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#late night

Dormir la lune dans un œil

et le soleil dans l’autre,

l’étoile entre les lèvres,

le vent entre les doigts.

Dormir ainsi,

sans bouger, l’âme tremblamte…

- Béatrice Libert, tr by Renée Linkhorn & Judy Cochran

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It’s one of those days, It’s one of those nights.

I feel exhausted. Every single bone in my body aches.

My mind so blank, yet so suffocated with thoughts and ideas and regrets and sadness and misery…

It feels like the day has lasted a century, one that just won’t end.

Everything makes me miserable and human contact, it irritates me.

I just want to be alone. I already feel so lonely, so I may as well just drown in my loneliness.

I want to cry and scream and shout and break things and yell and rip my heart out of my chest, so I stop feeling.

I just want to stop feeling.

It’s too much.

There is just too many feelings and emotions.

And there is no guide book. No one tells you what to do with them. How to handle them.

And I’m just tired of having to figure it out. I just want it to be simple. I just want it all to make sense and be fair.

I want things my way for a change. I want my day to go according to my plans and my emotions. I don’t want any surprises; I don’t want anybody to fuck it up. I don’t want people to tell me what to do. I don’t want to be nice to people.

I just want happiness. True, utter happiness. I want people to look at me and see a thousand shining stars in my eyes. I want my smile to light up their sky and make them jealous of just how happy I am.

It’s okay though, I’m sure tomorrow will be a new day.

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everytime Im genuinely happy I have this overwhelming urge to tell someone, but it’s quelled by the fact that it sounds like I’m bragging or it’s just really annoying for some.

it differs greatly from when I’m sad and I believe no one would care so why say anything, but my common sense is telling me to let it out or it’ll hurt more later.

it’s unfortunate that I have to rely on other people for the sake of inner peace. I have one person on my mind at all times because they’ve helped me through quite a bit, and I really do feel like a burden. They’ve reassured me countless times though, and I’m going to get better to give back for what they’ve done for me.

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the vibe. the mood. me for the next 6 months minimum.

I think I’ve narrowed down my current top three: tonight (I wish I was your boy); nothing revealed / everything denied; if you’re too shy (let me know)

we’ll revisit this at the end of this week

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𝟶𝟻.𝟸𝟻.𝟸𝟶 - 𝟿:𝟹𝟹 𝙿𝙼

𝚁𝚎𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚗𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚊𝚗 𝚘𝚕𝚍 𝚏𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚞𝚜𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚋𝚎 𝚌𝚕𝚘𝚜𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚜𝚕𝚘𝚠𝚕𝚢 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚙𝚙𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚊𝚕𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚒𝚜 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛.

𝙼𝚢 𝚋𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚏𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚍 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚖 𝚖𝚒𝚍𝚍𝚕𝚎 𝚜𝚌𝚑𝚘𝚘𝚕 𝚌𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚍 𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚘𝚍𝚊𝚢 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚒𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚗𝚒𝚌𝚎 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑 𝚠𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎𝚗’𝚝 𝚝𝚊𝚕𝚔𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚗 𝚊 𝚢𝚎𝚊𝚛, 𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚍.

𝙻𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚊𝚕𝚠𝚊𝚢𝚜 𝚍𝚎𝚊𝚛.

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I don’t know why I allow this to continue.

Maybe it’s because you sound so hungry,

Gasping into my neck.

Maybe it’s because you make my chest burn,

As though your name had been carved into my ribs.

For all that we so shallowly use and abuse each other,

We dig our claws in deep.

You are an anchor sitting heavy in my lungs,

Pulling me along.

I wonder how you feel my presence,

If I live beneath your skin the same way.


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I am 28 years old, a mother of 4, and I’ve wanted to be a model since I was a little girl. I am really into video games. World of Warcraft, CoD, and Overwatch are some of my favs.

I love metal and hard rock. #breakingbenjamin , #slipknot , #lacunacoilofficial , and #fallinginreverse are some of my absolute favorites of all times!

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