#laid off from covid19

[psychewritesbs]

Right... So as I continue watching Gundam Seed I find myself rolling my eyes so hard that I am able to see the back of my skull.

And yet here I am... because #blorbo.

The perils of having an obsessive personality I swear...

Anyways. I am using my critical thinking skills to explain why Athrun and Lacus are actually REALLY good friends and REALLY do care about each other under the cut.

That’s right... fantastic use of my critical thinking abilities... my thesis advisors would be proud.

Oh yeah, this is all from GS episode 19...

Anyways.

It’s just that I thought it was cute that Lacus is always eager to see Athrun.

Whether she’s telling him about looking forward to seeing him, or whether she’s commenting on how she doesn’t see him as much as she’d like, to Lacus, Athrun is someone who keeps his distance that she’d very much like to connect with.

And I thought it was fascinating how she projects that desire to see Athrun onto the Haros and is constantly saying the Haros are excited to see Athrun. Something Athrun always blows off because, as he says, “Haro is a robot and doesn’t have emotions.” 

But as they’re having their little tea party during the episode, I loved that briefest of moments when Lacus tells Athrun she’s “quite fond of Kira.”

So to me, I get the sense that Lacus sees Athrun as a friend with whom she feels comfortable enough to share something like this with him. There’s this sense of trust and honesty as Lacus expresses to Athrun that she’s caught feelings for Kira much like one catches the flu or covid19. It just happened!

But what was most interesting to me was Athrun’s reaction...

Athrun’s reaction speaks to how important this moment is for Lacus to be sharing about her fondness with Kira.

Imagine there’s this person who you are “supposed” to marry, whom you have probably known for quite some time. Now imagine that you don’t necessarily have romantic feelings for this person, they simply are “the person you are supposed to marry” according to what someone else decided..

There! It’s canon that they have an arranged marriage.

Now imagine that as you have gotten to know this person, you have come to value them as a person because, again, one day you will marry them and you will have to see their face all the fucking time and smell their farts and all of the romantic aspects of marriage.

But now this person is confessing to you that there’s this other person who’s genuinely caught their attention.

So to me, Athrun’s reaction is so... real?

Seriously. The Gundam Seed writers are either really bad writers, or they’re really good at melodrama. I can’t quite make up my mind about it. 

The thing is that some moments are straight up cringe, and then there’s moments like this one where Athrun and Lacus share a brief exchange about what it’s like to be “fond of someone” when you are in an arranged marriage.

Theirs is an arranged marriage meant to symbolize a political alliance--a symbol of an ideal. Both are children of important political figures, Athrun is an elite soldier within Zaft, and Lacus herself is a member of a peace committee or something like that.

They look great on paper.

In the end, these two kids are being initiated into the world of young adulthood as they move through their teen years. They are beginning to experience what it’s like to experience different kinds of interpersonal relationships and their own place within them.

So in following in the footsteps that have been laid out for them, I reckon Athrun and Lacus are really just making the best of this arrangement that has been trusted upon them.

But I have to admit that if anyone is invested in making sure this arrangement works, that’s Lacus...

Athrun’s just kind of like “oh sorry, I can’t come see you because I’m busy doing nothing,” whereas Lacus wears her heart on her sleeve.

Even if it’s an arrangement, Lacus’ attitude tells me she wants to make it work. And there’s something so feminine about it--she makes bids for connection that are very much all about spending quality time together even if she thinks he’s boring he’s really quiet.

But for Athrun, there’s no impetus drawing him towards Lacus.

There is no chemistry that would encourage him to put aside logic and his duty in favor of what his heart might want--if anything because he does not know yet that his heart could want something different than what his head tells him he should want.

At least that is how I see him.

Gundam is about people in times of war

Ok now that I’ve made fun of myself for breaking down this interaction to try to explain how I see it, I have to admit that, while Gundam Seed may be a bit extra on the melodrama, it’s still a story about people in times of war.

As such, I have to admit that some of these interactions are very real and really well-written despite the Gundanium Alloy plot armor and cringe. 

Because of this, Gundam Seed is getting upgraded from “bad Mexican novela” to “Downton Abbey in space”.

#gundam seed #athrun zala #lacus clyne #putting my master's degree in psych to good use! #Gundam Seed is basically Downton Abbey in space with robots

[americasummer]

FAS3001 - TREND REVIVAL

I feel there is new wave that has been forecasted and is now here in the form of a 1980’s renaissance that seems to be on trend now. This means that classic pieces that were cool 30 – 40 years ago are making a comeback. It seems classics make a revival every 20 years or so and clothes that made a millennial’s parents look cool have now been spun back up with fresh new ideas. Throwbacks such as shimmer & shine and pleats have been revived. Not to mention oversized shoulders which I must say looks very much like space-age fashion; something from another time to come or in this case, a time gone by. What I like so much about these trends is that you cannot permanently confine them to a particular era or season because their styles and whole looks are timeless. 

Oversized Shoulder Trend – This trend originally hails from 1890s fashion, albeit in a much more rounded form in women’s blazers to give them a rounder and fuller padded shoulder. I remember growing up in the late 1980s and 1990s, seeing my mother tucking in and adjusting her shoulder pads after she had just finished sewing another blazer for work. Apart from being used to create an illusion of a grander stature, shoulder pads were the choice for people who had less defined shoulders, or as a compensator for garments whose fabrics weren’t as firm. 

Today, brands like Dolce & Gabbana and Vivienne Westwood are putting their own spin on this trend that was ubiquitous in bright colours and hues in the 1980s and early 1990s, by adding textures and designs fit for a new generation of fashion consumer as seen in the images below from AW22 edition of DAZED Magazine.

Shimmer and Shine Trend – Wearing the coveted embellished shimmer and shine fashion outfits used to be a way of showing wealth, or status and was reserved for the aristocrats of high society while the mere lower class were bound by the sumptuary laws of the day. But in modern era, people before us have fought and campaigned for rights that some of us never would have had. So now, we have those that came before us to thank for our freedom to be able to live freely in a modernised society, with near enough equality of rights, that we can pretty much buy and wear whatever we like, cost permitting and sometimes religion.  As seen in Dec 2022/Jan 2023 edition of ELLE Magazine below, the trend is here and even though it has taken new form, the classic look hasn’t faded at all.

Printed T shirt Trend – The Christopher Kane ‘THE BRATS’ collection FOR AW22 season shown on the social media platform INSTAGRAM stands out for me. According to his YouTube interview by the journalist Kirsty Wark, he went and bought a load of glitter, craft glue and coloured art paper and started drawing and painting during lockdown, reconnecting with an artform that he once left behind. He adapted to the changing economic downturn created by the outburst of COVID19, where a nationwide lockdown was instilled by the UK Government and others around the world. This event had a great impact on many industries especially the fashion industry as people were being stringent and conservative in spending money as a lot of people were laid off or put on furloughed leave so their financial incomes were not once as they were. Christopher found a way to adapt which emerged from creating art inspired by his family and people close to him. His artworks that were produced during this time have made their way into his new fashion designs to give them new meaning and connect with old and new audience.

Image above: BRAT FACE SHORT SLEEVED T-SHIRT by Christopher Kane.

It seems that classic trends always make a comeback and designers transform them to capture sartorial zeitgeist of every season of fashion that is in vogue. I have spotted these trends across several different mediums such as advertisements, magazines, and social media.

[vprprajakta]

Industrial Sugar Market Analysis | Size, Share, Global Demand and Forecast 2027

Market Overview

Sugar is the most widely recognized cooking fixing that is found in each family across the globe independent of the dietary patterns of individuals. Modern Sugar might incorporate sugars that are widely utilized in families, bread kitchen shops, cafeés and cooks, the refreshment business as well as the drug area. These days, it is additionally being famously exchanged the worldwide market. There are numerous sorts of modern sugars accessible on the lookout and the most promptly utilized are table sugar or granulated sugar. These are utilized as food added substances or sugars in different dishes and drinks.

Individuals across the globe are being impacted by Coronavirus, the worldwide pandemic. It has harmed the tasks of the multitude of businesses, with the exception of the drug business. There has been a finished lockdown circumstance in pretty much all aspects of the world and individuals are compelled to remain at their homes. Each country has fixed their boundaries which mean no worldwide travel will be conceivable without further ado. The organizations are additionally being closed down and many individuals were laid off from their work environments. This has impacted the Industrial Sugar Market Growth also.

It is being guessed that post the Covid19 circumstance, Global Industrial Sugar Market Share will develop massively. The development in worldwide agrarian creation of sugarcane and sugar beet has expanded the handling and creation of sugar. Sugar has turned into a need for each family. Be that as it may, because of the total lockdown circumstance, a few organizations need to begin selling their items on internet business stages to defeat the obstacle of selling and dissemination in actual stores.

Key Players

Acquisitions and expansions were the key strategies adopted by the key market players to ensure their growth. Major players in the market include Cargill Incorporated (U.S.), Archer Daniel Midland (U.S.), Roizen SA (Brazil), Sudzucker AG (Germany), and Tereos (France). Key players in the market are emphasizing on promotional activities, advertising campaigns, and social media marketing to expand their horizon and gain a competitive advantage in the market. Also, these players are marking notable efforts to enter developing nations to exploit lucrative market opportunities.

Get More Professional and Technical Industry Insights @ https://valuepropresearch.com/report/industrial-sugar-market-1049/

Market Dynamics

Drivers

Interest for sugar is expanding quickly at the global exchange very front. This is the significant key driving variable answerable for Industrial Sugar Market development. The lift in the development of sugarcane, as well as sugar beet, is giving more natural substances to handling Industrial sugar.

Opportunity

The public authority of each and every country is taking dynamic drives to expand the homegrown creation of Industrial Sugar in their particular locales. For this reason, they are giving endowments and remittances to the makers. The creation quantities are additionally being taken out to attach the most common way of getting Industrial Sugar.

Restrictions

There are many substitutes accessible for the handled sugar. Customers have become wellbeing cognizant and are moving to normal sugars like Stevia, and other natural based items. This is upsetting the development of the Industrial Sugar Market. Because of the broad change in climatic circumstances the accessibility as well as the nature of unrefined substance additionally shifts. This might upset the costs and supply of unrefined substances, like sugarcane and sugar beet.

Esteem Chain Analysis

The interest for sugar is expanding by an enormous number of utilization businesses, like the food and drink, and drug industry. This has turned into the chance for the new contestants and well with respect to the current ones. Sugar is broadly utilized in candy store as well as bread kitchen things as a flavor enhancer, improving specialist, adding surface to the item, or goes about as an additive in a few beverages. This is filling the development of its market.

#industrial sugar market

[gloriouskingofwands]

🚨NEWS ALERT🚨: Stimulus checks are already out the door

https://money.yahoo.com/stimulus-checks-already-door-155058198.html Follow the link above to see Yahoo News Update about the Stimulus Checks being distributed. Alright! Yesterday, late in the evening I received an email notification from my Chime Bank informing me that my deposit was ready. Curious about this as I didn’t recall their being an incoming payment, I opened up my account and saw…

View On WordPress

#furloughed #Home-based jobs #how can you reach your goals? #how to earn lefit income working online #its all about you #kyke w. meek creates start your own hustle series for readers #laid off from covid19 #legit online training for earning income at home #my covid19 story #my journey through covid19 pandemic #online work #start your own hustle #what you need to know about the third stimulus check #when will be get the third stimulus check #Who gets the third stimulus #why you need life goals

[lovelybarnes]

sick- s. reid

pairings: spencer reid x reader, mentioned penelope garcia x reader warnings: mentions of being sick (not covid19, that doesn’t exist in my fanfics) about: you’re sick. a/n: this has been in my drafts for SO LONG idk why i didn’t post it a while ago but here ya go lol also, i'm not really writing for spencer anymore because i haven't watched cm in a while, so this might be the last fic of his i post unless i find another one hidden in my drafts or finish one of his wips

you stretched out in the bed, a small noise of satisfaction leaving your lips as you blinked awake, looking around the room for your boyfriend. your hand searched the other side of the bed and you were disappointed to find it empty, throwing your legs to the other side of the bed and stepping off.

you peeked your head out of the room, spotting spencer in the kitchen doing something you couldn’t see. smiling, you walked over to him, stepping over the books stacked haphazardly on the floor of the apartment, making a mental note to organize them at some point before someone wasn’t paying attention and fell.

you wrapped your arms around spencer’s waist, leaning against his back. spencer responded immediately, and you could hear the clinking of him putting the top on a pot before he turned so your head was against his shirt. “hey pretty girl,” he greeted, and you hummed, nuzzling your nose further into him. “are you feeling better? you slept for almost a day straight.”

you only nodded, somewhat surprised that you had slept so much, but it was what usually happened when you got sick. “i can’t believe you took the day off to take care of me,” you mumbled, finally looking up at him.

“i wanted to make sure you were okay,” spencer responded simply, shrugging, and you smiled at him, pressing a kiss to his chest. “thank you, spence,” you said truthfully.

you looked over his shoulder to see he was boiling water, spotting the two mugs next to the stove and you realized he was making tea. “you’re using the mug penny got you,” you noted, grinning. “oh, she’s going to be so happy you liked it.”

you pulled away from him to walk over to the cupboards, opening one and pulling out the homemade cookies penelope had made for you when she found out you were sick. “i don’t know how she makes these so fast,” spencer commented, and you nodded, taking one out and putting it in your mouth, making a noise of pleasure when the chocolate melted in your mouth. “and so good,” you mumbled. “she’s an angel. there’s no other explanation,” you decided, and spencer chuckled from beside you, his attention partly on pouring the hot water into the mugs. you went over to him, container of cookies in your arms.

“don’t eat too many,” spencer warned halfheartedly, knowing it was no real use. you hmphed, “you say that like you don’t dump three pounds of sugar in your coffee every day.” spencer only smiled at that, proceeding to pour sugar into his tea.

the mugs were empty and in the sink, promises that you would wash anything that needed washing lulling spencer to the couch. you laid your head on his lap when he finally sat down, only managing a word out about the empty cookie container on the table before you shushed him with a book in your hand. you pouted up at him while he eyed the book between your fingers.

“can you read to me?” you asked quietly, and he agreed silently by taking the book from you, flipping it open and beginning to read. pausing before the second sentence to kiss your forehead, “i love you spence.”

“i love you too, y/n.”

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fluff #criminal minds #bau #sick!reader #sick!reader x spencer reid #spencer reid x sick!reader #spencer reid x reader fluff #angsty spencer reid x you #you x spencer reid #penelope garcia #fluffy spencer reid #fluffy spencer reid x reader #spencer reid angst #spencer reid fluffy blurb #fluffy spencer reid blurb #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid fic #fluffy spencer reid fanfiction

[abpoli]

Two men shot on a rural Alberta road found on Saturday were hunting to feed their families after a COVID-19 job loss, the day before they were found dead.

Jake Sansom, 39, and Morris Cardinal, 57, were discovered on the road near a black pickup truck early Saturday morning near Township Road 622 and Range Road 84 north of Glendon with gunshot wounds. The pair spent Friday fishing and hunting for moose near Seibert Lake, after Sansom was laid off from his job as a heavy duty mechanic in Nobleford amid the global pandemic. Both men have Métis ancestry and hunting rights.

The Major Crimes Unit and #Bonnyville RCMP are seeking public assistance for:

Trail, dash cams and video surveillance from 8 p.m. March 27 to 4 a.m. March 28, 2020, from the following areas: the MD of #Bonnyville, RR 84, RR 85 RR 90, TWP 614, TWP 620 and TWP 622. #CanYouHelp

Continue reading

#murder tw #death tw #ab news

[rickbarebow]

Uh oh.....

THE CAT IS OUT OF THE BAG... THE CDC, THE WHO, AND ALL THE SO-CALLED EXPERTS LIED TO YOU!!! HERE'S THE LIST: @ 20/20

⚠️ EVERYONE IN THE ENTIRE COUNTRY NEEDS TO READ THIS AND ABSORB IT... THOSE STILL ASLEEP, YOU BETTER WAKE UP BECAUSE THIS SHAM/DRESS REHEARSAL WILL CERTAINLY BE THE LAST CHANCE; THOSE CHOOSING TO REMAIN IN DENIAL, GIVING THE FINGER TO REALITY, YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN ...

FEEL “FREE” TO FACT CHECK EACH OF THESE, PLEASE!

🔺"CDC admitted they screwed up COVID19 infection

counts and intentionally misled the public and have apologized, clarifying that the amount of people truly infected is much lower than what was originally reported -- an error so egregious it made the director of the Harvard Global Health Institute say “how could the CDC make this mistake? This is a mess."

🔺The American Coronavirus Task Force also admitted to fudging the National COVID19 death count when Dr. Birx said the deaths are people who died “with” COVID19 not “from” COVID19, thus making the real death count much lower than what is currently being reported.

🔺Dr. Anthony Fauci admitted masks won’t help against the virus and mask manufacturers are now including warnings that their products do not deter COVID19.

🔺Fauci also said that continuing to close the country could cause irreparable damage.

🔺CDC backtracked their initial claim that led governors to shutdown their states & clarified that COVID19 does not spread easily on surfaces.

🔺Governor of New York Andrew Cuomo confirmed a recent health study showing that 70% of new infections actually originate at home, thus making the stay at home orders one of the most dangerous mandates currently in place if you fear this “virus.”

🔺Trump stopped funding the WHO and threatened to cut off money permanently until they can prove they are no longer corruptly influenced by communist China after they lied to our country about human to human transmission of COVID19 in January.

🔺The curve is flattened, the CDC, WHO, Dr. Fauci, our governors, and many more were completely wrong about the potential threat of this virus.

🔺If you are still living in fear, Don’t be. The media, global organizations, the government, and its agencies “mislead” the public.

🔺People called those of us who knew this all along, conspiracy theorists, but it turns out we were just following the facts!

🔺Open up your businesses, churches, and homes. Don’t fall for the lies any longer. If you fell for the lies this time, wake up and join the army of truth-seekers fighting on the front lines.

🔺 Florida has just admitted to miscalculations on some that received positive COVID-19 results but never got tested and many others have been incorrectly identified as positive in the state’s system.

🔺 WHO has just admitted that transmission of the virus from an asymptomatic carrier - the whole reason for the lockdown, is rare!! ie you could not spread it before showing any symptoms!!

⚠️ The CDC just confirmed a .4 to .26% death-rate for COVID 19. The death rate for the flu shot is .6. Twice as high as COVID!

For that, we have:

• Added nearly 6 trillion to the national debt

• Laid-off or furloughed 50 million workers

• Placed 60 million on food stamps

• Gone from 3.5%to 14.7% unemployment

• Crippled the petroleum industry

• Ruined the tourism industry

• Bankrupted the service industry

• Caused an impending meat and protein crisis

• Threatened, fined, and arrested church leaders

• Exacerbated mental health problems

• Shut down schools and colleges

• Given unbridled power to unelected officials

• Increased suicides higher than COVID deaths

• Delayed surgeries and treatments for profound illnesses

• Infringed upon countless important civil liberties

• Placed 300 million Americans on house arrest

Bill Gates has placed himself in such a position of influence by heavily funding all corners to make this lie happen.

We need to start treating it as the lie it is.

Seriously our whole way of life is at stake, and they have plans to make it much worse now introducing it as "the grand reset", "the beginning of the 4th revolution" (ie a surveillance state of control, where everyone lives in what is essentially a strict open-air prison where you are tracked, nothing is private, and everything is decided for you, and you have no rights whatsoever, and there can be no resistance.

Welcome to their "new world order".

[creepinginyourheartbabecomeonnow]

TW COVID, TW DEATH, TW SICKNESS, TW PREGNANCY, TW RELATIONSHIP ABUSE, TW POVERTY, TW HOMELESS

Remaking my story time post while I wait to be interviewed!!!

So I'm Alex, I'm a 25 year old Filipina mom of two and a daughter. My parents used to be OFWs and I have three younger brothers who are all still minors (16, 12 and 9). I used to be an engineering student but I didn't get to finish because life happens.

I used to be in a relationship with this guy that was so abusive physically, mentally and sexually to me. The whole time we were together I felt nothing but pain. I remember feeling stuck and lost all the time. I didn't know how to escape especially when I didn't have any family close to me. I didnt even have friends because he isolated me so much.

2019 he got me pregnant with our first son. He left and abandoned me.

2020 My whole family came home from Doha to the Philippines to visit me and their first grandchild. They were supposed to only stay for a month.

COVID19 became a pandemic, lockdowns on every country started to become implemented and my family who were supposed to only stay a month is now currently here for 2 years.

My dad who was our only financial support that time got fired and we quickly went through our savings and even mine.

We became homeless that fast, we had to give up our house to the bank.

The first time we became homeless, we all lived in my sedan together with my baby. We all cramped in there just to have shelter.

My abusive ex got hold of us and offered my family shelter in his house. I didn't have a choice then but to accept it. My family were starving and getting sick. In exchange for staying in his place and food, he demanded I sleep with him whenever he wants just so he doesn't kick us out. I agreed just to let my family stay safe for a while whilst I look for a job.

I landed a job and I started earning a little again but my ex started to get aggressive and so I had to take my family out of there, I told my dad I couldn't take it anymore and told him everything. We did try to report my ex to authorities but the case never progressed.

We found a small place we can afford with my salary and we started living there.

March 2021 happened. I give birth to my second son. I didn't know the entire time that I was pregnant. I didn't have any prenatal checkups. It was a cryptic pregnancy and the father is still my ex.

I was devastated with the situation I didn't know how to go on from there but I'm lucky to be with my family who helped me take care of them while I work.

I eventually got infected with COVID from work. I had to stop my training period and isolate. I was isolated and sick for two weeks but I got infected again from the barangay nurse when she checked on me and so I had to be isolated for another two weeks.

I got laid off from my job because I was gone for too long and this happened even before I got my first salary.

We became homeless for the second time.

We did then find a long lost relative of ours, my dad's half sister whom he never told us about. She took us in and everything was starting to look up that time. I found a job as a dishwasher at a restaurant and I do a sideline with being a Grab driver (Grab is like an Uber).

Things were going well for months now.

January 2022 and my entire family got infected with the variant Omicron. Me, my parents, my sons, my brothers and even my aunt.

My sons and dad were put into hospital care because they had the worse cases while the rest of the family stayed at home.

We did get better but my aunt who we thought was doing the best out of us, didn't make it. She passed away from the variant and other underlying issues.

She was only renting her house and didn't have any other family other than us. The landlord knew we were blood related so he demanded we pay him the damages left on her place. We left the house because it was too expensive for us and we paid the damages (if you remember me and my old blog, it was a very stressful time. My father and I got detained so many times).

We become homeless for the third time. And I had to give my sons up for adoption. They're not with me anymore but im hoping soon I could save up so I could get them back again and provide a better life.

Recently we found a place to stay and we just moved in the other day.

The house is still very dirty, we have nothing on us when we moved in. Only the clothes we have on. We still need a lot of help especially now we have a new problem with the bank regarding our old house we gave up last 2020.

We also need a lot of help with food, bills, medicines and supplies. We also still need spare clothes and necessities.

I'll be for sure making a lot of posts, so please help us out by reblogging and sharing my posts, it will be huge to us. Thank you!

[make-me-imagine]

Headcanons: Being stuck in quarantine with Dean Winchester 

Requested by: Anonymous

Pairing: Dean Winchester x GN!Reader

Warnings: Mentions of Covid19

Taglist: @luciferseclipse aka @kaashi​ (let me know if you still want to be tagged); if anyone else wants to be added to the taglist let me know!

Notes: This is the request that won the poll to be written first. Also, I hope you are all still being as responsible as you can, wear your mask, sanitize, stay 6 feet away from people, etc! We are still in the middle of a pandemic, it is not over!

♱ Dean is one of those people who can choose to be stay at home and completely lazy whenever he wants, but when he is forced to stay home it drives him crazy

♱ At first he was all for quarantine, it was a well needed break for all of you, and a break from the hectic outside world

♱ But when 6 weeks turned into 5 months he was just pissed

♱ “Ya know, I’m really starting to wish this whole thing was caused by something supernatural so we cold end this bullshit” he would grumble one day, while tossing his mask onto the table, and dumping the contents of his grocery bag onto the counter “You know how many middle aged women I saw refusing to wear masks?” he scoffed.

♱ Dean is one of those people who is not afraid to confront someone for endangering another person, no matter how much Dean hates wearing a mask, he’d rather do that than get someone sick. 

♱ You were both tired of being cooped up all the time, so you, along with Sam and Castiel on occasion, would take quick road trips to nearby isolated areas just to do something, like camping, hiking, etc. 

♱ Otherwise, when you were stuck in the bunker, you’d make up games, scavenger hunts, quiz nights, movie or game nights, etc. just to kill the time

♱ You re-arranged the bunker every couple of weeks, partially out of boredom, partially out of the amusement of frustrating Sam with small changes only he would notice

♱ About 2 months in, Sam took off to go on some retreat for himself, while you and Dean stayed at the bunker

♱ On occasion, you and Dean would not see each other for most of the day, both of you needing some mutual alone time. Though, you often found yourself cuddling on the couch or bed by the end of the day.

♱ Dean had noticed that the quarantine had been taking a toll on you emotionally and mentally. So he decided that he wanted to do something for you

♱ You went out to get some essential groceries, and while you were gone he laid out every pillow and blanket he found in the bunker in the main room, along with some food, games, and movies.

♱ When you got back to the bunker, seeing the pile of pillows and blankets, complete with a goofy smiling Dean with arms open and a excited “Surprise~” you broke into a grin

♱ “What is all this?” “Date night!” he’d grin as he walked up to you “I figured we needed to something new, and I thought, well, why the hell haven’t we done this?” he said while gesturing to his surroundings

♱ “Why the hell haven’t we...trashed the place?” you asked amused “No! Made a pillow fort!” “Ah, right” you laughed

♱ After about forty-five minutes and one pillow-fight later, you had turned the main room into a large plush fortress. 

♱ You would end up leaving the fort up, having no real need to take it down, as you’d just camp out in it almost every night from this point on. Even Sam got a kick out of it when he got back.

♱ During the quarantine, you two took up multiple hobbies, sewing, crocheting, drawing, painting, origami, etc. 

♱ Dean wasn’t really good at most of them, but he did get really into building miniature boats for some reason

♱ If your birthday happened during quarantine, Dean surprised you with breakfast in bed.

♱ And during the day, you went out for a walk, and Dean, Sam and Castiel set up a little surprise party.

♱ When you returned, you found Dean, Sam and Castiel surrounding the kitchen table, around them, balloons, cake, food, and some presents.

♱ You were taken off-guard, as you had told them you didn’t really need to celebrate, but of course they would, they had to do something.

♱ On May 2nd, you did the same for Sam, as that was his birthday.

♱ A few times throughout quarantine, you got hits on a monster nearby, and would venture out to hunt it.

♱ These hunts actually proved to be quite simple, as there were less people to avoid or less you needed to interview.

♱ Sam made sure that all of you got tested every few weeks, and the two of you made custom masks for each other and Dean

♱ Whenever you or Dean got frustrating and stressed by everything going on, the two of you would always try your best to help the other

♱ When quarantine started, you were afraid you and Dean might argue or fight when tensions got high. 

♱ And though there were a couple small arguments, they were the sort than would end with sarcastic jokes and laughter. 

♱ You and Dean never actually fought, and instead found solace in the fact that the other was always there when you needed them.

♱ By the end of quarantine, you and Dean would have an even deeper bond than you had when it started, which the two of you actually didn’t think possible

- - - - - - - - - - -

Please consider reblogging, as it helps to spread creators works past their followers. Likes are appreciated as well! :)

#dean winchester #supernatural #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester headcanons #supernatural x reader #supernatural headcanons #headcanons #spn #quarantine headcanons #tw: covid #dean winchester/reader #hcs #supernatural/reader #dean winchester hcs #supernatural hcs #spn x reader #spn headcanons #reader insert headcanons #dean winchester imagine #supernatural imagine

[ilovefandoms102]

Part 11- Shape of My Heart

Pairing: Rudy Pankow x Plus Size Reader

Summary: Falling in love with someone you can never have is the worst feeling in the world...

Taglist:

@jeyramarie @drewswannabegirl @sexualparkour @teamnick @jiaraendgame @agirlwholovescoffee @outerbongs @jaxxandcomet @velyssaraptor @baby-pogue @they-write-once-in-a-blue-moon @must-be-a-weasley-92 @kaitieskidmore1 @ma10427 @ifilwtmfc @lasnaro @justcallmesams​ @judayyyw​ @lonely-kermit​ @gviosca​ @iamaunicorn4704​ @jellyfishbeansontoast​ @fernweh-fangirl​ @runway-to-my-aid​ @eb15​ @hurricane-abigail​ @tangledinsparkles​ @fandom-phaser​ @sunwardsss​ @http-cherries​ @bibliophilewednesday​ @evaporatedrosepetals​ @thetomatosaucee​ @tomatosauceagent​ @redosmo​ @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch​ @obx-direction-sos​ @mxltifandoms06​ @kindahavefeelingskindaheartless​

Part 10 Part 12

Note: After crying over the last chapter, I was finally able to muster up this one. Also just in case anyone was wondering, we’re pretending COVID19 is nonexistent in this story because it would just ruin everything and I’m not about it!

=============================

It’s been a month and a half since Rudy told me about his short film, our conversations became less frequent which worried me deeply...

I didn’t want to drift apart from him, and that’s exactly what I feared was happening now. I tried to indulge into my school work, but it became harder to focus when I kept checking to see if I had a text or at least a SnapChat from him. I didn’t want to bother him by blowing up his phone either, becoming an annoyance he’d soon grow tired of. I expressed my concerns to both Maddie’s on our daily FaceTime call, hoping to get some reassurance for my MIA boyfriend.

“We’ve been in a lot of meetings with Jonas and Netflix to try and get season 2 of OBX approved, I don’t even know why we have to be there because they don’t really talk to us.” Maddi B commented.

“Plus Rudy has that short film on top of everything, so I imagine all of this is taking up his time. Don’t fret though, he said in our last meeting how horrible he felt that you all couldn’t talk as much with the both of you being so busy. He talks about you to everyone and how much he misses you.” Maddie C inputed.

“Awww, he’s so sweet. Maybe I am overthinking things, when I go to work tomorrow I’m demanding a week paid vacation because I need a break. Midterms are coming up and I’ve barely had any time to study.” I sighed.

“You need to focus on school, that’s the most important thing right now. You know Rudy would say the same, you need to take that week to relax and get everything in order.” Maddie B pointed out. 

“Yeah you’re right, jesus I forgot I have to fucking close at work tonight. I’m going to start applying to different places that actually care about their employees, and will work with school schedules.” I huffed, swinging my legs off of my bed.

“We’ll let you go then babe, love you!” Maddie B called, waving in the camera.

“Love you y/n!” Maddie C said, blowing a kiss in the camera.

“I love and miss you guys, I’ll see you later.” I smiled, hanging up.

=================================

Work was awful, being a shift manager was not all it was out to be. I hated dealing with difficult people and sometimes the other employees. I had just finished have a shouting match with this lady who was down right insulting both me and the other cashier working. I was so glad to be locking up once we closed, practically sprinting to my car, I was stopped by the cashier I had worked with tonight.

“Hey y/n, I-I was wondering you know if um..” he said.

Shit, I knew where this was going...

“Maybe we could hang out some time, I think you’re really pretty and uh...yeah I think we should get together more.” he spoke.

“That’s nice and all pal, but she has a boyfriend.” was heard from behind us.

I froze in my spot, tears coming to my eyes. I whipped around to see Rudy leaning against my car, his blue eyes zeroing in on the guy. He scurried off, leaving just Rudy and I.

“Hi baby,” Rudy spoke, a smile so wide on his face.

He looked different, having grown a mustache and slight beard. His hair was longer too, but still handsome as ever. I let out a watery laugh once I was out of my trance, blinking to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating. I dropped my stuff in front of my car, throwing myself in his arms.

“Oh my god, are you real? Are you really here?” I blubbered, pulling back to hold his face. He held me tight against him, combing some stray hair from my face.

“I’m here, you’re even more beautiful than I remember.” he gushed, beaming as he laid his forehead to mine.

“I look like shit Ru, I don’t even have makeup on.” I giggled, feeling his facial hair under my fingertips.

“You don’t need it, fuck I’m so happy to see you. I’m sorry we haven’t talked much, I’ve been so busy in meetings and filming.” he sighed, shaking his head.

“You came just at the right time, I have a whole week off of work.” I said, both of us grinning wide.

“Plenty of time for you to show me around then.” he smiled.

Rudy gripped my face in his hands, crushing his lips to mine. I had craved them for so long, having been deprived of the feeling. My heart went soaring, the feel of his facial hair tickling my skin. He moaned into my mouth, his hands moving to hold my hips to bring me closer. My fingers weaved their way into his now long blonde hair, tugging at the roots slightly. 

I pulled away once I became dizzy, pulling my hands back to caress his face. He gave me little kisses all over my face, fully caging me against him so I couldn’t move away. Rudy laughed along with me, pulling back fully now.

“Guess you’ll be my chauffeur for the week babe.” he smirked, opening my door for me.

I chuckled as I got in my car, Rudy jogging to the passenger side. He held my hand for the drive to my apartment, pulling it to his lips to kiss the back of it. We jammed out to some of our favorite songs, dancing crazy. I had the windows down so we could blast my speakers, probably waking everyone in the neighborhood up. Rudy even pulled out his phone to record us rapping Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice, he got embarrassed after the first chorus though because that was the only part he knew and I was still going.

“Ok show off, trying to outshine me on my own Insta story.” he scoffed teasingly.

“Not my fault you don’t know the lyrical poet Ru,” I joked, sticking my tongue out at him. 

===================================

I threw my bag on the end table as soon as we walked into the apartment, Rudy taking a walk around. He picked up pictures, looked at my bookcase, and even pulled out some of the books I had to skim through. I sat on my couch to flip through some movies for us to watch, not wanting to miss a single moment spending time with him. Rudy walked into my kitchen, opening my cabinets, and my fridge. 

“Baby, why don’t you have anything to like eat or drink?” he called from the kitchen.

“I uh...I couldn’t afford to go to the store this payday. I had to pay my rent and my car payment which is basically my whole check, and the rest is for gas to school and work.” I murmured, knowing he was going to be upset with me.

“So like...what do you eat then?” he asked, peaking his head around to look at me.

I stared at the floor, chewing on the inside of my cheek. I could feel his anger radiating off of him, the tension in the room becoming nerve wracking. I was a poor college student ok, I didn’t have the luxury of my parents buying my way through it. I was lucky some nights to even have stuff to make a fucking cheese sandwich.

“I...I don’t.” I confessed, hearing a sharp scoff come from Rudy.

“Get your shoes back on.” he demanded, snatching my keys.

“Wha-...Where are we going?” I questioned.

“This shit isn’t going to continue, not on my watch. I am seriously pissed you didn’t tell me this.” he snapped, taking me aback for a moment.

“It’s not that big of a deal, you’re being over dramatic! It makes me lose weight so what’s the fucking problem?!” I yelled, Rudy whipped his head around, his mouth hanging open.

“The fucking problem is that I’m not going to sit here and watch my girlfriend struggle when I can help. Let me help you and stop being so stubborn. If you want to lose weight for you then that’s fine, but I don’t want you to have it in your head that you need to do it for me. You’re perfect to me.” he stated, earning an eye roll from me. 

“Alright Ru, let’s get this over with.” I sighed, secretly melting at how sweet and thoughtful he is. 

===============================

Goofing off in the store was all fun in games until I saw him..

Nick.

The guy that shredded my heart, still yet to be fixed. The guy that messed me up so bad I never thought I was deserving of love until Rudy came into my life. Rudy was in the middle of talking to me when I abruptly spun around and high tailed it out of the aisle. 

“What’s wrong?” Rudy asked as soon as he caught up to me. 

“We need to leave.” I declared.

“Babe, we haven’t even made it through half the store I-” he spoke.

“Hey y/n, long time no see.” someone said, my blood turning to ice. I turned around to see Nick with some of his friends, smirking at me. 

“Um..” I stuttered.

“Who’s blondie?” Nick scoffed, pointing at Rudy. 

“I’m her boyfriend.” Rudy said, glancing between the two of you. He must have put the pieces together from the very uncomfortable expression on my face.

“Boyfriend? Really y/n? You’re so desperate you hired someone to be your boyfriend? Pathetic really...” he laughed, his friends joining. I just wanted to ground to swallow me whole, I had to turn my head so they didn’t get the satisfaction of seeing me cry.

“You’re Nick, the piece of shit who thinks he can just toy with women how he pleases.” Rudy concluded.

“Guilty, y/n and I had a good run didn’t we?” Nick commented, going to touch my shoulder.

“You lay one finger on her and I swear to god you’ll regret it.” Rudy said, his voice going an octave lower. 

“Oh please man, you seriously don’t have to keep your act up. How much is she paying you?” Nick asked, tilting his head.

“Not that it’s any of your business, but this isn’t an act.” Rudy hissed.

“Guys that look like us man don’t go for fat chicks.” Nick chuckled.

“The fuck did you just say?” Rudy bellowed, getting in Nick’s face. I had to intervene now, I couldn’t risk a fight in the middle of the store.

“Rudy please, he’s not worth it.” I said, tugging on his sleeve.

“Nice seeing you again y/n, remember what I said last time we spoke.” Nick cackled, leaving with his posse.

“What did that fucker say to you?” Rudy inquired, his chest heaving with anger.

“I’ll tell you when we get back, let’s just go to a different store.” I offered, checking out whatever we had in hand before heading to the car.

================================

Rudy spent way more than I told him he could, but I wasn’t surprised he didn’t listen to me. It took us four trips to carry in all the stuff we bought, I’m sure I’d be stocked up for a year now. I was seriously exhausted, and my mood hadn’t gotten any better since our run in with Nick. Rudy had tried to cheer me up, but I think he knew that my mood wouldn’t be saved tonight.

I planned on taking a quick shower, but I couldn’t stop my mind running through my past. My chest started to burn, my hand came over my mouth to conceal my sobs. I had hoped the water would drown out my cries, but Rudy still heard them. He shed his clothes and jumped in the shower, taking me in his arms. I leaned my head on his chest as I sobbed, his lips moving to kiss my wet hair. 

“I don’t understand! What did I ever do to deserve that!? I did everything for him! I was some sick game our whole relationship, how fucked up is that?” I laughed humorlessly.

“What did he say to you?” he inquired.

“He told me that I would never find someone to love me, that I was undeserving of love, and that I was the ugliest being on this Earth who was stupid to think I ever stood a chance with him.” I recalled.

“That’s fucked up, you should have let me beat his ass.” Rudy muttered, switching places with me so he could wash his hair.

“He’ll get his karma one day, someone will shred his heart beyond repair just like he did mine.” I whispered.

“I’ll have the best time repairing it then,” Rudy shrugged, leaning to plant a sweet kiss to my lips.

“Are you sure you want to go through that Rudy, I-I’m not...I’m not as happy go lucky as everyone thinks I am, I’m broken deep on the inside.” I said, shaking my head as I looked down to the tile.

“I wouldn’t of chased after you if I didn’t want all of you.” he spoke, tilting my chin up.

“Well I guess so but-” I started.

“It’s you and me against the world, no one will ever compare to you y/n.” he inputted. 

I kissed him hard, a moan leaving his lips. He pinned me against the wall, showing me exactly what I meant to him....

#rudy pankow x plus size reader #rudy x plus size reader #rudy pankow x reader #rudy x reader #rudy pankow x you #rudy x you #rudy x y/n #rudy pankow x y/n #rudy pankow #rudy #rudy pankow angst #rudy angst #rudy pankow fluff #rudy fluff #rudy pankow series #rudy series #rudy pankow fic #rudy pankow imagine #rudy fic #rudy imagine #rudy pankow one shot #rudy pankow outer banks #rudy pankow obx #rudy outer banks #rudy obx #obx x plus size reader #outer banks x plus size reader #obx rudy #outer banks rudy

[allthecanadianpolitics]

Some Manitobans laid off amid COVID-19 restrictions say they're struggling to afford life-saving diabetes medication as the health benefits through their former work plans run out.

Frances Matlock is one of many Manitobans to lose a job during provincewide restrictions that closed a range of businesses.

The mother of two, one of them a two-month old baby, usually works three jobs. She is now down to one.

She was laid off from a part-time job during widespread closures in March, and it happened to be the one with a health-care plan that covered her nine-year-old son's diabetes needs. Those benefits ran out last month.

"I went to the pharmacy and ended up with one heck of a sticker shock," said Matlock — the pharmacist told her it would be $390 for insulin and supplies that day.

"I had to walk around the grocery store and put all my groceries back in order to be able to afford that, which made it significantly difficult in that moment, because I almost cried in the middle of a store during a pandemic."

Continue Reading.

Tagging: @politicsofcanada

#Healthcare #Diabetes #Insulin #Covid19 #cdnpoli #canada #canadian politics #canadian news #canadian #Manitoba

[hemmingslftv]

18 from the prompt list with luke!!!

Going public // L.H

Rating: T

Word count: 1.4k

Warning: none

Requested: based on the prompt “I promise I will never let anything bad happen to you”. Requests are open! (and they don’t have to be necessarily based on the prompts)

A/N: I don’t know how I feel about this one. At first, I didn’t know what to write with this prompt and then I got this idea but I feel like it was better in my head? Idk. I’m thinking about writing a second part to this so tell me if you’d want it. Feedback is appreciated, enjoy!

Masterlist

“Why don’t we do it now? This way, when lockdown ends, we’ll be able to go on a proper date, I want to take you to that restaurant you said you loved”

You and Luke had been dating for a while and you had spent self-isolation at his house, falling even more in love with him (and Petunia) that you were before. You had met through your best friend, who happened to walk Petunia when Luke was too busy. When you first started seeing each other, he explained he hadn’t had the best experiences with his exes and the public eye, so he preferred to wait until you told anyone, and until now, only your closest friends knew about it.

It had been hard for you, especially at the beginning. You were used to having dinner dates or just going for a walk with the person you were getting to know so it was weird not being able to go out together. But it was all worth it because you enjoyed every moment you got to spend at his house, at yours or at a party with many more people around, you didn’t care as long as he was there. After only three or four “dates” you realized you were falling for him, and you were falling fast. So, when he asked you to spend quarantine at his house, you had no doubt about accepting. You could easily work from there and you lived by yourself so you figured it would be better to have some company, not even knowing for how long you’d have to stay inside.

After almost 5 months of living together, your relationship had gotten a lot stronger. At this point, you had shared with each other all your secrets, you knew each other’s routines and you had learned to read each other as if you had known each other your whole lives. 

A few days ago Luke had suggested you told your families. His mum already knew about it, since she was the person Luke trusted the most, but she was excited to talk to you for the first time. After the skype call with his family and how smooth it had been, you were thrilled to tell your parents. 

You didn’t expect their reaction at all since they were everything but supportive. They got angry at you for lying to them and hiding the relationship in the first place and then they started to bomb Luke with questions when you told them he was a singer. They even said they were sure he had better options than you and would leave you as soon as all this covid19 situation ended. It was Luke who ended the call, furious they were insinuating you weren’t good enough for him when you were everything he had ever dreamt of. That night you cried yourself to sleep on his arms, sad and frustrated, while he kept repeating softly at you ear how lucky he was to have you by his side.

It was a rough night and it made you realized that not everyone’s reaction was going to be good. You hadn’t really stopped to think about what people would think before, but now that you had, it was terrifying. You were confident and you felt proud of your achievements but you knew you weren’t perfect. You had your insecurities and you were afraid people would point them out. What if everyone thought you weren’t good enough for Luke? What if he really deserved someone better than you? 

You had been so focused on building a strong relationship between you two that you were now afraid that letting others in would ruin it. But you knew it had to be done sooner or later, you couldn’t live in the comfort of his house forever, not that you would mind, but things had to get slowly back to normal. 

“Babe, are you sure it is the right time to go public? Everyone has a lot of free time and spends the day on social media” you asked, hoping he would give you a few more days to get used to the idea.

“Yes, I am more than ready now. I know it was me who told you we should wait but after spending all this time in quarantine with you, I just wanna show you to the world and show them our love. I’ve never felt as comfortable with anyone as I do with you and I want the fans to see it, I want them to know you’re the reason I’m happy. Besides, they suspect I have a girlfriend already and I want them to know who did my makeup on CALM’s release and who helped me film the wildflower music video. I love you, and I want them to know you”

“How are you so cheesy?” you giggled and pressed your lips together on a short peck. “Okay, how should we do it?”

“I was thinking we could just post something on Instagram, it’s the easiest way” 

“Yeah, let’s take some pics!”

“What? Like now?”

“Yeah now”

“But we look like shit”

“Speak for yourself Hemmings, and that’s the point, cozy homey vibes” he laughed and nodded. 

You moved the mirror so it was in front of your bed and arranged the bedsheets. He sat on the bed with his back pressed to the wall and you sat in between his legs. After a few minutes of him and you trying to take the perfect picture with your phones, you decided you had enough to choose from. 

“Wait here, I’ll be back in a sec”, you told him, getting up from the bed and going downstairs to get your polaroid camera. “I want to keep a physical memory of this moment, the last few minutes of us being private, of our relationship being just ours”, you said once you were back on the room. 

Luke looked up from his phone screen and smiled at you. He opened his arms as a sign for you to get closer to him. You placed the camera carefully on the bed and hugged him, sitting on top of his legs with yours wrapped around him.

“That was a little dramatic, are you okay?” you sighed and sat up looking at him.

“Yes, I’m okay. It’s just that I’ve been thinking and I’m scared of the media and the fan’s reaction. I hadn’t thought much about it but after my parents... what if everyone thinks I’m not good enough?”

“Shh... don’t even think that. You’re perfect for me, I swear to god”

“But you know people are mean online and I’m not like you. I’m just a normal girl, not a singer, not a supermodel, not an influencer, not nearly as pretty as your exes, I’m just me”

“And you are everything I need, and the most beautiful person I’ve met” you smiled shily and rested your head on his chest, wrapping your arms around his torso once again.

“I know, but I’ve never had a public life and I guess I’m afraid people will judge me, criticize me, my body, or question my actions or my decisions, you know?”

“Believe me, I get it, babe. And I know it is a hard decision, I’m sorry I’m making you go through it but you know it would be impossible to keep this from them forever”

“No, I know, I want to go out with you like a normal couple, and I knew what I was getting into when I met you, you don’t have to be sorry”

“I’m not gonna lie to you sweetheart, some people are probably gonna send us hate or comment hurtful things and there’s not much we can do about it” you nodded in understanding “but, besides that, I promise I will never let anything bad happen to you, I will protect you over anything, do you hear me? And I know you don’t need anyone to protect you, but just in case” you giggled.

“Thank you, babe, I think I needed to hear that. It’s just scary to expose myself to the world”

“I know. But I’m here to defend you, babygirl, always”

You took the polaroid and laid together on your bed while you choose the pictures you were gonna upload and edited them. Once they were ready, you posted them at the same time and turned off your phones to enjoy a relaxing shower together.

#5sos #luke hemmings #hemmingslftv #requested #anonymous #prompt list #luke hemmings blurb #luke hemmings blurbs #5sos blurb #5sos blurbs #luke hemmings fluff #luke hemmings fluffs #5sos fluff #5sos fluffs #luke hemmings one shot #5sos one shot #luke hemmings imagine #luke hemmings imagines #5sos imagine #5sos imagines #luke hemmings fic #luke hemmings fics #5sos fic #5sos fics #luke hemmings fanfic #5sos fanfic #luke hemmings fanfiction #5sos fanfiction

[ughthatimagineblog]

another world | preview

azriel x reader

requested:  Hey, I saw you were doing requests for azriel in ACOTAR and I've been having a lot of Azriel feels lately and was wondering if you could an Azriel x reader where the reader has come from this world and has read the books and is all like ??? and finds the Inner Circle to ask for help to get home and then her and Az fall in love and are mates and it's quite angsty because he can't leave his family but she can't stay but then she gets turned into Fae somehow and happy ending eventually. Is that ok?

word count: 966

warnings: literally none i think other than cursing in the authors note and ofc covid19,,, but be cautious

a/n: this is my first attempt at writing something long/for azriel again after a long time so im sorry if it’s shite and short. its also kinda just the preview. i needed something to get the ball rolling and the plot is so,,, detailed i couldnt just start from fuckall so here this flaming pile of garbage is. PS I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT I MIGHT BE SELLING ARTWORK SOON. ill be posting a few of my works and if people become interested in asking for commissions ill be glad to sell. i dont have a job currently and its hard to get one b/c of COVID19 so this is kinda a last ditch resort so.. anywho. love yall and youll see anya’s art soon-ish. in the next two weeks hopefully. anyways please enjoy

      Crap. That's all you could think as the pounding in your head made it impossible to truly come up with any other coherent thoughts. The light that poured through the windows of the unfamiliar house burned your eyes and the bed you now laid on was stiff and old. You were nowhere near home. Reaching for your phone in your pockets you cursed yourself, and your friends, for allowing you to drink so much. It seems that you had gotten so drunk, you’d landed yourself in thirteenth century England, or whatever the hell. Of course realistically this wasn’t true but wherever the hell you were, it seemed as though the person who lived here hadn’t been ‘with the times’ so to speak.       A second assessment of your surroundings just confirmed that thought. The wood beneath your feet was old and looked worn and rotten. The bed is equally worn with no entertainment devices in sight. It seemed to be a studio, however you had been convinced it was a house, but alas, there was a wash station and a kitchen table no less than thirty feet from where you sat. Of course, no one was anywhere to be seen and to top it all off, your phone had no signal. None. It was even as if the section at the top left was blank which was completely abnormal. And you would have more time to question it if it weren’t for the front door clamoring open and a tall figure emerge through the doorway.

       “Oh good, you’re awake.” The tall female muttered and wiped off her clothes. “Where am i?” You questioned quickly, fear wavering in your voice as you realized she was dressed quite oddly. A soft tunic that would have definitely dated back to the thirteenth century and some trousers and footwear that had seen better days. She gave you a puzzled look. “Prythian, dear.” She scoffed and went to the wash basin to set down the food you had just realized she had been carrying. “Where is that?” You pushed further. How long had you been out for?        The lady gave you another odd look before busying herself again. “Where are we? Somewhere in England? Anywhere in Britain? It sounds British. Are we in America? Where?”       “Prythian. The continent.” She stated, her looks of concern soon matching your own. “I have no clue how you ended up all the way in the Night Court, but no matter, I’ll bring you to Velaris before sundown and surely our High Lord will return you to the human lands.” She went on and you had to sit back down for a moment. “Human lands...?” You muttered to yourself and glanced back at the woman. Pointed ears, slender face and extreme beauty. Your memory, which had completely forgotten you until now, was slowly returning.         Prythian. It sounded familiar. You just assumed you’d heard it in a world history or apush class. No, you’d heard it from a book. Yes, a fantasy book. But that wasn’t possible.      “Rhysand. Rhysand is your High Lord?” You asked, narrowing your eyes. The girl’s face lit up. “Yes! So you do know about Prythian! You’re not a lost cause after all!” Ignoring the backhanded comment you attempted to make more sense of the situation. “I must be dreaming.” You shook your head and began to stand, suddenly feeling light headed. “If you’re so eager to go, I can take you now, I can assure you you are not dreaming.” She confirmed. You nodded. “Take me now then. Please. I don’t belong here.” With some more hesitant conversation, the woman, who’s name was Rinna, agreed to take you to Velaris sooner than later. She lived on the outskirts of the city, just before the glamour took hold, and knew you were human and in turn gave you all of the essentials. Warm clothes that didn’t look out of place, a bag for your things, and some food.      “It’s an hour’s journey over mountain so be prepared.” She warned. You nodded before leaving her cottage and mounting one of the two horses she had owned.          You needed to figure out what had happened. The last thing you remember was being with your close friend and laughing in a bathroom at a party you two were at. And then everything was blank after that. You had read, and loved A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J Maas but never in a million years did you think you would ever find yourself so far from home, and so close to the world you had loved. You now realized why books were just books. They were easy to love from afar. But so close, so very very close, they became scary. Too real. You were far from home, with no idea how to get back. You hadn’t said goodbye to anyone and without warning, your whole life was gone. And in reality, you knew no one here. Except now maybe Rinna, and technically all of the Inner Circle. But they didn’t know you. And that made all the difference.       You would figure out how to get home no matter what it took. You needed to get home. And as much as finding yourself in the ultimate fantasy world secretly excited you, it scared you. Greatly. You were human in the land of the fae about to meet the strongest High Lord in history. And you had no defenses. But now was no time to be weak. If loving these books had taught you anything, it was that being scared was the perfect time to be brave. You would meet your essential heroes but you would also find your way back home and have a hell of a story waiting for everyone when you got back.

-

well that was fucking shite. hope you enjoyed lol i love yall PS READ THE AUTHORS NOTE!!!!!!!!!!!

#azriel x reader #azriel acotar x reader #azriel acotar #shadowsinger x reader #shadowsinger acotar #shadowsinger #acotar #acowar #acomaf #acofas #crescent city #house of earth and blood #sarah j maas #sjm #sjmaas

[louandhazaf]

ANNUAL WRITING SELF EVALUATION

1. List of works published this year:

Feeling it Out (Hazoff) : Harry lost the grip on his towel, and it fluttered to the ground. The other guy took a step forward, reached down to pick it up, and stepped closer to Harry to return it. Close enough for Harry to see the occasional grey hidden in his beard, the unruly pit hair, still wet and clumped together, the way his dark chest hair continued down, through the middle of his belly and directly to his—      Harry jerked his eyes up to see the the other guy's questioning look.

lost in my head (Larry) : Louis had been, until about a year prior, the love of Harry’s life.

battling on the regular (Louis/Sam Fender) : Sam rearranges all the thoughts in his head that had been bouncing around since Louis had said relationship shit. Gone are flouncy bottle blondes who are not so subtly taking advantage of him and instead there’s Calvin Harris, breaking his heart. As if Calvin Harris deserves someone kind and generous like Louis to begin with.

Campus Creatures (Larry) (cowrite with @kingsofeverything) : It’s senior year for werewolf Louis Tomlinson and vampire Harry Styles, and as presidents of their respective fraternities, they’re determined to do it right.     Though what that means is anybody’s guess.

Those Hometown Lights (Lilo) : Louis came back into the screen a few moments later. He was in the faded red lifeguard trunks that Liam had spent many an afternoon drooling over from afar, but now it was practically a second set of skin, cupping his dick obscenely and leaving absolutely nothing to Liam’s imagination.     “Sometimes I can’t tell if I look any different, but I guess those squats are paying off,” Louis says with a laugh. He does half of one, with his back towards Liam, his thighs tensing and the seams of the bathing suit pulling tight.

Nothing but Time on His Dirty Hands (Larry) : Harry enjoys his daydream about Louis Tomlinson.

A+ Patient (Larry) : Harry hated everything about the dentist—the antiseptic smell and the bright light in his face and the disappointment in himself and the suction thingy that kept his mouth too dry.      But the thing he hated the most was how in love with his dentist he was.

Tommo the Tease (Nouis) :  Seeing Tommo relaxed and shirtless in person was a whole lot different than seeing him gleaming and shirtless on a camboy video.

When We Hold On (To The Past) (Zouis) : “Not a story to tell while we’re fucking,” Louis said with half a laugh. Zayn could drop the subject and keep fucking him, keep the strings from getting attached, pretend that they weren’t getting closer than Louis was comfortable with. Or Zayn could choose the opposite path—which he did.

Golden (Larry) : Harry makes a costly wish.

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

OOF. Well, I’d say either Feeling It Out -- because the Hazoff pairing was really hard to capture and the fact that I got through it and posted it means I should give myself a pat on the back -- or else When We Hold On (To The Past) because I had been wanting to write fallen angel Louis for literal years and I finally found a way to make it happen. 

3. Work you are least proud of (and why): 

Eh. I’ll go with Tommo the Tease because I forgot that I wrote it and then when compiling the list for #1 I put it as a Larry fic and then I just happened to catch the pairing and realized it was Nouis which means I wrote a Nouis fic this year and totally forgot about it???? So I must not love it. Which is fine! But therefore I’m not exactly proud of it.  

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

This feels like a bit of a copout since it’s also the summary, but I really adore this moment of When We Hold On (To The Past)

“Not a story to tell while we’re fucking,” he said with half a laugh. Zayn could drop the subject and keep fucking him, keep the strings from getting attached, pretend that they weren’t getting closer than Louis was comfortable with. Or Zayn could choose the opposite path—and he did—of pulling his fingers out and wiping them down and sitting comfortably, with his wide, intense eyes boring into Louis.

I just really love the idea of Louis trying so hard to keep a distance from Zayn, and then opening up for him (heh, while he was being opened up by him) by giving Zayn a choice, of either the physical or the emotional? I think this fic is a lot about living with the choices you’ve made, and this moment is sort of a corner where their relationship is going to change in major ways -- both because of Zayn’s choice to dig deeper emotionally and Louis’ choice to take another risk. 

5. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

All of them. Literally every nice comment, every kudos, every fic rec... each one brings joys to my life. 

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

I mean.... motions vaguely to all of 2020. A quick summary of my year - I was laid off on 12/31 so I started the year jobless. Then we uprooted my family due to Covid19. I’ve been jobless all year. I decided to stay in the new location, so I’ve effectively moved... but my husband is still in the old location. I’ve come out as non-binary, I’ve done a lot of thinking about what I want my future to look like, I’ve been home schooling, and I’ve a year that is basically a total transition. So basically, all year writing was really, really hard. But since about end of summer, writing has been so hard that I haven’t done it at all. 

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

Looking back, I’m surprised I wrote so many pairings! Hazoff, Larry, Louis/Sam, Lilo, Nouis, & Zouis! 

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

to be honest, I’m not sure I did, but more importantly, I managed to write 10 fics during a global pandemic, so I’m not going to beat myself up about it. 

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

ha. Well. At this point simply getting back into the habit of writing would be a huge win for me, so let’s go with that. 

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

Literally everyone who was able to write during this year??? Like, I know how hard it’s been for me, and to still get to visit ao3 and have new works to read and to get to cheer my friends on, that has brought me so much happiness and stability and I can’t express enough how amazing it is to be part of such a great community

11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

Other than ongoing themes of learning to communicate, and the Lilo fic happening during the pandemic, nope. 

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

I am not in a headspace to be offering up wisdom, but I hope other writers know how valued they are! 

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

Yes. ha. There are some. I’m going to hold my cards close to my chest though. 

14. Tag three writers whose answers you’d like to read.

@kingsofeverything @disgruntledkittenface @lululawrence

*All answers should be about works published in 2020. Also, you can skip any questions you hate or don’t want to answer, but please leave them on the list so that others can do them if they want.

(also, here’re my responses from 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019)

#this one is a little early this year but i'm not going to post anything else this year #so here we are #ha #whinging on about my writing

[wickedpact]

anyways @ THE ANON THAT ASKED ABOUT THE GREG RUCKA PODCAST TRANSCRIPT: i did it

Long Ass Post under cut

(literally not kidding there’s an hour long podcast worth of transcript under this cut)

Mimi: Hi I'm Mimi Chan, welcome to culture chat, thanks for joining the conversation. Hi everyone, happy Friday. You might want to watch The Old Guard movie on Netflix before listening today.  You can also read my film review to get hyped up for viewing – which is linked here.

Greg Rucka and Leandro Fernández‘s The Old Guard comic has been adapted to film that is available for viewing on Netflix.  As the writer of both the comic and screenplay, Greg brings insights on the movie and the decisions behind some of the deviations from the comic.

For fans of the comic, have no fear, the characters and story follow pretty closely to the original.  I am fortunate that I developed a friendship with Greg during our weekly conversations and felt comfortable asking candid questions about the adaptation.

Greg shares insights about the film that prompts a discussion on how the film speaks to the crisis our country is currently in amidst the covid19 pandemic and the lack of accountability from our government.

The Old Guard, directed by Gina Prince-Bythewood, is available on Netflix now starring an amazing cast including: Charlize Theron and Chiwetel Ejiofor.

For those that don’t already know: Greg Rucka is a New York Times bestselling author of hundreds of comics and nearly two dozen novels. He has written for film, television, and video games. His career has included critically acclaimed and Eisner-winning work in both the creator-owned and work-for-hire arenas.

I’m loving these conversations and hope you are too.  If you are, please rate my podcast on your platform of choice.

Finally, if you would like to support with a donation, you can become a patron of the show by visiting my website or Patreon.com. For comments or suggestions, please email me at [email protected] or reach out on social media @sifumimichan. Now on with the show! 

 [the phonecall starts]

Mimi: Hello, hello, Greg Rucka!

Greg: How you doing, Mimi?

Mimi:  Great since last week, um, I'm great also because I got to watch The Old Guard!

Greg: [BIG GASP] You did?

Mimi: I did, I did! Apparently I qualify as a real journalist to Netflix. [laughs]

Greg: [also laughs] Right, you sent the media inquiry and they said ‘sure’!

Mimi:  I said, ‘you know, what? It would be great if I actually saw this before talking to Greg, and then I could really have a conversation.’ And I was like, ‘wait, why don't I just check if I can?’ And then naturally--

Greg: Lo and behold!

Mimi: Yeah, if you ask, uh, you know,? That’s when things get done.

Greg: [finishing her 'if you ask' thought] --you shall receive, yeah.

Mimi:  That's right, that's right.

Greg:  It's interesting to me because I know that for some people... you know, they had no problem getting access...

Mimi:  Yeah.

Greg: And then, you know, the friends and family screenings were a freaking nightmare to arrange.

Mimi:  Oh really?

Greg: And they were like 'oh no you can only give it to only like seven people'

Mimi: Yeah.

Greg: And it's like 'oh hey dudes calm down' but, you know, uh, it won't matter come midnight tonight--

Mimi: That's right!

Greg: --Everyone's gonna have access!

Mimi: That's right. so I was so excited to be able to watch it and, um, man-- I almost feel bad talking to you right now because I feel like you must be really kind of exhausted from talking about the film --as much as you love it! I just I can only imagine that it's been hour after hour after hour of inquiry, so I feel a little guilty.

Greg:  There has been a lot of talking about the movie, yes. There has not been a lot of talking about the movie with you, however, so that that does distinguish it.

 Mimi: Ah, you are too kind to me, too kind to me. So, first of all-- and you're gonna have to sit here and just take it -- I'm just so unbelievably excited for you and a huge congratulations-- I mean-- I already knew from the trailer, that it was going to be a quality and just an intense and well-written film, because you wrote it. But, upon watching it --you know, of course, you know, Oscar [her bf or husband maybe?] got to jump into my media pass. He was privy!

Greg:  I was gonna say, did you say 'you can't come in here while I watch it', you know?

Mimi: I mean, you know-- he's not gonna tell anyone. But we were, we were completely enamored. We were super super excited, and it wasn't just an action film, you know. I think beyond that, what you and Gina brought to it was just-- the strength of the characters, which is something you and I have discussed so much, and how that is what drives a story, and so beyond it being a good movie I just really feel like you were able to tell the story that you conveyed-- not only in the comic, but, you know, come to life. And so I'm, I was, I'm just so excited for you.

Greg:  And I'm delighted to hear it

Mimi: I have been reading reviews-- I wrote my own little review-- you know, since I got the access and all, I felt like obligated but, um, obviously, I'm not the only one with this opinion. You must feel-- I guess validated is the wrong word, because I think, you know where you stand with your work, but it must feel really good being your first screenplay.

Greg:  I-- wow. um. Hm. I -- so Netflix sends, um, an email like on average once a day, sometimes it's been twice a day, with sort of like 'here's the press round up'!

 Mimi: Yeah

Greg: And so I’ve woken up the last couple days to 'here are the reviews!' and I immediately delete. Right? Because I don't want to see them, um... and that's just me, right. That’s just me trying to negotiate how I feel about... reviews and my relationship with them. And, it isn't the most mature way to deal with them, I am the first to admit, um, but I-- for better or worse, I'm in a place where I feel like, well if I invest in a review --that is a positive review-- the amount of work... um... the amount of work required to do the due diligence on the reviewer and also on then, say, negative reviews is such that I just-- I'm not going-- I can't devote it.

Mimi: Right, mm-hm, yeah, it's a rabbit hole.

Greg:  So some of the reviews-- and all that said, some of this stuff is getting to me anyway, right, I mean, I got-- you know people text me and 'oh look here's a review' and it is gratifying as hell. Uh... at the end of the day --and I learned this with my novels pretty early on, is that at the end of the day, you know, a great review is wonderful, and it'll make you feel good about yourself, and maybe it'll sell more books... but at a certain point in -- and you know this-- you've experienced this... as you make the thing, and then at a certain point it goes into the world and all you can do is be like... you know, ‘are you wearing clean underwear and hopefully you'll find a safe home’ [<-- he’s talking like he's the story's mother with that statement]. You know, hopefully-- hopefully there will-- there are people out there that will embrace. So the extension of that is that... Netflix reaches something like 130 million plus households around the world. alright, Um, I'm pretty sure out of a theoretical 130 million people who might see the movie, uh, you know -- I would be surprised if, you know, 30 percent of them didn't-- you know-- couldn't stand it. I wouldn't-- I wouldn't be surprised. Right? There are going to be people who are going to see it and it's not going to be their thing.

Mimi:  Yeah

Greg: they're not-- it's not going to speak to them-- they're not going to like the choices that we made-- that they're going to be offended, or just bored or whatever. And... Can’t do anything about it!

Mimi:  Yeah.

Greg: All I can do is stand beside the work that we've created and say I am proud of what we did here, and I feel that we, um, we honored the source material, and --I believe -- in many ways improved on it.

Mimi: Yeah and that's something I definitely want to get into. I mean my take was obviously-- I'm a fan of your comics, so I know the comic, I know the story, and the immediate thing as a comic book quote unquote fan is like: you're comparing, right, you're comparing the story, you're comparing the characters-- and, you know, when I wrote my little review I thought about what I could say, you know, I could I could criticize action, I could talk about this... but I really feel -- and this maybe, it's because you and I have been talking for like 11 or 12 weeks straight now, it's literally like... the perfect story at a time when we need it most.  I think there's strong women, there's a diverse cast, and ass kicking to greedy individuals of the world is exactly what we need right now!

Greg: Like oh yeah, there's some lovely wish fulfillment. Yes, you know, it's like 'oh, you know, rich selfish pharma asshole? Yeah oh no you got an axe in your head! Too bad!'

Mimi: I know! I was like, ‘so Greg, so Greg!’ and-- you know, we've talked about this before like now that I'm reading your novels and your prose, it's, it's I hear you speaking to me in my head even though usually it's an audio book-- and so even watching the film Oscar and I immediately were like 'I wonder what pharma did to piss him off recently' and, you know, so it's just it's so great--

Greg: Exist!

Mimi: -- to be able to kind of watch it-- [laughing] Exist, right right.  So, um, so let's talk about--

Greg [gearing himself up]: Let's talk about insulin prices maybe, uh, you know, I mean. Doesn’t take much--

Mimi: Yeah and you and I discussed this, uh, previously as well that you do feel that at the end of the day you wrote a better story, and I already put a disclaimer at the top of this podcast that yeah--

[Both at once] total spoiler alerts big spoiler alerts!

Mimi: --but there's no way I'm not going to talk to you about it! Which is, um, you know, the ending obviously is so, uh, different than what was laid out in the comic. One is, uh, Andy is still bleeding! What the hell! [laughs] so that's the first thing. But my big takeaway and the thing I loved, and I think that was probably a decision by both you and Gina, um, was Nile really becoming kind of the heroine and finding herself in her own, but also really the one to bring everyone back to what was purposeful and what was meaningful-- finding that why, you know, and I think that was a really really powerful choice and I actually really enjoyed that choice. So I was wondering, um, you know, for you of course knowing the story already, and then going 'okay here I am going to adapt' it like at what point did you realize like-- that was something that needed to change?

Greg:  Well, um, I mean if people have been listening to interviews some of this is going to sound a little repetitious. I will say that, you know, the first draft of the screenplay I did with, uh, Matt Grimm(?) as sort of my producer in quotes, at Skydance and when we finished it-- or when I finished it-- and he had given me all the notes and I’d done revisions, and we put it in front of Don Granger(?) at Skydance-- and Granger came back with three notes. And I have dealt with a lot of Hollywood types and in the main-- most of their notes are crap. And Granger has yet to give me a note that wasn't spot dead on. And the biggest of the three was, um, you know, he said-- I really like-- it's really good-- he says ‘Nile has no impact whatsoever on this plot. Um, if you remove her the story changes, but the plot doesn't’. And I sat there and I went-- you know, bewildered -- and I sort of looked at the source material and I was like 'you are absolutely correct. You are absolutely 100% correct'. So the big thing that happened between the first draft and the second draft was that I thought of the second draft as-- this is the Nile draft-- like the first draft had been the Andy story. And then the second draft was me going, ‘okay you have the Andy story, now what is the Nile story? Really really take a look at that and figure out how to bone it up’. So and I honestly think that in large part it was the execution of that, uh, was one of the things that Gina responded to so strongly when she was given the screenplay. And then when Gina came aboard, there was just consistent work in fine-tuning not just Andy and Nile but everybody else's stories throughout the work. But it was, um, it was absolutely, you know, I mean-- it was-- it was-- it was malice of forethought. It was-- it was 'Nile has to be able to shoulder this and we need to serve her well'

Mimi: Yeah and--

Greg:  Andy was never the question, it really was: can we do right for Nile?

Mimi: Yeah no and that really definitely shines through. And I think there's that says so much about you as a writer, as a screenwriter, as a storyteller, because there are a lot of people, um, that would not be able to have that humility in writing and maybe take that feedback and criticism. because, you know, this was not like you adapted someone else's comic, like this was already your comic, you know, so they're basically giving you notes on what's already your story-- and did you find that aspect of it, uh, challenging or was it just kind of second nature-- because I know you as a person, so I know that you would take criticism well, if it is well meant and if it was constructive. but at the same time when you're in it though, and you've put so much work into those drafts--  it's not like 'oh let me just write this' and it takes five minutes, you know? You put so much into it. So how's that process for you?

Greg: You know, it was not-- it wasn't as difficult as some people seem to think it might have been. And maybe it's simply that I'm at an age where I'm able to look at my work with some degree of objectivity and I, long ago, past the point of believing that, uh... that that the work can't be improved. and I went into the process eyes very wide open, you know, I think one of the reasons Skydance was willing to let me write the drafts was because I made it clear up front that I understood... The movie was not the comic. It needed to be a different thing, and one of the things that they were adamant about were the things that I kept. Now, I had a conversation with Granger once where I said 'I'm kind of surprised nobody ever came to me and said ‘you got to get rid of that armored car sequence' and he looked at me and he said 'if that hadn't been in there I would have wanted to know why, and I would have made you put it back. That’s one of the things that we bought' for instance. So I think, you know, if there was anything to recommend me, it was that I entered the process... fully aware that this had to be a different animal.

Mimi: Yeah, yeah.

Greg: And that was liberating. And there are certain things-- for instance, you know, um, in the comic book there's the sequence in the Paris safe house on the stairs in the apartment. And when Charlize came on one of the first notes was 'we're gonna have to change that sequence'. Because in recent memory Charlize Theron has done a pretty intense action sequence--

Mimi: Yeah.

Greg: --coming down the stairs in an apartment.

 Mimi: Atomic Blonde, yeah

Greg: You got it! And it was like oh that-- that's a gimme. And the result of that was the discovery of Goussainville right, which is this real town 30 minutes outside of Paris that is a ghost town; it's been a ghost town since the early 1970s.

Mimi: Wow, yeah it was a beautiful location

Greg: Yeah and-- and the place is real, and they didn't shoot in Goussainville. They shot-- they shot that at the same place where they shot the medieval castle flashbacks. 

Mimi: Okay. 

Greg: That's all the same estate.

Mimi: Nice, nice.

Greg: It's about an hour outside of London. Which gives you an idea of the magic--

Mimi: Of the magic of movies yeah! And do you feel like maybe because your experience as a comic book collaborator... like you have to collaborate. I’ve learned about this a lot more as I’ve spoken to so many creators -- like you and Michael for instance-- on Lazarus, like the way you collaborate, it's not 'I write you draw, period' like-- you-- there's a lot of back and forth, a lot of questioning of your decisions and-- ‘arguing’ may be the wrong term, but, you know, there is a lot of, uh, collaboration in terms of Michael giving you feedback and vice versa, and not feeling like 'oh you're stepping in my territory'. Do you feel like that is probably something that maybe even conditioned you for the screenwriting process?

Greg:  I think so. If -- I mean-- I don't wanna-- I don't wanna pat myself on the back over much. But I do think that I am, um, I think I'm certainly a willing collaborator if not always a good collaborator on projects. Um, that if the people I am working with... want to engage that collaboration, I tend to respond to it very well. Um, and I think that's something that absolutely was learned through comics. And I can think, you know, immediately of Gotham Central which doesn't exist if Ed Brubaker(?) and I don't learn how to work together with Michael Lark(?) very quickly and very adeptly--which to this day, is one of my favorite collaborations in comics ever. I don't think you get to work, like, 52 for DC, um, if you don't learn how to collaborate, and to collaborate well.

Mimi:  Exactly.

Greg: Which isn't always which isn't always saying 'yes and' sometimes you have to put your foot down and say 'no but'

 Mimi: Yeah.

Greg: Um, and there were plenty of arguments to be had, you know, in the process of this. Um, but most of those arguments frankly didn't occur until really late in the stage, and they were always focused to the same end. It was never-- that-- there was never an argument about, um-- there was never an argument about intent. there was always an argument about 'what's the best way to do it' right, 'what's the best way to execute' and, you know, I lost as many of those as I won, and... In the end... it seems to have all worked out, because, you know-- it is by no means a flawless motion picture. But I think it absolutely is a successful film. I think it does, it does, it tells its story well, it is moving, it is exciting, it is fun, it has a heart to it...and it leaves you with some questions! And they're not just plot questions-- that-- it leaves you with some stuff that if you are inclined to think about, there's a lot there's a lot to unpack.

Mimi: Absolutely. Yeah. I mean... the question, of course, that whole immortality-- like some people immediately will be like 'of course I’d want to be immortal' I'm like 'but would you want to watch everyone you know die?' and then 'all right would you be alone' and, you know, of course Booker's-- you know, um-- punishment, have you, of being alone quote unquote for a hundred years... I mean a hundred years, you know, you think-- that's a long time.

Greg:  Right.

Mimi: And so, uh, I do have to ask though what's up with Andy! Like --you're-- you left us in such a --in such a state! Oscar’s like 'you have to ask Greg what's going on with Andy' or do we not-- we cannot go there?

Greg: Look, the film has a very obviously-- very obvious 'in case of sequel break glass' scene. Right, I mean-- and that's how I've been referring to it.  The 'emergency sequel' button is right there. And all they have to do is go 'beep' and you have your entree into another story. Um, the question about Andy really is whether or not the immortality is the thing that matters, right. Where she is left at the end of the film, I think, asks some really cool questions about who this woman gets to be moving forward. Um, and should we be able to do a sequel, you bet your ass we're going to interrogate the hell out of that. Um, but... one of the things that I particularly like about the movie-- and I say this with the, you know, 'in case in case of sequel break glass' proviso, is that the movie doesn't need a sequel. The movie has an ending, it is a complete work. It does not say, uh, 'unless there is a second story this story doesn't have merit or value or mean anything'.

Mimi:  Right.

Greg: It stands absolutely on its own.

Mimi: Yeah.

Greg:  Um, should there be an Old Guard 2, then I suspect an Old Guard 2 is gonna be arguably contingent on making an Old Guard 3. That, once you enter into a second part you are actually saying 'we are we are talking about, uh, a collection, we're we're talking about a completion here' and that movement in that structure is in act 1 and act 2 and act 3. But as it stands now as you walk away from it-- all right, so maybe Andy's gonna die. You know, maybe the next day she crosses the street she's hit by a truck.

Mimi:  I'm gonna guess no on that!

Greg:  But maybe. Or maybe, maybe she gets to go for 50 years, you know, and die of old age. Finally.

Mimi:  Right, um, and I liked what she said, when there was that realization point by others that, you know, she was possibly losing her mortality and she said 'it doesn't matter, we go in the same way, and we come out the same way, as we always did' so nothing changes.

Greg: ‘This changes nothing’

Mimi: ‘This changes nothing’. And that really resonated with me because you kind of go ‘okay it's not about the immortality or the magic or the fighting or any of that', you know, it's like, who she is and what her purpose is has been-- you know, it was just I thought it was really--

Greg:  Well and I think thematically right, um-- hold on a second sorry-- um, I think, um, thematically that that is the crucial thing right? Um, it is an issue of -- okay at the end of the day... you can strip away the whole immortality of this movie and it's still saying the same thing. And it is saying that how you live your life matters. And the decisions you make, and the choices you make, and the ways you... choose to help people, matter. And they matter beyond an accounting you will ever be privileged to see. And the... obvious and I suppose easy, um, analogy for that right now is the act of wearing a mask in public. 

Mimi: Yeah.

Greg: Your decision to wear a mask in public may save the life of somebody literally on the other side of the world.

Mimi:  Yeah.

Greg: And that may be the person who will cure cancer, I mean, to draw it really big.

Mimi:  Yeah yeah that's the ripple effect.

Greg:  Right yeah, we don't know the value of the life. And I’ve talked about this as well but, you know, if you use the good place, um, term of moral desert--

Mimi:  Yeah.

Greg:  --if you're trying to live your life in search of moral desert then-- you-- that's a fine reason to do good things, but it is a flawed motivation. That the motivation needs to be 'we do the best we can and we try to help others because that is what we should do'. And what the film is able to say 'is these people have been around long enough that it is possible to see it'

Mimi:  Yeah.

Greg: But that isn't the reason you do it, right. And Andy says --and I think this is important she says that to Booker-- you do it on faith. You know, she says to Booker, 'have a little faith, Book'. Um, that she has come through all of this with this reaffirmation, that there is that... there is a worthiness to the effort itself. That we engage in the struggle for the sake of the struggle. And I can't think of anything frankly more resonant in July of 2020 than that right now. We are living in a time, in a place that is genuinely the worst it has ever been in modern history. I mean it genuinely is.

Mimi: Yeah.

Greg:  We're looking at this-- this makes the start of World War II look like a fucking picnic. The crises that the world is facing and the bad actors who are attempting to keep it going, who are actively fighting attempts to fix it, uh, is staggering. We are facing a banality of evil at this moment that is incomprehensible, if you really start to think about it. And it is on every fucking level, you know, it's it is from foreign students we're going to kick out of the country--

Mimi:  I know that's infuriating.

Greg: The only reason to do that is to kill higher education, at a time when higher education is its most vulnerable. It’s the only reason to do it.

Mimi:  Yeah, it's all insidious

Greg: That is-- that is a-- that is a direct, direct attack on the intellect of the country. It is it is an attack trying to make the United States dumber, because the stupider we get the easier we are for these fucking fascists to control. Right, we have-- we are at war with Russia, but we have the GOP and the president refusing to admit it, because they work for Russia.

Mimi:  Yeah yeah.

Greg:  Right, but we are at war with Russia right now. All right, there's no question. We have a president who is actively promoting a white supremacist agenda, because he wants a race war, because he wants a civil war, because that way he won't have to lose the election and he won't have to leave, because if he leaves he's going to get raped to death when he goes to prison.

Mimi: Tell me how you really feel, Greg!

Greg:  We are-- we are literally at a staggering crisis.

Mimi:  Yeah yeah no, and when you're explaining all of those things about the film that was exactly what I was thinking was, well and that is why it's so frustrating when something as simple as, I hear people say ‘well I don't believe I should have to wear a mask' that's why it's so infuriating-- [they talk over each other a little]

Greg: --selfish thing to do

Mimi:  Yeah.

Greg: It is a staggering selfishness. I-- [mocking] 'oh it's hard for me to breathe wearing a face mask' it's like, 'you're the same guy who won't wear a condom because it doesn't feel good!’ you know, and it's like-- and-- I’ve got no tolerance for that, I literally have no tolerance. You know, you can't do-- it's funny, you're asking ER people to do it 24 hours a day.

Mimi:  Exactly

Greg: They seem to manage it!

Mimi: Have you seen, uh, Jon Stewart lately, he's been doing a lot of interviews and there was this one where he's like 'yeah, I mean what happened to wearing a mask as like a sign of a medical professional? So the next time you go to surgery you're to tell your surgeon 'don't you dare wear a mask, get that liberal shit away from me, because I'm an American, I don't need your mask--'

Greg: '--I don't need you I’ll take those dreams(?)--'

Mimi: Yeah yeah

Greg: It's bullshit, it's selfish bullshit, and it's propaganda.

Mimi: Yeah right.

Greg: And it comes down from, you know, it comes down from, you know, the hissy fiddler in chief.

Mimi:  Yeah. Lack of leadership.

Greg:  Exactly.

Mimi:  I'm living in it in Florida, too. Let me tell you that that trickle down is no joke, here.

Greg:  I hate to tell you, Mimi, but [sarcastic] thank you, Florida. You know. Florida: the reason why the rest of the country can't have nice things.

Mimi:  I know! Florida wins, every time it's so embarrassing!

Greg: I would be, I would consider moving [if he lived in Florida], simply because I would be infuriated.

Mimi: I know and, you know, I thought about it in 2016, but then I thought ‘I will stay and fight!’ because of you! You’re the one that wrote at the end of Lazarus to stay and fight, and now it's your fault that I'm staying! [Both laughing] 

Greg: But see and here's the thing, right-- we can, we can rag on Florida, easy target, the fact of the matter is there are plenty of Floridians who are wearing masks and looking around and being like 'what the hell is the matter with you guys'.

Mimi: Yes! So we're trying! We’re trying!

Greg: And this is the other thing the vast number of people who are trying to do right, the people who do have empathy, the people who do care, we outnumber these guys! But the problem in being in a situation where we're all in it together is it doesn't take many people who say 'I'm not in it with you' to fuck it up for everybody else. That’s the problem. And then that is tied to the fact that those of us who do look at one another with empathy are resistant to-- for instance, taking a baseball bat to the people who are ruining for the rest of us. And this is one of the things frankly that we need to get over. We need to get to a place where it is not-- it is not tolerated. We need to get to a place where-- and the starkest example is this, you know, if you're going to pull out that racist bullshit somebody needs to hit you. There was a time when racists were scared and the reason they were scared was because they got punched in the mouth. And we stopped punching Nazis in the mouth!

Mimi:  Yeah.

Greg: we've stopped punching Nazis in the mouth! And we have spent way too long right now trying to reason with people when they are working from a place that defies reason. If you start your argument with 'you don't have a right to exist'. I'm not going to convince you! I have no obligation to convince you! None! None whatsoever! You look me in the eye and you say 'because you're Jewish you should die,' I get to say, 'guess what, here's the baseball bat'. That does not engage me. I will engage you about policy decisions.

Mimi:  Mm-hmm yeah.

Greg: You know, Mark is fond of saying-- I remember he said 'I missed the days when I used to be able to argue with my republican friends about policy'.

Mimi: Yeah yeah I know.

Greg: You can't do that anymore, now it's about ideology and it's not even valid ideology. It is a demonstrably invalid ideology and we know it.

Mimi: Yeah yeah yeah the moral compass has been completely destroyed.

Greg:  And we know how that happened and we know why that happened.

Mimi:  Yeah.

Greg: And we all know that Mark Zuckerberg is not doing anything to fix it, because Mark Zuckerberg is a chicken shit.

Mimi:  Oh you mean 'Mark Zuckerberg, comma, the known pedophile'? Who doesn't believe in checking facts?

Greg: Yeah. I'm talking about Mark Zuckerberg, who was recently seen having sex with dead goats.

Mimi: [laughs] That one, okay got it. [laughs again, pause] so, uh……... The Old Guard... I'm just kidding!

Greg: No, but, okay but to bring it back around, I think that... look, there's one of the things that I love about the movie, and I think Gina and especially Charlize's performance, carries is the melancholy of it. But to end the movie on this note that Nile brings. This grace note that is, I think, it's not a call to arms, but it is an affirmation of what we can do. It doesn't matter, it literally is-- take away their immortality, the message is the same. and I'll take that message right now, man, without hesitation.

Mimi: Yeah it's true, she made the choice to get into the fight and to, you know, back up her team, her new family basically is what it is and, um, I would be amiss if I didn't talk about my unbelievable love for Nicky! [pause] and Joe! I, oh my god, [fangirling intensifies] so I loved it as much in the comic, but seeing it on screen... There was just something very magical for me, especially, you know, the scene in the truck and Joe does his 'my boyfriend' speech. you know, I-- oh my gosh. I think I rewound and rewatched that part because it was just so beautiful and so perfectly executed and, um-- that relationship to me, is just that's what I need right now. Like I need to believe in love, and I need to see, um, the happy parts of the film.

Greg: Marwan killed that, but I gotta tell you, one of my favorite moments is the moment when they're in the lab and, uh, and Nicky being like, 'much as I like watching you sleep...' and just the warmth between them on that and, you know, 'I’ve been thinking about Malta' and 'which time in Malta' and--

 [both, very cutely] 'Ah that time in Malta!'

Greg: Yeah and I just, you know, Luca and Marwan. I look-- the casting on the movie is superlative. I just --I cannot imagine how they could have cast better. But the genuine friendship between Luca and Marwan, behind the scenes. They were, you know, they were going out and drinking at night, and Leandro has a photo of the two of them, uh, between setups outside of the soundstage at Shepparton, and they're kicking a soccer ball back and forth! They just, you know, they just loved each other as people. 

Mimi:  Yeah.

Greg: You know what I mean? They were tight.

 Mimi: Yeah yeah it translates! It really, it really translates on film. Like it's, you know, obviously maybe they're not like in love and like this couple, but you could see there's this chemistry, and they're friends, and there's a love for one another and, um, oh gosh it really translates. And so yeah-- I oh-- I just want to take Nicky home with me.

Greg: There is a shot-- it's one of the last--it's the last, I think, solo shot on Luca and it's the moment when he's looking at the sociogram, and he's just got his head cocked to the side... and it is... it's one of those things that you can only do in film, right, because it's --literally the camera, he is looking past the camera at this thing that the audience isn't seeing, and all it is him looking at it, and it's not like his he's doing facial calisthenics or anything.

Mimi: Right yeah

Greg: And I look at that shot and I just adore him-- and I can't even tell you-- I don't know if he was acting. It looks like acting to me!

Mimi: Right yeah Luca did such a spot on--

Greg: But that look in that moment. And me-- I just go-- like oh my god. He is so good.

Mimi: Yeah yeah.

Greg: He is so good.

Mimi: So let's talk a little bit about being on set because I know that you, uh, of course it's Stump Town but you weren't as involved in it the way that you were with this film being the screenwriter... um, you know, what was just kind of some memorable moments for you or what challenging moments even?

Greg: Challenging moments? Okay, um, this is gonna get me in trouble. I’ll tell you-- so I’ll tell you a couple of my favorite stories. Um, challenging was-- there were a lot of night shoots. And it was roughly, you know, I mean we're talking on the ninth, and I think I got back from England almost a year ago tomorrow, right. And I had been in England for about four or five weeks working on the film. And, a lot of those were night shoots on location. And that meant that you would, you know, end up going out during the day and you would have to wait until full dark in England, in summer. So there was literally shooting on the shortest night of the year, you had three and a half hours of darkness in which to shoot. And it gets a little bit of a grind.

Mimi: Yeah.

Greg: You know, you're out there, and you're tired, and it is late, and it is cold, and there are only so many, you know, Americanos you can get from craft services (?) [laughs] yeah, um, and that was... that was exhausting. Um, I will tell you the best day I had.

Mimi: Yes.

Greg: Um, and this is going to piss people off, if they ever hear this and they won't so. Um, Mark Evans is this wonderful wonderful man, who was the producer on the movie. He was the guy on the ground. And when I arrived there had been, um, I mean-- so the long and the short of it is this:  I got fired from the project in January of 2019. They brought in another writer for about six to eight weeks, they fired that writer. They brought in another writer, uh, and at that point Gina was re-engaging me. And then I ended up, by the time I was back out there, I was rehired on the production. But in that interim of like two and a half, three months, there had been different scenes and variations on the script. And so when I arrived the draft was this Frankenstein thing that was some of my original stuff, and some of the stuff Gina had done, and some of the stuff the last writer had done, and then the stuff that I had been doing throughout May and into June before I got there. And we ended up, um, on this day and it was super hot, and it's the sequence when they are filming-- it's the sequence outside of Andy's mine. And it was the arrival at the mine and then it's the scene with Andy and Nile outside of the mine. And those were shot at a quarry, um, in or near... I want to say Sussex.

Mimi:  Okay.

Greg: So it's about an hour and a half outside of London and it is already scorching hot as we're headed out there. And we all know it's going to be all day, because we're going to have to, um, set everything up to then shoot dusk as dawn, right?

Mimi:  Yeah.

Greg: So I'm staying at this hotel and they have a driver, you know, the driver was assigned to me and I forget his name-- he was lovely, it was this great guy, and these guys are all interesting anyway, like the set drivers-- there's a whole discussion to be had about these guys. This guy is terrific, and we're driving down and we're talking, because I like talking to these guys, and, you know, I'm not going to be able to write in the car because I'll throw up everywhere. And he tells me that, oh yeah, you know, his parents moved down here and this and that, and I knew going out that day that Mark and I were going to spend the day in a trailer trying to compile everything into one collective draft. And I already wasn't looking forward to that, because I’d be like 'I'm gonna be in a goddamn trailer all day doing that. I don't wanna...’ [grumbles].  But I said to him 'wait a minute you're from around here?' he says 'oh yeah, you know.'[pause] '...you know, any good pubs?' and he says, 'uh, I do, yeah, there's a great old pub I can think of' and I say 'okay'. So we get to the location, and we are in the middle of nowhere because it's a FUCKING quarry.

Mimi:  Right.

Greg: And base camp where they put the trailers is literally a mile from where they're shooting.

 Mimi: Okay

Greg:  Right because you have to go up this hill and up these little roads to the quarry. It’s an old quarry. and I get there, and nobody's around, and one of the assistants says 'oh Mark's over there' and I go okay and I go to Mark's trailer and I knock on the door, and I open the door, and he's sitting there. And it's not glamorous. Understand these are not the movies star trailers, these are not airstream trailers, these are absolutely no frills-- like there-is-a-bathroom-and- two- tables trailers, right? There's nothing sexy about them. This is not--I know what people think of when they go oh 'you're in a [noises]'. No! This trailer-- I mean Charlize may have had a glorious trailer--

Mimi: Right, this was not Charlize's trailer

Greg: Yeah Kiki might have, you know, I don't know--

Mimi: This is more like a middle school trailer.

Greg: Exactly. The example is this is the kind of trailer that they bring to the elementary school when they've run out of classrooms, right

Mimi: Right.

Greg: Right and so Mark's sitting there. And he's-- and the thing about Mark is he's got so much energy, and he says 'Rucka!' and I say 'Mark! ...let's go to a pub.' and he goes '...can we do that?' and I say 'do we have to be here today to do this? There a reason you have to be here, in this trailer, to do this work?' and he goes '...let's go to a pub!'. So we find the driver, and I say to him-- I think his name was Steve-- and I say 'Steve, can you take us to that pub?' and he says 'yeah!'. So we get in the car-- and we drive, and it takes about 20 minutes, and about 15 minutes into the drive Evans is looking at me like 'this is not go-- I thought it was nearby'. And, you know, its like-- it is nearby, but these are little narrow roads --

Mimi: Right right.

Greg: --the driver had to orient... and we finally get to this place-- this beautiful old pub up on top of this hill--

Mimi:  Wow.

Greg:  --in Sussex, on the hottest day of the year so far, underneath these trees, at these benches-- and this is an old pub, like they closed at like two and didn't open again until five and we got there at like 1:30. So we got there, we get lunch, we get a plate, and we sit out there and we work until like 5:30-6. And about halfway into this Mark's like 'we're gonna get in so much trouble for doing this'. It’s my favorite day on this set right now. literally lo and behold by about the time five o'clock, six o'clock, rolls around he's starting to get calls from his assistant being like 'they want to know where you are'.

 Mimi: Right. [jokingly] 'We’re working offset!'

Greg: And we did! We got it all compiled and then we drove back to location and-- we were there when they did the actual shooting and everything. But that was, and will probably be to the end of my days, one of my most favorite film experiences, which is the part of making the movie where we got to go 'we get to go do this now'

Mimi:  Yeah yeah.

Greg: You know, and that was, it was a treat. I loved it.

Mimi: I love that, yeah. And it's so great because you needed some creativity. Like a trailer just doesn't do it, so I thought that made it a lot of sense. How much fun, though, because I often hear that when people are filming in different places, you don't get to explore in the way that you would like to. So it's nice that you kind of were able to take a mini break. A one day break.

Greg: But it really was --and I do kind of mean it-- was a present.

Mimi: Yeah.

Greg: I have photos from time on set, and there's a shot... the house that was used for Merrick’s apartment, is called the jura house, and it's apparently owned by some Russian oligarch, and it's a very shi-shi, fancy, you know, 800-architectural-awards house.

Mimi:  Yeah.

Greg: And I have a photo of Evans and me-- I think Leo took it --and we're literally sitting on the floor, in the basement, which is where all the monitors were set up, as they're filming upstairs... backs to the wall, each of us with our laptops on our knees, each of us using these, uh, rifle bags that have been doubled and tripled over as pillows. And that's the experience on The Old Guard. It’s literally [?? I’m not sure what he said, ‘doing our best’ maybe ??] and, um, yeah, so yeah.  It is a remarkable-- and you know this, you made a movie-- it's a remarkable amount of hard work. You come out of the experience going-- and I’ve said this before-- once you are involved in the making of a movie, you can never walk away going 'god how do they manage to make such a bad movie?' The question is always 'how did they manage to make a movie?'

Mimi:  Yeah.

Greg: The mere act of forcing this kind of bizarre storytelling into creation... is it's staggering. It defies any realm of logic... the precision required, the commitment required, the attention required, to create something that's going to exist on somebody's eyeballs for a second or two or three. Shot by shot. You know, um, it's insane.

Mimi:  Yeah it is, yeah and there's so many moving parts, you know, and you're such a huge part of this one and so I'm so excited to see how well it came together. and it-- from what you could see, because you were saying 'oh, you know, everybody was close on set they were playing soccer and all these things' and it's like, you can see that it's a film that has, you know, cohesion. like it's very well put together, like you could feel that everything was in its place, like I could see you got along with Gina, I could see that, you know, you could see each part was where it needed to be, because seeing sets that fall apart-- and you-- it isn't a question of how movies fall apart and they don't, you know, go from one process to another, there's no, um, you know, synergy between the people working. But it really really did come together and I'm super super excited for you, and excited for the sequel! My my only thing--

Greg: Potential! [sequel]

Mimi: Potential! Oh I think I think that, uh, viewers are going to want more. like I said, it's a film that we do need right now and I think it's a refreshing, uh, type of thing where we can kind of just take a moment away and be lost in a film. I think that's a gift, because I find that that doesn't happen as often as I'd like it to these days! Uh, but, um, but yeah the casting, everything was beautiful, and I'm so happy for you, as a writer but also as a filmmaker now. My only quarry, my only disappointment is I was not around to, um --especially since there could be a sequel-- to at least audition for Qynh because I know there's some awesome sword work that could be coming in the future! And I'm so like-- but I'm super excited because Veronica, you know, the little we did get to see of her, she did a fabulous job! But I was like 'man I would have liked to throw my hat in for that one'. [laughs]

Greg: Gotta talk to your agent!

Mimi:  I know!

Greg: I didn't have anything to do with casting!

Mimi: I know, I know, I know. No, but it's super exciting to see kind of that how it all comes together. Especially reading it, right, because of course like I said, I've read the rest of the comic. I know the new one just dropped!

Greg:  Yeah, issue five will be out next week.

Mimi: That's very exciting! So yes so, uh, listeners go ahead and grab that! Get the whole thing though, so you could see it from beginning to end! Because, uh, it does kind of complement seeing the movie, you know, it complements it. You get that backstory, you kind of get the feeling for the characters in a different way, and like you said they're different mediums. Um, but both really amazing stories, and a lot of fun to, um, to be a part of. And to experience so super exciting [they both make weird excited noises] so, uh, hopefully we'll talk again next week, I know you have been going crazy with all these interviews but, um, everybody go and watch The Old Guard right now! Because it is available, you can turn on your Netflix and you don't have to wait, it's right there!

Greg: Right there!

Mimi: Right there for you!

Greg: In fact you won't even have to search for it!

Mimi: No, it's gonna be number one!

Greg: It's gonna shove it in your face!

Mimi: Yeah it'll be recommended for you, and, um, I also, uh, you know, as a filmmaker. I know that you guys don't need as big of a push because it's Netflix and all but, you know, give it a little rating! Go on to imdb and give it some love. Um, because why not? [laughs] Alright Greg, I don't want to take up much more of your time, I think you need to unwind and enjoy this. Congratulations on your film and, uh, we're super excited for it!

Greg: Thank you Mimi!

Mimi: That's all for today's episode! Thanks for listening to culture chat and hope you enjoyed the conversation.

#it was completely random whether i included the 'um's tbh #also warning greg goes on a Political Rant in the middle so if that kind of thing bothers you: there it is

[bechloeislegit]

I’m Back!

Hello, Readers and Writers! As you know, I've been absent for a while because I had a stroke in early June. I wanted to share a bit (maybe more than you really wanted to know. I'm going to start from the beginning, so, please, bear with me.

It was about 1:00 a.m. on the morning of Tuesday, June 9, 2020, when Mother Nature woke me by knocking on my bladder. I stumbled out of bed and went toward the bathroom, which was directly across the hall from my bedroom. I bumped my shoulder on the doorframe as I exited my bedroom. (I should have realized then, something was off).

I took care of my business and went to stand, but instead found myself falling over. I landed in the space between the commode and the bathroom counter. I was lucky that I did not hit my head; I landed on my left side with my arm pinned under me.

I tried to get up but was unable to; I tried to roll over but, again, was unable to. I laid there trying to find something I could throw against the wall or door to get my son's attention, but nothing was handy. Plus, I'm not sure I could have thrown it anyway.

I may have fallen asleep or passed out, I can't be sure. It was almost 4:30 a.m. when I heard my son come out of his room and I called out to him for help. I had been lying on the floor for over three hours.

My son heard me call out to him and opened the bathroom door (I hurriedly told him to do it slowly since my legs were close to the door and I couldn't move them). He came in and saw me lying there and asked if he needed to call 9-1-1. I said no, and asked if he could help me sit up.

At this point, I had no idea what had actually happened. He got me into a sitting position and I immediately fell back over. He grabbed me and kept me from landing on the floor again. I told him to gently lay me back on the floor and call 9-1-1.

He called and they asked him several questions; it was at this point that we both realized that I had a stroke.

The EMTs arrived and got me on the "chair" to take me down to the ambulance (we lived in an apartment on the third floor). I realized as they took me down the stairs that I could not move my left arm or leg. The ambulance took me to the nearest hospital which was about a 10-minute ride.

At the hospital, they verified that I did have a stroke. I was then sent to another hospital, which was better equipped to handle a stroke patient (my health insurance told them where I should go). I knew what was happening, but was kind of out of it at the same time.

While in the hospital, I was put on medication. It made me feel weird and I had some, what I can only call hallucinations. It was like what was happening in my head (hallucinations?), was not what was actually happening around me (reality). I asked why I had to take the medicine, but could not get anyone to tell me. At least that's what I thought was happening, so I refused to take the medicine.

My head and thinking became clearer and I was told the medicine was for high blood pressure (which I never had before). I told the nurse it made me feel weird and they gave me a lower dosage and I resumed taking the medicine.

I spent 15 days in the hospital and was discharged on June 24 and was immediately taken to a rehab facility. I had very little movement on my left side (I could give a wobbly thumbs up but that was about it). I was sent to a Rehabilitation Facility, where I spent a full month. I was first told that I was going to need 24/7 care and did I have someone who would be around to assist me IF I was sent home. They told me I had to make a decision on whether I was going to go to a long-term care facility or find someone who could take care of me at home such as a nurse or family member. The only person I had was my 23-year-old son, and I was not going to do that to him. I was ready to give up and had resigned myself to spending the rest of my life in some type of long-term care facility. That's when I found my inner Wonder Woman and said, "You don't know me. And I'll show you that if you think I can't do something, I'm going to do it just to show you I can." So, I picked up my positive attitude and wore it like a badge of honor. And I let them know I was going to walk out of that facility and go home to my son.

The hardest part was that no visitors were allowed in the facility and I missed my son and friends like crazy. I was lucky to have a large bay-type window in my room and my aunt, and best friends would bring my son, and they would all come to visit me (with a window separating us). I wasn't a Covid19 patient, but I got a small taste of what they were going through with not being able to visit or see my family or friends.

At the beginning of my rehab stay, the therapists were concerned about my safety if I went back to my third-floor apartment. I called my rental office and explained my situation to the Manager and asked if there were any first-floor apartments available. My aunt spoke with the Manager as well and by the time I left the rehab facility, my son had packed up our stuff, we had movers scheduled, and on July 24, I went home to a different apartment located on the first floor.

Once home, I had a physical therapist, occupational therapist, and visiting nurse come to me to provide more therapy. I worked hard and went from using a wheelchair to a walker, and I'm proud to say I'm walking with a cane now. Next, I will (hopefully) be walking with no assistance at all. Not totally there yet, and I'm using the walker whenever I leave my apartment. The good thing is I can drive, which is very liberating. I can use my left hand to some extent, and have been able to type better; not as well as I used to, but I can type which means I can write stories.

After being tested, I was told that I had no cognitive deficiencies. I do sometimes slur my words when I'm really tired or excited. I also tire very easily, but I'm still here, and I thank God for every day He allows me to wake up and face a new day.

I appreciate all the check-ins and love everyone has shown and sent to me. I can't say thank you enough to my Aunt and best friends, for making sure my son was okay during the time I was hospitalized, and for putting together a nice drive-by birthday surprise for me at the rehab facility.

I also want to thank all you readers/writers who checked up on me; and thank you to everyone for the good wishes and prayers. They've meant the world to me.

I was going to jump back into writing by posting for BeChloe Week 2020; but, my body didn't cooperate, so I'm doing Pitch Perfect Horror Week 2020 as my first project after taking a break.

Hugs and much love!

~ BeChloeIsLegit

#Still healing #Glad to be back