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#lax instead of treating every drawing like a little project
sleepygaymerdisease · 4 years
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ive been thinking. maybe i prioritize drawing stuff a bit too much
#it’s something i do to feel productive but i should be doing a lot of other stuff rn idk 🤔#at the very least im trying to fix my sleep schedule. and ive been trying to apply to 2 jobs a day. but like huh! i felt really productive#today even though i didnt draw and i think i need to reframe what productivity means in my head. because its a pretty capitalist notion#i dont mean to say that my hobbies are meaningless or stupid or anything like that to be clear. its just that like i used to draw a lot#during classes and stuff to tell myself i was being productive? and relying on that as like. proof that im a smart person or whatever. so im#criticizing my attitude towards art. because in the long term i think defining myself by my hobbies has been a bad idea. i dont have to#prove myself to others. i should be taking care of myself first.#not to keep oversharing but i think ive been depressed for a While and like. idk i should really put more time in talking to ppl? checking#up on friends and family. i want to help people and i think ive thought of that as some faraway goal when i can do that right now. and i#think when i help others i can start to help myself. ill try to wake up early tomorrow again and clean around the house. that usually makes#me kind of angry but i think that i should start scheduling my days again. it really helped me in the dorms to have a checklist of stuff#even though i wouldnt always get the stuff done. and i think that i should start like. planning an entire week instead of going day by day.#give myself some more longterm goals. for example ive been worried about art supplies but i told myself today that i should wait to buy more#until i get a job. and i have some phonecalls to do and i want to cook things and idk. is it dumb to say ive felt a little lost? a lot has#been going on irl and i know i say that all the time but i mean particularly right now.#and i feel like my brain’s been foggy because of it but actually doing stuff today made me feel a lot better.#i still have a lot of stuff to do but i think i can get rid of that anxious overwhelmed depressed feeling one day at a time. at the very#least ill try to clean my room tomorrow. i know that probably sounds like a small thing but like i said a lot of things have felt like too#much. and now i have some motivation. anyway back to drawing. i do have some stuff i plan on drawing of course but i think i should be more#lax instead of treating every drawing like a little project? and that i should give myself the time and the space for irl traditional stuff.#that probably sounds contradictory but i mean like. getting rid of physical clutter (my desk needs to be cleaned off) and mental clutter#(fretting over specific papers/art supplies and costs etc etc.) i also think that ive been purposely a little secretive about what i draw#(not showing wips or telling ppl its contents before i finish) and thats kind of stupid because the anticipation/surprise factor shouldnt#be too big of a deal? for jokes its important sure but i mainly mean like. personal stuff like ocs and things i put more work/time into. i#shouldnt hide it ‘until its ready’ because itll make me anxious. ‘what if they wouldnt like it’ ‘what if its boring’ ‘what if its cringe’#who fucking cares anymore. its not.. my problem??? i should be enjoying myself????#oh yeah the original point of this post is actually that i wanted to list the stuff that i want to do but i was also thinkin a lot. so uh#thanks for getting this far. not sure if theres a tag limit actually. anyway. things 2 draw eventually: alisa gave me epic yugioh stickers#and i like the colors so i was thinkin about redrawin/using the color pallets. i keep thinkin about making a game and i want to make mockup#sprites OR focus on locations! :0 i really want to draw little rpg shops u know with someone at the desk and theres all those cool items :)
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shesawriter39049 · 5 years
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“PRIVATE SESSIONS” BTS OT7 (M) MULTI MEMBER ONE SHOT SERIES
“PRIVATE SESSIONS” BTS OT7 (M) MULTI MEMBER ONE SHOT SERIES
INTRODUCTION- “BANGTAN X Y/N”
- (There is still a lil smut in this as well as smut and kinks are discussed, But this is also the backstory because the other installments just jump right into it.. )
Part 1..AKA the first “Private Session”  will pick up where this ends with Y/N X “___” see if you can guess which member it is by end of this. It’s 4k all of the instalments will be around 3K..pretty much straight to the point..smut with a a mini backstory/scenario...each member will get there own….
P.S - I wrote this intro a month or ago and forgot about it..if you guys want part 1 that will come early Feb!
INTRO -BANGTAN X Y/N -1/16/19
PART 1- UP 
“Oh my god…yes..” Your cry wasn’t even audible as you pressed your face into the glass, nails clawing at his clothed thighs, surprised you actually didn’t rip a hole straight through ..as pure pleasure rang through your ears feeling yourself drip down your thighs. The firm grip he held around your neck, almost knocking the wind out of you as he rolled his hips into you.. deeper..teeth grazing the skin beneath your neck “Louder..” The command coming out in the form of a growl coursed through your veins as his opposite hand connected to your clit almost making your knees buckle. You were already so swollen and beyond sensitive as the wind nipped against your skin..blowing your hair away from your neck..cooling over the heat that was streaming down your body..”I said..LOUDER..let everybody hear you..let everyone know how good I’m fucking you, and how wet, your pussy gets for me..fuck baby your so wet..”
 Let’s rewind a little shall we?
 If someone would’ve told you 6 months ago you’d be on a balcony in Tokyo… at 1am with “____”’s hand around your throat..while your face was pressed against a glass window,a good oh I don’t know…20 stories up….you’d think they were high as fuck. I mean for good reason, don’t get me wrong…you were attractive..clearly..that’s why the boys ended up with your number. But you weren’t an idol…some famous youtuber ..or an IG model..you were just Y/N a 24 year old Real estate agent from Chicago.That somehow fell down the black hole that is BTS..you told yourself you were too old to be a fangirl again…but clearly that didn’t last long. You won a contest through IHEARTRADIO to attend a private showcase with the boys. There was barley 100 fans there..an opportunity to attend a show THAT intimate with a band of this caliber was almost unheard of. There was also a separate drawing for 10 fans to get a 10 minute meet and greet, to talk and take pictures…well you went last and your meet and greet actually lasted almost a half hour. The boys clicked with you instantly. The main thing they loved was the fact that you able to just dick around with them like they were normal guys. On top of the fact that even though they didn’t admit it initially..they found you so inticising.The perfect combination of all the things they weren’t use to in the bubble they lived in and that sealed the deal! By the end of the meet and greet Namjoon had your number..not holding your breath he’d even ever use it…well little did you know that would open the door to a million possibilities. All thanks to a group chat that was created and used regularly “Bangtan X Y/N” the conversations were not typically long and sometimes they made no damn sense..sending random memes back and forth..Tae sending pics of clothes he wanted to buy…Kookie sending you weird ass shit he finds in tourist shops.. Hell sometimes you’d even ask them advice on guys or what to wear on a date. At times you may only talk once a week..and it may take each member more time than others to respond but they always did and you guys actually created a genuine friendship…Believe it or not…the conversations also NEVER turned sexual up until this point.
 You slowly but surely earned their trust, after talking to you for a while they realized you weren’t looking for anything from them. You never pried for personal information…asked for free tickets..sneak peeks of music, the rare occasions you’d meet them, they’d offer to pay and you’d be ready to damn near cut their balls off. You let them decided what they did or didn’t wanna share, weather that be what they ate for lunch, or how completely exhausted and stressed they were, the ball was always in there court.  More importantly you didn’t walk on eggshells with them nor did you ever hold your tongue because of who they were and they loved that. It just felt honest…due to their busy schedule and you just having your own damn life, within this 6 month period..you’d only seen them 2 times.The meet and greet in the summer..and about 2 months after that when they went to New York…the boys have been begging you to come back out but you just couldn’t find the time. This has probably been your busiest, but most successful year as an agent but due to you just getting to the point where you were making steady money and had some cushion in the bank..you didn’t have a assistant yet so you were doing it all yourself.
Financially it would kind of be a waste of money to travel overseas unless you could stay at least 2 weeks! Your pride wouldn’t let them cover your flight…lord knows they offered…instead you just settled for them smothering you in all the wine and sushi your heart desired. Finally deciding in January, you’d go see your Bangtan boys.. now here you are almost 4 months later in Tokyo..
The boys were about to start the last leg of the tour in about 10 days…just wanting a break..they rented out a pretty nice penthouse suite at the Ritz Carlton Tokyo for a couple days. Setting up a studio space so they could throw around some ideas for there new project..in a more laxed atmosphere. To be honest you were kind of playing the whole thing by ear, you had a couple friends that lived abroad. As far as the boys were concerned, besides just hanging out in their suite, they wanted you to at least attended one show before you left! They were also determined to find a way to get you backstage at a couple events they had coming up without Bighit busting a nut..but you weren’t holding your breath on that one. Honestly you weren’t too concerned though, you had other things to do outside of seeing the boys anyway. Already going into this with the understanding that for one they’re still pretty busy, so whatever time you got you wouldn’t complain..and two this wasn’t LA things had to be done hella low key over here. Which is why you were treating this as moreso a vacation which you desperately needed and they were just a bonus. Your plan was to stay at your hotel for 3 days..then crash with friends….you actually only bought your ticket to Tokyo…not really sure where you’d end up by the end of it! Perks to being an agent is you were your own boss, you made your own schedule. Actually just closing a deal before leaving so once that check cleared that covered next months bills.So in all honesty you weren’t sure when you’d be back in the states. I mean shit, you’ve been busting your ass for the past 2 years trying to get to this point you deserve a break too!
It was about 8 at night, you landed a couple hours prior but jetlag knocked you flat on your ass, you were staying in the same hotel just about 8 floors down.Your body was slowly starting to stir naturally, but the extra push came from the fact that you fell asleep with your headphones in ..and Taehyung was calling you.The sudden blast against your ear drums almost making you roll off the bed completely before you realized what was happening. Clicking the answer button not even waiting for you to say hello “We literally ordered you every piece of sushi on the menu, you should probably get your ass up here before Kookie eats it all, I can only hold him off for so long!” The base… in this man’s voice, holyshit…it was rare you guys talked on the phone, due to you being on completely opposite time schedules the majority of the time. To be honest..hearing him..remembering he was so close almost made you nervous. Which threw you off initially, because in all honesty by now you typically felt very comfortable when you talked to them. But, again let’s get real..this was still BTS regardless of how down to earth they are…that still doesn’t change the aura they have! I think because you guys were always texting from so far away it almost made you feel like this was all a fantasy..I mean it’s been months… now they were literally upstairs waiting for you.
 You couldn’t help but let out a snort as you rubbed your eyes,vision still foggy “Such a baby ..” your tone slightly groggy due to just waking up “Aww,I told you she was probably sleeping good job Tae!” You knew that was Jimin, his voice was a little softer..he just always sounds so…I don’t know..relaxed? You couldn’t help but smile always such a sweetheart! But before you could even say anything...“Well I mean in his defense it’s like 8 at night…sooo…” You also knew that sarcastic growl anywhere “Fuck you Yoongi…” the clap back came instant with zero hesitation or thought behind it. The two of you had a very love hate relationship. Of course it was playful but you two gave each other shit 24/7. You heard them all erupt in laughter almost in unison..and the smile on your face stretched even wider. “Okay but forreal, my tolerance for food is non existent..and this foods already been here about 5 minutes you got another 60 seconds before I start eating without you!” There he was..the world’s favorite brat..-”Ignore him babe, he’s not touching a damn thing until you get up here..” It was slightly muffled..I think he was kinda far away but you already knew who it was..too…Hoseok and Namjoon were the only ones who called you by a pet name, had since they met you.  You felt your face get hot, almost forgetting how good that sounds in person “Thank you Hobi..alright give me like 5 minutes..someone text me the room number..hey wait..where’s Jonnie and Jin!?” It almost felt like you could feel his laugh the rumble…sat so low…you already knew he was probably sitting there looking boyfriend as fuck with those deep ass dimples “I’m here princes..Jin’s asleep..he’s not feeling so good. I’ll text you the room number..take your time..” - “Don’t listen to him..I’m hungry!”- “Oh my god Kookie shut up! She just said she’s coming! Your not gonna die!” It was clear Namjoon was about done with Jungkook for the night, his tone was as dry as can be  “You don’t know that..then YOU’D have to explain to ARMY what happened” You couldn’t help but scoff at how dramatic this boy was..but also you were damn near in tears from listening to them bicker back in fourth. “God forbid you die of starvation..alright Kookie, I’ll be there in a minute..bye guys!”
 Sitting on the edge of the bed trying to contemplate what to do…not wanting to overdo it because they knew you just woke up but I mean come on…you couldn’t look like you just woke up either! Throwing on a pair of high waisted leggings, they were comfy and you know they made your ass look good, and a loose black cropped cut up band tee. Running some tinted brow gel though your brows, a orangey bronzer on your cheeks for blush, and some gloss,being oh so thankful for lash extensions. You looked wayyy more put together than you really were.. putting your hair in high ponytail, pulling out a couple pieces around your face. A couple spritz of perfume and you were out the door, taking in a couple slow breaths before knocking on there door. Shaking off any nerves that were suddenly moving up your throat. “You got this girl…you got this..” giving yourself a well needed pep talk before letting your knuckles meet the door. You instantly heard the commotion from there room and it didn’t take long for you to hear the door unlatch. Letting out one more deep exhale, before you faced whoever was behind it.  Once the door opened you knew you were done, Namjoon’s eyes met yours, you watched them crinkle as he smiled down at you..those dimples!! THOSE DIMPLES!! And he looked good, they all looked and smelled so good…no makeup..skin glowing..looking boyfriend as fuck. The jeans,sweatpants..backwards snapbacks..foreheads exposed there were foreheads…foreheads everywhere! This was just a lot for one person to take in, you low key were feelin kinda attacked and I don’t blame you! ! Feeling like you almost had to squeez your thighs together as you walked in the room..…Once you entered you were greeted by warm smiles and even warmer hugs, each of their individual scent hitting your nose as they pulled you into there frame. Each touch was different, the embrace..how long it lingered, to be honest you almost could predict how it would go. The way each member hugged you almost reflected the way they interacted with you via text.
 About a hour went by..you found yourself on the couch sandwiched between Hoseok and Jimin, legs rested on Jimin’s lap while you guys ate sushi and drunk wine. Jimin’s hand casually resting on your thigh as he ate, yes..Park Jimin….had his hand.. On. Your .Thigh. What is life right now?? Not to mention the boys not knowing what personal space is, and just being total sweethearts, there was certain foods that you obviously aren’t familiar with. Not only did they explain it but they fed it to you..like the way you see them feed each other in Vlives….yeah. I don’t think you’d ever get the visual of Kim Taehyung putting a piece of sushi in your mouth, then licking the left over eel sauce off his finger..out of your head..
All of the nervous energy you felt on your way up here was completely gone, it was crazy how comfortable you felt around them! The conversation was pretty random and all over the place, just like your group chat. The boys more so wanting to hear about how you’ve been, they were very fascinated in your line of work, especially Yoongi and Hoseok. Once you finished eating the room fell  silent..which you didn’t mind until you noticed the mischievous smirk on Jungkook’s face. While Namjoon passed out tiramisu for dessert. “Kookie..what the holy hell is that face!?” Kicking up your brow in curiously while Yoongi randomly erupted in laughter, the tone alone was suspect.. and at this point you had to know what was up. Your eyes shot to Taehyung’s, because you knew he’d cave! Letting out a slow huff before setting his plate down. You could tell he wanted to smile though so it couldn’t be that bad right? “Wellll…” purposely being an ass and dragging it out knowing damn well you were dying over there “WELL!?” your tone?…yeah..not so chill…smacking the pillow that was currently in your lap. At this point you guys were almost 2 bottles deep so your patience was nonexistent..“Well she’s not very patient..” Yoongi teased with a smirk, as he licked his lips and suddenly the pillow that was on your lap was flying halfway across the room “Alright,alright I’ll tell you just don’t throw anything at me next….So last night..Kook kinda sorta found your tumblr….” The words came out slow, as his tongue teased the corner of his lip, his eyes tracing yours carefully waiting to see how you’d respond. The room was dead silent at first, and well to be fair you didn’t see the big deal, it was a mix of makeup fashion, sex and BTS. Your eyes scanned the room with a slight shrug “Oohhkayyy..” You let your words drag out making it very clear that you were obviously missing the punchline…”Right..but like..we were bored… so we went…kindaaaaa far back…” Hoseok glanced down at you as he stuffed his face, and then my friend…there it was…your eyes went wide in pure terror once it clicked. “Oh fuckkkkk” I think you actually wheezed and curled into a ball..have you ever seen a rollie pollie curl up into a ball? Well yeah that was you!
 See…back in the day your BTS content had no chill, not only did you reblog smut but your tags..were on a whole nother level! Everything from Jimin’s thick neck,, to wanting Taehyung to tie you up with his Gucci headband,and do whatever the fuck he wanted, sitting on Jimin’s face, having Hoseok fuck you in front of a mirror, Yoongi’s tongue game, Namjoons daddy kink, Junkooks sub switch! Yeah girl you were ugh..mortified to say the least. “Oh fuck me!!”  This time It almost came out as a screech as your face fell into Hoseok’s lap, and they all cackled so loud it was unreal. You felt him massage your shoulder trying to put you at ease..but there was no way..no way… “Oh don’t worry I screenshot some of my favorites..serious question..please explain to me the sexual attraction to Jimin’s.. In your words “ Thick ass neck..daddy yassssssss” Yoongi breathed out, the emphies on the “Yasss” had you limp to say the least…at least the boys found this hilarious because all you could hear in the background was cackling while you felt like you were dying! “Wait one more time Yoongi?” Hoseok breathed out with a snort and you lightly nipped at his thigh with your teeth..causing him to make a noise that you damn sure weren’t ready for, because you felt that shit in more places than one. “Yassssssssssss” Yoongi breathed out one more time in a high pitched tone. All you could do was flick him off..not even able to raise our head at this point! You felt Jimin start to rub your thigh, his way of letting you know you were fine. It was clear the post from the past couple months, since you’ve met them..they haven’t been as..intense. Probably because now that you know them..it made it kinda weird..but at the end of the day you were a fangirl..that’s how you guys met and they were on YOUR tumblr! So once you got over the initial shock…meh it is what it is!
 Taehyung crawled over to you, taking your face in his hands, trying to make you look up at him . Pressing his forehead to yours..and now you really weren’t going to open your eyes. “I’m not moving until you look at me …hey..do I need to go get my Gucci headband ?” His tone was playful, it was clear he just wanted to make sure you were good….but to be honest the threat sounds more like a sinful tease. His voice barely above a whisper,breath hitting your skin, a mixture of white wine and coffee from the tiramisu.His hands felt so soft against your skin it was unreal, you fluttered your eyes open, and he smiled back at you…”There’s our girl!” Pulling back from you, rocking back on the floor. No matter how embarrassed you were..hearing him say that..”Our girl..”..had you feeling..of course at ease but also slightly turned on? Yet you couldn’t help but whine as you readjusted our ponytail your face felt like it was on fire…”Why does everyone think I have a mirror kink? I mean it’s true but what about me says that?” Hoseok’s brows furrowed, in confusion as he licked the whipped cream off his fork.. In which a scoff left your lips without even realizing “Ghee I don’t know maybe because your a dancer and spend a lot of time in a studio..and I mean as a dancer your a perfectionist..so in theory you like to watch yourself..hmm..I knew that was spot on!” Glancing over at him, voice playfully flirtatious,, but the look this man gave you in return..you just…no you weren’t ready for it. It was like he went from being Jhope to Jay, tongue slowly sliding against his plump bottom lip. As a smirk moved up his face, before causally returning his glance to the pastry on his plate. It was like he knew he knocked the wind outta you for a moment, and that alone was enough for him to be content just knowing he could if he wanted too. It just hit you how turned on you suddenly were…as sassy as you could be you loved a man that was dominant…and you already knew this man was dom AF I mean come on   “Well it didn’t take long for her sassy ass to shake off acting shy and embarrassed..Yo..Jimin..man are-are you taking pictures of your neck!? “Yoongi’s face was priceless as he leaned up from his chair, trying to get a better look and you could help but snort, whipping your head around to see for yourself . All he did was shrug nonchalant..no shame…”Actually I’m looking at it in my camera…ya know I never realized it but I actually do have a really nice neck” Nodding in approval at his own reflection, as he should because the boy was fine…. “Wooowww…Jin would be proud…” Namjoon just rolled his eyes as he let his glance meet yours “Where just giving you a hard time honestly..we’ve seen wayyy crazier, its normal and at the end of the day..it comes with the territory. Part of being a idol is being a fantasy. I mean shit it’s part of why they don’t like us to date..nothing’s changed on our end so I really hope your not like freaking out about this…” His whole delivery was warm, and even though the atmosphere made you feel at ease and you kinda already knew they were just giving you shit, but it still felt good to hear him say it!
 You smiled back at him, almost getting lost for a moment as he held your gaze in the palm of his hands…”Also I mean this all seems pretty spot on..especially you reblogging all these text post about Jungkook being a bratty sub..” Taehyung teased letting his eyes cut over to Kook’s but he did NOT seem amused, actually he was quiet this whole time. Kinda had you wondering if he was feeling uncomfortable..or upset..you weren’t sure you just knew something didn’t seem right with him. The boys seemed to just shoe it off but you didn’t like it..”So….I have a question…how do you go from I guess…having all those..”Fantasies”.. to just suddenly shutting those thoughts off? I mean granted were all friends now..so it would probably be hard for you to separate the two if the oppert-” The look on your face made Yoongi stop talking altogether “What do you mean it would be hard to seperate the two? Are you assuming women can’t just fuck for the sake of pleasure? Have you never heard of one and done…or What? Are you assuming your dicks so good that I’ll turn into a sasaeng tumblr and not be able to be your friend anymore?” Cocking your head to the side as you kicked your brow up..voice dripping in sass..and you heard all the other boys let out a snort. You personally weren’t able to catch all there reactions but let’s just say even though they didn’t expect you to say that they were impressed that you did. The fact that you didn’t seem like you were intimated by the sudden change of pace as far as the conversation was concerned, but hey..you’re all adults right? Clearly your statement caught Yoongi off guard as he as actually speechless. His eyes were challenging you though …that’s for damn sure,it  felt like his eyes were fucking you right there..head leaning to the side slightly, his gaze becoming more of a smolder..you started a fire with this one. Letting his tongue dance along his bottom lip as his finger..traced the rim of his glass. Clearing his throat before responding “Well I mean from these post it seems like your more curious as to what my tongue can do as opposed to my dick but hey..”  Leaning back slightly your face clearly reflecting that you were a little taken aback, but also impressed by his response..because again none of you ever had these types of conversations together before . I mean let’s get real they’re grown ass man but of course this isn’t a side of the boys the world got to see. IDOL world is completely different, more…tamed I guess you could say. They don’t talk about sex and girls the way some American artist can so freely, so this was brand new territory and you loved it.. ..His tone was so coy and laxed that all you could do was nod in agreeance the look on your face said “Touche”  Not sure if it was the liquid courage or if this was just the way they were behind closed doors but you had no complaints. There was something really sexy, knowing that it appears some of the fantsities you as fans think the boys are into might be true. The fact that they can be one way to world..and completely different behind closed doors had your skin on fire. I mean of course you see hints of it on stage and let your mind wander else were but fuck..it’s a whole other experience hearing it first hand, your panties were done for at this point.
 You watched the other boys go completely wide eyed at Yoongi’s comment…not surprised but surprised he took it there. Especially Namjoon as he glanced back at him “Oh please don’t even start bra master “ sticking out your tongue playfully as you successfully made him cringe at the reference .Out of habit,the conversation started breaking out in their native tongue briefly before they caught themselves. Switching back to English seamlessly  so you didn’t feel awkward… “Hyung I still Believe you just said that out loud! Damn I guess you’re officially the 8th member of BTS, because we don’t talk like this around anybody..but each other..” Jimin’s  eyes met yours smiling up at him, feeling pretty damn, good because one that means they were genuinely comfortable with you, and two, I mean fuck what girl wouldn’t love to talk kink fantasys  with the people there actually about. Especially because they kinda seem to be into it, I mean shit if that’s not something, to get yourself off to at night then I don’t know what is! Yet, through all this you couldn’t help but still glance back over at Jungkook . He was just so removed while the rest of you were having a ball, and that’s just not like him! “Hey I think I’m gonna go lay down..I just got really tired for some reason….” His eyes met Namjoons before he excused himself…”Night Kookie…” glancing over at him because it was clear he want going to speak..”Night…” Scrunching in your nose at how dry that response was ….
 You 10:30pm : Okay…what the fucks your deal????
PART 1 
BTW- I will also note this in part 1, as well as it’s kinda discussed at the end of part 1. These “Sessions” will not be rushed..in my mind this spans the last couple months of tour so Jan-April. Y/N gets to Tokyo Jan 1st btw, in all honesty in the two week period of her vacation I will probably only have her hook up with 2 of the guys and put a break in between for the others. It will be reference at the end of part 1 “If any other situations come up naturally in the future..and you choose to indulge, that’s completely up to you, but that dose NOT affect our dynamic”
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