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#land of maas
feysandfeels · 2 months
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Ngl but it is really sad when the unpopular opinion in the SJM fandom is liking the book.
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darkcozyforest · 8 months
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Slowly marking off my TBR pile on my nightstand
Thanks people for the book recs. I have finished the first three in this list. Let’s see how the rest go 🖤 📚 📖
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olemisekunst · 1 year
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The Wind Sculpted Land (2018) dir. Joosep Matjus
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ifacotarwasgood · 9 months
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CHAPTER 2 - page 15/?
original word count: 3940
revised word count: 2145
click for ch 2's full comparison document.
original:
I drowned the urge to cover up the painting with my hand. Maybe tomorrow I’d just scrape it off the table altogether. “Believe me,” I said to her, “the day you want to marry someone worthy, I’ll march up to his house and hand you over. But you’re not going to marry Tomas.” Nesta’s nostrils delicately flared. “There’s nothing you can do. Clare Beddor told me this afternoon that Tomas is going to propose to me any day now. And then I’ll never have to eat these scraps again.” She added with a small smile, “At least I don’t have to resort to rutting in the hay with Isaac Hale like an animal.” My father let out an embarrassed cough, looking to his cot by the fire. He’d never said a word against Nesta, from either fear or guilt, and apparently he wasn’t going to start now, even if this was the first he was hearing of Isaac. I laid my palms flat on the table as I stared her down. Elain removed her hand from where it lay nearby, as if the dirt and blood beneath my fingernails would somehow jump onto her porcelain skin. “Tomas’s family is barely better off than ours,” I said, trying to keep from growling. “You’d be just another mouth to feed. If he doesn’t know this, then his parents must.”
revised:
“So? Clare Beddor told me this afternoon that Tomas is going to propose any day now.” “We have no dowry. No livestock, even. Tomas might want to marry you, but you’ll be just another mouth to feed. If he doesn’t realize that, his parents surely do.” “We’re in love,” she declared. I almost laughed. When had she started making doe eyes at peasants? “Love won’t feed a hungry belly.” Nesta’s nostrils flared. “At least I don’t have to resort to rutting in the hay with Isaac Hale like an animal.” My father let out an embarrassed cough. I flattened my palms on the table. Elain’s hand twitched away from mine, as if the dirt and blood beneath my fingernails might somehow jump onto her fair skin. Nesta said, “I heard that Isaac is going to marry some Greenfield village girl.” So had I. Isaac had ranted about it the last time we’d met. “Enough, Nesta. I made my decision.” “Who gave you the right?” Nesta shot up from her seat. “Just because you bark orders all day doesn’t mean you know better than us. Keep it up, and soon you’ll have no one left who cares about you.” She stormed off, and Elain darted after her. The bedroom door slammed hard enough to rattle the dishes.
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hlizr50 · 2 years
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Real talk though, how in the fuck did you come up with that title????
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hoping someone should ask. So everyone gather round for this tale.
When I started writing ACOTAR Fanfiction, Gwynriel specifically, I decided I didn’t want to align with SJM’s naming convention. I felt like so many fanfic titles sounded too similar, and I wanted to make sure mine would be memorable, especially standing shoulder-to-shoulder with some of the incredible Gwynriel writers that we have. So I steered clear of “A Court of…..” titles.
The Crescent City fandom is much less saturated with fanfic in general, so I thought maybe I could stick with SJM’s naming convention in this case. So I started pondering “House of…” something. And, considering the material that will be included in this fic, I have been joking that it is just a House of Endless Pain.
But then, as I considered utilizing SJM’s naming convention, I was reminded of something from the Savage Lands series - two prisons called the House of Death and the House of Blood. These books take place in Hungary and Eastern Europe, so in the books these prisons were named Halalhaz and Verhaza (there are accents but I’m working on my iPad and don’t know how to get them in there lol).
When I took the lazy step of Google translate to see how they translate between Hungarian and English, I was quite pleasantly surprised to find it appears that’s what the author did, too. And so, though I pondered just using one of those as the title for this fic, I started plugging in words to find something that felt like it flowed and sounded cool and wouldn’t be too hard to pronounce.
And so Verzavar Haz was born - House of Blood and Turmoil.
So that way, I technically used the Crescent City naming convention without actually using it at the same time.
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lorenzlund · 29 days
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Der 'Heiko vom Mars' als vorgeblichem derzeitigem Aussenminister und Vorzeigepolitiker sogar Deutschland!s!
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('Heidi, das war sehr dumm von dir!'). cum, the ... .to come/(noch) kommen (können).
'Yes, (at least) WE (here, We still) can ...
... as some still other men, that belong not to you!!!"
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'Weekenders erwägen auch ihre baldige Wiedervereinigung' als grosser Party- und Showband sogar noch der 80er, wie viele auch englische und Schweizer Bands!''
'Die Verträge sind gemacht, und es wurde viel gelacht, und was Süsses zum Dessert ... Freiheit Freiheit gänzlich freisein, Ist das einzige was jetzt überhaupt an all dem wieder auch fehlt!!' Weekenders in schon bereits auch den 90ern. frei nach einem damals gerade ebenfalls erst ganz frisch auch herausgekommenen und veröffentlichten Song selbst Marius Müller-Westerhagens als Gesangskollegen.
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Für Mark bestimmter und ausgelegter Köder. Die selbst Us(a).
'Hab' (das, auch) sein Egg, endiich!'
'Und so lieb' mich halt noch ein letztes Mal, bitt' ich dich ...!!' Weak-ends-Er live auf dem Dorffest (*80 bis 90er Jahre).
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'(zu alte) Fischringe'. Sternzeichen Fisch/Männer.
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'Starkes Anschwellen von Gaspreisen fast überall und quasi über Nacht!!!' Aus den aktuellen Wirtschafts-News.
der bereits Rentner, Greise.
"Der A. unter Männern, hier ein deutscher, wie selbst er gerade seine Steffi noch genauso dabei an der Aussen-Leine mit sich auch herumführt und/oderr mit ihr Gassi geht"
A-gassi. Steffi (Graf).
'Schwein(e)-(be)steiger'
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'Und so weint auch ihr nie, falls der letzte Vorhang oder Degen fällt ..., dum-dum!! macht's dann sehr laut plötzlich auch bei euch, dum-dum!!"
*das sogar auch Dum-dum Geschoss, es stammt aus Gewehren.
Der Marshal vom sogar Tony!
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Traiiner nagel(t) Mann(/Männer). driite Person Engl. das -s am jeweiligen Wort- oder Verbende, hier des deutschen Verbs, erkennbarer ein erneuter Mix nur so oder des Versuchs dazu bestehend aus 2 Sprachen gleichzeitig, wenn auch eines sehr geschickten diesmal, so wurde es mir gerade erst wieder auch mitgeteilt, seitens Fachleuten. der Er (od. Sie).
Selber oder von ganz allein nur hatte ch es zunächst so nicht herausgefunden, und auch hier wieder nicht, wie ich zugebe! Es überraschte nicht wenig auch mich!
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O(riginalton. Stammt vom) schlaffen oder dem zu schlappen Holz oder Hölzern (von Männern). *O. laf(f) Sch Holz.
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yokyopeli · 5 months
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Malin Buska as Cindy in Armoton Maa/Law of the Land trailer/ Elokuvan hetki (2017)
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ilovegers32 · 10 months
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L’océan
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So in my dan and phil deprived years, I started reading again so plz excuse if this blog becomes a trash pile of low-tier romance books. I’m kinda a whore for romance books now.
I also have no taste or standards (゚ω゚)
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jonathan5485 · 2 years
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British Victorian Art and the Maas Gallery, London. Part 2.
British Victorian Art and the Maas Gallery, London. Part 2.
My second blog continues to look at some of the Victorian paintings which were on show at the Maas Gallery in London. The Last Song of the Girondins by Claude Andrew Calthrop (1868) The first painting I am displaying in Part 2 is one by the English artist Claude Andrew Calthrop.  Calthrop was born in Deeping St Nicholas, near Spalding, Lincolnshire, on December 20th 1844, the youngest son of…
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booksandwinter · 2 years
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★★★★.5 to Tuhkaan piirretty maa by Petra Rautiainen
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angelshadowsinger · 11 months
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oh my fucking god your work is incredible! holy literal shit balls i have never felt that entranced by a fanfiction until reading yours. thank u thank u thank u your azriel is PERFECT.
also i’m totally gonna need your thoughts on azriel sharing with his shadows 👀
re: ummmmmmm call me parmesan bc u got me CHEESIN!?!?!! that is literally sO sweet of you to say, i am touched 🥺 as a fic author you always worry if you’re making the character OOC and, it just makes me so happy to hear your praise!! thank you so much anon~ ♥︎ This HC is a bit more than what you’ve asked for, but it does includes it, so pls enjoy!
Azriel’s Shadows Around his Mate Headcanons
・ ゜゜・.。 ・ ゜゜・.。・゚゚・.。 ・ ゜゜・.。・゚゚・
ɴᴏᴛɪᴄᴇ: ʙʏ ʀᴇᴀᴅɪɴɢ ᴛʜɪꜱ ᴡᴏʀᴋ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴇʀᴛɪꜰʏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴏᴠᴇʀ 18 ᴀɴᴅ ɴᴏᴛ ᴀ ᴍɪɴᴏʀ. ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ ʙᴇʏᴏɴᴅ ᴛʜɪꜱ ᴘᴏɪɴᴛ ᴍᴀʏ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴀɪɴ ɴꜱꜰᴡ ᴛʜᴇᴍᴇꜱ. ʀᴇᴀᴅ ᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴏᴡɴ ᴅɪꜱᴄʀᴇᴛɪᴏɴ.
・ ゜゜・.。 ・ ゜゜・.。・゚゚・.。 ・ ゜゜・.。・゚゚・
In my eyes, Azriel’s shadows are a part of him. There hasn’t been much insight that Maas has given us with shadowsingers and their capabilities in general, but this is what I choose to believe~
Since Azriel’s shadows were perhaps the first of his powers, and the first entity to treat him with some kindness/obedience, I think he would be very in tune with them and he himself would consider them a part of him. He has had over 500 years to develop his relationship with them and therefore, I believe once he found his mate, his shadows would be just as captivated with her as he himself.
Obviously, Azriel is a total simp for his girl (but that’s another hc in its own), so that means his shadows are too. Honestly, it could be viewed as annoying how often at least a few of his shadows are constantly at your side. He’s used to having them totally loyal to him, so now that he has to share them with you… well, it’s not really actually that cumbersome, because he knows that even when you two are apart, he’ll be sure to know if you need him/his help. Though he has a couple less to send out on his spymaster business, technically, the ones with you are acting as his spies anyway. Just, with a far more interesting and important subject.
His shadows do a variety of things for you, making your everyday life easier and more pleasant. Just as their master, the shadows like to give you princess treatment.
For example, they go out of their way to help you with mundane things. If you’re making dinner and a tomato rolls off the cutting board, they’re pushing it back to you. When you’re putting on a dress, they’re helping you with the zip and clasp. If you’re writing something and your pen runs out of ink, somehow they’ve procured a new one that matches your exact preferences.
Both Az and his shadows notice the small things. They take notes of your likes and dislikes, what makes you giggle, cry, or provides you comfort.
At times when he’s away for a long while, and you’re missing him, they will deliver small gifts to you. A couple flowers tied with twine, native to the strange lands he’s currently working in. A special spice he knows you love to use in the foods you share with him. An especially-delicious pastry made with your favorite fruit/flavor. Though the shadows themselves do not find you gifts, they are happy to deliver whatever Az requests they send.
They also will take anything you wish to send him. Whether he’s in another country, or simply training at the House of Wind with his brothers, his shadows will deliver your every gift. Most of the time it’s little sweets or a lunch you’ve packed. Sometimes when you’re feeling cheekier, a receipt from the lingerie store informing him of your latest purchase. If you’re really feeling brazen, sometimes the panties themselves. His shadows are perhaps happiest to carry those items, either to get into contact with them or to see their master’s red cheeks as he shoves them out of his brothers’ view.
His shadows are your caretaker when he is not with you. When you’ve fallen asleep staying up for your mate’s return from yet another mission, his shadows will tuck you under your favorite blanket, taking off your reading glasses and ensuring your spot in the open book on your lap is not lost. Az nearly melts when he comes back to the sight, you dead asleep on the couch in front of the blazing hearth, his shadows perched dutifully there, guarding you.
However, they grow attached to you and even when he is with you, they will not leave you alone unless he commands them.
Azriel likes to take full advantage of his time alone with you. There is nothing he finds more comfort and pleasure in than being in your embrace. Sometimes that’s hard to do, though, when his shadows steal away your attention, or beat him to helping you with the zip of your dress.
It’s a very endearing sight to see him get jealous of his own shadows. He’d have a scowl on his face as he glared at them, silently ordering them to leave your side so he could have you all to himself. The shadows would melt onto the floor, gloomy in a way, whisper once more around your ankle before they go off to fulfill their master’s instruction.
Most of the time, you manage to guilt your mate into letting a few of them come back. And as soon as he calls them, they appear and shoot right for you. Az rolls his eyes but of course he understands. How could they not fall in love with you?
Azriel is actually very good with sharing. This usually applies to you when his shadows are involved, though sometimes he just needs to be alone with you. Whether it’s to have his way with you or just to snuggle up and bask in his mate’s presence. When he needs time like that, he will have his shadows guard your quarters and they will do so without question— fiercely protecting the only two beings they care for.
~spicy hc’s begin ;)~
Most of the time, Azriel will take the lead in pleasuring you— as he should, as your mate— but he’s likely to let his shadows watch or join his efforts if they play a supporting role.
For example, his favorite thing is to be between your legs, feasting on your sweet cunt and making sure you know you are his, while his shadows hold you down so you can’t move an inch. This way, you have to take the pleasure in the exact way he desires, unable to greedily chase your high or buck your hips or push him away.
Usually he plays with you for a while like this, teasing you and edging you a handful of times before he’s ruthless, unstopping even after you’ve come. He does cease his ravishing after you’ve come again, only to ensure he doesn’t overstimulate you before he’s had a chance to fuck you like you both want.
His shadows are happy to shackle you and render you helpless to his onslaught of pleasure; they love hearing your wanton cries and will dry away any tears of pleasure that escape with a cool, ghostly caress.
Speaking of their caress, one of his favorite uses for them is to soothe your skin when he’s done marking it up. Meaning, after every spank or particularly hard bite, the shadows will rove over the irritated flesh, kissing you with their cooling tendrils.
Since the shadows are slightly cold, sending them to curl around your nipples while he fucks you from behind is also another favorite. The temperature-play heightens everything— especially when they move down your curves to tease at your clit or your ass, depending on your preference…
Sometimes he lets them fuck you as part of your foreplay— usually while you’re sucking his cock. He just loves the surprise that flickers in your eyes when you’re choking on the length of him deep in your throat, how your lashes flutter when that familiar cool touch tickles your inner thighs and pushes your wet panties aside, how your moan feels vibrating around him when they thrust inside of you. He savors how your rhythm gets thrown, how you struggle to continue when his shadows are running over every sensitive crevice of your most intimate parts.
On rarer occasions, Azriel will let the shadows have their way with you. He’d sit back in a comfortable, wing-friendly armchair, darkened hazel eyes drinking in every movement before him— you with your eyes rolled back in ecstasy, the darkness holding your legs spread and fondling every inch of you— cupping your tender breasts, tweaking those pert, hard nipples… stroking your face, your hair, your hips and thighs… flowing over your puffy clit, slipping between your dripping folds and even wandering inside of you, perhaps just as deep as Azriel’s cock could reach. He would jerk his leaking shaft at the sight before him, lip held prisoner in his feral snarl. He wouldn’t be able to last very long, the sight before him too much for him to keep his composure.
When you’re both spent and panting for breath, the shadows will run up and down your moistened back, taking away the heat that lingers there and helping to lull you to sleep.
Only when you’re unconscious do they return to Azriel, curling around his shoulders in thanks. They know they are lucky to be the sole creature/presence with which he shares his mate, and any time spent with you is valued payment for the many services they provide their master with.
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illyrian-dreamer · 1 year
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ACOTAR Masterlist
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GIF by kennedy1917sworld
*(Indicates smut)
Azriel:
Changing Shadows (complete series):
Summary: You have a new role in the Inner Circle — Heard Guard of Velaris. And as Rhys’s younger sister, you feel you have a lot to prove. 
You and the Shadowsinger are also growing closer, and tension builds as your relationship changes from friendship to something else...
How will you juggle your feelings for Azriel and the dangers that come with your new role, without disappointing the rest of the Inner Circle and the Night Court?
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5* | Part 6* | Part 7* | Part 8 | Part 9* | Part 10 | Part 11* | Part 12* | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15* | Part 16* | Part 17* | Part 18* | Part 19* | Part 20 | Part 21 | Part 22 | Part 23* | Part 24 - Finale
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Overwritten (complete series)
Summary: After months as his prisoner, Hybern has hijacked your mind, turning you into an enemy of your home, your family, and your mate, Azriel. 
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5* | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 - Finale
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And Then There Were None
Summary: In the lead up to the war, Hybern releases a catastrophic spell that wipes out all humans, sparing just one.
Abandoned in the desolate human lands, you scavenge to survive long enough to find your family.
Reluctantly, you are found by the Shadowsinger as fate intervenes to guide you under his watchful eye.
Part 1 | Part 2
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One shots:
A Shadowsinger’s intuition
Feel too much
Confessions at Starfall
Stay with me
Spin the bottle
In the arms of understanding*
Drabble:
Salad (fluff)
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Cassian:
One shots:
Tides and turmoil
With benefits*
Remnants of a star
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Azriel and Cassian:
Our Girl (series)
Summary: Deeming you unfit for a mission, the Inner Circle have betrayed your trust and shattered your life’s mission to avenge you sister. And the two males you love most were at the centre of it all.
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4* | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9
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Rhys:
Series
Dance with the devil
Summary: You attempt to rob the High Lord of the Night Court.
Part 1 |
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One shots:
Two lessons in one*
Make a bargain with me
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Bat boys:
Drabble:
Bat boys react to being called ‘bro’*
Brat taming bat boys *
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Lucien: 
Frozen Flames (series)
Summary: After fifty years trapped Under the Mountain, you struggle to adjust to your new found freedom as Kallias’s third-in-charge to the Winter Court.
In an unlikely circumstance, you meet Lucien Vanserra.
As you and Lucien grow closer, dealing with the loss of your mother and trauma from Amarantha’s reign proves harder than you thought. How will you start to trust and love again?
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5* | Part 6* | Part 7 | Part 8
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Eris
One shots:
Conditions of entry*
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Comment to join the tag list :)
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Sarah J Maas, not my own.
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its-time-to-write · 9 months
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hi i love your work.
can i get touch deprived reader with jamie or roy
you totally can! It just comes at the low, low cost of way more words than you bargained for. Fair warning, Jamie isn’t even introduced for a good solid chunk of the first half. I also have been touch deprived so this is based on personal experience lol.
I feel like I let this get away from me in the same way the Vienna fic got away from me😂
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sinking into your worn out mattress
It’s the same routine every day.
Wake up, get dressed, go to work, come home, make dinner, fall asleep, repeat.
It’s not a bad thing, necessarily. You’re nothing if not efficient, maximizing your time to the best of your abilities. It’s not the most glamorous thing in the world, but you enjoy it. You’re lucky enough to be working on your supervision hours under a renowned psychologist, Dr. Fieldstone in London, and it’s paid. Over half the people in your cohort are struggling through unpaid internships and juggling a second job just so they can make ends meet. You’re all propelled forward by the promise of better pay as soon as it’s all over, dreaming of the days you can own your own practice.
You’re not even sure how you landed this internship, as Dr. Fieldstone rarely ever takes on interns. (She’d tell you later it’s because she saw the same potential her supervisor saw in her.) But you have it, and you’re now assisting her in her on-location therapy to various sports teams. You’d been at a rugby club for a few months, but now it’s time to move on. Dr. Fieldstone was asked to come back to a previous club and although she’d never admit it, you know it was her favorite group to work with. It’s the only club who’s picture is on her desk. It makes you smile every time you see her surrounded by a rowdy-looking group of footballers and two very American coaches. She had said that the one with the mustache was no longer at the club, but the bearded one still was along with the angry looking man to the side and the short, grey-haired man.
You’ve seen the photo so many times that you have everyone’s faces memorized. You’re secretly excited to meet the team that made Dr. Sharon (in her colleagues’ words,) loosen up.
You weren’t friends, with Dr. Sharon, never once dropping the “doctor,” that preceded her name, but she would occasionally swing by your standard housing with a bottle of wine after a particularly difficult day. 
“This job can be emotionally draining,” she’d say. “I always wished I had someone there for me at the beginning.”
She rarely smiled or showed outward affection, but you understood that this was her way of saying she cared. 
But now you’re packing up your flat into your car, and headed to your new quarters in Richmond, London.
It’s apparent that Dr. Sharon has a strong connection with the players. There are a small few who allow you to run each session, most preferring to stick with who they know. Your days are mostly filled with analyses and treatment plans, with about two real session a week, one with Rojas, D and Maas, J. You don’t even sit in with Dr. Sharon much anymore, as the thought of an observer makes some of the players uncomfortable.  
It’s stressing you out.
How are you supposed to fulfill your hours when you can’t even get consistent sessions?
Dr. Sharon, in her limited kindness, refers you to a friend of hers in town. 
“She runs a small practice and works mostly with women. You’ll be able to keep your housing and fulfill your hours. If you need anything, you know where to find me.”
You look at her. “Right,” you reply, “because you’re going to have so much time to help me out between all the things you’ve got going on.”
She rolls her eyes good-naturedly. “Listen. Since you’re not my intern, I can become your therapist. I’ll even give you a discounted rate since you’re still interning. We’ll set up weekly sessions. You’ll be fine.”
You’re still not sure. Dr. Sharon can see the apprehension in your face. “Alright,” she says. “If you schedule our sessions in the evening and cook dinner, I’ll do it for free. It’ll be informal, one therapist to another.”
That’s big. She rarely does anything for free. In a moment of boldness, you say that to her face.
She cracks the tiniest smile. “It’s possible that I’ve grown fond of you. And even more possible that I’m addicted to your cooking.”
Huh. You suppose miracles do still happen.
Sharon is over for dinner for the third time in a week, and you’re suspicious that she might actually enjoy spending time with you. You’re laughing about some stupid story that happened during a natural environment observation (it involved a slip n slide, an obscene amount of shaving cream, and footballs being thrown at players heads) when out of nowhere you feel tears slipping down your face.
“Oh my gosh” you say while maybe laughing, maybe crying, “I think I’m broken.”
Sharon (she insisted you drop the “doctor,”) asks, “Are you alright?” and you shrug while you begin full-on sobbing.
“I don’t know what’s happening,” you say between gasps. “What the actual heck.”
At that, Sharon grins. You’re retaining some element of your humor, despite actually crying.
“Just go on and fucking swear already,” she says. “I think we’re past a truly professional relationship.” 
You shake your head. “No!” you say. “No, my mum wouldn’t like it.” Fresh tears start to fall at the mention of your mum. Sharon is actually concerned now.
“I’m not sure you’re alright,” she says, and you shoot her a no duh look. “Let’s discuss what might be the root of your issue. Have you been feeling differently lately?”
You’re wiping your eyes and trying so hard to get it together. You’re not even sure what your problem is. You were pretty sure you were doing fine, but you think back to your week. It had been pretty standard, nothing out of the ordinary. You shake your head.
“There is nothing too small to mention. Anything out of your usual routine? Physical discomfort, emotionally-draining sessions?” Sharon asks.
“No,” you reply, tears almost under control. “Wait. Yes.”
Sharon looks at you expectantly. “God, this is going to sound dumb.”
She reaches out to pat your hand. “There’s no such thing as too dumb,” she says in her therapist voice. 
The gesture is so much like something a sister would do. 
“Right,” you say. “Ok. My, um, the insides of my elbows like, hurt? They just feel weird, I don’t know. It started two weeks ago I think and usually I can just pinch them and it’s fine, but that’s the only thing I can think of, I guess.”
Sharon has gone full therapist, and is giving you an analytical look. “Hm,” she says. “Tell me more.”
You shrug. “There’s not much to tell. It’s not like painful, it just feels weird. I hug my pillow when I sleep and that also helps. Um, I push up my sleeves so they go around my elbows and the pressure helps.”
She asks, “When was the last time you saw a friend?” and you can’t think why this is relevant. But you also can’t remember.
“Probably since before I moved,” you say.
“And when was the last time you saw your family?”
You begin to see where she’s going.
“God,” you groan. “I’m an idiot.”
Sharon laughs. “Do you see why it’s so difficult for therapists to self-diagnose? We’re so busy trying to save the world that we forget to save ourselves.”
“But it’s so stupid,” you say. “It’s like, one of the most basic forms of self-care.”
Sharon shrugs. “Touch-starvation is a real thing. It manifests itself in different ways and apparently yours manifests itself in your elbows.”
It’s so ridiculous that you laugh. She does too, and reaches out to squeeze your arm. “I’ll be more mindful of it,” she says. “In the meantime, you need to find yourself some friends. Some people your own age. I’m prescribing you at least two nights out a week.”
You knit your eyebrows together. “I don’t even know where I would go. Or how to meet people. Or what to say!”
“That’s the problem with us therapists,” Sharon says. “We’re really best in a clinical setting. Shouldn’t be let out of the house, really. How about this; next time Richmond has some group event, you come. They’re a rowdy bunch, around your age, too. It’s an incredibly healthy environment, and you’ll be easily accepted. It will be a nice gateway to having a social life. There’s a match this weekend and they’re almost guaranteed a win, so keep your calendar open.”
You open your mouth to protest but Sharon holds up a hand. “I’m prescribing this as your mentor, not as your friend. It will be a healthy change of pace, I promise.”
Seeing AFC Richmond in person and off the pitch is like an out-of-body experience. 
You’re putting names to familiar faces, and getting a crash course on their personalities. 
You know Dani and Jan Maas from your short stint as their counselor, and they’ve taken it upon themselves to introduce you to everyone else. Dani is holding your elbow to guide you around to all sorts of people, and you can physically feel the serotonin production in your brain. 
You meet Higgins and his wife, the hosts of this barbecue as well as some of their children. It’s hard to miss them because they keep coming up to shoot Dani and Jan with nerf guns. They’re weirdly prepared, pulling out their own from thin air. 
“Don’t worry,” Jan says, “We’ll defend you.”
It’s very much like a large family gathering. You meet Richard, who kisses your hand and comments on your beauty. Zoreaux, who smiles and asks if you want anything to drink. Bumbercatch, who asks if you can read minds. And finally, Roy and Keeley who are standing in the kitchen and definitely were not kissing right before you walked in.
“This is one of our coaches,” Dani beams. “He and Keeley are very much in love, but they will not admit to  each other, least of all themselves.”
Roy says, “Oi!” while Keeley blushes. Jan shrugs.
“It’s true,” he says. “There is no point in dancing around it.”
“Fuck off!” says Roy, and Jan and Dani are saved from certain death by head-butt as Keeley steps between them and says, “It’s nice to meet you! We’re so glad you could come,” and wraps you in a tight hug.
She’s small, but she’s strong. You have trouble breathing for a moment in the best possible way.
“Heard you work for Dr. Sharon,” she says. “That’s got to be fucking difficult.”
You laugh. “Yeah, but not in the way you’d think,” you say. “I’d already sold my soul to my education long before I met her. She’s actually trying to help me get it back.”
Keeley grins. “Is that why you’re here then? To reinstate your soul?”
You’re cut off from replying by the appearance of someone new. This one is in Sharon’s picture too, standing in the middle slightly to the left and smiling with the tip of his tongue sticking out. You always thought he seemed like one who looked so happy and carefree because he actively chose to be that way.
“Who’s reinstatin’ their soul?” he asks, squeezing in between Dani and Keeley.
“This one here,” Keeley replies. “You met her yet? She’s Dr. Fieldstone’s protégé.”
“Oh,” you say. “No. Not really. I was just doing my internship with her, but I had to move because…” you hesitate.
“Because no one wanted to talk to her except me and Jan,” Dani helpfully fills in. 
Jan adds, “They were all intimidated by the fact that she is close to their age and so beautiful, as well stuck in their ways of having Dr. Sharon. Only Dani and I were willing to give her a chance, and she actually helped me through some important life decisions.”
You had? It hadn’t seemed that way at the time. You feel less crappy about your time at Nelson Road, though. It wasn’t like they didn’t like you, they just preferred to stick with what they know. That, you can understand.
“Mint,” Jamie says. “So you ain’t the team’s shrink anymore?”
Roy rolls his eyes. “Fucking observant, you are. She hasn’t been around in fucking ages.”
Jamie shrugs. “I was just checking!” he says defensively.
You smile. “It’s alright,” you say. “I’m sure you’re busy, and there’s always a lot of people coming and going.”
That seems to surprise Jamie. Almost as if he isn’t used to people defending him. You file his reaction away in your brain, adding it to your collection of knowledge about the football team that made Sharon zip across England for.
It’s been two and a half hours, and you’ve have more food and laughter than you’ve had in ages. Dani and Jan Maas had left your circle in the kitchen a while ago, fulfilling their promise to chase around the youngest Higgins boys as well as Roy’s niece Phoebe, and another girl who’s name you didn’t catch. Sam has joined your group now, and he and Jamie are funny together in a way that reminds you of your brothers. They’re constantly ragging on each other, teasing Roy, and throwing things.
Jamie, it seems, is the comedian of the group. You can tell he’s showing off, presumably because there’s a new face. When it’s time to eat, he says, “Stick with me, love, that way you don’t get stuck next to some uncultured animal,” even though Sharon is there and you’d be fine to sit with any of the boys.
But, he’s already grabbed your hand and is pulling you to a spot near Roy and Keeley as Sharon looks on with an amused expression. You send her a single pleading glance (although you’re not sure what you’re pleading for) and she just gives you a shooing motion. She’s happy to sit with Rebecca and her boyfriend. And someone who’s name you’re pretty sure is Coach Beard. 
Ever the gentleman, Jamie pulls out your chair for you before settling into his own. There are tables all throughout the house and a few in the front yard, and you’re glad he picked one outside. It’s a little cloudy, but nice weather.
And god, there are people. People who are talking to you, hugging you, tapping you on the arm and holding your hand, even if it is just to make sure you don’t get separated in the stampede to find seating. Your arms aren’t even a little sore, and you can feel Sharon’s observing eyes on you. You know for a fact she’s going to have a lot to say next time you have dinner, but for now all you can think about is the way Jamie’s arm is pressed against yours, as he leans in to explain a football term that Roy just used to threaten Jamie with.
You’re not sure how long this party is supposed to last, but it’s three hours later and there is no sign of stopping. The sun is just barely starting to dip, and time has lost all meaning. You don’t know if the meal you ate was supposed to be lunch or dinner but it doesn’t matter because you’re so full that you can barely make room for the pile of desserts that Mrs. Higgins has pulled out. 
You’ve moved inside now, since Jamie pulled you through the dessert line saying, “You have to come with me, so I can put my dessert on your plate. That way grandad can’t have a fit.” You understand that “grandad” is Roy.
You’re smart enough to notice that Jamie’s hand is in yours at every opportunity he can find, and that he’s still holding it even though you’ve finished your dessert and are flopped on a couch inside. He’s absentmindedly rubbing circles with his thumb as you chatter on about nothing. 
“Oi,” he says, when you’ve lapsed into silence, “is this alright?”
You’re not sure what he means until he holds up your still-intertwined hands.
“Keeley says I’m more touchy than most. Don’t want to fuckin’ weird you out or some shit.”
You smile. “You’re fine. It’s actually really nice.” You decide to leave it at that. No point in explaining touch-deprivation to the cute footballer you just met. Talk about oversharing.
Jamie smiles back, a real one that lights up his whole face.
“Mint,” he says.
“Jamie’s romantically interested in you,” says Sharon’s voice through the phone.
“How do you know that?” you ask. It’s the morning after the Higgins party and you only have a 2pm session. Sharon texted you to call her as soon as you woke up, so you do and she drops a bombshell on the first ring. You doubt Jamie would have told her this himself, as Dr. Fieldstone isn’t one to break a confidence.
“Basic body language,” she replies. “Repeated physical contact, the way his body was angled toward yours all day, the fact that he went out of his way to make you smile. All classic markers of romantic attraction. Any trained therapist should be able to pick up on it.”
What she means is, you’re a trained therapist. You should be picking up on it.
“There’s no way,” you say, but it comes out more doubtful than you’d hoped. 
“Right,” says Sharon, “there’s no way. In the same way that there’s no way I’m only mentoring you because I see myself in you.”
“Oh,” you reply weakly, because that’s a lot to unpack. 
“Oh,” she mimics. “Right. Well. I’ve got to go. Make sure you remember the mental exercises I gave you. Therapists need to take care of their minds too.”
You say thanks and hang up. 
Oh.
You’re home again from your session, and you are tired. It was mentally exhausting and all you can think about are the pair of sweatpants in the drawer by your bed and the box of pizza that should be at your flat in fifteen-to-twenty minutes. That was about thirteen minutes ago, and you’ve just been puttering about since placing the call and changing out of work clothes. 
There’s a knock on the door and you say a quiet yes, before hurrying to answer. You open the door to two people on your doorstep instead of one.
“This your pizza?” the delivery boy asks. You nod, thank him, and hand him the money. He’s gone so you acknowledge the other person in front of you.
“How’d you know where I live?”
Jamie shrugs. “Asked Dr. Fieldstone. She isn’t as scary as she looks.”
“And why are you here?”
You place the pizza down on the small table in your entryway. It hasn’t escaped your notice that Jamie is practically standing in your doorframe now, inches away from you.
He wraps his hands in the front of his shirt. “Isaac was telling me about body science,” he says. “Been teaching me how to read people and shit based on how they move.”
You nod. Body language. Yeah, you know a thing or two about that.
“Anyway, he said you thought I was proper fit. Which is good, because I think you’re proper fit. But, just in case he were wrong, I thought I’d come over and give you a chance to tell me.”
His left hand is on the doorframe now, and you can see the top of his tattoo peeking out from under his bright orange hoodie. There is exactly one inch between you two as he slants his body toward yours.
“You can tell me to bugger off, if you want,” he murmurs. “Won’t hurt my feelings.”
You don’t say anything, just stand on your toes the tiniest bit so he has better access to your mouth. 
You can feel his breath when he pulls away.
“Oh,” he says, “I didn’t come here for sex. Me mum raised a gentleman. I’d buy you a coupla dinners first.”
“Shut up and kiss me already, Tartt,” you say, and he’s grinning, free hand cupping the back of your head.
You think that’s probably the fastest you’ve ever gotten into a relationship.
“Labels are important, babe,” Jamie had said that night. “How else will you know if food is poisonous?”
You’re pretty sure he’s talking about checking for allergens, but you don’t correct him. You’re on your couch watching a movie with his arm around your shoulders. He’s playing with strands of your hair and it’s strange that you’re this comfortable with a boy you just met yesterday.
Because he is a boy. You’re the same age, but you feel impossibly, inadequately young. He plays it off as youthful exuberance, and you’re sure it’s an advantage on the pitch. Your age doesn’t feel like an advantage to you, but you can’t change it so you might as well just deal with what you’ve got.
You can be professional in the morning, but right now you’ve got a cute, fit boy who thinks you’re cute and fit and so far has not given off red flags. You’re extra alert ever since your call with Sharon, trying to pick up on every subtlety, but you stop trying as soon as Jamie rolls up a piece of pizza like a burrito and tries to fit it all in his mouth. You know that Sharon would have been the first to tell you if this was a bad idea, and the fact that she even told you Jamie was interested is basically like her giving her blessing.
Jamie leaves too soon, but he does so with your number in his phone and the promise of “a proper date,” as soon as you both can manage.
“A proper date,” turned into two proper dates, then three, then four, then seeing each other steadily throughout the weeks, then your first sleepover after the third week. Your skin was all tingly when Jamie invited you over to his for dinner, telling you he was going to cook for you. You knew exactly what was going to happen that night and made sure you were prepared. 
You dressed nice, in clothes that gave him easy access to your skin underneath. 
“Am I rushing this?” you had asked Sharon the day before. “I’m asking you as my mentor. Am I being an idiot?”
Sharon had taken a moment to consider before answering. “You’re smart for your age. And wise beyond your years. I don’t think you’re being an idiot. We can’t let our work consume us, no matter how important it is. You’re a brilliant therapist. You’re always giving yourself away to those around you. You deserve something for yourself, and you know how to pick a good one.”
You hugged her for those words. She seemed startled, but accepted it. You didn’t think life could get much better. 
You were wrong. You discovered life could be so much better the moment Jamie’s hand slid under your skirt and you were kicking off your shoes on the way up the stairs. 
“Stay,” he whispered when you were done. “It’s fuckin’ late anyway. You can use my shower and wear one of my shirts. I have an extra toothbrush. I fucking hate sleeping alone.”
So you’re in one of his t-shirts and your underwear, arms wrapped around Jamie’s waist. 
You think what am I doing? but Jamie presses a soft, sleepy kiss to your temple and you think maybe you’re doing something right.
It’s been a hell of a week. You’re swamped, Jamie’s always at training, and neither of you have been able to make the time to see the other in days. Your inner arms are sore again, and your dinners with Sharon have been short and extremely clinical in a way you desperately need. However, once-a-week therapy is not enough to get rid of the feeling you have, and you wake up throughout the night holding your pillow as if it were Jamie. 
You’ve gotten used to having his hand in yours, your head on his shoulder, knees touching and arms wrapped tight around your body. Having it taken away is worse than before, because at least then you didn’t really know what you were missing. Now, you feel as if you’re going to die unless someone does something, even if it’s just a high-five. 
You’re sitting at your kitchen table, one knee pulled up to your chest as you review case notes. Your food has gone cold because all you can do is cry. You’re so tired and so lonely and it shouldn’t be this way, but it is and you’re just over it. There’s a knock at the door so you wipe your eyes and answer it, hoping you look normal.
It’s Jamie.
The moment you register who it is, you’re launching yourself into his arms, wrapping around him like a spider monkey. He laughs. “Hello to you too,” he says, spinning you around. He stops when he feels you shaking in his arms. 
“Oi,” he says, frowning a little, “you alright, love?”
He can feel tears on his neck.
“Babe,” he says, “did something happen at work?”
You shake your head, face still buried into the crook of his neck. “I just missed you,” you croak, voice muffled.
Jamie chuckles at that. You’re lucky he’s strong, because he’s able to carry you to the couch like it’s nothing, kicking the door shut behind him without losing his balance. He settles with you in his arms, rubbing a pattern on your back. 
“It’s alright, love, I’m here,” he says, and you’ve never been more grateful for the fact that he calls you love more than your actual name. It’s like he’s always reminding you how he feels about you.
You just hold him tighter, letting the terrible feeling you had all week fade away. When it’s mostly gone, you pull away so you can look him in the face.
“I- I have this thing,” you say. Jamie looks concerned.
“Are you dyin’?” he asks.
“No!” you reply. “No, I’m not dying. I have- I’m touch-deprived. I let it get really bad sometimes and then I can physically feel it. You can look it up, it’s a real thing.” You don’t know why you feel the need to defend yourself. Jamie’s just looking at you, all quiet seriousness.
“That what it’s called?” he asks. “I know what you mean. Fucking had it two years ago. Used to egg Roy on just so he’d push me around and the lads’d have to hold me back. Wasn’t near me mum anymore, so I didn’t have anyone to hug me or anything. Sounds dumb, but… I just needed someone to touch me. Like if they didn’t, it meant I didn’t exist. Fucking mental.”
“Mental,” you agree.
Jamie smiles. “You’re the fucking best, you know that?” he asks. “I’m never bored when I’m with you. Came over to see if you wanted to watch a movie or play video games.” 
He’s stroking your cheek with one hand, other still wrapped around your back.
You smile back. “I really, really love you Jamie Tartt. I’ll play video games, I just don’t want to play FIFA.”
Jamie’s smile drops. “Shit,” he says, and you think it’s because you don’t want to play his favorite video game. “You weren’t supposed to say it first, I was. I was gonna tell you tonight anyway.”
“It’s not a big deal, babe,” you say.
“No.” He shakes his head. “It’s a big fuckin’ deal. Now I’ve got to make it up to you.”
“No you don’t,” you say.
“Yes I do,” he replies. “I’m gonna tell you every fucking day how much I love you. I’ll drive home early from away games just to hug you. I want you to always feel like you have the love you deserve.”
You’re at a loss for words.
“Cat got your tongue, don’t it?” Jamie asks cheekily. “Not a problem, babe. I know how to get it back.”
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littlefeltsparrow · 2 months
Text
There’s this running theme of Feyre forgiving those who have wronged her, while Rhysand aggressively asserts that he will never forgive them.
We see this with Nesta and Lucien, and the whole song and dance of Rhysand refusing to forgive those who hurt Feyre or those he perceived to have hurt Feyre can be understood as a kind of fantasy. I’ve said it before, but Rhysand’s aggression towards individuals who harmed Feyre appeals to a desire to be defended by a much stronger party against an enemy you were once powerless against (all while never having to ask them and in many cases, disavowing such a reaction)
Readers who relate to Feyre can take pleasure in seeing the ones who harmed her (according to the text) be punished through becoming dominated by her new powerful and devoted protectors. Making them feel guilty for their actions, making them submit to her through force or intimidation to engage in a kind of indulgent performance of self-flagellation. We see this with the hike Nesta is forced to go on, the purpose of this hike is not for her self-actualization, but for the pleasure of seeing her in intense emotional and physical pain. The wish fulfillment narrative takes pleasure in watching her grovel for Feyre’s forgiveness, which is why it goes back on the sisters relationship development multiple times. Maas just can’t help herself.
For Rhysand, the most powerful High Lord in all the land and being impossibly powerful, flatters the reader through his aggressive defending of Feyre. Feyre who was once her family’s mule (in ACOTAR’s ridiculous and drawn out sequence of indulgent suffering porn) can magnanimously forgive her sisters for their past mistakes, while also having them punished whilst disavowing that very punishment. This is especially apparent with Nesta, the frequent subject of Rhysand’s ire, who is disproportionately punished for her past wrongdoings.
I recognize it, but I really can’t buy into the pleasure of the wish fulfillment in the story because I don’t think that Nesta or Lucien ever deserved the harsh treatment they got. Their past actions weren’t bad enough to justify such horrendously cruel treatment and intimidation on the part of the IC. This breaks the illusion and makes me dislike the IC and Feysand.
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fxckmiup · 2 months
Text
𝐀 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐑𝐞𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐒𝐚𝐥𝐯𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 || 𝐀𝐳𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐥 𝐱 𝐎𝐂
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♡ 𝐅𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟 | ♤ 𝐀𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭 | ♞ 𝐇𝐮𝐫𝐭/𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐭 | ☆ 𝐒𝐦𝐮𝐭 {𝟏𝟖+} | ♛ 𝐆𝐨𝐫𝐞 {𝟏𝟖+}
Chapters: {01 / ??}
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Arya Darling, The Princess of the Night Court. 
Arya Ashford, The chosen mother of the Archeron sisters. 
Both were created to be the Salvation of All.
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      » [ Nuvole Bianche ] «
     ⇄   ◃◃   ⅠⅠ   ▹▹   ↻
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Chapters: {01 / ??}
Disclaimer & Trigger Warnings
Prythian & The Lands
Seven Courts & High Lords
The Inner Circle
The Archeron's
Playlist
Prologue
01 , 02 , 03 , 04 , 05 ...
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Let me know if you'd like to be added to the tag list :)
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☾ 𝕐𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐥, 𝐫𝐞-𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭, 𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝔸ℕ𝕐 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐬. 𝕀 𝐝𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐢𝐧𝐯𝐨𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐧𝐨𝐫 𝐝𝐨 𝐈 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐬. 𝔸𝐥𝐥 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐚𝐜𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐝𝐞𝐩𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬. ☽
Disclaimer: All characters and the storyline of the acotar characters belong to Sarah J Maas. My OC's (Arya and a few others) and their storyline/anything to do with her, belongs to me.
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