This is absolutely unfinished, and is 100% my own memories that i, apparently, really need to let go of. I don't think they belong to me anymore, and their other handlers let go a long time ago.
Present
The sun is hot, soaking into the shoulders of Michael’s t-shirt. He readjusts his baseball cap, smashing his curls down even flatter. He fiddles with the key ring in his hand, running his thumbnail along the groove in the old penthouse key. it comes away dark and dirty. He should have given the key back when Geoff sold the place, but he could never bring himself to let it go. Besides, no one knew how many copies there really were, and the new owner had surely changed the locks. He can’t remember their name.
He glances up from his spot, leaning against Fredo’s latest passion project. It’s an old chevy something or other. Doesn’t mater much. There’s an older white guy heading his way, hands buried in his pockets.
“Can i help you?” Michael asks. he doesn't move from the car.
“You got a lighter?” The man’s voice is deep and gravely. Instinctively, MIchael reaches for his front jean pocket, and it isn’t until his hand comes up empty does he remember.
“Sorry dude, no.”
The guy tilts his head curiously at michael. “Should’ve asked you a couple years ago, huh?” He asks with a smile. It’s not so much a question as an assumption. Michael nods.
“Hell, six months ago I’d’ve been your guy.” Part of him wishes he still smoked, could still have an excuse to be standing out here isolating himself. Truth be told, it wouldn’t matter anyway. Fredo’s bound to roll his eyes at Michael regardless.
“good for you, kid.” THe guy says, nodding. “it’s a goddamn rotten habit.”
MIchael huffs out a laugh. “Worse than some, better than others.” He considers the myriad of other ways he used to pass the time. Cigarettes had been the least of his concern. All behind him now, though, so what difference does it make?
“A-fucking-men, kid.” tHe guy tilts his ehad towards Fredo’s door. “good luck.”
“With the car or the addiction?” He misses this too, unloading on strangers he’ll never see again.
“Both.” The guy says, smiling. “But especially the smokes. Quitting ain’t easy, believe me. Done it too many times to count.”
Michael’s heard this speech before, doesn’t care too much to hear it again. He doubts even this time will be his last time quitting. But that’s fine. He’s doing better for now. He’ll take what he can get.
“Thanks.” Michael says. He wants this guy to leave so he can sit here, wax poetically about his car. The guy salutes him and wlks away, and Michael’s back to waiting alone.
Double-O-Mog is in the shop, or the closest he can get it to these days. The car is old, and the crew has garages full of shiny new ones. it’s not high on the priority list, doesn’t need to be fixed. If Trevor had his way, it would’ve been junked years ago. BUt Double-O-Mog holds a lot of sentimental value to Michael, and Fredo’s got more free trime than sense to say ‘no’. So here they are.
The door dings open, and Michael looks up.
2016
“This genuinely sucks, doesn't it?.” The windows are down, and the trees are speeding by in a green blur
“Seriously! And I’m just saying this song makes no sense.” The windows are down, blowing Gavin’s douchey hairstyle in 12 directions at once. He’s smiling broadly, one hand dangling out of the window, the other reaching for the dial.
“Touch that knob and lose a finger.” Michael says flatly.
HIs left hand is hanging out his own window, pushing against the air presure of the highway. He has no particular attachment to the song, some one off from some band Jeremy had sent him. Mostly it’s fun to argue with Gavin, call him an idiot and hear him squeak in indignation.
“Michael.” Gavin admonishes, laughing. He flips the channel, landing on a Top 40 station. “So much better.” He says, grinning smugly at Michael.
Michael’s pretty sure the singer is Justin Timberlake. it’s kind of terrible. Gavin belts out the lyrics, horrifically off key. “Can’t stop the feeling!” He draws out the ‘ee’ in ‘feeling’. He kind of loves this.
A car pulls beside them, glancing over obviously. Gavin waves, and the driver, a twenty something with dark hair and darker bags under his eyes, waves back. “Shit!” Gavin says, leaning toward Michael. He points at the other car. “I worked with him years ago. Glad he’s still around.”
Michael presses harder on the accelerator, and the car lurches forward and past the man Gavin used to know. “Can we go anywhere in this fuckin city without running into somebody you know?” He asks. He flips the turn signal, easing Double-O-Mog into the right lane. He’s 80% sure they need to get off at the next exit.
“Excuse me for being popular.” Gavin says, sitting back in the seat. He glances out the window. “Are we close?”
“I think?” It doesn’t really matter. Either they’ll get off and be right, or they’ll be wrong and have to get back on. Or not. Truthfully, Michael could keep speeding down this highway for forever, keep bickering back and forth with Gavin until they run out of gas. He’d be happier doing that than going to work.
“Rumor has it Chris is working out here now.” Gavin says, turning the volume on the radio down. it’s moved on to a Chainsmokers’ song.
“Oh yeah? And the odds of running into him?”
“With me here?” Gavin grins at him. “Pretty damn good.”
2017
He’s drunk. So goddamn drunk. He’s not sure how they’ve ended up here, squished into the backseat, Jeremy’s body warm where it presses into Michael’s. The AC in Double-O-Mog stopped working years ago and they never figured out why. Michael drives with the windows down and it’s fine. But now it’s April and global warming has fucked spring straight into summer. The air feels heavy and humid, like it might actually choke him if he doesn’t take his shirt off.
“you are one of my best friends.” He says instead of disrobing. He means it, too. They’ve been on the edge of this, have spent too many nights drinking together and sitting too close. The whole crew knows there’s something there. Something Michael has allowed himself to dream of at night but never say aloud. He’s wondered, in a desperate longing sort of way, if Jeremy feels it too. Maybe he has before the other night, when they leaned against the hood and Jremy wrapped an arm aorund him.\
“I think you might be my only friend.” Jeremy says. His face is turned into the side of Michael’s, but Michael won’t turn. What happens if he does? Will it be the beginning of the end? If he turns and they kisss and maybe they have sex, what then? Do they stay friends? Become more than that?
“I’m telling Gavin you said that.” Just keep making jokes, keep trying to sober up. The moment will pass and the cat will stay ambiguous.
“I don’t talk to Gav like I talk to you.” Jeremy says, huffing a laugh into his ear. “Definitely not like we are tonight.” He slips a hand to MIchael’s knee, slung over Jeremy’s lap.
“To his great dsappointment.” Michael jokes. His eyes are closed, he still won’t do it.
“Michael.” Jeremy says softly. “I don’t want you to do anything you’re not 100% on board with doing. We can go home. I’ll drive, if you want.”
How does he explain to Jeremy that this, snuggled in the back seat of his car, is almost too perfect? That yes; he’s 110% into wherever it goes. He wants it. He wants to turn and kiss Jeremy. He wants Jeremy to kiss him back, to push him into th leather seat, let his hands unbuckle MIchael’s jeans, let his hands wander farther. He wants Jeremy’s mouth on his body, wants to touch Jeremy in all the places he’s never been privvy to. He wants Jeremy to press into him and place kisses into his collarbone.
He wants to go home, to one bed, to wrao his arms around Jeremy and fall fast asleep. He wants to wake up with sleepy smiles and gentle kisses. He wnats to make Jeremy’s coffee the way he knows he likes it.
How does he explain to Jeremy that he is 100% on board with all of it, but he’s terrified he’ll only get tonight?
“Do you want me to drive home?”
Michael turns and kisses him.
2018
The parking lot is dark but warm, mugginess making Michael’s t-shirt cling to him uncomfortably. He’s leaning on the hood of Double-O-Mog, Gavin beside him, for what feels like the millionth time of his life. He half expects bells and whistles to go off, mark the occasion as something special. Gavin’s saying something about a trip he took, about Alfredo and competitions, sniper guns and one hundred dollars. It strikes Michael that he should be worried, that any place on earth the story would turn heads. But not here.
Here is safe, and fun, and it feels like they’re on top of the world.
He flicks his thumb against the filter of his cigarette, ashing it into the air. A small speck floats down onto the toe of Gavin’s converse.
“Michael.” Gavin whines. He doesn’t move his foot, doesn’t shake the ash away. “Didn’t anyone teach you it’s not polite to ash on people? Who raised you?” He puts his own cigarette to his lips, blows the smoke into Michael’s face almost immediately. Michael turns his head away but takes a drag anyway.
“Dick.” He looks back to Gavin, their eyes meet. “For the record, no, she never tld me not to ash on people. She just told me not to smoke at all.”
Gavin nods as if he understands. As if their childhoods are even remotely comparable. As if if he heard the same message, hadn’t been caught smoking at 13 and been sneered at because they were menthols and not reds. “Yeah, I can see that.” He flicks his cigarette butt and it sails three spots away, landing in a puddle. He whistles in satisfaction. “Can I guess her stance on premarital sex?” He asks, smirking at Michael.
“Firmly against.” Michael says, and his laugh has no real humor to it. He puts his cigarette to his lips but withdraws it. “But hell, even if we were married, it’s not like she’d recognize it.” It’s weird to say out loud. It hurts. He takes another drag, ashes the cigarette again.
“THat’s fine.” Gavin says, shaking his head. He reaches back, picking up MIchael’s pack from behind him. “We’d never get married anyway.” Michael eyes him. “You mind?” Gavin asks, but he’s already pulling one out, already moving past the potential conversation. Michael shrugs. Gavin reaches out and digs for the lighter in Michael’s jean pocket. Michael doesn’t portest, doesn’t push him away. Just laughs and shakes his head. He can’t remember a time they weren’t like this.
Far before they slept together it even made out, Gavin never could keep his hands to himself. It was always a oint of pride for him, and indication of how much their friendship meant. 'Im so into dudes' he'd say, lying on top of Michael. 'But there's nothing going on here, because we're friends and I respect you too much.' It hadn't mattered, in the end. They'd still made out that one time, and they'd ended up fucking anyway. Four months prior, if his math is correct.
Lighter extricated, Gavin cups his hand gently around the cigarette in his mouth. it lights, he puffs, smoke billowing out of his mouthy after a beat. He wrinkles his nose. “God, since when do you smoke reds?”
“Since a few months ago.” MIchael says, flicking his own cigarette away. It doesn’t even come close to Gavin’s. He remembers the look of surprise on Trevor’s face when he’d pulled 305’s out of his pocket. He’d shrugged, told him the same thing he'll tell Gavin now.
“I thought you hated them.” Gavin says. They watch the smoke curl up toward the stars. Gavin taps the top of his cigarette and the ash falls to the ground.
“I do.” MIchael confirms, slipping one frfom the pack. The admission is on the tip of his tongue. He doesn’t know if Gavin will understand, the feeling or the reason. “Only smoke ‘em when I hate myself extra.” he says, putting the cigarette to his lips. Gavin blinks at him but hands the lighter over.
“Well that makes no sense.” Gavin looks away from him, tip of his cigarette glowing cherry red as he inhales. “If you’re gonna have a bad habit you might as well enjoy it.” He says quietly.
There’s the click of the lighter and then, spoken around the smoke-
“Exactly.”
The word hangs in the air, but neither of them acknowledge it. Michael could explain farther, tell Gavin that honestly, it’s them these past few months, feeling like he’s betraying everyone, but especially Gavin’s ‘not technically ex because they never actually called it dating’. But they were. Everyone knew it, had accepted them like one of the crew. Everything had been great.
ANd then it fell apart.
Gavin got cagey and broke it off, and then- well, they’d always been on the cusp too, hadn’t they? Drunken confessions of mutual attraction, a kiss, then nothing. Gavin got serious until he wasn’t, then they picked back up. By that point, Jeremy had had Matt in his bed, and lads nights always did end in sharing blankets and sitting too close. But there was technically no one to feel guilty about. it was good, great, even. Michael liked sleeping with Gavin, liked the way he liked to cuddle after, liked the way his hand felt around Michael’s throat.
He still hadn’t switched back to menthols, though.
“So.” Gavin says, instead of addressing the elephant. Just as well. Michael has no interest in talking about feelings, especially not with Gavin. He nods back at the car. “You wanna have sex tonight? We can drive out to the middle of nowhere, like we used to.” he says with a grin.
the smoke settles in his lungs, harsh and suffocating. The cherry glows, bright and hot, racing toward his knuckles. He shouldn’t, should make better choices than fucking his best friend in the backseat of his car.
He flicks his cigarette. “Yeah.” He says finally. “Sounds like a plan.”
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8 from the list with fyodor?
Day 8: predator/prey + Fyodor
Warnings: honestly not much you just get chased. Reader is completely undescribed. Shock collar.
You clamp a hand over your mouth to muffle your ragged breaths, eyes wide against the impenetrable darkness. The blood rushes in your ears and you're pretty sure the hot throb of pain in your ankle indicates a sprain. Leaves, sticks and dirt are smeared over your clothes and face from all the times you've stumbled and fallen, but you don't care. Huddled against the roots of a tree you wait, straining your ears beyond the sound of your own heart. Nothing, not even the wind. it's pitch black and you're cold, panic still surging through your body.
After all those twists and turns, all those times you've doubled back on yourself, there's no way he's followed you. You shift a little, carefully, cringing at the crackling of leaves underfoot as it hug your knees to your chest. You want to go home. A small sniffle escapes you and you muffle it into your arm, refusing to make any noise. You want this to be over.
The rush of your heart slows eventually, but your panic doesn't. Eyes still scouring the forest all around, Listening to any creak and snap of twigs. Your breaths are quick and shallow. Are those footsteps, or is it your exhausted brain playing tricks on you? Is it an animal?...or has he caught up to you?
You feel like you want to cry. The rustling gets closer. One of your hands drifts up to your neck, to the thick collar around your neck and give it a tug. Predictably it doesn't come loose, like all the other times you've tried. You don't know if it even can be taken off. More rustling, and you squeeze your eyes shut tight. You feel like a child, hiding under the covers to get away from a monster.
"Silly pet."
The words slide like ice down your spine. Before you can scream, before you can try to run, a shock of pain sears your neck as the collar activates. You collapse against the tree with a whimper, curling up tighter.
When you manage to open your eyes he's standing above you, his silhouette blacker than the darkness around him. He shows you the little screen in his hand.
"You didn't actually think you were escaping, did you?"
He'd known where you were the whole time. It had never mattered. None of this had mattered.
You press yourself further against the rough bark of the tree, digging your heels into the soft ground as the man takes a half step forward.
Casually, cruelly, he plants a boot between your legs. Another shock runs through you from the collar and you gasp, twitching. His boot presses down harder, gently rubbing the heel against your crotch. You can't see him, but you know he's smiling that cold, disgusting smile of his.
"Pathetic."
Taglist: @miloofc, @gettinshiggywithit
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