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daechwitatamic · 2 years

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Chapter 1: Interesting Spider Facts || KTH

(banner by @itaeewon)

Title: What Was Hidden (Masterpost)

Rating: explicit, minors DNI pls

Genre: college!au, angst, eventual smut, strangers -> friends -> lovers -> idiots -> lovers

Pairings: Taehyung x female reader, MYG x OC

Summary: This is how it all starts: Taehyung is flunking Western Lit. You’re assigned to tutor him. His paper on Strindberg’s The Ghost Sonata could pass or fail him for the semester. As you and Taehyung slowly become friends, then more, you learn that there’s a lot more to him than you originally assumed. Together, you navigate your own experiences with the play’s themes: one’s “true self” versus one’s “shown self”, darkness behind the facade, and how people can be quite literally haunted - and it has nothing to do with ghosts.

In which your best friend from home visits you on campus and you fall hard for over Taehyung down some stairs.

Chapter Warnings: language, recreational drinking

Word Count: 5k

I saw the sun and thought I saw

what was hidden

The Ghost Sonata | Scene III August Strindberg

Chapter 1 - Interesting Spider Facts

Saturday, November 3rd

The train comes in with a roar, the force of the air almost making you take a step further back from the tracks. As it slows to a stop, you fix your hair, which got blown all to hell by the train’s passing.

People start coming down the stairs, making their way slowly towards the parking lot, or towards where you’re standing on the paved trail that leads back to your college campus. You eye each of them, searching for a familiar face. A very specific familiar face.

You recognize her shirt before she’s close enough for you to see her face; you should - you bought her that shirt last Christmas. You wave an arm as she comes closer, and once she spots you her steps speed up in excitement.

It’s early November, and your best friend from home is visiting you on campus for the first time ever. It’s your third year, and she’s never come before now – between her own classes, and the distance, it just always worked out better to see each other when you went back to your parents’ house each time campus closed for a break.

You’re happy to see her, of course, but you’re also beyond excited to welcome her into your little world here, to show off the places you like to go, introduce her to the friends you’ve made in your time here.

You hug each other, ignoring her little rolling suitcase on the pavement beside you.

“It’s a bit of a walk back,” you warn her, starting to head back down the trail. “And then we have to sign you in as a visitor at the security place.”

You chat as you walk, and she fills you in on what’s been happening back in your hometown. You kick at small piles of fallen leaves as you walk; autumn is well underway and the trees that line the paved trail are nearly all bare. The crunching beneath your feet is oddly satisfying, and you realize you’ve been tuning Nina out to focus on stepping on crispy looking leaves.

“Sorry, what?” you ask when you notice she’s stopped talking and is looking at you sideways, clearly annoyed.

“I was saying that Erin told me there’s a party tonight?” she repeats, not hiding her annoyance at all.

Things have been a little weird with you and Nina lately, which is part of why you were excited to have her visit. You were hoping to rekindle how you used to be – you’d been best friends since middle school, with a ton of history between the two of you. You had a lot of love for each other, but things had definitely been strained recently.

It had started back in the spring, when you’d broken up with your last boyfriend, Davis. Your mom always said when it rains, it pours by which she meant bad shit likes to happen all at once. That had been your spring – you’d broken up with Davis, things got weird with Nina, and you’d lost your part-time job at a local bookstore when it went under and had to close.

Always in threes, you noticed.

In the seven months since all of that, you’d gotten mostly back on your feet. You’d dated here and there over the summer, trying to get over Davis. It was… a process. You’d also gotten a new part-time job through school, tutoring. Right now, early in the semester, the students who signed up were doing so voluntarily so the workload was pretty light. You knew, though, that after first semester grades went out you’d be assigned students to tutor if they were on official academic probation. That just left Nina as the final problem to be solved.

And you are doing a crackerjack job of it.

“I just love that you and Erin are so tight,” you mutter.

Nina rolls her eyes at you. “I’m sorry you two have your shit,” she says flatly, sounding not sorry at all, “but I was friends with her before that went down. Anyway, she said there’s a party tonight at -.”

“I know where it’s at,” you grumble, kicking more leaves. “I was already planning on us going. Not that I want to, now that I know she’s going.”

Nina rolls her eyes even harder, throwing in a dramatic grimace. “You need to move on from that.”

You say nothing, pressing your lips tight together. Conversations with Nina tend to turn into arguments, especially when the topic of Erin and Davis comes up.

“Anyway,” you say finally, after you walk in silence for a few more minutes, “we’re going to the party. My roommates are coming too.”

“Cool,” she chirps, happy again. “I brought like three outfits, you can help me choose. Are we thinking slutty? Classy slutty? Lounge slutty?”

“I’m noticing a theme,” you deadpan, and she laughs. It feels like old times, for a second. “I mean, it’s a frat party. I think you’re safe with any of the above.”

You sign Nina in as an overnight guest at the security station on campus and then lead her to your dorm. The sun is low behind you, despite it being only around 5 pm, as you swipe your school ID card through the card reader to gain access to your building.

“Oh good,” one of your roommates says as you open your door upstairs. “We were about to order pizza.”

You’re in a triple, which means three of you girls in one room; while this is not always ideal, the three of you do get your own bathroom. That makes it worth it, in your opinion. The other suckers have to share with the whole hall.

The roommate you get along with best, Kiko, is sitting on her bed, her laptop open in front of her. Your other roommate, Bridget, is sitting at her desk, leaning forward towards her light-up mirror, eyeliner in hand.

“This is my friend from home, Nina,” you say, gesturing back as Nina comes through the door with her tiny suitcase. “This is Kiko, and Bridget. You can put your stuff by the bottom bunk, it’s mine.”

Nina rolls her suitcase over as you and Kiko begin discussing toppings.

Two hours later, you’re crumpling up an empty pizza box. Behind you, Bridget pours vodka and juice into plastic cups as Kiko fiddles with her Bluetooth speaker to get the pregame tunes started.

“What time do you want to head over?” you ask the room at large. You run a hand through your hair, silently trying to determine if it needs a shampoo before the party.

“Ten? Ten thirty?” Bridget suggests. She’s sort of running the show – the frat guys are her friends, not yours. “Jin told me nine, so I feel like that’s an appropriate level of fashionably late.”

Kiko meets your eyes from her bed and you match her face quickly. Neither of you is huge on the party scene, honestly, and sometimes you both just can’t with Bridget’s nonsense.

“Is the party on campus?” Nina asks, from where she’s laying sideways across your bottom bunk, red solo cup in hand. Her long curls cascade over the side of the bed.

“No, Seokjin has a place off-campus,” Bridget tells her. “It’s not technically a frat house, but it kind of is.”

Nina looks at you, but it’s Kiko who speaks up to explain. “It’s not an official Greek-life frat house, through the school,” she says. “We have those. But Jin rents this house off campus – he’s had the lease the last two years - and all the guys who room with him are in his frat too.”

“Hopefully one of the younger guys can snag the lease next year,” Bridget muses. “After Jin graduates? I would hate to start having to party on campus again and deal with the fucking Campo.”

“Campus police,” you translate automatically for Nina’s sake.

A little bit later, Kiko makes her way into the bathroom, where you’re pressed up close to the mirror, trying to get your eyeliner even.

“How early am I allowed to bail?” she asks you under her breath.

You laugh a little. Normally you two stick together, and if one of you wants to leave early you go together. You’re not sure you can pull an early disappearing act while Nina’s with you.

“You can bail as soon as you want to,” you tell her seriously. “But I have to stay tonight. You’re on your own.”

You lower your voice, not wanting to be heard over the music playing out in the room. “And Nina told me that Erin is going, which means Davis is going. If there was ever a night I wanted to bail… believe me… it’s tonight.”

Kiko meets your eyes in the mirror, her mouth making a tiny little frown. “Are you going to be okay?”

Erin, who – yes – has been friends with Nina a long time, is the girl Davis cheated with back in the spring. Well, before that, probably. The spring was just when you found out.

You and Davis had decided to go to the same college back when you were still together, obviously. You regret it big time, now that you have to see him all over campus.

You’re a tiny bit tempted to tell Nina to go to the fucking party without you.

“Yeah,” you sigh. “It’s one night. I’ll just try to stay in a different room than them.”

“Maybe you’ll meet someone,” she says hopefully, leaning against the doorframe behind you. You give up on your eyeliner and untwist the top of your mascara.

“I’d rather not,” you say flatly. “Frankly, everyone on this campus with a penis can go fuck themselves.”

“That is not the right attitude!” Bridget hollers from the other room.

Nina comes to stand next to Kiko. You’re feeling a little trapped, with the two of them blocking the whole door.

“How long are you going to stay on this I hate men crusade?” Nina asks.

You want to point out that she has barely heard your crusading, as it were, since she was decidedly uninterested in listening to you rant back when you’d caught Davis and Erin. You knew she was in an awkward position, being friends with both you and Erin. You understood. But it had sucked anyway, not being able to talk to your best friend as you went through that.

“Until someone proves to me that I’m wrong,” you say, capping the mascara and taking a step back from the mirror.

“She says that,” Bridget says, coming to join the little party in the doorway, “but watch her tonight. Any guy that tries to talk to her, she’ll castrate. Verbally. You can’t say prove me wrong and then refuse to let anyone try, Y/N.”

“I can and I will,” you say lightly. “Now I need more vodka, so all of you scooch.”

It’s about a 20 minute walk to the house, which on a frigid November night is no joke.

“I should have had more to drink,” Kiko says solemnly. “So that I wouldn’t feel the cold.”

“We’re almost there,” Bridget tells her, pointing. “They’re at the end of that block.”

The music is deafening even from the street outside the house, and you have no idea how they don’t have the police there already. The neighbors must all be deaf… or other college kids. Bridget leads the way, opening the front door. The music goes from deafening to whatever the next step up might be. You resist the urge to cover your ears, but you adjust to it as you follow Bridget through the living room. It’s packed with bodies, but she’s been partying here long enough that she knows her way around.

You’ve been to parties here a handful of times, but not since becoming Bridget’s roommate in September. The fact that she’s friends with these guys is an interesting coincidence. You’re not sure you’ve even ever met Jin, but he and Bridget are on a first-name basis, apparently.

She leads you off to the staircase on the right, and up. It’s quieter upstairs, and she opens the first door in the unlit hallway.

“Coats,” she says, and you all toss your jackets towards the already mountainous pile on top of the bed.

Downstairs again, you have to fight your way through the packed living room to the kitchen, where the liquor and mixers are lining the countertops. Even though you pregamed, you hardly feel it at all, and you’re perfectly willing when Bridget suggests you all start with a shot.

“The guys are downstairs,” she informs you, after checking her phone. “We should go say hello.”

“Why?” Kiko mutters in your ear, and you smile at her. Nina is looking around eagerly, and for a second you wish you could feel like she does – like everybody you see is a new opportunity, a fresh start, a hopeful possibility. You used to feel that way, before Davis decided you weren’t worth his time, and that you were too stupid to catch him.

After you’ve all mixed yourselves drinks, Bridget leads you back through the jungle in the living room, steering you all left towards a door you’d never know was there. She opens it, and it leads down a dark, narrow staircase.

It’s not quite as loud in the basement, which means you can talk without screaming directly into each other’s ears. There are a few beer pong tables in the middle, and some couches shoved in a U in the back.

Bridget leads you to the opposite corner behind the pong tables. You recognize a few people in the group that’s crowded together back there – you’ve seen them here at parties, and a few of them around campus.

Bridget squeals and throws her arms around the neck of one of the taller guys, somehow managing not to spill her drink.

“Hello, gorgeous,” she cries, and you fight back an eye roll. You like Bridget, really. She’s just… her.

“Hello yourself,” he tells her, and you wonder if he knows her name or if to him she’s just another cute girl who comes to his parties.

She introduces the rest of you girls, and Jin rattles off the names of the guys around him, but you aren’t listening. You don’t care. You have zero interest in talking to any of these dudes.

After a few minutes, Nina takes your hand and pulls you to play beer pong with her. You’re not amazing at it – hand-eye coordination was never your forte – but she’s great, and you hold your spot at the table for longer than you thought you would. When you finally lose, you look around the room, searching for your friends. Jin’s crew is still lording over their corner of the basement, but you don’t see Jin himself anymore. You don’t see Bridget either – suspicious – but Kiko is still there, talking to a blond guy, so you head back that way, tugging Nina behind you by her sleeve.

She tugs you back, leaning close to tell you, “I’m going up to make a new drink.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” you ask, shouting.

She shakes her head, then points questioningly at your cup. You still have half of what you mixed earlier, since you’ve been drinking beer at the pong table for the better part of an hour. You shake your head no, and point at Kiko. “I’ll wait for you with Kiko!” you call to her, and she waves as she heads towards the stairs.

When you reach Jin’s little group and Kiko, she barely turns to acknowledge you, so engrossed in her conversation with the grumpy looking blond.

Well, cool. Now you have no one to talk to until Nina gets back – and knowing Nina, as you have for an entire decade, she’ll probably get swept up in conversation upstairs and never come back for you.

“You need to use your hips more,” a voice says, very close to you, and you startle.

“Excuse me?” you say, raising an eyebrow.

The speaker is most definitely one of Jin’s crew – you recognize him from other parties, and you think you might have shared a class freshman year – but you don’t know his name. He’s tall, practically towering over you (and you’re in heels!), and his dark hair settles in pretty waves just above his eyeline. You determinedly do not notice his jawline, the intensity of his gaze, the sexy cock of his eyebrow. You definitely don’t notice the cute-ass freckle on the end of his nose. Or the one on his bottom lip. You’re not looking at his lips.

You’re not.

Damn. He looks like a god. You hate him immediately.

“When you play pong,” he explains. “You have great hips – use them to box out your opponent.”

You look at him, blown away by the audacity. “Seriously? The first thing you ever say to me in your life, and it’s about my ass?”

He frowns, and you can’t tell if it’s playful or if he means it. “I didn’t say anything about your ass,” he points out.

“Tread carefully, Taehyung,” Bridget says, appearing out of fucking nowhere, slinging an arm over your shoulders. “Y/N doesn’t like to leave survivors these days.”

You give him – Taehyung, apparently - a level stare, hoping he’ll listen and back off. Instead, he licks his lips and then fights a smile as he says, “Is this like a black widow thing? I’m pretty sure they mate first.”

Your jaw drops. “You did not just fucking say that to me,” you say, voice low and dangerous even to your own ears.

He holds up his hands in mock surrender. “I’m just giving interesting spider facts. No need to get upset.”

“I’m done with this conversation,” you say flatly, and you cut your eyes at him as you turn to go. “Enjoy your night.”

“Wait, are you actually mad?” he asks, suddenly puzzled. Besides him, Bridget laughs, used to the way you chew up and spit guys out lately. “We were just flirting!”

“You might be flirting,” you counter. “Not me. I need to go find my friend.”

“She’s upstairs with her tongue in Hoseok’s mouth,” Bridget tells you, and you very nearly spit your drink all over Taehyung, which honestly would serve him right.

“Sounds like your friend has the right idea,” Taehyung says offhandedly, and you firmly turn your back to him, absolutely over it. He wants you to box out your opponents? You’ll start right now.

Beside you, Kiko tucks a piece of hair behind her ear and smiles shyly, still talking with the same guy. You catch Bridget’s eye and raise your eyebrow. She pulls out her phone and starts tapping away. When you feel your pocket buzz, you know it’s her.

[12:42 AM] Briiiiig: IKR!!!!

[12:43 AM] Briiiiig: that’s jin’s bro yoongi and I have NEVER SEEN HIM CHAT UP A GIRL

[12:43 AM] Briiiiig: THIS IS AMAZING

You smile, and type a message to Kiko - “Get it girl!!!!!!!!!!” You know she won’t see it until later - she’s so into this conversation, she probably doesn’t remember that phones even exist. “This is getting boring,” Bridget says to the group at large. “Does anyone have a party trick to share?”

“I can lick my elbow,” one of the guys, who sports a sleeve of tattoos and a few facial piercings says. The guys all boo him.

“I have a great party trick, but the pay-off is a little delayed,” Taehyung says, very seriously. “I can predict the weather - it’s going to rain like hell tomorrow.”

“My phone knows that trick too,” you say flatly, pulling it out and swiping over to the weather app. “And it says tomorrow will be warm and sunny.”

Taehyung levels a look at you, his earlier playfulness fading. “I’ll put money on it.”

You roll your eyes, over it and him. You choose not to answer, instead eyeing your empty cup. You head upstairs with two missions in mind – one, to detangle Nina from whichever poor soul is Hoseok, and two, to mix a new drink.

Maybe not in that order. You stop in the kitchen, eyeing the different liquors and mixers and trying to decide what sounds good. You’re settling on more vodka and juice when you feel someone come up next to you. You glance over to find Taehyung looking at you, brows furrowed.

“Oh my god,” you utter, completely exasperated. “Why are you following me?”

His frown deepens. “I feel like I actually pissed you off downstairs.”

“You did,” you tell him, eyes wide with disbelief. “So go away, please!”

“No, wait,” he says, reaching out a hand as if that will settle you down. “I wanted to apologize. Sometimes when I drink, dumb shit just comes out of my mouth without my brain’s permission. I wasn’t trying to be… disrespectful, or gross. But I think I was. I’m sorry.”

You hear absolutely none of this. You feel like you have tunnel vision: the whole party shrinking down, the kitchen fading, your pulse roaring in your ears louder than the music, as you spot Davis and Erin out in the living room, laughing with Nina and some skinny guy.

Davis looks great – all tan from playing soccer all summer, probably, his hair a little longer than the last time you saw him. You’re suddenly remembering how it felt to be tucked up against him, his arm around your shoulders, his laugh reverberating against you as you held on tight. But it isn’t you glued to his side, it’s Erin, her arm around his middle as she wobbles on strappy heels. Your heart is hammering in your chest.

“Okay?” Taehyung is asking you as you come back into your body. He’s looking at you intently. You’re suddenly so nauseous that you’re not sure you can make it to a bathroom.

“Sure,” you say, even though you have no idea what he’d been talking about. “Whatever. I need some air.”

You have to pass Davis, Erin, and Nina in order to get outside, but there’s nothing you can do about that. You walk quickly, eyes on the ground, shouldering people out of the way as you head for the front door.

You’re better the instant you pull your first drag of cold November air into your lungs. You take the stone steps slowly, stopping at the bottom and dropping to sit on the final stair. You rest your elbows on your knees and press your forehead into your hands, eyes screwed shut, trying to just breathe and steady yourself. Fucking Davis and fucking Erin and fucking disloyal Nina.

Your phone buzzes in your pocket and you pull it out, starting to feel the cold night air on your bare fingers.

[1:24 AM] Nina 💕: did u just go outside?

[1:24 AM] Nina💕: girl it’s cold! come back in

[1:25 AM] You: let me know when ur done talking to that piece of garbage and I’ll consider it

[1:27 AM] Nina💕: 🙄

You don’t answer this one. You’re calmer now, the quiet and the cold air doing wonders for your nerves. You lean back against the steps, feeling the cold seep in through your jeans, your fingers starting to sting. The clouds that pressed down on you and Nina earlier in the day as you’d walked the paved trail are gone now, and you can see stars clear and bright. You make out a few constellations idly, and hunt for the moon, which is hanging barely above the treeline. It’s a sliver tonight, barely there at all.

You wish you could talk to someone - anyone - about Davis. If you were about two shots drunker and another girl had come out here, you’d probably tell the whole damn story. Kiko would listen, you’re sure, but you hate unloading on her - especially because she isn’t a big sharer herself. You don’t like that it feels one-sided when you open up. Bridget would care, in a very Bridget way, but it would undoubtedly end in advice that had to do with getting someone else’s dick, and you just aren’t there right now. And Nina… well, Nina is inside laughing it up with the asshole in question, so there goes that.

You’re starting to wish you’d brought your coat. Once you’re cold enough you rise, heading back up the way you came.

Luckily, the group you had to pass on your way out have either disbanded or relocated, because you make it through the living room without seeing anyone you recognize. You make your way back to the basement door, ready to navigate the dark stairs.

Halfway down the stairs, you hit something solid and lose your balance completely, letting out a shriek. You tumble sideways, around the obstruction, and a hand closes roughly around your elbow, pulling you back. The sudden change of direction stops you from careening further down the steps, but it also jerks your cup out of your hand, and it splashes as it bounces down the steps. You twist, off-balance, and land on your ass two stairs down from where you tripped. You’re shocked that you didn’t break a heel… or a bone. The hand is still tight on your elbow, stopping you from sliding any further.

For a minute, you just sit there in shock, trying to figure out what happened.

“Ow,” you say finally, once you’re sure you aren’t going to fall down more stairs. “What the fuck.”

“You’re welcome,” a voice says, low, and of course it’s fucking Taehyung.

“Why are you sitting on the stairs in the dark?” you hiss, completely losing your shit. “I almost died!”

“I missed a step and hurt my ankle,” he says, voice still low. “I tried to warn you I was here – I guess you didn’t hear me.”

“I guess I didn’t,” you echo. His hand is still on your elbow, holding tight, as if you might still slide down the rest of the stairs. It’s too dark on the staircase to see his face clearly. Now you feel kind of like a jerk. You didn’t know he was hurt, you just thought he picked a bad spot to hang out. “I didn’t kick you or anything, did I?”

“No,” he says. “Are you okay?”

When you tell him you are, he finally lets go of your elbow, his fingers brushing the top of your arm lightly as it falls away from his grasp. You stare at each other in silence through the dark.

“Thanks for the save,” you say, feeling a little awkward. You’ve been pretty mean to him tonight, and you are fully aware of it. “Quick reflexes.”

You get to your feet unsteadily, eyeing your spilled drink on the steps below you. “How hurt are you?” you ask. “Can you make it down?”

He’s quiet for a second, and you actually feel a twinge of concern. Gross.

“I’m not sure,” he says finally, voice laced with defeat. “Do you mind going downstairs and getting Jimin? Please?”

“Yeah,” you say quietly. “I can do that.”

You make your way down the rest of the stairs, casting a glance over your shoulder at the bottom. You can barely make out his form, halfway up, a shadow just barely moving against the dark.

You approach Bridget and Jin, who are still talking with the same group of guys. No Nina in sight.

“Hey,” you say to Jin. “I’m looking for Jimin?”

“That’s me,” a guy to your left says, looking at you quizzically.

“Taehyung asked me to get you,” you explain, turning to him. “He’s sitting on the stairs back there, trying to trip people in the dark. He says he hurt his ankle.”

“Oh shit,” Jimin says, immediately putting his cup down on a nearby table and hurrying towards the stairs. The guy that Kiko’s been talking to all night – Yoongi – follows him at a clip. This seems like a bit of an over-reaction to you, but it isn’t your problem. You did what you were asked, and now you’re off the hook.

Kiko turns to you, face flushed, clearly fighting a smile. “Hi,” she says sheepishly. “How’s your night going?”

You laugh. “Not as good as yours, apparently,” you tease. “I can’t wait to hear about it later. Has anyone seen Nina? She was upstairs before, but I lost her.”

Bridget says, “She’s probably still with Hoseok somewhere. Hey, the couches are empty, anyone want to play Kings?”

Nina shows up a little bit later, the aforementioned Hoseok nowhere to be seen. She perches on the arm of the couch near you, watching as you all finish the round.

“Want to go soon?” she asks. “It’s almost three.”

“Sure,” you say easily. “Kiko? Bridg? You feel like heading back?”

Bridget isn’t thrilled, but she’s outvoted three-to-one, so you all head upstairs to find your coats and start the walk back. You don’t see any of the guys upstairs, or your ex. Thank goodness.

Back at the dorm, the four of you vie for mirror space as you scrub your faces with makeup remover. Kiko’s done first, slipping under her comforter and letting out a series of happy noises. Bridget climbs to her top bunk, and Nina slides into the bottom bunk that belongs to you. You rummage in the mini-fridge and pass everyone a cold water bottle before turning the overhead lights off. Bridget turns an old, nostalgic cartoon movie on the tv as you slide into bed besides Nina.

You drink sips of water, sort of watching the movie through half-closed eyes. You fall asleep, feet tangled with your best friend’s as they have been thousands of times since your childhood, before the opening credits can even finish.

Thank you so much for being here! I appreciate every single like, reblog, comment, ask, or DM!

A thank you, as always, to my fabulous beta @kookstempo 😘😘😘 love u little one!

#taehyung x reader #taehyung fic #dailydaegu #college au #taehyung angst #taehyung fanfic #bts fic #bts fanfic #friends to lovers #slow burn #non idol au #fic: what was hidden

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ninacarstairss · 1 year

Note

hello cece my beautiful wonderful beloved soulmate <3

i hope you have been well and looking after yourself! i don’t want you overworking yourself 😭 but it has been two days since i have come back from my trip (i have been exhausted plus i had work and uni to catch up on) so now i am going to sit down and tell you about my trip!! please grab a cup of tea and a snack while you read :)

so i went to sydney again, and i had a much more enjoyable experience this time around. i think it was because i knew what i was getting into, and i stayed in the exact same place, so it was all familiar to me.

although i did try to use the public transport this time, instead of ubering everywhere, and the buses were so bad, but the trains were INCREDIBLE! they were double decker and the back support moved so you could have a single row or two rows of seats face each other??? SO COOL

anyways, me and my friend caught the train to the airport at 4am in the morning 😭😭😭 (and i finished work at 12am!!!!) to get our flight. once we landed in sydney, my friend wanted to get merch from the early presale stand outside the arena and we were outside in 30 degree heat FOR TWO HOURS, with our luggage. good news, my birthday is coming up and my friend didn’t know what to get me, so he bought half my merch 🤭 bad news, i’m ginger and i get sunburnt in two minutes, so think about two hours… the worst thing is we had an umbrella for sun protection, but my right arm and the back of my neck was out so they were FRIED. i’m currently peeling like a reptile but worth it

we got some food from maccas because we were dehydrated and getting heat stroke, and then checked into our room after we managed to get our stuff. we both ended up napping in the afternoon, which we were both surprised about, because i had my phone in my hand still attached to the charger next to my bed and he still had his genshin impact loaded up onto his ipad 😭😭😭

unfortunately the place i wanted to take him to for dinner, the really good japanese place from last time, was under renovation, so we had dinner elsewhere but we had such a good time the rest of our trip

because we went to see stray kids, a kpop group, we had a lot of activities we could indulge in. they had this thing called a cupsleeve event, where someone in the fandom designs a cupsleeve to represent a kpop idol’s birthday, group anniversary or in our case, coming to the city. and i got so many freebies! we went to this kpop store that doubled as a cafe and the drinks were so good! i bought way too much but i have to remind myself that i can’t get it at home 😔

we also went to the biggest bookstore i have ever seen in my life! it took up a whole floor of the shopping centre and it was brilliant. it had books upon books, categories after categories. they even had an entire chinese and japanese section! i also spent a lot of money there BUT my best find was the entire completed infernal devices manga trilogy!! it’s so beautiful and such a rare find, i grabbed it immediately. i couldn’t find the tmi graphic novels though, but they have them on their website, so i might order them in :)

alright, the main event! the concerts! so i went and saw the kpop group, stray kids, two nights in a row! it was amazing. i was and still am a huge fan of their work, but especially because they got me through a really hard time in my life and really were my serotonin while i was at school 😔 i wasn’t allowed to see them when they first came here four years ago (parents: maybe next year, they’ll come! *next year being 2020.*) so i feel like i finally made up for it.

me and my friend also matches outfits! we did black and green (the concert colours) on the first night, and red and white on the second (to match the stray kids colours). i wish i could send you photos, we looked so slay 🤩

i do not have one concert video without me screaming the lyrics (yeah the korean ones too!) in the back. but i don’t care, it was so fun, i had a blast. and it was even better because two of the members of stray kids were from sydney and they just made it feel more homely :) do not regret how much money i spent on them or the sleep i lost at all! i’m so glad i can slowly start to give myself the experiences i missed out on as a kid/teenager :’)

anyways, enough about me! how have you been? what have you been up to? how is simba? 🥺 i adore you so much and i am enclosing this letter with a warm hug <3333

hello nero my amazing perfect beloved soulmate <3

yay i’m so happy to finally hear about this trip!!! i just made myself a cup of tea and brought out some biscoff cream!!

how was the catching up part?? did you manage to catch up without exhausting yourself too much??

nero that’s so great!! i think that having a familiar surrounding is always helpful, and staying in the same place makes it all less scary somehow. i’m really happy it went much better!!

NO WAY THEY HAVE THOSE TRAINS THERE??? they look so cool!!! i’ve seen them on instagram once and i was so jealous of every city who had those trains!! you can literally choose if you want to sit alone or have company and that’s so cool!!! it’s basically a buildable environment!!! i’m getting way too excited about this lol

so you only had like three hours of sleep?? 😭😭😭😭 and you even had to stand in the heat for hours 😭😭😭 but yay!!! merch!!! that’s a really great birthday gift!!! (also when is your birthday??? only if you want to share of course <3)

anyway merch is so amazing and so expensive. this has got to be one of the best presents ever!!! even if it means you’re skinning like a reptile now lol at least it’s just two small spots instead of your whole self 😂 but i get the struggle. i’m not ginger but my skin is so light i always get sunburnt in 0.5 seconds too. definitely not fun, but worth it for some merch :D

that was probably a really fun situation to wake up to, but you both deserved a nap for catching a bus at 4am!!! especially since you had only a few hours of sleep after work!! at least you were rested enough to really enjoy the trip!!

oh no 😭😭 i’m still dreaming about that place!! i went to a my favorite japanese restaurant in my city a few days ago and i really wanted to try that beverage you told me about but i was driving so i couldn’t 😭 i hope this other restaurant was really good too though!!

no way!!! nero this is all way too cool!!! i’m so happy it was so fun and there were so many things to do!!! also this cupsleeves event sounds so cool!! i’m so happy nero, you’re making my day just by telling me about all these freebies and amazing drinks!! and you know i’m always gonna be the little devil on your shoulder telling you that spending money is good and you deserve all that amazing stuff :))

the tid manga trilogy??? how is that even possible omg you can’t find that anywhere!!!! i’m so jealous, i wanna live in this bookstore now 🥺 it’s got to be so amazing!! (you always find the best bookstores, i had no doubt there would be one in this letter too and i was so excited to read about it!!) and let me know if you do order the tmi graphic novels!! i’ve been trying to collect those too hehe

the fact that *next year* was 2020 is so painful. but you saw them two nights in a row!!! that’s amazing!! and it must have been so good to see them after so long, after they’d been by your side in a really tough time 🥹 i’m so happy you got to finally see them live!!

also, the matching outfits?? I LOVE THAT!!! i bet you looked so slay!!! that’s literally the best idea for what to wear to a concert!!!

nero i’m so so happy for you!!! you’ve made my whole day, i’m not even joking!! i’m so happy you’re finally getting to enjoy trips and concerts you couldn’t before!! and this one really sounded so perfect!!! also the videos with you screaming at the top of your lungs to every song are literally the best. i love it when i rewatch a video from a concert and i can hear myself screaming and crying and dying more than i can hear the band or the singer. it just makes me live all those memories and those amazing feelings again!!!

the money spent on this is totally worth it!!! and you can sleep now, uni can wait lol really nero i’m so happy this trip was so good!!! i’m so happy for you!!!

i’m good!! i got three days off from work this week so that was great, and i started to reread chain of iron so that i can reread chain of thorns right after :) i miss them so much already 🥲

anyway i just booked a trip for may, because a friend is coming to visit me and i’m gonna be off work for two weeks so i’m really looking forward to it and now i just wanna skip work and plan the itinerary 😂 and i want to book more trips too. which isn’t great because my bank account is already crying and begging me to stop buying stuff. did i tell you i got the illumicrate edition of chain of thorns with the alternative dust jackets? yeah so my bank account still hasn’t forgiven me for it :,)

simba is also doing really good, he’s eating a lot and sleeping a lot as usual 😌

also, ever since you told me about the rina sawayama concert, and because you always talked so much about her, i kinda started listening to her music a lot more and i’m obsessed with some songs now!!! i adore her style so thank you for this new obsession :>

i’m enclosing a warm hug for you too and a little bouquet of flowers <3

#i’m so happy you’re back!!!#nero my beloved!!! <3

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yoongiseesawmp3 · 3 years

Text

just about perfect - seonghwa

howdy folks, back with another fic but i’m switching it up on ya! i might start writing regularly for ateez as well so y’all are cool with that right? right.

summary: this is NOT inspired by seonghwa saying he watches nevertheless. why would you even think that.

warnings: not the kind of warning u were expecting but there’s no smut (i know its based off a show abt friends with benefits so that’s why i’m warning u. do not get ur hopes up) a little cussing, a lotta me waxing poetic abt the perfect man park seonghwa. also slight tomfoolery from the teezers

word count: 10.6k

the bookstore just off campus is your current go-to study spot, mostly because the cafe inside has a drink special where you buy one coffee and get a voucher for the new bakery next door. so, let’s just say the past few days you’ve been well caffeinated and well fed. you’re on the way there now, already planning out what your treats are going to be.

today you were supposed to meet your “study group” after your last class of the day, but it looks like you’re the only one here so far. and you say “study group” loosely, the professor for your music theory elective encouraged everyone to make a study group for the upcoming final and your group of friends chose to work together. there’s been no studying going on, though.

especially not when hongjoong’s new friend seonghwa has been flirting with you literally nonstop. he’s apparently friends with everyone else in your group too. san knows him from an art class they took together last semester, meanwhile wooyoung and yeosang claim they lived on seonghwa’s floor freshman year and he always bought them booze. seonghwa denies it, only because hongjoong would slap him if he admitted to buying alcohol for underage kids.

tasteful delinquency aside, seonghwa is a fine person. you mean personality fine, not like, fine fine even though san would beg to differ. he knows you’ve developed a thing for seonghwa despite trying not to, and he’s secretly trying to get you two together.

which is why san suddenly texts you and says he can’t make it, and neither can yeosang or wooyoung. they decided to ditch studying to practice for the final in their dance class instead, so it’ll be just you, seonghwa and hongjoong. and little did you know, hongjoong was trying to do the same thing as san. so we’ll see how this goes.

“y/n, you can’t do that,” hongjoong warns you, referring to the scale you were trying to fill out.

“why not?” you ask, looking down at your work and wondering what’s wrong.

“because it’ll sound like shit,” seonghwa replies before sipping his coffee.

“what he said,” hongjoong agrees, grabbing your paper and erasing some of the notes you had scribbled out. “it should look more like this.”

you glance over at what he’s done on top of your old work and sigh. you took this class because you like music, and you thought learning about how it works would be interesting, but it’s hard.

“can’t you just do all my work for me?” you plead. at this rate, you don’t think you’ll be able to pass the final.

“no, i don’t want you dragging me down in this class,” hongjoong replies. “my grades are great.”

“i hate you.”

“what are you struggling with, y/n?” seonghwa asks as he finally looks up from his laptop. he had been working on an assignment for another class this whole time because he, like hongjoong, is great with music theory. so maybe this study group was a good thing.

“here, you can switch seats with me,” hongjoong says as he clears the spot next to you on the weathered loveseat. “i’m going to look for a book i should’ve started reading two weeks ago.”

before you can protest, seonghwa is sliding his laptop across the coffeetable and slides himself into the spot next to you. when he sits you notice your thighs are touching, which is weird because there was plenty of space when hongjoong was here. you don’t know that seonghwa is doing this on purpose, that hongjoon really left so he could flirt with the cute cashier in the cafe to give you and seonghwa some alone time.

“so,” seonghwa starts once he’s settled. “what are you struggling with?”

“hmm, all of it?” you reply. your answer makes seonghwa smile, and you like the way his eyes sparkle when he does.

“then i guess we’ll be here a while.”

about an hour later, seonghwa has walked you through all the major and minor scales you need to know for the test and you’re starting to understand a little more. you’re still having problems with the back of the study guide where you have to come up with note combinations that can apply to those scales, but you have time to work on that since the final is two weeks out. right now, your brain is fried and you need a break.

“do you mind if i go get a coffee?” you ask seonghwa, who was in the middle of sending you the minor scale cheat sheet he made. he looks up from his laptop and shakes his head before he speaks.

“i would only mind if i can’t come with you.”

“it’s literally right over there, why do you need to come with me?” you question.

“i think i would just miss you too much,” he pouts, and you roll your eyes. seonghwa shuts his laptop and stands up. “what if i need coffee too?”

“you already had one,” you remind him as you stand.

“yeah,” he nods. “but teaching you is exhausting, so i need another. c’mon.”

he walks ahead of you to the counter, and you’re too busy searching for your wallet to notice he took his jacket off, revealing a sneaky tattoo on the back of his neck. it isn’t until you’re behind him in line that you get a look at the hand drawn star right on the nape of his neck, and you have to refrain from reaching out to trace the lines.

“i didn’t know you had a tattoo,” you decide to say. he turns around and instinctively rubs his hand across the tattoo, smiling at you with those sparkly eyes again.

“yeah, i have a couple,” he replies. “but this one is my favorite.”

“why?”

“because my name means ‘to become a star’, so i like knowing that i have a reminder with me all the time,” he explains.

“nice. it’s really pretty.”

“thanks, so are you.”

“sir?” the barista calls, pulling seonghwa’s attention from you. he steps up to give his order as you stare at the tattoo again, noticing alongside it a couple of freckles that almost make it look like a constellation.

“y/n?” seonghwa’s voice draws you out of your thoughts and you realize he’s finished ordering. “what do you want?”

“oh, i can get it,” you begin, but he cuts you off.

“no, my treat,” he insists, and you sheepishly walk up to the counter to give your order. seonghwa makes a mental note of what you get, and he also snatches the bakery voucher from you before you can put it in your pocket. you make a confused sound and seonghwa laughs.

“why’d you do that?” you whine.

“you only get to use it if you come with me to the bakery later,” he teases. “say yes or i’m drinking your coffee and getting myself an extra cupcake.”

“fine,” you huff. “but i have an assignment due at midnight, so i can’t stay long.”

“it’s 4pm, that’s not enough time for you to finish it?” he asks while you step out of the way for the next customers.

“i haven’t started yet,” you admit.

“you like saving things until the last minute, don’t you?”

“what makes you say that?”

“well, it looks like you haven’t been studying music theory at all, and now this,” he shrugs.

“not everybody can be perfect like you, park seonghwa,” you grumble as the barista places two coffee cups on the bar. you hear seonghwa giggle shortly, and you give him a questioning look.

“so you think i’m perfect?” he smirks.

it’s the next day, almost midnight, and you really need spray paint.

why? well, you’re stressed because you have so much to study for your finals and you don’t know where to start. yes, seonghwa helped yesterday, but he’s not in all your other classes, so you’ve decided you need a break from tearing your hair out over the material you can’t comprehend. the best way to distract yourself from that is to finally paint that dresser you got from a garage sale a few months ago, hence the spray paint.

thankfully, san is still awake, and he has a car, so you ask him to pick you up for a quick run to the art supply store that’s surprisingly still open. a bonus of going to college in the city, you can get anything almost whenever you need it.

“thanks for coming to get me,” you tell san as you hop into his car.

“no problem,” he replies. “i was bored and hongjoong said he needed paint pens so this is a win-win situation. plus, i get to hear about your date with seonghwa yesterday.”

“it was not a date,” you groan, choosing to ignore the suggestive way san is looking at you right now.

“but you spent the whole afternoon together,” san starts. “he bought you coffee and you went to the bakery together and talked about, like, your favorite colors and stuff. sounds like a date to me.”

“how do you know all that?”

“seonghwa told hongjoong and then hongjoong told me,” he explains as he turns onto the street that’ll take you to the art store.

“well tell hongjoong that i’m still mad at him for ditching us,” you reply. “and i’m still kinda mad at you and the other two for bailing in the first place.”

“hey, if it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t have had your first date with seonghwa,” san points out.

“it was not a date!” you cry. “we studied most of the time we were together, then he bought my coffee and bullied me into going to the bakery. i couldn’t stay long because i had a paper to write, so we talked about stupid shit until i had to leave.”

“it sounds like the beginning of true love to me,” san sing-songs.

“stop the car, i’ve decided to walk.”

when you get to the store, san separates from you quickly because he sees his friend mingi behind the counter. they’re busy talking while you search the store for the paints, and you’re so busy looking up at the aisle names that you don’t notice you’re about to run into someone.

“hey-” you start to complain, but you recognize the man you almost bumped into. “oh, seonghwa.”

“y/n,” he smiles at you. “what are you doing out so late?”

“uh, distracting myself from how small my brain is,” you explain. “what are you doing here?”

“hongjoong needed paint pens,” he says, and you’re about two seconds away from finding san and slapping him. did they really plan this too?

“why didn’t he come get them?” you ask as you remember what you’re here to find. your eyes scan the aisle behind seonghwa and you spot the paint cans at the end, but he’s in your way.

“i offered,” he says with a shrug.

“you must be a really good friend, then.”

“well you did call me perfect yesterday, so...” he trails off, smirking. you roll your eyes at him but can’t help the blush creeping up your neck. he interrupts his new favorite activity of staring deeply into your eyes (just to fluster you, of course) and he sees that you’re looking past him at the shelves of paint. “you need something down here?”

“um, yeah, the spray paint,” you reply, awkwardly trying to skirt around him to get into the aisle. he steps aside to let you through, but still follows you as you search for the color you want.

“what are you making?”

“i’m painting a scuffed up dresser i’ve had for a while, so i want something simple that’ll go with the rest of the things in my room,” you explain as you stop walking and crane your neck to scan the bottles on the top shelf. seonghwa stops behind you and places his hand on the small of your back as he reaches for a can just out of your reach.

“what about this one?” he offers, handing you a can of light blue paint. it’s really pretty, and it’ll stand out with the white furniture you already have, but you really like it.

“oh, that’s perfect!” you say as you take the can from his hands.

“there you go again,” seonghwa teases, and you shoot him a questioning look. he smiles as he responds. “calling me perfect?”

“i said the paint was perfect, weirdo,” you snap. “but thank you for finding this.”

“anytime,” he tells you. “you said your favorite color was blue right?”

“right...” you mumble, thinking back to the conversation you had at the bakery yesterday. “how’d you remember?”

“ugh, i’m hurt!” he exclaims, hand flying to his chest in mock surprise. “i can’t believe you already forgot that it’s my favorite color too.”

“hm, guess i was too distracted by how perfect you are,” you joke. seonghwa laughs at that, a sharp sound that seemed to catch him off guard. he covers his mouth to stifle the sound, but you’re close enough to the cash register now that it draws attention from san and mingi.

“find what you need?” san asks with a shit eating grin.

“hm, just about,” you say as you place the paint on the counter. “couldn’t find a hammer big enough to drop on your head, though.”

“wow, harsh,” san scoffs. “and to think i brought you here out of the goodness of my heart.”

you’re too busy half-bickering with san to notice that seonghwa has paid for your paint and the pens he promised hongjoong. he mumbles something to mingi, who then hands him a piece of paper. he scribbles his number down for you before handing you the can and his number.

“i gotta go, but i’ll see you later for study group, right?” he confirms. you’re still processing the fact that he keeps buying things for you and you can’t respond in time, so san steps in.

“yeah, y/n will be there,” san assures seonghwa. he nods and shoots you one last smile before he excuses himself and leaves. you’re stuck with san and that stupid grin again. he looks at you and then checks the paper with seonghwa’s number on it. “yep, i think you got what you needed.”

even though seonghwa very willingly gave you his number, you’re still afraid to text him. it’s kind of hard to believe that he’s into you the way you’re into him, so you’re fine with just seeing him for study dates. or, uh, not study dates. study gatherings. with just the two of you. because the other guys have bailed, again.

this time, though, you’re not working on music theory. you have an assignemnt due for your ethics class, and you need family and friends to read about your results from this morals test. you wanted san to do it, but he’s currently “chasing a sweet piece of ass,” whatever that means. he’s probably bothering his lab partner that he claims descended from greek gods. you would usually tease him for saying something like that, but it’s a thought you’ve had about seonghwa, so you kept your mouth shut.

anyway, you know you need someone to answer these questions for you, but you can’t bring yourself to ask seonghwa. he kept up his “perfect” demeanor again today, showing up at the bookstore before you so he could get you the coffee you like. you would ask why he keeps doing things like this for you, remembering your favorite color and your coffee order, but you’re afraid he’ll stop if you bring it up. little do you know, every time he learns something new about you, he writes it down in his notes app, keeping a running tab of the things you like.

“y/n?” you hear him ask. his voice snaps you out of your thoughts and you realize you’ve been staring at him this whole time. the smirk you’ve become so familiar with makes another appearance as he gets ready to tease you. “something on your mind?”

“no, i...no,” you stutter. “i’m just thinking.”

“about what?” he questions as he lifts his coffee cup to his lips. you watch the way he slightly pouts them before taking a sip and you have to stop yourself from staring again.

“just this ethics assignment i want to finish,” you explain. “sorry, i didn’t realize i was staring at you.”

“must be an important assignment,” he nods, leaning forward to put his cup back on the table in front of you. you get another glimpse at the star tattoo on his neck as he does. “because i was definitely staring at you too, and you didn’t even notice.”

“oh?”

“yep,” he confirms. “i was giving you my best puppy dog eyes and everything.”

“puppy dog eyes?” you ask, unsure of what’s coming. “do you need something?”

“eh, not really,” he shrugs. “i’m just worried.”

“why?”

“you never texted me the other night.”

“after the art store?” you ask incredulously.

“isn’t that when i gave you my number?” he smirks.

“i didn’t think you wanted me to text you immediately...”

“well, it’s been three days and i still don’t have your number,” he pouts.

“hold on a second,” you mumble, reaching for your bag. you fumble around in there, searching for the piece of paper with seonghwa’s number on it as he watches you fondly.

“what are you doing?”

“looking for your number,” you reply like it’s obvious. seonghwa laughs a little and places his hand on your arm to stop you.

“you do know i’m right next to you, and i could just put my number in myself?” he asks, eyes sparkling as he half-smiles at you. you blush, because no, you weren’t thinking about that. you sheepishly hand him your phone and watch as he adds his number and then texts himself. he gives your phone back and replaces it with his own before asking, “what’s your favorite emoji?”

“um, the smiling cowboy?” you offer, not sure why he’s asking. he laughs again, like he did in the art store, but this time it’s harder for him to quiet the breathy giggles coming from his chest.

“why that one?” he asks, typing something quickly.

“it’s funny,” you shrug. “why?”

“needed something cute to put next to your name, but you’re a weirdo, so it’s not as cute as i was imagining,” he explains, showing you the contact card in his phone. your number is saved as “y/n 🥰🤠” and you can’t help but laugh. you look up at seonghwa, warmth in your eyes, and he starts laughing too.

“see?” you giggle. “it is funny.”

“whatever, at least now i have your number.”

after exchanging numbers with seonghwa, you’re starting to let yourself believe little by little that he might feel the same way you do. it’s not anything serious, but there’s definitely something there. the texts he sends are always flirtatious, and it has your heart beating faster every time you get a notification, hoping that it’s him. you’re in the middle of studying for your spanish final when you feel your phone vibrate on the bed next to you, and you smile when you see who it’s from.

seonghwa 🥺💫, 6:28pm: are you busy rn?

you, 6:28pm: not really, just studying

seonghwa 🥺💫: can’t be studying too much if you replied that quickly 🥸

you: what do u want

seonghwa 🥺💫: be nice :-(

you: sorry

you: hi seonghwa, how are you? what do you want.

seonghwa 🥺💫: come get dinner with me?

you: right now?

seonghwa 🥺💫: no, in 30 years. yes right now

you: but i’m studying ://

seonghwa 🥺💫: liar!

you: fine, when and where?

seonghwa 🥺💫: i’ll pick you up in ten 🤠

“you sure like staying close to campus, huh?” you ask seonghwa as he walks you about a block from your usual hangout and to a little hole in the wall restaurant that looks like it could seat maybe 20 people, uncomfortably.

“i know what i like,” he responds with a shrug. “speaking of things i like, you look nice.”

“oh, thank you,” you semi-laugh. you’d been close to panic trying to figure out what to wear (because you’re not sure if this is a date) so you went with something simple, but you’re glad seonghwa likes it. not that you wanted to impress him. but you did, a little. anyway, he looks...well, perfect, wearing black ripped jeans and a velvet-y navy shirt. you continually have to stop yourself from reaching out and stroking his arm just to feel the soft fabric (and maybe his muscles).

“so i take it you’ve never been here before?” he asks as he hands you a menu. you shake your head no in response. you can’t tell if he’s doing it intentionally, but seonghwa leans closer into your side as he explains. “you pick a main entree, but each dish comes with these sides. they say no substitutes, but i know the guy behind the counter so you can ask for more of something else if you don’t like one of them.”

“i might do that,” you say. “i don’t really want dumplings, so could i get extra sweet potatoes?”

“of course,” he nods, noting the way you smile slightly. it makes your eyes light up, and his heart does a little backflip knowing that he’s the reason for it. well, the sweet potatoes probably are, but he’s the one getting the sweet potatoes, so he’s taking that win for himself. once you both confirm what you want, he places his hand on your back and guides you to the counter.

“hey seonghwa!” the tall guy with a lopsided smile behind the register greets. “long time no see. who’s your friend?”

“hey yunho,” seonghwa smiles back. “this is y/n, a vip, so make sure you give us the good stuff.”

“extra sweet potatoes?” yunho laughs. you and seonghwa both nod as yunho continues taking your order, and you find yourself comfortably leaning into seonghwa as you wait for yunho to calculate the price. before seonghwa can even think about taking his wallet out, you’re handing yunho cash for the food, which makes seonghwa sputter.

“what? y/n, i was going to pay,” he whines, and you simply shake your head.

“nope, my turn,” you tell him. “you’ve bought me coffee too many times.”

“but i asked you out! i don’t want you to pay on our first date if i’m the one who brought you here,” he continues to complain.

“so this is a date?” you confirm, right as yunho asks suggestively “oh, this is a date?”

“yunho, give y/n’s money back,” seonghwa says, ignoring the two of you. “i’m paying.”

“yunho, if you give me that money i’ll be forced to leave and stand seonghwa up for our date,” you say, emphasizing the last word. now you’re glad you wore clean pants.

“seonghwa, why don’t you let y/n pay for this, and then you can get the next one?” yunho suggests, sending you a wink before he turns to the kitchen to share your order with the chef. you’re left with a flustered seonghwa, which is a sight you’re not used to, and it makes you laugh.

“c’mon,” you say as you pull on his arm. “let’s go find a table.”

you’re the only ones in the restaurant, so the food comes out pretty quick, and you have to stifle a laugh when you see that someone has arranged the sweet potatoes on a separate plate in the shape of a heart. seonghwa blushes at this, and you’re taken aback by how shy he’s suddenly become.

for some reason, seonghwa showing signs of nervousness puts you at ease, and you lead the conversation to something stupid san told you about the boys and their shenanigans at their dorm. the story has seonghwa laughing, and he confirms that yes, yeosang does have a sword by the tv, and yes, hongjoong did threaten to use it on him after he lost an intense match of fifa.

“in hongjoong’s defense,” seonghwa begins, “i do think yeosang cheated. wooyoung was definitely helping him.”

“it still sounds ridiculous,” you tell him. “why does anybody need a sword?”

“yeosang is just...yeosang,” seonghwa replies. “he’s weird but he won’t admit that to anyone.”

“i’m just saying, if i went to someone’s house and there was a katana by the tv, i’d haul my ass outta there.” seonghwa giggles at how serious you look, but this conversation reminds him...

“you never showed me your room,” he says bluntly. you pause for a moment, spoon halfway to your mouth, and seonghwa realizes how that must sound. “i mean, the paint, your dresser. you never showed me a picture once you fixed it up.”

“oh,” you breathe out. “let me grab my phone, i can show you.”

“show him what?” a familiar voice suddenly asks from the seat next to you. when you notice that san, and some of your other friends, have snuck their way into the restaurant, you have to keep yourself from groaning.

“why are you here.”

“i’m hungry,” san replies, then turns to seonghwa. “you didn’t tell us you were getting dinner.”

“i didn’t want to,” seonghwa deadpans. “ i wanted it to be just me and y/n.”

“too late for that, pal,” honjoong says as he slides into the seat across from you. “hi y/n.”

“hey hongjoong,” you grumble. “please tell me you’re getting your food to go.”

“we were, but then we saw our good friends eating all by themselves and thought we should join them,” hongjoong teases. by now, the rest of the boys have sat down around you, some at other tables, and one of them you don’t recognize. that must be jongho, their younger “roommate” who technically lives in first year housing but doesn’t get along with the other guy in his room. you’ve heard seonghwa complain that jongho eats all of his snacks.

“well, i hope you enjoy your food, but seonghwa and i were just about to leave,” you lie, looking at seonghwa with a stare that pleads ‘please go along with this.’

“where are you going?” wooyoung asks, one table over.

“my apartment,” you respond quickly, standing up as seonghwa follows your cue with a stupidly adorable look on his face.

“oh, perfect!” san chirps. “we’ll come with you!”

so much for your date with seonghwa. it was hard to stop the boys from insisting they all join you at your apartment, especially after yunho said his shift was over and he could really use some destressing. and by destressing he meant booze, so you currently have 8 tipsy boys scattered across your living room. if you thought they were loud before...it’s amazing that your neighbors haven’t complained yet.

it started off innocent enough, you were just playing card games at first and the loser of each round had to drink. then it turned into never have i ever, and each time you put a finger down you had to drink. then yeosang suggested shots, and it really went downhill from there. san tried convincing everyone to play a round of spin the bottle just for the chance of making you and seonghwa kiss, but mingi and wooyoung were the only ones down, so majority ruled there.

“san, stop pouting,” you laugh, noticing that he’s upset over his evil plan not working out.

“it’s fine,” he lies, duck lips on full display.

“spin the bottle is such a tween-y game too,” jongho pipes in. “and we’re adults, so it would be kinda stupid to play it anyway.”

“says the baby of the group,” yeosang scoffs.

“what about truth or dare?” hongjoong suggests. “still immature, but we can make it fun.”

“yes!” san shouts, suddenly back in a positive mood.

“i’ll start,” mingi volunteers. he takes a deep breath as he looks around the room, eyes narrowing when he looks at you and seonghwa. you’re currently smushed into your armchair together, not really by choice, because the couch is completely full and neither of you wanted to sit on the floor (you know how dirty it is, and seonghwa has a bad hip). thankfully, mingi has mercy on you and directs his gaze to his best friend. “yunho, truth or dare?”

“truth,” yunho slurs out. you’d say he’s the opposite of stressed by now.

“did you sleep with that girl you met at the party last week?”

“no,” yunho replies quickly, cheeks turning a knowing shade of red. “i just walked her home.”

“and went missing until the next morning?” yeosang asks. he gets a few snickers, and you laugh a little too because you remember san and wooyoung talking about their friend who disappeared for a few hours last weekend.

“whatever,” yunho groans. “yeosang. truth or dare.”

“dare,” yeosang chooses confidently.

“kiss wooyoung on the cheek.”

“no,” he replies, just as confidently.

“then take another shot,” yunho concedes, waving his hand at the stubborn boy. wooyoung mumbles something about how kissable he is as yeosang downs what looks like more than just a regular shot.

“this is boring,” jongho whines, which makes him the next target. he chooses dare, and you have to detach yourself from seonghwa so you can go into your kitchen and find the lemon juice in your fridge so jongho can chug what’s left. he’s sputtering after a few sips and gives up, grumbling up to you, “ i hate you for that.”

“hey, it wasn’t my dare,” you defend yourself. “you owe me lemon juice.”

“i’ll give it to you if you choose dare,” jongho challenges. you roll your eyes and take the bait, earning a round of ooo’s from the boys around you.

“make her kiss seonghwa,” someone hisses.

“or me!” wooyoung chirps. jongho looks over at him with a death glare, and wooyoung shrugs. “i just want someone to want to kiss me.”

“i think you’re cut off,” hongjoong says as he leans across your coffee table to move the bottle away from wooyoung.

“everyone be quiet!” san shouts. “jongho has to give y/n a dare.”

“hmmm,” jongho starts, tapping his finger on his chin. “what should i do?”

“for someone who said this was boring, you’re really milking this,” seonghwa says under his breath. you’re perched on the arm of the chair, close enough to hear him, but thankfully no one else does.

“what’s that other childish game called?” jongho wonders aloud. “seven minutes in heaven? i think you should do that with seonghwa.”

“do i have to?” you pout, and your reluctance makes seonghwa stiffen. he thinks you said that because you’re uncomfortable, and not because you don’t want the boys pressing their ear up to the door while the two of you make out.

“rules are rules,” hongjoong concludes, nodding his head toward your room. “go have fun. i’ll keep the kids from bothering you.”

you look to seonghwa, who isn’t looking directly at you. you tentatively take his hand, giving it a squeeze before you stand up and lead him to your room. there are so many catcalls, whistles and cheers coming from your friends that you barely hear san say “take your time! it doesn’t have to be just seven minutes!”

once you get to your room, you let seonghwa go in first and then you lock the door behind you. he quirks an eyebrow at that, and you shrug shyly.

“don’t want one of them bursting in,” you explain. seonghwa nods, and you both fall silent. it’s not necessarily awkward, just tense. you both want to do what seven minutes in heaven is meant for, but you’re not gonna make the first move and seonghwa still isn’t sure you even want to be in this situation. so he takes this time to turn around and take your room in, pointing to your dresser.

“is this it?” he asks. you hum out a yes in response, and he runs his hand over the freshly painted wood. “it looks nice. whoever picked out the color sure knows what he’s doing.”

“eh, he’s just lucky,” you joke, and you both laugh. you move to stand next to him and place your hand on top of his. “sorry we couldn’t finish our date.”

“sorry my friends are so annoying,” seonghwa adds.

“sorry san pushed me into your lap earlier,” you continue, and seonghwa smirks.

“well, i didn’t mind that,” he says. “i wanted you to sit with me, but i didn’t want to draw attention.”

“oh,” you squeak, feeling a blush on its way to your cheeks. a heavy silence falls over you, and seonghwa is the first to break it.

“listen, if you don’t want to kiss me, that’s cool,” he begins. “i kinda got the vibe earlier that you didn’t want to do this, and that’s cool. if you don’t want to do this we’re still cool.”

“you don’t sound very cool about it,” you chuckle, and seonghwa’s face flushes. “but i was only nervous because i didn’t know if you wanted to kiss me.”

“oh i want to kiss you,” he says firmly. “have for a while.”

“why don’t you do it then?” you challenge. seonghwa takes a step closer to you, and before you know it he’s pinned you against your dresser. you balance your hands on it and the cool wood helps you ground yourself as your body heats up from having seonghwa so close.

“are you sure?” he asks, only a few inches from your face. you nod and whisper out “i’m sure” and seonghwa quickly cups your face and smothers you in a kiss. it starts off slow, and your face warms at his touch. once you relax into it you move your lips against his, nipping at his bottom lip slightly and earning a groan from the man before you. you take the chance to slip your tongue past his lips as you bring your hands up to the nape of his neck, slowly brushing through his soft hair. his hands find their way to your waist, gripping tightly but not too hard, and he leans in to get as close to you as possible. you keep kissing for a few moments, but eventually you need to breathe so you lightly tap on his neck. he pulls back, breathing heavy, and his smile shines like the most beautiful stars in the sky. “so?”

“so?” you repeat, equally out of breath.

“that was nice.”

“it was.”

“the boys are gonna know we made out.”

“of course they are,” you laugh. “your lips look swollen.”

“so do yours,” he counters.

“but wasn’t that the whole point of us coming in here?” you ask. your hands have fallen to his chest, and you finally get a chance to smooth out the soft velvet of his shirt. and you notice his chest is very, uh, firm, too.

“we didn’t have to kiss,” he says with a shrug. “we could’ve just talked.”

“about what?” you ask with a smile.

“my keen eye for interior design,” he replies. “how sexy you look in low lighting.”

“so you think i’m sexy?” you tease, and seonghwa rolls his eyes.

“i just had my tongue in your mouth, does that answer your question?”

another silence comes over you both, but this one is lighter than before. you’re subconsciously rubbing your hands over his shirt, and seonghwa brings a hand up to cover yours, stopping it right over his heart.

“we don’t have to tell them,” you offer. “i mean, they kept it a secret from us that they were trying to get us together this whole time.”

“oh no, i was fully aware of that,” seonghwa tells you, and you scoff. “do you think i really wanted to get out past midnight just to buy hongjoong some expensive markers? he never even paid me for them.”

“well now i really don’t want to tell them we kissed,” you whine. “how could everyone be in on this except me?”

“it was more fun that way,” seonghwa teases before pecking your lips. “but we can keep this between us, for now.”

“i think we should,” you say with a nod of finality. “it’s more fun that way.”

“c’mon, let’s go back out there before they send a search party.”

you return to the living room before seonghwa (so he can sneak into the bathroom and fix his hair) and you find most of the boys asleep on the floor. you sigh as your eyes meet hongjoong’s, and he shrugs.

“at least they didn’t bother you,” he says.

“can you help me find pillows and blankets for them, please?” you ask, and he nods before jumping into action. he throws one of the couch pillows down to yeosang, who takes it and hugs it to his chest. you have a couple extras in your hall closet and you pass them to yunho, who’s sitting up when you come back. he places one under mingi and another under jongho and keeps the last one for himself. san and wooyoung are on the couch, and hongjoong tells you he’s fine with the armchair. seonghwa is out of the bathroom by now, and, like the perfect man he is, he’s carrying blankets in his arms. the three of you work on getting all the boys covered before you realize that seonghwa doesn’t have a place to sleep.

“i can take another spot on the floor,” he assures you. “do you have another pillow i can use?”

“let him sleep in your room, y/n,” san mumbles from underneath wooyoung. you pause and look at seonghwa, who’s looking back at you with something you can’t read in his eyes.

“it’s not a bad idea,” hongjoong pipes in from somewhere within the blanket cocoon he made for himself. “he was just there. you can put him on the floor.”

“y/n?” seonghwa asks, pulling your attention back to him. “i don’t have to if you’re uncomfortable.”

you would try to fight it, so you could hopefully ignore taunts from the boys in the morning, but you’re suddenly really tired and you just want to lay down.

“i’m ok with it if you are,” you yawn. “take the rest of those blankets, we can use those for your bed.”

“make good choices,” honjoong mumbles as seonghwa leads you back to your room, and you hear san going “oooooo” as you close your door a second time tonight. this time you don’t lock it though, and when you turn around you see the blankets on the floor and seonghwa sprawled out on your usual side of the bed, so you tell him.

“well why don’t you come join me then?” he teases with a grin. you blush and shake your head.

“scoot over.”

he does, but only by an inch. he still looks at you with that flirty glint in his eyes, and you can only shake your head again as you crawl into the tiny space next to him. he immediately wraps an arm around your waist and gives you a tight hug, placing a kiss on your shoulder.

“thank you,” he whispers into your back.

“for what?” you reply.

“for not putting me on the floor. and for liking me.”

you just woke up from maybe the best night of sleep you’ve ever had. seonghwa’s arms and legs are draped over yours, so you can’t get up without waking him, but having him so close is a welcome source of warmth. your apartment is quiet, and the sun is peacefully filtering into your room through your curtain. it’s the perfect moment, with your perfect boy, until-

“i think they’re still asleep,” you hear someone whisper from the hallway.

“wooyoung, leave them alone!” another voice hisses. there’s silence for a moment, and then a smack, followed by someone jiggling the doorknob to your room. you quickly untangle yourself from seonghwa before you watch as the door cracks open a bit, revealing wooyoung in all his bed-headed glory. you close your eyes as much as you can while still peeking at who’s sneaking into your room, and you see jongho close behind him. he must’ve been the one who got smacked. or did the smacking. either way, they’re both staring at you and seonghwa in your bed, but you notice wooyoung smile and pause.

“i knew it! they definitely got together last night.”

“how do you know?” jongho asks. “maybe y/n let seonghwa sleep on the bed because of his old man hips.”

“whatever. they’re in the same bed, so that’s at least something,” wooyoung replies. “lame, but still something.”

“what did you expect?” jongho asks incredulously. “you thought we would catch them doing it?”

“i mean, not exactly, but couldn’t i get a little cuddling maybe?”

“you want me to cuddle you hyung?” jongho deadpans.

“yes, actually-”

“hey!” a third voice whisper shouts. you hear footsteps and then you see hongjoong pulling wooyoung out of your room by the neck of his shirt. “leave them alone. and you, jongho, i’m surprised you’re playing along with this.”

“well...” jongho mumbles.

“well what?” hongjoong asks, sounding like the mom-est mom to ever mom.

“they’re the only ones that know how to make breakfast.”

“both of you, out! now!” hongjoong semi-shouts, and you feel seonghwa stirring behind you. hongjoong doesn’t realize you’re both awake and closes the door as he leaves.

“what time is it?” seonghwa grumbles out, and your heart skips a beat hearing how deep his voice is when he wakes up.

“early,” you reply, turning around to be face to face with him. his arms slowly snake around you as you look up at him and share a sleepy smile. “how can you look this good when you first wake up?”

“weird, i wanted to ask you the same thing,” seonghwa replies, leaning in to kiss you but you touch your fingers to his lips and stop him, so he pouts.

“uh uh, not until i brush my teeth,” you say as you try to get up, but seonghwa’s grip on your waist keeps you down.

“please,” he pouts again, sparkly eyes on full display as he pleads with you. it takes about half a second for you to cave and kiss him quickly, catching him off guard. he shifts to pull you on top of him and deepen the kiss, but he loses his grip on you and you’re able to slip out of bed before he can stop you. a noise comes from deep in his chest that almost sounds like a growl, and you shoot him a glare.

“hey, you got your kiss,” you warn. “now i’m going to make breakfast for the gremlins. do you want to help me?”

after the intrusion into your bedroom, wooyoung obviously told the boys what he saw. but, like jongho said, most of them thought it was just because of seonghwa’s hips that made you share a bed with him. there wasn’t enough evidence otherwise, and none of them really expected either of you to make a move despite their efforts. but they’re starting to get suspicious.

little do they know, after the set up fell into place, seonghwa wanted to take you on a real date. the only way to do that without your friends knowing was to sneak around without them, which was kind of fun. it was nice having this bubble with seonghwa, just the two of you, but it was getting harder to avoid your friends. seonghwa lived with them after all, so they pestered him about how often he was out and who he might be out with.

“san keeps asking if you’re a good kisser. i told him i didn’t know, and then he asked if he could find out for me. should i be concerned about that?”

“we need to be more careful, yeosang said he saw us at the taco place yesterday, and he said we hold hands weird.”

“hongjoong has been saving seats for us at the bookstore, and each time we don’t show up i think he steals something from me.”

you have been ditching study group lately, but that’s more because you need to do some deep studying for your other finals and your friends are too much of a distraction. seonghwa can be distracting too, but at least he can take a hint and back down when you really need to focus. it’s been nice actually, just spending time in his presence. you were so nervous around him just a few weeks ago, and now you feel like you could trust him with just about anything.

today, you don’t get any personal study time, though. your music theory final is coming up and seonghwa wants you to get all the terms memorized before the review session in class tomorrow. he’s motivating you with a kiss for each right answer and the promise of him making dinner once you’re done. you’re currently cruising on five wrong in a row, and you’re getting frustrated.

“c’mon y/n, you know this,” seonghwa encourages you, but you just whine in response. “we did this like four minutes ago, and i told you the answer so you could remember it.”

“yeah, well i obviously didn’t,” you snap, and seonghwa fakes being hurt. “sorry. can we skip this and come back to it?”

“sure,” he agrees quickly. “but first you need to write down the circle of fifths for me.”

“i hate you.”

“hm, wrong answer,” he hums. “but kiss anyway. maybe that’ll keep you from getting so grumpy.”

“i am not grumpy,” you defend after kissing him gently. “i’m stressed.”

“you know what you need?”

“hm?”

“you need to go on another date,” he begins. “with me, obviously.”

“damn, i wanted to know if yunho was free,” you tease, and seonghwa doesn’t think it’s funny. “now who’s grumpy?”

“ignoring that,” he scoffs, but you can tell he’s trying not to smile.

“when would we go? i’m really busy the next few days.”

“what about after class? we could both clean up and do something nice before we get some dinner?” seonghwa suggests. “why don’t we go to that art exhibit you told me about?”

“ugh,” you groan as you learn your head on his shoulder. “that sounds amazing, but we both said we’d be at study group tomorrow, remember? hongjoong practically begged me to be there, and i said i would ask you to come.”

“what about not letting them know we’re a thing?” he pouts. you don’t tell him about the youngest two that saw you all cuddled up, but instead you assure him that you inviting him to study group wouldn’t look unusual to the boys.

“plus, if we both cancel last minute, they’d know for sure we were up to something together,” you continue. “so yes, we need to go on another date, but just not tomorrow.”

“fine,” he mumbles. “now i am grumpy.”

“would something from the cafe make it better, my little boba ball?” you ask in a baby voice.

“ooh, actually, boba sounds good,” seonghwa smiles. “let’s go.”

the next day you get to the bookstore late because your professor gave a pop quiz at the end of class and you’ve been so busy studying music theory you forgot to study for anything else, so you needed all the time you could get. when you finally arrive, all of the boys are there, surprisingly. since you’ve never seen yunho, mingi and jongho here before you’re a little confused, but happy to see them nonetheless.

as you walk up to the usual spot, you notice a coffee cup sitting in front of an empty chair, and you point to it as the boys greet you.

“is this for me?” you ask, placing your bag on the ground before grabbing the warm mug. “thank you, coffee angel.”

“you’re welcome, actual angel,” seonghwa replies, and you almost choke on your first sip. what is he doing?? you’re supposed to be sneaky sneaks and keep your relationship quiet, but here he is flirting with you in front of everyone!

except, that’s what he did before you started dating too, so it’s not out of the ordinary. in fact, no one pays any mind to it, so you’re left with a burnt tongue and blushy cheeks while seonghwa looks at you with a stare that only you would understand. you quickly shoot him a wink before you put your mug down and reach for your notes.

“um, hello? what are you guys doing?” you ask yeosang next to you, who’s rabidly tapping at his phone, just like everyone else. if they weren’t distracted they might have picked up on the vibes between you and seonghwa, but thankfully they’re the oblivious ones now.

“playing a game,” half of them respond, just as hongjoong says “writing lyrics” and jongho mumbles “texting my mom.”

“aren’t we supposed to study?” you ask. “or did you already learn everything in the world while i was gone?”

“well you’ve missed a lot of study sessions, y/n,” san begins. “so yes, we have learned everything. now we just come here to hang out.”

“so then why did you insist on me being here, joong?” you ask newly orange-haired hongjoong. it’s been a while since you’ve seen him, he must’ve dyed it recently.

“we missed hanging out with you,” he says simply, eyes peeking up from his phone. your heart constricts at this, and you catch seonghwa’s eyes again. you might have to rethink the whole sneaking around thing if they really do miss you.

“yeah, we missed you AND we had to make sure you and seonghwa are still spending time together,” wooyoung adds, wiggling his eyebrows.

“where have you been anyway?” yeosang asks. “you don’t have other friends.”

“yes i do,” you scoff.”

“give me names and numbers.”

“ignore him,” yunho tells you, and you nod.

“i always do. but i’ve been really stressed about finals, so i had to do some soul searching on my own to decide if i need to graduate or not.”

“seems fair,” mingi agrees. “i almost had to drop a class.”

“because he forgot he was even enrolled in it,” jongho clarifies, and you laugh.

“but seonghwa has been missing a lot lately too,” san starts. “i wonder what he’s been doing.”

“or who,” wooyoung snickers, and hongjoong reaches over mingi to slap him.

“i haven’t been feeling well,” seonghwa says with a shrug. “i’ve mostly been in my room, or at the pharmacy to get medicine.”

“oh, so you could’ve bought new paper towels for the dorm then, huh?” hongjoong asks, and as the two of them start to bicker, yeosang nudges your arm.

“i saw you two,” he says quietly. “at the mexican restaurant.”

“i know,” you whisper back.

“so i know you’re dating.”

“are you gonna say anything?”

“hmmm, no,” he thinks. “but you have to buy my silence.”

“with coffee?” you offer, and yeosang smiles. he stands up and puts his phone away before speaking, looking directly at seonghwa.

“my best friend y/n is gonna buy me coffee, we’ll be back,” he says as he loops his arm around your shoulders. seonghwa watches as you walk away (and stares at your ass) but he’s mostly thinking about how he’s a little jealous right now. like, he knows you wouldn’t do anything, he trusts you, but he doesn’t want his friends thinking you have a thing for anyone but him. so while you’re gone, he talks.

“i haven’t been sick,” he admits. “i’ve been seeing y/n.”

“we all knew, dude,” hongjoong says casually, and everyone agrees.

“then why didn’t you say anything?!”

“because YOU weren’t saying anything,” jongho replies.

“yeah, we figured that we did enough trying to get the two of you together, so if you didn’t end up dating then that was your fault. we were just waiting on you to make a move,” san explains.

“then why did you let us lie to you like that?”

“it was fun,” wooyoung shrugs. “by the way, did y/n let you sleep in the bed because of your hips, or because you wanted to cuddle?”

the red tint on seonghwa’s cheeks gives him away, and the boys start laughing and ooo’ing so loud he’s afraid you’ll hear it over by the coffee counter.

“ok, ok, just. keep this quiet for now,” he says. “y/n may still want this to be private.”

“but you just told us about it,” yunho says. “why would you do that if you knew y/n wouldn’t want you to?”

“well,” seonghwa begins. “i need your help with a date.”

seemingly by an act of god, you have time this weekend to go on a date with seonghwa. little did you know, he’s the reason your plans suddenly freed up. san said you could critique him and wooyoung for their dance final another day, hongjoong said he would send you his music theory notes from the review and save you hours of studying and then yeosang found the exact spanish book you needed to finish your performance final ahead of time. it was the perfect circumstances, orchestrated by your perfect boy and his perfect-adjacent friends, who all agreed to help him with this (hopefully) perfect date.

it starts with seonghwa picking you up from your apartment, coffee in hand.

“you’re the man of my dreams, you know that?” you say in passing as you grab the warm to-go cup. even if you were only saying it lightly, it made seonghwa’s heart soar. you notice he hasn’t said anything to you, so you meet his eyes to find them full of stars like always, but this time there’s something scheme-y in there. he’s up to something.

“are you ready for the best date of your life?” he asks with a smile that puts the stars in his eyes to shame.

“yes, i think,” you respond, grabbing your keys and locking your door. “but i don’t know what we’re doing.”

“and it will stay that way until we get there,” seonghwa says firmly as he laces his hand into yours. you squeeze his hand and sigh.

“i guess i just have to trust you then.”

“but that won’t be hard right?”

“wait, didn’t you say something earlier about going to that art exhibit? is that it?” you question, even though you know he won’t budge. seonghwa just shakes his head no and punches the button for the elevator. a moment of silence passes before you guess again. “a movie? you rented out a movie theater, like you said you wanted to?”

“i tried, but it was expensive,” he admits and you have to laugh. “funds are tight right now.”

“i watched you buy a couple hundred dollars worth of legos the other day babe. maybe that’s why the date fund is lacking.”

“you’re not coming between me and my collectables, y/n,” seonghwa scolds. the elevator pings to open to the parking garage under your building, and you’re confused for a moment before he explains. “i want this to be a nice date, so yunho let me borrow his car. it would be no fun if we show up all sweaty because we were walking.”

yunho’s car, which is actually pretty nice thanks to all the tips he gets from flirting with clientele, is parked by the elevator. seonghwa leads you to your door and opens it for you, revealing a basket of flowers and candies in the seat. you coo as you pick it up, and seonghwa looks on proudly. you lean over to give him a kiss, and you whisper your thanks as you pull away.

“that was mingi’s idea,” seonghwa tells you, smiling brightly “i got all your favorites.”

“i see that.”

“but look around the flowers,” he guides you. “there’s something else.”

you hold the basket up to eye level, noticing the silver sparkle around the stems of the flowers. is it glitter? you tug at a flower and realize it’s a chain, and attached is a hand drawn star charm to match the tattoo on the back of seonghwa’s neck.

“seonghwa, this is beautiful,” you say breathlessly. “we’re gonna match! that’s so cute. who’s idea was this?”

“would you believe me if i said it was mine?”

“no.”

“that’s what jongho said too,” seonghwa laughs. “it was his idea.”

“tell him thank you,” you say as you play with the charm. “mingi and yunho too. it’s a good date so far.”

“oh baby, it hasn’t officially started yet.”

in the car, seonghwa plays a mix of songs that he really likes, and he’s mixed in some of your favorites too. he has to keep convincing you that the songs aren’t clues, because you ask every time a new song plays.

“so are the songs just distractions?” you ask, finally giving up on getting any information out of him.

“why do you ask that?” he smirks as he turns down a familiar road.

“because i can tell you just took the long way to the record store,” you explain. “are you stalling?”

“me, what? why?” his response does nothing to manage your suspicions, and suddenly you remember how your friends have helped with the date so far. are they all in on this? you need answers.

“seonghwa, i swear to god, if san or wooyoung jumps out to surprise me wherever we’re going-”

“that won’t happen,” seonghwa laughs while he parks the car. “we’re here anyway, and i promise this is the last surprise of the night.”

“the record store?” you question, looking up at the shop you’ve been to countless times to shop and to bother hongjoong while he works.

“yeah, you said there was a new album out you wanted to get, right?”

“yeah,” you blush. “but i just said that in passing, i didn’t expect you to remember.”

“y/n, i want to know everything about you,” seonghwa says seriously. “so of course i remembered. wait, don’t get out yet. i’ll open the door for you.”

as seonghwa helps you out of the car, you quiz him on the other things you’ve said around him that you didn’t think he remembered. sadly, he does remember you saying your favorite disney movie is ratatouille and you’ve always wanted to try the mushroom/cheese concoction remy makes in the first scene.

“that’s a little embarrassing,” you sigh as you reach for the door. you’re going to complain some more about how seonghwa doesn’t need to remember everything about you, but the sight in front of you makes you stop mid-breath.

the record store has been decorated from floor to ceiling in fairy lights, and there’s more flowers all over the place. as you look around, you notice the flowers are tucked in the shelves next to your favorite artists. next to the door is the album you were talking about, and a little further down you see your favorite album of all time with a few extra flowers next to it. you’re still taking everything in when you notice hongjoong behind the counter.

“did you help him with this?” you ask breathlessly, and hongjoong nods.

“yeah, but the flowers next to the albums was my idea,” hongjoong explains. “we’re running a new special called “y’n’s favorites” so everything that’s marked with a flower is yours, if you want it. everything is on the house.”

“i...i don’t know what to say,” you start. you turn to seonghwa and there are those starry eyes that you love to see. you reach out to cup his face and smile. “thank you. this is...perfect.”

“it’s even more perfect now that i’m here!” wooyoung shouts from the front door of the shop, followed by san and yeosang. you look at seonghwa and all he does is laugh.

“what? at least he didn’t jump out and scare you,” seonghwa teases.

“oh, i would never,” wooyoung nods with a half-serious look on his face. “but i definitely wouldn’t do that when i have your dinner in my hands, i can’t let all this hard work spill.”

“especially not on my clean floor,” hongjoong warns.

“you made dinner for us?” you ask wooyoung, but you’re looking at seonghwa, who simply shrugs.

“yep, i made one of your favorites and then threw in a couple recipes i thought you’d both like,” wooyoung says as he and the two other boys place food down on the counter by the register.

“and what did you two help with?” you ask san and yeosang.

“who do you think made this place so beautiful?” yeosang asks incredulously.

��yeosang did the lights and i bought all the flowers,” san explains with a smile that makes his eyes turn into happy half moons. “you’d be surprised how many places i had to go to get all your favorites.”

“i really don’t know what to say,” you whisper in disbelief. “i can’t believe you all did this for me.”

“it was all seonghwa’s idea,” san tells you. “we did it for both of you.”

“yeah, we’re just his little minions,” yeosang jokes, and wooyoung giggles.

“you tell me how that food tastes, got it?” he asks as he backs out of the store. “don’t say anything mean though. i only accept compliments.”

“wooyoung,” seonghwa smiles tightly. “please leave.”

wooyoung holds the door open for san and yeosang as he gives seonghwa a thumbs up. san waves goodbye sweetly and yeosang gives you a knowing smile before the door closes behind them.

“well, i think that’s my cue to go,” hongjoong says, handing the keys to seonghwa. “don’t make a mess. if i get fired, i’m selling all the stuff i stole from you when you were sneaking around with y/n and not telling us about it.”

“i’ll keep him under control,” you assure hongjoong, who nods as heads to the door. you don’t see him leave because seonghwa has stepped in front of you, and he places his hands on your waist to pull you closer.

“so,” he begins.

“so.”

“what do you want to listen to while we eat?” he asks, pulling you by the waist over to a row of records. you stand there quietly, looking over the albums hongjoong pulled to the front for you, and you just can’t believe how much work went into this date. you can’t believe how sweet it is that each of your friends helped, and you put your hand on seonghwa’s and give it a squeeze.

“hwa,” you whisper. he hums in response, but you place your hand on his cheek and guide his gaze to yours.

“thank you,” you tell him. “thank you for this.”

he smiles at you with a look in his eyes that can’t be anything else but love, and you smile back with that much love, if not more, in your own face. you use the hand on seonghwa’s chin to guide his lips to yours, and you lose yourself in the kiss, in seonghwa, for who knows how long.

“mm, y/n,” he mumbles against your lips before detaching. “the food will get cold.”

“you’re right,” you sigh. “but we didn’t pick any music.”

“how about this?” he asks, pulling an album out from the top shelf. you smile at the cover, knowing exactly what song seonghwa wants you to hear.

“perfect,” you agree. “i’ll put it on while you get the food?”

and that’s how you end up eating the perfect meal, on your perfect date, with all of your favorite things around you, sitting right next to your perfect boy.

#seonghwa #seonghwa fluff #seonghwa imagine #seonghwa one shot #ateez one shot #ateez imagine #ateez imagines #seonghwa imagines #ateez fluff #park seonghwa #park seonghwa fluff #park seonghwa imagine #park seonghwa imagines #park seonghwa one shot

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queenshelby · 3 years

Text

Time for Change – Part Five

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Warning: Smut

Words: 3,388

Notes: Not based on Cillian’s life. This is fiction guys!

The week following your night at the Westin with Cillian, you and Cillian caught up again, this time at a different hotel and without spending the entirety of the night together so that you wouldn’t raise any suspicions.

Then, the weekend after that, it was his birthday party and you and James were invited over to his and Danielle’s house to celebrate.

Chloe stayed with her grandmother and you were keen to see Cillian again. At the same time, you were nervous. It was the first time you were going to be around Danielle after you slept with Cillian and it certainly didn’t help that, despite your sense of clarity around everything, you were developing feelings for your brother-in-law.

The text messages between you and Cillian had become constant and not just sexual in nature. He called you daily when he could and you even met up on occasion, sometimes at the park when you both went for a run or sometimes at the local bookstore.

He was different to James. He had always been kind and you were interested in the same things. Occasionally, you would still teach the piano to his kids and he made sure that, every time you came over, Danielle wasn’t home.

When there was a chance, you kissed and held hands. You got to know him, even to the point where, when James bought Cillian a birthday present, you rolled your eyes, thinking that it was unsuitable.

‘He does not drink spirits James. Just shelf it and I will go to the bookstore and get something else for him, yeah?’ you chuckled and James looked at you somewhat confused.

‘You seem to know him well, your brother-in-law. I could almost be led to believe that you have a little crush on him’ James said, raising an eyebrow.

‘I ran into him a few times at the book store so I have an idea what he likes James. That’s all’ you explained, cheeks flushing.

‘Relax Y/N, I was just joking. I was thinking though, you know how Cillian had spoken about his holiday house down south the other time?’ James asked.

‘Yes, what about it?’ you asked.

‘Well, perhaps we can ask him for the key and get away for a weekend, just you and me. This might get you in the mood for some sexy time for a change’ James said, causing you to sigh.

‘James, we talked about this. I am just going through a few things’ you explained, not wanting to be with James in any intimate way knowing the big secret he was keeping from you.

‘It’s still about my affairs, isn’t it? You know, if you would have been more attentive as a wife and less occupied with Chloe’s needs and your job, I wouldn’t have had to cheat on you’ James said angrily, making it out to be your fault.

‘So, it’s my fault you fucked your secretary and knocked her up?’ you asked angrily.

‘How did you know?’ James wondered.

‘I just do James. It’s for another time to discuss. Not today. Today, I will pretend to be a happy wife and we will go to my step sister’s house for the party. Then tomorrow, we will talk about what we are going to do moving forward’ you suggested.

‘You know, this is all your fault Y/N. At least Laura gave me a child which is something you were incapable of doing. You didn’t want to fucking try going through IVF’ James then shouted angrily.

‘Because we didn’t have the money, James! And money is what keeps you here now, by my side, isn’t it? You don’t want to pay support for Chloe and me and you don’t want to miss out on my inheritance. Is that it? Because if you leave me, you don’t get anything’ you yelled at him as, suddenly, you had to reach for the corner of the kitchen bench as a wave of nausea washed through your body.

‘Chloe isn’t my daughter, nor is she yours. I have a daughter now and you can’t have children, which is probably for the better because, obviously, you are delusional and self-centred, blaming me for what happened instead of yourself’ James yelled, holding onto your shirt tightly and angrily.

‘Oh, I am self-centred?’ you barely managed to say before pushing his hand away and making your way to the downstairs bathroom rather quickly.

As soon as you walked through the door, you dropped to the floor and leaned over the toilet.

‘Jesus Christ’ you huffed as another bound of nausea overcame you and you emptied your breakfast into the toilet.

Just as you were in the bathroom, you heard the front door of the house close shut and you realised that James had left, which was probably for the better.

‘This fucking sushi place’ you growled to yourself, regretting your takeaway choice for the previous night before quickly brushing your teeth and making your way to the bookstore.

***

At around 7 o’clock that night, you arrived at Cillian’s and Danielle’s house without James by your side.

When Danielle enquired about James’s whereabout, you informed her that he would arrive a little later and so he did.

She could sense that you had been fighting and was quick to offer you a drink, which you gladly accepted.

After wishing Cillian a happy birthday and giving him his present, you socialised with Danielle and her friends and, every time you spoke to her, you felt guilty about what you were doing.

Yet, you couldn’t help but glance over towards Cillian on numerous occasions. He looked incredible and you loved seeing him smile.

Danielle, however, seemed unhappy and a mutual friend by the name Natalie eventually asked her what was wrong.

‘I think Cillian is seeing someone’ Danielle said quietly.

‘Oh god Jesus Danielle, not again, please’ Natalie said, being well aware of the constant allegations and fights they were having. ‘Just because you cheated doesn’t mean he did’ she then said, causing you to almost choke on your wine.

‘You did what?’ you asked surprised. This was the first you heard of it.

‘It was many years ago Y/N. Cillian knows and he forgave me. He was always away and I struggled with the kids and…’ Danielle went on to explain and you couldn’t stop yourself from laughing.

‘What is so funny? We all make mistakes’ she said and you couldn’t help but shake your head in disbelieve.

‘Well, apparently so’ you chuckled. ‘Now, what makes you think that he is cheating on you Danielle?’ you then asked, curious as to whether her suspicions were actually warranted and whether she knew something.

‘I looked at his bank account statement and there were two hotel charges in Dublin in the past two weeks, one for the Westin and one for the Hilton’ she explained.

‘He could have just eaten there with friends Danielle, both of these Hotels have restaurants attached to them and are conveniently located near Temple Bar’ Natalie then laughed, causing Danielle to nod.

‘Yeah, probably. But, he has been acting funny lately and isn’t interested in intimacy. He doesn’t even kiss me anymore’ Danielle said.

‘You walked out on him twice in two months Danielle. Does this seriously surprise you?’ you asked, causing Danielle to shake her head just as Cillian came walking over towards you.

‘Miss Music Teacher, do you mind helping me with this?’ Cillian asked you as he handed you a guitar with two broken strings.

‘What animal did this?’ you chuckled and Cillian looked over towards one of his friends, rolling his eyes as he did.

‘Right, show me where the string is and I will fix it’ you said and Cillian asked you to follow him downstairs which is where he kept all of the music instruments and accessories.

***

After you followed Cillian into the basement and he gave you quick kiss now that you had some privacy, you quickly locked the door behind you.

‘What are you doing?’ Cillian asked surprised and, without loosing any time, you moved towards him and pressed your lips onto his again for a more passionate kiss.

Your lips parted his, allowing your tongue to enter for a short moment and explore, before you broke off the kiss and moved back. You then brushed your finger over his lips in a silent hush as you started fumbling with his zipper.

‘I am giving you another birthday present’ you smirked and, whilst Cillian knew that this was wrong, especially with Danielle and James both upstairs, all he managed to do was exhale and watch as you pulled at his jeans and briefs and released him.

You gasped as his cock sprung straight up, precum already glistening on the tip.

‘Oh, I didn’t expect you to be hard already?’ you said with some excitement.

‘What can I say, I have been fantasising about you all evening, seeing you in these tight jeans’ Cillian whispered as your fingers wrapped around the shaft while your other hand cupped his balls and squeezed.

‘Have you now?’ you purred without looking away from his cock.

‘You are such a tease Y/N’ Cillian moaned as you started to stroke. Timidly at first but you quickly picked up the pace. You could tell Cillian was getting himself worked up and you knew you didn’t have much time as everyone was waiting upstairs.

Without warning, you leaned forward and took his shaft into the back of your throat, making him gasp.

‘Fuck’ Cillian groaned, no longer caring if anyone heard him. Your mouth around his cock just felt too good.

You moaned and hummed as you bobbed your head and the sound coming from your throat tickled his cock. He wasn't going to last long at this rate and he was holding back another groan as your tongue slid up and down the underside of his shaft rather seductively. Then, your lips were puckering on the tip of his cock, sucking like a vacuum before releasing him with an audible 'pop'.

‘You like that?’ you whispered, kissing the tip and looking up at Cillian with eyes full of lust but, his only reply was a nod as he ran his fingers through your hair.

The truth was that, he couldn’t remember the last time Danielle and him had sex, let alone her pleasuring him with her mouth. It wasn’t her thing and you certainly wouldn’t have pleasured James like this in recent years either. But, you couldn’t get enough of Cillian’s cock. He was just perfect and you enjoyed giving him the pleasure that he deserved.

‘You can fuck his face, I won't gag, remember?’ you eventually said with a wink, lowering your head again.

Cillian was somewhat surprised by your rather dirty request but found some reassurance when your hand came off his balls and found his hand in your hair, pushing downward, encouraging him to stop holding back.

Taking the hint, Cillian bunched your hair up in his fist and slammed his hips upward, bottoming out in your throat with a wet gurgle. You held there for a moment before pulling back with a gasp.

‘Again’ you moaned, excited by how he had his way with you and, just as you requested more, he forced your head back down on his cock.

‘Fuck Y/N, that’s it’ Cillian groaned, plunging his cock in and out of your plump lips over and over again now while your hand was back to squeezing his balls.

‘So fucking good’ Cillian groaned as he took from you what he needed and he couldn't hold on any longer. With one last violent thrust he held your head down and exploded, coating your throat with his seed.

Cillian could feel you swallowing as you moaned and squeezed his balls some more, milking him of every last drop before letting go off his cock and wiping your mouth.

‘Now give me the string for the guitar before anyone files a missing person’s report’ you winked as you stood up and Cillian zipped up his jeans.

***

When you came walking back upstairs, you noticed how drunk James was which didn’t surprise you after the fight you had earlier that day.

Tipsy and in a good mood, he walked over towards you and, just as you took a sip from your wine to flush down the remnants of what you had just done to Cillian in the basement, he took the glass out of your hand and gave you a kiss.

Cillian looked over to you, his eyes widening and chin dropping. He couldn’t help but laugh.

‘James, you are drunk’ you pointed out, pushing him off you quickly with some embarrassment.

‘I just wanted to kiss my wife, can’t I do that?’ James then said and Danielle quickly came over and handed James a glass of water.

‘You guys should stay the night, I think you can’t take him home in this condition’ Danielle suggested and, before you could decline, James agreed and accepted her offer.

‘Good, you can stay in the basement. It’s nice and warm and there is a comfy pull-out lounge and bathroom in case he gets sick’ she said and you thanked her for the offer.

Thankfully, the party didn’t last too much longer and, at around midnight, everyone had left and you made your way downstairs to see how James was coping.

Just as you walked down the last step, your phone buzzed and you received a text message from Cillian.

‘Meet me in the upstairs bathroom at 1am’ it said and you couldn’t help but giggle.

‘Okay xx’ you responded.

----------

The clock on the nightstand hit 1o’clock as you were laying on the pull-out lounge in Cillian’s basement studio with James snoring softly next to you. He had gone to sleep about half an hour ago after throwing up numerous times and you quietly made your way upstairs.

You opened the bathroom door where Cillian was already waiting for you and, without a word you met in an embrace, lips locking and tongues fighting one another in a sloppy kiss.

His chest was against yours as you backed your ass up against the vanity. His hands slid under your butt and you giggled as he lifted you off the ground, wrapping your legs around his waist and grinding your pelvis against his growing erection.

‘Are you going to fuck me?’ you whispered into his ear, your tongue tracing his ear lobe.

He answered with a nod and a groan against your neck, kissing a trail back up to your lips before pulling off your panties, which was the only thing other than a t-shirt which you were wearing.

Cillian then sat you on top of the vanity, facing him before pushing down his boxers.

Your lips never broke contact and, once he freed his cock, it sprang upward and slapped against the soaked mound between your legs.

‘Give it to me Cillian…I want you so fucking badly’ you moaned into his mouth as his hands slid up your t-shirt and cupped your breasts.

‘I've been thinking about having your cock inside of me all night’ you gasped between kisses, causing Cillian to groan.

‘Have you been thinking about fucking me too?’ you continued, your hips grinding against him, your pussy lips sliding along the length of his cock.

‘I have been. Every night, I have to go to the bathroom and make myself cum just thinking about you and how good you feel’ Cillian groaned as your hand snaked between you both and took hold of his girth, aiming it towards your dripping love hole.

‘Hmm, oh god Cillian’ you cried out as he took your cue and pushed himself into you slowly. Your body shook as you took him inch by inch.

‘Cillian, fuck’ you moaned again and almost screamed as your body convulsed against him and your back arched, fingernails digging into his chest through his t-shirt.

‘That was quick’ Cillian whispered and his hand immediately came down on your mouth, covering it as an orgasm swept through you within seconds of him entering you. This is how much you had craved him. You wanted to simply have him inside of you and were aching for him.

‘Holy shit’ you panted, pulling Cillian in for another deep kiss. While you were clawing at his chest again, he began to thrust in and out of you with short strokes and you began taking a little more each time until he hit your cervix.

Cillian could feel your pussy juices leaking onto his balls as he thrusted his hips and you moaned and shuttered as a second orgasm rolled through you after several minutes.

Cillian didn't slow this time and instead quickened his pace, thrusting into you relentlessly. Your hips were gyrating every time your bodies connected, making his cock do circles inside your pussy. It felt fucking magical and Cillian could feel his balls tightening as an orgasm approached, but he wasn't ready to finish.

‘Fuck, hold on, not yet’ he grunted, grabbing your hips and lifting you off the vanity before spinning you around.

You grinned eagerly at this and leaned forward across the vanity, wiggling your apple shaped butt in anticipation as Cillian took position behind you. As Cillian rubbed his cock against your slit you arched your back and raised your ass to give him better access and he teased you with the tip, pushing in a couple of inches before pulling out completely

‘Please Cillian, I need you to fuck me’ you begged and, just as you did, Cillian held your hips and slammed his cock all the way into you. Your bodies collided with a wet slap and you had to reach forward to brace yourself against the vanity.

‘Oh god yes fuck me Cillian’ you groaned, throwing your ass backwards to meet his thrusts while Cillian reached out and took a handful of your pony tail, pulling your head back as he pounded away. The way you would grind into the mirror in front of you every time Cillian bottomed out inside your drove him crazy and quickly brought back his orgasm.

‘Fuck Y/N, I'm gonna cum!’ he groaned.

‘Cum inside me’ you gasped, twisting to look back at him with lust filled eyes. ‘Fill my pussy and let me feel it’ you moaned.

‘Oh god, fuck Y/N’ Cillian groaned, grabbing your ass with two hands as he pulled you into him as his cock erupted inside you. He filled you with spurt after spurt of hot cum as you watched him in the mirror and wiggled your ass against him.

After he came down from his high, Cillian pulled out of you and spinned you around and once again sat you on top of the vanity before inspecting your cum dripping mound.

He stepped closer towards you and made you spread your legs wide before, without any warning, he slid two of his fingers inside you.

‘Oh shit Cillian right there! Oh fuck!’ you screamed as he pinched your g-spot. Within a minute or two of him stimulating your g-spot this way, your body quaked as one last orgasm passed through you.

Cillian held you in this position until you calmed down before pulling his fingers out with a wet slurp and brining them to your mouth.

You grinned and cleaned them up eagerly with your tongue and lips before kissing Cillian passionately, letting him taste the both of you.

‘That was...fucking amazing’ you said in between kisses and, just after your lips drifted apart, Cillian made an admission to you after a rather long and awkward pause.

‘I think that I am in love with you Y/N and I don’t know what to fucking do about it. This…all of it…it’s wrong. Yet, it’s like I can’t resist it. I need to be with you’ Cillian then said after he pulled up his boxers and let his head lean forward against your chest.

‘I feel exactly the same’ you said, causing Cillian to lift up his head and ask again.

‘So, what are we going to do about it, Y/N? We can’t go on like this’ he said and, just as he did, the bathroom door opened suddenly….

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fishmongeringstudies · 3 years

Text

opening scene, six am, scrambled eggs stuck to your economy class seat

the first thing i bought in america was a stick of deodorant. i'd left mine in singapore though i could've sworn i'd stuck it in my suitcase before i got on the plane, in the turquoise pouch with the chipped zipper beside the advil that would sit there, forgotten, for the next thirteen weeks and a travel-sized bottle of hand sanitizer that smelled like well-fermented ass. it turns out your memory fails you when you're getting ready to leave everything you've ever known behind, even if the place you're headed for has looked like a hammered michelangelo's impression of salvation for most of your life. it was that kind of time. i was out of my mind and found the space beneath my feet where one expects floor to be empty for most, if not all, of my waking moments. of course i forgot about the deodorant. the real surprise was that i thought i'd remember at all.

the first thing i bought when i got on campus was a bottle of mineral water. it took me two days to realize that the star trek-esque metal fitting built into the wall on the first floor of my dorm building was meant to dispense drinking water and not tiny silver men that would kill me in my sleep, and three to realize that none of the water coolers in this place were functional. jamming my thumb into the button while no longer expecting anything to happen, i was reminded, suddenly and abruptly, that we were in the middle of a pandemic. i resisted the urge to rub my eye with the back of my hand and went back up to my room, where already a small army of plastic bottles had begun to accumulate on an empty shelf.

the first person i spoke to here is not a good person, but not a particularly bad one either. he is selfish and has half-eaten dinner plates for eyes and thinks the world is the size of his fist, which is how most people are when they're eighteen, especially the boys, especially the ones who've never had to answer to the horrible, searching x-ray question, what are you? i only hope he grows out of it. i will not be the one to make him. perhaps he should make an appointment with god.

the first time i cried in america was when i was born (austin, texas, april 25th, 2001). it hasn't happened since.

today i cross the street from the campus bookstore to the bank, thumbing my passport in the pocket of my hoodie to make sure it hasn't fallen out, to make sure they'll be able to identify my body if i'm ever found somewhere wet and starless (behind a beat-up denny's would be good, though i'm not against the idea of waffle house). i spend five minutes standing awkwardly in front of the empty counter, shifting my weight from one foot to the other, before i notice the print-out saying something about online check-ins and virtual consultations. i ignore it. when i finally work up the courage to speak to someone the teller makes me scan the QR code with my phone anyway. eight hours later, long after i've opened my first bank account in america and gotten a bona fide american debit card, bright orange like they're afraid i'm going to drop it on the street if it's the color of slate (i will anyway, because god made me full of homosexuality and hubris and i intend to live up to his expectations), and discovered that i am, in fact, capable of holding a conversation with two strangers a decade my senior who both have wedding rings and big adult smiles and soft adult voices, i get a text back. good news, it says. we're ready to serve you now.

the spring semester ends today. when i was typing up my powerpoint on why i should be allowed to go to america for college at four a.m. last december i remember looking up the duration of the spring semester on the school website. look, i told my mom, while frantically clicking through fifteen pointless, but very cool animations on google slides with my other hand. it's only until may twenty-first. it's not that long. but it's long enough.

it isn't long enough. three months is barely enough time to get someone to trust you enough to tell you what they think about when they're lying awake in bed at three o'clock in the morning and they have to pee but they're starting to drift off and if they get up now they'll never fall asleep ever again in their life. and this is a country we're talking about. the worst one there is. the loudest, the proudest, the weirdest; the closest to the proverbial heart of man. the one that's the happiest to fuck the world up, over and over again. this is not your standard courtship ritual. this is a lifelong investmnet.

one time someone told me he'd always thought he was straight. but then i met you, he said, his brows scrunched together in a way that was both unattractive and made me want to pinch his cheeks together until there was nothing left in between. so what does that make me? imagine i'm standing in that room again but a little removed from the scene. i stare into the camera like i'm in the office. i don't have a fucking clue, i say blankly. why the fuck are you asking me?

there is something about people who have never been forced to consider the question of what constitutes their fundamental identity as a human being. they're so happy, but in the way that toddlers are before they realize that melted ice cream doesn't taste as good as the frozen stuff and things that die, like, actually don't come back to you even if you hold a funeral for the ant you accidentally squished and stop drinking soda for a week and make sure not to step on all the white tiles in the hallway outside your apartment. i imagine all of the happy cishets in the world poised on the edge of a very tall building. what's at the bottom of the drop? i dunno. you'll have to ask them.

recently i acquired seven bottles of nail polish from a friend who was trying to clear out her collection before leaving for the summer. i keep forgetting people are leaving for the summer, and now they've all left. reality hits you like a horse's ass across the cheek. it's warm. it's soft. it smells unpleasant but in a way that makes you want to keep smelling it even though at the back of your mind you know that this isn't going to improve your mental, physical, or spiritual health, and yet in the moment, in the moment that is the now that is the blood coursing through your veins all red and shimmery like glass, in this funny little moment all you can do is stand there, eyes squeezed shut, and inhale.

i convinced my mom to send me my favorite bomber jacket. the postage cost seventeen dollars and fifty cents in singapore dollars but true to form it only took thirteen days to get from one side of the globe to the other. it is not so appalling after all that we are connected by distances. geographically speaking, i am always beside you.

there is at least one working water cooler on this campus. in the basement of this whoozy, boozy freshman dorm, beside the laundry room with its clear glass door and clean, powdery lavender-lemon-jasmine smell, you will find a metal fixture with a thick rectangular button hidden under the lip of the bowl. if you jam your thumb into it, water will erupt from the fountain-head like god pouring life into the mouths of tiny clay-children or goldfish, depending on which version of history you're a fan of, depending on which natgeo subscription you have. and the water will be very sweet, very cold, nourishing the skin on your bones and furnishing the ground beneath your feet. but don't drink from it. we're in a pandemic, after all.

instead go back up, past the lounge with the flatscreen tv and the ratty green sofas, past the elevator that sounds like a soap opera crossed with a minecraft let's play, past the cubbyhole of a kitchen with the moldy sponges and the half-empty bottle of dish soap that smells like van gogh's impression of misery until you get to the room that, for the last three brilliant, battered months, has been yours. and let yourself in.

05.21.21

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bellasweetwriting · 4 years

Text

Black Coffee

Spencer Reid x f.reader

(not my gif)

masterlist

Request: I just saw your post about wanting to write for reid. could i request a fluffy fic about reid falling for a barista at a local coffee shop and the. he realizes she also works at his favorite bookstore or record store? ahhh i’m sorry it’s a lot ! thank you in advance!

warnings: some criminal minds stuff but mostly just fluff

word count: 1290

— • • • —

Morgan and Emily arrived at the office with coffees for everyone. They started giving them out, and Spencer was the only one that questioned that selfless action.

"What's this?" Asked the Doctor, drinking from the black coffee that was given to him. "What's the occasion?"

"There's this new coffee shop around the block and Morgan and I decided to try it, then we bought coffee for the team."

Reid nodded. He knew which coffee shop they were talking about, and he had visited also but decided to keep that information to himself.

"Prentiss, Morgan—" called them Hotch—" thanks for the coffee. Everyone conference room. JJ has a case for us."

"And the day couldn't get better."

The team entered the conference room and sat in their usual seats, Reid was doodling the handwriting of the barista on his cup, unfocused of the victims in the screen.

"Three victims, three of them blonde, two seventeen-year-olds and one with forty six."

"How does that murder connects with the other two?" Asked Morgan. "We sure it's the same killer?"

"The two blondes, Amanda and Alice, were best friends and both had another friend who's the daughter of the forty-six-year-old woman called Marie. That’s how they were connected. Besides, it's the same signature, same way of placing the body on the ground... same guy."

"And how does her daughter look like?" JJ projected the photo of a seventeen-year-old girl with brown hair. "Huh... interesting. Wheels up in 30."

— • • • —

The team caught their unsub. It was the daughter Gabriella’s boyfriend Jason who found out that her friends were talking bad behind their back and her mother was abusing her psychologically. He was trying to get rid of all the bad and hypocrite people in Gabriella’s life, thinking by killing them he was saving his girlfriend from these double-sided people on her life.

"I think we should celebrate, " interfered Garcia with a tiny smile, "we have work tomorrow so no drinks but, the coffee shop you mentioned is still opened. We can eat some doughnuts and I'm definitely craving for a lemon cake."

"It's too late, baby girl, " said Morgan, "tomorrow morning."

No one joined Penelope’s plan except Reid, who quickly stood up when everyone left and reached Garcia on the elevator.

"I'll join you, " he said in a hurry, and she smiled. "I’m starving for some coffee"

"Me too. The coffee this morning was so good." Spencer nodded. How could he tell her he wasn't going to that coffee shop only for the black coffee they served.

Both sat down at the counter and started talking about the case and how they caught the guy. Spencer tried to show Penelope how Morgan entered the unsub’s house with the sugar bags and she cackled as she heard how Derek almost tripped with a piece of furniture as he was going to catch the guy.

"Doctor, " you called him from the other side of the counter, confusing Garcia, "if I didn't know you better I would’ve said you are following me." Garcia quickly noted how Spencer got nervous. "But as I said, I know you. Black coffee."

"Please, Y/N, and a latte for my friend Garcia."

"The tech analyst?" You questioned.

"Actually, technical analyst, but close, " corrected you Spencer with a tiny smile. "How you’ve been, Y/N? What happened to the record store?"

You used to work at Reid’s favorite record store, and before that, you worked at his favorite bookstore. You kept crossing paths with him. Now you worked at the coffee shop near the BAU office.

"Got fired. I put Pink Floyd on the speakers of the store and I accidentally poured coffee on the controls and destroyed the panel." Reid laughed, nearly choking on coffee. Garcia looked at him really confused.

He has never spent so much time without spilling random facts or acting weird. He was acting cool and that was weird from him.

"That's such a Y/N thing to do." You giggled.

"Oh, Morgan and Prentiss were here yesterday and you are completely right, he does flirt with every girl." Reid nodded after you finished telling. "It's so good to finally meet you, Penelope, heard so much about you."

"Same thing, Y/N." And with that, you left to another table, leaving Garcia and Spencer alone. "Who is she?"

"You can't tell the team, Garcia, " said quickly the doctor as he inhaled deeply. "As soon as I tell them about her the tiny amount of privacy I've gained this last three months is going downhill."

"Ok, fine, I won't. This is why you wanted to come here?" He nodded. "You like her!"

"Shh!" Spencer quickly shushed her friend with his eyes wide open. "Don't shout, Garcia!"

"I can't believe you like her, " she whispered, excited about this new discovery. "You talked to her about us?"

"Yeah, " Reid murmured with a tiny smile forming on his face, "she’s the best and she listens to everything I say, including the nonsense babbling. Do you think I got a chance?"

"Uhm, yeah! She’s crazy about you. You should ask her out. Look, I'm gonna go with my lemon cake and my coffee to the office so you can be alone with her." Reid quickly started shaking his head but Garcia was already leaving. There was no coming back.

A few seconds later, you approached the daughter placing the rag on your shoulder, glancing confused over Spencer who seemed really nervous.

"Everything good, Doc?" You asked and he gave you a nervous smile. "What's up with the tech?"

"She had to leave. Work on a case, " he lied even though he was a terrible liar.

"Shouldn't you be leaving too, then?"

"Oh, no, no... it wasn't my case... it wasn't... it was hers, " he stuttered making you chuckle a bit. "Hey, Y/N."

"Spencer, " you called him too to release the tension.

"Would you want to go out sometime?" He asked quickly, taking to by surprise.

"With you?" He nodded. "I would love to. Actually, my shift ends in ten minutes. You maybe wanna catch a movie or something?"

"I would love that."

— • • • —

Spencer arrived late to work the next day, he looked tired and he had bags under his eyes, barely even able to stand on both feet.

"What train ran you over, pretty boy?" Asked Morgan, getting the attention of the whole team. "You look terrible."

"Thanks, Derek, " he said trying not to close his eyes. "I stayed up late."

"Adding numbers or some?" Questioned Derek again sitting on top of Spencer’s desk.

"I had a date."

Those four words gained the attention of everyone. Spencer Reid had a date. That couldn't be possible.

"Oh my God! She said yes!?" Yelled Garcia and Reid nodded with a smile. "I knew it!"

"You know this girl, Garcia?" Asked Emily and Penelope nodded.

"Yeah, I do, " admitted her while Reid smiled. "How was it, Reid?"

"We went to the movies, then we had food and then I drove her home and kissed her." Penelope couldn't hold the excitement. "Calm down, Garcia."

"When are you going out again?"

"Tomorrow, " replied Spencer. "I went to the coffee shop this morning and asked her out again. She said yes and gave me a black coffee with my name on the cup."

"You asked the barista out?" Questioned Emily. "What's even going on?"

"She drew a little heart next to the «r», " whispered Penelope with a big smile, almost melting by the action. "She's perfect."

"I know, " whispered Spencer, drinking from the cup with a tiny smile, thinking of what happened the night before with you.

requested by: @artcozy

#spencer reid #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds #fanfic #fanfiction #y/n #reid #pov

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nerdygirl8203 · 3 years

Text

Old Money, New Feelings- Chapter 8

Warnings: angst, this is set a few months after chapter 7, drinking, sleeping around, mentions of smut

This chapter includes One More Drink by Gjan

Summary: the reader (y/n) finds out what this has been and why Ransom was being so nice to you.

Pairing: Ransom x fem!reader

(Sorry, I couldn’t add a continue reading since I’m writing this on my phone)

For months Ransom has been so sweet and kind. It’s like he looked in the mirror and saw his flaws. He is caring and shows his emotions more. Everything is great. Well, everything was great. Past tense.

I ran upstairs knowing his office is upstairs and I thought he would be excited to see me. I come into his office where I knew he would be since he’s always there when he and I aren’t together. I hear moaning. Female moaning.

“What about that girl? The one you’re always with.” The girls voice says. It’s muffled due to the door between us.

“She’s just some nice arm candy and a decent hole to fill.” Ransom’s voice rings clear even through the door. I back up stumbling a little. I hope he doesn’t hear me as I run down the stairs failing to hold in tears. I run to my car and that’s when I realized he did hear me.

I get in my car and I shut and lock my doors quickly. I try to stop crying before I drive. I don’t want to be in danger of crashing my car or hurting anyone. I see him run out in just some sweatpants. I turn on my car as he runs to my car door and starts screaming “Y/N open your door!” I look at him and I scream back “Back up. I don’t want to run you over while trying to get away but I will!” I need to get out and far away. God it hurts. I was an idiot for falling for this dick.

He doesn’t back up but I scare him by doing something he didn’t think I would. I start backing up my car and he moves away quickly. I drive off no longer caring.

I can’t go back to the stupid apartment that douche got me. I call my best friend over the car phone. I told her about this from the beginning and she even thought he changed from the playboy he was. I sob as I ask if I can stay with her till I find a new place that won’t have traces of him everywhere. She would never say no and she tells me that.

I’m at her place less than 30 minutes later. She holds me while I sob out and tell her what happened. After a week of blocking his calls and making sure my find my friend is off so he can’t find me. After one particular night of drinking my pain away she and I come up with an amazing idea to make him jealous.

In the last few months I wrote and released a song that blew up on Tiktok. I’ve written and sang a lot of songs now and Ransom hated it. He always did. My followers have skyrocketed on everything which would mean that Ransom would be watching anything I post like a hawk. He can’t have me saying anything wrong or even remotely bad about him.

We decide to have me sing One More Drink. As I sang to the music I feel the pain of everything wash over me. I end the song with me burning a cute letter he wrote to me. It’s just bullshit anyways. It all is. Every stupid word he uttered.

“I found out today that he’s a liar. Room full of him the smell of sorrow!” I still remember what it was like when he held me. I felt safe. “I don’t want to know if she’s like me. Or how much she loves the way you speak!” He had texted me trying to explain. “I found out today that you’re a liar, ah.” It brings me back to that day. “And I say I got stuck into you and I can’t believe it, oh, I’m on fire.” I’m an idiot. “Friends told me what to do. But I don’t believe it, oh, I’m on fire.”

I get into it feeling the pain and anger come over me “Ah, ah, one more drink tonight!” I repeat that with emotion three more times then follow it with a tonight. “Both said we’ll build our own empire, ah.” Lies. He lied about what he wanted. “How dare you say you didn’t try? Oh.” I keep singing

“It wasn’t like that. It just happened!” I could hear him saying it.

“I woke up at 4 stuck in a loop. I gotta confess it’s not my room.” I knew that would kill him. I hope it does. I hope he feels half of my pain. “You once said we’ll build our own empire. Ah.” I then keep singing and I end up finishing the song. I burn the letter hoping it would help me feel better.

We stop filming and I fall to the ground sobbing. My best friend edits it and post it for me. I can’t. I can’t keep thinking about him.

It’s another week till I even go out of my friends house. I just need to see life again. See things other than my pain and ransom. I go to the coffee shop but I quickly leave after seeing the cute couples who seem to be rubbing their happiness in my face.

I go to the bookstore I love. The place that makes me feel content and at peace. I stay in the back reading a horror story. I can’t help but understand why the girlfriend killed her cheating boyfriend. Though, I guess he wasn’t my boyfriend. I’m such and idiot.

I don’t even notice how late it’s gotten until one of the employees comes over to me to tell me they are closing. “I’m sorry ma’am but we are closing.” I look up at her. “Thank you. I’m so sorry for staying so late!” I get up quickly and since I already bought the book I leave immediately. I keep walking until I see a familiar car.

‘No. It can’t be him. It wouldn’t be him. Why would he even come this way. This is a crappy area in his words.’ I keep walking at my normal pace after haven slowed for a moment. I keep walking just wanting to lay down in a bed and sleep away that pain I feel deep in my chest.

“Y/N.” I hear a familiar voice say. It can’t be him. I’m going crazy. I keep my walking feeling my heart pounding. Part of me wants it to be him but it won’t be. It can’t be.

I believe that until I feel what is undeniably Ransom’s hand grabbing my wrist. I whip around and I glare at him “Hello Hugh.” I say coldly.

“Dont do that sweet heart. Please don’t do that. I understand you hating me or being pissed but don’t do that.” His face is softer than expected and his voice is sweet and calm.

“Don’t do what? I just said hello Hugh. I thought I was being polite. Isn’t Hugh your name?” I glare pissed. “I get why you’re mad but please listen to me. I just... I need to talk to you.” His eyes are red.

Maybe that’s why I said we could talk. Maybe it was his puffy eyes or how you could see how pained he is in his face. I hate what he did but I still don’t hate him. I can’t hate him no matter how much I’ve tried. “Come with me, we can go somewhere more private.” He says softly. I let him show me the way to a small cafe with no one in it, he undoubtedly rented it so no one would be here. I can’t help but hate that it makes me feel special, I want it to make my blood boil. I don’t want to feel especially loved when he does this. I want to be mad at how cocky he was to just assume I’d come with him. I walk in and he holds the door for me, I have to stop myself from saying thank you to him. I don’t want to be nice to him at all. I want him to be mad. I walk to the booth that is in the corner and I sit down. I sigh softly and when he tries to hold my hand I move it away even though I long to hold his hand.

“Listen, I didn’t want to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you.” He says then I scoff “Bull shit! You fucked a girl when you were pretending to care about me. I should have known better. I should have known you were just messing with me to get what you wanted.” I huff. “She was just some girl from a bar I went to when you said you couldn’t come over.” “I had work! You know, the thing people do when they need money! Oh wait, no you don’t know that, everything you’ve ever wanted was handed to you on a silver platter.” I spit word venom at him angrily. “That’s not true! I worked to keep you didn’t I?” My jaw actually drops. How in gods name could he do that to me and then say he worked for it! “Bull shit! I’m just a hole that you used to wet your cock. “You know what, just fuck off. You and I would never work anyways. Maybe when you grow up like a big boy and get a real job I’ll reconsider your bull!” I scream at him and I get up off the seat quickly. I leave the cafe not looking back no matter how desperate he sounded.

#ransom drysdale #knives out #love #ransom thrombey imagine #ransom thrombrey #ransom x you #chris evans #ransom x reader #ransom x y/n #angst #ransom thrombey x you #to be continued

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jbarness · 4 years

Text

huh, that's new

a social media au

[27: news]

warnings: language, "pregnancy"?? uhh idk what else hehehe

a/n: this is a pretty long chapter i think? (2000+ words) im very nervous about this chapter cause its kinda a big deal asdfghjk anyways, please please please tell me what you think about this! and ik this idea is very odd HAHAHAHA but what else would you expect from two dumbasses named bucky and y/n? hehehe i really hope you enjoy this chapter!! ♡

flashback is italicized

huh, that's new - masterlist

You wanted to laugh so badly.

For some reason, your housemates are panicking over who the hell set this gender reveal party up in the living room.

It was you. With the help of Bucky of course.

Natasha and Wanda have been shouting “I’m not pregnant, I think you are!” to each other for about 10 minutes now. Steve decided that he needed answers too, so he joined in the shouting. Pietro’s talking to his camera, probably vlogging the whole thing. Peter’s talking on the phone with MJ asking if she set this up. Sam’s the only one enjoying the food. Bucky was looking at you from across the room, keeping the smile from forming on his face.

Just about an hour or so ago, you and Bucky were just setting the whole thing up. Bucky was pushing the table to the living room when you arrived with the cake. You placed the rest of the blue and pink food on the table along with other decorations. There were many variations of food, but the cupcakes that have toppers that said: “Here for the Sex” were Bucky’s personal favorite despite not knowing how they taste. The balloons were still lifeless when both of you hung the streamers on the walls with the banner that matched the topper of the cupcakes. After finally finding the balloon pump, blue and pink balloons filled the living room. Some were on the floor while you hung the others on the wall. When you were content with the appearance of the room, you and Bucky went your separate ways.

You got the idea of throwing a gender reveal party when you were working at the diner one evening. “You’ll be at the gender reveal party next week right?” the woman at the booth asked her friend. “Of course, Jill asked me to pick up the cake,” Her friend says. When you got the idea, you thought it was silly, so you dismissed it. Later on, you thought of more ideas and details to add, then in a blink of an eye, you were in the bakery, asking the baker if they can make a three-layered cake of your favorite flavor with the inside colored blue.

“Maybe P set this all up for a prank again?” Nat looked at Pietro who was filming the whole thing. “Just because I have a channel that doesn’t mean I always prank!” Pietro said, turning off his camera.

Steve sighed, “Okay, one by one. Nat and I were the first ones here, but it was all here already when we arrived. Wanda was the next one here, she was in the bookstore the whole morning. Bucky and Sam were next and they only came here because he saw the Instagram story of Nat. Pietro and Peter came home today from LA and Peter from Tony’s. Lastly, Y/N came home from the cafe,” everyone nodded.

After a couple of minutes of silence, you couldn’t handle it anymore, “Okay, I can’t do it. I give up. It was me. I set this up,” you laughed.

“But why Y/N?” Peter gasped, “Are you pregnant?”

Everyone’s eyes were on you now. Natasha’s eyes widened, “Wait, who’s the father?”

Bucky was laughing internally, you could tell. He wasn’t looking at you anymore, he turned around to look at the window. You could see his shoulders slightly shaking, he’s definitely laughing. Good thing the attention wasn’t on him. “I uhh… I don’t know,” you said. You technically haven't met Bucky's dad, you were being honest.

“Doesn’t matter, my sweet Y/N! We’ll support you and help you. Anything you need” Sam swallowed the macaroon whole before going to you and hugging you tightly.

“I know you will.” In less than a minute, you were trapped in the middle of the group hug.

“Why didn’t you say anything sooner? We would’ve known the gender by now!” Pietro said as the group untangled from the hug.

You laughed, “I was enjoying the show.”

“Well, come on! I wanna know if my godchild is a boy or a girl!” Wanda yelled excitedly and went to the kitchen to grab the knife.

Bucky walked towards you before you could join the others who are now gathered at the table, waiting for plates and the knife. “I’m tellin’ ya, doll, they’re gonna be frustrated at us,” he said. You shrugged, “They already are.”

Wanda handed you the knife to cut the cake. Everyone took out their phones to take a video of the “soon-to-be-mother”. You were trying very hard not to laugh at this point and so was Bucky, who was taking a video of his friends’ reactions to what they’re about to say.

You sliced a triangle on one side of the cake and pulled it out, showing blue. “Oh my God! It’s a boy!” Peter yelled, jumping around with Pietro. Sam and Steve took turns hugging you and they were later pushed aside by Wanda and Nat. “I’m happy for you, hun I am, but I really hope that a girl comes out of you,” Natasha said while hugging you and Wanda tightly.

You cleared your throat, catching everyone’s attention, “It’s actually a Bucky” you said, nonchalantly.

“Bucky?” Wanda pulled away slightly from the hug, making Nat do the same. “A Bucky? As in it’s Bucky’s baby?” Steve asked, wide-eyed, obviously excited, looking at Bucky who is now looking back at you, covering his mouth with his hands, to keep himself from laughing.

“I meannnnn… Bucky... is my... baby,” you said while extending your arm, inviting Bucky to come closer, which he did.

Peter was still confused and it shows, “You’re Bucky’s mom?” he asked, making Pietro smack his head, “Pete, it means they’re dating... Right?”

Both you and Bucky nodded, “We are.”

“Oh my God! Fucking finally! I was starting to think you’ll never tell each other how you feel! Do you know how frustrated you two made me?” Sam yelled, throwing a pillow at Bucky.

Natasha was yelling “I fucking knew it! I told you so!” repeatedly to her boyfriend while Wanda kept pinching both your and Bucky’s cheeks saying, “CUTIESSS!”

You looked at Bucky, “they don’t look frustrated” you said which made Bucky roll his eyes and smile. Both of you laughed when you saw Steve silently saying “Yes! My ship!” Either that or something about shit.

“Calm your asses. Now, this party isn’t just for us to announce that we’re together. This is also a party for Natty and Steve. Sorta like the part one of the roomies night we’re gonna have” you said, looking at the couple.

“Thank you, Y/N, but I don’t wanna think about moving right now. What I do want is for you two to give us the fucking details about how you two finally got together” Nat said, making everyone agree and sit down and get comfortable in the living room.

Bucky cleared his throat and looked on his left, where you sat. “It happened the night that her friend came to the city.”

☆

To say you were excited for tonight was an understatement.

Last night, you already picked out the clothes you wanted to wear tonight. It was simple, really, just a pair of jeans and the most comfortable hoodie you owned. Or should you go with a plain sweater instead? Printed shirt? Oversized shirt? Your grey sweatpants? They look comfortable. Or your black ones?

You ended up with your first choice.

Wanda and Nat noticed how upbeat and cheery you were the whole day. It wasn’t exactly like you to be this happy at 7 am. You cooked a lot more food than usual and you haven’t even had your coffee yet. “Maria’s in the city today!” was the only excuse you thought of every time they asked you. You had some errands to do that day, its something you find really boring and exhausting but you found yourself skipping to the bank. Skipping, not walking.

At the tower, Bucky was a nervous wreck. He couldn’t focus much on what he was doing. He would zone out and forget what he was typing, then he remembered he wasn’t typing at all, he was fixing a floor plan. Sam being Sam, noticed how Boinky was acting. He kept teasing Bucky about being distracted while Steve kept asking him to stop. “What’s up with you, Buck? What’s making you zone out?” Steve asked, giving Bucky some water. Bucky just shrugged and continued whatever the hell he was doing.

The evening came too fast for Bucky and too slow for you. You got home, got dressed to meet with Maria for dinner before seeing Bucky. When Bucky got home, he changed into something more casual and fixed himself at his bathroom. “Tell her tonight, you fucking idiot,” he told himself, looking at the mirror before grabbing his helmet and his old helmet that you proclaimed yours when you were hanging out before. He smiled at the memory then remembered that Dot never even got to see his motorcycle. Huh.

He picked you up at the hotel that Maria was staying at. In a few minutes, you were at the bar that you two used to go to. You two bought a couple of drinks before going to the spot - your spot. You almost forgot how beautiful it was there, especially at night.

“After tonight, you’ll only have one night of free drinks, use it wisely,” Bucky said, breaking the silence.

“Yeah, I’ll have to find another way to have free drinks from you,” you joked.

He looked at you, “You can just ask, you know? You don’t have to blackmail me,” he smiled.

You laughed for a moment and it became silent once again. It felt... awkward. You two were seated a couple of inches away from each other, the closest you two have been since you avoided each other, but you wanted to get away. You remembered the last time you were here, in this exact same spot. Drinking the alcohol of your choice, laughing with Bucky, talking about your high school selves. Many things have changed since then. It feels so weird and new to you, sitting next to someone you genuinely like, your friend. You took a deep breath and stopped thinking.

“I like you, did you know that?” you said out of the blue making Bucky wonder if he was just imagining it and he was just hearing things. He stayed silent, deciding that it was just his mind saying that cause that was what he wanted to hear.

You turned to Bucky, waiting for his reaction. Nothing. “Buck?” he turned and looked at you as if he hadn’t heard you. “I like you,” you said once again only this time, it was louder and clearer.

“You like me?” Bucky asked, finding it hard to believe for some reason. “Like, you like-like me?” You nodded, smiling at his creased eyebrows and slightly tilted face, like a confused puppy. You almost didn’t notice how your heart is beating quickly as if it wanted to jump out of your chest. It was taking Bucky too long to reply, and that made you anxious. All you wanted was to take it back and change what you said. You should’ve said “I’d really like to go back to being close friends” or maybe ask him why he avoided you or somethi--

“Did Wanton ask you to tell this to me?” he asked with an accusative tone. “No, why would I agree to that? Even if I did, I’d only agree to say something like that if I really meant it,” your voice getting louder every word.

“So it’s true? You like me? Romantic styles?” You nodded, slightly annoyed that he would think that you would play with his feelings. “Yes, it’s no big deal. I just wanted to tell you, I don’t expect you to like me back. I just- I want you to--”

"I like you too. Romantic styles," he said holding your hand. "That was why I set you up with Loki, why I avoided you after that and why I was avoiding you until you invited me to join you and Pietro. I kinda got a bit… slightly, sort of jealous so I agreed to go with you."

"Wait, hold on, you like me... and you... set me up with Loki? I don't get it"

"I like you and… That doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is that you’re happy, and I'll do anything to make you happy,” he said, offering you a small smile.

☆

"Then we kissed and… yeah,” you smiled at your friends’ faltered smiles.

Sam stood up, “Why was everything else so detailed and the kiss was just ‘then we kissed’? What’s that about?” He said, grabbing more food from the table. "And, I fucking told you so, Boinks!"

Bucky rolled his eyes, “Do you wanna hear how I kissed her softl-”

“Excuse me?” You said, raising your eyebrows at your boyfriend. “I kissed you, and it wasn’t soft”

“Y/N stop saying soft!” Peter shouted, covering his ears.

Wanda wiggled her eyebrows, "You didn't come home that night, hun."

"Yeah, I invited her to my place, we had some wine and we just talked for the rest of the night. Nothing happened. Okay? After talking we just slept. That's it,” Bucky defended.

Steve kept nodding his head, “Hence the Instagram story, mhmm, mhmm. Alright.”

“Whatever happened that night, I’m glad it did. And, I’m really really reallyyyyy happy for you, dumbasses,” Nat laughed.

Peter walked to you, “I’m happy for you too, sis. But please, don’t get detailed with… you know. I don’t need to know that.” You laughed, holding his hand. “And Bucky, if you ever hurt my sister, I’ll hunt you down and beat you up,” Peter looked at Bucky squinting his eyes, trying to look intimidating, which made Bucky laugh.

You looked at Bucky, “He’s serious. And very strong. He gave Steve bruises when they were boxing at the gym.” Bucky looked at Steve who was nodding.

“O-oh”

☆

taglist:

@intovert-gone-wild @jbb-bucky0310 @jessicakimba @mariachiii @essenceproxima @cazslaughter @eldahae @rororo06 @bonkyboinkybucky @a-hopeless-fan @danosaurushowell @hannibal-lecters-bitch @ceeellewrites @divainthesun @kseniiafirebrace @k-n-e @adriannajackson @connorhoez @fanfuckingtastic04 @cherthegoddess @captain-america5 @onlyjamesbuchananbarnes @writerwrites @lovinnholland @softboibarnes

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thescentifollow · 3 years

Text

To Intrigue the Slytherin Prince - Chapter One: Third time’s the charm

Hello everyone! I posted an announcement a few months ago that basically said I was going to turn this one shot called To Intrigue the Slytherin Prince into a series and was going to share the next chapter in a few hours but it didn’t happen that way... Well, I have no excuse, life had just been too hectic. Even though it’s quite late now, I finally finished writing and proofreading the chapter I wrote so I hope you enjoy reading this and feedbacks are always appreciated! ❤️

Draco Malfoy x Reader

Word count: 1912

A few days passed since your awkward incident with the Slytherin Prince. It is not like you cared about it a lot or put so much meaning into it but since then something has changed. You are sure you have caught him staring at you a few times after that day in the common room. You thought that he was looking at you while cursing and insulting you in his mind, because that is what all the Slytherin students had done all the time. The Slytherin Prince was now quieter, but you can never know what is going to happen. This quietness and calmness might be a part of his and his goons’ new grand plan to torment you, the only blood traitor in the Slytherin.

It was finally weekend and you were going to visit Hogsmeade the next day. Excitement filled you in as you have not been to Hogsmeade for a long time because of the exams. The next day also happened to be your birthday. You and your close friends from Ravenclaw planned to celebrate it by having a cake at Madam Puddifoot’s first and then going to the Three Broomsticks for some drinks. The previous night, you went over all your clothes to choose the perfect one for your birthday. At the end of the chaos you created, you decided to wear a black turtleneck sweater that fits perfectly and emphasizes your figure and a dark green plaid skirt.

The next morning during the breakfast you sat with your friends Luna and Padma on the Ravenclaw table. It was not an anormal thing to do for you since you were friends with most of the Ravenclaw students. No Slytherin students want you on Slytherin table anyway.

The breakfast was jollier than usual, Luna and Padma were also dressed up for the celebration. A decent number of students wished you happy birthday, which made the day better and better. If there was anyone who did not know that it was your birthday, they know it now.

As you passed the Slytherin wagon you could feel a pair of eyes watching you. You turned your head slowly to see the owner of the eyes and you realized it was Draco Malfoy, the Slytherin Prince. Your eyes met with his, the moment you turned your head. You were expecting him to frown or have an expression that shows disgust when you faced him. But it did not happen. His eyes were not filled with hatred and disgust like usual. Instead, they were filled with curiosity. Padma and Luna’s enthusiastic comments about the cakes at Madam Puddifoot’s grabbed your attention and you kept walking. While you did so, Draco looked at you from head to toe and wondered the occasion you dressed up so nicely for. He could not ask you or anyone. But luckily, he heard Padma asking you a question about what kind of birthday cake you wanted as you passed by and entered the Ravenclaw wagon. A light smile appeared on his face as he leaned back and looked out the window on the way to Hogsmeade.

A beautiful view welcomed you in Hogsmeade. The snow started to accumulate on the ground, on the trees and on the roofs of the buildings. The snow also brought a lot colder weather to Scotland as Christmas approached. You and your friends made your way to Madam Puddifoot’s quickly.

Even though you had been a student at Hogwarts for years now, it was your first time to visit this shop. It was a place that lovers go for dates, and you were single since birth, so it was understandable why you had never been to this shop. It had never come to your imagination that a place could be this lovey dovey and cringy.

“Hello, my dear girls. What can I get you?” Madam Puddifoot approached you and asked with her very high-pitched voice.

You ordered the cake you had planned to have and ate it as quickly as possible. Before leaving, you looked around one last time and you spoke to yourself quietly.

“I don’t think I will come here again. Ever.” Not that the place was terrible or anything, but it was just too much for you.

After this extreme experience you sure needed some drinks. On your way to the Three Broomsticks, you talked about the lacy napkins on the tables and the constantly snogging couple next to you. Just as you were about to enter the pub, you remembered something.

“You should go in first, I have to pick up something from the bookstore.” Luna and Padma insisted on coming with you, but you could not just drag people anywhere in this cold weather just because it was your birthday.

“You don’t have to. Just get in and I’ll be back here very soon.” They nodded and entered the pub as you made your way to Tomes and Scrolls.

The bell over the door announced your arrival and the owner rushed to you from the back of the shop.

“Hello, how can I help you today?” They greeted you with a smile on their face.

“I had ordered a book a few weeks ago. Emma by Jane Austen.”

“Ah, Jane Austen, yes.” They repeated the name of the author a smile, but their expression changed as they continued to speak.

“I am afraid we just sold it to a young man just about your age.”

You were surprised that someone, some boy your age was reading a novel by Jane Austen, a muggle author, in Hogwarts.

“He asked me if we have Pride and Prejudice first but after I told him we did not he just asked for any book by the same author. I told him that we were keeping it for another customer, but he just insisted so we had to sell it. I’m so sorry.”

After the story that the owner just told you, blaming them was neither an option nor a solution. You really wondered the persuasive person who bought it.

“It’s okay, I understand.” You tried to smile but feeling a little frustrated as you really wanted to read this book.

“This writer must be quite popular among your age these days.” The owner commented on the situation.

You nodded just to brush it off and asked hopefully:

“Is it possible for me to order the same book again?”

“Yes, of course.” They smiled and went to get a quill. As you told them your name to write it down, they looked up for a second and the person who just bought the book caught their eye through the window of the shop.

He pointed at the blonde-haired boy who passed by the shop with his goons as he spoke.

“Oh, that’s him, that’s the gentleman who bought the book you had ordered.”

You turned your head to look out the window and you were shocked to see that it was Draco who bought it. If it was true, Draco Malfoy had just bought a muggle novel! A Jane Austen novel!

“Are you sure it was him?” You could not believe it. You had to ask the owner if they were sure.

“Yes, very.” They answered and put the quill on the counter as they continued.

“Okay, it’s done. The book will be here in a week. You can come to pick it up then.”

You were still looking outside the window even though the Slytherin Prince is already gone. You thanked the owner and left the shop, your mind full of thoughts.

Was that really Draco who bought the book you ordered? Did he really buy a muggle novel? A Jane Austen novel? Did he suddenly become interested in muggle literature?

After countless thoughts on your way to the Three Broomsticks, you came to the conclusion that the owner of the shop was probably mistaken. You snapped out of these thoughts and entered the pub.

It was quite crowded inside, not only students but also professors were present. Obviously, everyone wanted to enjoy some butterbeer and recharge after the busy exams schedule. You spotted your friends sitting on a table close to the table that was occupied by Professor McGonagall and Professor Flitwick. It was obvious from the expressions on their faces that they were having a heated discussion. You passed by them and sat on the table.

“Here is the birthday girl!” Padma exclaimed joyfully.

“We ordered three butterbeers. Would you like something else?” Luna asked more calmly than Padma.

“No, that’s perfect.” You answered her question smiling.

“Where did you go?” Padma asked after taking a sip from her butterbeer.

“I just needed to get a book, that’s all. Did I miss anything?”

The moment you finished speaking both of your friends started to laugh like crazy. After a few minutes of loud laughter, Luna took a deep breath and told you about how both of them just slipped and fell on the ground at the entrance of the pub. Now you could understand their amusement, you joined them, and you laughed altogether once again.

After an extraordinary day, you got on the train feeling tired but quite happy. When you arrived at the castle, you parted your ways with your friends to go to the common room. But after such a day, probably everyone was there chatting about their day. If you happened to go there now, it would just lead to some bitter incidents. That is why you decided to go to the Astronomy Tower despite the cold weather. The peace you found there especially during nighttime was immaculate.

Someone was sitting at the top of the stairs. You could not exactly see who it was, but it was obviously a boy reading a book. You climbed the stairs and the boy finally lifted his head from the book and his eyes met with yours in an instant.

You decided it was best to leave after realizing who it was. But you just could not move because your bootlace got stuck between the stairs. As you were both looking into each other’s eyes just a moment ago, you did not notice your shoelace got loose.

He was shocked as much as you and he did not know what to say or to do. He just kept sitting there and watched you as you tried to get her shoelace free.

You tried to lift your foot in a more powerful way, but it did not work. He thought that it was meaningless to keep doing this and was about to express this thought of him with words, but he could not. One more time you thought and lifted your foot. He got up to talk and in that moment you succeeded.

He could not quite comprehend what just happened as he opened his eyes. Only after he found himself on the floor of and something or someone heavy on the top of him, it made sense.

Yes, you succeeded but you used much more power than you had planned and that led to this chaos. You felt so embarrassed that you could not lift your head from his chest for a few seconds. When you finally gathered up the courage and lifted your head, he was already looking at you. Your eyes met again for the third time today.

“Are you okay?” Draco Malfoy asked in a soft, caring voice that you never expected from him.

Prologue

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blu-joons · 4 years

Text

Telling Him You’re Pregnant After You Break Up ~ Kim Namjoon

It had been a long time since you saw Namjoon, the last time you saw him was still clear in your mind. Having him break up with you was one of the hardest things you went through, it still hurt you to this day.

You walked into the bookstore, spotting Namjoon sat in the small coffee shop that was there, he already had an iced americano in front of him, ordering your favourite drink for you as well. You sighed, straightening out your dress, walking in.

He was lost in his phone, unaware of your presence until you stood beside the table, pulling the chair out to sit. You softly smiled, Namjoon had no idea what to say, placing his phone into his back pocket to greet you.

“You didn’t have to buy me a drink, that was kind of you,” you smiled, sitting in the chair.

“Well you said you needed to talk to me, so I thought seeing as I still remembered I’d get yours, save you a job,” he spoke, smiling across at you. “Has something happened to you? Your text sounded like something serious was going on.”

You nodded, taking a sip of your drink to settle yourself. Your hand came down, resting on your tummy underneath the table, away from where Namjoon could see you.

“There’s something I need to tell you,” you whispered, staring out across the store, “I wish that I could tell you this under different circumstances to be honest.”

“You know whatever has happened you can just tell me.”

The sound of his voice bought several memories back, it felt like you were back to reality, the two of you spent countless hours in this store over the years, reading over books, losing track of time, it was the perfect place for the two of you.

“It’s just, something’s happened that I don’t think either of us would ever expect, it’s just hard to tell you in person now,” you said, moving to look across at him.

His heart was pounding, he hadn’t seen you this nervous in such a long time, in fact he couldn’t recall a time he’d ever seen you this anxious. He didn’t have the slightest clue what was going on, but even after you broke up, that didn’t stop him worrying about you.

“Honestly, Y/N, I’ll be with you through whatever has happened, I want to help you and be there for you,” he assured you, happily sitting and waiting for you to settle yourself. “Just take a deep breath and talk to me, nothing is going to stop me from helping you, I’ll be there for you.”

You smiled appreciatively; you’d forgotten how much of an incredible person he was. “I just don’t want you to hate me, not after I tell you what’s going on.”

“I won’t know unless you tell me,” he chuckled, “take my hand and tell me, it’ll be alright.”

He reached across the table, extending his hand out for you to take. You did so, feeling his fingers intertwine with your own, squeezing your hand gently. “I’m pregnant.”

“You’re having a baby?” He questioned, watching as you nodded your head. He peered around the table, noticing where your hand was resting on your tummy. “I don’t have to ask if it’s mine, do I?”

You shook your head, reaching into your handbag, at the top was some of the photos from the scan which you slid across the table to them. He picked it up tentatively, studying it closely as he pieced everything together, coming to terms with the news.

“You know that I’m going to be here for you, we can have this baby together,” he encouraged, tracing the pad of his thumb across the photo gently.

“I just didn’t want to worry you, I know how busy you’ve been with work, the last thing you probably need is a baby- “

“-I don’t care about work- “

“-Namjoon, you can’t just say that, there’s a lot of work on your shoulders. It’s hard for me to just come into your life like this again,” you spoke.

He refused to listen, he’d prided himself on the fact family was so important, work would always come second, especially now that a baby was going to be entering his life. He squeezed your hand once again, reassuring you that he was going to be right by your side.

“I promise I’m going to help you through all of this, whatever you need, I’ll be there. There is no one way I can let you do this by yourself, you can’t raise a baby alone, whatever has gone on between us, we have to be there for each other for the sake of our child Y/N, I want to be there.”

“You broke up with me Namjoon, and now you’re back in my life.”

He nodded, appreciating it perhaps wasn’t the most ideal situation for you to go through. “If you are willing to, I’m willing to forget. I don’t want to put pressure on anything, but maybe this baby could be good for us, we just need to see where things go, how it turns out.”

It was hard to listen to him, all the promises he’d made you had been heard before, they’d been broken and damaged, and you were terrified to put yourself through that again. He’d hurt you more than he could have ever imagined when he broke up with you.

“I can’t work on what ifs; this is real now Namjoon.”

“I know that, and I’m going to be here for you, I might have hurt you in the past, but I’m not going to hurt our child, I would never do that.”

“I wish there was a different way of doing this,” you sighed, resting your head into your spare hand, “I never saw this being how our relationship played out if I’m honest.”

“Neither did I, but maybe this is someone telling us to be together.”

You sighed, stepping back into a relationship with Namjoon was perhaps something you could look to over time, but right now, that was no where near a priority of yours.

“Everyone is going to be so excited for the two of us, I can’t wait to tell my mum and dad,” he giggled, picking up the scan photos once more.

“You can take them with you if you fancy, I’ve got plenty already, might be nice for them to see their grandchild,” you told him, watching his eyes light up. “I don’t want anything bad to happen Namjoon, I’m scared enough as it is right now.”

He smiled, “I know it’s scary, and I’m a little scared too, but we’re still a team, we can work together and build an excellent world for our child to come into.”

“I really wish I had your confidence, all of this is terrifying, I don’t know how to feel, or what to do next most of the time.”

He chuckled, standing up from the table, walking around it to give you a hug. “Whatever happens, I’m going to be here for you, whatever you need, whenever the time, you can always get in contact with me. I made some mistakes, but I’m not going to mess this up Y/N, I promise.”

“We don’t have much of a choice but to make things right.”

“We’ll do it right; I know we will.”

---

Masterlist

#bts #bts imagine #namjoon #namjoon imagine #kim namjoon #rm #rm imagine #kim namjoon imagine #bts reaction #bts scenario #bts drabble #bts one shot #namjoon drabble #namjoon one shot #namjoon fluff #bangtan #bangtan sonyeondan #kpop #kpop imagine

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nakedmossy · 4 years

Text

Depth Over Distance - Part Three [Rudy x Reader]

[A/N: I haven’t found a hometown Rudy fic yet soooo I wrote one. I have no idea where this story is going to go and I’m honestly finding it hard to get out of writing JJ and get into writing Rudy, but here we go anyways. I wanted to write something where the reader and Rudy were hometown friends before he moved to LA, and to explore the idea of how that would change/what it would look like when he comes back. Get ready for a S L O W. B U R N. my dudes. Peace and love, Mossy x]

There were very few people in the world that could make you smile at 7 in the morning when it was raining outside, but Rudy was one of them.

You forced yourself awake as your car wound around the dirt roads, swerving pot holes and washboards, the rain starting to patter lightly on your windshield again. You followed Rudy’s tail lights away from the beach parking lot, your hula girl bobbling on the dash board, and you smiled as you were instantly transported into a flashback of the first time you had followed him down this road.

————

It was the day you bought your car, the week of your sixteenth birthday, and Rudy had asked you to meet him out at the beach alone in the afternoon before your party later that night. You had driven your car to the parking lot where his old beaten down and barely drivable Chevy was parked and pulled in beside him. He applauded graciously as you got out of the drivers seat and you took a deep bow, laughing.

“Look at this absolute TANK!” He said, taking his sunglasses off and walking around the car, inspecting it. It must have passed his inspection because he got up off the ground after looking under the wheel wells and wiping the dirt off his knees, beaming. “Its perfect”

“Isn’t it?” You gushed, unable to contain the smile plastered on your face. “I can’t believe its mine. It feels so weird.”

“Come on” Rudy bumped your arm with his and grabbed his pack out of the box of his truck. You followed him down the trail, jogging lightly to keep up with his long, comfortable stride. When you got to the beach, he laid a blanket out and patted for you to sit down beside him, you had been telling him about how the car drove and all its quirks you had noticed and how sticky the gear shift was, and didn’t notice when he pulled two beers out of his pack.

“Oh” You said quietly, stopping talking and staring at him. “Rudy, I can’t. I have to drive to my party after this.”

Rudy smiled at you and chucked the beer underhand at you so you had to catch it. Your eyes wide, you looked around, checking to make sure nobody was watching.

“Relax, Y/N. I will drive in front of you...if anything happens ill get stopped first.” He winked at you, knowing that one beer wouldn’t get either of you in trouble but knowing how conscious you were, and cracked his can. You apprehensively cracked your own, some of the spray from it being shaken up landing on your bare legs. You clinked cans and smiled at each other. Rudy looked at you intently and dipped his head towards you.

“To you. My wonderful best friend. I hope you have the best night ever. Happy Birthday. Congrats on the car. Can’t wait to christen it-”

“RUDY!” You smacked his arm and laughed until your face was beat red. “Cheers”

He echoed you and you both lifted your cans, drinking a few gulps. It was hoppy and made your throat burn, you squinted and shook your head.

“-AND, and,” He tipped his can towards you. “I have a present for you.”

“No.” You looked at him, feigning anger. “You know the rules. We don’t do presents...”

He ignored you and smiled cheekily, lifting a box out of his pack. Unwrapped and the cardboard torn, you snorted as he passed it to you. You hoped he mistook your blushing for the beer making you flush. As you opened the box, you could feel your legs tingling and your chest pumping quicker. Rudy had never given you a gift before - you had agreed as kids that you weren’t going to be those friends. This felt weird and intimate. First you saw the black hair and the green skirt, then the lai and the bikini top. You looked up at him and raised your eyebrows before you started laughing.

“Oh really, Rudy. Really, you shouldn’t have. Thank you.” You mocked sincerity, putting a hand on your chest. “So thoughtful...I just...”

“Alright shut up” He laughed, tearing the box up and stuffing it back in his pack.

You smiled genuinely at him, and held the dashboard hula girl gently in your hands.

“Thank you” You said without laughing now, making Rudy wiggle his nose and shift his position on the blanket, scratching his hand through his hair nervously.

“Well. You know...no beater is complete without one.” He said with mock seriousness.

“Hey! She’s not a beater. She’s...just...very well loved.” You emphasized the last words, hoping to convey how loved you felt at that moment.

You smiled at each other now, then the smiles faded and you held each others gazes silently. You couldn’t tell if it was the beer or the sunset or Rudy’s cologne or the proximity of how close you sat on the blanket, but the air shifted between you and you felt your head loosen on your shoulders. It was as if Rudy was leaning towards you, but you felt wobbly so you couldn’t be sure. All you knew was that he was staring at you, your eyes, your lips, and your chest was pounding and you felt light headed.

You swallowed and broke eye contact, looking at the water.

“We should probably get going. Can’t be late to our own party.” You smiled at him, his eyes still lingered on your mouth then hazily looked back up at your eyes and returned the smile.

“Yeah” He agreed, then stood quickly, offering you his hand to help you up.

You white knuckled the steering wheel the entire drive from the beach to your house, the hula girl on the dash wiggling in between Rudy’s tail lights.

————

You blinked and looked at the road again, Rudy’s rental car tail lights disappearing around the corner onto his street. You looked at the hula girl and stretched your hands out on the steering wheel, your palms sweaty.

You pulled into his driveway behind his car as he emerged from the drivers seat, taking his sunglasses off and hanging them off the neck of his shirt. You shoved the gear stick into park and reefed on the e-brake (you couldn’t trust the brakes on flat land let alone a slight hill) as Rudy walked towards your car, waiting near the hood. He placed his hand on it and smiled, you watched as you took off your seatbelt and opened your door.

“What, did you miss her?” You asked sarcastically as he feigned shock and lifted his hand to his chest.

“Of course I did” He bumped your elbows together when you stepped in beside him and you both started towards his front door.

His house hadn’t changed a lick since you were there last - you stopped visiting a few months after Rudy left, even though his mom invited you over every single time she saw you. The gutters were still rusting and the front door looked like you could kick it in if you tried hard enough. You spent more time at this house than you did at your own in high school, and walking up to it was like muscle memory, you knew to sidestep the root in front of the first step, to skip to the third step because the second was rotten and your foot would go through it.

Rudy’s mom was already coming down the hall towards the front door, making all sorts of noises and probably crying, and you could hear the family dogs scuttling on the hardwood around her feet.

“Good lord, my boy.” His mom stopped in the frame between the main door and the screen door, then she broke into hysterics, throwing the screen open and pulling him into a huge, very Rudy bear hug. He came by them honestly. He looked at you like he needed help before she turned her attention to you and did the same thing.

“Hi Mrs Pan-Hi, yep hello-“ She squeezed you so hard you felt your back crack.

“Mom - you literally see her once a week, chill.”

Rudy was laughing but also courteously trying to pry his mother back inside the house. It was true - she did see you every week when she came into the bookstore to pick up her newspapers and magazine subscriptions, but it didn’t matter. She was like a second mother to you and always made you feel like it was the most exciting day in the world when you came to visit.

When you finally made it into the kitchen, you and Rudy sat down at the barstools as his mom flew back into whatever she was making, both of you knowing better than to get in her way when she was cooking. She started talking to Rudy about how the trip had been and how much of a ‘weiner that Alan was, messing up your schedule like that’. Rudy placed his phone on the counter and the screen lit up briefly - showing over 20 missed calls from someone who’s name started with an A. The screen went dark before you could read it. Wow - he really was famous. Or had a stalker.

You watched Rudy and his mom convalescing over their separation (his parents flew to LA to see him at Christmas every year since he had left, but still) and felt yourself relax into your seat, smiling. Watching her rolling dough and washing fresh berries, smelling the spices and being in the same seats you had spent numerous summer mornings in in high school, you actually felt somewhat hungry.

Rudy’s mom passed you a cup of fresh coffee and you nodded a thank you at her as you began to sip it, listening to their conversation shift from how the trip was to how his acting classes were going to how Anna was doing. Anna? The name jogged your brain and you realized that was who the missed calls had been from. Rudy’s face dropped and his eyes flitted to your briefly, you lowered your cup from your mouth and held his gaze, then he regained composure and smiled at you before looking back to his mom.

“Uh, yeah. Yeah no she’s good. Actually I was gonna talk to you about that later.” His eyebrows rose and he smiled shortly at her, to which she made a confused expression and continued.

“But I thought-”

“Mom. Later.” He said finally, cutting her off. She nodded once and returned to her dough, continuing to talk to him about some of the things they had lined up while he was home. You barely heard a word she said, your gut was screaming at you that something was off about the way Rudy had reacted to her bringing up this Anna person and how odd it was he had so many missed calls from her. His body had gone completely rigid, and he had completely dodged the conversation, like he was keeping her a secret. You and Rudy had never kept secrets. Besides, if he had told his mom about a girl, it was serious. He hadn’t even told her about his high school girlfriend and they had dated for over 4 months. Why was he being shady now?

Then it hit you, and you felt like an ignorant little girl. It had been 4 years since he was home, he lived in LA and was a professional actor. He led an entirely different life that you knew nothing about now. It had been so easy, so comforting, to slip back into your old routine with him, being in his family home, visiting with his mom. But it wasn’t the same as it had been before, you were both different people now. Of course he had been with girls, was probably with girls right now, apparently her name was Anna, and who were you to him? His high school best friend? He didn’t owe you an explanation. But it did feel like a mistake coming here, expecting everything to just... be as it was. You felt silly.

As his mom brought plates of food to the table and motioned for you to sit with her, you grabbed your phone out of your pocket and checked the time. It was just after 8am.

“Actually, Mrs Pankow, I would love to stay but I’m actually not super hungry and I have to help my dad get ready for this trip he has coming up this weekend...it was really nice to see you though.” You rushed your words and scurried towards her, forcing her into a hug and then separating and moving towards the door, walking backwards as you talked.

“Wait, but honey I made you a plate.” She stood, confused, looking at you while holding the tongs.

“I know I’m so sorry, I just didn’t realize the time. I’ll see you soon, though. Promise. Bye Rudy”

As you spoke you spoke only to her, avoiding Rudy’s eyes which were watching you intently as he rose from his seat. You put your back against the screen and apologized again before pushing through it and jogging back down the stairs, tripping on the root at the bottom and walking quickly towards your car. You heard the screen door slam as Rudy called your name from behind you.

“Hey, Y/N, woah woah woah.” He was behind you before you reached your car, his hand wrapped around your arm. “Where are you going?” He spun you to face him, his face full of concern.

You smiled, tight-lipped, and nodded to your car.

“I lost track of time. I have to go.” You said curtly, waiting for him to let your arm go.

“Look if its about the food...I mean, you don’t have to...” He looked down at your arm, that was so devoid of fat and muscle anymore that his hand could wrap fully around it, and frowned.

You let out a breath and looked around, pinching the bridge of your nose before speaking.

“Its not that, Rudy. I just...I need to go. I’m sorry.” You backed away, tugging your arm free as you walked towards your car again, your face hot and feeling embarrassed. Of course he would think it was about you not wanting to eat.

“Y/N wait” He said hurriedly, jogging to catch up to you and pressing your door closed as you began to open it. You looked up at him now, his eyes were intensely focused on you.

“What’s going on?” He was scanning your face, desperate. You felt yourself crumbling being this close to him and feeling him watching you so intensely. His expression faltered and his features relaxed. “Please talk to me” he said quietly.

You took a step back, away from your door, and let out a breath, swatting a mosquito away.

“I don’t know Rudy, I just....a lot has changed since you left. A lot. And I can’t just waltz around and pretend like we’re still in high school and nothing is different. We’re different...and...I mean if there are some parts of your life that you don’t want to share with me then that’s fine, but-“

“Hold on, what are you talking about?” His brow furrowed and he narrowed his eyes, taking a step towards you.

You raised your eyebrows at him and looked around, putting your hands in your pockets.

“You don’t have to...hide...stuff. From me. Of all people.” You said slowly, urging him to pick up on it so you wouldn’t have to say it. He looked stunned. “Anna?” You finally relented, taking half a step back.

His shoulders relaxed and a small smile crept onto his face, then a small laugh.

“My agent?” He said in a half mocking tone. “Anna is my agent.”

“Oh. Oh...that’s...weird” You felt the gears in your head turning slowly, trying to think if you had ever heard her name before or maybe it was normal to fool around and date your agents in LA? “You’re seeing your agent?” You said sceptically, trying not to look too judgemental.

He let out a full belly laugh then.

“No I’m not dating my agent, you loser. I just didn’t want to...talk about work yet. Its all my mom ever wants to talk about and I’m kinda trying to...have a few hours to relax first.” He said quietly, his eyebrows raised as he watched you, ready to laugh again at any moment.

You rolled your eyes and looked at your feet, nodding and pursing your lips.

“Yeah alright laugh it up. I don't know...you just seemed really on the spot when your mom brought her up. It was weird.”

He looked around and put his arms up, resting his hands on his head before his eyes settled back on you. He licked his lips and took a step towards you, dropping his hands to his sides.

“Look. There are some things about work I haven’t shared with my mom yet, and probably never will. And what I said on the beach this morning...about needing to come home for awhile. I meant that. Its...complicated. And trust me, please trust me when I say that I want to share that with you but....” His eyes were heavy on you then, he set his jaw and stepped towards you. “Y/N, please don’t go yet. I just got here.” He said firmly, his eyes locked on you.

You nodded once, scratching your forehead, and throwing your hands up dramatically.

“Fine. Alright.”

Rudy chewed his cheek and smiled, taking a deep breath and releasing it as his dad appeared on the porch behind him, the screen door squeaking.

“Hey! Kids! My breakfast is getting cold over here!” He shouted, smiling as Rudy turned around to wave at him. Rudy looked back at you once to make sure you were still coming, to which you nodded reassuringly, before he took off and hiked up the steps to greet his dad with a hug.

____________________________________________

Tag List: @bluebirdsbluebells, @sunshinemadds, @lovelymaybankk, @poguestyleskye, @alexa-playafricabytoto, @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch, @k-k0129, @kimyeon-tae,

#rudy pankow #reader x rudy #depth over distance #nakedmossywrites #jj maybank #outer banks #obx fanfiction #outer banks fanfiction #obx imagine

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rjhpandapaws · 3 years

Text

A Hand in the Matter

Ch8: Make a Home Here

Richard would eventually learn that when seeking help he should probably ask Connor rather than Silas, and he shouldn't ask them both. It was a mistake he probably wouldn't make again given how it went this time.

The Family Feud

UnluckyNine: I need help. I think I made a mistake.

UnluckyNine: I don't think I'm ready to have someone in my apartment for two days.

UnluckyNine: I know its only Gavin, but this is kind of a big deal.

Sixty-Second-Set: Its still a couple days away right? Just cancel last minute, that's what I would do.

Sixty-Second-Set: Wait. Who is Gavin?

Sixty-Second-Set: Why is he staying with you for two days!

Sixty-Second-Set: Where did you meet him? Have you seen him before? Is his name actually Gavin?

Sixty-Second-Set: Do you have proof he's real? Are you sure he's not a serial killer?

RunawayArkait: Silas, stop. Gavin is a friend of Richard's from school.

RunawayArkait: He's staying the weekend because he is helping Richard renovate his apartment.

RunawayArkait: They met at the cafe. Yes his name is Gavin, and they go to school together so obviously they've seen each other.

RunawayArkait: He's not a serial killer Silas. He isn't smart enough.

RunawayArkait: Anyway Richard, you want to do this right? It would be best to just get it over with. Because if you don't do it this weekend, it will just be hanging over your head for whenever you reschedule it.

Sixty-Second-Set: Solution! If he isn't there at a decent time, don't let him in.

RunawayArkait: As someone who was an hour late to their own birth, I don't think you should be the one to give time based ultimatums.

Sixty-Second-Set: Fuck off, Connor. You were an hour early.

UnluckyNine: Thanks for the help. I'll just see how I'm feeling on Friday

RunawayArkait: It'll be fine Nines, you'll see.

Sixty-Second-Set: Call Connor if you need back up.

Sixty-Second-Set: He can call Nora, or whatever her name is, and she can come kick his ass.

RunawayArkait: Her name is North, and he won't need to because its going to be fine.

UnluckyNine: Thanks for the advice

Sixty-Second-Set: Of course! That's what big brothers are for.

RunawayArkait: Its gonna be fine. I promise

The rest of his week was spent getting ready for Gavin to come over. Cleaning. Making sure he had sheets and a blanket big enough for the pull out bed. Cleaning the pull out bed. He went grocery shopping and bought snacks and junk food like what he had seen at Gavin's apartment. Almost texted Gavin on several occasions to cancel, and then deleted them. After the longest and most stressful week in recent history, it was finally Friday. There would be no backing out last minute, he wasn't Silas. On top of that, he was actually looking forward to seeing Gavin. As if on cue his phone lit up with a message from the man in mention.

Gavin Reed: Getting ready to head your way. Need me to pick anything up on my way over?

Me: No. Not that I can think of.

Gavin Reed: Alright, see you soon.

Richard set his phone on the kitchen island and gave his apartment another once over. Making sure everything was where it was supposed to be, that his apartment was presentable. Richard himself was dressed in a more relaxed way than usual. He had on blue sweatpants from Silas, that said University of Idaho Theater Fest down the left leg, and an oversized blank white hoodie. He didn't want Gavin to give him a hard time for going over dressed at home a second time. His phone vibrated against the counter top.

Gavin Reed: On my way up to you.

Me: Ok. The door is unlocked.

He put his phone back down on the island and made his way over to the door and unlocked it. He glanced at the shoe rack by the door. A small grey thing. The impulse purchase that had started all of this. He smiled and headed back to the kitchen.

Normally he would be waiting in the living room, but that was going to be Gavin's space for the weekend. He leaned against the counter until his nervous energy became too much to handle. He opened the fridge and dug through it, looking for the bottles of soda he had bought. He heard Gavin come in, followed by the sound of his shoes hitting the shoe rack. He looked up when Gavin spoke.

"Where do you want this?" He asked gesturing to the bag on his shoulder, an excited smile curling at his lips.

Richard straightened up and pointed at the couch since that was where they decided Gavin would be spending the weekend. With that taken care of, Richard grabbed the two bottles of old fashioned soda and set them on the island. He turned to grab the bottle opener since he didn't know if they were twist tops or not. He slid a bottle over to Gavin when he came back to the kitchen.

"Thanks." Gavin said as he took the bottle, "I got you something, a bit of a house warming gift."

Gavin's other hand came up and he placed a hastily wrapped box on the counter. He slid it over to Richard like it would have bit him if he didn't. Richard opened it carefully, not wanting to tear the paper. The box didn't have a label or anything that would hint as to what was inside, and Richard didn't want to shake it in case it was something fragile. He set the box down on the counter and carefully opened the top. He took out a white mug. Richard turned it over in his hands to see if it had a design on it. He found 'Silence is Golden' written in pretty light blue font. He set the mug down so he could sign and felt a smile tugging at his lips.

'Thank You.' He signed, 'I Love It.'

"I'm glad," Gavin said with a smile of his own, "I saw it in the campus bookstore and thought you might like it."

Richard took a drink from his bottle, trying to ignore the clutter on the counter. Gavin had gotten him something, saw it and thought Richard would like it. Connor and Silas were really the only other people who did that.

"What's the plan for tonight?" Gavin's voice pulled him from his thoughts. He was heading for the living room, "Online shopping, actual shopping, relaxing, or starting on changing around the place."

Richard came to sit beside him on the couch, leaning into the back rest some. Gavin, on the other hand looked like he had melted into it, he looked relaxed and comfortable. A contrast to the tensness that was still clinging to Richard, he was trying his best to relax. His fingers were tapping against the bottle in a rapid staccato pattern. He didn't really want to do anything tonight. If he was honest, he didn't want to do any of this, but Gavin was already here and it was too late to back out. He figured they could just hang out for tonight and worry about the apartment tomorrow.

He finally set the bottle down since he had come to a decision. Richard tried explaining this to Gavin, but he couldn't find signs that conveyed what he meant that were also signs that Gavin knew, and he didn't want to fingerspell everything. He let his frustration out as a sigh. Gavin was picking up ASL quickly, and Richard was proud of him, it was just that he was feeling more than what child-sign could express. So it was only natural that his texts didn't even scratch the surface either.

Me: Could we stay in tonight? Relax and maybe look at things online?

Me: I don't think I'm ready to do much else yet.

"That's perfectly fine," Gavin said as he turned on the tv, flipping to some cartoon he liked listening to, "We'll only do what you're comfortable with."

That was how their afternoon went. Gavin told Richard about his week as he looked at stuff online. Writing down a list of things he wanted to buy and the stores the website said he could find them at. It was comforting to come up with a plan for the weekend so it didn't feel so much like he was going into this blind.

Hours passed and they were just talking. Gavin was talking and Richard was texting his responses. It was a normal evening for them, up until Gavin's stomach growled loudly interrupting the story Gavin had been telling.

'Food?' Richard signed, not bothering to hide the amusement. He was feeling a little hungry himself.

"Yeah, that would probably be a good idea," Gavin said, a laugh hanging onto his words as he covered his stomach, "You in the mood to cook or is it a take out kind of night?"

Definitely a take out kind of night. Richard couldn't cook to save his life and he wasn't about to expose Gavin to that. He pulled up the app and tapped on his usual Italian place and picked the same thing he always got before handing the phone off to Gavin. He took his time picking before handing the phone back. Richard placed the order and Gavin went back to his story.

The conversation fell away when the food arrived. The two of them falling into a familiar and content silence. They relaxed like that for a time, eventually passing notes. Gavin in the mood to talk, but not in the mood to speak. It was nice, and they stayed like that for hours. Enjoying each other's company until Gavin yawned bad enough that it sounded like something in his jaw broke.

"So how are we doing this Nines?" Gavin asked, rubbing at his face and muffling his words.

'You Take Couch.' He signed slow and clear since Gavin was tired, 'I Take Bed.'

With that established Richard began packing up the remaining food and putting it away. Leaving Gavin to handle the garbage. It reminded him of when he spent the evenings at Gavin's. Getting the pull out bed set up didn't take long and he let Gavin get ready for bed first since he looked like he was going to fall asleep if he stayed in one place for too long. It was new, but not unsettling to have someone else here, but he supposed it was because he was used to being around Gavin.

He took his turn getting ready for bed, and once he was done for the night, he checked in with Silas like he promised he would.

Me: I'm not dead.

Silas: Did he do anything weird.

Me: No.

Me: He bought a coffee mug as a house warming gift which was nice

Silas: You're alright then?

Me: I promise.

Me: I'm going to bed now.

Silas: Sleep well.

When morning rolled around Richard got ready for the day, a grey turtle neck paired with dark jeans, and made his way to the kitchen as quietly as he could. Being mindful of Gavin, who was still passed out on the couch. He got the coffee grounds out and into the machine before he heard signs of life from the living room. Gavin came into the kitchen as though summoned by the spluttering of the coffee machine.

"Good morning Richard," Gavin managed through his yawn, his sea green eyes barely showing signs of life. "How did you sleep?"

'Good Morning.' Richard signed back with a smile, 'I Slept Fine.'

The kitchen fell silent after that. Gavin was leaning against the counter, in the small corner made by it and the fridge. His eyes were open and he was looking around, but it didn't seem like he was seeing anything. Richard hadn't gotten to witness pre-coffee Gavin before, and now he understood why Gavin's texts this time of day were only one word. It was kind of endearing to see a new side of Gavin.

Richard grabbed mugs as the coffee finished, a plain one for Gavin, as well as the one Gavin had bought him. He poured Gavin's first, leaving room for the abysmal amount of cream he felt the need to add to his coffee, and pointed the semi-alert male in the direction of the fridge. He poured his own next, then returned the pot to the machine.

"That's some good coffee," Gavin joked tiredly when he caught Richard looking at him.

'You Monster,' Richard signed back with his free hand and pulling a face to make his point.

Silence settled over the kitchen again, though this time it was content rather than exhausted. Richard was absently staring out the window, going over the plan for the weekend in his head. Today they were shopping, picking up the things Richard had decided on last night. He liked them and hoped they would make his apartment feel less like a hospital room.

Gavin got ready quickly after he finished his coffee and met Richard at the door when he was ready to leave. They were taking Richard's car because Gavin had brought his bike over. He was glad to have Gavin with him since he'd never done any important shopping like this before. What he had now was a collection of things that used to belong to Connor and Silas that had sat in storage when they had moved. The things they were getting today would be Richard's and would finally make the apartment feel like it was his.

Richard had made a list of stores along with what he hoped to find at each one last night. When they arrived at the first store he found a place to park that was relatively close.

'Ready?' He signed at Gavin as he got unbuckled.

"Yeah." Came Gavin's reply as he got out.

Richard joined them and they made their way inside. The store was big and had an open floor plan with furniture on one side and decorations on the other. He made his way through the store picking things out that were on his list, crossing them off as well as other stores as he got them. He also picked up a few novelty things that caught his eye, including a present for Gavin. It was a mug that said 'cunt' in black print with the letter 'c' making up the handle. He figured Gavin would get a kick out of it given his sense of humor.

The other stops went similarly. Richard getting things off his list as well as a few other things that caught his eye. Some of them for Gavin when he did well on signing or passed his Psychology tests. None of the places they went had the shelves he wanted for his room. One place had some that were similar, and he bought them for his office. They were going to try one last place before giving up and ordering them online.

The store his phone directed them to was massive. The website said they at least sold the shelves he was looking for, but didn't say if they had any in stock. Looking couldn't hurt.

He and Gavin wandered the store. Following the signs in hopes of finding the shelves. They were stopped in an aisle trying to get their bearings. Richard didn't think they were going to find the shelves here. He was going to say as much to Gavin, but he saw a girl in the store's uniform coming toward them. Maybe she could help.

She spoke to them as she approached, "Can I help you and your..." her eyes moved from Richard to Gavin and then back as she chose her words, "partner find anything specific."

Richard froze. His partner? She meant Gavin, he knew that much, but it wasn't like that. They weren't like that. It wasn't like that. Richard tried telling her that but his signs wouldn't cooperate. He turned to Gavin, silently begging for help because he didn't know how to get out of this situation.

"Oh, uh. No. We're alright, thanks." Gavin sounded just as embarrassed as Richard felt, he hadn't explained that they weren't together, but his words had gotten the sales clerk to leave them be, which was just as good.

They stared at one another for a long while, the silence between them wasn't awkward, but there was something hanging in it. Gavin broke into a smile and then broke down into uncontrollable laughter. It got to the point that he was nearly doubled over. Richard's own anxiety was beginning to subside and he couldn't help but smile at Gavin, the other's delight rubbing off on him. They didn't find the shelves, but that was fine.

"Let's head back," Gavin said when he finally had control over his breathing. "We can pick up some food on the way back. Then order the shelves when we get back to your place."

Richard found himself hyper aware of how close he was to Gavin the rest of the night. Keeping a friendly distance between them and decided he could give him the mug another time. He didn't want to give Gavin the wrong impression.

They continued talking about it, Richard taking delight in Gavin's awkwardness. They exchanged pleasant stories and memories well into the evening. The late night hours became early morning and when they were both sagging into the pull out bed, Richard decided it was time to get some sleep.

'Okay,' Richard signed as he stood with a yawn, 'Bed Time.'

He let Gavin use the bathroom first again. When Richard was done for the night he climbed into bed and messaged Silas.

Me: Today was interesting

Silas: What did Garrett do?

Me: Gavin.

Me: He didn't do anything, but a worker at a furniture mistook us for a couple.

Silas: You said he wasn't doing anything!

Me: He wasn't. We were just kind of close

Silas: Why?

Me: We were lost.

Me: Anyway, its late so I'm going to sleep.

Silas: Be safe

Me: Always

Richard woke up at his usual time, the late night not quite beating natural habit. Like yesterday, Richard went about making coffee as quietly as possible. Since they were staying at the apartment he was back in comfortable clothes. The same blue sweatpants as before and a loose black t-shirt with an old style cat emoji on it. Just like the day before, the smell off coffee brought a barely coherent Gavin into the kitchen.

"Morning." Gavin muttered, sounding like he would much rather be asleep. "Today's the day. Are you excited?"

'Morning.' Richard signed back, choosing to answer Gavin's question with a nod. He didn't look awake enough for more signing.

When the coffee finished he poured Gavin's first sliding it over to him so he could get around to actually waking up. Richard poured his own next, holding it in his hands to soak up the warmth. He found himself watching Gavin, and rolled his eyes when the other all but moaned into his coffee. Understanding the sentiment, Richard lifted his own mug in a mock salute.

"Look. One of us can't function before eleven in the morning." He complained, hiding a yawn behind his mug before he took another drink, "Its not my fault you can't wake up at a normal time."

'Waking Up Afternoon Not Normal,' he replied dryly, winking at Gavin in place of a smile. Richard found morning's to be the most peaceful time of day and he liked them the best.

"Richard." He groaned gesturing to the window with his free hand, "Its the weekend. Its practically against the law to wake up early on the weekend."

'Yet Here You Are.' Richard felt himself smiling as he signed, 'Awake Early Sunday Morning.'

Gavin rolled his eyes and gave a genuine but tired laugh, "Okay, no need to be so damn smug. You've made your point."

'Have I?' Richard asked with the quirk of a brow.

This earned him getting flipped off by Gavin. He rolled his eyes again and hid a broad smile behind his mug. Gavin finished his coffee first and cleaned his mug out in the sink, setting it aside when he was done.

"Alright, I'm going to start by cleaning up my shit from the living room," he gestured in the vague direction of the couch, but Richard got the idea. "Then where do you want me?"

'My Room.' Richard signed before finishing off the rest of his coffee and cleaning out the mug.

Richard went to his room with every intention of redecorating but caught sight of his open closet doors. Part of making this apartment his was getting rid of those. He walked back out of his room to the hall closet, he opened the door and dug around until he found his tool kit. Richard took it back to his room and got started on the doors. He was working on the one farthest from the bedroom door. He got the top hinge detached without a problem. With that out of the way, he sat down and got to work on the bottom hinge. He heard Gavin knock on the doorframe before he spoke.

"What," Gavin started from behind him, sounding genuinely confused, "are you doing?"

Richard, personally, thought what he was doing was rather obvious. He was taking his closet doors off their frame. He gestured to the door as a way to get his point across and got back to work.

"Okay," Gavin continued, sounding just as confused as before, "and you're taking the door off its hinges because why exactly?"

Richard took a deep breath, letting it put as a frustrated sigh. After making sure the door wasn't going to fall if he left it unattended, he turned to face Gavin.

'I Do Not Like Noise They Make. Help Me.' He emphasized the last two signs by pointing at Gavin, then at the door that was still standing.

"You have a plan of what you're gonna do once they're off?" He asked as he walked over and leaned against the frame of the closet.

'No.' He stopped for a moment, wondering if they could fit in his car, deciding they couldn't he moved on, 'Do Not Want Them Here.'

"We'll figure it out I guess," came Gavin's response as he stood upright again, he eyed the door before he looked back at Richard, "you got anything to make this easier or are we just gonna brute force it?"

As much as Richard would have loved to see that, he didn't think the complex owners wouldn't like it too much if they couldn't replace the doors. He reached behind himself for the screwdriver he had been using and handed it to Gavin.

They worked in silence after that. Getting thr doors off and finding a place for them took longer than Richard thought it would. They settled for sticking them in the back of the bathroom closet, he found the irony of that a little amusing. The shelves for his room wouldn't be coming in for another ten days, but everything else could be set up today.

He took his time in his room, reorganizing things as he got it put together. Richard enjoyed himself as he redecorated his room, relaxing as the space came to look more lived in. His room came to have a blue and grey color scheme that he found calming and visually appealing. He took a picture of the finished product to send to Silas and Connor, making sure Gavin wasn't in the shot. Silas would lose it if he saw him in Richard's room, he would get the wrong idea.

The office came next, and setting up the shelves took the longest. Organizing them was easy though. The one to the right of the door as you came in was for books and paper work, the one to the left came to hold office supplies, a ship in a bottle, and a Lucky Cat statue from Gavin. Like with his bedroom, Richard took a picture to send to his brothers once Gavin had left.

Richard worked on the bathroom next, which didn't take him long. It was just changing the shower curtains and putting up different towels. The shower curtain was a blown up picture of the beach. Another picture that was sent to his brothers.

The last room left to do was the living room. Richard left it as the last room so Gavin had time to get all of his stuff together. He started with the media stand, placing ocean themed glass globes on either side of the tv, and light blue fairy lights along the front of the shelf. He placed two grey costers in shade order from lightest to darkest on each corner of the coffee table and a line of three white-blue electric candles along the center of it.

The couch was the last thing left to be decorated. Richard went back to his room to grab the bags of throw pillows. When he came back he couldn't find Gavin. Assuming he was in the bathroom, Richard started on the couch. He was smacked on the back with something soft, and turned to find Gavin triumphantly holding a pillow with "fuck off" stitched into it with light purple thread. He smacked Richard again, this time in the chest. It was on now.

Richard took a pillow off the couch and grinned at Gavin who seemed to realize he was a little out of his depth. He threw the pillow at Gavin causing him to back up, it hit him in the chest anyway. He ducked under the next one and threw his pillow at Richard. He caught it effectively disarming Gavin.

He backed Gavin into the wall with a barrage of pillows and was poised to throw the "fuck off" pillow when Gavin finally called his surrender.

"Okay! Okay!" He managed between bouts of laughter, "I'm sorry for smacking you with that pillow. Even if you deserved it."

Richard still threw the pillow, hitting Gavin lightly in the shoulder. They got to work setting up the pillows at each armrest, some along the back. Gavin placing the "fuck off" pillow in the center so it could easily be seen. When he moved away from the couch, Richard took a picture of the living room, making sure Gavin was in the shot this time, and sending it to his brothers.

"There its perfect." Gavin said, turning to face Richard with a smile as he put his phone away, "home sweet home."

Richard returned the smile, something light and warm making its home in his chest as he looked at Gavin, 'Home Sweet Home.'

For the first time, it felt true. This apartment was finally a home, a place where he could simply be, rather than be confined to. It was a new feeling and he liked it. Richard hoped one day he had the right words to thank Gavin for this.

#A Hand in the Matter #dbh #d:bh #d:bh reed900 #dbh reed900 #reed900 #d:bh gavin #dbh gavin #gavin reed #dbh rk900 #rk900 #nonverbal nines

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boggirlsummer · 3 years

Text

Roadtrip Rewind

Where did we leave off… After Bozeman I took two days driving through Montana, South Dakota, and Minnesota to get to Minneapolis, where I met up with Zoey. We spent two nights there, one night in Madison, two nights in Detroit, one night camping in upstate NY, and one night camping in New Hampshire after a day in Vermont. The next day I dropped Zoey in Portland and drove up to boat school. A few highlights:

In Minneapolis we stayed at 300 Clifton, this old mansion in the Loring Park neighborhood that was recently restored and is now a 10-room hotel/B&B (it’s on AirBnb!). It was spooky and fun and way cheaper than some shit motels I’ve stayed in. It’s probably haunted which is a plus for me. Also there were free scones. Another thing that makes me feel like I’m getting older - I’m starting to like all the dry biscuity foods I’ve always hated (scones, muffins, biscuits, shortbread).

There must have been a little cyanide in my tea

My claim to fame - we went to a camera store to get our film developed and the person who helped us shouted me out on their Instagram! 🥰 And they happened to know the guy from the camera shop in Portland where we bought our stuff earlier this summer and tagged him too, sweet small world of vintage cameras.

Golf courses are a waste of space

I love Crossing to Safety by Wallace Stegner so I’ve had romantic ideas about Madison for a long time and thought maybe I would want to go to grad school there. In reality it was kinda weird and sterile which is a bummer because they just announced the UW Madison Transdisciplinary Center for Research in Psychoactive Substances with a focus on therapeutic applications for psilocybin and MDMA #therapygoals

John K. King Used and Rare Books in Detroit is massive and chaotic. Loved it! We were hunting for Caliban and the Witch by Silvia Federici and we met two hella hot and tall employees who were very invested in helping us find the book. One wrote the title down and said he was looking to read more feminist anti-capitalist texts… Like okkkk fucking marry me and read to me in bed until the day that I die!! If I published a hot socialist bookstore employee calendar would anybody buy it?? These two guys would be May and November. I have a copy of Caliban and the Witch sitting in my AbeBooks cart with the shipping address: “Sexy Employee 4th Floor - You Know Who You Are, c/o John K. King Used and Rare Books, 901 W Lafayette Blvd, Detroit, MI 48226.” Venmo me $1 if you care to support my missed connection quest.

Laughed out loud…one million books in the store and this is their choice of doorstop

Our hostel in Detroit was in the Corktown neighborhood and next door was the Pink Flamingo pop-up which has been happening there every Thursday for the past ~six years. It’s basically an airstream serving a rotating food and drink menu and a cool hangout spot with music and firepits. We had a fruit plate cuz we’d been eating straight junk for days while the DJ made an impromptu and rambling fireside speech about community and the meaning of life. Near the end the airstream hostess started handing out free rice balls as an apology.

After Detroit we had two long drive days to get to Vermont where we had maple creamees at Bragg Farm Sugarhouse (shoutout to our friend and former housemate Brett for the recommendation!) and caught one of the last Bread and Puppet shows of the season (if you haven’t heard of Bread and Puppet it’s a political/radical puppet theater company based in Glover, Vermont). Holy shit Vermont is so beautiful it’s like a magical hobbit land. The lady at Bragg Farm tried to recruit me to come back and work through the spring maple sugaring season, maybe I should. Straight maple syrup is the new Red Bull.

And that’s it! I can’t believe I drove myself all the way here. Thanks to Zoey for the company and cheers to a summer of buses, bookstores, bikes, and backpacks.

Before I literally burst into tears

Maine is so beautiful and boat school is keeping me busyyyyy. Does anybody know what the hell a woolen is? I think I’m going to need some here. More soon! Send letters or junk mail my way at 440 Old County Rd, Pemaquid, ME 04558.

XOXO

#Spotify

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satorisa · 3 years

Text

Falling: Chapter 1 - In which the Hug is Finally Acknowledged

Rating: T

Summary: "I wanna forget all this burden in my past."

Alternate Reading: AO3

Lift the Veil? I don’t know her.

D.N.Angel ending? I don’t know her.

But that hug? Lives, rent free in my mind, man.

Warning: Spoilers for the DNAngel ending abound.

After Dark disappeared, the hours continued to flow as if the incident had never occurred. Satoshi brought Risa home that evening before he visited the Niwa household to brainstorm a story for Commissioner Hiwatari’s disappearance. Daisuke slept next to him that night and, while comforted by his friend’s rhythmic breathing and familiar warmth, Satoshi kept his tired eyes on the window, watching as the evening skies brightened to a morning blue.

Commissioner Hiwatari was declared missing the next day, and Inspector Saehara decided to take Satoshi in for the time being. He moved into the Saehara household that same evening, everything he owned packed in a duffel bag weighing on his shoulder, and Takeshi showed him around the house.

Satoshi met Mama Saehara through a video call that same evening. She worked as a fashion designer, and her job had flung her off to Paris this time. He quite liked her.

After they hung up, he had a warm dinner with Takeshi and Inspector Saehara. It was leftovers from last night, but he enjoyed the food nonetheless.

That night, Satoshi slept next to Takeshi, who snored in his ear while either kicking him or rolling on him. Satoshi kept his tired eyes on the window, watching as the evening skies brightened to a morning blue.

He went shopping with the Saeharas the next day. They bought a bunk bed, a desk, and whatever else they thought that Satoshi would need. After that, the days fell back into their familiar rhythm as if the incident had never occurred.

Satoshi slept in the top bed for privacy. Takeshi took the bottom bed since he didn’t quite care. Their desks sat side by side in front of the window: Takeshi’s impeccably spotless and Satoshi’s covered in manila folders and schoolwork.

Everyday, Satoshi woke up, went to school, and attended the art club that Daisuke finally convinced him to join. On some evenings, Inspector Saehara would ask him for help on a case, and they always headed home after work with fried chicken for dinner. For the most part though, Satoshi spent his time after school with Daisuke and Takeshi.

Then Riku moved away.

Risa began to hang out with Daisuke and Takeshi just as much as she hung out with Ritsuko and the other girls, but she still maintained the same distance she had with Satoshi prior to the incident. She’d greet him, cordial and courteous, and she’d smile and laugh with the boys, just like him, but that was the extent of their relationship: friends of friends.

And that was how Satoshi’s second year in middle school came to an end.

…

The last of the art club members finally left. They were a group of giggling girls who clearly only joined to get closer to Satoshi but, after realizing that he wouldn’t pay any attention to them yet again, they decided to call it a day.

Satoshi sighed in relief when the door closed behind them and ran his hand through his hair. Daisuke, president of the art club, laughed at the strands that were sticking up.

“How long are you going to let them stay here?” Satoshi asked, watching the group walk and giggle down below.

“They’ll get tired eventually.”

“I highly doubt that.”

“Just wait. They’ll eventually realize how boring you are and set their eyes on someone else.”

Satoshi shot Daisuke a look. He laughed before slipping off his stool.

“So what did you want to talk about?”

“My painting.”

Daisuke, eyes shining with curiosity, scurried over to Satoshi’s canvas. His jaw slacked.

Before him was the familiar visage of Dark outlined in pencil. The sharp angle of his eyes, his chiseled features, his charismatic smile, and his dark hair flowing around him: everything was detailed to utmost perfection.

“Oh my god.”

“How is it?”

“It looks just like him.”

“It does, doesn’t it?”

Daisuke nodded, awestruck, but that eventually gave way to a darker expression on his face. “…why are you doing this, though?”

Satoshi shrugged. “I don’t know. Still life practice got boring, so I decided to try doing something different.”

“You could have done something else besides starting on a portrait of Dark.”

“I know, but this is what I ended up making.”

“…are you okay?”

“That’s a rhetorical question.”

Daisuke sighed. “It’s just—we’re worried about you, Satoshi. We don’t want you to hurt yourself, you know? If you’re not ready to face it, you don’t have to.”

“What? Would a portrait of my father have been better?”

“No, Satoshi, I—”

“Sorry,” Satoshi said before getting off his stool. He grabbed his bag and made his way to the door. “I didn’t mean to snap at you like that.” At the entrance, he turned around to face Daisuke. “But when the hell am I going to ever be ready?”

…

The sun began to set, casting its golden hue on the busts and wooden stands by the wall. Since Inspector Saehara didn’t need his help that evening, Satoshi stayed after the club meeting to work on his painting. A palette full of varying hues of purple floated gracefully in his left hand while a worn brush sat precariously in his right, waiting to lay down another thoughtful stroke.

The door opened.

“Hello, Hiwatari-kun!”

He tore his eyes away from the canvas to see Risa standing there. She no longer had her customary pink ribbon tying her hair up; her dark locks cascaded down just like Riku’s. If she trimmed some off, she’d be the spitting image of her sister.

Perhaps that was why she changed her hairstyle.

“Are you heading home soon?”

He glanced at his watch: 6:04 PM.

“Maybe.” Satoshi noted the bag slung over her shoulder. “I’m assuming you’re on your way back?”

“Yeah.” She frowned. “Saehara-kun kept us all late today because our monthly issue is coming out. What a workaholic.”

Satoshi smirked. “Like father, like son.”

“His dad’s just like that?”

“Absolutely. His mom’s the same way, too, so it probably runs in the family.”

Risa giggled. The door opened again, and it was the man of the hour himself. He pouted.

“I’m not as bad as my parents.”

“Sure,” Satoshi sarcastically drawled.

Takeshi just shook his head. “Whatever, bro. You headin’ back soon?”

“Maybe. Don’t wait for me if you need to head out.”

“Nah. I kinda want to hit up the arcade for a bit before we go grocery shopping.”

“Can we drop by the bookstore, too? I need to grab a couple of things.”

“Yeah. I think I need some stuff from there, too.” Takeshi then turned to Risa. “You wanna stick around with us, then? No hard feelings if you need to jet, though.”

“Thanks for the offer, but I think I’ll pass. I don’t want to stay out too late and worry my parents.” She waved with a smile. “I’ll see you two tomorrow then. Bye!”

Risa skipped out of the room while Takeshi walked over to examine Satoshi’s painting. He whistled.

“Yanno, you’re a little too talented for someone who doesn’t like painting.”

“Shut up. You know how I feel about it.”

“And yet you joined the art club.”

“I have to start somewhere with that positive reassociation and all.”

“And how’s that goin’ for ya?”

“Terrible. I’m hating every second of it.”

“Well, uh, nobody asked you to make a painting of that Dark Mousy fellow, yanno?”

“Couldn’t help it. His handsome face kept bothering me.”

…

Mama Saehara popped up on his phone screen with the Parisian skyline behind her.

“Good evening, Satoshi.”

“Good morning, Saehara-san.”

“No need to be so formal with me! Please, call me Mama.”

“I’d rather not.”

She laughed. “Alrighty, hun. How’re you doing?”

“I’m alright.”

“And the therapy? Have you decided to go?”

“No. I don’t think I can.”

“That’s alright. You’re doing alright. No need to push yourself if you’re not ready.” She sighed. “I just need this project to finish and then I’ll take the first flight I can back to Japan. Just wait for me, okay?”

“No need to rush. Take all the time you need.”

“Oh honey, I appreciate the thought, but I don’t know if I trust those buffoons to take care of you. Speaking of them, how are they treating you?”

“They’re very nice. I like living here, Saehara-san. Thank you for taking me in.”

“I’m glad, Satoshi. And you’re very welcome! It’s the least we could do, truly.”

Her phone rang. Mama Saehara answered before launching into a furious tirade of French. After she hung up, she sighed and began to massage her temples.

“Sorry to cut this call short, but there’s an emergency. I’ll call again as soon as I can. Toodles!”

“Bye. Have a nice day.”

Satoshi saw himself reflected on his phone screen, and he took out his earbuds before leaving the room. He went downstairs to see Inspector Saehara at the table, can of beer open in front of him, while Takeshi began plating the food.

“How’s Ma?” Takeshi asked.

“Alright. Busy,” Satoshi answered. He grabbed some plates and bowls from the cabinets.

“Sound about right,” Takeshi said. “And you?”

“Hm?”

“How’re you?”

“Alright. Tired.”

Takeshi smirked. “Who isn’t?”

He patted Satoshi’s back before putting the plates full of table and hounding his dad about drinking: just another meal at the Saehara household.

Satoshi smiled as he began to set the table.

…

After the club meeting, Satoshi stayed behind to work on his painting, unrestrained by a request from Inspector Saehara. He mindlessly toiled away until the door opened.

“Hi, Hiwatari-kun!”

Risa’s voice broke his focus. Golden hour had passed and the blue hour settled in, dying the room a muted blue. Even Risa, despite her chipper demeanor, seamlessly blended in with the mood.

“Hey, Harada. Did the newspaper club meeting just finish?”

“Nope. It ended a while ago, but I stayed back to wrap something up.”

“So Takeshi’s already gone?”

“Yeah. I think he went to the arcade with a couple of our club members for some bonding time.”

“Ah.”

Risa swayed her head. “Are you heading home soon?”

“Yeah. Let me tidy up here, and I’ll leave with you.”

She smiled. “Thanks.”

Satoshi covered his painting with a tarp before leaving the room to clean his brushes and palette. He returned to see Risa on a stool, watching something on her phone. She laughed until she noticed he had returned, and she paused her video before offering a weak wave and smile.

Satoshi grabbed his bag. “You ready to head out?”

“Yup!”

She hopped off the stool. Satoshi closed the door behind them before they walked to the faculty office. He bowed before entering, leaving the keys to the art room with the frazzled student-teacher, and bowed after leaving. Risa trailed behind him uncharacteristically calm and quiet the whole time.

When they got to the shoe lockers, Risa finally broke her silence.

“Hiwatari-kun,” she began as he took off his slippers, “did you know him?”

“Know who?”

“The person I was waiting for that day at the lamppost.”

“It took you this long to ask me about that?”

Risa giggled. “Sorry. I couldn’t find a good time to bring it up.”

“Really? I thought you’d do it by screaming at me about hugging you and overstepping boundaries.”

Risa giggled again. Satoshi raised his eyebrow as he slipped on his shoes. “I was thinking about it, but I thought it’d be too rude to. After all, you appeared when I needed someone the most. Thank you for that.”

“I had a snarky reply to that but, since you’re being genuine, I’ll keep it to myself.”

They reconvened at the entrance. Risa’s smile looked more genuine that the one she had earlier.

Good.

“So, why bring it up now?” Satoshi asked as they began walking out.

“I tried to forget about it. Why should I stay hung up over someone I don’t remember? But, well, long story short, I couldn’t. I want to know who he was.”

They stopped at an intersection. Cars rushed by while commuters joined them, preoccupied with their own lives. Satoshi focused on the red light of the crosswalk, trying not to look at Risa’s expression.

“Are you sure you want to know?”

“Of course I do! Why else would I be asking you about him?”

“And what if I tell you that it might be overwhelming?”

“So? I’d still want to know!”

“Even if it’ll make you cry?”

“Of course! I don’t want to just forget about him!”

Satoshi sighed. The light at the crosswalk turned green, and they began to move. Risa’s head bobbed with each step, and Satoshi focused on the sidewalk to avoid looking at her.

“Harada, I’d rather not see you cry,” he said. “It makes me uncomfortable.”

“Okay then. I’ll try not to cry.”

“You? Who displays your emotions for the whole world to see? Forget it.”

Risa grabbed his arm, and he turned around. She forced him to look at her. He saw the determination in her eyes, burning just as much as it did when she was chasing Dark mere months ago.

“Hiwatari-kun, please.”

How could he say no to her?

“Alright. Fine. Just give me some time, okay?”

He brushed off her arm, frustrated by her stubbornness. But he saw the softness in her expression when he yielded, and he etched it in his memory.

#DNAngel #satorisa #satoshi hiwatari #risa harada #takeshi saehara #daisuke niwa #dn angel #d.n.angel #My writing #my fanfiction #falling #this was a long time coming but i can't believe it took the end of the series for me to finally write it

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lia-jones · 3 years

Text

Growing Together - Chapter Six - To Wish Impossible Things

It was the sweetness of your skin

It was the hope of all we might have been

That fills me with the hope to wish

Impossible things

The Cure - To Wish Impossible Things

It was a sunny Saturday morning, filled with sunshine and countless aromas coming from restaurants and food stands. Victor and I were visiting the bookshops in the old part of town, browsing for childcare books. Later that afternoon, we would be attending Diane’s baby shower, and despite already having bought a designer diaper bag as a gift, my mom had recommended some books that she swore would be helpful for the mother to be. And as a good friend, I would make sure Diane would get them.

I wish I could say that I was taking Diane’s pregnancy like a normal healthy person, but I knew I wasn’t. Being recently married, and knowing that I could never give Victor the child I was sure he wanted soured my soul, and all I could feel was jealousy and regret. I was happy for her, I really was. But I couldn’t help but also feel angry at the fact that this moment would never come for me, and mostly because of a lousy choice. Ten minutes was all it took to change my life forever, I concluded, as I let myself dive into a painful memory.

It was late in the afternoon when I called my mother on that nightmarish day, and even later when I went home to pack and go to my mother’s house. I had decided to leave Daniel for good, because of the child that I thought I was carrying. I wouldn’t allow him to beat me again, to reduce me to the nothingness he wanted me to be. Despite feeling incredibly weak and hopeless, I would choose strength for someone who couldn’t have it on his own, my unborn child.

However, after everything was packed, just when I was getting ready to leave, something came to mind. Bad person or not, Daniel was still the father of my child. It wasn’t right to just leave and take his child with me, without a single word. I took a pad and a pen and started writing him a goodbye letter, where I stated my reasons for leaving, and how he was still welcome in our child’s life, provided that he would follow some rules. Those ten minutes I spent carefully choosing my words and writing them down, that show of respect and kindheartedness, was the sealer of my fate. As I was getting up from our dining table, leaving the letter behind, the lock on the door turned, signaling Daniel was home.

“Is this the one you were looking for?” Victor questioned, showing me a book. I blinked at it, jarred with the sudden jump to present reality. “Are you ok?”

“Yes, that’s the one I couldn’t find.” I smiled weakly at my worried husband. “Come, let’s pay for it, I want to go get lunch.”

“Where do you want to have lunch?” Victor held my hand as we left the bookstore. “We could get some takeout sushi at that place you like.”

“You don’t care for sushi.” I smiled at him. “We can cook at home or take something else instead.”

“Alright.” Victor wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “Takeout sushi it is.” He gave me a sweet look.

It was evident that Victor knew what was going on with me, and since he was never good at talking about feelings, he tried to help me the way he knew how, by acts of service. His way to show me he loved me was to always make sure I was taken care of, and pampered in ways I never deemed possible. That entailed eating sushi he didn’t really care about, taking a morning stroll through stores when he could be playing tennis, and going to baby showers when he could just make an excuse and spend his afternoon watching one of his old movies or reading.

Back at home, we happily ate our sushi, Victor unusually doing most of the talking, trying to distract me. I listened to him intently, but couldn’t find any words to say. We hadn’t gone to the baby shower yet, and I was already exhausted.

“We don’t need to go if you don’t want to.” He broke through our shared pretense that everything was fine. “I can call Goldman right away and make an excuse.”

“I want to go.” I lied. “This is important to Diane, she wants me there.”

“Andy…”

“Will you clean up the table while I go wrap the books?” I changed the subject. “Diane will get mad if we show up late.”

I went to the office, looking for the gift bag I had bought for the books. As I was wrapping them in pink satin paper, one of them fell on the floor, open. It showed the picture of a mother breastfeeding her baby. I picked the book up, noticing the article about the benefits of breastfeeding and naming some curiosities about it, like, how the taste of the milk would change according to what the mother eats, which helps the baby starting to get acquainted to new flavors, even before getting other foods. Or how the milk adapts to the needs of the infant, some studies indicating that the milk carries more antibodies and white blood cells if the baby is sick, and more serotonin by the end of the day, to help the baby sleep better.

I was marveled at how a woman’s body was so perfectly designed to take care of a baby, chemistry and hormones and instinct creating the perfect caretaker, so all the baby’s needs are met. Being a mother, being able to create and nurture life was one of the things I liked the most about being a woman. It was miraculous. I was so distracted reading that book, venturing in all the facts that composed motherhood, that I didn’t even notice Victor leaning on the doorframe, watching me.

“Are you ready?” He was watching me closely, his gaze sweet and with a hint of worry.

I immediately closed the book, wrapping it quickly before inserting it in the gift bag.

“Yes, let’s go.” I grabbed the gift bag, bolting to the door.

Our trip to Goldman’s house was silent, Victor and I both lost in thought. When he finished parking the car, he turned to me.

“We don’t have to stay here all afternoon.” He offered, taking my hand. “I can give some excuse so we leave early.”

“It’s fine, I don’t mind.” I shrugged. I didn’t want to be that petty person who couldn’t be happy for her friend because she couldn’t have kids. And I didn’t want people to worry about me. I was a full-grown woman, I would be fine. Sometimes some things hurt, and that’s life. I just had to toughen up.

Goldman and Diane’s house was a big cloud of pink, with pink balloons, and diapers, and storks everywhere. The house was already full of people when we arrived, some from LFG, some being Diane’s and Goldman’s family members. Diane approached me with a big smile, her baby bump bigger than it was last time I saw her, a few weeks ago.

“Our favorite couple!” She hugged us both, Goldman coming right after to greet us. “Welcome! Make yourselves at home, we have plenty of food! Henry, get our CEO a drink! Andy, do you want anything?”

“Wanting to get me drunk already? Isn’t that how you made that child?” I teased, showing her my big bag with my gifts. “Here. To spoil the mom-to-be.”

“Thank you so much! It means so much to me that you guys are here!” Diane gave me a tight hug. And it looked like someone else wanted to join the party.

“I think Penny kicked me!” I smiled, charmed with her belly. “Can I touch it?”

“Of course!” Diane smiled. “She’s been excited all day, it’s like she knows there will be a party!”

“Or maybe it’s because of all the sugar you’ve been having.” Goldman offered.

I touched Diane’s pregnant belly with careful hands. Inside, there was a human being, sweet Penny, waiting to be big enough to come to this world. And she was indeed excited, jumping inside the womb, trying to poke my hands.

My husband was by my side, holding my waist lovingly, trained eyes on my hands, smiling sweetly. I couldn’t help but wonder if he was picturing that my hands were his, and Diane’s pregnant belly was mine. I felt tears coming, so I swiftly brushed the thought aside. The doorbell rang, diverting the attention from me, Diane busying herself with other guests.

“There are pink margaritas in the kitchen. Go help yourselves.”

As expected, the entire afternoon was baby-themed, from diaper changing races and sharing labor stories to the opening of gifts, and bestowing of best wishes to unborn Penny. Although I did try to have fun and relax, each activity only reminded me of what I couldn’t have, and I began to feel increasingly worse about myself. I was a bottomless pit of sadness and self-loathing: not only was I miserable because all those things were impossible for me, I felt bad for feeling that way, and not being able to fully enjoy this very important moment in my friends lives. I was a shitty person, and probably deserved everything bad that came my way.

To make matters worse, I could feel my husband’s eyes on the back of my neck, searching for any sign of distress on my part, ready to jump and act if necessary. Although I loved him to pieces for that, I was growing a little uneasy with it. If Victor was protective before, the marriage just magnified it even more. There was a part of him that was sweeter, more relaxed and open, but there was also another part of him that was borderline domineering, always wanting to know where I was, always scared to leave me to my own devices. And this time, although I knew I could count on him, although I knew he would always stand by me, I wanted to be left alone, and keep this ugliness of mine just to myself.

But this was Victor, and he was one of the most observant people I had ever met, especially if he was worried about something. After a while, he was by my side, checking up on me.

“Would you like to leave?” His hand rested lovingly on my shoulder.

I have to admit having him care for me felt good. Yes, I was admittedly a hypocrite.

I nodded, too emotionally tired to talk. Victor took my hand, pulling me from my seat.

“We should get going.” Victor apologized to Diane. “My aunt had a situation at the ranch, she needs our help.”

Despite what I predicted, knowing Diane Goldman AKA Momzilla, in less than five minutes and with only a few sentences, we were in the car, driving home. After a moment, Victor broke the silence.

“I don’t understand the need to share labor stories.” He commented, disgusted. “If anything, those should be cautionary tales, not things to share willingly at a party. I do not need to know how many stitches one can get in her… You know.” He shuddered.

Even with a heavy heart, I had to laugh at his honesty.

“That older woman was saying she broke two of her husband’s fingers while he was holding her hand.” He continued. “Everybody laughed. How on earth is that funny?”

“Imagine the birth announcement: Johnny Boy was born on day x, weighting y kilograms. Mother and baby are ok, father is severely injured.” I joked, making us both laugh.

“The whole thing was a parade of reasons not to have a baby.” Victor declared, looking shocked. “Parents not being able to have a full night’s sleep for years . Clothes being belched and puked on, poop that goes to the baby’s neck, babies peeing and spitting on their parents. How is that cute?”

“Cholics, sudden fevers, tantrums, teething.” I continued. “I remember my mother telling me that Josh and Cristina were on the verge of insanity at one point.”

“The labor itself is a mess. A woman’s vagina stretches to the point of passing a human head through it, tears, gets bloody and infected, and stitched up. Goldman is never having sex again.”

“And even if Diane is in the mood, they won’t have time for it. The baby will need them all the time.” I offered.

“In the meantime, we will be traveling, enjoying life to the fullest, and I’ll be making you scream my name in every penthouse of every luxury hotel in the world. Or in every surface or wall at our apartment. There are a few we haven’t tried yet.”

“You’re keeping count?” I chuckled.

“Who do you take me for?” Victor raised an eyebrow at me. “Of course I am.”

I laughed again.

“You know what, you are right.” I spoke with confidence. “Who says couples should have kids? Our life is pretty amazing. We both love our jobs, we have successful careers, we love each other and have amazing moments together. It’s no use to wish for impossible things. We should be counting our many, many blessings.”

“My point exactly.” Victor smiled.

I was putting the dinner’s dirty dishes in the dishwasher, back at the apartment, when the thought assaulted me again. I remembered Diane’s pregnant belly and Penny jumping inside it, trying to interact with the world outside. I imagined myself bearing that belly, and Victor’s hands caressing it, his eyes bright with joy. I pictured us putting together baby cribs, buying baby clothes, going to ultrasound appointments together. I imagined our faces as we watched our child inside me, playing with the umbilical cord or sucking her thumb. I could imagine Victor having a picture of that ultrasound next to the ones of us together on his desk.

And maybe during labor, I would hold his hand a little too tight, and end up a bloody stitched mess because of it. We would have endless stories of poop and pee, and dark circles under our eyes, but that wouldn’t matter, because every little milestone achieved in our child’s life would be like a Nobel prize to us, documented with the same pride. We would look at our child and find things from both of us, and we would love her for that. She would have Victor’s eyes or raven hair, and I would love her more because she reminded me of the man I loved. And Victor would look at her dark curls or prominent cheekbones and think of me, and he would love her more for that. She would be the testament of our love, the proof that Victor and Andrea Lee stood on this planet, and they loved each other.

Only when I saw my tears staining the black marble counter did I notice I was crying. I was wishing for impossible things, but I couldn’t help it. I wanted a child like I never wanted anything in my life, I couldn’t ignore it. And I wanted to fight for it.

I felt Victor’s arms circle my waist from behind. I turned to face him, my eyes filled with tears. He gave me a knowing look and pressed my face against his chest, silently telling me to cry it all out.

“I’m a hypocrite.” I confessed between sobs. “I do want a baby. I want to be a mother.”

“I know.” He spoke softly, tightening his grip on me, his hand on the back of my neck, caressing my hair.

“I don’t want to give up just yet.” I looked up to him, suddenly feeling steady. “I still have my ovaries, there is a lot that we can still try. Will you try with me?”

I couldn’t quite read his expression as he looked me in the eyes, pondering my question. A moment after he held me tighter again, pressing me against him again.

“Yes.” I heard his low voice rumble in his chest. “I will.”

#Growing Pains - Series #growingtogether #mlqc victor #victor x oc #mldd victor #mlqc li zeyan #love and producer #mister love queens choice #mister love dream date #mlqc fanfic

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