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unit-zero-two · 2 years

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Fate/Zero: Diarmuid, Kayneth, Sola-Ui and Freedom

When I first watched Fate/Zero I loved it. Mostly. The part that struck me as least satisfying was the story of Diarmuid and his Masters Kayneth and Sola-Ui. The love triangle drama was maddening and the cruel, overly gruesome deaths each of them died left a sour taste in my mouth. What was the point of this? How was this fair? How did any of it make sense? The fact that Sola-Ui was charmed by Diarmuid’s love spot into falling for him and leading to her acting without agency was infuriating. The man was perfect, magic wasn’t needed to fall for him!

Over the years, I came to understand bits and pieces of their story in better detail. Obviously it’s meant to mirror and recreate the tale of Diarmuid, Gráinne and Fionn. Legend repeats itself. The next piece is understanding how Diarmuid represents the pure knightly ideal that Arturia is in conflict with between her dual roles and knight and king. He also mirrors Lancelot, whose love affair with Guinevere was based off his own. Two knights, both seeking redemption for their pasts. One by serving again, the other by forcing his king to condemn him. Even if they never meet, they are intrinsically related.

Kayneth also grew on me as I got past his being an asshole and the bait and switch antagonist of the first part. This is a man who is defined by his pedigree in society, who is fighting not for a wish, but to prove that he is superior to raise his status. For him this is just a small step on his road to the highest echelons of society. He has power in his society, but is as much bound by it’s rules as everyone else. If he does not work to be the strongest mage by any means possible, society will leave him behind and the best case scenario will be his death. He’s right to be overconfident by the way, on paper he is the strongest Mage in the Grail War. Unfortunately for him, this isn’t a battle of mages.

His most obvious conflict is with Waver, the battle of Nature Vs Nurture. But he’s also in conflict with Kiritsugu, who is his natural enemy in philosophy and ability. Kiritsugu wishes to tear down the cruel mage society that led to the death of everything he loved, while Kayneth seeks to reinforce it with his power and teachings. Kayneth is also contrasted with Tokiomi. Both are powerful mages, heads of their families and doing what they think is best on the rules of their society to succeed in life. What they’ve been told they need to do. Kayneth is not a good or nice person, but the humanity he gains in his final moments, the spark of understanding of himself and the actions he needs to take to hold on to the last person left in his life, is heart wrenching and tragic.

Lastly, Sola-Ui. She’s by far the most controversial part of this trio. A young woman who is forced to marry Kayneth against her will and falls in love with Diarmuid because of his love spot. She’s portrayed as shallow and cruel when she gets moments and will do anything to be with Diarmuid. She lacks agency and ends up dying a cruel, needless death just so Kiritsugu can wrap up any loose ends. This is meant as a moment to show the lengths Kiritsugu (and Maya) will go to for his philosophy of Utilitarianism, his goal of making a world for his daughter to be happy in and to drive a wedge between him, Saber and Irisviel. But as an ending for Sola-Ui, it stings.

Or at least, it did. I’ve very slowly in recent years come around on the arcs of all three of these characters. The crux of the matter has been coming to terms with Diarmuid’s Love Spot and the curse it inflicts on those around him. It’s kind of absurd as a trait because in myths it wasn’t as effective as it seems in Fate/Zero and he’s already handsome, kind and perfect enough that it’s obvious that young women like Gráinne and Sola-Ui would fall for him. They’re trapped in the expectations of their respective societies that will set them up will older husbands they do not love just for political reasons and then they will lose the little bits of freedom they might’ve had and follow only the roles they had been set to play for the rest of their lives.

But the thing to consider here is that whether the Love Spot is doing anything or not isn’t important. And all evidence points to it being less effective than we’re told by Diarmuid. Firstly, Irisviel and Arturia aren’t effected. The only ones we see who are are Gráinne and Sola-Ui, who it makes perfect sense would fall for him regardless. Secondly, the only have Diarmuid’s word that the Love Spot is working as he thinks it is. This is a man who is wracked with guilt about betraying his oath and whose wish is to have another chance at being a knight. In Fate’s version of his tale we know he also falls for Gráinne and they marry, and he seeks Fionn’s permission to be with her. They have children who he loves, and tragedy only strikes him when Fionn is stuck between holding a grudge or forgiving him and takes too long. Diarmuid says the curse is strong and affecting Sola-Ui because he doesn’t want to consider the possibility of someone else falling for him again, repeating the complicated story of emotions he went through previously. He is single minded in his wish of serving his oath as a knight. If her affection is just a curse, then he can ignore it. To believe that it is working is to buy into the lie Diarmuid is telling himself.

Which brings us back to Sola-Ui.

I think it’s useful here to bring in some flavor text from an FGO craft essence released during the Fate/Accel Zero Order Event. “Young Maiden Ignorant of Love”. It reads:

“The path to reaching the Root seems long and endless. That's why mages concentrate on prolonging their bloodlines, so that one day their children might achieve their eternal wish.There is no place for individuals. As it is her heritage and destiny, she has no choice but to follow her family's wish....However, she is not yet aware of the existence of emotions that could overwrite all wishes and destiny.”

Sola-Ui is trapped by the expectations and laws of mage society. She has no freedom beyond the role set for her. To become a mother of a mage child. The only thing she has for herself are her thoughts and feelings. It’s no surprise that she falls for Diarmuid. He’s the perfect knight, and he can save her from the engagement to a monster and give her the freedom she could never have. She falls in love, and this feeling convinces her to do anything for the freedom she now desires. She throws away her role, her wishes and even is willing to be cruel when she sees Diarmuid failing to act to rescue her. She needs to put herself in the position for which she can get his loyalty and love. In that framework Kayneth becomes an obstacle to be removed. The tragedy of her story is that Diarmuid is not in a place to love her, he’s unable to allow himself to give her what she desires. What she needs. He can’t break his oath again.

And that leads to the tragic end of all three characters. Diarmuid refuses to break his oath. Sola-Ui breaks from her role to try to gain her freedom. And Kayneth sacrifices Diarmuid to try to protect the only person he has left in life now that his very life as a mage has been destroyed. All act out of tragic desperation. it’s bitter with no sweetness. But it’s also beautifully earnest to see everyone working to understand their own humanity beyond the shackles society and their stations have imprisoned them with.

I’ve seen comments about how Sola-Ui and the other women in Fate/Zero don’t have agency. And they don’t. Because no one in Fate/Zero has agency. Everyone is trapped by the systems and societies to which they belong. Individuals crushed by the rules that govern the machine of life in which they are just mere cogs. Sola-Ui is an obvious example of this, but Kayneth has just as little freedom. So does Diarmuid. And Kiritsugu. They are all trapped, unable to gain freedom. To seek freedom is to die. And that is the true tragedy of Fate/Zero.

#fate zero #fate/zero #diarmuid ua duibhne #kayneth el-melloi archibald #Sola-ui #I'm sorry i'm not typing out her full name #never happening #i hope it's obvious how much i've come to love all three characters #FGO did a lot for Kayneth during the Zero event

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dreamersleeps · 3 years

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Todoroki Enji and the Egyptian Sun God Ra

(Part Four: Mythological Influences in Boku no Hero Academia)

Note: ok, so I’m kinda nervous to post this. . . but here we are

So how did I get to comparing the Egyptian sun god Ra to Endeavor? To sum it up, this is the fourth post in a set of analysis and meta about mythological influences in BNHA, so a lot of this builds on top of the info and connections I’ve made previously.

There are quite a few references and influences to Greek mythology in BNHA and personally I was very intrigued with the Hawks and Icarus parallels that kept popping up. In the myth of Icarus, the sun melts the wax off of Icarus’ artificial wings which causes him to fall and drown in the ocean. I saw Endeavor as one of Hawks’ metaphorical “suns”. While I sat on that, I began looking at Tokoyami, since he has a mentor-student relationship with Hawks, and found how he has Egyptian influences in his character design which I wrote about in a post here.

I began researching and reading through ancient Egyptian myths and information. One of the figures that caught my attention was the ancient Egyptian’s most important god: Ra, the sun god. (He is the falcon headed figure depicted below.) I quickly found some similarities between Ra and Endeavor.

This image is from the expereince-ancient-egypt website.

Before I begin, I’d like to say I am very much aware that BNHA is a Japanese manga series and that the story is greatly influenced by Japanese culture and society. Unless there are very explicit examples (such as the case of Tokoyami) this post is not me saying that Horikoshi intentionally wrote certain characters and aspects inspired by Egyptian mythology. I just like like finding interesting similarities whether they were intentional or coincidental and writing about it.

That being stated, let’s begin.

Ra: The Egyptian God of the Sun

The original source of the image above is unknown.

So, who exactly is Ra?

Ra was the Ancient Egyptian sun god. The sun had a special place among the ancient Egyptians, they considered it the source of life. He was... the creator of the universe, one of the most famous deities...

Ancient Egyptians believed that Ra created himself, and his tears created humans. The setting of the sun means the beginning of the daily journey by Ra, in which he travels by his holy boat to the underworld every evening, to fight the forces of evil represented in a big snake called Apophis, and then returns to a brilliant triumph in the heights of the sky every morning on a new day. The ancient Egyptian saw this as a sign of human resurrection, and also evidence of Ra’s victory over the forces of chaos and evil (cleopatraegypttours).

Throughout all the websites I went through, Ra was very closely associated with the themes of the sun, life, the underworld, resurrection and victory over chaos and evil.

Let’s focus more on Ra’s journey through the underworld.

During his life he was required, as the incarnation and representative of the sun god, to maintain the cosmic and social order (ma’at) established by the god of creation. He had to repel the forces of chaos which constantly threatened the order of the world.

After his d/eath, the king united with the sun disk and his divine body merged with his creator. In his new role he continued to perform the task of subduing the powers of chaos. This active role of the king and sun god necessitated a detailed description of the d/amned, who represent the forces of evil.

Perhaps you may be starting to see the similarities and connections I began to form between Ra and Endeavor. If not, it’s okay. Sometimes II have to sit on a lot of the information I’m taking in before I see anything.

Endeavor’s Powers

Endeavor’s fire-based quirk is called “Hellflame.” The list of his named moves are: Flashfire Fist (Jet Burn, Hell Spider, Hell’s Curtain), Karmic Raze - Hellfire Storm, Raging Assault - Hell Minefield, Vanishing Fist, and Prominence Burn. As you can see, there’s a lot of mentions of the word: Hell.

While we can connect the “hell theme” back to Ra’s connections to the underworld, I would first like to point out what the Egyptian underworld was. We associate fire, suffering and other things with hell, however, this is a depiction that comes from the Abrahamic/Judeo-Christian religions.

The image above depicts a section of the Egyptian Book of the D/ead with Osiris on the left and the Weighting of the Heart taking place on the right.

There were many sources that described the extensive processes of the underworld and afterlife so I’m keeping it simple here. Anyways, the ancient Egyptians did not really have a concept of this sort of hell. Instead, after death, a part of the soul would travel through the underworld which was also known as Duat for judgement. They underwent a judgement process that had two parts and if they passed, they moved on to the Reed Fields which was Paradise. Those who failed simply ceased to be.

The “hell” that is probably being referred back to with Endeavor’s quirk and powers most likely was influenced with other cultures, again more specifically those with Abrahamic/Judeo-Christian religions. Despite this difference I do still think that there are other interesting similarities between Endeavor and Ra.

For example, I’ve already established in a previous post that I like to associate Endeavor to the sun. A lot of this post will rely heavily on what happened during the High End vs Endeavor fight. The move he is using above is called “Prominence Burn.” According to NASA:

a solar prominence (also known as a filament when viewed against the solar disk) is a large, bright feature extending outwards into the Sun’s hot outer atmosphere

This is the finishing move that helps Endeavor defeat the High End and this is very significant because it is the only move with a name that relates back to the sun.

In Chapter 188 during the High End fight, Endeavor is even depicted as a fiery sphere of fire and light high up in the sky, very visually similar to the sun.

If you need more evidence for sun related themes surrounding Endeavor, Ending, the criminal who kidnaps Natsuo describes him as “A fierce solar flare that shines bright.”

One of Ra’s main duties is to keep order and defeat the “forces of chaos and evil.” Endeavor and the heroes in general sort of view themselves as this force of good and see the “villains” as enemies that have to be taken care of. I don’t agree with the ideas that “all heroes are good, and all villains are bad” and that is definitely not the message that Horikoshi is trying to send. It is because that sort of belief exists that hero society is flawed. Typically, when reading through mythology or religious texts, the themes of absolute good and absolute evil are common. Those are the contexts in which gods and other figures that exist. Humans are flawed and tend to stand somewhere in the in between.

That being stated, Ra and Endeavor are similar in their ties to the sun, underworld and sense of duty that they must defeat the “forces of chaos and evil” for the sake of everyone else.

High End vs Endeavor

Endeavor greatest ambition in life was to become the number one hero. He may act like a hero in the public’s eye but he does not have a “heroic nature” or “character.” He failed and broke his own family for the sake of his ambitions, and arguably, the Todoroki family came in to existence to serve a certain purpose. If he could not become the number one, then he’d make sure that someone with his blood and name would achieve that one day. However the unexpected happened. All Might had to retire and Endeavor was given the title as number one hero. He didn’t earn it. He was given it purely because he was the number two hero.

Let’s revisit the High End fight. This conflict happens shortly after the Hero Billboard Chart event. Japan is uneasy as their symbol of peace has retired and they do not know whether they can rely on the new number one hero. His family also is conflicted with his new position and how it was given to him. Throughout the fight we take a step in to Endeavor’s thoughts and inner monologue.

The manga panel above is from Chapter 188.

The High End is incredibly powerful and even with his powerful Hellflame quirk, Endeavor is having a hard time fighting against it. One of the weaknesses with having a fire related quirk is that it overheats his body so he’s had to rely on using his flames properly and cooling down afterwards. Because of this, he thinks about his family. The family that began because of this very weakness. His memory goes back to Rei when she is young, perhaps at the beginning of their arranged marriage or shortly before. Touya, Natsuo and Fuyumi are young as well. Standing far away and unhappy, maybe even nervous. And lastly, Shouto, the child he wanted to continue his legacy in, activating both his ice and hellflame quirks. He is the only one depicted in his actual current age.

On top of the very next page we get a scene with the High End Nomu speaking as seen below.

This Nomu came to fight and defeat whoever was the strongest. Despite it’s ability to speak, it is still mindless, declaring on and on about its power and strength. It does not care about who it is fighting and the destruction that is occuring along the way. The High End has multiple quirks that were chosen specifically to make it as powerful as it could be. Perhaps it was in this moment that something clicked in Endeavor’s mind.

Soon after, the High End strikes Endeavor multiple times, with one strike later leaving him with the scar that runs down the left side of his face. He falls to the ground and in to the rubble. Chapter 188 ends on this page with the manga panel seen below and everyone is left to wonder whether Endeavor is dead or alive.

In Chapter 189 we see the effects of the void All Might left due to his retirement.

If the “villains” can’t be kept in check the public becomes chaotic with fear. A quiet night fell over Japan after All Might retired. People felt like the light was taken away. Then Endeavor gets up. With Hawks’ help he rises in to the air with wings on fire.

And in Chapter 190 he defeats the High End Nomu with Prominence Burn.

Endeavor and the Dawning Sun

There’s a lot of things going on here. Endeavor basically follows the journey Ra takes every single day to complete his duty. Similar to how Ra “dies” as he travels through the underworld, at one point we are led to believe that Endeavor has been killed by. As most of the battle took place up in the air, Endeavor physically falls when he “dies.” Leading up to the fall, he is thinking about his family and the past.

While Ra and Endeavor “resurrect” at different points in their journey, they both rise back again in order to fulfill their duty to bring back “order and balance.”

I’ve already written about the falcon/hawk headed Egyptian god Horus and Hawks, however I have yet to address the relationship between Ra and Horus. At some point, Ra was combined with Horus and became known as Ra-Horakhty which means “Ra, Horus of the Horizon.” Ra-Horakhty is most often thought of as the god of the rising sun. It is in this form that Ra rises in the sky to bring the dawn when he arises from the underworld.

The original source of this image is unknown.

There is a deity (seen above) that appears a lot throughout architecture from ancient Egypt called “Horus-Behdity” who is depicted as a winged sun disc:

The winged sun disc is highly symbolic representing the Union of Horus the falcon God, and Ra the sun god, the union of the Two-Lands of Egypt, and becomes a symbol of rebirth for the kings (British Museum).

Although it is Endeavor who ultimately defeats the High End, it is with the aid of Hawks’ quirk that he is able to land the finishing blow. He rises in to the sky like the winged sun disc: Endeavor as the sun, and Hawks as the wings. I think the depiction of Hawks with his back towards he audience and Endeavor burning them with his flames on the cover of Volume 21 says a lot of things (including the Icarus parallels!).

Taking a couple steps back, the wording on the pages where Endeavor addresses the nomu and then before uses the finishing move Prominence Burn on the High End is important.

“Modified human... Noumu! Manufactured one. . . Holder of multiple quirks. . . Obesessed with the pursuit of strength!” (Chapter 190)

“You are... Just like me! From the past, or perhaps from an alternate future. Now burn, and rest for all eternity!” (Chapter 190)

Endeavor is a controversial character that because of his past and the horrible things he did to his family. However, we can not ignore what has been written in the manga. I’m not going to argue or talk too much about my own thoughts and opinions here, but I think it is important to address what happened during this High End fight.

He identifies himself with the Nomu: the power hungry and mindless creature. It’s interesting that he uses the phrases of “manufactured” and “holder of multiple quirks,” and “pursuit of strength” which are words that are heavy with meaning to him: the arranged marriage he purchased, the children he neglected and the “perfect” child he sought after for the sake of strength.

The train of thoughts that had begun in his mind is expressed outwards. He shouts them out in to the sky. He acknowledges the past (however to what extent is debatable), and even addresses the future. I’m not sure if he’s acknowledging that he may fail to change or that he hopes that he can change what he can.

He then defeats the High End. Endeavor had been given the number on hero position but this victory is what “establishes” him with the title in the eyes of the public. With the bright light of All Might gone, the public is inspired by a new light, the sun that Endeavor represents bringing a dawn to the night. His victory pose is reminiscent of All Might’s however it is with his other arm that is in the air, he’s slumped over and his legs are barely keeping him up. The flames that usually cover his face and body are gone as well. This is the victory of Endeavor the hero but it could also be Todoroki Enji as a father making a statement.

I’m not sure if this is him symbolically k/illing the monster he was, or if this is symbolic as to where Endeavor’s journey will ultimately head towards, or if its a representation of hopes that never come true later on. I’m not trying to paint this piece from a pro-Endeavor stance or an anti-Endeavor stance but merely trying to explain how I interpreted the events of the High End fight and the thematic meanings it had as it unfolded. At the end of the day, we all have different opinions and interpretations and you have all the right to disagree with everything I’m writing in this post.

(The case with Endeavor is very complicated and I don’t want to get to deep in to it here however) We definitely should not forget what Endeavor did in the past but at the same time we should not ignore the efforts and progress he has tried to make. While we must hold people accountable for their actions, it is not wrong for someone to want to change or become better. Endeavor may “fail” or he may be able to “succeed,” whatever either entails or looks like. However even though we do get the depiction of a rising sun, you have to remember that the sun also sets.

Anyways, what has been established was that this fight is where Endeavor explicitly expressed his acknowledgement of the past (maybe not in its entirety but it is a big first step). And it is directly after this step that we take a deep dive in to what facing the past will look like for Endeavor.

#endeavor #todoroki enji #hawks #takami keigo #bnha analysis #mha analysis #mythological influences #bnha meta #mha meta #dabi #todoroki touya #todoroki family #todoroki shouto #luna writes #my post

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life-rewritten · 4 years

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Spooky Season! A look into a Masterpiece (He’s Coming To Me Review)

I've been waiting to talk about this show and how my love for it will never end. Surprisingly the source of the show is GMMTV, whilst known for so many problematic elements in BL genre; He's coming to me manages to avoid every single issue naturally had with this genre. And because of that, this review is an ode to a masterpiece that should not be forgotten and should not be underrated. It's also Halloween, so this is another excuse to go back and look at the best things about this show. Hopefully, we get more like this GMMTV.

Ratings: Plot: 9/10 Directing: 9/10 Acting: 910 Satisfaction: 9/10 Overall: A* Rewatch factor: 8.5/10

AN IN-DEPTH REVIEW

Nothing wrong to say about this show. And that's a breath of fresh air; I remember first watching this show in 2019 very late because we had issues with the subtitles, and I went into it very sceptical and had low expectations. By the end of this show, I was so grateful and happy that this exists.

The title of the show (He keeps coming to me) is what the heart of the show is about. Thun, our main character who keeps going to Mes, a ghost who he can see, his determination in keeping Mes by his side, to being his childhood acquaintance, to his best friend and finally to his lover, is felt and focused on when he has to brave the world and society norms, and some truths about himself. Meanwhile, Mes has to discover his reason for being a ghost and unravel the mysteries tying him to his fate with Thun. So incredible to watch and see their love story unfold.

Criticisms/ Comments

As I said, there are no negatives when it comes to this show. All we could maybe mention is the slow pace from episode 1-3. But even at that, the relationship dynamics are shown genuinely because of the time it takes to develop the story.

This love story uses the trope friends to lovers which entails a soft cute and heartwarming bond between Mes and Thun since they first met each other. The two want to spend as much time with each other even though their worlds are different (spirit realm vs human realm). Thun is determined to have Mes keep coming to his side, learning about the lore and rules surrounding ghosts in our world; the use of incense, the way Mes starts of not being able to hold onto anything, the fact that Thun is the only person who sees Mes. He can't hide his feelings even when he's with his friends, he makes up excuses just to return home to spend time with Mes, and he makes it his mission to discover why Mes died, so Mes gets reincarnated. The slow pace might make people think the show is a bit boring, but it's just a way to introduce and show exposition to the other characters surrounding this world. If you rewatch the show, you also start to recognise foreshadowing symbolisms, devices and hints pointing to the final revelation about how Thun and Mes are tied together.

I also think some people struggled with as well the lack of 'skinship' from Thun and Mes, but this is a device used to emphasise one of the obstacles of our couple; the lack of touch ( because Mes struggles to learn the rules of how to hold objects or touch Thun). We the audience try to uncover the reasons for why sometimes they're able to feel each other by mistake and Mes starts to work hard to hold objects and cook, and turn on the incense which keeps him tied to the environment it's in. I didn't have an issue with the skinship because the actors were phenomenal at showing little subtle hints to feelings on their faces of longing, want and love. The scenes where skinship was required wasn't stiff or awkward or weird like other shows of this genre make you feel about them. It felt natural, a tad unrealistic (in terms of the way their heads tilted and the camera spun) but so what? The show wasn't meant to focus on that; it focused on the bond and love between the two, they just enjoyed talking and spending quality time being domestic with each other, and that's adorable. Alright, let's look at the positives:

Character Breakdown and Plot Meaning

The characterisation of HCTM is so excellent; it still shocks me how much I didn't expect it to be this way. All our characters are critical to the plot, even when they're just side characters with no deep story arcs to themselves. Thun and Mes interact with people who are part of their path in recognising what they are to each other. Before I praise the characterisation of the two, let's focus on some other characters who were so good in this show:

Thun's best friends: Prince, Plufai and Khiem

These were a phenomenal group of friends who were so caring and patient and genuinely the heartwarming part of this series as well. I enjoyed watching how much they went out of their way to ensure that Thun was okay, even when they didn't understand why he was the way he was and also felt frightened by some of his actions (talking to himself randomly, and acting out). One of my fave story arcs during the season is when Khiem (Played amazingly by Sing) thinks Thun is taking drugs and so starts a secret series of investigations keeping an eye on his actions. It wasn't because they were judging him but because they were worried about his wellbeing.

Also, my heart melted for Prince (Played by another excellent favourite Chimon), who had unrequited feelings for Plufai and struggled to deal with her feelings for Thun and his own seemingly cold/nonchalant/evasive actions concerning her. It's the way he wasn't toxic or problematic and also was willing to step down if Thun did have feelings for Plufai. I also really enjoyed watching his relationship with her develop and the natural chemistry between the two.

Lastly, PluFai first starts as every female character from a GMMTV show, a competition, someone there to be a beard to the main character. Still, I enjoyed her heart. I also loved her being the mirror character to Thun's mum when it came to her relationship with Mes in the past. Both women show strength and understanding and acceptance once they discover the sexuality of the person who they had feelings for. And I thought her way of dealing with it, their friendship being robust and full of communication was really what sold it for me. There were moments when I was frightened about her connection to the mystery of Mes's death, and it broke my heart when she realised what she was to him and what it meant for her grandfather. I also enjoyed the way she takes it on her self to make it up to him and how forgiving she is to her grandfather despite the fact I didn't think he should be. She showed strength, understanding and warmth and kept being that way and also consistent. And I love that because she wasn't problematic female stereotypes that GMMTV loves to add to women, she stayed great and true throughout the show. And I loved it.

Thun's Family: Mum and Dad

Honestly, the way the writing of these characters was what made me love this show the most. Thun's dad shows up only in episode 1 before he dies surprisingly and Mes sees his ghost disappear. I thought that's all we needed to know of him. Still, we really get to learn more about Thun's family dynamics; there are answers to why his mum didn't join them during the grave excursions, why she was absent during those years he meets Mes, his father's knowing and understanding gaze as Thun cries about not being able to see him and also how he's hidden the fact he sees ghosts. We get information as well about the relationship with him and the mum after Mes broke up with her.

Next, we have Thun's mum, her first appearance is warm and pleasant. Still, we won't be able to fathom that she's wearing the watch that Mes has been drawing all this time, she's the girl who provided Mes with the same gift he created for Thun, she's already been close with someone who came out and so she was a source of strength for Thun when he struggled with accepting his sexuality. That coming out scene is so incredible and has made this show a fantastic piece of media for representation for LGBT. I loved her relationship with Mes, despite it being an obstacle to our couple at first, she's so understanding of him, and she's so grateful he returned and is the person her son loves. But also it's the plot twist that Thun sees ghosts because she too can, and she was hiding that as a secret until she meets Mes. It made it better, a relief to know that he's not alone and there is a reason for why he's able to see them. It also made the relationship with our couple easier because she understood and saw Mes, so Thun and Mes's relationship was more readily accepted.

He's coming to me brought these characters and connected it to its world-building, rules and understanding of its supernatural themes whilst still providing consistent dynamics about friendship and family and life in general. Not only is it a BL show, but it had other focuses as well rounding it up and making it much more wholesome and needed. The characters held no toxic tropes commonly also found in BL, the relationships felt real and authentic, and each of the characters had development and growth that tied them together to the plot overall. Now onto the heart of this show: My all-time faves Thun and Mes

Thun

One of my favourite characters, honestly rewatching this show was so incredible, especially when I started to notice more about this character after all the revelations revealed throughout the show. I went into the show surprised at how open Thun was to Mes already, the way he cared and wanted what was the best for Mes who has always been alone and neglected. Even when older Thun shows up and still shows the same amount of care even though he dislikes the fact that he could see ghosts, he's so warm and protective over Mes, and it made me swoon and smile. I enjoyed watching him come to terms with who he was.

At first, we don't see any hints that this is something the story will focus on. But as we go deeper into his university life and his reason for why he studied law etc. It becomes evident that Thun knows he's gay but is struggling with internalised homophobia, it's also pretty clear he's had feelings from the beginning for Mes. He even knew when Mes started having feelings for him too.

They just didn't want to confront what it meant. Ohm Pawat's acting is so incredible you can see the subtle changes in Thun, and meanings with his actions with Mes that they both have requited feelings for each other but they don't want to cross the line. Thun has memorable speeches during the show as well about his struggle with his sexuality and how people perceive him. It's incredible how the show mirrors his on the surface secret about seeing ghosts and being seen as abnormal to the world to his internal/ more profound secret about his sexuality and also feeling abnormal. It's so telling that once Mes enters his life, he no longer feels it a struggle to embrace who he is, he uncontrollably speaks to Mes and laughs and stares romantically whilst hanging around his friends, he can't help but run to him when he needs him. Especially during the rooftop scene, the fear of losing Mes causes him not to care what others think, and he proceeds to call for him and confess his feelings and stay out in the rain waiting for him. He also proceeds to accept his sexuality even more, once Mes enters his life, he kisses Plufai to determine what he truly feels and once that occurs he decides to head straight and try to talk to Mes about it, thereby afterwards always making Mes know what he is to him is more than friends. I can talk a lot about his character and how much I enjoyed his development and how he chose to finally trust the people around him and also his determination to keep Mes by his side. Which we, later on, find out is also the reason for why they could touch and feel each other. The show emphasises that it's about his determination, his perseverance and love for Mes that keeps the latter coming to him. And towards the end, his wish comes true, and Mes returns to his side because of that. Awesome and beautifully written.

Mes

Singto has been an unstoppable force in GMMTV as an actor, and Mes is another character that is just as memorable and great as the others. While Thun's characterisation surrounds his will and determination to keep Mes by his side, Mes's surrounds his warmth and caring aura. I love. love realising that both Mes and Thun mirrored each other when struggling with their sexuality, both had girls who were loyal and great to them, but they couldn't hide who they were anymore.

The show emphasises the importance of this, telling the audience that yes they're gay, this is a show about two gay boys falling in love, and this is also about how they accept who they are whilst dealing with the obstacles that are supposed to separate them.

Mes is so soft, he's this adorable, mischievous (with personality), ball of fluff and I enjoyed his character. He wasn't written as a stagnant and a boring character; he had his own goals, his own self-exploration, his own storyline and mystery to be solved. And the way the show told his story, was fantastic, the way they mixed the supernatural elements of Mes and the mystery of his death back to Thun was so great. Mes and Thun were always destined to find each other; they were on the path to each other though one of it included him being murdered by his relative, every character is connected together to help get these two together at the end. I love how the show makes us feel like Mes has an unrequited love for Thun at first.

We see Singto's acting to the finest, the longing, the jealousy and the worry about their new blooming relationship. He also shows guilt and character depth when he realises that Kwan is Thun's mother. The pacing and directing keep us in the dark for why he's gone for so long and ran away after their first kiss. We later get the truth revealed as Thun comes out to his mum, and it's such a brilliant way to get the audience even more heartbroken about the reveal. Due to dramatic irony. The mum is the reason for why Thun can happily accept Mes as his lover in his life yet is also an obstacle because Mes can't get over what he did to her in the past. It's brilliant, and such a great way to write the story.

I am so happy as well that Mes returns to Thun's side. I cried like a baby watching their week together, knowing that the time to say goodbye was coming closer. Their conversation about everything and their uncontrollable feelings was so meaningful and heartbreaking; their confession about how they've loved each other from the start; how they've known how the latter felt but refused to accept it because of all the obstacles in their way. Mes still unsure but deciding to spend the last moments together as much as possible. And their relief in discovering that they can touch each other, and the reason for why. These two's love was so beautiful to see.

Lastly, I enjoyed the fact that this is a happy ending. With this genre when surrounding these topics death, separation etc. You expect sad endings mostly because that's the way directors like to end LGBT shows for a long time (something I absolutely detest), from episode 1, the show actually foreshadowed the ending, and comes through with it, I cried so much when I realised that it was not yet Mes's time to go all because of the reasons stated in episode 1. I also cried because GMMTV directors let a great representation show have a hopeful, romantic ending, and a show for many people to relate to, but also to run to and forget about reality.

That's why this show is a masterpiece. I didn't even go into the devices and symbols used in this show, but there was a lot of meta, foreshadowing, dramatic irony etc. That also made this show brilliant. The directing and production quality is also fantastic and deserves praise. The actors; all of them were incredible. I just want another show like this please GMMTV?

#thai bl #he's coming to me #halloween #wrpup #bl series #hctm #ohm pawat #singto prachaya #october #thunmes #gmmtv #metthun #ohmsingto #bl drama #fvete

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itsnothingofinterest · 3 years

Text

So while we’re in this delay-induced downtime, just for fun, I’d like to make a few short term predictions for Hero Aca’s future; Namely I’d like to make some predictions about what I think the next 3-ish arcs will be after the Paranormal Liberation “War” arc.

(Small preface, I am making these predictions under the prediction that the current arc will end with at least 99.9% of the PLF getting away & society as a whole some form of devastated by this arc’s events. Both safe bets, I think.)

Anyway yeah, here’s my predictions on what I think the next 3 arcs will be; the prison break arc, the start of the 2nd year arc, and the 2nd Sports Festival arc.

The Prison Break Arc (early April, in-universe)

A long-expected arc, this is one that finally feels like everything’s in place for. The PLF finally have all their resources to fight against society, but the timing’s not right so they need to be productive between now & their real big attack (which we’ll get back to). But the villains do have a few personal issues to take care of, namely friends in need of rescuing and potato-heads in need of confronting. Also taking out a massive prison before major attack just seems like a smart move.

This arc’s got a lot going for it. First, people are thinking we could see PLF members (usually Dabi) getting captured and needing rescuing from Tartarus; and if that does happen, we could get some cool character interactions out of it.

But even without that, we’ll get reunions with Muscular, Moonfish, & especially Kurogiri. (Also maybe Mustard? It’s yet to be confirmed or denied if he’s in Tartarus, and one the one hand he’s a kid, but on the other we’re 5 for 5 for caught League members/associates going to Tartarus.) We’ve got the potential continuation of the Kurogiri/Shirakumo storyline. We’ve got Stain meeting some combination of Toga, Spinner, & Dabi. We’ve got Shigaraki meeting with AFO again, which could very likely end up rather ugly as he confronts him for his shenanigans, his weakness, & the actions of his vestige. I could honestly see Tomura vs AFO being the final boss fight of this arc.

But before all that, we also have the PLF fighting against Tartarus’ forces. It’s the perfect opportunity to see some action for PLF members that’ve been quiet this arc, like Trumpet or Redestro, and get to know some of the advisors better. And on the other hand we can see the defense systems in Tartarus, as well as meet new...well I’m not sure if they’d be classified as heroes, but I imagine the workers would be licensed to use their quirks. It’d be an interesting battle is what I’m saying.

The Start of 2nd Year Arc (late April, in-universe)

Honestly, I’m not sure what this arc would actually entail, but I do think it would be necessary before the next big arc. A chance to see what the start of the new school year brings, a chance to see how everyone is handling the events of the failed PLF raid, and one last chance to set up another dark horse or 2 for the next arc, like how Jirou, Aoyama, & Mina have gotten some importance in the last few student-focused arcs.

Also it would be the final piece to Shinso’s current arc, with him actually getting into a hero class, and hopefully a chance to start up a new arc. While we’re at it, we could get other new students too, like new 1st years or maybe even a transfer student so 1a & 1b continue having even student body counts.

But what this arc would actually be, I don’t have a clue about. It could be some simple new training exercise for 2nd years to start out the new years. Or it could be something in response to the villains’ rise, perhaps some new extreme exercise mandated by the Hero Commission or even the government itself. It could also be either a decent length or quite short, since not a lot really needs to happen.

As an aside before we move on, I’m not really sure if this would go before or after the Prison Break arc. I mean I say this would be late April and that one early, but they could easily set this arc over the break in order to reverse the order. The only important bits is they have have 2 arcs, one with the villains and one with the students, to see where everyone’s at.

The 2nd Sports Festival (early May, in-universe)

This will be the next big arc. The Sports festival; the one time of year when hundreds of heroes are known to gather in a single location, a massive cultural event to Japan, a chance to see how far everyone’s really grown since the last Sports Festival, & coincidentally taking place 4 months after Toga said Tomura was going to destroy everything in 4 months. Except the entire point of this theory (and I mean the entire theory) is that that’s not a coincidence and I’ve never believed it was.

So put simple, I’m excepting things to go all Chunin Exams this year, so it would be divided into 2 sections...actually 3 since we need to establish why this is happening at all.

And the reason it would happen at all after Jaku is simple; good PR. The hero commission & hero society as a whole is currently running on good PR and the faith of the people, and I’ve long expected the higher ups to get desperate if that faith were called into question. People can do stupid stuff to save face so of course they’re still holding this big event in the aftermath of a major villain victory and the ruined reputation of at least the top 2 heroes; it’ll show how...unwavering they are...or something. Oh but don’t worry, they’ll up security; I mean they’re not idiots.

But yeah, then there’s the tournament itself, which would have a lot going on. Everyone would be affected by the PLF raid in lots of potential ways; maybe some are wondering why they’re bothering with this while others see it as a way to reassure people or to get stronger. We’ll get to see everyone’s growth and have a proper tourney where we know everyone, instead of being introduced to a lot of people’s competence level for the first time. Deku will get to try again to show off to the world, and might even got the the finals this time.

I’m not sure if he’ll win though, a) because this would probably be Bakugou’s last opportunity to fight Deku with even the remotest chance to win, b) there should be a 3rd festival in the 3rd year and we’ve got to keep up progression, and c) who can even say there’ll be a winner if I’m expecting things to go all Chunin Exams?

And yeah, that leads to the start of the war-for-real, the big shake up likely to shape the entire rest of the school year, the big attack where things go all Chunin Exams. I’m honestly not sure what it would entail, actually, since there’s so many options to make this a big status quo-shaking moment for the PLF to peruse. Off the top of my head:

They could launch a big attack on UA, with hundreds to thousands of heroes gathered in an attempt to kill them all and end heroics by default. It’s certainly an effective way to get the students involved, to the point that if this wasn’t the plan, I wouldn’t be surprised if the PLF pretended it was anyway as a diversion. One way or another, I think the students have to be involved in this fight.

They could attack some key target, like the Hero Commission building or whatever base of government japan has. I mean if so many of the heroes are in one place, that must mean there’s not a lot anywhere else, which means a lot of places should be relatively unprotected...in theory. In practice, I wouldn’t be surprised if top heroes met the PLF at where ever they’re going.

Lastly, they could just attack lots of cities at once like they said they would. I’m not sure if this would really be the focus, since this being the big attack implies they want to do it all in one day, where this felt to me more like a long term plan when I heard it; but I’m leaving it on the table anyway. Maybe they will try to physically collapse society in one day, who knows?

One last prediction before we close out: if Endeavor is still alive by this point, instead of dying fighting Touya in the current arc, this arc will be where he dies. This will be to force All Might to the spotlight, both as people reminisce to when he was no.1, and as he intentionally goes out to try & keep faith in heroes alive. As a result, the target on his back that was removed with his retirement will return to him, and his safety will once again be a concern.

And that about sums it up; I think we’ll have a villain arc, a hero arc, and then the next big conflict arc where things get shaken up once again. And then whatever the aftermath of these arcs are, they’ll be what really shapes the status quo and be what separates the students’ 2nd year from the 1st.

That’s the really safe version of my prediction anyway, but I’m prepared to be wrong regardless. And even so, I’m excited to see where the story will go after Jaku.

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shadowfae · 3 years

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1- Not much tbh, just what you've posted, and 2- To be honest I quite like your long answers. It can definitely wait though, you should get some sleep.

Is your warpriest link a constant thing? Does it ever fade into the background? I'm contemplating forming a second link, something happier than my copinglink, and I'm not sure how to tell when to tell when the line of a link vs a persona is crossed when not worn out of necessity.

And the original ask so I have it on hand. I did take a look at your original context, and if you're cool with it, I'll edit this post with a link for those who may find this is a useful answer and need that on hand. Otherwise, it'll stay a mystery.

But yes, it seems like my Sabe experiences would be a useful thing to talk about here. And in order to do that, I need to go over four things: who and what Sabe is, why he exists the way that he does, what that does for me, and lastly what I think he is in terms of terminology and why.

To start, here is his toyhou.se profile, if you want to read more about his actual story and thoughts and whatnot. But I doubt you'll have the necessary context for that, so let me go into it. RuneScape (RS) is one of the oldest MMORPGs in existence. WoW might be older but I doubt it. Basically it's a medieval magic fantasy that's very long running and you the player end up the World Guardian, aka the guy that stops the gods (who are very powerful folks who just don't die of natural causes and typically stand for some philosophy) from blowing the world up because Guthix, the dead god of balance, asked you to. Well, he voluntold you. And that makes you a major chess piece, Elder Gods get involved, it's a big mess.

But before all that happened, back in 2006 when I was introduced to the game and very shitty at it, well. I liked the lore insofar that I've always liked the lore, it was interesting and I liked thinking about it. I didn't have membership and I sucked at playing so I just read the wiki and the God Letters over and over and sometimes the Postbag from the Hedge. Alongside my two friends, we played at being children of the then-triad of main gods: Saradomin, Guthix, and Zamorak.

I liked Zamorak best, but I didn't think his ideas would be the best for society as a whole, so I ended up playing child of Guthix. Eventually we grew up and grew apart but every couple of years I'd go back to RuneScape, read the lore, settle on what choices I'd make if I could play, and think about being the player character. In 2010 I discovered a fic - dawn by khayr, it's on Ao3 and dA - about Iban, son of Zamorak, right around when I was reading Percy Jackson. Cue him showing up as a soulbond and an older brother figure and guiding me right up until the end of sixth grade. Iban got me through the ruthless bullying that would later set the stage for all my major suicidal-ideation and self-hatred for the entirety of high school: even then, I was more stable than I might've been otherwise, because he interfered.

Saradomin stands for strength through order. Procedures and law and diplomacy and war strategy. He was originally kind of a ripoff of the Christian god, but he's grown to be more of an order-over-peace character and is quite well-written. Guthix stands for strength through balance, and has been all over the board in terms of what he's done and will do. He's kind of a dick, actually, but his heart's in the right place.

Zamorak, as you've heard, is strength through chaos and personal strife. It's no "the strong over the weak" or "the strong take care of the weak", it's flat-out "everyone is strong, and just need the right circumstances to tap into it to be the best they can possibly be". Now, his philosophy is kind of more for warriors and scholars, but if you tilt your head, it applies to everyone. Chronically ill folks will find their chaos in fighting to get up every day and maintain a life. Folks in traumatizing, abusive situations find that chaos in their very survival. Scholars challenge themselves and their fellows and their predecessors trying to find the answers they so need. Nobody in lockstep, no such thing as "we've always done it this way."

A lot of human Zamorakians and Saradominist propaganda says that Zamorak is simply absolute evil: and to be fair, when most of that was written, he kinda was because he was based loosely on the Christian devil. Later writing says that they're typically mistaken on that. Zamorak isn't evil. The very first thing he did upon becoming a god was fulfill a promise and lead a slave rebeliion. (The Avernic uprising, if anyone's curious.) He stands for the downtrodden and says "You are never going to get your dignity by going through the motions and trying to peacefully show you're worth respect. Burn some shit down and prove that you won't stand for this bullshit."

Zamorak in a Saradominist's eyes is someone whose banner you wear when you want to be a crazy murderer. Zamorak in a Zamorakian's eyes is the singing voice who murmurs "Get up, this isn't enough to kill you, you can still do this," when transphobic laws get passed or you hear a slur thrown your way on the street.

And as someone who grew up queer and nonhuman, yeah, that resonates, and the older I get the more I think "Guthixian philosophy is best for a society at large, but Zamorakianism for individuals is good." Because Zamorakianism can't really apply on a theocratic level. It really doesn't. It turns into American bootstrap culture and no social services and all that shitty stuff.

The funny thing is that Zamorak himself has no issues helping out if he thinks you need it. (If he didn't, he wouldn't be cool with asking for help, or giving it when he's asked. Which he does do repeatedly so. The man has more kindness in him than people want to admit.) What I do find fascinating is what he thinks of the actions of some of his longtime subordinates, who clearly support him, but I don't think support his actual philosophy. Because if you ask me, he'd side with the downtrodden humans of Meiyerditch, not the vampire lords that treat them like cattle. He's proven that he likes humans, and doesn't see them as unworthy. I do wonder if Jagex will show us what he might do about that.

Either way. Ahem. Over the course of a decade and a half, I keep going back to RuneScape, refining my philosophy and side, thinking again what I would do playing the game proper. About... I want to say five years ago, Jagex opened up the Sixth Age and I finally noticed, and they rewrote every god's philosophy because they wanted every single one to be actually playable. Not just "hurr durr evil" but actually have a logical line of thought. They probably didn't have pop culture paganism in mind, but the gods of RS are incredibly well-suited to it.

Well, I found that out, and immediately went through every god's philosophy, and reasoned my way through it. What does a worshipper of this god look like? What sort of life would they lead? If i apply this to me, what does that look like from that perspective? Do I understand this? Is it comfortable to exist in?

And as it turns out, I understand Zamorak the most, followed a close second by Armadyl, which was quite surprising. Zaros remains incomprehensible and I don't trust like that. (That's another story.) So I thought about it more, and it stuck even when I wandered off to different fandoms and interests. But what happened was that I ended up internalizing it, unknowingly and without meaning to.

It meant that when, two years later, I ended up in a horrific and traumatizing situation, the anchor I hit that held me together was a mixture of being a Devil - I am a fucking God you will obey me and recognize my power - and Zamorak's core philosophy: this cannot kill me, this cannot stop me, this is pure fucking hell and I am going to laugh in the face of death because people are forged in hellfire and I will walk away knowing what I'm made of.

And I was right. Honestly, out of everyone who was there with me, I think I'm the only one that was that deeply entrenched and walked out without trauma. I do not believe I could have done that had I not internalized Zamorak's philosophy. (That isn't to say if the others had that philosophy they wouldn't be traumatized, because there were absolutely other factors I wouldn't know about and some that I do and didn't do them any favours; but I am saying that it saved my ass and without it, I might not have been okay.)

I walked out of that with zero regrets. Zero. Even now, I don't regret a thing. Because it doesn't matter what happened or how much I was lied to or if he deserved my kindness. I know what I perceived to be happening, and I know how I reacted, and when the pieces were down I was stronger than steel, gave kindness without considering the cost, and I walked away unscathed.

How many people can say they've looked death in the eye and laughed? More than there should be, not too many that knowing what I'm capable of when put into pure chaos isn't somehow impressive. Because it is. And Zamorak's words proved themselves, or rather, I proved him entirely correct.

And when I last went back to RuneScape, and thought about it with enough time to put it all into hindsight, well. Aw, shit, he was right. Then vaguely around that time I went back and read Dawn, which was unfinished, tracked down the author and demanded to know how it fucking ended. (She told me and we're still friends like three years later. xD) Then I went back and found my old OCs, and decided fuck it, I'm making my own World Guardian.

So first thing I did was log in and jump over to the Makeover Mage and make myself into a boy. Kept the plateskirt though, I wanted to have the RS equivalent of a limp wrist to prove I'm Very Queer. Then I went about remaking my character. I wanted to make a self-insert, I was old enough to know it wasn't cringey, it was just fun, but I didn't want to use my default avatar with the black hair over one eye and the Chaorruption. I wanted to make a new self-insert based in nothing I was already using.

So I made the most beautiful man I could! Long, dark brown hair, pretty semi-dark skin, looked Kharidian, and then I said fuck it and made him Zamorak's youngest son. Originally, he was adopted when he was young by Iban and Clivet, and suffered serious imposter syndrome when being WG meant he'd never get demigod powers. But as I grew more confident in myself, he ended up getting powers? And then eventually I rewrote his backstory, and then wrote about his mother, and her relationship with Zamorak, and then he had friends like Blaire and Icthlarin (who was also my furry awakening, rip me).

Then with the most recently questline I've been getting a bit more into RS magical theory, and I've been mulling it over lots, and Seanan McGuire's Middlegame definitely helped; and I figured out how I wanted him to handle being World Guardian: it didn't make sense for him to be openly Zamorak's son, the other gods would just target his family to manipulate him. So I had him play neutral openly and Zamorakian to his friends, effectively living a double life.

Then he just looked up one day and said "Oh, by the way, my father won't acknowledge me to keep me safe but I don't know that so we have a very unsteady relationship because I don't know if he loves me", and then Children of Mah came out, and he was all "Oh and I think I just got disowned (I didn't, Zamorak was protecting me, but I don't know that) so my relationship with Zamorak is Fucking Shitty" and he was stuck that way until I figured out how to save their relationship.

It culminated in Sabe not knowing how his Mahjarrat powers worked and guessing, and hating himself for being half-and-half, and missing everything about being a Mahjarrat, and literally you couldn't have gotten more obvious in order to tell me I was having Fucking Issues coming to terms with the fact I didn't have any understanding or knowledge of my own heritage, but whatever, eventually I noticed that.

And as I've been working to understand myself and my heritage, so too has Sabe been doing that with his Mahjarrat heritage. But for the longest time, no matter how I put him and Zamorak in the same room in a scene to try and get them to talk it out, it wasn't working. Something wasn't right. Sabe resented being World Guardian, hated having to betray his family, didn't know if he was wanted, and hated himself for having to kill Mah, the mother of his species.

Not that long ago, a few months actually, he informed me (which is my shorthand for 'I suddenly figured out this happened, and it genuinely feels like remembering that one fucking word you have on the tip of your tongue, I always knew and just forgot for a while') that no, he'd been ripped in two by a hope devourer, brought to his father's stronghold, and Zamorak split his magic between mortal and divine in order to get around his godproofing and heal him. Zamorak's intense worry for his youngest son was what caused Sabe to break down and tell him honestly what was going on and how he was feeling, which caused Zamorak to do the same, and they finally, finally made up.

A week later, I noticed the connection between Sabe's Mahjarrat issues and my Irish issues, and started to wonder if he was a linktype.

I mean... he's a self-insert. He makes the choices I would, the me in the here and now, that I think are best. He's not a person I was and still know myself to be, he's not someone I grow into, he's not living his life beside me like a shadow. He's me, choosing the things I do, because I say so. But he's also me in the things he reflects, the things he struggles with, and things I had zero fucking conscious input on.

Sabe is the person I am when a crisis hits and I have to deal with the chaos. Sabe is the person I am when I need to lead. Sabe is the person I am when I am desperate to be known and loved by those I consider family. Sabe is the person I am when I want to be sure in where I came from, where I will return to, and the things that I will always be. Sabe is a man of darkness who knows the light as an acquaintance and nothing more, who is cruel and careless and kind.

Sabe is a warpriest of Zamorakian philosophy, because it took me twenty fucking years to put into words how I see the world, and now that I know, I will argue them to death and use them to help others. Drakath may have wanted a messiah to share the hivemind with others. Sabe is a warpriest, spreading the word and calling home the broken and the damned. He is the Last Rider, not the last of the Ilujanka but the one who keeps riding towards the chaos and never falls, no matter what.

Some of who Sabe is I have conscious input on. A whole lot of him was unintentional and perfectly reflects me.

So when it comes to terminology... I don't know what he is. A self-insert, yes. A linktype, maybe. A kintype, also maybe. Sabe doesn't feel like my past linktypes, because Sabe isn't always catharsis and comfort. Until he made up with his dad, Sabe was brutal and hurt a lot and constantly yearning for his foundation and slowly going mad. It wasn't fun. I just refused to do anything but see the story through. I was going to get it right. I wanted to see it to the end. I wanted to be the Last Rider, even though I didn't phrase it that way.

But to answer your actual question, of what he feels like when I'm not actively being him out of necessity, desire, and active thought. If it fades into the background.

And like... it can? Sabe as he is, recognized for what and who he is, is kind of a new thing. Sabe as a concept is very old, but Sabe as what he is right now is new, and confusing, and honestly I'm still trying to figure out what to make of it.

Like, seriously. Sabe is Zamorak's son. Am I Zamorak's son? Is he keeping an eye on me as I am? Would he be proud of me? Would he offer his approval of my progress? Does that make me, in some way, the World Guardian?

I have not a clue, buddy. Not a goddamn clue.

So what it means is that I've been paying attention, really. I don't just become strong in times of crisis. I've been trying to do better. Be better. Learn, and listen, and rethink myself. Break out of lockstep, of doing things the way I've always done them. Try to always do better than I did, build habits I like, stop waiting for things to change and just do it. Become the chaos, instead of waiting for it to hit me.

It means I need to live up to what Guthix told Sabe to do. It means being gentler, being kinder, not burning bridges when I'm not sure. It means keeping an eye out for any sign Zamorak's listening, in case I am his son, in case I really have to decide what I'm gonna do about being the son of chaos incarnate.

But other than the questioning, what it feels like is just... what I was already dealing with, just a little more at arm's length and easier to deal with. Once I recognize that his issues are reflective of mine, if I solve his, I have a pretty good idea of how to solve mine. Some of it won't work exactly right - Zamorak will always forgive him for not being the son he expected he might have had, my own parents may not, yay I'm queer and pagan - but it's a good rule of thumb.

It's also just comforting to know that when in doubt, nothing can kill me, because I simply refuse to die. I am World Guardian, I am a demigod of chaos incarnate, all the hellfire in the world can do nothing but strengthen me. And if I present those to myself as unshakeable beliefs, because for Sabe they are, then I'll be okay. It probably couldn't stop most disasters or tragedies, but I got hit by a car, broke five bones, and walked away with a record recovery time, so I mean... I can't prove that I can't die by some accident or tragedy, but you also can't prove that I can. (Trying to do so usually falls under what we call 'murder', and I personally believe I can't be murdered. Only assassinated.)

But really, I think the worst that could possibly happen with a new linktype is that you learn what not to do. It's new, it's scary, it's chaotic, and from where I'm standing, that's the best way to learn.

#asks #anonymous #on copinglinking #on voluntary identities #on questioning #my experiences #here have me yelling about runescape and complaining about questioning #You Asked For This #essays of the skyrose garden #actually yeah this is an essay

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richincolor · 3 years

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Book Review: Infinity Reaper (Infinity Cycle #2)

Title: Infinity Reaper (Infinity Cycle #2)

Author: Adam Silvera

Genres: SciFi, Fantasy

Pages: 592

Publisher: Quill Tree Books

Review Copy: Copy provided by Publisher

Availability: Available now

Summary: Emil and Brighton Rey defied the odds. They beat the Blood Casters and escaped with their lives–or so they thought. When Brighton drank the Reaper’s Blood, he believed it would make him invincible, but instead the potion is killing him.

In Emil’s race to find an antidote that will not only save his brother but also rid him of his own unwanted phoenix powers, he will have to dig deep into the very past lives he’s trying to outrun. Though he needs the help of the Spell Walkers now more than ever, their ranks are fracturing, with Maribelle’s thirst for revenge sending her down a dangerous path.

Meanwhile, Ness is being abused by Senator Iron for political gain, his rare shifting ability making him a dangerous weapon. As much as Ness longs to send Emil a signal, he knows the best way to keep Emil safe from his corrupt father is to keep him at a distance.

The battle for peace is playing out like an intricate game of chess, and as the pieces on the board move into place, Emil starts to realize that he may have been competing against the wrong enemy all along.

Review: I initially thought Infinity Reaper was just a sequel to Infinity Son, but as I got about a quarter of the way through I realized I was wrong because Adam Silvera was packing in so much more drama into Infinity Reaper and that there was absolutely no way this was going to be solved in one book. Shifted my perspective a bit as I was at first overwhelmed with the addition of Maribelle’s and Ness’s perspectives but they were used to round out the story a bit more and sets up a complex and thrilling story.

To me the heart of the story is the two brothers Emil and Brighton. I really love Emil’s gentle soul and he continues to shine in this second book as he struggles with how his new power and new expectations contradict who he essentially is. However, he digs deep and works to do his best. The side effect of this is that he is becoming much more outgoing, much more open to other people, and is willing to take more risks. He’s starting to become a bit more like Brighton, just without the ego. I really like the emotional journey that Emil went throughout the book. So much so that he ends up in a love triangle and I honestly couldn’t decide which person I would love for him to be with because both bring out the best in Emil and have helped me become more accepting of who he is. Brighton, on the other hand, let me just say that I wanted someone to slap some sense in the boy. The novel starts off moments after he took the Reaper’s Blood portion, which I feel also changes his personality or either his sense of self dives off the deep end into straight narcissism. Either way, I did not like Brighton by the end of the novel. Not sure if this is setting up his villain origin story (which would be so complex and cool) or the start of a redemption story so I just have to trust Silvera at this point, but Brighton’s ego bothered me so much that I would rush through his sections and every time I saw a chapter with his name on it I would groan. And because Brighton was so unlikable to me, I struggled with getting through the novel. But like I said, it feels like Silvera is setting up the story to be a struggle between the brothers and I am here for it.

An aspect of the novel that I liked was that it is such a metaphor of the past few years we’ve been living in. Those of us who’ve lived it, experienced it, survived it, will recognize all the parallels, but future generations who read this novel it will come off as a classic “good versus evil/hero vs. Society” epic story. The “racism” (for lack of a better word) that Celestials experience is truly heartbreaking and as a Black woman it resonated with me deeply. Silvera adds a storyline about “The Bounds” which is a specialized prison for Celestials and it is as cruel as you can imagine. The fact that their society puts Celestials there who are doing small crimes like burglary to survive, and then subjected to cruel and unusual punishment is a perfect metaphor for how our society penalizes People of Color and poor people for doing things to survive, then jailing them for it (think about the mother who lied where she lived to get her son in a better school, then ended up in jail for 5 years). These subtle call outs to our society ills, in such a fantastical world, is what make great science fiction/fantasy. And, it is another reason why I enjoyed the novel.

Lastly, and this is a purely selfish reason…this novel is all about Phoenixes, and as a phoenix lover, I truly loved the mythology and different types of phoenixes that Silvera created for this series. I just wished Silvera’s phoenixes were real.

#book review #weneeddiversebooks

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blackdreamsoffashion · 4 years

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It’s August 7th and unfortunately, things have gotten exponentially worse…. in the U.S. because the rest of the world has generally gotten their shit together.

As things continue to worsen and we wait for the ticking time bomb that is K-12 schools and universities opening for F2F instruction… prior to having a vaccine, there honestly doesn’t seem to be a real end in sight (unless I move to Canada, and I may or may not have been researching how to become a Canadian citizen).

Most of the time, I’m ok with this. I’m a big girl, I understand that life is hard, things happen, “it is what it is” (barf), but there are some days where the realization that I’ll be living through these Covid times indefinitely, truly knocks the wind out of me.

While I’m generally a home body, I do like the option of being able to leave my house. I miss being able to visit family and friends without worrying about infecting each other. I miss the gym, and coffee shops, and Marshall’s, and thrift stores. I could go on and on about what I miss, but I’ll spare you since I’m sure everyone has things they’re missing right now.

On these hard days, and throughout the pandemic in general, I’ve tried to find ways to feel somewhat “normal”, and luckily with the help of my therapist and suggestions from friends, I’ve felt ok most days and I don’t curl up and cry on the floor for hours on the hard days either (even though a good cry is always good for the soul).

So, I thought I’d share my tips.

Being a teacher and all, it’s in my nature.

1. Tip 1: Keep a loose schedule

In the beginning of the pandemic, I found that I was trying to just go with the flow. I didn’t have any sort of schedule and I quickly learning that everything just started to blend together, in a negative way. When you come from a structured life style, i.e. teaching classes, waking up, eating , working out, dissertating, etc. all at a set time, having no structure feels hard after a while! So, I created a very loose, very flexible schedule, as I found it gave me something to look forward to, while helping my life to feel more normal. For example, my days are generally: wake up around 7:30/8, listen to a podcast or two while eating, from 9 until 12 it’s open to what I want (maybe running, going for a walk, reading, cleaning, etc.). 12:30 is lunch followed by coffee and a dessert. 1-5 I try to complete some school/work related tasks. 5:30-6:30 I cook and have dinner. After dinner, we might go for another walk… or another dessert. I might dance to ratchet music for 20-30 minutes (also good for the soul, trust me), or I might do some things around the house. 9:30-11:30 I watch Netflix. So as you can see, it’s super loose, and the only things that are truly set are my meal times… otherwise I’d be eating constantly all day. The first month of covid, we spent about $600 on food….for two people…. and our budget is 250-300 a month #yikes. By having some things to look forward to though, it helps my days to run a bit smoother. But let’s be honest, we all know it’s the dessert after lunch that keeps me going LOL.

2. Tip 2: Find you hobby

Considering the way American culture and society is set up (insert side-eye here), our lives are often centered around work/school and other obligations, and we rarely have time to pursue other things. Therefore, I’ve tried to really take advantage of having to be home by incorporating some old hobbies back into my life, and even trying new ones. I’ve been flying through angsty Mangas and Animes and repurposing/revamping thrifted furniture/ people trash.

I even made a children’s book for my nephew centered around him and my sister!

I’m also trying to expand the inventories of bread I can make. I’m happily at a solid 1.5 different loaves. I say 1.5 because the second type only comes out well 50% of the time LOL.

There are so many things you can do such as an online cooking class, a Zoom paint-with-a twist, drawing, photography, running, gardening, learning a new language or skill, becoming an indoor plant mom, etc.

I am especially biased towards activities that involve moving the body. NUMEROUS studies (no I’m not looking them up/linking them b/c I do enough of that as an academic, so you can look up studies yourself!) have found that exercise helps with anxiety and depression (I can attest to this), with mental clarity and focus (I can also attest to this), it helps you sleep better, and it also helps with your immune system, blood pressure, and hormone regulation. My moods are always consistently better when I exercise vs. when I don’t. When I don’t I can become a crazy bish….

3. Tip 3: Take social media breaks

I do this and I have several friends who do this as well. Yes it is important to be connected and social media can facilitate that. However, it is extremely important to monitor/control what we consume. The world, especially the U.S. is NOT a pretty place right now. Our feeds are filled with Black men and women losing their lives to police, families being ripped apart due to Covid-related deaths, thousands of deaths in Lebanon, a humanitarian crisis in Yemen, and the list goes on and on. Taking breaks from constant exposure to that is crucial to maintaining our mental health. I know it’s easier said than done, and studies have shown that social media is a literal addition, but I find that it helps to set small goals, which can be done easily with i-phones. Simply set a limit to the amount of time you’re able to use social media apps (through the i-phone settings), and it will lock you out of the app once you reach that time limit.

4. Tip 4: The Calm app

I cannot express how in love I am with the Calm app. I believe it’s $70 a year but given that I use it everyday, that’s essentially .20 cents a day. Trust me, it’s wellll worth it. The app includes things like guided meditations, bedtime stories, daily mood check-ins, sound scapes, 7-days of gratitude, and help for anxiety, confidence, relationships, stress, emotions, etc. etc. TBH, you should have bought it when I said .20 cents a day! This app helped me through graduate school as I struggled with stress, anxiety, and sleep deprivation, and it continues to help me with those same things as I transition into a new work environment and of course, Covid.

Lastly, I’m not sure whether this is a tip or not due to its broadness but, if I’ve learned anything from all of this craziness, it’s to do things meaningfully and with intention. It’s soooo easy to agree to 1000 Zoom get-togethers when you’re not interacting with other humans, but it gets to a point where we’re just doing things to do them. Like social media. We scroll just because. We binge shop online (maybe just me…), we watch a million shows on Netflix, we eat ALL the cookies/make constant trips just because. Although it’s not easy, I try to be in tune with myself and my needs by being present, and asking myself WHY. Why are you going in the fridge again, Sherez? Are you hungry, or eating to eat? Why did you say yes to that Zoom hang out when you just spoke with that person two days ago (what could have possibly happened in two days during Covid LOL).

I do slip up, often, but I try my damn best. Trying helps me to make it through the hard days, and it makes the other days as close to normal as it’s gonna get, for now.

Any who, I hope this is able to help someone out there in the black void that is the internet.

Goodluck my friends! Sending back the love + light that I’ve received from so many of you. We’ll get through this, poco a poco, and we are in this together…… despite American society’s push for individualism (*cough, cough*).

Until the next one!

S.M.

Sharing is caring.

Surviving the pandemic hard days: Tips from me + the community It's August 7th and unfortunately, things have gotten exponentially worse.... in the U.S. because the rest of the world has generally gotten their shit together.

#community #Covid #health #society #tips

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posthumanwanderings · 5 years

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while I was on the train to Nakano Broadway to collect more Heisei era Godzilla toys, I thought I’d make a personal list of the best to worst Godzilla films (up until Godzilla 2000 cause that’s around the time I stopped caring, I’ll try again tho) since the new Godzilla film is around the corner and maybe some of you are interested in giving the Big G’s archive a shot (you can delete this caption too if you just like the pic! and yes Morrigan counts as a kaiju, a beautiful one at that)

1. Terror of Mechagodzilla - last of the Showa era, ending with one of Godzilla’s most deadly foes. and I love how fucking big Titanosaurus is, god damn. the cyborg girl was cool too, loved her arc and how she controls both monsters.

2. Godzilla Vs. Mothra (90′s) - Mothra’s Heisei debut, and looking more dazzling than ever and also alongside her evil twin Battra. the fight in Yokohama (after its real life modern expansion when Japan’s economy was at its best) was a nice fresh setting for the climax. this one perfectly balances campyness and just a good kaiju film altogether. 3. Ghidorah: The Three Headed Monster - Ghidorah, besides Mothra and Mechagodzilla is probably the next most recognizable kaiju even to nonfans. One of the best moments in Godzilla history is when Mothra desparately tries to convince Godzilla and Rodan to team up against an even bigger menace, then they can get back to their typical kaiju businesses. 4. Godzilla Vs. Destroyah - like how T.O.M. ended the Showa era with a bang, this is the one that ended the 85-95 era with a monster that really beats the shit out of zilla who is already on the cusp of exploding like a nuclear reactor... it ties together the very first Godzilla movie too for plus points. for those looking for a more serious, borderline horror movie kaiju experience. 5. Godzilla Vs. Mothra (60′s) - yup two Mothra movies in the top 5. Mothra fights with Godzilla are always so tense, since Mothra being a giant graceful butterfly appears so delicate against big boi Godzilla, plus her kids are under his threat as well. and on top of that Godzilla moves and fights like a drunkard the whole time. 6. Godzilla Vs. Mechagodzilla (70′s) - Godzilla faces his robot clone for the first time who has one of the largest movesets of any other kaiju, a true force to be reckoned with. instead of Mothra being summoned by an ancient race, we have King Caesar, a stone guardian puppy dog lion to team up with zilla against the bigger baddie. fun fact: this was filmed right after Japan gained back Okinawa from America since WWII, and makes once again another fresh setting.

7. Godzilla 1985 - I’ll be honest, the lone Godzilla movies with no other kaiju weren’t the top of my interest especially being an ADHD kid, but from a film perspective this is shot really well, the miniature city set had a nice upgrade since T.O.M. from a decade before, and I love the laser beam special effects from the upgraded Japanese Defense Force in this.

8. Godzilla Vs. King Ghidorah (90′s) - Not to be confused with the other 5ish Ghidorah encounters, this was the Heisei debut of the 3 headed monster mixed into a time travel plot since movies like Terminator were all the rage in the early 90′s. The tie in plot about WWII had more to be desired and felt very nationalist, but as a kaiju film the special effects were top notch especially with Mecha Ghidorah.

9. Destroy All Monsters - the ULTIMATE Showa era kaiju crossover fest has just about every giant monster Toho made up until the point because why not? It’s another typical story about mysterious aliens mind controlling kaiju to destroy Earth, but this time when they say Earth (and not just Tokyo) they mean it. Plenty of things get destroyed, nice big battle at the end, only thing lacking is they gave Baragon and Varan 3 seconds of screen time and they both are some of the coolest looking kaiju there are out there. big shame

10. Godzilla Vs. Mechagodzilla (90′s) - in this Heisei take on MechaG, his role goes from super deadly alien robot menace to kinda still deadly robot guardian built by the EDF. he looks cool but just seems more weak compared to the more sinister alien engineered one. Rodan makes a long awaited return and basically has a custody battle with Godzilla over a mysterious kaiju egg. no spoilers

11. Godzilla Vs. Hedorah - probably the scariest Godzilla movie with Destroyah placed next. he fights an alien pollution monster who has been taking big rips from factory smoke stacks only making him bigger every time. Japan’s take on an environmental awareness film and I see nothing wrong with it one bit.

12. Godzilla Vs. Biolante - zilla sees another type of counterpart to himself, this time essentially a ‘PlantZilla’ after a scientist thought it might be a good idea to merge Godzilla cells with a plant for some reason. the story is a bit odd, but this remains in middle ground territory because it debuts Miki Saegusa, the super adorable psychic girl who appears in every 90′s film afterwards and the special effects of Biolante in final form are sick.it also has a disco version of the zilla theme for some reason.

13. Godzilla: King of The Monsters - someone would bash me big time for having this any lower on the list, but this is the one that started it all, grimly filmed in black & white a decade after the end of WWII. fans know this already but it’s the atomic bombs themselves which devastated Japan that influenced the idea for Godzilla, a force of mutated nature that lashes back on humanity for making really bad decisions. I like this and all but it lacks zero charm or kaiju style ‘fun’ but for good reason, since it was meant to be more of a horror flick.

14. Godzilla Vs. Gigan - for those that do want the campiness, this is one of the best the series has to offer along with a couple more below. Godzilla’s ol pal Anguirus returns for his last Showa effort as they team up against space monsters Gigan (who is edgy af) and once again Ghidorah (who sadly has been fighting on his own the whole time while other monsters always team up to bash him). being in the 70′s, it’s got shades of James Bond / spy films in it and the fashion is on point. we get to hear Godzilla talk for the only time ever too.

15. Godzilla Vs. Megalon - probably out camps #14 for several reasons: this entire time there have been an ancient race of humans living below the Earth who feel enough is enough between pollution and expansion of society and finally unleash their protector, a giant cockroach monster with drills for arms to destroy just Japan all modern civilization (where was he during Hedorah’s visit tho?). 2nd reason is there’s copycat Ultraman who also looks like Jack Nicholson, then there’s the edgy middle-school bully like relationship between Megalon and Gigan and then lastly the infamous Godzilla dropkick you might’ve seen in GIF form, if not well here you go:

16. Godzilla Vs. Monster Zero - probably the 1st 90% campy zilla flick because of the Godzilla victory dance alone, but this was also because as time went by more kids cared about the movies and not the original target audience of war torn adults. the aliens (at least in the dub version) speak super monotone even when they are being huge bad asses, and we get to see G and his on-and-off lover buddy team up again but this time IN #&$%#% SPACE. the setting on Planet X was real cool to see as a kid, but sadly we haven’t seen any kaiju fighting back in space ever since. the NES Godzilla game fixes that itch.

17. Son of Godzilla - well I’ve only ever seen this movie twice, which means it maybe just isn’t that good, even for G fans. it debuts, of course, the son of Godzilla who looks like a cross between the Cookie Monster and Michelin Man. I’ll give this movie credit for distancing zilla away from the city setting in replace with his tropical home territory in Monster Island which only gets glimpses in the other films. the ending shot is real sweet too.

18. Godzilla Vs. SpaceGodzilla - back to spaciness, we do see one last alien monster come to Japan in the 2nd to last 90′s Godzilla movie, appropriately called SpaceGodzilla. while he lacks agility (when not flying on his giant meth crystal) he makes up for it with telekinesis and other long range attacks. the story / acting / mostly everything is pretty so-so and we all know deep inside the only reasons to watch it still are the scenes with baby Godzilla stepping on land mines and more Miki Saegusa wardrobe changes, but the final battle in a crystal filled Fukuoka is really awesome.

19. Godzilla’s Revenge - wow well I just noticed I put 3 baby zilla focused movies all in a row near the very bottom of the list, my bad. this one takes the cake tho for pure cringe. but it’s better than the last 3 so it can’t be super terrible, right? once again no spoilers but the only thing that bumps this stock footage filled movie more up then from being the worst of all time are the super silly fight scenes against baby Godzilla’s bully Gabara. you know Godzilla has to do it to em.

20. Godzilla Vs. The Sea Monster - even tho the former movie just reviewed uses stock footage of almost all the fight scenes of this one, it is somehow worst than #19 because it focuses way too much on a 60′s party cruise, and Godzilla gets a lil King Kong-ish during a scene with the love interest of the movie, and the giant lobster monster with no lasers / projectile claws just doesn’t seem as threatening as all the previous monsters zilla has fought since.

21. Godzilla Vs. King Kong - I’ll admit, I never liked King Kong and probably never will, and because he moves faster than Godzilla they had to use non-slowed down footage to make the monsters fight like kids on a playground slapping each other, and just looks weird. real talk, Godzilla would beat the shit out of Kong with a single radioactive blast and the movie would end right there. but that’s not the ending we got.. let’s start a patreon to rewrite the movie we all wanted.

22. Godzilla Raids Again - alright we finally made it, thee very worst Godzilla movie of all time according to the loser typing this. why? because it went against everything the first Godzilla movie represented, but like... suddenly, since it’s the sequel to the movie and the big G was never meant to return after, which luckily wasn’t the case. it’s superrrr campy but on the acting side, and the fights with newcomer Anguirus are super sped up even more than the Kong fights, and just seems tacky overall in a non-funny way. the suit for Anguirus is honestly one of the coolest kaijus ever tho, and they made little changes to him every time he came back cause it was just that good.

anyways, thanks for coming to my TED Talk. if I were to recommend just 3 Godzilla movies to someone who has never seen them before to represent each side of the series, I’d pick Terror of MechaGodzilla for the serious pick, Ghidorah The Three Headed Monster for the balance / kaiju fest pick, and Godzilla Vs. Megalon for the most campy and fun one overall. hope this big list can help those who are curious! next up: Godzilla game reviews :)

#feel free to delete caption #godzilla #kaiju #long post #japan #tokusatsu #review #text #had to show some love to a big part of my childhood #mothra

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makeste · 6 years

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BnHA Chapter 037: More Hallway Encounters

Previously on BnHA: Aizawa taught an entire audience of people how to respect women. Bakugou faced off against Ochako. Bakugou tried to blow her up, but she very nearly outmaneuvered him with a masterfully played strategy that culminated in 3 tons’ worth (apparently) of floating rubble nearly smashing him to bits. But in the end he managed to defend himself with another explosive blast, and she was too worn out to continue.

Today on BnHA: Bakugou tries to get me to ship him and Ochako because he knows I’m weak. Ochako tries to make me cry because she knows I’m weak. They all fucking know. Fucking shit. Kirishima arm wrestles Tetsutetsu because this series gives the people what they want. Endeavor stalks Deku in a hallway and tells him to fight Todoroki seriously since it’ll be a good test of how Todoroki would fare against All Might. Deku is all FUCK YOUUUUUUU but not really, but basically though. Then Todoroki and Deku get ready to fight.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’ve read up through chapter 82 now, so any ETAs will reflect that.)

“MIDORIYA AND ENDEAVOR”??!!!

OHHH MANNN. LOL THIS WOULD NOT PAN OUT IN A NON-COVER SITUATION, THOUGH. SHOUTO WOULD HAVE HOPPED ON OVER TO ALL MIGHT AND DEKU’S SIDE IN A FLASH

Deku seems really distraught that Ochako lost

Present Mic seems even more distraught

thank you Aizawa for keeping some semblance of impartiality

so now the first round is officially over and there’s going to be a short break before the quarterfinal round

I sure hope you’re ready, Deku. also, based on the title, maybe keep an eye out for Shouto’s psychotic dad who’s been making a habit of trolling people in the hallways today

OHO A WILD BAKUDEKU MOMENT APPEARS

HAHAHA

I love how they both go “!” when they see each other

I also like the face Kacchan made for like .001 seconds before he shifted into the DOOM face

lastly, I love Deku congratulating him after a brief moment of hesitation. like, he didn’t have to do it -- in fact, oddly enough, he risked pissing him off by doing so -- but you can see he wanted to, or like at least didn’t feel right not doing it lol

and then he walks off like a total weirdo

EXCEPT HE DOESN’T MAKE IT VERY FAR BEFORE KACCHAN HOPS UP THE STAIRS AFTER HIM

THESE TWO NEVER LET ME DOWN

I’M TRYING NOT TO POST EVERY SINGLE PANEL OF THEM, BUT JUST. LOOK AT DEKU’S FUCKING FACE HERE

anyway so now Deku, tell him that you didn’t suggest a damn thing. even though you tried to you sneaky sneak

and he is doing just that

giving her all of the credit. just like she fucking deserves

“so if it really was a lot of trouble for you... that was Uraraka”

and now Bakugou is dotting like he doesn’t quite believe it

BELIEVE IT, BUSTER

AND DON’T FORGET HER NAME, EITHER

whew! back to the stadium! Bakugou, you better get out here too if you don’t want to miss your rivals’ deathmatch

everyone from class A is heckling him as usual

I like that none of them are really scared of him at all. he’s only been at the school for about a month, and you can already see the difference that it’s made

Kaminari is saying that Bakugou should have held back against “that frail little girl”

uh. were you not paying any attention at all to Aizawa’s speech in the last chapter my dude. come on man

BAKUGOUUUUUU

LOOK, YOU. I CAN’T SHIP YOU AND OCHAKO BECAUSE I ALREADY SHIP HER AND IIDA, AND YOU AND DEKU, AND MAYBE TODOROKI IS CONFUSINGLY WEAVED IN THERE AS WELL, AND KIRISHIMA SEEMS TO BE VERY FOND OF YOU ALSO! ANYWAY I’M GETTING SIDETRACKED, BUT WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY IS THAT I SURE AS SHIT DO SHIP YOU GUYS AS FRIENDS, IF YOU EVER WERE SO INCLINED TO FEEL LIKE POSSIBLY MAKING A FRIEND, YOU OLD SOFTY

AND ALSO MAYBE I DO SHIP YOU ANYWAY GODDAMMIT

RESPECT WOMEN, EVERYONE!!! IF THIS ASSHOLE CAN DO IT SO EASILY NONE OF YOU OTHER FUCKING CHARACTERS HAVE ANY FUCKING EXCUSE

OCHAKO IS AWAKE!!

Recovery Girl has already healed the majority of her scrapes and burns/bruises! she’s so great

Ochako is also great

“darn it!” omg. I fucking love you so much. you did so fucking great, please be proud. and you earned my asshole son’s respect, which you should know takes a whole fucking lot. he sure as shit doesn’t give that out to just anybody

moral of the story: all you have to do to earn Bakugou’s respect is nearly kill him

I’m glad Ochako’s not getting too down on herself, even though she’s disappointed! I mean, she should be a little disappointed, because if she wasn’t, it would mean she didn’t care at all and wouldn’t have a reason to keep pushing and improving for the next time. but like, she’s doing it productively and not getting all depressed and shit

ohhh! Present Mic’s voice is coming in over the loudspeakers! he’s talking about Kirishima versus Tetsutetsu! right -- I forgot all about them

lol are they really gonna arm wrestle? you know what it should be -- good old rock-paper-scissors

although now I have this mental image of the two of them just endlessly picking rock over and over again

anyways, they are indeed arm wrestling

AND KIRI CRUSHES HIM LIKE VELVET

THAT’S MY BOYYYY

AWWW HE’S EXTENDING THE HAND OF SHOUNEN FRIENDSHIP

LOOK AT THESE GOOD BOYS FORMING BONDS OF RESPECT IN THE SPRINGTIME OF THEIR YOUTH

ANYWAY. TIME TO DIE NOW, DEKU :’D

-- oh my god Ochako is calling her dad

I can’t handle this fucking shit

what the fuck are they trying to do giving me feels out of nowhere when I was unprepared and expecting to jump right into the Deku vs Todoroki fight for crying out loud

her parents are so proud and encouraging!

they’re saying it was really close. Ochako says it wasn’t. well, it wasn’t super close, but she put up a damn good fight and she nearly had him for just a moment

her parents are saying it’s not the end of the world and she can try again next year

they’re saying it’s no rush

oh my god Ochako

then silence for a sec... then they say she doesn’t have to push herself just for them

fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkk

omg. what the fuck. like, I already love her?! so why do they keep...?!!!

I don’t know what else to do with these feelings about this girl lol. she tried so hard and did so well and she lost and she’s disappointed but her parents are so encouraging and she wanted to do well for them but they’re telling her it’s okay and just. I HAVE MENTIONED SEVERAL TIMES THAT KIDS TRYING HARD AND FAILING IS A TEAR TRIGGER FOR ME OKAY fucking shit. fuck. okay

whew. okay

fuck and Deku’s still within earshot. YOU SCOOT ALONG THERE, DEKU. LET HER BE. YOU HAVE A SAD BOY WITH DADDY ISSUES TO FIGHT

-- DEKU IF YOU CRY TOO I SWEAR TO GOD

-- HWHOWHKHL

OH MY GOD THE DREADED HALLWAY ENCOUNTER AT LONG LAST

I GOT SO CAUGHT UP IN THE OCHAKO FEELS I COMPLETELY FORGOT AND I LET MY GUARD DOWN

Deku is freaking out

this is the number two hero in the world, after all. he probably has so many notes about him. he probably would have asked him for his autograph just like he did when he first met All Might... if this encounter had taken place literally at any point before today

Endeavor is complimenting him on his quirk

“in terms of power, it seems on par with All Might’s.” hahaha. funny you should say that. what a funny coincidence huh

so is everybody and their fucking mom going to figure this out before this is all over, or

Deku is trying to storm off “innocently” and it’s just. the single most suspicious thing anyone has ever done

also, I hadn’t thought about it before, but when he thinks to himself that he has to keep it secret from Endeavor more than anyone... yeah. just think about what this asshole would do if he knew it was possible to gain All Might’s quirk. look at what he’s already done to his own child(ren??) just in order to surpass him. not only is he a piece of shit, he’s a very scary and powerful piece of shit

speaking of him being a scary and powerful piece of shit

welp

it’s amazing how he just goes and independently verifies everything Shouto already told Deku about him without being prompted. like if Deku had any doubts at all -- which of course he wouldn’t have, but if he did -- you have to assume that’d all be completely wiped away by this single page

he’s telling Deku to give it his all

well it’s not like he’d have any other choice, given how powerful Shouto is

now Endeavor’s walking away

but Deku is hitting him up with one of his trademark slightly-time-delayed Honest Shounen Responses!

“I’m not All Might...”

oh SNAP

YEEEAAHHHHHH. SUCK IT ENDEAVOOOOOOR

I’ll say it again -- if and when Todoroki wins, it’ll be in spite of him, not because of him

now the kids are finally facing off in the ring!

MY GOD but I love me a good fucking tournament arc :DDDDDDDD

BONUS:

well if it isn’t Todoroki “fuck you” Enji

he’s 45 years old omg

-- then just how fucking old is All Might?!

after a moment’s consideration, I’m still willing to date All Might if he’s 45

also, he looks damn good for 45. if he really is 45

I’m glad he isn’t part of the U.A. faculty, seeing as he’s an irredeemable sack of shit and U.A. doesn’t need any more of those. bad enough we have to put up with Mineta

“I hope to eventually portray exactly why that is” no need. for some things there’s just no excuse. again, see: Mineta

(ETA: although I assume it’s actually because this superhero society is so systematically fucked up and prioritizes just about all of the wrong values. like, I get that, and I can understand how he ended up being such a garbage person. but it doesn’t excuse it, nor does it excuse his being an abusive father and husband not to mention a just-this-shy-of-confirmed rapist to boot.)

also I’m kind of mad that he’s so good-looking without his flame beard and mustache. I suppose Shouto had to get those looks from somewhere

also also, “he can switch them on and off but typically leaves them burning as a flashy show of power” -- exactly like Vongola Primo! how fitting, since Primo is also a giant sack of shit lol

yeah I’ll just end this recap right there on that sick Vongola Primo burn okay bye

#bnha #boku no hero academia #makeste reads bnha #midoriya izuku #bakugou katsuki #uraraka ochako #kirishima eijirou #tetsutetsu tetsutetsu #lmao is that really his last name too #endeavor #todoroki enji #to everyone wondering about that out of the blue vongola primo hate #allow me to direct you to the the end of khr's inheritance arc #that's right primo you handsome old bastard #I haven't forgotten and I never will #and here it is now cropping up in an unrelated manga recap BECAUSE THAT'S JUST HOW I ROLL

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plagueamon · 5 years

Note

Wow your MBTI typings are really impressive! You’ve managed to convince me on every one of your typings so far, with one exception. Have you considered ENFJ for Nunnally? This might get long, I apologize. Let’s tackle NeSi first. I definitely agree that she is an intuitive, but I don’t see the out of the box creative thinking that you get with say, Milly. Rather, she has a single vision, “a kind world” which is more of a Ni thing. 1/?

Continued: I agree that Si really isn’t evident. But I would argue she compensates for being blind and crippled by developing Se in the other senses. She has excellent hearing, sense of smell and a near magical ability to sense emotion by touch. In terms of Fe vs Fi, values conforming to society is more of a Si thing, I find. But she is extraordinarily people and relationship focused. She wants the people in her life (Lelouch, Suzaku, etc.) to get along.

Remember how Lelouch said Nunnally’s smile is for other people’s sake? That’s a very Fe kind of “hiding your own feelings to ensure harmony” thing to do. Ni is subordinate to Fe, in that the point of having a kind world is so people can live together peacefully. She only brings it up because Lelouch asks. She sincerely believes it but it’s not her top priority compared to living with her brother, and she told him as much at the end.

As for extroversion, again her disability and position do restrict her social life. She does make friends very easily and is shown to enjoy social interaction. As well, she doesn’t want to be a burden socially on the student council, which again shows other people’s needs > her needs. Lastly, objecting to a coldly rational way of doing things is more inferior Ti. She rejects it precisely because spending time in her inferior function is uncomfortable. 4/4 Thanks for reading

Great question, anon, and a good opportunity to bring up Fe vs Fi! Both functions have a moral and human focus, but in quite different ways.

Fe is an extroverted judging function, hence, having an outward focus makes it a lot more rational in its approach to morals (sometimes in fact being very similar to Te in that aspect). The main thing that separates Fe from Fi, is that the morals of a high Fe-user always exist as a reaction to the values of their respective society (society in this case is quite a broad term that can imply both society as a whole as well as one’s social group of close friends, depending on the person): they always exist on a scale from agreeing to disagreeing with them and hence are often concerned with values that affect this given society. A Fe-dom in particular also perceives themselves through the role they play in their society. Take Shirley as an example: the relationships she is in are very much the main component of her life and the one that she has standards for. She cares about Lelouch’s physical and emotional well-being and her relationship with him, but she doesn’t really try to understand him as a person until R2 comes along.

Comparing that to Fi, the values supported by this function originate independently from societal values (again remember that “society” is talking pretty broad here) and rely on the Fi-dom’s personal experiences and the conclusions drawn from these experiences. This doesn’t mean that a Fi-user cannot agree or disagree with societal values, but the focus of Fi morals is a personal and human one, focusing much more on what people believe than what they do and often prefers not to be restricted by social systems in favor of human values that are much more subjective to the user.

We see that Nunnally’s values originated independently from any society she could have been a part of: they don’t come from either Lelouch or Suzaku, nor did they originate as a reaction to Britannia’s value system. She finds racism towards the Japanese to be unethical of course, but she’s much more prone to judging people on a case-by-case basis, which also explains why she is willing to fight Lelouch and Suzaku at the end of R2: not only have they personally deceived her, but in her eyes they also have abandoned their personal morals to achieve theirs goals. Her Fi is also why her final challenge for Lelouch is giving him a choice to use Geass on her - it’s a test of Lelouch as a person, as if she’s asking “Have you, my brother, fallen so low as a human being that you would enslave and use me, your sister, whom you knew for your whole life? The brother I know would never even think about doing such a thing.” It also helps her understand what Lelouch was actually trying to do at the end of the story and ultimately forgive him (the same goes for Euphy, Nunnally just recognizes that her actions didn’t fit her nature without even needing evidence for it). To a Fe-don in her position this kind of opinion would likely seem biased and unfair, based on what Lelouch did ass opposed to who he was as a person.

You also bring up the possibility of auxiliary Ni, however we have to remember that it is quite different from Ni as a dominant function: for an ENFJ Ni is used to think of ways to improve upon the current state of the society important to them, questioning the parts of it that may seem flawed to the user. We see that Nunnally doesn’t tend to go through this process, for her, she knows how she believes people should treat each other based on her Fi values, once they do society will essentially fix itself due to the nature of human kindness (from her perspective). We do see her use her Ne however to understand which part of her Fi is realistically applicable to the world around her: when addressing the Japanese people she’s trying to appeal to their personal human values, yes, but her Ne also helps her understand that after the ways in which they’ve been hurt they will need a lot of convincing before they agree to anything, hence why she also uses highly personal gestures to make the Japanese trust her.

(I would also quickly like to note, that behavior is not really type-dependent, but rather thinking is, hence many stereotypical MBTI behaviors such as being shy/outgoing or easily making friends can often be a trait of a member of any type)

I hope that this answered your question, but in case you’ll need more comparisons, I can assure you that more Fe-doms and Fi-doms are to come in the future as a frame of reference. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy my slow output of content!

#code geass #code geass mbti challenge #nunnally vi britannia #mbti #fi vs fe #INFP #ENFJ

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chromsai · 6 years

Text

The Pendulum Guiding Towards Uniqueness

Oh man. I haven’t done this in a while but...

Let’s talk about something real quick:

Let’s talk about what an important and wholesome message this is.

I know the fandom loves to give Yusho a lot of crap, especially with how he acts during the last arc of the show, among a few other things, but let’s just appreciate that even if Yusho isn’t the best father in Yugioh history, he’s still a good dad overall.

Good especially for Yuya.

Let’s talk about the fact that Yusho isn’t entirely pushing an entertainment persona onto Yuya. I’m certain he’s beyond happy that his son looks up to him and is following in his footsteps, but he’s never wanted Yuya to be like him. He’s wanted Yuya to be like Yuya.

I mean...

Children of celebrities and public figures like Yusho usually have their work cut out for them. If normal kids are already expected by their parents to be the absolute best at everything, I think celeb kids can have it especially hard because they’re dealing with living up to their parents’ expectations, their own expectations, and lastly...

Society’s expectations.

y’all know where i’m going with this, right?

*coughszarccoughs*

Yusho supports Yuya no matter which direction he chooses to take for himself, so at the very least Yuya doesn’t have to worry too much about pressure from expectations from his parents.

That leaves just his own expectations and what society expects from him as the only pressures affecting him constantly.

Well the problem is, Yusho isn’t there for most of the story to reassure him of this. To reassure him that there is no pressure on his part at all, something that Yuya, due to Yusho’s prolonged absence, isn’t entirely aware of.... (if you don’t believe me, recall Yuya’s painful breakdown in ep. 135 as proof... the poor boy apologizes to Yusho, even when he’s not there, thinking that Yusho would be disappointed or ashamed in him, even though we, the audience, know that he has nothing to apologize for).

Hell, we saw in the second duel Yuya had against Jack Atlas that it apparently took Yuya years and an intervention from Jack Atlas himself for him to realize what Yusho meant about “preserving his Yuya-ness” and not using his “borrowed words”. He wanted Yuya to find his own words instead.

The pendulum itself is a great symbol for this since it can represent two things: swaying between one thing to another, a.k.a. indecision or uncertainty (specifically, uncertainty in yourself) BUT it can also symbolize a tool for discovery, as Yusho has pointed out before in a different flashback— if Yuya ever gets lost, the Pendulum is there to guide him.

But the Pendulum only swings between two (2) extremes; in this case, since Yusho is gone and with him his expectations of Yuya (if any) as well, what’s left is that, for Yuya, the Pendulum swings between: his own expectations vs. society’s expectations.

We see several times that Yuya is always troubled between either to entertain people and make them happy or to fight to save the world, and of course striking a balance between the two isn’t quite as simple as just stopping the Pendulum in the middle of its tracks, especially not when there are other factors that are in the mix. Thus, we get Arc-V’s story and the conflicts Yuya faces throughout it.

Going backwards a bit, though, I also want to point out the sad irony that is carried by Yuya repeating the words “preserve my uniqueness...”

This should be a bit more straightforward for a couple of reasons (such as the fact that he isn’t the only Pendulum user anymore, or later on, as stated before, the fact that his entertainment style is based on his father’s “borrowed words”, etc.), but mainly because as the story progresses, we find out that Yuya isn’t quite so unique:

There are 3 other boys who look just like him. Granted, these 3 other boys might look like him, but they act nothing alike (thankfully). But, okay, then it’s revealed that they were once actually all one person.

I’ll repeat that and add onto it:

Yuya and these three other boys who look just like him are actually the same person, and, to top it all off, this person that they once all were (Zarc) had no Pendulum at the time, meaning he had no guidance, and, as a consequence, found himself succumbing to society’s expectations.

So given his ultimate background, how does Yuya, aka a fragment of someone’s soul, as Zarc likes to call him, “preserve his uniqueness...”?

Well, think of it this way: if you break a glass, you end up with fragments of that glass. And although you can gather the pieces and put them all back together to make it into the original whole again, you still have just fragments merged into a whole again. Each fragment has its own unique edges that make up its own unique shape, and I guarantee that none of the other fragments are quite the same, even if they’re all equally important to the whole.

It’s this uniqueness about him that Yusho wants Yuya to preserve, but that Yuya can’t see for himself. It’s why Yuya’s Pendulum is so necessary to him: it’s why when he lost it as a child, he cried, or why when Zarc finally takes over him and Yuya is lost to his darkness, his Pendulum falls to the floor— unswaying and directionless. And it’s why Zarc doesn’t even bother with it either— why would he since he already chose a path— just like he did the first time before Ray split him into four fragments. He said so himself: he made a vow back then to meet the expectations that society thrust upon him for more violent entertainment, and that vow remained unwavering even after his revival...

I suppose it’s, once again, ironic that Yuya doesn’t regain control over Zarc & himself until Reiji points out to Zarc, who denies being Yuya, that he is Yuya... but that he’s also always been Zarc. Always been swaying back and forth between his two extremes: Yuya, the entertainer who ultimately always seems to choose to live up to his own standards of what he believes Entertainment should really be for (which is to bring and protect smiles), and Zarc, the entertainer who lived solely for the purpose of meeting society’s expectations.

And thus, the Pendulum guides Yuya back to his own heart again...

But what about the other three fragments: Yuto, Yugo, and Yuri? Are they even unique? What can make them unique?

Well of course they’re unique! The nuance here is that they’re parts of Zarc, as Yuya is as well, that make up Zarc’s whole HUMAN entertainer personality.

Yuto was the part of Zarc that didn’t actually want to hurt anyone but did so because it was expected of him. Yugo was the competitive and obsessive part of Zarc that kept him motivated to continue his violent duels since it was expected of him. And, of course, Yuri was the psychotic, lost part of Zarc that led him to his ultimate endgame: fusing with his dragons to become an ultimate force of destruction, as was expected of him. Leo himself expected Yuri to be reliably unstoppable and used him (since he was a mere child, in fact), much like the Original Dimension’s society did, to meet his expectations of completing Arc-V (the machine).

But then we’re back again to question which part of Zarc Yuya made up. Well, it’s very simple:

Yuya was the part of Zarc that originally just wanted to make the people of the Original Dimension, his monsters, and his opponents smile.

THIS is the uniqueness that Yusho desired for Yuya to preserve about himself.

Yusho, despite the adversity and the reality about Yuya that inevitably presents itself before him...

...has absolute faith in Yuya.

That Yuya, as Yoko would say...

... will surpass Yusho Sakaki in that ability. Thus why Yusho would be at ease if he passed on, knowing that Yuya is still alive and well and would take on his role.

But again, we’re back to an expectation of Yuya. Neither Yoko nor Yusho actually care how he does it, they just know that Yuya will bring smiles to the world. Because they have that much faith in his uniqueness.

But it’s not a far-fetched expectation— Jack Atlas himself knows this is true of him. He knows it’s Yuya’s role to play in his life. That why he pushes Yuya to recognize that his father’s borrowed words about entertainment and smiles aren’t his true dueling, his Pendulum summoning is.

This is why Yusho never led his son into the path that Dennis eventually took as his protege: he had faith that Yuya would eventually found something completely UNIQUE of his own, just as he did, and SURPASS HIM.

The courage to take YOUR OWN step forward.

By the end of Arc V, we see Yusho recognizes this in Yuya, otherwise he wouldn’t have bothered challenging him head on (as he claimed previously within the last few episodes that if Yuya wasn’t able to save Reira, and to an extent the world’s, smiles, then he wouldn’t be a true duelist after all, but Yuya of course did).

In the end, Yuya himself has outgrown his own ambition of becoming like his dad, Yusho. He’s learned that his uniqueness due to his Pendulum has given him the unbound potential to surpass Yusho.

And that truly is a Miracle Drawn by the Pendulum of Uniqueness.

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strid0rk · 6 years

Text

Top 10 movies

Tagged by the impeccable @obligatoryfunnyreference

1) Breakfast Club

A personal favorite of mine, just a real big fan of everything, music is bomb

2) Donnie Darko

A coming of age type story with a splash of apocalypse, mental issues, murder, and time travel? With an attractive boy? And a great soundtrack?

3) Rocky Horror Picture Show

Sex, music, and comedy. A fun family movie for all

4) Brokeback Mountain

I j ust. I’m so gay. Adn so sad. This movie is heartbreaking if you’ve ever been gay, a cowboy, or both, would recommend if you want to feel secondhand heartbreak at the thought of sacrificing your love and happiness to conform with society (I will never forgive the Internet for making this movie a joke)

5) Little Shop of Horrors

On a brighter note: Death! Abuse! Murder for profit! And best of all, a fuckin banger soundtrack (sensing a pattern? I’m a musical theatre major) Listen to the first couple songs of the soundtrack and of you like it, watch the movie!

6) La La Land

And the award for best picture goes to... nah but for reals I love this movie, encapsulates the struggle of an actor living in LA as many of my LA based pals can attest to. Love the music, and the colors, and just so much. If the ending didn’t ruin so much for me I’d have it higher

7) Baby Driver

Saw this movie with my friends, went into it thinking it would just be some crappy action flick of male power fantasy, my god I love it. The soundtrack, the way the shots coincide with the soundtrack. Just watch it it’s good, might consider it above la la land tbh but I already wrote the list up I don’t feel like changing

8) Into the woods

I just really like it, it’s a cool take on some fairy tales set to music, saw the play version before the movie, it’s cute it’s funny it’s a musical so I like it

9) Blair Witch Project

Must confess, i have not actually watched this movie yet, been waiting for the perfect time. If you like really know me you’ll know I like shit like EverymanHYBRID, or Tribetwelve, and Blair witch project is like their grandpa in a way, and I like creepy shit ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ also watch film theory’s idea of how it actually happened because I find it very interesting and personally believe

And lastly...

10) Scott Pilgrim vs the World

Stealing this one from my friend’s list, I don’t watch a lot of movies.

SPvtW is just like a really fun movie, from the writing, to the action, to the effects. Watch if you wanna have a good time

Suppose I gotta tag some folks now

How bout @worpworp and @lavendertownsghost ?

#it took me ages just to remember what movies ive watched #i dont watch a lot #but when i do #ive got pretty low standards #every movie is good #breakfast club is just the best of them though what can you do not much ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#two of the movies on this list i havent even seen #jesus i didnt realize how long this would be

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bitletsanddrabbles · 6 years

Note

Not a ship, but characters: Elsie Hughes or Cora? Carson or Robert?

First off, and this is very important, I really love all of these characters. Truly. I would have been really upset if anything had happened to any of them. I say this, because I'm about to rag on one of them a bit. I will likely use words that, in our time period, are considered near-obscenities. This is not from dislike, but rather an academic examination of their faults, using proper language.

Secondly, I will undoubtedly refer to the shooting scripts with commentary by Julian Fellows. I bought the one for first season as reference for my fan fiction and bought seasons two and three because I loved the commentary so much! I am seriously beyond annoyed that the later seasons aren't available, in no small part because I suspect it would shed light on the problem of Henry's personality. Anyway, they're great and I highly recommend them.

Next, I apologize for any massive grammatical errors, logic jumps, and other such communication glitches. I don't really intend to spend hours revising this, and I suspect my eyes will be crossing by the end.

And lastly, get comfortable. Get some tea, maybe a snack. Use the loo. Make sure you have no urgent appointments.

You will be here awhile.

In fact, in the interest of not taking up your entire dashboard, here. Have a 'keep reading' cut.

Mrs. Hughes vs. Lady Grantham is a difficult call because they're ultimately such similar and yet different characters. They're both involved in running the estate, but Mrs. Hughes is more involved with the back end schematics and Lady Grantham is more involved in presentation to society as a whole. Some would consider Mrs. Hughes's job more important, and ultimately it might be, but at the turn of the century Lady Grantham's job was not to be underestimated, by any means. She was essentially the sales, marketing, and public representation departments all wrapped into one person. Mrs. Hughes was production.

They are also bother nurturing to their 'families': Cora to her daughters and husband and Mrs. Hughes to her staff. They both do this well.

At the end of the day, having to choose, it becomes a call between Cora's growth as a character, which is interesting, and Mrs. Hughes's stability as a character, which is necessary to allow the movement of everyone else. Steady anchor points are often overlooked in stories, but they are terribly important to keep things moving along and stop them from devolving into a three ring circus. While I enjoy Cora's growth immensely, I think I'm going to have to choose Mrs. Hughes for this one. Downton really would fall apart without her, even if her husband doesn't want to admit it.

Which brings us to the easy choice: Robert.

Hands down Robert.

Charles Carson is an entertaining and enjoyable character. As a human being, he is a basically good man, but is an unfortunate product of his society. Very unfortunate. He is, by dictionary definition (see here) a bigot. He's rarely willing to change his opinion on things, sometimes flat out refusing. Despite his protests to the contrary, he's rarely sympathetic with anyone. He doesn't realize how much the firm structure he requires for comfort hurts others and will deny it when pointed out unless something really, astonishingly bad happens. You know, like one of his underlings trying to kill himself.

When not being asked to choose characters, I'm willing to overlook all of this to a certain degree, because he is human and he does try. The harm he causes is almost entirely unintentional, and when it is intentional, it's generally caused by the belief that he needs to be firm to be a good leader. Show them who's in charge, allow no shenanigans, etc. This is how he was trained. It also hurts him as much as it hurts everyone else. I mean, who else is actively leery of having fun?

No, generally Mr. Carson is a curmudgeon whose bark is worse than his bite and, along with his wife, I love him for his good points and despite his copious glaring faults.

Robert Crawley still easily wins.

People really like to go on about Robert's faults and his prejudice. After all, he is a "privileged white man" and our society hates those. We don't want to understand them. Papers can (and have) been written about how prejudiced Robert is.

The thing is, and what I find more important, is how prejudiced Robert isn't. Seriously, for a privileged white guy at the turn of the twentieth century, he could be far, far worse (see Larry Grey). Here, let's take a look at a few things, shall we?

We'll start with something very general. We'll start with his response to change. There sure is a lot of it in this show! And let's be honest, change is stressful. A lot of people don't handle it well. It's actually quite understanding that Robert's not fond of it. Up until that time period, things had moved around rather slowly. There would be the occasional war or medical discovery. There were always new fashions. That 'industrial revolution' thing had happened and things had started going faster, but compared to today's world when a phone you've had for a year is an old model, time might as well have stood still.

Robert still handles this change with relative grace for his age and station. Okay, Matthew and Tom, both being younger, from more hands-on view points, and more in touch with the world handle it better, but Carson and Lady Violet both handle it worse. Especially Carson. Robert handles it like a horse who has had something new suddenly introduced to the paddock: he shies, he bucks, he might run a bit or kick out a time or two, but if you slowly lead him back around to this strange thing enough times, he eventually figures out "Oh, hey. This thing isn't really a big deal after all, is it?" And he accepts it - embraces it even, in some cases - and moves on.

This brings us to the first point of actual prejudice and the one he is most undeniably guilty of, classism. First off, people ignore the fact that classism runs both ways. Miss Bunting was probably the single most classist bigot of the show, followed by the Sinderby's butler, then Lady Violet (who, according to every poll I've seen, is the most popular character in the show). Robert's classism (as with most of his prejudice, honestly) is institutionalized rather than personal which doesn't make it okay, but does make it easier to understand and fight once it's attacked in a rational manner. In other words, yes, he pitched an ever loving fit when Sybil married the chauffeur, but he got over it. He went from "you will have no money!" to "...okay, you haven't asked for it, but the money thing can happen" far faster than Carson went from "I will not dress the former chauffeur!" to accepting "Branson is part of the family now”. Carson also didn't have the excuse of feeling like his daughter was actively being taken away from him, off to a different country, a different life, and that he had somehow failed as a parent, which is undoubtedly how Robert felt.

Admittedly, once started, it wasn't all forward progress, but the hiccups there were tended to be fairly legitimate. Grief over Sybil's death combining with the last vestiges of feeling like Branson had taken his daughter away from him. Finding out his son-in-law had abandoned his pregnant daughter in hostile territory after helping to burn down someone's house. I mean I understand why Branson was doing what he was doing, but having an arsonist in the house is something to worry about!

The other thing to note about this is that while Robert definitely believes in the class structure and holds to it and sees himself at the top, he actually values the people below him. The reason Mrs. Patmore was so panicked about her failing vision in season one and so relieved when Robert sent her for surgery rather than turn her out with a meager pension is because so many people wouldn't have. It would have been "thank you for your services, good luck" and that would be that. He sees employing people and making it so they can have a wage his job and when he started not being able to pay a competitive wage or replace people when they quit, he saw it as a personal failure. His decision had created the underbutler position and I don't think he was really happy to have to do away with it (and, observant and in touch with things as he isn't, I am positive he didn't realize how pushy Carson was being about the whole thing. I doubt he would have liked it). He shows up at everyone's weddings. His perception is skewed, but his heart is in the right place.

And speaking of Miss Bunting, there is the point of his not being able to produce Daisy's name on demand. He doesn't deal with Daisy on a regular basis, so he would absolutely be less aware of her than he would be of, say, Carson or the personal staff. However, he did attend her wedding and she has been there for fifteen years. So what makes more sense - that he honestly doesn't know her name or that he straight up blanked on it? I think the second. After all, I once spent probably fifteen minutes all told unable to remember the name of my oldest cousin. He knew her at her wedding, he certainly knew her at the auction in season six and after!, I'm pretty sure when not being put on the spot by someone aggressively vilifying him to his face, he'd do a bit better.

The next big prejudice covered by the show is religion. This is one Robert has, but not in the way you would expect. In a society that could be very anti-Semitic, he doesn't give a flying fig if you're Jewish. His father-in-law was a Jew. Lady Rose married a Jewish boy and there's no indication of disapproval from Robert what so ever. He does have a problem with Catholics and that, Julian Fellows explains, was largely a point of national patriotism. England, as a whole, did not trust a religion that answered to an Italian instead of the Kng. It was seen as something of a conflict of interest. Again, this doesn't make it alright, but it makes it understandable within the context of the society (especially when your Catholic son-in-law burnt down someone's house) and was really more political than anything.

There were more issues at play with Sybbie's being Catholic, of course. There was that whole grieving thing, again the lingering feeling that Branson had taken Sybil away, etc. As usual, though, once it was clear he was outnumbered and the change was happening, Robert set aside fears that his granddaughter might go burning houses if that Italian guy thought it was a good idea and got on with life.

(Seriously, this really does seem to be comparable, at least in the mindset of the English, to a modern day Englishman following the president of a different country rather than the Queen. Not necessarily terrible, but potentially so, especially if war breaks out and the two countries are suddenly on opposing sides. Treason is a thing that can be kinda messy.)

Then there's sexism. I honestly think Robert gets way more flack for this than he truly deserves. It's not that he isn't sexist at all (again, institutionalized sexism), but that most of his worst offenses are actually a combination of his being legitimately not-super-observant and the aforementioned "horse in paddock" syndrome. He is used to his family behaving in a certain way. He is also, as with Cora, part of the sales/marketing/pr department. He is concerned about what the neighbors think because he is expected to and people in this day and age just don't get how important that was. The thought that his family would be seen poorly was not just a threat to him and his masculine pride, but to them and their opportunities in life. A lot of his keeping them at home was honestly trying to protect them, even if it was also underestimating their abilities, and really - they were just discovering their abilities! How was he supposed to know all about it?

Suddenly the war happened and his wife and daughters started behaving differently. He was legitimately confused, and no wonder! Can you see season one Mary slopping pigs? Can you see season one Edith running a magazine? People really did think that things would go 'back to normal' after the war, but they didn't. The women in his life started moving without warning and left him struggling to cope with the unexpected change.

Once he circled back around enough times to realize this big, scary change really wasn't big or scary, he was proud of them. He was proud of Mary for taking on the task of agent. Heck, he was practically proud of her for growing up enough to have an affair with Tony Gillingham! He accepted Marigold without batting an eyelash and got to the point where he was pleased to call Edith an "interesting woman". He was really, really proud of Cora after Rose lured him, carrot in hand, to the hospital! He had never been more proud or the woman he loved.

And he loved her. She was the pillar holding him steady, and that is not just a pretty turn of phrase. One thing our society that has not changed one whit in the past hundred years is that men are supposed to be emotionally dependent on the women they are intimate with. There is huge pressure put on men to have a girlfriend or to be married, and it's not all machismo and Mummy dearest wanting grand kids, it's "this is the person you should talk to about your problems." This leads to emotional discussion being firmly linked, in the male view, with sex. Women, being encouraged to have friends to talk to, don't have that mental connection, and this causes a metric ton of relationship problems. So we come to his affair, if you want to call it that, with Jane (And honestly, while it nearly went beyond two kisses, I still think calling it an affair is giving it an awful lot of credit).

The war was over. Things were changing. While it might be socially permissible for him to discuss the politics of the changes with Bates or some other man, the resultant emotional turmoil was something Cora was, by societal standards, supposed to help him get through. For over half of his life, she had done just that. Now, he needed that emotional support and suddenly it wasn't there because his wife was off learning how to be useful and important. This was a great thing for her, and ultimately for them as a couple, but everything has consequences and the immediate consequence of this was that she didn't need to lean on anyone, he did, and he didn't have anyone. It is really rather unbecoming for a fifty year old man to go crying to his mother every time he needs bucking up.

Jane was young, pretty, was going through the rough transition of losing a spouse, was lonely as a result, and had a son, which appealed to Robert since he'd always wanted one. I seriously think he initially took an interest in her as much to take an interest in something as anything. Things got worse the longer he went without someone to talk to about his feelings, and she wasn't getting any less lonely or in need of someone to make her feel wanted. Then, finally, Cora got the flu. While it seems outrageous that he would have an affair with a maid while his wife was maybe dying, his wife maybe dying was why he badly needed the emotional support of his wife, which he in turn couldn't have because his wife was maybe dying. Again, at fifty, running to Lady Violet at this juncture would have been viewed as A Bit Much by a lot of people. The fact that those people were absolute prats from a modern view point doesn't change this.

So, while both his society and ours agree that having an affair at the time was wrong, the real question here is what his society would have considered right. Please do ring me up when you've figured out the answer, because honestly? I've no clue.

Of course, once Cora didn't die, he looked back at things, got his head on straight, and ended things with Jane like a gentleman. He did the right thing, in the end. I consider this to be a far more material point than the fact he didn't intuitively pull a graceful way to maneuver a situation that he had no real coping mechanism for out of his ear.

There is one prejudice that I've seen him assigned in fan fiction, and it pisses me off every time: homophobia. This is one prejudice that Robert has barely any of. Yes, it's there in his little chuckles with Bates, but honestly? Compared to Carson? Compared to Jimmy and Alfred and the police and parliament? A little chuckle in private that is meant without malice is hardly a complaint. Thomas isn't happy at Downton most of the time, but he's there. Other employers would have sacked him the second they put two and two together. Heck, left to his own devices and reasonably assured there would be no scandal, Carson probably would have sacked him. I am quite certain that at some point there was a conversation in which Robert brushed that concern off as absolutely no reason to sack a perfectly good footman. This doesn't mean he didn't make a hash of things on a regular basis, but that was more from not understanding the problem than actual malicious intent. If, for example, someone actually pointed out that in hiring Bates he'd basically told Thomas "I would rather have a normal man who will never be able to do his job than a filthy degenerate like you" I would expect him to balk ("I never said that!"), bolt ("Pff, none of the staff would think that!"), and then, when finally reaching the point of accepting it, feel absolutely terrible. He flat out lied to the police to keep the man out of prison, for crying out loud!

While he is not an advocate for gay rights, by any means, it is something that he is absolutely not fussed about.

He has other legitimate flaws. His temper. His passiveness in many situations. But he is a genuinely good man. He cares about his people and wants them to do well. He wants to protect them and provide for them and make their lives comfortable. He is genuinely interested in improving the world as a whole.

There are so many people you can not say that about, and many of them get far more credit.

And on that note, I am going to bed.

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sockparade · 4 years

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make it make sense

This essay might be a little too inside baseball for some. But I also recognize that a lot of the people who read what I write have some kind of orientation to the Christian faith so I think it’s worth taking the time to write this all out.

The 2020 elections are still several months away and yet it’s already unearthing all kinds of feelings for me. Politically, Christians in the U.S. are kind of all over the place. I should note here that white evangelicals as a subset of Christian voters tend to be pretty... consistent. *cringe emoji* I imagine the lack of cohesion can be frustrating to those outside of this particular faith tradition but let me tell you, it is also highly upsetting to those who live inside of it.

I think the inconsistency can sometimes make people conclude that Christians are just being manipulative. The assumption is that Christians weaponize religion to protect their political power and their personal interests. And sure, that’s certainly the case in some places. But also, I think for many Christians like me, who never went to seminary and who have no political aspirations, the inconsistency in politics is quite understandable given how our theology tends to be all over the place. There is a lot of variation in what someone means when they say they are Christian. This is true not only because it’s the culturally dominant religion of this country and not only because of the differences in interpretation of an ancient text, but also because the tenants of the Christian faith exist largely in a complicated collection of paradoxical beliefs. Lately I just keep reminding myself that Christianity is a weird ass Eastern world religion and I can’t keep shoving it into a Western mindset.

So here’s the thing. If you find yourself on either pole of a key paradox, it means that you are essentially subscribing to a very different belief system than someone who leans towards the other pole. Over the last four years, so many Christian friends have scratched their heads at why a fellow Christian could support Trump or hold some other political view that feels abhorrent to them. But it’s actually quite predictable once you do the work of tracing their political views to the foundation of their beliefs.

About a decade ago, I realized that if Christianity was going to continue anchoring my worldview, I needed to take greater care in attending to what I actually believed. For many Christians, faith is something they point to as the bedrock of their lives and yet it often remains a big amorphous blob of thoughts and feelings (and random childhood Sunday School artifacts). It’s often not a set of clear values, intentions, and principles that we are committed to. I’m not advocating for more apologetics or more systematic theology here. But I do think clarity (distinct from certainty) is important. Given the ease in which people have historically interpreted the Christian Bible to suit their own opinions, the Christian faith can quickly become less of a meaningful lens or life compass and more of an extended experiment in propaganda and confirmation bias. That’s probably true of most religions.

In taking a good hard look at Christianity, I have deconstructed a lot of things, relearned some things, and completely thrown out some things. There are some things I am still wrestling with and will continue to wrestle with -- probably for the rest of my life. And I’ve learned to find beauty and meaning in that unresolved, uncertain place. In the last year I’ve embraced the more mystical side of the Christian faith tradition and I have invested more of my time in contemplative prayer, meditation, and reflecting on God’s choice to be bodily present with us through the incarnation of Jesus. But even in my exploration of mysticism, I still maintain a firm belief that continuing the intellectual pursuit of truth and understanding is worthwhile.

In this essay I want to identify just a few of the key paradoxes within Christianity and provide some reflection questions for the purpose of prompting you to examine how you’re doing in holding the tension of each paradox. When you review the questions, resist the urge to recall proof texts. This is a heart/gut check, not a bible quiz.

To be clear, this isn’t a criticism of paradoxical beliefs. I’m starting to think that part of the challenge of being a Christian (or maybe just a mortal, sentient being) is learning how to exist in the discomfort of life’s many paradoxes. I mean, what is life but a series of fortunate and unfortunate opportunities to humbly acknowledge our limited understanding of how the world works and how the divine moves? Our westernized sensibilities make it difficult to hold paradoxes well. Instead, we rapidly cycle back and forth between the poles or more often than not, we end up repping just one of the poles. Every now and then I have to check myself and see if I’ve lost track of the paradox. While you’re here, It’s also a good idea to check if a pole is still valid for you or whether it’s something that you’ve just become acculturated to. I’ve personally let go or altered some poles in this process (e.g. I no longer believe in eternal conscious torment-- another essay for another day).

If you are dreading political discourse with the variety of Christians in your life this Fall, consider digging underneath a hot topic and spend some time locating where the person lives on the spectrum of these paradoxical Christian beliefs. It might be illuminating. No less upsetting, but maybe less confusing.

For anyone that’s not Christian and reading this, I wonder if this walkthrough might shed some light as to why it’s so confusing to understand what Christians actually believe and why there seems to be such different Christians in your life.

And lastly, I recognize that some of these questions are going to come across as blunt and possibly condescending. I have only written questions here that I have been asking myself over the years. So if you find any of them offensive, I hope you take some measure of comfort in knowing that they offended me too. I hope you don’t stay there. Also, I know I undoubtedly show my bias in writing these questions but I don’t think my goal here is to be unbiased. I’m very much revealing my bias in hopes that it’ll be helpful to you in identifying where you are.

Okay let’s go.

humans are inherently evil v. humans are inherently good

The creation poetry in the Bible says that God chose to make humans in their image and likeness (peep the gnarly “we/us” language in Genesis -- God’s triune nature really disrupts my tendency to rationalize my faith). God then declares that all of creation was very good. But then there’s a plot twist, humans become inherently evil. This is primarily through the story of Adam and Eve and the proverbial “fall of man” fruit-eating incident, but really, throughout the Bible, the theme of human depravity is consistent. People suck bigtime. So we get this basic setup that we are designed to be good and we’re also told that we come from a legacy of very ungrateful, selfish, and blatantly evil ways. The Bible’s pages are filled with anecdotes, advice, and self-flagellating poetry about fighting our sinful nature. And yet we also learn of a very curious arrangement where the God of the universe loves us and has chosen to partner with us super problematic beings to bring about redemption and a radical new way of flourishing for the created world.

Reflection Questions

When you think of peak human behavior, do you think of the best stories of people loving and helping one another or do you think of the worst stories of people hating and hurting each other?

Do you mostly think about how people are doomed to be broken, selfish, and depraved on this side of heaven or do you think about how people are ultimately designed to be good, loving, and communal? (Note: I know the “answer” here is that with Jesus, a person could potentially live a life that is good, loving, and communal. But consider the impact of believing that all people outside of the Christian church are broken, selfish, and depraved. That would heavily skew any worldview and certainly feeds/fuels the fear-mongering rhetoric we often find in many political conversations.)

When you see a person doing something kind and good, do you see it as a rare exception in the horrible cesspool of humanity or do you see it as a person living closer to their original God-intended purpose?

When you imagine new ways for people to live together in society, do you get discouraged because you tend to think humans will inevitably destroy everything and are simply incapable of enduring goodness?

How does your belief about your inherent evil or your inherent goodness impact your ability to love, forgive, and take care of yourself? How does it support or hinder your ability to feel loved by others and by God?

everyone is created and loved equally vs. Christians are special

At times, the Bible makes Christianity seem like the most radically inclusive community. Particularly in the New Testament, there’s a recurring theme of all being welcome and loved. Jesus is witnessed spending much of his time with the outcasts of society and offering healing and acceptance seemingly without much of a prerequisite beyond a person’s vague belief that Jesus is divine. The account of Jesus asking God to forgive the Roman soldiers who were beating him and who ultimately murdered him can be a bit of a head scratcher because the soldiers do not ask for forgiveness, they do not change their ways, and they certainly don’t conform to any kind of Christian lifestyle as many churches might prescribe today. At other times, the Bible uses very exclusive language suggesting that those who are known by God are actually quite limited in number, there sometimes seems to be a “personal responsibility” theme, there’s talk of being part of a special, separate group, and perhaps most challenging, the out group is doomed to some kind of hell and separation from God. So all the language about God loving us and drawing near to us, is that just for Christians or is that for everyone? Your answer to this question might be something you want to reflect on as this country wrestles with figuring out how in the world we could have grown so comfortable to one group of people being more valuable than other groups of people in our country (read: white supremacy). Please don’t @ me about common grace. For the folks who subscribe to that theology, they’ll also be the first to admit that there are many of God’s promises that simply don’t apply through common grace to everyone, namely salvation.

Reflection Questions

Do you truly believe all humans are made in the likeness of God? Think about all the marginalized groups in our country: Black, Indigenous, Latinx, Asian, incarcerated, undocumented, queer, trans, disabled, uneducated, etc. Do you affirm that everyone bears the image of God?

Do you believe that some people are more special to God because of their faith? Do you believe that God loves people who aren’t Christian as much as he loves Christians?

Do you believe God loves babies but as people grow older they accumulate a spiritual debt through their life choices? Do you think there’s an underlying debit/credit system that makes people more or less favored/loved/protected by God? Like, you can’t earn God’s love but maybe there are degrees to his love?

Do you believe there are limits to a person’s worthiness and dignity? If someone commits particularly heinous crimes like murder, rape and pedophilia, do you think they deserve less dignity and should not be treated with the same care as other people?

When you count your blessings from God and trust God to provide, how do you explain why some people face more tragedy, death, sickness, and poverty than others? Do you believe God has a reason for why he chooses to bless some people?

When you read John 3:16, do you read it as God loving the world, or God loving the people who choose to believe in God?

The gospel is happening right now vs. The gospel is focused on the afterlife

It has been eye opening to see the white evangelical church squirm as our country is forced to reckon with its history of white supremacy and its continued oppression of specific groups of people. In the last 3 months, a confusing cacophony of sermons, articles and social media posts have cautioned Christians to proceed biblically in fighting for civil rights. Unfortunately there is little consensus. Should we just pray and trust God to bring justice to this world? Should we participate in advocating for social justice but not so much that we place too much hope in things actually changing? Was social justice just part of a broader ethic of love or was it mission critical in Jesus choosing to draw near to us and to suffering? Is focusing on social justice too humanist and not focused enough on eternal, heavenly things? What was the good news of the gospel to those suffering? That we need to wait for healing and justice on the other side of death? Or was this good news for our current existence?

Reflection Questions

When you think about your Christian faith, do you mostly feel the comfort and security of eternal life or do you press into the difficulty and labor of bringing kingdom thinking/living to this world?

What do you mean when you say “sharing the gospel”? Is it explaining to people how they can get into heaven or is it explaining a way to live and move in the world?

When you say salvation, what are you being saved from? Some kind of hell afterlife? Or is hell an existence that is devoid of connection to divinity, spirituality, and interconnectedness with others?

What aspect of your faith do you treasure the most? Making the *right* choice in your beliefs? Your ticket to heaven after you die? Your personal relationship with God? Your faith community? Psychological comfort in hard times? A purpose for living? A sense of superiority?

Do you think about Jesus’s mission mostly as sacrificing himself to solve a spiritual conundrum or as a reconciliatory model for how humans could live in the fullness of our intended purpose? To show how humans could be in communion with God and each other? If it’s mostly just to solve for the distance between God and humans and secure an afterlife in heaven, why do the authors of the Bible seem to insist that Jesus’s life’s work was so important to record and bear witness to?

God is love v. God is justice

This one is a doozy. Even the words “love” and “justice” have such different meanings to different people. I think the narrative arc of the Bible has compelled me to consider broader, more expansive definitions to these words that aren’t primarily based in the typical experience of human relationships. I mean the most obvious shift is the way God’s love is presented as unconditional. Unconditional doesn’t even quite capture it. God is described as a divine being that pursues connection with humans in the face of persistent rejection and pervasive spiritual death. This stands in sharp contrast to the way humans struggle mightily to remove the conditions in our love for others in ways that don’t result in unhealthy, abusive, or toxic relationships.

God’s justice as described by the life of Jesus is also astonishingly merciful and unexpected. It rejects the idea that justice is a matter of fair exchanges of pain and it ruins our instinct for retribution. I’ve been studying the work in the Transformative Justice space this year and it has been so helpful for me in imagining what God’s justice might be like. Mia Mingus describes Transformative Justice as asking: “How can we respond to violence in ways that not only address the current incident of violence, but also help to transform the conditions that allowed for it to happen?” Isn’t that what Jesus did? Beyond absolving us from our brokenness, there’s evidence of a desire to transform who we are and how we live. Jesus loves us unconditionally AND he wants to change the conditions in which we are harming ourselves and harming one another.

Reflection Questions

Do you think of God as more loving or more judging? Do you resonate with God’s power or do you resonate with God’s gentleness?

When you think about Christian values in society do you mostly think in terms of bans on certain behavior or do you mostly think in terms of upholding the fruit of the spirit (love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control)?

When you think of the cross, do you focus on the idea that God’s wrath needed to be “satisfied” to uphold a retributive justice model (I no longer believe this) or do you focus on Jesus’s willingness to be human and endure suffering with us?

When you think about the end of the world do you think about God’s vengeance against wrongdoing or do you think about God’s peace?

When you think about conflict and harm do you think mostly about how the victim might forgive and offer grace or do you mostly think about how the perpetrator of harm can make it up to the victim?

Do you feel your faith is motivated by wanting to “repay” God for the sacrifice on the cross or is it motivated by radical love and generosity?

submission v. rebellion

One more thing, this isn’t a paradox but it’s something that I’ve felt conflicted about for some time now because it’s a topic that is discussed so inconsistently among Christians. Would you say that Jesus’s life was marked by submission or rebellion? Many will use shorthand to say Jesus submitted to death on the cross but it often also gets muddled and then talked about in reference to our posture towards government, empire, and just everyday difficult circumstances! There is a sparkly, made-up Christian badge of honor that some folks associate with “suffering well” and it sometimes morphs into the glorification of suffering, overwork, and outright abuse.

I think the story of Jesus is one that unmistakably says that God stands with the oppressed and rejects injustice, exploitation, and abuse, and yet in America, the evangelical church weaponizes this idea to excuse systemic injustice, saying things like, “Why fight oppression if it’s an honor to suffer in whatever circumstances you were born into?”

How often have we heard references to this Martin Luther King, Jr. quote?

If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michaelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, "Here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.”

I understand the exhortation to live with excellence and joy but how far do we take that? What’s the takeaway for the unemployed individual who is unhoused? Beg for food so that heaven remarks at how excellent their begging was? Or should we fight for fair living wages and affordable housing? Beyond that, should we demand that those who can’t find employment should still have the dignity of food and shelter? Is Christianity just the means in which the oppressed can supernaturally endure horrible things like slavery, apartheid, incarceration, rape, poverty, trafficking, etc.?

Finally, just a clarification. I would not characterize Jesus as submitting to the Roman Empire. Like sure, he didn’t strike them down with lightning bolts. But to me, submission would have been admitting that he wasn’t divine. Jesus was killed because he refused to deny who he was and what he stood for. Jesus was killed because he threatened the hierarchy of power and religion. So yes, Jesus was a model of submission, but that submission was specifically to his own character of radical love and radical justice (or God’s will, if you prefer). He did not submit to the government in his willingness to die. And even then, if you believe the story, he also rejected and rebelled against death.

These days, I am asking myself:

How am I following Jesus’s model of rebellion?

How do I sometimes confuse the idea of submission to God’s way of collective human flourishing with submission to capitalism, racial hierarchy, comfort, and fear?

What questions are you asking yourself as a Christian?

#christianity #politics #paradoxes #beliefs #Jesus #theology

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seaninkorea · 6 years

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comfort without complacence

this week, i’ll be exploring the following prompt:

have any assumptions you had about the people or country become apparent to you or surprised you? have any of these assumptions proven to be wrong? what images, stereotypes or preconceived notions have been hard for you to relinquish?

i’m happy to say that i’ve been successful in my goal of getting out more! since last week, i’ve gone to quite a few cool places and met some cool people. at the same time, i’ve been going to the gym nearly every day, keeping up with my studies, and eating healthily and on-budget! in other words, i feel like i’m reaching the point of having adjusted to life here pretty well: there’s a comfortable level of consistency in my life in the way of regular activities and routines, but there’s also plenty of new things to explore and i’ve been refusing to let myself get complacent and lazy.

i think what strikes me as one of the unexpectedly hardest things about life in korea is the emphasis the society puts on doing things together. this is something that i had vague familiarity with from watching korean dramas and what-not, but i didn’t really grasp how significant a part of the culture it was until being here for a longer period of time.

personally, i do a lot of things alone, at least in the usa, like exercising, studying, and eating. that’s not to say i don’t like doing things with people, but often times it’s just hard to coordinate people’s schedules and what-not, or, in the case of studying, for instance, i just find it’s more effective for me when i study alone.

in korea, many activities that i would often do alone in the usa are almost exclusively done with others. for instance, most meals are eaten in a group. the majority of korean restaurants cater to groups of four or more, with dishes only being sold in larger servings and the cost being split among all the group. even more than eating, drinking is a completely social activity--i don’t think i’ve seen even one korean alone at a bar (although i have seen a few foreigners solo). the extent to which this tendency towards group activities permeates through society is hard to pin down. of course, it also varies from person to person. there are a few people who go to the gym i go to (snu posco center) alone, but many go in pairs. our korean teacher talked one day about how seeing someone eating (or even worse, drinking) alone makes koreans concerned that person is quite strange: “why would they eat alone? do they not have friends?”

however, to some extent that view has been changing. there are a lot of restaurants which are catered toward 혼밥 (essentially “eating alone”), and i’ve seen one advertisement for a 혼술 (“drinking alone”) place. for me, these places are great for a few reasons. for one, they still feature the insanely quick service as all other korean restaurants, so it’s easy to get a quick meal (you can even get it for takeout). for another, many allow (or require) customers to order from a touchscreen kiosk. although the menu is still in korean, it takes the pressure off of having to quickly decide and give your order to a waiter or waitress and allows you to thoroughly browse all the options. also, since pictures are included with all the food, it’s a great way to learn vocabulary. lastly, although this is a generalization, i’ve found these restaurants to generally be more cost-effective for one person dining. if you want to splurge a little bit, you should definitely get meals with friends (preferably all-you-can eat meals!), but if you’re looking for the most bang for your buck for $8 or less, eating at a 혼밥 place is definitely better than splitting a meal at a group place, in my experience.

not 혼밥, but i could’ve been! daisha and i have been checking out all the fast food places in korea (including american chains and korean ones). this one, lotteria, has wonderful friend chicken!

speaking of going it alone, i took a nice trip to a nearby park (낙성대공원, nakseongdae park) last sunday. it was wonderful, and now it’s become a personal goal to visit as many seoul parks as possible! the park featured a large empty paved area where kids rode bikes and roller skates as well as a larger traditional-style village (which was unfortunately closed at the time).

the park contained a lot of traditional 한옥 (hanok) style buildings, like this one, which happened to be a library and restroom. if you look closesly on the right side by the windchimes, you’ll see soju bottles with buddhist charms attached hanging from the trees.

a statute of a warrior of yore dominates the view from the center of the park

the park’s entrance

on the next day, a popular kpop band shinee’s new album was set to release in the evening. personally, i don’t really know anything about shinee, but a few of the other light fellows are huge fans, and convinced me to accompany them to starfield coex mall, where shinee’s record label has a giant store, museum, and more. unfortunately, the album didn’t end up being physically released till the next day, but the mall was amazing!

kaori, lilly, and daisha by smtown

enjoying a meal at the mall’s food court~

the highlight of the mall is the library, which i forgot to take a picture of (somehow). it’s two stories of books wrapped around the center of the mall, with tons of comfy seats and cafes nearby. i’m sure i’ll be back, and promise i’ll get a good picture then!

on wednesday, sarah and i went to 덕수궁 (deoksugung palace) and one of three branches of seoul’s mmca (museum of modern and contemporary art). the mmca also has a branch by gyeongbokgung and one in seoul grand park, the latter of which is the biggest (and based on my visit there on spring break, best!). the mmca here was quite small and had mainly older art collections, as the current exhibit is showcasing the museum’s history. the good news was since, by sheer coincidence, we went on the last wednesday of the month, entrance to deoksugung and the museum were both free! usually it would have been 5000 won in total (although i believe students get in to the museum for free, but i’m not sure if that applies to international students like us).

the steps in front of the mmca are a popular photo spot for young people and ahjummas alike

the coolest piece on show (as of when we went) was the last room, which is a digital recreation of the different “stages” of the museum (the floor plan, architecture, then with exhibits, etc.). complete with an ambient soundtrack, the room is quite a cool experience. i took this cool aesthetic photo by complete accident.

the area between deoksugung and the museum gave me major boston/new york vibes. while sitting here, a group of elementary school girls asked me to take a photo with them. they spoke in perfect english too! kids these days

pondering something deep by the palace. the architecture and colors are essentially the same at all of these joseon-era palaces, but i personally preferred deoksugung to gyeongbokgung simply because there were far fewer people there!

after the museum, we took a trip to city hall, where they have a giant “i seoul u” sign. i’m not sure exactly what that’s supposed to mean, but it’s cute! these signs are scattered throughout the city, i believe, at major attractions; for instance, i think there’s one by the han river.

on thursday, i went to another museum with my snu language buddy. as i’m becoming more acquainted with speaking korean regularly and he’s trying to tailor his speech to my level, i feel like we’re becoming actual, well, buddies! we went to the national museum of korea, which was incredibly large and interesting. we were there for around three hours and hardly got through half of the exhibits or so before being kicked out at closing time.

the main hall of the museum

the museum is easily reached on subway line 4 at the 이촌 (ichon) stop. if you follow the signs, there’s an underground passage straight from the subway to the museum’s entrance.

posing by one of the national treasures of korea, a two-story tall pagoda

after getting kicked out, rain started pouring down. luckily, i brought an umbrella. 상윤 (sangyoon) and i ran to the subway station both crouched under the one umbrella laughing hysterically. moral of the story: always bring an umbrella!!

finally, yesterday i spent the evening with another friend of mine, 윤우 (yunu). she showed me some cool places in 홍대, including an all-you-can-eat pho restaurant (emoi) and a foreigner-friendly bar (“cocky pub”) where they were playing the france vs. argentina world cup match. it was filled with french people! korea is strange because day-to-day i see very few foreigners outside of the classroom. they seem to all be concentrated in little bubbles here and there.

i’m hungry again just looking at this photo

a tequila sunrise for me (shout-out to don henley) and a screwdriver for yunu. not pictured: the kozel darks we had before this--a great beer with cinnamon sugar topping 😭

hanging out with korean friends is definitely the 100% best way to improve your spoken fluency. whether it be a language partner or someone you meet through other means (ahem), they’ll not only be forgiving of your mistakes and willing to help you, but also simply the act of forcing yourself to speak and listen in korean outside of the pre-made sentences in class--to actually naturally use the grammar and vocabulary you’re learning in class in real-life situations--does wonders for speaking and listening ability and, more importantly (in my book, at least), for your confidence!

to that end, to future light fellows/people studying abroad, if you do have/make/meet korean friends, i would encourage you to at least try to have a good deal of your conversations in korean (or whatever language you’re learning)! both sangyoon and yunu speak far better english than i do korean, and so we can certainly have “better” conversations in english. however, when i speak to them in korean, it really feels like a completely different side of them comes out--speaking to someone in their native tongue definitely allows their full personality to come out, even when they have to speak in simpler terms to you!

to close out this week, i asked yunu to write a message:

오늘 똑똑하고 멋있고 정직한 친구랑 홍대를 갔어요. 즐거웠다 :)

“today i went to hongdae with a smart, cool, honest friend. it was really fun!”

see you next soon~

#bars #museums #seoul #travel

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