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lovesickheize · 2 years

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mr insanity. ,˖ 𓆟 𓆝 𓆟

dpr ian (christian yu) x gn!reader

when two mentally unstable strangers find comfort in each other's presence.

⊱ ─────────ஓ๑♡๑ஓ ───────── ⊰

wc: 970

tw! this fic might be triggering for some people. it's not extreme, but it is based on the two characters' mental instability. this is pure fiction.

this fic is inspired by dpr ian's music, especially his first album. my main inspiration was the music video and the lyrics of "nerves", so i'd recommend listening to it, while reading this.

▔ྀ̥̊͝ཾ▔ྀ̥̊͝ཾ▔ྀ̥̊͝ཾ▔༺ ᨦ♡ᨩ༻▔ྀ̥̊͝ཾ▔ྀ̥̊͝ཾ▔ྀ̥̊͝ཾ▔

and i'm sorry i was hurting too much to know that you were standing right there.

it was a moment of spark in the aeonian darkness.

you were sitting on the cold surface of a tunnel's pavement. it was raining hard outside, but you were too invested in your cigarette, diet coke and music to get scared by the thunder.

there was noone around, people locking themselves in their houses to save themselves from the undying storm. you couldn't care less about the cold. you couldn't care less about anything to be frank.

you were just sitting there, body too dehydrated to shed a tear, in a white t-shirt and sweatpants. life had been such a pain in the ass that month.

you chuckled suddenly, the sound leaving your mouth too sad for a laugh. it was ironic, how a song playing on your 'nostalgia' spotify playlist could describe your life so accurately.

you felt a presence approaching your body. head never turning to acknowledge the person that had just sat right next to you. the mysterious person took off their jacket and placed it on your shoulders. you hadn't noticed you were trembling under the ice cold air up until then.

"thanks." you mumbled, still not looking at the person.

they didn't reply, instead pulling something that sounded like a lighter. you caught a cigarette between their tattoo-filled hands with the corner of your eyes.

"i'm ian." they said.

you finally turned your head, the man in front you looking as dead as you did. "i'm y/n."

a comfortable silence took over once again, joining the sound of the storm. a couple of cigarettes later, you looked at him.

"do your tattoos have a meaning?" you asked the person who you now knew was named ian.

"some of them do, some of them don't. this is my favourite." he lifted his t-shirt's sleeve a little to show you the bald man on his left shoulder. "it's a man who looks at his own brain and realises it is limitless." his voice was deep and raspy, probably because of smoking.

"does it symbolize something?" you asked.

"it's just... you know, overthinking. if our brains weren't limitless, we wouldn't think so much, intrusive thoughts wouldn't dominate our already repetitive grey lives..." he said.

"agreed." you replied, tracing the lined man with your fingertips. "it's really pretty."

"do you have any tattoos?" ian asked.

the hand that was tracing his tattoo was now traveling up your body, reaching your hair and moving it to the side. "i got this crescent moon under my hairline a couple of years ago."

"what does it mean?" ian looked at it, eyes admiring the black lines.

"i just love the moon. ever since i was a child, i liked staying up late and looking at it in silence. it comforted me. still does."

"so beautiful." he murmured.

"you know, the moon usually symbolizes illusions and deception, but i view it as a lonely star. it reminds me of myself when i was a teen. a bright positive person in the middle of darkness and evil. but i never was as strong as the moon, i couldn't bear the malevolent nature of our society, i ended up breaking. that's why i look up to the moon. it's strong and confident. just what i wished i was."

you hadn't noticed how his eyes were stuck on you. "wow." was all he could say. "i'm sorry, i probably talk too m-"

you were interrupted by his lips on yours. you responded to the kiss, letting his tongue enter your mouth. the kiss was passionate, you felt hungry for the feeling he was offering you. his hands made their way to the back of your neck, one of his fingers caressing the moon on it, the other holding your hand. your free hand was intertwined in his soft hair, holding him close.

how a stranger could make you feel so much stuff after such a long feelingless period of your life you couldn't understand. it had been years since the last time you genuinely felt something so intense.

he pulled away, both of you catching your breath. "wanna go for a walk?" he asked.

your hand was still being held by his, you nodding positively. the two of you walked past the tunnel, cigarettes, diet coke, headphones, everything long forgotten behind. you were walking in the rain, knowing damn well it was just the two of you and the water-filled clouds.

you danced in the rain. it had been such a long time since the last time you flashed a smile that was so real. he looked at you being happy, almost dead, but still happy. he turned you around, you held his hands so tightly, he also seemed fine for a moment.

after some time, exhausted as you were, you moved closer to him, leaning your head on his wet by the rain chest. his arms wrapped around you, holding you as warm as they could, soaked as he was.

the rain was still heavy, but you didn't care. he didn't care.

that's all you could remember from that night moments before you left everything behind. the only night you felt genuinely happy, forgetting how cruel life is.

"thank you for making me feel." he whispered

the car's wheels were forced to turn, leading the car towards the hill.

welcome to the show. so, can you stay a little longer, just until i know you see me standing here?