#large brain moment

[reegis]

uhm.,,. doodle of lyf/marius/brian :33 prophet boyfriends rent free in my brain

they are making breakfast 🍳♥️

#the mechanisms #marius von raum #drumbot brian #lyfrassir edda #idk if they have a ship name sorry 😔 #just marius & his large partners ahdjjg #brian with a bun is my galaxy brain moment i am now obsessed w this #asks #my art

[iknowwhereyousleepatnight]

while source hunting i found "Determined Raptures": St. Sebastian and the Victorian Discourse of Decadence by Richard A. Kaye which i think is about what i was talking about a few months ago abt st sebastian always being drawn sexually, but it goes into why which is cool

link to me going on abt st sebastian always being so erotic that is mostly for me because i keep losing it and i need a link or else it will be lost forever

#apparently he's a homoerotic icon which. i am not surprised ngl #i also found “Wantoning with the Thighs”: The Socialization of Thigh Sex in England 1590-1730 by Will Fisher #which. #is interesting #anyway let's talk about my day because i want to #i've gathered a lot of sources for my eroticism paper and had a genius bigbrain moment where i realized michelangelo's dying slave #could maybe be a venus pudica (specific pose typically reserved for venus-like figures. aka “modest” venus) #and i was like. yippee!! that's inherently sexual!!!! and it came from my brain so i don't have to cite it #also someone came up to me curious to what i was doing (bc i am spread across a large table w a lot of papers and i keep staring at #michelangelo's slave sculptures. and i have been. for four hours) #and i was like. i'm doing research and it was cool. they like art hist too. yay #also today was my last forensic psych class :(( #so sad. i love that class to death #also i almost got run over by a stupid fucking driver again!!!! >:( #this is because a main pathway for psych students in particular has so many blindspots and The Crosswalk is hiding from drivers #so they just hit the gas and hope no-one's crossing. but i am!!!! pay attention to your surroundings in a moderately high-foot-traffic area

[ivereadthemanual]

My two current obsessions stopped fighting in my head and started to make out with each other instead.

Now I want Dagon and Poison Ivy to become besties and save the ocean together. Violently.

#a fish demon and a plant lady saving the environment #sinking large fisherboats #dumping greedy ceos in toxic waste #stuff like that #I'm sure they would get along just fine #it's moments like this I wish I knew how to draw #both have stories written by neil gaiman #so it's not totally random #good omens dagon #poison ivy #streaming right out of my brain

[skypiea]

you guys have got to stop reacting to the word “AI” in the exact same way a medieval court adviser would see a time traveler pull out a smartphone and order him beheaded for witchcraft

#kite.txt #I understand theres a lot of nuanced topics in regard to AI at the moment #but a large number of people on this website are just going full Technology is the Devil on it and it’s embarrassing #like the person who automatically assumed an AI real time transcription program was bad. Because word AI was present in the headline #I know tumblr is not renowned for its ability to fully think about all aspects of an issue before making a kneejerk & embarassing response #but pleaaaae nature put a big beautiful brain in ur noggin. use it

[katyspersonal]

The average HELLISH heat temperature barely hesitated on 0.5 Celcius degree and I fucking instantly caught cold :/ Chicken soup time 🙏

#personal #at least if it gets bad enough i can call a sick week and finally have a moment to finish a large post i need to make #and finish sexy laurence reference #(no not like reference is sexy i mean laurence is. reference is normal fdjfjdfs) #(the punchline is that in my brain nothing can be more cringe than simping for laurence yet- #-liking wet sock like micolash is absolutely normal human behaviour smh my smh) #(i am cringe but i am free) #((says a person that JUST admitted NOT being free because work and other stuff lolol))

[craycraybluejay]

I am normal and can be trusted to enjoy or relate to things without obsessing and feel feelings without just completely losing it if I experience (1) emotion not numbed enough

#(lying) #everything is so PROFOUND #the BEDSHEETS want to TELL ME SOMETHING #that one falling leaf wants to TALK TO ME #my brain is in a constant state of psychedelic arousal brought on by what can only be described as a condition without a name or a cure #that is simply being me #schizotypal is the closest thing but its a small word that doesnt understand me quite #i try my best #to ground myself with cigarettes and casual sex #and even that is too beautiful not to linger and spiral #everything is so intense #i am living in a world so vibrant it is like a fever dream and makes me want to throw up #no medicine will fix me because I AM NOT BROKEN #i am simply different #my world is one that is so large i cannot look at it without losing myself #so colourful i must be dreaming even awake #everything makes sense to me everything confuses me #everything is so everything #and i think about everything all the time #the only things that significantly fix it for a short moment are high dose narcotic depressants #eg opiates and benzos #its never quiet here #just like in childhood i cannot sleep because my mind is too loud #shhhh #reality itself is delicate i have seen it rip apart and come back together different #not just mine but everyones too #i get so obsessed staring into the abyss it paralyzes me i dont know what to do with myself #all this to say #my sickness and myself are everything my complete quiet is nothing and in either direction is oblivion #how to live with everything so loud

[devilsminionpdf]

walking the fine line between being honest with my therapist but also not being so honest that she decides im not stable enough to know my own gender and not give me that nice little dysphpria letter

#it's annoying but it's also strangely fun i feel weirdly like a secret agent. the thrill of lying by omission etc etc #it's largely about trying to explain to her the disconnect from all of humanity always and forever #which is fine because she goes 'ah yes transness isolation checks out do you have friends in the community' #which yea i do. but listen. someone could be identical to me in every aspect and the disconnect would likely still be there #it's still preferable to being around cishet people but it still is like living out any page from no longer human. performance etc etc #*grabs her by the shoulder* im forever and eternally disconnected from everything and everyone do you get it. and i do not know why #[ it's probably because im constantly lying about things big and small to everyone but still. why am i doing that either ] #poking my brain with a stick. what the fuck are you doing up there #having a moment truly two personal posts with less than 24 hours in between. what's going on man #apples.txt

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

.

#hm actually that first tag may be triggering or smth so let's get this under the cut #how many tags does it take to do that i wonder #shall we try three and hope they will be enough or #i am very. thoroughly. sick. of wanting to die #it's just so EXHAUSTING guys #usually im more distractable than this but noooo it's been most of today #just there. existing. as a appealing possibility. #doesn't help that i have an imagination neither #so many possibilities! ha. (<- bitter) #tw suicide #tw sh #and i literally lost count of the number of times i harmed today. that hadn't happened yet #i did have two meals today! which probably didn't help the harming situation. but a net win imo #im just. sick of not being normal. #and i should care more than i do about harming. logically i know i should. but i don't care largely and i barely feel the pain. #there was one i thought briefly might send me to hospital but the bleeding did stop with pressure so it was fine #unfortunately one of my regular coping mechanisms/stims (playing the piano a particular song/way/whatever) is apparently becoming a trigger #for harm? i dont know why but this is very inconvenient probably if i care #my brain is a very messed up place to be in at the moment. i wish to check out of it permanently if you please #i did think for a while i might have to call lifeline again but the worst passed #and ha! when my parents ask how im going i am vague adn they think im fine #in reality? i am psychologically drowning and getting stressed over the fact that they rae returning home soon #realistically i will probably be safer as a result but also more stresses on all sorts of different points #woot woot #.....tomorrow's sunday oh no #if im feeling then like i am now i will not be able to go to church because i will not be safe to drive. #joy comes in the morning? i hope? #if i cannot go to church my brother will probably come and stay with me. don't know if i want that or if i don't. would probably entail #telling him about the fact that ive attempted and also been harming. which i keep chickening out of telling him. yay. #if you get this far anyway yes you can probably tell i need prayers.

[mayasaura]

there's a tiny part of me that can't stop taking things seriously that is building an actual serious plot for The Emperor's New Groove: Apocalpyse Funk

#djdndbfnnf why am I like this #I have terminal brain can't shut up disease #john can't actually be a cow for most of it bc cows are large and clumsy and can't fit through doors #there is a John and Kiriona subplot slithering through my brain #bc Kuzco's Big Oh moment was finding out the closest thing he had to family never loved him and tried to kill him #John's has to be the opposite his whole Thing is 'everyone would hate me and abandon me if I were honest with them' #so to hit the same plot beats John has to finally crack and accept that maybe unconditional love is real #and Totally Not Pacha being a dad offers a great opportunity to make him think #not even tagging this one I am banging my head against konkreet shut up about the 1am shitpost shut up

[v-arbellanaris]

i think the problem (?) is that the only kind of (fictional?) love that interests me is the kind of love that changes the world. the kind of love that derails the narrative, the kind of love that changes everything -- not necessarily by how special or unique the love is but by the very mundanity of it. the love that grows, not in spite of the barren lovelessness of Before, but out of it. i think that's why I'm always so invested in ships that are two people diametrically opposed to each other, or enemies-to-friends-to-lovers, or two people on separate sides of the morality issue coin, because i love it when love... not that it changes a person but it allows the person to Become. the space, the grace, to change. to love the monster, to love the unlovable and the intolerable, is to make it something other than a monster, than unlovable, than intolerable. i love it when being loved at your worst, ugliest, most horrible self is what makes you want to be someone worth loving. like is this ANYTHING to anyone or

#sorry im not here but im thinkin abt fic things and im really just! having some Emotions about things #idk? i see a lot of aspects of myself in villains. whoever you consider a villain. and i think there's a tendency in fandom #that I've noticed for like... years. where when these issues are portrayed in Good People it's always framed in an acceptable way #if they're angry it's never in a way that really hurts anyone - or everyone Just Knows they're going through shit #if they're depressed it's always the sad pathetic kind that makes people want to coddle you and not the kind that made me isolate and #unpleasant to be around #the urge/inclination towards violence to people who did wrong to me is a villainous act #trauma only ever affects Villains in a bad way. and their trauma MAKES them Bad and Evil people who should only ever just die to fix all #the damage they did to people. and idk man! don't you think that's kind of fucked up? don't you think that it's so fucked up to see yoursel #and the ugliness of your trauma and how it impacts you only ever represented by villains. and then the solution is ''they should just die'' #and in the rare moments those villains DO get redemption arcs or a second chance or whatever there's a large n frankly horrific portion #of fandom going i want this person dead or (other violent gruesome violating thing) because they're awful and horrible and their very #existence is unforgivable. i think they should die #and it's like i get it. i also get tired of having to see this message constantly blasted into my brain 24/7? #''why do you ship x with x--'' god i dont fucking know #maybe i want to believe we can get better. that people can change. #maybe i want to believe there's no end point where i have to weigh up the damage ive done to people vs the benefits ive brought and decide #i should die. maybe i want to believe that people are inherently good and want to do good and have the capacity for good!! #that we can do better if only someone believed we could!! #maybe i want to believe we're all worthy of love. of someone who will believe in us. who sees something good in us even when we're at our #worst & most unlovable. maybe i want to believe we can still BE loved after all that! idk leave me alone!! #tbd #i added the image bc its how im feelin rn

[explodingstarlight]

you'll never guess who i found today

#yes it was only mikey #poor mikey 😔 all alone without his bros 😔😔 #the last ronin-core #no but fr i was genuinely excited #$5.99??? a small price to pay for serotonin #mikey you will always be famous #it is to my eternal dismay and torment that the rise bros never had their pop funko moment #are funko pops largely a cash grab? yes. but are they also affordable and due to their consistent design similarities pleasing to my brain? #also yes #rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #i hope rise mikey knew i was thinking of him as well lmao #tmnt #tmnt michaelangelo #michaelangelo #tmnt mikey

[orangerosebush]

Do you think that Artemis and Butler ever explicitly told Angeline and Tim that they orchestrated Fowl Sr's rescue from the Mafiya, or did that just never like... come up

#artemis fowl #it would be very funny if Fowl Sr said something along the lines of 'ever since -- well of what I remember that is -- I was rescued from #captivity at Britva's hands I just... cannot do sea travel anymore.' and butler kind of... hums noncomittally and then says -- thinking #nothing of it due to the fact that it's years post-series and everyone who is a Butler or a Fowl knows about the People and their #adventures -- 'It was horrifying waiting to see if you'd survived the fall from the ship. Holly was looking for you for what felt like ages #to Artemis and I'. and Fowl Sr pauses because wait. why was *Holly* the *elf* from *Haven* fishing him out of the fjord in Murmansk?? #'well' Butler continues reluctantly - having not foreseen Fowl Sr being out of the loop on this - 'of course. it was part of why Artemis a #and I were involved in quashing the rebellion Opal was orchestrating in Haven at the time' #and Fowl Sr has this moment where his brain just... buffers. because he KNEW that there must've been *some* reason for why Artemis went #from being public enemy number one to the People to saving their civilization time and time again. but he had assumed that it was largely #an alliance engendered by Artemis and Butler feeling guilty? or something? CERTAINLY he did not think that he was being dangled as a #bargaining chip with sentience into affairs lol

[tigergendermoved]

I feel like my dad is a little autistic. Idk if he's got the full package but.... idkkk

#largely because i had a major Autism Moment this weekend and got really pressed 2 days in a row #about my days not happening according to the exact beautiful schedule i planned out for them #and i complained about it to my mom and she was like ohhhh my godddd your dad does this all the goddamn time #(this is not the first time i have complained about something to my mom and i in fact inherited this behavior) #like he prolly has something happening in his brain. im very much like a smaller version of my dad in a lot of ways

[last-flight-of-fancy]

the only problem with becoming really attached to your ff14 WoL is that i know there's definitely gotta be some banger fanfics for 14 out there, but if i want them to be tailored to my WoL i have to make the food myself

#i have not looked for fics yet bc im still only partway through shadowbringers #but i know they gotta be out there #idk what it is about 14's character creation specifically that really got me invested #most of the time i might do some like.. broad strokes backstory but by and large i tend to play in the moment and not worry about it #which i know may sound strange considering my professed adoration of character creators #but there you go #not 14. i got ten seconds into the game and suddenly there hallima was in my brain. fully fleshed out #and staring at me like 'okay what now' #even dragon age i was still like... more or less just going with the flow. which was fun! but it feels different. somehow #genuinely wish i could figure out what it is that makes it feel so different #stop talking to yourself flight #ff14

[devilbrakers]

thinking intensely abt a gray/aurora crow-esque au....

#like gray in that kind of role is just... yeah #anyway sorry im being annoying tonight i need a distraction FNSBFJSK #that move has rotted my brain since the moment i watched it it's soooooooo #movie* #i think avenging her and then being laid to rest would be enough for them to feel like they've avenged everyone they've lost in a way #bc everyone else (their family/miko/blake) were killed by demons or smth supernatural and of a large abundance so revenge isn't as tangible

[thebleedingeffect]

In my heart of hearts I truly do just want to write a self insert that interacts with the main story that's it really

#all of my self inserts are extremely indulgent and are locked into my Brain #but there's one concept that I've been thinking of lately that's vry fun and I've been tossing it about in my brain #they're a baby born from a templar father who managed to escape some time around 15 or 16 #they began training from a very early age as their father wanted a soldier who could go head to head with the assassin's on their own turf #alot of cultish and bad stuff happened but they were managed to be rescued by a novice who became their first friend ^-^ #most assassin's are still skittish and untrusting of her considering her templar upbringing but she was kinda... indoctrinated? from birth? #and had wanted to leave YEARS ago but only managed it in their teen years #but anyway. she usually works alone or with her two other assassin friends as one: no one really trusts her to begin with #and two: big BIG anxiety that makes it hard to work with people when they know that they're largely seen as a threat or liability #she's pretty high on the assassin ranking though! and their little team has a damn high success rate so vry few people have reason- #to complain. mostly newer recruits or those with a BIG grudge against templars in general #anyway physical description time. theyre like altair and that they only rly wear lighttttt armor. heavy or even mid armor is a big NO #vry vry sneaky and patient. is mostly an opportunistic assassin and relies more of stealthy tactics than brute force #but because of this they are NOT a super heavy fighter. usually tries to lean on surprise and skill rather than 1v1 fighting #if force comes to shove though they can most def fight. but tries to flee the moment they find an opening #is pretty mute! keeps things close to her chest and is still in the process of learning to trust anyone at all. even assassin's #wears black and white feathered earrings as well as small golden hoops. has a bunch of piercings #is much MUCH on the smaller. slimmer side but it actually kinda works cause most dont clock her as an assassin at first glance #this makes them good for infiltration and scouting work! #best pair for them is a more brute force assassin who leans towards defense :] #theyre a lil guy. I love them alot. they also have some isu bullshit going on that I might explain