#ksj fics

[dollfaceksj]

met him last night | ksj (m) pt. 2

➥ PAIRING: seokjin x fem!reader

➥ SUMMARY: You’ve worked in the office with Kim Seokjin for quite some time but you never really pay attention to him. He’s basically your stereotypical introverted nerd with complimentary glasses decorating his eyes and sweater vests clinging to his torso. Coincidentally, you bump into him outside of work. You’re in for the shock of your life when you find some stuff out about him.

➥ GENRE: smut ⋆ plot twist ⋆ porn with plot

➥ CATEGORY: two-shot

➥ WARNINGS: explicit sexual content, bigdick!seokjin is real, protected sex, couch sex, praise kink, oral sex (rec m & f), face fucking, fingerfucking, cumshot on tits, cumshot on ass, little plottwist, doggy style, pinning arms back, cocky!seokjin, denied orgasm, missionary, minors DNI

➥ WORDCOUNT: 6.5k

a/n: ughhh i can’t believe its finally done! part 2 (and final part) to mhln !!! not betaread or anything so ignore any mistakes plsss hope u like it <3333 tell me ur thoughts <3

⋆ TAGLIST ⋆

⇠ PREV. ⋆ MASTERLIST ⋆ NEXT ⇢

You quickly straighten your back up, trying to hide your nerves with your eyes still glued to him, intently watching as he makes his way over to you. You lean back into your sofa, glancing up at him as he places his knee next to your thigh and his hand next to your head against the backrest of your sofa.

His other hand moves forward to tilt your chin up, his thumb gently caressing your jaw. “It’s a shame, truly,” he mumbles as he uses his thumb to start wiping off whatever is left of your lipgloss, bringing his gloss-covered thumb to his lips to lick it clean.

Your brows pinch together at his words. You swallow, an attempt at drowning out your nerves before asking, “What is?”

Silence settles around you for a few seconds before he decides to speak again.

“That I’ll ruin your pretty makeup.”

Those are the last words that leave his mouth before he hunches over you and presses his plump lips to yours. The finger that was previously on your chin travels down your jaw to your neck, gently wrapping his hand around your throat to pull your face closer to his.

You’re just about to return the kiss when he abruptly pulls back, face still a centimeter away from yours as he glances down at your lips. “You’re gorgeous,” he mumbles before plopping down on the couch next to you and tugs you to him by your waist, motioning for you to sit on his lap.

It’s almost embarrassing how quickly you hike your skirt up to lunge at him, throwing your thigh over his and climbing onto his lap. He sinks further into your couch and shifts his gaze up to your face, plump bottom lip trapped between his teeth as his hands tightly grip onto your hips.

He lets your hands roam his chest, letting you feel every dip and muscle as you look down at him through hooded eyelids, hands moving up to cup his face. Your face closes in on his, your lips softly pressing against his pillowy ones in a heated kiss.

His hands tighten their grip on your hips, fingers sinking into the fabric of your skirt which makes you yelp against his mouth. It gives him the chance to lick into your mouth and he does.

He tastes like tomato sauce and basil.

You wrap your arms around his neck in an attempt to pull him even closer, your breasts pressed flat into his chest.

His hands slide down the sides of your thighs, giving them a soft squeeze. His tongue dances around yours, head tilting to the side to close whatever distance was still in between you two.

Your hips involuntarily jolt and grind into his groin, a soft moan sliding up the back of your throat at the friction. A low grunt rumbles in his chest, his own hips bucking up into your core, returning the favor.

His erection hardens under your sex and your mouth salivates at the thought of his massive dick, you want to taste him. You want to taste him real bad.

You pull away from his lips with a deep inhale and say, “Fuck, I want to suck you off.”

His eyes shift up to stare into yours, an unreadable expression on his features. You can’t help but glance down at his swollen lips as you await his response, trying to ignore the uncomfortable feeling of your panties sticking to your sex.

“Not beating around the bush anymore, hm?” A cocky grin tugs at the corners of his lips as he sinks even further into your couch, adjusting his hips in his seat to help you slide off his lap.

You get onto your knees in front of him, the cold tiles sending a shiver up your spine. You slowly travel your hands up his leg, softly squeezing his soft skin when your hands arrive at his thighs.

“Pull me out.”

The words leave his mouth filled with so much arrogance that you can’t help but reach for his belt straight away, unbuckling it with a quickness. Your eyes travel up his figure, glancing up at him through your pretty lashes but he’s already staring back at you, hand reaching up and resting on top of your head.

He lifts his hips off the couch to help you slide his pants down and he instantly palms himself through his boxers, his other hand moving down your face to tilt your chin up. “You’re so pretty.”

Your teeth sink into your bottom lip at his compliment, creating a tightness in your stomach and a squeeze in your core, pussy clenching around absolutely nothing.

You tuck your fingers under the hem of his boxers and slowly tug them down, watching in anticipation as his dick springs free from under the hem.

What the fuck?

Your eyes widen as you stare at his erection, it’s still hardening and it’s already bigger than any dick you’ve ever seen before. Big veins trail down his dark shaft, the head of his dick begging for attention.

A chuckle makes his chest rumble when he sees your reaction. His hand wraps around the base of his shaft, causing him to hiss at the touch, a soft grunt pushing past his lips. Your eyes shift to the precum leaking from his tip and you almost drool all over his slacks.

“How the fuck is that supposed to fit literally anywhere?” you grumble, eyes glancing up at him for the first time since seeing his dick and he’s just got a smug smirk sitting on his gorgeous lips.

“You can take it,” he quips, “can’t you?”

Oh.

Well, now you want to do just that.

He places his other hand on your cranium as he moves the tip of his dick across your lips, smearing them full of his precum. You continue to stare at him, never once breaking eye contact, giving him the best doe-eyes you can muster.

“Just tap me twice if it becomes too much,” he adds, a sincere look in his eyes. You nod to his words, placing your hands on his thighs as you mentally prepare yourself to have destroyed vocal cords tomorrow morning.

“Now, stop looking at me with those innocent eyes and open up that pretty mouth like a good girl.”

You don’t hesitate for a second after hearing his words, parting your lips to take him into your mouth almost immediately after. You lower your head, wrapping your lips around the head and you gently start sucking on it. The hiss leaving his mouth tells you that he enjoys that, making you push your tongue flat against his slit and swirl it around to collect his salty precum on your tastebuds.

His hand tenses on top of your head and his hips unexpectedly buck up, making you gag. You keep his dick in your mouth but glare up at him, just in time to see him give you a sheepish, apologetic smile. You grunt as you lower your head again, your saliva rolling down his shaft as you try to take as much as you can of him into your mouth.

“Holy shit,” whispers Seokjin, hand delicately stroking your hair.

You grab onto the base of his dick with both hands and let your saliva roll down your fingers to lube them up enough to pump the part you can’t reach. You begin to take more of him into your mouth but you haven’t even made it halfway down before the head of his dick hits the back of your throat, tears threatening to spill from your eyes.

“Fuck, you look so pretty like this,” he moans, his head rolling back onto the backrest of your coach, his chest dramatically rising and falling as he chases his breath.

You hum in response, watching how his hips are tensing and twitching, trying not to thrust up into your mouth. You slowly pull him out, a string of your saliva still connecting to his dick as you continue to jack him off. “I’ll let you fuck my mouth but if I tap twice, you have to stop, okay?”

His eyes shoot open at the offer and he whispers a low swear word before he nods and gets up onto his feet. He slings his suit jacket off, throwing it somewhere on your couch as you get onto your feet, hiking your skirt up so you can bend at the knees and squat in front of him since your knees were already starting to hurt.

He moves to stand in between your spread thighs, hands making their way back to your head as he slowly guides his dick back into your mouth. You move your hands up his bare legs, digging your nails into his warm skin as he starts thrusting into your warm, wet mouth.

You try to blink back your tears but it doesn’t help, every small thrust hits the back of your throat and you’re seconds away from suffocating. The tears start spilling out of your eyes but you refuse to stop him, the way he’s thrusting into your mouth with his head thrown back and soft moans leaving his lips is making you want to keep going, be the reason for his pleasure.

“Fuck, can I cum on your tits?” he asks in between moans, his thrusts getting even rougher. You finally tap his thigh twice and he immediately slides out of your mouth, reaching for your chin to make you tilt your head up at him. He scans your face with a concern frown but you simply slap his hand away.

Your hand reaches up as you start unbuttoning your silk shirt, successfully taking it off, tossing it aside and unclasping your bra all in a few seconds.

He doesn’t have to fucking ask twice.

He grunts, fingers coming back to hold your chin in place to look at him. Your makeup has undoubtedly smudged all over your face but you don’t care, not when Seokjin is looking at you as if you’re the most beautiful being he has ever laid his eyes upon.

He continues to pump himself with his other habd, chasing his own release. You slowly move back toward the couch, sprawling yourself out on the edge of the couch’s cushions and pulling Seokjin forwards to stand in between your spread thighs. You lean your upper back against the couch, allowing gravity to work for you as you reach up to his dick and take it from him, aiming the tip at your chest.

Your eyes travel up to meet his gaze as you start pumping him, watching as he stares you down with such overwhelming lust that it’s got your useless panties no longer acting as a barrier because you’re pretty sure you’ve started leaking through the fabric.

“Fuck,” he pauses after a deep inhale, “you’re so fucking pretty.”

An involuntary moan escapes your lips at the praise but your hands keep going, wanting nothing more than for him to cum all over your breasts.

“You’re pretty too,” you say with a sheepish smile, still looking up at him with your pretty eyes.

“I know,” he moans and the sight makes you giggle. At least he’s funny.

His dick twitches in your hand and before you know it, white ropes of his warm cum start coating your chest and nipples. He moans several swear words as he cums all over your breasts, his eyes taking in the sight and committing it to memory.

You’re upper body is sprawled on the couch cushions, tits covered in saliva and cum, makeup running down your face, hair fucked up.

You blink up at him with hooded eyes as your hands finally come to a stop, still gripping the base of his shaft.

“Fuck, don’t look at me like that,” he grunts, still chasing his breath as he wipes the sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand.

The Devil starts tugging on the corner of your lips, making you smirk. “Like what?”

“Like you want me to destroy you.”

You’re once again slapped in the face by his blunt words but you can’t help but want him to go through with that statement.

“But I do,” you reply, bringing up the back of your hand to wipe your chin clean of the saliva, or at least some of it.

“Yeah, I bet,” he mumbles as he starts unbuttoning his shirt and runs his hand through his hair, messing it up in the process.

He hunches over and pulls you up onto your feet, tugging your skirt down your hips without any obstacles and tossing it aside aggressively. He takes a seat on the couch and spreads his legs wide apart before tugging you toward him to sit in between his legs.

You move to tug off your panties but he stops you, just patting the spot in between his thighs, motioning for you to turn around. You blink at him for a moment before you place your ass right in between his thighs and lean your back into his chest like he wants you to.

His hand trails down your waist to your thigh, awakening the thousands of goosebumps underneath the upperlayer of your skin. He taps your skin gently, mumbling something about spreading for him and you comply.

He uses his other hand to hold your leg apart from the other by placing his hand under the back of your knee and pulling it up while his other hand slowly starts rubbing circles onto your clothed pussy.

You sigh at the friction, finally getting some attention and a soft moan escapes your lips.

“Fuck, you got that wet from sucking me off?” His voice rings in your ear and his proximity almost makes you dizzy, it’s the only explanation for the room that seems to be spinning around you. His words too, because they’re true. The kissing turned you on but letting him use your mouth left you dripping with arousal.

You hum in response as your hips start to roll into his hand, your eyes trailing down to your chest that’s still covered in his cum.

“Leave it like that, you look so pretty.” He must’ve noticed the way you were eyeing his load on your chest but you quickly nod, assuring him you were in no hurry to get rid of it.

He slowly peels your panties off your pussy, noticing the way they stick to your folds. He hums in delight as he pushes your underwear to the side. Your gaze shifts downwards and you intently watch as he effortlessly slides his fingers in between your folds, his fingers already soaked with your slick.

He pulls his fingers back, wanting a glimpse of his fingers covered in your slick. “Fuck,” whispers Seokjin.

You lean your head back into the crook of his neck as you moan softly, chest rising and falling dramatically. His lips leave soft kisses on the side of your neck as his fingers rub your clit, down to your slit, down to your hole to gently tease it.

You’re going to need all the preparation you can get because his dick will undoubtedly make you feel like you’re having sex for the first time all over again.

You impatiently rut your hips into his fingers but he just chuckles, gathering your slick onto his fingers and smearing it all over your sex.

“You’re so impatient, pretty.” His beautiful voice feels like it’s being ladled into your ear by a cloud yet his tone is coated in mockery.

You merely grunt in response before actually using your words. You grumble, “Put them in.”

A hoarse laugh pushes past his lips before he slides his middle and ring finger into your pussy, curling them right away. He watches you with a twisted smirk on his lips as you start writhing on him, bucking your hips the moment his fingertips graze your g-spot.

He shushes you quietly as he begins to fuck his fingers into you, slamming his palm against your clit and doing so at an angle that causes the disgusting gushing sound of your wet pussy to ring in your ears.

You shake your head, you plead, you cry, you do anything to let him know you want to cum, right now, right here on his fingers.

“Listen to that,” he mumbles, lips grazing the shell of your ear as he continues to curl his fingers every now and then. He watches you from the corner of his eyes, thoroughly enjoying how he’s got you writhing for him. “I need a taste.”

That’s all he says before hoisting you off of him and tossing you beside him, onto your couch. A gasp leaves your throat at the sudden strength he uses to do that and the way he drags you to the edge of the cushions, legs spread for him.

He settles on his knees in between your thighs, licking his lips at the sight of your glistening pussy in front of him. “Would you look at that?” he whispers, using his fingers to spread your folds for him.

Fortunately, he wastes no time and lowers his mouth onto your sex, tongue pressed flat against it as he licks up all of your arousal – that he’s the sole cause of.

A pathetic whimper slides up the back of your throat, legs jerking and body squirming under him but he simply chuckles. “I haven’t even done anything, look at you squirming.”

But then, his smile is nowhere to be seen and he’s got a black expression on his beautiful face. “Stay still,” he demands, his voice low and his eyes fixed on your pussy.

Your hips are restrained by his hands, holding you down against the couch as his tongue goes on a rampage against your poor clit. You cry and mewl under him, thighs shaking and fingers gripping at the pillows decorating your couch.

“Fuck,” you moan once he shoves his tongue into you, nose bumping against your clit and teasing you further while he fucks his wet muscle into you.

All you can do is moan and cry his name, fingers tugging at his perfectly styled hair but he doesn’t seem to mind.

“This pussy,” he mumbles as he shakes his head. “Might never get enough of it.” He dives right back in, mouth completely and aggressively devouring you as if he didn’t just have a meal.

“Fuck, I’m gonna fucking cum,” you sniff, hips jerking and thighs clenching but he continues to hold you down, not allowing you to escape his grasp. Your warning words only seem to encourage him as he completely sucks you for what you’re worth.

His precision and movements never falter, continuously stimulating your clit. “You’re already making me hard again,” he says matter-of-factly once he pulls back from your pussy. You think he’s edging you but that thought gets thrown out the window when he suddenly hooks his hands around the back of your thighs and shoves your legs toward you, pressed against your torso to spread you out even more for him.

If this pose isn’t embarrassing enough, him staring down at your pussy like this would certainly be enough to make you anxious.

“What?” you ask quietly as you glance down at him, your chest still in- and deflating from all that pleasure you received just now.

He glances up into your eyes for a few seconds with an unreadable look in his eyes before shifting his eyes back down to your sex, so spread and so exposed for him. “Just admiring your pussy. Can’t I?”

Your teeth roughly bite down on your bottom lip, eyes still watching his every move in anticipation.

But then he simply chuckles to himself before closing in on your pussy again and licking, sucking, making out with your nether regions as if he hasn’t eaten in days. Holy shit, he’s fucking good.

Ugh, why would anyone want to ditch him?

You almost flinch when he exhales slightly, something you’d describe as a quick chuckle. His breath drapes all over your pussy, making you glance down at him but he’s already staring at you.

“Why, thank you.” He rises to his feet as he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and ditches the rest of his clothes. “But I was never stood up.”

Your brows pinch together. What is he talking about?

Hold on.

Did you actually say that outloud? Fuck. You goofy bitch!

“What do you mean, you were never stood up?” you mumble as you watch him rip a condom package with his teeth and slowly roll the condom onto his massive dick, giving it a few test tugs.

“Yeah, I lied,” he says nonchalantly as he pulls your leg up and slings it over his shoulder, pulling you to the edge of the couch whilst he stays kneeling on the floor in front of you.

“You lied? How did you lie? I saw you there, sitting by yourself…”

“Yeah, about that...” He slowly starts to push in, making sure to watch your face for any sign of regret or un-readiness.

But you simply squeeze your eyes shut at the burn, he’s inhumanely big and you’re already seeing celestial bodies on the back of your eyelids from how tightly you’re squeezing your eyes shut but he’s being very careful, clearly experienced in this regard.

Did he decide to spring that bullshit on you whilst pushing into you so you’d forget about it?

Well, it’s working. What the fuck?

You can’t help it, your teeth are digging into your bottom lip and your eyes are finally open once he bottoms out. Your walls are burning from the stretch, clearly not very welcoming in these few moments. A few of his hair strands are sticking to his forehead from the sweat but he never loses concentration of going slow and steady.

“You okay?” he whispers, gently rubbing your clit in hopes of helping you relax.

“Ye… Yeah, I think,” you whisper in response, mind clouded. You can’t think about anything else right now.

He slowly nods his head. “You’re going to squeeze my fucking dick off, doll. Relax for me,” he whispers as he reaches over to smooth out the scrunch in your brows with his thumb.

Damn, he’s so damn sexy. You really don’t know him at all.

“Well, clearly I’ve never had something that big shoved in there,” you snark, struggling a little as you do your best to just relax but of course, it’s easier said than done.

“I’ve never fucked anything this tight either,” he chuckles as he leans a bit closer into you, still fully shoved into you, yet not moving. “Let me kiss you.”

You stare into his big brown eyes, your own eyes dropping down to his lips before trailing back up to his eyes.

“Just breathe. You can take it, princess. Look at you, you look so pretty under me.” He leans further down until he’s pressed his lips against yours and if this is him trying to get your mind off of getting split in half by his dick, it’s working.

Because kissing Seokjin is otherworldly. His lips are so plump and pillowy, you could kiss him for fucking hours. You wonder what his lips would look like after making out for hours, swollen and red. Fuck.

He kisses you gently, one thumb still rubbing your clit and you’re trying so hard not to clench around his dick because you’re scared you might actually squeeze his dick off.

“Move,” you demand after a few moments of kissing, wrapping your legs around his waist and caging him in by locking your feet with each other behind his back.

He slowly, very slowly, starts to pull out of you, leaving the head of his dick inside before pushing back into you.

You mewl at the intrusion, throat dry with the sounds you’ve been letting out.

“Shhh, you’re doing so well. Taking it like a champ,” he whispers against your lips, steadily thrusting into you.

Ugh, what happened in your life for the nerdy intern to be talking you through sex right now?

“Faster,” you mumble once he pulls away from your lips, leaning his forehead against yours.

“I hear you,” he chuckles as he picks up the pace of his thrusting, hips rolling into yours at a delicious pace.

“Fuck,” you moan, actually enjoying the burning fullness he gives you. “Fuck, you– you said something about… about lying to me?”

He glances into your eyes, a pinch in his brows as he tries to keep himself from just moaning in response. “Yeah, I lied to you, princess. Sorry about that.”

A cry rips through your poor throat when he suddenly starts snapping his hips into yours, pounding you at a pace and with a type of strength that has your eyes rolling into the back of your head.

Is he doing that to stop you from interrogating him?

“Shit, you’re making a mess on your floor, beautiful.” He says it with such cockiness in his tone that it makes you want to smack him right across the face but he’s just so fucking fine that you have no choice but to let it slide.

You watch as he reaches over to grab some of the paper towels that you placed on the coffee table earlier and uses them to wipe down his cum from your chest to avoid making a mess on your couch.

At least he’s considerate, you suppose.

You drop your head further back against the cushions, moans continuously spilling from your lips as his hips pound into yours, his dick rubbing every single millimeter of your slick walls.

Tears spill out of your eyes from all the sensations ripping through your body, your own hand coming up to shield the outside world from your loudness but Seokjin is quicker, slapping your hand away from your mouth.

“Let me hear how pretty I make you sound.” He simply continues to fuck into you, making sure your leg stays secured against his torso and over his shoulder.

He deliberately fucks you at an angle that makes the squelching of your pussy that much louder and embarrassing. “Listen to that,” he whispers, mockery on his face and a curl at the corners of his lips.

“Shut up,” you whimper, cheeks heated in embarrassment. “Don’t think I–” you yelp, “I forgot about you telling me you lied to me.”

He merely hums in response and leans back a bit, grabbing both your legs by the back of your knees and pushing them toward your chest while he continues to snap his hips into yours, stretching you out so harsh yet so fucking good.

“If you ask the right questions, I promise I’ll answer honestly.” His ragged breathing betrays his act of nonchalance but you’re too fucked out to point it out.

Ugh. Is this a game to him?

You inhale a shaky breath. “Did you get stood up or not?” you ask, hoping he’ll give you the clarification you’re looking for despite already having told you that he lied to you about it.

“No,” he replies, teeth digging into his plump bottom lip as you clench and squeeze around him.

You manage to ask through moans, “So, she did show up?”

He shakes his head, eyes glued to the way his dick slides in and out of you. He abruptly pulls out and turns you over by your waist, pressing your face, stomach and chest deeply into the cushions of your couch and wastes no time slamming back into you.

“Fuck!” you cry out with your knees now on the floor, mouth practically drooling all over your couch as he tugs your arms towards him and bends them at the elbows to pin them into your lower back, keeping you caged and with no other option than to take it.

And you wouldn’t want it any other way.

“No,” he grunts in reply, hips continuously snapping into your ass and his eyes glued to your bum recoiling against his body.

What the hell? He’s not making any sense.

If she didn’t show up, that means he got stood up, doesn’t it?

Wait.

The realization sets.

“Did–” you pause, trying to catch your breath. “Did you have a date at all?”

He hums in response as he fucks you, one hand keeping your arms pinned and one hand coming down to squeeze the soft skin of your ass.

“I didn’t.”

Huh?

An involuntary sob escapes you, earning a cocky chuckle from him. Bastard. “So,” you start, “what were you doing there?”

He was just sitting there. He hadn’t even ordered yet. Why the hell was he there?

He kisses his teeth with a loud smack as he stays quiet for a few moments after your question. “I own the restaurant.”

Record scratch.

What?

You echo, “You own the restaurant?”

That restaurant is very fancy and pricey, why was he working in a company like yours if he owned a restaurant like that?

“Well, my dad does.” He lets go of your arms to grip both your hips, rocking you back onto his sex instead of fucking you. “I’ll be inheriting it soon.”

Fucking hell.

That explains the expensive car.

The next few moments are just filled with moans, heavy breathing and skin slapping. His fingers dig into your skin, gripping you tightly as if you’d slip through of his fingers.

Your own hand reaches down and starts rubbing at your clit, teeth abusing your bottom lip as you squeeze your eyes shut. “Fuck,” you whimper as your orgasm starts approaching.

“You gonna cum?” he whispers, slightly picking up the pace of his thrusts.

You quickly nod your head, face still buried in your coach and it’s going to be very fun to clean that makeup off your couch.

“Go on, then,” he encourages, his hand coming down to your ass in a rough slap, making you jolt forwards from the impact.

Swear words continue to fall from his lips and you struggle to even form a coherent sentence.

But then, the world stops spinning and the room starts to.

Your phone is ringing. Fuck!

You slowly reach over and turn your screen to face you, curses falling from your lips.

Seokjin asks, “Who is that?”

Fuck. “It’s Taehyung. He probably wants to know if I got home okay. I’ll just text him la–”

“Pick up,” he says, thrusts never halting. Actually, his hips pound into yours even harsher. Bastard.

You squeal, “I’m not going to pick up while I’m–”

He cuts you off. “While you’re getting fucked by me?”

“It has nothing to do with you. Just… you know. Me getting fucked.”

A sultry chuckle leaves his mouth and he gradually slows down in pace, sensually rolling his hips into yours. “Go on, pick up.”

An exasperated sigh leaves your mouth quietly as you accept the call and put the phone to your ear. “Hello?”

“Yo, where are you?”

“I’m uh,” you mumble as you shake your head, trying so hard to not focus on the way the tip of Seokjin’s dick softly kisses your cervix with each thrust. “I’m home.”

“Alright. Cool if I come over?”

Your eyes almost pop out of your eye sockets. “What? No. You can’t come over.”

“Huh? Why?”

“Because,” you pause as you glance over your shoulder into Seokjin’s eyes with an expression on your face that only feeds his damn ego. “Just because, okay?”

“But you– oh.” Taehyung goes quiet. “Oh. I see how it is,” he says and you can practically hear the shit-eating grin in his voice.

“Bye, Taehyung.”

“I bet you’re getting dicked down by big dick Seokj–”

Your thumb quickly slams down on the red hang up button before you toss your phone aside, ready to hear Seokjin’s comments and questions about the phone call but he doesn’t say anything.

Instead, he picks up the pace again, fucking you just the way he seems to like it.

He places his hands on your shoulders and continues to fuck the absolute shit out of you, making you arch your back and ruin your throat with the way he’s pounding your poor pussy.

The consistent thrusts and his silent whispers of praise are what ultimately send you over the edge, your entire body shuddering and falling limp against the couch as he continues to fuck you through your orgasm. You pathetically cry out under him, clenching around him, the entire room spinning as his big dick slides in and out of you.

“Shit, you’re so fucking hot,” he mumbles as he spreads your asscheeks apart, eyes glued to how he slides in and out of you and the way your tight pussy grips onto him. “Can I cum on you again?”

Fuck. He can cum wherever the fuck he wants.

“Yeah,” you whimper in overstimulation, not having enough energy or sass to roll your eyes at his cocky chuckle. Bastard.

“You’re so good to me,” he whispers, hips snapping into your ass as he chases his own high. It doesn’t take long until he completely pulls out of you and yanks the condom off, aiming his dick at your ass and unloading all over your bum, coating your skin in his cum.

“Fuck,” he groans, watching as you reach for your ass and spread your cheeks for him, looking over your shoulder at him.

He mumbles, “Shit, you’re gonna be the death of me.”

You merely hum in response, still in the clouds from that orgasm as he milks himself of every drop on your soft skin.

After he comes down from his high, he focuses on catching his breath but doesn’t wait for much longer until he reaches for the roll of paper towels again. He quietly cleans you up, slow and steady, making sure not to spill before he moves onto the mess you made on the floor.

He gently tugs your panties back up your legs and by the time he’s helped you sit back onto the couch, he’s already fully dressed.

He looks down at you, wiping some of your makeup with the paper towels but it’s not doing much. “I like how fucked your face is,” he comments, rubbing your chin with his thumb as he stands before you.

A scowl forms on your face but it just elicits a chuckle from him before he leans down and softly pecks your lips.

He reaches for your elbows and helps you rise to your feet, asking for directions to your room.

Once he’s helped you out of your clothes and thoroughly cleaned you up, he helps you into bed.

When the click of the door handle being turned reaches your ears, you stop him by calling out his name and it makes him glance at you over his. shoulder. “You can just stay. It’s really late.”

He stares at you for a moment before chuckling and adding a shake to his head for good measure. “One conversation and I’m spending the night? I wonder how long it’ll take for you to fall for me.”

You roll your eyes exaggeratedly and pettily turn onto your side, giving him your cold back. “Then don’t stay, I was just trying to be polite.”

His obnoxious laugh rips through your eardrums and it’s like he’s the only person on Earth with you now.

It isn’t long before you hear the ruffling of his clothes and the mattress behind you dipping under his weight.

You try to go to sleep with his soft breath grazing your neck but unfortunately, you can’t ignore it and it takes you a whole lot of time to actually doze off.

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The soft clinking of metal wakes you out of your slumber. You slowly awaken, your eyes meeting his figure in the corner of your room as he buckles his belt in front of the mirror.

You slowly sit up and rub the sleep out of your eyes. “Why did you lie to me?” you hoarsely ask him, this time not beating around the bush.

He glances at you through the mirror for a second, probably surprised that you’ve woken up. He then fully returns his attention to himself and shrugs his shoulders with a hint of nonchalance. “Why were you nice to me when no one else was?”

At this, you can’t help but frown. What kind of a question is that? “Because I’m a decent human being?”

He tilts his head to the side at your answer, eyes staring at you through the mirror in silence for several seconds.

“And I’m not.” He turns around to face you. “Does that answer your question, lovely?” he says it with so much nonchalance and arrogance, like he genuinely doesn’t care at all.

You idly blink at him through the mirror from where you’re seated, mind booming with all the images of nerdy Seokjin and it’s like you’re staring at a completely different person. Are you sure he doesn’t have an evil twin or something like that?

He slowly walks up to you and it makes you sit up even straighter and for some reason his proximity still makes you nervous. Your eyes slowly travel up his body, finally glancing at him through your pretty lashes.

“I put my number on that note over there. Call me whenever you need me.” He nods towards your nightstand and you follow his line of direction, noticing a pink post-it with his number, name and a winking smiley scribbled on it.

When you turn your head back to look at him, he raises his hand and strokes your head before leaning down to press a gentle peck to your pouty lips. “Or whenever you want me, I don’t judge.” He winks at you, rubbing your bottom lip with his thumb before straightening his back and gathering his wallet and keys.

Is this really how it’s going to go?

“Wait,” you call out. He cocks an eyebrow at you as he absentmindedly slides his wallet and keys into the pockets of his slacks.

You say, “Am I supposed to just… act like nothing happened?” With a slight shake to your head, you continue, “Tomorrow at work? Like you haven’t shown me your true colors?”

Is he going to act like nothing happened? Is he going to be the same Seokjin you’ve always known? Will he have a distinct look in your eye every time he looks at you? Couldn’t you just out him to the others? Why was he comfortable showing you such private matters about himself?

His dark eyes stare into yours for a moment longer and it almost stings, it stings the way he stares you down. The faintest smirk creeps onto his lips and you can swear you just met the Devil, standing face to face with evil reincarnated.

Then, he simply shrugs his shoulders and drops them again as he heads out the door, not even looking back at you.

“It’s not like anyone would believe you anyways.”

And with that, he exits your apartment, leaving you to process what happened in the past 12 hours on your own.

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— enjoyed it? you can always show your appreciation by buying me some coffee if you want ☕︎♡

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#met him last night ksj #kim seokjin #kim seokjin x reader #kim seokjin x you #kim seokjin x y/n #seokjin x reader #seokjin x you #seokjin x y/n #jin x reader #jin x you #jin x y/n #kim seokjin smut #kim seokjin fic #kim seokjin au #seokjin smut #seokjin fic #seokjin au #kim seokjin pwp #seokjin pwp #bts #bts jin #bts seokjin #bts x reader #bts fics #bts fic #bts smut #bts pwp #minors dni #dollfaceksj #bts reader insert

[hollyhomburg]

Before I Leave You (Pt.68)

(Sneak Peek) (Omegaverse au, Mafia au, Bts x Reader)

Summary: Your time is running out. minute by minute, breath by breath, kiss by kiss.

Tags: Angst, Hurt (no comfort yet), illusions to past mental health issues and past domestic abuse, mentions of low-self-esteem, internalized shame and self-shaming behaviors, themes of abandonment, speeding, guns, violence,

W/c: 12.4k

A/N: ahhhhh so here we are! i've been dreaming of this chapter since the very beginning of the series! this is like...the ultimate chapter...thank you for giving me a little bit of extra time to sit with it! we've still got a bit to go! fun fact that is actually my hand writing in the note in the moodboard....i couldn't find a pic of something i liked so i made it myself!

Previous part - Masterlist - First part

Chapter 68: Before I Leave you (Sneak peak)

You look striking in the half darkness, a pair of Yoongi’s green flannel pajama pants rolled up several times to fit properly around your hips. A thin white tank top that's almost falling down one shoulder. Namjoon’s heart pulses dully with the need to hold, the need to protect. He makes a soft noise in his throat and your head jerks in his direction.

You swallow, and your lips look dry, eyes glassy and innocent in their tilt when your mussed hair fluffs over your shoulder. Messy from where Hobi was nuzzling it in his sleep.

“I was just getting a glass of water.”

Namjoon wordlessly holds his hand out to help you get out of the nest without teetering or disturbing the others. Noodle dashes back down the stairs with a soft meow.  Tae sighs and re-settles, smacking her lips and Jimin’s arm tightens. Your mate turns face up in the nest, chest rising and falling, mouth opening like he can taste your scent on the air.

Namjoon doesn't doubt he can, honed in on you and focused as he always is.

Namjoon doesn’t let go of your hand when your feet find the smooth floor. Checking the wounds on your hands and verifying that they’re clotting, the margins slotted together properly for minimal scarring (he'd redone the glue-suture after your shower with minimal scolding). He stoops and presses a gentle kiss to the bandages after they are re-fastened. Letting his lips linger there for a second.

Namjoon has always had big hands, warm and steadying as they cradle yours. Small and chapped and scared.

Instead of continuing on downstairs, you linger for a second by Namjoon’s side. Eating up every word he says, his scent, and the comfort of having him nearby. Something you know you won’t have forever. (Somehow- you know that this will be the last time that Namjoon holds you. You can wait one minute more. you can give him one more minute) He sets the gun to the side and pulls you between his legs.

“Joonie?” You ask. Your pack alpha wraps his arms around your waist and nuzzles forward, rubbing his spiky head across your midriff. Nose nudging the dimple of your belly button and the slight pudge there. 

Namjoon will never not be happy that he can see the evidence of the pack’s love on you. Will never not feel proud of you. He nuzzles, and you huff a soft laugh that Namjoon feels against his cheek. Your warm soft skin swelling with laughter. Namjoon’s face is blushing red when he pulls back to look at you in the darkness. Corralled in the safe circle of his arms, fingers digging into your hips and squeezing.

“What are you doing alpha?” 

“Just thinking- just-” Namjoon’s voice gets so much lower in the nighttime, it's a gravely growl. A sound that paints pictures of lightning and clouds hovering low like a blanket.

“When all of this is over, I want to go somewhere new.” Namjoon's hands tightening on your waist. “-With you. Just you. Just the two of us. Maybe.” Namjoon fights back a fresh blush at the confused cock of your head. “maybe- like- a fancy Airbnb? or something? Wouldn't that be fun? Would you like that?” 

You pause, humming. Indulging Namjoon in this as he holds you loosely around your hips, fingers rubbing endlessly up and down the sensitive small of your back. Eyes wide and emploring like a child.

You're only too happy to forget for a second and imagine. What would happen if you didn’t leave tonight? What would happen if you found some way out of this- and imagine if you actually got your happily ever after. Just like in the movies.

But glass slippers cut. Dresses are rented not owned. Good dreams have the power to hurt- even when they’re good.

It’s easy to go further than just thinking about a simple weekend. You Imagine far into the future; a day that you'll never see. A future with Namjoon and the pack. 

Namjoon would be a good father. 

He’d be kind and patient. He’d never snap. He’d never yell. For a moment that’s all you want to think about- not a stupid weekend but a lifetime. A family. A world where you’re never yelled at, where you don't have to be afraid, where nothing is hard and even if it’s hard you do it together. Where you just get to live.

If you had pups, you know Namjoon would treat every skinned knee like it was surgery. Would never tell them to walk it off or say it wasn’t that bad. You know that he’d go through every tea party with gusto and stay up late to help them with their homework. That he’d struggle to say no but that you might never need to. It would be lovely- getting to give something small and innocent so much safety. It would be nice to have pups with Namjoon.

You can’t say you don’t want it, but you know in that moment that you won't get it. You'll never get to see Namjoon be a father- even if the pups aren't yours or are just his and Jin's. You’d love them all the same. What use is it to Imagine things that you’ll never get? What good are dreams like this but to tease you, just out of reach? 

Namjoon nuzzles into your stomach again. His nose drawing soft circles just under your belly button.

You’d be a shit mother anyway. Too fragile. Too nervous. Too hurt. Too much of everything. You'd fuck them up just by being you. you'd fuck them up the same way you've fucked up this perfectly good pack. You've brought nothing but destruction upon them. The evidence of you is everywhere. The bullets in the ceiling, the blown apart door. Your hands and Hobi's throat. All of this is because of you.

You snap back to the present, swallowing down the lump in your throat. You’re gnawing at your own leg to survive. All things that bite cannot resist it. What good does hope do at the end other than to hurt?

Still- you can't resist asking Namjoon, curled around you like a protective barrier to keep out all the worlds hurts (or to keep you in)

“If we went? Where would we go? If we made it- What would it be like Joonie?”

Coming Saturday March 23rd at 5pm EST (Time Zone Adjustments Below)

#bts omegaverse au #bts a/b/o #bts x reader #bts poly au #bts gang au #bts mafia au #bts polyamory au #bts au #bts fluff #bts hurt/comfort #bts werewolf au #bts angst bts omegaverse fic #bts hybrid fic #min yoongi fic #kim namjoon fic #kim seokjin fic #kim taehyung fic #park jimin fic #jeon jungkook fic #jjk #pjm #myg #knj #kth #ksj #jhs #jung hoseok fic #min yoongi x reader #kim namjoon x reader #kim seokjin x reader

[here4kpopfics]

Pieces of Greece | KNJ & KSJ

Pairing: Kim Seokjin x Kim Namjoon x reader Genre: smut, a little fluff, a whole lot of bickering AU: established relationship, fwb to lovers Wordcount: 17,100 on the dot Summary: After the events during Christmas in the Swiss mountains, your boyfriend Namjoon wants to go to Greece for his birthday. And, of course, another surprise in the form of Kim Seokjin. Warnings: There's. So. Much. Smut. Plane sex, voyeurism, exhibitionism, Namjoon loves to watch but this time he gets to participate. ice play, threesomes the entire time. DVP fun time, creampie, oral in every which way, unprotected sex, it goes on. mxm moments that make my heart happy. IT'S SMUT WITH SOME PLOT OKAY. Rating: M / 18+ AN: Sooooooooooooooo....Many many many many months ago, someone asked if there'd ever be a sequel. i joked there would be a summer vacation. then summer happened and nothing was written. Then I met my favorite @echotoyou and well, they said they loved Swiss Miss and I mentioned the thought of a sequel and they got excited and then Namjoon's birthday was coming up and i thought fuck it and THEY ASKED FOR MOST OF THE SMUT IN THIS OKAY. so this is for my baby starcandy. i love you so much, i hope you enjoy. Thank you to my lovely @theharrowing for beta-reading and @classicscreations for the banner/divider. Also tagging @simp47koreancrackheads for reasons. Enjoy!!! 💜Masterlist | AskBox | AO3

When Namjoon brought up the idea of an end of summer vacation for his birthday, you were hesitant at first. Last time you let him plan a vacation, he dragged you to the Swiss mountains and it was miserable. 

Well…not all of it was miserable. 

Seokjin being your Christmas present made up for the freezing mountain getaway. 

It’s been almost nine months since then. Seokjin’s been away filming and being a gorgeous model, but you both still kept in contact. The three of you agreed it’d be okay to send photos of you in lingerie sets, Namjoon taking it a step further to send videos of you riding his cock, begging to come. Seokjin would send videos back, specifically to you, of his hand stroking his cock until he was a moaning mess, coming all over himself. 

The two of you met up with him a few times since Christmas. Once in February, once in April, and the last time being very briefly in July when Namjoon watched on as Seokjin fucked you so ridiculously that you squirted all over the hotel bed while he erupted inside of you. 

As far as you were concerned, your relationship with Namjoon was technically still monogamous. At least, until Seokjin became involved and suddenly he was the added friend with benefits for you. Namjoon and Seokjin never got involved with one another; your boyfriend only ever watching on as his best friend fucked you sensless, and fucking you right after so your last orgasm was from the man you loved.

You understood Namjoon loved to watch. Every time you’d look over at him slowly rubbing his hard cock, either with his hand coated in your arousal or with your underwear, his eyes would be watching the faces you’d make in pleasure or the way Seokjin’s cock pounded into you. But there was always a moment where it felt like he wanted to be involved. You’ve tried to ask, but could never find a way to bring it up. 

So you agreed to the trip, hoping you’d get the chance to ask at some point. 

“Joon, what’d the attendant say?” Your boyfriend makes his way back to where you’re sitting in the terminal, wearing a long summer dress with thin straps. Your flight’s been delayed an hour at this point, and you’re feeling just a tad bit suffocated in this airport that conveniently has the air conditioning down for maintenance. 

“Good news and bad news.” He sighs, plopping down in the seat next to you, “which do you want first?”

“Always start with the bad.”

“Bad news is it’s another ‘forty-five minutes at least’ until we can board.” He pauses for your groan of frustration, fanning yourself with the book cover of some nonsense romance book you found in the gift shop. 

“And the good?”

“The good,” he smiles, handing you the boarding passes, “there aren’t a lot of people on our flight anyway, and the girl thought I was cute so we got upgraded to first class for free.”

Your eyes barely glance at the passes with the upgraded seat locations on them, instead finding their way to the female attendant that had her eyes on your boyfriend. Namjoon might not mind sharing you with another man, but you can’t say the same about you sharing Namjoon with another woman. 

“Y/n. Don’t give her that look.” 

“I’m not giving her a look.”

“Yes you are. You’re giving her that look at my man one more time and I’ll end your happiness look.”

“No I’m no— wait. I have a look like that?” You look at Namjoon with wide eyes, a grin slowly creeping across your face. “That’s so cool. Is it easily readable? Do I have others?” 

The girl is long forgotten about as you see Namjoon’s beautiful dimples appear with his smile as he leans closer to whisper in your ear. 

“Yeah. You make some other ones. Like when you’re about to come all over me. When I’ve fucked you so hard that you’re about to black out. The face you make when you realize you’ve taken every inch of me is my favorite, though.”

Your face flushes in heat as you sit completely still, eyes staring straight ahead. You hear him chuckle next to you before kissing your temple, leaning back in his seat with an arm resting against the back of yours. The goosebumps on your skin and the back of your neck raise with every pass his fingers make across your shoulder and back. You know it’s for comfort, but it feels like the best kind of torture. 

Shockingly, the wait time is far less than forty-five minutes before you’re one of the first groups to board, letting Namjoon hand over the boarding passes to the attendant. She gives him a big smile and flirty eyes and you have to fight yourself to not give her whatever look Namjoon was talking about. You’re about to spend ten hours on a plane, two weeks in Greece, and potentially the rest of your life with this man. She will be left behind at this terminal; she is no threat. 

If anything, she’s a gift to this world. The first class seats are amazing in comparison to the main cabin seats Namjoon originally booked. You immediately claim the cubby-like seat next to the window, Namjoon sitting in the cubicle parallel to yours. The flight attendant left you both pillows, blankets, a bottle of what deemed fancy water and snacks already laid out for each of you. 

“Is this what Jin experiences with being famous? Because if so, one of us needs to get on it, stat, Joon. Probably you. Make an onlyfans.” You giggle when he ignores you, his face taking a turn at going flush with heat. 

You don’t tease further, getting comfortable in your little bed for the next ten hours. You poke the buttons to make the bed come out from under your feet before returning it to a sitting position and pulling the partition down between you and your boyfriend’s seats. 

“Hi.” You smile at him while he sorts out both of your bags, pulling out your phone charger and handing it to you. “Thank you, Joonie.” You lean across the divider to give him a kiss, laughing when you try to pull back, only to have a giant hand cradle the back of your neck, tugging you back against his lips. 

“I love you, baby.” He whispers, finally pulling away when the surge of other passengers begin to board the plane. You quickly say it back, full love-sick grin on display for him. 

God, you really do love him. 

Halfway through the flight, you’re being nudged awake, pulled from an amazing dream or memory - you can’t tell anymore - of you and Namjoon. Your headphones are slowly pulled off your head as you groggily turn over to find Namjoon leaning through the divider with a smirk. 

“What?” You grumble, wiping your eyes. 

“You were moaning my name.”

“What?” You were moaning in your dream, but surely not in real life? On a plane? 

“Bathroom in five minutes.” Is all he says before sliding the divider back up. All you hear is quiet rustling until you see his top half making its way to the first class bathrooms. 

He can’t be serious. 

He can’t. 

While you love the control Namjoon has over you, and you both share an openness to exploring new kinks and sexual experiences, this wasn’t on either of your lists. 

You watch the time on your phone move slowly, one minute down. 

You shouldn’t do this.

Two minutes down. 

You’ll get caught. 

Three minutes. 

You’ll be banned from flying. And how will you get back home if so? A ship of some sort? 

Four. 

But he’s waiting for you. Possibly hard and you’re soaked from your dream. 

Five. 

You tuck your phone under your pillow, slowly crawling out of your cubicle and tiptoeing your way to the front. Luckily first class only has about eight seats and everyone seems to be sound asleep as you reach the bathroom door, giving one small secret knock. The door unlocks and you creep it open, sneaking your way in. 

“Holy fuck, it’s huge.” You whisper, eyes scanning the bigger than normal airplane bathroom. There’s enough space to have a moderately small sized counter and an actual sink. And enough space for your boyfriend to stand up tall without banging his head on the ceiling. 

“I feel like I should make a joke there, but we have limited time. Turn and bend. Now.” He quietly growls. It’s only then you notice his hardened length in his hand, slowly being pumped as he waits for you to follow instructions. 

“Sir, yes sir.” You quip, ignoring his glare as you turn around and brace yourself against the counter. He parts your legs with his feet, a hand grabbing your waist when you momentarily lose balance. 

“Remember. Not a sound, okay?” He whispers against your ear, tongue tracing down your neck. You quickly nod, skin shivering as he pulls the hem of your dress up, bringing the fabric to the front and giving it to you to hold against your stomach. Your underwear is dropped past your knees and you quickly step one foot out so you can freely move. 

He wastes no time smacking your ass once, grabbing at the meaty flesh right after. You fight back the yelp, covering your mouth as you watch his intense gaze through the mirror. His eyes are glued to your ass while he massages it, watching in awe as your arousal pools at your entrance. 

“Fuck, I love how ready you are for me all the time, baby.” He groans, lining your hips up with his, gliding his cock along your folds. You bite the inside of your cheek to not make a noise. 

“Stop that.” The hand on your hip slides up and around to your neck, pulling you up to his chest. “Don’t bite the inside of your cheek, it’ll get infected.”

“Then don’t tease me.” You rasp, voice straining when his grip tightens around your neck. 

“If you insist.” He gives one bite to your neck before letting you go and bending you forward again. He gives no warning as he realigns himself, pushing past your entrance in one go. 

You let out a silent scream, covering your mouth again with your free hand as you practically hug the sink. There’s no hesitation when he starts pounding into you, both of you a mess of silent moans. 

“Come back up here.” He groans, pulling you back up by your arms. “I think it’s me that has to be careful about sounds, baby. How are you always so fucking tight?”

“Feels so good.” You gasp, fighting the moan building in your throat when he kisses your neck.

He’s about to respond when there’s a small amount of turbulence, causing him to thrust even deeper into you. One of your hands flies to your mouth, followed quickly by him biting your neck. 

Namjoon removes your hand from your mouth, placing his there instead, snaking his fingers past your lips and making you suck. “Get yourself off on my cock, baby. We don’t have time.” You whine, your fingers quickly finding your clit and rubbing. 

Another little bout of turbulence and his cock being buried even deeper inside of you makes you fight against the urge to scream around his fingers, walls clenching as you come around his cock. He comes seconds later, deep inside, holding you close while his lips leave feather kisses across your skin. 

You’re both silent after, his cock remaining tucked deep within your walls as his hands rub up and down your sides realizing you have another five hours before landing. The kiss he places on your shoulder tells you he’s having the same thought. 

“Need help?” He asks in a hushed whisper. You shake your head, letting him pull out. It’s almost awkward having to move around one another to clean up, but Namjoon makes sure to give you his dimpled smile and a quick kiss every passing until he’s ready to go back, leaving you to finish up in peace. 

The rest of the flight was normal. Half the time you were asleep, the other half playing phone games with Namjoon or listening to music or watching a movie while he was reading. 

When you landed, Namjoon was quick to grab your carry on and usher you off the plane, almost running to baggage claim. 

“Jooooooon, our bags aren’t going to magically appear the second we get to baggage claim. They have to unload the plane first.”

“I know, I know. But…I have a surprise for you.” Namjoon grins, pulling you past baggage claim to where people are waiting for their loved ones to emerge.

And that’s when you swear your heart stops for a moment.

Kim Seokjin.

In Greece.

“Jin?!” You accidentally shout. In hindsight, you’ll understand why Namjoon grabbed your bags and didn’t let you carry anything. You would’ve dropped it all or thrown it across the building as you ran up to your friend and jumped into his awaiting embrace.

“Oh my god, you’re here?! Why are you here?” you start rambling off nonsense, speaking into his neck as he hugs you, holding you in the air with his arms holding just below your ass. “How have you been? How was the movi–”

“Princess, slow down!” He laughs, finally placing you back on your feet. Your hands rest on his forearms, his on your elbows as you finally look at him.

He’s still beautiful. His hair is still the same, if not a little bit longer. You told him he was in his long fluffy era while he’s taking a break from filming last time you saw him. It was fun tugging on it when his mouth was exploring your body. His eyes are a mixture of exhaustion, happiness, and a hint of mischief. He somehow looks bigger, like he’s been working out a lot more. It’s only been two months since you’ve seen him, but it feels like a lot longer. There’s a small ache in your heart when you look up at him, and you’re not even sure when you started crying until his hands cradle your face, thumbs wiping away your tears.

“Why is my beautiful princess crying, hmm? Can’t stand my beauty?” 

You scoff out a sob, lightly smacking him. The ache in your heart turns into a searing jolt at my beautiful princess. 

“Shut up, you’re hideous.” 

“Tell that to Vogue.” 

“Will do. I’ll write a book about it.” 

“Oh, can I have the first copy?”

“Of course. I’ll sign it and everything.” 

“Oh my god, what an honor.”

“I’ve missed you, Seokjin.”

“I’ve missed you too, y/n.”

He pulls you into another hug, tightening his arms around you when you let out a soft squeak.

“Okay, you two, let’s get this vacation underway.” Your boyfriend’s voice drags you out of the hug you’ve missed so much, stepping away from Seokjin to let the two men hug and greet one another while you mind the bags Namjoon must’ve grabbed while you were busy. 

“You’re not gonna run into my arms? Only her?” Seokjin playfully pouts at your boyfriend, who rolls his eyes in response, grabbing your hand in his.

“Nah, that’s her thing.” 

“What’s your thing then?” you ask, tilting your head to the side with a smirk.

“Later.” 

He doesn’t look at you, so you turn to look at Seokjin instead, who has an eyebrow raised at you. You shrug in response, giving him a look that says I’m just as confused and walk out with your boyfriend and best friend. 

“So, welcome to Athens.” Seokjin starts and he and Namjoon load the bags into the back of the small car, “I’ll be your driver today and the rest of the time we’re here until we get to–”

“Don’t say it, hyung.” Namjoon quickly interjects as you get in the passenger seat.

“Don’t say what?” You turn to look at your boyfriend sitting behind the driver’s seat. 

“You haven’t told her any of the plans?” Seokjin looks in the rear view mirror in astonishment. 

“Nope. And it stays that way.”

“Boo.”

“Lame.”

“It’s a surprise.”

“Joon, it’s your birthday. Why am I the one being surprised?”

He doesn’t say anything more, giving Seokjin a knowing smile that frustrates you when he raises his eyebrows and grins in response. 

You pout, “I hate you both.”

“Lying is bad for your health, princess.” 

Your annoyance with the two men in the car is quickly forgotten about when Seokjin starts driving through Athens. Everything is gorgeous. You get a little giddy, driving through streets you refuse to admit to going through on Google maps, or seeing structures you’ve seen in video games. 

“Princess, look out my window.” Seokjin’s hand lightly grabs at your thigh to get your attention, making you swivel around to look out his window where you can just make out a building you know you’ve climbed in an Assassin’s Creed game. 

“Is that the Parthenon?!” The question is rhetoric, but your excitement is overflowing. “Holy shit, we’re actually in Greece! Can we go see the Olympic park? The observatory? Oh! Joon there’s some really cool art museums there, too! Can we go there?”

“Baby, breathe.” Your boyfriend laughs, Seokjin snickering beside you, his hand still on your thigh, “we’ll go tomorrow first thing. Today we just need to get to the hotel and get dinner.” 

“How are we going to do all this in two weeks? Greece is huge.” You plop back in your seat, huffing in response. 

It’s only now you notice Seokjin’s hand on your thigh, following the limb up to its owner who has his eyes switching from the road to the gps, slightly confused expression on his face in concentration. You turn your head to look at Namjoon, whose eyes are on the hand on your thigh, a soft smile he tries to hide when he realizes you’re looking. 

It’s confusing. It should be Namjoon’s hand there, and yet it still feels right. You love Namjoon. Absolutely head over heels in love with him. 

But in comes Seokjin. The man you’ve had a crush on for years. Who you finally found out actually had feelings for you too. 

You adore Seokjin. You always will. You probably could’ve fallen in love with him if he had said anything back then. But then what would’ve happened with Namjoon? Your stomach drops at the thought.

You silently thank any and every god there is that neither you or Seokjin said anything and that you met your boyfriend. And that by some weird miracle, he’s willing to share you with no one other than Seokjin.

You’re so spaced out, you barely notice when Seokjin pulls into the parking lot of where you will be staying. It’s a gorgeous private villa, an elegant white building with a mixture of modern and Greek design. You hop out of the car while the two men grab the bags. 

“You got a whole house?” You’re not sure if you’re asking Namjoon or Seokjin. But they both respond at the same time. 

“Yes.”

“Yup. Privacy is priceless.” Seokjin chimes in. You roll your eyes with a smile, grabbing the key from him and unlocking the door. 

“There’s three king sized beds and two smaller ones. I took one of the king ones just off the kitchen.” Seokjin guides you both through the house, bags left by the front door with your shoes, “there’s a sauna, a little gym, air conditioning thank god, and a bunch more I haven’t actually explored yet.” 

“With how much we’ll be exploring, we don’t really need a sauna or a gym or anything like that. Y’all really love to go overboard.” You poke both of them in their sides, Namjoon quietly grabs your wrist while Seokjin dramatically cries out as if you’ve stabbed him. 

“It’s nice to have the option, princess!” His dramatics will never cease to amuse you, “Aish, now I’m going to bruise and it’s all your fault.” He rubs his side as he walks away, heading towards the kitchen. 

“Let him have the weird accommodations, baby. He’s a celebrity like that.” Namjoon speaks next to your ear, wrapping his arms around your middle and hugging you. 

“He’s weird.”

“And yet…” his voice trails off, his nose nudging against your throat when he kisses your shoulder. 

“And yet…” you sigh, repeating the statement back. You both silently stand in the middle of the living area, Namjoon leaving kisses across your shoulder, and you staring out the window. You can see just enough of the city of Athens, it feels like a dream. 

“I’m gonna shower really quick, go keep Seokjin entertained, hmm?” Your boyfriend kisses your temple, humming when you agree. He gives your ass a light smack before he walks away, grabbing the bags and taking them to a room with a bathroom. 

You find your way to the kitchen where Seokjin is holding two bottles of wine in either hand, eyes flicking back and forth on each label. He looks up when you enter, eyes scanning next to you before he pouts. 

“Where's Joon?”

“Shower. Told me to entertain you.” You shrug, walking with a little skip over to him. He smirks as you hop up on the island counter, placing the bottles of wine on the main counter away from you. 

“And how do you plan on entertaining me, princess?” His tone teases and you shrug once again, kicking your feet out a little as you rest your palms on the counter’s edge. 

“I dunno. How would you like to be entertained?” You know where this is going, you haven’t seen or felt him in over two months. You miss him. So much. 

And he has clearly missed you just as much when he grabs your kicking feet, moving them to spread your legs so he can stand between them. One of his hands finds the back of your head, fingers curling in your hair, as he brings your lips to his. 

It’s slow and deep, but it quickly turns heated and desperate when his head turns to the side to gain better access. Your lips part and you let out a soft moan that he quickly swallows, tongues fighting against one another as he keeps his fingers tangled in your hair and the other hand gripping your hip tight. 

Your hands stay cradling his face, desperate to remember how he feels when kissing you so desperately. 

“God, princess, you have no idea how much I’ve missed you.”  

“Me too.” You pant between kisses. 

“How often I look at those photos you sent me or the videos Joon sent of you taking his cock so deep. It fucking killed me every time.”

“Jin.” You moan when his lips trail down to your clavicle. 

“I don’t need to see old buildings or art or any of that, I’d rather spend the next two weeks fucking you with Namjoon.” He curses against your skin, your dress’s straps falling off your shoulder. Your breasts are so close to spilling out, if not for a third voice causing you both to jump, you pulling the straps back up to cover yourself. 

“As much as I would like to have two weeks to fuck our baby stupid, I didn’t plan this trip for that.” Namjoon gives a mischievous smirk. You know he might not have planned for that. But he did plan something. You just don’t know what. 

“As long as I get to taste her at some point.” Seokjin says, smiling up at you as he speaks to your boyfriend. 

“You will, but for now she should shower the plane off of her and get ready for dinner.” 

You nod, sighing as you tap Seokjin’s arms to let go of you. He backs away, letting you hop down and toward your boyfriend who grabs your waist as you walk by, tugging you to stand in front of him. 

“Be a good girl, and you’ll get rewarded.” He whispers, kissing your forehead. You give him a playful glare, stepping to the side and walking past him, towards the bathroom he used.

You shower quickly, changing into another summer dress, this one a mix of green and blue chiffon with beautiful off-shoulder straps that fall perfectly in place just below your shoulders. Even though it’s about five in the evening, it’s still ridiculously hot. You put barely any makeup on, fixing your hair up to stop yourself from sweating down your back. 

When you return to the kitchen, Namjoon is bothering Seokjin while he’s focused on pouring the three of you some wine, making sure it’s an equal amount for each of you. What takes you by surprise, however, is Namjoon’s chin resting on his friend’s shoulder, his arms wrapped around his middle like he does with you. 

Oh. 

Suddenly it makes sense. 

“There she is!” Seokjin’s voice pipes through the kitchen. Namjoon slowly backs away from Seokjin’s back, grabbing two glasses of wine and bringing one to you. 

“You look stunning, baby.” 

“Thank you. It’s too hot.” You pout, taking the wine and giving a small thanks. You join him and Seokjin back in the kitchen where he’s prepared a little plate of snacks to go with the wine. 

“That’s Greece. I don’t think it’s ever cold?” Namjoon shrugs, taking a sip of his wine. 

“I bet it’s like LA. Maybe cold like once or twice a year.” Seokjin pops a cracker into his mouth. You share a look with Namjoon, both of you snickering. 

“Oh, look at this fancy boy, saying LA like it’s so casual for him.” You tease, taking a big sip of the wine. 

“Ha ha ha. Keep being jealous.” He deadpans. 

“Me? Jealous? Of your exhausting life? Absolutely not, handsome. I like being in Seoul where I sleep and eat and the only traveling I do is to various museums and art galleries for work.”

“Ah, yes. Our little curator. That’s how you stole her from the world, right Namjoon?” 

“I didn’t steal her.”

“More like held me hostage.”

“In bed I assume?” 

“Of course. Then I think it became some sort of Stockholm Syndrome and I fell in love.”

“A true romance right there. Can I tell that story at the wedding?” 

“Please. I’ll write it all down for you.” 

“Thank you, princess. I’ll memorize it and give the best performance.”

“I know you will.”

“God, I forgot what it’s like when you two get together.” Namjoon groans, leaning over the counter to bury his head in his arms. You look over at Seokjin in feigned shock. 

“I feel like he’s being rude and offensive.”

“So rude. So offensive.” 

“Extremely.”

“I thought you loved us!” Seokjin exclaims dramatically, hand on chest and fake tears starting to build up. 

“I do!” He laughs almost manically, lifting his head up and running his fingers through his hair. “It’s like you’re twins or something, it’s so much.” 

You giggle, leaning across the counter to soothe your boyfriend. 

“We’ll tone it down a bit, babe. I’m sorry.”

“I’m not.” Seokjin shrugs, a smug look on his face. He exclaims when you lightly hit his shoulder, “What? He said he loves me! I’m over the fucking moon right now.” 

All three of you laugh, finishing up your wine and snack grazing. Seokjin orders a cab for the three of you to take to a fancy restaurant by the beach where there’s even more wine. Multiple bottles of it. 

You barely remember the dinner, only remembering that the wine kept coming and resulted in both men having their hands on you the entire night. Whether it was Namjoon’s hands on your waist while standing in a crowd, or Seokjin’s hand clutching yours tight while guiding you through the masses of people. 

The light touches on your arms at dinner or your thighs in the car, they both knew what they were doing to you and fully aware of the hold they had on you. 

At one point, you ended up in a square that had people performing live music and people dancing to it. Seokjin dragged you and Namjoon to the makeshift dance floor, making you dance with your back against his chest and Namjoon facing you. Your hips swayed perfectly against Seokjin’s, pressing just right against his cock while Namjoon’s was pressing against your lower stomach. 

Both men covered either side of your neck with kisses, really testing your ability to not moan in public. It took you mumbling something about going home for them to stop, quickly getting a ride back to the private villa. 

The moment you hit the mattress, Namjoon has you splayed out on the bed, your summer dress riding dangerously high up your legs. Seokjin stands at the edge of the bed, quietly taking his shirt and pants off. 

Namjoon, still fully clothed minus his shoes, crawls over your body, deeply kissing you while his hand roams your entire body. His lips trail down your neck to your shoulder where he stops for a moment. It’s when he lets out a heavy sigh that you feel a sense of panic. 

“I’m so sorry, baby. I’m too drunk.”

“What?”

“I can barely stay awake, baby.” He rolls off you, laying on his side while he hugs a pillow. 

“But…”

“Jinnie can take care of you. Right, hyung?” He barely opens his eyes to look at the older male, who looks just as confused as you do. “You just can’t fuck her though. Have her ride your thigh. That should do it.”

His eyes fall shut and you sit up, not sure what to do next. You look over to Seokjin, who’s looking at you for confirmation of what to do next, standing there in his underwear that’s straining his cock right now. 

“Should we go to your room?” You ask tentatively, moving to get up when he nods.

“No.” Namjoon’s voice returns from its slumber. “I wanna hear it. Do it here.”  

“Joonie, you’re tired.” You try to reason, but you know for a fact you’d rather do it here than without him there. 

“Here or not at all, baby.” His tired groan sounds serious, so you nod again, bending over to kiss his cheek, a small dimple appearing from his smile. 

“I love you, Joonie.”

“Love you too.” 

You turn back to Seokjin, a hand reaching out that he quickly takes, pulling you up to meet his standing position with your knees on the bed.  

“We don’t have to.” He murmurs, fingers delicately tangling with yours while his other hand finds your waist, bunching up the fabric there. 

You shake your head, leaning forward to softly meet his lips with yours. Kissing Seokjin is an experience every time. His plush pout’s ability to take over the kiss, and the moans he makes when you tug on his bottom lip with your teeth to try to regain control, makes you want to crumble into a pile of goo. 

“I need something, anything, Jinnie. Please?”

You rarely call Seokjin by the nickname Namjoon and Yoongi gave him years ago. You could probably count on one hand how many times you’ve said it. While it was a loving joke type of nickname from the guys, it always felt almost too intimate coming from you. So you have always stuck with Jin. 

Seokjin sighs, smiling at your adorable pouty expression. He whispers okay before leaning in to kiss you again, “what princess wants, princess gets.” 

Giant hands maneuver you so he can lay down. When you twist your body to straddle his lap while facing him, the big hands still your hips. 

“Ride my face.” 

Funny how three little words can make your entire body feel like it’s on fire.

You quickly look over to Namjoon who has his eyes closed, pillow tucked against his chest, but there’s a smile there that you know was in response to Seokjin’s order. 

You huff out, moving to crawl further up Seokjin’s body, but you’re stopped again when you’re just about over his face. 

“Turn around.”

“What?”

“If I can’t fuck you right now, I need your mouth to remind me what it can do.” 

You nod, afraid if you speak, it’ll be mushed up nonsense, and turn around, getting on your hands and knees facing away from Seokjin. His hands grab your upper thighs and tug you closer to his face, making you gasp and almost fall forward when you lose balance on your hands. 

“The dress has to go, y/n.” He gives your ass a light squeeze and you quickly rid the dress from your body. Jin lets out a low hum of approval at your matching bra and underwear; a deep crimson red and satin set.

“Every time…” he says under his breath, hooking his fingers into the side of your underwear and pulling it to your knees. You awkwardly lift one so he can move the underwear off it, not caring about the other leg. 

You palm Seokjin’s cock through his briefs, smiling softly at the sound he makes. 

You don’t hear his response, only gasping when he tugs your lower half down to meet those plush lips of his as he licks a long stripe through your folds, lips wrapping around your clit. 

“Fuck, Jin.” You whimper, head dropping to his hip as you slowly rut against his face. His hand smacks the side of your thigh, making you still. 

“Let me take care of you, princess.” He says, almost as a warning. 

You nod, forgetting he can’t see you, and lift your head up. With one of your shaking hands, you free his cock from the confines of his briefs, momentarily laughing when he tries to kick the fabric off his body. 

A harsh suck against your clit stops you from laughing. 

You pull yourself together again, wrapping your fingers around his impressive length. You fondly remember when you saw it for the first time last Christmas. You wanted so badly to touch it, hold it in your palm to feel how heavy it was. But there was a desperate need the first time you were with him. Now, nine months later, you had all the time in the world. 

Leaning down, you kiss the tip of his cock, enjoying the way it twitches at the contact followed by Seokjin’s light moan. You do it a few more times, on the tip, down the shaft, a kiss or two lands on his balls. Each kiss earns a twitch or a groan. Just as his tongue dives deep in your folds, you gather enough spit to trickle past your lips and onto his cock, using your hand to spread it around before slowly lowering your mouth down his now leaking member. 

You let his cock prod the back of your throat for a moment, thanking whatever gods that you barely have a gag reflex, and hum around him. Your nails dig into his thighs as he groans against your center, a hand smacking your ass. 

“Princess, what the fuck are you doing to me.”

His hips buck up, his cock somehow finding its way deeper down your throat. You cough, fighting the urge to pull off as his hips continue to buck up, your hands finding the bedding to brace yourself as he fucks your throat. You whine when two fingers ease past your folds, curling inside of you to press against your walls. 

It’s not long after that, that you’re crying, coming around his fingers and tongue and whining around his cock. Seconds later, he’s coming as well, bitter liquid shooting down your throat. 

You’re so lost in focusing on swallowing and not choking that you don’t hear the small breath of a laugh coming from your boyfriend. 

Seokjin, however, heard perfectly. 

“Ya, your girl’s a menace.”

You lift your throat off his cock, taking slow but short breaths as you look over at your boyfriend whose eyes travel from your lips down to his best friend’s soaked cock, some cum still coated around him. 

You glance down at the wet spot at his crotch. 

“Are you still too tired?” Your voice rasps. He nods, but your eyes stay locked on his crotch. 

Seokjin pats your ass, signaling for you to crawl off just enough that he can get off the bed. 

“I’m gonna shower and head to bed. Tomorrow we will explore Athens.” He gives you a kiss on the cheek before turning to the door and heading to his room. You smile, turning back to your boyfriend who has his eyes barely opened, watching you. Your eyes go back to the wet patch. 

“Let me take care of you, Joonie.”

“Baby…”

“Please?” 

“I’m fine, baby. Come to bed.” Sighing, you lay down next to him, your leg finding its way between his as you lean in just enough, connecting your lips to his. He moans deeply, tasting Seokjin on your tongue. Your suspicions are confirmed as you feel the bulge in his pants move underneath you. 

“You sure you don’t want me to take care of that?” You tease against his lips. Your hand sneaks between you both, but is quickly grabbed by Namjoon’s. 

“Yes, baby. I’m sure.” He smiles, eyes shut as he brings your hand up to his lips, kissing your fingers briefly. “Sleep.” 

You murmur defeat, getting off the bed to brush your teeth and change into a large shirt to sleep in. When you come back to bed, Namjoon is fast asleep on his back, his arm splayed out waiting for you. You pout, crawling into bed and curling up against his side. The moment your head rests on his shoulder, his arm moves on instinct to wrap around your back, thumb moving back and forth against your shoulder. 

It’s not until you’re at the edge of falling asleep that you realize this is the first time Namjoon let you be with Seokjin without claiming you after or being the one to make you come last.

Athens is beautiful. You spent the first three days simply wandering around the ancient city, going from ruin to ruin and museum to museum.

This is how you met Namjoon. You were part of the opening of a new museum in Seoul and Yoongi dragged Namjoon as his plus one. You both immediately hit it off and have been in love ever since. 

Yoongi demanded to be one to marry you both, getting ordained on your one year anniversary just in case. 

Museums and art galleries quickly became your thing with Namjoon. While it was a part of your job to constantly be in museums and galleries, it’s your dream job for a reason. And what could be better than finding someone who loves your job as much as you do? 

Seokjin, however, never showed any particular interest in museums or art in general. Sure, he’d go and take pictures either of or in front of the art, post it to socials, and come up with some horrible dad joke. But he couldn’t stand the idea of spending hours walking around looking at things from years and years ago. 

But you have to give him brownie points, he persevered the few days in Athens, knowing there would be wine and delicious food at the end of it all. And potentially a blow job from you. 

Namjoon still refused you both from actual sex, making you and Seokjin pout or whine. Seokjin almost begged one night, much to Namjoon’s delight, but he still said no. 

After Athens, the three of you packed your bags and boarded a boat to head to the next stop in Greece. Seokjin was beyond excited, Namjoon had a smug smile the entire way over, and you were completely clueless. 

That is, until you stepped off the boat onto a wooden deck and it clicked immediately. 

“Is this…?”

“Where they filmed Mamma Mia? Yes. Yes it is.” Namjoon replies, helping Seokjin off the boat after you. 

“Ahhh, it’s even prettier in person!” Seokjin's voice squeaks, running to stand next to you, hand grabbing yours. 

You grin, trying to avoid screaming like you want to. Mamma Mia has and always will be one of your favorite films. It’s your comfort movie and you and Seokjin would watch it consistently when either of you had a shitty day. You’d always end up standing on the couch or coffee table dramatically singing along with the ABBA songs or quoting the movie and acting them out while it played in the background. 

Still holding Seokjin’s hand, you turn to your boyfriend, who’s making sure all the luggage is accounted for. 

“Oh, right. Sorry, Joonie.” You drag Seokjin back to Namjoon, both of you grabbing as much luggage as you can and following the other tourists off the dock. 

Again, Seokjin arranged for a private villa. This one, however is smaller, only has one bed as well as a couch, and no air conditioning. 

The first two days aren't a problem. The weather is cool, the clouds covering the sun a majority of the day, and an amazing ocean breeze to make you shiver every now and again. The three of you travel around the island, you and Seokjin giggling every time you find a spot from the movie and having Namjoon take a photo of the both of you mid-reenactment. 

During the third and last day on Skopelos, however, there was a heat wave. And it is miserable to put it nicely. 

So miserable, none of you want to move. Seokjin is groaning that Greece isn't going anywhere. And you are complaining that days like this are why Google Street View exists. Namjoon is huffy at you both, deciding to go for a run while you two lie around, complaining about the heat. 

It is on his run, however, when a perfect idea pops into his head as he sees some locals with frozen treats. 

When he comes in, he finds you lying on the tile floor, your flowy summer dress draped around your body and the floor, and Seokjin on the couch, one leg dangling off the edge and the other off the back of the couch. You both look ridiculous as Namjoon heads to the kitchen. 

“Jooooooonie, can you make the fan do more?”

It’s a silly question to ask, you know the answer. But you have hope. 

“Nope, baby. Sorry.” He answers, head in the freezer. “I have a better idea, though. Hyung, come here.” 

He groans, throwing himself off the couch dramatically and playfully stomping his way to Namjoon in the kitchen. He’s about to speak when the two exchange glances. Seokjin glances down at the bowl in his hand and grins, nodding quickly as if to agree to Namjoon’s silent question. 

“Princess.”

“Baby.”

They speak at the same time, causing you to tilt your head backwards, looking at the upside down men quizzically. 

“Hmm?”

How’s the tile down there?” Your boyfriend asks, hands behind his back. 

“It’s cooler than the bed.” You answer slowly as Seokjin sits behind you, Namjoon moving to sit in front of you.

“Wanna play a game?”

“You wouldn’t let me bring my switch, so we can’t unless there’s one here…”

“No. Princess. A game.” 

It takes a second to process, but when it finally clicks, Namjoon’s already starting to spread your legs, the dress’s fabric falling to your hips. 

“Joonie, it’s too hot…”

“Right. It is way too hot. Which is why I want to play a game.”

You question what he means, allowing Seokjin to lift your head and shoulders enough to tuck himself underneath you, letting your upper torso and your head to rest against chest

“I just wanna help you cool down, baby.” He smirks, bringing the bowl into view for you to see what he means. It’s a small but deep bowl full of ice cubes and pieces alike. 

Fuck. 

You’re not sure if you say it in your mind or out loud. Possibly out loud since both men grin wide, snickering as Namjoon spreads your legs further. You relax into Seokjin’s chest, his hands finding the bottom of your dress and shimmying it up your torso. You lift your ass off the ground ever so slightly so he can pull the dress further up until he fully removes it, tossing it to the side. 

“Gonna be a good girl for us, princess?” Seokjin smiles, leaning down to kiss your forehead. 

“What are the rules?” You ask softly, your hands finding Seokjin’s forearms resting on your shoulders. 

“The rules, baby, are simple.” Namjoon grins, picking up one of the ice cubes, holding it in his fist to help it melt down a bit. 

“Move, and we stop. Come before we say so, and we stop.”

“I don’t like those rules.” You pout, Namjoon rolls his eyes, ignoring you while Seokjin snickers. 

“There’s our princess being a brat.”

“Those are the rules, baby. Follow them and you get rewarded.”

“What’s the reward?”

Namjoon looks up to Seokjin, eyebrows raised at Seokjin’s questioning gaze. 

“It’s a surprise.” He finally answers, putting the ice cube back in the bowl and trailing his frozen cold hand up your body. You shiver, fighting the urge to pull away from the freezing hand. 

“I like to know what I’m winning.” You grumble through chattering teeth, your boyfriend's hand softly gliding up your waist to behind your back. 

“I know you do, baby. And I promise you, you’ll feel so fulfilled after.” He whispers, undoing the clasp on your bra. 

“Joon.” You whine, fingers digging into Seokjin’s arms after your bra gets removed. 

“Ready, baby?” 

You nod, hating his teasing tone. 

He grabs the ice cube again, it already melting in his palm as he hovers his hand above your chest. All three of you wait as the little drop of freezing water develops under his grip, slowly getting ready to drip down. 

You feel yourself breathing harder, chest rising faster as you watch the droplet. When it finally drops, it feels like a spike of ice landing

But before the drop can land on your skin, Namjoon’s pulling it away again.

“New rule. Close your eyes, baby.”

You whine again, body wiggling in anticipation. 

“Eyes, princess. Let us make you feel good.” Seokjin whispers against your temple. You nod, shutting your eyes tight and leaning further back into Seokjin’s embrace. 

Not even seconds later, you feel a drop of water drip on your chest between your breasts.

“Fuck!” You yelp, body lifting off the ground from the initial shock. 

“Already breaking the rules, baby. Stay still or we stop.” Namjoon’s deep voice teases as another few drops land across your chest. 

“Okay. Okay okay okay.” You nod, keeping your eyes shut as you grip onto Seokjin’s arms even more to stay still.

You have no idea where the ice is going to be next, your body tensing in preparation for another jolt of cold against your skin. It’s almost torture how long between drops Namjoon lets it be before you feel a full cube against the bottom curve of your breast. 

You let out a high pitched whine, forcing yourself to stay still as he glides the ice all around your breasts, to across your clavicle, down the sides of your waist and across your middle section. Your breathing returns to rapid breaths, shivering with goosebumps as well as just pure arousal. 

You can’t tell what’s turning you on more; the frozen water being softly dragged across your sensitive skin, or the melted water that remains in its path, dripping down your sides and making its way to your back. 

Opposite of the freezing ice, however, is how hot Seokjin’s skin feels behind you. It almost feels like the ice dripping behind you is evaporating the moment it makes contact with his skin. 

It’s too hot. 

But you want more. 

Need more. 

The last piece of ice melts directly over your belly button, your breath stuttering when Namjoon’s hand goes flat across your stomach, gliding up to between your breasts and around your throat. 

“Good girl. Ready for more?” 

You whimper out a yes, your legs subconsciously spreading further for him, like your body begging where to go next. 

“Remember. No movements, princess.” Seokjin teases, having noticed your legs. 

You huff out in complaint, but it quickly turns into a shaking gasp when there’s an ice cube tracing up your inner thigh. Namjoon skips over where you want it most, dragging the cube to your other thigh and back up to your lower stomach, dancing the cube along the waistline of your underwear. 

“Joonie, please.”

“Please what?” 

“I hate the teasing.” You pout petulantly, head twisting to the side to bury your face in Seokjin’s arm. You’re desperately trying to ignore the hardening bulge pressing up against your back.

“Mmmm, I’d say otherwise, baby. You’re soaking through.  I mean, hyung just look at how soak—”

A string of curse words leave your lips, unable to hear anything the men are teasing about, when Namjoon presses a cube directly over the wet patch of your underwear, fitting perfectly against your folds and your clit. 

“Ya! No biting!” Seokjin’s voice yells, prying your mouth away from his bicep. 

Namjoon pulls the ice away, giving your clothed center a light smack. Your hips jerk from the sensation, fighting back the urge to open your eyes. 

“‘M sorry, Jin.” You whimper, kissing where you think you bit. 

“I don’t know if I should forgive you, princess. That was a very bad thing to do.”

“No no, I’ll be good. Please.”

There’s silence. With the inability to see them, you can’t tell if they’re silently discussing whether to punish or reward you. 

“I feel like she’s been through enough, Joonie. Maybe we should just stop here.”

“She can take more.”

“I can. I can do it. Please.” 

“What’s the word, baby?”

“Wendigo.” You let out a breathless laugh, the two men snickering at the memory. 

Namjoon taps your hip, telling you to lift so he can remove your underwear, tossing it aside with your dress. You feel movement down between your legs before you feel a sudden warm breath, making your toes curl. 

“Remember, princess. No movement.” 

You nod vigorously, clutching onto Seokjin again when Namjoon’s warm tongue licks a full stroke up your folds, the tip teasingly dancing against your clit. 

He’s vicious with the way he teases you, breathing against your soaked center with his hot breath before bringing the melting cube to your clit when he can feel you’re close. Your constant moans and cries only encourage him further as he pops the cube into his mouth, settling it below his tongue, and dancing it at your entrance. The switch between warm tongue and ice cube is infuriating to say the least.

“You’re being such a good girl, princess. I think Joonie might reward you soon.” Seokjin’s deep voice against your ear sends a different kind of shiver down your spine. 

Namjoon’s mouth pulls away from your throbbing center, giving your inner thigh a light kiss. You take a deep breath, eyes still shut, as you wait for whatever pleasurable torture was next. 

But nothing happens. 

Nothing happens for what feels like eternity but, in reality, it’s only a minute or two before you feel your boyfriend’s body move away from you. The sounds of shuffling as well as Seokjin letting you go slack against his body.

“Do you trust me, baby?” Namjoon’s voice comes from where you think the kitchen is located. You nod, muttering out of course while leaning further into Seokjin’s chest. 

“Let’s move her to the couch, hyung. Baby, keep your eyes shut.” Seokjin does as he’s told, lifting you up carefully and bringing you to stand in front of the couch. It sounds like more ice is being put into the ceramic bowl. Your body shakes at the thought.

“Sit, hyung.” When you hear movement to the left of you, you can only assume Seokjin’s following orders. 

“Jagi…” Namjoon’s voice is suddenly right in front of you, a big cold hand softly caressing your waist. The temperature makes you jump, but you settle into it immediately.

“I think hyung was right, you deserve a reward. I’m gonna sit you down on hyung’s cock, and you’re gonna be good and take it all, right?”

You nod again, pouting slightly when he reminds you to keep your eyes closed as he leads you back. Your hands reach behind you, finding Seokjin’s immediately as he and Namjoon help you onto the couch. They sit you down on Seokjin’s lap, your legs spread and hooked on either side of his thighs. Seokjin lets go of one of your hands to wrap around his cock, giving himself a few pumps before his tip meets your entrance. 

“Ready, princess?” 

“Please.” You beg, head falling back when he presses the tip past your folds, slowly easing himself inside of you. 

“Good job, baby. Keep taking his cock, take every inch.” Namjoon’s praises sound like they’re coming from below you, but you’re not sure, unable to focus as you try to relax around Seokjin’s massive length. 

Once you give the okay to Seokjin, he sinks down on the couch a bit more, bringing you back to plant your feet on the cushion so his hips are free to move at the pace he knows drives you crazy. 

You cry out, it’s been months since you’ve had him inside you and it feels so fucking good, you could write poems and songs about how good his cock feels filling and stretching you out with every thrust. 

“Fuck, please. Please let me come. Feels too good. Plea— oh, fuck.” Your body jolts at the sudden feeling of ice against the junction where your pelvis meets your thigh. Seokjin’s hands quickly steady you, massive hands holding your waist still while he continues to fuck you. 

The moans you make are pornographic as the ice cube slides around your skin, gliding and dancing around your pulsing clit that when he finally brings it there, you let out a sharp gasp. You bite your bottom lip, trying to fight the curses you want to scream at the top of your lungs. 

Namjoon quickly removes the cube from against your sensitive bundle of nerves, questioning Seokjin for permission to something you can’t hear because you’re too focused on Seokjin’s cock hitting exactly where it needs to. 

When you hear Seokjin whine, saying yes, he slows down his thrusts, hands bringing your waist down to sit on his lap with his cock fully inside of your clenching walls. 

You resist asking them what they’re doing, knowing it’s pointless. You lean your head against Seokjin’s shoulder, facing his neck as your lips find skin. 

You’re about to press soft kisses against the skin when a sharp bolt of ice courses through your body. 

Your eyes snap open, looking down at where you and Seokjin are connected and you nearly come just from the sight of Namjoon’s tongue shoving a small mostly melted ice cube past your entrance and against the bulging vein around Seokjin’s cock. 

Your boyfriend’s tongue is on your best friend’s dick. 

Okay, maybe it’s not on his dick, but it’s close enough to just graze over that counts. 

The fingers holding onto your waist dig deep into your skin as Seokjin groans at the feeling of the ice cube being kept inside of you by his dick. 

You whine, head leaning back again and shutting your eyes once more as you feel the cube, melting fast, make its way inside of you, being eased deeper by the head of Seokjin’s cock. 

“How’s it feel, baby?” Your boyfriend’s voice rumbles against your skin as he sits up on his knees, large hands on your thighs, watching the way you take Seokjin’s cock. 

“So fucking good.” You whimper. 

“Fucking heaven.” Seokjin whines behind you, hips beginning to lose their rhythm, teeth grazing your neck. “I won’t last long, fuck it’s so impossible to last long with you, y/n.”

You let out a soft laugh, a moan mixing through it, as you reach behind you, tugging Seokjin’s hair to pull his face back to yours, trapping him in a kiss. 

“Come for me, Jin. Fill me up. Please.” You repeat your request against his lips until you’re wincing from his teeth catching your bottom lip and one last thrust. The sensation of his cum filling you up makes you both moan. 

Namjoon’s hands help you lift yourself just enough that Seokjin’s cock slips out, but he quickly stands, leaning over you both on the couch, and slides himself past your entrance, stuffing his hyung’s cum back inside. 

“Joon!” You cry out, hands flying away from Seokjin and grasping Namjoon’s forearms. 

“Take his cock, princess. Gotta keep all my cum in there.” Seokjin’s strained voice comes from behind you. One hand barely helps to hold you up as the other sneaks away and you hear that damn ceramic bowl with ice being moved around. 

“Don’t you dare.” You mumble, immediately feeling Seokjin laugh under you.

“I thought you could take it, y/n?” Seokjin teases, grasping an ice cube and tracing it along your waist. You gasp, trying to move your body away from the sensation, but Namjoon tugs you back on top of the older man as he starts thrusting. 

Seokjin’s fingers trail the cube up your waist, alongside your ribs, just below your breasts, before finally bringing it to one of your nipples. Your back attempts to arch, but Seokjin’s other hand forces you back down from your stomach until you’re fully lying on him, no longer hovering.

It’s a chaotic mix of teasing, pleasure, and pain as Namjoon’s thumb starts circling your clit as he pounds into you at the same time as Seokjin’s ice trails along your skin. You barely give a warning before you’re crying out over your orgasm, body shaking and trying to grab onto anything you can. 

It’s only seconds later you feel Namjoon’s cock twitch inside of you, making you feel more full than before.

You wake up to the sounds of Seokjin snoring behind you. Eyes opening wide in panic when he lets out a rather loud one that almost sounds like he’s choking. You try to turn over to check on him, but you’re being held down by one of his arms. 

When your eyes open, you’re met with Namjoon’s closed ones, silently sleeping. He’s hugging his pillow tight, somehow unaware of the loud snores behind you. 

Or so you think. 

You try moving again, freezing instantly when Namjoon’s eyes open, a soft smile forming. 

“Hey, beautiful.” He whispers softly, his voice gravelly from the slumber. 

“Hi?”

“How you feeling?” His question confuses you. 

You feel fine. But you last remember Namjoon coming inside of you and that’s it. 

“Good? I don’t…remember what happened.” You try shuffling close to your boyfriend, but Seokjin’s hold on you is tight. Namjoon lets out a soft giggle, scooting closer to you instead. 

“You kinda passed out…?” His eyebrows raise a little, smile starting to form into a small laugh, “not like anything bad. But, after I came, you were a little loopy? It was amusing. We took care of you though. Cleaned you up and everything.”

“Hmm. I genuinely don’t remember, but thank you, baby.” 

“Where’s my thank you.” The voice behind you grumbles against your skin. You and Namjoon laugh as you twist your face into the pillow, muffling yourself. 

“Thank you, Jinnie” your voice drowns in the pillow. 

“Namjoon should thank me too. I was super helpful.”

You laugh into the pillow. 

“I take thank yous in kisses, please and thank you.” He snickers. You shake your head, twisting your body to face him now. 

“Shut up, hyung.” Namjoon sighs, his hand rubbing up against your waist.

Seokjin’s so pretty when he wakes up. His face is a little extra puffy, but it’s so cute. You love it. 

“I’ll get my kiss from him one day.” He pouts. 

“One day. I believe in it.” You grin, leaning in to give him an obnoxious kiss, pulling away with a loud mwah sound. 

The three of you laze around the rest of the day, only going out to get dinner before returning to sleep. 

The next day, the three of you make the trip to the final destination: Mykonos. 

It’s an island you had discussed early on in the relationship. Your typical Greece imagery of gorgeous waters, all white buildings and blue trim, beautiful beaches all around. Everything about it was perfect in the images you looked at. But it’s nothing compared to seeing it in person. 

You guys have the last four days here to just relax and enjoy the beaches. 

The day before Namjoon’s birthday, the three of you all separate to do different things. You stay inside, having some work stuff come up that you can't avoid. Seokjin decides to lounge on the deck of the villa you are staying in. It has stairs leading down straight onto the beach. There is a running path just off to the side and Namjoon decides to go see how much of the island he can cover (not much, but he does try).

When you finally finish up with work (you’re going to fight with Taehyung when you get back for directing the issue he could’ve easily fixed to you, knowing full well you are on vacation), you change into a bathing suit, throwing an oversized shirt (whether it’s Namjoon’s or Seokjin’s, you’ll never know) on over it and walk out onto the deck. 

You’ll never get over Seokjin without a shirt. 

He’s leaning over the balcony, in only shorts as his broad shoulders are on full display. The dimples in his back as well as the way his shoulder blades move when he shifts in place is enough to send shivers down your spine. 

You lean against the railing while standing next to him, staying quiet while he’s on the phone, having some sort of back and forth with who you assume is his manager. You’re quickly distracted by the beautiful blue waves rolling in to notice Seokjin repositioning to stand behind you, resting his chin on your head while he continues his phone call. 

“Yeah. I should be back in a few days and then I was hoping to stay in Seoul a few days before New York…but I guess that’s not happening?” 

You pout when he sighs, saying he understands and hanging up. The phone is tucked away in his back pocket while his arms snake around your waist. 

“Already have to go back to work?” 

He nods, moving down to rest his chin on your shoulder. 

“Unfortunately. They actually wanted me to come back tonight but I told him to fuck off.”

“No you didn’t.”

“No, I didn’t. But I did politely say no and made a compromise to come back asap.” 

“You’re too nice to them.” You pout, watching a couple playing in the ocean waves, “They overwork you. I miss you. Namjoon misses you.”

“I miss you too, princess. I miss you and Joon every time I’m away.” 

“Wanna stay here forever.” It’s a soft mumble, but you know he hears it when he hums in agreement, turning his head to kiss your cheek. You turn your face to him, letting your lips meet in a slow, deep, kiss. 

Again, there’s nothing quite like kissing Seokjin. Namjoon is the love of your life and always will be, but there’s just something about Seokjin’s lips that you crave constantly. Something about the way he holds you both delicately and possessively. Or the way he looks at you after a kiss, like he’s just as lost in it as you are. Like he’s trying to figure out the answer to the question you’ve been asking since that weekend in the Swiss mountains. 

He uses his tongue to tease your lips apart, making you gasp through a moan as he turns you around to face him, hands gripping your waist. 

“Jinnie” you whine, your arms wrapping around his shoulders. His lips trail down your jaw to that special spot between your neck and shoulder. 

“I’m sorry, y/n. We shouldn’t unless Namjoon’s around. But,” he leaves a small love bite on your shoulder, “you just have this effect on me. I can’t help it.”

You nod, moaning when you tug on his hair, making him suck harder on your skin. You’re going to be covered in bruises and hickies when you get home. You don’t care. 

“What’d I miss?” Namjoon’s voice breaks you two apart, but only barely. Seokjin’s lips place soft kisses on your cheek and forehead while you look at the man you love. 

“Jin told his manager to fuck off and wait until his vacation is over.”

“No he didn’t.”

“See?” You look at Seokjin, a playful smile and raised eyebrow, “you’re too nice.”

“I have to be. Or it ruins my reputation and makes me look like I’m difficult to work with.”

“But you are difficult to work with.”

“I take it back. I don’t miss you. I only miss Namjoon.” He jokingly shoves you away, stepping to move behind Namjoon, getting on his tiptoes to put his chin on the younger’s shoulder. “You’re too tall.” He grumbles, wrapping his arms around Namjoon’s middle. 

Namjoon smirks, hands holding onto Seokjin’s forearms to keep him there. 

“Well, I still think you’re too nice. You guys have fun. I’m going to get in the water.” You laugh, heading down the steps to the beach. You hear snickers, turning back briefly to see Namjoon turning in Seokjin’s arms to face him. 

You look back towards the beach, allowing them privacy even though that word barely exists with you three. 

The water is perfect. It’s not cold like the Pacific Ocean, not weirdly warm like the Atlantic. It’s a perfect balance. 

You let your feet sink into the sand, the gentle waves slowly bringing you closer to the ocean as the sand keeps you still. 

You love it here. 

You love your job, love your life, love your friends, family, and your boyfriend. 

But here? With not only your boyfriend but the man you crushed on for years that you now have the privilege to be with along with your boyfriend? For two whole weeks? 

That’s heaven.

It’s felt right these two weeks with them. Any time it’s been just you and Namjoon, it’s been perfect as usual, but it always feels like something is missing. 

Or rather someone.

You’re not sure how long you’re out here, staring at the horizon. The sand is halfway up your calves and the waves are hitting your upper thighs by the time two large arms wrap around your middle, body draping over your back as lips find refuge on your neck. 

You smile, sighing as you relax in his hold, tilting your head to the opposite side so he has better access. 

“Where’s my Jagi right now?” Namjoon’s voice barely breaks above the waves, only enough because it’s right by your ear. 

“Thinking.” 

“About?” His nose nudges under your ear. 

“Us.” You pause when you feel him tense, “us and Jin.”

“What about us and Jin?” His body relaxes, but barely. You use his hold on you as support as you pull your feet from the sand, both of you stepping a little further from the ocean when you turn to face him. 

“What is this to you, Joon?” Your arms snake around his neck, fingers dancing through his hair there. “Or rather, what is Jin? I know last year he was my present or whatever, but…that was nine months ago. And after all the texts with photos and videos and the times we’ve been with him…I don’t know. I need some sort of understanding before this gets too much.”

Namjoon’s eyes stay steady on you the entire time, the hands sitting on your waist, holding you gently, yet firm enough to keep you still. His thumbs rubbing circles through the shirt. 

“Too much, how?” Is all he asks. 

“I…I don’t know. Too much like he’s part of this? Too much like my crush from before you comes back and causes issues?”

“How would that cause issues, Jagi?”

“I don’t want to choose…”

“Baby,” Namjoon smirks, leaning in to kiss your forehead, “there is nothing to choose. I’m yours forever and if you want him, too…as long as he wants you back…I’m pretty sure I’ve done nothing but show you I’m very okay with sharing you.”

“That’s nice and all and I love you for that,” you pull away from him just slightly, forcing him to look at you again, “but what about you? What is this to you? It can’t just be me with two boyfriends. I mean, it can. But…what about you and Jin?”

And that’s where his confidence falters, for just a moment, you see it in his eyes and the way his lips twitch. 

He comes up with nothing when his mouth opens to speak, face contorting almost into confusion. 

“Joon? You okay?”

“Yeah…I just…” you let him pause, finding the right words as his eyes flit behind you to the crashing waves. It’s hard to bite back the smile when you try to soothe whatever worries he seems to have by massaging his nape. His eyes close momentarily before opening again, landing on your own. 

“I don’t know yet. But…I think there’s something…between him and I, I mean.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he nods slowly, eyes back on the ocean, “I just don’t know what exactly it is. If it’s just because of you or if it’s something else entirely? It’s confusing.”

“It’s okay, Joon. You don’t need to figure anything out right this second, but we should all sit down and figure this out at some point…maybe not tomorrow, though.”

“Why not tomorrow?” His head tilts to the side, looking back at you. 

“Your birthday? The whole reason we went on this trip?”

It takes two seconds of silence before he starts fully laughing, having to back away from you to bend over.

“I’ll be one hundred percent honest, I totally forgot.”

…

“You can’t be serious.”

“I was just treating it like a vacation with my best friend and my girlfriend.”

“Oh my god, Kim Namjoon. You’re an actual goober!” You playfully smack his shoulder, laughing with him. He takes the perfect opportunity to launch himself at you, bending slightly to pick you up by your thighs. You both laugh as your legs wrap around his waist, arms around his shoulders again. 

It’s a playful series of events, he threatens to lean forward, dumping you into the waves, you returning the threat with your own of no skin contact for a month, and just all around cuteness between you both that you’d be lying if you said wasn’t one of your favorite things about him. He’s so serious at work, so serious in most social situations. Except for with you, where he can be himself; laughing, dancing badly, making really terrible dad jokes, and just being your Namjoon. 

That night, the three of you are all dressed up for dinner reservations Seokjin made at the five star restaurant at the resort you’re staying at. 

Both men go for formal casual; slacks, a tucked in button up shirt, leaving the first three buttons undone for an added we’re on vacation and gorgeous models look that Seokjin will not shut up about. 

You dress up in a little black mini dress. It isn't too short to be informal, but just short enough that Namjoon’s hands stay on your thigh during dinner and Seokjin playfully grabs at your ass when you are waiting to be seated. 

Seokjin has the staff come sing happy birthday to Namjoon, the man’s face turning the deepest shades of embarrassment until the staff leave. 

Two bottles of expensive wine and a delicious meal later, the three of you are walking lazily down the pathway back to the villa. Seokjin directly behind you, his hands wandering your body as he kept you against his chest.

Mumbles of your nickname are pressed against your neck as he kisses and licks the skin there, not caring about where you are walking. 

With your head tilted to give him more access, your hazy eyes find your boyfriend a few feet away, holding onto the jacket you thought you might need, as well as your purse and heels you ditched at one point. He’s smiling his I’m tipsy grin, dimples peeking through as he watches his best friend cling to you. 

When you step past the front door of the villa, your body is quickly turned, back pressed up against the wall as Seokjin lifts your legs around his waist to bruise your neck some more. 

Your moans are cut off by your boyfriend’s words. 

“Hyung.” Seokjin quickly removes his lips from your skin. Head turning to look at his friend. “Bed.” Is all he says, tossing your stuff on the couch on the way to the bedroom. Seokjin smirks, tightening his hold on you as he pulls off the wall and heading to the bedroom with you in his arms. 

Namjoon is already standing by the foot of the bed, shirt pulled out of the waistband of the slacks that are unbuttoned, but still sitting on his hips. There’s a very prominent bulge peeking through the pants and it’s amazing how nervous it still makes you after all these years. 

There’s a silent exchange between the two men as Seokjin lays you down on the bed, letting you scoot back towards the headboard as he crawls over you. His mouth is on your neck again, wet lips marking anywhere he can. 

A free hand feels its way down your body, long fingers heading straight to your clothed center. He pushes a finger against your entrance, the fabric gathering up the arousal. 

You both let out a curse, your hips rolling up to meet his hand, trying so hard to get his finger to fully enter you. But it doesn’t, he teases you repeatedly, gathering more slick against your underwear until your boyfriend’s voice off to the side tells him to stop.

It’s almost like deja vu the way Seokjin pulls your underwear off, and hands it directly to Namjoon, who’s sitting in a chair next to the bed, cock already in his hand.

Your eyes stay on the way the underwear slides against his erection, the amount of arousal on the fabric mixing with his own. 

But his eyes? His eyes are on Seokjin. The way his fingers dig into your flesh as they roam your body. 

No. Not again. 

“Jin, off.” You whisper it, having to repeat it a little louder when he ignores you in favor of kissing your jaw. 

“You okay?” His whisper is panicked, hands leaving your skin to hold himself above you by placing them on either side of you on the bed. 

“Yeah,” you nod quickly, “just…the birthday boy.” Your eyes find Seokjin’s and you don’t know when it happened, but somehow you two developed a similar mind. He nods, kissing your nose and rolling off you to sit at the head of the bed, lightly palming himself. 

You grin, crawling off the bed, making sure Seokjin has a perfect view of your soaked center sans underwear. 

“Joonie, join us.” You stand in front of him at his chair, light fingers taking the underwear away from his cock. 

“I’m okay here, baby. Get back to hyung.”

You shake your head, and he doesn’t hesitate to help you when you straddle his lap, his cock teasing your clit as you settle down. 

“Come.”

“That’s my line.” 

You roll your eyes at his beautiful dimples, leaning down to kiss each one. 

“It’s your birthday, Joonie. Let us take care of you.” 

“It’s not my birthday yet.”

“As of seven minutes ago, it is officially your birthday, Kim Namjoon.” Seokjin’s voice comes from the bed, phone in hand with a shit eating grin on his face. You grin as well, looking back at your boyfriend. 

“See? It’s your day, baby.” You coo, brushing his hair back. “What would you like for your birthday?” 

“What are you doing?” He questions, eyes trying to decipher your smile. 

“I just want my Joonie to be happy and properly taken care of.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah. Now, be good and get on the bed.”

“Oh, you’re telling me what to do now?”

You hum, nodding as you stand up between his legs, holding your hands out for him, palms up. He gives you a look before looking over at Seokjin and smiles nervously, taking your hands and standing with you. 

You back up to the bed, pulling him with you with a smile. You only let go to tug the slacks and briefs off the rest of the way.  

“Sit next to Jin.” You quietly command, letting him move past you to get on the bed, sitting next to Seokjin, who at some point pulled all his clothes off except his underwear. 

Still in your dress, you crawl back onto the bed, a smirk forming when it appears Namjoon knows exactly what you’re doing and spreads his legs just slightly. Just enough to let you get comfortable on your stomach and your arms resting on his thighs. 

“Happy birthday, Joonie.” You grin, taking his cock in your hand and giving it a single pump, standing it up in front of you. Your lips sneak small kisses up and down his length, longer ones on his tip, before slowly easing his entire length down your throat. Holding him there in your mouth, a free hand cradles his balls in your palm, giving them a gentle massage that makes him groan, hands clutching your hair. 

“God, she’s too good at that.” Seokjin murmurs, your lips wrapped around Namjoon’s tip, tongue teasing at the slit that’s already oozing with precum. 

“I bet you’d do just— ah, fuck,” Namjoon’s head falls back, hitting the headboard as you take him down in one go without warning. “You’d do just fine, hyung.”

“Oh, I know I would. I’d do more than fine.” Seokjin’s quick to quip and you can’t help but smile internally, lifting your mouth off and away from your boyfriend’s cock. 

“Prove it.”

Both men stare at you, one turning a deep shade, the other almost laughing if not for the shock of the call out. 

“That’s not…” Seokjin stutters, still trying not to smile. 

“Not what? Joonie loves his cock sucked. You have amazing lips and your mouth is big enough, I’m sure you could take him all.”

“Baby.” Namjoon warns but you ignore the tone, looking at him with pleading eyes. 

“Jin needs to prove himself, Joon. Is it okay if he helps me with your cock?”

Namjoon’s eyes stay locked on yours. You can’t tell if he’s angry or nervous, but it’s enough to make you feel like submitting to whatever he wants, but also rebel against everything and anything he says. 

Not to mention, the shooting jolt of arousal you get from just that gaze is enough. 

It’s Seokjin’s voice that breaks through the staring contest. 

“I’ll be good, Joon. I promise.”

Namjoon’s eyes tear away from yours to Seokjin’s so fast, you think his neck would’ve snapped. 

You keep watching your boyfriend for any sort of negative reaction. 

But his eyes dance from eye to eye to lips, back to his eyes and next thing you know, Namjoon is nodding, sliding further down the bed to give you both access. 

You share a look with Seokjin, both ending in a grin as you take place on the bed between Namjoon’s legs. Your boyfriend is muttering something quietly to himself, his arm thrown over his face. 

You give Seokjin’s cheek a kiss, a hand pressing soothing circles into Namjoon’s thigh. Seokjin reaches out for Namjoon’s cock, almost mimicking your actions from moments ago. You watch in awe as his lips prove to be perfect for this activity, his mouth wide enough to take Namjoon down without a problem. 

“Fuck, so fucking good.” Namjoon mutters, biting his forearm. You can’t fight the smirk when you and Seokjin dive in at the same time, licking and kissing along his shaft and tip, both taking turns with his balls. 

Namjoon is going insane, fighting the urges to either force both of you closer to his cock until he’s coming across both of your faces, or to fill Seokjin’s mouth with himself until Seokjin’s crying and coming down his throat. He so desperately wants to regain control, but if this is what happens when he doesn’t have control?

Fuck that. No better time to give it all up than right now. 

“Fuck, okay you have to stop or I’m going to explode.”

You look away from Seokjin’s swollen lips around Namjoon’s tip to look back at your boyfriend, who has his eyes on the ceiling, afraid to look down at the two of you for it might make him come. 

“That’s not how you ask.” 

“Baby.” There’s that warning tone again. 

“Joonie.” You mock the tone, Seokjin pulls off, giving his tip one last lick. 

“Tell him, princess.”

You grin, wrapping your hand around Namjoon’s shaft, pumping hellishly slow. 

“Come on, Joonie. Be good for us. Ask correctly.”

It takes a few more pumps, Seokjin next to you, kissing your shoulder, before Namjoon lets out a deep whine, voice cracking when he finally speaks. 

“Please stop. I need you to stop before I come. Please, baby.”

“I like that word coming from those lips,” Seokjin giggles, “no offense, princess. It’s just hotter.”

“None taken. I agree a hundred percent.” 

“You two are the worst.” Namjoon’s muffled words send you both into a giggle fit, giving one another a small high five. 

“It’s what we strive to be, Joon.” Seokjin nods in agreement, arms wrapping around your waist, chin resting on your shoulder.

“Now, since you clearly need a minute, how about I take care of the princess for a moment?” Seokjin’s lips trail up your neck to your jaw and finally seal your lips with his. He tastes like Namjoon, and you’d be lying if you said that didn’t make you want to come right then and there.

Namjoon nods, muttering approval before you’re yoinked away from your boyfriend, giggling when you’re pulled on top of Seokjin. It’s a fumble getting his briefs off as well as your dress, but you manage to do it, out of breath from laughing too much at the end. 

You sit up, your mind in a blissful happiness you can’t describe at the sight of both men on the bed. 

“I’m too lucky.” You whisper, using one hand to steady yourself over Seokjin’s hips, the other wrapping around his cock, giving it a few pumps to coat it with his own precum. His hands find your hips, holding tightly as you align him with your center, sinking down until he’s fully inside. 

“Shit,” you curse, loving the stretch while you slowly lift your hips, circling them at the same time. 

“Come on, princess. Show me what you can do.” Seokjin coos, giving your ass a light spank to encourage you to move. You scoff, grabbing the hand on your ass to hold it there as you pick up the pace, bouncing on him. 

Seokjin’s cock is perfection, honestly. Or as close to it as one can get. Namjoon’s is too. But goddamn Kim Seokjin’s dick can make you see stars. 

Neither of you notice Namjoon getting on his knees to crawl to you, grabbing your face and kissing you like he’s never kissed you before. 

It’s hunger, lust, love, vulnerability, and just everything kissing should be with the one you love. 

You melt into him, your pace slowing again on Seokjin’s hips, your hands reaching to hold your boyfriend’s face. 

It’s not enough. 

“Joonie,” you breathe against his lips, your hips stilling, “I need you.”

“Wait until hyung’s done, baby.”

You shake your head almost too fast, pushing him back a bit. You gesture to Seokjin to fully lay down, laying across his torso, lifting your ass up as if you’re presenting yourself to him. 

“Both, Joonie. Want you both.” You moan against Seokjin’s collarbone, your hips rolling against his own, keeping his cock inside you. 

There’s a breath of a curse and your princess nickname under you, his hands holding your waist as you still. 

“Jagi,” Namjoon chokes in his next breath, eyes focused on your stretched cunt swallowing Seokjin whole, “are you sure?”

“Yes. I need it, baby. Wanna feel you both.”

“You’re not nearly stretched enough.”

“I’m fine. Please.” 

“If she says she’s fine, she’s fine, Joon. Please hurry up.” Seokjin tries to joke, but his jest is cut off by a groan when you lift your hips and slam them back down for some kind of friction. “Princess, behave. I’m trying to help you.”

“Both.” You whimper desperately. “Need you both.”

“Listen to her, Joonie,” Seokjin teases, spreading his legs some, “she needs us. You gave control. Do as she says.” 

“I did not give her control.”

“Joonie.” You cry with another roll of your hips. 

“Shit, Jagi. Okay.” His voice is rushed as he gets in his knees between Seokjin’s legs. 

“He’s so whipped for you, princess.”

You giggle softly into Seokjin’s neck. The three of you have to maneuver around just a little for the right angle, but you finally feel the tip of your boyfriend’s cock along your inner thigh.

You clench at the sensation, quietly apologizing to Seokjin when he gasps. 

“Relax, princess. You have to relax if you want us both.”

“I do. I do, I do.  Want you both.” 

“Kiss me.” Those two words have your head spinning as you lift it to melt your lips to his. 

In the back of your mind, you know what he’s doing. He’s distracting you, giving you something else to focus on and relax. And goddamn does it work. You get so lost in the feeling of his lips, the way his tongue dances with yours, and matching your breathing to his, that you barely notice Namjoon pressing inside of you, cock sliding against Seokjin’s. Not until Seokjin lets out a guttural groan at the pressure. 

Then you feel it.

How full you feel. 

Both men inside you. 

How it should be. 

No choices. No turns. Just together. The three of you. 

The stretch is intense. Borderline painful. But you’re so aroused from just the fact that both the men you love so much are inside you at the same time, that the pain lessens quickly. 

“You okay, Y/N?” Namjoon’s voice echoes against your ear. 

You try to hold yourself up to lean into him, but feel your arms giving out. As if he knows what is happening, because of course he knows, an arm snakes its way around your middle, holding you up against him, allowing you to focus on the feeling of them. 

“Full.” You mutter, hand reaching behind you to run your fingers through Namjoon’s hair. “So full. ‘Sokay though, you can move.” 

His lips press against your ear, then your neck, ending on your shoulder as he gives Seokjin a look before they both nod, alternating their thrusts. Every time Namjoon pulls back, Seokjin pushes further in and vice versa. 

It feels too fucking good. But you can’t do it yet. You can’t come yet. You need the feeling to last longer. You try to prolong the feeling, rolling your hips to meet with Namjoon’s thrust, clenching around him as you do so. 

You shouldn’t have done that. 

Instead of prolonging it, it just forces your orgasm. Your sensitive clit rubs just the right way against Seokjin’s pelvis, making you cry out in complete euphoria. 

“Oh, fuck!” Namjoon’s voice cracks behind you, hips stuttering before pressing flush against you. 

You can feel his cum pooling inside of you, spreading around with your own arousal as Seokjin’s thrusts continue, encouraging Namjoon to keep coming until they both have to pull out from you and Namjoon becoming oversensitive. 

Namjoon falls back from his sitting position on his knees to on his ass, hands holding him up behind him. You roll off Seokjin, eyes shut as you breathe heavily. Your body can’t decide between closing your legs to keep Namjoon’s cum inside and keeping your legs open because of the soreness and sensitivity. 

It takes a few seconds before you hear a body shuffling on the bed and a gasp from beside you. 

“What are you doing?!” Seokjin whisper-shouts. Your eyes fly open as you turn to look at the gorgeous sight beside you. 

Seokjin is still lying down, legs spread. But he’s looking down between them where Namjoon has settled on his stomach, hand cautiously wrapped around Seokjin’s still hardened erection. 

“You haven't come yet.” Namjoon states. 

“So, what? You’re gonna jerk me?”

“No? I was gonna try…sucking.”

You and Seokjin both snicker at the same time, much to Namjoon’s annoyance. 

“Oh. I can’t decide if that was adorable or fucking hot.” Seokjin cackles, a hand holding Namjoon’s face gently. Namjoon tries swatting the hand away, losing very quickly when you’re suddenly laying on your stomach as well, but near Seokjin’s side. 

“It was both. One hundred percent, it was both.” You kiss the cheek not being cradled. “Want some help?”

It’s the way he nods so nervously that makes your heart burst. You grin, settling in closer. 

“Well, you’ve seen me do it a million times. Use the lips, avoid teeth, the balls are fun, always kiss the tip, know your limits.” You give the instruction fairly easily, trying not to giggle at his anxiousness. “You’ll be okay, Joonie. And if you don’t like it, you can stop at any time.” 

“I’d rather he didn’t, though.” 

“Jin.” You warn, glaring at the handsome idiot. 

“Don’t Jin me! You both came already! I’m dying here!”

Namjoon snorts, not hesitating or giving any warning when he leans forward to kiss Seokjin’s tip. 

“Oh— fuck.” Seokjin’s hand leaves Namjoon’s face, hitting the mattress by his thigh, and taking a deep breath when Namjoon slowly wraps his lips around the head, tongue dancing along the slit. 

You watch in awe, giving words of encouragement as Namjoon lowers his mouth further down Seokjin’s cock, trying his best to take as much as he can. His hand cradles his balls, massaging them gently, but giving a small tug every now and again. 

“You’re doing so good, Joonie.” You praise over and over, running your hand through his hair, “make him come, baby. Make him lose control the way you do to me.” 

Namjoon finally hits his gag reflex, coughing slightly around Seokjin. His eyes lift to find Seokjin’s head leaning back, hand hitting the mattress again, fingers digging into the blanket. 

“Careful.” Your eyes widen slightly, resisting the urge to pull him off. If Namjoon wants to stop, he’ll stop. 

Also the sight and sounds are way too erotic to want to stop him. 

Seokjin’s head snaps forward at the feeling of Namjoon’s free hand pulling the hand tangled in the sheets, placing the hand in his hair. 

Their eyes meet. 

Seokjin smiles, his fingers tangling in Namjoon’s hair as the younger’s head lifts to wrap around the tip, tongue teasing it. 

“Goddamn, Joonie, that’s fucking perfect.” Seokjin lets out a light laugh, almost in disbelief at what’s happening. His hand slowly presses his head down, making Namjoon take more of him until it hits the back of his throat again. 

You honestly don’t know what to do yourself. Do you touch them? Join in? Say something? Encourage them to continue? Honestly, you’d rather just sit back and enjoy the visual of your boyfriend and best friend enjoying one another.

You do, however, find yourself rolling your hips against a blanket, soaked center making it perfect for your clit to glide along as you watch. 

And of course, Namjoon knows what you’re doing, even with his best friend’s dick down his throat. The free hand that had Seokjin’s trades with the one cradling his balls, quickly pulling the blanket away from you. You whine in protest, but his hand quickly finds its way between your legs, long fingers collecting up arousal and cum to spread around your clit. 

Your hips buck up closer to his hand, whimpering when a finger finds its way past your entrance, pumping you in perfect timing with the way he bobs his head. 

You know exactly what the fuck he’s doing. 

It takes barely a few minutes of the synchronized bobbing and pumping until Seokjin is almost in tears, moaning loudly as he comes down Namjoon’s throat at the same time your hips lose any and all sense of rhythm, coming around Namjoon’s fingers as you hug Seokjin’s thigh.  

Your come down is broken through when you hear Seokjin mutter come here and both hands grab at Namjoon, pulling him up his body to kiss him. 

To actually kiss him. 

Seokjin kissing Namjoon. 

After Seokjin just came down Namjoon’s throat. 

And Namjoon is kissing him back, open mouth, tongues tangling together. 

This is the fucking dream. 

You mutter a soft curse, lazily grinning at the sight. Seokjin seems to be the only one who hears you, pulling away from Namjoon’s lips with a grin. 

“Happy birthday, Joonie.” Seokjin gives another peck on the lips. Namjoon sighs into the quick kiss, lips faintly chasing the other’s. 

“You finally got your kiss, Jin.” You tease, the three of you giggling together. You scoot back a little bit, letting Namjoon get off Seokjin, laying between you both. 

“Finally.” He laughs as you throw your leg over Namjoon’s right leg, head ducking under his arm to rest on his chest. Seokjin is quick to mimic the position on the opposite side of Namjoon, who seems too blissfully out of it to care about the teasing. 

It’s silent for a moment, but your brain won’t shut up.

And of course, Namjoon knows. 

“So should we have that talk now?” Namjoon’s words are quiet against the silence of the three of you in the afterglow moments. Both you and Seokjin make questioning noises, prompting you to look up. 

“What talk?”

“Jagi…wanna tell him?”

Your eyes widen in a small panic, but Namjoon’s fingers dance along your spine reassuringly. 

You can do this. It’s fine. It’ll be fine. 

“Uh, Jin. I don’t want this to be…like Namjoon and myself in a relationship with you as a bonus. I want the three of us to be…”

“A throuple?” Seokjin’s quick to catch on. Namjoon smiles, eyes shut. 

“If you want. Clearly, you and Joon have something. You and I have something. Obviously Joon and I have something…”

“I’d be happy to be a boyfriend to you both.”

You can feel Namjoon’s heart pounding under your cheek, your own heart doing the same. 

“Yeah? Officially?” You just know the way you’re grinning looks like a child told they’re going to Disneyland, and you don’t fucking care. This is so much better. 

“As long as this guy wants it,” his head jerks up to the man lying between you both, arms wrapped around both of you. He’s got a smug smile with his beautiful puffy lips.

“I do.” Namjoon confirms with a sigh, “dunno how I’m gonna deal with both of you when you’re being brats, but…”

“We are never brats.”

“Yeah!” Seokjin lightly hits Namjoon’s stomach, “maybe it’s just that you are a strict spoilsport. Ever think about that?”

“You’re literally being a brat right now.” Namjoon’s monotone voice cracks with just a hint of amusement. You stay silent, curling up closer to Namjoon as they continue to bicker with a smile. 

“Wow. Day one of our relationship, and you’re already being so rude. Do you even know who I am? How lucky you are?” 

You bite back the laugh, letting yourself fall asleep to the voices of your two boyfriends. 

When you wake up the next morning, it’s to the sound of screaming. But not from either of the men you fell asleep with. 

“Sorry! Sorry sorry sorry! We’ll just…we’ll be out here! Yoongi, come on!” You know that voice. Why is that voice in Greece?

Oh fuck. 

Once the bedroom door closes, you sit up quickly, your head spinning from the sudden position change as you wrap the blanket around your top half. You leap out of bed, trying to find clothes. 

“Y/N? Care to explain?” Namjoon’s voice is higher than normal, still sitting upright in the bed. 

Fuck. 

“This was the wrong way to surprise you.” You throw some shorts, a tank top, some underwear and a bra onto the bed, quickly getting rid of the blanket to change. 

“I was supposed to wake up early and let them in and we’d make breakfast and it’d be a whole big birthday thing. But then we…last night…and I just…forgot.”

“You forgot Yoongi and Jimin were going to be joining us in Greece?” 

“Don’t even start!” You button the shorts around your waist, throwing the tank top on after. “You forgot your own birthday!” 

“He forgot his birthday?” Seokjin makes his appearance from the bathroom, looking as disheveled as you do in his haste to put on clothes. He sits on the bed, toothbrush in his mouth. The only one still naked is Namjoon, who just has a blanket covering his bottom half. 

“For like a moment.” The birthday boy shrugs. You cut him off before he can continue. 

“Whatever. Jin and I will go set things up. You put some pants on and laze about or something, you birthday grump.”

“Not a birthday grump.”

“I thought you’d be happy with your friends out here with us.”

“I am, Jagi. I am and I love you for it. But they just saw both of my partners naked in bed with me and you know I don’t like others seeing what’s mine.”

You have to remind yourself that Yoongi and Jimin are just outside the door. You cannot tease your boyfriend into fucking you right now. 

“Joonie. They’re together. They don’t care about what they see. Yoongi and I are like siblings.”

“He’s still possessive.” Seokjin shrugs, returning to the bathroom to spit out the toothpaste. You swap places with him, quickly brushing your teeth and trying not to look like a complete mess. 

Namjoon’s at the door when you leave the bathroom, pants on but no shirt. 

Damn him. 

You pout. But not for the reason he thinks. 

“Thank you for inviting Yoongi and Jimin out here for my birthday, baby.” His voice is softer, hands reaching for your waist. 

“I just wanted it to be a fun birthday.” 

“It’s been a great birthday so far. I’m sure it’ll get even better. Thank you.” He presses his lips to yours, lips tugging into a smile when you melt against him. When he just barely pulls away, he mumbles “I love you, Jagi.” 

“I love you, too.” You sigh against his lips. The sound of something moving on the bed pulls you away, making you laugh when Seokjin appears by you. 

“Excuse me, I paid for their flights. Where’s my thank you kiss?” 

“Shut up, hyung.” Namjoon rolls his eyes, grabbing Seokjin by the back of the neck and cutting off any sassy responses with a kiss. Seokjin melts into him just like you did, but pushes away after a second. 

“Brush your teeth, stinky. You taste like last night. Let’s go, princess.”

Seokjin’s hand grabs yours, pulling you out of the bedroom and into the living room where the two wait. 

“So…” Yoongi’s voice trails, eyes set directly on your joined hands. 

“What’s going on with you three?” Jimin completes the question for Yoongi, who’s sitting on the couch with him, legs crossed and foot tapping the air. 

“We’re uh…together.”

“Did you and Joon break up?”

“Nope.”

“We’re all together now. The three of us.” Seokjin explains further for you. 

Both boys sit there, Jimin with an amused, almost shocked expression, and Yoongi of course stone faced. It’s silent until Yoongi finally smiles. 

“You’re welcome.” Is all he says, standing up from the couch and heading to the kitchen 

“I said it wouldn’t happen. Yoongi said otherwise.” Jimin giggles, bouncing up. “Okay, let’s go make the birthday boy some food!” 

“Nope. You’re banned from kitchens, remember?” Yoongi grabs both of Jimin’s wrists before he can reach for any utensil.

“Minnie, help me decorate and let the old men cook.” You call out, ignoring the shocked gasp from your boyfriend. 

Jimin sighs, joining you, the other banned one, to help decorate. 

Namjoon joins half an hour later, trying to help you and Jimin decorate, only to be banned after he pops a confetti balloon. He tries to help in the kitchen, but Yoongi goes off on him when he tries to cut a vegetable incorrectly. 

“I thought you’re supposed to be nice and loving to people on their birthday.” He grumbles from the couch. 

Jimin has taken over the decorations, his interior design skills coming in handy to make it look perfect. You are settled on the couch next to Namjoon, curling up in his arms. 

“You’re also not supposed to help with your birthday party, silly.” You both laugh, watching the ridiculousness going on in this villa in Greece of all places. 

“Thank you again, baby.” Namjoon whispers against your temple, a kiss following after, “This has been an amazing trip.”

“Of course, Joonie. And thank you for being the man I love. Happy birthday.” You look up, smiling before your lips find his, and you feel whole. Jimin says something and Namjoon pulls away to respond. You take a second to look over at the kitchen. 

Yoongi’s ranting about how annoying grocery shopping is on the island, but Seokjin’s not paying attention. His eyes are on you and Namjoon, handsome face smiling ear to ear. 

You can’t help but smile back. 

You have the man you’ve loved for years and the man you know is your soulmate. You don’t need anything else.

#kvanity #kflixnet #wkcnet #btswritersclub #kelly writes #kelly posts #fic: swiss miss #fic: pieces of greece #kim namjoon #kim seokjin #namjoon #seokjin #knj #ksj #knj x reader #ksj x reader #bts smut #ksj smut #knj smut #bts fanfction

[httpknjoon]

marry me chicken | ksj

plot | After this dinner night with Jin, you learned how far can a chicken dish go.

word count | 1.9k+

genres | fluff, humor, slight angst, established relationship au, celebrity au

pairing | actor!jin x famous!reader

note | i love this couple so much. it's always easy writing about them two <3 enjoy reading!

main masterlist | the a-listers: confidential masterlist

"I don’t think I’ll marry. I mean it’s not like I’m against marriage. It’s just that I really enjoy being on my own for now.”

That line was your answer in one of the interviews you’ve done for a magazine cover when you barely turned 20. You don’t even remember why the interviewer was asking such a thing who just entered their twenties, but you remembered why you answered that.

At the time of that interview, you were living alone for the longest time. You have been residing in your own house since you were fifteen, learning to do things on your own. When you don’t have any agenda, you usually find yourself silently reading books in your then-small garden while wearing your pajamas or writing random thoughts in your room while playing some music in the background. You avoid going out then as you feel like the paparazzi are just burning holes in your skin. Every time you go out before, you would hear new made-up stories about you.

But now, you’re sitting on your kitchen counter, watching this man prepare tonight’s dinner with his favorite apron on. The appetizing aroma of butter and garlic makes its way through your senses. He loves cooking, you learned about that fact before you two even began dating, and you love watching him doing things he loves. This is how you usually spend your date nights for the past two years: in each others’ houses, enjoying the company of one another without cameras following you around.

Moments like this, where it’s just you and Jin doing things alone, make you think about the things you said. You would simply take that back and burn every print of paper with that statement. You two already discussed your future plans but when it came to marriage, it was vague and rarely mentioned.

‘Bub, I’ll melt.” Jin suddenly said as he placed a piece of chicken on a plate.

Your head lifted since you were resting it at the palm of your hands, “Hmm?”

Jin looks at you. He can tell that you didn’t really get what he said. You had a confused look on your face and he just shook his head with a smile and chuckle.

“You were staring at me,” he told you.

You laughed before making a dramatic eye roll, “Oh, please. Can’t a girl lovingly watch her boyfriend making dinner for her?”

“No, she can’t because her boyfriend gets so self-conscious when he feels her eyes on him,” Jin replied.

You laughed once again, now walking in his direction, and slowly wrapped your arms around his waist while Jin tried to focus on garnishing his dish. Taking in the smell of his perfume and the softness of his sweatshirt, you mumbled behind him,

“We’ve been dating for more than two years now. I really expected you not to blush every time I watched you focus on something. You should get used to it or else…”

“Or else what, Bub?”

Suddenly, Jin turned around still caged in your arms. His chin sticks on his chest as he tries to meet your eyes. There, he sees a cheeky grin on your lips.

“Or else I might look at something else—”

“Now that you wouldn’t do,” he smirked, wrapping his arms all over you. ‘Because I won’t let you. I’ll just make you look at me while I feel shy rather than letting your eyes go somewhere else. I won’t let that happen. Your eyes can’t look at somebody else. Just me. Only me.”

“Ooh, possessive. I like it.” You squinted your eyes at the same time you wiggled your brows, making him chuckle.

“You know I am.” he teased back. “Anyway, let’s go enjoy what I cooked. Prepare the wine while I put these on the table.”

You nodded, “Okay. Noted, sir.”

He snickered with that. The dinner went on with you, Jin, and your dining table with a lit candle for a romantic effect. Your daughter, Francheskat, was also quietly walking around the whole time. She was just observing you and your boyfriend while you chatted about different topics, looking judgy the whole time.

“How was it?” your boyfriend asked with a small piece of chicken left on your plate.

You hummed at first, chewing on the meat, before answering with your mouth full, “It’s creamy, it’s juicy. It’s perfect, I love it! Where did you find this recipe?”

You were so lost in the meal that you didn’t notice Jin shifting on his seat and gulping down, “Online…”

“Hmm, okay.”

Throughout the whole home date, Jin didn’t let you do anything except pour the wine for you two. He was the one who cooked and cleaned up even though you insisted on helping him in your own house.

“At least let me wash the plates.”

“No, you’ll sit down right there or I’ll tie you up–”

Jin just realized what he was saying as soon as it came out of his mouth. He turned his head to the side, where you sat again on the kitchen counter with your chin on your palms. You squinted again,

“Ooh, that’s so kinky of you, Sir.”

You wanted to laugh out loud at how he looked away with flustered red ears and neck. Ever since that time, you two did that thirsty tweets segment for Buzzfeed, you liked teasing him with anything that had something to do with him that had sexual undertones. Jin can’t do anything about it since he finds it hilarious how good you can always circle back on that kind of topic when he’s talking about other topics. It shuts him up sometimes. It didn’t help that he easily blushed and you knew a lot about him after that thirst tweet segment.

“Guess, I’ll just go wait outside.” you stood up with a playful smirk. “Francheskat, honey, let’s go.”

Almost an hour later, you and Jin are just chilling in your backyard. You had your favorite picnic blanket laid out on the green grass with your pillows. The fairy lights you had installed when you bought the house set up the mood perfectly. You sat there while Jin laid his head on your lap. He was talking about a project he auditioned for while you read the script he got for it.

“It was nice. The character seems well thought out and so is his backstory…”

You tried to stay present and listen to his enthusiasm for the role but he mentioned something that you have been thinking about for the last few months.

“Like, he was doing what he was asked to do for the sake of his marriage with Jen’s character–”

“Do you think you’ll ever marry me?” you blurted out of nowhere.

Silence became so loud as you felt Jin slowly move away from your lap. You pursed your lips, looking away while feeling the embarrassment boiling in your stomach.

“What?” Jin asked in a tone you cannot comprehend. Happy? Shocked? Confused?

Well, you can’t tell because you won’t look at him, “Nothing. Nothing. Let’s not talk about it anymore. Maybe I should get more wine–”

You were about to get up, wanting to leave the scene you began, but Jin held your wrist to stop you from going. Finally, you looked at him. And you don’t know if it’s the fairy lights or the wine but his eyes seemed to sparkle more like a little kid. His lips were slightly opened and seemed to form into a small smile.

“Stay.”

Sighing, you sat back down and your boyfriend did the same thing, properly meeting your eyes. You bit your inner cheeks. It felt like there was a drum inside your chest while you asked yourself in your head why you asked such a question. But Jin’s face remained calm— or happy? His lips were pursed but you can see the ends of his lips turning upward.

“Let’s just act I didn’t ask that. It’s embarrassing,” you mumbled, looking down.

You heard him chuckle. He reached for your hands and subtly played with your fingers by clasping them with his. You felt his lips, light as a feather but soft as a pillow, on your knuckles.

“You know… I have no other person in mind if someone would ask me who I want to spend the rest of my life with. Except you. If I were to write my vows, I would like them to be dedicated to you and no one else. So yeah, I think I would marry you.”

Fuck wine. Yes, you’re blaming it on the wine because how can you sob over three sentences your boyfriend just said while you two sat under fairy lights and a starry night sky. You closed your eyes for a second, letting the tears flow down your cheeks while letting out a shaky laugh. You felt stupid for even feeling nervous around Jin. but now, a sense of relief grew inside you. You opened your eyes and instantly instantly saw his smiling face. You were about to lean in to give him a kiss. But he continued,

"And when I bought the ring, I made sure to have it exactly on your ring finger’s size.”

Your eyes widened, eyebrows raised. You audibly gasped when you realized what he just told you. The edges of your sight are just blurry with tears just continuing to go from your eyes. Jin gently wiped it with his thumb before asking something out of the blue,

“Do you know what I just cooked for you earlier?”

“Is it relevant to what are we talking about right now?” you asked tearfully.

He laughed before reaching for his phone, “Wait, I’ll show you.”

All you can do is nod while sobbing over this overwhelming joy and love you have been feeling inside of you. Jin then handed you his phone and you see it was the screenshot of a recipe. An image of the same dish he cooked earlier was shown. Then, you read the name of the meal.

“Marry me chicken?”

Still, in tears, you asked Jin confusedly. He laughed at your reaction, “Yes. It says that it was named like that because it was so good that you’ll partner ask for marriage if they taste that meal.”

You wiped your tears with the back of your hand while weeping like a little kid, “That was so lame. But effective.”

With that, Jin stood up and softly pulled you along with him. So, you two stood barefoot on your picnic blanket. He looked directly into your eyes while he reached for something in his pocket. He slowly gets on one knee. You felt butterflies in your gut as he took out a familiar rose gold ring. A Tiffany Harmony.

Your jaw dropped open and your hand covered your mouth, “Oh my god, it’s the one I told Hailey about.”

“Yes.” Jin nodded and his eyes turned glossy. “I-I’ve been keeping this for almost a year now.”

His voice breaks in the middle of that sentence and you were just basically waterworks at this point.

“Bub, YN, Francheskat’s mom,” you two tearfully chuckle at that last title. He resumed, “Will you marry me?”

You were sobbing and nodding uncontrollably as you answered a shaky “Yes, of course.”

He swiftly slid the ring on your finger and got up. You immediately pulled him for a kiss with the overflowing emotions in your body. Then, you pulled away and rested your forehead on his. He whispered,

“I love you so much, bub.”

“I love you too.” you sobbed and wrapped your arms around him.

He hugged you back, resting his chin on the top of your head. Your head rested on his chest and your own heart skipped, hearing how close his heartbeats were.

It happened in the first week of November. Unbeknownst to both you and Jin, you would exchange your vows three weeks later.

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[jooniperbonsai]

Thanks For the Sub (ksj) | Chapter Two

Pairing: Camboy!Seokjin x Gamer!Reader (afab)

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 13.7k

Release date: Mon. February 5, 2024

Genre: Smut, fluff, angst, camboy au, gamer au, comedy, crack, slow burn (?), coworkers/boss/friends to lovers, an exploration of adults in their late 20s/early 30s

Summary: Now aware of Seokjin's secret, you try to take some of his...techniques into your next stream. But how well will they pay off?

Chapter Warnings: anxiety, discussion of boundaries and triggers, Seokjin explains what bdsm is supposed to mean to us watching at home, internet/cyberbullying dynamics, boss/employee power struggles, discussions of consent, peer pressure, mention of threesome, implied chubby/fat reader (it's vague enough to not adopt a specific size), mention of sex toys, swearing, sexual fantasies, m masturbation, damn Seokjin has a boner so many times in this sorry, size kink, y/n assumes Seokjin's sexuality, porn simulation games, 1 (one) reference to Vine (RIP), Dom Seokjin, kink negotiation, mention of choking and improper bdsm practices, mention of urethral sounding (but not actually happening)

a/n: Ahh hello! First of all, thank you to everyone who has read TFTS so far! It really warms my heart knowing how well received it's been, and your comments and messaged have meant so much. I really wanted to emphasize discussions of consent and boundaries in this chapter. I was struggling to write for a little bit, and then suddenly I saw this one gif of Jin on my feed and my brain jimmy neutron brain blasted my way to a 13k length chapter. Hopefully I've proofread well enough, but if you spot some serious errors please let me know. -h

On Saturday afternoon, Seokjin woke up for the first time in what felt like forever feeling rested. After checking the weather app on his phone constantly throughout the night, he received the alert that heavy snowfall was causing delays in plowing and public transit. He messaged the opening crew, encouraging them to also enjoy the lie-in and prepare for a delayed open. Instead of falling into the semi-sickening lovefest of couples peeling each other’s perilla leaves or trying to feed each other lunch, he could be spared until the evening. 

Which was good, because Seokjin was exhausted. His live last night was not planned, but after closing and apologizing to you about his gross mismanagement of power, he needed to get out the pent-up frustration that crumbled the bones in his body from pressure. 

Sure, it was the right thing to do to apologize, even though he knew he would never be able to look at that prep counter, your wide, glassy eyes, and swollen lips the same way again. But it was important to him. He could never become the kind of man he watched his boss be to him or his wife, forcing his way past someone’s boundaries to get what they wanted. 

Even years later, Seokjin was convinced that had he not shared information about Soon Yi that intrigued his boss, if he’d maybe kept his personal and professional lives separate, things maybe would have been different. And now that he was in the position of power where he was someone else’s boss, wasn’t it his duty to make sure that didn’t happen to you too?

Seokjin almost lost all his control with you yesterday. From the moment you came in with a tired, croaky voice that greeted him “hi” before the sun had even come up, he knew he would be struggling for the rest of the day. 

During multiple points of your training, he had the urge to touch you, which was nearly impossible not to do, since so much of the guidance you needed came from hand-over-hand instruction as he showed you the fluid motions of safe chopping. When his large hands covered yours, Seokjin became aware of how tiny you were to him. Maybe not in all the places, but your height, your smaller hands, they showed him how easily and perfectly you slotted into his body, like a puzzle piece he didn’t know he could ever feel matched to. 

Maybe Seokjin executed this desire to touch you a little too dramatically. When he saw your misplaced cutting knife, he let that excuse lead him head-first into white hot desire, scolding you, watching you squirm a little as you felt embarrassed for losing focus. And that seemed to unlock some feral need in him, to get you to squirm a little more, to touch you and feel the velveteen softness of your forearms as he pinned you against the prep table. 

The little gasp you’d let out sent the blood straight to his cock, and to avoid you seeing how easy and embarrassingly you could undo him–how quickly one singular sound from you would make Seokjin rock hard and panting and under your complete power–he reacted, clasped your wrists, used some set of excuses to get closer, let his arm skim across your cheek to grab a packet of whatever the hell was above you. And the way you didn’t resist, didn’t pull away from his grasp showed him how good you could be, how obedient you were as you turned around when told. 

He should’ve stopped there, but you were standing in front of him, smelling a little bit like coffee and a fruity shampoo you used, your bodies only mere inches from full on contact. And Seokjin wanted more of a reason to hold onto you, to see what ways he could rile you up, whether you were cognizant or not of how, well, submissive you were to him. 

Most of his income from streams came from scenarios where Seokjin played into a softer role, which translated into the role of a submissive pretty boy, and usually a bottom. But for the first time in years, a rich, satisfying wave of dominance rolled back into his body and he welcomed it.

Seokjin knew better, but he couldn’t help himself. The one bit of control he maintained was in his refusal to let go of your hands, even after you had mastered the motions of your knife, possibly even better than Seokjin himself could chop. Because if Seokjin declawed himself from you, his hands would absolutely wander. Up the sleeve of your exposed forearms and down the swell of your breasts and full hips. 

His cock ached thinking about how plush and soft your body would be under his hands, how he wouldn’t have to worry about breaking you. He could safely grope your sides and not feel like he would pinch your bones together, and that was important, because Seokjin liked to be rough.

When that carrot fell, you couldn’t shake Seokjin’s desperate hands off yours and you carried him with you as you curved your body toward the floor to pick up your mess. Seokjin was blessed and cursed with the brief moment he got to touch more of you than he ever had as your ass rocked back and ground gently into him. 

He’d moaned, though he tried to disguise it as a grunt or scoff, but the way your delicious ass attracted him right in between the line of your cheeks practically begged him to rut against you. 

Your reaction of shock, though, halted him as he remembered you two were in the kitchen of his family’s restaurant. He scrambled to cover his dick before it became even more obvious and humiliating. 

And then you fell, because Seokjin was an idiot and forgot he had been holding onto you. 

The sound of your head crashing into the metal ricocheted through his ears, and your pained moan sent him spiraling in panic. He didn’t think. Seokjin wasn’t the best at remaining calm during potential medical emergencies, instead of electing to assess your wellbeing and check-in with you, he just reacted, plucking you off the floor and onto the counter.

You can’t manage a restaurant without carrying heavy sacks of rice or flour, cartons of vegetables or gallons of oils and liquids into the space. That, plus the fact that Seokjin did go to the gym to keep his figure, ensured that when he had to pull you up from the floor, he could do so with ease. Which thanks to his awful, overly enthusiastic libido, was really locking in some potential size kink. If Seokjin could hoist you onto the cold prep counter without breaking a sweat, it meant he could also hoist you onto other things, like his cock. Could bounce you up and down and see how those delicious, large tits would follow his pace.

Fuck. 

This was when Seokjin realized even though he was deeply, deeply interested in these fantasies, his reality was different. Because too easily he had dipped into some innate submissive part of you and decided to play with it and tease you for it. Too easily, he has erased any boundary between professional and personal, and now you are walking around with a giant bruise on your forehead. He used his power to manipulate you, didn’t he? While the tiniest part of him argued back, suggesting it was purely mutual attraction and biology, that he shouldn’t apologize because he swore he saw something in your eyes that almost guaranteed you wanted him too, this is why Seokjin had to apologize. The “almost” of it all. He wasn’t sure, which meant the uncertainty was a risk and just because he wanted something to be true didn’t mean it was. 

By the end of the day, the intense proximity to you and the memory of your lips parting to suck his tongue into your mouth had become too much. Seokjin turned on an impromptu stream to wallow in his self pity and direct that dominant energy into something that was far less harmful and at least lucrative. 

Now, as the winter’s dull afternoon light glowed through the city, Seokjin checked his phone, seeing that the evening crew leader had arrived and informed him that everything was covered and they wouldn’t need the extra help. 

With that update, Seokjin’s entire evening just became available, which was a rare thing for him since he moved up in his job role. But because of this, he was unsure what to do to pass the time. He cooked himself dinner, cleaned, and organized the jars in his refrigerator, needing to keep his hands busy to distract himself from thinking about you. 

His apartment looking immaculate and there no longer being anything else to clean, he finally fired up his computer to play games. Maybe this would serve as a proper distraction. His new PC was set to come early next week after being delayed by the snow. Despite Seokjin’s financial success since his start as a streamer, money to him was still something he wasn’t sure what to do with. 

After Worldwide Handsome took their cut from last night’s fifteen grand in earnings, he would be walking away with about ten thousand dollars. He would, albeit quietly, pour around seven thousand of those dollars into the restaurant, where the mom-and-pop feel of the small shop was starting to show its age.

Last week, he’d called a repairman to give him a quote about fixing a broken coil on one of the griddles. After a quick inspection, he was informed most of the unit was corroding, and it was time to seriously consider a replacement. Between that, the new register he ordered, and the walk-in freezer that was coughing its last breath, probably as we speak, Seokjin spent nearly forty grand in the last month with repairs and replacements to keep the shop running another day. 

His parents had insisted they’d pay for the expenses, but after the first few discoveries he’d made of the DIY wiring his father had tried in earnest to configure, Seokjin stopped alerting them to the updates he was making, hoping that distance, age, and some fairly similar looking appliances would allow for these changes to go undetected when they returned. He had seen what this place made. He’d seen his paycheck. There was no way in hell his father could afford an $18 to 25,000 walk-in freezer on their operating budget. 

Overall, Seokjin made plenty of money with streaming, but beyond some investments and his nice apartment, as well as a savings account to ensure he wasn’t completely destitute, he lived much below his means. When he hit goals during his streaming, it did really feel like he was winning big. To buy himself a new PC was something he knew he worked for.  

Just as he was browsing the new skins in the game store, he heard the familiar chime and his heartrate picked up. 

You were live. 

He hesitated. “No,” he said out loud to himself, his voice croaking after hours of not speaking. “Don’t even think about it.” 

He knew if he looked at you right now, all the distractions, the cleaning, the dedication to keeping himself busy, would be for nothing. It would be painful to look at you–probably all cozy with your hair pulled messily away from your face, your glasses hanging off your nose instead of your usual contacts–and not think about how merely hours ago he had your heat rubbed up against him. 

If he really wanted to torture himself, he would also think about how the casual, disheveled look you sported could have been something he woke up to this morning if he’d tried a little harder, the loose t-shirt you probably wore rising up while you slept next to him, exposing the soft tummy he knew hid under it. Maybe even one of your nipples would slip out, hard from the chill of the cold winter air bleeding into his apartment. 

But Seokjin wouldn’t torture himself. He knew better. When he exited his game, he definitely didn’t launch his web browser and go to your channel that was on his Favorites tab. And he definitely didn’t cup himself through his sweats as he watched you appear before him. 

If the idea of you in casual wear could make him this hard, the view of you now, as you sat on stream with a tight, low-cut top that showed the curve of your breasts and their delicious, lickable valley between them, could easily turn every part of him into stone. You did your makeup today. Let your hair delicately frame your face. You looked like you were logging on to lure your viewers to come to you like a siren. Seokjin wanted you to devour him. 

His cock twitched and he groaned. He was such a pervert. But whoever this Y/N was, she looked like she was ready to play some games, and not the kind that Seokjin was used to seeing on stream. 

“Well, hello,” you purred. Was this really happening? Who the fuck had possessed the wide-eyed, awkward gamer he was used to watching?

“I thought, given that it’s so close to Valentine's Day, and because I missed the stream last night, I would make it up to you.” 

Seokjin froze. How had he not known you were supposed to stream yesterday? He would’ve never let you stay so late. He shot you an apologetic text,and when he looked up from his phone, he saw some of the comments flooding into your feed:

Mingisaysrelax: Um…am I on the right website? 😏💦

MountainSan88:😳 

PizzaBoy97: You look really pretty 😍

MizzVyne: Is this allowed? IS THIS ALLOWED?

Seokjin watched as your chat exploded in response to your new look, clips being taken by the hundreds when you leaned down to adjust your seat and the tops of your breasts jiggled. Your mods seemed to be on top of things though, because as soon as he saw raunchy or hateful comments, they were swiftly being taken down. 

“I’m not going to read my comment section right now, but I assume you’re all a little shocked by my appearance. I don’t know, I was feeling a bit inspired by another streamer I watched last night when I got home from work. He had some really good ideas on um…stuff, and no I’m not going to share who he is because some of you will absolutely cyber bully him for being associated with me and he deserves better than that.” 

He. A pang of bitterness surged through Seokjin. It was laughable, really, how he was jealous because you were watching other male streamers when you got home from work, completely oblivious to how on another site he was jerking his aching cock to his viewers thanks to how worked up you made him. 

“But yeah, I’m going to switch up the stream in the second half, if you want to stick around and see.”

This really piqued his interest, pressing his palm down onto his erection to try and relieve some of the pressure. 

You frowned at your screen as you launched your game, some first person shooter that would hold your attention so you wouldn’t have to talk.

You opened your mouth to add something, but you were immediately dropped into your game, setting your jaw as you focused on the controls in front of you, occasionally panicking, key smashing so loud that it drowned out your squeals when you were knocked over and over again and needed a revive. 

Seokjin assumed whatever teammate who kept reviving you must’ve been a subscriber who was stream sniping…or reverse stream sniping? Stream assisting and reviving as you struggled your way through the game. 

Something really stuck with him as you played. Whoever this “mentor” was must have been well versed in the knowledge that on any streaming platform, sex sells, especially for women. Your new look was drawing in quite the crowd. He wasn’t sure he’d seen you have this many subs, points, or viewers while streaming before. It was like a switch flipped. 

He felt a tiny flutter of something like pride swell into his chest. You were becoming more confident every day he knew you, from your knife skills to school teaching to now streaming. 

“Oh shittttttt,” you groaned into your mic, ripping Seokjin away from his soft reverie and back into full on, desperate wanting. Maybe you were toeing the community guidelines with this stream, but that groan sounded almost pornographic coming out of your mouth, and any chance Seokjin had at trying to be respectful was long gone. 

He cocked an eyebrow. “Oh you’re being a bad girl tonight I see,” he chuckled to himself.

Almost as if you heard him, you giggled back, biting your lip playfully. Fuck, what were you doing to him? Your chat seemed to be in a similar standing. 

As a result, One of the mods pinned an announcement to the top:

W0nW00: To maintain community guidelines and compliance, we are labeling this channel as 18+. We ask that you be respectful to Y/N and her moderators as we continue with this stream. If your account is set to under 18, you will be redirected in 2 minutes. 

Shit, all for a simple moan? 

You paused the game. “I’m going to go for a bio break. Be right back.” You set your break screen, and instead of the usual, cutesy graphic of a cherry blossom tree blowing in the wind that said “Spring Day Streams”, it was now a neon, vaporwave cityscape and said “Join Us For Spring Night Streams, An After Dark Experience”. 

Seokjin’s eyes wide, he finally released his cock from his sweats, and took himself in his hand. Oh, this was going to be good. 

Seokjin is a camboy.

That’s the only thought splitting through the headache you’ve had all morning. Is there such a thing as an orgasm hangover? Because if so, you’ve got one. If not, maybe you were concussed in the kitchen yesterday.

You’ve spent most of the day trying to clean up the mess of your apartment and frankly, your mental state. Seokjin spends his Friday nights Daddy domming his humble pool of viewers and making thousands of dollars doing so. To even think that sentence feels insane. 

And humiliating. Because attached to that sentence is the realization that Seokjin’s major success as a gay camboy means that he is absolutely not thinking about you the way you are of him, and the kiss you imposed on him at work was definitely not consensual after all, which when you think about it, is obvious based on how frantically he apologized and assigned himself at fault for what happened. He was trying in the most polite way to reject you. 

You’re an idiot. And despite all of it, the shame of your action isn’t what’s delivering the heavy punch; it’s the fact that your crush didn’t die the second you found out last night. If anything, you’ve been silently wallowing in your sadness since you woke up, your stupid heart not processing that there’s one significant reason for why you can’t have him. 

You try to trudge through the fog of it all, placing your newly cleaned toys back into their proper dust cases and compartments before returning them to the drawer next to your side table. You switch loads of laundry and drop the warm pile on your bed, grimacing at the idea of having to fold it all. 

You shouldn’t be disappointed. This is a stupid crush that was never meant to go this far. Not to this place where you aren’t just humiliated, but the loneliness that you often avoid feeling has been spilling through the cracks of your life all day. 

The laundry is the only thing that occupies one side of your bed. Never another body, his warmth, his weight existing as another living thing keeping your living thing company as you fold laundry or wash dishes. 

No, you shouldn’t have projected this crush or obsession or whatever you want to call it onto Seokjin, but in these months of conversation and blooming friendship, you’ve found your mind beginning to wander into the fantasy of not just sex, but safety and connection. He’s a man who has always treated you with the utmost respect, even now in how he has maintained a boundary that gently rejects you, even if it’s confusing. 

Before his promotion at the restaurant, there was collaboration that fostered your trust in him; your bodies started working around each other like dancers, fusing your movements with a natural flow. You’d seen some of that pop up throughout the day yesterday, which you couldn’t help but feel like delivered a bit of hope in your stomach. 

You know it’s useless to continue hoping that something will change. Maybe he’s bi, you’ve thought a few times since you went to bed. He did call everyone a good girl. But, don’t some guys call each other girls as some kind of kink? But even hoping for that still feels wrong in your gut. Instead of wishing he just so happens to like pussy, you should be redirecting yourself from the fact that it doesn’t even matter. He said so himself, he’s your boss. 

“Ugh,” you groan into your unfolded laundry. Why can’t anything ever be easy? 

You shove the clothing pile to one side of your bed as you lie down, staring up at the ceiling, your eyes following the soft pattern of cracks that have begun to appear through the paint. You already know that going back to work on Monday will be awful, not just because this crush won’t crush itself, but because you clearly now know more about Seokjin than he perhaps ever wanted you to know. Won’t it be awkward trying to talk to him? And if he asks why you’re being so weird, what will you even say?

Sorry Seokjin, I’m not sure how to talk to you anymore because I spent Friday cumming while watching you on your gay cam show as you stroked your huge dick and admittedly once I saw your face connected to your dick I had the best orgasm of my life that rendered me useless the next day.

Perfect. This won’t be absolute hell at all. 

Your stream alarm rings on your phone. You sigh. That’s right. You promised a makeup stream to your followers. 

How did Seokjin stream so confidently? Last night, the way he just exuded dominance and control, how he managed to get so much money from sitting there and making his chat do the work? It’s not only impressive but also inspiring. If you were able to have that distance from your chat, maybe things would be a bit easier, and the questions that were so personal and directed would fade into the background while ones of adoration and impersonal fantasies could take their place. 

And the money, god. If you had money like that, you wouldn’t have a stack of financial aid forms sitting on your dresser right now waiting for you to basically jump through hoops to ask nicely for a loan. 

The way he was able to be so different and make money off of it? That feels promising to you too. Because whoever Daddy Dom Seokjin is, he isn’t just walking around in the world being “on” all the time. You know him as someone whose ears flush with embarrassment the second one of the delivery guys tells him he made an error with the order and tries to diffuse the tension with some free snacks; who often hums game scores and whose laugh sounds like a squeaky windshield wiper swiping across dried glass. 

What if you could be more like that? 

Not Daddy Dom or Mommy Y/N, but more casual and detached? You could stop reading your chat and answering questions. Or if you did want to play into some of Seokjin’s sex appeal, you could dress slightly more suggestively or do your hair and makeup to exploit the male gaze’s money a bit, just like how Seokjin did. 

In this world of streaming, where everything feels like fractured versions of reality, parts of you being split among the pixels and delivered and digested into someone else’s home for their entertainment and pleasure, it’s hard for you to ever feel like you can have some close community with your followers. Not like Wonwoo does with his. Because of your start and how people perceive you now, there just doesn’t seem to be a way for you to have intimacy. Even if you tried, your chat flies by so quickly now that unless it’s a notification from a mod, any usernames and personal anecdotes are lost before you can even know who’s who. 

You think about it for a bit. It can’t hurt to try, right? It’s not like you being a little less reserved would automatically launch you into a career in porn. And if it will help bring a little more income in, lessen the blow a tiny bit, you can’t really see why it would make sense to keep doing things this way when you are this miserable by the idea of it. 

Spring Day Streams holds a standard image that is pink and soft, and you know some people love watching you because you’re hitting some fantasy they have. The woman who looks like an angel but swears like a sailor and as stereotypes often assume, fucks like a demon. 

What could “fuck like a demon” look like on an often all ages game streaming platform, though? Well, not all ages. Some streams are only accessible to registered users over the age of 18. Usually the age filter is there because the game is super graphic, or the streamer is a sex educator or swears so much the algorithm has started penalizing them. A few times though, you’ve seen some streamers playing games that are so raunchy they’re basically porn. And porn versions of those games exist, but to keep some of them streamer-friendly, they also sell versions that don’t have uncensored anime girls receiving creampies. That would definitely maintain the brand without going too far, right? 

You open your phone, typing in some of the titles of games, mostly dating simulators you’ve seen other streamers play before, and then you stumble across one called MiCamStudio, a puzzle game with the plot where you’re the manager of a camgirl enterprise and your goal is to become the most successful, richest entrepreneur while keeping your girls happy. 

You laugh. It feels a bit on the nose, but a fun way to shake things up in an after-dark concept. And it’s not too expensive, which means if this entire plan bombs, you won’t have invested much into it. Fine, you’ll do it. 

Wonwoo responds right away after you shoot a quick message with your idea to your mods on discord to help them prepare. 

On it. 

With a deep breath, you start to get ready. 

As you brace yourself to come back from your short bio break and announcement, your heart is hammering in your ears. What if everyone left? What if things get weird or gross or you think you’re being kind of sexy and cute but are really just being an idiot? 

Suddenly, this entire idea seems so stupid. What if your mom decides this is finally the time she wants to watch you stream? She hasn’t ever had the interest to, but what if she finally thinks to herself on a random Saturday night in February, “Wow, I sure do crave watching some video game streams! Say, I know my daughter Y/N streams. I should check it out!” or worse, what if someone she knows sends one of the clips or a screenshot of you with your tits practically out? 

Your anxiety is starting to win in this battle, and as you pace back and forth in front of your computer, shaking your clammy hands and trying to remember how to breathe, you see the number of viewers has dropped since the stream moved from all ages to 18+. Which means that you can now read your chat again. 

The comments are actually really supportive. Among them are some of your mods cheering you on, but one username anchors you back into your chair as you watch the notification dance across the screen. 

JokeJinSeokjin has subscribed for 3x months!

Seokjin. Seokjin is live and watching you. Which you expect to be the thing that will throw you over the edge. Seokjin, your boss. Your kind of friend. Your crush. The man who you are trying to emulate in this attempt to be sexy and earn more money and confidence. 

Surprisingly, a warm glow of comfort settles in you stomach instead. Because while maybe in all of this mess there’s plenty to be anxious about, you feel a part of you that’s determined to make him proud, to show him in this rejection what he’s missing out on. You take a deep breath to steady yourself as you hit the button to come back. 

“Ah, hello! I mean-um, hello,” you catch the nervousness pouring out of your shaky voice and clear your throat, trying to sound more composed. 

“I wanted to try something new today. Well, tonight. Welcome to Spring Night Streams, where I’ll be playing some not safe for work in more of a raunchy way type of games. Because as we know if there’s blood and guts and horror, it’s all ages! But boobs, those are a no no!”

You shakily laugh and suck your lip into your teeth. The taste of your lipstick laths over your tongue and you try not to think about how messy you just made it look. Or how you might now have lipstick on your teeth to really add an effect of clownery to your poor jokes. 

“I’m going to play this game? It came out a few years ago, but it’s a puzzle game called MiCamStudio. Maybe some of you have played it. But uh, yeah if you don’t like things like that I can always um…well I’ll just try it and see…” you trail off and nervously fidget with your controls as you open the game. 

Whatever you were expecting out of a dating simulator type game where you were in charge of cam girls, it wasn’t this. When you open the menu to start a new game, the animation that loads after you click “Start Streaming” is dozens of bra-clad boobs bouncing across the screen as it transitions you to the story line menu. 

Jesus Christ. Heat floods your cheeks. This somehow feels worse than the time your earbuds died and you didn’t notice that the audiobook of a very spicy holiday romance you were listening to wasn’t coming through them, but your phone. On the bus. And to make matters worse, you were at a part where the narrator was very generously providing sound effects and moans for the main character as she participated in an orgy with triple penetration. Yikes. 

You begin the walk-through of the storyline, greeted by Candy, a pink haired, busty camgirl who is looking to expand her horizons in the business. As you tap through the prompts, Candy starts to become less dressed, abandoning her already tiny skirt and crop top combo for a barely-there set of lingerie that covers just her nipples and vagina. 

“I need your help!” Candy pouts, her eyes shimmering with tears. “I need 400 new fans for my business or else I’ll be out of work! Quick, use this magic wand as you solve puzzles to help me get closer to my goal!” 

The wand is, of course, a vibrator. When you play through the first level tutorial and are prompted to use the wand, it vibrates the blocks, shifting them into new positions on the screen to match colors together. If you get enough combos, she has a giant orgasm, which increases her fans so you can pass to the next level. 

As you work through some of the first few levels, you notice that your view count has recovered somewhat from earlier, though the comments are kind of off-putting. Not because people are being sexually inappropriate, but because they’re mad you’re not interacting with them. 

NGL I thought this was going to be more fun and naughty. 

Yeah now she’s not even talking to us at all. 

I miss when she was bad at games and it was at least interesting. 

Someone come get me if she starts moaning again like she did earlier. 

Fuck. You are fucking this up. And your viewers are right, you haven’t been talking to them. Or really doing anything but playing the game and trying not to wince from embarrassment every time Candy moans as you make her a star. 

There’s got to be something you can do. You think about Seokjin again, who you’re not sure is still watching, but you hope some of that confident edge he had last night starts to come over you, too. What was it that he did to keep everyone engaged? 

He gave them incentive. A goal. He didn’t have to say much to them but tell them what to do and they happily did it. And that also took the pressure off of him to keep talking. 

With a deep breath, you test the waters. “Oh, you wanted more fun and naughty? Well, you didn’t really work for it did you?” 

You hate the words as they come from your mouth, but they have an immediate result. 

Loyal2You tipped 1600 points. What do you need us to do to earn it?

Your face burns hot, and you sip some water to try and cool yourself, playing it off as nonchalance rather than anxiety. You feel your stomach threatening to lurch into your throat as you force out the next sentence.  

“Mmm, I don’t know. Maybe you need to show me what I need,” you smirk. You really don’t know. Money? Subs? People not questioning you? This to be over?

LongJohn69 gifted 10 subs. Maybe this will help? 😉

“Well, it’s a start. Thanks for the sub,” you giggle, forcing yourself to relax into your chair. 

“Hmm, what can I give you all as a reward? I feel like I could really use some cute new clothes that I can wear for you next stream if you help me?” 

Your voice is softened and the pitch is a bit higher. Maybe Candy’s baby voice is having an impact on you from the game, because your normal, even paced tone is taking a turn. Is this the persona you’ve been trying to find? 

But you need this money. School, your future. You can’t just keep living the way you have been. 

7DaysAWeek tipped 10,000 points. Please, say “thank you 7 days” in that adorable whiny voice, baby. I’ll double tip if you do.

You freeze. 20,000 points is $200. All for you to say something so simple and stupid? 

God, but it doesn’t feel right to do it. You could ignore it, you think. And walk away with $100 before your commission rate is taken out. Which will end up being nothing, you realize.

“Oh, hmm.” You pause and then just do it. “Okay. Thank you 7 Days for the points. I really appreciate it.” You drum up the dramatics, eliciting some horrible, embarrassing baby voice that makes your vowels stringy and weak. 

Yuck. More requests pour in, people eager to get you to recite some innocent seeming phrases that you know are fodder for their spank bank. 

You see a tiny notification flash in the bottom right corner: a private message from Wonwoo. 

Y/N, you could get into deep shit if you aren’t careful. This could potentially violate your terms of service. 

You frown at the message but nod to let him know you read it. 

“Okay, well, I think it’s time we get back to the game!” You awkwardly divert your attention back to the screen, letting Candy’s moans fill the silence as you ignore the new requests and subs for the rest of your stream, too humiliated to think about what they could be saying.

After you end your stream, you feel the damn of tears that was welling your eyes for the last half hour spill. 

What a fucking disaster. What started as a hopeful night turned out to be one of your most streamed yet somehow also least successful broadcasts. The rush of viewers at the start provided you with a great boost, but after you didn’t engage again with the requests, your views, subs, and points plummeted, leaving you with a very slim payout for the day. This wouldn’t be much of anything for your bills once commission is taken. 

You don’t know how people do this. You feel like absolutely dog shit, and you even wrapped early, pretending that you were sick. But maybe you also aren’t really pretending, your stomach feels knotted and sour. 

Something about that felt wrong, but you don’t really understand why. It’s not like you’re prudish or fear sex. On any given day those kinds of requests stack up by the hundreds. But maybe it’s because tonight you finally peeled back the dismissive layer and let them in that has you feeling vulnerable and honestly, a little dirty. 

You wipe some stray tears from your eyes, stretching across the desk to grab your phone and pull it off of do not disturb mode. You see a few texts from Seokjin that he sent while you were streaming. 

Seokjin (8:17PM): Hey! I didn’t know you were supposed to stream yesterday. I would have let you leave early if I’d known.😞

Seokjin (9:15PM): Hey, are you okay? You look really uncomfortable. I know you’re playing and won’t see this until after you’re done but I wanted to check. 

Seokjin (9:47PM): Y/N, please don’t feed into these requests if it’s not what you want. 

Seokjin (10:02PM): Call me. The second you get this. Urgent.

You read the last text, which was sent twenty minutes ago. Shit, did something happen to the restaurant? 

“Y/N,” Seokjin says after one ring, his voice strained. 

“Um, hi Seokjin. I’m just calling you back because you said it’s urgent! Is everything okay with the restaurant? Did the snow knock power out or something? If you need me to come in tomorrow too I can help with stuff.”

“What?” Seokjin pauses for a second, his exasperation now turned to confusion. “No, Y/N. Everything with the restaurant is fine.”

“Oh. Then why did you call?” you ask. 

“Well, if you saw all my texts then you know I was watching your stream. And I just wanted to check and make sure you’re okay after that? Near the end you looked pretty upset.”

The warmth in your stomach you felt when you first heard his voice is gone, replaced by a sharp, gritty unease.

“Oh. Um, yeah I’m…fine,” but the tightness in your throat betrays you and a tiny sob escapes as the tears begin falling again. 

Seokjin doesn’t say anything as you sniffle into your phone, scrubbing the dribble away from your nose and cheeks with your sleeve. 

“Hey,” he says as your cries become softer. “Do you want to get out of the house for a bit?”

“It’s kind of late, isn’t it,” you say weakly. 

“That’s not what I asked. Do you want to get out of the house for a bit?” He repeats. 

Do you? Part of you is exhausted, tempted to just go right to bed. But you know if you lie down right now in the rest of that unfolded pile of laundry you might never emerge. 

“Ok,” you whisper into the receiver. 

“I’ll come get you,” Seokjin says. “Dress warm. I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”

When you were little, your parents took you on a road trip to get away from the city. You sat in the backseat, kicking your father’s chair grumpily on the first day, tired from waking up early and having to be stuffed into the car with the mountain of snacks, toys, clothes, and camping gear you had shoved in beside you. Your father was patient for the first hour of your kicks, but before long the steady thump thump thump on his lower back was becoming a strong annoyance as he navigated further away from home. 

“Y/N,” your father had sharply warned once he’d had enough. “Keep it up, and I’ll take your feet off and put them into my pockets.” 

While in retrospect the threat is silly and impossible, at the time, your five-year-old self was struck with horror as you imagined him sawing your feet off like the patients who were out in the snow for too long in that medical TV show you saw at your grandparents’ house once.

You’d tucked your feet underneath you until you were at a rest stop, where picnic tables and a small garden scape awaited you, filled with native wildflowers and lazy, fat bees that hovered from flower to flower. 

Your mother smoothed your hair with her hand, guiding you through the garden as your father bought your lunches from inside the building. 

“He didn’t mean it,” she’d said softly, feathering the tips of your hair across your cheek. Goosebumps prickled along your arms and you shivered, even though the sun was heavy and hot on top of you that day. “No one will take your feet from you.” 

You’d hugged her tightly then, still unsure as to why someone would try to take your feet from you. Your tapping in the car was mostly to keep you from feeling like you were going to be sick, but back then you didn’t really have the words to express yourself. 

When your father returned, he wordlessly placed your meal in front of you, including a large, fudgy cookie for dessert. Your father had always been proud, and even then when he didn’t apologize to you and promise he wouldn’t saw off your feet, being given a dessert was as good as any apology. 

He smiled when you licked the smudged chocolate off your fingers, eventually tutting impatiently so your mother would take you to the bathroom to wash up. Afterwards, you found him looking at a map on the building’s outside wall, with a bright cherry red You Are Here sticker signifying where in this confusing picture you were supposed to be. 

“There’s an observation point a few stops away from here. It’s supposed to be a really nice view over a valley. Y/N, do you want to be our navigator for those and help me decide when we should stop to look?” 

Laced in there was his apology. An opportunity at redemption, connection. You’d nodded instantly and scrambled back into the car, no longer upset about having to share your space in the backseat with all the cargo, ready to take on your role as your father’s co-pilot. 

You visited every observation point along that freeway that trip, all the way from the rest stop to the campground in some rural village. Some of the spots were lackluster, now overgrown and showing a view of a wall of trees and bushes and not some regal cavern or farmland below. But there were also the ones that, had you never insisted on visiting, you would have never seen half as much of the flora and fauna you’d expected to see on your camping trip. And it was the one major trip your family had ever had that made you all feel like a collective unit, ready to fight against the forces of grumpiness or foot-sawers together.

From that point on, whenever you saw the sign marker, you couldn’t help but feel a smile bloom on your face, which is why at this moment you are sitting next to Seokjin in his car, bundled up and stupidly beaming at him as he mirrors a happy but confused smirk back at you.

When he’d picked you up, Seokjin didn’t say much, just started driving north, through your neighborhood and into the rolling hills outside of the city. While this morning’s snow still clings to the trees and rooftops of some hillside buildings, surprisingly, the plows have done a good job of ensuring the road is safe and salted. You can feel the tense knots in your shoulders starting to lessen a little just from the feeling of being somewhere else for a while.

As you weave up the mountain side, toward the observation point, you gasp. 

“What?” he asks. “What’s wrong?’ His eyes bulge from his head. 

“It’s just that, I love observation points,” you say sheepishly, not sure if you should divulge your entire story. 

Seokjin nods, thoughtful. “I like to come up here sometimes when I’ve had a really bad day. Just need to clear my head. Seemed like you needed to do that too.” The car curves along the bend, some of the wind fluttering clods of snow from the trees and onto the road. 

“Yeah, I do…” You trail off, letting him take you higher into the mountain before pulling into the observation point. This one has some small cafés and despite the late hour and snowfall, there are still quite a few cars parked in the lot, some sets of families and couples strolling around with warm drinks and peering out onto the twinkling, snow-covered city below. 

“How’s your head,” he asks gently, and it takes you a minute to remember what he’s referring to. You touch the make-up covered bruise and shrug.

 “Eh, it’s not so bad.” Truly, as the day wears on, you are feeling a bit tender, but the swelling has gone down, and your worry has gone with it. 

Seokjin opens your door for you, ever the gentleman, and you try to fight off the harsh tug in your chest that likens this behavior to a date. 

The two of you head over toward one of the lookout points, leaning against the rail posts. You take in the rolling hills below, how soft and plush the city looks now, almost like it could never be a place where you feel sadness or loneliness. You sigh. 

“You don’t have to talk about it,” Seokjin begins gently, “but I was wondering what happened during your stream tonight.”

“No, no, it’s okay,” you assure him. 

Maybe this conversation would feel more uncomfortable if you didn’t already feel so awful. You are just trying to feel a little bit better about this whole ordeal. Trying to find in you some nugget of comfort to ensure a more stable future. And hell, Seokjin had made it seem so easy. But now, you are humiliated. You aren’t sure how you are going to go live again and go back to how things were before when the internet is probably making a giant laughing stock of you, or fetishizing you. You’re not sure which one is worse. 

“So, I know when we used to be, um, friends, I had mentioned to you that streaming is something I fell into. And as you also know from working with me, I don’t have the best social skills. Or I can, maybe, I don’t know. Anyway, I haven’t been liking it that much, really. Mostly because people in the chat always ask really personal questions about me and it feels weird. Like they’re real people but they can’t be real, to me. Does that make sense?”

He nods once, urging you to continue. 

“Right, so, in all of this, I’ve been trying to think of ways to make it more fun for me. And last night I saw you-YouTuber. I saw this YouTube streamer and on his stream he just seemed so cool, and smart. And he was able to both stay engaged without telling everyone everything and had distance. But he also was kind of domin-strong, he was just really good at telling people to meet goals and incentives. And it worked, they did it. I thought, maybe this could help me be better at this so I don’t hate it so much. I could make some persona, do something different that helps me better enjoy it or make more money. I don’t know. It seems stupid now when I think about it.”

“It’s not stupid, Y/N,” Seokjin says, turning to you. Your eyes flit to his face. His nose is pinkish from the cold, and his broad shoulders are tightly bound up to his ears to avoid the chill from spreading. 

“Of course you should like streaming, but if you don’t, if this isn’t the formula that works for you, then maybe you should try something different to help you.”

“How do you do it?” you ask, realizing too late what you are saying. 

Seokjin freezes. “Do what?”

“Um, how do you maintain confidence all the time? Like at work and stuff.”

Seokjin scoffs. “I don’t. You know that. Weren’t you just with me last week when I was bowing and spluttering like an idiot to Mrs. Yoon because that one repair man backed his car over her potted azalea? I was anything but confident then.” 

You fight a soft smile. Seokjin had been trying to scoop the twiggy, out of season bush into a bucket to salvage it before offering to replace it. Mrs. Yoon however, was having none of it, chirping on about how that plant had been germinated from her ancestors’ hillside home generations ago, and despite her choosing to carelessly plop it into a busy alleyway, she was sure there was no replacement that could soothe her aching heart. Seokjin handed her a wad of cash, and a gift certificate to the restaurant in an act of good faith. That seemed to shut her up. 

“You know what I mean,” you nudge. “You have an ability to talk to people though. Even Mrs. Yoon can’t say no to your mother’s bossam recipe when you charm her like that.” 

“First of all, no one can say no to my mother’s bossam recipe, regardless if I’m there to grovel or not. Secondly, you’re charming too, Y/N.”

You chortle at this. You? Charming? “Ha, I wish. But really, Seokjin. Half of that stream was an awkward setup and I thought I was going to puke. And not because of how I was dressed or anything like that. It’s so weird. I don’t really care about if people make comments like that about me because they’re impersonal. But knowing that I am sitting there, and everyone has some expectation of how I’m going to perform for them, it makes me feel awful.” 

“Tell me about it,” you hear him mutter, but he then recovers. “It sounds like that crossed one of your boundaries, then. Just because some explicit stuff doesn’t bother you, doesn’t mean that nothing ever will. And it doesn’t have to make sense. You can not care if strangers are talking about you sexually but care if you’re engaging with them and using sexual innuendos to do so.” 

Part of you is tempted to engage with the comment, to press him to explain and pretend that you have no idea what he’s speaking in regard to. But what good would that do here? Please Seokjin, can you share with me how being a gay sex cammer, which I absolutely already know about after watching you and masturbating to you, has impacted your life? 

God, how mortifying it would be for you. 

Instead, you let the comment go, cutting him enough slack so he can assume you didn’t hear him. 

“You know, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” Seokjin adds. You shoot him a look. 

“I don’t really have much of a choice at this point! No offense, but it’s not like I’m making bank at the restaurant, and I already have chosen to withdraw from this term because of billing issues and–” 

“You’re withdrawing from school? Y/N!” He yells,  and you feel a heat of shame flood your cheeks as you see some scattered people shift their attention toward you. 

Now you were both embarrassed and pissed. How dare he scold you?

“Not from school, just the term!” you yell back. You’d made the choice in your spiral this evening, in between bio breaks. It was haunting you as you stared back at the packet of financial aid papers and billings notices. Streaming, you’ve now seen, is such a hit or miss game. And you truly can’t maintain the expenses that can cut into your work hours. Especially if you need to get a different job that isn’t streaming or working at the restaurant. 

“Is..is that where Spring Night Streams is coming from?” he asks, face flushed with embarrassment at his outburst. Your anger dulls.

“Partially. This felt like some way to sustain myself without it draining me. I thought maybe if I look pretty, people won’t just come and try to either ask me super personal things I don’t want to share, or they’ll just feed into basically the illusion of sex and pay me that way. And I can continue to play games and suck at them or be good at them, but the original reason behind why they came to my stream could be replaced with a different person, someone who isn’t so closely trying to dig into me.

“But, then I fumbled the bag, and you saw it. The viewer count was fluctuating so bad, and the second I interacted with that one comment, suddenly I was toeing the line for TOS and could easily have jeopardized my entire branding and be permanently banned from the website for sexual activity. Tonight was one of the lowest payouts I’ve made since I started. And now I know too, this could all just as easily go away if I’m not being…I don’t know. Compliant.” 

Seokjin makes a dissatisfied grunt, his breath coming out in a white puff. Now past eleven, most of the couples and families have dispersed, and the cute café that had advertised decadent looking hot chocolates is closed. The only thing remaining open is the tiny convenient store. 

You try to suppress a shiver but fail. 

“Come on,” he says, guiding you away from the railing and toward the store. 

Inside, the shopkeeper doesn’t even flinch or look away from his phone, which is streaming some sports match in Spanish. 

Seokjin places his hand on the small of your back as he guides you over to the drinks section, gesturing for you to select something from the warm options. 

“I wouldn’t recommend anything pre-made,” he warns, his voice low. “That stuff has probably been here since this morning.” He helps himself to a tea packet and the hot water dispenser. 

You browse a little and find a packet of hot chocolate. While it may not be the fancy, marshmallow delight pink drink that the café had advertised in their window, this will do just fine. 

By the time you’ve gotten your drink mixed together, Seokjin is waiting for you at the counter, a selection of different snacks piled high and a gentle smile on his face despite how bothered and grumpy the shop worker is toward him, practically smashing the food into a bag and muttering a total. 

You hadn’t given yourself a chance to really look at him before, but as he stands before you, you can finally take in how incredible he looks. While he’s wearing some gray joggers underneath, he’s elected for a long black puffer coat and green knit sweater and somehow looks so put together, so…boyfriend. 

Your heart flutters a bit and you try to tamp it down. This isn’t a date, you remind yourself, Get a hold of yourself Y/N. 

As you head back out into the chilly air, you both settle into a table outside of the convenience store, and Seokjin pulls the snacks out of the bag, all of which are your favorites. 

“You remembered?” you ask, a little stunned that he would commit all your tiny convenience store runs to memory over the months you’ve worked together and would split packets of sweet potato puffs and tiny, sweet cakes. He shrugs. 

“Morale is low. You need the boost. Now pass me some of those chips, I’m starving.” 

Your stomach growls in agreement, and you pop open the bag, nibbling away quietly. 

“You don’t need to people please to be a good streamer,” Seokjin says finally, rinsing his mouth with his tea. You chew your bottom nervously but wait for him to continue. “There’s tons of people on the internet who do streaming for all kinds of uh, stuff. And they make a ton of money without compromising their values to do so. Maybe instead of focusing on what you think people want in a stream, do what you want instead.” 

You sigh. “See, that sounds great and all, but when I tried that today, people got mad and left. Did you see all the donations trying to get me to say things or do stuff after that first one?”

Seokjin rolls his eyes, taking a big bite of a chocolate cake thing and chewing diligently. “Welrr,” he begins, his mouth stuffed full, “I guesh you have to undershtand dat peepo on dee internet will always chewz sex first to get what dey wan.” He swallows. “And if that doesn’t work because someone sets a boundary, fuck them.” He pauses. “Not literally!” A blush creeps up his neck. 

You laugh. “I thought you limited your swearing to mostly angry kitchen interactions,” you say, and sip the watery hot chocolate. You wince. 

“You chose wrong with that hot chocolate. I’ll make it up to you next time.” Next time. Your stomach leaps. 

“But you don’t see it because I’m trying to maintain a professional air most of the time. But I say shit, piss, cock and fuck pretty regularly.” Like when you’re camming, you mentally note. 

“Yeah, so, speaking of that. And boundaries. This isn’t really the most professional boss-employee relationship happening right now.” You gesture around you. You didn’t want to say it, but you know it needs to be addressed. Seokjin and you really need to figure out a new set of rules, especially now you know what he does after dark, and he’s watching your streams, too. 

He pauses and sighs. “Shit, yeah, you’re right. Look Y/N, I do want to talk about that. And we can address it. But before we do, I want to finish talking to you about what happened earlier today. Can we do a brief boss-employee dynamic halt for the rest of the time we’re up here? I want to talk to you as a friend right now, which we once were, even if it was for a short time. Will you let me do that?” 

You look up at him, and he’s gazing back with intensity, and also something that looks almost like desperation. 

“Okay,” you say. “For the rest of the time we’re out of the city. We are just two people. Friends. Not boss. Not an employee. Just us.” 

He smiles at that. “Yeah, just us.” 

Seokjin tried to not kick himself in his own ass for doing what he was doing now. Bringing you up here, to his safe place, was far too intimate of a decision. But when he’d watched the rest of your stream, watched you do stuff that– while he couldn’t be absolutely sure but he could assume– tested your boundaries and comfort, he knew he couldn’t just let you spiral by yourself. 

He’d been there before. During a show earlier in his cam career, Seokjin was once asked to try a more extreme kink on his stream which involved a thin metal rod that he would push into his urethra for pleasure. 

He’d agreed to try it before he’d even looked it up, and even when purchasing the equipment, he’d felt really queasy and knew he would hate it. But he’d promised, which he now understood was a fake law people set for themselves to push them past their limits. On the stream where he tested it out, he started shaking and crying, stopping before he could even open the package with the rods in it and ended his stream early. 

From then on, he had spent more time learning about kinks and BDSM. It was much more psychological and technical than he’d realized, with precise and careful movements, components of care, and more thoughtfulness than he’d ever really learned from porn or the internet. 

While he and Soon Yi had been exploratory in their sex life, it wasn’t like they’d ever done proper research when they were together. Looking at things now, he felt a little sickened knowing she could have gotten seriously hurt the times he choked her, not knowing the right placement of hands or pressure to make sure he didn’t cause permanent damage. 

Seokjin then reassessed his boundaries. He never wanted to position himself on his streams where he would succumb to pressure for money and compromise his own safety or desire. This was supposed to be fun.

The main tenets of BDSM are safe, sane, and consensual, which is hard to define on the internet. When something is leaked or found by the wrong party, it can especially compromise consent. With a permanent imprint of something existing once agreed upon, at any point someone’s right to withdraw consent can be invalidated simply because there’s a paper trail. And if that happened, then safety and sanity were sure to be called into question too.

Which is why Seokjin couldn’t stay silent after he saw you drawing breath after shaky breath after the first exchange with that follower. The instant regret that bloomed on your face as you so easily traded your comfort to make money, he never wanted you to feel that or experience it again. 

Which is why you now sat before him, the residual makeup from your stream still there but smeared, a thin looking peacoat doing a lot of work to protect you from the elements. This is why he said dress warm. Why were you wearing a glorified blazer in this weather?

He knew his time was limited with you, and that yes, he was already compromising this boundary that he’d set. But boundaries could be redrawn, and in this moment, he didn’t want the only thing protecting you right now to be that peacoat. He needed to protect you too. 

Granted, you probably were questioning his qualifications in this, and for a brief moment he considered telling you, but he quickly dismissed the idea when he remembered the video of him cumming and saying your name existed on his page if you’d ever gotten curious. Behind a paywall, sure, but it was there. 

No, for now, it was Seokjin and Y/N, friends. Us, he thought, and his pulse quickened unhelpfully. 

You sat in front of him, sipping at that awful hot chocolate, waiting for him to deliver more of his advice. He hesitated to speak more. Here you were, attention fully focused on him, and the dependence on him to get you home tonight, to move back into a world that wasn’t just you two and your own little universe, and all Seokjin was doing was considering how long he could carry on the pause. 

Maybe he would never speak again, and you would have to stay here forever, on top of the mountain as the snow began to gently fall around you two like you both lived in your own private snow globe. 

Wait, snow? Seokjin blinked, and sure enough the flakes were swirling around you both again, the wind kicking up your hair. You let out a sharp shiver, and that broke the fantasy of staying here. 

He ushered you back to the car, where now the snow was coming down in thick, heavy globs that signified the moisture in the air had increased, which made sense. Back in the city, the forecast had said it was set to rain, but he’d forgotten elevation impacts the weather, and that the change of moisture in the air also could result in ice on the way down. 

As you warmed your hands in front of his heat vents, he tried to think of his next move. It was now after midnight, which meant the road authority was probably not planning on plowing the roads anytime soon, and the accumulation quickly erasing the parking lot around you was a sure sign that it soon would be unsafe to drive. 

If you stay here any longer, you might be stuck together all night, an evil idea glinted through his head, and he felt a pulse of desire run through him as he caught a whiff of your soft, sweet scent. 

It would be kind of hot, the two of you snuggled in the backseat of his SUV, you clinging to him tightly to keep yourself warm through the storm as you used his parka as a blanket, the windows fogging up to give you two privacy as you moved tighter together, panting into each other’s mouths when you rubbed up against him and–

No. He couldn’t do that. He wouldn’t. Urging his steadily inflating erection down, he glanced over to you, noticing you were still shivering. 

He sighed. God, why did he have to get hard right now, in gray sweatpants no less? Nothing screamed “boner alert” more than seeing a dick swelling in light colored sweats. But you were still cold, and he decided he would rather risk you seeing him hard than your teeth chattering or you getting sick. 

Seokjin removed his puffer, handing it to you. “Here, put this on,” he ordered, and you looked at him, a tremor rocking through your body as you tried to eke out a “thank you”.

You began to put the puffer over your peacoat, but Seokjin shook his head. “I think your peacoat is useless right now. Maybe you should take that off and just wear mine. And then, consider getting a new coat,” he teased. 

You hesitated. “Uh,” you said. Seokjin’s eyebrow raised, and he swiftly adjusted himself in his joggers while you looked down at your coat before sighing and unbuttoning it. 

Fuck. You still had on that same top from earlier, and Seokjin could now see that it wasn’t just a sexy, low cut top that showed your heavy and full breasts, but that it also had a large keyhole cutout through the back, which meant you didn’t wear a bra with it. He bit his lip as he took in your hard and prominent nipples. God, no wonder you were cold. You were practically naked. 

His cock twitched, and any attempts he had at concealing his erection were useless. He was now definitely going to be fully hard for the rest of the drive. 

You zipped yourself into Seokjin’s puffer and let out a satisfied sigh as you nuzzled into the warmth. Seokjin took the opportunity to snatch your peacoat from your lap and drape it over himself, praying that would help conceal some of the compass-pointing-north bullshit he was trying to stave off. 

Unfortunately, you snuggled into his coat was just making it worse. 

Clearing his throat, he started the car, and slowly began testing the surface of the parking lot. It was a little slick, but nothing too bad. If you stayed any longer, though, you would definitely be here overnight. 

With a silent, sad nod to the outlook point, Seokjin prepared himself to head back to reality, where your moment of connection would be replaced by workplace congeniality. 

About halfway down the mountain, the snow surely turned to a heavy rain, aggressively battering down on the windshield and making it nearly impossible to find the lines on the road. 

“I’m sorry, I think I should pull over,” he apologized and you agreed easily, your shoulders relaxing a bit as he pulled over to the side of the road. 

“Well, we never really got to finish talking about stuff anyway,” you offered generously. 

Seokjin smirked back. “Yeah, we didn’t. Look, what I wanted to say earlier was that with streaming, you shouldn’t have to compromise on what you want to be successful. If people leave your stream because they can’t hear you baby voice their requests so they can get off, then fuck them. They aren’t the community of people you want to watch your content, anyway. Those are the type of people who are never satisfied, who will just demand more from you. Sooner or later they’ll be less kind and be aggressive and threatening. And you don’t deserve that, Y/N.” 

He sucked in a breath. “You just need a chance to build confidence, that’s all. Assuming you even want to continue doing these streams. I know you said you don’t feel like you have much of a choice, but maybe I could help you out. Uh, I could give you a raise or something so you could quit! And with school, too, I’m sure we could figure out something! Maybe if it’s not too late you could go back and––”

You held up your hands, signaling for Seokjin to stop talking. 

“I’ve made up my mind! And I don’t think giving me a raise or trying to help me with school would be a great way of maintaining that boundary we are supposed to have, remember? Something tells me a boss isn’t supposed to offer his employee an undeserved pay raise for her personal issues.” You huff.

You were right. Seokjin chuckled. “Okay, fair. I’m sorry. I just don’t want you to throw everything away like I did.” 

You whipped your head over to him. “Listen, Seokjin. I appreciate that you care and don’t want things to happen to me. But I’m also not you. And you also didn’t throw everything away but that’s another topic completely, one I thought we discussed yesterday morning. Regardless, I’m getting a lot of mixed messages here and I need you to help me understand what exactly is happening right now. Are you my friend or my boss? Because right now it feels like you’re telling me what to do like you are in charge of me but hiding it behind the guise of friendship and that’s not how this works. So explain. Ideally before you drop me off and we don’t speak again until Monday.” 

Seokjin swallowed hard, an anxiousness beginning to swirl in your stomach. This whole conversation felt like it was going south really quick. He scrambled to steady himself and took a deep breath.

“You’re right,” he said, running a hand through his hair. He hadn’t styled it today, and the black strands were sticking to his forehead from the melted snow. “I’m sorry. You have every right to decide. And you’d said before that this was a temporary pause. And even if it wasn’t, that’s also your choice.”

“Again, yes, you’re right. But I also don’t see why you seem to care so much!” Your volume raised in annoyance and you crossed your arms over your chest in a puff. “You don’t get to decide I’m some soft little flower who can’t advocate for herself! Like yeah, I feel shitty about what I did but I’m just trying to figure out my boundaries, just like you said earlier! So yes, I have the right to decide if I want to go back to school or not! Thanks for pointing that out!”

If he hadn’t been getting chewed out right now by you, Seokjin would’ve thought you were the cutest thing he’d ever seen, your mouth settled into a sharp frown and your eyebrows knit together as you argued with him. 

Instead though, he felt like a jackass. He’d seriously overstepped in his attempts to protect you, and guilt washed through him as he realized he was placing himself into your shoes. Even if your situations were scarily similar, you still had the right to do what you wanted without his interference. Besides, his intention was to provide safety for you, not control. Maybe he’d underestimated you earlier and how you were utilizing your stream. Yes, you were uncomfortable, but it’s not like you were a child who was set to be taken advantage of, or that you’d make the same mistakes he would.  

“I-I care about you, Y/N. We’re friends. I know being your boss changed a lot, and while I sign your paycheck and have to give you orders, it’s not like that change in role made me care less. It’s not that easy.” 

You uncrossed your arms. “But,” you started, your tone softening, “you can’t both tell me what to do as my boss and tell me what to do as a friend. I’m not clocked in, Seokjin. And that’s why this is so fucking hard. Because my boss is the one who took me up a mountain after apologizing to me yesterday for his “gross misuse of power” when I’m the one who kissed you sitting on a fucking prep counter! And yeah, we were friends before you were my boss, and that means I learned to work with you and trust you as my coworker, and we shared interests so you can watch my streams and tell me about MapleStory. We have history and it’s not something we can deny. But you keep acting like I am not in control, like I am not an adult. 

“I would love it if we could stay on this mountain forever,” you added, taking the words Seokjin was thinking earlier and making them real, “because, maybe then we could just stay friends. I miss you as my friend! And I wouldn’t feel so…weird now trying to figure out which guy, Boss Seokjin or Friend Seokjin, is talking to me.” 

Seokjin was unsure what to say, just that he knew he’d fucked up yesterday not just with his behavior in the kitchen, but ultimately how he set boundaries with you. 

“I don’t know what to do about it, Y/N,” he said weakly, honestly. 

“Can I then offer a suggestion?” Your voice sounded frustrated, on the verge of yelling. He nodded. 

“On this mountain, right now. You are my friend. And any other time when we aren’t at work, we are friends. We are not the first two people who started a friendship and had a power dynamic at work. I don’t know what happened in your past that makes this so hard for you, and you don’t need to tell me. But whatever you said yesterday, it wasn’t true. I want you to trust me when I say you didn’t take advantage of me. Was it kind of stupid and inappropriate on both our parts? Sure. But I’m not this weak, breakable thing. You said so yourself with my boundary-setting for my stream that I just need confidence to assert myself and make sure I don’t get taken advantage of. So let me start with you. Help me start with you.” 

You leaned a little closer and Seokjin’s heart beat erratically. “I promise, Kim Seokjin, that whatever happened in the kitchen yesterday was consensual. At least on my end. And that I do hold you in regard as my boss during work hours most of the time. But I can’t fucking stand if you continue to uphold this standard when you talk to me as an authority and then immediately pull a hypocritical move and try to be my friend after. It’ll drive me crazy.”

Your voice was shaky now, like you were holding back tears. Seokjin fought the urge to pull you close to him, but god, how he wanted to. 

“What you do need,” he asked and you sighed. 

“Clear communication. On both sides. No more deciding for me. On anything. If I say no at work, it’s just as valid as saying no in private, even if it’s something you think is what’s best for me. Even if you don’t like it. Because you don’t know what really is or isn’t until I tell you.” He nodded in agreement. 

“I can do that. And I’m sorry again, for how confusing this must’ve been. I acted selfishly when I decided that my position as your boss overruled and negated any of our history. It was never going to be as clean as I wanted it to be,” he apologized. 

You managed a sad smile but nodded, a sign you accepted his apology. 

“Thank you. And also, I do want to continue doing the streams. I didn’t get to say that before. I do want to try after dark stuff. Because it feels like it could be fun, could help me stay involved but less personal if that makes sense. And…” You trailed off, humming to yourself as you tried to find the words for your final thought. 

“I really would like it if I could have your help in this. To help coach me in a way to maintain that boundary. You did have some really great points on execution. And I think maybe your experience in cam-leadership and management could help me both continue doing this but also finding what I want. And I need a friend for that. Not a boss or manager.” 

Seokjin’s eyes widened as he caught the last of what you were saying. 

“Wait,” he said, trying to put the pieces together. Were you asking what he thought you were asking? “So…you want me to help you run an adult-only, after dark gaming stream?” You laughed. 

“I need you to be my confidence coach,” you clarified. “Help me learn how to say no to my fanbase and keep myself calm throughout a stream so I don’t compromise. And like, I don’t know. We can iron out the details, the idea is so fresh to me, but I need you, my caring friend Seokjin, to make sure I don’t break the terms of service again and ban me from streaming.”

He blinked a few times, unsure how you’d arrived at the conclusion that he would be any good at this. 

But Seokjin knew he would be. He did this multiple times a week, and it’s how he knew you were heading toward trouble. What if he could help you learn how to protect yourself? Because you were right, you didn’t need anyone to save you. But you maybe needed someone to show you. And he could be that person. 

“Okay,” he said, “I’ll do it.”

As Seokjin pulls up to your apartment nearly an hour later, you feel a slight sadness that your night is over. On the way home, as the rain steadily poured and the city lights came back into a clear view, you’d felt a tug of worry in your gut that because you were back in the city, your agreement to stay friends wasn’t real, and that any moment Seokjin would be cold and formal, withdrawing his agreement to help you with streaming. 

You’d had the idea in the car in somewhat of an epiphany, sorting through the confusing dynamic you’d been shoved into. It made sense to you, now. Instead of trying to model yourself after the master, why not learn from the man himself? 

Despite your initial anxiety that he would back out, Seokjin if anything is all the more reassuring, gently nudging you with your peacoat in his hands to signal it is time to trade. You nod sleepily, shrugging it off your shoulders and trying to ignore the disappointment you have in no longer being enveloped in his warm scent. 

As you tuck your arms back through your sleeves, Seokjin gets out of his side of the car, the rain still beating harshly, but he appears even more determined to open your door for you, opening an umbrella to keep you and your coat from getting pounded on. 

You try to insist on sharing the umbrella, but Seokjin shakes his head, guiding you forward toward your apartment complex’s front door. 

“Thank you,” you say as you step under the lip of the roof with him, smiling up at Seokjin, who is already soaked. His black hair is piecey and dripping down his face, plastering a few disheveled pieces across his forehead. “God, you really should’ve used the umbrella too! You’re drenched!”

Seokjin laughs a hearty laugh, the squeaky, windshield wiper one that makes your chest burn. “Please, that coat you’re wearing is pathetic. I had said dress for the warmth and you picked one of the worst things you could find. Even a standard issue blazer has more weather resistance than that thing!” 

“Excuse you, but this coat most of the time is fine. And also, I thought you were just saying it as a formality! If I’d known we were heading into a literal mountain I would have changed my clothes!” You bicker back, your laughter filling the space between you two. 

“Yeah, well, now you know for next time,” he says, eyes flickering with something you almost categorize as lust. 

You beam. This time the idea of next time feels possible. If Seokjin and you can work on these weird work boundaries, there might be a hope something comes from this after all. Unless he’s gay, which you still can’t quite figure out, but you try not to think about that as he shakes his head like a big dog. 

“Okay, Sparky,” you joke and glance down at your phone. It’s very late now, and your body is quickly succumbing to the exhaustion of the day. “I’ll see you Monday?”

Seokjin’s shoulders sag, and he sighs, stepping back into the rain. “Yeah, I should probably let you go now. I’ll see you on Monday. And Y/N?”

His lips turn into a smug smirk as the rain soaks through his clothes. “Don’t forget that you promised me a crate of julienned carrots”.

©2024 by jooniperbonsai

#bts smut #seokjin smut #jin smut #kim seokjin #seokjin x reader #seokjin #bts fanfic #ksj #ksj x reader #ksj smut #ksj fic

[hot-soop]

don't let me tempt you / ch.1

pairing: angel!seokjin x angel!f.reader ⇢ au: Good Omens universe (none of the characters or the plot are mentioned so this fic can be read without knowing anything of Good Omens) ⇢ genre: forbidden romance, friends 2 lovers, comedy(?), fluff, eventual smut (not in this chapter) ⇢ summary: Seokjin is temporarily banished from Heaven and you're not all that good at paperwork. ⇢ chapter wc: 4.5k ⇢ rating: fic rating is explicit/18+ for eventual smut; chapter rating is 16 & up bc they're the equivalent of ken dolls rn, but minors please DNI anyway. This isn't for you. ⇢ chapter warnings: LOTS of religious imagery bc this is set in the Good Omens universe and there's gonna be a bunch of biblical references, but please remember that this isn't meant to be accurate. Author is an atheist. Author did next to no research on calendars that pre-date the Georgian one bc she is lazy and can't do maths. Swearing. If there's any tags you think I'm missing, please let me know - I'd hate to be the cause of any upset or discomfort &lt;3 ⇢ a/n: thank u to my beloveds @the-boy-meets-evil and @ugh-yoongi for reading this over and thinking my babies are cute. thank u to my angel @effortandmore for your encouragement! Ur all cute too. Ily

1106 BC

Time in 1106 BC follows some kind of construct that the author has not deemed necessary to research, but if the Georgian calendar (or indeed days of the week) had been invented, the day our story begins would be in mid April, on a Tuesday, around 3pm. 

The weather in Heaven is, as you would expect, perfect. The company is not.

“Sorry to bring you in here like this,” you say, as the thirteenth angel of the day takes a seat on the other side of your desk.

There’s a spiel to this. Angels have a tendency to lean towards the dramatic, so you’ve learned the ways of ‘softening the blow’, as the humans call it. Doling out God’s punishments wasn’t your preferred assignment, but it’s the role that was dropped in your lap after you quit the last - and you’re not in a position to refuse Her again. Here goes another. 

“I hate to be the bearer of bad news but-”

“Let me guess,” the other angel interjects. “She’s demoting me?”

This is unusual. The angels know God’s wrath, but they’re usually surprised to find out when said wrath is directed toward them specifically. Not this one, he’s sitting there, arms crossed, foot tapping impatiently, waiting for you to rip off the bandaid. 

“Uhh. A temporary banishment actually.”

He stares at you. “It was only a little miracle.” 

“Three very large miracles, I’ll have you know. We’re not supposed to be bringing people back from the dead anymore.”

“Since when?” he asks, rather like a petulant human toddler. 

You frown. “Since protocol changed - didn’t you read the memo?” The angel shakes his head. “God’s decided to save those types of miracles for someone really special in-” You pause to check your watch “- a thousand years, give or take a century.” 

“Special how?” The angel asks, sitting up a little straighter. 

“You know we’re not told details of The Great Plan.” You flip the file shut. “Well, it seems like you know the issue at hand, and there’s little else to discuss-”

There’s a look of unease creeping over his assigned face that gives you pause. His fingertips drum on his knee. Too human for a heavenly body. “Are you alright?”

“She’s not- they’re not going to cut-”

“Oh! Goodness no,” you’re quick to reassure. “Oh no, you’d have to do something really awful for that, like, question her authority like Lucifer did.” His laugh comes out like a bark, and you’re confused because it wasn’t a joke. “No, but I am terribly sorry to say that you’re being sentenced to four-hundred years on Earth.”

He blinks twice. “Excuse me?”

“Four-hundred years - horrid, I know. But God does say the punishment must fit the deed-”

You’re interrupted again, this time by the kind of laughter that starts as disbelief and quickly has his shoulders shaking and tears rolling down his cheeks. Most unusual. 

“You’re telling me I get to spend near half a century on Earth?”

“What do you mean ‘get to’?” The thought of even spending ten years in such a place sends shivers right through your wings. “You won’t be able to return to heaven at all during that time. No correspondence with anyone, unless of course we contact you first.” He’s positively glowing and you can’t understand it. “You’ll have to live amongst humans-”

He’s standing now, moving to the screen and zooming in on earth. “Can I pick where?”

You move to stand next to him. He’s zoomed in so far, you can’t quite tell where it’s supposed to be. In truth, you spend very little time looking over God’s preferred planet, choosing instead to focus on the vastness of the universe in all its glory. You prefer the stars and the galaxies and all of their colours. 

“May I?”

“Sorry, I don’t understand.”

“Can I choose where to live? Will I have a role?” 

There’s nothing like this in the training manual. No one ever has these questions. They’re too busy crying, wailing for another chance to stay in heaven, let alone look excited as this one does. 

“I suppose you could,” you say slowly. “And no - there’s no role.” You wait for the penny to drop, but he doesn’t seem to get it. “Pointlessness is the point of this sentence.”

Wonder breaks out in his expression, and he turns back to the screen and zooms in on a peninsular you’ve never noticed before. “Can you drop me here?”

“Where’s here?”

“Gojoseon.”

“Why?” 

“Good people.” His smile spreads wide. “Good food.”

You gasp. “You’ve consumed their provisions? You’ve eaten?”

He looks at you in shock. “You haven’t?”

Of course you flaming haven’t! Even if you could stomach it - how in heaven would you get the opportunity to dine on Earth, what with all the work piling up in your pigeonhole and the lack of angels rights to paid time off, not to mention a union?

Your expression must say it all because he laughs again and says, “Well then visit me sometime, I’ll cook for you.” 

“You’re very peculiar.”

“Yes,” he says with a shrug. “I get that a lot.” 

You move back over to the desk to complete the rest of the paperwork while he stands there, still looking at the map with a satisfied smile.

After a few moments, he says, “I’ll need a name if I’m to live with humans.”

You find his given name at the top of the page. Soterasiel. 

“What’s wrong with the one you’ve got?”

He shrugs again. “Doesn’t quite roll off the tongue for everyone.”

“I hear John is rather popular these days,” you muse, still checking boxes. “And Abraham. Or what about Jos-”

“Seokjin.”

“Bless you.”

“No, I mean- Seokjin.” He moves to sit back down. You don’t quite like it, the way he walks, like he’s got a bravado he hasn’t done anything to earn - rather the opposite in fact, given his grievous error in judgement. “That’s my new name.” 

“Oh-” You glance up at him. “It suits you.”

Seokjin beams. He’s quiet for the next few moments, but you can sense his eagerness as he watches your fingertip move down the page. When all the documents are signed, you show him over to the chute, and he peers into it.

“This is the one-way?” 

You nod. “We’ll send someone to relieve you once your sentence is up.”

He steps inside without hesitation, and it’s almost too late. You've been itching with curiosity since you opened his file, so you blurt out exactly what you’re not supposed to ask.

“Why did you do it?”

Seokjin tilts his head, confused.

“Why did you bring those humans back from the dead?” you clarify.

His eyes soften. “They’re my favourites.” 

There’s a pregnant pause as you regard him. You don’t understand. Favourites? Angels aren’t supposed to have favourites. Angels aren’t supposed to be anything like him. Maybe you haven’t met enough to speak on the matter.

“Come visit me, won’t you? I get the impression you’ll like it down there.”

And before you can scoff at the very idea of visiting a banished (albeit temporarily) angel on earth, the chute opens up below him and he’s gone.

It’s difficult to get back to work after all that. All day there are punishments to give out in God’s name, but thankfully they’re nothing as extreme as that one. You get through a few sanctions, several warnings filed, and a strongly worded letter to the Department of Animals to remind them to stop creating wasps (apparently earth has enough) and then (at what would usually be known as 6pm), like clockwork, Turiel enters your office. 

He’s another one you can’t get a read on, but in an entirely different way. He came up the ranks quickly, and became your boss without the necessary qualifications within a single century. He’s kind of course, but he’s a Watcher, so naturally he watches everything. Being watched makes you uncomfortable. 

“How is everything?”

“Wonderful, thank you.”

“What happened with the banishment this morning?”

“With Seok- Soterasiel? He took it rather well.” Turiel stares at you, and you clear your throat to fill the awkward quiet. “Seemed quite happy about it, actually.”

Turiel frowns. “That’s odd.”

“Yes, quite.”

“We should watch that one,” he says, already making his way out. “Oh- you remembered to strip his miracles, correct?”

Strip his- why in heaven would you do that? It seems horribly cruel enough just to leave them there, let alone take their ability to do anything worthwhile. 

“Sorry?”

Turiel stops on the spot and turns, frown deepening further. “Tell me you saw the memo from Metatron? We’re to strip any and all banishments of their miracles going forward. Too many mishaps and too many angel turned demon that still have their powers.”

If you had any blood in your face it would surely drain. No, you haven’t seen any blasted memo. The pigeonhole is stuffed to burst and it’s something you’ve been meaning to work through, you truly have, but there’s so little time in the day and- and- heavens, he’s still staring at you. Tell him the truth. Tell him you didn’t take Seokjin’s miracles. They’d overlook one error, especially as it’s the first offence. Surely?

“No need to worry,” you hear yourself say, voice unnaturally high. “Of course I did.” 

Turiel blinks, smiles with relief, and shuts the door behind him as he leaves.

For the first time in your existence, you’re tempted to curse. 

879 BC

6:43pm. Patchy rain showers through til 8.

Seokjin’s home looks like nothing. A shack at best. It’s hardly worthy of the name home but you still need his sodding permission to cross the threshold, so you knock and wait, huddling as close to the door as possible to keep dry. As the rain pelts your back you bitterly wonder why angels have to wait at the threshold for permission to enter. It’s utterly beyond you, surely such a restraint could be reserved for those who are up to no good?

(You pointedly ignore the little voice saying that you are actually up to no good.)

“Oh my God,” Seokjin says when he opens the door (if it weren’t for the threshold force you’d keel over) and your nose wrinkles automatically at the blasphemy. “It’s you.”

“May I come in?” you say, too busy watching for Watchers in your peripherals to take in the sight of the angel in front of you. It would be terrible to be caught now, after the web of lies you weaved in order to get an hour off work. 

“Why?” he asks, suspicion lacing his voice. “You’re not bringing me back early are you?”

“Oh heavens no,” you say, starting to feel a little desperate, pushing the wet hair from your eyes. “I forgot something in your documents, a quick signature and I’ll be off in a jiffy.”

“You forgot something?”

“Yes-” 

“And you decided two hundred and twenty-seven years later was the right time to fix that?”

“Time slips away when you’re working!” 

Seokjin rolls his eyes. “Your lot really need to unionise.”

“Shh!” you hiss. “Let me in, please?”

“Alright, alright,” he says, stepping aside. “Come on in. Take your shoes off at the door.”

“I don’t have shoes,” you say as you push past him. A little miracle as soon as you’re out of the rain has you dry and warm again. What a pity, you think, that Seokjin will have to live without these little perks for the rest of his banishment. The sympathy you feel for him catches you unawares.  “What are shoes?”

Seokjin smiles. “Thought you were a watcher?”

Part Cherubim part Virtue actually, but you won’t be telling Seokjin that. That’s between you and God. You bustle past him inside the shack and you can finally relax. All protocols are being broken right now, but with the teeny tiny miracle that you performed earlier, only you and Seokjin will know about this clandestine meeting.  

Seokjin’s home is much nicer on the inside. Rather homely. And clean. And it smells good. What is that smell? 

“I just made some tea, would you like a cup?” 

Drinking? Apparently you can’t hide your expression because Seokjin's responding smile is mirthful. “Haven’t changed much, have you?”

“I suppose not, no.”

There’s no time to dilly dally like this. If you’re not back in the office soon, there’ll be questions you won’t know how to answer without twisting the truth. An angel can’t be going around telling lies. It’s uncouth. 

Seokjin busies himself at the table while you unroll the documents. The scroll is horribly long, but eventually you find the line you missed all those years ago. You cough to get his attention, and he looks up and takes the scroll from your outstretched hand. 

But then he starts to read. Oh goodness gracious. You hadn’t expected that. He seemed the sort that wouldn’t get hung up on the details, that would trust an angel (one like yourself in particular) implicitly. It’s offensive, actually, that he doesn’t trust that you’re not trying to pull the wool over his eyes, even though that might be exactly what you were trying to do. Are you not trustworthy? Are you not angelic?

Seokjin frowns. Uh oh. 

“You’re taking my miracles?”

“Uh-”

“Why?”

“Well- uh. It’s protocol, you see.”

Seokjin stares. The silence is palpable.

“You fucked up.”

You gasp. “Don’t curse!”

“You did!” he says, eyes wild. “You fucked up when you sent me down here!”

There’s heat creeping up your neck.

“It really doesn’t need to be such a big to-do,” you splutter. “Just sign the form, and I’ll be on my way and then you’ll be back in Heaven in no time at all!”

“But I won’t have my miracles?”

“You’ll get them back on your return!” 

“What if I need them?”

“You won’t.”

“I’ve needed them a lot, actually,” Seokjin insists. “You’ve no idea how many sticky situations I’ve been in thanks to all the creatures our Heavenly Mother made!”

“Oh!” you exclaim. “Have you seen a tiger yet? Those are my favourite.”

Seokjin looks like he might slap you.

The door opens.

“Seokjinie-hyung! We’re back!”

We? Who’s we?

We are three men, one short, one tall, and one somewhere in the middle. 

The room is very suddenly too small and too quiet as all of you stare at each other. 

The small one’s eyes, wide and curious, dart between you and Seokjin. 

“Who’s this, Seokjin hyung?”

“Uh-” you say.

“Uhh-” says Seokjin.

You can’t think of a human name. Not a single, blasted one comes to mind. Of course, humans know angels exist, but you can’t go around telling everyone who you are when you’re not exactly here on official business. Their mouths blabber too much. Word on Earth gets around faster than in Heaven.

“This is-”

“Oh my God-” the somewhere-in-the-middle one exclaims, while you grimace. “You’re that angel hyung told us about!”

You turn to glare at Seokjin, who is all of sudden very interested in the wood grain on the table. His ears are strawberry red. Strawberries were one of your ideas, you’d know that colour anywhere.

“You told them?” you say, incredulously. “What were you thinking?”

Seokjin sighs. “They’re not going to say anything.”

“Yeah!” the small one says. “Don’t worry, we’ve kept Seokijn hyung’s secret for two cent-”

He’s cut off by a loud cough from the tall one, but you’re not stupid. Humans aren’t supposed to be alive that long anymore, not since The Great Flood when God finally got sick of Noah and his bothersome family - that was one of the few memos you read. 

“Seokjin-” you say slowly. He’s pointedly looking everywhere else but your face. “Are these the same humans you told me about during our first meeting?”

The small one grins. “Oh hyung, I knew you loved us more than you let on.”

Two centuries they’ve been alive - at least. Oh Goodness. You need to report it, but how could you without telling them you didn’t do your job properly. 

“You don’t need to say anything to Heaven,” Seokjin says. “What they don’t know doesn’t hurt them.”

“The protocol-” you start, but you’re cut off by a groan.

“Fuck the protocol! Don’t you want to think for yourself for once? Didn’t She give us free will for a reason?”

“She gave them free will, not us!” you reason. “We’re to do as we’re told!”

“Why? What for?”

“The Great Plan!”

“The Great Plan-” he parrots in the most condescending tone. “-is supposed to be ineffable. If we knew what was in it, we wouldn’t have a choice. If I didn’t have free will, I wouldn’t have been able to turn them into vampires.”

You frown, confused. Vampires weren’t in the handbook, but then you never could keep up. “What’s a vampire?”

Seokjin swallows thickly. “Uh. Nevermind that. The point is, if this wasn’t in The Great Plan, if it wasn’t written, would I have even been able to do it?”

The thought gives you pause. He’s got a point, actually. The Archangels talk often of fate and destiny and what She wrote. No one knows the plan, of course, and it can change at Her will, but the whole point of this charade is that you’re all to trust in God’s Plan, regardless of what happens.

There’s a long moment of silence. The three men- or rather, vampires- are still just standing there watching the two of you argue. 

The small one finally breaks the tension and introduces himself. “I’m Jimin,” he says.

You nod, and give your name. He repeats it, butchering the pronunciation, but of course you expected that. Humans have never quite managed to get their tongue around it. You muse for a moment if you should give yourself a more human name, like Seokjin, but your thoughts are interrupted by the large one. 

“I’m Namjoon,” he says, and points to the last one, who gives a tentative wave. “This is Taehyung.”

You nod again, and start to feel a little ridiculous.

Okay, so the plan needs to be adjusted. You can’t take away Seokjin’s miracles without getting him to undo whatever he did to the human-vampires. 

“How long have you all been alive?” 

Namjoon glances at Seokjin, who nods. “Around three hundred years.”

“Okay,” you say. “And do you plan on dying any time soon?”

The three of them stare at you. “It’s not something we’d considered, no,” whispers Jimin. 

“Right,” you say, and then turn to Seokjin. “You need to fix this, make them human again. I’ve got to go, they’ll be looking for me, but I’ll be back soon to check in on you so you’d better have done it by then.”

Seokjin’s Adam's apple bobs in his throat. It’s… somewhat pleasant to look at.

“Pleasure to meet you everyone,” you say tightly to Seokjin’s friends. “Enjoy the rest of your lives.”

You catch their confused expressions shift into something horrified before you appear back at your desk in Heaven. It leaves you befuddled. That was a perfectly pleasant first interaction with humans that are aware of your celestial-ness - you’re not quite sure what they could be so bothered about.

827 BC

Early Autumn. 8:12am. Current Earthly conditions: foggy

It’s another fifty years or so before you can catch a break long enough to get back down to Earth. The shack has improved drastically - quite the pleasant looking home in fact. There’s flower boxes on the windowsills that are covered in a light morning dew, but the plants seem hardy. Purples and yellows. Dainty looking little things. You wonder what they might be. 

The door opens as you bend to smell them, and you look up to find the angel wrapped up in the largest item of clothing you’ve ever seen for something that just seems to be used for a neck. It’s ever so bright. Mismatched colours and patterns that don’t seem to line up. One end of it drags along the floor. Seokjin doesn’t appear too pleased to see you. 

“What are you wearing?” you ask, amused.

“Taehyung made me a scarf.”

“It’s very big.”

Seokjin glares.

“Did you really come to ruin my life so early in the morning?”

You roll your eyes. “You’re immortal. I hardly doubt this little blip will destroy you. More like God would if you don’t pull it together.”

“I could say the same about you.”

He’s got you there. But as you hold his gaze something in the air shifts, and he reluctantly lets you in. This time you take his offer of a cup of tea. You take a tentative sip, and it warms your belly in such an unexpected way. The weight of the cup is heavy in your hand, and the warmth of it seeps into your palm. It’s rather nice. 

You sit at the same table he had fifty-something years ago. There’s a few more marks in the woodwork by now. 

“Shall we get it over with then?” he says. “Where do I need to sign?”

You stop his hastiness with a gentle touch to his arm. He stares at your hand.

 “Did you get everything in order first?” you ask.

Seokjin coughs. “Yes, of course.” 

His ears are strawberry red again. The colour really is pretty, you’re glad you chose it. You’re glad you see it in other things, even if they are the tips of this angel’s ears. 

“They’re dead?”

“Not yet,” he says, lips twisting bitterly around the words. “They’re living out the rest of their lives. You might get a chance to see them, if you stay awhile. They said they’d be popping by later.”

“Oh,” you say, surprised. “Well, I suppose that’s something. You know, I am really sorry about that. I thought about it after my last visit, and I think I understand now why you’d want to keep your friends around for longer.” 

“Feeling lonely up there?” he asks, voice gentler than usual.

“No!” You snort with (only slightly put on) derision. “Of course not. Too busy for such a thing as loneliness.”

He chuckles. “Maybe I wasn’t busy enough then.”

You ignore what feels like a thimbleful of sadness dropping into your stomach.

Seokjin does most of the talking while you drink your tea. He talks about what he does down here - cooking mostly, but also a little pottery. He’s been training under a man called Yoongi. Says he made the cups you’re holding, and you inspect them. They’re quite ugly, thick and uneven- and you’re about to say as such, but Seokjin looks proud, so you smile and tell him he did very well, and that you like the colour of the clay. You wish you could bottle the way he beams.

All too soon the tea is finished, and Seokjin signs the document. It’s done. His eyes still shine, if a little less bright now. 

“What now?” he asks.

You suck in a breath. “Your miracles are in trust until your return to Heaven. Until then you can live as a human. More or less.”

His eyes snap up. “I’m still immortal, right?”

“Oh of course,” you say with a laugh. “You think they’d go through all this trouble just to risk you being eaten by a giraffe?”

“Do you know anything about Earth?” Seokjin says it like you’re an idiot. “At all?”

You’re tempted to roll your eyes. “I know plenty-”

“Name one thing,” he interrupts, crossing his arms and looking at you with an almost amused expression. 

You draw your shoulders back. You’ll give him three. “It weighs five point nine-seven septillion kilograms.”

Seokjin blinks three times fast. You must’ve caught him off guard with your knowledge. Good.

“It’s made up of thirty-two point one percent iron, fifteen point one percent silic-”

“Alright,” Seokjin says, lips twisting into a small smile. “I get it. You don’t need to prove yourself.”

You grin, ever so pleased with yourself, and Seokjin laughs.

“You’re cute.”

“What?”

“Cute,” he repeats. “It’s a compliment.”

“Oh,” you say, wondering why reciting facts from the Earth’s handbook would warrant a compliment on your character. “Okay…” You look down at your mug and see it’s empty and you’re struck with a surprising pang of disappointment. The tea was really rather good, it’s something of a pity as you realise you won’t be able to make it the same back in Heaven.

“Well, I’d better get going. Paperwork to do. Miracles to take.”

“Of course,” says Seokjin, and stands to see you off. “If you visit again will you let me know in advance?”

“Why?”

“I’ll make dinner.”

You smile without thinking. “I don’t eat, Seokjin.”

“You know,” he says, in a very matter of fact tone. “Despite the fact that every time we meet you’re taking away something of mine, I’m growing quite fond of our meetings.”

You blink. 

His eyes are so big and gentle and- “Let me know- okay?” he says with earnest.

“Okay,” you promise, already wondering when you could possibly get away long enough to watch Seokjin eat dinner.

“Would you like to take some flowers with you?” he asks suddenly. “I saw you smelling them.”

“Oh! Ye-” you start, and then you think better of it. So you plaster on a smile and say “No, that’s quite alright, I can whip some of my own up in no time at all.”

Seokjin nods. He looks like he’s going to say something else, but time is getting on and you’re not used to these odd goodbye rituals the humans (and this angel in particular) seem so fond of, so with a flash of a smile you’re back in Heaven. Seokjin and his lovely brown eyes remain on Earth. 

Your office looks so bland in comparison to Seokjin's home.

It takes a second to notice that the cup he gave you is still in your hand, remnants of the sweet tea drying on the bottom. You briefly consider going back down, just to hand it over and say goodbye properly, but in walks Turiel to squash any ideas you have about leaving your post again.

“Great, you’re finally back,” he says, dumping a stack of files on your desk. “We’re swamped.”

“What happened?” you exclaim. You’re barely able to see him over the pile. 

“Some bright spark in Organisms made a new virus. Let it loose in Greece without proper authorisation, killed half of them,” he says with a frustrated sigh. “The higher ups are fretting because one of the dead ones was supposed to be a prophet.”

Oh dear.

Turiel leaves without display. No time for pleasantries like offerings of tea and flowers up here. You sigh, dejected. 

Being around Seokjin makes you wistful for things you didn’t know you wanted. You set the mug on your desk, turning it to and fro so you get a view of the prettier side- and with the smallest of miracles, there grows delicate flowers, in purple and yellow.

#bts fic #bts fanfction #seokjin x you #seokjin fanfic #seokjin x reader #bts fanfic #bts seokjin #seokjin fluff #jin x you #jin x reader #thank u for reading #fic: don't let me tempt you #ksj x reader #ksj fic #ksj fluff #bee writes

[oddinary4bts]

Forever | ksj

☆summary: three years ago, your relationship with jin ended in fights and tears. When life puts him back on your path, you catch a glimpse of light in his eyes that you thought had died when you broke up. Will your relationship blossom into a well-deserved forever or will you lose the love of your life again?

☆pairing: Kim Seokjin x female reader

☆rating: 18+

☆genre: ex-fiancés to lovers, idol!au, angst, smut, fluff

☆warnings: alcohol consumption, oc and jin fight a lot and don’t talk enough, oc is a little mean to jin and jin is a patient angel, cursing, inaccurate cooking terms, oc gets wounded on a nail, a bunch of nostalgia and regrets. explicit content: choking kink, grinding, a little bit of tits play, fingering, oral sex (female receiving), a little bit of dirty talking, dom!jin, big dick!jin, protected sex

☆word count: 25.2k words

☆a/n: here is the jin fic! I hope you will love itttt, it was really fun to write even though it’s sad. I love nostalgia and I hope I was able to write it well. Thank you to my beautiful beta reader @moonleeai for helping with this story once again. You are the best and I am so blessed to have you <3

☆a/n pt2: enjoy reading babies!!

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

Prologue – three years ago

           It was a rainy night with lightning cutting through the sky and thunder rumbling through your chest. You had been waiting for your boyfriend for a while, enjoying the light of a candle and the warmth of your bath. A wine glass rested on the side of the tub, emptied a while ago by your avid drinking.

Jin had been supposed to come home three hours ago, for a most needed date night, and he still hadn’t shown up. It was frequent lately, his absence without a single word. You could hardly blame him – with the pandemic and you moving in together, you had been spending a lot of time together. Too much, maybe, and casual conversations had slowly started to fall into arguments, and arguments had slowly inched into fights.

It didn’t matter. You had stopped caring a while ago. Maintaining a relationship that wanted to dwindle to nothingness was becoming too hard. Especially with the impossibility of work, as lockdown was still in full sprint.

You focused on the drama on the screen above the tub, moving your legs a little. Bubbles floated around, and you played with them mindlessly, eyes following the action.

The drama you were watching… it was bittersweet. It reminded you of better times between you and Jin, when he had not even debuted yet and you spent all your time together. From the moment you had met, you had been inseparable, your young relationship blossoming into a beautiful flower, petals rich with affection and passion and love.

Until a worldwide pandemic had to come around and put the first nail in the coffin. Deciding to move in together had been the second nail. And maybe, even before all of that, the ring on your finger had been the third one. First one, or whatever.

Your eyes fell to the engagement ring, and you recalled the day he had proposed to you. It had been sweet with just you and your family, and for a moment you had seen forever in his eyes. In truth, you had seen forever in his eyes from the moment you had met him.

Until that dreaded pandemic.

You regretted a lot of things in the last few months. As if everything had come crashing down at the same time. Yet, you had both decided to try to save your relationship, in an effort to not lose the love that you had thought would last forever.

It was Jin’s first time bailing on you. You didn’t blame him – you had gotten in a fight this morning, one of the worst so far, with you both saying you should have never moved in together. Or at least not during the pandemic, where you were forced to spend a lot of time together.

Too much time, perhaps, for the independent souls that inhabited your bodies.

You sighed, eyes moving to the empty glass of wine. The wine bottle was on the counter, far enough for you to dread having to make your way to it. Yet, you pushed yourself up, stepping out of the tub, tiptoeing towards the precious bottle until you had it secured in your hands.

You were halfway back to the tub when the front door opened, and you stopped in your tracks, dripping water on the floor. Goosebumps formed on your skin every second you spent away from the heat of your bath, and you listened to Jin moving in the apartment. From the sounds of it, he had moved to the kitchen, but it was hard to tell over the conversation playing on the television on the wall.

You put the wine bottle back on the counter, heading to the bathrobe you always left hung up on the back of the bathroom door. You wrapped yourself in it, before stepping out of the sauna you had turned the bathroom in, heading towards the kitchen.

Jin had his back turned to you, when you walked in, broad shoulders drooping forward as he was looking through the wine cellar. He looked defeated, but you knew it was a lie.

He always looked defeated before you started fighting.

“What took you so long?” you asked.

He tensed, before turning to look at you. You had long stopped caring about looking good for him, and you knew you probably looked half-dead right now. His eyes skimmed over you, barely even stopping on the naked legs he used to worship, before meeting your gaze.

“Are you drinking the Syrah we were supposed to share tonight?” he enquired, his voice meeting the low-lying anger in yours.

You crossed your arms on your chest, a frown moving on your features. “Date night started three hours ago, I got bored waiting for you.”

“You didn’t have to drink the wine.” He put one hand in his pocket, and you scanned the ruffled button-up shirt he was wearing.

A question took shape in your mind, and you hated the doubt that seeped into your heart.

“Where were you anyway?”

“None of your business”, he replied, and he turned away from you, as he started walking away.

You scoffed. “What the fuck do you mean? Where were you?”

He shrugged, as he walked the way towards the bedroom. You followed him in, as he started unbuttoning his shirt.

You grabbed his arm, to make him face you. “Why don’t you tell me?”

“I was with the boys”, he replied.

Your brows knit together. “Pandemic, hello?”

He rolled his eyes before shrugging your hand off. It clenched in a fist, with your nails digging into your palm.

“We were each in our own studio, hanging out online.”

You gritted your teeth. “You stood me up for an online chilling?”

He shrugged again, mouth pouting a little. “What do you want me to tell you? I didn’t feel like seeing you after this morning.”

The screams echoed in your mind, the way they had been echoing on the walls since this morning. Haunting you, giving you a glimpse of a finality you had thought would never come.

“Then maybe you should have stayed at the studio.”

You didn’t mean the words, but it was too easy to rile you up lately. Too easy to make anger flare up in your chest, until it was all you could feel.

Maybe if you could cook in the kitchen of your restaurant, away from him for a time, it’d help. But you couldn’t, and yet he always gave himself the right to go places. Because he was Kim Seokjin, and it seemed a global pandemic didn’t have the same impact on his life that it did on yours. Because even if he couldn’t do concerts or fan events like he usually did, they still found ways to make him work.

“Do you want me to leave?” he asked. “Cause I can go and stay with Yoongi if need be.”

You sighed loudly, trying to calm down. “Listen, Jin, no I don’t want you to leave. But you need to stop pretending as if our relationship comes last in your life.”

He chuckled dryly before saying, “Just let me be.” He met your gaze, and his eyes meant nothing good. “You’re always on my fucking back, it’s getting tiring.”

“Well maybe if you helped a little more with cleaning I wouldn’t be on your back!”

The perks of having an unresolved fight were that it always came back, sooner or later.

“You’re too obsessed with cleaning, not everything needs to be spotless all the time.”

“If we don’t do it every day then it starts accumulating and we’ll never see the end.”

He shook his head, before moving away from you. “It’s not like we’re two pigs, we don’t dirty the place every day.”

“Whatever”, you shrugged off. “I just want some help, is that too much to ask?”

“I’m tired, Y/n.”

You watched him sit on the edge of the bed, and only then realized that there was no fire in his eyes. No spiel of words falling from his mouth, like it usually happened when he got angry. He did look tired, as if all the fight had gone out of him.

And maybe it had, after this morning. After last Sunday and the Thursday before that. In all truth, you couldn’t really remember the last time your relationship had been sunshine and rainbows. It had only been thunderstorms and hurricanes for a while now.

More than a while.

“So am I, that’s why I’d like a little help”, you said, but it sounded like a question. It was condescending, maybe, and it was a mistake.

“I think I’m going to move back with Jimin and the others.”

His words hung heavily in the air, echoed by a thunderclap that rumbled through the building, making it shake under your feet.

“What?” you let out.

“I’m going to move back in with the boys.”

A single drop of cold sweat formed on your temple.

And you watched him, as he finished taking off his button-up shirt, before putting on a sweatshirt. It was a weird look, with his dress pants, but he looked good.

He always looked good. It almost distracted you from the anger, as shock started meshing with it, until every beat of your heart ached painfully.

He grabbed his leather travel bag, the one you had given him on his birthday after their debut, and you stood there in silence as he started packing his clothes. He avoided your gaze, pretended that you weren’t there, and every single one of his moves broke your heart a little more.

Maybe there had still been love in you, even with all the frustration.

“I…” he let out, as he finished packing the bag.

You still hadn’t moved, and all your stupid brain could do was count the seconds between the flash of lightning outside, and the rumble of thunder that followed.

He straightened, finally meeting your gaze. “I think we need some time away from each other.”

It was panic, rising in you now. Washing away every other emotion, until you could taste bile in your mouth. “Don’t leave.”

He shut his eyes, and his next words looked like they pained him. Like they had stuck a dagger into his chest, just as they stabbed into your own beating heart. “I have made my decision already.”

“You’re breaking up with me?”

His eyelids fluttered open, and he shrugged. “No. Unless that’s what you want.”

“I don’t want you to leave”, you said. Begged even, something you had never really done before.

Maybe because you had never thought Jin would leave.

“It doesn’t matter.” It was said gently, yet it filled you with so much hatred.

At you and him, for losing a relationship that could have been forever.

“It doesn’t matter?” you let out, and you scoffed. “We’ve been together for almost ten years and you tell me it doesn’t matter?” It was hysteric, the way you spoke.

He just grabbed his bag, before walking around you so he could reach the door of the bedroom. You wanted to stop him, but all you could do was follow him out into the hallway.

“Jin.”

He didn’t stop, and your blood turned to ice as he got closer to the front door.

“Jin”, you said again, and you stumbled on your feet as you tried to grab his arm, but your fingers only met cold air.

He put on his shoes, not once glancing at you. You were shaking, where you stood, digits trembling as the panic settled into you fully.

“You can’t leave like that”, you said.

“We just need some time alone”, he said. He was trying to reassure you, but the absence of physical contact, of his usually warm hands on you… It destroyed you.

“Kim Seokjin, you are not going to leave me.” Your vision blurred as tears welled up in your eyes.

Yet he didn’t say anything, only turning towards the door. His hand had closed around the doorknob when he finally glanced at you.

He looked apologetic yet determined. As if he knew that ripping the band-aid quickly would be better, easier for you.

“I’ll talk to you soon”, he promised, and you noticed a tear rolling on his cheek.

It felt out of place, as he was the one choosing to leave, and you wanted to punch him for it. But your heart ached too much for you to do anything other than beg. Beg for the love of your life not to step out of the apartment that was yours.

“If you go out this door –” you trailed off, and your voice shook. Shook with the panic and the pain and everything in between. “Don’t you fucking come back if you go out this door.”

He offered you a small smile then, as more tears rolled on his cheeks. “Goodbye, Y/n.”

 *****

 Present day

                 The kitchen was hot with the heat from all the ovens, smoke lingering in the air as your sous-chefs produced the meals you asked them to, with you supervising the whole thing. Different aromas mixed together as they met your nose – gochujang, halibut, a hint of matcha, along with the warm smell of the pastries that were currently baking in the oven. Steaks were being grilled somewhere at the back of the kitchen, and their nidor slowly overpowered the other smells.

You made your way to the grills, a foreboding sensation forming in the pit of your stomach.

“Who let those burn?” you screamed, twirling around to catch a glance of the cooking assistant that was in charge of grilling.

You met his widened gaze, and he cowered under your stare, seemingly wishing to disappear through the floor. You shook your head slowly, trying to keep your anger at bay.

Even though you had a reputation to maintain, you always tried to stay calm in the kitchen. Your mother had raised you with the belief that screaming at people led to nothing but misunderstandings, and you put her beliefs into practice religiously. Even in your field, where a single faux pas could lead you to losing your restaurant.

The field of fine cuisine was a cruel one, especially for a woman. More so for a woman in her late twenties, who had gotten her success because –

You stopped your train of thought. You had attained such unprecedented success thanks to your ability in the kitchen. Not because of anyone else.

You put the burnt steaks aside, quickly grabbing some new ones before putting them on the grill, telling your sous-chef to focus on them and them only. Especially considering the person that had ordered those steaks.

You hadn’t seen Namjoon in a long time. Longer than the last time you had seen Jin. Yet you had always been close to Namjoon, sort of, and when he had texted you asking if he could reserve a private room in your restaurant for a date, you had immediately said yes.

You hadn’t yet gone to greet him, dreading the moment you’d see him. As if acknowledging that he and the rest of the boys still lived when your relationship with Seokjin had died was too dreadful for you. And maybe it was.

The night Jin had left had been the last time you had seen him in person. You had walked out into the thunderstorm hoping to stop him, but it had been too late. And it seemed he had taken your words seriously because he only had come back once when you were gone to collect his belongings, leaving you a note saying that it was over.

It hurt bitterly to read the note. It wasn’t just a note – it was a full-length letter, with him explaining where you went wrong and how he hoped you’d find happiness. Your tears had stained the page more than once, as you had realized how final the whole thing was.

As if you had finished the last dessert and only the aftertaste was left. And it wasn’t a good aftertaste. Heartbreak – it tasted vile and felt just as bad. A little worse maybe. Two years later, you still hadn’t really gotten better. All you could do was focus on your restaurant and truly, maybe that was the only thing that there was to do after losing the love of your life.

It was ironic that you still thought so now that Jin had left you. You had never thought the love of your life was going to leave, to disappear into the night… and yet he had. The hardest part in it all was that you couldn’t really remember your last kiss, or the last time he had held you in his sleep. Because back then you hadn’t thought you needed to commit the moment to memory, and it had dwindled into oblivion in the weeks following the break-up.

You shook the thoughts away. Now was not the time to reminisce about the past. Not when the kitchen was busier than ever. So you focused on that instead, getting lost in the aromas and the presentation of the dishes you made, all the while thinking about alterations you could make to the recipes so that they would be better.

There was always room for improvement in your cooking. Maybe there should have been room for improvement in other areas of your life too, but the past was in the past.

“Everything is ready for table seventeen!” someone yelled by the door.

It drew your attention, and you quickly made your way to the waitress. “Is that Kim Namjoon’s table?”

“Yes, ma’am.” The waitress nodded, a slight blush creeping on her cheeks.

You smiled at her, before grabbing the two plates. “I’ll take care of it.”

The waitress looked disappointed, but she said nothing as you walked around her, heading out of the kitchen. The reprieve from the heat was a relief, once you stepped out in the cool hallway, and you sighed as you made your way to the room where Namjoon was.

You had told him you’d speak to him when you got the chance, and you didn’t feel like waiting at the end of the night: you’d have no excuse to go back to your kitchen if you got uncomfortable then. And really, you didn’t think you would be. Namjoon had always been a friend, even though he was a couple of years younger. He had always made you feel at home when you visited Jin at the dorm.

In truth, all of the members had made you feel at home. And you had spent a lot of time with them, in all the years you and Jin had dated. You had seen Jungkook grow up and had taught Yoongi how to cook some stuff. Had comforted Taehyung the first time he had gotten his heart broken and had been there for Hoseok when nobody had sent him fan mail at the beginning. You had been part of the BTS family, sort of.

Until that dreaded pandemic.

You pushed the thoughts aside once more, as you turned into another hallway, where all the private rooms were. It took you a few more seconds and then you walked into Namjoon’s room.

The first thing you noticed was the girl sitting in front of him. She was everything you knew Namjoon liked – small, cute and delicate, with big eyes that shone with intelligence and a pink tint to her cheeks. Namjoon had that same flush on his cheeks, and when his eyes slid to you they widened with recognition.

“Y/n!” he greeted you. “This is the friend I told you about.” He said that second sentence looking at his date, who threw you a curious look.

Had she not been there, you would have probably hugged Namjoon and told him how much you missed him, but you refrained doing so, not really wanting to make the girl uncomfortable.

“Nice to meet you”, you greeted her as you put the plates on the table.

She replied, with a shy voice that had you hold in a knowing smile. She definitely was Namjoon’s type. In another world, you would have known everything about that girl, about how she and Namjoon had met. In another world, you would have probably become friends, the same way you had become friends with Sena when Jungkook had started dating her.

You didn’t even know if Jungkook and Sena were still together, but you wished it for him. Jungkook had a fragile heart, and he deserved all the love in the world.

“How have you been doing?” Namjoon asked after you explained the meal to them.

You froze for half a second. “Good. Great. The restaurant has been doing better than ever.”

He had a knowing look in his eyes, when you met his gaze, and you wished you could disappear. Because you knew he didn’t mean work…

But work was all there was to your life now.

“How has…” you trailed off. Because you didn’t know why you wanted to ask, you weren’t sure you wanted to know anything about Jin. Yet, in some deep dark corners of your heart you wanted to make sure he was doing okay. That he wasn’t broken, and that he had allowed himself to move on.

Namjoon knew what you were asking without you having to say the words. He pursed his lips, shrugging his shoulders. “He’s been okay. Has been better, but he’s managing.”

You nodded your head slowly, ignoring the curious look Namjoon’s date threw your way.

“He…” Namjoon trailed off, meeting the girl’s gaze once before looking back at you. “He wanted me to say hi to you for him.”

You clenched your teeth, as your heart constricted in your chest. “Oh.”

The atmosphere filled with awkwardness, and you rocked back and forth on your heels, hands fiddling with each other in the air in front of you.

“Tell him I say hi too”, you finally said, as Namjoon smiled an apologetic smile.

“Of course!” His smile melted into a true one. “All the members say hi too.”

That pushed Jin aside, in your mind and in your heart, as endearment warmed up your blood. “I haven’t seen you all in so long.”

Namjoon chuckled, nodding. “Hobi mentioned he invited you to the party for the release of his album last summer.”

That was true. He had invited you, but you had found yourself unable to go. Not only because Jin was going to be there, but mostly because you had a busy event at work, a night you couldn’t really miss. So, you hadn’t gone to the party, though you had called Hoseok in the following days to tell him that you were proud of him and that his album had exceeded your expectations. And your expectations had been high, but Hoseok was the kind of man to always exceed expectations. A professional through and through, both in music producing and dancing.

“Yeah, I was stuck here”, you admitted, as silence stretched between you. “I wish I could have gone.”

“Everyone would have been happy to see you.”

You smiled, nodding your head. “How has Yoongi been doing?”

That question was an easier one, even though the reason behind it was heavier. Yoongi had always had troubles with mental health and you had long been the one he confided in, along with Hoseok. Though he hadn’t talked to you after the break-up, but then again none had, except Namjoon.

After all, they were Jin’s brothers, not yours. Some part of you had hoped they’d keep contact, but at the same time you were happy they had chosen to stick by Jin’s side. God knew Jin needed his brothers.

“Yoongi’s been doing great”, Namjoon replied. “He’s been keeping himself very busy.”

“As all of you have, I can imagine”, you said. You swallowed a sudden lump as nostalgia hit you.

Namjoon chuckled, nodding his head. His eyes slid to his date, and she blushed as their gaze met. You took that as a cue to leave, and you bowed to them, wishing Namjoon goodbye before walking away, turning your back on the only connection you had to your past.

The rest of the evening went by quicker than one could expect, even as a group came in an hour late to their reservation. You would have turned them around had you not needed to escape in cooking for a little longer, especially after seeing Namjoon.

Once the restaurant finally closed, the last of the guests sauntering off in the night air, you found yourself leaning on a counter in the kitchen, watching the two last assistants that had lingered around to help with the cleaning. Another one was taking inventory to make sure you’d get what you needed for the next day, but she was out of sight for now, lost somewhere in the cold room where you kept most of the food.

You helped the assistants for a moment, ignoring the side-eyed glances they threw your way. You wondered if they could read your emotions on your face. If they could see the nostalgia and the grief that was engraved deep in your heart, that had been carved there by the man you had loved more than you had loved anything else in this world.

Except maybe your restaurant, which, most of all, was probably the reason why you didn’t feel like going home tonight. Going home to an empty and cold apartment, a new space you had never really found the will to decorate, not wanting it to look like the home you had built with Jin. Not wishing to buy new decorations and make it look different either.

You were aware that you were stuck in the past. It wasn’t always so bad – most of the time, Jin was but a lingering thought at the back of your mind and buried deep down in your heart. But tonight, every breath you took smelled like the ghost of him, and the afterimage of the light on your retina was painted in his silhouette.

You hated nostalgia. It was a suffocating feeling, one that made you grieve for a life that could have been had you not let him go in a fit of rage. Had you not been too much of a coward to follow him faster in the night and beg him to stay. Though you were quite sure begging would have made it worse.

At the end of the day, life had happened the way it had been meant to happen. No matter how sour it was, how bitter it felt, you and Jin had always been meant to part ways.

You shook the thoughts away as you made your way home, somewhere between midnight and one in the morning. You took your time, eyes sliding up to the veil of clouds covering the sky once in a while, hoping to catch a glimpse of the moon. Though it lit up the clouds whenever the veil thinned, the moon stayed stubbornly hidden, as if she also was too busy grieving the loss of her love to dare show her face to you.

You chuckled at your drama-filled thoughts as you finally reached home, stopping downstairs to grab the mail before going up. Your apartment complex wasn’t luxurious like the one you had shared with Jin, but it was still fancy enough to have an elevator. You went through the mail as the elevator moved up to your floor.

Your eyes fell on a letter amongst the ads that had been left in your mail, and your brows knit together. You hadn’t gotten a handwritten letter in forever. Actually, you were pretty sure you had never gotten a handwritten letter through the mail before.

You got out of the elevator as you read what was written on the envelope, only then realizing it was from one of your friends back in your hometown, in the suburbs of Seoul. It was the same city where Jin had grown up, though you had only met after you both graduated from high school, when Jin had become a trainee.

You shook him away from your thoughts, focusing on the envelope as you tore it open, only to be greeted with an invitation for a baby shower. Nari and her husband had always liked the western culture, and you weren’t surprised they decided to hold a baby shower. What you were surprised with was that Nari had slid a smaller piece of paper in the envelope, and it fell to the ground slowly.

You cursed under your breath, bending down to pick it up before resuming your walk to your door. You managed to punch in the passcode to your apartment, opening the door with one elbow before walking in and pushing it shut behind you.

The cool darkness of your home welcomed you, and you kicked your shoes off before putting slippers on and walking into the living room. You put the ads and letter down on the coffee table before walking to the wall, where you flicked a switch on. The room came alight with the soft glow of a lamp, and you walked back to the coffee table to grab the letter before sitting on the couch.

You read Nari’s words a couple of times, your tired mind unwilling to let them make sense to you. It was on your fourth read that you realized she was telling you Jin had received the same invitation, and that she wouldn’t be angry at you if you chose not to go.

Your heart beat loud, in your chest, as you read the words again and you realized the path that had moved away from Jin could bring you close to him once more, if he chose to attend the event. If he chose to come, even if Nari and her husband Joonwoong had always been closer to you than to him. Or so you thought. Though Joonwoong and Jin had always gotten along well, gaming together on more than one occasion. It had happened a lot during the pandemic. It also caused a small fight between you and Joonwoong. Indeed, you had blamed him for taking all of Jin’s time as you had vented to Nari, and Nari had told her husband. Fortunately, the fight was long resolved, and you weren’t surprised he and Jin were still friends.

You took a deep breath, eyes sliding to the television on the wall in front of you. You weren’t quite sure you were willing to go to the baby shower. Didn’t know if seeing Jin again would be a good idea, especially after how hard the nostalgia was hitting tonight.

The thought made a laugh bubble in your chest. It was strange, that the letter had come exactly as your thoughts had been filled with Jin, in a way they hadn’t for a long time. In a couple of months, even, as the time apart erased him from your mind better than anything else could have.

You leaned against the couch, looking down at the letter where it rested on your thighs, a little crinkled by the grip of your hands on it. You loosened your grip, flattening the paper before sighing.

You would decide if you were to go tomorrow after a good night of sleep. Or whatever sleep would find you tonight, as your heart danced to a rhythm you thought it had forgotten the moment you had seen Jin leave, all those years ago.

You hated yourself, for missing him like that tonight. For missing the rest of the boys, missing the friendship you had shared with them before the fall. Though if you were honest to yourself, seeing Namjoon had been reassuring, in some sort of way. It was reassuring to know that they were all doing great, even with how hard the pandemic had been, even for them.

You wondered what Jin was thinking, on his side of the world – closer to you than most of the human population, still so far he was but a lingering ghost in your life. You imagined him, as you tried falling asleep. Still awake, sitting behind the screen of a computer as he’d game the night away, the same way he had for most of your relationship, whenever he had a break from work.

In all truth, Jin had received the same letter as you, yet he had found it earlier, a little after Namjoon had told him he was going to visit your restaurant. It had come as a shock to hear about you after all this time. After doing everything he could not to stumble upon a reminder of you, even as he kept a picture of you in his wallet.

A picture of you two, from the first year of your relationship. In that gazebo where you had fallen in love, long before the fall had happened.

He still gazed at the picture sometimes. Ran his finger on your face, wishing he hadn’t made the decision to leave. Knowing it had been the right decision, yet hating himself for it. Hating himself for hoping you’d attend the baby shower, and he’d get a glimpse of your soft pretty eyes, a glimpse of the smile that had stolen his heart when he was still too young to know what love was.

He knew he was confused, but what could he do? Confusion was a constant when one’s heart longed for another.

And maybe that was why he found himself deciding to go to that baby shower two months later. Maybe that was why you decided to go too, with the hopes that you’d run into him and find the words to speak to him. Words you had wanted to tell him back then before he had left. Before he had stepped out and left you in the past.

 *****

                 Hope was a treacherous thing when you owned a fragile heart such as yours. And maybe you should have decided not to go, maybe you should have mailed a gift to Nari and Joonwoong. Instead, you went, closing the restaurant for the weekend as you decided to spend it at your parents’ place like you did once in a while whenever you needed more company than your empty apartment could provide.

Your parents were happy to see you. Ecstatic even, as your mother had a new man for you to meet. Another blind date like all the ones she had made you go on in the last year. None had worked, and you knew that the next one wouldn’t work either. You weren’t interested in a relationship at all, rather preferring to focus on building your reputation in the field of catering and fine cuisine.

And you were right: sitting in front of that stranger in a café you had frequented with Jin all those years ago, you found yourself losing your interest. Wishing you could be home and sipping on a glass of wine. It wasn’t that the guy was bad. He was pretty decent with a career that promised success in the field of finance and a rich family to support him if failure met him. He was nice, with a smile that made his eyes crinkle softly and a laugh that sounded a little childish, yet like a melody.

In all truth, it wasn’t him that was the problem. You were aware it was you, and your unavailable heart that still looked for another in all the people you met. Someone you knew you were going to see the next day, as Nari had told you he’d attend.

Making you go on a blind date the day before seeing Jin had been a stupid idea from your mother, but to make her happy you stayed with the guy for a while, talking about everything and nothing, trying to appear interested in the things he said. You hoped you succeeded, but it didn’t really matter. You knew you weren’t going to see him again.

You found yourself unable to sleep that night. Eyes glued to the ceiling of your childhood room, thoughts roaming over the memories of the past years. Of your older brother who had been friends with Jin’s brother, long before you had even known Jin. Of your parents, who had been so in love and made you believe you’d find a love for yourself like that, some day. It was strange to think that you did and that you had lost it in your selfishness.

You weren’t quite sure if your selfishness had been the cause of the fall. It wasn’t like Jin had been better. You pushed the thoughts aside, rolling on your mattress, eyes falling on the window and on the clouds you could see in the sky, clouds that had been lingering for days.

And when the night sky started lighting up with dawn, you got up and went outside to do a little bit of yoga while the sun rose. Even if it was hidden by the clouds, you always found peace in the early morning, that moment before the world started turning again, when dew clung to every blade of grass, shining in the first rays of the sun.

“Y/n!” your mother shouted from the door of the house. “Breakfast is ready.”

“Coming”, you replied, before finishing your last position.

Once that was done, you rolled your yoga mat, carrying it back inside to your room before meeting your parents in the kitchen. Your brother had long been married and had moved in with his wife in Seoul, in the same neighborhood as your restaurant, so he wasn’t going to come for breakfast.

“How was the date yesterday?” your mother asked as soon as you sat, and you threw her an annoyed glance.

“You should stop forcing me to go on those”, you said, right as she shook her head slightly.

She met your father’s gaze, before resuming her attention on you. “I really thought you would like that one.”

You shrugged, spooning some food in your mouth to refrain from having to say anything. Your mother got the cue, and your parents started eating too, until a lighter conversation about their plans to visit your aunt in Busan filled the air, letting you zone out as you ate your fill.

 A little later, you found yourself putting on your favourite clothes – a pale pair of dress pants that had been too overpriced but fit you perfectly, along with a loose dark blue blouse that you tucked in your pants. You fixed your hair too, and put on some make-up. You knew it probably was too extra for a baby shower, but you didn’t care. You wanted to look your best if you were to see Jin.

The walk to Nari and Joonwoong’s place was a little longer than you remembered. You walked with your hands in your pockets, palms already clammy as anxiety moved through you. You had no clue who was attending except for Nari’s two younger twin sisters, Seori and Seri, along with Jin of course. You imagined Joonwoong’s siblings would be there too, but Nari hadn’t given you a clear list of the people in attendance.

Probably because she had thought you wouldn’t go.

Your right hand exited the comfort of your pocket to move to your hair, playing mindlessly with the bang that framed your face. It had gotten a little longer than you usually kept your bangs, and you knew you would have to get it cut soon.

You focused on simple thoughts to distract you from the perspective of seeing Jin. Focusing on them proved to be fruitless, because as you neared the house where your friends were going to build their family, your eyes fell on a familiar silhouette you would have recognized anywhere.

You knew those broad shoulders by heart, along with the dark hair atop his head. It was longer now, a little more ruffled as if he didn’t really care about his appearance all that much. Your fingers ached to touch the strands you knew were soft, and your hands trembled as you got closer to him, while he waited for someone to come open the door for him.

You were still a good ten feet away from the door when it opened, revealing a round-bellied Nari with a wide grin on her face. She didn’t notice you as she let Jin in, and the door shut before you reached it, as your heartbeat reached a rhythm that had to be anything but good for your health.

You waited for a moment before knocking, maybe because you were hoping Jin would be gone by the time someone would open for you. You were a coward, through and through, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care.

In all truth, you didn’t bring yourself to knock until a small family arrived, with two small children that kept running around and screaming with happy laughs and shrieks as the boy tickled his sister. You watched them for a time, as the parents neared you, face breaking into an endeared smile.

You had always loved children. Had always wanted to have a couple of them, back when you were with Jin. You still wanted some today, but it was a different want, like an unreachable goal that shimmered in the distance the same way a mirage did in the desert.

“Hello”, the woman greeted you.

You bowed as you echoed her greeting, right as the children finally settled down beside their parents, the girl throwing you a curious glance as she hid behind her mother’s legs. You smiled at her, before resuming your attention on the mother.

“I just got here”, you said, as if you needed to reassure her that you weren’t avoiding knocking on the door. Which, in truth, had been what you were doing.

“Let’s knock”, she replied, and the air filled with awkwardness before you finally turned, knocking on the door.

Your heart resumed its treacherous rhythm as you waited for the door to open and you were relieved when it did, revealing a disheveled Joonwoong.

“Y/n!” he greeted you happily, before speaking to the couple and their children behind you as he moved to the side to let you pass.

You listened to them speak as you took off your shoes. Apparently, the woman was one of Joonwoong’s coworkers, and she was currently pregnant with her third child, though she had yet to show. It made you jealous, in some sort of way, and you tuned out the conversation to focus on your surroundings.

Nari and Joonwoong’s house was a wide open space, with a staircase in one corner that led to the upstairs where you imagined the bedrooms were. A table was pushed against one of the walls, with a pile of gifts and colourful balloons on each end. People were scattered around the whole area, with a few of them sitting on a L-shaped couch next to the television on the wall. The kitchen was on the opposite end of the open area and an array of snacks rested on the table, for the guests to pick from if they wanted to. That was where Jin was, and your eyes immediately moved away as you saw him standing there, hands in his pockets, looking awkward with Nari speaking to her twin sisters next to him.

In all truth, you were surprised that Jin was there. He had never been one for crowds, even though he was an idol. Indeed, he had always been more of an introvert, and maybe that had been another reason why your relationship had been doomed from the start: you had always liked going out, and it wasn’t something Jin had had to offer you, at the end.

Or maybe that had been the pandemic.

You shook the thoughts away, right as you felt a tiny fist pulling on your pants. You glanced down to see the little girl with a shy smile on her face. You bent so you were at a level with her, and you offered her your sweetest smile.

“Hey there”, you told her.

“You are very pretty”, she said with a small childish voice that made your heart fill with endearment.

Her comment surprised you, as you hadn’t expected the compliment, but you immediately thanked her, telling her that she was the prettiest around here. That made her blush as her mother laughed next to her.

“She is practicing talking to people”, the mother told you once the little girl ran away, with her brother on her heels. “She’s always been shy, but we’re trying to make her come out of her shell.”

You chuckled as you nodded. “Going for a compliment right away doesn’t sound like she’s too shy.”

The mother laughed as she nodded in agreement. “She’s gotten a lot better.” Her eyes moved away from your face, and as soon as you saw her mouth falling open, you knew what she had seen.

Everyone had that reaction when they saw Jin back when you were dating. The perks of him being a worldwide famous idol.

The woman’s eyes moved back to you, right as she motioned behind her to tap on her husband’s arm. You waited for him to see Jin too, your own gaze falling to the floor as you felt awkwardness moving through you once again.

“Joonwoong didn’t mention Jin from BTS was going to be here”, the man said. It was said like it was some sort of a joke, like he didn’t quite believe Jin was there.

You didn’t blame him, you could hardly believe it yourself. You glanced over your shoulder and your eyes met Jin’s gaze for a time.

The world stopped turning, as your breath caught in your throat and your heart stopped in your chest. Jin offered you a small smile and a bow of his head, before leaning closer to Nari as she was saying something to him. He laughed at her words, and the sound of his laugh carried across the room to meet your ears.

It struck you dumb, and you turned your head away as everything inside of you felt like it was burning. As if you had caught fire and no one was to come to put it out. It hurt, deeply, and you wished you hadn’t come. Wish you hadn’t been stupid enough to want to come.

You and Jin were done. There was a whole abyss between you now, with no bridge to lead to him the way it had before. You had known it before you had come, of course. Hell, the break-up letter had been clear about it, as you had reread it in the last few days. But to see him there, to know he was nearby, yet too far… it cut you deeply. Made you feel as if you were bleeding out.

“Are you okay?” the woman asked, her concern for you replacing her surprise at the sight of Jin.

You met her gaze, wondering what you looked like for her to ask. Maybe you had blanched, as if you had seen a ghost. Maybe your eyebrows had fallen, or maybe your whole stance had fallen. It wouldn’t surprise you, you had always been an open book.

“Yes”, you lied, and you managed to take a couple of breaths, breaths that had your pain easing until it was just a numb feeling at the back of your mind.

You’d let yourself hurt as soon as you’d leave. You knew it was going to be soon, you didn’t feel like sticking around when just the smallest eye contact had you feeling like that.

And maybe you were stronger than you let yourself believe. Because you did stay, keeping away from Jin as best as you could, talking to the woman you had just met. Playing with the children, as the little girl tended to go back to you more often than the others. Maybe because you had been the only one to actually take the time to speak to her.

It was easier once the initial shock passed. Easier to pretend that Jin was just another stranger, as you avoided his gaze and his general presence. Easier to act as if you were fine, all the while feeling your heart break a little more.

Your eyes betrayed you sometimes, sliding to him even though you tried to ignore him. He looked good, effortlessly so. Full lips stretching into a smile that lit up his whole face as he laughed along with Joonwoong and the other men. Some of them looked like friends to him, and it was a strange sight to see him like that.

He looked happy. Maybe that, most of all, unnerved you. Seeing him happy, as if your presence didn’t affect him at all. Or maybe he was just a better actor than you.

Maybe he had just learned to push the pain so far in the depths of his heart he could barely feel it anymore. It was bound to break out some day, but today, he’d push it deeper, until it was like it didn’t even exist anymore.

Perhaps then he’d be able to catch a glimpse of you without feeling like he was drowning.

 *****

                 Years ago, the gazebo where you were sitting had been lit up with fairy lights. A string of them, that you could see up above your head, but they had died a long time ago. The landscape was the same though, with the distant mountains and the moon high up in the sky now that the clouds had finally dispersed. Closer to you, trees reached up to the heavens, though there was a break in them where the gazebo was so you could gaze at the view.

The gazebo wasn’t well maintained. There was a hole in the floor through which you could see rocks littering the ground, and there were spiderwebs everywhere, with their occasional occupant. You almost felt bad for disrupting their peace as you sat there, but you had needed to get away.

Memories were engraved into the wood of the gazebo, where lovers had carved their names and promises of forever. You knew that somewhere on your right your own initials, along with Jin’s, were etched on the side of the bench.

You remembered the day you had carved them there, with the Swiss knife your father had gifted you after his trip to Sweden. It had been a sunny day, with wind making the leaves of the trees dance, splotches of sunlight following a chaotic pattern as it reached the floor of the gazebo. Jin had been sitting on the floor, reading initials and what previous lovers had written. Until you had chosen to sit next to him and had started carving a memory of your own love.

You wondered if time had erased the carving, the way it had erased the love between you and Jin.

The gazebo had been a frequent meeting place for you and Jin. That summer you had met… it had been spent under this same roof, watching those same distant mountains, and listening to that same wind. It had been warm, hot even, though young love blossoming had kept it bearable. Enjoyable, too.

It was in that same gazebo that Jin had kissed you for the first time. In that same gazebo that he had proposed to you, that early September evening, along with your family.

The moon looked lonely, up in the sky. A full moon, brighter than the stars surrounding it, yet it looked lonely. Much like you felt. You wondered if Jin sometimes looked up at the sky and felt lonely too even with all his love for the moon up there.

It had been hard to see him earlier. Harder than you had expected and had you known, you wouldn’t have gone. It was strange to you that your friends still were friends with Jin. It made you think of the members, and the nostalgia felt too real.

It sucked that they had chosen to end your friendship when Jin had broken up with you. Sucked that Jin hadn’t had to lose most of his friends the way you had lost yours. It made you jealous, in some sort of way.

Jealousy wasn’t a beautiful emotion. It was filled with poison, the kind that slowly made your bones dissolve like they’d been thrown into acid. It was a slow pain, one that choked your lungs up with the feeling of drowning.

You hated it. Hated that Jin had looked so happy earlier. Hated that he had barely acknowledged your presence, merely nodding your way before focusing back on his conversation.

Mostly, you hated how some part of you had seen him and felt relieved. As if your heart had finally come home, even with all the distance between you. Hearing his laugh had been healing, too. But seeing his smile… it had broken your heart all over again.

You hadn’t cried about your lost love in a long time now. Didn’t think you were going to cry tonight either, yet your eyes felt wet. Vision becoming blurry, you found yourself blinking away tears right as you shivered in a particular cold gust of wind.

It felt even colder when you turned and noticed a figure standing there.

Then every sensation left your body when you recognized Jin, with his hands in his pockets and a startled look on his face. As if he hadn’t expected to see you there.

There was a long moment of you just looking at each other. Waiting for the other to speak, to act as if the world hadn’t just stopped for you. And you didn’t want to be the first one to speak, didn’t want him to hear the tremolo that was sure to take over your voice.

“Hi”, he said, voice small and shy in a way that was so different to the guy you had loved.

Your heart picked up its pace in your chest, and suddenly every sensation rushed back to you: the feeling of his eyes on you, the fabric of your shirt brushing your skin, the moon reflecting in his gaze. The smell of the forest surrounding you, mixed with the underlying scent of rotten wood. The sound of a cricket somewhere in the distance, along with the call of a night bird in the forest.

You noticed everything at once, as his single word floated in the air between you.

“I didn’t expect to find you here”, he continued as you stayed mute, as if you didn’t even know how to be human anymore.

In all honesty, you were pretty sure you didn’t.

He looked down, and his eyes trailed to the hole in the floor. He seemed surprised to see it there. You understood why: he too had to remember when you had come here when you were younger and foolish and falling in love. Back then, the gazebo had been well kept by a kind old man who climbed all the way here every morning.

“I can leave you alone if you want”, he said, eyes stubbornly avoiding your face as yours continued boring into his forehead.

Some sense came back to you, and you let out a small nervous laugh. “Sorry, no, you can stay.” You wet your lips as he met your gaze again. “I was leaving anyway.”

You got up, but Jin was quicker. “No!” His mouth hung open for a time, as if he regretted the sudden outburst. He then shrugged, before shaking his head slightly. “You can stay.”

With me.

The words were unsaid, yet they shone in his eyes. You nodded slightly before looking away from him, unable to hold his gaze. You listened to him climb the two stairs to the gazebo as he moved in, before sitting on the opposite side from you. You sat back down, trying to ignore the space between you.

The gazebo wasn’t particularly large, maybe six feet or so. If Jin were to lie down in the middle, you knew he’d almost touch the two sides. It also meant that him sitting in front of you brought him a lot closer than you felt comfortable with and you kept looking in the distance, trying to ignore his presence.

But it was hard. Jin lit up the gazebo, as if the fairy lights had fallen under his skin and the electricity running along his nerves was enough to light them up again. It made your heart beat painfully as it beat erratically, not sure which symphony to embrace.

You hated it, and really hoped you had chosen to leave.  But it felt too late now as if it’d just make everything all the more awkward.

The distinct sound of a zipper being opened met your ears, a strange sound that felt out of place in the middle of the night. You turned to look at him, unable to resist, to see he had a backpack next to him.

You hadn’t even noticed it, but Jin had brought a backpack with him. Your eyes widened a little as he fished a wine bottle out of it, along with a single plastic cup.

He looked up, as if feeling your gaze on him. “Had I known you were here I’d have brought two of these”, he said, moving the cup up a little before letting his hand fall in his lap, eyes following a second later.

“Oh, it’s okay.” Your words had him meeting your gaze again. “Are you…” you trailed off, cheeks flushing. “Were you going to drink alone?”

He chuckled, shrugging his shoulders. “I didn’t think you were going to be here, so yeah, that was the plan.”

Why had he chosen to come here? The question swirled in your thoughts, deafening every sound around you.

Had he needed to satiate his nostalgia, much like you had needed to?

“I look like a loser, don’t I?”

His sentence had a strange laugh bubbling in your chest. It was awkward, and a small smile moved on his lips as your gaze dropped to the floor. “You don’t”, you reassured him.

Why did you break up with me in a letter?

You wanted to ask him. Had been wanting to ask him since you had first seen him earlier… but he looked peaceful, somewhat, in the silver light of the moon. You didn’t want to ruin it with questions your heart had been wondering about for so long.

“Do you want to drink with me?” he asked.

You still avoided his eyes, but your gaze moved to the wine bottle. There wasn’t enough light for you to discern which wine it was. All you could tell was that it looked like a red.

“It’s an Antu”, he said. “Isn’t that your favourite?”

He knew it was. You didn’t know why he had asked because he knew it was.

It was that same bottle you had been drinking the night you had fought for the last time.

“You still remember?”

There was a heavy silence then, as Jin looked away, towards the horizon. You watched his profile, noticing the way his lips were tightly pulled into a straight line. Like he was hurt.

Maybe his memories hurt him just as much as yours hurt you.

“Yeah”, he flatly said after a time. He sighed, before sliding his eyes towards you again. “I remember a lot.”

You couldn’t look away this time and you offered him a sad smile. “It’s hard to forget someone you really loved, huh?”

He nodded, letting out a bitter chuckle. “It really is.” He put the glass down next to him before twisting the cap of the bottle open. He poured some wine, allowing himself a taste before handing you the glass.

You looked at it as if it was foreign, as if the scene was straight out of an absurd movie. And it really felt as if it was because he couldn’t have hurt the way you had. He had been the one to break up in the first place, even though you had known that the relationship had come to an end too. You would have liked to fight for it, but life had other plans for you.

You grabbed the cup, avoiding his fingers like the plague. You didn’t feel like touching him, not when just the sight of him hurt you like it did. You took a small sip, and the aromas of the wine danced on your tongue before you swallowed. The taste lingered a moment and it reminded you of that night three years ago.

Needless to say you hadn’t drunk that wine again after losing Jin.

“How has work been going?” he asked, as his gaze slid to the horizon, to the mountains coated in that silver glow the moon provided to the whole scene.

“Great.” You took another sip. “The restaurant has been going really great now that the pandemic is over.”

“Good to hear.” It sounded genuine, the way he said it, with softness making his voice fall low at the end. “RM had only good things to say about the food.”

A small smile formed on your lips. “Hope he had good things to say about his date as well.”

Jin chuckled, and from the corner of your eye you saw him take a sip straight from the bottle. “They are dating now, so trust me, he has plenty of good things to say about her. He is head over heels for her.”

“Good for him”, you said.

You fell silent for a time, both of you contemplating the mountains. It was a comfortable silence, as if the initial surprise of seeing him here had melted into expectation. As if you had expected him to meet you here under the gazebo, as he had so many times before.

“All the members are dating, actually”, Jin admitted.

Your eyes widened, and your gaze slid to him. “All of them?”

Jin laughed before taking a swig of the Antu. “Yeah. We just had a dinner with all their girlfriends.” He sighed, though a soft smile tugged at the corners of his lips. “I’m happy they have found their own happiness.”

You were happy for them too, yet your heart felt heavy in your chest. Because even though Jin seemed happy for his friends, there was a heaviness in the air surrounding him. And you could imagine why, he was the oldest and he was the only one that was single now. It had to weigh on him, in some sort of way.

“Though”, he met your gaze, and your hand that held the cup shook a little at the sadness you saw in his eyes, “It feels weird to know that they have all found their person.”

You knew him all too well. After all this time, you still knew him all too well.

“Why is that?” you found yourself asking, even though you knew the answer.

He shrugged, looking in the distance again. You followed his gaze, as if it’d give him more privacy to reply to your question. He remained silent for a time, and you took a sip of the wine.

“I always thought I’d be the first to…” he trailed off. “Well, me or Jungkook-ie. I thought one of us would be the first to get married and all…” He chuckled, a sad sound that made your heart ache in your chest. “Won’t happen now.”

It angered you, just a little, because it could have happened hadn’t he chosen to break up with you. But it was in the past, and a fragile peace clung to the moment. You didn’t want to be the one to make it fall into chaos.

“Well, maybe Jungkook and Sena will get married soon”, you pointed out.

Jin winced, shaking his head. “Jungkook is not dating Sena anymore.”

It startled you, to hear that. “What?”

“Yeah…” Jin met your gaze. “He’s dating a tattoo artist now. And I don’t think they plan to get married.”

“Oh”, you let out. “Why not?”

Jin shrugged, before drinking a little wine. “One of the reasons why Jungkook and Sena broke up is because she wanted to get married and he didn’t.”

You remembered that. Sena had always gushed about the day she’d get married, had sent you pictures of wedding dresses and all the likes for a long time. Until you had split up with Jin, and then she’d started talking to you less and less until she didn’t at all anymore. You hadn’t tried to maintain the relationship either, as she reminded you of Jin too much.

You had avoided reminders of Jin for months after the breakup. Years, even.

“Oh, I see.” You drank, letting the wine roll on your tongue for a long time before swallowing. “Who do you think will get married first, then?”

“I have a feeling for Taehyung, but he started dating his girlfriend pretty recently.”

You smiled, nodding your head. “He’s always been a big romantic, though.”

“He has”, Jin agreed.

Jin had been a big romantic too, before you had made the mistake of moving in together because of the pandemic.

But you didn’t feel like fighting tonight. Just felt like talking to him like time hadn’t split you up like it had. You wanted to let the calm atmosphere of the night heal some parts of you that had never healed, after the breakup.

The perks of never really having in person closure.

“How… how has work been going for you?” you asked, carefully, after the silence between you had stretched into minutes, minutes of you both looking at the scenery.

“Well”, he said. “It’s been going well. It’s strange though. To not be doing everything with the members anymore.”

You slowly nodded. “I can imagine that it is.”

“But it’s been great”, he added. “Some change is always good, you know.”

You would have done without the change of losing him, but you couldn’t really tell him that, right?

Or maybe you could.

“Why did you break up with me in that letter?” you asked, a little out of the blue. The question had found its way to your lips quicker than you could stop it, and you let it hang in the air between the two of you.

You deserved an answer, after all this time. After all the haunting that the ghost of Jin had been in your life.

Jin looked startled, yet he didn’t flee. Didn’t become angry like he used to back then. “You told me to never come back.”

You slowly nodded, though you didn’t really remember what had happened that night. As if it had hurt too much and your brain had chosen to forget it.

“You never…” you trailed off, taking a sip of wine to hide the tremble in your voice. “You never considered that I didn’t mean it?”

He shrugged, sighing heavily. “I did, for a time. But then I realized that our relationship wasn’t what it was like anymore and figured it was just best to end it then.”

He had written so in his letter, so it was nothing new to you. Yet it hurt to hear him say it aloud.

“It was a little traumatizing, to come home one day and see that all of your stuff was gone”, you said.

You had wanted to tell him for years. Had almost given in and called him countless times in the weeks after that evening. But you hadn’t, your pride winning over your need for closure.

He had told you to call, though. In his letter. The last few lines had been about wanting to arrange a meeting in person so you could talk. You had chosen not to. Hadn’t been able to, in all honesty.

“I…” he let out, before falling silent. He didn’t speak again for a long time, and tears were welling up in your eyes, blurring the landscape in front of you, by the time he spoke again. “I apologize. I was messed up back then, and I just thought about myself.”

Maybe that had been your undoing. The fact that both of you had thought about yourselves, and never about the two of you together. You had been too individual in the whole relationship.

It didn’t matter anymore.

You couldn’t tell him that it was okay because it had never really been. So you remained silent, instead sipping the wine, trying to ignore your heart breaking in your chest all over again.

It was hard when you were fully aware that Jin had been the love of your life. In three years, you hadn’t even been able to look at another man and imagine having a sexual relationship with him, let alone a future. All your nights were still haunted by Jin. All of them belonged to him, just like all your days belonged to his absence.

“I really am sorry”, Jin said as you remained silent. “I shouldn’t have taken the cowardly way out.”

“It doesn’t matter anymore”, you said, trying to reassure him.

Another beat of silence passed between you two.

“You know, I would have wished for things to end differently”, he admitted. “It does matter.”

A tear slipped on your cheek, and you hoped he didn’t notice. Wished it with all of your heart. So, you drank some wine, finishing the cup he had handed you before focusing on the moon. A veil of clouds had hidden it, a little, and it was lit up by a silver glow, as if the moon had diffused in all the clouds.

Perhaps you were stupid for thinking he wouldn’t notice, when he still knew you by heart the way you knew him.

“Y/n…” he let out.

You glanced at him, and it just had more tears rolling on your cheeks. “Sorry.” You put the cup down on the bench next to you, before quickly getting up. “I’ll leave you alone.”

“Don’t go”, he said softly, but you could barely hear him over the sound of your heart breaking all over again.

You took a few steps away, and maybe it was because the moon didn’t light up the gazebo anymore or because your tears were blurring your sight, but you forgot there was a hole in the floor. Only remembered when your leg went through it, and the sound of your pants tearing as you fell had you wincing.

Or maybe it was the pain that followed that truly had you wincing, as a burning sensation went up your leg.

“Are you okay?” Jin asked, and it sounded as if he had asked already, and you were deafened by the pain overcoming your nerves.

“Fuck.”

You had never cursed all that much in your life, and that more than anything told Jin that you in fact were not okay at all. He was kneeling in front of you – when had he moved? – a concerned look etched on his pretty features, heart-shaped mouth opened on a “o” sound that never reached your ears.

You met his gaze, blinking back tears, though this time you didn’t feel like crying because of the heartbreak. No, you were just infinitely embarrassed and were afraid to take a look at your leg.

“Let me help you out of there”, he gently said. Holding out his hands for you to take, though he didn’t touch you before you actually grabbed his hands.

In your panic, his warm touch barely registered in your mind. Especially as he tried pulling you up, and something dug in your leg. You screamed in pain and Jin let you go, a panicked expression taking over his features.

“Y/n…”

You blinked back more tears, before shutting your eyes and pulling your leg out. Adrenaline hid the first spark of pain, but as soon as your foot was resting on the floor next to you, away from the hole, the pain rushed back to you.

Or maybe the sight of blood staining your pale pants made the pain come back all the faster.

“You’re hurt”, Jin stated, right as the colours leached from his features. Not that you could really see it in the night, but the adrenaline made you all too aware.

“There was a nail.”

Your statement met deaf ears as Jin gently pulled your pants up to see the wound. It wasn’t a long cut, but it was deep enough to have blood gushing out of it. You paled even more at the sight of it, as your head turned dizzy.

“Oh God.”

“It’s going to be alright”, Jin reassured you, though he looked just as afraid as you. “I’ll carry you down and then we can call an ambulance.”

“I’m sure I don’t need to go to the hospital”, you said, but your voice was weak.

He didn’t say anything, instead moving towards the wine and the backpack. He put the cap back on the bottle before stuffing it in the bag.

“I swear I’m fine”, you insisted, and you pushed up to your feet. The feeling of newer warmer blood running down the side of your leg had fresh tears welling up in your eyes.

Jin put the backpack on so it rested on his stomach, before moving back to you. “Climb on my back”, he ordered, bending down so you could do so.

You slowly shook your head.

“Y/n, please, I just want to get you to safety.”

“I can walk”, you said, crossing your arms on your chest so he couldn’t see your hands shaking.

He threw you a no-bullshit look that had you look away. “Just climb on my back”, he said, gently, but with the firm voice you had seen him using with the members countless times before.

The same voice his older brother usually used on him.

“Okay”, you finally agreed because really, you couldn’t stand on your leg anymore, the pain making your knee weak. So, you wrapped your arms around Jin’s neck, and he pulled you up until your legs were circling his waist. “You’re going to get blood on you.”

“I don’t care”, he said and he started walking.

The sudden movement had you become all too aware of every part of your body that was touching him. It ached, a different way than the burning in your leg, as you rested your forehead against his shoulder.

“I’m sorry”, you apologized again.

“Stop being sorry, you’re injured, it’s only normal for me to take care of you.”

That had you crying again, and you held him tighter. “No. I’m sorry for the way things went down three years ago.”

Jin didn’t reply, but his grip on the side of your thighs tightened.

The walk down the small mountain was a short one, just under twenty minutes. Twenty minutes that you spent in silence, head still resting against Jin’s shoulder. Heart still beating achily, as the burning in your leg grew numb. Jin rubbed your thighs with his thumbs mindlessly as he walked, and all you could do was listen to the sounds of the forest surrounding you.

When you finally reached the street, Jin put you down on a bench before calling an ambulance. He sat next to you after that, close enough so that his thigh was touching yours on the side of your uninjured leg.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

You shrugged. “I’ll be fine.”

He slowly nodded, eyes getting lost in the reflection of the streetlamp in a puddle left from the rain earlier. “You know…” He chuckled, sadly, and if it wasn’t for the pain in your leg you would have moved until you could hug him. “You shouldn’t be sorry for how things ended.”

“But I am”, you said matter-of-factly. “I wanted to hate you for so long, but at the end of the day, it was all my fault.”

“It wasn’t”, he shook his head. “We both had our wrong-doings in the relationship.”

“I asked too much of you.”

It was true, in some sort of way. You had asked too much of him after you had moved in together. You had asked for stuff Jin couldn’t really give you, until he had become too tired to even try.

“I was too immature to give you what you needed”, he replied with a small voice. “I regretted it a lot.”

“You don’t anymore?”

“Not like I did at first.” He paused, eyes darting to you once before moving back to the safety of the puddle. “I hope you didn’t regret it.”

You chuckled bitterly, and hadn’t it been for the wound on your leg you would have gotten up and stormed off. “Jin, please stop saying that.” You met his gaze. “Stop saying that I shouldn’t be sorry or that I shouldn’t regret. I wanted to fight for you and you didn’t even give me the option.”

His brows knit together as he clenched his jaw, but a deep breath had his features loosening immediately. “You could have called, and we could have talked in person”, he pointed out. “At first I really just wanted a break.”

You didn’t reply, remaining stubbornly silent, though the sudden anger that had filled your entire being left you, the pain in your leg overpowering it.

“I’m really happy I got to see you today”, Jin admitted after a long silence.

You shut your eyes, head hanging low. Until he wrapped an arm around your shoulders to pull you in his embrace. Tears rolled down your cheeks but you didn’t move, didn’t say anything. You wanted to enjoy the warmth of him once more. For the last time, perhaps.

“I like your hair”, he continued.

You had cut it short, after him. Gone were the long locks cascading down your back: your hair was shoulder-length now.

“Thank you”, you whispered, your voice breaking at the end.

Jin only tightened his hold on you, as he rested his chin on top of your head. He didn’t speak for a long time. If you were in his head, you’d know that his heart was shattered, had been shattered since that night you had told him not to come back. You’d know letting you go had been the hardest thing he had ever had to do, and that he’d take it back if he could. He wasn’t sure you wanted that too.

“Do you know why I went to the gazebo?” he asked, with the tiniest voice he could muster up.

“Why?”

“I hoped I was going to find you there, like that summer we met.”

You pushed away from him, so you could look him in the eyes. So you could see the truth in his dark gaze, and in the sad smile that adorned his lips.

“You remember?”

You were startled to see a tear rolling down his cheek. “How could I forget?”

Your gaze fell and your eyes caught on the glint of a chain disappearing in his dress shirt. “We had fun that summer.”

He nodded slowly. “We did. It’s crazy to think that it’s been thirteen years.”

You had never really thought about it, but it was true. You had met Jin in 2010, the year he had become a trainee. Even with the busy schedule that it had entailed, you had still managed to meet up at the gazebo, until you were in love thinking you were going to spend your lives together.

Oh how you had been wrong.

“It’s sad that the gazebo is all rotted now”, you whispered, and your eyes moved back up to his face.

“How’s your leg?” he asked.

You didn’t have time to reply before the blaring siren of the ambulance rose in the distance as it moved closer to you. “You know I’m not sure an ambulance was needed”, you said again. And you glanced at your leg, paling once again at all the blood. Though it wasn’t bleeding all that much anymore, most of it had just dried on your skin.

“If you got cut by a nail you want to make sure you get it checked by a doctor”, he said. “You might need shots for tetanus too.”

He was right, and to have him care for you like that… it had your heart squeezing in your chest all over again.

“I could have asked my parents to drive me”, you murmured, face turning away from him.

He shrugged, offering you a small sad smile. “Let me take care of you. Just this one last time.”

New tears filled your eyes and had it not been for the ambulance finally arriving, you would have burst out crying right then. You were glad the paramedics saved you the embarrassment, even as Jin insisted to accompany you in the ambulance. Even as he sat next to you, holding your hand as one of the paramedics took a look at the cut.

Seeing the wound had you paling even more, so you looked away, focusing on Jin’s hand in yours. On the feeling of him next to you, like he had been all these years ago. And he remained by your side all through the trip to the hospital, not once letting go of your hand, except when the doctor had a nurse inject a vaccine shot in your arm.

Only then did he let you go, only to grab your hand again right when the shot was done.

When the wound was dressed and you were all ready to go, Jin walked with you to the front door, hands deep in his pockets. You hadn’t spoken much during the whole ordeal, but his comforting presence had your heart squeeze in your chest with memories of the past. With what-ifs and could-have-beens that felt sour even as you stepped outside in the fresh air of the night.

“Thank you”, you whispered as you walked side by the side, the sounds of the city meeting your ears once again, with you stumbling a little as the doctor had requested for you to use crutches for a few days. Just so you didn’t put weight on your leg, until the wound had started healing and didn’t threaten to open up again.

Jin’s gaze slid to your profile, lingering there for a moment too long before he spoke again. “Would you like to get dinner sometime?”

You stopped in your tracks, almost falling face first as you still weren’t quite used to walking with crutches. Jin stopped in front of you, turning to face you with a look on his face that you hadn’t seen in forever. An open door you hadn’t expected to see again. Some part of you wanted to shut the door, to run away while you still could, to end the relationship the right way, but a bigger part of you wanted to see him again. To know that he wasn’t fully gone from your life. Maybe it was a mistake, but you found you were too much of a coward to say no.

“I…” you trailed off, eyes falling in the void making up the space between you. “Are you sure it’s a good idea?”

You heard him gulp before he replied. “We can just talk. It could be… great, to talk again.”

Your eyes filled with tears once more, as they seemed to be doing quite a lot today. You slowly shook your head, gaze moving back up to his. The light in his eyes died at the sight of your tears, and he just stood there, unmoving, as if he had stopped breathing altogether.

“Why would we talk again?” you whispered, gaze shying away from his again. “Why would we do that to ourselves when we know it’s just going to hurt in the end?”

One of his hands moved up to his face, and you only then realized that he was crying too. “It doesn’t have to hurt.”

“You broke up with me, Jin”, you said, anger suddenly flaring up in your chest, a little like it had back then. All of a sudden, from a place in you that felt foreign to your usual calm behaviour. “We are over.”

His eyes were shut when you looked at his face again. “I’m sorry I asked.” He slowly shook his head, and you watched his features, committing them to memory as his bottom lip trembled. “I’ve just…”

When he didn’t say anything for a time, you found yourself wishing you hadn’t refused. Because seeing him hurting like that undid you, made you want to brush away the tear that rolled down his cheek, made you want to pull him in your embrace and never let him go.

You had never really stopped loving him, hadn’t you?

“You could come to the restaurant”, you suggested, with the smallest voice you had been able to muster up. Because it spoke against the sense in your head, against your will to protect yourself from the man that had destroyed you.

He didn’t say anything for a time, didn’t move at all. The only thing that moved was the tear on his cheek that finally reached his jaw. You watched it fall from his face, slowly, until you couldn’t distinguish it in the night anymore.

“If you want me to”, he finally said, his tone matching the one that had taken over your own voice.

You gulped, finding yourself unable to speak. As much as you were afraid, you wanted to see him again. Didn’t want tonight to be the last night you’d gaze at the man you had once loved as much as you had. The one that you still loved, though you couldn’t quite tell if the love was the same as it had once been.

Because memories… memories made one feel like they did once, even if the true feelings were gone. As if the soul still remembers, and echoes of the love reaches it sometimes. Reaches the darkest corners of one’s heart, lighting it up for a time before letting it fall into darkness once again.

“If you really want me to, I’d love to come to the restaurant”, he repeated as you remained silent.

You slowly nodded, taking a deep breath to ease the ache in your heart, though it made you focus on the numb pain that still adorned your leg. You moved a little, putting more weight on your uninjured leg as Jin watched you carefully, trying to lessen the pain.

“Okay”, you let out. “Yes. I could make you some kimchi jiggae.”

His eyes lit up, and he slowly nodded his head, a little like you had done just a few seconds ago. “I would love that.” He chuckled then, as if in disbelief, before speaking again. “I could help you, so you don’t do all the work.”

It was strange to hear him say that. As much as he had helped you with cooking back then, it felt strange to hear him say those words. As if they meant more, as if they meant something you had needed to hear three years ago, that night your relationship had died. It made you anxious about the whole ordeal, but you didn’t find the strength to look away, didn’t find the courage to tell him it wasn’t a good idea. The only thing you wanted was to add one more thing, yet the words didn’t reach your lips, dying somewhere in your throat, choking it up with nostalgia and apprehension.

Please don’t break my heart again.

 *****

                 You didn’t remember the last time you had been so anxious. As if the whole world was on your shoulder tonight, and a single faux pas would send it crumbling down into chaos. You had been trembling for a while, clammy hands endlessly rearranging the ingredients for the meal you’d cook tonight. You had swept the floors so many times already you were pretty sure you hadn’t forgotten a single speck of dust in the whole place. Yet the anxiety didn’t leave you, rendering you unable to do anything else than pick at your nails.

Your leg had healed, in the few weeks since you had last seen Jin. You hadn’t been able to organize the dinner earlier considering Jin had been busy with work and you hadn’t been able to close the restaurant for a night before. Jin had offered to pay for renting the restaurant for the night, but you had refused, feeling weird about having your ex pay you that way.

You had a scar now where you had ripped your skin on the nail of the gazebo. It wasn’t a straight line, even with the stitches that you had gotten with Jin that night. It was mostly healed now and you had gotten the stitches taken out a week ago, but it still hurt a little, the skin feeling as if it was strangely stretched. It often itched, and you had to resist the urge to scratch it, to play with it the way you had been playing with the scar in your heart.

That scar was different. New, in a way you didn’t quite understand. Maybe because it had been a gaping hole for so long while Jin was gone from your life. It had taken closure and a wound for the hole to finally heal, to finally come together as one again. It made life different, somehow. You weren’t stupid as to why, hope painted everything in pastel and softness. And you hated that you were hopeful, but you had seen something in Jin’s eyes that night. Something you didn’t think you had seen since way before you had moved in together.

You refused to put a word on it, to give it meaning. Because giving it meaning would give it power, power to break you. You didn’t want to get hurt again yet you were excited about tonight. Anxious, yes, but excited nonetheless.

You sighed, running a hand through your hair as your eyes slid to the time on your phone once again. You were sitting on a high stool with one leg bouncing up and down as you waited for Jin to arrive. He had texted to say he was going to be late because of some unexpected traffic, promising that he was doing his best to come as quickly as he could. He had then sent you a bunch of screenshots from his groupchat with the rest of the members, with laughing emojis at how the boys had reacted when he had announced that you were getting dinner together tonight. They all were excited, way more than you had expected them to be, and Namjoon had even texted you saying to let him know if Jin was being a dick, so he could beat him up for you.

You didn’t know how to feel about it, but to have Jin be comfortable enough to share with you what the boys had said warmed your heart in some way. Even if they had all been teasing, saying stuff you weren’t sure they had expected you to read.

It didn’t really matter, because you hadn’t been able to stop smiling even with all the anxiety.

You sighed once again, breath shaking a little as it came out, and your heart stopped beating in your chest when you received a text. Unfortunately, it was from your mom, saying that she was ready to murder Jin if he so much as hurt you again.

You winced as you read the words. You were typing in your reply when your phone started vibrating in your hand, Jin’s name appearing at the top. This time, your heart stopped for good, and you watched the name for a while before finally answering the call.

“Hey”, you said, voice sounding a little strained. You scraped your throat as Jin greeted you on his side of the line.

“I’m at the door”, he said, and you could hear the smile in his voice. It made your heart start beating again, with warmth and butterflies that felt treacherous.

You pushed the anxiety aside as you got up. “I didn’t leave it unlocked?” you asked, and you started walking towards the entry.

“Oh, you did, just wanted to hear your voice already”, Jin replied, and you stopped in your tracks.

This time, the butterflies didn’t feel quite as treacherous, and you couldn’t help the smile that grew on your lips. “Well, come in, come in”, you said, and blush crept on your cheeks as Jin told you he was already in.

It didn’t take him more than a few seconds to appear in your line of sight, and you almost dropped your phone at the sight of him.

He had styled his hair back, and not a single strand stood out of place. He was wearing a black pair of dress pants, with a white shirt tucked in that hugged his body perfectly. His lips were stretched in a smile that tugged at the corners, making his eyes shine a little. He had a slight flush on his cheeks that made him seem so real and not a distant invention of your brain, and you wondered for a time how it was possible for a man like you to want to get dinner with a woman like you.

Jin was also holding a bouquet of red roses, and he had a bottle of wine under his arm. You knew it was an Antu without having to read the label and you grinned as he stopped.

“Hi”, he said again. He hung up the call as you just stood there awkwardly. “I… brought you roses.”

You slowly nodded, before taking a few steps towards him. “You didn’t have to”, you replied, a little breathlessly. It made you blush even more, cheeks turning dark as you stopped in front of him.

“I wanted to”, he said, shrugging. “That’s why I was late.”

Your eyes that were on the flowers moved up until you met his gaze, and your grin turned into a soft smile. “Then you really didn’t have to.”

You grabbed the roses, breathing in their scent while Jin watched you carefully, as if he wasn’t quite sure if you were real or not. A little like you had been watching just a moment ago, in truth.

“Is your leg healed now?” he asked, as the hand that had been holding the bouquet moved to grab the bottle of wine.

You nodded before turning around to go find a vase or something that could hold the flowers until you went home later. Jin followed you putting the wine down next to the ingredients, and you watched him from the corner of your eyes as he picked up some stuff, inspecting them before leaning against the counter and looking at you.

“I have missed eating your kimchi jiggae so bad”, he said, voice full of truth.

You avoided his gaze as you rummaged through the cupboards, hands settling on a cauldron, one you usually used for soups. You put the flowers in it before carrying it towards the sink.

“Well, good thing you’re here tonight”, you finally said, once you had turned the tap on and had no reason to avoid his gaze again.

He smiled with that heart-shaped mouth of his and you felt the anxiety dwindling away to nothingness, replaced by a warmth that settled in your whole body, in your whole soul as you just held his gaze, echoing the softness in his eyes.

“Thank you”, he murmured, and you only knew he said the words because you could read them on his lips.

Your gaze slid away as you moved to turn off the tap before picking up the cauldron to move it to the counter. “What for?”

“For accepting to meet up tonight”, he replied without a beat of silence. “I’m not sure I deserve it, but I’m really happy you said yes.”

You pursed your lips, shrugging a little. “Let’s not do that.”

He seemed confused for a time, much like you were. Because you didn’t know what you had meant and it sounded arrogant, somehow. It made you blush again and your gaze dropped to the tiles of the floor.

“I mean… not like that we shouldn’t…” you trailed off, shaking your head, “I mean, we shouldn’t think about the past.” You took a steadying breath, before meeting Jin’s gaze again. “We should start anew.”

He nodded, round eyes filling with agreement. “Yes. Let’s start on a new page.”

You nodded too, before letting out a small nervous laugh. “Perfect.”

And though the air had turned a little awkward, you moved closer to Jin and the ingredients, and soon enough you found yourself relaxing next to him, heart warming each time he laughed. And he did laugh a lot, just like he had when you had met him back then. It was something that you had always found endearing about him, something that had made you fall in love in the first place.

Sometimes, his laugh raised wariness in you, as if some part of you wanted to protect yourself from him. But it was hard to be pessimistic with him by your side, with his rolled-up sleeves and hands digging in the food as you showed him what to do. He looked happy, and that most of all stopped the wariness before it could kill the atmosphere.

And the atmosphere felt heavenly after years apart. As if you were taken back to the first days of your relationship. As if you were in that gazebo again, learning what love was. Learning what it meant for one to become two, and for two to become one again. Until your souls were entwined in a fragile tapestry; a tapestry that had been shred to pieces by the pandemic.

When Jin laughed, his whole face lit up, and his happiness bled to the space surrounding him. It was contagious, his happiness, until you found yourself laughing along with him, teasing him like you had back then. It only seemed to make him all the happier, and you found yourself wiping happy tears from the laughs you shared.

“Wait, wait, wait”, Jin said, interrupting the words you had been saying. You weren’t quite sure your sentence had been all that coherent, and you fell into silence as Jin repeated the word again, before adding, “You haven’t played Maple Story since that day?”

You laughed, hiding your face in your hands. “You know I’ve never been a big gamer.”

“Yet you always said you were better than me!” He shook his head, offense painting his features. “You’re a fake fan.”

“Oh please”, you said, chuckling as he let out a small laugh. “I still have the game. I’m sure I only need a little time before I can officially be better than you again.”

He squinted his eyes, wetting his lips. “Good luck with that. I’m at the top of my art.”

“Are you now?” You rolled your eyes, right as he nodded forcefully.

“Oh, I definitely am.”

You shared another laugh, before a comfortable silence raised around you.

You were currently sitting in one of the private rooms of the restaurant and you had put on some music to create an atmosphere that would feel more comfortable for the both of you with music you had used to listen to when you were dating. Jin had insisted on lighting candles and dimming the lights until romance heated up the air. The food was long eaten and the empty bowls between you were witnesses of Jin’s love for your kimchi jiggae. Indeed, he had finished every last bit of it as if he was a starved man.

You met his gaze right as a new song started, a slow ballad that you had used to dance to in the gazebo. It brought you to years ago, to a decade ago, even, and a knowing smile moved on his lips.

“Shall we?”

He motioned to the space surrounding you before extending his hand for you to take. Your eyes moved to it, skimming over his fingers and his perfectly manicured nails before going back to his face.

“Are you sure you want to do that?” you asked, and heaviness moved in your heart.

It didn’t go unnoticed to Jin, and his hand fell to the table. Still close enough for you to take, but not a clear invitation like it had been a moment ago.

“I’m not sure about anything in this world”, he said, shrugging his shoulders, and his own gaze dropped to his hand. “I just know I’ve been thinking about you since Nari and Joonwoong’s baby shower.”

As you had been. You gulped, wetting your lips. “I’m scared…”

His eyes fell shut, and he looked infinitely pained for a time. “I only have myself to blame for that.” He chuckled bitterly, and it made you want to grab his hand. To grab his hand and say fuck it. After all, you couldn’t win anything without risk. “I haven’t been able to get you off my mind.”

His eyelids fluttered open until your gazes met again. “What if it doesn’t work?” you murmured.

“Then we’ll be able to say we tried.”

He wasn’t wrong, and even though every part of you knew trusting him with your heart again was a mistake, your hand moved until your fingers grazed his. “Can we take it slow?”

His fingers reached up until they wrapped around yours. His touch was soft and warm, just like you remembered it, and it finished healing the hole in your heart, until the only thing you could feel was the warmth you could also find in his gaze.

“Yes.” His grip tightened around your fingers and he slowly got up. “We can take it as slow as you want to.”

You got up too, soon finding yourself facing him. He brought your hand to his shoulder before grabbing the other one.

“You know”, he said, voice low, as he started guiding you in that slow waltz in which your love had been born. “I almost came back that night.”

You shut your eyes, letting him guide you for a time as an old ache awoke in you. “I ran after you.” You sighed, breath coming out a little shakily, before meeting his gaze again. “I got a cold from running after you in the rain.”

He gulped, and you watched his Adam apple bobbing up and down. “I’m sorry.”

You had needed to hear those words since forever, yet they didn’t feel like you had thought they would. You had thought they would be liberating, but all they did was bring you back to those days after he had left.

“Don’t be”, you said, brushing it off with a shrug of your shoulders.

You didn’t want to give the past power over the night you were currently sharing. Over the hope that had been inhabiting you in the last few weeks.

“I’ll still be, but I can refrain from telling you.” He offered you a small smile, and your eyes dipped to his lips.

“I mean”, you said, mind searching for a joke to say to lighten the air around you. “It felt as if I was in a drama for a time. You let me live my main character arc for a time.”

That made him laugh, a sweet laugh that tugged at the corner of your own lips. “And look at us today, slow dancing. Maybe this is our season two.”

You chuckled, nodding your head, even as his words echoed your earlier wariness. “Or it’s a spin-off season, for those who don’t like sad endings.”

“I thought you wanted to take things slow.”

You stumbled a little and it made you stop dancing just as you looked at him. And you looked at him for a long time, unable to gaze away. Unable to stop the panic that found your heart, even as you had thought you were fine. You just looked at him, blanching, until your heart was beating out of your chest and you felt like leaving.

“Y/n?”

“This is not a good idea.”

You stepped away from him, walking towards the speaker so you could turn off the music. Jin didn’t move, as if too stunned to react, and you stood with your back turned to him as a new silence filled the air.

“Y/n…”

“No.” You shook your head. “Don’t say my name like that.”

“Why are you panicking?”

Maybe you were the one who couldn’t let the past be in the past.

You chuckled dryly, shaking your head again. “You broke my heart, Jin. We didn’t work and you broke my heart and I haven’t even been able to look at anyone else after you.” You were shaking, but you couldn’t stop anymore. “And then you came to gather your stuff while I was gone and I came back to an empty apartment. Your letter destroyed me.” A tear rolled on your cheek, and you wiped it away angrily. “And the boys stopped talking to me while you still talked to Nari and Joonwoong and the others and it’s fucking unfair.”

“Y/n”, Jin murmured, voice infinitely soft.

“I’m not fucking done”, you let out.

No, all the pain and rage you had felt back then came rushing back to you. It needed to come out, as it had needed to come out for the last three years. No dam could stop it anymore.

“I haven’t stopped loving you, even though you hurt me so bad I couldn’t even eat for weeks. I lost almost twenty pounds because food tasted too ashy after you. My parents forced me to take a break from the restaurant because of it.” You paused, and your heart felt as if it was shattered in your chest, and you were stepping on all the jagged pieces. “Do you know how pathetic I was? I have barely recovered and here you are coming back into my life expecting me to give myself to you again. What are you going to do this time?” You laughed, before turning to look at him. You took in the sight of his widened gaze, but it didn’t stop the words that were spilling from your mouth. “You’re going to kill me, Jin. I can’t allow myself to be with you again because you’re going to kill me.”

And as suddenly as you had started speaking, you fell silent, with only your tears rolling on your cheeks. Jin watched you for a while, still too stunned to speak, his eyes searching your features as if they’d find an answer as to why you were panicking. When he found none, his gaze dropped to the floor and words found their way to his own lips.

“It wasn’t working anymore and you know it too”, he said. He sounded resigned, as if he was only then realizing that you were over. “I took the cowardly way out, I know. I haven’t been able to be with anyone either. And I tried. But I’ve been comparing everyone to you and no one can compare. You’re the one that got away and I would sell my soul to the devil to change it.” His eyes met yours again, and you watched as his bottom lip trembled. “I don’t want to hurt you again. As a matter of fact I just want to stop hurting. When I was at that dinner with the boys and their girlfriends I just wanted you to be there. You deserved to be there and I was fucking stupid to not do what you asked me to do back then.”

Seeing him cry broke your heart again, reforming the hole you had imagined was gone. So you shut your eyes, focusing on your breathing to stop the pain from reaching you. It was a stupid thing to do, considering the pain inhabited your whole soul, but it was all you could do to try to survive.

“The worst part is that I thought I had made the right decision. I thought I had made the right decision until I saw you the other day and realized that I haven’t been happy since I lost you. I work and I perform and I am not happy. Life fucking sucks without…”

“Leave”, you breathed.

A single small word that stopped Jin’s sentence. Stopped his heart too, you imagined. Because you knew he was aching. He was aching and you were aching and you weren’t quite sure there existed a world out there where you’d have the courage to be with him again. So, you told him to leave again, screamed at him to go until he looked at you one last time from over his shoulder. And then he was gone, and his absence felt wrong.

Everything felt wrong.

You sat on the floor, pulling your legs to your chest as you cried. You cried for the heart that had been broken three years ago, and for the one you were trying to protect today. Because ending things with Jin and not letting him in was the only way you knew that could protect you.

But why did it feel so wrong?

Your crying subsided quicker than you had expected, leaving you feeling drained. Drained from all the happiness you had felt with Jin tonight. And you had felt a lot, because you too hadn’t been happy since you had lost him. You hadn’t been happy for a single moment after him. You had survived, had been content with the life you had been living, but nothing had been able to bring you happiness like Jin had been able to.

Maybe letting him go again was the wrong thing to do. Maybe it felt wrong because you didn’t want to let him go. Only wanted to hold him against you again until your heart forgot it had ever ached.

You were up before the thought had finished forming in your mind, and you ran out of the room. You turned in the hallway and let out a startled shriek as your foot caught in something. You regained footing a second later, and your eyes moved down.

Jin was sitting on the floor, with his legs stretched in front of him. Tears stained his cheeks, and he looked so broken it had a sob forming in your throat again.

You fell to your knees, right next to him, arms wrapping around his neck until you were holding him tight against you. His arms immediately circled your waist, pulling you closer as he buried his face in your neck. He let out a small broken sound as you cried against him and his own tears wet the fabric of your shirt as you kept holding on to him.

“Please don’t leave again”, you breathed against his neck.

“I was not going to leave again.” A sob fell from his mouth, and he held you even tighter. “I don’t want to leave again.”

You nodded against him, nuzzling your face in the warmth of his neck. You didn’t move for a time, as you both cried. Cried for your broken hearts and for the pain that you had put each other through. You weren’t quite sure you’d be able to forgive Jin, but you had to try.

It was all you could think of as you pulled away until you could gaze at his face. At the tears that were still rolling down his cheeks, and at his blood red eyes.

“Don’t cry”, you murmured, and your hands moved to his cheeks so you could dry the tears away.

He chuckled, resting his head against the wall behind him. “You’re crying too.”

“I’m going to kiss you”, you said, ignoring his comment.

You didn’t wait for him to reply before crashing your lips on his. He didn’t even seem startled, and his mouth started to move against yours immediately, right as one of his hands moved up your back until it found the hair at the back of your head. His fingers tangled in your hair right as he turned his head to the side to deepen the kiss.

You kissed him with everything you had in you. With all the pain, all the anger, and all the love that still remained, even after all the hardships. You kissed him as if it was your last day on Earth, until you weren’t quite sure you were breathing anymore. And maybe you had been right, because kissing him felt like it was killing you. Not in a bad way, no, in a way that was making you feel alive again. That made you feel as if you had died and reached heaven.

You’d be damned if you’d leave your heaven.

You ran a hand through his hair, undoing the perfect style, just so you could pull at the long strands a little. He answered by making you straddle him, and he grinded up into you once the moment your legs were on each side of his thighs. You started kissing again then, but it was different. Angrier. Hungrier. Needier.

You’d never get enough of him again.

The hand Jin had tangled in your hair moved down, until he was holding you by the nape of your neck, fingers grazing the side of your neck in that place he knew made you go crazy. You grinded your hips, instinctively, and he took that as a cue to move his hand to your throat, thumb digging on one side while the rest of his fingers pressed on the other side.

You moaned, a little breathlessly, and one of your hands found his neck too. You choked him, just like he was choking you, and he chuckled in the kiss.

“I missed you so much”, he said against your lips before pulling away. He rested his head against the wall once more, and his eyes fluttered open at the same time as yours did. Your grip on his throat relaxed, and your fingers moved until they were caressing his jaw, right as his hand moved back to your waist.

“I missed you too”, you murmured, and a fresh wave of hot tears rolled down your cheeks.

Jin immediately moved to wipe your cheeks dry, hands lingering on your face as he cupped it gently. Your gazes locked, and you just looked at each other for a time, as if time hadn’t torn you apart. As if you had caught up to him in the night that day and had kept him from leaving.

You wondered if you would be married now, had you found him. Had you begged him to stay. You doubted it. There was something different about Jin now, something more mature, something that worked better with what you wanted in a life partner. You had been able to see it all night in his willingness to help, in his wish to clean the dishes before you ate, in the way he had kept the atmosphere light even though it could have fallen into darkness with just a single faux pas.

And the way he was holding you now… it was reassurance. Reassurance that maybe, finally, your struggles had come to an end. That you had found your way back to the place you belonged, by his side. Not behind him, not in his past, but right beside him, with your heart forever beating in sync with his.

The thought had you starting to kiss him again. A sweet and slow kiss, one that did wonders to the organ in your chest. Telling it that everything was fine. That everything would be fine again. Your lips moved slowly together, as if you had all the time in the world. And maybe you did. Maybe now you did.

Jin’s hands fell from your face to your hips, holding you close as yours cupped his face to deepen the kiss. He sighed against you, thumbs running chaotic patterns on the fabric of your pants until they moved up a little to find your skin underneath your shirt. Your breath hitched in your throat, but then again you weren’t quite sure you were breathing at all when Jin was kissing you like that.

This moment made you aware of one thing; all the sleepless nights, all the heartaches, all of it had been worth it now that you knew you’d find your way back to him. And maybe it was too soon to believe that, but your soul felt at ease for the first time in too long. It rendered it hard to think coherent thoughts.

“Do you want to come home with me tonight?” Jin whispered against your lips when you pulled away.

It was all the confirmation you needed.

“Bring me home”, you agreed, resting your forehead against him. “And don’t ever leave again.” You saw his lips stretch in a lazy smile through your half-lidded eyes.

“I will never leave again, I promise”, he murmured.

It made you pull away, and your eyes met. His gaze was lit up from within, corners slightly crinkled from the happiness that was in his heart. You recognized that look and knew better than to shy away from it. You knew it was echoed in your own gaze.

It was a promise of a forever that had been out of reach for so long. A forever you had finally reached, a forever you’d never let slip through your fingers again.

 *****

                 Jin lived at the highest level of a luxurious building that offered a view of Seoul in the night. The city sparkled with life, an ocean of stars that you found hard to look away from. Yet your eyes wandered to the space surrounding you seeing just how much it felt like him. It was simply decorated, with a few plants to bring life and colour to it. Jin’s proudest room was his gaming room, that he had lit up with LED lights and a neon sign from a game you didn’t know. It was a comfortable room with a couch against a wall in front of a large TV and a gaming set-up on the other side of the room. Bookshelves completed the decoration, with games and figurines littering the shelves, and the wide windows on the far wall showed that scenery you hadn’t been able to look away from since Jin had left to go to the bathroom.

You moved away from the window as you heard the familiar pattern of his steps walking back towards you, and he offered you a warm smile as he came into view.

“Why am I not surprised that you’ve wandered in here while I was gone?” he asked, as you both finished crossing the distance between each other.

You wrapped your arms around his waist resting your cheek against his chest as he hugged you closer, before leaving a small kiss on the top of your head.

“This room feels the most like you”, you breathed and his grip around you tightened a little.

“It’s my favourite room too.” He chuckled, and the sound reverberated where your ear touched his chest. “It’s every gamer’s dream.”

It made you laugh a little, as you pulled away to glance at your surroundings again. You hadn’t noticed before, but Jin owned many consoles too, a whole collection of them if you were being honest. From the first console he had probably played to the latest one that could be found on the market, Jin had everything one might dream to have.

“I can see that”, you said, and your eyes stopped on something that piqued your interest. “You have a VR console?” There was excitement in your voice, and Jin laughed again.

You were as cute as he remembered you to be.

“I do.” He looked at it, following your line of vision. “Do you want to try it?”

You pulled away from him to clap your hands excitedly. “Damn right I want to!”

He offered you one of his iconic laughs before moving towards the television to start setting up what was needed to play. You watched him do so, hands digging in your pocket as you rocked back and forth on your feet.

Once everything was ready, Jin handed you the whole thing, setting you up for a game of Beat Saber. The song started, and you rushed to move in the right way, failing after the first few seconds. Jin made fun of you, tickling you as you were unable to see him until you ended as a giggling mess on the floor, limbs entwined until you didn’t know who was who. It didn’t help that your eyes were still covered.

“Wait, stop it!” Jin said as you found his waist, digging your fingers in the tender skin.

You giggled but didn’t stop, up until he grabbed your two hands and put them over your head, before holding them into place with just one hand. He took off the VR headset, and his face came into view. His lips were parted, and your eyes dipped to them, unable to look away.

You had stopped crying a while ago, the high emotions finally leaving you, but to have him hovering over you like that brought you back to earlier, and tears threatened to fill your gaze again.

Jin seemed to notice, because he immediately bent down to press a chaste kiss to your forehead, before meeting your gaze again. His eyes were painted in a sweet light and for a moment you wanted to just grab him and bring him closer. But you didn’t move, and a sweet look took over your features. It didn’t go unnoticed to Jin and he smiled before pecking your lips once.

“My turn”, he said, and he pushed himself up before holding out a hand to help you get up too. He pulled you up to your feet, and you watched as he grabbed the VR headset to adjust it to himself.

“What makes you think you’re going to be any better?” you asked, hands once again finding their way to your pockets.

Only because you were resisting the urge to hold Jin close to you. You’d have plenty of time to hold him later.

Jin threw you a no-bullshit look, before hiding his beautiful eyes behind the VR headset. “Because you were literally trash.”

“You’re annoying, you know that?”

He laughed as you chuckled. “I would apologize but I’m about to literally beat your ass in the game, so…”

“Good luck with that.”

It was ominous, the way you said the words, and it didn’t go unnoticed to Jin. “What is that supposed to mean?”              

“Nothing”, you replied, trying to instill as much innocence as you could in the small word.

Jin didn’t seem convinced, yet he still started a song. His movements were a lot more fluid than yours, as if he had learned the choreography a while ago and it was ingrained in his muscle memory. You let him play for a time, until you stood behind him. Far enough so he couldn’t tell you were there, but close enough for your treacherous hands to reach forward and tickle his sides.

He let out a loud screech, body flinging itself down as you held onto him, laughing heartily.

“I will kill you”, Jin threatened, and it only made your laugh double up, until you were on the floor next to him holding your stomach as your body shook.

Jin immediately attacked, Beat Sabers’ game long forgotten. His hands found your waist even as his eyes were still hidden behind the headset. And he tickled you hard, almost hard enough to hurt as you squealed and thrashed in his hold. He was far stronger than you and even as you grabbed his shoulders to push him away, Jin didn’t budge, tickling you until you started begging for mercy. He only then stopped, and your giggles slowly turned into heavy breathing as you tried to calm the wild beats of your heart.

Jin took off the headset, putting it down next to where he sat, before running a hand through his long-dishevelled hair. The gel he had used to style his hair earlier hadn’t held, but still he looked ethereal, like your brain was imagining him there.

To know he was as real as he would ever be had your heart constricting in your chest, so hard you sat up and grabbed his face to pull him into your embrace. He only slightly resisted, startled by your quick movements, but as soon as your lips found his, he relaxed in your arms, kissing you back with all the fire in his heart.

Jin tasted good. Like your favourite dessert after a long day. His hands roamed your body, pulling you closer until you were straddling him, as you held onto his shoulders for dear life. His lips were soft, like a flower’s petal, and they moved against yours hungrily, as if he couldn’t get enough of the taste of you. You let one of your hands wander up until it got lost in his long hair, with your fingers massaging his scalp the way you knew he liked.

The kiss was intense, with no place for breathing as you parted your lips and his tongue immediately darted forward, so your tongues were moving together. It made a small moan bubble up at the back of your throat, and Jin swallowed it as his grip on your waist tightened, fingers digging in the tender skin.

Right when you thought you would die from asphyxia, Jin pulled away, resting his forehead against yours. You breathed raggedly for a time, eyes closed as you basked in the proximity of him. Until he moved a little, and it had your conscience zeroing in on the spot where your body touched his, right between your legs. You forgot how to breathe for a moment then, as you instinctively grinded your hips on the length of the bulge in his pants.

His tight grip on your waist loosened up, hands falling to your hips so he could guide your movements. He made you grind on him again, as he pushed up a little, the glorious size of him pressing against your clothed self.

“Jin”, you breathed.

“I missed you so fucking much”, he replied and the end of his sentence was overshadowed by another small moan from you.

With lust clouding your mind, you found yourself unable to process if sleeping with Jin was a good idea. All you wanted was to feel him again, to hold him close until you’d be two moaning messes. From the way the bulge in his pants pressed against you, you knew he wanted the same thing. So, you captured his lips in another long kiss, teeth clashing together, and it was your turn to swallow the small breathy sound Jin let out.

When you pulled away, you opened your eyes, trying to find Jin’s gaze. His eyes remained stubbornly close, and you grabbed his cheeks, thumbs drawing circles on his skin.

“Please fuck me, Jin”, you whispered. His eyelids fluttered open, until your gaze found his dilated pupils. “Please fuck me like you never stopped loving me.”

His eyes went wide for half a second, before going dark with his lust for you. “I never stopped loving you”, he breathed, and it somehow sounded like a promise.

You didn’t have time to think more about it as he crashed his lips on yours again, sucking on your bottom lip until you let out a moan. Heat pooled at your core and you knew you were soaking up your panties by the seconds.

It wasn’t like you cared.

Jin moved, grabbing your back to hold you close before lying you on the floor, until he was hovering over you. You drank in the sight of him for a fraction of a second, but your eyelids shut tightly as he kissed you again. You ran a hand along his back as he nestled himself between your legs. He wrapped your legs around his waist before deciding better and hooking one on his arm until he had you spread wide open for him. He only then grinded into you again, hitting your clit in a way that had you see stars.

You pulled on his dress shirt, so it wasn’t tucked in his pants anymore allowing you free access to the warm skin of his back. You ran your nails on his skin, drawing shapes and lines for him to remember you, though you didn’t put a lot of pressure, not wanting to hurt him.

It didn’t matter that you knew Jin liked the pain. You didn’t feel like defiling his perfect skin just yet.

“Fuck”, Jin breathed in between two kisses. It made you smirk, only leading him to utter the small curse aloud again, right as he pulled away to take his shirt off.

Your eyes went down his frame, barely registering the chain around his neck. The sight of him was almost enough to make you go over the edge. Indeed, Jin had been working out, in the years you had spent apart. Body perfectly sculpted like he was a Greek sculpture, and you ran your hungry hands on the planes of him, fingers tracing his lines. He observed you, basking in the heat of your gaze on him, until he had enough and needed to feel your lips against his swollen ones again.

The kiss was short yet filled with desire and passion as Jin’s hands found their way to your breasts under your shirt. He squeezed them through your bra until he decided better and moved underneath that last bit of fabric, fingers tightening around your hardened nipples.

“Jin”, you breathed against his lips.

“Sit up”, he ordered as he kneeled between your legs. You obeyed, and he immediately took your shirt off before sliding his hands around your back so he could unhook your bra. It brought his neck close to your lips and you kissed at his skin, sucking on it just a little. Not enough to leave a mark, but enough to have him squirm between your legs.

You could tell Jin loved it as he arched his neck giving you a better access right as your bra came undone. You took that as a cue to reach up, hand wrapping around the perfect column of his throat, squeezing just enough to cut his access to air. You sucked on his neck again then, right on the spot you remembered he loved, and he let out a choked sound that you recognized as a moan.

When you let go of his neck, Jin took in a sharp inhale of air before letting out a small chuckle. It made you smile, and your gazes locked for a second.

“Let’s go to my room before things get out of hand”, Jin said, offering you a grin that made you think things were already out of hand.

You refrained from saying so, only nodding your head to him. And even though you thought it’d be awkward to be shirtless next to him again, his warm hand wrapping around yours as he helped you up eased your nerves. You followed him to his room, letting your eyes roam on the skin of his back, from his broad shoulders down to the small tattoo of a seven. The tattoo surprised you, its black ink a stark contrast with the pale skin. You had never seen it before, but its simple style and size fit Jin well, like it had always been meant to be there.

“You have a tattoo now?” you enquired.

He nodded, glancing at you over his shoulder as you walked in his bedroom. “We all got a seven, yeah.”

Right. A seven for the seven members of BTS. It was endearing, that they had all gotten it tattooed, and it made a warm smile move on your lips.

Jin’s bedroom was simple, decorated with light furniture and a plant in a corner. He had hung up a pale painting over the bed, one you had seen many times before in the apartment you had shared with him. To see it again felt strange for a time, as if you had come home to a home that was slightly different. As if things were a little out of place, yet fit the picture perfectly.

And that was what it was. You were coming home to a man that had changed in the years apart, yet his heart still beat for you. The love had remained while the hate you both had felt at the end of your relationship was long gone, replaced with nostalgia and regret.

But tonight wasn’t about regretting. Tonight was about finding each other again after way too long apart.

Jin led you to his bed, letting go of your hand as you sat so he could reach for condoms in his nightstand. You watched him do so, hands instinctively covering your breasts. Jin glanced at you, lips spreading in a smirk as he noticed you hiding from his eyes.

“Don’t hide, your body is as perfect as I remember it to be.”

The compliment brought a light flush to your cheeks, but your hands didn’t move. Jin tutted, before putting down the condom he had fished from a box on the nightstand. He then moved closer to you, grabbing your hands and pulling them away from your breasts.

“I want to see you”, he said, voice low and husky. “I haven’t been able to see you for too long and my imagination couldn’t compare.”

Simple words, treacherous words, that had even more heat pooling between your legs.

“Well then come in this bed with me and make me forget that we ever broke up.”

His smirk only widened and he motioned to the pillows. “Make some room for me.”

You obeyed, ever so the good girl when it came to Jin. He followed you as you moved until your back was against the pillows. He kneeled in front of you catching your lips in a long kiss as his hands moved on your body, caressing your breasts until your nipples were perked again.

“So pretty”, he whispered against your lips, before sitting back on his heels to look at you properly. “Always so fucking pretty.”

You blushed again, but didn’t have time to reply before he started undoing the button of your pants. You watched him do so, eyes following his every move, and you finally helped him take off your pants once he started tugging them down your thighs. Before he had a chance to settle between your legs again, you moved to his belt, pulling on it to indicate that you wanted it off.

“You’re so impatient.” Jin chuckled but started undoing his belt nonetheless.

“I haven’t fucked since before we broke up so yeah, I’m a little impatient.”

Jin stilled, eyes searching your face for yours. When your gazes locked, you noticed a dark light in his eyes. Regret, entwined with all the nostalgia you had been feeling since the night you had seen him at the gazebo.

“You… what?”

You shied away from the intensity of his gaze, eyes falling on the spot where his abs started on his torso. “I just couldn’t.” You bit at your lower lip before shrugging your shoulders. “It doesn’t really matter.”

Jin let go of his belt to grab your cheeks, forcing you to meet his gaze again. “It matters to me.” He looked between your two eyes, as if wanting to make sure you were listening to every word he was about to say. “It matters to me and I will take my time with you tonight. You deserve it. I don’t know if I deserve it, but fuck, you do.”

His words were almost enough to bring tears to your eyes, but you refused to let sadness overpower your senses again. You instead focused on every place where your body was touching Jin’s, and on the warmth that was radiating from him.

“I just want you”, you breathed, and Jin slowly nodded.

“Oh, you’ll have all of me, I promise.”

It meant more. You knew it meant more and only understood why when you noticed the chain around his neck. In all the previous heat, you hadn’t seen it, but the chain ended between his two pecks, with the ring you had given him when you had gotten engaged.

You looked down at your own chest, and at the chain you were also wearing. Chain that ended with your own ring.

You wondered if Jin had noticed before you. Because you were so used to wearing the necklace, never taking it off, that you didn’t even see it anymore. And you felt stupid, for not seeing it around Jin’s neck before. For not knowing that he too had kept the proof of your love close to his heart, where it deserved to be.

“All of you?” you asked.

“Forever.”

You would have cried had he not kissed you again. A sweet slow kiss that calmed the ache in your chest until all you knew was your desire for him. For his body and soul, for his heart and the smile he always offered you first thing in the morning. Even when the relationship had been bad, Jin had always found the time to smile at you when your eyes first fluttered open.

You had been a fool to let that go.

Jin deepened the kiss, tilting his head to the side, and your tongue darted out of your mouth to taste his lips again. He sighed, and one of his hands moved down your frame, caressing your sides until he found his way between your legs. His touch was light over your panties, yet your breath hitched in your throat and you pulled away to look at him.

“You’re drenched”, he said, and his eyes fell to where his hand was touching you.

He pressed down harder right on your clit and you let out a small moan.

“Just for you”, you breathed.

He smirked, before slapping your pussy. “Such a good fucking girl.”

And just like that the atmosphere returned to its previous heat, nostalgia and regret long forgotten as Jin pushed your panties aside so nothing stood between his digits and your pussy anymore. He rolled circles on your clit with two fingers, pressing down just the way you liked it, until you became a panting mess, pussy clenching around nothing. Only then did he let his fingers wander down, circling around your entrance before pushing one finger in.

You grabbed his shoulders, head throwing back as he curled his finger until it hit your g-spot. It had you see stars, and your pussy clenched around him.

“You’re so tight”, he breathed.

You nodded, eyes tightly shut, as he pushed a second finger in. He gave you a second to adjust, before starting to move, slowly, fingers pushing in and out of you. It made a squelching sound, from how wet you were, and it sounded pornographic. Felt pornographic too, as Jin locked his lips on a spot beneath your ear, sucking on the skin until he had drawn a hickey there. He only then started moving faster between your legs, and his thumb found your clit as your hand found his hair, pulling at it until he was looking at you.

You looked down at his lips and he seemed to get the clue, closing the space between you as he kissed you. And he kissed you hard, soft lips swallowing every moan that you let out as he fingered you, increasing the speed every now and then until you could feel an orgasm forming on the horizon of your desire. Your thighs clenched around his wrist as you moaned a little harder, and he used his other hand to push them open again.

He pulled away from the kiss then, to take one look at your writhing frame, and then he bent down between your thighs. His tongue darted out to replace his thumb on your clit and the feeling of it had your eyes rolling to the back of your head.

“I’m going to come soon”, you said, last word turning into a moan as your pussy once again clenched around Jin’s fingers. He only started moving faster, as if he had kept the best for the last second before your orgasm would find you. And it did find you, right as he started sucking on your clit, tongue flicking it in time with his fingers.

You came hard, white light flashing into your vision as you were swallowed by the waves of pleasure. Jin rode you through your high, slowing down as it inched towards its end. When the last of it finally left you, his fingers pulled out, pushing in one final time before leaving you empty. He looked at you, waiting for your eyes to meet his. When you finally focused on his face, Jin pressed a chaste kiss on your forehead before moving to get up.

“Where are you going?” you asked.

He smirked. “Nowhere.” And as he said the word he finished taking off his pants and underwear, and they met the discarded clothes on the floor a second later.

Your eyes moved down to his dick that stood proudly against his lower stomach from how hard it was. It looked just as beautiful as you remembered, and just as big too. The head was red, violently so, as if it was about to burst and frankly, you were pretty sure Jin felt like that too. Like he was going to burst any minute now. And he winced as he put the condom on, as if it hurt him to do so, the friction teasing the sensitive organ.

You waited for him on the bed, watching him carefully, until he climbed back next to you. “On your stomach”, he ordered.

Once again, you obeyed him, turning around until you were lying on your stomach. Jin straddled you, his dick resting on your ass. He massaged your cheeks, before leaving a slap that had the skin tingle with welcomed pain.

“I missed this sight so fucking much, Y/n, you have no idea”, he said, voice so low you barely heard it. And then he was pulling away, his dick sliding against your ass until it found your entrance between your legs. “Let me know if I hurt you”, he gently said, and then he pushed forward, his dick penetrating you, stretching you open.

It burned and you clenched against him, hiding your face in the pillow.

“Are you okay?” Jin enquired, stopping halfway in.

You nodded, remaining silent as your hands held onto the covers of Jin’s bed. He still waited, giving you time to adjust before pushing in again, until all of him was embedded into you. He didn’t move for a long time then, eyes shut as he too took in the feeling of you. It was only when you moved your hips a little, telling him that you were ready that Jin started pulling out, only to push back in when only his tip was left inside of you.

You moaned, gripping the sheets harder, head turning so you could get a look of Jin’s face. His brows were knit together, lips parted as he fucked you slow, hands holding onto your hips. He caught your gaze, features relaxing ever so slightly. A wicked light moved in his eyes then, and he bent forward, the angle having him hit your g-spot each time he pushed in.

You breathed his name, and it sent all of his restraint down the drain as he started pounding into you, balls slapping against your clit with each move he made. It made you see stars, and your eyes shut as you let out a loud moan, right when his hand found your throat.

“Fuck”, you let out, and his fingers tightened around your throat, until the blood flow to your brain stopped and all your body could feel was the burning stretch of him inside of you. The deprivation of oxygen had your mouth falling open, and Jin moaned as you clenched against him hard before an orgasm hit you. He let go of your throat then, letting you breath as you moaned his name repeatedly. Your pussy clenched against him with each wave of your orgasm and soon enough Jin let out a grunt as his face fell on your shoulder, teeth digging into your skin as he came, releasing his load in the condom. You helped him through his high, moving your hips in time with his until he stopped moving altogether, teeth letting go of your skin. He kissed the spot he had bitten, before kissing the side of your face.

“I’m sorry”, he apologized.

Your eyes fluttered open, searching for his face. “What for?”

“I’m sorry I left”, he said, and there was a sudden tear rolling down his cheek. “And I’m sorry I only lasted a few minutes.”

You didn’t hear his second sentence, your whole world having stopped on the first one. “Don’t be. You came back.”

“I still love you so much”, he admitted. He pulled out of you, before lying down on the bed next to you. “I think I love you even more now.”

There were tears blurring your vision too as you turned on your side so you could face him. “I haven’t stopped loving you either.”

“Do you think we could work this time around?” he asked, vulnerability taking over his features.

And even though your mind was still clouded with the afterglow of the passion you had just shared, you knew the answer as if it was a rule of the universe.

“Yes, we can”, you said. “We can and we will.”

“You still want me?” He seemed as if he didn’t believe you, as if he thought he didn’t deserve you. You were pretty sure he felt like that, and as much as you had tried to hate him for so long, you hadn’t been able to. Jin had always been your one, and always would be.

“Forever, remember?”

 *****

                 The rays of the sun twirled in the air from the window in the high ceiling forming a small rectangle of light on the floor. Your mind focused on it as all eyes followed your every move. You could barely see the plants decorating the venue even though you had spent hours choosing which ones you’d like. There was a small crack in the floor where the light hit it and you carefully avoided it as you walked forward with only the sound of your beating heart as music to accompany the march down the aisle.

You were pretty sure there was music playing, but all your senses had given up on you when you had seen Jin waiting for you at the end of the aisle. You couldn’t even feel the weight of your father’s hand on your arm, or the fabric of your dress brushing your skin.

No, all there was was the man you loved waiting for you at the end of the aisle.

You continued walking in sync with the beats of your heart. Jin had tears in his eyes and he wiped one of them from his cheek as you moved closer, gazes laced in an intimate embrace. It didn’t matter that your mother had invited a whole crowd to the wedding. It was like you and Jin were alone in your own little world.

It was perfect.

Your father gave you away to Jin, speaking words of tradition that you could barely hear as you watched Jin. He was beautiful today, with perfectly styled hair and bright eyes, Jin was the most beautiful man in the world. In your world. When it was time to turn towards the celebrant, Jin whispered ‘hi’ to you, and it was all you could do not to burst into tears right then and there.

Tears of joy, of course.

You said your vows, following a westernized version of a wedding, though you were to celebrate it in a more traditional way later today, with you changing in a hanbok along with Jin’s mother and your own. It was something you had always wanted; a modern wedding, completely separated from the traditional wedding your parents had wished you to have. Something so everyone would be pleased. And it wasn’t like the ceremonies were long; with everything going down perfectly, you knew you’d be out by the end of the afternoon.

You couldn’t wait for the evening. For this first evening as husband and wife and the honeymoon that Jin had planned for you both.

“I do”, Jin spoke the words, bringing you back to reality.

You repeated the words when you had to, before finishing the ceremony with a kiss that ended with you and Jin gazing at each other.

A promise of forever was lighting his eyes now. It had been lighting his eyes for the whole of your relationship if you were being honest. Even when things had been rough, Jin still had that light in his eyes. You had just become blind to it, mind closed off to the man you loved.

You would never let that happen again. And your relationship did work now. Smoothly and perfectly, as if you had never hit a bump in the road at all. You knew it’d stay that way forever. Because that was what Jin and you were. A representation of what forever meant. Love, in its purest form, knitting two hearts together until it was one, beating forever in unison.

Until death do us apart.

The ceremonies went well, families and friends smiling and shedding happy tears with you. The BTS boys sang a song for their older brother, one that had you cry from how much you loved them too. Your little brothers that you had finally found again after years apart. The reunion had taken place a few weeks before the wedding. It had been happy in a sad way, with you and Jungkook crying as you had hugged. Even Yoongi had shed a tear and you had held him a little longer while his girlfriend had offered you a sweet smile over his shoulder.

It was strange to see all of them with their significant others, yet it had filled you with pride. They had all grown up, had become men and adults, and even though you still remembered the days of their first dorm, of the fights and happy moments, you were glad that they had grown. That they’d keep growing in the arms of the person they loved.

After the ceremonies you made your way home with Jin. Hand in hand, souls entwined, you walked into the home you shared with him now. You had moved back in with Jin in the weeks following your reunion and had decided to get married as soon as possible, just waiting for a break in his schedule so you could take a few weeks off, just the two of you away from the rest of the world. Jin had planned to bring you to Jeju island and then you were supposed to go to Europe, road tripping the continent.

You were excited for the honeymoon, but you were mostly excited to spend some time alone with Jin. To spend the rest of your life by his side and to have children that you’d raise together. Knowing you were going to get to spend the rest of your life with him was the most beautiful feeling in this world.

“Wife”, Jin said as he held the door open for you.

You gazed at his lovesick eyes, “Husband.”

He grinned, warmth spreading in the air surrounding him. “Wife”, he repeated. He then chuckled, looking down at the floor. “I can’t believe I get to call you wife.”

You walked in, pulling him in behind you. “Can’t believe I get to call you husband.”

“Finally.” He winked at you, before pressing a soft kiss to your lips.

You kissed him back, hands running along his arms before they found the nape of his neck. Your fingers played with his hair, as his hands held your hips.

“Finally”, you agreed as you pulled away.

He pressed a kiss on your forehead as your eyes fluttered open.

“You are mine”, he breathed. “My wife.”

“My husband.”

“Forever?” His question held the world in it. As if it was more a statement than a question. As if he was asking the universe, and not you. Yet you knew the answer, knew he was your forever too.

“Forever.”

  ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

Wow, I hope you loved it! a long read once again but it seems I can’t do anything else than that hahaha

Don’t hesitate to leave some reviews, it always helps me with writing!

If you want to read the other establishments in the Life Goes On series, just follow this link!

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

Taglist (let me know if you want to be on my taglist):

@chimchimmarie​ |

#btswritersclub #forever #kim seokjin #kim seokjin smut #kim seokjin angst #kim seokjin fluff #kim seokjin fanfic #kim seokjin fic #kim seokjin fanfiction #kim seokjin ff #kim seokjin x reader #kim seokjin x you #ksj #ksj smut #ksj angst #ksj fluff #ksj fanfic #ksj fanfiction #ksj fic #ksj x reader #ksj x you #jin fanfiction #jin smut #jin fanfic #jin fic #jin angst #jin fluff #jin x reader #jin x you #life goes on

[kiestrokes]

How BTS Would React to You Coming Home Drunk (and Horny) from a Night Out with Friends | NSFW

Pairing: BTS x Reader/You/Yn (some gendered + some non-gendered) Rating: NSFW! Mature (18+) Minors DNI. Word Count: 691ish Genre: scenario/imagine, smut, sprinklings or crack/fluff, established relationships. Warnings: mentions of drinking (consensual drunken behavior between partners), reader is wearing a dress because ease of access.

Sexually Explicit Content: penetration (penis is whatever you want to imagine: vagina/ass), cunnilingus, fellatio, nipple play, cockwarming, kissing/making out, overstiumulation, cuddling. Let me know if I missed anything!

🗝️ Note: I’ll format this tomorrow. But in tradition of when this imagine was made, that’s a sober Kie problem. A repost from @/goodsoop. Edited 8/20/23 to include warnings!

Disclaimers: This is a work of fiction; I do not own any of the idols depicted here. 

KSJ: would be mildly "unapproving" of your loose behavior but would fix himself a double and quickly get on your level. Until you both were drunk, loudly playing video games on the couch of the game room. This of course escalates into you attempting to cheat by climbing into his lap. You end up getting distracted by his beautiful lips and it turns into a sloppy, laughter filled fuck on the sectional. Jin boasts that he, of course, won. In the game and in getting you off.

MYG: was asleep when you drunkenly climbed into bed, laying on top of him Jung-Hoseok-spread-eagle style. Grumbles about the fact you’re going to have a hangover tomorrow. Slips out from under you and begins to remove your clothes. Batting away your wandering hands that are attempting to climb under his shirt. He leaves you passed out on top of the covers to get water and pain reliever. Returning to your sad attempt at getting yourself off. Huffs at you to let him do it, because he secretly loves how pliable and vocal you are when he gives you head this way.

JHS: is also in bed, you strip down to your panties and climb under the covers with him. He sleepily pulls you back into him, large hands drifting down your bare body. You have no trouble rousing Hoseok for drunken foreplay, he’s already hard. But he just wants a little cock warming tonight. To feel you clench around him as he plucks your nipples between nimble fingers and drifts off into the wettest dream of his life.

KNJ: was up late reading, stands up to greet you, reading glasses still on. Catches your mouth just as you tug his face to yours. The two of you clumsily fumbling with each other across the living room. He curses as he accidentally drops you onto the coffee table. But you’re unharmed and laughing, hands already reaching to tug down his sweats. Giving him a thoroughly dedicated blow job. Until he coats your throat and is moaning at you to stop.

PJM: is waiting for you in the bedroom, watching a new drama. Waiting in his boxers for the return of handsy and affectionate you. This is the only time that you’re almost as touchy with him as he is you. You don’t even take your dress off, just drop your panties at the bedroom door. Climbing onto Jimin’s lap to kiss the lips you had been thinking about since your second drink. It’s slow and intense sex that has you both crying out from overstimulation.

KTH: is mopey of course that he couldn’t go with you and the "girls". Has a bit of a wine buzz and is dancing around the kitchen to some Leon Bridges. You slip into his waltz and Tae serenades you, spinning you around the island. Until you’re pulled into a mutual kiss like two magnets, charged by the music and alcohol pulsing through your veins. He pins you against the island with his husky, low groans. Fingers slipping under the hem of your dress, and under your panties until his fingers are coated in your essence. He swallows your cries of pleasure, murmuring quiet pleas against your lips, begging for you to take him out next time.

JJK: he of course is gaming when you get home. So you slip past him, dropping your clothes along the way to catch his attention. He grumbles to his teammates in frustration, excusing himself from the game. Running to catch up with you just as you make it to the bedroom door, nude as fuck. You squeal as he spins you around and peppers wet, open mouth, kisses from your neck to the top of your knees. Before folding you across the edge of the bed, ass bare to him. Making quick, erratic work of your orgasms. Before collapsing on top of you, his t-shirt collecting the sweat that had accumulated on your back. He abandons the game to climb into bed with you, cuddling naked.

© COPYRIGHT 2023 by kiestrokes All rights reserved. No portion of this work may be reproduced without written permission from the author. This includes translations.

#imagines #bts smut #bts fanfiction #bts senarios #bts imagines #bts fic #bts x reader #bts fanfic #knj smut #ksj smut #myg smut #jhs smut #pjm smut #kth smut #jjk smut #knj x reader #ksj x reader #myg x reader #jhs x reader #pjm x reader #kth x reader #jjk x reader #kim namjun #kim namjoon #kim seokjin #min yoogni #jung hoseok #park jimin #kim taehyung #jeon jungkook

[ugh-yoongi]

you suck! | ksj

(or, the one where everything goes very wrong but a lot more goes very right.)

→ pairing: vampire!seokjin x f. reader → genre: supernatural; strangers to lovers; roommates; crack, fluff → rating: explicit. minors dni. → warnings: swearing, alcohol consumption, mentions of sex work, taekook are also chaotic vampires, a lot of twilight references for someone who has never seen or read it, completely made up and non-canonical vampire lore, a teeny-tiny bit of angst, jin’s forehead has powers or something, jin takes dick pics on a polaroid (canon), one very purposely awkward smut scene that includes: slight praise kink, unprotected sex, oral, kissing. overall this is very soft and they are just two idiots very in love, your honor. → wordcount: 18.3k → a/n: i started this almost exactly a year ago after buying this print from @yelhsaart​ and becoming completely obsessed with it. i just wanted to write jin as a goofy, idiot (affectionate) vampire. as i said in the warnings, the vampire lore is completely made up here. some of it is canon, some of it is inspired by the wayhaven chronicles, some of it is just plot device. don’t take it too seriously. → thank yous: lauren, for once again being my beta and telling me when my brain writes sentences that don’t make sense. jess, for being born today — happy birthday, this is my lame and completely self-serving gift to you. bee, for always encouraging my chaos.

You were fifteen the first time you were mistaken for someone else.

It’d been a guy in the grocery store, a bag of lemons in his hand and a confused expression on his face. He’d tapped you on the shoulder, started talking at you like the two of you were well-acquainted before you’d even turned around, and he’d seemed startled when he realized you weren’t who he was expecting you to be.

Sorry, he’d said. You looked just like my daughter from behind.

The second time had been during college: a girl had caught up to you in the quad. Had been calling out a name that certainly wasn’t yours and had grabbed your elbow when you hadn’t responded to it. She’d looked horrified when you weren’t who she’d been looking for, either, and stuttered out an apology as she let you go.

Oh my god, I’m so sorry, you just—you looked just like my friend.

You’d looked like the granddaughter of the elderly man who lived in your mom’s neighborhood. You’d looked like the mother of a kid who’d gotten lost at the mall. Even your friends got mixed up sometimes during nights out—approached strangers they thought were you at the bar, danced with them in nightclubs, drunkenly clung to them at parties.

Your mother had told you once that you just had one of those faces—a top ten anime betrayal coming from her, considering she’d been responsible for half your genetic makeup. Sure, you’re pretty, but it’s always been a common beauty; soft, delicate features where others might have more striking ones. And it’s… fine. Maybe you’d gone through bouts of insecurity every time the world deemed some new feature desirable and you didn’t have it, but you’d always been able to move on.

Except now.

Because now—now you’re wondering if having one of those faces is how you find yourself in this situation.

In a dark alley in between the club and a 24-hour convenience store as a tall, broad-shouldered man with long, very sharp teeth tries—and fails—to sink them into your neck.

He coughs awkwardly, pulls back as he tightens his grip on your waist. Your back is pressed to his chest, so it’s not like you can see his face, but you think if you could there’d be a very perplexed look on it. “Well, this is awkward, huh?”

You blink. “Yeah.”

“Hm. Do… do you think they were pranking me?” he asks, and despite the situation in which you’ve found yourself, you find a sliver of comfort in the overfamiliarity in his tone. As if the two of you are old friends who talk all the time and there’s absolutely nothing weird about this. “Because I’ve gotta say, I’ve done this a lot and this is a first for me.”

There’s no reason whatsoever for the way your belly flips at his statement. He’s a vampire, for fuck’s sake. Of course he’s bitten a lot of people. But it still wounds your ego that you’re just another proverbial notch in this guy’s neckpost. “P-Pranking you? Who would do that?”

The man scoffs and you can feel the vibrations against your skin. “You clearly haven’t met my clan. We got these two new guys, right? And they’re nice, you know? I like them a lot. As much as I can like someone, I guess. But fuck they’re annoying. Really young. Like to fuck around, especially with me since I’m so much older, and I should’ve known this is something they’d do—”

This has to be a dream, you think. There’s no way this is real. You’d stumbled into the alley to find your friend who’d gone for a smoke and never returned, and now you’re here. There’s a vampire at your back, talking your ear off about fuck knows what after having unsuccessfully tried to bite you, and he’s still pawing at your waist with his superhuman strength. And it hurts but you’re too nervous to bring it up, because what if you do and he remembers he’s supposed to be killing you, and that’s it? You’ll be a goner all because you had a brief, fleeting moment of stupidity, like the kid back in high school that always asked the teacher if they were going to collect the homework after they’d forgotten. Everyone hated that kid, and you’ve learned nothing.

You swallow. “I-I don’t think they pr-pranked you,” you stutter out. “I, uh… I just have one of those faces? Maybe you just thought I was someone else?”

“Someone else?” he repeats, and his grip finally loosens. He doesn’t let you go, because this is how you’re destined to die, but his hands move to your shoulders to turn you around.

Because your brain is the ultimate betrayer, your first thought is holy fucking shit. Your second thought questions the word selection in your first thought, because this very beautiful man in front of you is a vampire and would probably hiss and go up in smoke if you said the word ‘holy’ in front of him. And your third thought is, well—it’s not an appropriate thought to be thinking about a man who’d just tried to bite you and drink you dry, to say the least.

“You seem weirdly okay with me being a vampire.”

See, here’s the thing: you’re not going to pretend you know the ins and outs of vampire culture or whatever, but you’ve always known they exist. Not even an open secret or anything. Not a secret at all. That’s just the world you were born into. So, really, there’s no excuse for your reply to be, “It’s fine, I’ve seen Twilight.”

Because here’s the second thing: yes, you’ve always known vampires exist, but they’re still something to be feared. Still an apex predator stalking the shadowed parts of the city once the sun goes down. Long ago, the human world made accommodations for them so the two of you could coexist, but they were put in place for the same reason they started putting seatbelts in cars: no guarantee they’ll save your life, but it’s the best chance you’ve got at staying alive.

“Wow,” the vampire deadpans. “Okay. Let me tell you all the problems I have with that movie—”

You’re shaking like a leaf as you blurt out, “I guess I’m just in shock that I’m still alive so I’m saying stupid stuff,” and it comes out all breathy.

He stops rambling then. Snaps his jaw closed and looks down at you with what you’d call concern if he was human and hadn’t just tried to kill you. “Oh shit,” he says. Then he’s shucking off his thick coat and wrapping it around your shoulders, and if you hadn’t been in a daze before, you sure are now. “Here, take this. Wow, I have no manners. My mother would be so pissed if she heard about this. Please don’t tell her, she’ll stake me.” All you can do is nod; it’s not like you know his mother. Maybe she’s nice.

The coat just… feels like a coat. There’s no residual body heat lingering in the wool, which makes sense, but you’re thankful for the extra layer all the same. You’d told your friends going to a club in early January was stupid, but you’d only been thinking in terms of hypothermia or the common cold or looking like an idiot for being the person who orders a cup of hot tea at the bar. Small picture stuff. Encountering a vampire hadn’t even made your list of concerns, which is probably why the universe chose you to star in this moment out of everyone else on the planet.

(The universe does love a good bit of irony.)

Then, as if you hadn’t already made yourself look like a fool, the vampire’s eyebrows knit together as he says, “Also, whoa, hey, I wasn’t—I wasn’t gonna kill you.” He’s looking at you with such concern that it just makes you feel stupid. A vampire pities you.

Maybe it’s adrenaline or maybe you’ve just had a very, very fucked up night, but your cheeks are burning before you know it and fat, hot tears are rolling down your face. The vampire really looks concerned now, which just makes everything worse. “I’m s-sorry,” you manage to blubber out. “You—you probably d-don’t have to deal with ma-many crying girls, huh.”

“Um,” comes his brilliant response. “Well, no.” He scratches the back of his neck, and it’s the first time since he’d grabbed you earlier that you’re without both of his hands on you. They hadn’t been warm, but you find yourself missing the weight regardless. “I mean, like—sometimes people look like they… want to? I can sense they’re scared of me, but usually I… you know… before they start doing… um, this.”

Great. Not only had you been unkillable, you’re also the first victim to have a mental break in front of him. As if this night couldn’t get any worse. Now you’re upset and embarrassed. “I can’t believe you eat people for a living and I wasn’t even good enough to get murdered,” you wail.

Had you been looking, you would’ve seen the look of absolute panic that flickers across the vampire’s face. He looks absolutely frazzled in a way that would’ve made you laugh. Maybe it would've made you feel just the tiniest bit better, because this is uncharted territory for both of you. If you feel lost at encountering your first vampire—whose coat you’re still wrapped in, nonetheless—that anxiety is amplified tenfold for the man in front of you. Imagine his shock when he’d tried to bite you and quickly discovered you had the Fort Knox of necks.

“Hey now,” he says, doing his best to shush you. He already knows he’s in for a reaming for outing himself to a human; the last thing he needs is to be caught by anyone else. “Anyone would be lucky to murder you. You’re totally good enough! Don’t say things like that about yourself.”

It takes a few seconds, but he seems to register his words at the same time you wail harder. “I didn’t—I didn’t mean it like that. Oh wow, I’m so bad at this. I just—I meant you’re… you know.” A grimace mars his otherwise beautiful face, a silent prayer for you to somehow just know what he’d meant because there’s no way he’s going to be able to explain it. “Also, hey, what the fuck! Let’s rewind to what you said for a second. I don’t eat people, first of all, and I certainly don’t eat them for a living.”

All you can do is blink up at him. “Oh.”

The vampire scoffs, and you think there’d be a blush creeping up his neck if he was able to do such a thing. “Eat people for a living,” he repeats. “Like I’m some competitive eater. Of people.”

“Okay,” you murmur, and it’s a struggle to even get out such a simple word. “Can, um—if you’re not going to kill me, can I—can I… go?”

“Oh,” the vampire deadpans, looking down at you before his eyes move to his large hands, still gripping your shoulders. “Whoops. Technically I’m not supposed to let you go—job and life insurance, I’m sure you understand—but since you’re not biteable, I don’t see why not.”

A small glimmer of hope parts the proverbial clouds above your head. Sends your adrenaline spiking, and you’re still trembling but the thought of being able to see your cat again dampens it just enough. Truth be told, you’ve always known Xander was a bit of a problem child. Definitely not a cat anyone would willingly take ownership of in the unfortunate event of your premature death. So, yeah—the thought of Xander nibbling on your toes as you sleep in your own bed in your own apartment is a really comforting thought after thinking you were going to be murdered by a vampire in a sketchy alley in the not-great part of the city.

Once the vampire’s grip on you loosens, you shrug out of his coat and hand it over. “Thanks. Let’s do this again sometime, hm?”

You feel yourself blanch. “Um—”

“Geez, I’m joking!” he assures you. Is it weird to find a vampire’s laugh endearing? Because you do, and you question all of your life choices in the span of six seconds. “Wow, you’re really uptight, huh?”

“Maybe I wouldn’t be if you hadn’t tried to bite me,” you quip, face beginning to flush with anger. He just laughs harder.

“Okay, that’s fair.”

“Not to mention,” you continue, a manicured finger jabbing into his chest, “you totally ruined my night. My friends dragged me out to celebrate me, you know? I finally got that promotion at work that should’ve been mine years ago, but my shitty boss gave it to Steve! Fucking Steve. But I finally got it, so my friends were like, ‘Oh my god, let’s go out to celebrate! We’ll buy all your drinks!’ Which—do you know how fucking cheap my friends are? They never pay for drinks! I was drinking on an unlimited tab, and you ruined it, you fucking dickhead! And I’m gonna have to go back to therapy!”

The vampire just looks amused, now. Cocks his eyebrows and tilts his head to the side with a bemused little smirk that drives you crazy in the bad way. “Ah, I should’ve known. You did taste an awful lot like a soulless office worker.”

You scoff. “And how would you know? You couldn’t even bite me.”

His eyes narrow, a sliver of a glare that might be intimidating had you not heard his squeaky laugh. “I did enough to get the idea.” You roll your eyes. “The gist. A waft. A—”

“Aren’t you leaving? Don’t you have some other innocent person to chew on?”

“Chew—wow. And to think I was going to offer to walk you home!”

Involuntarily, your jaw drops. “And what makes you think I would’ve accepted? That’s easily the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard.”

“You think I’m the only vampire hanging arou—”

“Lurking,” you interject. “Skulking. Creepily hiding in a bush. Not hanging around.”

The vampire blinks once, twice. Takes a steadying breath and says, “I should’ve eaten you.”

You shrug. “But you can’t, so.” Then your two brain cells connect. “Wait, does that mean all vampires can’t bite me? Am I immune? Is this my superhero origin story?”

“It’s giving me a fucking migraine, is what it is.”

You huff. “You’re avoiding the question.”

“Because I don’t know the answer.”

“Oh, you weren’t granted infinite wisdom in your old age?”

“Who are you calling old?” he snaps. “I’m the third-youngest in my clan, I’m not old.”

“Are you older than one hundred?” He nods. “Two hundred?” He nods again. “Then you’re fucking old. That’s, like, more than double my lifespan.”

He rolls his eyes. “How old are you, then?”

“Twenty-seven.” His eyes widen a bit, like he’s prompting you to continue. “What? I’m twenty-seven.”

It’s a weird thing, watching the color drain from a vampire’s face. Not that you���ve ever been an expert, but you had seen both Twilight and Interview with the Vampire so you’d assumed they’d all be pale. Devoid of warmth all over. Cold hands, pallid skin, no heartbeat. So it freaks you out to watch the vampire in front of you go white as a ghost.

“Oh my god,” he moans, panic overtaking his features. “Oh my god oh my god oh my god—”

“You can say that?”

“Holy fucking shit,” he chants instead, eyes darting around the alley like he’s hoping a bush will materialize so he can dry-heave into it. “Oh my god, I cannot believe—oh shit, oh fuck, oh no—”

You click your tongue, heeled boots stomping on the asphalt. “What is your problem? You look like you’re about to croak over and die.”

He turns to you, then, eyes as big as the moon. There’s a grimace on his face you’d only seen that one time you’d tricked your cousin’s kid into sucking on a lemon. “You’re my problem! I almost ate a literal infant!”

“Excuse me—”

“Twenty-seven? Are you joking? Do you want me to go to prison?”

“For trying to murder me? Yeah, it’d be a good fucking start!”

The vampire pulls at his hair, clearly exasperated. “For the last time—I was not going to kill you!”

“Oh, right, you were just going to nibble on me a bit! The human can have a little exsanguination, as a treat.”

“Is that what the kids call a may-may? Because I don’t understand that reference.”

You make a gagging sound. “What the fuck? You mean a meme?”

“Sure, whatever. Anyway—”

“Right. Doesn’t matter. I’m taking an Uber home, anyway. I live too far to walk.”

Awkwardly, the vampire clears his throat. “I should walk you.” As you move to protest, he sends you an apologetic smile. “I’m not the, uh—the only one who’d want to eat you.”

You roll your eyes. “Are you really trying to tell me my Uber driver’s gonna be a vampire?”

“It’s not an uncommon side hustle,” he retorts, offense painted across his features.

You pause, head tilted to the side as you try to determine if he’s messing with you. “Are you messing with me?”

“No…?”

“Really?” you deadpan. “You really expect me to believe there are vampires out there moonlighting as Uber drivers?”

He scoffs. “Well, we certainly can’t daylight as them, now can we?”

And that’s the story of how a vampire walks you back to your apartment.

It’s cold and it’s a long walk, takes the better part of an hour and that’s with a few shortcuts sprinkled in. Your companion talks the entire way, never shuts up even for a second, and you wonder if all vampires are as talkative as him or if you’d just run into one who’s kind of annoying but chivalrous and charming, somehow. He lends you his coat again and pops into the convenience store to buy you gloves and a cup of coffee. You jokingly ask if he bought them with money from his part-time rideshare gig and you learn he has a contagious laugh.

You also learn his name is Seokjin.

By the time you reach your door, you also-also learn you’re far more endeared to him than you should be.

“I’m not sure what the protocol is for this,” Seokjin says, scratching at the back of his neck. There’s a mischievous glint in his eye as he peers down at you, the corners of his mouth tugged upwards. “I’ve never done the walk of shame back to my own clan.”

You snort. “I can do your makeup and let you borrow a dress and some heels if you want the full experience.”

There’s a riposte on the tip of his tongue that rapidly melts away, his eyes softening as his mouth opens and snaps shut a few times. “Most people wouldn’t say it like that,” he says, voice quiet like he’s telling you a secret.

“Like what?”

“Full experience,” he quotes back to you. “Most of them would probably say human experience.”

“Ah.” You smile, moving to wipe nonexistent dirt from the lapel of his coat. It’s obscene, the way it stretches across his broad shoulders. “Trust me, you don’t want the human experience. It’s all student loan debt and unrealistic beauty standards and oh my god I have to figure out what to cook and eat for dinner literally every single night until I die and doing math to figure out if the nineteen streaming services you’ve signed up for are actually cheaper than just getting cable.”

“Sounds terrible,” he jokes. But you can see it, the sadness that lies dormant in him. Not that it’s much of a shock. Whatever kind of life he lived before this is most likely centuries in the past, long gone but not entirely forgotten.

So it’s purely out of empathy and the depressing look on Seokjin’s face that you say, “Hey, wanna come in and meet Xander?”

He startles, back suddenly ramrod straight. “Xander?”

“My cat. He’s a bit of a hellspawn but you two seem like you’d get along, for obvious reasons.”

“Are you calling me a hellspawn?” he teases, eyebrow quirked.

You shrug. “I’m not-not calling you one.”

There’s his squeaky laugh again. “As much as I appreciate the offer, I’m not sure you know exactly what you’re offering, so I’m going to do the responsible thing and decline.”

“Why, are you on some kind of housecat-only diet or something?”

He laughs again, harder this time, and you find yourself wishing you were funnier just so you can hear it all the time. Laughter looks good on him. “No. A lot of vampire lore is bullshit, but the one about needing to be invited into someone’s home is true.”

“Oh.” You think on it for approximately four seconds. “What’s the big deal? It’s not like you can eat me, right?” Still, Seokjin shrugs, almost looking sheepish. “Okay,” you say, hands raised in defense. “I won’t force you. I’m a big believer in consent and respecting boundaries. But you’re always welcome to come by if you’re feeling lonely. You know where I live now.”

It takes a minute for your words to sink in. Seokjin’s face, which had been flushed from both the cold wind and his incessant laughter, seems to soften at your offer. Then, it’s in a hoarse, croaking voice that he asks, “Why?”

And all you can think to say is, “I don’t know, you just look like you need a friend.”

That should’ve been the end of it.

You never should’ve seen Seokjin again.

The memory of him should’ve been lodged into an unused crevice of your mind—some dusty, cobweb-covered wrinkle that also housed lyrics to one-hit wonders from the ‘90s and the formulas for trigonometric ratios. Sine, cosine, and tangents may have been lost to the recesses of your mind forever, but Seokjin hadn’t.

Which is why you’re shocked when he shows up at your doorstep a mere two weeks after the night he’d tried to bite you.

“Seokjin?” you stupidly ask. Of course it’s him. You’ve made a lot of questionable choices in your life, but meeting and somehow befriending multiple vampires isn’t one.

He looks different, though. His once-dark hair is now a pale shade of pink, longer than it had been the last time you’d seen him, secured loosely to the crown of his head. Stray strands frame his face—a face that you wouldn’t admit to being handsome, even under duress and especially now—and it’s scattered with tiny cuts and dried blood, a purple bruise beneath his right eye, streaks of dirt down his cheeks.

To put it mildly, he looks like shit.

“Are you okay? What happened?”

Seokjin’s frazzled. Can’t seem to concentrate on anything. “Can I come in?” he asks, and even his voice sounds rough.

Judging from the last time you’d invited him into your apartment, you know he wouldn’t be asking if it wasn’t important. You know the weight those words carry. “Yeah,” you answer instantly, opening your door wider. “Yeah, of course. Come in.”

You steer him toward the couch, depositing him there as you fetch a blanket and wrap it around those god-forsaken shoulders of his. This is normally the part where you’d offer to make him something—coffee, a cup of tea, something bitter and alcoholic—but you’re not sure what he drinks other than blood. Which is not a thing you have outside of your body.

It all makes you feel really helpless. You barely know Seokjin. Probably shouldn’t have entrusted him with irrevocable access to your apartment. Definitely shouldn’t have done that, in retrospect, but he’d just looked so dejected. What were you supposed to have done? Those sad eyes of his had thrown a lasso over your head and roped you in before you could even think about it.

And now here you are.

Nine-o’clock on a Saturday night. Previously alone in your apartment, because one near-death experience was enough to put you off clubbing for a while. A knock on your door. A mysterious man on the other side. He has sharp teeth. Once tried to use you as a chew toy. Grass is green, water is wet.

“Can I get you anything?” you ask, unsure of what to do with your hands. You’re tactile. Always have been. The hugger of your friend group, so you want to reach out for him, comfort him somehow, but you’re not sure if you should. If he’d want that.

Seokjin heaves a deep sigh, finally looking up at you. Exhaustion is all you can see. “Maybe just some water.”

You nod. You can do water, had even gotten one of those fancy pitchers with a filter as a housewarming gift to yourself. You even manage to change it regularly and on time, a water-based ‘fuck you’ in the face of adulting and everyone who says it’s difficult.

(It is very difficult.)

But hey, you’re managing to save both the environment and downtrodden vampires alike, so you deserve to feel that tiny sliver of pride.

Water acquired, you offer it to Seokjin who accepts it with trembling hands. “Do you wanna talk about it?” you ask, because you can’t really say you’re saving a downtrodden vampire if you don’t even know why he’s slumped against your couch.

“Not really,” he grumbles.

With a sigh, you plop onto the couch next to him, hands once again itching to reach out and comfort him in some way. “Can I touch you?” you ask, and once he nods, you maneuver him so he’s laying on his side with his head in your lap, fingers immediately busying themselves in his blush-colored locks. “Is this okay?” Seokjin nods again.

That’s how the two of you remain until you can feel the tension slowly melt away. Could be minutes, could be hours. You’re not sure. All you know is someone had shown up at your doorstep asking for help and that sometimes it’s nice to run your fingers through someone else’s hair. Gently untangle someone else’s knots. Scratch lightly at someone else’s scalp.

You try not to think much of it beyond that. You don’t think about Seokjin being a vampire. Don’t think about the fact you barely know him. Definitely don’t think about the fact he’d tried to bite you. It all seems a bit inconsequential in the grand scheme of things, species be damned.

Finally, long after you think Seokjin’s fallen asleep, he asks, in a faint voice you’ve only heard from him once, “What do you usually do?”

You hum. Wonder if Seokjin can feel it. “What do you mean? Like, when I’m sad?” He nods, a quiet yeah. “Mm. Depends on why I’m sad, I guess. Usually a long shower and a glass of wine if it’s just a bad day. Trashy reality TV and ice cream if it’s more serious.”

This seems to pique his interest. “What are those?” he asks, sitting up so he can stare at you with wide, curious eyes. The water sloshes in the glass.

“Huh?”

“Those things you said.”

“Trashy reality television and ice cream?” Seokjin nods, more strands of hair falling from the topknot. “You’ve never watched reality TV?”

“Don’t watch TV at all.”

“What.”

He scoffs, arms crossing over his chest. “I’m busy, okay? I don’t have time for things like that.”

“Aren’t you immortal?” you quip. “You have, like, unlimited time.”

Seokjin levels you with a look—one that clearly says what the hell do you know about being immortal and also time management? You ignore it. “Not that it’s any of your business, but I have a very addictive personality. I can’t get sucked into television. I’ll never stop watching it.”

“That’s fair,” you acknowledge. “You’re so far behind it’d be, like, impossible to catch up, anyway.”

His gaze narrows. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means the first television broadcast aired in 1928. That’s almost a century’s worth of stuff to catch up on.”

He rolls his eyes. “Okay, but surely not all of it is worth watching,” Seokjin replies, eyebrows disappearing beneath his hair. You confirm his words with a noncommittal hum. “What’s your favorite?”

“Season five of Love Island UK.”

“That’s it? Only one show?”

You scoff. “There’s no only about it. It’s got everything you could ever want in trashy reality television, okay? Especially after Casa Amor—”

“I don’t know what that means.”

You pause. As much as you’d love to go on a tirade about Anna and Jordan—and, really, you’ve been waiting for this, having been limited to barely legible tweets that went ignored since your friends refuse to watch it—Seokjin’s right. He has no idea what any of this means. “Oh. Well, you can start with something easier. You don’t want to peak too early, you know? All TV post-Love Island will just be a letdown.”

“Of course,” Seokjin agrees easily, “we wouldn’t want that.”

“It’d be very tragic,” you tack on. Seokjin just nods.

Although he seems a bit more comfortable, he’s still obviously restless. Crooked fingers have been picking at the pilling of his sweater since he sat down. There’s a small pile of it on the floor, right at his feet, that he’s oblivious to. Not that you’re going to mention it, either, but the last thing you need is for Xander to eat it and hack up some disgusting combination of hairball and sweater fuzz, so when Seokjin isn’t looking you subtly push it under the couch with your foot.

Knowing this is a situation that requires precise delicacy, you clear your throat and angle your body in a way that conveys optimal comfort for the recipient, and say, “Not that I mind sharing my streaming passwords with you, but do you mind if I ask why you’re here?”

Seokjin sucks in a breath that he aborts halfway. Holds it for a few seconds before he exhales heavily, the weight of the world almost visible on his shoulders. As a soulless office worker, as Seokjin had once kindly called you, you’ve seen your fair share of exhaustion—coworkers slumped over at their desks during overtime, those still fighting hangovers on Monday mornings at the coffee machine, the last day in the office before a holiday break—but Seokjin looks… different. It’s a different kind of exhaustion, you think; one bone-deep instead of artificial. Not the kind of exhaustion that can be fixed with a nap or a weekend spent recuperating in bed.

“I… I’m not really sure why I came here,” he begins, tone soft and careful. “Everything happened pretty fast and all I could think of was the last time I was here and you told me I was welcome to come by anytime.” He looks up at you, then, like he’s waiting on confirmation. You nod. “Word travels pretty fast in circles like mine. Mostly for survival. Like, if there’s some kind of threat and we need to leave quickly, we set up ways to inform everyone as quickly as possible a long time ago. But—but things are different now. Faster. Smartphones and the internet and all that.”

“Did… did someone, y’know… see us?”

Seokjin sighs. A fractured, broken thing. “Yeah,” he croaks. “It’s not uncommon. It happens sometimes. I’m not the first one to ever do it—”

“Bite someone with an impenetrable neck?”

You smile when the corners of his lips tug upwards despite himself. “Sure, if you want to put it that way. Like I said, it’s not uncommon, but it’s… a big deal, I guess. Clans are really sensitive to the treaties put in place. Biting a human is a no-no since they established the blood banks, but biting someone, failing, and letting them go?” His words trail off, gaze locked blankly on something in the distance. “That’s unacceptable.”

You swallow, trying not to let the guilt seep in. “So, what’s that mean, then? Unacceptable?”

“It means you’re a liability.” He starts picking at his sweater again. Starts humming a song to himself that you don’t recognize but know will stick in those scarcely-used corners of your mind. A haunting kind of melody; something that pines, something that hurts. “Clans can’t risk a liability.”

“They… kicked you out?” Seokjin nods. “What does that mean?” you ask again.

Not that you know Seokjin very well, or at all, but you’re smart enough to notice patterns. You’ve noticed the way he fidgets when he’s anxious. That he’s more amenable to skinship then, too; doesn’t mind you touching him. You notice the way he blinks differently when he seems unsure of what to say or how to say it, which seems out of character for him in the first place. You’ve noticed the anguish on his face since you opened the door, so you expect more of that when he answers your question.

What you don’t expect is his clenched jaw. The crease between his eyebrows. How he seems to chew on the inside of his cheek before he steels himself and says, “It’s a death sentence.”

Because, as he informs you, a vampire is very unlikely to survive on their own. They need a clan. Need its resources and its protection. Out in the world, alone, there’s no guarantee of survival; of food and safety and camaraderie. A rogue vampire, Seokjin tells you, is a living, breathing target, and everyone knows it.

“When did they kick you out?”

Seokjin shrugs. Picks at the skin around his fingernails. “Not long after I left your place. A few hours at most. Told me as soon as I returned that they’d have to vote on it but not to get my hopes up.”

“Wow. That’s fucked.”

“That’s just how it is. Always been that way.”

You scoff. Scrunch your face up in a way that’s surely ugly but gets your point across. “So? Doesn’t mean it’s not fucked.”

He snorts a laugh and raises his eyebrows, studying you. “Are you gonna be the one to go up against centuries of vampire politics?”

“Who knows what I might do to defend your honor,” you joke. That squeaky laugh of his makes a welcomed reappearance when you throw an exaggerated wink at him.

Much to Seokjin’s relief, step one of Cohabitating With a Vampire is not going up against centuries of vampiric politics. Instead, you follow through on your promise and give him the passwords to all your streaming services.

(“There’s, like, twenty of them. I’ll never remember all this.”

“Then write it down. Didn’t I tell you part of the human experience is doing math to figure out if all this bullshit is cheaper than cable?”

“I don’t have to be human to tell you it’s definitely not.”)

Step two is getting him one of those cheap prepaid cell phone plans from the convenience store. Nothing fancy, because Seokjin has enough problems with technology, just something that allows him to make calls and text you throughout the day when he needs an outlet for all his feelings about Avatar: The Last Airbender. He finishes all three seasons in just over a day, so there are a lot of texts to send.

Things continue like that for a while. Seokjin is surprisingly easy to live with, which might not be saying much. You’d lived with a few people in university that probably skewed your views on what does and does not make a good roommate, but Seokjin is polite and respectful of your space, which is really all you can ask for. Not that he makes much of a mess, but he always cleans up after himself when he does, and he always tells you if he’s going to be out late. He has a key, so it’s just to ease your worries.

Because he doesn’t… talk. About the whole excommunication thing. Hasn’t said another word about it since he broached the topic a few weeks ago. You’re not an idiot, though. You can tell it weighs on him heavily, can tell he seems to second guess leaving your apartment each time he lingers by the door. But then he sighs, pulls his lips into a tight smile, says gotta eat sometime, and off he goes.

Hence why you’d recommended he start with bingeing cartoons.

Which, so far, has worked out well. You respond to Seokjin’s mistyped texts with the appropriate amount of interest and the occasional meme and you don’t push when his thoughts become less joke-y and more introspective. He asks your thoughts about the concept of found family, if you think people (and by people he means Prince Zuko) are capable of redemption or if sometimes someone can truly be too far gone.

Asking for a friend? you ask.

Something like that, Seokjin writes back.

Things are fine. Good, even, despite the fact that Seokjin is still very much a stranger and how abruptly you’d had to adjust to someone else being in your space. Which brings you to—

“How long would you like to stay?”

Seokjin’s head snaps up, eyes wide like you’ve just caught him doing something he shouldn’t. “Oh. I, uh—I haven’t really thought about it.”

You hum in acknowledgment and turn your attention back to the stove. Human food makes Seokjin sick, so you only cook for yourself, but he’s taken to keeping you company in the kitchen each time you make dinner. Asks you about work, about what you’re making and how you make it; asks you where things go as he tidies up behind you.

Now, he stays firmly planted on the other side of the kitchen island, using it as a barrier. “I—I can… go? I’m sorry, I didn’t realize—”

“That’s not what I said.” You turn off the burner and reach for a plate. “I would’ve asked when you’re leaving if I was trying to get rid of you.”

“Oh.”

Xander wanders in and wraps himself around your legs. “You have to give me more credit, Seokjin. I’m very assertive. My sister says it’s because I’m an Aries.” You scold Xander when he tries to jump on the counter, claws scraping on the cabinets as he scurries off. “So please believe me when I say if I wanted you out of my space I would just say that. I have no qualms about it. Fuck, he actually fucked up the cabinets, the little shit.”

“Okay. Okay, uh—I guess I’ll—”

You turn to Seokjin, face exasperated. “You literally tried to bite me and low-key murder me. What happened to that guy? You were so cocky.”

“Ugh—”

“Kind of an asshole, too, if I’m being honest. You don’t have to be all timid around me.”

Seokjin barely makes it to the stool at the counter before he’s slumping into it. “Sorry, it’s just—this is weird for me. I’ve never been… alone.”

After you finish plating your dinner, confirming for the billionth time since he moved in that Seokjin does not, in fact, want to risk the stomachache that accompanies human food, you take a seat beside him. A questioning stare asks if it’s okay if you touch him, and he nods minutely, finding the comforting weight of your hand on his bicep seconds later. “I’m not gonna pry, but just—just remember that you’re not alone, okay? I know I can’t relate, but you can talk to me about whatever you want, whenever you want. Xander, too. Sometimes he’s better because he can’t respond, he just has to sit there and take it.”

Sensing he’s being talked about, Xander meows from his spot on the floor. He still seems skeptical of Seokjin sometimes but has otherwise moved onto resigned nonchalance. “Xander’s a pretty weird name, huh?” Seokjin says, leaning down to scratch at his head. “Where’d you come up with that?”

Whatever bubble of friendship you’ve created between you and Seokjin is erased instantly as you awkwardly explain the plot of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

“How much do you know about human holidays?”

Seokjin barely spares you a glance. Ever since you’d mentioned Buffy, he’s made it a point to binge all seven seasons and tell you, in extreme detail, how inaccurate it is. “Hm?”

You roll your eyes, spitefully deleting the nice sheet set you’d put in your cart for him. “Human holidays. How much do you know?”

“Just the big ones, I guess. The ones bastardized from the Pagans.” You hum thoughtfully. The kind of hum that Seokjin knows means you want something, because it’s one he’s heard a million times already. But the lure of Buffy is strong, especially the musical episode, and he’s still unable to tear his eyes away from the screen when he follows up with, “Why do you ask?”

“Tomorrow’s a holiday. Just wondering if you’d want to celebrate.”

“Depends what it is.”

Suddenly shy, you balk at answering. “Forget it,” you say, re-adding the sheets to your cart along with an overpriced memory foam pillow. Just because Seokjin doesn’t sleep much doesn’t mean he shouldn’t do it in luxury when he does. “It’s silly.”

Catching the hesitation in your tone, Seokjin turns to you with an eyebrow quirked. “Tell me.”

You nearly groan at the way your cheeks warm. “No.”

“Since when are you shy?” he teases, one corner of his mouth catching on a smile. “Are you embarrassed?”

“I’m not shy,” you argue, despite all momentary evidence to the contrary. “I’ve just decided I don’t want to celebrate a holiday with someone who can’t stop watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer for two seconds to pay attention to me.”

“Ah,” Jin says with a snort of laughter. “You’re not shy and embarrassed, you’re jealous and needy.”

You delete the sheets and pillow again.

When you get into work the next day, there’s a bouquet of flowers waiting for you on your desk and a small box of chocolates.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

Guess I know a thing or two.

-SJ

You buy the goddamn sheets, paying extra for same-day delivery.

Having a roommate is strange.

You’ve grown used to having Seokjin in your space. You’ve made room for him, made a room for him, and have finally ironed out all those awkward kinks that come with living with a stranger.

So it feels weird when he’s not around. Wrong, almost.

Which is stupid, you tell yourself. He’s allowed to go out. Now that he’s mostly shaken the nerves from his exile, he’s been doing that more frequently. He’d told you a few weeks ago that he can finally go out and not spend the entire time looking over his shoulder, which is great for him, but you spend every second he’s gone worrying about him.

And now it’s spring, so all you can do is lay in your bed with the windows cracked and wonder if every police siren you hear is because something awful has happened to him. Which is also stupid, because the man has superpowers, for fuck’s sake. He’s more than capable of taking care of himself, can do far better of a job than you could ever hope to, so there’s no sense in worrying.

Still.

Your mind is working overtime to convince you of all these horrible things, like Seokjin’s gone to a club and was spotted by someone in his old clan and now there’s no more Seokjin. Just—poof!

At times (like now) you feel like an overbearing helicopter parent, always two seconds away from sending a text demanding to know where he is and who he’s with. Let me know you’re safe in the next thirty seconds OR ELSE. You think that has a nice ring to it. Doesn’t matter that Seokjin’s at least ten times your age, OR ELSE has never been an empty threat from you.

Your thumb hovers above the send button as you hear the lock turn in the front door. You’re up and halfway down the hall in an embarrassingly short amount of time—just enough to watch Seokjin stumble inside and nearly brain himself on the console table.

This is weird and not correct. Seokjin doesn’t stumble. He’s infuriatingly composed at all times, especially when he’s dressed to go out and leaves a bit of forehead showing. Then he’s really composed. Carries himself with an unshakeable arrogance that has you wondering how one’s forehead can wield so much power.

“Jin?” you call out, both to make sure the man in front of you is actually him and, if it is, to give him a heads up and not scare him to death. (Because, as you’ve also learned, Seokjin startles very easily. It’s both endearing and a source of great distress for him.)

Seokjin looks up, catches your eye at the same time he catches himself on the wall. You think he’s trying to take off his shoes. “Oh hey!” he sing-songs, and your stomach drops straight to the floor.

He’s drunk.

Wasted, even.

Which shouldn’t be possible, according to him. Something about his inhuman metabolism that prevents it. “Are you—Kim Seokjin, are you drunk?”

“No,” Seokjin insists, “that’s impossible. I—I can’t be that.”

You eye him warily. “I think you’re drunk, Jin.” Grabbing him gently, you maneuver him to the couch. “Sit. I’m gonna get you some water.”

Five minutes later, he’s properly hydrated and slumped against the arm of the sofa, moaning about how he can’t see and his stomach feels weird. “That’s because you’re drunk,” you reiterate, to which Seokjin replies, eyes narrowed even though he can’t lift his head to properly glare at you, “No, I’m not.”

You click your tongue. “Where’d you go tonight, then?”

“The blood bank.”

“Which one?” you ask, because you may not know all the ins and outs of vampire bylaws and treatises, but you know all blood banks aren’t created equal. Seokjin had explained the hierarchy once. There are the bougie, all organic, free range blood banks not unlike the bougie, all organic, overpriced head of cabbage supermarkets in your world; then there are the dirt cheap blood banks, the ones that capitalize on desperation and skirt the law a bit too much to be harmless.

Judging from the look on Seokjin’s face, he hadn’t gone to the bougie one.

“Jin,” you say, trying to curb the reprimand in your tone. “You know that place isn’t safe.”

He slumps backwards again, dazedly staring at the ceiling with glassy eyes. “I know that.” He fists his hands in the fabric of his coat. “It’s not like I had much of a choice.”

“Okay,” you say, because it’s not like you can say I know or I understand, because you don’t. Seokjin’s world is so far removed from your own, enmeshed only by force and a lack of other options. “I just… I worry about you, you know? I just want you to be safe, and that place isn’t safe.”

Seokjin scoffs. “You don’t need to worry about me.”

You level him with a stare even though his eyes aren’t open to see it. “I’m not talking about physically, you idiot. I mean, I do worry about you physically, but I worry more about you mentally and emotionally. You went through an incredibly traumatizing thing and you don’t talk about it.”

“Did you learn that in therapy?” he deadpans.

Now it’s your turn to scoff. “I did, as a matter of fact, and you can tell it’s working by the way I’m not the emotionally constipated one between us.”

“I’m not constipated.”

You sigh. “Okay, Jinnie. Just… promise me one thing, okay?” He grunts. “Don’t go back to that blood bank. They clearly took a donation from someone they shouldn’t have and now you’re all fucked up.”

“I’m fine,” he argues, just for the sake of arguing.

“You’re really not.”

“Yes I am, and I don’t have any money for the nicer blood banks. I’m all out.”

Reaching for his hand, you intertwine your fingers and squeeze. “Okay. Just tell me next time you need to go and we can figure it out.”

That seems to grab his attention. He snaps his eyes open and looks over at you, taking far too long to look focused. “I’m not taking your money.”

“Jin—”

“No, don’t Jin me. You’re already letting me stay here for free. Did you know that not having a safe place to live is the number one cause of death for rogue vampires? Because it is, and you’ve already spared me from certain death, so I’m not going to ask you for money on top of it just so I can go back to drinking my fancy aged blood.”

“Is there really nothing in between aged, organic B-positive and took a sketchy donation from someone rolling on E?”

“That’s a common misconception. The different blood types don’t really taste all that different.”

You groan. “Not the point. The point—”

“Don’t go to the bad place anymore,” Seokjin mumbles, sounding all too much like a scolded child.

“Correct.”

“Still doesn’t solve my money issue.”

A slow, smug grin overtakes your face. “Give me two days and I’ll have it solved.”

You truly are a genius, even if Seokjin won’t admit it.

See, you had the advantage of not being over two-hundred years old. You’re young and aware of trends, and that came in handy when you had a centuries-old vampire looking for employment in the modern age. Ridesharing had been out of the question, not because Seokjin had cracked that horrible joke eons ago and didn’t want to go back on it, but because he'd forgotten to renew his license. Getting an overnight job—either stocking shelves at the supermarket or working at the convenience store or whatever—had been out of the question, too, due to Seokjin not wanting his beautiful face to go to waste.

“Become a Twitch streamer, then,” you’d said.

Which had been a mistake, because instead of outright refusing and moving on, Seokjin had suckered you into explaining what Twitch was for thirty minutes. Add another thirty minutes of explaining what a streamer was and it’d nearly taken up your entire evening.

“I’ve never played a video game in my entire life,” Seokjin had said, but he hadn’t looked dissuaded.

You’d shrugged. “Some people are into that. It makes for a good shtick.”

Seokjin had paused, then; stared into the distance as if it could tell him all the secrets of the universe. “Do you really think people would watch me be bad at playing video games?”

“Trust me,” you’d replied, taking his face between your hands and squishing his cheeks a little, “humans not only watch way worse things, they pay for them, too.”

And now you’re here, a month and a half later.

You’d stolen (more like permanently borrowed without prior consent, because stolen is such a loaded word) some spare equipment from work. Got Seokjin set up in a corner of his now-bedroom. Ordered those LED light strips all the other streamers have and told him to milk his horrible sense of humor for all it was worth, and boom, his channel had blown up far quicker than you or he had anticipated.

Now he has a steady viewership and a reliable income and his own Discord server. Sure, the start had been a bit rough. Seokjin really had never played video games before, so trying to find something good for streaming was difficult. He didn’t have the coordination for MapleStory, Stardew Valley was too boring, he lost ten subscribers when he tried streaming Pokémon. You’d casually suggested he start streaming horror games. He was endearingly inept and easily startled—seemed like a no-brainer.

Once again, you were right.

So here he is, hogging the small bathroom as he applies his moisturizer, shooing you away each time you ask to take a shower because he has to look good on camera. Which is ridiculous, you think, because he’s actually incapable of looking bad.

“That’s ridiculous,” you huff. “You’re literally incapable of looking bad.”

Seokjin smiles all smug and pleased. “I know. But I’ll be done in a minute. My stream starts soon, anyway.”

With another huff, you stomp down the hall to melt into the couch until he’s done. There’s an episode of Bake-Off paused on the television that you resume, snorting at Seokjin’s squawking protests.

You hear the bathroom lights flick off, Seokjin’s footsteps on the wood floors, Xander tangling himself in his legs and sending him staggering into the wall. “Yah! Watch it, you horrible cretin!”

“Xander did nothing wrong,” you retort. “He’s innocent.”

Seokjin just rolls his eyes, clearly exasperated. “You’d let that cat get away with murder.”

“If it was yours? Absolutely.”

Later on, after you’ve showered and are tucked into bed, a warmth spreads through your chest as you hear Seokjin say to his stream, nothing but affection in his voice, “Can you believe my best friend’s cat tried to murder me today?”

Then there’s a strangled yell as he promptly gets killed in-game.

Hearing Seokjin call you his best friend has damn near catapulted you into a full-blown crisis.

His words have been playing on a loop all week. The warmth never dulls, never lets up; the words best friend always lodge themselves in some hard to reach space in your heart. Because they mean something. Because Seokjin’s not the type to say something just to say it. Because you always try to do right by him and for a long time you’ve wondered if you’re doing enough, if sometimes you try to do the right thing but make things worse and Seokjin’s too nice to say so.

Worse—you’ve been a little terrified that he only sticks around because he feels obligated. Like he has to pay back some invisible, unspoken debt.

It’s not like that. Maybe it’s cliche to say he’s more important than whatever it costs to house him here, but it’s true. Simply being able to lay in bed, cool breeze streaming in from a cracked window, and hear Seokjin’s squeaky laughter and muffled voice as he talks to his stream—it’s priceless. You wouldn’t trade it for anything.

So, yeah—Seokjin calling you his best friend strikes you someplace deep.

You’re not sure what time it is when you hear a knock on your bedroom door. Seokjin takes up almost all of the frame. Sometimes he has to duck when his hair is done and coiffed, and maybe it’s silly but it makes you feel safe.

“Hi,” you say, leaning over to flick on the lamp. At once the room is bathed in amber, shadows long and prominent in all the darkest parts, and it’s not until Seokjin’s silence registers that you look over at him.

He’s crying.

Two things happen before you even have a chance to breathe: you get tangled in the duvet and eat shit trying to scramble out of bed, and your hands are pressed to Seokjin’s cheeks, thumbing away the tears beneath his eyes. He heaves a sob and pulls you closer. Wraps those gangly arms around your shoulders and cries quietly into your neck.

It all makes you feel a bit hopeless, but you know Seokjin feels safe. You know you’re a safe place for him.

So you let him cry. Don’t ask what’s wrong, because you already know, have been waiting for it to hit out of the blue and all at once. There are only so many distractions. Even fewer that can bear the weight of a trauma like Seokjin’s.

Eventually the sobs turn to hiccups and quiet sniffles. His tone is watery as he apologizes for ruining your sleep shirt. You tell him it’s okay, and this time you don’t ask if you can press a kiss to his forehead, you just guide his head down so you can reach. His body sags in response.

“Do you wanna sleep in here?” you ask. There’s a large part of you that wants him to say yes, and a small one that refuses to consider what that means.

Seokjin says yes, regardless.

You tuck him into the empty side of the bed. Grab a glass of water from the kitchen and some aspirin, even if it won’t do anything, because Seokjin did a lot of crying and you know how that feels. He’s still awake when you return, just staring at the ceiling, so you sit on the edge of the bed next to him and just run your fingers through his hair. It’s blond now, and it suits him.

“Do you,” he starts to say, but his throat is dry and wrecked, voice hoarse.

“Sit up,” you instruct. Bring the glass to his lips. “Drink this.”

He clicks his tongue. “Bossy,” he jokes, but does as you say anyway. “Do you remember the night we met? I told you I was the third-youngest in my clan. We’d taken in two new guys.” You nod. Seokjin swallows hard. “They… they found my stream. Reached out.”

Your hand pauses in his hair. “Oh. What did they say?”

“They apologized.”

“That’s good, right?”

“I don’t know,” he whispers. “They—they said they’re the reason I got kicked out. That they’d fucked up the person at the club—“

“Me,” you conclude.

Seokjin nods. “Yeah, you. It was supposed to be someone else. We—it’s not, uh. Uncommon.”

It takes a second for the dots to connect. Then they do, and you choke on a laugh. “Like. As a kink?”

“Yeah. People pay a lot of money for it, and it’s not, like, illegal to bite someone consensually, so long as there’s proper documentation. And I’m really, really handsome, right, so people would pay a lot more money to get bitten by me, specifically.”

You snort. “So someone at the club that night had paid a lot of money to be bitten by you, the world’s most handsome vampire, and the two new guys in your clan… what, mistook me for someone else?”

“Apparently.”

“Then you tried to bite me, I was not biteable, and then you got kicked out of your clan?”

“That’s the long and short of it, yeah.”

You hum. “What happened to the woman who paid?”

“Taehyung bit her instead. He’s nowhere near as handsome as me, but he’s fine in a pinch.”

“Is he—“

“One of the new guys? Yeah. Jungkook is the other one. He’s the one who found me on Twitch.”

“I see.” You find his hand and press another kiss to the back of it. Interlock your fingers. “Are you okay?”

He sighs. Goes very quiet and very still before saying, in a voice so meek and unlike him, “They asked me to come back. Said they could probably pull some strings and get the clan to take me back.”

The thought of Seokjin leaving nearly steals the breath from your lungs. Has your stomach twisting in knots, limbs jittery with anxiety, and it’s all you can do to choke out a tiny little oh.

You’ve grown so used to having him in your space, in your life. The thought of no longer hearing his ridiculous laugh from across the hall, still audible even with your noise-canceling headphones on? The thought of cooking dinner alone again. The thought of no longer coming home from work to find Seokjin napping on the couch, Xander curled up on his chest. It’s all unfathomable. Has your heart pounding wildly in your chest, and you know Seokjin can hear it, know you’ll probably have to examine all these feelings soon, but—

“I said no.”

“What?”

“I said no,” he repeats. “I… I told them I’m happy here. That I’ve learned how to adjust and that I’m doing well.”

“Seokjin,” you say, voice hardened around the edges because it’s easier to pretend to be mad at him than it is to cry in relief. “Seokjin, why would you do that? They can give you so much more—“

“No,” he says, tone so firm and sure there’s no room to dispute it, “they can’t.”

Why can’t they? you want to ask. What can I possibly give you? But that’s… dumb. They’re questions you already know the answer to, especially when Seokjin’s looking at you like this: like you’re the only thing in his entire universe that matters. Like he’d trust you to lead him into war; trust you to keep him safe.

That’s what all of this is truly about, isn’t it? Trust.

Seokjin trusts you. Seokjin has allowed something solid and impenetrable to be formed between you, has helped create it. Now it’s time to trust him in turn—trust that he’s happy, safe, wants to stay here.

(Stay with you.)

So you don’t push it again. Don’t give voice to all your insecurities. You’d told Seokjin once that if you wanted him gone you’d ask him to leave. It’s the same for him.

“Do you want to see them?”

Seokjin hums. “I—maybe? It would be nice to see a familiar face, I guess.”

You can’t believe you’re about to ask this, but: “Would you… want to invite them over for dinner?” Seokjin gags. “Oh, shit, right—no dinner. Um. Would you like to invite them over to meet Xander and play video games and not eat human food?” you try again.

“Jungkookie eats human food. He’s a vile little creature.”

“Okay. What about Taehyung?”

“He’s like me.”

“Okay. Invite them.”

Seokjin sits up a little. Scrunches his eyebrows together as he stares up at you. “Are you sure?”

“Are they gonna try to eat me?”

“Doesn’t matter if they do,” Seokjin dismisses, “your neck is infamous now.”

Your jaw drops. “What does that mean.”

“It means you’re a bona fide local celebrity, darling. The only person in this city immune to a friendly chomp. After my unfortunate excommunication, you were the talk of the vampire world for weeks. The two chaos demons will probably ask for your autograph.”

Eyes narrow, you study Seokjin’s face. “I can’t tell if you’re fucking with me.”

“I would never.”

“That’s a lie.”

Seokjin just grins.

By the time you finally meet Taehyung and Jungkook, Seokjin’s bedroom isn’t used for much more than streaming.

It happened gradually. A knock on your door frame once he was done with his stream, just to ask if you were awake. Sometimes you weren’t. Sometimes you were, and he’d make you a cup of tea and sit in the empty space on your bed and tell you all about the game he’d played and his viewers and all their funny comments and how many new subscribers he got. That turned into him crashing there, because Seokjin loved to talk and talked endlessly, and sometimes you’d look at the clock and it’d be nearing two a.m. and you’d have to hush him and tell him to go to sleep.

The mornings following would always be hell, but you’d always plop down at your work desk with a goofy smile on your face.

Sleeping alone had started feeling weird after that. It’d been one hell of an adjustment period, getting used to someone else in your bed, but Seokjin’s presence was calming—his weight at your back, far more hesitant to reach out and touch than you are, but sometimes you’d wake up to his fingers in your hair, gently detangling.

Then it was making room for socks and underwear next to yours. His products next to yours in your shower instead of the guest bathroom. His nice shirts hung up next to yours in the closet. His phone charger on the nightstand, plugged into the outlet behind the bed. Now it’s making both sides of the bed in the morning instead of just yours. It’s making sure your alarm is quiet so Seokjin’s able to sleep through it, even with his ridiculous hearing. It’s—

“Oh, what the fuck,” Taehyung says, jaw comically slack. “No wonder hyung doesn’t wanna leave—Jungkook-ah, come look at this! They’re practically fucking married.”

Jungkook seems to materialize beside him, his wide eyes growing even wider as he stifles a laugh. “This is peak marital bedroom.”

Seokjin’s next to you in the hallway, unable to sputter a response. If he could blush, you’re sure it’d go all the way to his toes. “Yah! We’re not—what do you two even know—c’mon, that’s-that’s not even—absurd.”

“It’s not even absurd?” Taehyung and Jungkook think this is riotously funny. “Well,” Taehyung concludes, turning to you, “at least hyung chose well. Imagine if he tried to bite someone who lived in a shithole. Totally wouldn’t have been worth the excommunication.”

Exasperated, Seokjin looks to you for guidance. You just shrug. “He has a point.”

Seokjin’s sputtering again, deflating in the face of betrayal. He throws his hands in the air and dramatically announces, “Aish! Tour’s over, you insolent brats!”

“Don’t worry, hyung,” Jungkook says, making his way down the hall, “we’ll do the self-guided one.”

“Good thing we didn’t pay for this,” Taehyung tacks on. “Two out of ten stars,” he continues, voice growing distant the further they go into Seokjin’s bedroom. “Great location, but the tour guide was a giant pissbaby. Totally unreceptive to comments about his marriage.” You think the last bit comes from the closet.

With a heavy sigh, Seokjin trails after them. Probably to make sure they don’t touch his streaming stuff, considering you’d permanently borrowed it without prior consent. Your boss still hasn’t noticed, so that’s a win, but it’s pretty nice. Not the kind of low-quality garbage you’d be able to afford replacing out of pocket if it all took an unfortunate tumble to the floor.

There’s some muffled yelling—probably also from the closet—before Jungkook pops into the hallway, scratching the back of his neck and looking sheepish. “Hyung sent me out here to help you cook.” He gnaws at his bottom lip. “I-I don’t, uh—cook often? I don’t cook often. So I don’t think I’ll be very good at it.” He looks down. “If that’s okay?”

God help you, you’re now endeared by two vampires. What an embarrassing lack of survival instinct. “Of course it’s okay.” You gesture for him to follow. “Does anyone in your clan cook?”

You hand over an apron. By the way Jungkook stares at it, you conclude the answer to your question is very obviously no. “Never mind,” you say. “Jin says you eat human food? Do you enjoy it?”

Jungkook nods, hair flopping wildly. “Yeah! I eat everything.” Instant horror. “I mean—! Not everything-everything—I don’t eat people! Or a-animals! Wait, I do eat animals, but not live ones! Not, like, housepets. Just the meat and stuff from the store—I’m not gonna eat your cat!”

Xander just blinks up at him. There’s that embarrassing lack of survival instinct again.

You laugh. Squeeze his shoulder. “Jungkook, relax, it’s okay. I didn’t think that at all.”

“Okay,” he says, but he doesn’t look convinced. He just looks sad, like he’s on the verge of tears. “I just—I feel bad for hyung. I’m trying to make a good impression so you’ll like us and invite us over again and we’ll get to see him all the time.” Then, in a small voice, he adds, “Like before.”

You wonder if he can hear the way your heart plummets to the ground. “Oh, you sweet thing.” Unlike Seokjin, you don’t ask Jungkook if you can hug him. You just do it, because he starts sniffling before you can even finish your sentence. “You and Taehyung are always welcome here, okay?” Jungkook nods into the crook of your neck. “As long as you don’t, like, break anything. Seokjin isn’t bringing in that much money yet.”

This gets a laugh out of him. A sweet sound; airy and carefree, even though he’s carrying so much guilt. “Hyung seems really happy here.”

An unbidden smile. “I hope he is.”

“Are you happy he’s here, too?”

Jungkook’s clearly looking for something in your expression when he pulls back. He’s already heard the way your heart rate spiked at his question, so you’re not sure what it is, but it’s easy to say, “Yes, I am,” because it’s the truth.

“Okay. That helps, I think.”

“Good. Now, what are your thoughts on carbonara?”

  Jungkook is a good sous chef.

He’s a quick learner, efficient at chopping things, and doesn’t mind doing the dishes because he “wants the experience.” After cooking alongside Seokjin for so long, it was second nature to hand out little jobs to do. Easy to make light conversation. Even though he’s a century older than you, Jungkook seems so young. Hasn’t lost that sense of childlike wonder. Still has all those stars in his eyes.

So you hand over a pair of gloves and let him do the dishes. You’re halfway down the hall when the sound of the faucet fades and gives way to hushed conversation.

“—it’s alright, Taehyung-ah, I’m not scolding you, it’s just—it’s touchy, okay? Even if that’s something she’d want, you know it’s different for us. You know the laws.”

“I know, hyung. I’m sorry. It was a stupid joke and I just got carried away.”

You should say something, you think. They probably know you’re here, just skulking in the dark, eavesdropping, their superhuman senses be damned.

Christ, you probably smell like pancetta.

“…Do you, though?”

Seokjin sighs. You’d know that sigh anywhere, considering how many times you’d heard it during his Buffy binge. “Yeah. I think I do, Taehyung-ah.”

“Are you gonna tell her?”

“How do you imagine that playing out? We haven’t even had The Talk yet.”

Someone gasps. “Oh, shit. You haven’t? Really? That’s a pretty important conversation to just skip over.”

“Yah, don’t give me that look! It’s complicated!”

“Okay, hyung, I’m sure it is. I just want you to be happy, you know? And, like, you’re clearly happy here, but maybe you could be even happier. I know there’s laws and rites and customs, but who gives a shit?”

Seokjin lets out a strangled yelp. “Yah! Are you actually trying to get me killed? First you get me excommunicated, now you want me to say ‘fuck ten millennia of vampiric customs’ for—“

“Don’t say ‘bullshit,’ hyung, because it’s not. Not if that’s what you want. Not if it’d make you happy.”

Another sigh. “When did you get so smart, huh?”

That night is the first time it’s awkward sleeping next to Seokjin.

Suddenly the drawer with the socks and underwear seems too big. The clothes aren’t hanging right in the closet. Seokjin’s phone keeps vibrating and skittering along the nightstand and the sound is grating. The breeze from the open window doesn’t feel nice, just makes your skin tacky from the humidity.

Or maybe it’s Seokjin that’s throwing everything off. Has barely said a full sentence since saying goodbye to the kids. Excused himself immediately to take a shower and stayed in there forever; that’s what it’d felt like, at least.

The long and short of it is this: you’d overheard a conversation you shouldn’t have. You know things Seokjin probably isn’t ready to say. Not to you, not right now. If you combine your two brain cells, the logical conclusion is that Seokjin quite possibly has very real feelings for you and might be in the midst of a crisis, and that’s a problem because—

The Talk.

Something you’ve managed to push to the back of your mind, even though your twenty-eighth birthday is coming up. You’ll age, grow older. Seokjin grows older, too, but not like you. No guarantees, but no expiration date, either. And that’s—tough. Really fucking scary to think about: you, with the lines in your skin showing your age, so many decades in the future; Seokjin, still looking the same.

How is that supposed to work?

Seokjin will stay by your side and watch you grow old until eventually there’s no more growing to do. He will stay by your side and maybe hold your hand as you depart this life and maybe set off for another. One where you won’t know him and his squeaky laugh and his warm comfort; one where he’s left behind.

It can’t be worth it. Despite what Taehyung had said, nothing can be worth that kind of grief. Because Seokjin is so good—he’s kind and fierce; wildly chaotic and unwaveringly stable. He deserves to be loved endlessly and eternally, and how will you ever be able to do that if you’ll always have time breathing down your neck?

“I can hear you thinking.”

You sigh. Squeeze your eyes shut because you can feel them start to water. There’s guilt and there’s injustice and there’s anger, because you want to be the person he chooses to be loved by. “I…” You take a deep breath. Hold it a few seconds. Compose yourself. “I overheard you talking to Taehyung.”

Seokjin swallows. “I figured.”

“I—I don’t know what any of it means,” you say, “but I think… I think maybe there are some things we should talk about.”

“Right, okay. The Talk.” He sounds resigned. “I’ve never had to have The Talk before. I probably won’t be very good at it.”

You don’t even sound convincing to yourself when you say, “How hard could it possibly be?”

Very, it turns out.

The two of you talk in circles until you’re nearly crying in frustration, because Seokjin just doesn’t hear you. Refuses to accept that loving you and eventually having to say goodbye is worse than the alternative. Refuses to accept that you’ll grow old and get wrinkles and look your age and he’ll always look beautiful, look like this, and how that might be okay now, when you’re still young, but what will it look like when you’re seventy and he still looks twenty-five? How will he still be able to look at you and see you as someone beautiful, desirable? What will the rest of the world see when they look at the two of you like that?

“You’re not listening to me,” you sob. Everything feels so overwhelming. So out of reach. “Seokjin, how could you—why would you ever want me? Why would you want something so impossible?”

Seokjin scoffs, wounded. “Impossible to who? To you? Because it’s not impossible to me.” Anger sounds so wrong on him. Makes your stomach twist. “In all that thinking you’ve done, did you stop to consider the alternative? That I keep going through this world alone, scared to get too close to anyone because I’ll always have to watch them die?”

“What does that mean?” You’re nearly shouting. Anger doesn’t sound good on you, either. Not when it’s directed at him. “Why would you be alone? You could be with someone like you.”

“Someone like me, huh? Who’s that? A freak? Some other cursed bastard who doesn’t want to be like this but can barely survive on their own?” He’s sobbing now, too, voice hoarse as he fists the duvet just to have something to hold onto. An anchor. “Who am I besides a fucking monster?”

You’re on him immediately, moving frantically to gather him in your arms. Seokjin only stops sobbing to dry-heave; only moves to give you enough space to thumb away the tears on his cheeks. He cries until he’s got nothing left besides tremors. He cries until you’re rocking him in your lap, your heart broken for this beautiful, kind man. He cries until his lips give way to apologies instead.

“Shh, you have nothing to apologize for.” You kiss his hair. It smells like blackberries. “You are so many things, Kim Seokjin, and not one of them is bad.”

He hiccups. “I just want to be normal.”

“You are. There’s nothing wrong with you.”

“How can you say that?” he whispers. “I’m broken.”

You hum. Run your fingers softly up and down his arms, leave a trail of goosebumps in their wake. “Do you wanna know what I see when I look at you?”

“If it’s not ‘someone incredibly handsome’ I don’t want to hear it. My heart won’t be able to take that kind of pain right now, I’m too vulnerable.”

“Someone incredibly handsome was actually first on my list, so you’re in luck.” Seokjin snorts. “But I also see the strongest person I’ve ever met. Someone determined and stubborn. Someone who could’ve killed me to stay out of trouble but let me go, because it was the right thing to do. Someone who has experienced hardships I could never imagine but still remains soft and compassionate. Someone who has reached into my chest and grown roots there, because now that I’ve had you here, I don’t think I could ever possibly think about letting you go.”

You sigh. Feel your throat grow tight all over again. “And that’s—that’s what scares me, because how can I ask you to stay when we both know how it ends? It’ll be the rest of my life, but what will it be for you? Will it feel like a minute, an hour, a year? That’s what I meant, when I said someone like you—someone who doesn’t have to say goodbye.”

When he looks at you, Seokjin’s gaze is impossibly soft. He looks at you like you’re a little stupid, too, which he does a lot. “I already am someone who doesn’t have to say goodbye.”

He finds your hand, rubs his thumb over individual knuckles. “There are… ways. I don’t want to get ahead of myself, because we can always try and find it doesn’t work, just like anyone else would, so I don’t think I’m ready to have that specific conversation yet, but I just want you to know that. That there are options.”

Something dangerously close to hope blooms in your chest.

It’s easy, once you’re over that hurdle.

Once that particular elephant in the room has been addressed and shelved.

You’re not naive enough to think there aren’t many difficult discussions in your future, but you find it hard to care when Seokjin doesn’t shy away from you, can barely tear himself away from your side even for a second. He’s there to kiss you awake in the morning when you’re on the verge of running late for work. He’s there when you walk through the door after a hard day, another kiss pressed to your forehead. He’s there next to you in bed as soon as he finishes a stream, skin soft from the shower, and that feeling of security he brings with him warms you even when he can’t.

Seokjin insists on doing things properly. Like a real couple, he just barely stops himself from saying, and you don’t mention it and he doesn’t, either, but you’re proud of him for catching it, for stomping down that line of thinking. Because the two of you are a real couple. You do the cliche dinner-and-a-movie dates, even though Seokjin spends the entire time making fun of the characters. You go for walks along the river. Sometimes all he wants to do is spend hours walking around the city. Even though the sunlight gives him a headache, you still hold his hand and walk for as long as he wants to.

It’s easy.

Also easy is how he touches you, the feel of his lips on your skin. Fluid, like all the time he spent before knowing you was just practice. Fragile, the way he holds you like a delicate thing; like the entire world is in his hands, and he doesn’t have to be careful but it’s worth it to be so.

So much changes between the two of you, but there’s even more that doesn’t. Seokjin is still Seokjin. Still laughs too loud and carries around the weight of the world, but at night you can still hear him talk to his stream, tell them all about you. You can hear the way he shrieks with glee when he finally tells them you’re his girlfriend, that it’s official even though that word feels juvenile, and you smile to yourself in the dark.

It’s so, so easy to fall in love with him when you were already halfway there.

Much like he always is, Seokjin is honest first. Just presses himself to your back one night as you’re cooking dinner and whispers in your ear that he loves you. In your shock, the pan nearly goes clattering to the floor. Xander hisses, does the Scooby-Doo run out of the kitchen to escape the chaos, and Seokjin just laughs.

You’re scowling when you tell him you love him, too. He kisses it away.

“What’s this thing?”

You sigh, drop the bundle of hangers in your hand. Cleaning out your closet had sounded like a great and logical idea in theory. Seokjin was quickly outgrowing his allotted side, you hadn’t touched the back of it since you’d moved in so god only knew what was growing back there, and there wasn’t much else to do on a stormy Sunday afternoon.

The closet, however, had very quickly gotten the best of you.

Now you’re knee-deep in clothes you haven’t worn in years, hairline and and armpits sweaty, and so close to snapping that the line between you and a murder charge is paper thin. And poor Seokjin—he’s just trying to help, but he’s more curious than he is genuinely helpful. Keeps stopping every two minutes to inspect something and ask what it is, figure out how it works. First was the fart machine you’d gotten as a gag gift six Christmases ago. (Seokjin loved this, said he’d send it to Taehyung and Jungkook.) Then it was the box of butterfly hair clips your mother had saved and dumped on you as soon as you’d gotten your own place. (He loved them, too; claimed ownership of them and said he’d wear them during one of his streams.)

You look over to see what he’s holding this time and barely have enough time to grit out the words DO NOT PRESS THAT BUTTON before Seokjin presses the button and you’re temporarily blinded by a flash.

“Oh shit,” comes his brilliant response. Then, “What the fuck. Did it just spit something out at me?”

You try to blink the stars away. “It’s a Polaroid camera.”

“What’s that?”

“Exactly what it sounds like,” you answer tartly. Then you sigh, because it isn’t Seokjin’s fault that he is who he is and you feel guilty. “It’s basically an instant camera. The film is self-developing so you can take and print a picture just about immediately.”

Seokjin makes a little humming noise. “Where’d you get it?”

“My sister gave it to me.”

“An invention like this and she just gave it away?”

You snort. Walk over and gently take the camera from his hands. “Yeah, older siblings tend to do that,” you answer. Point the view finder at him until he’s centered in the frame. “They love to offload all their worthless junk onto you in the name of being charitable. Smile.”

Unfair, really, how effortlessly beautiful he is. It’s all you can do to look away from the picture once it’s developed, and Seokjin’s smiling in it, sure, but it pales in comparison to the smile that sits on his face once the photo of you becomes clear.

  Seokjin becomes obsessed with the camera.

Manages to use up all the old film without even leaving the apartment. He takes photos of you, of himself, of you and him together, of Xander, the plant in the kitchen that probably doesn’t get watered enough, his computer screen once he hits a subscriber milestone, the view of the city from the living room windows during another storm. He leaves them around the apartment for you to find—a little game of hide and seek that only the two of you are in on.

And they don’t sell that old film anymore, so he uses his own money to buy a new Instax. Then he finds an old camera shop way off the beaten path and spends even more money there, but while he’s out he loads up on film and spends hours taking pictures in the city. Comes home and dumps them out of his pockets like he’d looted a bank, and you try to keep a straight face, you really do, but he’s so goddamn endearing that you can’t help the fond smile. They’re all dated and labeled, little messages drawn in limited space.

This tiny dog took a massive shit at the park and the owner didn’t even clean it up!

Doesn’t this cloud look like that ugly green guy from that movie you made me watch? Shark

Pretty flower! Reminded me of you ♡

This cat hissed at me! Reminded me of Xander ♡

Maybe we can go to this cafe this weekend if the weather’s nice?

Then, one from a trip he must’ve taken to the beach, because there isn’t enough contrast to see the waves, but written clearly in the sand—

I LOVE YOU!!! Sand is itchy!

That one’s your favorite.

  Thing about Seokjin is—nothing stays innocent for very long.

He’s simultaneously adorably naive and the smartest person in any room he walks into. There’s this little act he does: says something blissfully ignorant, almost too ignorant to be true, and waits to see how long it takes you to realize he’s fucking with you. He loves it; it’s his favorite game. Always ends up with him laughing so hard he cries, that squawking laugh of his booming loud, and you know better but fall for it every time like a sucker.

So, really, it shouldn’t come as a surprise when he hands over a stack of Instax photos, does that mischievous little smile he does where he rolls his lips to keep from laughing. Just for a moment, all you look at is a set of wide shoulders disappearing through the door of his streaming room, then the shut door. Then, when you look down—

“Kim Seokjin!”

His maniacal laughter rings throughout the apartment.

Because Seokjin has just handed you a stack of dick pictures, and this is not an idea Seokjin would’ve had on his own. Taehyung or Jungkook or both are probably behind this, you think. Taehyung had stopped by not long ago, took one look at the Instax, and wiggled his eyebrows at you, so you should’ve known. Should’ve known that a trio of vampires that took money from people to bite them would be the types to take unsolicited pictures of their dicks.

(“I don’t do that!” Jungkook insists later on, cheeks flaming red.

Taehyung snorts. “You did that one time.”

“I did not—”

“You did,” Taehyung insists. “Remember? It was that one college girl who lied and totally suckered you by saying she was an anthropology major and was comparing dick sizes between humans and vampires and needed a picture of your dick for science.”

“That’s different,” Jungkook argues. “It’s not weird if it’s for science.”

Taehyung hums, seemingly buying into this argument. Then he takes another bite of the pop-tart he’d insisted on trying before he makes a face and spits it onto the table.)

As it turns out, handing your roommate-turned-immortal life partner a stack of dick Polaroids prompts a lot of discussions about sex.

You’re not an idiot. Of course you’d searched how vampires get erections without a blood supply, but the results had been less than helpful. They just do, is as much as you got. Imagine your surprise, then, when the dick in Seokjin’s pictures was very erect and very ready to go.

“How does this work?” you ask him.

Seokjin looks startled. “Uh… what do you mean?”

“This,” you say, pointing to the picture. God, you hate that it’s a good one. You’re not supposed to appreciate unsolicited dick pictures. “The dick.”

“Um. I—you see, when two people love each other very much—”

You squawk. “Not sex! I know how sex works!”

“Well how am I supposed to know that?” he squawks back, matching your volume with very little effort. “You just pointed at my dick and asked how it worked!”

Eyes narrowing, you retort, “I know how dicks work too, thank you very much, I mean how does yours work?”

“...The same as everyone else’s? Babe, I really don’t get what you’re asking me here.”

You huff. Shake your head a little to try and clear the brain fog. “What I mean is: most people with dicks are able to get erections because the blood goes down there. You don’t have blood, so where does the boner come from?”

“I don’t know,” Seokjin says, shrugs his shoulders and looks at you like you’re kind of crazy. “It just happens. Appears like a mirage in the desert. Usually after I think about sex or boobs—”

You roll your eyes, falling back onto your bed with a huff. Seokjin’s on you in a second. Stares down at you with some dopey, loved-up look on his face, all traces of exasperation gone. The weight is a familiar comfort by now, an anchor, and no matter what, every single time: “Hey,” Seokjin whispers, mouth so close to your skin you can feel the words, “guess what?” You hum an acknowledgement, dip your hands beneath another oversized t-shirt to trace along his own skin, warmed only by your own.

You know what he’s going to say, but—“What?”—you play along anyway.

“I love you.”

“I know,” you tease. Seokjin huffs, something else you feel in the hollow of your neck, before he presses another kiss to your skin.

“Are you gonna say it back?”

You will, because you always do. Just one of those things that had been instinctual the first time: a brief realization, oh, I love him too, and then the words had come spilling out. No hesitation and no second-guessing, just a whispered truth and twin smiles once you got past the anger of your dinner almost tumbling to the floor. “I might.”

A groan, then all of Seokjin’s body weight collapses on top of you. “You’re insufferable,” he laments, a playful whine high in his throat, “it’s kind of killing my boner.”

“Wow. And they say romance is dead.”

“Well, technically I’m dead, too, so that makes sense.”

Seokjin can’t see you roll your eyes, but you do. Are you stalling? Undoubtedly. Are you stalling because your chest gets tight and you kind of forget how to breathe every time Seokjin tells you he loves you, or are you stalling because his boner is still very prominent and the two of you had decided to take it slow? Definitely both.

And it isn’t like you mind. One of the many upsides to being with Seokjin is that time is the one thing you’ll never want for. There will always be time, so you don’t mind sparing a bit of it until you’re both on the same page. Bless him, Seokjin had nearly looked green the first time he’d broached the topic: stuttered his way through an explanation on how it’d been decades since his last partner, his last real one because the ‘biting people for extra money’ stuff didn’t really count—that the last time he’d been with a human was back when he still was one, too, so he’s a little nervous, would you mind waiting, he just needs to do some… research, is all. Just so he doesn’t embarrass himself, he’d said, and you’d just nodded along and pressed your lips to his forehead and said of course, whatever you want, it’s all okay with me.

So you’re trying to be respectful.

You are being respectful, but it’s a little hard to think straight when his boner is pressed against your pelvis.

Still, you groan. “Can you not remind me that you’re an undead immortal being while your erect penis is touching me?”

Because he loves nothing more than antagonizing, Seokjin just presses harder against you. “Why?” he teases, shit-eating grin on his face. “Is it weird?”

You roll your eyes. “A little, yeah.”

“We could make it even more weird.” He waggles his eyebrows at this.

Usually you’d brush off a quip like that: just Seokjin being Seokjin, another way for him to tease you. But this, too, isn’t so easy to ignore when he’s hard and on top of you, gazing down at you the way he is, all heat and bad ideas. Like he’d happily devour you whole if you said the word, and the word is biting at the back of your teeth, right on the tip of your tongue. You want to. You want, have wanted for a long time, but—

“Seokjin,” you manage to choke out. A real feat, considering he’s rocking slow against you. So slow you probably wouldn’t notice if you weren’t hyper-aware of every single thing, every shift in movement. “You wanted to wait, remember?”

He just hums. Presses his lips back to your neck, easily finds that spot that drives you wild. “I’ve been studying,” he says. Has his voice always been that deep? No, you think, this is just horny delirium. A hormone-induced mirage, tempting you to the edge.

“Okay.” You try really hard to sound put-together. “I’m not really sure what that means.”

Seokjin huffs a laugh and you feel that, too. “It means I’ve been watching a lot of porn and jerking off for weeks while you’re at work, and most of the time I’m so fucking horny I can barely keep my dick in my pants.”

All of that sounds… really nice, although the thought of Seokjin touching himself, head thrown back in pleasure, that neck on full display, toes curled, does very little to help your self-control. Still, you manage to curb it, pulling back just enough to catch his gaze. “Are you ready, though? I don’t mind waiting. I don’t want you to feel pressured.”

He pecks your nose. “I don’t. I’m ready, I trust you, we’ve already talked about all the important stuff, and if I jerk off one more time I think my dick is going to protest and fall off.”

When you look at him, there’s not a trace of hesitation to be found. It’s a little maddening how he can go from looking at you with such fervor right back to something like spun sugar. That’s how he’s looking at you now: with trust, with love, with excitement. And it’s ironic, you think, that he’s the hiemal one between you, because he always manages to fill you with warmth.

Just like the sun. You reflect everything he feels for you, all the devotion, and return it tenfold.

So there’s no hesitation in you, either, when you smile and say okay.

Much like he is any other time, Seokjin is an absolute hellion in bed.

You’ve been teased within an inch of your life, hands and tongue everywhere except where you need them most, and he’s completely impervious to your suffering. The corners of his mouth quirk upward before he resets them, relishing in your begging but not letting you catch on, and then he’s dragging you to the edge once more, pushing your hips back down to the bed with a hushed I know, baby, I know.

He presses a kiss to your forehead, almost mocking. “You’ve been so good for me,” he murmurs, and you try to pretend the praise doesn’t set you alight. It had taken a while to find his rhythm, but it must be like riding a bike, you think. Seokjin probably could’ve gone an entire millennia without doing this and it’d still be just as good. It pisses you off a little. “Are you ready?” You nod as best you can. “You have to use your words,” he goads, “I can’t read your mind.”

Maybe he can’t, but your answer is obvious enough: the way you’re writhing, the rapid beating of your heart, the heat between your thighs. If it feels this overwhelming to you, there’s no way Seokjin’s unaware. And you know he isn’t—know he’s only doing it to get a reaction, to drag it out further, so you just huff. Disengage. Seokjin can’t win if you don’t play, and maybe you reflect his sunlight, but you can reflect his chaos, too.

“Babe.” He laughs. Works a hand over his cock once, twice when he realizes you’re looking. “Don’t start getting petty now, of all times.”

“Don’t ask stupid questions, then,” you fire back. “You know I’m ready. Been ready for hours.”

He huffs. “It’s only been twenty minutes.”

You narrow your eyes. “Hours,” you repeat.

“Sheesh, okay, okay.” Just as he’s about to press inside, he pauses. Looks at you with that loved-up look again. Normally it’d be endearing, butter soft, but you’ve been at his mercy for far too long and it’d started taking its toll somewhere around minute two, so. “Hey, you know I—”

“Seokjin, I swear to fucking god—”

He huffs again, nothing but exasperation, and finally gives you what you want. The initial stretch takes your breath away, giving way to full full full, the only thing you can focus on is how full you feel, but then it’s—

“Jesus Christ!”

There’s just screeching. From you and Seokjin, because while you’re trying to scamper up the bed, he’s pulling out and wearing a full-on grimace. You can’t even lie, that hurts. You’ve had a lot of awkward one night stands, but no one has ever grimaced before.

“Hot!” Seokjin wails, grabbing at his crotch. “Holy fuck, hot! Hot! My fucking dick is on fire—”

Your eyes nearly bug out of your skull. “Hot?! Are you fucking joking? It feels like you just impaled me with an icicle!”

It does. There’s still a phantom pain in your cunt that feels a lot like frostbite. Like when someone sticks their cold hands up the back of your shirt.

Seokjin ignores you, though. Just puffs out his cheeks and blows room-temperature air towards his cock, and you’d maybe laugh if this was any other time in any other situation. Having this happen the first time the two of you have had sex is… mortifying. A little worrying for the future, too, because you’ve tried those warming lubes and they’re terrible. It’s also just—disappointing. You’d been looking forward to this for a long time, being close to Seokjin in this way, and of all the times you’d envisioned it, you didn’t imagine your body heat would be too scorching for his penis, of all things.

Shit.

You’re not going to cry.

Not over this.

Not while Seokjin is still hopping around the bedroom on one leg, still desperately puffing out air. Not while he’s chastising his cock in the process. Something that sounds suspiciously like c’mon buddy, it’s just a little body heat, don’t do this, you don’t have to do this, fuck, c’mon. Another thing you might laugh at another time, but you can’t. Not now. Not while Seokjin finally sighs in defeat and meets your eye and looks equally devastated.

Devastation looks worse on him than it feels on you, so you joke, “Maybe we should’ve started with oral?”

A beat of silence. Then the disappointment cracks and he’s sending you a blinding smile. “Something something Icarus, too close to the sun, et cetera.” He flops unceremoniously on the bed and drapes half his body over you. “Seems pretty obvious in retrospect, huh?”

Your fingers are immediately in his hair. “Yeah.” Lips find the top of his head. “We’ll figure it out.”

(And you do. Condoms are the first experiment, even though they were essentially useless before, considering Seokjin’s dead and all, unable to reproduce or harbor any kind of infection. Problem with that is—

“Why are they all so fucking thin?” Seokjin whines, staring down at another box with CLOSEST THING TO WEARING NOTHING! across the front.

You snort, tossing back another box of the same. “Because most men don’t want to wear a condom and will gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss their way into going raw.”

So you try a different approach and order the super thick ones meant to help with premature ejaculation. Those are okay, but almost too effective. Sex with Seokjin is great, it turns out, but not when it seems to go on endlessly and everything starts to hurt and chafe and Seokjin’s trying, babe, you think I wouldn’t have come by now if I could, but, well. The condoms work as advertised, is the thing.

Back to Old Reliable, then: oral sex. Even having your mouth around his dick nearly sends him launching off the bed, but the two of you figure it out. Small kitten licks until he starts to acclimate, an inch or two at a time once the whole dick is in your mouth, and slow, slow, slow. Truthfully, it’s a long and tedious process, and it all but kills the idea of wild, spontaneous fucking, but the actual sex part, when you finally figure it out, is so goddamn good you figure you can go without.)

“Does your family know about me?”

Honestly, you’re surprised he hasn’t asked sooner considering your birthday is just around the corner. You aren’t doing much to celebrate, considering it’s in the middle of the week, but it hadn’t stopped your mother and sister from offering to take you to lunch on the weekend. Seokjin hadn’t said much when you told him about it, complaining for the nth time about the seafood restaurant your mom’s insisting on just because it’s her favorite, but you can see now why this might’ve been on his mind.

“Yeah, of course they do.”

Also unsurprisingly, he seems shocked to hear this. “What?”

“Why wouldn’t they know about you?”

“Um. Because I’m… y’know. A vampire.”

You roll your lips, suppressing a laugh. “Are you calling my family racist?”

“No! I am definitely not saying that!” he sputters, suddenly finding the new rug very interesting. Xander had barfed all over the last one in a way that was completely unsalvageable. “I just—I was just wondering? Since it’s your birthday soon, and you’re going to lunch with them, and I didn’t know, like, if they knew about me? Like, I’m sure they know you have a roommate, but do I have to pretend to not be your boyfriend if they come over? Like, if we’re just roommates, should I come out screaming about losing all my socks in the dryer or leaving dishes in the sink or something—”

“Is that what you think roommates fight about?”

This puts an abrupt end to his spiral. “Er, yeah? That’s what they fight about on TV.”

“Okay, remind me to change the Netflix password. Now, will you come here?” You stand from your spot on the couch and engulf him in a hug. “They know about you. All of it, so you don’t need to worry about it, all right?” You pull back. “Unless you’re worried about something else?”

“No,” he answers, voice small.

“Okay. My sister dated an absolute demon in college, so you being a vampire is nothing in comparison, trust me.”

“Demons aren’t real.”

“They are, and my sister has somehow dated all of them. My mom actually contacted the church about an exorcism.” This gets a laugh out of him. “Now, do you want to come to lunch with someone who consorts with demons and someone who puts any modicum of trust in the Catholic church, or is that a hard pass for you?”

He nuzzles further into your neck. “Are they nice?”

“They’re okay.”

“Are they like you?”

“I’m definitely the hotter sister, despite whatever my sister may think, and I have to text my mother every month to remind her to pay her car insurance because she forgot and let it expire twice and got tickets both times, so I’m not sure what that says about her, but they did raise me, so. I don’t know, I guess so?”

“Then they’re probably nice and I think I’d probably like to meet them.”

Your heart feels warm again.

On the morning of your birthday lunch, you wake up alone.

This is uncommon but not outright strange, so you think nothing of it. If you had Seokjin’s ultrasonic hearing, you would’ve heard the three vampires giggling in the kitchen, trying desperately to hush one another every ten seconds because they’re incapable of shutting up, but you don’t, so you trudge into the en suite to pee and brush your teeth, ignore the mess of hair on your head, and then trudge into the kitchen.

“Surprise!” Jungkook screams, popping out from behind the island. Taehyung’s at the sink, clearly trying to hide the remains of some science project gone wrong, and Seokjin’s slumped against the counter with his head in his hands.

Still, there’s a half-assed birthday cake being presented to you, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! written in Seokjin’s recognizable scrawl, and a smile rapidly forming. “You made this yourselves?” you ask, more to make conversation than genuine curiosity. No bakery on earth would sell something that looks like the cake in front of you.

“Of course we did,” Taehyung says, snark loaded and ready, “what do you take us for, amateurs?”

Jungkook ignores him. “Seokjin-hyung says you turned twenty-eight and that’s a big deal so we wanted to do something nice!”

“Well, that’s a straight up lie,” Taehyung says, rolling his eyes. “We wanted to get you a cake but we have no idea how to order things at human bakeries and the lady behind the counter was mean as fuck so hyung looked up how to make one from scratch.”

“It was awful,” Seokjin moans, agony muted by the countertop. “Don’t ever ask me to bake something again.”

“No one asked you to do anything,” Jungkook snaps. “This was your idea! You were the one who texted us and said, and I quote, ‘My idiotic little dongsaengs, I want to do something special for her because I’m in love, so I’m going to look up how to bake a cake from scratch and the two of you are going to help me, and if you say no I will hack into the blood bank database and change your blood preference to O-negative,’ to which Taehyung replied, and I quote, ‘Don’t you dare sign me up for that basic bitch blood, hyung, that’s just cruel,’ to which I replied, and I quote, ‘Hyung only just learned how to use a smartphone, there’s no way,’ to which you replied, and I quote, ‘Here is the recipe, be at my apartment by six a.m. or else.’”

“Wow, his memory is freakishly good and kind of weird,” Taehyung marvels. Jungkook preens.

“Well,” you begin, going around the kitchen to give each of them a tight hug, “I’ve never gotten a homemade cake before, so I am very appreciative and a little overwhelmed.”

When you reach Seokjin, you press a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “Thank you. You’re the best and I love you.”

“Gross,” Taehyung and Jungkook say in unison.

Hours later, long after you’ve tried to figure out how to tackle the cake and how long it could conceivably stay fresh for compared to how much of it you could conceivably eat, and long after Jungkook offers to ‘demolish it right now’ and you make a Matilda reference and have to explain the entire plot to him just to explain who Bruce is, there’s a knock at your door that can only be your mom and sister.

You’re not dressed. You’re not even showered.

There are three chaotic vampires in your kitchen arguing over what to do with the cake.

This is not how you wanted Seokjin’s first time meeting your family to go.

But it works out all the same, just as it always does. The introductions are awkward only because of the state of the kitchen, but between Seokjin, Taehyung, and Jungkook, your mom and sister are charmed long before you pass your phone around to order food, because there’s no way any of you are going out now.

Another thing that’s easy. Another moment in which you find yourself thankful that Seokjin has nothing but time, because you think you’d be very happy to spend most of yours like this: surrounded by the people you love, ears ringing from laughter. Another memory in a span of months that’s jam-packed with new ones. Another slice of cake gone when your sister bravely volunteers to try one. Another sly look at her from Taehyung, because he’s been doing it all afternoon and doesn’t realize he’s not subtle.

Another round of hugs. Another birthday gone. Another mess to clean up once it’s just you and Seokjin left in the apartment, Jungkook halfway out the door when he calls out over his shoulder, “Taehyungie-hyung says he’s gonna bite the wrong person too and get kicked out of the clan so he can hook up with your sister,” just because he’s a shithead. Another punch to his shoulder.

Another time you look at Seokjin and think, I’m so fucking in love with him, I’d follow him anywhere.

Another author’s note: I wanted to leave the ending a little open-ended. I’m sure people have thoughts on turning, and it wasn’t something that I wanted to write into this fic but wanted to broach the topic of because that’s, like, The Thing about vampire/human relationships. My headcanon is that this reader does, just because I want them to live happily ever after forever, but I didn’t want to force that on everyone and dampen the reading experience.

As always, thank you for reading! My inbox is always open if you’d like to leave feedback. I’d love to hear your thoughts! ❤

#btsgoldnet #btswritingcafe #btshoneyhive #thebtswritersclub #seokjin x reader #seokjin x you #seokjin fanfiction #seokjin fic #seokjin fluff #seokjin smut #ksj x reader

[jungkwok]

once upon a dream | ksj fluff | bts disney series

jungkook | taehyung | jimin | namjoon | hoseok | yoongi | jin

. • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

pairing: seokjin x reader

tags: fluff duh, prince!jin x reader, based off plot of 'Sleeping Beauty'

word count: 458 words

. • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

The moon bathed the room in a soft, silvery glow as you, Y/N, and Jin, the prince who stole your heart, slept in each other's embrace. The peace of the night was shattered when you awoke with a gasp, your heart racing from a vivid nightmare that had gripped your slumber.

Terrified, you found solace in Jin's arms, shaking him gently to wake him from his peaceful dreams. His eyes fluttered open, concern etching his features as he took in the fear in your eyes.

"Y/N, what happened?" he whispered, his voice a soothing melody in the quiet night.

You hesitated, the remnants of the nightmare still haunting your thoughts. "I... I had a nightmare, Jin. I'm scared."

Without a word, Jin pulled you closer, his arms wrapping around you protectively. He pressed a tender kiss to your forehead, his lips warm against your skin. "Shhh, my love. I'm here. You're safe."

As he held you, Jin began to whisper sweet nothings in your ear, a gentle reassurance that the nightmare was just a fleeting moment. His words were a balm to your wounded soul, and you felt the tension in your body slowly melt away.

"I'm right here, Y/N. You're not alone," Jin murmured, his voice a lullaby that eased the restlessness within your heart. "I'll always be here to chase away the shadows, to hold you close and keep you safe."

His words were a promise, and you found comfort in the safety of his embrace. The room was filled with a hushed intimacy as Jin continued to whisper words of love and reassurance. The rhythm of his heartbeat matched the cadence of your own, creating a symphony that drowned out the echoes of the nightmare.

Gradually, the fear that had gripped you began to fade, replaced by the warmth of Jin's love. You closed your eyes, surrendering to the serenity he offered. With each whispered declaration of love, you felt a sense of security that anchored you in the present moment.

As the tension left your body, you succumbed to the tranquillity that Jin's presence brought. The gentle rise and fall of his chest against yours, the quiet murmurs of love, and the soft caress of his fingers in your hair were the lullabies that guided you back to the realm of dreams.

With a final, tender kiss to your forehead, Jin watched as your breathing steadied and your eyes closed in peaceful slumber. Admiring the serenity on your face, he whispered, "Sleep well, Y/N," before allowing the quiet of the night to embrace his own dreams.

And so, in the stillness of the night, Jin held his sleeping beauty, their hearts entwined in the delicate dance of dreams and love.

#bts #bts fanfic #bts x reader #bts fic #bts imagines #bts jin #bts fantasy au #jin x reader #jin fluff #bts fluff #jin x y/n #jin #ksj x reader #ksj fluff

[sugaurora]

Dream Come True (Teaser??)

Uhhhh....COMING Soon?

Since your brother warned you years ago that his best friend Seokjin was off limits, you’d only allowed yourself to fantasize about him in the safety your dreams. You’re not sure why tonight his lips feel so much softer and his hands so much warmer than usual, but you’re definitely not about to complain.

Pairing: Med Student Seokjin x Plus Size Female Reader

Genre: Brother’s Best Friend; Friends to Lovers; Smut

#seokjin smut #ksj fic #teaser #fic teaser #dream come true #sdkjhskfh #the cackling is unreal #it's such a silly little fic pls don't get too excited #i'm just having fun #writing

[hollyhomburg]

Before I Leave You (Pt. 53)

(Sneak Peek)(Omegaverse au, Mafia au, Bts x Reader)

Summary: A snippet of the future- a flash forward- in which you and jimin reach an...agreement. 

Tags: pleasure dom Jimin, pillow princess m/c, oral (f. receiving), fingering, knotting, talks of gender and sex, Talks of killing people, talking ill of the dead, assassin! jimin, implied autistic! jimin, Flash Forwards, intentionally vague moments

W/c: 7.770

A/n: please be patient with me regarding the rut chapter ie the chapter after this one! i’m visiting my brother next week in LA so!!! things will take some time. hopefully this little jimin nugget will tide you over. although this isn’t the most unique sex chapter i do really like it. in the meantime! recommend me some stuff to do in la! i’m hoping it’s going to be a restful trip but ngl...it’s not looking great.... i don’t like planning things that other people are going to potentially not enjoy 😠 i’m meant to be a passenger princess threw and threw 

Previous Chapter - Masterlist

Chapter 53: I’d do Worse (Sneak Peak)

Jimin promptly takes one of the tubes of paint, a light blue- the same light blue that you ended up painting the upstairs bathroom, and squishes it out onto the canvas below you. Near your hand but not on it.

The breath you were holding rushes out in a single jagged laugh, “Okay, now I’m lost- I thought the whole point of the plastic and drop cloths was not to get paint on them.”

The look he shoots you asks you to suspend your disbelief. Especially once he starts doing that to all the other colors. He continues to drop careful splotches of paint around you. Enough that it would take a lot of concentration to get out of the room without tracking dark blue or pink or yellow or red halfway across the house.

You wonder what exactly Jimin plans to do to you. Paint included. He puts out a spurt of yellow paint on your side and then another. 

Surely sooner rather than later, noodle is going to wander in here in search of a pool of sunlight, track his paws or tail through the paint, and leave pawprints everywhere throughout the house. Yoongi will probably complain about them, but you might make him keep them instead of washing them away. 

When he’s finished, Jimin turns a yellow tube over in his hands. Back and forth, the cap flashing like a rising and setting small yellow sun. jimin’s voice is low when he speaks, near reverent. “You’re the first woman I was ever with- that I ever knew I was with.” 

It’s an admission and an admonishment, one that you and the rest of your pack have been tiptoeing around. Even though Tae’s a woman now- she hadn’t always been- at least not in a way the pack could compensate for. While new lines in the sand are drawn that doesn’t mean the old lines totally fade away. It will take a few more cycles of low and high tide to completely grow used to this.

Jimin fiddles with a small red tube of paint. “I’m a rigid person, I know I am. i don’t like change most of the time and I know, I know things shouldn’t be so planned, I know that’s not the way things usually go but-” You nuzzle close to Jimin, and his words extinguish into a sigh, his hands coming up to your sides, the same place he always likes to hold, between your shoulder blade and your ribcage.

“But you need them to be this way sometimes. Planned? so you can make sure everything’s done right” You press. 

He bristles, “If you’re expecting me not to say that I want everything to be perfect when I can make it that way then-”

“You’re such a control freak Minnie.” you say it with a smile, playing your fingers through some of the milky pink white, feeling the tackiness between your fingers.

“You don’t hate it?”

You shrug. “Jin’s that way too sometimes. So no, I guess I don’t hate it. Maybe it’s just because I like- really fucking hate making decisions.”

He grimaces, but Jimin’s eyes dart from your face down to your crossed legs. settling on something. “Do you care if those clothes get dirty?”

“A little- I like these shorts.”

“then you should take them off.” your heart thuds as jimin leans over you, tugging on the strap of your Tanktop with his teeth, lips pressed to the bare skin of your shoulder, dragging them down. He plays at being sexy but decides not to be, settling for leaning his cheek on your shoulder and watching you. 

“I had kind of this stupid idea, if you don’t want to do it just say so. This is every shade of pink that we ever painted the house. Tae’s favorite color is pink- and the canvas- i thought it might be nice to have like- some art in her library room- that’s what I meant about making it planned.”

“Are you saying you want to make sex art or something?” Jimin blushes yet again. You should be keeping track of how many times he has and use them for leverage. 

“You know gift giving is like, my second love language if that bullshit is to be believed and-”

“-Oh my god you actually do want to make sex art.”

Coming Saturday May 6th at 5pm EST (Time Zone Adjustments Below)

#min yoongi fic #kim namjoon fic #kim seokjin fic #kim taehyung fic #park jimin fic #jeon jungkook fic #jjk #pjm #myg #knj #kth #ksj #jhs #jung hoseok fic #bts omegaverse au #bts a/b/o #bts x reader #bts poly au #bts gang au #bts mafia au #bts polyamory au #bts au #bts fluff #bts hurt/comfort #bts werewolf au #bts angst bts omegaverse fic #bts hybrid fic #min yoongi x reader #kim namjoon x reader #kim seokjin x reader

[httpknjoon]

eagle-eyed | ksj

plot | That time Jin saw you arriving on set with someone else.

word count | 805

genres | fluff(?)

pairing | actor!jin x famous!reader

note | my first drabble about them in their pre-relationship era! this one's short but enjoy reading!

main masterlist | the a-listers: confidential masterlist

It was around the first week of your filming for your second movie together, Lonely People.

Jin was just having a small chat with one of the crew guys from the sound department when he noticed an unfamiliar car arriving at the set. It’s not like he knows every vehicle in the set but this one caught his eye. It’s one of Bentley’s latest releases. So, whoever it is in that car does have a thick pocket. But he could not tell who it was. The glasses were tinted very dark.

Additionally, it was a very early call time, before four in the morning to be exact. The skies were still in deep shade of blue.  The scene he is about to shoot with you includes a beautiful sunrise, that’s why.

When the car stopped in one of the less crowded spaces, a bit distant from where was Jin standing. he was surprised to see you got off the passenger side of the car. You were wearing a loose white button-up shirt, tucked in your high-waist jeans. Your hair was tied in a messy bun, which is fine since you still have to go in the makeup chair before getting in front of the camera.

He watched your back leaning in inside the car once again, as if talking to the mystery driver, before closing the door. Even though it’s a little dim, Jin catches a small glimpse of the driver. With a medium-sized coffee in hand and a shoulder bag on the other, you walked in the direction of the parked trailer. Jin said goodbye to the crew member he was talking with before following behind you. 

“Hey, bub.” he greeted you.

“Oh, hello, Jinnie. Good morning.” Turning around, you smiled before leaning in to give him a friendly cheek kiss.

He didn’t mean to be weird. But that short interaction gave him a small sniff of a strong scent in your hair. It was familiar and he could tell that it was men’s shampoo. He tried to shake off any thoughts bubbling in his mind. Instead, he asked,

“Where’s Hailey?”

“She’s coming. We came with different cars, a friend drove me here,” you replied while typing in your phone before sipping in your coffee.

Jin reiterated, “A friend?”

His strange tone made you turn around to look at him. You stared at his face like you were studying his expression. He simply grinned.

“Yes, Jinnie. A friend,” you repeated, squinting, before walking again.

Jin continues to follow behind you until you stop in front of your trailer. He spoke again, “Well, your friend looks like the popular Kim Taehyung.”

Kim Taehyung is another well-known name in the industry. He is one of Hollywood’s favorite heartthrobs. Other than his works, he is also popular in gossip magazines with his ever-changing dating rumors. He is often captured by paparazzi hanging out with various actresses and personalities. His rumors often paint him as a womanizer.

As if the name was something illegal, you immediately looked around before pulling Jin, by his shirt, inside your trailer. You locked the door and eyed him.

You sighed, “Okay, it’s him. We’ve been seeing each other for like weeks now.”

Jin never knew how hard it was not to slump his shoulder until now. He didn’t want to look like he was disappointed or jealous because he wasn’t. He wasn’t. He. Wasn’t. 

“And I really like him. He seems very nice and sweet too. Plus, we are enjoying the company of each other. But it would really suck if the media gets their hands on us. So, I’m begging you, Kim Seokjin. Please, don’t tell anyone about this.”

Pleading, you looked at him.

And your eyes. Your eyes were doing those things on him. Again. Every time you look at him, he always sees those sparkles that he cannot see with anyone else. It does things in him that usually include a million butterflies playing around in his stomach. 

Feeling something stuck in his throat, he cleared his throat. The anxiety is written all over your face and he can understand why. Dating is hard in Hollywood. Privacy doesn’t exist for everyone here. But if you manage to keep a relationship secret, it can be really nerve-wracking to maintain it. And you saying this to him meant that you truly trust him. So, Jin exhaled through his nose. He raised his hand and acted to zip his mouth before throwing the imaginary key away.

He spoke, “I saw nothing, bub. What are you saying?”

Your expression relaxed while the corner of your lips turned upward. You wrapped your arms around his waist,

“Thank you so much, Jin. I appreciate it. A lot.”

“No problem, bub.” Jin hugged you back as he whispered, hoping it would hide whatever he was feeling.

THE A-LISTERS: CONFIDENTIAL TAGLIST

@xiumo @joonsbvtch @firesighgirl @qualityjoonie @txtlyn @yoontaethings @zwiehe

PERMANENT TAGLIST

@dunixxd @cixrosie @jksjx @embrace-themagic @buttvi @starbtslove @missseoulite @vanntaesworld @kenqki @imajinthis @stopeatread @seolaquotes @greyrain23 @chimchimmarie @petalsofink @jayhope88 @moonchild1 @laylasbunbunny @nikkiordonez12 @misshale21

#jin x reader #jin fluff #bts jin #jin fic #jin au #seokjin x reader #seokjin fanfiction #seokjin fluff #bts fluff #bts x reader #bts imagine #bts series #the a listers ksj #the a listers: universe lol

[here4kpopfics]

Moaning On Stream

Pairing: Gamer!Seokjin x reader

Genre: smut, humor, a literal dash of fluff

AU: Established Relationship. 

Wordcount: 2,330

Summary: You just want to sleep in a little bit longer, but your boyfriend has decided to play a frustratingly difficult game on stream. However, his frustration sounds a lot similar to something else... 

Warnings: Language. Oral (M receiving). Is gagging a warning? Allusions to oral (f. receiving) and other sexual acts.

Rating: M / 18+

AN: We all saw it. We all heard it. Why Jin decided to play a frustratingly difficult game on vlive while giving us a very good idea of how he sounds in bed is beyond me. But I am forever thankful for him doing it. Thank you to the beautiful @btsgotjams27​ for beta-reading my quick moment of weakness. Sorry for the horrific last minute header. Just needed to include that face.

and as usual, please leave feedback. Either with a reblog or send me an ask. It’s greatly appreciated. 💜

Masterlist

You just want to sleep in a little bit longer. You had a long day yesterday, a great day actually, but a long day nonetheless. And all you want to do is sleep past nine in the morning, lounge around a bit with your boyfriend, and maybe have brunch later. After that, you can be a grown-up and focus on your responsibilities. 

But it’s eight am and you’re abruptly woken up by obnoxious screaming coming from the room over. You throw one of the firmer pillows at it, hoping your boyfriend would hear the light thump and take it as a warning. But the pillow barely hits. You roll onto your stomach, shoving your pillow over your head, and let your anger out into the mattress. 

You grab your phone to make sure he’s actually streaming before busting in there half-naked to yell at him. He is, which means you have to wait to unleash violence. You let the stream play, watching him play the game you showed him yesterday. He’s not good at it, hence the yelling. He’s trying to form actual sentences and have a real conversation with his audience, but every time, his sentences are interrupted by him chanting “hup hup hup” among other phrases. The problem comes when he’s almost at the top of an area and he moans. Fully moans on stream. And suddenly you’re wide awake and no longer angry. What on earth is he doing moaning on his stream?!

You give it another twenty minutes until he screams at the top of his lungs again, moaning out “stop stop stop, please stop,” as his character falls to the very beginning of the game. You throw the blankets off your body and bring your phone with you as you stomp off to his office, quietly opening the door so the mic doesn’t pick up any clue that he’s not alone. While you’re trying to be subtle about your entry, Jin couldn’t be more obvious as his head lifts to meet your eyes, a little panicked. He turns back to the game, actively not swinging the hammer correctly so his character falls again, and he gets up in feigned anger, muting the stream as he leaves the camera frame. 

“Jagi, what are you doing here? I’m streaming.” He lightly gestures to his desk as if you were an oblivious fool. 

“I was sleeping. Because it’s eight in the morning.” Your eyes narrow at him. “And I’m well aware of you streaming in your pajamas and moaning on stream, Jin.” 

“I’m not moaning!”

“Yes, you are. You’ve been doing it for half an hour.”

“I didn’t moan though? I’m just angry, this game is hard.”

You roll your eyes “Which is why I told you you shouldn’t play it.” You move to sit on the couch in his office that’s off camera. You bring his stream back up on your phone, silencing it. “Moan again, and watch what happens.” You send him a threatening glare and he moves back to his desk, confused. 

He resumes the stream saying he just needed to “walk off the frustration so I don’t swear on stream”. You roll your eyes, you know his fanbase would lose their minds if he said any bad words. But he made the decision to be “family-friendly” and you were about to test how family-friendly he could be as soon as he moans again in 

3…

2…

1…

“Ooohhhh! Why why why why?! Wha ahhhhhhhh,” He screams, spewing various words of frustration at mach 7. You roll your eyes. That’s literally how you sound when you come. You argue with Jin in your mind. You noticed the delay between real-time and the stream time is only like two or three seconds. You get up, sighing and ignoring Jin’s glance at you as you stand behind his camera, phone still in hand. You finally lift your eyes to meet his wide eyes and smirk as you drop down to your hands and knees, crawling underneath his desk. He knows what’s about to happen and instinctively scoots his chair forward, and brings it down a little so nothing can be seen on camera. 

You sit on your knees and shins, feet tucked under your ass that’s only protected by your boyfriend’s boxer briefs that you stole. You wait for him to resume his stream, setting your phone down on the floor next to you so you can see him on stream, talking with his viewers and trying to get through the game, waiting for him to fail. As you wait, you slowly run your hands up his legs and back down, every time you go up, you get closer to his thighs. Once you finally reach the meatiest part of them, he quickly spreads his legs for you. He shifts in his seat as if he’s asking you to get on with it. You respond by digging your nails into his thighs through his pajama pants. He groans, forcing his character down the hill again at the same time to cover up what was really happening. 

The second you hear him start to chant about the game again, and you see his character begin to fall, and this time because he actually fucked up, your hand reaches forward and palms him roughly. He lets out a moan between his angry chants and you have to resist the urge to laugh because it’s the same fucking noise he made earlier. You’re literally letting the world know what you sound like when we fuck. 

You resume your massaging of his bulge, watching for specific moments in his gameplay to really tease him by pressing harder or tugging gently. Once you feel him growing beneath the layers of clothing, you decide to go a little easier, tapping his hip to signal to him he needs to remove his pants and underwear. He looks over at his other monitor and turns off his camera and mutes his mic. He waits until his stream just shows his gameplay footage and he sees his viewers spamming F in the chat. Once it’s confirmed the camera is off, he quickly backs up the chair so he can lift his hips for you to tug both his pants and underwear down to his ankles. 

“You’re going to get me in trouble, jagi,” he quickly whispers angrily at you, but you don’t care. 

You shrug up at him. “Then don’t moan again. Don’t make a sound except for talking to your chat. Should be easy.” He gawks at you, unsure if he should put a stop to this. But he’s already hard and your mouth is heaven. You lightly tap his leg, “I think your viewers are starting to leave though. Should get back to it, babe.” 

He springs forward, scooting his chair back into position under the desk and turning his camera and mic back on, making sure to turn the mic sensitivity down as well so it doesn’t catch too much noise.

“Oh, sorry sorry. I don’t know what happened there. The webcam went down and then the mic. Weird stuff. Seems to be working again now, so let’s get back to it.” He trails off, getting back into streamer mode but keeping in the back of his mind that at any moment you’re going to torture him. 

You only have so much patience when it comes to teasing Jin and when it comes to wanting to satisfy him at every moment possible. So you wait only two minutes until you see him get close to the highest part of the game he had gotten to previously. That’s when you decide you can’t wait anymore and gently wrap your hand around the base of his cock. You felt it twitch as well as his entire body do a small jolt. You wait for him to resume, and when he does you slowly twist your hand up his perfect but still growing length, pressing your thumb against his tip. 

For the most part, the man you love and love to tease is doing just fine. Actually, he’s doing better at the game because he’s putting all his focus into it and not on your hand’s actions. That won’t do. You pull yourself up enough that your head is a little squished between the chair, his thighs, and the desk above you. But it’s the perfect amount of room to form enough spit, lay your tongue flat against his base, and lick straight up, ending with the tip of your tongue kitten licking his tip. 

That’s when you know you’re winning. A small, very faint, groan escapes Jin. He tries to pass it off as being frustrated by the mouse not being at the right sensitivity settings for it. You smile, bringing your hand down to massage his balls as you wrap your mouth around his tip, lightly sucking, licking up the precum that is slowly leaking out. You can hear his breathing get a little harder and since the game only requires the mouse and nothing more, his free hand reaches on the table to twist into your hair with his fingers, gripping and slightly pushing your head down. 

You go with his ask, easing your head down to try to take as much of him down your throat. His hips jerk up accidentally, causing his cock to hit the back of your throat which causes you to gag and pull off him only a little as your head hits the underside of the desk. You desperately try to keep quiet and suffer in silence while he prattles on about accidentally hitting his knee. He tries to casually hand you his water bottle, but you push it away, swallowing one last time before getting back to it. You relax your throat enough that you can bring him past your gag reflex and your nose is pressed against his pelvis. 

His free hand returns to your hair, a more gentle hold on it as he’s using it more as a precautionary tactic to prevent you from hitting your head again. His grip tightens only slightly when you start to swallow, your throat clenching around the tip and quietly gagging around him. His cock twitches slightly and you know he’s close so you almost pull off him all the way, leaving your mouth open to allow your saliva and his precum to drip down his cock, balls, and slide down to his chair. Giving yourself a second to breathe, you grip both of his thighs, getting into a better position on your knees before you begin bobbing your head up and down, using Jin’s hand as a guide of how high up you can go without making too much noise. 

Jin, however, is making plenty of noise. Which should concern you. Why is he moaning loudly, whispering things like “Jagi -ah. Ah- just…just like that. Fuck.” on his stream? Again, you should be concerned. But your desire to please your boyfriend outweighs any rational thinking sometimes so you go for deeper bobs, hesitating at the base to swallow around him. 

“Jagi, please. I’m going to come. Where? Where?” Instead of responding, you cease the bobbing and wrap your lips around him, sucking like your life depends on it until he lets out a loud high pitched moan like you heard earlier immediately followed by his cock pulsing in your mouth, shooting spurts of his hot white cream down your throat. You swallow immediately, not wanting a single drop to go to waste, and clean him up with your tongue. It’s only once you feel he’s cleaned up that you realize he was a moaning mess on stream. You look at your phone to see This Stream Has Ended. You crawl out from under the desk, glancing up at his computer to confirm that he did, in fact, end the stream at some point.

“Ya! That wasn’t part of the deal!” You yell from the floor, smacking his thigh. 

“I wasn’t going to make it! I admitted defeat! I had to end it before we became one of those couples that make porn together!” He shouts back, rubbing over where you just smacked. 

You stay seated on the ground, arms crossed, and pouting. That is until you realize he said he admitted defeat. “So you’re saying you lost? You’re a loser?” you quirk an eyebrow up at him. 

He slowly nods, “Yeah…I guess so?”

“Great! You owe me for not being quiet and you owe me for not following through with the deal!” You jump up excitedly, grabbing his hand and pulling him off his chair that’s a little sticky now. But that’s a later problem. You make him step out of his pants as you lead him out of the room.

You drag him back to your bedroom, kissing him with everything you’ve got until he pulls away. “Wait wait wait. What are we doing? What do I owe you?” he slightly panics as you unbutton his pajama shirt and push him back on the bed, urging him to slide farther up as you remove your underwear. 

“First, for failing to not make a noise, I’m going to sit on your face and you’re going to make me come twice.” You announce with a big smile, crawling on top of him and straddling his chest. “Then, you’re going to make me a delicious brunch because I’m starving after sucking your dick. Sound good and fair, loser?” You lean forward, squishing his cheeks in one hand and giving his big pouty lips a light kiss. He nods. “No, babe. You need to say it. You lost.”

“I lost, you won. Two orgasms and brunch, coming up.” You both laugh, lips pressing back together one more time before you move to line your hips up to his face. His big hands are holding onto your thighs as you lower yourself down to him, grinning. 

“Get to work, baby.”

Again, feedback is always appreciated 💜

#btshoneyhive #bangtaninn #Kelly writes #fic: Moaning on Stream #seokjin x reader #jin x reader #Kim seokjin #x reader #Seokjin x f!reader #Jin x f!reader #ksj x reader #bts ksj #Seokjin smut #Seokjin drabble #Seokjin fic #Seokjin oneshot #jin smut #jin drabble #jin fic #jin oneshot #ksj fic #bts drabble #gamer!jin #gamer!seokjin #seokjin imagine

[miscelunaaa]

flurious | ksj

pairing: seokjin x female reader

genre: college au ig. slice of life?? really I have no idea tbh

summary: it's fine, you're not mad at your best friend at all! in fact!! you're so fine that you're going to work off some steam just to prove how fine you are!!

rating: T for too much swearing

word count: 3k

warnings: Based On Real Events™️ (at least in part). Reader can’t ice skate. Lots of swearing. Reader is a stubborn piece of shit (affectionate). Himbecile Namjoon (derogatory). Unrequited crushes if you squint. Very cold winter environments. Small college vibes. Lots of talk about falling on one’s butt and bruises and common impact injuries associated with learning how to do coordinated things like ice skating for the first time; reader’s a tough nugget, she’s doing great. She might also have a slight pain kink oops. Vague prejudice against tenors I’m sorry. Crack if you squint. Angst if you squint. The only thing fluffy about this fic is Jin’s coat tbh, it’s intended to be more of a slice of life than anything else.

notes: Hi. It's missing Seokjin hours in the emothy household so have a short oneshot that I started months ago and randomly finished last night when I couldn't sleep. This really is actually based on a real experience I had, but that's all I'm going to say about the matter alksjhfalsjkdh

For once, I’m not feeling super long winded, so we’re going to leave it at that! Enjoy <3

my masterlist | my disclaimers | read on ao3

The student union is vacant when you walk into its warm, welcoming arms. It’s perfect. No one can judge you for what you’re about to attempt and that’s exactly what you want.

“I’d like to rent a pair of skates please,” you ask the student worker at the desk. 

She blearily looks up from a thick textbook and asks for your shoe size before standing to fetch them from the equipment closet. In return for the skates, you leave your student I.D. The entire exchange takes mere seconds. You haven’t even regained the warmth in your nose before you’re stepping back out into the cold night and stomping off to the shabby, makeshift ice rink on the quad. 

It’s a clear evening. The stars flicker coldly above, making the eerie yellow light of the campus’s many lamp posts seem warm in comparison. It’s a Saturday evening; no one’s wandering around the tiny college at this strangely late hour, not with a foot of snow pack on the ground, so there’s no one around to watch you angrily try to teach yourself to ice skate. 

Anger comes naturally to you. It’s easy, if not outright comfortable, for you to just sit and stew in the emotion. Yet still it’s all to your detriment, making you feel frazzled and out of control. Times like this call for full body distractions, and what’s better than teaching yourself something you’ve literally never done before?

Falling on your ass is the perfect distraction from your asshole best friend’s bullshit right now. It’s fucking perfect and nothing is stopping you from doing this, least of all him. After all, he’s the one who came back from winter break with a fancy new hair cut and now allll the girls are like “uwu Joonie you look so nice without the perm.” While he’s getting all that attention there’s nothing to stop you from sneaking away, because why on earth would he pay attention to you, his fucking best friend, when he could be paying attention to girls far cuter than you even if they’d thought he was gross when he had the perm? God he’s so fucking stupid. 

It doesn’t bother you at all. You don’t really see the difference anyway. He’s still a total freak even without the perm so you don’t really get the hype. It’ll take five minutes for the fawning to cease because in that time he’ll open his big dumb mouth and anyone with two brain cells to rub together will see how much of a dweeb he still is. Even so, the people continue to come in flocks and crowd you out. There’s alway someone new who wants to look at the newly pretty boy. 

Fuck ... being ignored like that (to your face!!) fucking hurts. Anger is always preferable to the sting of being ignored. The anger means that you’re at least trying to be productive, even as you hide yourself away from the world. The cold is as good a shield as any. 

You sit on the rickety edge of the rink and kick off your boots. Carefully, you pull on each skate and lace them up tight, making sure that your ankles have no room to roll. You find yourself swearing angrily as your gloved hands struggle with the laces, but your anger bolsters your persistence. Nothing can take you down from this high, not even the threat of absolutely biffing it like you know you’re going to.

It takes a moment to talk yourself into standing once you’ve set the blades to the ice. “Just stand to start” is what you tell yourself. After a few moments, and a flash or two of dimples in your mind’s eye, you get yourself to stand. 

With arms flailing, you stay upright for a good ten seconds. Your fatal flaw, however, is hubris. In your hubris you thought you could take a tentative step forward. 

As it turns out, ice can smell fear and has an impact play kink. 

You stare up at the sky for a moment after your first fall. Your ass hurts and will probably ache like a bitch tomorrow, but honestly you’re kind of a masochist; you’re not not into this. Why else would you be in this situation, so angry with your annoyingly cute freak of a best friend that you can hardly function? You knew he was handsome underneath the questionable aesthetic choices, and you knew he was dumb enough that he’d start ignoring you to talk to people he was more romantically interested in as soon as he fixed his appearance. You always knew this would happen, and yet you invested time in him anyway. You always rate last; experiencing this pain was only a matter of time. 

And yet, the seconds tick by. You steel yourself and carefully stand, avoiding a second slip, but only just. You narrow your eyes at your goal: the rink wall opposite of where you started. You’re going to fucking do this, falls be damned. It’s like ten yards. You can totally do this. You’re going to make this stupid ice your bitch.

Eight seconds later, you’re on your ass again. But hey, you made it a few feet forward. Progress is still progress in spite of accrued costs.

And so you stand again. You try doing that pushing thing with the blade of the skate, but something in your body doesn’t expect to move, so you wobble unsteadily for a moment. A breath, and then another push, more gently this time. Ah, you’re doing it! Yet another push and—

Well ... At least the stars make good company. Your elbow hurts this time; you must’ve whacked it in the fall. Feels like it’ll bruise but that’s just the cost of doing business with this rink and your own stupidity. You carefully scramble up, and try again. 

When you finally make it to the other side of the rink, you’re so excited that you trip into the little wall. At least you can catch yourself with your hands this way. And hey, moving to a sitting position isn’t so hard! The cold soothes your achey butt as you let yourself relax for a moment. 

Maybe this was a stupid idea. You can feel the high of white hot rage beginning to cool. You’re not sure if it’s the pain or the exertion. Maybe it’s time to pack up and return the skates. It’s getting late after all, you probably need to at least try to sleep. 

You’re so mired in your thoughts that you almost miss the backlit figure appear, exiting the student union. Whoever it is is wearing a big puffy coat, and they have something odd looking in their hands. After a moment you realize, heat crawling up your neck, that the item in their hands is a pair of skates, and they’re walking across the quad to the rink.

You stand quickly, albeit unsteadily, as if to show that the rink is occupied, but alas, they seem undeterred. Shit. The only thing that could make this worse is if you were to suddenly loose your balance.

Lo and behold, fate has a sense of humor, and you do just that before you can think to do anything else.

You grimace as you sit up. You weren’t expecting an audience for this. As the figure approaches, you see that it’s one of the guys who works the student union’s cafe some evenings. He’s always seemed nice enough and ugh, he’s cute too. He’s got these broad shoulders that your friends love to stare at while they wait for their drinks to be made. Definitely not the audience you’d prefer if you must have one. As you scramble back upright, he sits at the edge of the rink and starts to unlace his boots. 

“Hello,” he says quietly, glancing up as he pulls on a skate. His voice is low, with a rich timbre you didn’t expect. He sounds like he might be a tenor. You hate tenors. You hate musicians. Namjoon’s a musician too, the bastard.

“Hi,” you reply flatly, trying not to grit your teeth in frustration. You don’t even look at him when he looks at you; you don’t need his approval, and looking at him will just make you shy. You don’t have time for that shit, damn it. With care, you try to push forward again, before stopping, arms flailing. You only just manage to preserve your balance and straighten up so you can try again.

The intruder watches you warily as he starts to pull on his rented skates. You can feel the press of his curiosity on the back of your neck and you don’t know how to politely ask for him to simply not.

You’re pretty sure you see him flinch when your skates suddenly, but inevitably, slip out from beneath you, leaving you sprawled out on your ass, the ice beneath cold yet soothing for your bruised buttocks. And yet, he says nothing as he pushes off from the side of the rink, gracefully no less. He says nothing as you pull yourself up again, only to fall again as well, just as you were finding your balance. You take a deep breath, fog slowly coming from your lips as you let it out. Once you’re to your feet again, and without falling this time, you can’t help but let yourself smile, just a little, just to yourself. 

Giving up whomst? You could never. 

For a moment, you just stand on the ice, breathing and letting yourself feel the skates wrapped around your feet and ankles. Just a small push now. Can’t let this rando see you sweat now, can you?

The stranger watches, his handsome face blank but for curious eyes, as you make it a whole fifteen seconds before slipping and falling again, this time onto a knee and your hands. Out of the corner of your eye, you watch him grimace as you look at your hands and dust them of with a huffed little “fuck.”

He’s literally skating circles around you. It’s fucking obnoxious, but damn it, you want to be able to skate like that too. So you stand up again, and vicious cycle begins anew.

“You okay?” the stranger suddenly asks. It startles you, the wobble almost sending you to the ice with a crack yet again. 

“I’m fine.” Your tone is clipped with frustration. You sure as shit don’t sound fine.

He drifts across your field of vision, going fucking backwards on his skates. It’s like it’s nothing! Fucking show off. What a fucking d—

Alright. That fall kind of hurt for real. Your poor elbows. They might be having a worse time than your knees. Did you just knock the wind out of yourself with that one?

His words come from a little closer this time. “Are you sure you’re—“

“—I’m fucking fine.”

You didn’t mean to snap. You really didn’t. Everything was fine until this dude just joined you out here out of the blue with his stupid face and his stupid talent and—

“You’re really scrappy, you know that right?”

You glare at him as you push yourself back to your feet. His plush mouth splits into a heart-rending smile. Fuck, he’s cute. Bitch, do not do this to yourself.

He keeps talking as you struggle aright. “I mean it. I’ve never watched someone keep falling like that just to get up and try again.”

You’re not even sure what to say to that. You’re glad you’ve got the built in focus of trying to do something out of your comfort zone and skill set, so an immediate reply isn’t expected. But you do have to say something in reply eventually. The comment was just ... kind of unexpected. And honestly, you think he meant it well, and it’s hard not to let the pride push a smile to your face. You fight it, of course, because you’re supposed to be angry, not pleased.

“I’m too stubborn for my own good,” you finally grit out. “But thank you.” Ah, that was good. Keep that shit up, and maybe he won’t think you’re a total freak by the time one or the other of you leaves. 

“There are worse things to be.” His smile is warm enough to melt the ice beneath the blades of your skates. Cold? What cold? You feel nothing but blistering heat creeping up your neck. You’re not used to this kind of attention from anyone, if you’re being honest, let alone cute barista boys in puffy coats. “Tenacity isn’t a bad thing.”

“The bruises on my ass say otherwise.”

When he laughs, it’s low in his chest, velvety like the milk he steams for the cute folks that come to him for lattes and London fogs. You’d be swept away by his charms completely as well if you weren’t too busy being swept off your feet by your own stupidity. 

You hardly feel the thump when you hit the hard surface of the ice this time. You’re not sure if it’s because you’re cold or if it’s just you’re used to falling now. The numbness of either is the same after a certain point; that’s the point of numbness, after all.

For a moment, you stare at the sky. It gives you a moment to catch your breath. Watching the stars twinkle and flicker as if they’re laughing at something reminds you that, right, you’re not alone out here on the ice. You hope the stars aren’t laughing at your shitty attempts to flirt with this stranger. 

When you pull yourself up to sit, you see that the cute stranger is carefully skating backwards, his head turned and tilted so he can see where he’s going. Good lord, he’s handsome, even like this. In the grimy street lamp light, you can see that his face has been kissed by the cold, but it doesn’t do much to make him look less attractive. The focus on his face makes it almost look suggestive as he bites down on his plush lip. For a moment, you allow yourself to watch, thankful that he’s not looking at you.

When he glances at you, still sitting on the ice with your legs spread haphazardly, your eyes meet his. He smiles at you. Suddenly, the air leaves your lungs as if you’ve fallen again, the wind knocked from them like you’ve taken a blow. And then as soon as it happens, it stops, for one moment he was smiling at you, and the next he was sprawled on the ice with a thud and the smallest, cutest “fuck” you’ve ever heard in your life.

The look of surprise on his face is so aghast that you can’t help but laugh. 

“I’m so—“ wheeze “—s-sorry, I shouldn’t—“ fuck, that’s hilarious “—laugh b-but the look on your f-face!” 

The shock fades, only to be replaced by a pout that cracks at the edges as he tries not to laugh with you. 

You start to push yourself forward him, half crawling, half crab-walking. Soon the pout breaks into a smile as you sit beside him and poke his cheek with a gloved finger. Where on earth did that fucking come from?? You’re poking strangers now?? 

“How does it feel to be a mere mortal?” you ask. Maybe the question will distract from the ... random face poking? Maybe the cold really is getting to you. 

“Never said I was good at skating,” he says, still smiling at you. “Though I can’t say I feel like getting up and trying again after that.”

You scoff. “You’re giving up too easily. What’s the opposite of tenacious?” 

“Cold.”

“That’s fair. I’m not even sure if I can feel my ass at this point.”

He laughs, and the deep sound seems to rumble in his chest, just like it had when you’d first heard it. But then he does the unexpected, and holds out a hand to you. “I’m Seokjin, by the way.”

You shake his hand and introduce yourself in kind. “You work at the cafe right?”

“Yeah. It gets hot back there, I like doing something in the cold after a shift if I can.”

You nod. “I get it. I’m out here because a friend pissed me off and I needed to work through it.”

“Can’t kick their ass so you’re letting the ice kick your ass instead?”

Not even the heat of embarrassment can heat up your cold cheeks at this point. He’s read you like a book. You’re poking strangers, and he’s reading you like he probably reads his homework. 

“Alright, it’s getting really fucking cold out here,” Seokjin suddenly says. He pulls himself towards the nearest sideboard and sits on top of it. “I’m calling it a night.”

You don’t expect his expectant look. “What?”

“You’ve been out here longer than me. Can you even feel your fingers at this point?”

“Um.” There’s some small part of you that doesn’t want this to end, but lying about it feels futile when you know he’s going to see right through it. “No.”

“I think it might be a good idea for you to head in too ...” he says, and then: “I could sneak back into the cafe for some hot water. Want to have some tea to warm up? Maybe you could talk about this friend who pissed you off.”

It’s late, if you’re being honest. You should probably go home and lick your wounds. But as you pull yourself up onto the sideboard with Seokjin, you decide that staying out might be worth it. Staying out in the first place is what got you on the ice. Staying out kept you here, which in turn meant you got to meet Seokjin. Staying out meant you got to talk and have this moment. It’s a relief to just be able to talk, rather than fight for someone’s attention.

What’s another few minutes?

“Sure, I’d like that.”

Thank you for reading! Drop me an ask and tell me what you think. Find me in various places at my carrd :)

©miscelunaaa 2022. My work is only found on this blog and under my ao3 pseud. Do not, under any circumstances, copy or repost my work. Thank you.

posted: 12.6.2022

#bts fic #bts fanfic #kim seokjin fic #ksj x reader #ksj x female reader #seokjin fanfic #seokjin x reader #seokjin fanfiction #seokjin x f reader #seokjin x female reader

[kiestrokes]

goodsoop's couch and ramen recs: BTS

🗝️note: oh look, it's the list I started before manic deactivating back in march. rip to my og rec tag and all those lovely fics. Sadly, this is only new fics from my tbr and not my full collection 🥲 BUT this is for the fluff, slice of life and sfw readers! personally for the acespec babes who sometimes get icked out by smut.

SEOKJIN

my plus one by @btsgotjams27 🍜This is kicking the blankets, cuddled up on the couch, eating snacks with your girlfriends watching a new elite romcom worthy. I love this Jin so very much.

the one with seokjin, soju, and all the stars in the sky by @eoieopda 🍜 "Sojin has entered the chat," - when I tell you I screamed in laughter at this cuteness. You really nailed how a Sagittarius remembers the little things too.

YOONGI

the one with yoongi, netflix and zero chill by @eoieopda 🍜 “cum over?” - JADE 😂 omg, why is the embodiment of every casual relationship I have been in. The way that I felt every awkward and soft moment, deep in the crevice of my bones.

Just Between Us by @herecomesjoon 🍜 “I figured he would be safe with the bookshelf.” - Saturn nooo! You should have seen my look of alarm. We cannot trust Joon to build anything. The gathering of little moments in this is my favorite thing ever!

HOSEOK

And on the seventh day... by @moni-logues 🍜 it’s giving lazy Sundays, cuddled up with our own personal sunshine.

We'll Never Have Sex by @eoieopda 🍜 You were already melting into a puddle under that sunshine in his eyes - how this entire fic and your writing made me feel.

NAMJOON

Hungry (For Your Love) by @minisugakoobies 🍜The way that this gives me reversed Spike x Buffy roles, the setting immediately putting me in Sunnydale and with Namjoon of all people 🫠

just like riding a bike by @effortandmore 🍜 Listen...this is like walking through an OST music video, so colorful and whimsical.

JIMIN

pork belly by @yoongiphoria 🍜I love love love this, it's so realistic and Jimin's personality traits were captured beautifully. Have thought about this many times while I was away.

adonis by @xjoonchildx 🍜 if you love Ana’s provocative humor this is a must read, obviously I came for Jimin but I stayed for Mrs. Yun.

TAEHYUNG

Swoon by @minisugakoobies 🍜I'm pretty sure I blacked out after that description of THE Park Jimin dressed as Harley Quinn, and my jaw on the desk at Tony Stark JJK. Please this is every army x comic nerds wet dream.

Maybe by @leviackermanscleaningbuddy 🍜 Elite F2L, unrealized mutual pining and a little angsty, just how I like it.

JUNGKOOK

T-Shirt by @still-with-koo

🍜 “You trying to make me throw up or something?” - LO I laughed so hard at this that my eyes hurt from them crinkling. Oh, I adore this couple and their witty teasing.

#annotations #bts #bts fanfiction #bts fanfic #bts imagines #bts fic #bts fic rec #bts ff recs #bts ffs #skz fanfiction #ksj #myg #jhs #knj #pjm #kth #jjk #sfw #fluff recs #fluff #fluff fic #sfw recs