(un)loving miya atsumu
twelve.
you’re my sunflower.
You didn’t like zoos.
It’s not like you didn’t like animals, there were a whole lot of fascinating creatures that lurked and filled the earth. Coming in different shapes and sizes - some rule the land, some soar the skies, and some are masters of the ocean, they can even be as large as a mountain or as small as your fingernail. Truly, they are humble dwellers on the face of the earth. It’s just that humanity, since their evolution, has learned to dominate the land thanks to their superior intelligence.
Thus, animalia that once ruled the earth were now cut down while humanity increased.
Once they roamed free, now, they are caged and put on display for all of mankind to see. Isolated from the freedom forever.
Hence, why you didn’t like zoos.
Watching animals on display, not being able to run wild and free just didn’t sit right with you.
“Wah!!!! Look, look, look at it, (Y/N)!” Atsumu held on to the railing, leaning down to look at the nearing creature – it looked like a giraffe, but fluffier, lankier, almost floppy.
Sadly, it was mandatory – being a school event and all. It was your first school trip, since moving to Hyogo. It should be exciting if it weren’t for helpless animals put on display.
“It looks like a giraffe and a sheep had a baby,” Osamu said, nearly voicing out your thoughts.
Laughing into your muffler, you eyed the approaching creature warily. “It’s an alpaca.”
“Oh!!!!” Atsumu was shaking with excitement, hand reaching out to touch it.
Very speedily – almost a quick reflex, you pulled Atsumu back at the creature spat, its slimy spit landing just inches from Atsumu’s feet.
“HEY! WHAT THE HECK!”
“Careful, they spit.” You warn, letting him go cautiously. Osamu laughs behind you.
“Ha, not even they like you,”
“’SAMU, SHUT UP!”
A caretaker, who was guiding the gentle creature, looked at the boy in shock, appalled by his language and tone. You had to bow in apology for Atsumu, prompting him to quiet as the three of you continued to roam the outside area of the zoo.
Passing the kangaroo farm, just across it was the penguin walk, where you could hear your schoolmates cooing at the sight of waddling flightless birds.
A collective gasp once the birds appeared, followed by cooing of the girls, some of the boys were clapping their hands to get their attention. Sure, they were cute. But not even that could ease your unease.
“Are you okay, (Y/N)?” Osamu turns to you, seemingly having enough of flightless birds.
“Yeah,” Atsumu rounds you, honey-brown eyes watching. “you barely said a thing since we came here!”
Feeling bad about your lack of response, you could only bow your head in shame. Muttering an apology under your breath, nose digging into your muffler. Cold winds blew in, winter must be approaching.
“Are you hungry?” Osamu asks.
“Do you want to take a dump?” Atsumu asks next.
Shaking your head, head still hung low. They both glance at each other, then to you.
Fiddling with your gloved hands, you wondered if the twins would leave you then and there. Eyes staring down on the concrete ground, focusing on the material that came to view.
You shouldn't have come.
At first, there was a hand – two hands, holding your own. Then a tug.
Suddenly, you weren’t seeing animals on display, allowing yourself to be whisked away.
Veering northeast from where you were.
“Where are we-“
And then, there was a burst of color in different shapes and sizes.
Flowers.
Reading the sign, blinking, the twins brought you to the ‘Flower Garden’.
“Girls like flowers, right?” says Atsumu with a smile, Osamu smiling next to him.
Feeling a smile coming on, a gentle tugging at your heart, slowly you nodded.
“…zoos are just weird,” you say finally, walking down the path, the twins on each of your sides, matching your pace. It shouldn’t be hard, since you were inches taller than them.
“Weird how?” Osamu asks, nose wrinkling as he sniffs around.
Shrugging, you thought of your next words carefully. “Maybe I just don’t like the idea of animals in cages?”
“Well, that’s what zoos are for!” Atsumu says, almost helpfully.
“And that’s where the problem lies.” You point out, drinking in the many flowers, far as the eyes can see.
Walking along the pebbled path, several schoolmates were in the area, gushing and watching at the flowers in interest. There were even some adults, two teachers leaning towards each other, whispering and giggling. Atsumu wrinkled his nose at the sight, Osamu just walked on quietly.
Having rounded the Flower Garden, the three of you leave, your eyes looking around until your eyes fell on the bricked flowerbed by the exit. An array of flowers were on full display, but your eyes on a particular flower. Little pieces of the sun, sprouting brightly against the rest of the equally bright, blossoming, and elegantly arranged flowers. The little sun was peeking up, proud and tall.
Osamu was busy watching some butterfly while Atsumu turned to you, curiously following after your gaze.
Out of nowhere, a bark sounded off. From the corner of her eye - where you vaguely read a sign that said 'Dog Stage' a blur of white and a bright pink tongue came rushing your way.
Quickly, you hid behind the boys, holding on to Atsumu's shirt. Osamu turned to you in shock, then at the dog, a smile spreading across his face. "Hey, a dog!"
Laughing, the caretaker approached you three. "He's just excited to meet you lot!" Kneeling, he gently ruffles the dog's head. "Why don't you come say 'hi'?"
White in color with splotches of brown littering his face and body, the dog had an oddly-shaped head, almost shaped like an inverted egg, its triangular brown eyes were bright.
Furiously shaking your head, a yelp left your mouth when the dog broke away from Osamu, walking up to you. Despite its obvious friendliness, the dog was half your size. Seeing your fear, Atsumu puffs his chest, holding his guard against the sweet boy.
"Sorry mister," Looking down at the gentle creature, Atsumu then pats the dog. "doggy, but (Y/N)-chan here isn't up for it."
His reply was a bark, causing you to yelp again.
"Okay then, guess we'll have to go now." Pushing himself to stand, the caretaker whistles for the dog. "Come on, Bowser."
From behind Atsumu shoulder, still holding on to his shirt, you watched the dog happily wagging its tail as it walked behind its caretaker, leaving adoring glances from everyone on the path.
The two brothers exchanged glances.
"Well, looks like you don't want to meet our granny's dog, huh?"
When it was time to leave, everyone settled in the bus. With a total of four classes, two classes had to share a bus, meaning, to your luck, you and the twins sat together.
"Atsumu," you berate at the boy, rushing towards your seat. "where have you been?"
Osamu, who was sitting by the window, was forced out by Atsumu, who sat on top of him, wiggling until he moved in disgust.
"You'll see!" he grins ear to ear, excitedly clutching on to his backpack. Noting his dirtied nails, Osamu frowns and mutters something under his breath.
"Okay, everyone here?" Your teacher asked, his response was a chorus of 'yes'. Nodding, he turns to the driver, and the bus slowly careened off the road.
Once the bus was miles away, instantly, Atsumu perked up and turned to you. “(Y/N)-chan, I have something for you!”
Ducking down low, very carefully, he zipped open his bag, produced a paper bag, which was covered in dirt for some reason.
Bright yellow, as though the sun's rays solidified itself, came to view. The very sun shrank to the size of a child's hand, sprouting out from the same child's bag as though in greeting. Mouth parting, you stared at the flower before you.
“Ta-dah! I got you a sunflower!”
“’Tsumu," Osamu frowns, hating that he was in the middle. "that’s stealing, ya know.”
Swiping the underside of his nose, you saw dirt under his fingernails. “They’ll never know!” he says rather proudly. "And hey, (Y/N), did you know?" he scuttles closer, voice low. "When it rains, and the sun's gone, sunflowers face each other to harness each other's energy?" He puffs his chest out, all smug. "Pretty cool, huh?"
You took a moment to appreciate the tiny sun in his bag, that he got. For you. Registering Atsumu's words, it was kind of endearing, and he looked really proud of the information he shared.
However, "That's a misconception." You tell him, he guffaws, Osamu cackles between the both of you.
Fingering the smooth yellow petal, seeing the dirt cumulate in his bag, which will probably earn an earful from his mom, the fact that he did this for you was enough. Smiling, you tell him, “Thank you so much, Atsumu.”
(Atsumu swore, your smile rivaled the sunflower he got for you.)
Hiroshima was surprisingly calm.
Proclaimed early on as the 'City of Peace' postwar, the city was only fours hour away by bus, the prefecture was known majorly for being one of the first to suffer the nuclear attack from the first world war that devastated the island. And yet, it feels peaceful, calm.
Like all the years ago, those past sins, have all but wavered into the wind, forgiving the many generations to come.
A strange sense of calm washed over you, gazing at the structure before you, feeling for the victims - direct and indirect victims of the bombing. Even the very ground you stood on, was once covered in casualties unimaginable today, a traumatic experience impossible to dismiss. Truly, after the war comes peace. But that peace comes with sacrifice, bloodshed, and tears.
"(L/N)-san?" a voice calls, cutting you of your stupor. Turning, you met Kusakabe's kind face. "Are you okay? I've been calling your name for a while now."
Feeling your hand holding on to the itinerary plan, your other hand on the railing, hearing students murmur all around you brought you back - you were having a class excursion. In Hiroshima. For three days.
"Um," putting the booklet down, you gave a weak nod. "yes. Yes, I am. Sorry. I was just" you peek back at the monument. "awe, for lack of a better word."
He smiles, pushing his glasses back. "I understand what you mean. Coming to these monuments just makes you appreciate the history behind it."
You nod again, looking at the map - it would be a long walk, considering the park's grand area and the monuments you'll visit along the way.
"Anyway, I just came to inform you that we can roam around the park for an hour. Then we'll meet up by the parking area for lunch."
"I see. Thank you so much, Kusakabe."
He nods, smiling.
"Kusakabe!" from behind him, a group calls, waving.
Turning to you, Kusakabe asks. "And ow about you, (L/N)? Do you have a group?" the wind blows, you wrinkle your nose at the cold. "If you want, you can join us."
Before you could even reply, someone walks up to you - well, four someones that is.
"...That's why I told you, if we strike that bell hard enough, it could probably echo throughout the park!"
"Idiot, you want to ruin the sanctity of the bell? It's called 'Peace Park' for a reason!"
"Woah," Suna deadpans, eyes on his phone. "'sanctity', that's a big word, even for you, Osamu."
"Now, now, let's just enjoy the trip, yeah?" Ginjima, ever the peacemaker, tries to settle things, smiling apologetically when he meets your eyes.
Heaving a sigh, wearing a smile on, you gestured to the boys with an open hand. "As you can see, I have a group of my own."
Nodding at the trouble children, Kusakabe breathes a laugh. "I can see that. Well, I'll see you around, (L/N)."
Osamu asks, watching said boy meet up with his group. "Wasn't that the student council prez?"
"That is him."
The rest of the boys watch Kusakabe approach his group in joint interest, especially from the way they move - all good posture and all, neatly pressed uniform, not a hair out of place, all of them were pretty as a picture.
"Elites, huh?"
You rolled your eyes at Suna's words. "Just because Kusakabe and I belong in a college preparatory class does not mean we're elites."
"Well, your class does give off some sort of vibe," Ginjima explains helpfully.
That was a strange way of putting it, you thought. After all, you've been classmates with them all of three years, with the occasional new classmate last year. Other than that, it was just like any other class, filled with different personalities on different faces, except everyone in your class was outstanding students with equally outstanding grades.
Cold wind gushed, (h/c) strands of hair flying in your face.
"It's gotten cold, huh?"
"We're just a week off nationals and we're greeted by cold," Suna mutters.
"At least it's not hot anymore," Osamu grumbles, remembering the unforgiving summer that passed.
Busily working on your hair, your muffler ended up loosening to the sides in the process. Letting out a sigh, you undid your muffle, ready to fix it when large hands took the ends of your muffler.
"Not to mention the culture festival next month!" Atsumu gushes excitedly, making quick work on your muffler. Next month, being November. Time sure flies when you least expect it.
"Oi, 'Tsumu, step away from (Y/N)," says Osamu, walking towards you both. "you might end up choking her."
"Will not!" he yells, yet his hands carefully folding around your neck, tying in front. "I know how to fix a scarf, idiot!"
Wincing slightly at the volume of his voice, you suddenly found yourself unable to look away, frozen in your spot, watching Atsumu busy himself on fixing your muffler.
"On your own, maybe."
"U-Uh, guys...?" Ginjima fumbled, Suna just watching in veiled interest.
Doing some finishing touches, ever so gently looping and pulling the ends, Atsumu nods, clearly pleased, before he steps back to admire his finished work. "There, see!"
Osamu steps in, eyes on Atsumu's work, face neutral, eyes laughing. "Sloppy."
"HAH!?"
Glancing down at Atsumu's work, it was a bit sloppy, but it seemed to hold up just right.
"You should be ashamed, now (Y/N) will lose face."
"From a fucking scarf!?"
"You've ruined her, idiot."
"You're ruined!"
Exhaling, you just walk ahead letting them argue amongst themselves. Ginjima and Suna were quick to follow after you.
"Um, should we-"
"You've been with them for three years now, Ginjima. They'll be fine. They'll just follow after." Suna nods at your words, randomly taking photos of the area.
For the next few minutes, relative calm washed over your group walking along the path, watching ancient buildings. What's left of it, a skeletal piece with absent windows, floors, or life, covered in scars from years past. Each of the boys carefully regarding each monument in awed whispers.
Although, time to time, someone would comment about how creepy it was to be up close to it, then would be called disrespectful by someone. You'd only have to turn and then they'd be silenced. Every now and then, you'd write down about the monuments on a small notepad, so you could use it later for your essay after the trip.
Furiously writing, a vibration went off in your coat pocket. Putting your notepad away, you flipped your phone open to read the text.
"Who're you texting, (Y/N)?" Osamu asked beside you.
"Aran-san."
“Eh? What about Aran-kun?” Atsumu asked, suddenly appearing by your shoulder. Suna and Ginjima looked up, at the mention of the senior.
“Well, he tried out for Tachibana Red Falcons a few weeks ago." You tell them, seeing no harm in it. Hitting send, you waited until the confirmation popped up before pocketing your phone away. "He’s going to get a call of his results sometime this week.”
Nearly all of them raised their eyes in shock, amazed by the news. It was the same reaction you had when he told you.
"Hear that, 'Samu?" Atsumu laughs at his twin, pride and unbridled happiness. "Aran-kun!"
"I heard, idiot." Not even Osamu can hide his joy and pride, like that of his twins', over the news.
"It's nice that you've still kept contact with Ojiro-san and the others." Ginjima noted with a smile.
Suna, appearing beside you, gently guided you towards the next destination as your group converged with some tourists, some girls giggling at Suna. "It's so you to keep in contacts with the seniors,"
"Because I respect them?" Burying your nose into your muffler, at the chilly wind that blew past.
"Because you fit right in with them."
Reaching the Peace Bell, just at the heart of the park, you were told that you can ring a bell and make a wish.
"Normally people wish for world peace here," Ginjima says aloud, reading from the booklet.
"Maybe we should wish for Ojiro-san?"
"I believe we can do that."
So you rang the bell, a soft gong echoing out, clapped your hands twice, palms pressing together, then lowered your head. Offering a quick prayer. For Aran-san. For Kita-san. For Akagi-san. For Oomimi-san. For Reiki. For Mika.
Following after you were the Ginjima, then Suna, and then finally, the twins, which you had to stay and watch over, lest they try to really smash the bell so loud it'll echo throughout the park. Thankfully, they behaved under your watch.
Later, while having lunch at a nearby restaurant, your phone vibrated.
“Ah.”
“What is it?”
The four boys turned to you - Osamu sneakily taking a meatball from Atsumu's bowl, Suna was putting mushrooms and carrots into a small plate, Ginjima was blowing into his bowl.
“He got in.”
At first, there was silence. Then, you ever so calmly turned your phone in your hands, showing Aran's text, for further confirmation. And then, the trouble children burst out in joy - all hoots and cheers, happy for their senior, uncaring at the spectacle that they've caused. And Suna caught it all on camera.
(Aran cried when he received the video)
“Something’s different about you,” Atsumu says to you. You blinked twice, surprised.
“…I’m wearing my winter uniform?” You say, almost consciously, gesturing to the blazer you now donned on your uniform, contrasting the summer uniform, which was just a shirt, a sweater, a skirt, and shorter socks. School-issued brown blazer shirt, shirt, maroon tie, black skirt. Your socks were knee-length because of the seasonal change.
Even with the culture festival going about, students were encouraged to wear their uniforms - well, students of Inarizaki High School that is.
With October long past, students were all to wear their winter uniforms to anticipate the cold weather ahead.
In spite of the season dropping a few degrees though, the culture festival at your school rolls easily. The school was filled to the brim with life coming from its students, visitors from different schools, and supporting families.
Yet for some reason, amidst the fanfare going around, Atsumu keyed on you.
Something was shining, hitting Atsumu in the eye.
“Wait a minute,” Atsumu closed in, too close for comfort, tucking bangs and some strands of hair behind your ear. “You got a piercing!”
There was a stud by the inside of your right ear cartilage, just by the inner middle rim.
Suna whistles. “Wow, never thought you had it in you, (L/N).”
“Uwah, it looks cool, but does it hurt?”
“More importantly, when did you get it done?” Osamu asks with a frown.
Atsumu’s thumb was tracing along the shape of your ear, staring at your conch piercing in fascination, standing way too close. Gulping you took a step back, fixing your bangs as you explained. “I, uh, did this on a whim. And yes, it did hurt, because it was on my cartilage, but nothing I can't handle.”
The four look at you, eyes wide.
It kind of ruins the image of the perfect role model people has cooked you up to be. Then again, you were never perfect, to begin with, it was nice to ruin that image and shatter people's expectations.
“Woah.” Ginjima's eyes shined at the stud on your ear.
“Badass,” muttered Suna.
"When did you get so rebellious?" Osamu teased, as though reading your thoughts, pinching your nose with his knuckles.
Atsumu couldn't look away at the new addition in your body. "But when did you-"
"(L/N)-senpai!" a voice cheerily called you from behind, green from the torso up - green wig, green coat, ruffled white undershirt, black pants, with black shoes. Oh, and there was some sort of contraption strapped on their arm.
Atsumu stared in confusion as the person happily greeted you, holding your hands and full of smiles, he just about to burst when Osamu elbowed him.
"It's Yoshimichi," Suna explained, admiring the costume. "y'know, one of the kits."
"Or the managers-in-training," Ginjima added, enjoying the interaction between you and the younger girl.
"Yoshimichi!" you greeted, taking her in. "Wow, you look amazing!"
The younger girl flushed, her usual dark brown eyes were replaced with light blues - contacts, it seems, gripping your hands tighter. "Thank you so much! I worked hard on it! But senpai, your hair looks great!"
"Ah, thank you," you say with a faint blush. "Asano worked on it." More like, she worked on them while you busily sat on your booth, studying the papers from all the attendees who came to the volleyball club's gig. Asano took advantage of your preoccupation to work on your hair. You couldn't hate her for it, since the style proved to be helpful from keeping your hair from your face.
"It's times like these where (L/N) can really be a girl, huh," Ginjama said.
"You're making it sound like she's not." Suna deadpans.
Sputtering, Ginjima tries to defend herself. "Y-You know what I mean!"
Atsumu sort of does, having known you all his life. You weren't the girliest girl around, but you dressed like one, but it was average at best and formal, compared to Mika, who loved wearing frills, brightly colored dresses, and all. Plus, you didn't have many female friends because you had the twins. Most of the time, you were surrounded by boys, so you had to toughen up.
"But who're you supposed to be?" Osamu couldn't help but ask.
"Lyserg from Shaman King!" Yoshimichi says excitedly.
"Your class is doing a cosplay cafe, huh?"
"Right on! Senpai, you should visit!" remembering that you weren't alone, she looked at the four boys behind you. "Ah, you senpais can come, too!"
"I feel like she's extended the invitation to (L/N), though," Suna mutters, Ginjima laughs.
From the end of the hall, someone, with an equally elaborated costume, holding a sign, calls out to her.
"Ah, that's my cue! I have to go now!" Before she leaves, she turns to you. "Senpai, I'll be waiting!"
Smiling, you wave off as she runs towards her classmate, watching them stroll down the hall.
Once the younger girl left, you turned to the boys. "Yoshimichi's family owns a tattoo and piercing shop. I had it done there." Their reactions were instantaneous - multitudes of shock.
"Yeah, but when?" Atsumu asked. He can't even fathom the idea of Yoshimichi - bright, bubbly, cosplayer Yoshimichi Ryoko to come from a family of punks!
"Um," uncharacteristically on the spot, you rubbed at your elbow. "A day after we came back from Hiroshima."
"Who would've thought that our kit comes from a ragtag fam."
"That's a rather crude way of saying it,"
"Yeah, but the flip side of getting a tattoo is you can't go to onsens,"
Ginjima hisses, eyes suddenly sad and dim. "Ah, that is sad and true."
"On the contrary, there are onsens that allow tattoos, so long as it's not visible or in an innocuous location," you say helpfully, automatically bringing backlight in Ginjima's eyes.
"(Y/N) have mercy on us with your words," Osamu cries. "the lot of us are idiots here!"
You'd expect Atsumu to retort, absolutely refusing to be called an idiot, or likening to one. But he was quiet, right by your side, smiling.
"Heh, I'm thinking of getting a piercing myself!"
Three eyes turn to him, doubtfully.
"What?"
"Everyone knows you're likely to cry getting one."
"HAH!?" And there he was. His aura was emanating warm and gentle, like his usual vibe from before. What's weird was, you were there, yet he was smile was genuine, probably brighter than everyone in school.
"(L/N)-san, are you alright?"
"Yes, why do you ask?"
"Um," Asano's eyes went from your face to the mechanical pencil in your hand. "y-your pencil lead…it’s run out." You stopped writing, or what you thought you've been doing. "For a minute now." Oh.
Pushing your pencil, seeing the lead pop out, you write again.
"Thank you, Asano."
"You're welcome," she smiles, but her lip turns up, eyes filled with worry. "But are you okay?"
"I've just got a lot on my mind."
Asano's face fell, eyes not leaving your face, noting the heavy intake of breath, followed by the sag of your shoulders. Even your eyes seemed lost, sad.
The feared and great 'Inarizaki's Fox Keeper' was known for her uptightness, her stoic and cold aura - intimidating by name, more so in person. Highly respected and feared, even the coaches held her to a high regard. With a reputation like hers, it was no wonder she was able to manage the team on her own for years, even aiding them to nationals, and holding her ground against Miya Atsumu. (L/N) (Y/N) was the perfect manager, a standard for all club managers. A reputation that definitely lived up to her expectations.
However, Asano Miki, found that you were actually just a really reliable person, extremely kind, and a saint-like patience. Under your guidance, she eventually got out of her shell - she and Yoshimichi, and easily adjusted to the club thanks to your guidance. And behind closed doors, especially during those nights at training camps, you were practical, uptight like a mother, and almost always preoccupied.
And yet, underneath it all, there was always this sort of sadness in you.
She couldn't help but think of the iceberg theory, that's there's always more to a person.
With her and Yoshimichi, you could open up more about yourself. With the rest of her seniors, you could, too. But Asano could feel like it was to a certain degree, there was something you'd like to keep within. The more she thinks about it, the more it scares her of what's underneath it all, of how long before the truth just freezes her over.
A flash of yellow appears from the corner of her eye, when she turns, it was the captain - Miya Atsumu.
Just a year ago, you and him were not on good terms, having been childhood friends for a long time. The team's dynamic changed drastically, but you remained as manager, only colder and more robotic, as the rumors say. It was said you supposedly resigned, only to wordless come back. Magically, the team's dynamic changed for the better. Even your dynamic with the now, blond-dyed, setter-captain.
"Oiiii, As-a-no~" Yoshimichi calls in a sing-song, her fellow manager-in-training nudges her shoulder. The girl turns to her. "C'mon, I'll pass the bibs to the opposite team, you fetch the cart from the storage room. Okay?"
"O-Okay!" she starts for the storage room. However, unable to help herself, she looks over her shoulder, to where you were, with the captain standing close, the two of you seem to be discussing something. You were doing the talking, pointing with your mechanical pencil, talking a mile. And then there was the captain, eyes soft and warm...watching you.
Atsumu - known for his smug smirk, likened to that of a fox, filled with general mischief and mayhem, wore a true smile. A smile that softened his features, that made him (and his twin, because they were identical) admired by many, a smile that brightened him more, one that reached his eyes - one that Asano knew was reserved for you and you alone.
Of all the things Asano knows about you, one thing is for sure: Miya Atsumu was the cause for the sadness in your eyes.
“You know, I worry about you,” Osamu says to you, echoing questions that have been thrown to you for days - mostly indirectly, at your usual convenience store over a shared sashimi set.
Something's bothering you, has been bothering you, from the looks of it. Osamu knows it.
From the dim moonlight that hung up in the sky, contrasting against all unnatural light, you blinked at him. When your eyes met, his grey-brown eyes took you out of your stupor, making you feel bare and open, without even saying anything.
“I’ve been worrying about you." Osamu adds, voice thick. "For a long time, you felt this need to put others before yourselves. Don’t get me wrong, it’s admirable and honorable at best. It's what many of us love about you, (Y/N). But," his shoulders sag, gray-brown eyes softening "if you keep putting them over you, one day, you’ll forget yourself altogether and just crush from the weight of keeping everyone first.”
You feel the need to defend yourself, to make a statement rebutting all his claims. Yet, your tongue feels heavy, mouth clamped shut. Looking up at him reluctantly, you were met by his unwavering kindness - so, so kind, and worry. Worry growing, seeing as your eyes turned glossy, neutral expression cracking.
Osamu reached an arm, pulling you over. You wanted to pull away, but his warmth washed over you.
Quietly, eventually, you leaned against Osamu, crying softly.
Strong as they were last year, it wasn't enough to satiate the hunger of your foxes, led by Atsumu, that brought them to victory. Still, Karasuno's presence was felt, establishing themselves in the national scene now that they've made a resurgence in the past year with an invaluable set of players. One of them, being your dear childhood friend.
"Sho-chan!" you called out after the match ended, seeing as you had time.
The redhead turned, eyes widening and brightening at the sight of you. "(Nickname)!"
Running to him excitedly, he did the same and the two of you met by the sides.
"Oh wow, your hair's getting shaggy!" you laugh, ruffling at his hair. "By the way, great game, today. You guys are as tenacious as always."
Noticeably, some people were looking your way - still surprised that by some twist of faith, you and the spry middle blocker were acquainted, let alone childhood friends! Too busy being in your friend's presence, you hadn't realized the attention you were receiving. Too busy catching up to the ball of sunshine before you, going on and on about the feats they did today, freely smiling about with your childhood friend.
"Inarizaki is crazy strong this year! Especially with Miya-san's serves!"
"Which Miya?" you laughed with a cock of your head.
"Oh, uh...the blonde dyed one??"
"Ah, Atsumu."
"Are you close?" Hinata asked, sensing the familiarity when you said the setter's name.
"Um," tucking a strand of hair behind your ear, you were unsure how to answer. "kind of." That seemed like a good answer. "He and his twin brother live next door and were my first few friends when I moved to Hyogo." Behind him, his captain was calling for him. "Neh, let's continue our chat later, okay?"
"A-Ah," he sputtered, short-circuiting.
"You're here until tomorrow, right? Better make it worth your while. After all, we haven't talked much in a while. Well," you take his hand in yours, squeezing. "face-to-face, that is."
At the prospect of seeing more games, and maybe spending more time with you, he brightened. "Sure thing, (Nickname)!"
Unable to help yourself, you ruffled his hair playfully. "Then, wait for my text later, okay?"
Later that day, dinner, a bath, a short meeting later, you were slipping on an oversized hoodie over your pajamas, and took off. Despite it being a rather exciting day, you still had enough energy to go about, carefully making your way to meet your childhood friend.
Meeting Hinata just a block away from your hotel, the two of you walked a few more blocks until you reached a neighborhood playground, chatting aimlessly as you sat by the railings framing the park.
"Since it's your last year of high school, do you have any plans, (Nickname)?"
"To be honest? Not really." Wrinkling your nose at your answer, you tried again. "Maybe nothing special. How about you, Sho-chan?" you ask, despite him being a second year.
To your surprise, he readily answered. "I wanna do beach volleyball!"
"Beach volleyball? Why?"
Something sets off in his eyes, almost like excitement, assurance, burning compassion. "I want to try and learn a lot of things!" It even showed off from his voice, no longer quivering, strong and firm, with a hint of childish excitement. "I want to try and get better to be able to play more volleyball!"
That was a rather interesting take into his career, choosing to play outside court. Plus, you've heard beach volleyball can be demanding with just two players.
"You're really set on it, huh?"
"Yes!"
You felt warm.
"Well, good luck with that, Sho-chan. I'll be rootin' for ya~"
Extremely, pleasantly warm, despite the January cold.
“(Nickname), you’re really a lot different, huh?” Before you could ask what he means, he furthers. “I mean, from all our texting, you seem…kinda…on hold? Like you’re holding back? But in person, you seem more relaxed now.”
You blink, remembering bright lights, head against another warm body, a shared sashimi set.
“Maybe it’s because I’m with my Sho-chan.” you smile, forcing the thoughts away. “A lot’s happened in my life. I’m not ready to unpack them all to you, but Sho-chan, you just really have a way with making people feel relaxed about themselves, of making them feel like it's okay, y'know?”
He flushes at that.
“I’m really jealous of that part of you.”
“W-Well, I’m jealous of how smart you are, (Nickname)!”
The two of you laugh into the night before you randomly blurted out wanting something sweet to eat.
"Want ice cream?" Hinata asks, gesturing to stand.
Peering out at him in the dark, the park was a bit dim, your childhood friend shined bright. "Nah, maybe I should head back."
"But you said you wanted something sweet!"
Chuckling, breath coming out in puffs, you stand. "Alright, but you're buying, okay?"
"Aren't you older?"
Playfully frowning at the younger teen’s argument - because yes, you are the older one by a year, you just link your arm around his. "Yeah, but you lost to us!" you threw back.
"How mean, (Nickname)!"
On the way, you realized how eating something cold during a cold season wasn't feasible, which made the younger boy panic. Laughingly, you assured him that it was probably because it was so cold that you wanted something sweet, for a boost of insulin or that happy feelings rush.
At the nearest convenience store the two of you could find, which was a few blocks away from your hotel, the two of you make idle chat over ice cream despite the January weather, explaining further on sweetness, boost of insulin or that happy feelings rush.
"O-Oh! I see!"
Seeing the look on his face, you guessed that the mini-biology plus chemistry lecture made his head spin. "Do you really, Sho-chan?" you tease, handing him a plastic spoon. "It's okay to say you don't."
That caused his nose to scrunch up, brows furrowing together. "I understand, (Nickname)! Sheesh, I passed biology!"
Laughing again, both of you opened up the small pack of ice cream to share. It was in salted caramel.
One bite full and comically, both of you felt warm inside, moaning in absolute delight at the sweetness and saltiness.
The conversation started anew from there with topics that flew from fun plays, his sister, Natsu, taking an interest in volleyball, your sister and her boyfriend, Kaoru and his soccer, talks of the new Karasuno captain.
"Hey, Sho-chan," you asked, watching him chew. "if we didn't move..." if her dad wasn't an asshole "...do you think...?" you mulled, thinking of all the people you've met since moving. Weakly, you leaned against the younger boy, much to his surprise.
"(Nickname)-"
"...do you think things would be different?"
Hinata falls silent at that.
Who knows what your life would have turned out had your family stayed in Miyagi, or your uncle didn't forcibly bring your mom out of her depression and move the family all the way to Hyogo? Would you be happier? Would you have turned out better? Who would you even be?
"Does it matter? What's happened, happened. And whether we like it or not, it's for the best!"
Ah, such a simple-minded sweet boy. "That's true."
"But," you push yourself off, watching him. "had (Nickname) remained, maybe I would've had a boost up with my skills! I would be at maximum level now!"
Snorting, you broke out laughing. "Maximum level!?"
It was a shared moment of nostalgia between two childhood friends over a tub of ice cream, all smiles and laughter.
...which is how Miya Atsumu found you.
"Miya-san!" came Hinata's energetic cry, you look up in shock.
"Shoyou-kun..." the setter says quietly.
Was he looking for someone, you thought, spooning a chunk into your mouth. Or maybe he was out for a late night snack?
Chewing, you didn't notice your captain walking towards you. "(Y/N), if you wanted a late night snack, you shoulda counted me in!" Huh?
Before you could react, he took your spoon and fed himself the last chunk, moaning dramatically at the burst of flavors in his mouth.
"Mi-Miya-san!" shrieked the younger boy, cheeks flushing for some reason.
"You could have gotten your own spoon, you know," you frown, grabbing the spoon from him, he whines. "Besides, you shouldn't be eating sugar before your bedtime."
"Speak for yourself, (Y/N)."
Thinning your lips, you put away the spoon. Your captain turns to the redheaded boy. "Anyway, it's getting late and we should all get back." Turning to your childhood friend, the setter asks. "Shouyo-kun, you're here until tomorrow, right?"
Recovering from whatever it was earlier, the younger boy nods. "Ah, y-yes, n-no!"
"Which is it?" you ask worriedly.
"That's cool!" without warning, he stands next to you "Be sure to watch our game, 'aight?"
"Of course!"
"We should probably head back now," you announce as you stood up, taking your trash with you. "You need a full rest of sleep. Both of you." At the last part, both athletes felt chills run down their spine.
When all three of you were at the door, Hinata assuring you that he can walk back to his hotel just fine, you suddenly remembered something and called out to your friend. "Sho-chan!” the younger boy turns to you. “Actually,” seeing you uncharacteristically sheepish, he keeps his eyes on you, waiting. “I'm on the fence with what I really want."
Offering you a smile, you feel warm all over. "That's okay, (Nickname)! You still have time!"
"We're months away from graduation," you reply, a small smirk at his crestfallen face. "but I think I'm settled."
Instantly, he recovers. "That's good to hear! Well then, good night, (Nickname), Miya-san!"
“What? What? What?” Atsumu turned to you curiously, picking up on the conversation with Hinata. “What were you two talking about?”
Burying your hands into your pocket, you debated. Osamu, Hinata, and Mika were the only people you’ve shared with, the ones you could trust with. The career form fresh in your mind.
“C’mon, (Y/N)!” he whines. “You can tell me!”
And for some reason, you opened your mouth and told him. “We were talking about future careers after high school,”
“Ah, really?” Before your third year even started, you were already thinking and dreading life after high school. “It’s strange that you don’t have a plan after high school.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I mean," he shrugs easily, carefully steering you to his side, his other side to the open street. "you’re so well organized and value order above anything else. Not to mention, you’re one of the smartest people in our year-“
“Just because I’m part of the top students doesn’t mean I’m guaranteed success,” you tell him, bluntly. Despite the cold, Atsumu feels even more chillier at your pointed words.
But he chips at the ice.
“Still! It makes a world of a difference because it’s you!”
You stopped at that, his words sinking in.
“It’s…me.”
“Yeah!" He continues to chip at the ice, mouth opening, as though reminding you of the most obvious thing on earth. "Plus, I’m pretty sure you’ll be fine wherever or whatever you end up choosing. I’ll be rooting for ya!”
Despite yourself, you smiled, warmed by his words. “Thanks…I kind of needed that.”
Atsumu glanced at you, the two of you carefully taking a turn. “So, what did you write in your career forms?”
“Um…nutritionist, psychologist, or probably something related to sports.”
“Wow,” he thinks back to your background, awed at how much your past impacted your future. “That’s amazing, (Y/N)!”
"Nowhere as amazing as you," you tell him, with utmost sincerity and honesty. He was, after all, a nationally recognized athlete for a high schooler. With his impressive reputation, he'll definitely go far and have the best teams at his disposal.
He barked a laugh, happily. "But of course! Sucks that 'Samu won't be with me, but I'll work for the both of us. No," he thrusts three fingers in the air as he declares "the three of us!"
For some reason, that was a moment of calm for you, filling you with the assurance you'll need. No matter how many years passed, even with his hair dyed lighter than his natural dark roots, he was still that same self-assured, cocky boy you know. You get the feeling he'll always stay like this, which you find you don't mind either way.
Much like Hinata, this boy right here, made you feel inexplicably warm. "That's surprisingly mature of you, Atsumu."
His name came out surprisingly easy. And to Atsumu, who stares at you as though he discovered a snowflake's design at a microscopic level, it was the sweetest thing he's ever heard.
Snow gently falls down, your breaths coming out in puffs, Atsumu's unable to look away.
"We should really head back to the hotel now."
"Y-Yeah!" Atsumu takes hold of your hand, much to your surprise, tugging you forward.
Inarizaki, unfortunately, made it to the top 3 after losing to Kamomedai – who, under the captaincy of Hirugami, were relentless as always – you and your team found yourself with heavy, weary hearts. There were regrets here and there, but the fact that the team maintained its spot as the top 5 made the pain of losing less. Also, you kept your promise to Aran and the rest, who were over the moon (and probably in tears) from watching in the benches.
Speaking of Aran and the rest, you had met up with the rest of your former seniors. Ever the emotional man that he was, Aran was tearing up at how proud he was of how well the team played, and how much the trio – the twins plus you, held the team up.
Being captain in his final year, with his brother as vice-captain, and you as manager, was definitely a highlight in Atsumu's high school career. Smiling at the camera, arms hooked around you and Osamu, Atsumu will forever cherish this amazing high all his life.
Now that you think about it, when did you first start liking Atsumu? What was the instance that made you fall in love with your best friend?
It's been almost ten years - 9 years, to be exact once the cherry blossoms bloom. It's been that long since you met the twins, met Atsumu, and loved him.
But for however long you loved him, a most precious feeling for your young heart, never had you expected it to be inferior in the eyes of many. You may never have said it out loud, but when Atsumu read your love letters out loud in front of the whole team - seeing the looks in their eyes, you felt so cheap. Maybe your feelings were cheap, a joke. Even after the incident, even after a new year and the new faces, that scar was still there - the unavoidable scar that lingered on the fearless, 'Inarizaki's Fox Keeper'.
If people knew the actual reason for the dispute between you and Atsumu, would people think of you differently? It never bothered you, but the knowledge of your feelings for someone as perfect, unattainable, unreachable, and out of your league?
It only made sense.
In a sense, it was like an old toy - one you loved so much as a kid, but once you've played with it too much, it gets worn out, broken, and useless, you'd have to throw it away.
The whole time you held on, foolishly you were also holding on to the possibility that maybe one day Atsumu would come to return your feelings. In a cliche way, he'd think of you as more than a friend, see you as something more, then come around to love you. Again, you were foolish.
It was wishful thinking.
Atsumu's eyes and heart were set on your perfect big sister, Mika.
And who wouldn't? She was perfect, beautiful, smart, kind - everything you're not.
You? You were boring, plain, an afterthought.
Annoyed at the person staring back at you, you childishly flicked water at it - as if it would magically dispel the ugly. Nope.
All you found was a splotchy view of you, strings of water running over.
For all your feats - or whatever people thought of you, you had one terrible weakness: you gave your heart way too easily.
Your asshole of a father was one.
He was your father, of course it was only natural to love him. Until he broke it in a million pieces.
Miya Atsumu was second.
You gave your heart to him since he took you by the hand, never getting the courage to take it back. Atsumu can do whatever he wanted with your heart, just so long as it's still with him at the end of the day.
You had to wonder though, much of your heart was left in his hands?
The human body was composed of atoms – millions and billions of them in the form of hydrogen, carbon, nitrogen, and oxygen. It also contains much smaller amounts of the other elements that are essential for life.
The human body is also composed of love. Now, compared to atoms, its amount was infinite, endless.
Atoms burn out and die each day, easily replicated the next second, but not love. Love was something that you give but never runs out.
How much was a single person capable of loving?
How much of their fill until eventually, it runs out?
You might never know.
Scientifically speaking, love was just…unexplainable.
Law of attraction or serotonin can do very little in explaining the amount and power of love.
It was infinite in quality and quantity, yet it's also finite in a way.
"Nee-san?"
Lately, you've noticed that Kaoru tends to call you 'nee-chan' behind your back. You heard it once when you were sick. Normally, he just calls you 'nee-san', Mika was 'nee-chan'. It was just an honorific, with subtle tones when using.
"What."
His brows furrow, arms folded against his chest. "Why are you lying on the floor?"
"Because of gravity," you reply, staring into nothing, maybe at the ceiling, maybe at cracks, maybe at the ceiling fan, maybe at the spaces in between composed of billions and billions of atoms. Inhaling through your nose, exhaling the same way. Some days, it was just getting harder to think...to be, to seem.
Kaoru frowns harder, always hated how cryptic your replies tend to be, whenever he was genuinely worried for you. Then his expression wipes clean into worry.
"Nee-san," you could hear the franticness in his voice. "are you crying?"
Alarmed, you didn't move to hide your eyes, lest you worry him or make it worse. Instead, you sigh and close your eyes. "No. It's just dust."
You didn't see the slight panic in Kaoru's eyes, his big (e/c) eyes on you - his big sister.
“…nee-chan?”
You hummed, not daring to open your mouth at the sudden wave of emotion.
Kaoru was silent, for a while, and then. “I love you.”
Smiling at your brother, opening (e/c) eyes met lighter (e/c) ones, saying it back. “I love you, too.”
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