#late night thoughts
sa-dnesss 2 days ago
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live-lovee-breathe 19 hours ago
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I don't know what this is, but you got me good 馃ズ
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exquisitelypxeticmess 21 hours ago
There is a wound that is always bleeding......
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suicidalteenshit 3 months ago
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brokenflicker 8 months ago
"I'm not lazy, I'm just tired. and I don't mean because I've been working hard. Not at all. I'm tired from forcing myself to get out of bed everyday. I'm tired of distracting myself from the thoughts in my brain. I'm tired because all my energy is put to surviving and people don't understand that because all they see is how unproductive you are."
鈥 depression is a disease and it's tiring
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thatbooknerdy 3 months ago
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mermaidindeepocean 2 months ago
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sad0nion a month ago
sometimes i think about how connected we are to each other in ways we couldn't possibly know.
someone is the owner of your cat's sibling.
how many people around the world are listening to the same song as you at the same time? or watching the same episode of a show?
someone in the world is probably wearing the same shirt that you are right now.
how many people have eaten bananas that came from the same tree?
how many people have sat in this airplane seat before?
and what about when you go hiking and you match your steps to the shoe print in the dirt of a person before you. who were they, and did they match their steps with someone before them?
we're all looking at the same sky and sun and moon and stars. who is looking up at it with you, miles and miles away?
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koshercosplay a year ago
with nearly every piece of christmas-related media being about somebody not celebrating christmas who then ends up learning to celebrate it, is it any surprise that people in real life take it so personally when being told that somebody doesn't celebrate it?
so many christmas movie plotlines revolve around someone not wanting to celebrate christmas, and somebody else taking it upon themselves to make that person enjoy christmas at all costs. the plotline resolves by showing that person's actions as being totally justified because just look at how much happier and joyful everyone is now that they know the *magic* of christmas!
like hellooooo the grinch? arguably one of the most recognizable christmas characters of all time? he's all sad and bitter and lonely up in his cave without christmas, he gets bombarded with christmas things all day so he devises his sneaky evil plan to destroy christmas for everyone, but then reforms himself and learns to love christmas just like everyone else, happily ever after.
we are inundated with this message that people who don't like or celebrate christmas are spoilsports and buzzkills and just need to be reformed from their bitter ways. so naturally when people in real life discover someone doesn't want to celebrate christmas, well... it just doesn't occur to them that in reality, it's just a christian holiday that some people don't celebrate. that's all.
(this is something I've been thinking about for a few days and I needed to get it out, so forgive me if this reads as a barely legible stream of consciousness lmao)
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wholeheartedsuggestions 5 months ago
loving you is feeling every soft love song sing out your name. loving you is feeling my heart ache at the thought of losing you. loving you is hoping you know how much i love you without me bluntly telling you. loving you is hoping i wake up to your voice.
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sa-dnesss 10 months ago
I was 12 thinking about killing myself. I am 21, still thinking about killing myself.
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htvpgenny a month ago
Maybe that鈥檚 it. We eventually go numb; because you can鈥檛 break a heart that鈥檚 already broken.
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rosevoliii 16 days ago
Something that I think is super important to point out is how Raph's view of his brothers affected their view on themselves. Raph doesn't trust his brothers as much as he should. Of course he has faith in them but not as much as they have in him. Being the biggest and the oldest, he pushed the role of leader onto himself because that's what big brothers do, and because he couldn't trust that any of them would be able to live up to it.
I feel like this affected how Leo Donnie and Mikey saw themselves and their strengths too. While Raph's big issues come from pressure and not feeling like he can trust his family, the others mostly relate to their feelings of inferiority and a lack of trust in themselves.
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Leo feels like he doesn't have a better place in the team, and deems himself as the "Face Man" because there's nothing else about him that really stands out.
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Donnie opened up about the fact that he feels like without his tech, he wouldn't be needed on the team. That the only thing he was good for was his brains, and if mystic stuff could do everything he could why would he be needed?
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Mikey struggles with feeling small and inferior to everyone, always seen as the baby when there's so much he just wants to prove.
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It makes me wonder how this parallel will play in when Leo starts as the leader. Raph doesn't trust his brothers, and Leo doesn't trust himself.
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suicidalteenshit 4 months ago
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brokenflicker 10 months ago
I'm thinking about ending it again and i don't even care about the consequences, i just want out.
鈥 my mind won't shut up
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xo-indulgence a month ago
Whenever I read a book that was so profound or listen to a song that touched my soul, I feel like I鈥檓 going to reach an epiphany of understanding what my purpose is to the world. But, I instantly lose it because of the lack of focus and I try to find it again and again.
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degenerateville 2 months ago
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鈥y mask hides my identity but reveals yours
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mermaidindeepocean 8 months ago
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zuluc 7 months ago
streamer!au could be an smau for xiao 馃 ahh i want to make streamer headcannons for the genshin boys
warning: language
there鈥檚 just something nice about having xiao as a boyfriend, who is also a streamer. most of this is really just admiring him and his quirks when he plays, his jibes and interesting reactions, and also that nonstop attention he to give to you regardless of what he鈥檚 doing (which takes place especially when he streams)
xiao is a well-known one, in fact, and his schedule is usually to stream three times a week for about a couple hours at a time. he grew in popularity after playing a game with a friend (@tartartaglia on tweetch go subscribe) and people really liked how chill he was. once he turned on his video for the first time, you can probably guess more and more people watched him. his subscribers take all that they can from seeing him live because he鈥檚 just that type of person to pull in a crowd without even trying. or noticing.
he鈥檚 good looking, his voice is soothing to listen to, and he鈥檚 a good gamer. xiao knows strategies for certain games or even just brute forces his way through others. either way, he鈥檚 a popular choice for a team player.
his commentary is also pretty entertaining. he could be playing a horror game and start ranting, in a monotone voice mind you, about how the ghost is literally making his gameplay harder (which it鈥檚 supposed to鈥 anyways). he鈥檚 not particularly afraid of jump scares and stuff, just a little startled at times. though, xiao also doesn鈥檛 yell鈥攈e just slightly raises his voice.
鈥渁nd i have to run because you鈥檙e breathing down my neck like an asshole and I can鈥檛 stop or else i鈥檒l lose. fuck shit.鈥
鈥渉ey ghost, can you shut the hell up? i鈥檓 trying to hear the damn mechanism.鈥
he also lowkey rage quits but it鈥檚 not in a fiery way, more like鈥 cold鈥
鈥渟crew this game.鈥 *square dies again when hitting a spike, exhales in exasperation while running a hand through his hair 鈥漣 will throw this computer into the fucking sun鈥斺 *dies again and slams forehead on the table*
or he could be playing the most wholesome game that doesn鈥檛 seem to match his aesthetic. to be honest, he鈥檚 playing these games most of the time
鈥渙h my god鈥攇uys they have tomato plants. i鈥檝e always wanted a tomato plant.鈥
鈥渢hey have cats? i鈥檓 playing this instead, childe can play genshin on his own.鈥
the chat is surprised to hear his obvious infatuation for small animals and things deemed to 鈥渃utesy鈥 for him but they love the stark contrast from his demeanor. another thing they also didn鈥檛 expect was how soft he was for his s/o.
xiao says more than he would like about you and this is because he doesn鈥檛 even notice that he talks about you. like people know he鈥檚 dating someone, there鈥檚 always food or water being handed to him from the side and a voice calling his name in the background. but you鈥檝e never shown up on stream once, he鈥檚 just hinted at the fact you鈥檙e together. it keeps some fans off his back but also keeps your relationship a but more away from the public eye.
鈥渨ho am i making this avatar look like? just someone.鈥
he feels bad for not being able to be with you while he streams and you鈥檙e just laying on your bed a waiting for him or on his gaming couch which is out of the camera鈥檚 view. he does look over from time to time when it鈥檚 not noticeable on camera (it is, his chat is too nice to say anything about it in the moment but tease him later because they know you鈥檙e there)
so then he starts doing streams with his camera off sometimes. no one minds, they only ask if his hair is up or down to know if they missed anything (smh). during these streams he鈥檒l pull you into his lap and let you stay there, head resting on his shoulder and you can either be on your phone or napping
as mentioned, he doesn鈥檛 yell so you don鈥檛 mind what he plays because he still has to do commentary. xiao actually appreciates when you鈥檙e this close to him because you鈥檙e also a 鈥渟afety barrier鈥 when he plays more suspenseful games. when there are jump scared you notice how he places a free hand on your back to push you closer to him.
one time he accidentally turned the camera on while he wanted to turn his mic off to talk to you and take a little break. he turned the mic off but people could see you and he was soft. like full on SOFT. no one could see your face since he was cupping it with his hands.
鈥渁re you comfortable, love?鈥
he doesn鈥檛 say much on a daily basis, including in his streams, but the tenderness his words hold directed at you is heartwarming. then he notices the chat going faster and faster.
there鈥檚 no panic in his eyes, he simply closes them and sighs. leaning forward to turn off his camera and put his mic back on.
鈥測ou all saw nothing.鈥
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wholeheartedsuggestions 6 months ago
good night *blows the moon a kiss so she can pass it on to you*
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