#lative piece of fucking shit for 3 of those years who ostrocized me from my friends and now i cant fucking remember the last 6 years for shi

[lordiavoloremade]

god if there ever was a fucking week to kill myself this surely woul dbe the one!

#literally fucking everything has been terrible. #my moms fucking depressed and she has scoliosis and shes always in pain and shes always in a bad mood now and she never wants to do anything #even when shes in a good mood because shes always in pain and she takes it out on me and my dad and its just been miserable since 2015 when #she tried to kill herself in front of me and my dad over spring break #and then the period of time between 2017-2019 i had to deal with my abusive relationship and about every other month she would have another #depressive episode stop taking her medicine then she would get physically violent with my father and throw things at him and would tryt to #kill herself or say she was d***ng in front of me and that was after my first mental breakdown ehere i was crying every day for 3 years #straight because my life was such a fucking hellscape and me and t**** had at one point a suicide pact because of how bad everything was #getting and finally when things were normal again he broke up with me in front of the whole school on graduation morning and i cried all day #while he just laughed and had fun with his friends like nothing had happened while i could hear him all day long and then he apologized #like 2 hours after we left school and i took him back before the graduation ceremony part and just these last fucking 6 years have been a #fucking hellscape i lost my uncle then i lost my favorite uncle then i lost my fucking grandma and i had to deal with an emotionally manipu #lative piece of fucking shit for 3 of those years who ostrocized me from my friends and now i cant fucking remember the last 6 years for shi #shit and finally when things were looking up now i was a fucking idiot and overwrote my fucking phone back up and now its saying it has not #enough memory on the device to restore it which doesnt make any sense its the same phone and i just want to fucking #cry and i cant because i cant upset my mom because if i do shes going to get worse so i have to hold evverything in and i #cant leave the house ebcause i cant work i cant do anything my only option is to kill my self thats all i can see anymore the #world is burning i dont have anyone close to me anymore the last time i let anyone in was t**** and im never going to let anyone #in again because of how he hurt me and used everything against me and ive ruined my life ive made tooo many unforgiveable mistakes i will #never be able to take back i just want to die and go up to my inner world / afterlife where i can hug lucifer and asra and mammon and every #one i love is there and were all happy and no one hates eachother its just like how it was when i was young and everyone was there and no on #e had died yet or got sick or any thing i just want thth ab ack why does everything hve to change every year i lose antoher person i cant fu #kcking take it anymore ij ust want t odie and go to my afterlife i m of no use here i make no one happy everyone hates me #my mom and dad are dissapointed in me they dont want me around anyore because all i do is cause conflict and waste money im just a fucking b #urden and no one can tell me other wise because i shut out everyone else and now i only trust myself and my own opinions i odnt see anyone o #n my level anymore i havent had a friend since i was 15 that was the last time i let anyone in who actually cared about me #and wasnt just there to use me for my parents money or generosityy or anything else #i dont have anyone all i have is my f/os and my cats who love me thats it #go forward link #suicide /