could not care less whether someone listens to him or not considering he was not ashamed of what he had done. According to him at least. With a steadying breath, I scampered in. Taking care to shut the door behind me carefully.
It was dark down here. A considerable contrast from the pristine white marble and gold accents the rest of the main house of the Heavens held. As harsh as it seemed, the idea behind the lack of light and the silence within it was to rob its prisoners of any sense it could. Torture for those who would be made to stay here for days or weeks at a time. But for Yoongi, he wouldn’t be here long enough to withstand its effect. Namjoon intended to banish him to the mortal realm sooner rather than later.
Which is why I have to be quick.
I conjured a ball of light in my hands. Just bright enough to guide me down the steps and through the black halls. I didn’t know for certain where they had put him. But to my knowledge, he was the only one down here so surely it wouldn’t take me long to figure it out. My pulse pounded harder the longer I wandered. Every second I spent down here was another second I could potentially be discovered. Another second of Yoongi’s chance at redemption dwindling away. My footsteps sounded way too loud against the concrete under them. Half of me wanted to ditch my shoes just so they didn’t sound as if they were echoing off every wall I passed. Just as that urge was on the verge of winning out, I stopped, barely catching the shadowy figure hunched over himself against one of the back walls.
I held my breath, moving my light in his direction and breathing a sigh of relief when I recognized Yoongi’s dark hair and slim frame.
“Yoongi.” I whispered, tossing my light onto the nearby sconce on the wall next to his cell.
The lantern caught the light effortlessly and brightened the immediate vicinity. Casting a yellow-white glow onto me. Other than his feet laid straight out in front of him, the light wasn’t enough to penetrate further into his cell where he sat. He didn’t so much flinch at the sound of his name. His body remained limp, head ducked to where his hair hid most of his features. For a second, I wondered if he was sleeping. Or maybe had been knocked unconscious. I looked down at the lock even though I knew it was fruitless. Namjoon never left anything to chance. Especially when it concerned those in his custody. Still, I couldn’t help my hand from wrapping around the bars and testing them anyway. Disappointed with my feeble attempt, I turned back to the man inside.
“Commander-“
“You needn’t address me like that. I am no longer an Authority.”
I could vaguely make out his movements in the darkness. His head lifted, leaning back against the wall behind him as he sighed softly. I swallowed, dropping my gaze to the floor.
“That may be, but I still would like to call you as such.”
“Why are you here?”
I turned my head in the direction I had come from. Straining my ears for any sign of someone else but hearing nothing. My visibility was also compromised. The dark that shrouded this place swallowed the faint light I had produced everywhere except for where I stood. I turned back to Yoongi, not surprised to find he hadn’t moved from where he sat.
“I’ve come to hear your piece. Should you choose to repent-“
His dark chuckle cut me off. I bit my tongue to silence it. The way he sounded was mocking. As if he found it incredibly amusing that I had come here to attempt to help him make peace.
“You’ve come to help me seek salvation?” He spat, the sounds of his limbs dragging across the floor loud in the quietness as he hauled himself to his feet. “I didn’t ask to be saved.”
Worried that I had potentially offended him, I dropped my eyes once more. Even though he was technically no longer my superior. But old habits die hard. I wet my lips, voice trembling as I pressed on.
“Don’t forsake us Yoongi. You can still be redeem-“
“Look at me.”
I jolted at his command. My eyes lifted to obey despite how terrified I was to do so. He stepped forward, allowing the dim lighting to wash over him. I stifled my gasp of surprise. His eyes had lost the gold completely, nothing but black pools where the beautiful shade had been. He shook his wings out behind him, the gold pigment that should have been there as well darkening into an ugly bronze. The tips of them already blackened beyond recognition of their former glory.
“There’s no saving me even if I had wanted you to.”
“Don’t say that. Namjoon-“
“Don’t say his name.” The unadulterated ice in his voice froze my tongue. “I don’t want to hear about him. Especially not from you.”
“Okay.” I murmured, not wanting to upset him more than he was.
The tension set in his shoulders was one I wasn’t used to seeing in him. Yoongi had always been a calm and collected presence. Hardly anything ever got under his skin. To see him so ruffled was… unsettling to say the least. Especially when it concerned his comrade and my superior. Yoongi sighed, those eyes that sucked me into their black depths leveling on me.
“Why him?”
“I’m sorry?”
“Of all the beings you surround yourself with, why are you choosing him?”
“He’s my supe-“
“So am I.” Yoongi growled, his hands finding the bars between us.
He gripped them tightly, his knuckles turning white with the strength behind it. Behind him his feathers bled black. The once brilliant gold drowned under the spreading darkness as he fell deeper into his sin.
“You could have chosen me.”
“I don’t understand. I was assigned to him, I wasn’t given a choice-“
“I’m not talking about your assignment.” He rolled his eyes, his wings shaking loose behind him to lay relaxed at his sides. “Your feelings for him extend far beyond simple respect as a subordinate.”
I couldn’t hold his gaze. The desire to dispute the accusation was overwhelming. But… he wasn’t wrong.
“Don’t deny it. You shouldn’t add being a liar to your own list of sins.”
“Then I won’t. However, I know my place in his life and the hierarchy. I’m not one to delude myself into thinking there’s a possibility he would reciprocate my affections.”
Yoongi laughed dryly. Those dark eyes burning into me once more sending a lick of fear down my spine.
“Are you insinuating that I’m the delusional one? Ironic for you to be the one down here, seeking to save me when you’re the reason I’m in this mess in the first place. And lecturing me over my actions when you’re so close to committing them yourself.”
I shook my head vehemently. “You’re wrong. I would never-“
“I said the same thing once upon a time.” He exhaled slowly, black irises trailing down my face and body lazily. “And then I met you.”
My brows furrowed in confusion. I’d known Yoongi for years, we’d known each other since I had been assigned as Namjoon’s aide. Never once had he ever given any indication that my presence caused him inconvenience.
“Do you mean that I drove you to… sin?” I asked weakly.
“Oblivious aren’t you? Namjoon knew. Why do you think he personally sought to bring me to trial?” His eyes flashed dangerously, fingers reaching through the bars of his cell to me. “The master you so blindly serve isn’t as benevolent as you believe him to be.”
The words dripped with venom. I was struggling to come to terms with what he was telling me. I couldn’t believe I was the one who brought him to this point. But I also couldn’t entertain what he was trying to convince me of one of his closest brothers. Namjoon was the most honorable Authority I had ever met. It was a privilege to serve him. Any other angel would be ecstatic to have the position I was in. I was no different. Not once in my time assisting him did I ever think he wasn’t the respectable creature he portrayed himself to be.
No. Namjoon was pure. Yoongi was wrong about that. I was so lost in my internal deliberation that I hadn’t noticed Yoongi drawing closer. Fingertips brushing the contour of my jaw making me flinch back. He anticipated the move though, quickly grasping my face to drag me back to him, fingers digging into my cheeks harshly. I stumbled forward with his strong pull, nearly falling into the bars separating us. I watched, terrified, as the blackness in his wings continued to spread, those endless black pools of his eyes burning through me. A low groan left him, tongue swiping slowly across his bottom lip as he attempted to pull me a bit closer, his dark hair framing his beautiful features ultimately making him look more wicked than he ever had before. Every bit the Fallen he was turning into.
“I can’t help but visualize how bewitching you’d be if I were to stain you much like you’ve done to me.”
Fear ran through me. Spreading like wildfire as I tried to extricate myself from his grip.
“Would you let me angel?” The name fell condescendingly from his lips, the corners of them hiking in barely concealed amusement. “It’s only fair if I can corrupt you too. Watch those pretty wings of yours ooze black and show you there’s more in a life full of desecration. More fun. More freedom. More pleasure.”
He was weaving a spell over me. Every word sliding like silk, sweet like honey, temptation at its finest. The very call of seduction enticing me to violate divine law. I shook my head pathetically.
“No.”
If I were afraid he would retaliate, those fears were dashed away with the slow smile spreading across his face. The once endearing gummy smile now turned almost vicious. The faint light of my lantern flickered over his face. I hated how the word ethereal popped up to describe him, especially considering he was the furthest thing from it at this moment. But he was undeniably handsome.
“You will.” He promised, one finger lifting to run over my nose delicately.
All at once he released me. A sharp glare tossed to my right at the same moment I quickly backpedaled putting distance between us.
“Why are you here?”
The biting question in the last voice I had wanted to hear at this moment made me wince. I turned towards Namjoon, lowering my head in apology. I had been caught. After he had explicitly told me not to come down here, I had come anyway. Defying a direct order. Something I had never done in my time under him.
“Sir, I’m sorry. I thought-“
“I told you to stay away.”
I bit my tongue, hating that I was the one on the end of the ire I had seen so many others receive. Dropping my head, I bowed to him. Figuring it was best for me to remain quiet lest I spark his anger further. Out of the corners of my vision, Namjoon’s head whipped towards Yoongi. The latter of which couldn’t appear less affected if he had tried. He lazily leaned a shoulder into the cell door.
“Have you come to deliver me from heaven?” Yoongi looked rather pleased with himself.
“I’ve come to fetch my subordinate. And let me remind you to keep your hands and words to yourself.”
“Why? Are you worried she’ll realize the type of man you really are?”
Namjoon’s eyes narrowed, hardly sparing me a glance even while his hand clapped onto my shoulder.
“We’re leaving.” He told me, guiding me away from the cell and the man it contained.
Yoongi didn’t say a word. His eyes silently followed us until the darkness swallowed Namjoon and I entirely. Even my sad excuse for a light within the lantern near his prison snuffed out the moment we were far enough away. That all-encompassing blackness ridding me of all sense once again. Leaving me with nothing except to follow Namjoon’s guiding hand away from the Fallen I had tried to save.
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76 Years Later 
I grimaced at the neon sign lit an obnoxiously bright yellow above me. Of all the places, a cabaret. I sighed softly, quickly scanning the quiet streets around me. Not that I really expected to find many people. Earth had quickly fallen to ruin. Angels and humans now at war after the possibility of salvation had been smothered by the human race. Sinners far outweigh any pure souls left. It was the decision of the Heavens that humans be punished for their disregard of their faith. Ironically, that left the Fallen among them to dole out that punishment. For direct insult to humans by angels was still considered a crime.
But perhaps the war was useless. There were far more humans than Fallen. And it was not impossible to kill a Fallen. Humans had used that knowledge to their advantage. To make matters worse, the retaliation of humans didn’t seem to affect the Fallen all that much. After all, they were banished from the Heavens for committing many of the same sins humans engaged in. So not only were we disadvantaged with our direct involvement, but persuading the Fallen to act on our behalf was also detrimental to the Heaven's plans.
For the first time in history, we needed their help. And they knew it. Unfortunately for me, that meant I spent a lot of my time back and forth between realms in an attempt to convince the Fallen. Which if I were being honest, felt like a losing battle in and of itself. Save for the few Fallen who choose to accept my counter offer to reinstate their title in the Heavens after everything was said and done. But it still wasn’t enough. We didn’t have enough feet on the ground, let alone ones who were capable of leading a war that might very well be destined to fail to begin with. Or so I had thought.
The hall was blindingly bright white. Filled with bodies of Authorities and their closest advisors. The last time I had found myself in this hall was overseeing the trial of Min Yoongi. If I tried hard enough, I could still see him there, kneeling among the panel of judge and jury.
“We have to do something. Otherwise, they’ll continue to bring ruin upon their world as well as ours.”
“What do you expect? We can’t be involved. Our best chance is using the Fallen and I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s skeptical of them actually following through with anything we ask of them. Not to mention, none of them are even capable of organizing an attack against full armies.”
I sat quietly. Simply listening as the higher Authorities debated whether it would be beneficial to continue to fight the good fight or abandon the notion altogether. I stood behind Namjoon again. Carefully observing the unusually quiet man.
“Y/N.”
I flicked my eyes up towards the man who had called for me. Jin met my eyes calmly, another person who had been unusually quiet among the proceedings.
“Have any of the Fallen expressed desire to aid us?”
“A few, yes. When offered the opportunity to be given their titles back.”
He nodded. Looking back down at the table in front of him.
“You can’t possibly entertain the idea of letting them back in here. They’ve committed atrocious crimes once before, who’s to say they won’t do it again?”
The question had been directed at Namjoon. I nervously looked at him, not missing the way his golden gaze didn’t waver.
“If that happens then we handle it accordingly. As far as I’m concerned, we have no other option at our disposal. The Fallen are our best bet at taking control of the situation. And the promise of returning to their former glories is the only way of securing their compliance.”
Everyone around the room sighed. Not liking the statement, but knowing it was all we had.
“Okay, but that still doesn’t solve our issue of someone heading the insurgency.”
“Not entirely true.” Namjoon hummed, tapping a finger against the wood under his hand. “They have a former Authority among their ranks.”
I jerked as if I’d been slapped. My disbelief was obvious as I whipped my gaze back to Namjoon. I wasn’t the only one, whispers erupting across the room.
“Are you suggesting Min Yoongi?” Jimin finally spoke up when it became clear no one else would infer Namjoon’s proposition.
“Of course.”
Someone scoffed. “How can you even be sure he’d help us? He clearly showed no remorse during his trial and I would bet offering his rank back wouldn’t entice him. So how do you plan to enlist his assistance?”
Namjoon lifted his chin, sharp molten gold eyes leveled on the man.
“He’ll help.”
“But how can you be sure?” Another person spoke up, stressing the matter.
“I just am.” He stated coolly, leaning back in his seat. “Are there any objections to having him lead our armies?”
While the tension in the room remained thick, I knew no one would dare go against Namjoon’s rule. Even when in doubt, they appealed to his conjecture. One by one, the bodies in the room shook their heads.
“Good. Then, it’s settled. Y/N.”
I stood a bit straighter, moving forward a couple of steps.
“Yes, sir?”
“Find him.”
It was easier demanded of me than done. Yoongi was a hard person to find. Although I wasn’t sure whether I was surprised to find him in such a place of debauchery. One of the sins he had committed was lust after all. Already unsettled, I masked my wings. Making sure they wouldn’t be detected by the mass of humans I was sure I’d be walking in on. I bit my lip, reluctantly approaching the door and slipping my way in. It was loud. Hard to hear my own thoughts over the pounding bass provided by the speakers littering every corner of the joint. A thick haze filled the room. It was packed. Bodies on the floors, people draped over one another and watching the stages before them. Women and men alike dance provocatively in front of the multitude of strangers in various stages of undress. Some of the crowd even neglected the show in favor of indulging in each other.
I had to quickly avert my gaze from a young woman who kneeled in front of a seated man. His pants around his ankles. This was not a place I should be. I needed to find Yoongi. The sooner, the better. If I’d had it my way, I wouldn’t have even been the one to look for him in the first place. Our last interaction wasn’t one I liked to remember. In fact, I tried really hard to forget him altogether. But just like he had promised, a small part of him lingered. Like a stain I couldn’t erase. Trying to avoid the people around me the best I could, I wandered further into the establishment. Eyes only lingering on the people around me long enough to determine whether or not they were the man I was looking for.
Just as I was about to give up, frustrated that perhaps the information I had received was wrong and Yoongi wasn’t here, I found him. His hair no longer the black I remembered, but a shockingly fair shade of platinum blonde. It was also shorter. The long locks from memory now styled over his forehead, brushing the tops of his eyelashes and barely covering his ears. It felt almost odd to see him look so different physically. Although I hadn’t seen him in years since he was cast from his position in the Heavens, I didn’t really expect him to have changed all that much. Perhaps because he never did when I had seen him more often. Before things had taken a turn for the worse.
He sat in one of the many plush seats in the back of the room. Clearly marked for a particular type of clientele making me briefly wonder just how often he came here to be invited back here. The answer may have spoken for itself as one of the girls sashayed her way to him and helped herself to his lap. Yoongi hardly seemed fazed, wrapping an arm around her hips loosely while taking a slow drag of a cigarette between his lips. She curled around him shamelessly, leaning in to whisper in his ear even as Yoongi didn’t dare to take his eyes off the stage in front of him.
I couldn’t help but let my gaze wander to where he looked. Freezing upon seeing the woman on stage. She looked like…me. Her hair, her build, even in her facial structure and features, the similarities were there. The only notable difference being her eyes. Instead of the shade of blue demarking my title within the ranks of angels, hers were dark. The lust in them leveled heavily on Yoongi as she danced for him. I tore my eyes away, unable to continue watching the way the two of them stared at one another.
Shaking my head to ward off the strange settling in my bones that stumbling upon such a human who resembled me here, with him, was more than mere coincidence, I strengthened my resolve. Reminding myself that I was here on official business. A direct order from the Heavens themselves. I had hardly taken more than three steps in his direction before I was intercepted. The body blocking my way startled me enough to backpedal a foot or so. I looked up, part of me feeling a bit of relief recognizing Hoseok.
Yoongi’s right hand had taken his banishment the hardest and, as a result, had relinquished his own position within the ranks to follow his best friend. The gold of his eyes gone, signifying his fall of his own volition. A pity really. Not only did Namjoon’s decision cost us one of our Powers, but also several other leaders among our order.
“Hoseok…” I tried to smile, but even I could tell it was laced with melancholy.
I had developed somewhat of a close friendship with him before both of our lives changed. Having been Namjoon’s subordinate for years and dealing with Hoseok many times seeing as how he handled most of Yoongi’s communication back and forth, I found I actually enjoyed his company. He had always been kind and funny. Effortlessly brightening the day of anyone he associated with. It had been a hard pill to swallow finding out he had chosen to abandon his post in favor of Yoongi, but maybe not all that surprising.
“What are you doing here?” He didn’t bother with pleasantries, simply demanding my reason for being here.
I couldn’t deny I wasn’t a bit disappointed that this clearly wouldn’t be a time he would be as glad to see me as I was him. I let my smile drop, his tone forcing me to stand a bit taller under his scrutiny.
“I came to find Yoongi.”
“On orders from Namjoon?”
“Yes, but my inquiry is on behalf of all of us.”
He narrowed his eyes, searching mine for more information. I couldn’t lie. He knows that. But an underhanded trick that angels had been using for years was not disclosing all pertinent information when asked. Not that that was the case here, but I couldn’t fault Hoseok for being cautious. It had been part of his job in the Heavens after all.
“I’ll be damned.” The low voice wasn’t loud by any means, but somehow it could be heard clearly over the blaring music. “I expected Namjoon to keep you as far away from me as possible.”
I flicked my eyes just past Hoseok’s shoulder, the anxiety I always felt to some degree when knowing I’d be dealing with Yoongi resurfacing with his presence here now. A lazy smirk lifted one corner of his lips as he came closer.
“Then again, I suppose it’s not too hard to believe he’d send you to me just to rub it in my face.”
Ignoring his blatant stab at Namjoon, I concealed how it felt for me to be on the receiving end of his dark gaze again. Years. It had been years and yet, I still found it hard to meet those eyes head on.
“Yoongi, I’m here on official business that I’d like to discuss with you. In private if possible.”
He raised an eyebrow before slowly looking at Hoseok. Some sort of unspoken communication passed between them until Yoongi tilted his head towards the back of the venue.
“Follow me.”
He didn’t bother to look if I was actually following or not. I guess it didn’t matter. He probably knew me well enough at this point that I wouldn’t be leaving until I’d said my piece. Or at least until I had an answer for Namjoon. I expected Hoseok to tag along, but to my surprise he didn’t. He remained glued to the spot he had found me in, watching the two of us leave with a guarded expression. I tried to not let the idea of Yoongi and I being alone together in a room affect me too much. Somehow, even after all this time, he was just as intimidating as before. Perhaps even more so.
I stayed quiet while we passed through throngs of people, keeping my gaze trained on the back of Yoongi’s head just so I wouldn’t have to observe the people around us in their various circumstances. There was more conspicuous sin in this room than I have ever been exposed to in my entire existence. It was so thick settling in the atmosphere, coating my body like miasma and I promised myself a good bath when I got back to the Heavens. Yoongi wasn’t fazed at all. Passing a couple in the hallway engaged in sexual intercourse as if it were perfectly normal. Then again, for him, maybe it was.
I tried to remain impassive. Masking my horror of how they could be doing such a thing out in the open for anyone to see. And in fact, people were watching. Some even disregard the actual performers to watch them. A hard clearing of a throat ripped me from their forms. A deep blush coloring my cheeks when I realized I had been staring. Just like everyone else around me. I whipped my head towards Yoongi, feeling a tiny bit of shame come over me at the knowing smirk curling his lips. Those black eyes flickering towards the couple for half a second before landing on me again.
“Coming?” He lilted, hand pressed against a door, propping it open and gesturing for me to go in first.
Choosing not to answer, I scurried inside. Taking the opportunity to rid myself of the wickedness occurring outside of the room. Yoongi shut it behind me, flipping the deadbolt and silencing the sounds from the main area. The music was muffled, it could still be heard, and the bass still thrummed heavily, vibrating through the floor beneath me, but I could at least hear myself think. A flick of the light switch bathed the room in a soft, yellow-tinged glow. It was an office. Minimalistic at best with a couch on one side and a desk on the other riddled with papers.
“Speak freely. No one will bother us here.” He sighed, leaning against his desk.
He reached up, popping open a couple of buttons on his shirt before crossing his arms looking at me expectantly. Swallowing the anxiety in me, I moved towards the middle of the room, being mindful of keeping a bit of distance between us.
“I’ve been tasked with finding you on behalf of the Heavens.”
“Well, you found me.” His tone was oddly casual, not even bothered as he collected a glass and decanter from the corner of his desk.
He poured himself a glass of whiskey. Offering one to me which I declined.
“One glass won’t get you banished from the Heavens.” He snorted, bringing the alcohol to his lips.
“I don’t drink.” I mumbled, looking down trying to get myself back on track. “I’ve come to ask you-“
“I know why you’re here. I’ve been made aware of your efforts going around collecting the Fallen for your war.” He scoffed.
“Then I won’t have to explain myself further. I’m here to recruit you.”
He glared at me over his glass. Only lowering it when I refused to look away.
“Why me?”
“Well, Namjoon believes you’re our best bet in leading our armies.”
“The only one is more like it.” He mumbled under his breath. “Why would I do such a thing? I rather like the turn humankind has taken. Makes business good.”
My brows furrowed in confusion before it clicked. I glanced around the room.
“You own this place?”
“I’ve had years to figure out what I wanted to do here.”
Of course he had. And considering the reasons he was cast from the Heavens in the first place, I shouldn’t have been surprised. Humming noncommittally, I faced him again.
“We’re prepared to offer you your previous title of Authority should you choose to help us.”
He chuckled. The sound a bit ominous and serving to put me on edge.
“I already knew that.” He tossed back the last of his drink, licking his lips salaciously. “Your puppet master already paid me a visit.”
“Namjoon was here?”
Yoongi grunted his confirmation. This was news to me. Namjoon hardly ever left the Heavens except for special circumstances. I couldn’t imagine him leaving for Yoongi’s sake. Besides, if he had already found Yoongi, then why did he send me after him? I used to pride myself on the fact that Namjoon and I were almost always on the same wavelength. I understood what he wanted or what he was thinking without much difficulty. But I don't understand now. My confusion left me vulnerable. Lost to my thoughts so deeply that I didn’t notice Yoongi’s approach until he stood toe to toe with me.
“I didn’t accept his offer of giving me my title back.”
I stepped back, hoping to garner some distance from him.
“So, you won’t help us?”
Something dark lit his gaze. Tongue darting out to wet his bottom lip as he looked down at me.
“I didn’t say that. I simply told him that it wasn’t my title I was after.”
Something wasn’t right here. There were variables I wasn’t aware of. A conversation, a need, a want I wasn’t privy to. Namjoon had offered him his title, but he refused and bartered for something else. A piece he considered far more valuable to him than the honor he once held. I shook my head, bewildered.
“What did he offer you?”
Yoongi smiled sadly. The expression was out of place on him. He reached out to me, fingertips nearly caressing my cheek until I moved out of range. Some part of me realized the danger. My heart was beating faster even as I retreated, but I underestimated just how close I had been to the sofa behind me. The backs of my knees collided with the frame and dropped me into its cushions. Yoongi descended on me, lording over me in my vulnerable position and trapping me there with one hand on the cushion next to my head and the arm of the couch prohibiting my escape on the other side of me.
This time, I couldn’t evade his wandering touch. His smooth palm ran along the edge of my jaw until his fingers found my hair and buried themselves into it. He tugged, not enough to hurt, but enough to make me fully understand the situation I was in.
“My reason for being cast out in the first place.” His cadence was saturated with passion.
The sound of it making my stomach do flip flops within me.
It terrified me. How he spoke, the way he looked at me and made me feel.
“…Ironic for you to be the one down here, seeking to save me when you’re the reason I’m in this mess in the first place…”
I shot out of my seat, shoving Yoongi to the side simultaneously. He went willingly. Almost like he had expected such a visceral response from me.
“No.” I denied his claim, hating the way the panic within me clawed its way to the surface. “You’re lying.”
“In all the years you’ve known me angel, have I ever lied?”
I didn’t bother addressing the pet name. More preoccupied with the fact that he was accusing Namjoon of voluntarily trading in someone else’s life for the sake of a deal with a Fallen no less.
“Namjoon wouldn’t do that.” I spat, latching onto the anger. For it was better than crumbling before him.
“Oh, but he would. And I think you know that better than anyone.”
No. He was wrong. He had to be. I had known Namjoon for centuries. Served him as his closest advisor for years. Considered him a friend, a revered Authority, an honorable man.
I loved him.
And yet… the hardest part of it was that I did know. Yoongi was right. I probably knew him better than most people in his life. And if it came down to one angel for the sake of us all, he would choose to save us all. But it was me. Not some random angel neither of us were associated with. I had to mean more than just some means to an end of an upcoming war… right?
“What hurts more?” Yoongi sighed delightedly. “The knowledge that he’s not the man you thought he was, or knowing that he doesn’t care enough about you to fight for you?”
“I don’t believe you.”
Yoongi clicked his tongue. Staring at me as if he didn’t know what to do with me. A sharp knock against his office door caught both our attention. Yoongi seemed relatively unsurprised even as he walked towards it. He paused long enough to grab my arm, dragging me further across the room towards his desk.
“Let’s just ask him then shall we?”
I clumsily followed, trying to keep up with him until he shoved me to my knees and under the desk.
“Stay there and be quiet.”
I had half a mind to disobey, but before I could force my limbs to work, Yoongi had made it to the door, flipping the lock and opening it for his guests.
“Twice in a span of a week. I should feel honored.”
“Cut the bullshit.” The harsh sound of Namjoon’s voice had me freezing in place. “You sent your dog to hunt me down. I wouldn’t be here otherwise.”
I carefully and quietly maneuvered myself under the cramped space to peek underneath it. I really couldn’t see much other than their feet, but Namjoon’s voice was unmistakable. A third pair of shoes walked in, someone I didn’t know until he helped himself to the couch. Hoseok. Despite my hiding place, his eyes found mine easily, not shocked to see me there at all before looking back to where Namjoon and Yoongi stood.
“Right, well, there’s a few things I need to clarify.”
“You know damn well what we agreed on last time. You asked for Y/N, I gave her to you. There will be no more negotiating.”
My heart plummeted. He admitted it. Yoongi was telling the truth. Namjoon had given me away without a second thought. I covered my mouth to keep from making a sound. It felt like every piece of me had shattered. The time and effort I had dedicated to him was worthless with a singular admission. All Yoongi had to do was ask for me in exchange for his cooperation, and Namjoon agreed to it.
“I’m not looking to renegotiate. I only want your word that you won’t come back for her. You sent her to me. She’s mine. There will be no looking to get her back by you or any one of your ward.”
“You think I give a shit what happens to her? I kept her around while she was useful. This is my means of squeezing every bit of use out of her I can. I have no need for her anymore so long as you satisfy your end of the deal.”
Every bit of hope that maybe this wasn’t real. That this was just some awful dream I was being subject to disintegrated. I felt hollow. Useless. I carried no sentiment to Namjoon despite the time I spent by his side supporting him. My blossoming feelings one-sided, as I had never had the courage to tell him and beseech the court for their blessing in matrimony. And perhaps that was for the best. My cowardice having saved me from heartbreak. The only saving grace in knowing now being that at least I didn’t have to face him.
“My promises are good, Namjoon. Even having Fallen, you know this.” Yoongi’s voice came closer, rounding the edge of it before addressing Namjoon again. “Hoseok will show you out. This marks the end of our communications.”
I don’t know if Namjoon had anything else to say after that. I was swimming in static, lifeless and heartbroken. There was nothing left for me. I had no purpose anymore. Everything I knew, or thought I did, was gone. Yoongi crouched at the opening where I laid motionless. Not even able to summon the strength to fend him off as he wiped away my tears.
“Poor angel.” He cooed, grasping my chin to turn me towards him. “Believe me now?”
How could I not? He had delivered me the best possible proof he could have. So why was it I wished to desperately repudiate everything I had witnessed? Return to some semblance of the life I used to have. To ignorance. Yoongi pulling me out from my hiding place felt like I was watching myself from a third perspective. My body moving without resistance, every touch he bestowed upon me something I visualized rather than felt. He lifted me onto his desk, easily parting my thighs to slot himself between them.
“Pitiful angel.” He crooned again. “How could you possibly fall for someone like that? You were a little dumb for that sweet girl, but I won’t hold it against you.”
It was strange. His words weren’t kind, but his tone implied otherwise. Almost like I had made a mistake against him, but he was willing to forgive me for it.
“Don’t worry about it. I only wanted you to taste a bit of the suffering I felt at the hands of you. I’m not so mean to let you go through it alone even though I had to.”
“I- what?” My voice cracked; tone thick with tears I continued to shed until they were diligently wiped away by Yoongi.
“Did you ever consider how I felt watching you follow him around like a pathetic lovesick puppy? Of course you didn’t. You have always been a tad bit selfish, but I forgive you. I sinned for you, angel. That’s how dedicated I am to you.”
“No.” I murmured, pulling away from his hold. “I didn’t ask you to. I didn’t make you do that.”
“You didn’t have to ask me. All you needed to do was look at me and it drove me mad with lust. I fell into that trap because of you. And you were oblivious. Left me to suffer all alone and I was angry at you. Angry that I couldn’t have you and was forced to fuck women that reminded me of you.”
“Yoongi.” I whimpered. “That’s not my fault.”
He shushed me, cupping my face to guide me into him once again, tilting my face up to his. “It is angel, but I already told you I forgive you.”
He brushed several strands of my hair back. His touch impossibly gentle, like I was fragile and moments away from breaking. On the inside, I wanted to break. The hole in my chest ached unbearably. Every throb a knife pushing deeper. Reminding me that I have nothing to fall back on. I was cast aside and unwanted. I couldn’t meet Yoongi’s unwavering gaze. My eyes dropped down, focused on the expanse of collarbone and chest he had exposed earlier.
“Want me to make it better?”
I flicked my eyes back to his quickly. His question caught me off guard.
“Can you?” I asked breathlessly, desperate for something to take away this pain.
“Mmhmm. I would do anything for my girl.”
His girl. While I knew it wasn’t the case, I couldn’t help the palpations my heart responded in kind with. His girl. Yoongi’s girl. I wasn’t completely unwanted. Yoongi wasn’t throwing me out like Namjoon had. In fact, he was forgiving me. I had wronged him, and he was still willing to give me another chance. He wanted me.
“Make it go away.” I begged him, wanting to end my suffering. “Please make it go away.”
“Gladly.” He whispered provocatively.
Yoongi’s hold on me tightened, tilting my head back before melding his lips to mine hungrily. I gripped his arms, a surprised squeak leaving me at the sudden onslaught. His lips were soft, but the urgency behind them was feverish. It wasn’t an unpleasant experience, but I was out of my element. I had never so much as held a man’s hand, let alone kissed one. My inexperience didn’t seem to matter to him though, his lips coaxed mine into a fiery rhythm with his. And I didn’t stop him. Honestly, I didn’t really want to. I liked the sensations he roused from me.
The softness of his lips, the heat of his kiss, the slow drag of his tongue across my bottom lip enticing me to open for him. The closeness it brought with him.
Yoongi devoured me. Utterly consumed me to the point that I no longer could formulate reasons why this was wrong. Why I shouldn’t be doing this. Even Namjoon was no more than an insignificant fleeting desire I had once had. At least that’s what it felt like in Yoongi’s embrace. His hands took liberties to explore the rest of me. Any time he found bare skin it was like liquid fire scorching through my veins. The soft caresses he left behind leaving me wanting more. Unconsciously, my own hands mirrored his movements. Roaming his body as he did mine. He groaned against my lips, the sound sending a thrill through me that was unlike anything I’d experienced before.
All at once Yoongi’s hands left me, then his lips as he pulled away. No longer under the plunder of his mouth, I was reminded that air was something I needed. My body took heavy drags of it while the man in front of me tore at the buttons on his shirt. The moment of reprieve brought with it some clarity. Especially as Yoongi continued to undress himself. The couple from the hallway flashed through my head. Is this what they felt? Was this how it always is when someone wants you? How could something that feels this good be wrong?
A sharp tug at my waist startled me. I looked down to find Yoongi taking it upon himself to undress me now. Some part of me vaguely knew what was about to happen.
“I can’t help but visualize how bewitching you’d be if I were to stain you much like you’ve done to me.”
If I did this, there would be no going back. I’d be as dirty as he was, tainted with the sin that would surely cast me from the Heavens indefinitely. Even though I had been more or less sold, I was still pure. I hadn’t committed any wrongdoing that would prevent me from appealing Namjoon’s decision and going back. I had a chance to become what I once was. But not if Yoongi got his hands on me.
“Would you let me angel?” The name fell condescendingly from his lips, the corners of them hiking in barely concealed amusement. “It’s only fair if I can corrupt you too. Watch those pretty wings of yours ooze black and show you there’s more in a life full of desecration…”
Would I let him? Was I really going to let this happen? My life in the Heavens was all I knew. I was good. I never let myself fall into the tempting trap that I had seen so many other angels succumb to in my existence. The same one I had watched Yoongi fall under. My shirt went next, his hands deftly pulling it over my head leaving me feeling more exposed than ever. The cool air of his office made me shiver and washed away part of the spell I was under.
“Yoongi.” I called him, intending on backing out.
I couldn’t do this. I can stop this here and go back to Namjoon. Beg for reinstatement. Promise him I’d work harder to find someone else willing to wage this war on Earth. As if sensing my intentions, Yoongi grabbed my arms. He pulled me off his desk to my feet, spinning me around, my back pressed to his chest.
“You should have never belonged to him in the first place.”
His mouth attached to my neck. Leaving love bites behind as he trailed his way closer to my ear.
“Never belonged beneath him.” He murmured huskily, cupping my chin and tilting my head back against his shoulder.
His other hand snaked around my hip, fingers easily finding my most private of places. I gasped feeling his fingers spread me open for him. That haze of pleasure I had felt earlier increased exponentially as his skillful touch folded me under his desire.
“I would have married you, you know. If you hadn’t been so fucking infatuated with what was so bad for you.” He dipped a bit lower, sinking one finger into me leaving me on the verge of collapsing. “He didn’t deserve you angel. You were always meant to be here. Two seconds away from cumming all over my fingers.”
I didn’t understand what he was telling me. It was hard to focus on anything other than the tightening knot in my belly with every pump of his hand. I gripped his arm, unsure whether I wanted to urge him on, or beg him to stop. A desperate sob escaped me when he slipped a second finger in. The hand on my chin twisted my head towards him, his mouth easily finding mine and swallowing any sounds I couldn’t keep from coming out. Every bit of him was overwhelming. His fingers, his lips, his words. He was ruining me. Exactly how he promised to.
“Give it to me and I’ll make sure everyone kneels at your feet.”
Yoongi’s name filled the room on a cry, my body trembling as he drove me towards that end. I tried to hold on. But I was a fine-tuned instrument that he was expertly playing. Unraveling me even when I tried to resist it. I crashed. Hard. Breaking over his hand that never stopped, guiding me through it and coaxing every last bit of it from my body. I fell into the desk as my legs turned to jelly. Yoongi chuckled behind me. I managed to turn my head to look at him, my core clenching around nothing as he licked the very same fingers he’d had in me.
My breath left me all at once. It occurred to me that his words may be truer than I would have thought possible. This was how it was meant to turn out. I was supposed to crumble under the blackness that was Yoongi. He was corruption incarnated. Otherworldly beautiful with porcelain skin and red-tinted lips swollen from kisses. Black eyes filled with lust as he looked down at me. Those wicked fingers running up my bare back to latch onto the back of my neck. Pink tongue trailing behind it coupled with the soft brush of his snowy hair. Created to be my downfall.
“Say the word, angel, and I’ll show you everything you’ve been missing. Everything you deserve.”
I was powerless. My will disintegrating. Caught between what I knew I should do and what I wanted. But only one of them was sure. Only one of them that I knew would end how I expected it to. Only one choice that I could fall into knowing for certain someone would catch me. I closed my eyes, relinquishing myself to my fate.
“Yes.” I whispered. “Yoongi, I’m yours.”
I didn’t have to see him to visualize the wicked, triumphant grin that split his features. I had ceded. He kicked my legs apart a bit wider, whispering unintelligible praises against my skin with kisses between every word. He sought my opening again, my center thoroughly soaked for his entry. He shushed my whines, slipping his fingers in to stretch me. The deeper he pushed in, the greater the discomfort. I had never bothered touching myself down there in fear it would lead to wicked thoughts and desires. Yoongi’s strokes were foreign to me, new sensations, but not entirely unpleasant. It eased the ache I had for more just a little. That lingering emptiness momentarily filled. Steadily, he rebuilt my arousal. Nudging a spot deep inside me that shot bits of jolting pleasure through me leaving me a panting mess as he moved faster. My toes curled into the hard floor beneath them, hands grasping at anything I could to anchor myself while Yoongi propelled me into another typhoon of ecstasy. And then he stopped. A rush of air left me, my form sucking in lungfuls of it while I could, body vibrating as it tried to rebound from how close I had been.
Yoongi’s hold on the back of my neck tightened, and with quick precision, he pressed the head of his cock into me. The burn wasn’t something I expected, a loud gasp leaving me at the same time I jerked forward trying to escape him. Yoongi held on, his other hand landing on the small of my back, pressing me harder into the desk to trap me there, low groans leaving him as he sank in just a little further. I choked on my cries while he split me open. Impaling me on his rigid cock and demanding I take more of it even when I struggled to do so. He felt endless. What was probably only seconds turning to hours until his hips met the curve of my ass. If I thought his fingers were a lot, it was nothing compared to how full I was now. I shifted uneasily, hoping to find an angle where he wasn’t so unbelievably immense.
“Settle angel.” He hissed, hindering my motions. “You’re taking me so well.”
I mewled. It didn’t seem like I was taking him well. I felt like I was about to burst apart. But moving didn’t make anything easier, it only made me more aware of his presence inside me. Yoongi was incredibly patient, refusing to move a single muscle until I eventually relaxed into the desk under me. I hadn’t adjusted to him fully, rather my body became accustomed to his intrusion to a degree. Giving into him enough that it wasn’t so overbearing having his cock stuffed so far within my walls.
“Good girl.” He praised me, loosening his grip on me.
His hips retreated, my cunt fluttering around him before he thrust in again. My breath caught, mouth falling open in silent moans as he did it again. He fed me every inch of him, pace picking up gradually to the point every meeting of his pelvis to my ass rang out through the quiet room. Outside, the music still blared, bass pumping, but Yoongi was louder. Fucking me in time with the song beyond his office doors. I mewled under him, quickly finding myself racing towards another release. He abandoned the grip on my neck in favor of my hips, the strength with which he held onto me bruising, guiding my hips back into his, bouncing me on his cock as much as he was fucking me with it.
I stuttered out his name, drowning in the waves of intense pleasure. This was heaven. There was no doubt about it. Whoever deemed such bliss as sinful was wrong. They had to be. For I had never felt anything close to the way I did in this moment, letting Yoongi ruin me atop his desk. Sealing my fate as a sinner and traitor to the Heavens I once served. A hand hooked around my leg, draping it over Yoongi’s forearm before he pushed it forward, his palm lying flat on top of the desk, spreading me wider and keeping me there. The new position allowed him in deeper, the snap of his hips getting harsher, pounding my poor flesh without remorse.
But the euphoria it brought me dulled any potential discomfort. He wasn’t being gentle, he sought to punish me now. For what exactly? I didn’t care. Until a firm hand came down over the sensitive flesh of my ass. I yelped, making to cover myself as he raised his hand again only to have them forcefully shoved away.
“Keep your hands flat on the desk.”
I whimpered, not really wanting to obey. Especially as I watched his hand lift again helplessly. It came down harder than it did before, a pained exclamation following shortly after as tears filled my vision.
“Even angels need punishments, right darling? I’d say you needed one. Ignoring me, pining after another man. Damning me. You’ve been a busy girl.”
I squirmed to get away from the next one, but Yoongi had me effectively pinned. My plea turned to a shout as he hit me again, this one landing on my thigh.
“But you said you forgive me!” I sobbed.
“I do angel.” He crooned, now soothing the heat he left behind. “But I still have to be sure you know better than to do it again.”
“I won’t!” I wailed, watching his hand come up again. “I’m sorry! I’ll be good.”
He halted all movements, raised hand shooting forward to grab my jaw, wrenching my head back to look at him. I winced, tears covering my cheeks after I blinked them away. Yoongi’s jaw was clenched, icy black pools burning through me. Looking every bit the Fallen he was.
“I don’t take kindly to someone lying to me. You’re here, looking so beautifully fucked up because of me, with my cock in you. There’s no saving you now. There will be no leaving, no begging for Namjoon or the Heavens to take you back. You’re mine. And one of us will have to die before I let you go. Understood?”
I nodded pathetically, choking when Yoongi delivered another violent thrust.
“Words, Y/N. I need to fucking hear it, or this doesn’t end. I’ll decorate your flesh with my handprints.”
“Yes! Yes, I promise. I understand.”
As if a flip had switched, all the harshness was gone. Yoongi’s bruising hold melting into a gentle caress.
“I knew you would.” He purred, placing a tender kiss on the back of my shoulder, words turning into groans as he fed me his cock again. “You’ve always been so good when it came to following orders.”
Breathless moans carried throughout the room, my brain barely recognizing it as my own. Yoongi leaned into his hand on the tabletop, his other grabbing ahold of my folded thigh, pulling me back onto his cock again as his head dropped with a quiet curse.
“So good.” He moaned. “Making a mess of me just like I imagined you would.”
He resumed his punishing pace. Releasing any remaining pent-up anger on me while singing praises of how well I took his cock and how beautiful I looked swallowing every inch of him.
“Pussy’s worth it.” He chuckled darkly, releasing me to gather my slick that clung to the base of his cock before sliding his fingers through my folds in search of my clit. “I spent years thinking about this angel. Imagined fucking you like this no less than a thousand times. Want to know what I really wanted though?”
I couldn’t answer him, my mind a foggy, jumbled up wreck incapable of anything more than useless noises.
“I wanted you, like this, fucked stupid and begging for me to defile you further only to send you back to Namjoon a fucked up mess and full of my cum.” His fingers swirled over my clit mercilessly. “But I’ll settle for my being the only one knowing how filled your tight little pussy is.”
I shattered. My world fracturing into tiny pieces as I came all over his cock. The sheer magnitude of this orgasm rendering the previous one insignificant in comparison. I cried out, most of it incomprehensible except for when it ended with Yoongi’s name on repeat like a divine prayer. The lewd squelching of where we remained connected rising in pitch as Yoongi pursued his own release. Breath leaving him on a fervid exhale when he found it, melding his hips to mine, shoving me into the edge of the desk as he spilled inside me. I could feel his length twitching within my snug walls, spurt after copious spurt of his seed overflowing around his buried cock.
I could feel it seeping around him, dribbling down my folds. A testament to how sullied I was both outside and in. I had betrayed everything I once stood for. A moment of weakness condemning me to the life I had sworn I would never fall into the temptation of. It was done. I couldn’t go back anymore if I had wanted to. I irrevocably belonged to Yoongi now. I laid there, mourning the loss of what I used to be, not even flinching as Yoongi pulled out of me. He pulled me off his desk, the soreness between my legs finally bringing me to the present enough to realize he was leading me across the room towards the couch. 
His white hair plastered against his sweaty forehead, dark eyes looking down at me sadistically. A light sheen of sweat coated him, the air hitting my own nakedness cool in temperature, verifying that I was covered in a thin layer of perspiration too. That and my tears. Yoongi wiped them away, calmly. The sheer ethereal nature that he embodied contradicting the act we committed. Beautifully tainted. That was Yoongi. He cupped my cheek, laying an unbelievably affectionate kiss against my lips.
“I have years to make up for angel. Don’t believe you’ll be leaving any time soon.”
Taglist: @aft3rhrs @elliegrace1999tvd @urlovelily @atinymonbebestay @kiki-zb @shyminmin
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wolfytae-exe · 6 months
Text
TEACH ME.(S)
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Summary: In which your boy best friend needs help impressing a girl.
Warning: Noona kink, dry humping, implied unrequited love, fwb, raw(wrap before you tap), bottom tyun, grinding/humping, teasing, tempting, nipple sucking, oral(fem receiving), early orgasm, over-stim, multiple orgasms, college au, switch tyun, mean dom tyun, slight pain kink, whiny sub tyun, thigh riding, praise + degradation, name calling + pet names, switch reader, size kink if you squint lemme know if i missed anything
Paring: virgin bbsf!Taehyun + Older!Reader
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“I’m sorry- what?” You whisper yell, staring at your best friend. Kang Taehyun, you’ve known him since you both were in the 2nd and 3rd grade. You had fended off tiny little bullies that made fun of him being a child actor with your hot tempered personality.
You always stood by his side, fending off bullies until he grew a pair and was able to stand up for himself, given that only really happened mid-highschool when he began working out.
You are now in your 3rd year of college, him in his second, and sitting in your dorm room.
Your roommate had left the shared space hours ago to go to some frat party so you decided to invite and catch up with your boy best friend.
Everything was just fine, he got in the building just fine, been sitting in your floating chair for hours now, but the moment he began talking about his tiny little crush on the girl in his vocal class, telling you everything he loved about her and how badly he wants to impress her you couldn’t help but be shocked.
Taehyun has only dated once, in middle school. He’s always mentioned how he never felt an attraction to the people around him, even recently claimed to be Aromantic, but with this new found information you couldn’t help but feel a bit jealous.
You’ve never liked Taehyun, never even thought of him anyway other than a friend. Except that one time when you first hit puberty, and after him and his girlfriend broke up, and when his voice deepened, and when he grew taller than you, and when he started working out- but that’s besides the point.
Your jealousy was cut short the moment he asked you for help anyways, he really wanted to impress this girl. “I really like her Noona..” Taehyun whined, hand pressed to his chest simply because thinking about her overwhelmed his heart.
You cocked a brow at him, never seeing him like this. “And I’m supposed to help? I don’t know the girl, she’s probably already impressed by you anyways.” You argue, muttering the last bit under your breath as you pull out your phone to check the time
10:36PM, damn no wonder your eyes were heavy.
Taehyun groaned and sat up from the chair. “But you’re a girl, you can point me into the right direction!” You rolled your eyes at that. “Tyun I’m almost positive you won’t be rejected no matter what you do.” You say as you get up and move to your closet, pulling out of the boys t-shirts, now stuck with the smell of you from the multiple wears.
“I doubt that, she never even looks at me, I sit right in front of her and she’s never looking at me!” He complains, not even bothered as you begin to strip your shirt and shorts. “Look, if she’s not looking at you in the first place then something is already wrong with this picture.” You say before slipping the shirt on, letting it fall over your ass and thighs like a short dress.
Taehyun let’s a pout fall on his face, he was always so open and expressive with you. “God, fine if you really want some advice you need to get out your comfort zone and fuck her.” You bluntly said, reaching under your shirt to unclip your bra. “Why would that help me?” The man sounded appalled, and unbelievably stupid.
“You’re fucking with me right?” you deadpanned before groaning in frustration when your bra just refused to budge. “Help me.” You say before walking and dipping down a bit in front of him. “I’m serious, you shouldn’t joke like that, I don’t just want to get into her pants.” Taehyun responds with frustration before running his hand under your shirt and unclipping the bra between two fingers with ease.
You ignored the shiver that crawled up your spine the moment his fingers brushed your skin. “Tyun look in the mirror. You’re basically a sex symbol, virgin or not I promise you a lot of girls want you, hell she probably wants you too.” You say as you pull the bra out from under your shirt.
It’s silent for a moment, like he was trying to think of some kind of solution to his problem. You took the opportunity to stand up and toss your clothes into the hamper.
When you looked back over to the younger he was just staring. “What?” Was there something on your ass or something? You brushed your hand over your ass to feel for whatever was making him stare so hard. “Did I sit in something? Oh my- am I bleeding?” You gasped out, now panicked and trying to look down.
“You’re okay Noona, no blood, I just had a question.” You let out a sigh at that, falling back into your bed with content. “Yeah?” You responded further. “What do you think?” Taehyun practically whispered the question across the room. “Think about what?” Your eyes squinted, trying to hear him.
Taehyun practically avoided looking at you any more than he has, becoming more aware of how bare you were in front of him. “Me.” He paused as if finishing his question would really change the meaning of it. “Do you want me?” He finished, sinking a little in his seat.
Your eyes widened. “E-excuse me?” You stutter up a scoff, the question making you think about it, what being in bed with him would be like. “You just seem so sure and you’ve known me the longest so I think it’s a fair question.” Taehyun breathes, trying to slow the bouncing in his leg.
Your silence is what answers the question, making him hum when you sit up and avoid eye contact. Taehyun’s the one staring now, legs opening into a more comfortable position. “Noona~” He practically dragged the word over his tongue with a hum and teasing smile.
“You look so guilty, you want me that bad?” He continued before getting up, taking in the way your thighs press together at his words. The moment he starts walking over, your head is up, staring up at him with shame. “So? I can want and know not to touch. Don’t change the subject when we’re talking about your little crush.” You huff, dodging his accusing teases.
Taehyun hums, standing over you with a new found confidence. “Okay, so how do you expect me to fuck her.” He follows up fast, fighting the smirk threatening to give away how much he’s enjoying the power you simply handed to him. “What kind of dumbass question is that?” you scoff, running your hand over the sides of your shirt.
Taehyun just inched closer, now leaned over the bed. “I get you’re a virgin and whatever but don’t tell me you don’t know the birds and the bees.” You say sarcastically, trying to desperately de-escalate the situation at hand.
“Noona.” Taehyuns face remained stoic, he spoke with depth and full intent to continue what he started. “Stop calling me that.” You fought the whimper in the back of your throat, instead breathing out a bit hard through your nose. “I’m only a year older.” You mumble, sucking in when the younger gets a bit too close.
“Teach me.” Taehyun can’t hide the smirk anymore, a wide upturn of his lips making his request sound a lot more dangerous than it was. “Wh- Do you hear yourself?” You’re absolutely bewildered with this mans confidence.
“I’ve never had sex before Noona, I can’t impress her that way, I need to learn first.” There was a slight purr in his voice, and you felt a rush of wetness soak the middle of your panties. “Tyun, I don’t know.. We’re like- Best friends, isn’t it a bit weird?” You confess, trying hard not to react.
Taehyun hummed. “I think it’s just fine, we’ve known each other for so long, I trust you enough, and I’m positive that we’d stay best friends no matter what.” And just like that Taehyun was down on the bed, laying in front of you on his side.
You were still nervous on it, you wanted him so badly, he has always been your type, a nerdy dork turned gym jock with hella musical background. “Are you sure? I just- I don’t need you to regret your decision.” You sigh out, nerves not allowing you to breathe correctly.
“I’ll be okay, please teach me how to please you.” His voice softened, eyes hard yet big. You could feel yourself throb, pressing your thighs harder together. “Okay..” You let out, leaning out of your spot and leaning toward the younger. “First, uhm, okay—“ You stutter, this was so not hot. “Can I kiss you, Y/N?” Taehyun asked under his breath, eyes already on your lips.
That was definitely hot, a whimper left your mouth in response, which caused your ears to burn in embarrassment. “Yes..” You sighed, letting him lean into you and take control, pressing his lips flush against yours softly. With a shiver you followed, closing your eyes and letting your lips move together fluidly, there was so much trust and softness in the kiss you felt yourself melt into him.
Taehyun pulled away a bit quick, a little red in the face. “Did I do good Noona?” He asked, a little more eager for you now, god this man just keeps switching back and forth, does he want to tease you or please you? “So good, touch me- my waist-“ You tried to order, you didn’t mess around a lot, too focused on school to party or do anything other than get your degree so it was a bit difficult to voice what you wanted.
Taehyun was quick to please, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you into him and rolling onto his back so you could get on top. “Can I?” He panted, hands running under your shirt. “Not yet- just- just stick to touching me first.” You respond, too embarrassed with your bare body all of a sudden.
The younger just nodded and went straight to your neck, planting small kisses and licks like a cat. “Oh- Tyun-“ You whimpered, pressing more weight of your hips into his. The feeling making a “Fuck-“ slip out from him and warm your skin further. Taehyuns hands found purchase on your hips and began grinding you down, wanting to feel that pulsating pleasure again.
“Fu- Tyun you- you fucking liar-“ You choke up, following his hands and humping his jeans. “You’re good and you know it.” You pant the accusation, a whimper following quickly. “Fuck don’t stop.” Taehyuns hands were far from your body now, moving to remove his shirt. You tilted your head back, feeling his rough jeans rub just right on your clit.
“You’re so hot, using me like this. Use me to please yourself Noona.” Taehyun whispered, the last bit to himself yet loud enough to make you whine in response. The boys jeans were so unbelievably tight, painfully tight, all he could do was moan and buck into you, the motion did nothing but make your hips stutter and stop, all of a sudden overwhelmed with the pleasure.
When you came back too, you looked down at Taehyun, his washboard abs and tight pecs on display. Without a second thought you were in between his neck, planting kisses from his jaw to his throat, a small suck on his adams’s apple before moving down to his chest.
You both made eye contact, lust filled gaze connected with each other instantly before you took his left nipple into your mouth, licking at the tiny bud of nerves. “Ah- Noona please-“ He whined, unable to keep his facade up. Your left hand ran through his hair while your right ran down his chest to his jeans.
“S-so good I- Oh god-“ He stuttered, too distracted by your tongue so foreignly on his nipple to even notice your fingers undoing his jeans, it wasn’t until your hand palmed his cock through his boxers when he noticed, a gasp coming out so hard you felt his chest cave in for a second. “Falling apart just from this? I don’t think you’ll last to fuck a girl, Tyun~” You teased, not expecting Taehyun to buck and moan with no care for volume as a response.
You could feel Taehyun growing in your palm, enough to makes you pull off him and pull his jeans and boxers down to see if what you were feeling was real. The younger let out a whine at the cold air hitting his cock while your eyes widened. “You’re not gonna fit-“ You gasped, looking a little defeated as you eyed the curvy, thick cock in front of you.
His cock curved up onto his abs and you knew if you were to wrap your mouth around him you would dislocate your jaw halfway down. “Please- h-hurts Noona.” He panted desperately, tears welling up at the painful throbbing at the tip of his red cock.
You hesitated for a second before peeling your wet panties off and taking his shirt off your body, tossing it away. “Taehyun if you break me I swear to god.” You spew as you climb back on him. “Do you have a condom?” You ask quickly, it takes Taehyun a moment to realize you weren’t doing anything until he answered so he simply shook his head. “You?” He asked simply, you shook your head. “Maybe my roommate has one- ah!” You yelp put as Taehyun pulls you down to his cock, the tip hitting your entrance before slipping through your pussy lips and over your clit.
“Tae!” You scold, “you cant play like that, you have no experience pulling out.” You continue while he slowly grinds into your clit. “I’ll get soft by time you come back.” The boy whines, “I’ll tell you when I’m about to cum and you can pull me out if I don’t move.”
You let out a sigh. “Not happening.” You hold your ground, you’re not risking it even for your best friend. “Not even if I do this?” He tests before running your clit up and down his cock a bit harder yet slower, letting you feel every vein and fold with the drag. A whimper left you as you looked down at the way his cock pressed flat against his abs, pooling pre-cum into the crevices.
“We can just stay like this- please, just wanna feel you on my cock.” Taehyun begged quietly, eyeing the way your nipples hardened in the cold. The effect those words had on you were borderline embarrassing as you whined and let him roll your hips into his.
“Oh fuck- ‘o good-“ You pant, feeling the way the praise goes straight to his cock. “so good to Noona.” Taehyun bucked at that, fighting the way he wanted to cum already. “‘m good boy?” Taehyun asked with glossy eyes, unable to not melt in your control.
“Such a good boy, Tyunie.” You praise before slowly giving into him and his whining, letting his tip slip in before pulling out and rubbing him down your folds again. You repeated this a few times until he began squirming.
“Noona- ‘m sorry- close-“ Taehyun whined, eyes closing in embarrassment before cum shot over his abs and chest and a raspy moan that came straight from his chest followed.
You let out a moan as his cock twitched against your clit. His cock looked so cute spurting out the white strings of his arousal. A giggle left your lips as you continued your movements, pushing more and more out of him until he was trembling and begging for you to ease up.
“Tyun, Noona isn’t satisfied, how will you ever please your girl if you can’t get me to cum?” You taunted, bringing your nails to his chest and scratching down to leave red marks.
“N-Noona~” Taehyun high pitched purr left his lips in response. “T-Too much-“ he panted. “Hmm, then you need more practice.” You hum, lifting off him and moving to the side while he caught his breath.
You watched the way his cum trickled down his sides before they dripped off into sheets of your bed. “You’re messing up my sheets.” You mutter before swiping a bit off his navel with your finger and licking it off, watching as he stared deep into your eyes.
You hum at the salty taste that sticks to your tastebuds before going down and licking directly off his abs. You’ve wanted to do this the moment he ended up with them, wanted nothing more than to lick them up and down.
Taehyun whined, the feeling of your tongue all over him reigniting that flame in his stomach. “You’re like a half virgin now, how does that feel?” You tease, kissing up his abs to his chest, sucking small hickeys on it. “Did that even count?” Taehyun panted, running his hands over your hair.
“Either count it or we can try over and over and over again.” You whispered, kissing up his chest in between words. “We can set a schedule, you’ll get the hang of it in no time.” You hum, kissing at his jaw before settling close to his face and pressing your chest to his.
“Don’t threaten me with a good time, Y/N.” Taehyun lets a flushed grin grow on his face. “I’m not threatening you, but I am serious.” You say before rutting onto his thighs slowly. “I’m sorry I came so early.” Taehyun mutters in embarrassment. “You’re a virgin ah- It’s bound to happen.” You pant in reply, letting your arousal wet his thigh.
“God look at you, using me like a slut.” Taehyun hums, before moving his hand to the small of your back to help
control your movements. “What happened to being a good boy?” You tease, a shaky sigh in pleasure following quickly after.
“I know I’m a good boy, letting you use me for your own pleasure, you’re supposed to be helping me but you just can’t help but rut your dirty little cunt on me after i’ve already cum.” Taehyun degrades, eyes dark all of a sudden as his free hand finds your face, thumb pushing your bottom lip down and flattening your tongue.
A wail comes out from your throat as you speed up, the degradation doing nothing but making wanna cum all over his thighs. “You’re bad~” He teases, tensing his thigh muscles under you. “I bet that slutty pussy of yours tastes just as good as it feel though.” He moans out, nails clawing into your lower back just at the thought.
“F-Fuck wh-“ You whimper, why was he being so mean all of a sudden? The pain in your back made tears prick your eyes. “Please- make me feel good-“ You beg, wanting nothing more than to feel his tongue all on you.
“Aww well how can I deny that pretty little look, doll? Move up pretty.” Taehyun commands, fingers digging a bit deeper. “Ah!” You let out before moving fast and lifting off his thigh. You shuffled your hips up, moving above his face. “Y-You know how to do this?”
Taehyun just stared at you, lust haze covering every corner of his iris. “Just sit on my face.” He rasped out while wrapping his arms around your thighs and pulling you down to sit completely. “O-Oh..” You sighed as his nose pressed straight into your clit.
It was only when Taehyun opened up his mouth and began eating you out that you really felt the knot in your stomach. “Ah- Tae-ngh~” You moaned, gripping his hair as his tongue pressed into your heat before performing figure 8’s on your clit.
“W-where-“ You panted as your thighs attempted closing on his head. Your heart pounded and you felt a rush of liquid run down your thigh as he hummed into you. His eyes never left you, nails embedded in your inner thigh to keep you open and nose rubbing and bumping into the sensitive bud whenever he dipped into your hole.
“Tyun- Oh fuck I can’t-“ A whine left you as you gasped for air and arched into him, trying to grind against his nose. “Need more~” Pleasure overtook your senses when he let his teeth graze your clit, a scream let out fast and loud before you came hard.
You tried squirming out only to be pulled back in. Taehyun began eating you out more ferociously, a growl bubbling from his chest as his lapped up your arousal. “Ah- Ah~ Tyun please-“ You begged as he began pushing you to overstimulation. His arms loosed for you to get up and he spoke. “Just one more, Noona, a big girl like you can handle it.” He pushed before holding you back down onto his face and ravaging your heat once more.
Your eyes rolled back in ecstasy, unable to control the shaking in your lower body. He was turning you into mush, smile evident on his face as you began babbling about not being able to handle anymore. Very quickly you came again, the push was weak and yet Taehyun enjoyed it just as much before pushing you off him and onto the bed.
“I knew you could take it.” Taehyun sighed before looking at your state. You were curled into yourself, catching your breath. “Wh-Where did you learn that?” You panted before uncurling and turning to him.
“Porn.” He simply said before pulling you into him. “You learned how to do that from porn?” You questioned, allowing yourself to be pulled close to his chest. “Mhm, well they did say it gets women coming every time so I just tried it.” He shrugs before pressing small kisses to your neck.
You hummed and closed your eyes. “I’m surprised it worked. Porn is always exaggerated.” You sigh, running your hands down his chest and back up. You both were feeling each other, too tired to do more but still wanting to touch.
“Is your back okay, Noona?” Taehyun muttered into your hair, gently rubbing the marks in your lower back. The small sting caused you to hiss slightly. “Just burns a little..” You respond quietly. “Is your chest okay?” You ask back, remembering the way your nails clawed into him. “Just a little red..” He responded back.
The comfortable silence was enough to put you both to sleep, gentle snores and cuddles in each others arms. Safe to say, you hoped he’d ask for help more often.
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houpss · 7 days
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𝐁𝐚𝐧𝐠 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝
soft and fluff, will be about all members (!), there may be hints of smut
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Chan, who sees the meaning of life in you and wants to see you always in front of him all his life.
What do they say? People who truly love will die one day.
Chan, who promised to love you until the day death finds him, and even after that. He doesn't want to leave you.
The most tender dates, the most tender times. He will give you all his love and attention.
Chan, who tells the members so much about you, you are their “9th member”
Chan, who you're talking to video call with his family! and btw with yours too.
Chan, who, regardless of how busy the day is, will spend the evenings with you. Whether it's cooking or watching a movie/serials/k drama
Chan, who remembers every little thing about you and does what you don’t even ask for, but are clearly thinking about.
Meeting Chan was fate, maybe you were given each other by fate?
Oh..he looks at you like an angel, his eyes shine so brightly when he sees you!
Chan, who gives you a large bouquet of your favorite flowers every Friday.
He writes you songs, from the sad to the most vulgar... oh, the boy is simply overwhelmed with emotions for you.
Chan, who takes you on all his world tours because he finds it difficult without you.
He is the most gentle and sweetest with you! your heart literally breaks with love for him, you want to love and kiss this man.
Chan, who sits you on his lap while he works and holds your waist with one hand...babe, he has hot and big hands
Chan, who pays for ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING for you. seriously, even if you argue with him.
I wrote this situation, but...
"Channie, make me some coffee please"
"Ugh...I'm late, little mouse"
"So you won't do it? :("
"That means I’ll be late” and goes to make coffee for his beloved woman/man
His favorite terms of endearment for you are subtle but classic: “sweetheart” and “baby,” but on special occasions he will call you “sweetheart” with a matching saccharine expression. Or “little mouse”, which is also very cute
Chan, sometimes he can get angry and yell at you, but that's because he puts too much pressure on himself at work.
Oh..during your quarrels even plates and insults fly. After one quarrel, there were broken plates and you cut yourself, he noticed this and took you to the bathroom, where he treated the wound and apologized to you almost a hundred times. And the plates...buy new ones.
Chan, who practices flirting with you like you're in high school, but he learned it from STAY
Chan, who gives you all his hoodies and absolutely everything... for some reason you love to steal his shorts and walk around the house in them. Ooh, he thinks they fit really sexy on your hips.
He'll give you a bear hug when you sleep, he's a big spoon
He also always kisses your forehead when he leaves for work, because you are still sleeping, and he is already leaving.
but keep in mind, Chan makes sweet sex to you, but his stroking game is so crazy, even when he takes his time with you, he's so deep inside you that it drives you crazy, you're literally pray
Chan is an experienced and mature man, he is completely confident in himself and in you. He takes the leading position in the relationship, he is the one who leads.
Do I need to tell you that all his things smell like your perfume? What if all your things are in his perfume?
You sometimes help him with lyrics or with song arrangements when he gets stuck and doesn’t understand what’s best to add.
You, who pulls the vat out of the studio.
You, who always checks how he ate or how much he slept. You absolutely monitor his regime and make sure he doesn’t overwork.
You are flying to Australia together to visit his family! they will bless your couple.
Hannah will definitely say funny things about Chris, and Lucas is so shy around you.
Oh...Berry, baby Berry 🥹🥹🥹
How about date nights?
You really raised Chan's self-esteem, with you...he fell in love with himself, just as you love him.
He's just grateful that you exist.
First love is always last love.
“Home” is not a place, it is sometimes only a man, the man whom you consider your home.
When you come, all Chan’s problems and wounds heal, he wants to live next to you.
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mosinterlude · 2 years
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━━ BRUTAL ✦ #THEINTERNETSBOYFRIENDS
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ELYSIAN ( 엘리시움의 ) is a South Korean group formed by KQ ENT, consisting of members: Apollo, Kio, Fae, and Y/N. They debuted on April 9th, 2021 with their first mini album '제1장: HEAVEN' Their fandom name is Visi(s)
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ELYSIAN relates to a characteristic of heaven and paradise, this is seen throughout their songs when they're described to be in Y-UTOPIA
Y-UTOPIA is a virtual world made by Haneul. It's location has never been disclosed, but is described to be 'along Y'
Only ELYSIAN and their ELYS can access Y-UTOPIA , it's forbidden to bring anyone outside the eirele. If you somehow make it there, you're bound to never be seen again. Hancul said in EP 2 that revealing things from the place will end up with you trapped.
In 'EP 1 : above 일리' Y-UTOPIA is described to be the desired place for any human kind, we see throughout the first episode the universe start to fade away while their alter egos follow. In 'EP 2: fading 멀리' we get more of a inlook into Y-UTOPIA, and why the universe is slowly decaying, and how the universe generally rules: limitless and free. The universe is seen to have some sort of glitch, transporting ELYSIAN and their ELYS to a dimension that is the total opposite, a dystopian territory where there's many inhabitants out to harm them.
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APOLLO :: Kazin Monet, known mononymously as Apollo, is a Trinidadian-Korean singer & rapper. Born(September 9th) and raised in Trinidad, Apollo lived there until he was 12, then moving to South Korea with his father. He debuted in the group ELYSIAN under the positions leader, lead vocalist, and FOTG, along with the oldest member of the group
KIO :: Kiomi Jeon, known mononymously as Kio, is a Korean singer & rapper. Born (October 10th) and raised in Korea, he acted in a few tv shows & commercials before becoming a trainee under KQ. He debuted in the group ELYSIAN under the positions main rapper, lead dancer, and center.
FAE :: Yuna Choi, known mononymously as Fae, is a Korean singer & rapper. Born (November 11th) and raised in Korea, Fae was a figure skater going by her birth name until 2020. She debuted in the group ELYSIAN under the positions main vocalist, sub rapper, and visual
Y/N :: Y/N L/N, known mononymously as Y/N, is a Australian singer & rapper. Born (December 12th) and raised in Australia, Y/N played volleyball competitively until 2019, when she quit and moved to South Korea. She debuted in the group ELYSIAN under the positions main dancer, lead rapper, sub vocalist, and maknae.
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✿ * 𓈀 synopsis :: God, being a teenager is brutal. Of course, it's even more torture when you're in the spotlight; every move you make is documented and recorded to be used or held against you at a later date. And while most of the time it's justified, for seventeen year old idol Y/N L/N, it's a pain in the ass. especially when she ends up tweeting on the wrong account about her dumb little crush on newly debuted idol Hanni Phạm. And of course it comes right around the time that theyre ready to drop her solo debut album, aligning with NEWJEANS's debut. God, it's brutal out here.
masterlist. next.
ꗃ : ˖ ۫ ◖ 𓂃 mo's interlude :: this took so long for no reason😭😭 but it came out really nice so that's all that matters. i hope you enjoyed learning more abt elysian!! special thanks and shoutout to @jangwonie and @coffeewon for bejng featured in my fic!! more profiles will be out soon
ꗃ : ˖ ۫ ◖ 𓂃 taglists :: brutal taglist. @coffeewon @myinzu @starzzns @sarcasmhadachild perm taglist. @jangwonie
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hongjoongsart · 1 month
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Reassuring Words and Mellow Touches | Choi San
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💐 IMPORTANT: Re-upload from my deleted account (hongjoongspoetry).
💐 Summary: Being a mother wasn’t an item on your bucket list, never has and probably never will be. You were more than content with living a childless life and it wasn't an occurring issue before, until you brought your boyfriend on a trip to your parents’ where his love for kids unveiled right in your face. You were adamant on your choice, but scared what the future held for you and your boyfriend.
💐 Pairing(s): idol!San x f!reader
💐 Genres/Tropes: tooth rotting fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, established relationship, a lil suggestive
💐 Warnings/Tags: no use of (Y/N), mentions of pregnancies, arguments, explicit language, expectations that come with being a woman, reader doesn't want babies, pushy family, emotional invalidation, listed pregnancy side effects, san with kids
💐 Wordcount: 12.2K
💐 Author's note: Here's a lil treat inspired by my fear of pregnancies. I am not a mother and I'm not trying to offend anyone who is. I haven't experienced motherhood so I wouldn't understand the complicit feelings that come with it, this is more my observation of it I guess.
Edited 22 January, 2024!
AO3 Playlist Click on me!
This is all fiction and not meant to represent San in any way or form.
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Babies weren’t foreign to you even at the age of five.
You knew what they were; you had been one, your parents and siblings too, heck every living thing had been a baby at one point in their life. From the carrots growing in your grandma’s garden to the old ducks swimming in the pond down the street. 
Babies were cute. A bit annoying, but nonetheless cute. Probably the reason why your parents decided to have so many children or was it the nostalgia of holding an infant when their kids grew up to be living ticking time bombs. 
It wasn’t anything weird or something you paid attention to. It was quite simple too; people had children because they fell in love or to keep the relationship floating.
Children were simple beings. What they hear they shall question. Seeing your teacher highly pregnant, rubbing her stomach and wearing a gleeful expression, talking about birth and pregnancies and everything else coming with that had you taking in the information like a sponge absorbing water. 
“Mom, did you give birth to me?” 
“Of course, honey, I am your mom aren’t I?” You remember her gently wiping your cheek, a warm smile adorning her face.
You hummed in agreement, throwing a cut piece of steak in your mouth somewhat satisfied with her answer. Your eyes filtered between Hana and Jun, watching them push at each other’s shoulders clearly bickering over something so pointless your dad couldn’t bother stopping them. Not that it was possible, they were brought into this world together and separating them would only bring more chaos.
“Did you give birth to Hana-unnie and Jun-oppa too?”
“Yah! What do you think, airhead?!” Jun snarkily replied and got a light whack of the head by your sister.
“Sweetie, don’t hit your brother.” 
Hana rolled her eyes. “Even if he deserves it?” 
“Even if he deserves it,” your father concluded and urged them to eat. 
Another piece of meat was flung in your mouth as you stared at the family portrait behind the twins, focusing on your other siblings who moved out a long time ago and already started their own families. Your mother saw the bemused tingle covering your features.
“Go on and eat your food.”
A small pout adorned your lips, “How do you give birth?”
Your parents were more than prepared for the wonders of your mind, any question fired at them had already been answered years ago with your older siblings. That’s what they thought at least and it explained why the dinner table went pin silent as the question was flung out in the open.
The seasons changed like your father changed channels. Spring fluttered into summer quicker than expected. Budded flowers opened, the various colored roses adorning your grandma’s fence beautifully. The breeze welcomed you with open arms, proudly announcing the start of summer break. The transition between summer and autumn was slow. The rich green leaves took their time changing shades – red, orange and eventually an ugly brown that reminded you of wet mornings and cold coffees – before the howling wind swirled them away, stripping the trees of its beauty. 
As the years passed your My Little Pony boots were replaced with wedge heels and your favorite color wasn’t pink, but black – even though Jun argued black wasn’t a color – and before you knew it Hana moved out with her boyfriend, now husband, of six years. A small but evident baby bump peeking behind her knitted sweater.
You were seventeen at that time, the twins twenty-two and your remaining siblings already thirty-something. 
Her baby girl wasn’t the first grandchild of your family tree and she certainly wasn’t going to be the last either, because four years later she welcomed another child into the world just a couple of months before your brother’s wife. That made a grand total of seven grandkids, three girls and four boys.
You were very grateful to your mom for giving birth to you last and grateful for the free birth control your siblings provided you with. Despite their children having moments of incarnating the devil, they weren’t the issue to your disdain of want for a baby. 
Some said it was the lack of a boyfriend and others pointed out you being too focused on your academic studies – that your decision to start university was too hasty – depriving you of your youth, as if a newborn wouldn’t.
You saw what motherhood did to your sisters and in-laws, and it wasn’t anything you’d like for yourself. Not even after meeting your boyfriend, who you were madly in love with and he was completely head over heels for you, did your perception change. 
Babies were cute to look at, but growing one inside of you? No thanks. 
You glanced at San through the bathroom mirror, white shaving cream around his face.
“Don’t you have filming with the Return of Superman today?” 
“Yep, have to make sure the beard doesn’t scratch the kids.”
You laughed again, “Beard? I haven’t seen you with a stub in how many months now, let alone a beard.”
Your eyes met in the reflection, one of his brows raised and lips puckered as if contemplating something. He then let go of the razor and gently took hold of your waist and neck, pressing his sticky cheek against yours. You yelled out and tried to push him away, but he barely moved.
“What did you say about my beard?”
“You have a beautiful beard! So pretty and well-kept!”
San smiled brightly, dimples popping and eyes creasing as he planted a wet kiss on your forehead. 
“Thank you baby!”
The white cream was washed off with extreme care, as he was afraid of wetting your clothes and hair. 
“There you go.” He threw on a gray hoodie, black hair slightly disheveled but nothing that couldn’t be fixed with you running your hand through it. 
“I’d say thanks, but you’re at fault.”
He rested his hands on your hips, thumbs sneaking underneath the white fabric of your blouse to caress the soft skin beneath. “You’re lucky I love you.” 
Your twentieth lap around the world was filled with many experiences and emotions. You finally moved out of the countryside to the big city and found an apartment in the middle of Seoul. As much as you loved the feeling of freedom and independence you also despised it. Not having anyone waiting on you by the door, no home cooked meals or clean clothes neatly made on your bed reminded you of what you left behind. 
Although it was hard to adapt at first you managed and with the help of a friend you quickly adjusted to the busy city life. As someone wise once said; after rain came sunshine, and your sunshine was San. The boy your friend introduced you to when you still had little to no knowledge of Korean pop groups besides the older generations and singing ring-ding-dong no repeat.
At the time he was just San, a funny and caring friend you could be yourself with, occasionally going out to secluded shops for coffee and pastries. You never questioned the scenery and request of privacy, always giving people the benefit of the doubt, until a girl stopped you on your way to a morning class with the demand you tell her who you were and what connection you had to her Sannie. 
With a trembling voice you answered her truthfully, debunking any conclusions she already made up in her mind.
You didn’t go to school that day or home for that matter either, scared to be followed and questioned again by a potential lover or side-piece so you did the next best thing; stopped by a 7-eleven and spent your morning there before taking the first train to your sister’s unannounced, spilling everything like an overflowing bucket.
As the mature woman she was, she spurred you on to ask San. Saying you deserved answers to your questions and to potentially clear up any misunderstandings – if there were any of that is. 
The moment you told him about the girl, he came forward with who he was, something he admitted he should’ve done immediately, but didn’t for two reasons: a) you allowed him to be himself with no walls and b) he was worried the truth would scare you away. Heck, you were already chased just by being near him and you didn’t even know anything. To your luck, the girl wasn’t his girlfriend or a crazy ex, but a fan and San was an idol.
A few weeks after his confession your friendship progressed and blossomed into a beautiful relationship. You could proudly call him yours in the privacy of your apartment and he could wrap his arm around you – face masks and caps on of course – scaring the prying eyes of other men. He filled your solitude with the comfort and love you missed so dearly.
“Honey, have you seen my gray hoodie? I can’t find it in your wardrobe.” San stood before your closet, torso exposed and an expensive towel you can’t remember the brand of wrapped around his hips.
You were in the kitchen brewing coffee for the both of you. A plain yet pretty dress stuck tightly to your form, “Mmm, I think it’s in the basket with all the other clean clothes.”
The taps of his bare feet filled your apartment accompanied by a gasp seconds later.
“Did you find it?”
Large arms slinked around your waist and pulled you into San’s chest, he nuzzled his nose against the bare spot on your neck before peppering it with tender pecks, “Thank you, honey.”
“Always, baby. Here’s your coffee.”
You gingerly handed him the cup, but San had other plans. Ever-so-gently he titled your head sideways as his lips met yours. It was soft and made your stomach swoop as if going down a steep roller coaster. 
San had that effect on you no matter what he did. 
“You have to…get dressed or…we’ll be late,” you said between kisses. 
His chest vibrated against your back as he hummed in delight, “This is worth getting in trouble for.”
“I’m sure it is, but I don’t think Wooyoung will appreciate that.”
“I don’t care.” 
A laugh bubbled out as you rewarded him with one last kiss to the cheek. Eventually you both parted ways. San went first, wearing an obligatory cap and mask while meeting up with his manager further down the street and you followed shortly after, taking the commute to your workplace. 
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“So,” you started after placing the pot on the table between your plates, immediately filling San’s, “my parents invited us to theirs next week.”
He nodded, “I think I can make it, but I’ll have to double-check with the guys and managers.”
It was the first date night in weeks where both of you were free from work and had enough energy to meet up. You originally invited all the boys, but San was keen on keeping you to himself, claiming he wanted some alone time. If it were up to him he’d see you everyday even for just five minutes, arguing that the short time could give him the motivation to work harder. In return you reminded him the journey from his dorm to your place was a thirty minute long drive without traffic, the energy he’d get would evaporate in seconds.
“It’s okay if you can’t make it, Sannie. I know you guys have a lot to do, especially with the release of your new album.”
“Mmm, don’t worry about that. We’ll see first, but I’m telling you now. I want to go.” He reached for your hand across the small table and you returned the sentiment with a squeeze before beckoning him to eat.
You took notice of his upturned lips and crescent moon eyes. It wasn’t an unusual sight, San was always in a good mood and when he wasn’t he still mustered up a smile warm enough to brighten your day.
“What are you smiling about?” You teased, carrying a grin of your own.
“You should have seen the kids the other day, they were so cute.”
“Oh, it completely slipped my mind to ask. How was it?”
“It was fun and they were so, so cute. All of them really.”
“I can imagine, Sannie.”
“I don’t want to say too much, you still have to wait for the episode, but ohhh! I can’t stop smiling.”
You chuckled and enjoyed seeing your boyfriend suffer a hard case of baby fever. San loved kids, put that man near a kid and anyone in one mile radius would see it. That was how you found out. 
You were babysitting your niece one random Thursday night, your brother claiming ‘you owed him’ for something you did in your childhood days that was long forgotten. San asked if you were free that same night, but you sadly turned him down, briefly explaining the situation and voilá. The date was moved from a five star restaurant to your living room with blankets and ice cream and a toddler with bigger love for Bluey than her aunt.
San’s love for kids wasn’t something he expressed with you, but rather something you saw through gentle touches and light coos, a few stolen pecks here and there.
It wasn’t an issue to you. In all honesty, it was attractive because how many men did you know who actually showed interest in their children? How many dads knew their kids’ birth dates or their favorite ice cream flavor?
And yeah, you felt the same. Your nieces and nephews were cute, especially when they wore matching clothes for Chuseok and Christmas. Don’t even get you started on their birthday costumes.
But it wasn’t enough to make you want one. 
It wasn’t worth the nine month long journey of fatigue, mood swings, nausea, stretch marks and not to mention the painful process of giving birth and what came after; potentially loss of teeth, tearing the perineum, hair loss… the list is truly endless.
Not wanting kids wasn’t a problem until you stumbled into San who carried a love big enough for the whole population of South Korea. 
“I can’t wait till we have kids,” San admitted as you stuffed your mouth with a spoonful of rice.
The clock hanging above the kitchen entrance didn’t freeze but you sure did. The words would make anyone squeal and melt at once, however they washed over you like a big cold wave in the atlantic ocean and sent your food into the wrong pipe. San jumped up from his seat and patted your back while opening a can of coke with his other hand. 
“Drink this.” He pushed the beverage in your hands and waited to make sure you were alright. The coughing didn’t stop but at least you could breathe. “Better?”
You sent him a nod, not trusting your voice to keep its cool. San didn’t question the lack of response to his blunt statement nor why you nearly choked to death. The night ended with you two hastily filling the dish machine and cuddling together on the couch with you laying on top of him. A boring movie played on the big TV while you basked in each other’s embrace. 
Halfway through the movie you cleared your throat, not being able to shake the conversation from earlier, “You want kids?”
“Not right now, but someday,” San said, one hand under his head and the other rubbing your back. He then glanced down at you. “Don’t you?”
You turned so your chin rested on his chest, noses almost touching and his peppermint breath fanning your face.  The simple two letter word was stuck in your throat, and like the coward you were you swallowed them down with guilt. You shot him a quick smile and even manually crinkled your eyes to make it more believable.
Twenty minutes later and San was out like a light, the hectic schedules and plenty of sleepless nights getting to him in the end. Sleep didn’t come as easy to you. Mind too occupied with thinking, thinking and more thinking. Tears blurred your eyes and you didn't know if they were from the stuffy room or the guilt bubbling in your abdomen. 
The incident was pushed under the rug in your living room, neither bringing it up again nor the topic of a future family, mainly because you were both drowning in work and adult responsibilities. The days passed in a flash and when Friday came around San was parked outside the building early in the morning, welcoming you with a preheated seat and a cup of steaming hot coffee. 
“The twins and their kids are the only ones who could come. Mimi-unnie’s little ones caught the flu and Jin couldn’t get away from work.”
Coming from a rather small family and then moving in with seven men he considered brothers was quite the change for young San, so hearing that neither Mimi or Jin, and their respective families, could make it made him deflate.
“That’s unfortunate. We haven’t seen them in a long time.”
“Yeah, but at the same time I can already feel the headache coming from having seven kids running around all day.”
“That’s how Hongjoong must feel all the time.”
The image of seven twenty-something-year olds running around as toddlers and an exhausted Hongjoong not far behind them popped up in your head and brought out a laugh. Then last week’s phone call with your mother interrupted the vision and you got serious again. 
“Did you bring spare clothes? Mom said they were warning of a rainstorm.” 
“Yep. It’s in the trunk with your things.”
Your hands rested on your lap and San, feeling the need to touch you, gently intertwined your fingers with his and placed a kiss to the back of your hand. He occasionally withdrew when changing gears before resuming his hold. The ride was long and by the time you arrived you were exhausted despite not doing anything but passing San snacks every once in a while. 
Squeals of joy and multiple little feet padding against the hardwood floor had your lips curling upwards as you opened the door. You crouched down and were greeted with two kids catapulting in your embrace.
“Hello little chicks,” you said and planted a kiss on the crown of their heads.
“Did you miss us?” Borah asked, her small hands tightening around your neck leaving barely any room for her little brother. 
Before you could reassure her the door opened behind you and in came San, thus stealing the lovely cuddle session right from beneath your nose.
“Uncle San!”
He lifted both children in his arms and beamed at their giggles and kicking legs. You craned your head up, eyes trailing up to San’s closed ones, and your heart swelled with love. He looked like he belonged right there surrounded by tiny humans with toothless smiles and snotty noses.  
A tug at your sleeve had your head whipping forwards, “Kai,” you cooed at the youngest of the batch earning a blurb of happy noises.
The hallway proceeded to be crowded by the rest of the house. Hugs and kisses were exchanged with your family and out of the corner of your eyes you could see San exchanging a firm handshake with your father.
“You’re right in time for dinner!” Your mother gleefully exclaimed and ushered you inside, the little ones slinking around her legs like overly fed kittens mooching for more food.
The first hour was spent catching up and talking about everything you’ve missed out on in each other’s lives. Your father initiated small talk with San, asking him about the drive there and if he had a lot of work even wondering how the rest of Ateez were doing. To your relief your parents treated him as their third son and your siblings weren’t opposed to the idea of another brother.
You sat in between Jun and Jisoo – his wife – giving her all of your attention. Apparently she was in the middle of her second trimester, something you just found out. You sent Jun a quick glare and a whack to the back of his head, and as he was about to fight back he slumped back in his seat all thanks to the stern eyes of his wife.
“Here let me help you, mom.” 
San ventured into the open kitchen and took the plates from your mother’s hands. She tried stopping him but it was to no avail, once a gentleman, always a gentleman. So she did the next best thing. 
“Are you not embarrassed Jun? Sitting on your rear while the guests prepare the table!”
“I’m a guest too?!” He cried and Jisoo stifled a laugh behind her palm, the other hand rubbing her swollen belly.
“Yah, guest my ass. It’s your house as much as it’s mine so get over here before I rip your ear off.”
San stood by the table and waited for another chance to interfere, or as Jun liked to call it ‘buttering up to the in-laws’. You creeped up behind San and leaned your cheek against his bicep.
“You good?” He wrapped his arm around your waist and pressed a lingering kiss to the side of your head. If someone knew what it meant to be separated from family then it was San, having not seen his own parents in how many years now?
“I’m perfect,” you replied and discreetly created some space between you as the rest of the family entered the kitchen. 
Unlike San, you weren’t very keen on showing public affection especially as you guys never did it due to him being a literal celebrity. You had no problem showering him with love behind closed doors, but it was different with so many people around and in front of your parents nonetheless. That was just forbidden, almost illegal in your books. 
As if they hadn’t done the deed at least four times–
“Well go on, why are you standing there like sheep waiting for Lassie.”
Everyone swammered the table per your mother’s request. You, San and Borah sat on one side of the table with your mother and father on each end, and Jun, Jisoo and Hana across from you.
“How is work, sweetie?”
You faced your mother as she filled your plate with food and you practically tore the spatula from her hands.
“It’s good. There’s a lot now that people are on vacation, but it’s nothing I can’t handle.”
“You’ve always been a hard worker,” she grumbled. “And how are you otherwise?” 
Your brows furrowed, “I’m great too. What do you mean?” 
She stared you dead in the eyes, making sure you were looking at her too, and flickered her gaze down to your stomach and back up again three times.
“I am healthy.”
The bite you tried to hide slipped out and she couldn’t help but scoff. 
“Of course you’re healthy. I don’t give birth to sick babies.”
You don’t know when your mother turned so…sour. When her gentle touches turned to pinches and words of endearment became sneers of displeasure. Over one summer she had changed drastically and called every two to three weeks, asking the same questions, hoping for different answers.
“At least someone here is eating for two.”
The sentence struck you right in the heart and it bothered you how easily she got under your skin. As if prioritizing yourself brought shame on your whole family tree, it wasn’t like she didn’t have a soccer team of grandkids already.
Your sister-in-law smiled timidly and you couldn’t help but feel sorry for her being put in the spotlight just because of your mother’s pettiness.
“Oh, that reminds me, San-ah! We watched your Return of Superman episode,” Hana said excitedly. 
“Who do you like more, uncle San, me or Jaeyul?”
“Mmm, that is a hard question, Borah. How about this, I’ll tell you if you promise to keep it a secret?”
The five year old immediately nodded and San – keeping his promise – gently whispered in her ear, “You.” 
A gasp slinked out of her lips and she threw her hands over her mouth, the two exchanged a look and San made a zipping motion over his lips, a gesture Borah copied. 
“Wah, you’re so good with kids San-ah,” Jun complimented.
“I was just about to say that! We couldn’t stop smiling, it was so endearing. All of you, really,” your sister added and pushed her thick glasses up against her nose. 
San straightened at the praise. A dust of red covered his face accompanied with a bright smile. 
“I just love kids.” 
“Then it’s about time you get some, don’t keep us waiting any longer.”
Your body tensed and your grip on the spoon tightened. Your mother talked about the matter as if babies were truly delivered by storks and not an almost year long process. You kept your gaze on your plate, not daring to meet anyone’s stares, not when you could feel San’s bore into the side of your face. You two had yet to talk about the future and it wasn’t something you were ready for, especially not after his random burst of baby fever. 
San cleared his throat, “Well I’d rather first put a ring on your daughter’s finger, if that’s alright with her.”
Oh, how you loved this man. 
You didn’t need things to be official to know how you felt about San. A scribble of paper and a ring on your finger wouldn’t make your love more real, but you knew if San asked the big question you’d say yes in a heartbeat.
Heat ran through you, from the center of your heart to the tips of your toes, and it was hard to suppress the smile fighting its way on your face. The twins ‘oh-ed’ loudly, Jun even made the table into a makeshift drum as Borah and Jisoo jumped on the teasing wagon. Your father smiled at the scene before him. It was about time you got married, he thought but kept it to himself. Your mother on the other hand wasn’t all too pleased. As much as she wanted you to marry before conceiving, she didn’t want to wait any longer than necessary and with how your life was going, a marriage wasn’t an event in any of her five future calendars.
“Are we supposed to call you Mrs. Choi now?” 
A hard smack resounded in the house with a groan.
The dinner ended with no more personal questions about your and San’s relationship as all the attention was diverted to Jun and Jisoo’s unborn baby. Now you were all gathered in the living room, except for Jisoo who long passed out in Jun’s childhood bedroom. 
“Auntie.” Borah grabbed at your elbow, her legs stretched over your thighs as she sat in San’s lap with her head resting against his chest. 
“Yes, flower?”
Her eyes were droopy and she barely stayed awake despite the loud conversation of the adults. You inched closer to her to easily decipher her slurring words.
“I wanna sleep with you and uncle San.”
“Mmm, you want to cuddle with us?” She nodded tiredly. “Lemme ask uncle San first, okay flower?”
You caressed her hair and she smacked her lips before readjusting herself in San’s arms. Despite balancing between sleep and consciousness she was determined to know his answer. 
It didn’t take much more than a gentle ‘Sannie’ for you to catch his attention, “Borah wants to sleep in our bed. Is that alright with you?” 
He glanced down at the usually sugar rushed child and chuckled at her passed out form. “Of course. Here, I’ll tuck her in.”
While he went upstairs, easily navigating through the house from the previous visits, you stepped foot in the kitchen. The dishes from the dinner had just been pushed aside by your mother as she was dead set on everyone spending more time together, not allowing anyone entry in the kitchen unless it was to get more food. 
Although she was challenging your patience for the past five hours, you still loved her dearly so washing the dishes was the least you could do without blatantly saying it.
“And what do you think you’re doing?” 
Speak of the devil and they shall appear.
“Nothing, making your life easier.”
“Oh, please. My life hasn’t been any easier since you moved out. Constantly worrying about you.”
“Really, mom? There’s nothing to worry about plus it’s not like I’m alone. I have San.” You rinsed a plate and stacked it on the rack to your left.
“I know…That’s what I’m afraid of.”
A glass nearly slipped out of your hands. Your confused eyes met her worried ones and you bit the inside of your cheek, not really understanding what she was getting at.
“Why…I’m sorry, what are you exactly…afraid of?” 
The anxiety grew like weeds in your mind at her gentle whisper of your name. Did she not like San? But that was impossible; she practically referred to him as her favorite son-in-law. 
“Don’t you think it’s time you two get serious?”
“Okay!” You dropped the sponge in the sink and placed your soapy hands on your hips. “You really need to stop talking in riddles or my head is going to explode from anxiety.”
“There you go again with that anxiety. It’s not real!”
“Nope! Don’t try to change the subject. Say what you really mean or just stop talking, mom I swear it’s the only chance I’m giving you to be outright honest with me.”
A beat of silence passed and then another. Just as you thought she was backing down, the second most outrageous thing of the day came out of her mouth.
“Get married to San before he leaves you for someone else.”
You scoffed, “Unbelievable. You’re unbelievable.”
The rag hanging off your shoulder was snatched as you used it to dry your hands, but the anger proved that to be difficult so you bolted up to your room, not bothering with bidding anyone a good night’s sleep. You just needed to get away from the tension downstairs and, believe it or not, you craved San’s comfort.
Anger clouded your vision and all rational thoughts were pushed aside as you threw the door open, scaring San and nearly arousing little Borah. As much as you wanted to slam it shut, you couldn’t. Instead you did the childish-angry thing where you swing the door with all your might and stop it just as it was about to close and create an atomic-like explosion. 
San rose from his comfortable position on the pink fluffy carpet that teenage-you chose, eyes wide in alarm and arms reaching for you. 
He had changed out of the black hoodie and gray suit pants and into something more comfortable; a satin black pajamas you gifted him for Valentine’s day with a pair of semi-rimless glasses perched on his nose. Something about the look made him so domestic your anger nearly disappeared into thin air. 
“Woah, woah. What’s wrong?” 
You hid your face in your hands and San wasted no time taking you in his arms, bringing your body close to him. The motion had you sighing deeply as you exhaustively sunk into his embrace. San didn’t push for an answer and for that you were grateful. He rubbed your back and kissed your temple, nose and cheek.
“It’s my mom,” you eventually whispered.
“You wanna talk about it?” 
You didn’t move at first, weighing your options. Sharing the harsh words of your mom would lead to a conversation you weren’t ready to take. So you shrugged and clasped your hands around his torso. 
“Yes and no.”
“Okay, come here.” 
He gave you another kiss before moving you so your back was against his chest and shuffled over to the bed. He sat down by Borah’s feet, careful not to wake her, and pulled you between his legs dangling over the edge of the queen sized bed. His hands found home on your stomach immediately easing you off your anger. 
“We’ll do whatever you feel like. We can talk about it if you want or I can just listen to you, but if you don’t want to we won’t. We can find something else to do. It’s up to you, honey.”
You took his hands in yours and examined his each and every finger. A wave of nervousness washed over you and a distraction was needed to untangle your tied tongue. 
“She just said some…mean things I guess.”
“About you?”
You nodded silently. “About us.”
San hummed and you honestly expected a stronger reaction, but you should’ve known better. 
He was rational and never really lashed out, at least not that you knew of. You’d never seen him angry enough to act on it.
“She didn’t mean anything ill thought, but you were the starting point of it.”
“Look at me?”
As you faced him his eyes immediately found yours and in them were swirls of pure affection and sincerity.
“I love you.”
The skin on your cheeks burned hot and your lips curled into an embarrassed smile. The confession sent a magic tingle through your body.
“Where is this coming from?”
“I love you,” he said again, not satisfied with your response.
“I love you too, Sannie.”
“Good. Don’t worry ‘bout what your mom says. I love you and nothing will change that.”
Reassuring words and mellow touches. 
“Nothing?”
Not even your fear of childbirth? 
Or the idea that the two of you never may have children?
“Nothing, my love.”
And if he noticed the turn your smile took – going from happy to sad – he didn’t mention it. Because despite everything you couldn’t stop the gnawing thoughts of dread and what if’s from filling your mind.
“Did you watch the episode?”
“What episode?”
“The one of Seonghwa-hyung, Woo and I with the kids.”
Right, that one.
At first you didn’t purposely push it back on your agenda but the more you remembered his wish of starting a family the more chores you suddenly had to do and oh, that pile of paperwork could certainly not wait until after the weekend and when you actually had the time to watch it your phone would ping with a billion messages, every single one coming from San who insisted he craved to hear your voice and see your ‘absolutely angelic face’ – his words. 
So no. You hadn’t seen it.
“Ah, really?” He laughed at the speed you shook your head. “Well, let’s watch it together.”
“Now?”
“Mmm. Unless you don’t wanna?”
“Oh– Uhm, no! Go ahead, I’ll just change into something comfortable.”
Why he brought his laptop for a two day journey, you had no idea but apparently it worked in his favor because there you were laying on the side closest to the wall with Borah snuggled between you guys while the laptop was perched on San’s stomach, the episode playing in full swing.
Every interaction with the twins or Jaeyul made your guts twist and clench. You had to admit it was cute; so cute that your dinner almost went back up the same way it came from. You felt so bad and the worst of it all was the guilt that followed, the guilt of knowing you weren’t doing anything wrong yet you’d still be treated as if you were. 
And it was such a shitty situation, because how come that the man who’d single-handedly light up each and every star for you, also was the one to summon the clouds obscuring the night sky?
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You didn’t notice San’s lingering eyes or the way his fingers itched to hold yours or the three word long question resting on his tongue. Not that he was being obvious about it. Whenever you looked at him he’d flash you that derpy smile of his and a reassuring blink that lasted a second too long. 
It may have been unclear to you, but nothing passed your radar of a brother. He did have the maturity of a boy going through early stages of puberty, but you had to give it to him, he was observant. Too observant for his own good.
“What’s going on with you and lover boy?”
Thanks to Jun’s stupidity you both were honored with dish-duties. What you didn’t know was that it was all a part of his masterplan. 
“What?”
“I don’t know I’m the one asking you.”
You glared at him and he wordlessly took the clean tray from you.
“I’m just saying, we dudes, we see when something’s wrong.”
“So something’s wrong with San?”
“Not with San.” He put the tray in place and threw the rag over his shoulder, painfully dragging out the conversation, “With you.”
“There’s nothing wrong with me?” 
“Mm-mm, there is. You’re all tense and silent, and anytime someone mentions a baby you do this thing where you disapp– Yeah, just like that!” He snapped his fingers and pointed at your face void of emotion.
“I’m just not feeling it today.”
A gasp left his mouth and he looked around almost alarmed. “Don’t tell me you’re…pregnant?” He whispered the last word as if it was a crime that could sentence you to life in prison.
Out of sheer surprise and terror you smacked the side of his head. 
“Are you out of your mind?!” You hissed back.
“I’ll take that as a no.”
“It is a no!” 
“Okay, don’t hit me again!” As you raised your arm he simultaneously threw his hands up to shield himself from your wrath. 
A third party watched the banter from the living room, his feet tucked under his thighs in a pretzel motion and tongue poking at his cheek. The three years you spent together, from the platonic start to the blossoming romance, granted you more knowledge of each other than anyone else. 
San noticed your change in behavior at the dinner table last night, after the talk with your mother and as you cozied up to him in bed. At first he brushed it off as jitters for not being home for so long and the overwhelming emotions of finally meeting everyone again, but the more he thought of it the more he realized it wasn’t like you. And he promised himself to ask you about it, he just needed to find the perfect moment when you weren’t being swammered by everyone else which proved to be nearly impossible. If you weren’t hounded by your mother or bothered by your siblings, then you were stuck with the little ones and their sticky fingers.
“San-ah.”
Hana brought him out of his thoughts.
“Do you ever see yourself having kids?”
The question threw him off guard because wasn’t it obvious? What more could he want than to start a family with the love of his life?
“Of course, but it’s not something we’ve gotten around yet. We’re not rushing anywhere either!” 
Hana nodded and took a long sip of her chamomile tea. There was something so uneasy with her watchful eyes and the slight purse of her lips that had San thinking a little too much to his liking.   
Was he missing something? 
And he really shouldn’t have asked, prod at her interest and start something he wasn’t sure he was ready for but being the curious cat he was, San couldn't help himself.
“If you don’t mind, why are you asking?”
“Mmm…you see, she’s not the brightest when it comes to children.”
That sentence sounded like an unstrung guitar being played with a dull rock underwater. If San remembered correctly, you shone the brightest around your nieces and nephews. There was never a dull moment with them, always bringing you to tears from laughing too much. He saw you with them; you were gentle, thoughtful and careful, and he was certain it had nothing to do with you sharing the same blood. 
San must have looked confused because Hana spluttered out an explanation, her hands waving around at the speed of light. 
“I’m just saying that because I know how you’re with kids. Anyone can see you love them and I know it wouldn’t be fair to you.” 
“What wouldn’t be fair?”
“Not having kids,” she said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
San wanted to ask more questions yet he decided to hold his tongue. He wouldn’t be able to see the complete puzzle anyways and he knew the missing piece could only be received from one person – you.
“It’s a mutual concern of ours and we are just looking out for you.” She gave him a few pats of comfort, for what he had yet to find out, “God knows my husband would be devastated if I didn’t want kids.”
San listened silently, the frown on his face deepening with each word.
Did your sister not want kids? 
He followed her line of vision leading straight to you and then it hit him.
You didn’t want kids. 
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The images of San holding a toddler that was the spitting image of him; a head too big for its body, chubby cheeks and faint brows, haunted you every night. Some dreams were more vivid than others, but they were never the same. The most recent one was of the three of you taking a walk in the park. The little girl sat on San’s shoulders wearing a purple hat with cat ears while you trailed behind them, a matching bag around your shoulder and a camera in your hands. As San turned around you caught a glimpse of their bright smiles and identical dimples. The girl saw you and stretched her arms out, a giddy ‘mom!’ tumbling out of her mouth.
That’s when you woke up in a puddle of sweat. You could barely catch your own breath as you jumped out of bed, nearly toppling to the floor in the process. 
A cloud of guilt and shame loomed over you for various reasons. Mainly for dreaming of a future you could not see for yourself. It got to the point where you stayed up all night just to avoid the dreams. You picked up more shifts at the office, working late nights and early mornings, and it was a success until you cleared your whole schedule. Then came the idea of starting a new hobby; crocheting but your patience ran out rather quickly, who knew learning a double crochet would be so difficult? 
Your guilty conscience affected your relationship with San too. Dates were painfully awkward as if you were a high school couple going on your first outing together, stealing shy glances and looking away as soon as your eyes met. 
Then it was the skinship, whenever you accidentally touched fingers or feet collided underneath the dinner table, you’d withdraw so quickly as if burned by the scorch of a hundred suns. It was almost foreign to cuddle up on the couch too, San’s hands on your lower back and your cheek against his chest. At first you didn’t think he noticed the change in your behavior, but as you laid on top of him you could feel his heart rapidly beat in your ear and hands ghost over your skin, a trail of goosebumps following his faint touch.
Neither dared to speak up about the thick tension, assuming it would all go away in due time but the closer you got to the date of Ateez leaving for their tour in Latin America, the less likely it was to subdue. 
Little did you know San wasn’t feeling any better himself. Hana’s words played in his head on a loop, creating new presumptions of what she meant. She wasn’t that straightforward with her message and San could’ve either pieced together the wrong information or been completely spot on. He’d never know if he never asked, which proved to be harder than expected.
The few times your schedules aligned you were interrupted by San’s phone – Seonghwa and Mingi checking if he was dining at yours or with them – and if it weren’t that then it was something else. The days he made sure nothing could interrupt he’d chicken out last minute and smoothly avert the attention to anything remotely more interesting.
“Did you see Mingi’s new hair color?”
“I made Jongho promise to teach you how to break an apple in half!”
“Yeosang wants to buy a puppy!”
The confidence San possessed on stage in front of thousands was plummeting to the ground. Hard and fast. It honestly baffled him how much control one person could hold over him. Not that he complained, who was supposed to make his knees weak and brain all mushy besides you?
Knees weak and mushy brain was exactly how he felt as you opened the door, revealing yourself. You wore a black and white striped sweater with a black skirt stopping midthigh. The top was slightly big so you tucked it in your skirt. A small dark bag hung over your shoulder matching your leather boots. Simple yet elegant jewelry adorned your fingers and ears. You topped it off with black see-through stockings and black coat. 
“Is this too much for a night out?”
You were stunning. 
“It’s perfect, babe.” 
He handed you a beautiful bouquet of pink and red roses mixed with fillers, the brown paper gave them an old school look. You suppressed a squeal of joy and took the flowers from him, planning to put them in a vase, but not before planting a quick and shy kiss to the apple of his cheek. Your lipstick smeared on his skin almost camouflaging with the redness crawling up his neck, attacking his ears and cheeks, luckily for him you bolted to the kitchen, embarrassed at your own gesture.
You truly were like a pair of high schoolers, but for once you didn’t feel an ounce of guilt.  Perhaps it was your consciousness pushing the thoughts away for the night as it was your last date before San left overseas. 
“Ready to go?”
San was breathtaking.
It was no surprise that your boyfriend was a work of art, but there was something different about him tonight. Dark slacks accented his hard thighs a black turtleneck covered his bulging arms and slim waist with a gray coat hung snuggly over his frame reaching his calves. You always said his natural hair color suited him the best and it was true, especially when it was slicked back with a few strands falling over his exposed forehead.
You gulped harshly, “Yup.” 
You placed your hand in his and smiled as his fingers thread through yours like the roots of a tree becoming one with the earth. Giddy smiles hid behind your masks but the sparkle in your eyes was brighter than the night sky and its million stars.
San stuffed your woven hands in the pocket of his large coat for the short walk to his manager’s car and then his hand found its long lost place on your thigh during the drive to your favorite restaurant. 
You were addicted to his reassuring words and mellow touches.
San held his breath and was fully prepared to feel your body still at the skinship or for you to slowly pull away, but when you did the complete opposite – tightening your hold on his hand – he exhaled in relief. 
The restaurant was made for celebrities to have somewhere to go and enjoy their time without noisy people and overbearing fans. They even had a no phone policy to maximize the safety and privacy of everyone inside, that way the possibility of scandals coming out were zero to none. It wasn’t everyday you went on expensive dates for obvious reasons, mainly because of San’s schedule but also because you felt bad for him paying every time. It was no secret San earned more money than you, being a literal idol, but you still made it work somehow.  
For the first time in a while you felt good beside him. The unsettling dreams and thoughts of the future were as if non-existent and you didn’t want it any other way, at least for the night. Halfway through your second glass of wine San started blabbering about the tour. You wouldn’t say he was drunk, but rather relaxed. 
“So where are you going first?”
He thought for a minute, “Mexico, Brazil, Chile and then Colombia.”
“Isn’t it your first time performing there? That must be exciting!”
“Mhm, I can’t wait to see our Latin American Atinys. I know some of them have been with us since predebut. Honestly I’d travel around the world just to meet them all.”
“That’d be the dream wouldn’t it?”
“Yeah,” he smiled, “It’d be even better if you were there with me.”
His small pout and glistening eyes made you laugh, “Because that’d be such a good idea. I can bet all my life savings it would end up in a disaster one way or another.”
“What? Why?”
You placed your utensils down, “San, honey. I don’t think you realize how popular you are, like all of twitter wants to fuck you.” 
San stopped mid chewing, his eyes wide and brows raised to the roof. The loading wheel appeared above him and he smiled embarrassingly as your words finally registered, his teeth white but the tips of his ears burned red. 
“Yah, don’t say that.” He suddenly looked away as if he wasn’t showered with compliments on a daily basis.
“Well it’s Atinys’ words, not mine.” 
“You jealous?”
The cheekiness didn’t go unnoticed by you so in an equally teasing tone, you replied, “I can’t be jealous of something I actually get to do.”
And if there was anything better than a tipsy San then it was a flustered one.
“You shy, baby?”
He shook his head with a little ‘no’ that barely reached your ears.
The rest of the date was perfect – much to your surprise – and not once did the guilt ridden thoughts infiltrate your mind, not even when you passed a happy couple pushing a stroller on your way home or when you saw, what must have been, the biggest smile of the night on San’s handsome face. For a split second you thought everything would work out in the end. You’d overcome this obstacle just like you did with the move to Seoul or with the test you nailed after months of pulling all-nighters. But only for a split second because as the clock struck midnight your night took an unexpected turn with it.
“You need a place to stay for the night?” It came out more suggestive than you intended, however you didn’t mind.
“I don’t know, did you plan to sleep tonight?”
Your pointer finger rested against your chin as you pretended to think.
“If that’s the case then you won’t be getting any sleep tonight.”
A pair of very familiar hands grabbed your hips sending an electric feeling through your body despite the skirt separating your skin from touching. Your bodies fit like two pieces of a missing puzzle. 
“I wasn’t planning on it,” you replied and threw your head back against the crook of his neck. 
“Good.”
You were a feather in San’s hand and he treated you with care. Never too rough or foul, always considerate and kind but not opposed to it if you asked. He spun you around and stared at you with a million stars in his eyes, completely and utterly lost in the beautiful galaxy that is you. 
San cupped your cheek and traced your bottom lip with his thumb. His touch stopped at the corner of your mouth, his eyes widened as you lightly bit down on his finger. Your warm tongue against his cold skin. Your parted lips pulled into a smirk and it spurred San to push his thumb deeper in your mouth, now laying completely flat against the wet muscle. The innocent yet sultry bat of your eyes drove him crazy.
Reassuring words and mellow touches. 
He wanted you. He wanted to lick and nip at your skin, paint it full of violet and crimson clover. Make your writhe and turn in his hold until breathless pleas filled your apartment. He craved you beneath him, bare and vulnerable while he worshiped your body with praises and sinful words. He wanted to make love to you.
Yet he couldn’t. 
Not when you were both haunted by your thoughts.
He slipped his thumb from your mouth taking the sexual atmosphere with it.
“Love?” 
His eyes snapped to yours and he knew then and there that the art of love wouldn’t solve any of your worries, because at the end of the night he’d still travel halfway across the world with the nagging thoughts packed between his briefs and socks.
“Is everything alright?” You gently latched onto his wrist, thumb stroking the back of his hand.
“I love you,” San suddenly confessed.
A crease formed between your brows, lips glued together and eyes almost glossy. You were taken back at the sweet words but even more so at the way he was looking at you – almost sad. 
“Where is this coming from?”
“I love you,” he repeated. 
The scene wasn’t a sense of deja-vu, that much you knew, but rather a memory from a few weeks ago. A memory that was much sweeter and domestic than now. The response San expected to hear didn’t come as quickly as he hoped and through his tipsy vision he recognized a moment of hesitation. 
“Honey?”
“I love you too, San.” 
“What’s going on in that head of yours?” He suddenly asked.
The loving touches and flirty banter went down the drain and you were left with a silence so loud and overwhelming you couldn’t think properly. 
“What?”
“I said, what’s going on in that head of yours?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean something’s got you distracted.”
“There’s nothing going on,” you insisted stubbornly.
“Absolutely nothing?”
“San…everything's fine.”
“Except it isn't! I know you enough to see the changes. You barely sleep and this is the first time in days where I’ve seen you with a real smile.”
It broke his heart to see you slink from his embrace. Arms crossing over your chest and head turning sideway.
“Honey, please talk to me.” He sounded desperate. 
“And I am. There’s nothing wrong.” 
He raked his hand through his hair. The deep sigh whirling around your apartment. 
“Don’t lie. Not to me.”
You stayed silent yet again. 
“I’m here for you, always will be.”
“I can’t,” you whispered into the august breeze.
“What?”
“I can’t tell you,” you repeated a little louder.
“Why?”
“Because you’ll hate me!” It stung San into silence. “You’ll hate me and never want to speak to me again.”
He hungered for your touch, hands itching to reach for yours and as he took a step forward you took one back.
“You can’t keep it bottled up forever, love.” 
“I can try.”
Tears formed in your eyes and your voice cracked. You tried blinking them away but they raced down your cheeks against your will.
“C’mere.”
That was all it took for you to fling yourself at him. Your hands gripped the back of his shirt, nails digging into the expensive material. One hand cradled the back of your head and the other supported your back, rubbing gentle circles against your knitted sweater. San leaned down and pressed a long kiss to your crown, lingering and breathing in the sweet scent of you.
“I can’t breathe without you by my side so if you think I’ll ever hate you, you’re wrong. My love, you could break my heart a thousand times over and I’d still find reason to love you.”
Hot tears soaked into his shirt and you wanted to disagree but the tremble of your lips told you to be quiet so you shook your head violently instead.
You stood there for a long time, in each other’s arms with soft kisses and soothing touches. The emotions swirling around the apartment were too big for your shoulders and the rational part of you knew that you wouldn’t be able to carry them with you much longer.
“I don’t want children.”
It was interesting how a four worded sentence could either be the demise or rise of a relationship. What path your and San’s would take was yet to be determined, but God did you hope it was the latter. 
The argument broke out three days ago and while you've gone months without seeing each other, these 72 hours were by far the most excruciating period of your relationship. You didn’t ever think there’d be a person you’d miss this much. To see and hold, kiss and laugh with.
The first day was spent bathing in your own tears and snot. You were forced out of work by your co-workers as they didn’t buy your lie of ‘everything being alright’. It wasn’t like you could tell them your idol boyfriend of three years ran head first out of your apartment after an argument, absolutely not because you literally told him to give you space. So from nine am to nine pm you were cooped up in your bed, crying, scrolling through your socials, crying some more until you eventually fell asleep. 
The second day wasn’t anything better, except for the three tubs of ice cream you inhaled. They were kept in the back of your freezer for emergencies such as these. With a quick pat on the back for eating something you pushed the containers aside and continued your self wallowing, dressed in one of your (San’s) hoodies that smelled of caramelized sugar. Your phone blew up with calls from your family. Everyone concerned about you suddenly going MIA, but not enough to pay you a visit which you were both thankful and bitter about.
The third following morning came around and you decided that it was time to get your shit together. You still had a job to return to and bills to pay. It was all going well too, you cleaned the apartment and got rid of all the empty ice cream tubs, made a home cooked meal for the first time in three days, you even changed your bedsheets and did the laundry. The last thing on your list was a well deserved full-body shower.
The frantic ring of your doorbell fell on deaf ears as water pattered on your bare body and the tiled floor. Your fingers worked through your hair, rubbing almost painfully at your scalp as shampoo water went down the drain. 
It was first after you cut the stream and stepped out of the shower that you realized someone was at the door. With a roll of your eyes, you leisurely squeezed the excess water out of your hair and wrapped a towel around yourself. The chime of the bell didn’t stop and you were on the brink of insanity.
There were only two people with keys to your place; San and your mom. 
Your parents had no reason for coming all the way to Seoul in the middle of the day and San…even though your relationship wasn’t in the best shape you knew he’d never turn up unannounced, whether he told you by call or text didn’t matter as long as he reached out. He said it was a way of respecting your privacy and as much as you didn’t care for that, it was heartwarming. 
6:30 PM glared the digital clock on the console table in the hallway. 
All you wanted was one normal day. A morning without spilling coffee on your clean clothes, an afternoon without stubbing your toe on the desk in your office and a night without someone trying to sell you cookies or whatnot. It’d also be so much easier to crawl beneath your sheets and cry yourself to sleep without a maniac creating the newest billboard hit outside your apartment, but hey each to their own.
As much as you wanted to swing the door open and bark out profanities at the nuisance, you knew better and opted with looking through the peeping hole. Never did you expect a soaked San to stand there, rolling back and forth on the balls of his feet while desperately abusing the doorbell.
San didn’t have time to react, neither at the door being opened nor for you appearing with only a towel. You took hold of his hand and dragged him inside to which he shut the door behind him and somehow managed to take off his shoes. You threw him a spare towel and disappeared in your room. San stood there like a kicked dog, ears flat against his head and tail certainly not wagging. A few seconds later you returned dressed in one of San’s many t-shirts and your pajama shorts, carrying a change of clothes.  
You wordlessly gave them to him and escaped to your room again. San took that as his queue to get dressed. 
The run to your apartment gave him barely any time to collect his thoughts, too busy with providing his burning lungs with air and keeping an eye out for cars and potential followers. So now that he stood, not in front of your door, but in your living room he was completely shitting his pants. 
The cold and distant facade you managed to pull off in front of him crumbled the second you crossed the threshold of your room. You really strained all seventeen of your muscles not to cry and you could argue it was your best accomplishment yet as not a single tear kissed your cheeks.
“Hey.”
You looked up from your spot on the bed. Staring at your partner who stopped by the door. Your throat was dry and itchy, brain indiciseive of what to say and do. He wasn’t supposed to be here, that much you knew. Their agency had this weird rule of not allowing their idols out a day prior to their tour and it didn’t sit right with you knowing he went against their words, for you nonetheless. 
“San, what are you doing here?”
Unsteady sleeping schedules, caffeine filled drinks and insomnia were the standard for idols. Anyone claiming otherwise was either lying straight through their teeth or had a great planning method something San could really use these days. 
San was no stranger to succumbing to sleep at the early hours of the morning or not sleeping at all. The extra time was usually put into practice or perfecting his secret project, and sometimes something simple as laying in bed staring up at the ceiling.
But now it was hard to do any of that with you taking over his every thought. He found himself wondering about things that weren’t supposed to infiltrate his mind for the next five years. 
Get married. Move in. Adopt a cat. Have kids.
A short list of things that were crossing the line between adolescence and adulthood. 
The image of you and San doing that together spread a radiant smile across his face and his roommates, clueless as ever, couldn’t stop their own mouths from curving upwards. There was truly no other person he could think of doing any of that with and his heart was heavy as he realized he may never complete the list.
It took three calls from Seonghwa for San to acknowledge the older man sitting on the edge of his bed beside the open and empty suitcase. 
“Are you okay?”
“Why wouldn’t I be okay?”
Seonghwa leaned back on his arms keeping him from completely falling on the bed and stared at San’s computer screen, nonchalantly watching as he played one of his many games. The elder had come straight out of his own room from finishing a youtube live – a youtube live San crashed for a good fifteen minutes before abruptly leaving – and although Atiny probably didn’t notice the change of behavior in the younger Ateez member, Seonghwa did. 
San sighed as the last character of his team died and the word ‘defeat’ flashed in large capital letters took over the majority of the screen. 
“San-ah.”
Said man placed his expensive headset on the desk and twirled in his chair, and Seonghwa had a feeling the glum look on his features wasn’t from losing the game. 
“I’m not saying you aren’t. I’m just checking if there’s something bothering you. Something I can help you with?” 
The prolonged silence did nothing to soothe Seonghwa’s worries. He closely watched the hesitation slowly crack through San’s facade – bottom lip caught between his teeth, picking at his nails and eyes glazed over, darting literally everywhere except at Seonghwa.
Cautiously, he asked if it had something to do with you and his suspicion was confirmed when their eyes met. 
“It’s…complicated.”
“How so?”
“Because I thought of a thing and it turns out I was right.”
Seonghwa tried asking as few questions as possible to not overwhelm San, but the conversation wasn’t giving him much to work with.
“And what were you thinking about?”
San ran his hands through his black hair and looked as if he was racking his brains, he then violently rubbed at his eyes too. It was one thing to think about the whole situation and another to say it out loud, possibly speaking it into existence. 
“You don’t have to te–”
“Starting a family.” 
The trip to your hometown really did a number on him, Seonghwa thought. 
Cheeks red and palms sweaty, San cleared his throat. A little embarrassed at the confession and for cutting Seonghwa off so abruptly.
“I was thinking of what it’d be like to start a family with her.”
“Starting a what with who?”
Mingi stood in the doorway with parted lips and eyebrows raised to the roof, wet tufts of blonde and black hair peeked from underneath the towel on his head.
“It was just a thought.”
“And there’s nothing wrong with it,” Seonghwa assured.
“Yeah, but it doesn’t really matter.” 
“How come?” Mingi pressed, now leaning against the door.
“Because she doesn’t want a family…or well, at least not kids.”
Seonghwa and Mingi exchanged glances. All of Ateez knew of San’s adoration for kids. Heck, Seonghwa had front row seats to it and all. He remembered thinking how skilled San was with the twins and even with the energized boy. 
But none of it mattered now. If what San said was true – which he had no doubts about – then your choice went above everyone else’s, including San’s. 
“And how do you feel about that?”
San looked at the eldest. “There’s nothing I can do about it. I mean, sure I love kids I do, but I love her more.”
“Then I don’t see what the issue is,” Mingi chimed in. 
“It’s still a bitter situation Mingi, and Sannie has the right to feel…upset. Have you talked to her?” 
San groaned and buried his face in the palms of his hands, thinking back how it all escalated so quickly. The split second he tried processing everything, you’d already decided it was time for him to leave and pushed him out, crying how you needed to be alone. Too stunned to properly react, San did as told.
“I walked out…”
Dread filled their guts as Mingi and Seonghwa patiently waited for the remainder of the story. They hoped San wouldn’t say what they were thinking.
“She confided in me at first and then pushed me away, screaming at me to go and I…listened. ”
“Well that changes the trajectory of things don’t you think?” Mingi said after the minute long silence and Seonghwa shot him a pointed look.
“San, we are not leaving for the tour until you talk to her,” Seonghwa declared. 
The elder had no lover of his own, but he had seen enough movies to know how these situations ended. Spoiler alert: a painful break up for both parties.
San shrugged, “I’m sure Hongjoong would like that.”
“And you don’t think your girlfriend would? Listen here. We’re supposed to leave for the airport at seven am, I’ll give you the night if you make amends.”
Seonghwa stopped before San, a wide smile on his gorgeous face. “Besides, a family doesn’t become a family when a child is brought into it. If you think about it, the three of us and the rest of the guys are like a family, right?”
“We are a family,” Mingi corrected.
“Exactly. So who’s to say you two aren’t one too?” 
“I’m here to do what I should’ve done days ago.”
It was hard to look him in the eye. The sincerity in them had your heart in knots, tugging and tightening with your every breath. 
“Can I come in?”
San had his arms by his side and hands balled into fists to keep them from trembling. There was no doubt in his mind that you’d be in his arms by the end of the night, but it didn’t stop his pulse from skyrocketing.
“You’re already here.” 
A faint, appreciative smile crossed his features as he gingerly took the seat beside you. There was no real malice to your words and he was thankful because honestly speaking he wouldn’t know what to make of it if you still needed ‘time’. San straightened and breathed out a sigh as if letting go of all his nerves.
“I want to start by saying; I’m sorry.”
You snapped your head towards him, confused as to why he was the one apologizing. You were the issue at hand here. You were the one depriving him of something he wished for, you pushed him away. Not the other way around. 
“I’m really sorry for pressuring you–”
“San, no–” You shook your head, tears already threatening to make their dramatic entrance.
“Just listen to me, please.” 
And his desperate plea was their queue to waltz in much to your dismay. 
San lifted your chin so he could see your face and frowned at the tears. “I'm sorry if I ever made you feel obliged to push your feelings aside for me. That has never been my intention and it never will be.”
He cupped your face gently in both hands and wiped away your remaining tears with his thumbs. It pained him to know the tears were inflicted by his doing.
“I love you.”
“San,” you whimpered, barely able to get the word out. 
“Hey, it’s okay. Just breathe for me. I’m not leaving.”
That was your breaking point. You heaved for air as more tears blurred your vision. A heavy weight lifted off your shoulders as you found solace in his words and San felt his own heart break at your wails. Feeling embarrassed you abruptly stood up and put a hand over your mouth to stop the broken cries. Staying true to his words, San hugged you from behind and pressed you into his embrace. Chin resting against your shoulder as his arms went around your waist. You stood like that until your tears ran dry and cries turned into hiccups.
San whispered words of encouragement in your ear, lips grazing the skin with each pronunciation. Your feet moved with his as he maneuvered you to bed and under the covers. A meteor could hit the earth and he wouldn't leave your side. You laid there in silence with your back to his chest. His arm under your neck and the other curled around your waist, keeping you flushed against his front. Your occasional sniffles filled the gaps letting San know you were awake.
“My love,” he started and you shifted as a reply of acknowledgement, “remember that night at your parents’ house? When your mother said something to upset you and you stormed up to your room?”
You nodded while playing with his fingers spread across your abdomen.
“Do you remember what I told you?” 
“That you loved me and nothing would change that.”
He kissed the back of your head. “I still stand by that. I love you. Not what you can or can’t give me. I love you when you cry and I love you when you laugh. I love you through your anger and grief. I love your kindness and selflessness.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Stop apologizing, please. You should only apologize when you’ve done something wrong.”
“But I led you on. San, we want different things. You want a child–” your voice cracked and you drew in a sharp breath, “–and that’s not something I’m sure I can give you, ever.” 
“That’s not true.” He sat up and leaned over your body, “I wanna cuddle you to sleep and wake you with breakfast in bed. I want us to buy furniture and assemble it together only to give up halfway through. I want us to bake a ridiculous cake that ends up in a flour fight. I want all of that with you!”
San planted a soft kiss against the back of your hand.
“Children or not, it won’t change the fact that I love you and I’ll continue to say it until all the trees are cut down, until the ocean dries out and all the stars go out. I love you. Always have and always will.”
His caring words drew a smile from you and the harsh knot around your heart slowly came undone. His affectionate eyes searched yours and he’d wait an eternity for your answer, but you didn’t need more time to know what you wanted. Your hands caressed the sides of his neck and with a quick pull of his neck, your lips clashed in a passionate kiss.
Reassuring words and mellow touches. 
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soulkeeper801 · 2 years
Text
They don’t know about us pt. 6
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(A/N: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5)
Rosé x F!reader
You’re an idol and Blackpink’s Rosé just wanna have fun.
VI
“My agency kinda misses the idea of us dating,” Sana said, chuckling slightly after taking a sip to her coffee.
You shook your head, smiling sincerely.
You two were at a café, enjoying an afternoon together as you have been doing for the last months almost once a week. You learnt so much about each other and started to get closer.
“My company didn’t know what to do with the sudden attention,” you said, remembering how wild the last month had been, “they were so worried about having a comeback as soon as possible just to attract more fans.”
She laughed again.
“I think all that fuzz only brought us even closer,” she stated. “I’m glad we’ve become this close”.
You nodded. “Me, too. I think you’re one of the closest friends I have in this industry. I’m also glad Jihyo and Daniel can finally be together without having us as chaperons”.
She kept on laughing. It was the way you both were able to let go of all the stress. Laughing.
“They have been very lucky with how fans took the news,” she said, letting her mind wander around as she fixed her gaze on the table”.
“What’s on your mind?”
“I don’t know, it’s just… unfair”, she said, her gaze fixed now on you. “I wish you had the same chance to come out to the light with your relationship…”
You sighed. By this point of your friendship, you both knew all about each other. Rosé was always gonna be a big part of your life and of course Sana knew about it. She was so glad you trusted her enough to let her know and she always showed her support.
“I guess some things just aren’t meant to be…”
She shook her head. “Have you talked about it? Because the last thing she knew was that we were dating…”
You smiled sadly, “yeah, I didn’t have a chance to tell her it wasn’t like that. She must know by now that we weren’t, yet she hasn’t reached out either…”
She groaned, “Y/N!!! You have to let her know! I can see in your eyes it still hurts. Anything can happen if you just talk to her!”.
“What if she has someone already?”
“You don’t know that,” she stated. “Come on, I’m taking you there,” she said, showing the keys of her car.
“W-what?!”
“Y/N. you’re one of my best friends in the whole world. I want to see you happy. I know she’s the one that will bring the happy Y/N back”, she looked at you directly in your eyes, “please, let me do this for you”.
You nodded and took her hand. As frightened as you were, you knew you wanted to see her. Whatever happened, you both deserved some closure.
But somehow you wished it had a happy ending.
As you arrived at her place and stepped out of the car, Sana let you know you could call her if anything went wrong and she would be there in a second.
You thanked her and made your way to the elevator. So many memories came to you in a second. So overwhelmed in your thoughts didn’t realize you were standing right in front of her door.
As you were about to knock, the door opened suddenly.
A girl with big, beautiful eyes was standing right in front of you with a bag on her shoulder as she was about to leave. Maybe she was as surprised as you.
You took a step back and nodded as a greeting, “I’m sorry, I was looking for…”
“Y/N”, Jennie said. You were taken aback. “I was about to leave, do you want me to call her?”.
You nodded and waited for her to come out. You were so nervous even breathing was hard.
Jennie came back and stood in front of you. “Y/N?”, she said before leaving, “I’m just gonna say this one time and I want you to understand it”, she looked you directly in the eyes.  “Don’t hurt her”.
You gulped as she passed by you.
“Huh?”, a clueless Rosé appeared before you and her eyes widened as plates when she realized who it was. “W-what are you doing here?”
No words. You couldn’t think of anything to say. You didn’t know you missed her this much until that moment.
“Come in,” she said before you could even react, signaling the way with her hand for you.
You just nodded and made your way to her couch.
“I…” was the first thing that came out of your mouth. But the train of thought stopped there. You had missed her place, her smile, the smell of her perfume in the air. You had missed spending time on that couch telling her about your life and she telling you about hers.
“...wanna say sorry”.
She kept looking at you expectantly.
“I disappeared without saying a word and never texted back”.
Her eyes were fixed on you, as if she was examining your features.
“The rumor about me and Sana, they are false. We’re good friends,” you continued. “These past few months have been really weird for me and my feelings are all over the place. I want to say I’m confused but…” you directed your gaze to her, “I think I have always been sure about them”.
She took your hand and left a kiss on it.
“I’m glad you’re here,” she said, her lips grazing your skin. “I have a lot of things to say to you but I wasn’t as brave as you to look for you”.
She sighed, “It’s been a long time since I realized I love you. All this time I thought it would eventually go away and I would move on with my life, but it didn’t. I was too afraid of what the girls could think of me or how the company would react if I ever came out to them. But when I lost you, I knew there wouldn’t be a bigger pain than what I felt at that time”.
As a tear rolled down her cheek, you pulled her into a hug, “I thought I wasn’t gonna be able to hold you like this anymore,” you whispered into her neck and felt her sobbing at your words. “I’m willing to play by your rules. I don’t mind anything as long as I can have you with me again, I…”.
She shook her head as she pushed you away, “no, Y/N”, she said, wiping her tears. “I’m sorry I was so stubborn about what we had. I don’t want you to feel like I’m ashamed of us, you deserve better,” she said, breathing in so she could calm a bit, “and I want to be better for you, for us”.
You smiled sadly. It wasn’t the first time you had heard those words. But you wanted to believe that maybe, just maybe, this time it was true.
“The girls know about you. They knew something was happening to me and they weren’t surprised when I talked to them about you. I was happy just remembering the good times we spent together,” she smiled at you. “Then I went to the company and talked to our manager and the president. They said it’s up to me whatever I do with my personal life… and I want you to be part of my life”.
She had a smile on her face as her hands were cupping yours. You couldn’t help but crash your lips against hers. She pushed you against the couch and straddled your waist before going for your lips again.
“I missed you so much,” you said as she left kisses on your neck.
You felt her smile against your skin, “I missed you more”.
-----------
“And the winner for this week is…” the MC announced.
It had been six months since Rosé and you had gotten back together. She introduced you to her members properly and you spent a lot of time with them. She also got to meet your bandmates and even taught them some singing techniques that they appreciated a lot.
You two were currently at a music show waiting for the winner of the week to be announced as Blackpink was nominated. You stood at the back of the crowd, looking intently at the supporting screens internally hoping the next words coming from the MC’s mouth were…
“...Blackpink!”, he shouted.
The confetti bombs exploded at the stage as it filled with cheers. You and your members were at the back cheering for the winners.
“Thank you so much!”, Jennie said. “We are thankful to our blinks who give us so much strength to keep on going and giving the best of us”.
“Thank you to our producer who has worked so hard with us for this song, the choreographers and the vocal teachers, thank you so much,” Lisa added.
You were making your way out of the stage with your members, when you heard Rosé take the mic.
“I also want to say a special thank you to my favorite girl in the world,” you froze at those words, “my wonderful girlfriend, Y/N, who has been my biggest support for the past months”, she said, signaling to the side where you were. The whole crowd turned to you, the camera men focused their attention on you, even the PDs were confused at the moment.
You didn’t know how to react.
Fortunately, your girlfriend called you to her side and you hurriedly made your way over there. She received you with open arms and left a tiny kiss on your lips. You hugged her and cheered with the other girls, bowed and made your way out of the stage again so they could proceed with their encore.
As soon as you were off camera, you looked back at her in disbelief as she mouthed I love you and sent you a finger heart.
You shook your head with a big grin on your face. 
And this was just the beginning.
-------------------------------------------
(A/N: The last part is finally here. Thank you for your patience with this series!)
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seullovesme · 1 month
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need your attention » nakamura kazuha
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pairing ⥬ kazuha x f!reader
genre ⥬ fluff
summary ⥬ you pay the le sserafim girls a visit after one of their stages and your time spent with a certain member was misunderstood by kazuha
sorry to my dear anon who requested this, ive been neglecting this for so long 😞
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the attention of the le sserafim girls was caught when a member of the staff quite loudly questioned you, asking who you were and why you were trying to get inside.
the first one to recognize you was eunchae, she was surprised to see you and got the attention of the leader sitting beside her, telling her to tell the staff to let you in. "unnie! look it's y/n, tell them to let her in!"
the other girls heard your name and turned to see you standing at the door with a face mask on being talked to by some staff. chaewon got up and rushed to go and assist you while the members all smiled at each other.
she pulled the face mask off your face and grabbed your wrist, dragging you to where everyone had been sitting and she sat you right beside sakura before claiming her spot beside yunjin.
"y/n!" the eldest cheered as she hugged you as tight as possible, making your face turn a shade of red as you felt the air leave your lungs. "hey, stop hogging her!" eunchae yelled as she also lunged toward you and you yelped when she squeezed you too.
"guys stop! look at her, she's gonna pop!" they both let go of you to take a peek at your face and you gasped for air. "one more second and you may have actually suffocated me." you say in between small breaths, smiling at the affection of your friends.
"not our fault, where have you been? we missed you!" sakura said, going in for a much softer hug. you took your eyes off her and glanced at kazuha who was crossing her arms, looking disinterested. did she not miss you at all? you looked away and coughed as you noticed that the rest were all patiently waiting for your response, wondering if they saw you peek at the ballerina.
"w-well, i've been busy working at this new company and i actually got paid yesterday, so i was hoping that i could treat you guys out for dinner!" when you made the offer, the girls all got up and began squealing in excitement. it was nice finally seeing them again, you enjoyed watching them be so up and active, just being so cheerful. especially zuha.
but she didn't get up like the rest of them had. she just kept sulking in her seat. you could tell something was off about her and that she was thinking really deeply, but you chose not to say anything. you knew that she would tell you what was bothering her sooner or later, she always let you know what was on her mind.
they began discussing places to go and what foods they were craving. you watched them happily, ecstatic that you were able to treat them after all the times they treated you. you continued sneaking glances to kazuha, hoping to catch her looking at you as well, but her eyes were locked onto sakura. you turned to sakura and realized she had been talking to you.
"mm? sorry, say that again i wasn't listening." you laughed nervously and rubbed your neck.
"oh i was just asking if you had any preferences like what kind of food you wanted, or if there were any restaurants you were interested in going to."
you shook your head in response. "no, it's up to you guys. i'm not picky." sakura nodded and went back to chatting after you gave a small smile.
you looked back to where kazuha was sitting, but she was gone. you searched the room for her, eventually spotting her sitting at a vanity, mindlessly going through her phone. thinking back, she didn't have any input about food. was she not hungry?
you got up and walked over to her, hoping this was the chance to talk with her one on one and hopefully ask her to go out sometime, just the two of you. she didn't look up from her phone when you stood there awkwardly, sort of ignoring you.
"hi." you were going insane on the inside, your braincells going into a code red as you lost the ability to think of what to say. she put down her phone and made eye contact with you through the mirror, waiting for you to continue.
you cleared your throat. "so... did you not have any food suggestions? where do you want to go?" you asked, your voice a little shaky.
"hm. i don't know, why don't you ask kura unnie?" she said while she broke eye contact, picking at a thread on her shirt.
"what?"
"you should ask kura unnie, sure seems like she has a lot to talk to you about." she mumbled the last sentence, but you heard it clearly. you spun her chair to face you directly.
"what's going on? is everything okay, kazuha? you can talk to me, you know i'll hear you out." zuha sighed and leaned back in her chair as she crossed her arms. you pulled up a stool and when you seated yourself, you were a little shorter than her. you put a hand on her knee and gently stroked it as an attempt to comfort her.
"well, she's been hogging all your attention and you didn't give any to me. you didn't even say anything to me until now." she just looked away, embarrassed to have admitted her need for your attention out loud. "but i guess i understand, she's really pretty and all. honestly, i guess i'm.. glad she feels the same." she finishes hesitantly, her words lacking sincerity.
with the way you couldn't understand what she was talking about, it was like she was speaking another language. who feels the same about what? and she just wanted your attention? you blushed at the fact that kazuha flat out said that she was upset you didn't give her attention. she was adorable.
"what do you mean? sakura feels the same? about what?" you questioned.
"don't play dumb, i can tell you like sakura!"
you tried not to, but you laughed. "i do not like sakura, where did you get this from?" kazuha huffed and pouted, annoyed by your reaction.
"you were all over her earlier! you were basically giving her heart eyes." you scoffed at her response, rolling your eyes with a smile.
"heart eyes? all over her? oh please, we had two conversations."
"what about when she hugged you? you seemed to enjoy it a little too much."
"she was squeezing the life out of me, what do you mean?! plus, eunchae hugged me as well."
"well," she thought about another argument, but she didn't have anything else to say. "whatever." she went back to playing with the thread on her shirt, feeling kind of silly because you were right after all. there wasn't anything weird about what you were doing her member, but it still bothered her. just watching you talk to her when you hadn't even tried to talk to her once this entire time affected her tremendously. she felt frustrated with all these mixed feelings.
and you could tell. you saw that she was bothered, and she was even saying it out right that she was upset about your interactions with your other japanese friend. the only thing was that you knew how she felt. "zuha, you don't think you're a tad bit jealous?"
it was her turn to scoff. "jealous? of what? the fact that you like kura unnie and not me? pshh, no way." kazuha frowned slightly because she was, and it was making her say these stupid things. curse her stupid heart and it's stupid feelings.
"oh, kazuha." you lifted her chin, initiating eye contact but she just pouted, scared to look you in the eye.
"i told you, i don't like sakura that way. in fact, it's quite the opposite." she finally gave in and stared into the windows of your soul.
"she is pretty," you observed the twitch in her eyebrow when you said that. "but i think you are the prettiest girl out of everyone in the world." her jaw just fell and she watched the corners of your lips curl up.
"i'm sorry i didn't give you any attention. i know i usually do so i understand why you were bothered. you weren't used to it, were you?" kazuha shook her head, and you smiled as she eased up the tension in her muscles. you just needed to let her know that you understood, that's all.
"how about this, i give you my undivided attention for as long as you want this upcoming saturday, just us. does that sound better?" you offered and she was dumbfounded.
she uncrossed her arms and nervously rubbed her palms on her thighs, feeling the heat of your gaze cause her to sweat a bit. "are you.. asking me out?" you just nodded and watched as kazuha's eyes lit up. she clapped her hands together and flashed her sweet smile, and it felt like you were watching an angel spread it wings for the first time. it was just a beautiful sight to see.
"then yes! it sounds much better." she took the hand you had resting on her knee and held it tightly. you swooned over her touch, enjoying the way she shined. "i don't want any other girls to have you, you're all mine."
you raised one eyebrow at her words which kazuha picked up as you teasing her, and she hit your shoulder in response. you snickered, interlocking your fingers with hers and tugging her, pulling her up to stand. you gave her another smile and brought her back to the girls who were finalizing their choices.
you sat where zuha was sitting previously and pulled her onto your lap, wrapping your arms around her waist. the four of them turn to you two and carried on with planning like it was the usual. because it was, it was always you and kazuha, kazuha and you.
everyone knew you and zuha were like two peas in a pod, and it seemed that the only ones didn't were the people in question.
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literally took me so long to finish one fic, wtf is wrong with me rn😒
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alwaysvivid · 2 years
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# ꕥ 𓂃 𑄻 ᜔ ۪۫ ࣪   ☀️  ✧˚ · … 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐍𝐘 𝐒𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐒 ! ˚◞
SUMMER’S GRADUATION CEREMONY 2016.
following the shock announcement of her sudden graduation cece made her exit on the 20th of july 2016 after less than a year in the group. her graduation concert was titled SUNNY SMILES as was her graduation photo book. being the first summer and first member to officially graduate it was no surprise that the concert and photo book both sold out in less than 15 minutes.
cece wanted to make her departure a happy one , she did not want people to be crying and mourning her career in se4sons but rather celebrate the time they got to spend together. this is why her graduation track SMILEY ! was perfect for her. it’s a carefree upbeat track about positivity and making the people around you happy.
# ꕥ 𓂃 𑄻 ᜔ ۪۫ ࣪   ☀️  ✧˚ · …. 𝐒𝐄𝐓𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 !! ˚◞
the showcase consisted of SE4SONS title tracks so far along with SUMMER’s favourite b side along with her special graduation tracks SMILEY ! , SUNNY , MY UNIVERSE and GOODBYE I LOVE YOU.
@se4sonz
SMILEY ! ( SUMMER GRADUATION SOLO )
GREETINGS BY SUMMER
MUAH !
FALL FAREWELL SPEECH
KNOCK OUT LOVE
1-10 ( B-SIDE )
WINTER FAREWELL SPEECH
IRON BOY ( B SIDE )
YAH YAH YAH
SPRING FAREWELL SPEECH
LIKE THAT
SUNNY ( SUMMER GRADUATION B SIDE )
SUMMER FAREWELL SPEECH
NEW SUMMER ANNOUNCEMNET
MY UNIVERSE ft JAMIE ( NEW SUMMER ) & EUNBI ( SPRING )
GOODBYE I LOVE YOU ( SUMMER SPECIAL FAREWELL TRACK )
# ꕥ 𓂃 𑄻 ᜔ ۪۫ ࣪   ☀️  ✧˚ · …. 𝐒𝐓𝐘𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆 !! ˚◞
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since her debut cece had become known for her blonde barbie looks and for her farewell she wanted to play into that further. the colour scheme was overwhelmingly pink with lots of bright and over saturated colours. all of cece’s summer outfits being pink with blue and purple accents to really emphasize the bubblegum aesthetic. the looks all heavily played into her youth as she had just turned 17 2 weeks prior.
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her fellow se4sons members matching in their own fun bright pink outfits that were all picked by cece to create her perfect bubblegum wonderland. she opted away from the traditional uniforms they all wore and rather went for stage outfits that could be more versatile.
# ꕥ 𓂃 𑄻 ᜔ ۪۫ ࣪   ☀️  ✧˚ · …. 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐍𝐄𝐖 𝐆𝐈𝐑𝐋 𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐎𝐖𝐍 !! ˚◞
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as the graduation came to an end cece began getting emotional but managed to keep it together long enough to announce the new summer ; JAMIE YEUN !
“jamie is one of the sweetest people i know. she has a heart of gold and the voice of a literal angel. her talent is literally insane and her smile lights up every room she walks into . she is the most obvious summer and i can’t imagine leaving anyone in my place but her !”
although cece had said the day was a happy day that celebrated her time in se4sonz she could not help but finally let her tears as she handed the SE4SONS GRADUATION BOUQUET to jamie symbolizing the change of seasons. i. that moment the bouquet become a tradition and great photo opt for new members as they were fully initiated into the group.
jamie performed as summer for the first time with cece. MY UNIVERSE was performed by cece , jamie and eunbi who was spring during cece’s time in SE4SONS. the track was a means to pass over the torch and introduce jamie to the life of SUMMER.
# ꕥ 𓂃 𑄻 ᜔ ۪۫ ࣪   ☀️  ✧˚ · … 𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐒 𝐂𝐎����𝐅𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 !! ˚◞
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at the press conference after the performance cece informed everyone that she will be leaving the entertainment industry to rather focus on her education and furthering her career as a dancer. the news that she would be leaving ANGELICO and will no longer be an idol was devastating to fans and to cece herself as she teared up and was blinking away tears. she thanked all the members for everything theyd done for her and promised to be at every concert cheering them on but she could be with them on stage as it just wasn’t her time.
when asked about cece’s sudden graduation CEO, son jinhwan said: “ Cece was a talented and professional idol and we are devastated by her departure. but after discussions with staff as well as summer we agreed that this was the best choice for her at this time and wish her all the best on her future endeavors. ”
# ꕥ 𓂃 𑄻 ᜔ ۪۫ ࣪   ☀️  ✧˚ · …. 𝐏𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐈𝐓 !! ˚◞
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cece could no longer hold back the tears as she removed her photo from the wall. clutching the portrait against her chest as she sniffled, the members gathered around to comfort her. once she finally calmed down she placed her new graduation photo on the wall -her signature barbie doll blonde looks cemented into the SE4SONS legacy forever.
 “despite how much i will miss this , it is what is best for me and i’m very excited to start this new chapter of my career and life. i hope you all continue to support the beautiful SE4SONS girls because i will definitely be their number 1 fan until i die. i love you all goodbye.”
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