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justmymindandstuff · 1 month

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Right in front of you - Bucky Barnes x Reader (AU)

Summary: Natasha's new boyfriend doesn't like the fact that she and her ex Bucky are still good friends. So Natasha lies and drags you into a fake relationship with your best friend. What could possibly go wrong?

words: 16.189

warngins: drinking, make- out, a bit angst?, talk about suicide (briefly, not explicitly), swearing / language// ( I think thats all, correct me if I am wrong)

A/N: fake dating trope, Miscommunication, fluff, best friends to lovers// Avengers as a chaotic group of friends// AU// English is not my first language// no beta// Gif not mine// AO3.

Relationships: Bucky x Y/N // Natasha x Bucky (previously; mention)// Natasha x Bruce (previously; mention)// Natasha x Y/N (platonic) // Tony Stark x Y/N (platonic)

I had this in my drafts since 2022, but totally forget about it. Last weekend I rewatch tfatws (Yes, the whole season I have no self-control) and god sebastian stand is one of the most handsome man alive. I revised this draft and added about 10K words. This wasn't originally planned. Sooo anyways have fun with this :) Love to all of you ❤️.

You sit on Natasha´s comfortable couch and take a sip of your coffee. Your best friend called you in the morning and asks for this catch up and said she had a level 9 Problem. So you have been sitting here for almost 2 hours. You and Nat hand already exchanged all the important news form the last few weeks, but Natasha hadn´t yet said whats her level 9 problem is. "So why did you want to talk with me so badly Nat? We have talked about everything now." you say.

Natasha sights."I messed up."

"What happend?" you ask now worried.

"It is about Rick."

Her new boyfriend. He´s a pretty nice guy, from what Nat said. But you haven´t meet him yet. Natasha dates him for 3 month now.

"What did you do?" you asks. Since are when you have to pull every word out of her nose? Nat hesitates for a moment and takes a sip from her coffee.

"Okay. Please listen to me. I know I messed up but I have a plan. And for this plan I need your help."

"I will listen."

"So, Rick and I, we talked about our friends last week and you know we had already talked about our exes. And now he knows that I am still firends with Bucky. But Rick doesn´t think it is cool that I am still friends with him." she stopps and you look confused. You don´t see a Level 9 Problem with this. Natascha and Bucky were together for a few months and that was almost 3 years ago. So why is it a problem?"Y/N I am so sorry. It was a dump idear but it was the frist thing that comes to my mind. And I was pressed for time."

"Natasha! What did you do?" you ask again, now a bit annoyed.

"I told Rick you and Bucky are together."

"You did what?" you ask shocked and a little angry. Is she serious?

"I am so sorry. But besides Bucky, you are the only single in our group. And after that Rick was fine with Bucky as my friend."

"Natasha! What a stupid idear. And what´s your plan now? We all meet Rick this weekend."

"I know, I know. I already texted Bucky, but he is still at work, he says he will call me later."

"And what do you want me to do?"

"Lie for me? Please Y/N." she looks desperately at you. As if you could refuse her something when she looked at you like that. You shigh and in her look you can see that she knows she won.

"Fine. If Bucky is okay with it, I will pretend to be his girlfriend. But Nat, for how long do you think we can lie to him?"

"Not for long, just a few weeks. And than you and Bucky can pretend that you have broken up and remain friends. So Rick can see that Bucky can be just friends with his ex- girlfriends and everything will be fine." She smiles and you sigh again. What could go wrong? Except from everything.

"Fine! But I don´t like this plan."

"I know. And I am sorry."

"Its okay."

You enter your apartment and close the door behind you. You are not sure if Natashas plan will work. But you are her friend, so you will help her, no matter what. Your phone rings, you fummel it out of your Pocket. Bucky. You answer the call.

"Hey Bucks what up?"

Bucky came as Natashas Boyfriend in your friendgroup, but after a few weeks he was friends with all of you, and after he and Nat broke up, they reminds friends and Bucky stays with your group. You are glade he did, you really like him. In the last years, he became your best friend. He even integrated Steve and Peggy into your circle of friends.

"Hey Y/N. How are you? Have you talked with Nat?"

"I´m fine. Yes I have. What do you think about her plan?"

"It´s stupid." he laughs. "But I said I will go with it, if its okay with you."

"I said I will help her."

"Good. Just wanted to make sure you are okay with it."

"If it helps her, of course I'll do it."

"You are a good friend. Then we will see us on Friday. Do you want me to pick you up?"

"Why?" you asks.

"Because we have to preatend we are a coupel." he says as if it were logical. And as if that were normal.

"Right." you start laughing. "It will never work."

"No probally not. But lets give our best to not mess it up for Nat."

"We can try. So you pick me up at 8?"

"I will be at your place."

"Thank you Bucky. See you at Friday."

"See you Friday Doll."

You hate this nickname, but he never listened to you when you said he should stop calling you that. After two years you gave up.

Friday is coming sooner than you thought. You've been stressed all week about your work, next week you have to present your new project, but you're still missing some figures from the last quarter, of course the department is lagging behind. So you had to work overtime. On the way home, your mother called you. Your grandma had another argument with her neighbors. Probably something about the garden fence. You couldn't care less. The argument has been going on for years, but your grandma is just stubborn. And she's driving your mother crazy. It took you hours to calm her down and when you finally hang up it's almost seven o'clock. And you haven't eaten anything since your lunch salad. Damn. You're going to your favorite bar tonight, but you can't go out on an empty stomach. You can't tolerate alcohol anyway, and on an empty stomach the evening would probably end over the toilet bowl before midnight. You open your fridge and sigh. Of course you forgot to go grocery shopping. You reach for your phone and dial Bucky’s number.

"Hello Doll." he answers in a good mood. "Everythin alright?

"Yes. Can you come a bit earlier and bring something to eat on the way? I forgot to shop grocerys and haven't eaten anything properly yet."

"Sure I'll do it. We don't want to repeat St. Patrick." he laughs. You grimace at the memory of the evening in which you dumped the contents of your stomach into the Hudson. "Not funny Bucks."

"Maybe not for you. I had a lot of fun making sure you didn't take an involuntary swim and end up as a corpse in the water." you hear him laugh through the phone and roll your eyes. You would like to respond with an embarrassing story from Bucky, but the man can drink like no one else. Sometimes you think he's immune to alcohol. “Is chinese okay?”

"Yes perfect. Please bring.."

"Spring rolls. Yes, I know, doll."

“Lifesaver I Venmo you the money.”

"Absolutely no way!"

"Bucky." you start, you hate it when he invites you out, but Bucky throws his money around like it's nothing. Because it's probably nothing for him. Bucky makes a lot of money with his firm.

"Don't argue. I'm your boyfriend, remember." he laughs. Oh yeah, Natasha's stupid plan.

"I actually forgot." you laugh now.

"My heart just broke." You roll your eyes, but then laugh. As if any woman could ever break James Barnes' heart.

"I'm on my way now, I'll be there quarter past." Your gaze goes to the clock. You've got half an hour, damn it.

"Okay, I still have to get ready. I will be quick."

"See you soon."

"See you soon." You hang up, quickly put your cell phone on the charging cable and sprint into the shower. You also have to wash your hair, you're really not on schedule this week. Bucky only needs 20 minutes, so you open the door for him still in a towel and with your hair half-dried. At least your Make Up is already done.

"What a sight." he laughs and lets his gaze slide over your barely covered body. You feel yourself blushing, even if there's no reason for it. Bucky has already seen you in your underwear, so the towel covers more.

"Charming." You say and let him into your apartment. He throws his keys and wallet into the small bowl next to your door and puts the take away bag on the kitchen counter.

"You know me. Go get ready, we don´t have much time. Since when have you been so late?"

You love punctuality. You think it's rude and disrespectful to make people wait for you, but this week seems to be cursed. You go back to the bedroom to get dressed.

"I've been behind time all week. Work is totally exhausting me. I have to present next week but of course nothing works out the way I want it to." You call loudly from your bedroom so Bucky can hear you as you rummage through your clothes. Of course you had also forgotten to check with Wanda and Natascha what exactly the dress code was for the evening. "Do you know what Nat or Wanda wear?"

"Of course not?"

"Crap."

"You look good in anything, so just wear somthing." he calls from the living room.

"Liar"

"Never Doll."

You pull your black dress out of your closet. It's just the right length to not be slutty. Quickly, but carefully so you not smear your make-up, you slip into the dress. You let your hair fall loosely over your shoulder, but quickly blow-dry it so that you don't look like you've plugged into a socket. You take a quick look at yourself in the mirror, yes, that would work. "How cold is it ?"

"It's summer, so not at all."

"So no tights?"

"No, no tights. Another question I've never asked myself before."

"You're a man, pants and shirt and you're dressed for any occasion." you come out of your bedroom. Bucky is sitting in your kitchen, he has put the food on a plate and has put cutlery out for you and a glass of water next to it. "You are my hero." You say, plopping down in the seat across from him.

"I know." You look at the clock, you actually have to leave in five minutes so as not to be late. You're narrowing your eyes, damn it.

"Now take a deep breath, relax and eat. Then we'll be a little late, it's not the end of the world. Besides, it's not just us, Vision, Wanda, Tony and Rick are there. Nat won´t be alone."

"Steve isn't coming?"

"Nope, Peggy isn't feeling well." You start eating.

"Still not?" you ask worriedly Peggy hasn't been feeling well for a few weeks, hopefully it's nothing more serious. When you spoke to her on the phone last week she sounded tired and exhausted. Bucky grabs one of your spring rolls and dips it in the sauce, a mischievous smile appearing on his face. "What is?" you ask confused.

"I'm not actually allowed to tell you this." You're immediately curious and lean a little further forward in your chair.

"Tell me."

"But swear you won't tell anyone."

"I swear."

"She is pregnant." Your mouth falls open, you expected everything but not this.

“I didn’t know they were trying.” Steve and Peggy have been together since high school, but neither of them have talked about having children until now.

"They didn't, it was an accident but they wanted to keep it." Steve and Peggy as parents? Funnily enough, you can imagine it. "Steve has been through an emotional rollercoaster in the last few weeks, you can't imagine it Y/N." Bucky laughs.

"And he didn't say anything to anyone?"

"No, only I know and now you. So quiet."

"I promise not to say a word."

"Good. Different topic." Suddenly he becomes serious and Bucky's look almost makes your food stick in your throat. "Nat's plan."

"What about it?"

"We should discuss boundaries."

“Boundaries?” you ask confused. What does he mean now? You actually thought you would go to the bar, introduce yourself as boyfriend and girlfriend and sit next to each other. Why do you need boundaries?

"Well, we want Rick to believe us and I think we should kiss for that. Of course only if it's okay with you." It would be a lie if you never imagined kissing Bucky. After all, he's terribly good-looking, charming, friendly, a perfect gentleman. And even if you're embarrassed and would never admit it one night or two when you were alone, Bucky as a fantasy has served you well. But he is also your best friend, your savior in times of need and your best friend's ex. Fantasy is one thing, but in reality?

"Kissing is okay with me." you say. "It just might get weird."

"Why weird?"

"I don't usually kiss my best friends. You're like a brother to me." A shadow crosses Bucky's blue eyes, but he's smiling.

"If you find the thought of kissing me disgusting..."

"I did not say that!" you say quickly. No woman on this planet would associate the idea of kissing James Bucky Barnes with the word disgusting. You are sure of that! "I just think it's weird. The others are there too." you blush at the thought of kissing Bucky in front of all your friends. What have you gotten yourself into? And all because of Nat.

“Do you want to practice?” he asks and a mischievous grin appears on his face.

"I know how to kiss."

"I'm sure you're very good at kissing. I'm just saying so our first kiss isn't in front of everyone else." That sounds like such a stupid idea that it makes oddly enough sense.

"Then let's practice." You say, putting your fork down.

"Are you ready?" he points to your plate. There's still a little food left, but you're full and it should protect you from an alcohol escapade.

"Yes." Bucky takes your plate and cutlery, stands up and puts everything in the sink. Then he leans against your kitchen counter. You sigh and stand up too. You could say you're doing all this just for Natasha, but somehow the thought of kissing Bucky makes you nervous, but in a pleasant way. You walk over to him and stop right in front of Bucky. He's a bit taller than you, so you lean your head back slightly to look him in the eyes.

"Y/N. If you don't want that, we can just cancel it. Nat would understand." He says, looking you in the eyes.

"Nonsense. It's not that bad."

"Thanks."

"Thats not what I meant."

"I know, I'm just messing with you." he grins at you. Then his gaze goes from your eyes to your lips and back to your eyes. Bucky lifts his hand and places it carefully on your cheek. Then he leans forward. His lips touch yours and you freeze for a second. But then you move your lips against his, your hand automatically laying on his chest. Bucky’s hand moves from your cheek to your neck and he pulls you closer to him. The next moment his tongue slides into your mouth and you press yourself closer to his muscular body. But then you flinch. What are you doing here? You open your eyes and see it straight into Bucky’s. His gaze sweeps over your face as if he’s searching for something. "Too much?"

"No. I was just surprised." you feel your heart thundering in your chest. You feel strange, but not bad. And it wasn't as uncomfortable or weird as you thought. It was nice.

"And weird?"

"Not for me."

"For me either. You are a good kisser."

You hit him on the chest "Jerk."

Bucky laughs. "Come on now. We're late." he then says. You quickly grab your coat, throw your cell phone and wallet into your bag and slip on your high heels. "But I won't carry you home later if your feet hurt." Bucky says as he packs up his things again.

"You're taking me home?"

"Of course. I'm the perfect boyfriend." You roll your eyes. Why does he actually enjoy this lie so much?

"Come now perfect boyfriend." You say, pushing him out of your apartment and closing the door behind you.

Even though you hurry, you're almost 30 minutes late when you get to the front door of the bar. From outside you see your friends already sitting at one of the tables. "Ready for our big show?" Bucky asks you.

"It's a good thing I was at the Theater Club."

"I did not know that." he says surprised.

"Why sould you?" Bucky shrugs. Then he opens the door and gestures for you to go ahead. "Gentleman."

"Always." You enter and as you walk through the half-full bar to the table where your friends are already sitting, Bucky place his hand on the small of your back. When you get to the table you can’t help but smile. You hadn't seen Wanda for at least 2 weeks, Vision even longer than that and apart from a phone call last weekend, you've barely had any contact with Tony. It's unusual for your friend group, but at the moment you're all kind of busy doing something. That's how it is when you grow up.

"Hey guys." you say happily. "I'm so sorry we're late."

"That was 100% my fault." Bucky says.

"Our two lovebirds." Tony says and winks. You ignore him and turn to the only strange face at the table.

"And you must be Rick?"

"Yes, hello, Nice to meet you." he holds out his hand to you.

“I’m Y/N.” You say, shaking his hand. "That's my boyfriend." That sounds strange.

"James." Bucky shakes Rick's hand too, but you can tell by the way his muscles tense that he's shaking it unnecessarily hard, despite his smile. Wanda slides to the side so you and Bucky can sit on the bench next to her. Vision looks between you and Bucky, confused.

"Did I miss som...."

“Rick, I want something to drink, then we can bring something for Bucky and Y/N too.” Natasha says quickly and practically pushes Rick off the bench. You hear the panic in her voice.

“Bring something for me too.” says Tony, downing his half-full beer in just a few sips and then fumbling his credit card with grand gestures out of his pocket to give it to Natasha. Yeah, not strange at all or anything. Rick goes to the bar and before Natascha follows him she gives Wanda a quick, slightly angry look.

"Sorry." she whispers, Natasha disappears after Rick. "I totally forgot to tell you." She then says to Vision. "Bucky and Y/N act like they're together. Because Rick doesn't like the idea of Nat and Bucky being together."

"What?" Vision looks between all of you, confused.

Tony starts laughing. "If you say it out loud it sounds even stupider."

"No shit Sherlock." you say.

"Bucky and Natasha used to date?" Oh poor Vision, sometimes you forget that he hasn't known you that long and that sometimes Wanda doesn't think about all the details. Not because she means anything bad, but because she is simply forgetful.

"Long before your time." Tony says in response to Vision's question

"Three years ago, but only briefly."Bucky says now.

"Then what's Rick's problem?"

"We do not know." you say. "But that's Natascha's thing, she asked us to do it and we're playing along."

“Red flag nonetheless.” says Wanda. Tony nods.

"Please! This is Natasha's first relationship since Bruce. We're meeting Rick for the first time today so please guys be nice. And stop your prejudices and red flags. We don't really know him." You're briefly afraid that the mood will change because you mentioned Bruce, but Tony just rolls his eyes and then agrees with you

"You're right. And we're always nice."

"That's a lie." Wanda says and you join in her laughter. A moment later, Nat and Rick come back to the table. A mojito is placed in front of you and you grin at your best friend.

"Thanks."

"Thank Tony, that was on his card."

"You make me poor."

"You're a billionaire heir." Bucky interjects and takes the beer from Natasha.

"Really?" Rick asks as he sits back down in his seat.

"Ever heard of Stark Industries?"

"The weapons company?" Tony rolls his eyes.

"Former weapons company." and you can tell from his look that Rick has already been written off by him. You kick him under the table. "Be nice." You whisper, gladly that Rick is talking to Vison. Tony rolls his eyes, but then clinks his new beer with everyone, including Rick. You all catch up on what's going on. Your conversation briefly turns to Peggy and her mysterious illness.

"She works in a kindergarten, where you're always catching something." you say quickly. Bucky grins sideways at you. You're already excited to see how your friends will react to Steve and Peggy's baby news. Rick is just talking about his work when you suddenly feel Bucky's hand on your thigh and you flinch.

He leans in slightly and whispers in your ear. "Relax, you're ruining our show." You smile and act like he said something funny, and when he kisses your cheek you don't flinch.

“Y/N, when is your presentation?” Wanda asks, after she is done talking about her and Visons weekendtrip to Jersey.

"Tuesday and Wednesday I'll probably get fired."

"So bad?" Nat asks worriedly.

"No, not quite that bad, but it sucks."

"You're welcome to start at my company on Thursday." says Tony. "I still need a new assistant."

"The worst three years of my life." Natasha says and then lowers her voice to sound more like Tony. "Romanoff cancel my meeting tomorrow I have a hangover. Romanoff I don't want to eat with Musk. Romanoff where is my watch?" everyone except Tony laughs.

"Pepper never complained."

"You were in love with her the whole time, of course you were nicer."

"Exactly." Natasha supports your point.

"You worked for Tony?" Rick asks confused. "I thought you were a lawyer."

"Yes, before I even went to university. And I'm not really a lawyer yet. I'm still at university. Speaking of which, Y/N, you won't believe who called the office." Nat works alongside university in a renowned law firm. Bucky got her the job.

"Who?" you ask confused.

"Your granny."

"No!" Embarrassed, you hide your head between your arms on the table. Bucky laughs next to you and strokes your hair, his warm hand touching the skin on your shoulder and strangely, you get goosebumps at the feather-light touch. You quickly sit up again and his hand goes over your back and rests on your thigh again. "What did she want?" you ask, reaching for your second mojito.

"Sue her neighbor again."

"God I really need to call her tomorrow."

"I already explained to her that that doesn't work." Nat says.

"I'm sorry she's annoying you so much."

"Oh, it's not that annoying. Plus, she sends me Christmas cookies every year, so I'm happy to put up with a little complaining."

The evening continues and at some point it's Bucky and you's turn to get new drinks for everyone. As you walk through the crowded bar you notice the alcohol in your veins. When you get to the bar, you lean against the counter, Bucky puts an arm around you. It's not unusual for him to touch you or hug you, but today he's somehow more affectionate than usual. Not that you mind. You don't know that about him at all, not even with his girlfriends that he has every now and then for a few weeks.

"You're putting on a good show." You say after he orders another round of cocktails and tequila for you. After this you better drink some water.

"Do you think he believes us?"

"Why shouldn't he?"

"I don't know, he looks at me strangely all the time."

"You're also his girlfriend's ex."

"That was three years ago." he rolls his eyes.

"I know, but toxic masculinity. And the way you shook his hand wasn't exactly nice either."

Bucky grins. "I couldn't help it." then he rolls his eyes. "He's looking at us."

"Seriously?" you want to turn around to look, but Bucky quickly puts his hand on your cheek, forcing you to look at him.

"Not so obvious." You giggle at your own stupidity.

"Is he still watching?"

"Yes. Ready for a show?" Before you can ask what he means, he leans forward and his lips are already on yours. You're briefly surprised, but then you return the kiss. His hand moves to your back, resting just a little above your ass as he presses you against him. Maybe it's the alcohol, or the fact that you want to put on a good show for Nat, or the fact that Bucky is really good at kissing, but this time it's you who slip your tongue into his mouth. Bucky grins and your tongues start a little battle that he wins. Your arms fold behind his neck and you press your body closer to him. You feel your heart beating a little faster, probably because of the alcohol and because you're making out in the middle of a crowded bar. You've never done that before. Bucky pushes himself towards you, so you have to back away slightly and now your back is pressed against the bar, but it's not uncomfortable. His hand moves a little lower and is now actually on your butt. His body is completely pressed against yours and your nails are carefully scratching his neck. Your lips move perfectly against each other. He's really damn good at kissing. You break away from each other, breathless. Bucky rests his forehead against yours. "That was hot." You laugh briefly.

“Is he still looking?” Bucky turns his head slightly to the side and his gaze goes over to your table.

"No."

"Good." Nevertheless, neither of you makes any effort to put distance between you. Your shoes put you almost at eye level with him. Bucky grins and then kisses you again, your lips only touching for a brief moment, but this kiss somehow feels much more intimate than your previous make-out session. A smile creeps onto your lips without you being able to prevent it. Definitely due to the alcohol. The bartender brings you your drinks and the tequila shots with lemon and salt on a tablet. Bucky takes the drinks and you take the shots, then you go back to your table.

"And I thought you'd disappear home." Tony greets you with a grin.

"You are just jealous." you say.

"He's not jealous, he's horny. How long has Pepper been with her parents in Florida? 1 week or was it 2?" Bucky says. Tony grimaces.

“18 days,” he then answers.

"Ohh you're counting the days you little puppy."

"Shut up Romanoff and drink more." Tony reaches for the shot glasses and puts one in front of everyone. You clink glasses, lick the salt from your hands and then drink the tequilla. You quickly bite into the lemon and are happy that the tequilla taste is gone.

"The toilets are where?" Rick asks, Natasha had probably told him that you were here often.

"At the bar on the right and down the stairs." Vision replies. Rick nods, stands up and heads in that direction.

Your friends' eyes are immediately on you.

“What was that?” asks Wanda.

“Even I almost believed you.”

“Why do you look so good while making out?” says Tony. Bucky kicks him under the table. "That was a compliment."

“We wanted to be convincing.” you answer, blushing and taking a sip from your mojito. The fact that Bucky's hand is on your bare thigh again and his fingers are drawing small circles doesn't really help to remove the blush from your cheeks.

"You were convincing."

"A little too convincing." Tony wiggles his eyebrows. "

"Where is your fantasy goes now hm?." says Vision. Nat and you grimace.

"I dont want to know it."

"Like I'm some disgusting stalker or something. Your new boyfriend was staring like a creep."

"That's not true." Wanda defends Rick, but you can tell by the look in her eyes that she agrees with Tony.

"He's just worried about Bucky. Because we used to be together. And you're not really nice to him either."

"I hardly spoke to him."

"Exactly. And what was that about James?"

"That's my name?"

"No one calls you that."

"I've known the guy for less than two hours and you came to me and said he thinks I'm shit. Do you really think I'm acting out here like I am best friends with him." The two bitch at each other. You reach for Bucky’s hand to calm him down a bit.

"I didn't say he thinks you're shit. Just our friendship."

Bucky presses his lips together and tilts his head slightly. "That's a bad move on his part."

"He's just insecure."

"It's not my problem if he has complexes." then Bucky bites his lip and you know he almost said something mean.

"It's enough." Vision chimes in. "We're here to get to know him. And so far he's quite nice. A good guy Nat." he says in his diplomatic voice. Does he also talk to his students like that?

"Thank you Vis. Also for being so open with him." her gaze goes back to Bucky.

"I've said enough."

"He comes back. Laughs and acts like I said something funny."

"Everything you say is hilarious Tony."

“I love you too Y/N.”

The evening continues with endless conversations and bad jokes. It doesn't even take 10 minutes and Bucky and Nat have forgotten their little bickering. You drink another shot with the others, but when Tony orders the third round you are out and prefer to continue drinking your cocktail. Bucky doesn't leave your side the whole evening, every now and then he presses a kiss on your lips or cheek and when you lean against his shoulder he immediately puts his arm around you and strokes your shoulder with his fingertips. Why is he so good at playing this fake relationship? But actually it doesn't matter. It feels good somehow. You miss it sometimes, the light touches, brief glances and secret whispers. But after your last relationship ended in heartbreak a little over a year ago, you're staying away from men. Wanda and Vision are the first to say goodbye and after a while Tony also starts to yawn now and then. Nat and Rick have separated themselves from you a bit and are making out in the corner, which makes Bucky roll his eyes.

"I'm leaving before those two eat each other over there." says Tony. You giggle silly. Unfortunately, you completely forgot that you actually wanted to drink water and the alcohol went to your head.

"We should going home too." Bucky then says.

"Hey. Nat, Rick." The two break away from their kiss and look at you. "We are heading home now." says Tony.

"Alright. It was nice to see you." says Natasha. “Y/N can I call you tomorrow morning?”

"Yeah, just call when you're ready."

"It was nice meeting you guys." says Rick.

"Yes, I thought so too, hopefully we see you soon again." you answer.

"Yeah, it was nice." Tony also says and nods at him. Bucky doesn’t say anything but helps you get up. Tony leads the way through the crowded bar towards the exit and Bucky walks behind you, his hand is on your back again as he carefully pushes you after Tony. You notice how your feet are starting to hurt in your shoes and you're glad to be home soon. A look at your phone tells you that it's almost 2 A.M. Oops. You didn't want to stay that long. Outside you breathe in the warm night air.

“Taxi or walk?” Bucky asks you, he has his arm around you again and you lean against him.

"Taxi please my feet are hurting. Tony will you drive with us?"

"You live the other way, dear." laughs Tony.

"That's right. But you know, I only can the subway network, not cars."

"We can drive to my place, that's in the same direction." Bucky suggests.

"Uhh, so you take her home with you. Your relationship goes pretty quickly."

"Shut up ass." Bucky says and hits Tony lightly, but he just laughs.

"Let's be honest. You looking good together."

"But we're not together. Just best friends" You said, laughing at Tony's statement.

"Well bro, that must have hurt."

"Dude. Leave it." you don't see his look, but from Tony's reaction you can tell that Bucky is looking at him more angrily than amused. Tony nods and starts typing on his phone, a few minutes later a taxi pulls up. You get in and Bucky says his address, the driver nods and drives off. It's late or early, depending on how you look at it. But New York never sleeps, so there is still traffic on the streets. Although less than during the day. You shift a little in the seat until you're comfortable and listen to Tony and Bucky's conversation. The ride doesn't take long, and when the taxi stops in front of Bucky's building, you rummage through your bag for your wallet.

"I'll cover it." Bucky says, but this time you remain stubborn.

"No." you take the bill out of your pocket and give it to the driver. Then you say goodbye to Tony, and when Bucky raises his hand for a farewell handshake, you notice that he had his hand on your thigh the whole ride again. Why didn't you notice this before? Did you really drink that much? You shake your head and climb out of the taxi. He probably got so used to it all evening that he didn't even notice. The taxi continues to take Tony home. Bucky takes his key out of his pocket and you go inside. The elevator ride to Bucky's floor is silent, but not unpleasant. A few minutes later you are standing in his apartment. You slip off your shoes and flex your feet.

"You see, you didn't have to carry me home." you say.

"Lucky me." Bucky grins at you and then helps you out of your jacket, his fingers running over your shoulders. "Are you tired?" He asks as he hangs up your jacket for you. You throw your bag under the wardrobe.

"A little bit." you answer. Bucky also takes off his jacket and shoes. Then he comes to you and you lean against him. He takes you in his arms and strokes your hair. You breathe in his familiar scent. "Do you think we convinced him?" you ask quietly.

"I guess. What else could we have done?" Bucky laughs briefly. You shrug your shoulders.

"You were really clingy today." Bucky pushes you away a little to look you in the eyes.

"Too much?"

"No." you say quickly. "No, not at all. I thought it was kind of nice. Just unusual."

"Unusual?"

"Well, I don't know you like this at all."

Bucky shrugs and smiles. "But nice?"

"Yes. I sometimes miss the closeness you have when you're in a relationship. Do you know what I mean?"

"Yes, I know what you mean. I thought it was nice too. You kiss well." You start to laugh and want to pull away from the hug, but Bucky holds you by your waist.

"Don´t." he whispers. Suddenly you become aware of the closeness between the two of you. But you're always close? Why do you suddenly have this tingling sensation under your skin? You feel the alcohol in your veins. You smell the alcohol on his breath. And the next moment his lips are on yours again. You don't know which of you kissed whom. You do not care. This kiss is different, there is no one here that you have to act for. There is no one here for you to practice for. His lips on yours are soft, warm and comfortable. Buck’s hand cups your cheek and his thumb gently strokes your cheek. You put your arms around his neck and press yourself against him. His tongue carefully pushes into your mouth. Alcohol, adrenaline and desire rush through your veins. The kiss quickly intensifies, your tongues battle with each other, Bucky wins. His hand moves from your hip back to your ass and when he grabs it you moan. You never realized how much you missed being touched like that. You break away from each other, breathless. You look into his blue eyes, you don't know what you're looking for, but all you see is desire.

"Doll." his voice sounds rough and dark.

"Bucks." You say and he swallows. You don't want to think, you just want him. So you lean forward again, capturing his lips with yours. Your tongue finds his. Bucky moans softly into the kiss and you swear you've never heard such a hot sound in your life. Your whole body burns with desire for him. The next time you break apart, you don't hesitate. You take his hand and pull him towards his bedroom. You know his apartment as well as yours. You know that behind the door a large bedroom and a neatly made soft bed await you. And that's exactly where you want to go. The bedroom door hasn't fully closed behind you when Bucky quickly threw you onto the bed. You giggle as the mattress bounces slightly, but the next moment Bucky is on top of you and his lips are on yours. You scratch his neck lightly with your nails and he moans softly again. His lips move to your neck and he places kisses there. Immediately you have goosebumps all over you, you tilt your head to the side to give it more space and pray that it doesn't leave any red marks. But you actually don't care. His hand slides under your dress. You push your body towards him.

"Take it off." He says breathlessly in your ear and then kisses your earlobe. You sit up slightly and allow your dress to be pulled over your head. You're lying in front of him in just your underwear, but it doesn't make you uncomfortable. Maybe because you drank too much, maybe because Bucky is your Bucky. "You know you're beautiful." He says, running his hands over your body. You notice the blush rising to your cheeks, but at the same time you want him to keep touching you. You want to feel his hands all over your body. You don't answer him but just kiss him again. This time your hands go under his shirt. You feel the muscles of his back under your fingers. You push the t-shirt higher. Bucky removes his lips from yours and pulls the t-shirt over his head. You have to swallow at the sight of his defined body. You know he's ripped. You've seen him without a shirt countless times, but still. God this man is handsome. Your hands move up his torso, caressing his neck and cheeks. Then you smile and pull him back down to you. His lips automatically find yours for an intense kiss. You feel his body against yours, his weight on top of you and as you wrap your legs around his body you feel his hardness against your core through his jeans and you moan again. This is much better than your imagination. But that's not a fantasy. This is reality. His hands are wandering over your breasts in a very real way. Bucky's hands. Your best friend's hands. Through the lust and the alcohol, a thought suddenly arises. This is your best friend! Your Bucky. You're crossing a line and when that happens you can't go back. Fantasy is one thing but reality is another. You feel panic rising in you and your body tense up. You want to push him away and say stop, but you don't have to. Bucky pulled away from you and looked into your eyes. His eyes are worried over your face.

"Y/N? Are you okay?" he asks worriedly now. You shake your head, your throat is dry and you´re searching for the right words, but your brain is still stuck in a lust-drenched rigidity. Bucky sits up completely, pulling away from you and rubbing his face with both hands. Then he takes a deep breath. You finally manage to speak.

"I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize for anything."

"We can't Bucky. Oh shit." you pull your legs up to your body, trying to hide your half-naked body from him. Suddenly you feel uncomfortable. You feel tears welling up in your eyes. You're totally confused. Your head can't keep up with your feelings.

"Take it easy. Take a deep breath." His vocie is soft, but worried. You do as he says and then look back at him. You feel guilty and confused. Bucky gets up from the bed, turns to his closet and takes out one of his t-shirts. “Would you like to get dressed?” You nod. He hands you the t-shirt and you pull it over your head. The familiar smell of his detergent and the soft fabric on your skin calm you and you can finally think clearly again.

"I'm sorry." Bucky suddenly says now and you're confused again.

"What?"

"I'm sorry for harassing you. You're drunk and I took advantage of it. I thought you wanted it too."

"I wanted it! Bucky. No! Don't think like that. You didn't take advantage of me. I could say the same thing, you're drunk too." You are silent for a moment.

"Are you all right?" he asks, you can't quite interpret his look, he looks kind of sad, but that doesn't really fit.

"Yes, you?"

"Yes." he tries a smile, but it's a little crooked.

"It might be better if we go to sleep." you suggest. The situation makes you terribly uncomfortable. God, what have you done?

"Yeah, probably. Should I sleep on the couch?"

"Why? Do you want to sleep on the couch?" you've slept next to each other a thousand times. At some point you even developed the habit of cuddling a little before going to sleep.

"No. I just thought in case you needed some distance."

"I never need distance from you. If you want, you can sleep in the bed. Or I can sleep on the couch if you want." It's a strange atmosphere between the two of you, you both want to please the other without either of you really knowing what you want. Bucky sighs, slips out of his jeans and then puts on a fresh t-shirt. Meanwhile, you lie down under the blanket and are careful not to watch him change. Bucky slides into bed next to you.

"Sleep well, doll."

"Sleep well Bucks." Bucky presses the remote control on the nightstand and the light goes off. You lie in the dark and stare at the ceiling. Your thoughts revolve around the whole evening. About your kisses, about the touches. You felt good. You were happy. And it was nice. But that's how you always feel when you're with Bucky. Why is it so different this time? Because you kissed? But that was just for Natasha. That meant nothing. You almost slept with each other. But that's only because you've been making out all evening. Of course, this doesn't leave you unscathed. And you're drunk. You suppress a sigh and close your eyes. Tomorrow everything will be the same as before. Everything will be exactly the same as always! You fall asleep with this thought.

When you wake up, the bed next to you is empty. You turn onto your stomach, bury your face in the pillows and take a deep breath. You don't really feel rested, and one look at the alarm clock on the bedside table tells you why. It's not even 10 A.M. Why is Bucky already awake? You sit up and listen into the apartment, maybe he's taking a shower or something. But instead of the sound of water, you hear quiet voices. Bucky is talking to someone. Steve! You get out of bed faster than you thought you would.

"Bucky, do you really think this is a good idea?" You can hear the two of them talking muffled through the closed door.

"We help Natasha."

"Of course. You're so helpful and not at all selfish." Steve sounds sarcastic. But maybe you're just imagining it, after all you can only hear him faintly through the door. You quickly slip on one of Bucky’s sweaters. It is long enough to reach over your butt so you don't end up only in your underwear in front of Steve and then come out of the bedroom.

"Morning." You say as you step into the kitchen.

"Good morning Doll."

“Good morning Y/N.”

"Morning Steve, what are you doing here?"

"I brought coffee over. My run goes through Buckys street. I didn't know you were here otherwise I would have brought you one too."

"It's fine. Not like Bucks doesn't have a portafilter machine." You turn to the coffee machine and press the button so that the grinder starts grinding the beans.

“You are allowed to touch the holy coffee machine?”

"This is not a coffee machine, this...

"Is an Italian portafilter machine. We know." You and Steve interrupt Bucky at the same time. Bucky sighs but has to suppress a laugh.

"By the way, Tony filmed your smooch yesterday." Steve taps on his phone and the next moment you see you and Bucky making out at the bar. You feel yourself blushing.

"How childish."

"I think we look hot." Bucky says, pushing you by your hip to the sideand, taking the portafilter from your hand to clamp it into the machine and fill it with the freshly ground coffee. You roll your eyes.

"What's Rick like?" Steve then asks to change the subject. Bucky groans and rolls his eyes.

"Annoying."

"Nonsense. He's okay, I think."

"You think?"

"It was one evening and Nat likes him." the next moment your cell phone rings, Natasha. "Creepy." you accept the video call and in the next moment her face appears on your screen. "Good morning Nat." You say, leaning against the kitchen counter while Bucky finishes making your coffee and then fills your cup with oat milk. You know he always buys them especially for you and that makes you smile. God he's just the best.

"Good morning Y/N. I just got home."

"I am not that far yet." you turn the screen once so Nat can see Steve and Bucky, both of them giving her a quick wave. Then you turn the screen over again.

"How surprising." she says without meaning it. " But good I wanted to thank both of you. You really put on a good show yesterday."

“Sure thing, Nat.”

"It wasn't that bad." you kick at Bucky, but he pulls his leg away so you only hit the air.

"You can tell Rick in two weeks that we broke up." you then say back towards the phone.

"About that. He suggested we meet again on Wednesday for dinner. Like a double date." You roll your eyes.

"Nat!"

"I know, but I didn't know how to say no without lying. I don't want to lie to him."

"You should have thought about that beforehand." Steve says now. You give him a dirty look, it's none of his business.

“So Wednesday is fine?” You swipe away from the phone call to look at your calendar, but so far there's nothing scheduled for Wednesday other than work. "For me, yes." Bucky also looks at his cell phone calendar and then nods. "For Bucky too."

"Okay perfect. We were going to this new Italian place around the corner from me."

“That super fancy restaurant?” you ask.

"Yes, exactly." You sigh. Super fancy also means super expensive. A visit there would probably use up your entire going out budget for the month.

"Okay. See you Wednesday then." you say anyway. "Until Wednesday. And thank you again. I really owe you one. Love you."

"Love you. Bye Nat."

"Bye." Bucky and Steve call and than you end the call.

"I invite you, of course." Can Bucky read your mind? You blush slightly, but then nod.

"Thanks."

"Not for that, Doll." You don't actually earn less, but a lot of it goes towards renting your apartment. Natascha lives in one of her parents' apartments, so she doesn't pay rent and her parents also cover her tuition fees. Bucky earns more than you anyway and none of you can come close to Tony. It's not embarrassing that you don't have as much money as your friends, it's just annoying sometimes. You take a sip of your coffee. Buckys machine really is a thousand times better than that old thing in your kitchen.

"So guys. I have to go again. Peggy is waiting at home." Steve pushes his chair back and stands up. "It was nice to see you Y/N. Next time we'll be there again so we can chat longer."

"It was nice to see you too Steve. Love to Peggy."

"I will tell her." He says goodbye to Bucky with their signature handshake and then disappears from the apartment. You're alone with Bucky, you're sober and you suddenly remember your make out session in his bed you had yesterday. Damned. How embarrassing.

"I'm going to take a shower and then be on my way, don't want to bother you any more."

"You don't bother me, Doll. Ever." Bucky says. You try a smile, put down your almost full cup and escape to the bathroom. Maybe you can walk away from this awkward conversation. You're never embarrassed in front of Bucky, he's your best friend. You go through the ups and downs of your life with him, but yesterday. That was different and you don't want to think about it. Damn you were about to fuck him. You briefly go into the bedroom and open the wardrobe. You spend the night here so often that you have your own clothes here, you quickly get some fresh clothes and then disappear to the bathroom. As the hot water flows over your body, you take a deep breath. You try to sort out your thoughts. Everything was good between you right now. It wasn't strange. Everything as always. Or was it just because Steve was there? Should you address the situation yesterday? Or just stay silent and pretend everything is fine? Your mind wanders back to last night, to the feeling of his hands on your body. You quickly shake your head. You really can't use that now. You finish your shower, dry yourself off and change into your fresh clothes. You wrap your hair in a towel and as you step out of the bathroom, Bucky is standing directly in front of you. He was waiting for you.

“I know you Y/N and I know you want to run away, but we need to talk about yesterday.” You swallow. Damned! Were you drunk enough to pretend you didn't remember? No, unfortunately not. "Kitchen. There's breakfast." He says, nodding his head in that direction. You look at the front door, maybe you should just run. You realize how ridiculous this idea is and you admit defeat. You slowly follow him into the kitchen and sit at the table where Bucky has prepared breakfast. You grab a roll and Bucky gives you a fresh coffee. Then he sits down opposite to you. "So yesterday..." he begins, his voice sounds emotionless. You know that voice, that's his working voice. And you know he has a speech prepared. But you don't want to hear it. Everything in you is now reluctant to hear these prepared words. So you interrupt him.

"I think we should just forget about it. We were drunk, made out all night, so it's clear that we're kind of horny." He furrows his eyebrows, you can see that he doesn't like that you interrupted him, but he nods.

"If you want it that way." Now you're confused. You don't like the sentence, something is strange. But you can't quite put your finger on it.

"What do you want?"

Bucky opens his mouth, but he doesn't say anything. He takes a deep breath, looks at his plate and when he looks up again he smiles at you. But you know him too well. That's not his normal smile. It seems forced.

"Let's forget it." he then replies. Even though it was your idea, somewhere deep inside you are hurt. You quickly push the feeling away. You just want it to be like it used to be. It should be like yesterday morning. Before you made out.

"Good." you agree. The rest of breakfast passes in silence. Then you and Bucky clean up the kitchen. Your goodbye is kind of stiff and as you head home you still feel like something isn't right. You would like to call Natasha. She is your best friend. Normally you would call her now and talk to her about every second of last night. But Bucky is her ex-boyfriend. Yes, it was a long time ago. Yes, they're both obviously over it. Still, something inside you is resisting. You don't call her.

You don't hear from Bucky all weekend. That's not normal. But you don't call him either. Did you really ruin your friendship? God, what have you done? You just wanted to help Natasha. You spend the whole Sunday thinking about whether you should call her or not. But you don't. You know that Sundays are completely reserved for her studying and you don't want to disturb her. You're also embarrassed by the situation. Did you handle it wrong? Should you have listened to Bucky's speech? What is he really thinking? For the first time in almost three years, you feel like you don’t know what Bucky is really thinking. You don't feel like doing anything this Sunday. Bored, you lie on your sofa and stare at the switched off television. You tried to watch something, but it didn't interest you. You aren´t hungry all day, so you don´t eat anything ecept an slice of bread. Are you so old that a hangover lasts two days? Well actually you didn't drink enough to even have a hangover. You didn't even have a headache yesterday. You keep reaching for your phone, thinking about calling Bucky. But you don´t. You miss him. It feels like you had an argument. But you don't have. Or? Why can't you just call him? Because you're afraid it's weird. But it's weird already. God. What have you done? On Sunday evening, a few tears roll down your cheek before you fall asleep.

Monday morning comes too quickly and when your alarm goes off you briefly consider if you should call in sick. But that doesn't work. You still have way too much to do. So you get up, get dressed and head to work. You're just slumping into your office chair when your phone beeps. Bucky wrote you a message. Your stomach tightens. What's that supposed to mean? This is your best friend! Pull yourself together. You pick up your phone and open the message. "Call later? Work until 5." "Gladly." You answer, but you don't know what you want to say to him. What does he want? Since when has he been asking for phone calls? Usually he just calls. God you need to talk to someone. But you're so embarrassed by the whole situation. You've long since ruled out talking to Natasha about it. Wanda? No, she wouldn't really have any good advice for you. Wanda has fallen in love with every guy she has kissed so far. She loves the dream of true love. And with Vision she lives out this dream. Peggy? No, she's more Bucky's friend than yours. You sigh as you realize your last option. Tony. You need more friends. Nevertheless, you reach for your cell phone and call him.

"What gives me the honor?" he answers it after a short moment.

“Do you have anything planned during your lunch break?”

"My whole life is a lunch break." You already regret calling him and sigh. Tony must have heard you because his voice suddenly becomes serious. "What's up?"

"I have something to discuss."

"And why not with Nat?"

"Not an option."

"You're making me really curious. So lunch break. I'll pick you up at your office."

"Thanks Tony."

"See you later." After the phone call, you try to concentrate on your work but things are going slowly. You're happy when Tony writes you a message and says he's standing in front of the building. You quickly grab your things and your jacket, say goodbye to your colleagues for your break and go to the elevator. Tony knows well not to come inside your office. People treat you differently once they know you're friends with him. You noticed that clearly at your last job. As you leave the building, Tony is standing in front of you with a to-go box from his favorite Italian restaurant. You walk a little way to the nearby park, sit down at a fountain and start eating.

"So why did you want to talk so badly?" he asks curiously.

"It's because of Bucky."

"What about Bucky?"

"We kissed."

"I know. I filmed it."

"No. I mean after. In his apartment. In his bedroom. Half naked." Tony starts laughing.

“You guys fucked?”

"No! Almost, then we stopped and it's been weird ever since."

"Have you talked about it?"

"Just briefly. He had prepared a speech but I didn't let him finish and then we said let's forget it, everything is as usual. But I haven't heard from him since then, until this morning. He wants to call later."

Tony sighs and thinks a moment. “Did you stop or did he?”

"I. Why?"

"Then it's quite clear. Y/N. If a beautiful woman like you pushed me off the edge of the bed, I would also have a bruised ego."

“You think this is an ego thing?”

"I am very sure." You are relieved. So you haven't lost your friendship with him after all. "He'll probably only need a few days and then everything will be as before. Don't worry so much."

"Easier said than done. You know I'm an overthinker."

"And a people pleaser."

"Thanks." You say, rolling your eyes. Tony winks at you.

"How was it?"

"What?"

"Your almost fuck of course."

"Tony!" You say, slapping his arm.

"What? You wanted my advice and I just want my fair reward."

“Oh, your advice now comes with conditions?”

"Always have."

"And you wonder why no one asks you for advice. Oh yes, that was because of your character." Tony looks at you in shock for a moment and then starts laughing out loud.

"Good one. I'm proud." You rolled your eyes again. "So do I get the spicy details now or not?"

"No."

"It was worth a try." he then laughs.

"I hope everything goes well on the phone call." you then say and chew on your noodles.

"I'm sure. Otherwise, sit down together at the weekend and discuss everything calmly. Making out isn't the end of the world."

"Well we have to have everything sorted out by Wednesday at the latest."

"What's on Wednesday?"

"A fake double date with Nat and Rick."

Tony rolls his eyes. "I can't stand the guy."

"You just don't like him because he's not Bruce."

"That's not true!" Tony's look turns sad and you know he's thinking about his old lab partner. But he was so much more than that. Tony's best friend, Natasha's first love. You shake your head. You don't want to think about what happened to him, neither of you saw it coming. From one day to the next he was gone, and everything was different. You regret saying his name. Tony takes a deep breath.

"This is far too serious for me." You reach for his hand and try an encouraging smile. Tears gather in Tony's eyes, but he quickly blinks them away. "I miss him."

"I miss him too." You say. Tony takes a few deep breaths and then manages to smile again. He removes his hand from yours and claps his hands.

"You have to go back to the office." he then changes the subject.

"Are you sure?" Now you don't want to leave him alone.

"Yeah. I'll be fine. But I want an update tonight, your drama is much better than mine." You roll your eyes slightly, but you're glad that his low mood has been averted.

"You will get it." you say, getting up and throwing the empty food box into the nearest trash.

"Don't worry so much. Everything will be fine. Trust me, I'm a genius."

"But that doesn't mean you can see the future."

"Right, I can't do that yet. But I'm a man, just like James. Give him a little time until he realizes that his ego is getting in his way and everything is as usual." You want to believe him. And why should he be wrong?

"Thanks Tony. That really helped me."

"You´re welcome." He says, smiling genuinely at you. You hug each other goodbye and you head back to the office. After the conversation you can concentrate much better, you even manage to prepare everything for your project presentation. And that without overtime. You come home on time and put on comfortable clothes. You've just sat down on the couch with a cup of coffee when your cell phone rings. Bucky. You quickly answer your cell phone. "Hello."

"Hello." and then you both remain silent. Tears come to your eyes, maybe everything won't be okay after all. You hear Bucky take a deep breath. "I'm sorry. This is weird. It's weird between us." he speaks faster than you are used to from him.

"Yes, it is."

"I didn't want it like that. Never. And I know that in my bedroom was shit and that we didn't talk properly was shit too. I fucked up."

"No. When someone screwed up than it is me. I didn't let you finish on Saturday and left as soon as I could. I know it's only Monday but I miss you Bucks. It's so unusual for me not to talk to you for so long."

"It's unusual for me too. I miss you too." A ring at the front door makes you jump. "Will you open the door for me?" You quickly jump up from the sofa and open the door for him. You're so relieved to see him that you fall straight into his arms. You know that the last time you saw each other was only two days ago and that this dependence on your best friend is neither normal nor healthy, but you don't care about that at this moment. You're just happy to be able to hold him in your arms again. This time it doesn't feel strange, it feels right. You let him into your apartment and he throws keys and wallet into the small bowl on the dresser next to your door. Everything as usually. Then he puts his jacket aside and you sit together on your sofa.

"You wanted to say more to Saturday right?" you finally manage to gather enough courage to face the situation.

"Yeah, I thought about something before Steve came."

“Do you still want to say it now?” Bucky looks at you for a while, he seems to be thinking. Then he begins to speak.

"I wanted to say that I don't want our friendship to be affected by this little make out session. That nothing is as important to me as our friendship." he stops, takes a deep breath and looks around the room. But then his eyes find yours again, his look is serious. "But that's a lie." A hot burning sensation forms in your stomach. What? Before you can say anything, before you can even understand what he said, he's already talking again. "It's a lie Y/N. I've known this for a while. I don't know how many times I've talked to Steve about it. It's probably getting on his nerves terribly. But whatever, that's not the topic right now. I I really wanted to come here and tell you that everything is as usual but I can't. I don't want to. I don't want to keep lying. Shit. Kissing you, holding you in my arms, being allowed to touch you in front of everyone, This is all I've ever wanted. You're all I've ever wanted. I only had this for one evening but I can't go back. I'm driving myself crazy to think that none of this was real on your part. I love you. I love you for so long. I know you don't feel that way but I can't carry on like this. I'm sorry." You sit on your sofa and stare at him in shock. Did he really just say that? Your thoughts start racing. Everything has changed since the weekend and yet everything is somehow the same. You think about how you feel being around Bucky. Nobody makes you feel so comfortable. With him you can be completely you. You enjoy the closeness you have with him. Every hug. Every time you watch a movie together and cuddle. Every time you fall asleep in his arms. You can talk to him about anything. You can talk about the same thing a thousand times and he wouldn't complain. When you're with him you don't have to pretend. He saw you at your lowest points and helped you out. You saw him at his lowest points and built him back up. You always thought he was your soulmate, but platonic. Maybe your relationship isn't as platonic as you thought. You didn't see him for 2 days, thought you had lost him and felt like your whole world had collapsed. Have you ever felt that way about one of your friends? No of course not. You almost laughed at your own stupidity. How could you not realize that you love him? You lean in and place your lips on his. The feeling is so strange and at the same time so familiar. Bucky kisses you for a moment and then pulls away.

"Don't please. Don't do this because you think you have to." he swallows a few times, tears glistening in his eyes.

"I love you." You say. Now it's him who looks at you in shock.

"As your best friend?" he then asks uncertainly. Uncertain. Also a word that you wouldn't have associated with Bucky until today.

"No. I thought so. I thought you were my best friend. But that's not true. You're so much more. I love you Bucky and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't realize it sooner. I'm sorry we had to go through that drama. I'm sorry it took a fucking fake relationship for me to understand that I love you." you laugh and at the same time tears stream down your cheeks. How could you be so stupid? Now it's Bucky who leans in and kisses you. You wrap your arms around him, close your eyes and enjoy the kiss. He starts to laugh in the kiss and you laugh too.

"We're really stupid." He says, stroking your cheek.

"Yes." you take his hand and intertwine your fingers with his. Your whole body is flooded with happiness. “So no more fake relationships?”

"No. No more fake." he kisses you again and then pulls you onto his lap in one quick movement. You put your arms around his neck and hug him.

"I love you." you repeat, how could you ever not say it to him?

"I love you."

Bucky stays with you, but you don´t get any further than the couch. You're too busy making out and laughing at your own stupidity.

"Steve will be happy, now I won't bother him anymore."

"I should probably apologize to him." You say while scratching his neck. Bucky is laying across your couch with his head in your lap. You've been like this thousands of times, but this time it's different. It's much better.

"I could have said something sooner."

"Why didn `t you?"

"I was afraid of losing you. I felt like a schoolboy falling in love for the first time. At first I thought it was just a phase, but it became more and more. When we kissed in the kitchen on Friday, I almost lock you up here and never let you out again." You start laughing and roll your eyes.

"Charming."

"Always." Your phone rings and you both jump. To be honest, you've forgotten that the world outside your apartment still exists. Bucky turns his head to the side to see who is calling you. "Why is Tony calling you so late?" He sits up and looks at you from the side, there is something in his gaze that you don't yet know. Jealousy.

"Why is my friendship with Tony suddenly a problem?" you ask confused, you've never seen him jealous before.

"It´s not " he says quickly. "I was just wondering why he was calling you so late."

"Are you jealous?"

"Yes." he says openly. "I know I shouldn't, but I am."

"You've never been jealous before."

"I was jealous of every man near you. I just didn't let you see it." he confesses to you.

“Then why now?” you ask, you're not mad at him because he's jealous. It flatters you a little to be honest.

"Because you're mine now." he says smiling. You grinned at him, leaned in and kissed him. Your cell phone stops ringing.

"I went on a lunch break today and asked him for advice because of you. I was afraid I would have destroyed our friendship. But he said you only had a scratch ego because I didn´t sleep with you and everything will be back to normal in a few days."

"He was wrong."

"Yes he was. He wants an update from our phone call." You have to laugh at the thought of how everything has changed in just a few hours, everything has become so much better.

"Then call him back." grins Bucky. You pick up your phone from the table and press call back. The next moment Tony's face appears on your phone screen.

“And was I right or was I right?” he asks into the phone without greeting. "Has Mr. Ego recovered?" Before you can answer, Bucky slides into the Screen.

"Mr. Ego?" Tony winces.

"Dude. You know I hate jump scares." You start laughing again. “What are you doing at Y/N’s house so late?” Why does he have to be so nosy? You and Bucky exchange a quick look. And you know you think the same thing. Why lie? Why keep something that feels so beautiful and so right secret?

"I'm spending time with my girlfriend." Bucky replies.

"GIRLFRIEND?" Tony screams into the phone and you hold the phone away. You didn't expect such a sudden outburst of emotions from him.

"Yep." you say. Tony starts laughing uproariously.

"I didn't expect that."

"Always good for a surprise."

"I'm happy for you and I said you look good together. "

"Thanks Tony."

"Then I won't bother you any further."

"We haven't told anyone else yet." You say quickly before Tony tells everyone the news.

"I'm quiet, don't worry, lovebirds."

Tuesday morning you would like to call in sick again, but this time for a different reason. Bucky kisses your cheeks as light as a feather, his beard tickles slightly and his hands stroke your hips under your t-shirt. Or more likely under one of his old t-shirts that you wear to sleep. "I have to get up and take a shower. Otherwise I'll be late." you laugh but kiss him again. You don't want to get up. You would much rather spend the whole day here in bed with him.

"Then be late."

"Then I'll be fired."

"Doesn't matter." his lips find your neck and he kisses you. You bite your lip to keep from moaning. You gather all your self-control and push him away from you.

"I have to work." He grimaces, sighs, and then rolls off of you.

"You're right as always." You quickly climb out of the soft bed before you change your mind and head towards the bathroom. You definitely need a shower after last night. A look at the clock tells you that you have still enough time. Thank god.

"Are you coming?" you call into the bedroom.

"What?"

"Showering." You hear him jump out of bed and the next moment he's in the bathroom with you. His lips on yours again. You start to laugh, but when his hands go under your sleep shorts you moan.

You stand in front of your closet and tilt your head to the side. Then you look back at the picture Natasha sent you of her outfit and back into your closet. You don't quite have the right outfit, so you'll be a little underdressed. You get dressed, do your make-up and your hair. Just as you're done, the doorbell rings. A happy smile spreads across your face and your heart flutters. Bucky. You quickly open the door.

"You look great." You say, he is wearing a dark shirt and pants. But he's rolled up his sleeves and you have to swallow when you look at his muscular underarms. When did you become a horny teenager?

"That's my text Doll." He says and kisses you. "Here for you." he pulls out a bouquet of flowers from behind his back. You beam at him.

"Thanks. That wouldn't have been necessary."

"It's our first real date. Unfortunately we have to spend it with Rick, but still." You hit him on the upper arm. He and Tony could really open a we-hate-rick club. And that even though they don´t really know him. He kisses your cheek. You take the flowers and look for a vase in the kitchen. You fill it with water and place the flowers on the table in the living room so that they get enough light. Then you turn in a circle in front of Bucky so he can see you from all sides.

"And are you going out with me like that?" He grabs your hips and pulls you close.

"I would love to stay here with you like this." You start laughing, biting your bottom lip and looking at him with wide eyes.

"And then?"

"Stop it." he pushes you away from him, laughing. "But something is missing." he then says seriously again. You turn to the mirror and examine your outfit and make-up. Does he not like it? Maybe other shoes? Or another make-up? "I can hear you thinking." you turn back to Bucky, he is standing in front of you with a mischievous grin. "That's missing." He pulls out of his trouser pocket a silver chain set with small sparkling stones.

"Oh Bucks. No. I can't accept that." you say. You don't want him to give you anything. He's already taking you to an overly expensive restaurant today.

"Yes you can." He comes behind you and pushes your hair to the side to put the necklace on you. His hands then stroke your bare shoulders and he presses a kiss to your shoulder blade.

"It is too much."

"It's not. Otherwise, consider it a gift for your promotion." You start laughing.

“I didn’t get promoted.” Your presentation went really well yesterday and your boss put you in charge of the project. Normally you are only responsible for the preparation and then have to hand everything over. This is a great opportunity for you. Of course Bucky was the first person you called afterwards.

“You get more money?”

"Correct."

"And more responsibility?"

"Yes."

"Sounds like a promotion to me."

"But my job title remains the same."

"Formalities." You sigh but smile at him. You are so full of happiness that you can't believe it yourself.

"Thanks Bucky. For the flowers, for the necklace. For you. Just thank you."

"You don't have to thank Y/N. You make me so happy."

"You make me happy." You kiss him and fold your arms behind his neck. Bucky smiles against your lips. Then he breaks away from you.

"Come on now, Doll. Otherwise we'll be late."

"You're right." You say, turning around and reaching for your bag. Bucky slaps your ass lightly in the next moment. You gasp in mock outrage. "Stop it." He clicks his tongue and grins.

"Don't pretend you didn´t like it." You roll your eyes, laugh, and then head for the door. How grown up. You meet Nat and Rick in front of the restaurant, so Bucky came to you with his car, he parked right in front of your apartment and of course he has a parking ticket stuck to the windshield. He takes it off as he walks around the car to open the door for you. You collapse into the comfortable leather seat and Bucky throws the ticket to the others.

"At some point they'll take away your driver's license."

"Nonsense. I pay my traffic tickets diligently." You roll your eyes and he starts the engine. "And even if I do, you can drive me around."

"I don't have a driver's license." You've lived in New York your whole life. So why get a driving license?

"I know." he merges into the traffic and you arrive at the restaurant on time. You reach for the door handle, but Bucky lightly pecks your side. "Wait." He gets out, comes around the car and opens the door for you.

"Gentleman."

"Always. I'm just the perfect boyfriend." He really is. You started to worry if things would be different between you now, but they aren't. He's still your Bucky except he's also your boyfriend. Bucky hands the key to the valet-parking and you look down the street to see where Nat and Rick are. You feel yourself getting nervous. You haven't told Nat about your relationship with Bucky. You've only been together for three days. Still, something like that is actually something you tell her straight away. But he is still her ex-boyfriend. It seems forbidden to you. Your best friend's ex-boyfriend is normally absolutely taboo. You're sure she won't be mad but still. It makes you nervous. Bucky places a hand on your back. "What is it?"

"I didn't tell Nat." He knows exactly what you mean, his eyebrows furrowing.

"Because you're unsure if it'll hold?"

"No!" you say quickly. "No, not at all. It's just you're her ex." Bucky rolls his eyes.

“Hardly worth mentioning.”

"I know, I know. Still, I have no idea why I tink like that. I want to tell her. But I haven't had the chance yet. And now I can´t because Rick is with us. I'll tell her tomorrow."

"Take all the time you need, Doll." he kisses your cheek and smiles. Then you see Natasha and Rick come around the next corner. Your best friend looks stunningly beautiful as always. But her face looks a little tense. She doesn't hold Rick's hand either. The two walk stiffly next to each other. "Looks like a crisis." A mean grin appears on Bucky's face. You hit him lightly in the stomach with your elbow. "Ouch."

"That didn't hurt."

"It could have ."

“But it didn’t.” you suppress a grin.

"I'm sorry you had to wait." Natasha greets you and pulls you into a tight hug. Then she hugs Bucky too while you greet Rick with a smile and a handshake. Bucky just nods at him.

"No problem, we just arrived." you say. You go inside the restaurant and, thanks to your reservation, you are taken straight to a table. Bucky pulls the chair back for you and you grin at him as he sits down next to you. He immediately grabs your hand and you interlace your fingers together. Natasha and Rick sit across from you and the waitress brings the menus. You notice that there are no prices on your menu and you're kind of glad that you don't know how much this costs.

"How was your presentation?" Nat asks.

"Good. Really good. I can lead the project until the end." you answer her, feeling a little proud of yourself.

"That's great Y/N. I'm so happy for you."

"Thanks." Natasha smiles at you, suddenly her eyes go to your neck. Did Bucky leave a hickey? No he didn't. You checked as you put on your dress. The necklace. Nat knows all your jewelry so she knows it's new. But she doesn't say anything. You continue to talk. It's much quieter in the restaurant than in the bar on the weekend, so you get to know Rick a little better. With each of his answers, Bucky seems to likes him less and you also find it a little difficult to find similarities between him and Nat. He has other hobbies, isn't interested in environmental protection like Natasha is, and he is showing off a little too much for your taste. But Natasha must like him, not you. You notice a tense atmosphere between Nat and Rick, but maybe you're just imagining it. Before dessert you excuse yourself to the toilet.

"I'm coming with you." says Natasha. Bucky gives you both a pleading look. You press a kiss to his cheek.

"Be nice." you whisper silently.

"A new necklace?" Natasha asks when you reach the toilets.

"Yes from Bucks."

"He gives you jewelry?" she asks, surprised and confused.

"Yes, because my presentation went so well." She doesn't believe you. Of course not. You don't believe yourself. You desperately want to tell her, but now is neither the right time nor the right place. You both quickly go to the toilets. "What about you and Rick?" you ask as you wash your hands. Nat rolls his eyes.

"So obvious?"

"Yes."

"We argue a bit. But that's normal." She tells herself, you notice that immediately.

"Yes, it is." you still agree with her. You wish her that she can finally be happy again. And arguments in a relationship are normal!

"What do you think of him?"

"He's nice. I've spoken to him a bit more now than I did at the weekend."

“Just nice?”

"Well, yes. Very nice. But it is only important what you think." You go back to your table, from far away you see Bucky and Rick having a staring contest. Bucky doesn't even blink.

"Bucky hates him." Natasha says and sights.

"He doesn't know him."

"And he doesn't try to get to know him." You don't know what to say because she's right so you just sigh. You come back to the table and you immediately reach for Bucky’s hand again. He smiles, but doesn't take his eyes off Rick. How grown up. You feel Natasha kick Bucky under the table. He doesn't flinch, but he looks over at her and smiles.

"Who wants dessert?" he asks without making a face and waves the waiter over. Natasha's eyes cast daggers at him. You bite your cheek to suppress a laugh.

You complete the last half hour of the dinner and as you sit in Bucky's passenger seat you breathe a sigh of relief. Dinner was tiring. Rick is exhausting.

"I'll be honest, I hate him." Bucky says and puts on his turn signal. You sigh.

"He won't become my favorite person." you half agree with him. The car starts moving and you press the button to roll down the window. The warm car air mixes with the even warmer city air and you blow a strand of hair from your forehead. Bucky looks at you and smiles.

"You're beautiful."

"Look at the street." You say, but his compliment gives butterflies in your stomach and makes you blush.

"To me or do you want to go home?" he asks.

"To you." you answer him. "Or do you want an evening alone?"

"I don't know if I'll ever want an evening to myself again when the alternative is an evening with you."

The next afternoon you stand nervously outside Natasha's lecture hall. It's her last one for the day, you know that. You got off work early today, went to university and bought bad coffee for you and Nat at the street stand. You definitely have to tell her today. The necklace made her suspicious, you know that and you want to tell her. Why should you be afraid of her reaction? You know yourself that it is irrational. The doors open and a bunch of students stream outside. You recognize Natasha's red head of hair straight away and start waving. When she sees you she is surprised. You didn't tell her you were coming to pick her up. She comes to you and you hug.

"Hey Y/N. What are you doing here?" she asks as you hand her the coffee, which is probably cold by now.

"Picking you up." You leave the building. Natasha is skeptical, you can tell by her look.

"What's bothering you?" you ask as you make your way towards her apartment.

"What makes you think something is bothering me?" you ask.

"You were a bit strange at dinner and now you're picking me up from university?" You sigh. Why does she know you so well?

"Something happened." Natasha looks at you worried. "On Friday." you don't really know how to start. You can't find the right words. You sigh. There's no point in talking around it. "On Friday night when I was at Bucky's we kissed and almost slept with eachother." Natasha furrows her eyebrows and then starts to laugh.

"God Y/N, you look like you just told me that my grandma died. It's all good. Did you think I was mad? Not because of that. Bucky and I broke up years ago." You're relieved to hear that, but you haven't said everything yet. "If you want to sleep with him then go for it. From what I remember he's really good." Nat puts an arm around your shoulder and grins at you from the side.

"I know." She stumbles in her movement.

"Y/N. Tell me the whole story! Now." she demands. Now you don't know if she's mad or not. Her face reveals nothing. You sigh and tear off the patch.

"We talked about it briefly on Saturday and I said I wanted to forget it. Bucky was weird and we didn't talk at all on Sunday. I wanted to call you but I know you're studying on Sunday and I was so embarrassed and scared that you're mad because he's your ex.."

"If you call him my ex-boyfriend again I'll scream. I'm over it, he's over it. We're friends!" She interrupts and you bite your lip.

"I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you."

"You're always apologizing for something. But you haven't said for what yet."

"Yeah, I know. I... I.... Oh fuck it. Bucky came over on Monday and confessed to me that he loves me and then I realized that I love him too and now we're together. A real couple. A real relationship." you talk so fast that you're gasping for air by the time you finish. Nat just looks at you for a moment. Fear rises within you. Is she angry after all?

"Yes. Oh my God. How could I be so blind. Of course."

"What ?" you are completely confused. Natasha pulls you into a tight hug. She doesn't care that you're standing in the middle of the sidewalk and people are bumping into you and cursing at you.

"I was thinking. How could I not notice. You're both my best friends and I didn't realize you were into each other. I feel stupid."

"Well, I didn't notice it myself." You say, shrugging your shoulders. "I just thought Bucky and I were really good friends." Natasha starts laughing and you join in. "You are not mad?"

"No. Not at all. I'm happy for you. And for him. Really."

"Thanks Nat. I was really scared." Nat tilts his head slightly and sighs.

"I'm always your best friend. No matter what happens." You smile at her. "Come on, we'll be at my place in a moment and then I want to hear every little detail about this love confession. It must have been really good." You laugh briefly and then let her drag you along to her apartment.

Natascha's message comes on Friday afternoon as you are leaving your office and looking forward to a relaxing weekend. You're planning on going to your grandma's with Bucky tomorrow morning. Also because, unlike you, he has a car and you don't have to take the train. And of course because you want to introduce him to your grandma as your new boyfriend. Your mother would be there too. Natasha's message changes your plans. At least when it comes to leaving early. "Girls' night. Today I have vodka and ice cream. Nothing else." You furrow your eyebrows and know that something must have happened. Voda and ice cream is Nat's recipe for broken hearts. You quickly answer her that you will be with her in 2 hours. Then you dial Bucky's number.

"Hey doll."

"Hey Bucks. I have to cancel our DVD night."

"What happened?" he asks, slightly worried.

"Nat demanded a girls' night .An ice cream with vodka problem."

" Sounds serious."

"I don't know yet. Is that okay with you?"

"Of course, totally fine. We've seen each other every evening this week, now it´s Nat's turn. Should I pick you up tomorrow morning and we'll drive straight to your grandma's?"

"Sounds perfect. Thanks Bucky, you're the best."

"I know. Have a nice evening. I love you."

"I love you." The words come so easily from your lips that you wonder how you couldn't have realized that you love him. God you are so stupid. You hang up and head home. There you put on some comfortable clothes, pack a few things and head straight back to Natashas apartment. When you arrive, Peggy opens the door for you. You look at her surprised and pleased.

"You live." you grin and throw your arms around her neck. She laughs and presses herself against you.

"I missed you too."

"Are you feeling better?" you ask and have to suppress a grin because you know exactly why she was “sick” for so long.

"Yes, much better. Thanks." You put your bag down and walk through the long hallway to Nat's living room. She has already pushed the couch aside and laid out blankets and pillows in front of the huge television. Wanda sits on the floor next to Natasha. You greet them both with a hug and then collapse next to them.

"I ordered you a spinach pizza." Peggy says as she sits down next to you.

"Thanks. What happened Nat?" Your best friend wrinkles her nose. She has no make-up on and her eyes are bloodshot. She had cried.

"Rick and I broke up." You and Wanda exchange a quick look after Nats words. Then you turn to her.

"Oh what a shame."

"I'm sorry for that."

"You fit together so well."

"Fucking liars! None of you liked him and Peggy didn't even know him." she starts laughing and then crying. And then both at the same time. You quickly hug her and Wanda and Peggy also wrap her arms around her so it becomes a group hug. Natasha cries for a while and then takes a long sip from her vodka bottle. The smell alone makes you sick. Nat takes a few deep breaths. "Now it's proven Bruce was my last love." she says sadly.

"No! Nat. He was your first love but definitely not your last." you contradict her.

"Yes, exactly." agrees Peggy.

"But then why didn't it work again?"

"Because Rick was an ass?" Wanda suggests. "

"He just wasn't right for you."

"But at some point the right one comes along." Peggy adds.

Natasha looks at all of you and then smiles. "Thanks." She says and then wipes away her tears. "Enough crying about Rick."

"Exactly men are not worth our tears." you say. Nat laughs briefly.

"It doesn't sound honest coming from you. You're in love head over heels."

"Nat!"

Wanda looks at you in surprise, but you know from Peggy's grin that she already knows. Steve is such a gossip girl.

"You have a boyfriend? Since when and who?" Wanda asks.

"Since Monday." you answer, smiling. "Bucky." "

I knew you were too convincing. Best friends never make out like that." she exclaims. You start laughing.

"We're drinking now." Natasha decides and holds up the vodka bottle. Wanda reaches past her for a few glasses and juice. Unlike Nat, none of you like straight vodka. Natasha shares her bottle of vodka with you and when she hands the cup to Peggy you swallow. Oh no. .

"I can't." says Peggy.

"Why not? It's girls' night."

Peggy takes a deep breath. "I'm pregnant."

"WHAT?" shouts Wanda.

"Oh my God."

"How surprising." You say, looking to the side because you can't suppress a grin.

"Are we happy?" Natasha asks uncertainly.

"Yes, we are happy. We are very happy." Peggy replies, laughing. This time it's her who gets a group hug. "And Y/N don't pretend. Bucky has known since day one and I'm sure you've known since day two. You suck at lying." Peggy says after you break away from the hug and lightly pushes you on the shoulder.

"He kept quiet until last week. I swear."

“So just juice for Peggy,” says Natasha and makes her another glass. "We'll toast anyway. To the first love and the last love." You toast and drink. To first love and last love. A nice toast actually.

You sprint out of your office. You're way too late and you hate yourself for it. But you couldn't leave earlier, your project is going well but a few things had to be finished today. You are responsible, so you take personal care. As you walk through the streets you rummage through your pocket for your cell phone. You actually wanted to go home after work, but then you would be even later for the dinner with your friends. You meet in 10 minutes and you are still 30 minutes away from the restaurant. You call Bucky.

"I just left the office." You say breathlessly as he answer the call.

"I thought so, I'm already on my way to the others. Should I come pick you up?"

"No, no. Then you will drive past the restaurant, I'm just a little late. But I'll hurry up."

"Take it easy, Doll. Take a deep breath. Being late isn't the end of the world."

"But it's rude." "

I bet you you'll get there before Tony and because he and Pepper invited us out you'll be on time."

"It doesn´t work like that." you laugh, but your steps slow down a little.

"It works exactly the way we want it to. Now breathe in and out deeply." You do what he says. "Better?"

"Much better. Why are you so perfect?" Bucky laughs quietly.

"I've waited for us for so long. I'm doing my best now." Your heart flutters at his words.

"You're perfect. The perfect boyfriend. I love you."

"I love you too. I'll see you soon, Doll."

"See you soon." Unfortunately, when you arrive at the restaurant, Pepper and Tony are already there. You are the last and the only one still wearing your work clothes. "I'm so sorry guys. I was stuck at work."

"It's okay Y/N. Don't stress. It's nice that you make it." Pepper smiles at you. She only came back two days ago. That's why you're eating together this Thursday. And this time you are complete again since a long time. You hug Pepper.

"Good to see you." You say and greet the others before you sit down next to Bucky and press a kiss on his lips.

"Hey Bucks." you say.

"Hey, Doll. See, I say being late isn't a bad thing."

"Why do you act like you're together when Rick and Nat have broken up?" Vision asks confused and looks between you and Bucky.

"Oh shit, I forgot to tell you." Wanda says, slapping her hand on her forehead. You all start laughing. Yes, maybe everything is different now, but somehow the same.

66 notes · View notes

whumpywinterbun · 1 year

Text

i need you closer. 2/2

Trying to talk about your problems doesn't always suck, Bucky. Especially with the person you like. A little too much. Or: Bucky Barnes smokes and talks about feelings and maybe gets the love he deserves.

Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader (something something somewhat around tfatws?)

Part 2 of this

(emotional) hurt/comfort (comfort. mostly comfort.), still a teeny bit whumpy?, mutual pining (idiots in love), istg this is fluffy

Warnings: talk about panic attacks & hallucinations, smoking

a/n: Part 2 is up! Thank you to the people who read Part 1 and might read this! Please tell me what you think of it, I haven’t written in years before putting this out at like 4am during my internship so... comments or asks would be appreciated!!! And also just in general I am nice I swear lmao

The sun shone through the curtains, bathing the room in a warm glow. You woke up under a blanket you don’t remember covering yourself with. You were reaching for Bucky’s side of the bed, blinking the sleep away when you realized that it was left, empty and cold. You got up, swinging your legs off Bucky’s bed and slowly making your way through his apartment. You called for him but answer came, so you looked around before entering his kitchen.

And there he was, standing behind the small island, pouring hot water in a mug. “Morning Buck.” Bucky looked up, a nervous half-smile on his lips before pointing at his mug. “You want some coffee?” You nodded, leaning against the door frame. He moved his head in acknowledgement, before turning around and taking another cup. He was scared, of you bringing up last night, of your reaction, you maybe finally realizing how messed up he is.

You were slowly making your way forward, joining Bucky at the kitchen island, opposite him. “How are you feeling?” you asked. “I’m... uh…fine. Yeah.” He couldn’t even look at you, keeping his eyes trained on your mug with knitted brows.

“Be honest Buck.” “I am honest.” “Okay.”

He sighed. “Listen. Whatever happened yesterday, I am fine. Okay? There-“

Your eyebrows raised. “Whatever?” Bucky tapped against his head, his lips a thin line. “You don’t remember?” Bucky shook his head.

“Well, at least not everything. I’m aware of some stuff but…it happens. I’m used to it.” He shrugged his shoulders before taking a sip from his coffee, hiding behind the large cup.

“You hallucinated blood, Bucky. You thought the floor, the bathroom, you thought that you were covered in Sam’s blood.” He froze. “You scratched yourself bloody trying to wash it off. That’s not something to shrug your shoulders over.” That’s not how you had planned to start this conversation. You wanted to sit down with him, carefully bring up what you saw and try to talk to him, not serving it with a cup of morning coffee.

Silence. Bucky’s mouth opened and closed again. He swallowed and put his cup down. “It just happens sometimes; it’s no big deal and I am really sorry you had to witness all that but-“

“No. No buts. Stop it. Stop pretending like it’s normal and okay for it to happen!” You slammed your hand on the island. Bucky’s eyes widened. “I- I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have yelled at you.” you stammered, hiding your face behind your hands, your lower lip trembling.

Bucky brushed his hand across his face. He didn’t want to have this conversation. He was aware that he needs to, if it’s not for his sake then at least for yours. What you saw and heard was a lot harder on you than on him. And it deserved some explanation.

Bucky grabbed the cigarette pack on the island, taking one and putting it between his lips. “You want one?” he asked, holding the pack up to you. You looked up from your hands, tears brimming your eyes. Bucky’s heart ached seeing you like this, because of him. You rubbed your eyes before taking a cigarette and following him. Bucky opened the window onto the fire escape, climbing out before holding his warm hand out to help you out.

The sun was shining, the last bits of the summer’s warmth enveloping you. You both sat down, Bucky pulling out a lighter and lighting up your cigarette before his. He took a drag. You took a drag. Somehow this felt a little like the night where you both first met, but you weren’t on the roof and you weren’t just getting to know your neighbor in the middle of the night.

“I’m sorry.” Bucky turned to you, searching for something in your eyes. Any sign in your pretty eyes that he didn’t mess this up.

“For what?” you asked.

“Making you cry, messing up, pretending like I wasn’t home. having you see the fucked up shit my brain does. Everything I guess.”

“You didn’t mess anything up, Buck.”

“Ah well.” He cocked his head to the side.

“Can you tell me what happened? I mean what…triggered… this.” you tapped ash out on a tray Bucky kept on his fire escape. A pastel pink one you gave to him after getting the confession out of him that he actually really liked the color.

“We were given wrong intel on the mission and I couldn’t stop myself from following through. We got some important information anyways but there was this ambush and- Sam got hurt. Shot.” He sniffed.

Your brows knitted in worry. “But he’s okay right?” Bucky nodded.

“He’s in hospital, doing better and is allowed to leave today or tomorrow but I don’t- I can’t- I don’t think he wants to see me. I wouldn’t want to see me if I were him.” Bucky looked at the ground.

“I don’t think Sam’s upset, Buck.” you reached for him, carefully putting a hand on his shoulder and you felt him ever so slightly leaning into it. “If you felt like not retreating was the right choice, there must have been something telling you to keep going. I’m not part of this…world you are in and how things work but it comes with an immense number of risks and every mission could end up like this for a number of reasons. I am just glad he’s alright and that’s all you should focus on for now.”

“I can’t really focus on any positives if there aren’t any.” He pressed the cigarette bud out.

“You are both alive.”

“Well, that could have looked a lot differently… because of me.” Bucky’s voice got smaller with every word, until it was barely a whisper.

You knew Bucky felt a lot of guilt, constantly, at all times. There’s guilt over wrong words, wrong decisions, wrong actions. It didn’t really matter to him if his actions were actually his, if his decisions were actually what he wanted to, not what he had to or, horrifyingly, was made to do. Sometimes it felt like guilt was the only thing keeping him going because without guilt, he could barely be a person. He would search for guilt in the smallest things life threw at him, because what, or who, was he without and what was he supposed to do if not feel guilty?

“Did you talk to him since?” you asked, gently stroking Bucky’s shoulder, where his skin connected to the vibranium. “Kind of. We talked for a bit a day after but I just couldn’t pretend like this was some lousy work accident like Sam did so I left. I’ve been at the hospital almost every day since but I just can’t bring myself to enter his room. I feel like any moment the bomb would drop and he would tell me to go to hell. I can’t lose him. Not him too.”

“Listen Buck…I know there are so many voices inside telling you that’s not true but I genuinely don’t think that Sam’s angry at you.” You were speaking softly, trying to get to him and somehow, maybe, worry less. Your eyes were searching for his blue ones, trying to get him to look at you.

“I’m just scared of losing him. To a bullet or the fact that I’m terrible to deal with.”

You grinned. “Ah…you are not THAT terrible.” Bucky snorted.

“You are a horrible friend to tell me that now.”

“No.” you laughed.

“Yes. Absolutely.”

“Na-ah.”

“A very, very horrible friend, bun.” Bucky leaned back, his back against the wall, the sun warming him. He looked at you, his mouth curving into a smile. Bun. The small nickname stuck, and what was first meant teasingly and made you cringe now gave you butterflies. You too leaned back, resting your head against his shoulder. “Sam loves-“ he grimaced. “Yes, Bucket, Sam loves you. You two can’t go a day without annoying each other because you can’t live without the other. If he were angry at you, he would have told you. Like. Right at the hospital.” He sighed.

“I mean…yeah. You could be right.”

“I am.” You looked up at him, seeing his eyes on you.

“He could also just wait until he’s out to kick my ass.”

“Not likely, Buck.”

“You sure?”

“One hundred percent.”

“Nice.”

Bucky took your hand into his and you two sat in silence for a while, looking at the city below you. His gaze kept wandering to you, wondering how he deserved you. Life was scary and for someone his age, he was terrified of living. But maybe, you, and Sam, made it all worth it. But while Sam was his best friend, his brother, he wished he could call you his. His bun.

Fuck it.

“Do you know why I like that ashtray so much?” He pointed at the small, pink thing next to you. “Because you, a very intimidating, tall, broad, old man, happen to like pink?” “Because it’s a gift from my favorite person, in their favorite color.” You moved your head, looking at him. His face flushed. “I’m your favorite person?” He nodded. You smiled at him.

“I…uh. I’m not really good at this whole thing.” Bucky sat up, suddenly looking a lot more nervous. You didn’t really know what to anticipate, but it surely wasn’t what you hoped it was.

“But I am glad to have you in my life. I don’t deserve you and yet you are still here and I don’t think I could imagine my life without you. You are possibly my first thought when I wake up and the last before I go to sleep and I want you to- I want-“

Your heart was jumping. Doing cartwheels. What was he-

Bucky took a deep breath. “I want you beside me instead of on my mind. In the morning. And at night. All the time, actually. ” He tensed up. You are going to leave him. Right now. This is the worst timing to confess your stupid feelings James and you are now going to get rejected and never see her again because you just could not be happy with how it is right-

Silence.

Oh.

“I would love to.” You returned, beaming. Bucky’s tense shoulders finally relaxed.

“So that’s what it feels like to get your feelings reciprocated.” You chuckled, hiding your face in the crook of his neck. Bucky laughed, stroking your hair.

Feeling Bucky’s left arm wrap around you, you looked up. His right hand stayed on your head, slowly making its way towards your face. He put a loose strand behind your ear. He whispered. “Can I kiss you?” “Uh-huh.” He bit his lip before pulling you closer, his breathe on your lips.

Except Bucky’s phone rang.

You both snorted. “Sorry.” He apologized. “It’s okay, go get it. Could be important.” He got up, almost tripping while hurrying back inside. Bucky looked back, embarrassed and laughing, before picking the phone up without looking at the caller’s name.

“Hey Buck, would you mind getting me from the hospital?” Bucky looked at you. “Sam?” you mouthed, looking over the window. He nodded quickly before answering. “Yeah sure, give me…10 Minutes or so.”

“Alright. And Buck?”

“Yeah?”

“I know you were visiting me, we’ll talk about it later, you self-loathing dumbass.”

#Bucky Barnes #Bucky Barnes x reader #winter soldier #winter soldier x reader #sam appears!#my hands are freezing posting this oof.

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mxltifangxrl · 1 year

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Let Me Help You For Once

Paring: tfatws!bucky x “psychologist”!fem reader

Summary: Bucky finally accepts help from someone

Warnings: fluff, mentions of trauma, swearing

A/N: I had written this entire thing once before and then accidently deleted pretty much the entire thing so this one definitely isn’t my best work. Hope you guys enjoy anyway. Most of the mentions of psychology will be based off my own studies so if something is off, please let me know!

“Doll, I’m home.” Your boyfriend, Bucky, said as he entered the apartment.

“Hi, darling! How was your session? Is everything okay? You look about ready to punch a wall for the tenth time...today..” You asked, teasing him some which worked given that Bucky smiled at your teasing.

“Christina-” Bucky began only to get slapped on the arm. “Dr. Raynor- did absolutely shit for me today. Only made me feel worse about myself.” Bucky openly admitted to you, knowing you’d have some way to help him feel better.

“What exactly happened? I mean you don’t have to tell me considering the confidentiality you get with therapy.” You told him, taking him to sit with you on the couch.

“She’s trying to tell me that I’m traumatized and that I need to find more friends and stop grieving over Steve.” Bucky said, rolling his eyes.

“James. I’m sure she didn’t say that. First, she probably told you that you have PTSD which is formed by a traumatizing event. In your case, several. Second, you do need to find more friends. It’d be good for you to hang out and go do things with other people than Dr. Raynor and myself. Third, I highly doubt she told you to stop grieving over Steve. She probably told you that it’s time to find something else to occupy your mind to keep you from falling to a point of no return.” You told him, cupping his cheek lovingly.

“What exactly is PTSD?” He asked curiously, showing some type of interest in what you were seeing which was better than him shutting down anything you had to offer to help him.

“Well, it stands for posttraumatic stress disorder. Given its name, PTSD is a stress-related disorder. There’s something called ASD or acute stress disorder which is a disorder resulting from exposure to a major, traumatic stressor. The symptoms of ASD include; anxiety, dissociation, recurring nightmares, sleep disturbances, problems in concentration, and moments in which people seem to relive the event or events in dreams or flashbacks. Though this sounds exactly like what you experience, ASD wouldn’t be the best diagnosis because the symptoms last as long as one month after the event. For PTSD, the symptoms last more than a month which is you.” You explained to him as best as possible, Bucky showing an interest in what you were telling him.

“Oh...well is there any way to cure it?” He asked, showing how in the conversation he was.

“PTSD can’t be cured unfortunately. It can be dormant and not be triggered for a while, sure, but it will never fully go away for good. One of the best things for you right now is continuing with therapy. There’s a lot of types of therapies though too. I won’t get into it now but talk to Dr. Raynor. See what she can help you with, okay?” You explain to him once more, earning a soft nod.

“Now, lets get changed into comfier clothes and go cuddle in bed.” You told him, getting up and heading to the bedroom.

The two of you spent a while cuddling in bed, Bucky in your arms as you mindlessly played with his hair and massaged his scalp. In that time, Bucky knew he was going to continue therapy. For you.

All he does is for you.

#bucky barnes #fluff #psychology #fatws bucky #therapy #james buchanan barnes

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smol-bean-buchanan · 3 years

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me @ zemo when the dora milaje were hauling him off

#i swear if he isn’t in the last episode i will cry #marvel #avengers #mcu #the avengers #marvel studios #tfatws #tfatws spoilers #fatws #fatws spoilers #the falcon and the winter soldier #falcon and the winter soldier #baron zemo #helmut zemo #zemo

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davidsfincher · 3 years

Photo

You don’t talk, I write.

#last one i SWEAR #*#bucky barnes #fatws spoilers #fatwsedit #fatws #tfatwsedit #tfatws #tfatws spoilers #james bucky barnes #james barnes #MCU #mcuedit #handmade #tvedit

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bucky-bucket-barnes · 2 years

Note

Hiya! I saw that your requests are open so I thought I'd send one over! Could you possibly write a Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader set during tfatws where the reader (who also an Avenger/SHEILD agent) is helping Bucky and Sam on the mission but gets attacked by John Walker [around when Episode 5 occurs,] and he seriously injures her [and then Bucky loses it on him]? Just like, A LOT OF ANGST PLEASE! Thanks so much for taking my request into consideration! Take care :)

Control

Summary: John Walker makes the dire mistake of messing with Bucky’s girl. This misstep causes a major fight to break out between the two, ending in nothing but blood and rage.

Pairing: bucky barnes x avenger!reader

Warnings: tfatws spoilers, brief mention of vomit in the beginning, depictions of violence, swearing, hurt!reader, hurt comfort, major angst

Word Count: 3.4k

masterlist | 2k writing challenge | library

It wasn’t often that you felt like the world was spiraling. The last time you could recall the world descending into such a sight was when you had had too much to drink at a friend’s birthday party, Bucky’s hands wrapped around your hair as you emptied the contents of your stomach over a toilet bowl the next day.

As clear as the day, you remembered looking over at him, head throbbing, seeing a slight grin cemented on his face. Fatigue still rimmed his eyes in faint shades of purple, having endured a late night and now an eventful morning.

“What the hell is so funny, Barnes?” you grumbled, half teasing, too hungover to bite your tongue.

“I just like your company, that’s all,” he answered quietly.

“Dork,” you snorted, a small laugh leaving your lips. You were curled over on the bathroom floor, mascara running, outfit messied from the night before and he was staring at you like you’d peppered the stars in the sky yourself. With his hands still affectionately holding your hair back, you felt safe upon the linoleum floors.

Another time the world spun this fast was when you ran a dangerously high fever, Bucky cradled up by your bedside waiting on your needs for the whole week. Not a complaint or huff escaped his lips as he slowly nursed your shivering body back to health. Under his tough exterior, he had an internal need to care for something, someone. It’s the kind of habit one earns from being the eldest child or perhaps one that was picked up from aiding his sickly friend back in Brooklyn to health during his younger years.

Even as you slept through the day, he remained as a quiet presence, staying in the room to read a book when you didn’t occupy his immediate attention. Although you weren’t much for conversation due to your condition, he enjoyed your company. He studied the tired yawn that’d escape your lips as you awoke with a grimace and the soft goodnight you’d mumble before drifting off. Although the early autumn sun beamed into the room, inviting him out for a lovely day, he knew next to you was where he wanted to be.

Each one of those times, Bucky was always there. One flesh, one bionic hand swooping you up into a comforting embrace. He was a man of few words, so instead his actions took their place. A light kiss on the forehead whispered a gentle I love you, a reassuring squeeze while your hands were intertwined assured I’m here to stay.

The world was spinning once again and, this time, Bucky wasn’t there.

The scene unfolded too rapidly. Your trio was too late to stop Walker in his pursuit, the edge of the iconic vibranium shield plummeting down into a man’s throat. The sight was awful, but the worst part were the sounds. The separation of flesh, the cracking of bone. If you even dared to strain your ears enough, you could make out the slap of blood against the asphalt road.

Walker was swift to leave the scene after that, everyone too busy marinating in their shock to respond in an instant. It was something out of a movie, a scene you’d never conjure in your most twisted dreams.

You shook yourself off, Sam, Bucky, and you splitting up in order to find Walker more efficiently.

“Call when you find him, okay?” Sam breathed out, talking at a fast pace to make up for time lost you spent standing in horror.

“You’re coming with me,” Bucky instructed, taking your hand in his.

“No, I’m not,” you responded, pulling your arm back, “We’ll cover more ground splitting up.”

“This isn’t up for debate,” he barked back, eyes wide with conviction.

Your head reeled back in surprise. He had never yelled at you before, barely raising his voice in the most heated arguments you two got into. His face, usually a chiseled statue of stoicism, couldn’t disguise the fear running through him in that moment.

“Please,” he beckoned, voice softening ever so slightly. Perhaps, if he said it with enough conviction, you’d stay with him.

His pupils were nervous, pleading. This wasn’t a familiar look Bucky wore, reserving most of his suffering for more private moments; late into the night, the steady sound of your breathing and the moonlight to keep him company.

“I’ll be alright,” you reassured, squeezing his hand, “but we have to go. Now.”

With that, your trio split up in search of Walker, pursuing all possible paths you could have taken.

The cold rain pattered down onto your face as you searched around the area. Upon following a trail of muddied footprints, you were led to what appeared to be a row of emptied warehouse buildings. Boots sinking into the mud, you took a careful step forward, half anticipating Walker to be just around any corner you turned.

Just as the world became quiet, a bellow of agony sounded to your right, your head immediately snapping in the direction of such a pained cry. You’d heard wails parallel to that one, a certain torment only emerging from an untimely death. Lemar.

You afforded John Walker the largest sum of patience and understanding you could, but try as you might, you could never bring yourself to enjoy his company all too much. Even still, your heart ached not for Walker, but for a man who had just lost his best friend.

Hand gently moving to your ear piece, you spoke quietly into the chip. “I found him, I’ll send you guys my location now.”

“Just stay low until we get there,” Bucky responded. The small sense of relief he felt hearing from you quickly was eclipsed by the fear he felt in that moment; you were alone with Walker.

“I’m just going to try to stall him. He’s stopped to catch his breath, I think, but he’ll move again. I’ll try to keep him here.”

“Be careful,” Sam warned, already knowing there was no talking you out of your plan.

Before Bucky could protest, you muted your ear piece and slowly went to approach the building, heart beat catching in your throat.

They’ll be here any moment, we didn’t separate that far. I just need to give them some time, that’s all.

As you crept further into the empty building, you spotted Walker, kneeling on the hard concrete. Sunlight streamed through the broken windows, the bright patches illuminating the metallic accents of his Captain America suit.

“He killed Lemar.” He didn’t stand up, he didn’t even turn his head towards your direction. He wasn’t offering an apology for his actions, he was only giving you what he found to be justification.

You halted, sure you had crept in quiet as a mouse. Stealth was out of the question now.

You took a slow step forward. “I’m sorry about-”

“No,” he groaned, voice in a low tone. “You don’t get to be sorry. You didn’t know him.”

“You’re hurting,” you whispered like a mother hoping to soothe her aching child with a few words.

Another step forward.

“You don’t know what I am!” He now shot up from his position close to the ground. Your attempt at comfort was met with a hostile reaction, a vexed pair of eyes shooting daggers where you stood. He stood a mere five feet in front of you.

You stopped, only slightly nodding. No matter what you said, he’d only grow more agitated with each advance towards him. All there was left to do was to stall. You nervously swallowed, waiting for his next movement in this odd sequence you two were entangled in.

He took slow steps towards you, like an animal stalking its prey. Each movement was sedated, deliberate with intentions of startling you. So, there you remained, feet nailed to the ground, not giving into his intimidation tactics. Despite your collected façade, you could feel your pulse pounding throughout your whole body.

They’ll be here any minute. He’ll be here any minute.

“You think you’re better than me? You think you’re so fucking tough, huh? Yet here you are, paralyzed without your little boyfriend and his babysitter.” He was becoming alarmingly close to your face. In spite of your better judgment, you momentarily feared if he bared his teeth enough, he might muster the gall to bite your head off.

Your eyes remained carefully trained on him. Words were pointless, they would only provoke him further, but the silence was so strange to simmer in.

“You’re not taking my shield from me.” He snarled one last remark before pouncing for your throat.

His movements were like clockwork as he reached for your neck in fit of rage. Thick fingers now closed around your airways, using his strength to lift your feet off the ground. Your nails went to claw at his hands, but he wasn’t budging, eyes glazed over with some nasty spell of grief.

In a last ditch effort to not get choked out by Walker, your dangling feet reeled back to kick him as hard as you could. Landing a swift kick on his groin, he dropped you abruptly with a groan. Reaching for your gun on instinct, you aimed it right at Walker’s stomach as he regained himself.

“Don’t think I won’t shoot.” Your breath was still ragged from your shortened air supply, eyes watery from the tears pooling in them. Your finger rested comfortably on the trigger, ready to fire in a moment's notice.

All he did was laugh. He cackled at your threat like you were a mere child he was dismissing for empty claims.

“Ooh, looks like princess does have a spine,” he teased, regaining his stance. Your aim never faltered, eyes narrowing in challenge.

Like a wild bull, he charged for you without another thought causing you to send bullets flying towards his direction. They ricocheted off his shield, each hit sending an eerie song throughout the empty warehouse.

As he made his approach, only a few inches away from you once again, you decided to aim for his foot, sending bullets down onto his shoes in hopes of slowly in pursuit. This did not only fail to stop him, but only seemed to fuel his irritation even more as he attacked.

The steady footing that was giving you some form of reassurance was lost as he jumped atop of you, forcing you down onto the ground. Before you could fire at his chest, he took your gun and sent it flying across the warehouse, your last defense now a distant echo lost among the old machinery.

Bloodied knuckles punches rained down like an angry thunderstorm upon your face, blurring your vision and disorienting your hearing. Realistically speaking, he wasn’t angry with you on a personal level, but you were the only avenue to take out his grief on. So, there you laid, hands flailing in a fruitless attempt to stop him.

Pools of warm metallic liquid formed in your mouth, clogging your throat and causing a nasty cough to emerge from your lungs. This seemed to satiate his lust for blood, but it only further fueled his need to cause more suffering.

From the corner of his eyes, his lazily discarded shield glinted with rain water and drying blood. You noticed his shift in eye contact. You couldn’t move. There was no use in screaming. You were left to the mercy of his better judgment at that moment.

He’ll be here.

Just a few more moments.

He’ll be here.

“Walker, whatever you’re thinking of,” you gargled, pressing your cheek to the concrete in an attempt to avoid choking on the blood in your mouth, “You can’t come back from that.”

He deliberated for a few seconds, maybe even a few hours. The ringing in your ears made it harder and harder to distinguish the time as it grew and grew with each new bruise. If your vision hadn’t become so clouded, you could have sworn a flash of guilt went over his face for a quick second.

He peered down at your bloodied face, the nasty cuts and bruises that were bound to leave an ugly mark for weeks to come. Wet, labored breaths left your mouth, lips coated in a bright red, the velvet hue dripping down the sides of your face.

Only for a second did he appear to be contemplating mercy. But you knew better. His hand groped for the shield, eyes dilated with adrenaline, but anger seeming to fade from his movements. All that was left to swim in his eyes was the sting of survivor’s guilt before he raised the shield above his head once more.

Bang.

Maybe it was an act of sympathy.

Bang.

Perhaps he was so far gone, he thought finishing the job would be easier.

Bang.

He’d be here soon.

Bang

He had to be here soon.

Bucky hadn’t prayed since before the war. You see enough things, you watch enough people suffer, and the existence of a God seems excessively cruel, unlikely.

Panic clouded his thoughts as he bolted towards your location. Along the whole trip, Sam assured him that you had a good head on your shoulders, that you'd be okay.

There he stood at the open entrance of the warehouse, one body sprawled on the ground, another huddled in the corner, rocking back and forth. Sam stood next to Bucky, glancing over at his friend as they approached closer and closer to the two bodies.

“John, what happened?” Sam decided to take the mantle of speaker up, this time.

The world froze for Bucky as he approached you, blistered feet carrying him swiftly towards your body. Blood leaked from the mouth he had just kissed this morning, it was spilling from the nose he just pecked last night, and it was oozing from the temples he just held this afternoon.

A gash. It left a dent in your forehead, never ceasing in its seemingly endless supply of blood. He knew Walker and Sam were talking, maybe even getting somewhere, but it didn’t matter. Their conversation was mere white noise in the background of his horror.

“Y/N?” His voice quivered as he spoke out.

You remained in silence, eyes still closed, one almost swollen shut from a nasty bruise gifted from Walker just minutes before.

Shaking, his flesh hand went to take one of yours, fingers lightly pressing to your pulse, praying the familiar beat of your heart would ring throughout his body once more.

A faint pulse tapped against his fingers, a wave of relief washing over him. He was scared to hold you, a porcelain figurine one more touch away from shattering into millions of pieces. His hand went to cup the side of your face free of any major injuries as he burned.

He needed to feel you, to make sure you wouldn’t fade into ash the moment he’d look away. Ripping off a piece of his sleeve, he placed a makeshift bandage around your forehead, hoping to slow down the bleeding.

“My sweet girl, what did he do to you?” he whispered through a pained expression, trying best as he could to wipe the blood rimming your mouth.

The world turned red. Help was on its way. Bucky did all he could for you in that moment, physically. He pressed a soft kiss to the back of your hand before standing up, face a bloodcurdling level of calm in that moment.

“Did you do this?” His eyes were still trained on the girl in front of him, still registering what happened.

“She-”

“Answer the fucking question.” Bucky snapped his head in the direction of Walker. Even Sam took a step back from the sudden shift in his friend. He was upset as well to see you in pain, but he was trying his best to remain composed; he didn’t want to risk matters becoming worse.

“We don’t want a fight,” Sam interjected.

“I do,” Bucky snapped, walking up to Walker, challenging him to make the first move.

He stood there in silence for a moment. You didn’t intimidate him much, smaller in stature and presumably less experienced than him. Bucky, though? He’d never say it aloud, but he terrified him. His lack of speech, the way he knew how to stare in the soul of anyone he encountered, it was downright unsettling.

Part of Walker briefly regretted not killing you and taking off. It wouldn’t have mattered, anyways. Nothing felt like it mattered anymore. He’d be gone, and you wouldn’t be left to tell what happened.

Bucky swung for Walker’s jaw, the anger of a wild animal taking over his instincts. He didn’t think of the consequences to come for enacting such a fight, but he couldn’t care. The only thing that hung upon his already heavy shoulders was vengeance in its purest form.

The two sparred for only a few moments before Sam joined in, some anger sizzling within his chest cavity. They ganged up on the blonde, ripping the shield from him and slowly stripping him of his armor.

The tables had turned. Walker was now pinned on the ground, at the mercy of a very pissed Bucky, Sam watching in the background. He recognized Bucky needed to finish this alone for his own sake.

“She provoked me!” Walker rationed through gritted teeth, trying to conceal the pain he was in.

“Liar,” Bucky growled back.

With that, he let loose on the man beneath him. Walker put up a valiant fight, but he remained no match for Bucky’s vengeance. One moment he was throwing a punch, the next Bucky was catching it, twisting his arm until a rippling of cracking noises was hard.

Though his arm was now shattered and he yelped in pain, this did not quench the wrath pulsing through Bucky. One punch came down. Then another. Then a dozen more to follow, each hit marking his face with a new hue of blue and purple.

“Bucky, I think that’s enough,” Sam called out.

Bucky couldn’t tell what he was saying. Honestly, he could barely hear over his own thoughts.

I was supposed to be there.

Bam.

She needed me.

Bam.

She needed me, and I wasn’t there.

Bam.

This is my fault.

Bam.

But this is your price to pay.

A pair of arms wrapped around from behind the super soldier, pulling him off of Walker. He had been unconscious since the second hit, body going limp, broken arm laying mangled by his side.

Bucky's chest rose and fell with a sporadic rhythm, his anger boiling over into guilt. He looked up at Sam, shield by his side, covered in the blood of two different people now.

“I wasn’t done,” he breathed, wiping the sweat from his forehead.

“I know. The medics will be here in a few seconds, though.”

As the sirens sounded in the distance, he inched towards your body, still unconscious. If he tried hard enough, he could imagine that you were just sleeping, that you’d wake up any moment and assure him he’s fussing over nothing.

Following you like a second shadow, he stayed by you in the ambulance. He waited like an abandoned dog in the waiting room, hoping for any update on your condition. Restless nights were spent in a nearby hotel.

Bucky yearned for your touch once more. His body never found comfort in the many pillows he hoarded, he never found true warmth despite the dozens of blankets he had piled on. It was like his other half was missing, leaving him to roam this world without ever really living in it.

When they allowed visitors, he remained perched by your bedside. Often he sat there, never letting you leave from his sight until his eyes succumbed to fatigue. Sometimes he just sat there silently, staring out the window and admiring the other couples that strolled by.

I’m sorry we can’t have that, he’d whispered, the only response he ever received being your heart monitor providing a steady beep.

When your eyes finally peeled open, it was at the crack of dawn about a week later. The new sunlight was bathing Bucky in a soft hue of rose and sherbet orange. He laid asleep, head resting at the edge of your bed, the rest of his body slumped forward in the uncomfy hospital chair he was provided.

Though in a deep slumber, his hands remained in a confident grip around your own, the rough curve of palms being the first thing you felt.

“Bucky?” you crooned softly, testing if he was awake.

Half asleep, his eyes peered open and a saddened smile formed on his face when he saw you grinning down at him.

“Hey, love. Good to see you awake.”

“I knew you’d find me.”

Guilt. It’s all he knew how to respond with. “I’m sorry. I should have-”

“Shh. You’re here now. That’s all I need.”

“And I’m always going to be here,” he promised, gently taking your hand to kiss it once more.

#bucky imagine #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x female!reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes imagine #bucket responds #bucky barnes x reader fluff #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x reader angst #bucky barnes x poc!reader #bucky barnes x hurt!reader #bucky barnes hurt comfort #bucky barnes x avenger!reader

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writerlyhabits · 2 years

Text

The Office Christmas Party

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x female reader

Word Count: 8.6k

Summary: Your co-worker makes a snide comment about your relationship status, and Bucky is having none of it. But he might be just a little too eager to volunteer to be your fake boyfriend for the office Christmas party in order to prove her wrong. (Written for this request)

Warnings: SMUT, 18+ only. Swearing, so many pet names, soft passionate sex cause Bucky is just a sweetheart, reader is intrigued by his facial hair, oral (male and female receiving), p in v sex, unprotected sex (be careful everyone, lets be responsible), a hint of a praise kink cause I can’t help myself, they laugh during sex I think it’s cute sue me, I can’t think of anything else but please let me know if I forgot something!

AN: I… I want one, that’s all I have to say for myself. I did this with neighbor Bucky after tfatws because that’s my go-to 😂 This has no tie to my Neighbors series, I just am a sucker for neighbor!Bucky. I think it makes for an easy, logical meet-cute of sorts with the reader 🤷‍♀️ Thanks as always to @deceiverofgodss for being there to help with this late night booty call fic when I was stuck 💖

“This okay?” You looked up from the kitchen counter as you were organizing your necessities into a small clutch purse to find Bucky stepping into your apartment, clad in an all-black suit, the top couple buttons on his shirt undone and two different ties in his hand. The suit fit him well, his arms filling out the sleeves very nicely, and the leather lapels on the blazer made for quite an appealing contrast. He’d let his hair get a little bit longer after everything had gone down with the flag smashers, and he swept it back nicely, his incoming beard trimmed and neat. You didn’t try to hide the way your eyes raked over his whole figure, admiring everything he had on display.

“Holy shit James.” He looked like something out of a dream. You had to physically turn away from him to avoid revealing yourself when a waft of his cologne hit you, and it was divine. “I have to go change my dress.”

“What? Why? You look good,” he called after you, but you were already shutting your bedroom door behind you, quick to yank the cocktail dress from your body.

“If you’re going to look like that, I have to up my game. Otherwise, none of this will matter,” you shouted back, frantically searching through your closet to find something that looked compatible with the eye candy in your living room. Tonight was going to be a little trickier than you thought.

You’d come home from work one afternoon, fuming at your coworker’s audacity, and Bucky had been quick to notice.

“She gets a boyfriend, and all of a sudden the only thing she thinks needs prioritizing are the couples events at the office Christmas party,” you explained as he sat across from you, happy to listen. “I was already dreading going, but now that I’ll be stuck in the corner by myself the whole night makes it super tempting.”

“Oh come on, watching a bunch of other couples rub it in your face doesn’t sound fun?” He’d laughed, and you could tell he was trying to lift your mood as best he could. “This is Cathy, isn’t it? The one who fucked up the last office party?”

“Yeah, cause nobody tells her no. And when I tried to, and she immediately made a snide comment about how of course the singles don’t understand,” you mocked, and Bucky’s demeanor straightened a bit. “And I have no leg to stand on with that one, but I just wish I could stick it to her, prove her wrong.”

“So do it,” he offered, a half-whisper accompanied by a mischievous grin. “Who’s to say you don’t have a boyfriend?” You simply cocked an eyebrow at him, because he knew that answer. “She doesn’t get to say shit like that to you. Come on, take your very attractive boyfriend from next door, we’ll prove her wrong.”

“Are you volunteering to be my fake boyfriend for an office Christmas party?”

“It’ll be more fun with me and you know it. Cause trouble, show her up… We’re gonna knock it out of the park, let’s do it.”

Now that you were actually facing him the night of the party, having stepped out of your bedroom in a tighter, darker colored dress… you weren’t so confident you could handle it. Watching his eyes travel from your heels up your body before meeting your gaze with a warm smile made you want to run your hands through his styled hair.

“How’s this one?” you asked, acting like you didn’t watch his reaction.

“You look great, doll,” he sighed, unable to stop himself from taking another look. “I- you look really great.” This time he let out a nervous laugh as his gaze turned back to the ties still in his hands. Tossing one on the counter, he started to wrap the one in the same shade as your dress around his neck. “This one it is.”

“Okay, let’s run through the story one more time,” Bucky started, turning towards you in the passenger seat as you made your way to the party. “We’ve been dating for three months-”

“Four months,” you interjected. “That’s when we went to the Smithsonian.”

“That was four months ago? Already?” You laughed as you watched him furrow his brows, thinking back on the day he’d taken you to see the Captain America exhibit, not knowing how else to tell you after too many weeks of awkward interactions that left something to be desired. “Alright, four months ago, I asked you out to the Smithsonian.”

“We got dinner on the way back, I invited you in, and the rest is history,” you finished, the story only slightly inaccurate. You picked up a pizza on the way back, and invited him in to keep talking about… well, him, and what all that entailed. You both thought it best to keep it as close to the truth as possible, making it easier to remember and to keep the details accurate.

“There’s one more thing we haven’t talked about,” Bucky piped up after a moment, shifting in his seat a little nervously. You hummed, tilting your head in his direction to acknowledge him. “What are we doing about mistletoe? You know it’s going to be everywhere.”

“I- it’s a work party.”

“Yeah, with friends and partners and spouses; and Cathy, who’s probably eager to suck face in front of everyone. There’s gonna be mistletoe” he elaborated, and you couldn’t help but snort a laugh at his reasoning. He looked at you and you caught him biting his lip out of the corner of your eye, playing with the hair under his lip, a habit he’d picked up as he let it get longer. After a moment, he continued. “I don’t want to cross a line, so if that’s not something you want to do, that’s okay. But we’ll need an excuse for it now so it doesn’t look weird should the time come.”

If that’s not something you want to do…. meaning that he- No, you had to stop yourself from looking into the details. Bucky was a friend willing to help you out, that’s it. But all the same, he was putting something out on the table you’d thought about for a long time, and it was possibly the most tempting thing you knew you shouldn’t accept.

“I’m okay with that. Maybe even without mistletoe.” What were you saying? “I mean, if’s it’s going to make it feel more real, you know what I mean?” You tried finishing with a shrug, to make it seem like your heart wasn’t pounding against your chest.

“Yeah, okay,” he said softly, nodding with a hint of a smile on his lips. “When… what’s the boundary? When is an okay time to do it?” Of course Bucky was being a perfect gentleman, needing to know when he was allowed to kiss you when just the thought of it was rendering you a mess.

“Just, whenever feels natural,” you replied, glancing over at him, waiting for some kind of response or reaction. “If that’s okay with you?”

“I- yeah. Natural… I can do that.” He licked his lips as he kept smiling at you, and you quickly turned your attention back to the road before you got yourself in any more trouble than you already had. This was going to be a long night…

A burst of hellos erupted as you and Bucky walked into the party on your department’s floor, his gloved hand laced in yours as you walked in practically shoulder to shoulder. You raised the hand that held your purse in a brief wave, navigating yourselves further into the room. After making it through the crowd to find your cubicle, locking away the things you didn’t want to carry all night due to your dress’s only downfall – a lack of pockets – the two of you jumped headfirst into the center of the room, ready to begin the night.

Your floor of the office building was beautifully decorated, strands of tinsel and garland wrapped around the columns and cubicle walls, string lights everywhere gave the room a warm feeling, and there was a larger than necessary Christmas tree in the corner, visible to the entire city through the large windows that lined the walls. Cathy might have been horrible at the games and entertainment for these things, but she knew how to decorate.

“I didn’t realize your office was so fancy,” Bucky poked as he took a look around.

“It’s easy to look over when I’m banging my head against the desk doing my paperwork.” He let out a deep belly laugh at your comment, his hand easily slipping to the small of your back.

“There you are! And this must be the elusive boyfriend,” a voice called, shattering your fun as you turned to find a woman with a disgustingly large fake smile on her face. “You didn’t tell us he was so handsome.”

“Cathy,” you smiled unenthusiastically, already tired of the interaction. Bucky, however, was quick to respond, his left hand slinking around your waist and pulling you in closer as he reached his other out to shake her hand.

“I’m James, I’ve heard a lot about you,” he smiled, and only you could see through his expression to know his shit-eating grin from his genuine one.

“How funny, I can’t say the same about you?” She quipped, cocking her head to the side, not even trying to hide her intentions at this point.

“I’m not surprised, my babygirl likes to keep things private.” He promptly placed a kiss on your temple, looking down at you with too much adoration in his eyes to be allowed. The nickname made your knees weak, and you wanted to do whatever it took to have him call you that again. “But I have heard a lot about your guy, I feel like I already know him. Is he tagging along soon?”

“He um… well, he actually had other plans tonight,” she admitted, quickly losing her steam. Your brows shot up, and you made an effort to turn them to ones of concern, fighting hard to keep the corners of your lips from turning up.

“That’s a shame, he’s going to miss out on all the fun couples activities I’ve heard you have planned.”

“Who are you going to partner up with on those? Can’t have you sitting out during your own party,” you asked, hoping desperately that the tone of your voice sounded at least a little sympathetic.

“We’ll… see what happens.” She gave you a pained smile as she glanced down at her hands. You were about to dismiss yourselves and save her from anymore tormenting when Bucky opened his mouth.

“I guess I’ll just have to meet him at the next one then?” You watched in delight as she gave the two of you a tight-lipped smile and the smallest nod you’d ever seen, before moving to pester another of your coworkers. Unable to contain yourself any longer, you turned to tuck yourself into Bucky’s chest and started giggling uncontrollably. “You could have looked a little less amused,” he teased.

“We didn’t even have to do anything, she’s already falling apart,” you said in a hushed tone as you looked up at him, wrapping your arms around his middle to mirror his hold on you, his hands running up and down your back softly.

“Alright, we don’t know if they’re having problems, or if they’re even together still, that’s not nice to joke about,” he deadpanned, and for a second you almost took him seriously. “It’s going to be hard enough when she finds out how much her games suck cause she can’t play ‘em,” he laughed, trying not to but failing miserably.

“You were right, this is fun,” you smiled after the two of you had gotten over your giggles. You couldn’t help but lean into him, your hands sliding up to his chest, going to smooth out his lapels to make an excuse for it. You looked back up to find him watching you, and you smiled softly. “Thanks for coming with me.”

“Anytime, baby,” he said sweetly, his hands coming to still at the small of your back. He gave you a smirk before one of his hands came to your hip, the other giving a light tap just under your waist…. as if he’d planned it for somewhere else and changed his mind. “Come on, I think you said there were snacks, and I plan to clean them out.”

You and Bucky were naturals. Which should have been very telling, but you did your best not to think about it in the moment. For a man who preferred keeping to himself, coming over to have you alone as company with a movie or even just to read his book, he had become the life of the party. He talked and joked with your coworkers like they were old friends, and seemed to have you down to a ‘T’ as he improvised surprisingly accurate aspects of your “relationship.”

The two of you continued to banter like you always did, but there was a different kind of intimacy to it when he would wrap himself around you to relate your change of outfit for the evening.

“She did too! She put herself together so nicely, she looked beautiful, and then second-guessed herself at the last second,” Bucky had started when your co-worker’s husband had talked about her current look being outfit number four. You rolled your eyes.

“You dressed yourself far better than I was going to, I would’ve looked out of place.” He shifted you in his arms so that he could look down to catch your gaze, your soft glare being met with his warm smile.

“You would make a floursack look good, sweetheart. But then you walked out in this dress…” he paused to close his eyes and bunch his eyebrows together, humming in exaggerated approval, earning a couple of chuckles from the rest of the group. He looked back down at you with those blue eyes that held too much emotion for his own good, taking in your features before he continued. “I would have waited through your entire closet three times over if it meant you felt as pretty as you are.”

His words made you glad he was holding you upright, giving you the perfect opportunity to lean into him and smile bashfully as he landed a kiss on your cheek. And it filled you with a strange sense of pride to watch the other man reconsider his comment, holding his wife a little tighter, evident on his face that he was taking notes.

Now the two of you were sitting back at your desk, observing everything over the short walls, and purposefully avoiding the horrible couples games being played. He was sitting against your desk, his legs spread far enough apart for you to take your spot between them. You had one arm crossed over your chest with a drink in the other as you leaned against him, one of his hands on your waist while the two of you made fun of people together.

“I enjoyed talking to Megan, I really did… but is the Christmas sweater really necessary?” He asked, making you giggle as you both watched her from afar. “She kept putting her hands above her head to make the tree, and wouldn’t stop complaining about the different pieces… Watch, she’s going to do it again.” Sure enough, you watched her grab the star and make herself into a tree, reducing the two of you to laughter.

“You two lovebirds don’t want to join in on the fun?” Cathy asked as she maneuvered her way through the rows of cubicles, having to make a point to come and talk to you. Which was exactly why you sat where you did. “We’re about to start the ornament relay!” Bucky looked to you with his shit-eating grin, so graciously allowing you to take the lead on this one.

“Oh, that one sounds like it’ll be entertaining to watch,” you smiled, reaching your free hand out to rest on Bucky’s thigh, catching his attention. “We’re pretty comfortable over here though.” Cathy opened her mouth to rebuttal, but your partner in crime was quick on his toes.

“I’m sure you know how it is, sometimes it’s nice to just sit off to the side with your person and enjoy their company,” he said sweetly, tucking a stray piece of hair behind your ear. “That’s why I was kind of surprised to hear you’d planned couples games. I feel like these kinds of events do better with games for everyone, have a little co-worker competition.” Oh, he was wonderful.

“That’s what I was going to say in the meeting last week!” You refrained from adding ‘before I was so rudely cut-off,’ but you had to keep your cool and at least act like you were the bigger person. “Even James and I, I mean we have fun working together for those kinds of games, but-”

“But it’s so much more fun when I win,” he snarked, earning a light smack to his chest that made him snicker, his arms circling around you to pull you in close enough so he could rest his chin on your shoulder.

“You make a fair point,” Cathy admitted, attempting to laugh with the two of you. “I’ll keep that in mind for the next one.” She continued making her way past you, quick to dismiss herself before your menace of a companion could torture her any longer, looking to find her next victim.

“You think she’s jealous?” you asked after a second. You feel him lift his chin off your shoulder to place a kiss on the bare skin there, sitting up straighter to allow you to lean back into his chest. He hums in question, and you feel it rumble through his chest. “Cathy… I mean, I show up with this perfect, sweet, handsome boyfriend… I think I’d be jealous, too..”

You didn’t realize what you’d said until he was leaning in close to your ear, the hair on his face tickling the skin there and making you shiver. “Then it’s a good thing I’m yours,” he whispered, and he had you preening in his hands. Oh, this was a bad idea… it was a wonderfully bad idea.

“I hope I’m not interrupting a private moment,” your head snapped in the direction of the voice, and you saw Bucky falter a second out of the corner of your eye.

“Is my desk the place to be tonight? First Cathy, now you… what’s it take to get a moment with my man?” you teased as your coworker approached, setting your drink on the other side of your desk.

“Trust me, I come bearing gifts,” she assured. Before you could ask what she meant, she turned her attention to the super-soldier still wrapped around you. “Sorry, I’m Judy. Your girl is the reason I stay sane.”

“James,” he smiled, giving her a friendly nod vice a handshake, not willing to move from his position despite the company. “It’s nice to put a face to the name.”

With the quick introduction out of the way, Judy wasted no time in telling you about all the gossip she had gathered through the night, and the dots she was starting to connect. That was what she thrived on; she liked working in an office less so for the work, but for the social environment it provided. More specifically, the interesting plot developments in the lives of her coworkers, for better or worse.

“Megan told me she finally called that guy, which will be really great for her. But, Rob was there when she told me- Yes, I know! It was good for him to hear though, cause I heard he’s been playing the worst breakup playlist you could ever imagine, man needed an update.”

As you listened mindlessly, entertained more by your co-worker’s investment than the actual details themselves, gloved fingers were tracing soft circles to your sides. He would press his lips back against your shoulder every couple of moments, like he was breathing in the essence of you before he would face Judy again, at least pretending to care. It was nice… gave you a reason to almost wish she would keep going so that you could enjoy the intimacy of the moment with him a little longer.

“Alright alright, I’m done for now, I know I’m boring your man to sleep,” she teased after a while, and Bucky tried to make an apologetic excuse. And while you knew Bucky Barnes was not a man to be driven to sleep so easily, you did know he didn’t care for this kind of small talk and encouraged the change of subject.

“I’ve got to be honest with you, when you told me about this secret boyfriend, I expected him to be a bit more on the scruffy side,” she explained, catching you off guard.

“Well, it’s a little longer than she usually likes it,” Bucky started, taking one hand and playing with the hair on his face. “Thought I’d experiment, see how I like it a bit longer… It’s kind of growing on me,” he finished, turning back to you for approval.

“Mmmm, I’ll let you keep it for a little bit longer. We’ll see how I feel after that,” you played. You were met with a very enthusiastic kiss on your cheek, making you giggle as he made a point to push his facial hair into your cheek.

“As long as you don’t make him shave all of it off… you and I both know facial hair feels so much better down there,” Judy said with a mischievous grin. Both you and Bucky snapped to look at her, and you just about choked on your own spit.

“Judy,” you started incredulously, trying to save yourself by laughing it off. “We’re not talking about this stuff at the office! You’re a menace, go bother someone else.” All she could do was laugh at you, which gave Bucky time to recover as you felt him settle back around you.

“I’m just saying…” She shrugged, side-stepping past to leave you two in peace. She gave Bucky a knowing look, holding it there for a second before you watched her face shift into a sly smile. Oh no… “Alright, don’t have too much fun without me.” She gave you a little wave and left the two of you alone once again.

“What did you do?” you whispered harshly as soon as she was out of earshot, turning your body towards him a little more to shoot him a look. He gave you a pleading expression in response.

“I didn’t know if you guys talked about that stuff, and she looked at me like she was expecting an answer… so I winked,” he rambled quietly, nothing but apologetic. “I figured she could interpret it as whatever the right answer was, and be on her way without suspicion.” Judy had thrown him off his rhythm, she usually had that kind of effect on people. You could feel your lips start to come up in a small smile at his quick thinking, despite being in a panic.

“Alright, I’ll give you that one. You’re forgiven,” you teased, trying to get him to relax again. “For the record, we don’t talk about it. So I have no idea what that wink told her.”

“I guess you’re gonna find out,” he giggled. You rolled your eyes as you joined him, muscular arms pulling you back into him.

It was annoying how nice it felt to be held by him all night because you knew at some point it was going to have to end. You would have to leave the party at the end of the night, and go back home as friends, nothing more. And after getting to see this side of him, being on the receiving end of the adoring boyfriend inside of him, you weren’t sure how you would be able to manage. You were already yearning for the man holding you to actually be yours, but all you could do was enjoy him before things changed.

“As your boyfriend, I feel like I should ask. You know, in case we run into it again…” He pulled you out of your thoughts, and you glanced back in his direction with a raised brow prompting him to continue. “Do you like facial hair?” The way he asked the question sent heat directly to your core, his voice deep and husky as his eyes finally met yours, and you realized his question was not as innocent as it sounded.

“I- Well, it’s-” you cut yourself off with a nervous giggle, and you knew he was watching you bounce between his eyes and his jaw, his expression patient and ready to listen. You took a breath to compose yourself a little before continuing. “Okay… there are some men who look good both ways, clean-shaven or with facial hair. Other men look better with it…” He made a noise of approval, and you gave an exasperated sigh. Cocky fucker knew where he landed. “I have had the unfortunate luck of being with men who are better off without it.”

“Mmm, that is unfortunate,” he chuckled softly, a mischievous glimmer in his eye. You had to look away from him before your thoughts betrayed you, already unable to stop the shiver that ran through your body, his left hand moving to rub your back in response. “Have you ever thought about it? Being with someone a little… scruffier?”

Oh god, have you. You enjoyed his company, wouldn’t trade it for anything. But sometimes you wondered whether he was trying to kill you, or if he genuinely didn’t know that he had a body crafted by the gods. Walking around your apartment in tight shirts, his dog tags and vibranium arm on full display. Or sitting on your couch with his legs spread wide, his thighs as tempting a place to sit as ever. And when he licked his lips or played with the hair on his face… who wouldn’t wonder what it would be like to have James Barnes between their legs?

You saw out of your peripherals that you were being watched, Cathy’s eyes drawn to the large man beside you. Bucky must have seen her as well, placing another kiss on your shoulder before leaning away from you. Was he… shying away from the conversation he started? After asking you such an intimate question? You know you should leave it, ignore the urge to give him a taste of his own medicine, you should behave.

You turned to face him, and his hands were quick to rest on your hips as you pressed yourself up against his chest, catching his blue eyes darken as he watched you. Hands slid up his chest, not bothering to pretend with his lapels this time as they kept traveling up the sides of his neck until reaching the prize. You scratched at the thick hair on his cheeks, a devilish smirk growing no matter how hard he tried to keep a straight face.

“I have, I’ve thought about it quite a bit,” you answered quietly, giving him a moment to take it all in. “I think….I think it’s hot.”

You watched in delight as he clenched his jaw with a hard swallow, blinking a few times before taking a quick glance around the room. His eyes locked on yours for half a second before he tilted his head to attach himself where your neck met your jaw, his scruff tickling deliciously against your skin. You managed to mask your sharp gasp with a laugh, arms wrapping around his neck as he kissed yours.

“Someone’s gonna look, James,” you whispered harshly through your laughter, and his own vibrated through your neck.

“And they’ll look away if they know what’s good for ‘em,” he mumbled, and you felt like you had to be dreaming as he continued planting kisses across your sensitive skin. You couldn’t hold yourself back from carding your hands through the thick hair on the back of his head, and the sigh he released was what brought his lips away from you. He leaned back to look at you for a moment before he spoke up again; “Is there anything else keeping you here?”

“How do you mean?” You furrowed your brows slightly, confused by the sudden change of subject.

“I mean, is there anything else you want to do here,” he paused to think about his words, hands caressing your sides. “Or can I take you home?”

Only a few moments later you’d made your way to a group of your co-workers, saying a final goodbye as you escaped. Bucky was eager to leave, actively leading you to the door as he was making his excuse; “It’s almost Christmas, I’ve got to get her to myself for at least part of the night.” A few steps later and you received a chorus of cheers. Of course.

“And we’ll send you off with a proper mistletoe kiss!”

You would think that him having just made out with your neck would have prepared you for this moment, the one you’d been bracing yourself for all evening, but you couldn’t be more wrong. The soft expression on his face rendered you breathless as he cupped your face in his hands, his lips molding to yours too well to make sense. You couldn’t hear the whoops and hollers, all you could focus on was how good it felt to have his lips on yours, and how badly you wanted to get him out of the office.

The ride home wasn’t any better. At first, neither of you quite knew what to do. This was supposed to be the end of the arrangement; the party was over, Cathy had been proven wrong, everything would go back to normal. But what normal was had been disrupted when the two of you kept up the act when no one was looking, when you were all over each other specifically because nobody was paying you any mind.

He’d insisted on driving home, and you couldn’t keep your eyes off of him as the night lights of the city illuminated his features, his now bare left hand keeping an easy grip on the wheel while the other rested on the console. Neither of you said anything, sitting in a somehow comfortable silence despite the uncertainty of it. He would look over and catch your gaze every now and then, giving you a warm smile before turning back to the road.

Until you hit a red light. The car had stopped and Bucky’s tongue traced his lips as he looked at you again, his hand moving from the console to rest on your thigh. When he leaned closer you found yourself doing the same, his hand leaving the wheel to tangle in your hair and bring your lips to his once again.

Sensing the color change inside the car, Bucky released you to continue driving before upsetting traffic, his right hand giving your thigh a small squeeze.

“Whenever feels natural… right?” He asked, echoing your words back to you with a grin.

He held you the entire trek up to your floor, his hand resting easy around your waist or on the small of your back when it was more convenient. And it was only once you’d made it to your front door that he removed his hand. You missed it.

“You wanna come in for a sec?” You asked after a moment, playing coy. His hands went back to your body as you unlocked the door to let him in behind you, setting your purse to the side as he shed his blazer. One more look at each other and you felt something snap.

Bucky grabbed you by your waist, pulling you back into him, encouraging your arms to touch him. You avoided his gaze, knowing you’d be gone within seconds, opting to fiddle and tug on the tie around his neck to bring him down closer to you.

“Let me show you what it’s like,” he practically groaned as his nose touched yours, resting foreheads together. “Please doll, I want to devour you.” You were too drunk on him to be embarrassed by the noise he elicited from you.

“Show me,” you nearly whined, yanking him down to crash your lips back into his. This time it was all tongue and teeth, wildly different from the first couple he’d stolen through the night. It was passionate, needy, desperate to taste each other, to be as close as you possibly could.

Holding each other was suddenly not enough, you wanted to be enveloped by him, needed his body like it was part of your own. Your arms found their place around his neck, hands deciding between roaming his broad back and ruining his hair while his explored every part of you he could reach, holding you steady against him. Bucky lifted you up into his arms and you wrapped your legs around him, cupping his face to continue your assault on his soft lip as he carried you through to the bedroom of your apartment.

You were abruptly deposited on the bed, his lips traveling down to nip at your neck before lifting off of you almost entirely, hands lifting your leg to place a kiss on the inside of your knee. His hands left goosebumps on your skin as he took his time trailing them down to your ankles, undoing the strap on your heels with the utmost care.

“I need to taste you, sweetheart,” he pleaded, glancing up at you when he pulled the shoe off of you delicately, moving to the other. “Want you to feel the scratch of my beard against these pretty thighs.” This time you got a kiss on the inside of your other knee, and you were going crazy with anticipation, a puddle of arousal already waiting for him.

The duality of his hands as they began to glide up your legs was delightful, one crisp and cool while the other was warm and calloused. He caressed right up to the place where you wanted him most before he continued pushing the hem of your dress past your hips, and you couldn’t decide whether you were disappointed with his neglect or enamored by his hands cupped over your bra. He made quick work of the tight dress, carefully tossing it to the side and moving to unhook your bra.

“James…” You moaned his name when his mouth latched onto one of your nipples, his hand massaging the other breast with the occasional pinch to balance his attention. His hot tongue flicked against the nipple in his mouth, the tickle of his facial hair absolutely delightful on the soft skin there, switching his ministrations between the two as he pleased.

“Bucky, please, I need you,” you whimpered, longing for his mouth somewhere else.

“I know babygirl, I’m on my way. Let me adore the rest of you for a second,” he murmured into your skin, sending a shiver through you, which made him smile against your skin. He placed a kiss to your sternum before he trailed down your stomach, and left the softest of kisses to your navel before hooking his fingers into your last piece of clothing.

You barely had time to process that you were now fully naked and vulnerable before him, his breath fanning across your dripping folds almost as soon as the fabric had slid down your legs. Bucky readjusted himself so that his muscular arms were wrapped under your thighs, holding your legs comfortably open for him.

“Good god, your perfect pussy is already soaked for me.” His praise had you gripping the sheets with a vice, your hips bucking of their own accord to seek some sort of relief. He chuckled at your reaction.

“Then hurry up and do something about it,” you smiled, pleased with the growl you pulled from him as you ran your fingers through his hair, nails scratching gently against his scalp.

“Yes ma’am.” He’d barely finished speaking before his tongue was on you, flat against your folds as he started licking up all the excess you’d dripped for him. “Taste so sweet, peach, I knew you would,” he praised, and you arched your back as he dove back in to pay special attention to your clit, his facial hair scratching the inside of your thighs.

It was bliss… you couldn’t think of a time you’d felt better having a man eat you out. If you were being honest, you couldn’t think of a time another man had made you feel this good at all. Bucky had you gripping his hair tight as your hips bucked against him, chasing the feeling of his talented mouth as he sucked on your bundle of nerves.

You whined when he lifted off your clit, earning a chuckle at your reaction. “No, please, I’m almost there.”

“I know, baby, that’s why I’m doing something else,” he smiled, shifting his grip on you slightly before he lowered himself back down to your pulsing core. It was like he nuzzled himself into you, his nose brushing against your clit as he pressed a kiss to your glistening lips. “Gonna drink up everything you’ll give me.”

He settled himself to slip his tongue inside you, pressing into you as close as he could get, and you gasped sharply with the wonderful intrusion. Your legs jerked up around him, your heels digging into the muscles of his back and he groaned into you, the vibrations making you shudder. Bucky’s hands massaged the top of your thighs as he lapped at you, his scruff rubbing against you as his jaw worked to devour you. His hands then gripped the underside of your thighs, stretching them back and opening you up just a little more.

“Fuck, Bucky,” you moaned, your body filling with a familiar sense of anticipation, and he responded by burying himself farther into you, his nose making you jolt as it brushed against your clit every now and then with his aggressive motions. “You’re gonna make me snap, baby.”

The noise he made sounded like a whine and it went directly through your desperate pussy. As you carded your hands through his absolutely ruined hair, you caught him grinding his hips against your bed, seeking some sort of friction himself. He was enjoying this just as much as you were… just the thought of it was delectable.

And you couldn’t help but egg him on.

“Your tongue feels- mmmm… so good inside me, honey. I, I’m- ahh, I’m gonna get that handsome face all wet.” Your words seemed to fuel whatever was going on in his head; he groaned desperately into you as his hands tightened their grip on your thighs, and you found yourself wondering if there would be evidence of it in the morning. He stopped his ministrations now that he was holding you steady, only pausing for half a second before he began to shake his head, buried into your pussy.

There was a cry stuck in your throat as your hips shook violently against him, his nose tickling your clit and his beard attacking the soft skin he could reach with it. There was no warning him before a wave of warmth spread through your body, the combinations of both of your moans and noises mixing in the air like a song as he continued to work you through your orgasm.

It took you pulling him off of your throbbing center with broken pleas, begging for a reprieve before you got overstimulated. You looked down at him between your legs, smiling at the drunk look on his face matched with a cocky grin.

“How’d that feel, doll?” he asked as he crawled up your body, and you hummed enthusiastically as you reached for him. “I take it you like ‘em scruffy?”

“Mhmm, I like you scruffy,” you replied as you dragged his lips to yours, not caring about the taste of yourself on his lips, wanting just to feel him around you. “You’ve already ruined me for anything else, I hope you’re happy,” you teased in between kisses, and you couldn’t help but smile as he giggled into you.

“More than happy, I’d eat your pussy until the day I die.” You laughed as you arched back at his words, exposing your neck to allow a barrage of scratchy kisses there. You were already getting worked up again as he attacked your neck, but your walls weren’t ready for more just yet…

“Let me suck your cock…” you sighed, and you felt his head snap up at you.

“What?” he asked with a breathless laugh, sounding like he hadn’t quite committed to it. You closed your eyes and tucked into him a little bashfully, but had no intention of backing down from your request. He supported himself up on one arm while he used the other to cup your face gently, saying your name as he made you look back up at him. You opened your eyes to find his shining blue ones looking down at you so sweetly. “Sweetheart, I appreciate it, but you don’t have-”

“James.” You cut him off, voice steady and demanding. Your hands reached the tie that was still around his neck, realizing he was still fully clothed, and you found it wildly unfair. You began to untie it as you spoke, making an attempt to fix the problem. “I need a little bit of a break before I’m ready to have you properly fuck me tonight, and oh god do I want it.”

You threw his tie to the side as you leaned up to kiss his neck, feeling him swallow hard. His strong hands supported his weight on either side of you as your fingers made quick work of the buttons of his shirt, untucking it from his pants and moving to shove it off of his shoulders.

He moved back on your bed to stand at the edge, and you got up on your knees to follow him, watching delightfully as he tossed the shirt aside, hands finding your hips. You grabbed the buckle of his belt, lips eagerly kissing on the raised skin where the vibranium met the man. Bucky gasped sharply, shocked by both the bold placement of your hands, and the intimate intentions of your lips. You smiled against his skin as you continued kissing your way up his shoulder, across his neck until you could whisper in his ear.

“Let. Me. Suck. Your cock.” He groaned as his head tilted back, eyes rolling in the back of his head before he grabbed the back of your neck and slammed his lips to yours.

“You’re gonna kill me.” You laughed as he let you push him back, having to lean down to continue kissing you as you stood before him, working on his belt.

By the time you’d gotten him down to just his boxers, your legs were wobbly and your core was dripping again. You were probably ready to take him at this point, but you were determined to get what you wanted, and you wanted to watch him fall apart the way you had. Kneeling down in front of him, you slipped your fingers into the band of his boxers and pulled them down slowly over his large bulge.

He sprung out of the fabric at full attention, his tip already leaking pre-cum. Stepping out of his boxers leaving him just as naked as you, he combed a hand gently through your hair as you took him in, caressing his bare thighs before you looked up at him. Another chuckle escaped him, and you cocked an eyebrow in question.

“You look like a cat who’s caught the canary,” he smiled softly. “And it’s horrible how pretty you look right now.” You bit your lip, humming in amusement as you turned your attention back to his crotch. Oh god, he was big… Could you take him? Absolutely. But would he stretch you to make it happen? In the most delicious way.

You wrapped one of your hands around the base of his dick, gauging the impressive thickness as you started pumping him slowly, already being rewarded with his quiet grunts. He would be a lot to handle, the girth alone would be a challenge. But after prepping yourself for it, you stopped your motions, settling yourself comfortably on your knees and placing a kiss on the underside of his shaft. You got a glance of him from this angle, and the state of relaxation on his features was enough to keep you going.

Returning your hand back to his thigh, you licked from the base of him up to the leaking tip, taking care to notice his sharp intake when the tip of your tongue hit his weak spot. When you wrapped your lips around the tip to collect the pre-cum, Bucky combed your hair back with both hands and held it behind you gently in his left hand, loose enough to just keep it out of your way while you set to get to work. You couldn’t help but moan as you took him little by little, bobbing your head and sucking his tip on the way back as you slowly adjusted yourself to him.

“Shit… oh babygirl, you- oohhh,” he tried, unable to compose a sentence, too focused on the way your tongue swirled around him. You gave another amused hum around him, the vibrations of your voice causing him to release another slew of curses. With each bob of your head, you took his cock deeper in your mouth, steadying yourself when you’d reached your limit.

You continued taking him that way a few more times before your eyes traveled back up to find the blue of his almost swallowed by his pupils as he watched you. You started to quicken your pace gradually, and you watched as he struggled to keep eye contact. Rolling his eyes back, closing them in pleasure, or throwing his head back entirely, he was falling to pieces in the palm of your hand.

After a few more moments, his grip tightened on your hair inadvertently as his other hand gripped your wrist, your hair tugging slightly as you sucked down on him again. “Wait wait wait, I- hold on,” he stammered, finding his voice with a groan as you released him with a pop.

“You okay?” you asked gently, seconds before he was reaching down to pull you back upright.

“You keep that up and I’m not going to last,” he groaned huskily, goosebumps forming on your skin. He grabbed your face and kissed you deeply, seeming to be catching his breath in the process. “And I distinctly remember that we had more plans.” He picked you up at the end of his statement, keeping you in his arms as he crawled up the bed, laying you delicately against the pillows.

Bucky settled perfectly between your legs, feeling him pressed up against your weeping pussy, and stealing perfectly soft and gentle kisses from your lips. Your hands couldn’t decide where to settle, combing them gently through his hair before you dug your nails into his back. His large hands caressed your sides, settling at your waist as he gave his hips an experimental roll, grinding himself against you.

“James, please,” you begged against his lips in between kisses. “Wanna feel you, want you to fill me.” You felt his wide smile as he kept kissing you, and you couldn’t help but reciprocate it as he shifted to hold his weight above you. You arched against him as he ran his tip between your folds, teasing your entrance. When he finally pushed in he took his lips off of yours to latch onto your neck, allowing you to take a sharp breath while he stretched you slowly.

“That’s it, baby,” he cooed in your ears, sinking into you easily with the help of your slick walls. You both gasped and grunted as he bottomed out, waiting for you to adjust to him. “Taking me so well, sweetheart, god you feel good.” You squirmed against him at the praise, and suddenly there was a delicious need inside you for more.

“Move, Bucky. Please.” His poor back became your personal scratching post as he dragged out of you, and you let out a desperate whine when he pushed his hips back down to yours slowly. “I can’t- I… Buck, need you to go faster, I need-” You didn’t have to say anything else before his lips were on yours and his hips picked up the pace.

The sounds of both of your pleasure as you moaned into each other was quickly becoming your favorite song, in a state of pure bliss as he thrust his hips into you at a steady pace. His large muscular body crowded your every sense, his hands holding a bruising grip on your hips to balance himself, his cologne clouding around you, and it was all so heavenly.

Your mind started to fog, and you would have entertained the notion that you might actually be dreaming if the pleasure coursing wasn’t acting as a strange sort of tether to reality. You’d thought about what it would be like many times you’d shamefully admit, but having James Barnes pounding into you with perfect, calculated force was something unimaginable.

“Fuck, I can feel you getting close, peach,” he groaned, resting his forehead against yours as both panted heavily. He let out a strangled moan, his hips faltering for a millisecond, and you realized he was right behind you. “Go ahead babygirl, wanna see you come undone under me.”

You felt like you should probably be embarrassed by how quickly he could coax you into an orgasm, but all you cared about was how intensely wonderful it felt, your legs shaking around him as you anchored yourself with the grip on his back. Your ears were ringing, and you only became conscious of the noises you were making when you felt them against your throat.

You realized he was practically crumbling over you, desperate moans falling from his lips as he struggled to maintain a rhythm, thrusting into you erratically to ride out your high. You leaned up to kiss his cheek sweetly, removing your nails from his back to brush his ruined hair out of his face, combing it back as he chased his own release.

“Come on handsome, you’re so close, let go for me,” you mumbled into his skin. You seemed to have a similar effect on him, and his cock twitched inside you at your words, letting go with a cry. He dropped his head to the base of your neck as he finished, pumping you fuller than you’d ever felt, before he carefully collapsed on top of you.

You giggled underneath him, wrapping your tired legs around his hips and massaging the back of his head, kissing his temple until he turned to look at you. His eyes were glazed over but had never looked so blue, a telltale smile teasing the corner of his lips as he basked in your attention.

“So much for fake boyfriend,” he managed quietly, and you threw your head back in a laugh, giving him a chance to pepper more scratchy, smiley kisses all over your neck.

…

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buckysfaveplum · 2 years

Text

you’re in control

summary: y/n hates the idea of Bucky having to pretend to be the Winter Soldier

pairing: bucky barnes x female reader

word count: 1k

warnings: swearing, mentions of trauma, zemo cause i hate his stupid face

a/n: i was rewatching tfatws and this idea popped into my head so here ya go <3

masterlist | send requests

“That is why we are going to Madripoor,” Zemo said, sipping on his champagne.

You hated that he was here. You hated his presence. You hated looking at his face. Every time you looked up, you were reminded of one of the worst times of your life. When he worked to tear your only family apart from the inside. Turning your friends against each other. All that, not to mention the harm he caused to your Bucky.

“What’s up with Madripoor?” Sam asked, cocking a confused look in Zemo's way. “You guys talk about it like it’s Skull Island.”

“It’s an island nation in the Indonesian archipelago. It was a pirate sanctuary back in the 1800s,” Bucky said, finally tearing his view away from the window.

Your fingers picked at your cuticles as you tuned out of the conversation. Frankly, you weren’t keen on anything Zemo had planned. The idea of listening to him was ludicrous.

“It’s kept its lawless ways. But we cannot exactly walk in as ourselves,” Zemo said. Those last few words seemed to peak your interest. You glance up at the sly man who sat before you, a stoic look plastered on your face.

“What?” you asked, interrupting the conversation.

“We will all have to dawn different personalities. You Y/N, will become my date for the evening,” you scoffed at his words, your eyes rolling back so hard they very well could have gotten stuck. Bucky’s grip on his chair tightened, the thought of Zemo’s hands on you the whole night caused bile to rise in his throat.

“This is ridiculous,” you laughed, exasperated by the plan.

“James, you will have to become someone you claim is gone,” Zemo said, glancing over at Bucky.

You froze at his words, your attention quickly being drawn to the super-soldier beside you. His jaw was wired shut, taut with anxiety. A view you’d become so familiar with. His hands were shaky, barely noticeable to anyone else. But you weren’t just anyone. You noticed. He gave a firm nod to the baron across from you before directing his attention down to the floor.

“Excuse me?” you asked, shooting a glare at Zemo. “We’re not doing that.”

Bucky’s eyes softened watching you begin to worry. Of course, you weren’t going to like the plan, neither did he. But it needed to be done.

“Y/N-” Zemo started before you cut him off.

“No, no, you can’t just make him do that!” you said, bursting from your chair. Your calm and reserved presence was long gone as you stood there shaking in anger.

“Doll, it's okay,” Bucky said, leaning forward in his seat trying to calm you down.

“Do you want to do this? Really?” you asked, turning to your boyfriend.

“Baby, come here,” Bucky’s hands wrapped gently around your waist before pulling you back into the hall room of the jet.

Your breathing became erratic as you grasped at Bucky’s jacket, trying to calm yourself down. He slipped off the glove covering his vibranium hand before running it under your shirt and up your back, rubbing soothing patterns along your spine.

“I don’t like this,” you said, your eyes glassy as you looked up at him.

“I know, baby. Neither do I,” he said, his other hand reaching up to caress your face.

“Then why are you doing it?” you didn’t mean to raise your voice, but you were becoming desperate.

The idea of Bucky forcing himself back into the darkness he spent so long trapped in horrified you. Everyone seeing and treating him like an object, a weapon, all night. All to fulfill some crazy plan Zemo had concocted? The same Zemo who used Bucky’s trauma and pain as a pawn in his little revenge scheme? No, you hated that idea.

“What choice do we have, Y/N? It’s for the mission,” Bucky said, his eyes pleading with you to listen to him.

“Fuck the mission, Bucky! You have a choice!” you said, your hands reaching up to cup gently around his face. His stubble scratched into your fingers as you brushed them delicately along his jawline. “What do you want to do?”

“Baby, that doesn’t matter.”

“Of course, it matters, Bucky!” you pleaded, desperately trying to make him understand. “You’re not there anymore. People can’t just make you do things you don’t wanna do. Especially when it’s going to hurt you.”

Bucky’s brows were knit together as he listened to you. He understood you, he really did. God, did he not want to do this. He didn’t want you to have to see him like that. Blank, hostile, and aloof; strapped in that goddamn leather suit. He’d hoped you’d never have to see him like that again. But he knew, for the greater good, it had to be done.

“Doll,” he said, pulling your face closer to his. You stared up at him with concern and care, hoping he’d listen to you. However, you were disappointed as he continued. “I have to do this.”

“Bucky-”

“Y/N, I know you’re scared, I am too. But I’m gonna do this cause it’s what needs to be done,” his thumb reached across your cheek to brush a stray tear from your face. “It’s gonna be okay, doll. You know why?”

“Why?”

“Cause I’m gonna have my girl with me the whole time. And she’s kinda crazy, she went against the UN to protect me.” you laughed at his words, finally feeling a bit of comfort. Slowly, you leaned forward, pressing your forehead against his as you continued to brush his stubble.

“Okay.”

“I may not like it, but I’m choosing to do it. And that’s what matters, right baby?” he asked, pressing a soft kiss to the bridge of your nose.

“As long as you know you’re in control.”

---

taglist:

@britos11 @baby-banana

#Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes angst #winter soldier #marvel #tfatws #fanfiction #fanfic

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holdontorogers · 3 years

Note

hiiii !! i fucking LOVE your writing, you’re so talented!! i wanted to request a bucky x reader where they have a mission and a stark gala afterwards, maybe the mission was a little grueling and there’s some heavy tension after? you can do smut or whatever you want tbh i bet it’ll be amazing regardless!! thank uuuu<3

࿐ 𝐒𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐠𝐨 𝐰𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐠, 𝐛.𝐛.

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠; tfatws!Bucky x fem!Reader

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭; 1,732

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬; 18+ ONLY | MINORS DNI, friends to lovers, mentions of bruises, swearing, pet-names (gorgeous, baby), unprotected sex, semi-public sex (hallway), mocking, praise kink, ruined kink, slight breeding kink.

𝐚/𝐧; GIF CREDITS, tysm for your words bby 🥺💕 i’m so glad you enjoy my writing and I hope you liked this one! sorry it took so long 💕

It went bad, extremely fucking bad. You were all ambushed, Clint was hit in the leg, everyone panicked for a hot minute.

It was a lot, a very explicit mission gone bad stamped on all of you as you returned to the compounded.

Frustrated sighs, bruises and a defeated expression in all of you, nobody needed to ask how things went. It was more than obvious.

But it didn’t matter — Tony Stark still needed his stupid damn gala.

“It’s gonna cheer us up” he tried as all of you groaned, objected and it was useless.

In a matter of hours you had all to get on the quinjet and go to the Tower, Stark would have his event.

You rolled your eyes as you slid the dress down your body. Fixing your hair and applying the last touches of your makeup.

A heavy breath leaving you as you made your way out of your room. You stumped into Bucky on your way out.

“Hey” was all he managed to say under gritted teeth, you smiled, amused by the grumpy man.

“Oh cmon” you poked his chest with your arm. “We’re gonna have so much fun tonight!” you fake cheering only made him groan and roll his eyes.

No one hated these events more than Bucky Barnes. They annoyed him to an extreme, his grumpy self present in his face from beginning to end.

Still, all the single girls seemed to jump at him anyways. He didn’t even have to put on a smile.

You would never, ever confess that out loud but oh fuck, did those girls made you jealous.

You tried to ignore it and stay away from them, but God, you really wish Bucky could notice the effect he had on you.

Because obviously you wouldn’t just end your friendship by admitting you had this stupid crush on him, it would be your secret to take to the grave.

“You look nice tho, gorgeous” Bucky snapped you out of your daydreams so fast you could only stared at him with slight shock on your face.

“I — what?” you were confused, almost sure you heard something wrong.

“What?” he shrugged his shoulders.

“Just because I hate these things doesn’t mean I can’t acknowledge how beautiful you look in this dress” you blinked a few times, as he gave you his hands to pull you into the jet.

You were still a little shocked as you flew to the Tower. Was that Bucky flirting? And that pet-name???

He was a super soldier which probably meant he could clearly see the shrives running down your body whenever he called you peach.

It was fucking hard to resist him when he was on a black suit, smelling like leather, sandalwood and Bucky — because it was just too unique to classify.

You had to control yourself. There was no way you’d survive the whole party with these thoughts in your head.

You had to get away from Bucky as soon as possible.

He threw away all caution he might’ve had. But seeing all flushed and unable to think as he said how beautiful you were made it all worth it.

Being a 106 year old cyborg and former assassin was hard enough. Dealing with the world he was in seemed like a bad joke.

And then there was you. Bucky didn’t even remember what it was like to actually have feelings.

But your shy way, the way you always cared for him, and how you seem to break down all the walls he created made him understand that there was no escape.

Yeah, he took longer than he should’ve and he wanted to make sure he was not wrong and would just fuck things up between you two.

But he notices you, he notices everything about you. He knows all about you, especially how tense you feel around him.

Bucky noticed the signs slowly.

How you pressed your legs together when you were staring too hard at him, how you would bite your lips whenever he enter a room.

The way goosebumps went through your body when he was close, too fucking close.

He also noticed how annoyed you’d be whenever he mentioned a date or another girl. It was cute, really.

But Bucky’s had enough, because it was not obvious to you that he felt the exact same way, with twice the desperation.

He would always make sure your favorite flavor of coffee and your favorite mug were there for you every morning.

He would protect you with his life whenever tou were assigned to missions together. He even tried asking you out — but you only thought he meant it as a friend.

Bucky started to hate that word, fucking friends. That didn’t stop him from pumping his cock and moaning your name every damn night.

He needed to do something, and if Stark thought you all need a party to relax after the long failure of a mission you had, than so be it.

⊱⋅ ──────── *·˚ ‎⍟ ༉‧₊˚ ───────── ⋅⊰

The party was dreadful, and Bucky kept staring at you. Those blue eyes always capturing yours as you tried to ignore the ache between your legs.

“Having a nice time, beautiful?” you nearly dropped the drink in your hands as Bucky whispered in your ears.

“Buck, hey!” your heart was hammering in your chest, as you stared wide eyed while the super soldier only smirked at you, what was it with him today?

“I feel like today you’re hating this event more than I usually do” he said, as he ran his tongue through his lower lip.

You tried not to drool at the sight. Muttering out something no one could be able to understand.

“Lost your words?” Bucky cocked his head to the side a coy smile on his face, “maybe we can go somewhere more private so we can, uh, talk”.

You were taken by surprise but all of it, but you followed him anyways.

You don’t know how it happened, all you knew is that you were back against the wall at an empty hallway with Bucky’s knee between your leg as you both devoured each other’s mouth.

It was teeth and tongue colliding in a messy and needy kiss.

“It’s been so long since I wanted to do this” Bucky purred.

“Always wondered what your pretty lips would taste like” he went back to kissing you, his finger running your body.

Bucky slid his hand pass your dress his two fingers pushing your panties to the side.

His fingers pushing your panties to the side, the contact with your pussy making you arch your back.

“However, cannot wait to taste you there” he smirked, gripping you tighter with his other hand as he saw how wet you were, his eyes darkening.

Bucky kept the eye contact as he brought his fingers to his mouth to taste you.

You swallowed hard at the sight, biting your lips to hold back a moan.

“Bet I could just take my dick out and you would take it all easily” he hovered your face with his lips, as you whined and opened his pants.

You grabbed his length through his boxers, gasping at how hard and big he was. your eyes widening for a second.

“Don’t worry baby girl” he cooed. “You’ll be able to take it all” he removed his boxers enough for his dick to be free.

“I bet this greedy pussy is dripping for me” he said, running his fingers through your folds again, spreading your arousal.

“Sadly I can’t take my time with you because someone could cut our fun short any minute now” he pouted, stroking his length a few times “but let’s enjoy the time we have”.

He winked, as he raised your dress and pushed his length into you, waiting a minute for you to adjust to his size.

“Bucky” you whined, “please” his stillness was driving you crazy. He chuckled at your desperation.

“such a needy baby” he mocked, “i’m ball deep inside you and still so desperate to be fucked” he started to move inside you, a slow agonizing pace as you tried to hold back the whimpering and moans.

“don’t worry, gonna ruin you all night, you won’t be able to fucking walk tomorrow” he promised, increasing his pace.

It became harder and harder to contain your sounds.

Bucky’s thrusts were hitting your sweet time without an error, you head was threw back you grabbed his shoulders for some balance.

“shh baby” Bucky’s arm gripped your throat, the pressure driving you even closer to the edge.

“Such a good girl, taking me so good” he praised, “such a tight pretty pussy, like it’s made for me” he had to contain his own groans as he hid his face in your neck.

“My pretty girl, all ruined for me” he whispered, “you look so good with your make up ruined, all for taking my cock so well” he mewled, his thrusts deeper and faster, you were close.

“Bucky, I—” you tried, but another big moan threatened to pass your lips as Bucky shushed you with his own mouth.

His thumb found your clit and he became to draw slow circles, the nod in your stomach about to explode.

You bite his shoulder as you came, white hot spots of pleasure blinding you as Bucky drove you through your high.

“Gonna have to fill you up” Bucky’s thrusts were sloppy and he was flushed, pink cheeks and sweat covering his perfect face.

“Gonna have you dripping with our mess for you to know who you belong to now” he said, as he had to contain his own moans as he came inside you.

You were both trying to recover your breathing as you held on each other for some balance.

Foreheads pressed together as you two didn’t dare to move.

“Cant believe we took so long to do this, hope you get used to us now” he smiled, rubbing your cheek.

You smiled back, pecking his lips.

“Not gonna let you go anymore Buck, don’t worry” you winked back, as you both made your ways back to your room.

Neither of you bothered to go back to the party, as you’d prefer to make a party of your own, now that you had the chance to have Bucky to yourself.

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cacoetheswriting · 2 years

Note

bucky and his neighbour reader watch movies together? just all the fluff in the world

i honestly had so much writing this 🥺🥺🥺

pairing: bucky barnes x fem!reader word count: 2.3k warnings: set post endgame and pre-tfatws, mainly a big ball of fluff, mutual pining, mild swearing, emotional hurt / comfort, tiny bit of angst, a little jealousy, use of pet names (darlin', sweets), mentions of alcohol and food consumption, mentions of guns / violence (in the movies they watch), slow burn summary: a few months in the life of bucky and his lovely neighbour, as they watch various movies together.

a/n: although it's a perfect stand-alone, this blurb is par of the 'a mutually assured attachment' universe 😌 (and it sat in my drafts unfinished for wayy too long so i hope you enjoy!!)

The music echoing through the shared corridor eventually died down. The loud chatter mixed with the obnoxious drunk snickers ceased and the usual party noises were quickly replaced by a rather deafening silence.

Bucky heard you say the last goodbyes to your overly excited friends before disappearing back into your apartment. Considering it was approaching 6 o’clock in the morning, he figured you’d be heading straight to bed, to sleep off whatever amount of alcohol you consumed during the night.

And honestly he should be sleeping too, (but the persistent nightmares made that task rather impossible). Listening out instead for the sound of honey-like laughter was a heartwarming distraction.

Seconds later, his phone chimed.

‘party’s over so you can come out of hiding, old man ;)’

‘Not hiding.’

‘sureee you’re not …’

The three dots appear again momentarily.

‘anyways, i’m gonna try and get some sleep but knock on my door before 10, okay ?? those fresh bagels we got the other day are seriously calling my name !!!’

Anything for you, Bucky wanted to say.

‘You got it.’

‘can always count on you, neighbour <333’

Bucky smiled to himself while making a mental note to ask you later what the hell those three’s at the end of your text message meant.

Shortly after 10 o’clock, he knocked on your door and several moments later, you answered.

“Morning, neighbour.” you mumbled with a yawn.

Bucky chewed on the inside of his cheek, fighting back an amused smirk at the sight of you — smudged makeup, ripped tights and a black t-shirt with Steve’s face on it.

“Good morning, sweets.” Bucky greeted you, “You’re looking swell as always. I especially like your top.”

Rolling your eyes, you retreated back into your living room and slouched down on the couch with an exaggerated groan. He followed you inside, closing the door behind him.

“It was a gift.”

“Looks good on you.”

“You know, it’s not nice to poke fun at people. Especially if those people invite you into their homes.”

“I ain’t teasin’, sweets.” he protested with a chuckle. You narrowed your eyes and were about to counter when, with a smile on his face, Bucky lifted his arm to reveal the white paper bag from the bakery you mentioned earlier.

“Mhmm… My hero,” you exclaimed softly and grabbed the bag from his grasp, previous conversation immediately forgotten, “Although, I would have been perfectly fine to walk over with you in like— four hours.”

He chuckled and made himself comfortable next to you, watching you excitedly fumble to open the bag and retrieve its contents.

“Well, now we don’t gotta go anywhere.”

“That’s probably for the best,” you replied while stuffing the fresh bagel into your mouth and reaching for the tv remote.

“So what’s next on our list, neighbour?”

From one of the pockets of his leather jacket, Bucky pulled out a small notebook in your favourite colour. He shuffled through the pages until he located the correct one (scribbled in your rather messy handwriting):

FILMS TO WATCH WITH YOUR SUPER COOL NEIGHBOUR - Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me - Corpse Bride - Valerie and Her Week of Wonders - Chef - Back to the Future (ALL OF THEM) - Anastasia - 10 Things I Hate About You - Barbarella - The Addams Family (preferably the 1991 version) - Bridesmaids - My Best Friend’s Wedding - Coco - A Series of Unfortunate Events

“Scream. And next to it — in all capitals I might add — ALL OF THEM.”

Bopping your head, you took another bite of your bagel.

“The first one’s my favourite,” you noted nonchalantly.

Bucky pinched your arm in response, hard enough to make you squeal but light enough so it didn’t actually hurt.

“Hey!?”

“No spoilers.”

“That wasn’t a spoiler! Just an opinion.”

“An opinion that will now affect how I view these films.”

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes, “Did anyone ever tell you how overly dramatic you can be?”

Bucky laughed, “Just start the damn movie, darlin’.”

MAMMA MIA

Dancing Queen blared through the speakers of your laptop which was placed on your bed — held up by a cheap IKEA stand — between you and your brunette neighbour.

Not the most ideal way to watch the musical, but your tv was broken and with no money until the end of the month to get it fixed (plus being too stubborn to let Bucky look at it for free), the shitty device had to suffice.

Although, it didn’t matter to Bucky.

He was having a hard time focusing on the movie anyway, since (a) your bed was just about the most comfortable thing he ever lay on and he was seriously fighting with himself to stay awake, (b) well, he was alone with you, in your bedroom, on your bed, in the utter dark where the only light coming from the laptop only defined your divine features further.

And Bucky tried concentrating on the movie. He really really did. But then you would break out in song along with the characters and he couldn’t take his gaze off you, swearing he’ll never experience this much bliss with anyone ever again.

“Sweets, I gotta ask, when will we watch one of my favourite films?” Bucky questioned with a raised brow once the movie concluded.

“What? You didn’t like Mamma Mia?” you giggled, angling your head towards him.

“Not that I’m not a fan of singing and prancing around a beautiful island,” his tone clearly sarcastic, “But I got a whole arsenal of films I can guarantee you’ve never seen.”

You raised a brow and teased, “I bet half of them are westerns, cowboy.”

Bucky gently flicked your nose, earning himself another giggle.

“Hey! I told you that in confidence.”

“You said I couldn’t tell another living soul about your childhood dreams of becoming a cowboy and I swear I didn’t,” you explained, raising your hands in defence, “But you never said anything about not being able to tease you.”

He rolled his eyes.

“Well, now I’m saying it.”

"Alright, cowboy."

BRINGING UP BABY

“I can’t believe one of your favourite movies is a rom-com,” you exclaimed as the credits rolled.

“What?! ‘Bringing Up Baby’ is not a romantic comedy,” Bucky defended and you couldn’t help but laugh.

“Sorry to burst your bubble Buck, but yes it is,” you stated.

“Classic boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love under unconventional circumstances, boy and girl profess their feelings for one another with a spectacular monologue...” you explained and observed as the brunette furrowed his brows, pondering your words.

“Well, I’ll be damned.” he muttered.

Chewing down on your bottom lip to conceal a smirk, you inclined towards him and whispered, “Don’t worry, neighbour. I’ll add this to things I know about you that I can’t share with another living soul.”

Without looking at you, mainly out of fear of what he might do — (something along the lines of unable to contain himself any longer and kissing you) — the blue-eyed sergeant gently nudged you in the ribcage.

You fell backwards giggling. Although it didn’t stop you from poking fun at him further.

“Next you’re gonna tell me your second favourite movie is ‘Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs’.”

“You're insufferable," Bucky commented while standing up and heading to the kitchen for more beer.

"But you can't deny I make your life so much more fun!" you called out after him.

And that you did. More than just fun. But he wasn't ready to admit that out loud just yet.

HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS

‘hey, are you home ?’

That’s all it took for Bucky to wind up at your door at 2 o’clock in the morning. He knocked and you called from inside, letting him know it was open.

“Hey, neighbour.” you murmured when his eyes landed on your frame. Surrounded by used tissues, an empty bottle of wine and a half-eaten box of chocolates, you were sulking on the armchair he usually occupied.

He was by your side in a flash. Crouching down next to you. His eyes searching yours for answers.

“What happened? Are you okay?”

You shrugged lightly, “Think the right question would be what didn’t happen…”

Following your answer, it didn’t take long for Bucky to put two and two together. Your date. The evening — and guy — you’ve been talking about for over a week now (unknowingly making him jealous).

“He didn’t show,” you admitted, burying your face in your hands.

Bucky’s jaw clenched momentarily. Anger boiling inside of him because how dare someone hurt you this way? God, if he only got his hands on that lousy weasel—

“Why does this always happen to me, Buck?” you queried, not really expecting an answer. The doubt and sorrow clearly detectable in the sound of your voice brought Bucky back to reality. It clenched his heart, tearing at it. He wanted nothing but to bring you solace.

“C’mere you,” he helped you up on your feet and carefully wrapped his strong arms around you, pulling you in close (closer than the two of you ever stood together). You instantly melted into his comforting embrace, taking in his musky scent, while the palm of his vibranium hand made home in the small of your back.

“Definitely not worthy of your time, sweets.”

You sniffled into his grey t-shirt, “You have to say that. You’re my friend.”

“No,” he responded quite sternly, lifting your chin with his index finger so that your eyes locked, “Am sayin’ it cause it’s true. y/n, you deserve someone a thousand times better than a douchebag that stands you up for whatever stupid reason.”

There was a brief moment of silence. You swore the world stopped spinning.

Now, this wasn’t the first time Bucky looked at you with such amity and care. In fact — thinking about it now — it happens more often than either of you care to admit. Each time you take note of how his piercing blue eyes seem different in times like these. Softer. Honestly, softer than any eyes that ever focused on you.

The usually closed-off soul from across the hall so deeply hurt and troubled by his past was gone and instead stood in front of you a man who clearly loved deeply.

And it only drew you in closer.

“I didn’t know douchebag was in your vocabulary,” you teased under your breath, breaking the spell you both found yourself under.

Letting his arms fall, Bucky playfully rolled his eyes and smirked. “The words’ been around for pretty much as long as I have.”

You giggled at his response and were about to make a cheeky comment when a yawn escaped your lips.

“You should get some sleep, darlin’.”

“Nah. I was gonna turn on a rom-com before I texted you, a lousy effort to cheer myself up,” you said and plopped down on the couch before patting the spot beside you.

“But since you came running like my knight in shining armor, we can watch the next movie from our list.”

“Whatever you want, darlin’.”

“Good cause I think you’ll enjoy this one.”

Bucky made himself comfortable against the pillows, his arm around you, “You said that about the last romantic comedy we saw.”

You leaned into his chest, your head landing on his shoulder, “If I remember correctly, you shed a tear or two during during Julianne’s wedding toast so don’t act all tough now.”

He licked his lips, containing a smirk, while you started a movie.

KINGSMAN MARATHON

“He stole your moves, Buck.” you teased, referring to Charlie swinging out of a moving car as his metal arm scrapes against the road.

The man sitting next to you huffed, passing you the blow of popcorn, and rolled his eyes, “How very funny.”

“Not trying to be, just stating the obvious really, cause you tend to hang out of cars like that —” you tossed a popped kernel into your mouth, “— I seen you on the news.”

Bucky couldn't dispute that. After all there’s been many occasions for many different reasons where his metal (now vibranium) arm came in contact with the pavement, so in lieu he shrugged his shoulders.

“Well, it is a very efficient way of trying your best not to die,” he commented, causing you to let out a lighthearted chuckle, before continuing, “But my arm is a lot - what’s the word you would use? - cooler.”

Bucky reached for a handful of popcorn and the two of you locked eyes for a split-second, goofy expressions plastered across both your faces.

A bang coming from the tv caused you to focus your attention back on the movie, in time to watch Eggsy grab a gun out of a hidden compartment and try shooting Charlie who he deflects bullets with his metal hand.

“I can do that too,” Bucky noted casually and it was your turn to roll your eyes.

“Alright, Mr Tough Guy.”

“I thought you said this was your favourite happy film.” Bucky murmured.

“It is,” you sniffled quietly in response and the sound of your soft tears caused the brunette to immediately focus his attention on you.

“How can that be if you’re crying, sweets?”

“I’m not crying,” you protested, eyes glued to the opening montage unfolding on the tv screen.

Bucky did his best to fight back a timid smile. Lifting his vibranium hand, he reached out and gently wiped the wet droplets slowly trailing down your cheeks: “Then what’s this, darlin’?”

“Sweat,” without turning to look at him, you responded as seriously as ever. Bucky chuckled but didn’t say anything else. He let his arm fall back behind your shoulders however instead of focusing again on the animated feature, he chose to observe you.

A certain warmth settled in the pit of his stomach as he watched you watch the film. Blanket pulled to your chin, tears silently escaping the corners of your eyes, a wavering smile circling your lips.

You looked beautiful (not that you’d ever agree if he told you), but you did.

“If I ever get married, that’s the melody I want to walk down the aisle to,” you confessed in a mere whisper.

“It certainly is beautiful,” Bucky responded, his gaze still locked on you.

So fucking beautiful.

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seventven · 2 years

Text

friendly assistance (ii)

summary: y/n and bucky spend their free evening at a nightclub. john walker has similar plans for the night. y/n and bucky see this as an opportunity to show walker just how uninterested she is in his attempts to flirt with her. things don’t go as planned.

pairing: tfatws!bucky x reader

word count: 1.4k+

warnings: drinking; swearing; public displays of affection; a bit of bump and grind; slight jealousy; uninvited feelings of arousal

a/n: hello i know i was meant to post this like 2 weeks ago but life happened

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“The way he is looking at you is making my blood boil.”

The words were spoken in a low voice and when Y/N looked over her shoulder, the grimace was evident across Bucky’s face. He stood close, a snug, black velvet blazer accentuating his broad shoulders, long fingers wrapped around a glass of rum. His face was illuminated by the red and blue lights flickering across the night club’s dance floor, his eyes dark as he regarded John from across the room.

“Seriously, does he not have anything better to do than ogling you like that? It’s all he has done since we got here.”

Y/N couldn’t help but chuckle, stealing a brief glance in the blonde’s direction. He sat on a stool by the bar, completely ignoring whatever Hoskins was shouting at him over the thrum of the blaring music. The way in which John’s eyes were glued to her, unable to glance away and the bold, flirtatious look in her eyes made her skin crawl.

She turned towards Bucky, a hint of a smirk playing across her painted lips. He was suddenly closer than she remembered; the floor under Y/N’s feet vibrated with every thump, countless sweaty bodies pushing her further and further into him.

“I could say the same thing to you, Buck. You’ve been glaring at him for hours.”

He released a frustrated breath and took a gulp of his drink, sending one last glare in John’s direction. He almost hissed at the burn of alcohol in his throat. Bucky wished he could get drunk like everybody else and just fucking relax, but with the amount of super soldier serum running through his veins, the task was just about impossible to accomplish.

“It pisses me off,” he grumbled, voice barely audible over the loud music. He stepped closer, his expression softening when Y/N finally turned to face him fully. He was no longer grinding his teeth but the agitation was evident in his eyes. “I don’t trust him.”

Y/N reached out and wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing her body to his. He quirked an eyebrow inquisitively, one arm sliding around the small of her back and pulling her in closer. Y/N placed a small peck to his stubbly cheek; she wasn’t sure if it was a friendly kiss to comfort and calm him, an invitation to dance, or something done as part of their plan to get Walker to back off. Whatever the reasoning, the gesture was reassuring for them both and Bucky’s eyes fluttered closed for a short second, enjoying the feeling.

When it was over, their bodies flush against each other, swaying to the beat of the music, Bucky brought his lips to her ear. She almost shuddered at the feeling of his hot breath on her skin, goosebumps rising on her flesh.

“He’s staring,” Bucky whispered, his grip on her body tightening. Y/N could feel her heart hammering wildly in her chest; she knew this was all a meaningless plan to get John to leave her alone but the fact did nothing to cease the budding excitement she felt at being so close to Bucky. The alcohol in her system, the thrumming music and the heat radiating from his body made the whole thing way more exciting than it had any right to be. Was she feeling turned on?

Bucky released a tiny chuckle, the sound of which travelled all the way between her thighs. She always found Bucky attractive and enjoyed the innocent intimacy of their friendship, but this was something different. The way his hands held her close, the way his breath by her ear made her skin tingle... It was something else entirely.

“I don’t think he’s buying it.” Bucky cocked his head back to regard her expression. She hoped the flickering lights covered how red her face must have been, her mouth watering at the smell of Bucky’s cologne. He was just so fucking close...

The corner of his lips curved up into a teasing smirk, a hint of mischief in his eyes.

“Let’s give him a show,” he whispered, and Y/N felt her heart skip a beat. She regarded his expression carefully, unable to form a coherent sentence and when Bucky spun her around and pressed her back to his chest, a gasp fell from her lips.

“What are you doing?” She managed the words weakly. She looked across the dance floor to where John was sitting. He was watching with dark, angry eyes, jaw clenched, his fingers wrapped tightly around a bottle of beer. There was fury and jealousy in the way he watched the scene unfold before him, and Y/N’s lips parted at the feeling of Bucky pressing his mouth to the side of her neck.

“Just relax and play along,” he responded quietly, then took her earlobe between his teeth and tugged. Y/N’s eyes fluttered closed, enjoying the whole thing more than she should have, and found her hips instinctively backing farther into him. Bucky chuckled at the feeling.

“I said play along, Y/N. You don’t have to grind on me in order to get the message across. There’s no need.”

Y/N felt her cheeks heating up, a feeble apology tumbling past her lips.

He kissed her neck slowly, making sure they were positioned in a way which gave John the perfect view. Bucky pressed his tongue flat to her neck, just below her ear, and Y/N’s head fell back onto his shoulder at the feeling. It was only then that Y/N realised how long it had been since she had received a good fucking.

“Did you just moan?”

Her eyes fluttered open and she tilted her head to look at him. Bucky had an amused little grin playing across his lips and there was something that resembled satisfaction glistening in his eyes. Y/N bit her lip, embarrassed with the way her body was responding to him.

“No, I didn’t,” she protested, and looked away, back towards John. Her face was red and her heart was beating rapidly inside her ribcage. God, this was embarrassing.

“Sure,” he chuckled, evidently disbelieving her protest, but soon dropped the topic, and Y/N couldn’t have been any more thankful. He dipped his head lower and kissed her shoulder.

Y/N tried to keep her eyes open, to look in John’s direction and to ignore the feeling of Bucky’s lips on her skin, but she just couldn’t do it. There was electricity between them and the arousal in her core continued to grow, demanding to be felt. She closed her eyes again and just revelled in it, her bottom lip between her teeth, desperate not to make a sound. He pulled her in closer.

“If that wasn’t a moan, then why are you grinding your ass on me again?”

Her heart dropped, the subconscious movement of her hips ceasing.

“I’m not!”

“Don’t lie.”

Growing annoyed, she attempted to step away and put an end to this charade. Clearly, the whole thing just wasn’t going to work out; especially not with Bucky’s constant taunts and her body’s inability to behave itself. It was better to end it now than continue and make it any more awkward.

“I need to get a drink,” she told him, her exasperation evident in her tone. She felt beyond mortified, her cheeks reddening, palms sweating and that horrible feeling of unease making her mouth dry.

Bucky pulled her in closer, her back pressed flush to his chest. She almost gasped at the force of his grasp.

“Hey, it’s okay,” he whispered in her ear, softly, like he didn’t mind her body’s uninvited response to his touch. There was no longer humour or teasing in his tone, but a gentleness that made her feel like everything was okay. It was reassuring, but Y/N was in too deep in her embarrassment. She needed to get away.

“I need to go,” she stated, ignoring his reassurance and peeling his hands away from her body.

Bucky only watched as she weaved through the crowd, pushing past dancing, sweaty bodies until she was well away from his hands and the temptation he posed.

She avoided his gaze, ordering a drink when she finally reached the bar and praying that John wouldn’t try to hit on her again. With the arousal she was feeling, combined with the alcohol running through her veins, she feared she was capable of doing something stupid, something she would regret in the morning. Something like taking him up on his never ending offers.

#bucky barnes #bucky #Bucky Barnes imagine #Bucky Barnes x reader #Bucky Barnes smut #Bucky Barnes fic #Sebastian Stan imagine #tfatws smut #tfatws imagine

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rogersevans · 3 years

Text

Asking Her

Pairings: Chris Evans x Downey!Reader

Warnings: Explicit, swearing, drinking

Summary: After 20 years of knowing each other, buzzed on each other and alcohol, Chris has an important question for Y/n Downey. a part of the evans’ series.

notes: i know tony doesn’t have two daughters in the films or comics- he doesn’t even have one in the comics, so don’t come for me.

“You’re insufferable, you know that right?” Chris asked, already knowing the answer.

Of course, Y/n knew that, she was Robert Downey Jr’s daughter after all, it was in her blood to be insufferable, annoying, cocky, everything her father was, much to her mother’s dismay.

The shot of Tony’s funeral was being filmed currently and Y/n thought it would be hilarious to make nosies stood behind Evans, everyone else found it funny, especially Tom Holland and Chris Hemsworth.

Chris normally wasn’t one for taking pranks or jokes on set too serious, but he was tired and they had been filming for twelve hours, this was the last scene of the day and Y/n was dragging it out.

If it wasn’t the noises, it was laughing during takes, don’t get me wrong Y/n took her job very seriously and this wasn’t her first introduction into the MCU.

But sad or emotional scenes made her nervous, it was like a knee jerk reaction that she couldn’t stop. Chris knew this, after knowing her for almost twenty years and having done seven other movies with her, but he was losing his patience.

Y/n had been involved with two other Marvel films in the past, which fans had picked up on quickly, liking the idea of Tony having an older daughter from his playboy days. So, Marvel approached her with the idea of joining forces with Sebastian and Anthony in The Falcon and The Winter Solider as well as working with Tom Holland in Far From Home.

Without thinking, Y/n accepted straight away.

Her character was to work alongside Happy, helping to train Peter in combat and suits and look after him in Far From Home. In TFATWS, her character had to convince Sam to become the new Captain America after he gave up the shield, whilst learning to get along with Bucky.

“Oh, c’mon Captain, loosen up a little.” Y/n rolled her eyes, everyone around them settling down. She flashed him her best smile, trying to win him over, knowing it would work.

Without word he just turned back to face the lake, a small smile on his lips. “The timing was perfect.” He mumbled, low enough for only her to hear, making her beam ear to ear.

Chris always had a soft spot for Y/n Downey from the moment he met her, her being five years his junior and her only being 15 when they met, didn’t help. Twelve years later though those feelings had completely changed when they worked alongside one another in the film What’s Your Number?

He had become infatuated with her. It was like a switch had been flipped on that he didn’t know he had. At first, he would tell himself that the feelings weren’t real, getting too into the role of playing her love interest. But after an incident during the press tour, he knew that wasn’t true.

“So, you guys play love interests in the movie... Have you guys ever dated?” The interviewer asked them both, shocking them at first.

“What? Us?” Chris stuttered as he answered, pointing between the pair of them, watching as the interviewer nodded. “We haven’t-”

“He friend zoned me!” Y/n interjected, “we met when I was 15 and he was 20, he would call me kid.” Her face scrunching up, showing her disapproval of the nickname.

“Hey, whoa there!” Chris stopped you, laughing at your comment. “That’s... True. But!” He rushed to finish his sentence, making sure you didn’t cut him off again. “Every pass I’ve ever made at you since, you’ve swerved off!” Smiling down at her, which she reciprocated.

“So, you have made a move?” The woman asked Chris, finding herself becoming immersed in the connection they both shared, unknowingly.

“Yeah, apparently it’s never gonna happen!” Chirs rolled his eyes dramatically, thumbing at Y/n over his shoulder.

Both of them laughing the question off, but Y/n noticed how his arm rested on the back of her chair, his fingers dancing on her shoulder without catching the interviewer's attention.

It had left goosebumps over her entire body and Chris could’ve sworn he felt a jolt of electricity surge through his entire body from that single touch.

“I could see it.” The interviewer stated, pointing between the pair.

A blush had started to grow over Y/n’s cheeks, becoming uncomfortable with the topic of conversation, but Chris just thankfully laughed it off, his arm still around the back of her chair, sensing her shift in mood he swiftly changed the subject.

Something Y/n couldn’t stop thanking him for after.

The offence in Y/n’s voice during that conversation and the sensation he felt after touching her like that made Chris’ mind wonder. The little touches and glances that happened for the rest of the press tour didn’t help, his infatuation growing with each day until he admitted to himself that he liked her.

At the time Chris was dating Dianna Agron, so he didn’t pursue anything respecting his relationship, plus you were the daughter of Robert Downey Jr, that shit was intimidating, even more so since he became Iron Man.

Their paths crossed once again on the set of Avengers: Age of Ultron, this time it was Y/n who was in the relationship with none other than Aaron Taylor-Johnson, so when those feelings came rushing back to him, he couldn’t do anything about it.

Not to mention her dad always being less than ten feet away was a mood killer.

Y/n had always been the ‘what if’ person in his life, a feeling he couldn’t shake, no matter how hard he tried, never catching each other at the right time.

“Cut!” Joe shouted, disturbing Chris’ thoughts. “John and Lexi, let’s move onto your scene.” With that instruction everyone started leaving the area.

Y/n followed everyone, grabbing a bottle of water. “Nice.” Was all Robert said, taking his daughter into his arms, giving her a quick hug. But she didn’t know if he was referring to her antics or her acting, maybe both?

The day Y/n told Robert she wanted to take after him, was probably one of the best day of his life. No matter how much he denies it, he jumped for joy, he felt Y/n had a talent that needed to be flaunted and he wasn’t wrong, after her first appearance in the MCU she started to receive more movie offers and started establishing a name for herself, other than RDJ’s daughter.

“Who’s coming to the meal Friday night?” Evans asked, looking around at the show of hands until his eyes fell on Y/n, who hadn’t raised her hand, letting his face fall slightly. “You not coming?!” He asked, offended.

“I don’t know...” Sure, Y/n was a smart ass, quick witted and stunningly beautiful but also suffered with social anxiety, so clubbing and bars weren’t really her thing.

“C’mon! It’s our last day shooting...” He eyed her, waiting for a response and she opened her mouth to give him one but he stopped her before she could, probably going to protest anyway. “My last day as Captain America/Steve Rogers.” He reminded her, using his best puppy dog eyes act.

Y/n felt her dads, Tom, Hemsworth’s and Lizzie’s eyes on her, not being able to gauge her response. “... Fine, one drink!” She couldn’t help but smile as she watched Chris throw his arms up in triumph.

She could never say no to his big blues.

“I’ll ride with you so you won’t be arriving on your own, it will be fine.” Lizzie’s voice chimed through the phone her voice filling Y/n’s hotel room, putting her on speaker as she finished getting ready. Shooting had finished today and everyone practically ran back to the hotel to get ready, never passing up the opportunity to go out as a group. “I’m sure Chris will be happy to see you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Y/n asked at the same time Lizzie was finishing the statement.

“Just that.” Was all she said, the cogs working overtime in Y/n’s brain, when there wasn’t a response Lizzie sighed before continuing. “He likes you, like head over heels, ‘I must have you now’, type of thing.”

Y/n stood there shocked, not knowing how to respond. That can’t be true, the anxiety of the night now leaving her but being replaced with a new level of anxiety... Of seeing Chris.

“Y/n, you there?” Silence. “Y/n!?” She shouted through the speaker, pulling Y/n out of her own head.

“Sorry, here.”

“Let me in.” Then a couple of knocks shortly followed.

“You’re lying,” she greets her best friend when she opened the door.

“That how you answer all your doors?” She smirked walking past Y/n and into her room, ignoring her statement. “Chuck your shoes on, we’re late!” Ushering her back into the room, Y/n still in a confused daze.

Handing Y/n her shoes and checking the time on her phone, her eyes doubled in size at the time. “Shit. We were supposed to be there 15 minutes ago!” Grabbing her hand after she slipped her shoes on.

Y/n’s mind was racing. Chris couldn’t like her, right? That’s crazy! They’d been friends for twenty years, he met her when she was fifteen...

Did he like me then!?

Creepy-

Nope, no, don’t want to go down that road. Y/n thought.

Sure, it was something that she had thought about, more than she’d like to admit, when you play someone’s love interest in more than one film your mind can start to wonder. It’s starts off small by noticing how great he looked in one scene, or how amazing he smelt in another, to craving the small, but yet affectionate touch he made during the junket, over and over again.

But Y/n convinced herself it was because she’d been around Chris every day, in-between filming and press tours.

Casting her mind to all the times Chris had stayed present in her life, even after filming, they would text every other day or he would call her once every two weeks to be kept updated on her life, the memories made her all warm inside-

Wait.

Did she like him back?

“Earth to Y/n!” Lizzie interrupted her thoughts, thankfully because they were starting to make her dizzy with how manic they were. “We’re here.” Thumbing to the restaurant over her shoulder, Y/n hadn’t even noticed they’d made it out of the hotel and into a car.

That’s when she saw him over Lizzie’s shoulder, he looked amazing.

Dressed in a black, loose fitting sweater, blue denim jeans and a emerald green jacket draped over his arm.

Fuck, has he always looked this good? She thought, biting her bottom lip.

The cold breeze brought Y/n back to reality, seeing Lizzie stood on the pavement, her arms wrapped around herself to keep her warm, cursing her decision on wearing her pink dress and black leather jacket.

“Stop checking him out, I’m hungry.” She grumbled, turning on her heels and heading towards the entrance, with Y/n stumbling out of the car to hurry by her side, giving her outfit a once over. Black ankle heeled boots, black skinny jeans, black turtleneck top and finishing the look with a caramel, sleeveless, knee length duster jacket.

“You look fantastic, c’mon!” Lizzie called, pulling her in not letting Y/n overthink or back out.

Everyone was having an amazing time, the meal was long forgotten about, the focus now on drinks and everyone was slowly losing count of how many they’d consumed. Y/n had felt herself instantly relax being in the company of her family and friends, Chris took it upon his self to sit next to her and Lizzie on her left.

Y/n watched as the group reminisced over the past ten years, all of them laughing at her father’s stories or Tom Hiddleston’s impressions of each individual cast member, Evans’s being Y/n’s favourite impression of his because of how accurate it was.

Leaning back in her chair, her eyes fell onto Chris as he was leaning forward laughing at something Sebastian had said, taking the quiet minute to admire him, how his hair was perfectly styled, or how stubble had started to grow back, knowing he wanted his beard back, she also couldn’t help but admire the sound of his laugh-

“You’re staring.” Lizzie whispered to her, bringing her back.

Shit.

Y/n looked at Lizzie and Paul, who was seated next to Lizzie, both of them smirking. Trying to avoid their gaze she leaned forward, resting her elbows on the table trying to focus on the conversation.

“You, ok?” Chris suddenly asked quietly so only she could hear.

It was like someone was burning holes in the sweater he was wearing, he could feel her staring at him, his own anxiety starting to play on his mind, not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable he kept his attention on the conversation, but that’s when he heard Lizzie whisper.

So, he turned his head to face her once she leaned forward, her cheeks were flushed and her hair had been messed with. Something she does when she’s nervous. Chris noted mentally. He had now folded his arms on the table and leaned in closer towards Y/n.

“Yeah, a little too much wine.” Y/n lied. She was never this nervous around Chris, but as she mimicked his position she found herself looking into his eyes.

“You look beautiful tonight.” He said in a hushed tone.

“Thank you... You look...” Y/n tried to think of a word without sounding cheesy or gimmicky, but was coming up blank.

“Amazing, I know.” He replied cockily, making her laugh. Her laugh was his favourite sound, it was light and joyful, it made his breath hitch in his throat, his cockiness now gone.

“Wow.” Rolling her eyes playfully.

Another hour had passed and that hour was filled with small giggles, accidental touches (the more alcohol they drank the less accidental they became) and longing stares (something they thought was subtle, but everyone had picked up on it).

Y/n could feel herself sobering up the more she was locked in Chris’ gaze, which she didn’t think was possible, so she decided she needed another drink.

Chris watched as she was stood at the bar, his head a little fuzzy from alcohol and Y/n, mainly the alcohol. He’d hardly noticed Lizzie move one seat up, now perched next to him. “Go help her, she’s getting everyone drinks, can’t carry them herself.” Was all she said before Chris abruptly stood from his seat, attracting the attention from his friends, ignoring them he made his way to Y/n’s side, his cheeks burning when Anthony gave a wolf whistle.

“On your left.” He mumbled, instantly hating himself for the cheesy comment, scrunching his face wanting the floor to swallow him up.

But that feeling instantly left him when he heard her giggle.

Ok, she’s had too much to drink if she found that funny. Chris thought, a broad smile dancing on her lips.

“I’ve come to help, with the drinks.”

“Oh, thanks!” She cheered, giving him a tray.

“And,” he added quickly, stopping her from walking away, her full attention now on him. “To ask if you’re free tomorrow night?” He blurted out, a little too loudly, now their group of friends quieting down their conversation to listen.

Y/n wasn’t sure if it was the amount of alcohol she had consumed or the fact that he’d asked her out, but she was on fucking different planet, her stomach doing flips, spins and jumps, a giddy feeling building up in her. Even though he blurted the question at her, she heard him loud and clear, but yet she wasn’t responding and Chris started to panic.

Shit

Fuck

Crap

Dickhead, she doesn’t like you-

“I’m free.” Quickly interrupting his panicked thoughts, her cheeks tinted pink, eyes wide and her broad grin still there.

“Great, it’s a date!”

“Thank fuck for that!” Robert suddenly shouted, making them both turn to face their friends, all looking at them.

#chris evans #chris evans x y/n #chris evans x reader #chris evans x you #chris evans x female reader #chris evans x downey!reader #cevans #cevansedit #evansedit #writings #the evans'

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mysecretlittlelibrary · 2 years

Text

I'm Almost Me Again, She's Almost You

Pairing: TFATWS!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: 5.4k

Warnings: none really but this is the only story I've ever written that's canonically accurate to the MCU so mentions of character death, Steve's stupid ass ending (It takes place during/after TFATWS)- Bucky's low-key a sad boi

Genre: fluff with a couple sprinkles of angst

Summary: Bucky's new girlfriend reminds him of an old friend (inspired entirely by Almost (Sweet Music) by Hozier because I am obsessed with that Irish Giant- did y'all know he's like 6'6?!)

***

You walk down the isles of the bookstore where you work, stocking the shelves with new copies of some books you just got in. When you turn a corner you see a man standing in the aisle with his arms crossed. He's wearing a leather jacket and it looks like he's got on gloves from what you can see of his hands. It's not winter so they seem a little out of place, but it's not your place to judge. His eyes dart from book to book quickly.

"Excuse me. Hi is there anything I can help you with?" You ask him. He looks at you for a long while before he shakes his head slightly. "Ah- alright. Well if you need anything let me know!" You smile at him and go back to your restocking, singing quietly, an old song he swears he recognizes but won't ask you about. He's there for about an hour before he silently leaves the store.

~*~*~

The next time you see the man is about a week later. You're at the counter flipping through your latest novel of choice quitely singing Night and Day, an old jazz song, when he walks up to you and clears his throat. Your head jerks up at the sound and you stop your quiet singing.

"Oh hey- you're the guy from last week! You need something?" You smile at him closing your book.

"You- remember me from last week?" He blinks at you.

"Course I do. You got on the same jacket too. I'm- pretty good with faces." You tell him. He nods but doesn't say anything in response. "Uh anyway, can I help you with anything?" You ask.

"I'm looking for a book. One about like- psychology- or hypnosis maybe." He frowns.

"Well we have some psychology books in the science section. Probably the biology subset but I'd have to walk over there to give you more exact locations." You tell him.

"I've got it from here." He nods and walks away. You turn your attention back to your novel for the time being, singing the same song from where you left off. The man spends forty minutes browsing the books in the science section before he eventually returns to the counter, this time with books in hand. He's got three, all related to psychology and the mind.

"Find everything okay?" You ask as you scan the books. He nods.

"Alright, your total is 42.57." You say. He silently hands you his card. You hand him back his card and his bag of items.

"Thanks." He gruffly mumbles.

"Thanks for coming. Have a nice day! Hope to see you again soon." You tell him. He nods as a way of saying goodbye and leaves.

~*~*~

The man returns the following week.

"Hello again psych enthusiast." You say. He nods at you as he walks towards the science section. He comes to the counter about thirty minutes later with three new books. This time a book about dreams is amongst the set.

"You always been interested in psychology?" You ask him.

"New hobby." He says.

"Well, happy reading." You tell him handing him his bag. He nods and leaves.

He comes in again once a week for the next few weeks, picking up a few books at a time. Always about some aspect of psychology, or dreams, or the mind. You try to talk to him whenever he comes in but it's mostly just you talking, as he gives short primarily nonverbal responses.

Then for a while after that you don't see the man again. You don't think much of it, sometimes you see customers once and never again. Plus the news has been talking about some group called the Flag Smashers all the time and you're a bit preoccupied watching for updates on the anarchists that wanna take over the world. Eventually, news of the Flag Smashers dies down and a hero you'd known as the Falcon declares himself the new Captain America. You knew enough about the Avengers to know a few of them were dead now following the blip and the original Captain America was missing in action, again, much like the 40s. No one really knows what happened to him, except probably the remaining Avengers. Maybe he'll pop up again in another 70 years.

A couple days after the Flag Smashers business is publically laid to rest the psychology hobbyist walks in again. You don't notice, busy restocking by the counter. It's not until he comes up to the counter with a couple books that you even know he's here.

"Hey the psych dude- you're back!" You say.

"Psych- dude?" He frowns at you.

"Well I dunno your name, and I could call you leather jacket or something but you always come in here and buy psychology books." You shrug.

"James." He says.

"Sorry what?" Your eyebrows knit together in confusion.

"My name. It's James." He elaborates.

"Oh- hi James. I'm y/n." You smile. He nods slightly, unsure of what to say in response. You hand him his items. "Alright well, I'll see you next time James." You offer. He nods again and makes his way out.

~*~*~

The next time James comes to the bookstore he waves at you as he walks to the science section as always. He's only there for 15 minutes before he's at the counter.

"Hi James." You tell him.

"Hello." He says. You ring him up without much more conversation but as you hand him his bag you will yourself to ask your question.

"Hey James would you like to go for coffee or something, some time?" You ask.

"Oh- uh- I-"

"You don't have to say yes. I won't take it personally." You shrug.

"Actually- I'd like to." He says.

"Okay. There's a coffee shop up the street. Do you know it?" You grab a sticky note and scribble your number down on it.

"Uh- yeah- I uh- I've been there before." He says.

"Great. I'm off Saturday. We can meet then if you're free. Say one?" You hand him the sticky note.

"One?" He frowns in confusion.

"Yeah- does one o'clock work for you? Do you want to meet earlier or later?"

"Oh! One is fine." He says.

"Alright. See you then. Call or text if something changes." You tell him. He nods and leaves the bookstore without another word.

When Saturday rolls around you arrive at the coffee shop at exactly 1 o'clock. Before you've even sat down Bucky arrives at the table you've chosen.

"Hello." He says. You smile at him.

"Hi James." You reach out your hand to shake. He stares at your hand but doesn't move to shake it. "Did you want to order something before we sit down?" You ask him. He nods and follows you to the counter. The two of you order sandwhiches and drinks and take your lunches to your chosen table. For a few moments you just sit and eat silently until you test the waters with a question.

"So James, tell me something about yourself- how old are you?" You ask.

"106." He says seriously. Your eyes widen for a second unsure of if he's serious but you assume he's joking so you play along.

"Well lucky for you I've always had a thing for older guys." You joke.

"Lucky me." He says.

"Okay well what do you do? Like when you're not at the book store how do you spend your days?" You ask.

"Therapy." He shrugs.

"Oh like you're a therapist?" You ask.

"No I have a therapist." He says.

"Is that what all the psychology books are for?"

"What-?"

"Every book you've bought has been psychology related. Are you interested in becoming a therapist or just wanting be more aware of your progress?" You ask.

"I don't think I'm at all the type of person who should be a therapist." He scoffs.

"So- interested in being aware of how you're doing?"

"Something like that." He hums.

"Well I won't ask what you're in therapy for- seems a bit too personal for a first date-"

"Is that what this is? A date?" He asks you.

"If you're okay with that."

"Sure. I'm okay with it."

"Cool- so uh I won't ask you why you're in therapy but how do you think it's going? If you don't mind me asking."

"If I tried to explain all the reasons I'm in therapy you'd be 106 by the time I finished. But uh- I think it's going alright. Therapist says I need to establish more connections- but she also says routines are good for me so- I have to establish a routine that let's me meet new people I guess."

"Well, you come by the book store pretty regularly- it's not super busy but we get enough customers that you could meet new people there if you spoke to anyone else." You shrug. He hums.

"Can I ask you something?" He asks after a moment.

"Sure- it's only fair- I've asked, more than one question already." You say.

"Right, why did you invite me out? Why talk to me at all?"

"One part curiosity, two parts self interest." You shrug.

"What the fuck does self interest mean?" His eyes narrow skeptically.

"Uh- that I'm interested in you-? Like I find you attractive." You explain confused by the defensive nature of his last question.

"Oh- right. Sorry for swearing." He mumbles.

"You always this distrusting of people James?" You ask him.

"Well- if you've seen the things I've seen you would be too." He shrugs.

"Maybe- but you've gotta give people the benefit of the doubt sometimes James. You won't make any new conections with walls up higher than the twin towers you know. Most people won't climb that high." You smile.

"Would you?" He asks.

"If I care about the person sure. Everyone deserves people they can trust and love and count on- no matter how high their walls go." You shrug. Bucky takes a moment to digest your words before speaking again.

"Friends call me Bucky." He says.

"Bucky?" You tilt your head.

"Middle name's Buchanan. Bucky's short for that. Caught on. Now pretty much no one calls me James." He explains.

"Would you prefer I call you Bucky?" You ask.

"I don't mind James when you say it. You can call me either." He says.

"James Buchanan, Bucky. Alright." You smile. He awkwardly attempts to learn more about you for the next hour, greatful that you do most of the talking and by the time you're parting ways you've set up another lunch date for the following week.

This goes on for a few months before anything else happens between the two of you. You meet for lunch and Bucky forces himself out of his comfort zone with you. He tells you small bits and pieces about his life at his pace and you allow him to. He tells you about Sam and Sam's family, how they welcomed him into their community and made him feel safe. He tells you of an old friend Steve, who he's not friends with anymore but never tells you why. He even shares some of his progress from when he was in therapy- as much as he can without telling you why he was in therapy. Even when he stops going. Eventually he feels comfortable enough to ask you to be his girlfriend which you of course say yes to, your lunch dates with him having been the highlight of your week ever since the second one. About three weeks into dating Bucky offers to tell you about why he's in therapy. A conversation he's been dreading since day one.

"Hey y/n I uh- I wanna talk to you about something." He says softly while you're reading together in your living room, Duke Ellington playing through the space.

"Everything alright Bucky?" You frown, closing the book to give him your full attention.

"Yeah- I just, I thought maybe it was time I told you about- you know, why I was in therapy. About my past." He says.

"You don't have to if you're not ready Bucky. You don't owe me that information you know." You tell him placing a reassuring hand over his.

"I know- I know I don't owe it to you but I, I want to tell you. I feel- I don't like hiding it from you."

"Alright- if you're sure, I'm all ears- and you don't have to tell me all of it tonight. Just, share whatever you feel comfortable." You tell him. His eyes scan your face momentarily and find nothing but sincerity in your eyes.

"Well- I'm, I'm the Winter Soldier." He starts.

"The Winter Soldier? Like the Hydra assassin?" You frown.

"Yes. That is- was me."

"How is that possible? The Winter Soldier was used by Hydra during World War Two he would be like a hundred years old."

"A hundred and seven." Bucky corrects you. You blink at him remembering his answer to that question from your first date.

"You weren't kidding. When you said you were a hundred and six you weren't kidding. You really are- but how?" You try to wrap your head around it.

"Hydra found me armless and bleeding out in the woods after falling off a train back in the forties during the war. They- saved me, I guess, gave me a metal arm, and- turned me into a weapon. Years of physical and mental torture that I can't even remember in full. When I wasn't on missions doing Hydra's dirty work they froze me in a cryogenic chamber. That's why I don't look a hundred and seven." He explains.

"Oh my God." You whisper.

"I've done- terrible horrible things. Things that haunt my dreams, things that if I told you- you'd probably never want to see me again. But I'm trying to make up for it. I joined the Avengers- actually the Avengers are how I got away from Hydra to begin with- my buddy Steve- Captain America- he found me. Took me to Wakanda and they helped me. Freed my mind from Hydra's hypnosis. But then all that shit with the blip happened and- well now I'm making amends on a smaller scale. I have a list- families of my victims- the ones I remember. I try to help them, offer closure if I can, aid if I can't. The guilt is probably always going to be there but it helps."

"Wait- sorry- your Steve is Captain America?" You blink at him.

"He was." Bucky shrugs.

"What happened to him?" You ask.

"I don't wanna talk about that right now if you don't mind." He shakes his head.

"Of course. Sorry, continue with your story my love." You tell him. He takes a deep breath as he goes back to the beginning. He tells you about his life before the war, tells you about his time as a soldier, tells you very little of his time enslaved by Hydra, tells you about hiding after, about recovery in Wakanda, he tells you about the flag smashers and how they interrupted his government mandated therapy sessions. He tells you his entire story start to finish with as few holes as he can manage without mentioning Steve any more than necessary. And you listen intently the entire time, eyes focused entirely on him, hanging on every word he says, offering silent support through soft touches. When he finishes he's not looking at you, he's mentally bracing for an unfavorable reaction.

"Woah. Yeah I can see how that would lead you to therapy." You nod.

"Yeah."

"But wait you stopped going to therapy a couple weeks after we went to lunch the first time." You frown.

"Yeah well, sitting in a room with someone getting paid to take notes on my trauma wasn't really working for me." He shrugs.

"Well that's understandable- everyone reacts differently to therapy- not every recovery process looks the same. You find what works for you." You nod.

"Working on it."

"Well what can I do to help? How can I support you?" You ask.

"You don't wanna run for the hills?" He asks.

"Why would I? I told you before I don't turn away from people I care about and you, well I love you. Nothing you've told me changes that." You tell him. He lets out a sigh and tips his head back in relief.

"You're too good for me." He says with a laugh. You climb into his lap and wrap your arms around his neck.

"No I'm not." You tell him hugging him closely. He loops his arms around your waist and holds you to him tightly- enjoying the peace that's settled over him having told you pretty much everything. He's content here, with you in his arms, soft Jazz music filling the silence as you indulge in each other.

~*~*~

"Bucky hurry up we're gonna be late!" You yell at him as you grab your purse.

"Relax doll, flight's not for another a few hours. We'll make it." He says coming down the hall with yours and his duffle bags.

"We still have to get there and check in you know. Also are you allowed to fly with that metal arm? Do you have to like run it through customs or something?" You ask as the two of you leave your apartment and make your way outside to hail a cab.

"First of all babe we're flying domestic. Second of all it's fine I just opt for the pat down instead of the metal detectors." He says chuckling as you wave down a taxi.

"I know we're flying domestic- what's that gotta do with your metal arm?" You ask as he places your bags in the backseat on one side while you slide in on the other.

"Baby there's no customs for domestic flights. That's an international thing." He says.

"Airport please." You tell the cab driver. "Well excuse me Pitbull I don't travel as often as you." You scoff.

"Why are you calling me a pitbull?!" He blinks at you.

"Not a pitbull- Pitbull the rapper. Nicknamed Mister Worldwide because like- oh never mind, it's a modern pop culture thing." You tell him.

"Hm, I'll add him to my list." Bucky says.

"I dunno if you'd like him. But okay." You laugh. The ride to the airport is short and you're soon tugging Bucky through the airport breezing through security checkpoints until you arrive at your gate.

"See darling? We made it with plenty of time to spare." He says as you both sit down and wait to board.

"Oh hush. I just wanna make it to Louisiana without any problems."

"We will." He laughs. The two of you are going to Louisiana to spend the holidays with Sam and his family. Bucky's been dying to introduce you but he wanted the timing to be right first. The two of you board the plane shortly after and you spend the plane ride reading a book while Bucky watches movies. When you arrive it's already night and the two of you make it quickly to your hotel room where you get ready for bed knowing tomorrow you'll have a full day of meeting people.

When you get to Sam's family home the following afternoon you're honestly feeling a little nervous.

"Relax doll they're gonna love you." Bucky tells you as he knocks at the door.

"I hope so." You mumble.

"I know so." He kisses your temple. A Black woman opens the door with a smile.

"Bucky! You're here! Welcome." She smiles hugging him.

"Hi Sarah, good to see you again. This is y/n, my girlfriend." Bucky says.

"It's nice to meet you! I'm Sarah, Sam's sister!" She greets you happily.

"Nice to meet you too, thank you for having us." You smile.

"Well come on in! Everyone's here, Sam's running around with the kids somewhere." She moves out of the way to usher you both inside. The two of you follow her inside and two boys run up to you yelling happily.

"Uncle Bucky!" The two boys yell.

"Hey! What's up boys!" He shouts as the two kids grab his legs and he ruffles their hair. You smile to yourself as you watch the interaction. "Y/n baby meet Jimmy and JC, they're Sarah's kids, Sam's nephews!" Bucky beams at you.

"Hi boys, it's so nice to meet you. Bucky talks about you a lot." You smile.

"Hi!" Jimmy smiles at you.

"Hi. Who are you?" JC tilts his head.

"She's my girlfriend. Her name is y/n." Bucky says.

"You have a girlfriend?!" Jimmy blinks. You laugh.

"He does! Shocking I know." You wink.

"Alright! Where's Uncle Sam?" Bucky rolls his eyes.

"Living room!" JC says.

"Thanks kid." Bucky says leading you further into the house.

"Aye! Tin man's here!" Sam cross the room to meet you and Bucky.

"What's up bird brain?" Bucky says as the two embrace.

"And you must be the marvelous y/n." Sam smiles at you.

"Hi Sam! It's nice to meet you." You chuckle.

"Oh the pleasure is truly all mine. Bucky talks about you all the time." Sam says.

"Shut up." Bucky scoffs.

"I hope he's been nice." You joke.

"He's so nice you could get cavities from how sweet he is on you." Sam tells you.

"Dude!" Bucky shoves him.

"Ah relax man I'm sure she already knows how fucking whipped you are." Sam shrugs.

"Language!" You point at him. Sam blinks at you.

"Wait-what? Did you just language check me?!" Sam's mouth drops open as he glances at Bucky.

"I sure did! There are kids here everywhere! Watch your mouth." You tell him.

"Man I ain't heard someone say language like that in years." Sam shakes his head.

"Anyway! I'm gonna go see if Sarah needs help in the kitchen. Y/n would you like to come with?" Bucky asks.

"Aw come on don't take her away from me yet. I only just met her." Sam protests.

"I'll join you in a little bit Buck. I'd like to talk to Sam some more first. Get to know your best friend." You tell your boyfriend with a soft smile.

"Alright, you know where to find me if you need anything." He says kissing your temple. Sam quirks an eyebrow at the shortened version of his nickname.

"Of course." You smile back at him as he walks off.

"So! Tell me all about yourself, and what it's like dating the machine with a staring problem." Sam says dragging you to the couch with him as you laugh. The two of you chat your way through the afternoon until it's time for dinner where you join the others and get to know the rest of Sam's family. The atmosphere is light and cheerful throughout dinner and once it's done most of the guests split off while you offer to help Sarah with clean up. And with you occupied doing that Sam and Bucky are left to their own devices.

"Looks like you and y/n get along well." Bucky muses.

"She's amazing Bucky. Funny and charming and obviously she cares about you a lot. You have a good thing with her." Sam says looking over at you in the kitchen as you laugh at something Sarah said.

"I know. I love her. I don't think I can live without her." Bucky says.

"I can tell. I've never seen you this happy." Sam says.

"I haven't been this happy since before the war actually." Bucky tells him.

"She calls you Buck." Sam points out.

"Yeah- sometimes." Bucky shrugs.

"You never let anyone but Steve call you that." Sam says.

"She's the exception." Bucky says.

"And the language checks?"

"What about them?"

"She's good for you Bucky. She makes you happy, makes you more human- but you know she's not Steve. Right?"

"Of course I fucking do." Bucky rolls his eyes.

"Look I'm only saying- just don't fuck up a good thing by expecting it to be something else. Don't expect her to be like Steve."

"Yeah. I'm not expecting that." Bucky grumbles. Sam drops the subject then and it's not until hours later, once you've both returned to your hotel for the night, that Bucky thinks about it again while you're sleeping. Bucky takes a seat at the hotel room desk with a pen and notepad in front of him.

I miss you. Sometimes I still can't believe you left the way you did. I have a girlfriend now. She's everything I could want in a partner and then some. Sam thinks I see her as a new version of you. Maybe I do. She doesn't look anything like you, but she does act like you. The same kind of music you liked haunts her bedroom. She makes me feel like me again. Sam thinks so too. But he's got me worried that I'm gonna fuck this up because of you.

Bucky puts the pen down when he notices you shift in bed.

"Bucky? Is everything alright?" You mumble tiredly when you realize he's not beside you anymore. Bucky climbs back into bed with you and kisses your forehead.

"I'm fine doll, just had to take care of something. Let's go back to sleep." He says. You curl into him and mutter a sleepy 'okay' before dozing off again.

The next morning you wake before Bucky, quite unusual but you don't think much of it as you run down to the lobby to grab some breakfast for you both. You grab yourself some cereal and some scrambled eggs and bacon for Bucky and take them back upstairs. When you get back to your room Bucky is still in bed but he's clearly awake now.

"Good morning Buck!" You smile.

"Mornin doll. Where'd you go?" He mutters.

"Just to the lobby, wanted to get breakfast before it ended. Got you eggs and bacon." You tell him. Bucky sits up with a groan as you hand him his plate in bed.

"Thanks doll." Bucky says as you sit at the desk with your bowl of cereal.

"Did you sleep well darling?" You ask putting on Chet Baker.

"Always do when you're next to me." He says.

"That's why Sam calls you whipped." You scoff.

"Maybe, but Sam is single and I'm not. So who's really winning?" Bucky winks. You laugh and shake your head but don't say much else as you eat your breakfast. Bucky finishes before you and goes to shower while you finish off your second bowl. Your eyes drift idly across the desk to the notepad with Bucky's handwriting scrawled on it. You frown slightly as your eyes flit across the page.

I miss you.

What is this?

Sometimes I still can't believe you left the way you did.

Who is he talking about?

I have a girlfriend now. She's everything I could want in a partner and then some.

You try to figure out who this could be addressed, but no one comes to mind. You thought Bucky told you about everyone important in his life.

Sam thinks I see her as a new version of you.

A new version of who?

Maybe I do.

You frown at the letter. Why would he see you as a new version of someone else?

She doesn't look anything like you, but she does act like you.

You act like them? You don't understand. Who is this letter to?

The same kind of music you liked haunts her bedroom.

You glance at your phone, still softly playing music.

She makes me feel like me again. Sam thinks so too.

That part makes you smile a bit. He feels like himself again. That makes you happy a bit.

But he's got me worried that I'm gonna fuck this up because of you.

Because of WHO?!? Your mind is racing as you try to figure out who this is for. What is he talking about? Why wouldn't he tell you about this? With all those questions you don't notice Bucky getting out of the shower.

"You done eating doll?" You snap out of your thoughts at the question.

"Sorry, what?" You blink at him. Bucky frowns at you.

"What's wrong?" He asks.

"I just- I found this note you wrote." You tell him holding out the notepad to him. He takes it from you. "Buck- who were you writing to?" You ask so quietly your voice is barely audible. Bucky blows out a breath.

"Y/n-"

"You said I was like them. And that Sam thinks you're trying to replace them with me. Who am I replacing?"

"No one! Y/n I promise it's not what you think."

"Who are you writing to Bucky?" You ask. On one hand, you feel guilty for prying, Bucky doesn't have to tell you everything about everything he does, but on the other this note- you can't let it remain unanswered. It'll eat you alive.

"Steve." Bucky says.

"What?" You frown.

"I'm writing Steve. I didn't address it to him because I can't send it to him. I just... had a lot on my mind- thought I'd feel better if I wrote about it." Bucky explains with a shrug.

"Steve- this is all about Steve?" You look at him.

"Something like that." Bucky says.

"Why can't you send it to him?" You ask. Bucky sighs and sits on the bed knowing it's time to explain.

"Steve went back to the 40s. I don't even know where he is anymore."

"Wait he did what? How is that even possible?" You frown turning the desk chair to face him.

"After the blip- the Avengers that were still around had to invent time travel to bring everyone back- went into the past to get the infinity stones and undo what Thanos did but to avoid ruining the timeline they had to take the stones back to where they got them from. Steve was on return duty and... he chose to stay in the 40s. With Peggy." Bucky says.

"Wow." You mumble.

"I was angry with him- for a while. How else was I supposed to feel when the one person that promised to always be there for me abandons me without so much as a goodbye?"

"Bucky." You say sadly.

"I'm not angry anymore- but sometimes- sometimes I wonder, Steve and I have been together since we were kids- despite our wildly different life paths we found each other again 70 years in the future. What are the odds really? I always thought it meant we were gonna be together through thick and thin- but... if a friendship that managed to survive one of the cruelest tests of time wasn't enough to keep us together- what would make anyone else stick around?" Bucky muses.

"Do I really remind you of him? You think I'll leave?" You ask him quietly.

"You don't look anything like him. Don't have any common background- but somehow you act- so much like him. Even Sam could see it. I mean- I know you don't have a dame in the 40s that you regret not getting to spend your life with but- what if you find something worth leaving for?"

"There's not a damn thing in this world that would make me leave you behind."

"Steve and I used to tell each other- 'I'm with you til the end of the line'- line didn't end yet. But Steve got off the train." Bucky shrugs.

"Bucky I'm not going anywhere."

"I wanna believe you- I just- I can't shake the feeling- Steve left, Steve who's known me for a century... left. What's stopping you?"

"Is that what the last part is about? You're worried you're going to fuck it up because you see Steve and me as similar and you think that since he left I will too?" You say walking over to him and sitting beside him. He glances at you for a moment before looking back at his hands, shoulders slumped in defeat.

"Yes- and when I think about the fact that you might leave like Steve-" Bucky trails off.

"I can tell you all day long that I'm not going anywhere because it's true. But I can't make you believe it. I'll just remind you until you realize it. I'll be here for you while you heal, after you heal, forever, James." You say.

"I love you." He says quietly.

"I love you too." You wrap your arms around him and place your head on his shoulder. Bucky knows it's not easy to be with him but he's trying to get better, and you've been nothing but supportive. You make him feel more human than he's felt in years, and that's something he wants to hold onto.

***

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