#lando could be a dark horse this year!

[prettyfastcars]

As sweet as blood-red jam | Mob!Lando

Summary: Lando could be many things given the nature of his job. Mean, commandeering, a control freak. But when he came home to you and the kids, he was the sweetest man you’d ever met. Your marriage to him was arranged of course, because that’s how things worked in the world you were both from. But love eventually grew between the two of you, and it did not stop growing. 

Themes: dad!Lando, fluff, smut, arranged marriage, domestic!mob!Lando, mild mommy/daddy kink (nicknames only), praise kink, housewife!reader, breeding kink

“They’re sleeping.” 

He announced cheerfully, shutting the door behind him as he walked into your library where you had been reading in silence for the past half an hour. 

You were a stay-at-home mom so the twins, your son and daughter, were under your care all day. And so Lando insisted that you get the evening off the moment he got home. He read to them and tucked them in for the night each night. It was part of his routine and he loved it. 

You placed your wine glass down and picked up the drink you made for him, handing it to him as he came over to sit down next to you on the large sofa. 

His eyes lit up at the sight of the well-deserved drink. “Oh you’re perfect, baby.” He kissed your forehead before getting comfortable next to you, sighing as he leaned his head back, closing his eyes for a brief moment. 

“They’ve been running around all day, they went to see the horses,” You said, thinking about how energetic your kids had been during the day, “I thought they would pass out after dinner but they wanted to wait for daddy.” 

Your husband smiled, looking a little tired as he took a sip of his drink. You caressed his cheek with a gentle hand as he turned to give you a soft look with those gorgeous eyes of his. 

He looked more relaxed and comfortable like this, wearing nothing but dark sweatpants. As opposed to the authoritative figure he is during the day in his expensive, dark suits. Him in casual clothing like this made you realise that he was in fact just a young man, barely 25, who shouldered a lot of weight alone. 

Responsibilities, expectations, risks, reputation, legacy, and now his own family. You’d come a long way, the two of you. Only a couple years ago you were just strangers being introduced at a gala. And now you were young parents. 

You still remember the night you met him for the first time. How gently he held your hand and danced with you. How your engagement was announced only a few months after and the wedding happened quicker than you thought. 

You always thought that you would forever be strangers living under the same roof. Especially given his reputation of being a workaholic which made him such an influential figure in his line of work. 

But Lando proved you wrong. He actually took the time to get to know you early on in your marriage, he cared, he listened. He was good to you. Then a year later, you had the twins and Lando had been perfect. Perfect partner, perfect dad. 

“What are you thinking about, mama?” He asked softly, his hand leisurely caressing your exposed thigh. That golden chain on his neck shining in the dimmed lights of the library. No shirt so you shamelessly ogled his defined abs and muscles. He let you, with a smirk on his handsome face. 

You put the book aside and leaned a little closer to him, cupping his rough chin in your hand. He’d been growing facial hair lately and you liked it. “You work too hard,” You said softly. 

He smiled, leaning into the warmth of your hand as he said, “Just wanna give you and the kids everything you want and need. You deserve it.” 

He had given you everything. Houses, cars, chauffeurs, chefs, private planes, private trainers, cards with no spending limits, vacations. You and the kids were well taken care of. 

You sighed, sliding over and ending up perfectly on his lap. Lando finished his drink, placed the glass aside and grabbed you by the waist to pull you closer. “But we have everything we could ever want or need.” You suggested, “Take a day off. Or two. I’m taking the kids shopping tomorrow, come spend the day with us.” 

Lando gave you a faint smile, “Can’t right now, baby. Some important shipments are about to come in. I can’t afford a day off until it gets here.” 

You rolled your eyes, making him chuckle and pull you closer. “But I barely see you.” You murmured. “The last time we had a date night was like, weeks ago.” 

Your face got really hot just thinking about it. Not just the date, but what happened after in the car on the way home… 

Lando smirked, surely also thinking about the same thing, grabbing you by the hips and gently moving you on his lap, rubbing you against his growing erection. You hissed in pleasure as he did. The soft, silky night dress you were wearing bunched up around your upper thighs, allowing you to feel everything. The shape of him, the warmth. 

“If you wanted a lovesick romeo who writes you love notes every morning then you shouldn’t have agreed to marry a man like me.” He taunted, teasing you and pinching your thigh. 

You reached out and grabbed his gold chain, tugging on it playfully, knowing how much he liked it when you did. “Unfortunately I like my men a little more corrupted,” You whispered, “Bonus points if they work all the time and don’t have time for me.” You sassed. 

Lando chuckled, leaning in to kiss along your jaw. “Aww, what is it?” He cooed, “You miss daddy? Hmm? Does mommy need some extra love from daddy tonight?” 

You nodded. 

“Come here, baby,” He pressed his mouth to yours as his hands caressed your inner thighs. He kissed you like he was starving, while your hands reached down in between your bodies and eagerly lowered his sweatpants to free his cock. 

You whimpered into the kiss, against his lips as you wrapped your hand around him, stroking his hard cock, making him groan into the kiss before he pulled away and said, “Daddy missed you too.” He murmured, looking down to watch how your hand touched him just how he liked it. “Fuck,” He sighed, “That feels good, baby…” 

His praise gave you enough confidence to stroke him harder, making him groan and moan. You loved the sounds he made. And you wanted to keep hearing those moans so you carefully lifted your lower body off his, pulled your underwear to the side and slowly lowered yourself down on his cock, earning louder moans out of his sinful mouth as you sank down on him. 

You were wet enough for his cock to slide in, but your body still resisted just a little bit, enough for him to have to thrust up the tiniest bit to fully fill you up. You cried out as he did. 

His soft lips parted just a little, and you couldn’t resist leaning in and sliding your tongue into his mouth. You whimpered against his lips, stroking the top of his mouth as you lifted up and sank back down on his cock, making him growl into the messy kiss. 

“That’s it, baby… fuck yourself on daddy’s cock…” Lando’s hands rubbed up and down your thighs again as he gently thrust his hips up each time, setting a pace that had you both moaning and wanting more of each other. 

Your fingers slid into his hair, scratching his scalp and down his neck as the tip of his cock reached sensitive places inside you. 

Lando chuckled when he felt you clench around him. “We’re not using protection again, mama…” He spoke against your open mouth, breathless as you were, “You’re gonna give me another kid, huh?” He sounded cocky as he said it, like it filled him with pride. “Gonna let me fill you up again till you walk around all nice and swollen with my baby in you, hmm?” 

You whined, feeling him stretch you out each time you moved up and down his cock. “Lando… please,” You gasped as his hand slipped between the two of you and found your clit, he rubbed it lazily. 

“Answer me,” He demanded, “You’re gonna carry another one for me?” His voice sent chills down your back. 

“Yes,” You whimpered, moving faster, impaling yourself down on his cock and whimpering shamelessly as you felt him filling you up completely each time, feeling him reach deeper into you with each thrust. Your lips brushed against his each time you moved up and down his cock, feeling him stretch you out as you stared into his ridiculously pretty eyes. You couldn’t help but speak the thoughts of your lust-drunk mind, “I want you to fill me up again,” You mumbled, feeling yourself getting high up there gradually. 

Lando laughed, also lust-drunk, “I can’t wait…” He said, “Can’t wait to come home and find you dripping wet for me.” His voice gave away that he was thinking back to how needy you were for him all throughout your previous pregnancy. 

You whimpered, thinking about it as well. Some evenings he’d come home and you dragged him to the bedroom immediately. Some days you even called him and asked him if he could come home for an hour or two. Lando happily agreed each time of course. 

“Remember how sensitive you’d get? How needy?” He teased, holding you close. “How you almost cried each time I made you come?” He smirked, male pride all over his face. “Some of the best months of my life those were.” 

You whined, “Please…” You stared into his pretty eyes. 

“Come for me.” He growled in that cold, menacing, erotic voice. “Come for daddy…” 

And you did. Whimpering, squirming and whining. You didn’t slow down as you felt your orgasm wash over you, and Lando kept thrusting his hips up into you as your eyes rolled back and you moaned out loud as you came hard, feeling your walls squeezing and clenching around him.

Lando came right after you, moaning and spilling inside of you, filling you up as you trembled and squirmed on his lap. You leaned forward, pushing your face into his neck to catch your breath while he held you against him, kissing the side of your face softly. 

“You okay, baby?” He asked after a few minutes of you two just cuddling there on the sofa. 

You nodded, “Mhmm, don’t wanna get up.” You murmured, sighing in bliss as you snuggled into his warm chest. 

He chuckled, “Okay.” He kissed the stop of your head. “I love you,” He whispered.

#lando norris #lando norris smut #lando norris x you #lando norris x reader #lando norris imagine #mob!lando #f1

[scuderiasundays]

the one where the stars aligned

summary: 3 am flashbacks to packed pizzerias, comfortable silences, and post-race kisses + a little insta au at the end 💌

words: 871

a/n: writing fics is my form of self care. i’m seeing a lot of lando love so i thought i’d whip something up! tagging @vamossainz55, @sainzcaleruega , @monzabee, @ssainzz, @holllandtrash, and @diorleclerc just because. feedback appreciated as always. hugs and kisses 🫶🏼

"Come on, put down the melatonin gummies and lend a hand," Lando's voice beckoned, as he motioned for you to join him. It was Lando's brilliant idea to start building shelves for his prized helmet collection at the ungodly hour of 3 AM. Despite feeling drained from a full day of traveling, jet lag refused to let either of you rest. As you took in the sights of Monaco in the dark, your mind couldn't help but picture everyone sound asleep in their beds—a stark contrast to the state you and Lando were in, blasting Burna Boy and diving headfirst into a DIY date night.

You plopped down beside him, and he handed over some screws and posts. To be honest, you had no clue what you were doing, so you just sat there, watching your boyfriend hum along and niftily arrange the pieces. There was a particular air about Lando when he was focused: his slightly creased forehead, furrowed eyebrow, and bitten lip. He caught you midthought and playfully said, "Less staring, more doing," as he handed you the instruction manual.

Maybe it was the sleep deprivation or the fact that your two-year anniversary was coming up, but you found your mind aimlessly wandering. Lando had entered your life at a time when you least expected it. It all began on an evening out in London, which your friends now playfully referred to as "The One Where the Stars Aligned."

You had found yourselves scrambling for a last-minute table at a quaint pizzeria one of you had discovered on TikTok. The restaurant, a charming hole-in-the-wall, was filled to the brim with lively conversation and the aroma of freshly baked pizza. Your waiter hastily directed you to a 10-person table at the heart of the bustling scene, disappearing before any of you could say a word. The long table was already occupied by a few guys who looked to be your age. Reluctant but ravenous, you found yourself settling beside one of them. Throughout the night, you and your mystery man talked nonstop, effortlessly volleying back and forth. The rest, as they say, was history.

There were countless reasons you loved your boyfriend, but a few things really stood out. Lando's attentiveness was unmatched. If a conversation made you uneasy, he would pick up on it and hurry to your side, ready to rescue you from any situation. If he noticed a Netflix show had you on the verge of tears, he would edge closer to you on the couch and quietly slide over a box of tissues. If you were lost for words to congratulate him on an impressive drive, he would kiss you simply to shut you up.

Even though Lando's job required him to exude confidence and poise in public, behind closed doors, he was just as much of an introvert as you. Whether sitting side by side in his driver's room, with him editing photos and you buried in a book, there was an ease to the silence that never felt uncomfortable. It was your way of recharging your social batteries, soaking up each other's presence without the need for constant conversation.

You had also grown to love the people Lando surrounded himself with. He was big on quality time and always sought to spend as much of it with you as possible. Initially unsure if his friends would appreciate your constantly hanging around, you were pleasantly surprised when they warmly embraced you into their circle. "I'm just glad he's found someone else to bother instead of P and me," Max jokingly said during a double date at the driving range.

Your bond with Flo had also grown stronger, as you joined her for one-on-one horse-riding lessons at the stables. She would share stories about little Lando, granting you intimate glimpses into his past that, without him knowing, made you love him even more.

Lando went above and beyond to introduce you to the other drivers too. You often third-wheeled on Carlando outings, intervening when they bickered like an old couple. On some nights, he’d arrange actual double dates with Carmen and George, the three of you trying but always failing to convince Lando to try some sushi.

You were the first person he FaceTimed when Daniel had confided he’d be back on the grid sooner than expected. “If this leaks, I’ll know who to hunt down,” he giggled while munching a chicken quinoa wrap, his staple pre-race meal.

Lost in reverie, you hadn’t even realized you’d zoned out until Lando waved his hands frantically in front of you, snapping you back to reality. The shelves were now magically built, showcasing the colorful helmets he’d raced in and swapped over the years.

“What were you thinking about, babe?” He asked as he stepped back to double check that the shelves were even.

“Just how much I love you,” you replied as you gave him a peck on the cheek.

If you could be anywhere in the world, you’d still choose to be right there with him, watching the sunrise paint your apartment the warmest shade of orange. You closed your eyes and silently prayed that you and Lando would always be this close, forever and ever.

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

liked by ciscanorris1, alex_albon, and 41,113 others

landonorris: a few of my favorite thingssss

yourusername: not even pressed danny ranks higher than me! he’s back like he never left 🙌🏼

danielricciardo: bisous

landonorris: nobody compares to you, baby!!

flonorris1: don’t have too much fun without me, lovebirds 🧡

heidiberger_: what a flight! let @yourusername and i know if anyone wants to join our “my boyfriend has a distinctive laugh” club

yourusername: more like the “i couldn’t get any sleep because my boyfriend kept cackling” club 🫠

fan2: the wags are spilling tea and i ADORE them

barbiethemovie: she’s everything. he’s just ken.

mclaren: in lando we trust 🫡

#lando norris imagine #lando norris x reader #lando norris x y/n #lando norris x you #lando norris edit #lando norris #f1 x you #lando norris fluff #f1 imagine #f1 x reader #f1 fic #f1 instagram au #lando norris one shot #lando norris instagram edit #lando norris fic #lando x reader #lando imagine

[povlnfour]

ੈ✩‧₊˚ OVERDRIVE (LN4)

pairing: lando norris x f!reader

summary: a practical stranger is determined to change your opinion on cars (and maybe make you fall in love in the process)

word count: 2k

content warnings: brief mentions of alcohol, brief make out, 110% irresponsible driving (don’t take ur eyes off the road kids)

“you’re right next to me, feel the heat, going overdrive” — conan gray, overdrive

cars were never something you understood.

your friends growing up had always had a weird fixation whenever they saw specific models racing down the streets where you lived, stopping to ogle and obsess as they used key words that were entirely lost on you. when you expressed your disinterest and lack of care over a model’s ‘horse power’, you were met with groans of disappointment and a quick change of subject.

perhaps that was why those particular friendships never lasted out of teenhood. they became stagnant over the years when you found new interests and connections that led you elsewhere.

somewhere in the back of your mind, despite time making those old acquaintances nothing more than a distant memory, you wondered what they’d say if they could see you now.

so it stood true that you never understood cars, but you certainly had an affinity for pretty men driving them. and lando norris definitely fit into that category.

sat in the passenger seat of a mclaren model you had entirely missed the name of, you gained a new outlook on what made such cars so good. granted it had nothing to do with the technicalities of the car, and more the way the wind whipped through your hair as lando guided the two of you through the streets of monaco. it was dark by now, but the city still shone bright with the lights from the buildings that towered over you — casinos and restaurants much like the ones you found the driver in to begin with.

you barely spared lando a glance, too afraid to lose focus on the road ahead of you. if you were to spend too long admiring the man you might never be able to look away. he had a certain transfixing aura around him you couldn’t quite explain from just the short time you had known him.

the city whizzed by as lando made green light after green light, turning onto less clustered roads where he could finally show the full potential of the car he was clearly so fond of.

“you look like you’re enjoying yourself no matter how much you’re pretending not to.” lando commented, and for the first time since accepting his offer of a drive home, you turned to face him. he was already looking at you, paying no attention to the roads despite the danger such an action possessed, and you couldn’t help the blush the attention brought to your cheeks. “let yourself have fun. stop trying to hate it so much.”

laughing, you shook your head, amazed at how a man who was nothing more than a stranger to you less than three hours ago already had such a good read on you. you’d have plenty to tell your friends who you had met at the casino in the morning it would seem.

“i’ve got a reputation to withhold here.” you admitted, enjoying the way he laughed as he looked back towards the road that grew quieter with every passing metre.

“not a car person?” lando observed.

“not at all.” you admitted, shaking your head fondly as you recalled those times you disappointed your friends. “i don’t think i’ve ever quite understood the fascination behind it.”

lando hummed, going quiet momentarily. he made an action similar to that of checking a watch, seeming to think over a grand idea. “you don’t have anywhere to be, right?”

it was already long gone two in the morning, he knew as well as you did the answer to that. “besides my bed, nope.” popping the ‘p’, you looked back towards the man driving.

“then let me show you what you’re missing.”

you underestimated to what extent his determination reached until his foot was on the pedal, and the slick car was rushing away from the city with nothing more than a light humming sound. your laughter mixed in with the whisp of the wind as suddenly you shot off into the night with a man who was barely more than a pretty stranger.

lando seemed to enjoy the sound, one hand slipping to the bottom of the wheel so he could rest on the door of his car whilst he eased his way through the roads. he navigated with such an ease you were sure he had done this route many a time before, slowing just enough when he reached cameras as to not be caught, but keeping the experience all the same.

“you’re insane!” you laughed as he skidded the car around a perfectly timed corner, knowing your mother would be crying in fear if she saw how reckless you were being.

“admit you’re enjoying yourself!” lando prompted, still finding time to look over at you once more throughout the journey.

grinning through your lies, you refuted “you’ll have to do more than that to impress me.”

“oh come on!” he whined, no malice or despair in his voice, but a glint in his eye that told he was more than prepared to take the challenge, “you’re a hard crowd to please.”

with that, he shifted the gear once more, finding a corner at which he unexpectedly spun back around on, bringing you back onto a straight towards the city that gave him plenty of opportunity to show off.

“you’re going to kill me!” you squealed, clinging on to the door for dear life as you giggled over the wind once more.

lando barely missed a beat before he shifted speeds once again, offering a playful “i’ll make sure they say you died enjoying yourself in the obituary.”

as you swung another corner, you let the motion pull you back towards the centre of the car, the electricity between the two of you becoming more prominent than ever. lando noticed it too, swapping the hand which held the wheel as his right one found its way to your left. you looked at the contact, unsure for just a moment, until he lifted your arms above your head, letting the recklessness wash over you until it shifted into exhilaration. you couldn’t help but lift your other arm to enjoy it, till you were practically shouting with adrenaline field joy into the night.

the fear of the speed was outweighed by the thrill, and you closed your eyes for a beat, enjoying the simple sensation of wind in your hair and lando’s hand in yours.

when you began to emerge into those more populated areas once more, the sight of red lights up ahead, lando spun once again, masterfully avoiding any disturbance with a practiced ease. the motion threw you further to the side, and this time, the squeal that left your mouth was entirely involuntary. you whipped your hands down from the air, this time choosing to find purchase on lando’s bicep as you steadied yourself.

lando chuckled lowly, making no quick decision to move away. instead, his hand that previously held yours found it’s way to rest on your thigh, holding you in place against the centre console and his shoulder. his comfort made you bolder, so even when you had steadied yourself, the grip you had on his arm only faltered enough to provide him momentarily relief, staying close to his side with your hands still linked now at his elbow.

“if you crash, i’ll kill you.” you joked, lando whipping his head around to face you with a smooth wink in your direction.

“you underestimate my skill, baby.”

the way your heart fluttered at the pet name made you briefly consider your own insanity. speeding down unpopulated streets with a stranger, with no care for what may happen. selfishly, you only wanted to bask in the feeling of his hand on the scarcely clothed skin of your thigh, and the look on his face whenever he met your eye.

you spared a glance towards his lips, pulled taut into a smile as he showed off for you. there was something about his confidence that only added to the compellement you felt towards him.

before you could readjust your attention, his eyes flickered back towards you, and the sharp decrease in speed told he had caught where you were looking. you may have pulled back in embarrassment had the grip he had on your thigh not tightened in response.

the temptation to apologise was quelled just as fast when he brought the car to a less extreme speed, able to spend longer fixating on you without the imminent threat of crashing if he lacked too much focus.

“i’m gonna need you to stop looking at me like that.” he practically growled. “otherwise i’ll do something stupid.”

you considered for a moment, debating just how reckless you would allow yourself to be tonight before the words left your lips involuntarily. “nothing’s stopping you.”

it was as though something shifted in the man, his hand finally leaving your thigh just long enough to bring the car to a halt in a convenient lay-by. and before you even had the chance to react to the standstill, he was pushing back over the centre console and connecting his lips with yours.

his hands found the back of your neck with a terrifyingly practiced ease. one your own gripped onto his forearm, your other finding it’s way between his curls and giving a sharp tug that had him gasping into your mouth. he recovered fast, using his tongue to swipe against your bottom lip in a request you couldn’t deny.

as lando deepened the kiss, he tugged you towards him, one hand slipping down to your waist and helping you across the console without ever having to disconnect your lips. you planted yourself firmly against his thighs, chests connecting as his tongue encircled yours. both his hands now crept towards your ass, squeezing firmly when they found their goal.

you almost automatically rolled your hips down as he gave a tug, eliciting a groan from his lips you so desperately wanted to hear again in a less public situation. he only held you tighter in response, tugging your bottom lip between his teeth in an attempt to gain some power back. you let him take it happily, bracing your hands against the headrest to gain some stability.

you were sure your lips were red and swollen by now, too enticed by the man below you who tasted vaguely of mint from the singular mojito you had seen him nurse all night.

the alcohol in your own system would be little match for the memories of lando’s hands on your skin. his fingers found their way up your waist and between the slits in your outfit so that they could dance along your skin with a wave of electricity.

lando tugged you closer, a feat you didn’t feel possible until your bodies were flush together, your knees taking the brunt of your weight to allow the closeness to remain. you let one finger slip from the headrest to trace the curve of his neck, enjoying the way his muscles tensed in anticipation at the contact. the sly smile it brought to your lips was enough to finally break your kiss, the two of you panting shallowly as your foreheads rested together.

lando took a moment, squeezing your waist as he closed his eyes to regain some of his own sanity.

“i should really get you home.” he muttered, voice void of any real haste “you make it quite hard to let you go.”

as he tilted his head to trail sweet kisses along the side of your jaw, you couldn’t quite help the offer that left your lips. something about the man below you had you believing that a rash decision would somehow be worth it.

“i never said you couldn’t come in.”

lando grinned in response, connecting your lips again as he turned the ignition back on in a clear acceptance of your invitation.

you’d have to clamber back into the passenger seat soon enough, but for one last second you allowed yourself to revel in the realisation that your night was about to get a lot more interesting.

so maybe you didn’t understand cars, but you’d certainly thank them for this outcome.

hello pals

soooo my first one shot ?! on this account at least. i used to write terrible 1d fanfic so this is a step up lmao. written based on overdrive by conan gray, 10/10 recommend

if you’re still here, thank you SO MUCH for reading. feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments/reblogs/asks, i always love reading what people have to say. i have not proof read this bc i hate my own writing so apologies if there are glaring mistakes.

i’ve also only been to monaco like three times but these quiet streets are entirely made up that place is manic (for someone who lives so close i do not go enough)

got some ideas in the brain, mostly around lando but also a few charles and oscar bits as they’re my boys so let’s see how this goes

but for now, big love! taglist can be found in my pinned post along with masterlist i’m slowing filling out🧡

- love, gigi xx

tags: @idkiwantchocolatee @vellicora @alessioayla @bborra @crimeshowjunkie @paolexsstuff @champagnelovers101 @loxbbg @hobiismyhopeu @moonypixel @celestialpato @champagneproblems17

#ੈ✩‧₊˚ works #f1 #f1 x reader #lando norris #lando norris x reader #mclaren #lando norris au #lando norris blurb #lando norris imagine #lando norris scenario #lando norris one shot

[onboardsorasora]

Just a silly thing I thought of. Sweet and fluffy thoughts of Maxiel parents at the Renaissance Fair.

“Hanna banana do you want another– no don't eat that!” Daniel scooped up the toddler in his arms, tickling under her arms to get her to giggle. Her poofy princess dress floofed over his tattooed arms, making him look like he was holding a giggling ice cream cone.

Daniel smiled and kissed her ruddy, chubby cheeks, walking them back to their group that were holding spots in the little grandstands. They'd been at the Renaissance Fair all afternoon, seeing all the different acts and artisans. Now they were waiting on the final jousting show of the day to begin.

It was their last excursion of the afternoon, Max had eagerly wanted to see the thrilling conclusion after the Tournament of Champions turned into a fake bloodbath filled with intrigue and subplots of deception and political drama.

Hanna squealed a happy sound and reached out of the circle of Daniel's arms towards Max who grinned over at them. Daniel found himself struck dumb as always at how beautiful Max looked when he and Hanna looked at each other like they both hung the moon and stars.

Max took Hanna in his arms and the baby burrowed her face into Max's bare neck. Daniel reached over to flick an errant loc of hair from Max's eyes. His baby blues looked bright and especially vibrant today under his dark blue eyeshadow.

“Did you enjoy looking at the horses?” Max asked, using the billowing sleeve of his costume to wipe at a smudge of dirt on their daughter’s cheek.

“She didn't even like want to look. Started toddling towards the bar that one.” Daniel chuckled and Max exhaled a laugh, clutching Hanna close and kissing at her beaming cheeks.

“Oh no lil bean, you're not old enough to try mead yet.” Lewis leaned over and tickled Hanna’s side, grinning when she giggled into Max's skin.

Daniel packed away the half eaten snacks in the bag in their stroller and then slipped his now free arm around Max's tiny corseted waist. His red and blue wench’s costume was beautiful in how it showed off his neck, shoulders and chest.

“Daniel, could you– my knot came undone again.” Max asked sheepishly and Daniel pecked his cheek before kneeling happily at his booted feet. He made quick work of bunching Max's long skirts and knotting them at thigh height so that his darling wouldn't overheat in the humidity.

“Every time you knot it you go higher and higher. I think you are trying to expose me to all these people, maybe.” Max teased.

“Babe with those legs, everyone will be getting a treat.” Daniel smirked at Max's blush.

“God you both are gross.” Lando complained walking up to them, his hands laden with drink. He handed a copper tankard to a now standing Daniel, and Lewis.

“One day you'll grow up and find someone you can stand in the daylight young one.” Daniel teased, accepting a silver tankard as well and popping a metal straw in the sparkling liquid. He brought it to Max's pink lips.

Lewis snorted and sipped his own drink before getting everyone's attention. “We have to remember to take that group pic.”

“I wish we thought about it before Hanna spat up on Daniel's costume.” Max commented mournfully, looking over at the large three that adorned Daniel's chest instead of the vest and shirt that matched them as a pair.

“Eh, no sweat it Maxy. I don't think our little princess liked it as much as you did.” Daniel laughed. “Next year we can be a pirate family.”

“And if you're lucky, Hanna won't want to be a dinosaur.” Lando chuckled which caused them all to laugh.

#literally just wanted something sweet and fluffy #maxiel #max/daniel #my ficlet

[silverstonesainz]

Ok smutty headcanon time - head edition:

Lando is the biggest munch because he’s got the most people pleaser in his personality - he knows he can get a good reaction every time he goes face (and giant fingers) first into you so if it ain’t broke

Charles is really a perfectionist about it - if you’re not going to have time for him to really work you over, he would rather just have a quickie - but the fingers are absolutely insane (thanks piano)

Oscar’s better at it than anyone with that sweet face has any right to be and wants to continue getting better at it but at the end of the day, he’s still a 22-year-old boy (at least he always knows where your clit is)

Carlos gets more personal pleasure (read: ego boost) out of it than any of the other guys - he’s got the DSLs and he knows how to use them and hearing you tell him that or just hearing you collapse under him goes straight to his dick

Pierre is the ultimate case of someone being pretty good at something but really just not enjoying it that much (this was me with Latin in middle school) - like, he will do it and he will be great at it and you’ll feel amazing but then it won’t happen again until you’ve either had some big accomplishment or been enough of a tease that it tips him over

Max is kind of a hybrid of Carlos and Pierre - doesn’t especially care for it at first and then realizes how much of an ego stroke it is if he’s good at it

Danny isn’t quite the dark horse - he’s the oldest and most experienced, he has the nose that he has - but I genuinely think people wouldn’t automatically assume he’s the best at it because he’s always laughing but let me tell you I bet the red mist comes down and it’s like he hasn’t eaten in a week istg I want it, like, yesterday

Mick looks like a sweet baby angel from heaven who’s never even heard of a pussy but whatever he does must be working really well because 1) if Schumi junior takes after his pops at all HELLO and 2) dollars to donuts I bet half of why his obnoxiously gorgeous girlfriend seems to love him so much is because she’s dickmatized

Much along the same lines, Alex is really good at it because he has taken the time to understand exactly how Lily ticks and exactly what’s good for her and I have to say that may be the hottest of all

Let me know if I missed anyone

oh my GOD PLEASEEE. u saying carlos has dsls is so so fucked but so so right. that plump bottom lip. i could actually go on and on about carlos giving head, it's a topic i am passionate about.

aaaandd this might be such a hot fucking take but. i dont think lando can give head like that. i genuinely don't think that lando knows how to properly eat pussy. like he for sure does it (he's a fucking scorpio he'll do anything), but i just don't think he does it that well. he's like the guy whose tongue will lap your clit and not do it again for god only knows how long. when giving head his fingers are the star and not his mouth.

pierre will literally only give head to receive head. i think he's decent at it (he's a fucking whore) but he will not give head because that is beneath him.

mick also (imo) doesn't give great head either, but not for a lack of trying. but to that, for him head isn't the main event, it's a starter babes. his dick game must absolutely be strong. you can see it in his face.

and the rest. the rest u are pretty spot on. yep yep yep

#i also hope youre 18+ bc i was gonna delete this per my rule of smut from anons #but i see u put a bit of time into this and yea. i wanted to share #but thank u for coming i appreciate u and i appreciate this #a-nonnie

[gr33nbull]

It makes me super happy seeing how on form Mclaren have been the last two races. They’ve really improved that car and it’s very refreshing to see them do well. Lando today was an absolute beast!! Super happy to see two brits on the podium today!!

Very excited to see Daniel get more used to the car. He’s doing a stellar job already, a few more races he’s gonna be a beast aswell. We all saw his performance at Renault last year! Daniel is an awesome driver!

#Daniel is also one of my favs #super stoked for Lando today aswell #he did an impeccable job #lando could be a dark horse this year! #good to see Charles was doing pretty decent too! #just need to get AM on form #I need Seb on the podium so bad #before I combust #anyways #f1 #formula 1 #formula one #sebastian vettel #charles leclerc #lance stroll #lando norris #mick schumacher #carlos sainz jr #daniel ricciardo

[champagnepodiums]

apart from lewis, charles, and max, which driver do you think will gain the most ig followers this year? i'm predicting carlos if ferrari manages to consistently stay at the top, but i think the others will gain a lot too!

I concur that Carlos will consistently make large gains. I think if Haas keeps in the points consistently, I think both Kevin and Mick are poised to keep making nice gains. Daniel Ricciardo and Lando Norris are also at the top.

A dark horse to keep an eye on is Zhou Guanyu. I think he uses social media well (his IG stories are great) and especially if Alfa keeps doing fairly well, he could see very respectable gains.

#f1 #formula 1 #driver social media #carlos sainz #zhou guanyu

[a-reasonforthoughts]

My thoughts on the Rise of Skywalker, because quarantine forced me to finally watch it. !!!!Spoilers!!!!!

Growing up, Star Wars was my childhood. My sisters and I read all the books (including the comics) and we packed the Essential Guides with us everywhere. Because for our deep love of the Extended universe, when the last few movies came out we had... mixed emotions. I didn’t even see the last movie when it came out after hearing some less than stellar reviews. So here’s my review, or rather my reactions to the Rise of Skywalker. (Yes, I actually sat down with paper and pen and watched this movie.) Title craw: The DIABOLICAL First Order.

‘The Emperor has returned.’ Wow, the are expecting us to go along with a lot aren’t they.

Cool. Kylo wrecking everything.

Yay, a planet that isn’t snow, desert, or forest. Hold on tight kids, they’re throwing us right into this one. We’re already at Palpatine’s house.   Ew. Whats with the tank?

Whoa eyes! What’s up with his lips? Can someone bring this fossil a drink?

Imperial March playing while a Star Destroyer rises in the back ground. Is this Vader’s old ship? Rey is “Not who we thought she is.” Thought she was “Nothing”?

Ew, what is Klaud, and why is he here?

Who are all these people on the Falcon? “How do we thank you?” “Win the war.” aren’t you all on the same team? Why do you need to thank him? Cool, another planet thats not snow, desert, or a forest. Never mind.

Oh great, Rey’s here.  Looks like the Lightsaber is fixed.  I know the names of a bunch of these plants! When Luke was training with the ball thing (Training remote) he was just trying to deflect the shots. Rey’s trying to take down the whole forest. 

You sure you want to destroy that thing Rey? There can’t be to many of them laying around Who are all these people? Why’s the Falcon on FIRE?! Since when is “Light-speed skip” a thing? Seriously. Who are all these people? I thought after the last movie there was only like, 10 of them left. Hey! It’s Merry from Lord of the Rings!

What’s this old orange doing here?

“Sith Way-finder” Sigh. Are Poe and Rey a “thing”? Are Finn and Rey a “thing”? Why’s everyone here but R2? There he is. Why did they not bring him?!

Now I’m watching a Planet of the Apes crossover.

That guy who was on the same team is dead now. His blood is clear so the rating doesn't go up. Well, Hux is certainly different.

Someone must have taken his hair gel because his hair was never this poofy before.   Is this a Holi Festival, or Burning man.

Why are we learning the name of this random kid? Rey just walked away from her, what was that? Yay! The force link is still there!

Kylo is giving off stalker vibes. It’s nice to see him growing into his role of Supreme Leader. Looks like everyone hates him. Wait- Who is this guy?! Why are they following a stranger!

It’s LANDO Oh, so Rey know’s who Lando is, but thought Luke was a myth. Makes sense. Boom. First order is here.

Lando: “My flying days are over.” Why? “Give Leia my love.” Ew.  Wait, why is Lando out here? Did Luke just leave him? He said he came here with him. Has the emotional issues of being abandoned by Luke led him to never fly again? Is this a parallel story to Rey’s abandonment? What’s the motive here movie!  They made it even harder for these Storm Troopers to see out of those helmets.

3PO is getting a lot of lines. Rey *is distracted* Ship *Blows up*  Now they have sinking sand. WAS THAT ALMOST A CONFESSION?! This guy just says, “The Falcon is not responding.” when asked, and they’re like “Don’t be such a downer!” Oh yay, they survived.  Kay, we’re just brushing over Finn’s almost confession. I’m sure they’ll come back to that later. *Cough* Okay, that flashlight bit was funny. 

How do you know that’s the guy you’re looking for? That could be anybody’s skeleton! How’d they find a knife that neither Luke, or Lando (who might have been here for 20 years) could find!  Rey’s making friend’s with the basilisk.

She just transferred some of her life force to the snake! Why!? This old ship they found in the desert still works. “Chewie, tell Rey we got to go!” Why can’t you do it? You’re not doing anything. Axe. Here comes lover boy.  How to Breathe, the movie, by Rey.

Trailer shot.

Was he just gonna run her over?

Cool, she’s pulling the ship out of the sky. Uh oh, helmet’s off, there goes her focus.

Now they’re playing tug-a-war with the ship. It’s the light saber fight all over again.  Whoa!!! She juST LIGHTING’D THE SHIP! Kylo Looked freaked out for a second! She just told Finn she had a vision of her and Kylo together, and he looks like he’s gonna cry. 3PO tells them how horrible and dangerous it is to override a droid’s programming. “Let’s do that!” That droid looks like a yoga wheel and a hairdryer. 

Rey to the new droid: “Someone treated him badly. It’s alright, you’re with us now.” Yeah, just don’t watch what we’re about to do to this other droid.

Looks like we’re adding another girl to this love triangle (hexagon?) She’s not supposed to be a Mandalorian is she. (So help me-) I hate you and I’m going to turn you in *Hit’s her over the head and pulls out a lightsaber* Okay, lets go.

Why they so mad at Poe for being a smuggler?  Wow. They are forcing C-3PO to do this. Backup his memory to the hairdryer! It’s got to have a reason for being here! C-3PO “Oh! I just had an idea of something else we could try-” ZAP!  ...Was that supposed to be funny? These writers need to learn what humor is, and when to use it. Why are we focusing on Poe and his old girlfriend the Power Ranger? Wah! What’s up with 3PO’s eye’s? Is he a Sith droid now? Why does he have that function?!

Rey, you’re boyfriend’s here. They wiped 3PO’s memory and he doesn’t know who anyone is, but he’s still polite. Poe angrily points “That’s gonna be a problem!” Our heroes ladies and gentleman. I hope the First Order just blast them. That Admiral’s badge just let them in? Like no one reported that missing?? Wiped 3PO’s memory and they’re getting the dagger anyway. Worst rescue ever. 

Vaders Helmet has had a hard life. Rey has a vision in every scene she's in.

More ‘Rey’s family history’ with Kylo “Tell me where you are,” She’s in your room dude.

R.IP. Vader Helmet

That Stormtrooper behind Kylo must be so confused.  *Sees helmet, breaks link*  “She’s in my quarters!” Told you so. Why is Hux the spy? When did this happen? What does he think the outcome of this will be?

3PO just wandering the halls with a crossbow. 

“You are a Palpatine.” Wanna be a Solo? Is this like his fourth proposal? OooooOOOOooo, that was cool! Kylo standing in the blast of the Falcon’s engines was a moment we needed!

Yikes! They took out Hux fast! They didn’t want to question him or anything? No?

The Death Star was blasted to smithereens, why is it here? How is it here?

They made that dagger to line up with the wreckage? I’m pretty sure things that are constantly beat by the ocean will move or erode over time. Who even made that? What was the purpose?!

Yay, another scavenger  Who’s also a ex-Stormtrooper, because why not.

That’s a horse covered in a rug. Rey’s out trying to kill herself again.

“There’s another Skimmer!” Wonder who that is. He is literally following her to the ends of the galaxy. 

Wait- The throne rooms still in one piece?! The chair and everything?!!! Dark Rey- YIKES! TEETH

I thought he stopped the holocron with his foot, I was really surprised when fingers formed and he picked it up.

Kylo acting so cool as she’s trying to slash him to ribbons. I see Merry again! Wait- What’s Leia got to do? And why does Maz know? They’ve never explained what this strange orange is and what she can do.

Finn’s in deep- Wait how'd he get out here?????

Leia don’t distract your son while he’s fighting for his life!

SEE!!!!!!!

“I wanted to take your hand. Ben’s hand.” You think he’s going to leave you alone after that?

Why is Rey just a total mess in every movie.

Chewie mourning Leia is a good touch. It’s nice to see the reaction of someone who ACTUALLY knew her.  Whoa! They got Harrison Ford to come back! That must have taken a lot of bribery (or blackmail).

Has almost dying given Kylo/Ben the power to see non-Force user ghost, or is he just going nuts? So this is just a rehash of Han’s death scene. 

Aw, he called him Dad- Hey don’t throw that away, you need that!

He’s nuts. Those red helmets look stupid. Aaaaand it’s the Death Star again Merry in the background! Why’d they make Poe the General? Lando finally got off that planet 

“General.” “General.” She’s burning his ship. Good luck Kylo/Ben.

You know how hot that fire has got to be to burn metal “A Jedi weapon should be treated with more respect.” You brat.

Why did he have Leia’s lightsaber here? “...it would be picked up again, by someone who would finish her journey.” Oooookay, but why not just have her take Luke’s old Saber? It’s gotta be laying around here somewhere.

I know it’s symbolic and all that he’s raising the x-wing, but there’s no way that thing still works.

Alright, 3PO’s memories are back. Why’d we have to go through all that? I spy Merry again! How does Poe know all this stuff about Exogol? He’s just a fountain of information over here!

“Now we take the war to them!” That’s literally what you’ve done every movie ever No one is questioning how Lando got here. Isn’t this a secret base? *Dr. Evil voice* ONE MILLION STAR DESTROYERS 

Who even wrote this story line? Finn’s going with his gut and everyones just going along with it. Not like you could all die or anything. They brought the rug horses with them

How are they breathing in space!? Those red troopers still look stupid.

What’s this crowd chanting? Are they speaking Parseltoungue?  “I never wanted you dead.” That’s why I told Kylo Ren to kill you.

Hang on- his plan is ‘You be the empress, and I’ll just possess you. Grandaughter.���  EW. Why would she want that? How is that a tempting offer? Someone’s gone senile. Direct quote: “I got to go do something!” “I’m coming with you!” Why do these people get attached so quickly?! 

“Luke was saved by his father. The only family you have here is me.” Yeah, but I got a boyfriend who follows me everywhere!

Ben runs and jumps: “Ow.” We finally get to see the Knight’s of Ren in action! (Where have they been this whole time?) “Once you kill me I shall become apart of you!” So she could just, not kill him. Right? Oh yeah, here we go, now we got a showdown!

Well, that was anticlimactic 

WHAT IS HAPPENING Poe just realized he's the worst General ever.

YO. Don’t tell your troops there is no hope! What is wrong with you??? Why isn't Lando the General? He is a lot more qualified!!!

Wait a minute!! Where were all these people when LEIA ORGANA called for help????

Wedge Antilles!!!!!! So all the life force sucking was just so Palpatine could up grade his outfit? *Flings Ben into a pit* Palpatine is so done with the Skywalkers Hey, I know these voices!!!! Aaaaand now he wants to kill her. So whats our big moment? TWO lightsabers! 

Why did the make that the big epic moment? Why didn’t they have Ben run over and they do it together- It would have been perfect for his story arch! Rey: “And we” Together: “are all the Jedi!” Now she's dying. Why? Not even the writers know So Finn’s Force sensitive. Cool I guess? This is a really touching moment for them, even more so if they did anything other than fight this entire movie!

This kinda feels out of nowhere

I’M SO MAD RIGHT NOW

NOW SHE’S SMILING AND FINE. HE JUST DIED Merry’s here again and I can’t even be happy about it Now Finn has to chose between Rose and the new girl  Poe’s trying to start something with his Power Ranger old flame, and she's like “Not a chance.” Now everything’s all happy like BEN DIDN’T JUST DIE. ARE WE NOT GOING TO ADDRESS THIS?????????? Oh hey, it’s the Lars farm. Nobody else moved in after all these years? Now she's burying the Skywalker lightsabers in the place they all hated.

WHY IS BEN NOT HERE!!!!!!! HE WAS A MAIN CHARACTER FOR THESE MOVIES AND THEY DID HIM DIRTY!!!!!!

Well I guess they had to wrap this mess up somehow

#star wars #rise of skywalker #ben solo #kylo ren #kylo redemption #rey #rey of jakku #rey x ben #luke skywalker #leia organa #leia deserved better #ben deserves better #ben solo lives #finn star wars #poe star wars #c-3po #r2d2 #hairdryer #lando #harrison ford #chewbacca #what a mess #millennium falcon #lightsaber #x-wing #poe dameron #stormtrooper #imperial star destroyer #death star #emperor palpatine

[ardawyn]

The Dawnbringer Excerpt 

The third tournament day (~940 words; continued under the cut)

I had so much fun writing this scene and I could file on this forever, but I thought why not sharing it? We also get a little glimpse of Martha, princess of Issarien and Tilda’s cousin. Hope you enjoy!

Pavilions littered the grasslands in the distance, bright and colourful in the light of the sun. Some even shimmered behind the skeleton-like trees. Nature still did not have a full grip on spring, and only scattered green leaves emerged from branches. But the blotches of colour that the people left on the landscape were a magnificent view. Even many of the common folk that had gathered all around had donned colourful clothes. They all had come to watch the games and cheer for their gracious princess.

Martha was well loved by the people, just like her father. Often they showed themselves to the folk, spoke to them, shook their hands. Some moons before, Martha began to visit the orphanages in the city where she brought food and toys to the children. To show kindness and clemency was expected of her, but she loved being close to her people.

Banners flapped high on poles in the brisk breeze. The largest of banners displayed a great tower and the rising sun behind on an orange field. The royal coat-of-arms.

Trumpets sounded shrill and loud, silencing the bustling crowd for a moment, before more cheers erupted as knights and lords entered the lists on great steeds. Just as the riders were clad in magnificent, shining armour with flashing cloaks, the horses were draped in splendid caparisons.

Soon Tilda's hands tingled from clapping, and she let them sink into her lap. Her eyes darted from participant to participant, not sure where she should look first as they rode in circles around the field, presenting themselves to the spectators. The sun that squinted through the clouds caught beautifully upon their armour. There still were twenty-three competitors who fought for the win.

One knight halted his horse before the stand they sat on. A young man with dark hair and bright eyes and a cape of deep blue and red. He reached up a hand, producing a pink flower. A great smile curved around Martha's lips, and she descended the few steps to pluck it from his fingers. Tilda couldn't help but wonder where he found the rare flower, seeing as only few bloomed around this time of year. Had he stolen it from the royal gardens? With bright, red cheeks, Martha returned to her seat. She showed her the flower as a shy giggle spilled from her lips.

“You will receive many more, I wager,” Tilda said, amused. “If you'd dance with each of them, you'd be old and grey before you finished.”

“Oh, don't be daft,” she replied, her face still nearly as red as her hair. “I'd only dance with one or two.”

“And who might be those lucky ones?”

Martha bit her bottom lip, blue eyes wandering to the parading riders, before glancing at her again. “Sir Isger von Lierkap and Sir Meinold Hornsing.”

The last name made her breath falter. Perhaps it wasn't wise to tell her that Sir Meinold had tried to woo her too, on the day they had arrived in Alasing. After all, it was Martha who, as an only child, had to produce an heir. Although, she hoped Sir Meinold would be no true candidate. He was vain and arrogant. The way he had smirked at her still made her shudder.

Mother had warned her that once in the capital, men would try to flatter her. Not because she was deemed as particularly beautiful, she knew, but because she was the daughter of one of the most wealthiest lords in Issarien and the niece of the king. They only wanted her name, her riches, and cared little for her heart. Under no circumstances would she marry such a man, even if it was expected of her. She would fight fiercely to not fall prey to men scrambling for power. Her father tried to determine her life already, she wouldn't let another man try to take advantage of her.

There was only one who truly held her heart with gentle, caring hands. And it would be his for all times. Despite the longing, she fought the urge to cast a gaze over her shoulder.

Tilda rose from her seat as her brother rode onto the lists, clapping her hands. A cape of scarlet with gold embroidered roses billowed behind him, and he was mounted on his black destrier that was clad in the same red caparison. Golden roses were stitched to the borders too. Landogar had his helmet hugged to his side as he one-handedly guided his horse. He nodded to the people, but he did not smile.

He always forgets to smile, she thought, mildly amused. Lando looked so much like their father, grim-faced with stern dark eyes. He almost spoke like Father too.

The jousting took all morning and most of noon too. Lances crashed and splintered against armour. Armour rattled loudly as the riders were knocked off their horses and toppled into the dirt. Gasps and groans, cheers and screams filled the air wildly. Often Tilda found herself clasping the armrests of her chair. Some riders were so awfully thrown off their horses that her breath stalled. The tension that built on tournaments was equally as enthralling as exhausting.

There were eight, perhaps nine, attendants who stood out against the rest. Her brother was amongst them, riding gallantly and confidently. He drove many men from their saddles, and was exceedingly celebrated by the people. Although in his fifth match, he lost his balance as the lance thrust with a loud clatter against his shoulder. The exploding wood sounded like shattering bones.

Her heart stilled. The crowd gasped. Landogar did not move at first, but then he quickly stood as though nothing had happened. A sigh of relief escaped her lips, and she unclenched her fists.

#wip: tdb #edits #wiptdbedit #tdbexcerpt #oc: tilda #oc: martha #to celebrate my birthday tomorrow I thought I could post another excerpt again #also this tournament is for martha's birthday soo

[arabian-bloodstream]

TROS: The Good, the Bad & the Huh?

So, I watched The Rise of Skywalker on Thursday. It met my expectations which were to not expect too much. I hadn't read the leaks, but I had still been spoiled. I didn't want to believe that Ben would actually die, but I knew it was a very real possibility so when it happened, I wasn't terribly surprised. Overall, I liked the movie, because, duh, it's Star Wars. However, I had a lot of problems with it because a lot of things didn't make sense.

I watched it a second time on Saturday and sadly, those things still didn't make sense, but I still liked it because, you know, Star Wars. So, here are my thoughts, first off with all of those things that don't make sense without having to rely on the SW visual dictionary or EU (because you should NOT have to rely on outside source to understand stuff) to explain them, then my biggest issues with the film, the things I did really like and my rankings of all the films as of now before it comes out and I can do a full rewatch:

Questions... So Many Questions

Where is Kylo in the beginning? Who is he mowing down? How does he find the wayfinder?

How did Palpatine come back?

Who has been taking care of him for the last 30-odd years?

Who are all of those hooded creatures in the stands?

Why are there a couple of Snoke puppets? Molds? What the fuck ever? In aquarium tanks?

Who is this General Pryde dude and why is he so high up and we've never heard of him before?

Who was Palpatine's girlfriend/wife/one-night stand that led to Rey's dad(?) mom(?)?

Where did this all come from!??!? Palpy having a child seems like a pretty fucking big deal to just OOPS! pop out of nowhere?

Some random THERE ARE ONLY TWO SUPER-SEKRIT-SITH wayfinder thingies to find Palpatine that Luke was on a SUPER-SEKRIT mission with Lando THAT WAS NEVER MENTIONED in between him training his Jedi students and his temple getting destroyed, having a split-second 'maybe I should murder my nephew' moment, 'nah!' and going into exile. Uhm, OK.

Leia was trained in the Force by Luke? Uhm... when? When she was pregnant with Ben? Because she got pregnant pretty much right after Endor. So... she learned enough from Luke--even though she didn't complete her training--to train Rey... enough that Rey became super-duper powerful. Because I highly doubt that Leia had time to train while pregnant and helping to start up a new government. OK, then.

So, Leia and Luke *knew* that Rey was the granddaughter of Sheev Palpatine--the most evil who ever eviled--and had no problem believing that there was good in her and she could be molded into an awesome Jedi... but didn't believe the same about their own son/nephew because he had too much "Vader" in him? Even though, Luke believed that Vader could be redeemed? Huh?! I mean... huh?

And on that note... so, all of the old Jedi decided to let the grandson of The Chosen One fall down a pit and crawl back up in agony with a shrug, but were like, 'yeah, we're gonna help the granddaughter of the man whose goal in life and in-between life and now life again after sucking out the life-force of the two remaining Jedi in the Galaxy.' OK, then.

So... how come, when Rey died she didn't just fade away? I mean, when Ben died he faded away right away. Why didn't Rey fade away right away?

So those horse-creature thingies... why were they on the ships to be on the destroyers? I mean, like... was there even room? And when that was destroyed, did like those horse-creature thingies all die? How sad... and no one cared.

The 'Rey, I need to tell you something' from Finn. I know now it was that he's Force-sensitive. AFTER watching the movie and hearing other people say it. Watching it the second time, I picked up on the clues, but those I watched it with the second time thought it was that he loved Rey. A lot of people thought it was that he loved Rey. I thought that the first time. It was clumsy, it was tacked-on. It was... stupid. Why would you leave a dangling thread, one of JJ's "mystery boxes" in the final chapter of the ninth-film saga? WHY?!

Also, more importantly, why were the Resistance celebrating at the end? Because "The Final Order" were taken out, but uhm, The First Order is still around. Unless I'm remembering it incorrectly (and I could be), it was the Final Order ships, General Pryde's destroyer and a bunch of First Order fighters, but not ALL of the First Order destroyers were there. They've got thousands of destroyers spread across the galaxy. They weren't all there. They took out the Emperor's fleet, not the Supreme Leader's fleet. And sure, the Supreme Leader is gone, and Pryde and Hux are gone... but there are other Generals who will step up. So, yeah, the First Order is still around. The First Order is the huge, massive enemy that our heroes are fighting the entire two films. And there is LITERALLY no mention of their defeat, of how THEY are brought down in this film. Instead, JJ brings in Palpatine and his thousands of somehow functioning Final Order fleet... and *that* fleet* is destroyed. YAY! Celebration ensues. WHAT ABOUT THE FIRST ORDER!?!? The one that we spent the last two films fighting?!? The ones that the rest of the galaxy had zero interest in helping to fight during the battle of Crait and ANYTIME in the interim before the Battle of Exogol. That's kind of huge.

Why did Rey go to Tatooine? Seriously? Why. Did. Rey. Go. To. Tatooine? Luke hated Tatooine. And besides, Rey spent at most a week with the guy and didn't have a very good relationship with him. Sure, they had a decent post-death conversation, but that was it. It really was like JJ intended (after TFA) for Rey to go to Luke and for Luke to train her in the ways of the Force and for there to be this great relationship, much like Luke and Yoda. I guess he expected for Rian Johnson to redo so much of TESB much as he had done with ANH. But Johnson didn't do that, and Abrams clearly didn't care. So he just ignored the relationship that Johnson *did* establish between Rey and Luke and pretended like the one that he envisioned had happened had, well, happened. (Psst, even though it didn't.) But it made no sense. Again, at most a week Rey spent with the grumpy old dude who wasn't very nice to her, whom she fought with and who told her--yeah, no, this ain't how it's gonna be, and so she took off and went her own way. Sure, Luke changed his mind, but she wasn't there for that.

Why did Rey have BB-8 with her? BB-8 is Poe's droid, not hers. Oh, right... it paralleled TFA--where it made sense that BB-8 was with her, when Poe was "dead" which he is not now. Mmhmm.

Why did Rey take the last name Skywalker? She didn't have the relationship with Luke that warranted it. You know who she DID have the relationship with? Han SOLO. Leia Organa-SOLO. Ben SOLO. Those are the people with whom she had that kind of relationship. The man who DID become like a father to her in a few short days. The woman who did become like a mother to her. The man who was literally the other half of her soul. If she was going to take a name... it should have been Solo. Rey Solo. Taking the name Skywalker, much like going to Tatooine was not in character for Rey, and it wasn't FOR Rey. It was nostalgia for the Original Trilogy fans (oh, like JJ Abrams). It wasn't true to the narrative, the character, of the story that has been told over *this* sequel trilogy.

Why was there no Force Ghost of Ben? There needs to be some specific training in order to be a Force Ghost, sure. Which Luke *probably* got from FG Yoda. And which Luke gave to Leia in cut footage. And this specific training was mentioned briefly in the Prequel Trilogy, and more extensively in The Clone Wars.... but unless you remember that one line from the PT or watched TCW and know about that cut footage, you have no clue. So, many are left wondering, again: Why was there no Force Ghost of Ben? If Luke *probably* got that training from Yoda, why didn't Luke train Ben in it? He's gotta know how tragic the lives of the Skywalkers are... ain't no way he didn't train that boy early on about that bit of info, right? So, yeah, why no Force Ghost of Ben?

So many questions, so many things that had me going: Wait? What? Huh? Why... I don't... huh? How did--? When? Huh? That should not happen this much in a film. Period. That is bad writing. That is bad directing. That is bad pacing. That is just bad film making.

The Big Four Issues

I. Ben Solo Dying.

Had he had not been the last Skywalker, I would have been OK with him dying. Not happy, but narratively, I would have been OK with it.

Had Han not sacrificed himself essentially which was then used as a narrative to build into a huge reason as to why Kylo was having such a hard time staying on the Dark path, I would have been OK with him dying. Not happy, but narratively, I would have been OK with it.

Had we not been given some hints that Ben had been manipulated his whole life by the Dark Side and abandoned by his family, I would have been OK with him dying. Not happy, but narratively, I would have been OK with it.

Had we not been told that he was literally sharing a soul with Rey (one soul-two bodies), meaning that she will be bereft and lost without him for the rest of her life because her literal soulmate is dead now, I would have been OK with him dying. Not happy, but narratively, I would have been OK with it.

However, because of all of the above, narratively speaking, no, I am not OK with it. I have always said in every fandom I have been a part of that if it makes sense from a narrative point of view--even if I'm not happy as a fangirl--I will be OK with it. From a narrative point of view, this did not make sense. So, yeah, I had an issue with Ben Solo dying.

II. Kylo Ren's Helmet and Rey's Hairstyle

I said when I first saw the triple-bun-hairstyle again and Kylo with the helmet that I was wary because I felt that JJ had fundamentally missed the symbolism of what Rian did with the progression for both characters. I hoped that I would be proven wrong and there would be a reason for the return of both things (beyond needing the hairstyle for scenes with Leia to match the footage). Alas, I was not.

Kylo without the mask was him no longer in Vader’s shadow. The mask was about him being the scared, little boy, hiding who he was. At the end of The Last Jedi, he supposedly got everything he wanted. He no longer needed to hide. By destroying the mask, he was doing his best to let go of the past. He let go of Snoke, let go of Vader. But, of course, that wasn't the story that JJ wanted to tell. He wanted to keep Kylo answering to someone else, holding onto Vader. So because Rian got rid of Snoke, JJ brought in Palpatine for Kylo to be submissive to, beholden to Vader still, no longer the leader and back came the helmet, undoing all of that great character progression that Rian had crafted.

As for Rey and those buns, sigh. Once she realized–as she did in the cave, even if she didn't admit it fully to herself until Kylo called her on it–that her parents weren't coming back, she let go of that hairstyle. Why? Because that hairstyle is the only way she could figure that her parents would still recognize her. It's the hairstyle she had when she last saw them. By letting her hair down and not putting it back up, she let go of the fantasy that they were coming back. JJ putting her back into that ridiculous style, like with Kylo, he erased that huge, beautiful character arc of Rey's. She was once more a girl in search of her identity, her self. That self, that woman that she had found at the end of TLJ was gone. *double sigh.*

III. Rose's Presence or Lack Thereof

The toxic bullying and horrible way that Kelly Marie Tran was treated was completely unjustified in every way, shape and form. JJ Abrams pretty much rewarded that treatment by sidelining the character of Rose and wrote her as a glorified extra. Period. There's pretty much nothing else to say about it. Anything else will just devolve into ranting. It--yeah, just gonna stop here.

IV. The Force Bond Scenes

Least "big" issue, but it bugged me. I noticed it the first time I watched the film and hoped that it would be more clear the second time I watched it. That second time, I watched it with my brother-in-law and nephews and asked them if they had the same issue. They did. I wasn't sure honestly when Rey and Kylo were actually together or were having Force Bond moments. One of my nephews didn't realize that Rey and Kylo were actually fighting in person on the Death Star until Kylo was talking to Han. That entire scene from when he showed up inside the Death Star remains, through the fight scene, through her stabbing, then healing him and her taking off... my nephew thought that it was a Force Bond scene. Both times, I didn't realize it wasn't a Force Bond scene UNTIL they moved outside of the Death Star remains. When they were talking inside, I thought it was a Force Bond scene.

Rian Johnson did such a wonderful job establishing they were having a Force Bond moment. It was like the air was being vacuumed out of the room. You could feel the tension. It was obvious, but in these Force Bond scenes unless the scenes were drastically different or there was dialogue establishing it, you just could NOT tell.

But, It's Not All Bad!

The Han/Ben scene gutted my very soul in all the best way possibles. I ADORED the callback to The Force Awakens scene. How the play on the dialogue worked in the opposite direction, with Han urging him that he could it, he did have the strength to turn to the light. How Ben held the lightsaber, and once again, Han reached out to touch his face. Oh, God, and when he said "Dad," his voice breaking and Han said, "I know." I died. I was just.... gah, a total mess. I teared up both times. That was just everything. SO. VERY. HARD!

Babu Frick may be my new spirit animal. No, I do not find him cuter than Baby Yoda (puhleeze!), but dear Lord, I loved him so. When C3P0 (who will forever remain in my heart, I love him so) had his memory wiped and was introducing himself, I laughed out loud both times when Babu immediately pipes up with, "I'm Babu Frick!" and then later on when whoever mentioned that Babu sent them a message, 3P0 pipes up, "Oh, I know Babu Frick, he's my oldest friend," I lost it. So good.

Speaking of C3P0, every moment with C3P0 was gold (hehehe, see what I did there?). I seriously do love Goldenrod. I liked the sentimental, the sweet, the serious and the funny with him. Outside of the Babu Frick moments, my favorite was when he mentioned something about the Passana Desert festival and they all looked at the annoyance that is 3P0 and he has no clue and turns around himself to see what they are looking at. Oh, I love him so.

When Finn told Rose that he was staying on the ship... JJ may have cut the Finn/Rose dead in the water that Rian set up, but damn did KMT give it her all. That moment where she looked after him, oh it was beautiful. You could see all of the worry, the love, the pride... everything on her face in that moment. So good.

I may have felt that Zorri Bliss was a completely useless and pointless character, but that final bit with her Poe was hilarious.

The lightsaber battle on the Death Star remains was AWESOME-SAUCE. Every moment of it. I especially loved: Kylo walking out of the rain/water. Kylo and Rey both so exhausted they can barely keep going. Kylo having the kill-shot like two or three times and just not able to do it. Ben hearing Leia say his name. Ben dropping his saber when he senses her end is near.

Chewie finally got his damn medal!

Chewie mourning over Leia. That was all of us.

Man, when Rey and Kylo were fighting over the destroyer and then lightning came out of her hands... it was like WHOAH!! SO FREAKING COOL! I loved that. I really totes did!

I loved every single, solitary moment of Ben Solo. From his running to save Rey. From his free-for-all jump to his "Ow." To his facing of the knights, knowing he was outnumbered, but still determined to take them all. From his 'We got this babe!' look to Rey to his shrug once he held that lightsaber in his hand and took on every one of those Knights and took them all down, Ben Solo was sassy, bad-ass and amazing all without saying an actual word.

Dear Lord. Crawling from the pit, forcing himself across that rocky floor on a broken leg, gathering the woman he loved in his arms. The relief of finally, finally, truly holding her in his arms, the devastation at knowing she was lost to him, and then the determination, the refusal to let her go, to lose her. He truly finished what his grandfather started. He would not let the woman he loved die. So be brought her back, pouring every ounce of his life, his love into her.

I loved that she told him that she wanted to take Ben's hand, and so she did. And she said his name, one last time. "Ben." And I loved that we got that beautiful, beautiful smile. So happy, so free, so full of light. And no pain.

*sigh* The kiss. I loved, loved, loved that we got our beautiful, epic space kiss. *double sigh* Because it was beautiful. And it was epic. And it's canon, bitches! Yeah, baby!

Overall, I liked the movie. I believe that when I watch all the films together, I will be satisfied. I just wish I loved it. I AM happy for all of those people who do love it though. I truly, truly am.

The Skywalker Saga Rankings

Yes, I consider Rogue One part of the Skywalker Saga since both Darth Vader and Leia appear in it.

The Empire Strikes Back

The Last Jedi

A New Hope

Rogue One

Attack of the Clones

The Force Awakens

Return of the Jedi

The Rise of Skywalker

Revenge of the Sith

The Phantom Menace

#star wars #tros spoilers #the rise of skywalker #reylo #ben solo #rey

[praphit]

Gretel & Hansel: White people, hear me!

I know, I know, some of y'all were hoping that my next review would be Taylor Swift's "Miss Americana". 

I'm sorry to disappoint you. Why and how is she still making movies anyway? I thought that everyone associated with "Cats" had been banned from Hollywood.

Now, it WOULD be cool, if Taylor got involved in Horror. I'm thinking that a bunch of horror monsters could get together to track her down; kinda like a contest. They would, you know... do their thing to her, and then bring her back from the dead in the sequel, and repeat the process. Every now and then, they could throw in Justin Bieber or someone else with his same level of annoyance. BOOM! Franchise! So, donate to Praphit Productions (millions), so I can make that happen. I'll just CG Taylor Swift in, if I have to; I'm sure she'd be ok with that.

Just picture Jason Voorhees or Kanye West chasing her.

No, people, I'm here to talk to y'all about Hansel & Gretel!

No, no, no, I'm sorry! "Gretel and Hansel!"

I almost forgot about that blow up in their studio. Y'all remember that?

Sophia Lillis' (who plays Gretel - SHE’S GREAT IN THIS-BTW) first day on the set was raw! 

She walked up to the director and was like "Bleep this bleep! Who is Hansel? Who the bleep is he?! No one knows that actor! What is he, like 5 years old? Bleep him! How is his name first?! So, a woman can't lead a man, huh??! It's always gotta be Hansel first, right?! And what always happens?! That witch bitch always tries to eat them! Bleep that! Y'all know who I is! I'm Sophia bleeping Lillis! I was in "It" one AND two. What has "Sammy Leakey" (playing Hansel) been in??!

Not a damned thing! I want my name first! You will put it first or so help me God, I will UNLEASH THE FURY!"

Director (Oz Perkins): "I actually like that idea"

SL: "I don't give a bleep what you like! Just make it happen!" 

Then, she went to her trailer, and when she came back out, it was "Gretel & Hansel".

(Hansel’s not even in the shot. Lillis was too raw for him.)

Let's see if Gretel fairs better in this story, now that she's getting the chance to lead.

We all know this Brothers Grimm story. There's a family (I don't know what Gretel & Hansel's last name is... we'll just say "Shakur"). So, the Shakur Family was struck by a famine in the land. Stuff happens, and G & H end up off on their own, in the woods, and eventually meet up with a witch, who later tries to eat them.

White people, hear me! Are you listening? STOP GOING INTO THE WOODS! Seriously, STOP! I'm trying to save you. Black people know better, but y'all... smh. I know y'all like to go hiking, and camping, and taking selfies on mountain tops and shit, but PLEASE... STOP! Nothing good is waiting for you out there!

Quit going into the woods to get footage of alleged monsters/spirits. Quit going into the woods to spend the night in cabins. Quit going into the woods to party on the anniversary of the night that 12 people were mysteriously murdered in those same woods. STOP!

JUST STOP! DAMN!

Some of you might be thinking, "Well maybe Gretel will make it. Maybe now that she's leading the duo, things will be different." Nope, she's white... *sigh* so we all know what she and Hansel did...  went right into the woods.

This movie is mainly from Gretel's perspective. Right from the jump, we see Gretel being pimped out by her mama. Gretel of course declines to become a professional hoe, but when she comes back to her mama for a possible different direction in life, Mama is like "Would it have killed you to get on your knees for your family?! We're starving!"

I know - Mom of the Year.

Dad isn't even around. I may have missed something, but I don't remember where he was, or if maybe he ran away, a long time ago. One of those "Daddy went to get a pack of cigs, and never came back" scenarios. He may be off in a land flowing with Big Macs and Fries, Idk. Or maybe, being that his "selfish" daughter wouldn't put-out, he decided to get to work on the corner himself. Who knows where he was in this movie??

Gretel was def tough though. And she loved her brother! She was very protective of him. There is a scene where there's some sort of vampire creature chasing down Hansel, and Gretel stands up to the creature. That's the type of character that she is in this movie. She's smart, tough, and though sometimes hard on her bro, she loves him very much.

Hansel on the other hand is annoying as shit. And Dumb! Man, is he dumb! I'm surprised that we never see Gretel slap him. But, she is always able to compose herself in the midst of her annoying brother, and keep the journey going. She even calms him down at one point with some drugs. They end up eating some shrooms on their trip. Now, THAT'S love, people! Seeing someone in need of calming the bleep down, and offering them some good shit. What's a road trip without a moment when the group gets high??

There's a Lando-looking character that they meet along the way. 

He doesn't have much of a role in this movie. I'm not saying it's because he's black, BUT he's a fascinating, noble character, who's black and barely in the movie. And they do not trust him at all. I'm not saying it's because he's black... you know what?? - YES! Yes I am saying that!

He saves their lives, offers them food and shelter, and gives them specific instructions that will keep them safe. But, after that (the only character so far that has had G & H's best interests in mind), Gretel immediately questions his motives. White women, hear me! If a black man willingly sticks out his neck for you, IN THE DARKNESS, in order to save YOUR life, that's a man that you can trust. Cuz we (black men) all know, that if we try to save a white woman out in public (even if we succeed), there's a good chance that the cops will still swing by to shoot us. They're thinking just like Gretel is in this movie - "I know it LOOKS like they saved her, but... can we really trust him? - let's shoot him just in case." Granted, this Landoish character sends them off (again with instructions for their safety). They had no quarrels about leaving (and quickly).

So, they runaway from the compassionate black man, who just saved them, and they meet an old lady (the witch) who has black fingers, and house smells a lil like death... and they say to themselves "Let's sleep here!" Ain't that some shit??! 

White people, HEAR ME!

STOP!

They don't even question her black fingers, they just let her handle their food. I question people of whom I don't know, with normal fingers, handling my food, but... I guess that's just me.

Then, the rest of the story is legend.

The production design in this movie is absolutely amazing! If this film had no dialogue, and was just silent, it still would have been a beautiful movie (despite the cannibalism:)

The plot, I felt, was secondary to the cinematography.

Some of you might say, "Well that's nice and all, but is the movie scary? Does the witch, at some point, rev-up a chainsaw, and chase the two kids around her house?" No. "Ok, but does the movie, at some point, have little, pale Asian kids making creepy noises at H & G while they're trying to sleep?" NO! "Yeah, but is there some sort of human centipede action happening in the basement of the witch, and she tries to..."

NO! NO! HELL NO! What's wrong with y'all?!

No, none of that. The story that The Brothers Grimm have painted is horrifying enough. Famine and crappy parenting, leading to witch who wants to eat you... I'd say that's all that's required; the director knows this.

They don't need to use any gimmicks, just the same story (pretty much), a lil dark magic, the mentioned cinematography, and well-placed spooky music keep the movie in a consistent place of dread.

I think RT got this one wrong (59%). I don't have much bad to speak of, concerning this movie. I can't give it an A grade, due to it being a copy of a story that we've seen copied many times before. Plus, there are some ending issues I have with it, that I'll get to in a sec. BUT, this film is a hell of a B grade :)

SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!

SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!!!!!!

SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I WARNED YOU!

A few things:

Soooooo, Gretel has some sort of connection to the witch that is never explained. Apparently, she has within her, the same powers as the witch.

She ends up sending her bro off to Lord knows where. She sends him off on a horse that she says she SPOKE TO, and he (the horse) will get Hansel there (where? who knows??) safely. So, she's talking the animals now?? When did she pick-up that skill? And where the bleep did she even get a horse?

There's some super grease that her and the witch use to do magic, that is never explained.

Now, none of this took away from my enjoyment of the film, but... still though.

There's a message of false empowerment at the end. Like I said, she abandons her brother, so that she can... fulfill her destiny or something. She has dark magic in her, but she is convinced that she'll use it for good. Like I said, Gretel is a SMART character... what happened to all of that smart? It's like saying "Hey, I have this STD, but instead of tending to it, I'm going to use my STD for good. It's going to be hard, but I've gotta be strong."

WHAT?!

I said "false empowerment". The movie isn't painting a picture of this being a good thing, but the "false" part is subtle enough to where people could walk away thinking it's an empowering message.

You abandoned your brother to become a witch! But, maybe I'm not being fair. Perhaps Gretel will be just fine. Throughout the history of human beings, we've had many people who were in power, and who thought that not allowing their power to be checked was the brave and noble thing to do. I think those times in history all worked out well right??

I could have added some pics to accentuate my last statement, but I feel it might have been a little too real:)

So, instead I'll leave y'all with this slightly less horrifying pic

... and bid you adieu.

STAY OUT OF THE WOODS!

#gretel & hansel #john praphit #praphitproductions.com #movies #Movie Reviews #Horror Movies #praphit #taylor swift #miss americana #sophia lillis #oz perkins #hanselandgretel #witches #cats #black people #white people

[dracox-serdriel]

The Rise of Skywalker - A Review in Bullet Points

Under the cut for spoilers for The Rise of Skywalker, length, and sass.

At the end of The Last Jedi, there was a budding romance between Rose and Finn. But in the third movie, there was almost no shared screentime between the two, and no indication of a romantic relationship between them.

Rose doesn’t do a single cool engineering thing in this movie. Not one. Why introduce an engineer and not use her?

Hux’s subplot makes no sense. As in, like, no sense whatsoever.

The Resistance Trio spend most of the movie chasing after a Sith thingamabob which will lead them to the Super Sith Lair of Lord Palps.

This happens to be a place Kylo Ren has already been.

During one of the Force Bonds, it’s clear that Kylo has been rooting around in Rey’s memories--not recent ones, but those from her earlier years, which she struggles to recall herself.

I repeat: Kylo Ren has been to this location.

Why are they chasing after Sith Thingamabob when Rey could simply root around in Kylo’s recent memories and pluck the coordinates?

In general, it was annoying that they played the Force Bond as so much more one-sided in this movie.

EDIT: Also, Turns out Lord Palps wanted Rey to turn up at the Super Sith Lair. It was requisite to his plan.

Since neither Luke nor Snoke nor Ben/Kylo nor anyone else knew about Rey until she was age 19 in TFA, it stands to reason that Grampa Palps couldn’t find/detect/communicate with Rey when she was a child... he might also have not been able to sense her unti she was 19.

But given that Grampa Palpas was “every voice” in Ben Solo’s head, the man clearly has the means to communicate with Force User’s mind-to-mind once he can hone in on them.

Whatever the requirements arefor said honing ability (e.g., connected to Ben through Leia/Luke/Snoke/etc.) have already been replicated for Rey, given that Luke, Leia, Snoke, and Kylo have had contact with her. 

Basically, Grampa Palps can hone / contact Rey like he did with Ben Solo/Kylo Ren.

So why didn’t this asshole save us all some time and contact Rey directly with his coordinates? That would’ve freed up a huge portion of the time the movie spent on “chasing the Sith Thingamabob” plot to be used for things like character development and character interaction.

They declare Rey and Ben Solo a Force Dyad... literally, one soul split and born into two bodies. Nobody mentions the fact that Ben Solo was born a good decade before Rey. Apparently, that’s totally cool as far as a Force Dyad goes... like, half the soul is born, then ten years later, the other half is like, “Damn! I knew I was forgetting something!”

Luke’s drowned ship apparently can still fly, which essentially makes his super Force Projection moment at the end of The Last Jedi completely ridiculous.

It makes sense he’d do that knowing he’d die if he had no other way to get to Crait to assist them.

But the fact that he had a way to help the Resistance without Force Projecting himself to death makes that choice suicidal rather than heroic.

He could’ve flown to Crait and safely Force Projected from the cave or the Falcon and, you know, not died.

The Knights of Ren deserved better. They did very little menancing and almost no badassery. They had cool costumes, but that was pretty much it.

Phasma is not in this movie. Yes, I know she technically died in The Last Jedi, but I had heard that she would appear in the final film (essentially, she was “the Kenny” of Star Wars). Her absence bummed me out.

Without Phasma, the serious lack of Lady Villians in the Star Wars universe is made very, very apparent. Why aren’t there more women on the side of the Final Order/the First Order?

Ben Solo deserved some damn dialog... as in, more than like the 10 words he spoke.

There were hints at a Stormtrooper Rebellion happening. But instead of delivering on this (and possibly even given Hux a subplot that made actual sense), they introduce an entire company of Stormtroopers that did what Finn did. After this defiance, the powers that be didn’t slaughter them or blow them up, just left them to chill, apparently. And since then, they’ve been chilling... and talking a bit with some folks. Not actually joining the Resistance or anything, just, you know, thinking about it, I guess.

Lord Palps delivers his super evil plan speech to Rey... basically, she kills him, and she absorbs all the Sith (including him) and becames grand evil supreme Empress.

He changes his plan, of course, when he realizes he can resurrect himself as the the Macdaddy of evil in the galaxy again.

However, Rey still kills him.

The evil Sith ghosts of doom are all totally still there. There is no logical reason they don’t attempt to enact Lord Palps’ Plan A - cram all the Sith into the last living Palpatine, Rey. I mean, she did die a little a few seconds later, but I’ve never known Sith to be quitters. They could’ve tried.

Speaking of the Sith not being quitters... Ben Solo (very strong in the Force, strong in the Light and Dark sides alike) is also there. He didn’t kill Grampa Palps, but since their original vessel is deadsies, why not try to use Ben Solo as the new “Container of the Sith.”

EDIT: More than once, it was stated that Rey was only one-half of our protagonists, and that Ben Solo/Kylo Ren was the other half.

In the third film, they decided to make this literal: two bodies, one soul. That’s fine.

But dual protagonists should never be a literal plot point like that... dual protagonists should have equal share of the plot and equal development.

I didn’t mind Rey defeating Grampa Palps on her own. In a way, we can see this as “her demon” or “her fight.”

But where the hell is Ben Solo’s fight? Why didn’t he get a chance to face his own demon?

Having the Sith Ghosts try to tempt Ben Solo into becoming the Container of the Sith after Rey died would’ve been a great way to balance this out... Rey takes down her demon by overcoming her greatest tempation (having family who can “show her her place in all this”) and Ben likewise faces one of his greatest tempations (all the power of the dark)--but he overcomes it not by killing or defeating someone, but instead by realizing that the Sith never had anything he wanted to begin with. So here are all the Sith tempting Ben Solo with stuff he would’ve happily taken yesterday, and there’s Ben Solo basically flipping them the bird by ignoring them to heal his lady love instead.

Don’t tell me that this saga has “dual protagonists” when it is so clearly obvious that Ben Solo is not an equal part of it (in terms of what the plot afforded him).

The whole First Order spy subplot made no sense. A super Sith evil dude reappears in the universe, and neither Rey nor Leia senses that in the Force? WTF? Also, the Resistance gets word of a SUPER-FLEET in an uncharted location (read: they can’t verify it), and they’re just like... well, shit, that makes sense! Let’s go! Last battle!

Despite Luke’s last words being, “See you around, kid,” he does not, in fact, see Kylo Ren/Ben Solo at all in this film.

The last strike is agaisnt Palps’s “Final Order” ships. What about the huge fleet of First Order ships afoot in the galaxy? Well... OH LOOK SOMETHING SHINY.

The ending makes no sense. Rey ends up alone with BB-8 (like Poe would let her take his droid?), completely apart from her new family in the Resistance. Also, half her soul is dead. Or, the body that held the other half of her soul is dead. What? Why did Rey go to Tatooine alone? Surely some of her new family could’ve gone with her...

Luke and Leia were Force Ghosts together. Nice. Where the hell is Ben Solo’s Force Ghost?

Ben Solo’s death - and the subsequent absence of comment about his sacrifice during the wrap up - basically ruined the whole movie for me. Also, he lives and fights as Ben Solo but has almost no lines as Ben Solo. Tha’s bad enough... but after he lives, fights, and dies as Ben Solo, nobody fucking mentions it? Seriously, what the fuck?

EDIT: I later had a horrible thought whilst driving... specifically, that Ben Solo, only son of Han Solo, almost certainly died a virgin. Seriously, what the fuck?

Leia’s body didn’t disappear until Ben Solo’s death. This makes no sense. If Ben Solo died in the light (and therefore became one with the Force--thus, this body disappears), then he used the Light Side of the Force to heal Rey. That should not have killed him. If he used the Dark Side of the Force to heal her, then his body shouldn’t have disappeared.

REY DIDN’T HAVE A DOUBLE BLADED LIGHTSABER EXCEPT IN A VISION. NOT EVEN THE ONE SHE MADE HERSELF WAS DOUBLE BLADED. SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK?

Some Positivity:

Ewoks make a cameo.

Bickering between Rey and Poe was priceless.

Bickering between Poe and Finn was likewise priceless.

Lando and Chewie on the Falcon.

Cool alien horse thingies in action.

Even the porgs are back!

“Some Holdo moves” actually happened.

#the rise of skywalker #tros #tros spoilers #review

[eirenare]

I’ve just read the new “The Rise of Kylo Ren” interview with Charles Soule (the writer) and Will Sliney (the artist) and thought I’d do a post about it because there’s some very interesting stuff

And also I may or may not be absolutely amused at some descriptions for the former leader of the Knights of Ren

[More under the “read more” because of spoilers of TROKR, and because of speculation/theorizing of TROS.]

“They call him Ren, but that wasn’t always his name.

“Born out of the flames,” as artist Will Sliney puts it, the leader of the Knights of Ren in the opening pages of the new comic Star Wars: The Rise of Kylo Ren #1, arrives battle-scarred and wearing a fearsome, featureless mask — a blank expression save for a smattering of claw-like gouges. Concealed within is a charismatic leader, the exact type of person who would be able to seduce young Ben Solo away from the path of the Jedi.”

They’re going to talk about “The Rise of Kylo Ren”—they spent the first paragraphs mostly talking about Ren

And... *arching eyebrows at the first phrases* So... “They call him Ren, but that wasn’t always his name”, and “born out of the blames”, and “fearsome, featureless mask”... Yeah, this totally does nothing to stop me from thinking Ren’s gonna be future/alternative Ben

Alexa, play “Dark Horse” *looking sideways at Dark Rey and Ren*

“I wanted him to read like a charming Darth Vader,” says writer Charles Soule. “A Vader who is charismatic and who is appealing. That’s why [Ren’s] skin is burned and he sort of looks the way that he does. He’s embracing the seductiveness and the damage that the dark side does. Darth Vader, as impressive and imposing and terrifying as he is, is remote and cold and distant because he has the suit surrounding him. Whereas Ren isn’t hiding behind it. He’s someone you could have a beer with, in theory.”

Oh, so are we going parallel territory with the Darth Vader, like previously with Ben and Anakin? Interesting... *munches popcorn* Also lol at having a beer with him

“Designed purposefully for the new comic series, with issue #1 out now, Ren feeds the evolution of Kylo Ren. “The entire seductiveness of the dark side poured into one character engineered for Ben Solo is Ren,” Soule says. “He’s sort of a charming evil rascal that can be really fun to write and I really like where he goes in the series. But if Kylo Ren is going to take over the Knights of Ren, which we know that’s what happens, there should be some transition.”

I didn’t think I’d see Mr. Hottie McHotHot aka Ren defined like a “sort of a charming evil rascal”, but yeah, that’s kriffing funny and awesome and I can’t wait to see what happens in January

But now... now comes the super juicy bits...

“The creative team engineered some surprises for this charming dark sider, a foil in many ways to Darth Vader hiding beneath his protective covering. “You expect the dude hiding his face under a mask like that to be all messed up, particularly with his body looking the way it does,” Soule says. But in issue #2 we’ll see what he’s truly concealing, a reveal that speaks to Ben on a whole other level.”

Why does this sound familiar? ... Ah, yes, because it’s kind of the way they described Ben‘s unmasking in TFA, the whole “you expect a monster but you got this young tortured prince”. Sounds like that a lot. Also, the fact that what he’s hiding under the mask seems it will be a huge reveal to Ben and that they’ve “engineered some surprises for this charming dark sider”? Not to mention that, again, we have a comparison with Darth Vader

Yep, this definitely does nothing to keep me from going on with my Ren/Ben theory

“I think the key to writing Ben Solo is to write him as a lost teenager who is deeply in touch with emotions that teenagers often feel,” Soule says. “He feels like no one understands him, no one sees him the way he actually is, he’s utterly alone and there’s no one else out there in the universe. So when he sees Ren, he’s like, ‘Wait a minute — maybe there is somebody like me in the universe. Maybe there is a path for a guy like me. Look at the choices he’s made. I could make those choices, too, and I could be cool.’”

Okay, so, who the kriff is cutting onions in the room? *Ben feels intensify*

Also there might or might not be a certain Disney song going on my head right now reading this lol

“The story also calls for the re-introduction of a younger, seemingly kinder Snoke, wearing a little cap, no less. When we meet him in the series, the future Supreme Leader of the First Order is essentially a gardener. “When we were in the design process, Snoke is someone that you know is going to defy expectations and it’s not going to be the Snoke that you know,” Sliney says. “And it’s important because we’re going to see a very, very different relationship that Snoke and Ben have. It establishes that this is not the Snoke that’s going to Force-choke Hux and slam him into the ground. He’s playing the long game…so it was important to portray Snoke differently.

And true to his festering nature, Snoke inhabits a place that on the surface seems serene and beautiful, but is rotten at its core, a script note that spurred Sliney to google “rotting fruit” for artistic inspiration.”

Snoke is a scary predator. Whatever he is, whatever it’s his relationship with Palpatine, that’s the thing—they’re both scary predators, and I can’t even begin to imagine all the shit fed to poor Ben’s head

Also, about that world... Another thought that came to me (besides Mortis stuff) is that maybe it could be the deserted/stormy place we see in the TROS trailers, like the planet finally rotten inside and outside, kind of as a reflection as to how appearences have fallen apart and all that’s left to show is the rotting

“Like Sheev Palpatine, the once humble senator of Naboo, “Snoke is someone who knows the playbook,” Soule says. “It’s a similar play in terms of, ‘I’m a nice guy who’s just trying to help you,’ which is kind of what Palpatine did. But Snoke’s path to power, Snoke’s seduction technique, Snoke’s message and teachings are, I think, pretty different from the way Palpatine did it…. His job is not so much to corrupt as it’s to represent an alternative to the legacy [Ben has] been presented.” In concert with Ren presenting an alternate path, Snoke’s suggestive philosophy is appealing to a young boy who feels lost. “Everyone’s telling you you’re X, but what if you’re Y? What feels correct to you? Are you Obi-Wan Kenobi or maybe you’re something else?” Soule says. “All you need to be is whoever you are and no one’s letting you do that…and maybe, shouldn’t you go someplace where you can be who you are?”

Now that’s a specially terrifying way of predating—you may be able to get away from all the people you love, detach from them so as to protect them and protect your heart, but you can’t run away from yourself and your thoughts and feelings, and that’s what Snoke targets with Ben

“To bring these characters alive on the page, Sliney pulled reference material from Celtic myths and poured over books featuring the art of Star Wars. “I don’t think I’ve ever studied as much as I have,” he says. “Everything Star Wars. I have all those art books, whether it’s the modern ones or the ones from the original movies or the prequels. I love the art…I think it’s important to pay respects to the amazing concept art that have made these movies along the way.”

Those artists, of course, famously took their inspiration from earlier works, so Sliney went back even further. “I’m going backwards as much as I can in terms of the feel of it,” he says. “It needed to feel epic and it needed to feel powerful. It’s bringing it back to that mythological kind of feeling. I have a big influence from a lot of old ancient Celtic stories that date back thousands and thousands of years. These stories of lone warriors who died on the hill…. Those ancient books, they carry that gravitas.”

That’s interesting. Maybe the big “dead” tree around the machinery comes from Celtic mythology? After taking a look at some info, I’d say this screams “tree of life” to me, which would pretty much fit like a glove with the Force and the balance because it represents harmony and all that. Also, if you want to know something funny, according to this webpage (Irish Around the World), “trees were a connection to the world of the spirits and the ancestors, living entities, and doorways into other worlds”, it says, among other things

And, to finish:

“Meanwhile, Soule pulled much of his writing inspiration from the Skywalker saga itself, save for Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, which was still in production at the time. Soule went back and studied the first time we see Kylo Ren on screen, wondering to himself about the implication that Ben Solo had met Lor San Tekka in their younger days. “There’s a lot of data hidden between the subtext and text,” Soule says. “It’s about doing the research on that level just to see what connections might be made, but it’s also the feel of it.”

After all, Ben Solo’s bloodline makes him Star Wars royalty. “This is a story about legacy,” he says. “It’s a story about family and expectations and the fact that Ben Solo is part of a vast network of galaxy-changing individuals from his mom and his dad, to his uncle, to his adopted uncle, Lando, to his namesake Ben Kenobi, to his grandfather, Darth Vader…Within one step of him are arguably some of the most important people in the galaxy. So his story is their story and you can’t tell Ben Solo’s story without knowing all the other ones backwards and forwards.”

Interesting, about the writing inspiration... I’m really curious to see how it’ll fit with TROS

Can’t wait to see TROS tomorrow, both because of the movie itself and to start thinking where TROKR may land because, hey... we’re still 3 issues away from the comic to end, 3 months

#Baby boy Ben Solo #Ben Solo #Kylo Ren #We also have content of Mr. Hottie McHotHot aka Ren the former leader of the Knights #Ren the Knight #TROKR #The Rise of Kylo Ren #Star Wars #SW #Star Wars TROKR #Star Wars The Rise of Kylo Ren #SW TROKR #SW The Rise of Kylo Ren

[the13thduke]

Best Rap 2018

This year has been probably the most packed year of all time in terms of the sheer volume of decent rap releases. Due to the huge quantity of releases it’s easy to miss out on a lot of great music and get lost in the mix. With that in mind, I wanted to create a long list that can be bookmarked and returned to for those who slept.

I could have easily created a top 300 and still felt bad about leaving a few good albums out. That said, I've managed to cut it down to a slightly more definitive (but hardly concise) top 150 so this doesn't read like too much of a phone book.

As in previous years, ‘Rap’ is on the banner, but the list is made up of hip-hop, UK road rap, grime, and anything that can adequately be categorised as a rap sub-genre in my mind.

Finally, as usual, don’t get too hung up on the order. The top albums are at the top and the still-quality-but-not-quite-elite albums are towards the lower end, but there’s no use getting too hung up about what appears as, say, my 57th and 61st favourite albums. This is designed and published primarily for myself to look back on in years to come and reflect on the year, but also for anyone who reads it to see it as recommended listening that should keep you very busy.

I would write a blurb for each and every album to explain why I love them, but no-one would pay me and my time is valuable, so instead I’ve linked each album to their Spotify stream…Enjoy, and feel free to let me know if I've missed anything!

Here’s my top 150 rap albums of 2018. Happy new year!

CHILDREN OF ZEUS — Travel Light

GHETTS — Ghetto Gospel: The New Testament

RAE SREMMURD — SR3MM

NOVELIST — Novelist Guy

BARNEY ARTIST — Home is Where The Art Is

EVIDENCE — Weather or Not

OCEAN WISDOM — Wizville

PHONTE — No News is Good News

ROC MARCIANO — RR2: The Bitter Dose / Behold A Dark Horse / KAOS (with DJ Muggs)

PUSHA T — DAYTONA

FREDDIE GIBBS — Freddie / Fetti (with Alchemist & Curren$y)

MAXSTA — Maxtape 2

BENNY — Tana Talk 3 / A Friend of Ours

ARMAND HAMMER — Paraffin

DJ MUGGS — Soul Asssassins: Dia del Asesinato

HERMIT & THE RECLUSE — Orpheus vs The Sirens

MANGA ST. HILAIRE — Outsiders Live Forever

MASTA ACE & MARCO POLO — A Breukelen Story

WESTSIDE GUNN — Supreme Blientele

SABA — Care For Me

DABRYE — Three/Three

D DOUBLE E — Jackuum

KOOL G RAP & 38 SPESH — Son of G Rap

LOJII — lofeye

SLOWTHAI — RUNT

TRAE THA TRUTH — Hometown Hero / 48 Hours Later

JPEGMAFIA — Veteran

JAM BAXTER — Touching Scenes

JERICHO JACKSON (KHRYSIS & ELZHI) — Jericho Jackson

ANKHLEJOHN — The Red Room / Van Ghost / The Yellow House / Ankh Nasty

OCTAVIAN — Spaceman

NONAME — Room 25

ELCAMINO — Elcamino / Walk on Water

JEAN GRAE & QUELLE CHRIS — Everything’s Fine

SHOWBIZ — A-Room Therapy

MILO — budding ornithologists are weary of tired analogies

KEY & KENNY BEATS — 777

SHIRT — Pure Beauty

PLAYBOI CARTI — Die Lit

THA GOD FAHIM — Dump Gawd: Dream Killer / Breaking Through The Van Allen Belts (with C-Lance) / Dump Truck: Think Again / Dumpacolypse Now (with Left Lane Didon) etc etc (stop dropping so much Fahim!)

2U4U — Butter

NIPSEY HUSSLE — Victory Lap

TROUBLE & MIKE-WILL-MADE-IT — Edgewood

21 SAVAGE — I am > I was

TRAVIS SCOTT — ASTROWORLD

FLATBUSH ZOMBIES — Vacation in Hell

MOZZY — Gangland Landlord / Spiritual Conversations

WORLD’S FAIR — New Low

FOREIGN BEGGARS — 2 2 Karma

KIDS SEE GHOSTS — KIDS SEE GHOSTS

ROYCE DA 5'9" — The Book of Ryan

JAY ROCK — Redemption

RAWKID — Grum, Vol. 1

FRISCO — Back 2 Da Lab Vol. 5

MEYHEM LAUREN — Glass

APATHY — Widow’s Son

SUSPECT — Still Loading

CHIP — Ten10

MAXO KREAM — Punkem

BEATKING & GANGSTA BOO — Underground Cassette Tape Music, Vol. 2

SWIZZ BEATZ — POISON

LANDO CHILL — Black Ego

BLACK MILK — FEVER

B-MOVIE MILLIONAIRES — Attack of the 50,000ft Sweg Lawds from Outer Space

808INK — When I’m About You’ll Know Vols 1–2

YOUNG THUG — On The Rvn / Slime Language compilation

SCALLOPS HOTEL — sovereign nose of (y)our arrogant face

TY — A Work of Heart

DENZEL CURRY — TA13OO

CONWAY & SONNYJIM — Death by Misadventure

PAYROLL GIOVANNI & CARDO — Big Bossin Vol. 2

CHUCK STRANGERS — Consumers Park

LIL WAYNE — Tha Carter V

HOMEBOY SANDMAN & EDAN — Humble Pi

VINCE STAPLES — FM!

WILLIE THE KID — Gold Rush (with Klever Skemes) / Things of that Nature / Midwest Willie 2 / Gold Rush 2

EARL SWEATSHIRT — Some Rap Songs

RICH HOMIE QUAN — Rich As In Spirit

ROME STREETZ — Streetz Keep Calling Me / Street Farmacy (with Farma Beats)

CRIMEAPPLE — Aguardiente

MICK JENKINS — Pieces of a Man

MICALL PARKNSUN & MR THING — Finish What We Started

DIRTY DIKE — Acrylic Snail

SMOOVTH & GIALLO POINT — Medellin II: Don Fabio

DJ JAZZY JEFF — M3

FLY ANAKIN & OHBLIV — Backyard Boogie

AWON & PHONIKS — The Actual Proof

J COLE — K.O.D

CARDI B — Invasion of Privacy

MIKE — Black Soap / Renaissance Man / War In My Pen

TRIPPIE REDD — Life’s A Trip / A Love Letter To You 3

BUSU — Deadbeat Boyfriend Diaries

COOPS — No Brainer / Life In The Flesh

CHESTER WATSON — Project 0

NOSTRUM GROCERS — Nostrum Grocers

SKYZOO — In Celebration of Us

PRHYME — PRhyme 2

MAC MILLER — Swimming

38 SPESH & BENNY — Stabbed & Shot

DA FLYYY HOOLIGAN — Roman Abramovich

WILEY — Godfather II

GUNNA & LIL BABY — Drip Harder

HENRY CANYONS — Cool Side of the Pillow

MARLOWE — Marlowe

OC — A New Dawn

CUT CHEMIST — Die Cut

V DON — This Thing of Ours (with Adonis) / Bone Collector

BISHOP NEHRU — Elevators: Act I & II

TY FARRIS — No Co-Sign, Just Cocaine Vols 1–2

JOSMAN — 000$

THERMAN MUNSIN — Sabbath (with Roc Marciano)

AWTHENTIK — Nothing More Nothing Less

FLEE LORD — I Want Out / Loyalty or Death: Lord Talk 2

DJ SKIZZ — High Powered

PAC DIV — 1st Baptist

JAMMER — Are You Dumb? Vol. 5

BLACK THOUGHT — Streams of Thought Vol. 1–2

BIG TWINS — Grimey Life

D-BLOCK EUROPE & YXNG BANE — Any Minute Now

ONE ACEN — SexyOddRose

SMOKE BOYS — Don’t Panic II

BUGZY MALONE — B.Inspired

BISK — Aural FM

FREDO — Tables Turn

NINES — Crop Circle

NOT3S — Take Not3s II

YXNG BANE — HBK

SKENGDO x AM — Greener on the Other Side

YFN LUCCI — Ray Ray from Summerhill

HUSALAH — H

BUDDY — Harlan & Alondra

SHECK WES — MUDBOY

STARLITO — At WAR With Myself Too

COZZ — Effected

JID — DiCaprio 2

RICH BRIAN — Amen

SNOOP DOGG — 220

MIGOS — Culture II

COOL OUT SUN — Cool Out Sun

ROBB BANK$ — Molly World

CYPRESS HILL — Elephants on Acid

VIC SPENCER & SONNYJIM— Spencer for Hire

KILLA KYLEON — Candy Paint N Texas Plates

REASON — There You Have It

APOLLO BROWN & LOCKSMITH — No Question / APOLLO BROWN & JOELL ORTIZ — Mona Lisa

ICYTWAT — Dream Bwoy

IVY SOLE — Overgrown

SMINO — NOIR

KIRK KNIGHT — IIWII

JAY PRINCE — Cherish

#2018 #rap #hip hop #end of year lists #best of

[loopy777]

what do you regard as the strenghts and weaknesses of Timothy Zhans star wars books? the thrawn trilogy in particular

Hoho, now here’s a question I’ve seen a lot of other fans answer over the years. And now it’s my turn!

Strengths

Characterization and Character Voicing: Authorial ticks aside (”Point.”), Zahn conveys the characters he writes about like no one else (but Matt Stover). His Luke is more Luke-like than other novelists, his Han more Han-like, his Leia more Leia-like, etc. He even surprised me in the recent Thrawn: Alliances by nailing Clone Wars Anakin’s voice so perfectly, and even highlighting Padme’s less vivid personality. Governor Pryce was the dark horse joy of Thrawn, for crying out loud!

Great New Characters: Thrawn, Karrde, Mara, C'Baoth, Rukh, Fey’lya (even though I never remember where that apostrophe is supposed to go), and more. I have no idea why they have Zahn writing more books about Thrawn (as much as I like them) when they should be locking him in a room and forcing him to come up with new characters in exchange for food. Zahn gets how to create Heroes and Villains (as opposed to mere heroes and villains, no capital letters) that fit into the adventuresome world of Star Wars and fill in the existing gaps. Keeping him writing about the Imperial military is wasting his ability to fill in at all levels of the Star Wars setting, but even then, he manages to create some vivid Everyperson characters.

Solid Space Opera (with a good military sci-fi flavoring): Star Wars is a setting that sometimes seems like it’s better suited for RPG’s than tie-in fiction, and Zahn is one of the few authors who knows where those two intersect. His stories hop planets, bring in new technologies, throw in aliens who are more than humans with forehead ridges and a stupid personality quirk. And unlike much of Star Trek, he does all this with propulsive plots. Besides his Star Wars work, check out the Conquerors Trilogy for another great example. And unlike a lot of Military Sci-Fi writers, he’s not bashing democracy or glorifying the use of force even as he gives us the tactical starship battles we all want.

Big Scale: This is an under-rated skill for Star Wars EU authors. You’d be surprised how often a book’s worth of plot is stretched out over a trilogy- or, nowadays, a novella’s worth of plot is stretched a bit and sold as a novel. Now, I’d say that Zahn is only mostly consistent on this point, as his Mara Jade novels can be a bit thin, and Thrawn Alliances was good but could have been made tighter for a better effect. Actually, maybe the solution is to just give him multi-book projects, because he fills those up just fine.

Mystery/Intrigue/Suspense: Look, I’m not saying EVERY story needs to have a level of mystery to it, but it’s the perfect seasoning that only improves things, and Zahn knows how to use it to drive character actions and plot. Everybody wants to write Sherlock Holmes (or derivative characters. Hi, Thrawn!) but few people know how to structure an investigation. Zahn has this down cold.

Sharing the Sandbox: This one is more controversial, and I know some people are put off by what they see as ‘bashing’ of other EU works, but I see it this way- Zahn never took a swipe that wasn’t well-deserved, he puts in the work of retcons to restore disrailed characterization, and he keeps it firmly in the perspective of the characters who are speaking. The most egregious example, Mara doubting that Palpatine in Dark Empire was the real guy, has the scene in Luke’s POV and he disagrees with her. If other authors don’t want Zahn questioning their characterization of Mara Jade, they should stop writing her terribly. :P  And when he uses other people’s characters, he does his homework and gets them right.

Weaknesses

Lack of Innovation: Even his best work, the Thrawn Trilogy, is still fairly derivative of the Classic Trilogy. Han and Lando are put firmly back in old roles, in ways that really hampered their later use in the EU. This isn’t a bad thing, necessarily, as Zahn remixes Star Wars in a way that feels fun and comforting, but there’s a reason why the era he kicked off quickly fell into diminishing returns; no one could look at it and see a path forward that wasn’t just More or Again. I’ve never understood the desire to adapt the Thrawn Trilogy as real sequel movies, as much as I like them, and this is a large part of it.

Dry Writing (especially action scenes): This is pretty straightforward. Zahn’s writing is functional, nothing more and nothing less. He avoids big emotional moments. Everybody is very rational. And his action/combat sequences range from Adequate to boring procedurals. Action scenes especially need someone who can bring some real pizazz to the proceedings. My earlier compliment about finding the intersection between storytelling and running an RPG kind of fails him, here. Scenes that should move faster will stop as the characters act like a group of role-players having a discussion about how to use their Ten Foot Pole to escape the trap. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t. And you’re never going to laugh out loud thanks to a Zahn book.

Relies Too Much on his Famous Characters: Thrawn and Mara Jade are great characters in both the Thrawn Trilogy and the Hand of Thrawn Duology. You know the best book he wrote after those? Scoundrels. Full-stop. Yeah, further Thrawn and Mara adventures were good, but Zahn’s just doing the magic trick we’ve all already seen. In Scoundrels, he stretched himself with ‘new’ characters (I mean, he’d already written a bunch of Han and Lando, but they’re not his characters) and a completely new kind of plot that played to his strengths, and the result was great. I’d love to see Zahn doing more like that, finding new things to write about instead of More Thrawn. I like Alien Admiral Sherlock Holmes, but what else could Zahn give us with the right opportunity? Again, I feel like the publisher is misusing Zahn, keeping him on the sidelines relying on his brand when he could be creating things that other authors can run with.

Lack of Moral Challenge: It was better when Mara Jade might have killed some rebels. There, I said it. I don’t think she was ever a dark-sider who needed to be redeemed, but pushing the idea that she only ever killed corrupt Imperials is a bit silly. (I like that Ron Marz, in one comic, had her supplying information on hidden Order 66 survivors to the Emperor, and asking to take them out for him.) To a lesser effect, I think some of this same problem is in play with Thrawn, although not to the degree that people sometimes say. I don’t think Zahn sees Thrawn as a hero, and the recent books have done a better job showing the nasty parts of the character, but sometimes it seems like Zahn shies away writing a villain protagonist even when that’s exactly what he’s being called to do.

#thekingofwinterblog

[shewolfofthemorning]

Name: Aelin Sand Nicknames: The Lost Star, Dawn of Winter House's: Dayne and Stark Motto: Dorne never forgets Hair: dark brown Eyes: violet Father: Arthur Dayne Mother: unknown (Lyanna Stark) Likes: practicing with her sword and archery, reading, dresses, horse riding, her friend's, and Eric Snow. Dislikes: Lannister's, traitors, liars, King Robert and Joffery. Romances: Lando (ex-lover), Eric Snow (Fiance) Friendships: Sansa Stark: Aelin met Sansa at Kings Landing for Jofferys wedding, where she helped the Stark girl escape, Aelin accompanied her north to find her half-brother Jon Snow. Along the journey the two girls become best friends, willing to protect each other. And Aelin promises to show Sansa, Starfall Eric Snow: Aelin met Eric when she was 7 and he was 10, they became instant friends and over the years they developed feelings for each other, and soon started a relationship. Right before she left for Kings Landing, Eric proposed to her. Jon Snow: when Aelin and Jon first met they, they quickly trust each other, and become close friends. Aelin later fought with Jon in the battle of the bastards. Family: Arthur Dayne: Aelin only met her father once, when she could barely walk. She only grew up with stories about her father. Mother (Lyanna Stark): Aelin knows nothing about her mother. Ashara Dayne: Ashara Dayne raised Aelin for a year, before committing suicide. Benjen Stark: Benjen was the only one of Lyanna's family to know she was pregnant, and when the baby was born Lyanna asked him to take the child to Arthur Dayne, (who later gave the child to his sister to protect). Eddard Stark: Ned met Aelin when he was returning 'Dawn' to Starfall. Jon Snow: neither know they are half-sibilings. Allyria Dayne: Aelin's aunt Allyria, is the only mother figure in her life. Edric Dayne: Aelin is very close to her younger cousin, Lord of Starfall. ▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪ Notes: deicied to give some info on Aelin, not a lot because we are still working on her story.

#game of thrones #game of thrones oc #arthur dayne #lyanna stark #arthur dayne x lyanna stark #arthur x lyanna #jon snow #ashara dayne #house stark #house dayne #sansa stark #aelin sand