Vesemir : "I don't trust the Cat."
Jaskier : "Oh come on, Aiden is nice !"
Eskel : "He's kind of nice."
Geralt : "... He's okay, I guess."
Vesemir : "He remains a Cat."
Lambert : "Fucking old man."
Jaskier : "Vesemir, Lambert is happy with his lov... his very dear friend, so please, don't ruin that."
Aiden : "... Wait. Vesemir. As in Guxart's Vesemir ? I never made the link ! He told us about you !"
Eskel : "Who is Guxart ?"
Aiden : "My mentor. With Vesemir, they were..."
Vesemir : "Look at the time ! Geralt, Eskel, Jaskier, you have things to do ! Lambert, you can rest a bit today. Oh, and Aiden, my dear boy, you can stay with him, relax a bit, I'll prepare a warm meal for you."
Lambert : "... What the fuck did you do with this Guxart ?!"
Aiden : "They..."
Vesemir : "Come with me Aiden, I have an old armor that we don't use, a very good one, I'm sure you will like it."
Lambert : "Kitten, forget the armor, tell me."
Aiden : "But free armor Lamby !"
Lambert : "Kitten ! Tell me !"
Vesemir : "Aiden, son, you won't have to do anything during the whole winter and you will always be welcome here."
Aiden : "... Sorry Lamb, he got me at 'son'."
Lambert : "Aiden, no, come back here !"
Jaskier : "I'm sure Vesemir and this Guxart fucked."
Eskel : "Yup."
Geralt : "I don't want to imagine the old man doing it, thank you."
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Jaskier meets Lambert after the mountain and they quickly become friends.
Lambert complains to Jaskier about not getting enough contracts recently, because people think of him as "foul mouthed and rude". Jaskier offers to help him with that.
Jaskier takes Lambert's clothes and swords and starts introducing himself as a Witcher. Jaskier does the talking part, getting a lot of contracts and even higher pay. Then Lambert does the monster-killing part. In the end, Jaskier comes back, dressed as a Witcher again, collecting the coin.
They go on like this for almost half a year, having fun and earning lots of coin.
Until one day, when Jaskier and Lambert arrive at a small town, looking for another contract. Jaskier goes to the town's mayor, dressed as a Witcher, and offers his services.
The town's mayor greets him with a smile. "Oh, I'm so glad you came here! We could use another Witcher on this!"
Jaskier blinks in confusion. "Another Witcher?"
He turns around and sees Geralt, sitting on a chair by the door, staring at him with his mouth open.
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okay but when jaskier is traveling with one of the other wolves, he 1000% falls prey to the “see how much i can get away with with the substitute teacher” instinct
oh no no, jaskier’s gone on TONS of manticore fights with geralt. GERALT lets him do it all the time! no, it’s never an issue at all!
cut to like an hour later when jaskier’s been thrown into a tree and lambert is LOSING HIS SHIT BC HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT DO I DO. BARD YOU FUCKING LIED. THAT DODGE WAS SHIT YOU HAVE N O T GONE ON A MANTICORE HUNT BEFORE YOU LITTLE FUCKING LIAR PLEASE DON’T DIE. DO NOT DO IT.
oh please, geralt’s let him drink white gull before. he drinks it ALL THE TIME. it’s FINE.
two sips later eskel is scooping him off the floor, setting him down in the room, and STRESS PACING BECAUSE PLEASE DON’T LET HIM HAVE KILLED THE BARD. HE LIKES THE BARD HE DOESN’T WANT HIM TO DIE. ALSO GERALT WILL SKIN ESKEL ALIVE. BARD DO NOT DIE. JASKIER? ARE YOU LISTENING? I KNOW YOU’RE WASTED, BUT YOU NEED TO LISTEN.
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