Love when I'm just going about my day, enjoying an afternoon off, and then my coworker texts me asking where I am 🤠🤠🤠
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tell me something you think about often but seldom talk about
personal/family history. I mean the really nitty gritty memoir worthy reflections and replays that pop up in my head way too often w/o my consent. stuff I’ve never told anyone and never will bc I can’t imagine how it wouldn’t demean me to share it or be used as a weapon against me. maybe not even an active weapon anyone would use but like. one they would have on hand bc I forged it and put it in their hands. it’s a good thing previous attempts to open up to ppl have been met w indifference tbh bc it’s saved my very mouthy when angsty self a lot of complication. it happened. irregularly and not linear and painfully random but I dealt w/ it. I did a beautiful job even if no one else thinks so or notices or cares. and the burden of being more willfully weighed down by this history and these patterns that the family who experienced it too but from different angles choose to dismiss and ridicule me for paying attn to so they can cope better but in exchange never learn better (not that it matters, life treats them all better too so these are not skills they need to have ig) has to pay off. I have to offset the paralysis and stress of that awareness and overseriousness by making the blooming and withering stages of my life grow into polar opposites to what my baby self had to witness and be taught unintentionally to look forward to. If I get married it will be a fairytale/beyond beautiful and blessed and beneficial compared to anything I could dream up now. If I ever work full time to support myself it will be with hefty experience behind me and a strong foundation and enough drive to never regret trying not to betray myself and become somebody else’s problem despite my own capabilities. If I find the kind of companionship that I don’t yearn for but have been told I should, it’s still going to be childless. If I grow up and get to live alone I am going to have real true blue similar in thoughtfulness and synced in social battery IRL friends who don’t stress me and prove to me my best bubbly reliable capable self I haven’t been able to wake up in too long is still in there just being THEMselves. I will never again have to be suffocated by people who dismiss and ridicule me at every turn and feel like I am just putting up with every interaction for a greater good that excludes me. I will not always be made to be the weirdo or the moody one or the uncool lame NPC with nothing to say that anyone can disrespect. etc etc etc. if I don’t have these things I’m still building and I owe this mindset to the despicable truths I was forced to learn as a child at the hands of ppl I could not feel more complicated abt. It made no sense for me to see it and it was fucked but that’s why I’m going to make it make sense and control what I can. I’m rewriting life bc as of now I can’t shake the perception that it’s truly rotten and not worth it. Idk what u would call this paradoxical motivation. It’s not spite it’s smth else. a prolonged last mad dash to a destination that’s mythical in quality but plausible. not impossible
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the story is complete ass and i was never scared of him even prior to my DEEP creepypasta fixation as a preteen but i will always love jeff the killer. i love the fanart that shoddily edited creepy image spawned. i love the mystery behind the source of the image. i love the canon and fanon interpretations of jeff. i love all the weird little characters that he inspired.
idk..he just means a lot to me, you know? he's like an old friend. every october when the air begins to chill i feel a spark that reignites my age old interest in creepypasta...i don't think i will ever be as invested or active as i was in the fanbase when i was young, but i love seeing what people put out year after year.
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ngl. unconsciously disengaging from this website has been hdjfkg kinda good for my mental health overall? like yes im still dhdjfjf left out of a lot of stuff BUT i see it less so that means my feelings don’t get as hurt lmao. functionally that’s more or less the same thing probably?
going recluse isn’t what i ever want to do (& I didn’t even do it on purpose, just got busy and had a low social battery because of it) but aside from me being overall comfortable by myself, it just kind of seems like it’s where people are content to leave me. doesn’t feel great but it is what it is.
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dang, reached 100 likes on here
thank you all, im very glad to provide this days gone content to those that seek it haha
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really hate having to be quiet about disorders that affect every aspect of my life. really wish ppl would be normal about it and also understand it better. wish i was not terrified of ppl finding out about my osdd irl but RIP me i guess, the autism is scary enough but I don't have the energy to hide that one anymore or make up excuses to explain away whatever symptoms i wasnt able to quell. the autism already puts me in enough danger (conservative small town) but i think the osdd would get me in physical danger if ppl found out fnfkfl
its just hard bc we are so desperately lonely but we cant tell ppl abt it and its honestly hard to be friends w ppl now if they dont know abt it. so i do not get to make friends in town now and all chances of having ppl irl to hang out with is down the drain.
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