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papermoonloveslucy · 4 years

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A FUNNY THING HAPPENED ON THE WAY TO THE SITCOM

August 17 - 21, 2020

The series is presented on BBC Radio 4 in five 14-minute segments over five days: August 17-21, 2020.

Synopsis: The onscreen pairing of Lucille and Desi is brilliant, but the American Network is doubtful.

Written by Gregg Oppenheimer based on his book “Laughs, Luck and Lucy” Directed by Martin Jarvis Produced by Rosalind Ayres

CAST

Anne Heche (Lucille Ball / Lucy Ricardo) made her TV debut playing twins Vicki and Marley on the soap “Another World” from 1987 to 1991. Since then she has mixed TV roles with film and Broadway with equal success. Ironically, she auditioned for the role in I'm Not There (2007) that went to Cate Blanchett, who has been mentioned as the next person to play Lucille Ball on film. In 2000 Heche won a Lucy Award (named for Lucille Ball) for developing and directing the HBO movie If These Walls Could Talk 2.

Wilmer Valderrama (Desi Arnaz / Ricky Ricardo) got his start on TV playing Fez in “That ‘70s Show”. In a 2001 episode of the series, Fez dreamed he was Ricky Ricardo married to Donna (Laura Prepon). In 2008 he traveled to Lucille Ball’s hometown of Jamestown to present "A Tribute to Desi Arnaz" as part of Lucy-Desi Days. Valderrama (born in Venezuela) said he's always been inspired by Arnaz as a performer and Hispanic American. I think 'I Love Lucy' was one of the most influential pieces of work in any decade. He claims that watching sitcoms like "I Love Lucy" helped him learn English. He said it was exciting to see a Hispanic actor established on television so many decades ago and to see someone who looked and sounded a little like himself.

Jared Harris (Jess Oppenheimer) is the son of legendary Irish actor Richard Harris. In 1966, when Jared was five years old, his father and Lucille Ball both guest starred on the new “Milton Berle Show”. In addition to his many film roles, he was part of the award-winning cast of “Mad Men” and the recently acclaimed “Chernobyl.”

Alfred Molina (Harry Ackerman) was born in England in 1953 but first came to the attention of film-goers through his small role in 1981′s Raiders of the Lost Ark. He has since been successful in both comedy and drama, as well as doing voice-over for animation. Molina is now a hit with a new generation of movie fans as Doc Ock in the Spider Man films. In “Feud: Bette and Joan” he played film director Robert Aldrich, who started out as second AD on Lucille Ball’s 1942 film The Big Street.

Mike McShane (Hubbell Robinson) was born and raised in the United States, but has acted extensively on stage and screen in Great Britain. Fans of TV’s “Seinfeld” may recognize him for his two appearances as Franklin Delano Romanowski. In 2006/07 McShane voiced the ravenous plant in the London stage revival of Little Shop of Horrors. The musical famously includes a reference to Lucille Ball.

Matthew Floyd Miller (Don Sharpe) reprises the role he played in the LA TheatreWorks production of “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way To the Sitcom” in 2018.

Janine Barris (Betty Garrett) was raised in Fairlawn, New Jersey. She is best known for playing Heather in the film Crazy Stupid Love (2011). Barris’ great uncle was George Barris, who was famous for photographing Marilyn Monroe, a star Lucy Ricardo emulated and even dressed as on one occasion. Janine Barris plays Betty Garrett, who appeared with Lucy in 1978′s “Gene Kelly: An American in Pasadena”.

Stacy Keach (William Frawley / Fred Mertz) is an acclaimed stage and screen actor who won a Golden Glob and an Emmy nomination for playing Ernest Hemingway on television in 1988. He shared the screen with Lucille Ball at the 1984 and 1986 Emmy Awards telecasts. He is currently seen on “Blue Bloods” and “Man With A Plan”. He is probably best known for playing “Mike Hammer” from 1984 to 1987.

Anna Mathias (Vivian Vance / Ethel Mertz) was born in San Francisco, California, and fittingly made her screen debut on a 1975 episode of “The Streets of San Francisco”. In 1985 she worked with Lucille Ball’s friend and colleague George Burns. She now concentrates on voice-over work.

Matthew Wolf (Marc Daniels)

Mark Sullivan (Richard Denning)

André Sogliuzzo (William S. Paley)

Others: Anna Lyse Erikson, Allegra Riggio

The book was first published in 1996. It took Gregg Oppenheimer seven years to write. An audio version was first presented in Los Angeles in 2015.

And then again in 2018.

It was recorded for audio in front of a live audience. Starring (in alphabetical order): Ron Bottitta as William S. Paley, William Frawley, and others; Seamus Dever as Jess Oppenheimer; Sarah Drew as Lucille Ball; Abigail Marks as Vivian Vance, Betty Garrett, and others; Matthew Floyd Miller as Don Sharpe, Bob LeMond, and others; Rob Nagle as Hubbell Robinson and others; Oscar Nunez as Desi Arnaz; and Nick Toren as Harry Ackerman.

Author Gregg Oppenheimer with Lucille Ball.

LISTEN TO EPISODE ONE BY CLICKING HERE!

#Lucille Ball #Desi Arnaz #I Love Lucy #Gregg Oppenheimer #BBC4 #Radio #Jess Oppenheimer #Stacy Keach #anne heche #wilmer valderrama #Alfred Molina #Jared Harris #Matthew Floyd Miller #Janine Barris #Anna Matthias #Martin Jarvis #Rosalind Ayres #Vivian Vance #William Frawley

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wherearemyglassesbro · 4 years

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I’m thinking of starting a blog soon! So uh- if you can answer, if the axis and allies were to go to a fine arts school, what would they do/major in? Thank you! Keep up the good work!

Hell yeah!!! Welcome to the club, bucko!

China: Yao would be a piano master! He takes multiple classes for piano and flute! And he plays the harp too but his heart will always belong to the piano. He takes public speaking classes cause he isn’t the best at it and he learns Chinese instruments with his mom at home :) the way he performs always leaves people in awe, his expressions and the way he plays makes the whole experience magical!! His teachers adore him!

Russia: Ivan is a dancer, watch out man cause he’ll crush your head with his thighs. He’s super tall and strong so he gets the male lead most of the time for ballet performances put on by the school! Cause he lifts his partner so easily and just...glides around that stage! Ivan looks great in sequins and cakey stage makeup :) and he takes very good care of himself, he’s got a *self care* routine that every other dancer at the school is jealous of. He doesn’t talk much cause he doesn’t see the need when he can just express himself through dance! Ivan can do the splits...He enjoys dropping into the splits at home or in the hall at school to freak out his friends and sisters

America: Alfred wants to be a comedian so he’s taking a bunch of theater, public speaking and improv classes! When he’s on stage, he owns it! And he can do a handful of accents! Al’s great at comedic storytelling and takes a LOT of inspiration from Jerry Seinfeld and John Mulaney. He watches their shows/performances and makes notes on them! He’s done multiple assignments on them too so at this point, Al’s teachers know as much about Jerry and John as Al does...RIP

England: Artie wanted to be a musician and came to this performing arts school to learn different instruments like guitar or drums but when he grew out of his punk phase in 10th grade, he realized he wanted to be a writer! So he’s taking theater classes and advanced English/poetry classes to learn as much as he can before being spat back out into the real world to fend for himself. He writes a lot of love poems and then burns them in his fireplace at home cause he believes they’re not good enough. Alfred did a comedy sketch about him once, mocking his accent, and Art threatened to beat him up behind Denny’s at 2am

Canada: Mattie wants to SCULPT!!! Let’s hear if for art bois!!! People expect him to be funny like Al cause they’re twins but Matt just wants to listen to Tessa Violet and sculpt pretty ladies out of wood...That’s all he wants to do :( he takes painting classes and a lot of business related classes cause if he’s gonna sell his art, he wants to know how money works cause it ain’t like anyone else is gonna teach him! He also enjoys widdling and will widdle things out of soap if you ask nicely and buy him a cookie from the lunchroom! His favorite thing to make outta soap are boots “cause you don’t expect soap to be shapes like shoes!”...Nerd

France: Francis has hopped from thing to thing many times! He came to the school for ballet, and continues to take ballet classes, but he found out how much he loved to paint after messing around during tech week for the school’s Big Spring Production as he helped paint the backdrops. So he’s conflicted. He’s been dancing since he was young but he’s found something else he loves! Oh how sad! Fran’s a big drama queen but he’s got such a diverse circle of friends: the writers, actors, dancers, art kids, he knows tons of people and is always out and about! If he sees you crying in the dressing room he’ll run over and hug you! But if you’re his dancing partner he can be very picky “Ugh, NON, stop sickling your foot it looks atrocious!”

S.Italy: Oooooooh boy, Lovino to be a photographer for big brands like GUCCI or Louis Vuitton! But you gotta start at the bottom and work your way up! Lovi is extremely short tempered when he has to work with people his own age and has made his brother cry many times by yelling and nagging. “NO! Look at the CAMERA not ME! You idiot now look! You moved and now he shot’s blurry, nice job!” But despite that, you’ll still find him crying as he edits photos cause he waited until the last possible movement to turn everything in and now he’s gotta cram! But then his perfectionist side kicks in and then he cries even MORE cause ‘I don’t have enough time to make the picture perfect but it needs to look perfect! But I don’t have enough time-‘

N.Italy: Feli wants to be a PAINTER and not just any painter, a realist painter. He loves taking Lovi’s pictures to paint! He goes around and will take pictures of students, with their permission, and will paint them super realistically! He’s painted Ivan and Yao many times cause they’re his buddies and he appreciates them so much!! He’s been to every show their school has put on and he’s always there to cheer others on at art shows, even if he didn’t submit anything to that show. He and Matt work together in the studio sometimes! Matt will let him paint a sculpture or Feli will paint Matt whike he’s working. Feli talks and talks while Mattie listens without a complaint :)

Prussia: Gil is a band boy, he plays the saxophone, clarinet and flute. He’s got a big ol’ lung capacity! He loves music and uses it as a coping mechanism. When he’s having Albino Aches, he plays music to get through it, when he’s frustrated with his peers he plays the sax dramatically and if he’s feeling like a gremlin, he’ll play All Star on the flute to annoy Francis during practice. “Gil! Get out of here!” *vigorous flute sounds*. Gil plays in the pit for shows so even though you don’t see him much, he’s loud and he’s there! He and Yao DONT get along cause Yao is very very serious about music while Gil is just good at it and enjoys it. He doesn’t plan on making a career out of it but he’s having a great time while he’s playing!

Germany: Lud is in an advanced choir and has such a beautiful singing voice UGH DUDE! He gets super embarassed when you compliment him or when Gilbert’s yelling ‘THATS MY BABY BROTHER!! WOOO!!!!’ From the crowd. He’s a freshman there but he auditioned for a hiiiigh up choir and easily got in! He takes great care of his voice, no unnecessary yelling and definetly no smoking. He chides others in his choir for doing so but hey, at the end of the day, Lud knows he’ll just take their places when they ruin their voices! Lud wants to make a career out of singing cause he just...Loves it so much. He worries so much about being in a real serious choir one day :0 His worst fear is that he’ll fail every auditom he goes to! His dad assures him that that won’t happen...And he trusts his dad...So he’ll power through it and sing his kil’ heart out

Japan: Kiku and a few friends want to make their own manga one day! That’s the goal! But for now, they’re all settling for advanced drawing classes and painting classes. They don’t exactly have manga courses at school so they practice that on their own time. They’ve made a bunch of friends through their art program though! And since Kiku speaks English, Japanese and Chinese, he tutors other students who wish to learn those languages! That way he gets money to buy fancy copics :) he doesn’t work for the big showcases or anything like that, he prefers to keep to himself, but his teachers put his art in school art shows constantly!

Long postttttt thanks for reading :) yeeeehaw!

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meaghanrosegallagher-blog · 5 years

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Invasion of the 20th Century Entertainment Memory Snatchers

I have paid thousands of dollars on tragic stories inspired by industry abuse protocols established by Darryl F Zanuck.

Zanuck was 23 when he started at box. He ran the studio for 50 years.

FOX has been real bad...

The stories I have consumed and learned from were created by or shared by artists (or surviving friends/associates) who were on the receiving end of abuse.

In film. TV. Music. Plays. Books. When famous people are abused, their stories do get out. Stop acting like you have not seen this and you do not know about the dirty side of Hollywood.

One thing I know about famous people is this: fmous women & famous men rarely cannot stop talking about their personal narrative. From womb to tomb. Scandals. Coverups. Everything that happened to that.bWhy is everyone acting like there isn’t an industry based off of the inevitable tragedy of committing oneself to the romanticized Hollywood lifestyle?

I have paid thousands and thousands of dollars consuming and learning from tragic stories shared (or revealed) by all artists. My family treasures information and entertainment, so I have been awake since 1988.

Brokaw every night. Jeopardy. Cheers. Seinfeld. Simpsons. Old music. New music. My parents are old and white and grew up in Miami, Florida. During the Cuban missile crisis & segregation.

My parents talk to me and my sister about those experiences and how awful they were. What scary times they were. How confusing it was to be a child seeing adults that were a different tone forced to adhere to degrading laws that were clearly wrong. I’m sorry your parents chose not to discuss things about their lives. People have many reasons for keeping secrets. My parents never liked what they saw happening to their fellow Americans & the Seminole Nation.

We used to laugh as the family about the days of “duck and cover”. My dad remembers thinking (at 10) that hiding under a desk probably wasn’t going to help if we were bombed. My mother would run home every day and play nuclear fallout shelter with her friend Elaine.

I got a lot of Hollywood scandal information for free. At the damn library in Palm Beach County, directly across from President Blondie’s international west palm beach golf course. The one right next to the prison and airport.

I started reading books in the library about Hollywood, Broadway, Music, Art folklore when I was 8 & I got ahold of a Barbra biography that I’m sure Babs hated.

I am from the most clowned on state in the Union. It took me 12 years to get a two year associates degree from a Florida college. In English. I’m not a genius. Although, I did have a psychologist tell me during my IQ test if it weren’t for math, I’d be a genius. I chose to take that as a compliment.

Everyone seems to be very unsure about their position as a star. The last 100 years of show business information is very important for all artist to learn about.

Hollywood has a documented history of using artists for their own propaganda. Propaganda for making their studios look good or to influence politics. It can be good: WWII. It can be bad: House of un-American activities/ Hollywood 10.

I have spent a lot of money on Marilyn Monroe. Her image. Marilyn Monroe’s estate probably has more money from me than any other entity over my lifetime. I studied everything about this woman. Everything. Frankly, she would be

livid by these Instagram posts reimagining Marilyn’s narrative has one where she was a beauty accepted by other women and treasured by men.

The Marilyn Monroe I know would not want you to focus on your beauty. She spent her entire life fighting off the advances of monsters who exploited the beauty she took years to create. She was terrorized by the most monstrous of all Hollywood Mogul Darryl F Zanuck her whole career. You wonder where Harvey GOT that shit from? Look at Darryl. He was in charge of 20th Century Fox for five decades. He bought a prostitute for his 14-year-old son birthday. He had this bizarre obsession with Tyrone Powers.

Marilyn Monroe created the beauty you see. Her hard work and her listening to ridiculous notes is what created that beautiful face. Her mastery of her ability to find the perfect light and hold her body in iconic ways came from studio & personal training. She didn’t just waltz out of bed confused every day and not aware she was beautiful. Oh she knewwwww.

She knew she was beautiful. She knew the pain her face and her body went through to maintain those standards. This was a time where women were celebrated in a special way? They included measurements of actresses in every article during that time.

Marilyn underwent painful electrolysis, a nose job, a chin implant. And bleaching your hair back then was not fun baby.

I’m disgusted with the whole “Be a Marilyn and not at Kim” meme. That is confusing. No matter what anybody’s personal opinion of either women is, Kim Kardashian West has the ability and agency to do whatever the hell she wants. Marilyn Monroe never had that.

Marilyn would not want you to remember her looks. And she would really like for you to stop obsessing about her and JFK. She would ask you to re-focus that energy into researching JFK and Gene Tierny. Their romance was far more romantic & dramatic.

She would want you to remember her well documented horror stories with Darryl.

She would want you to remember when she said fuck you to Hollywood, went to New York, got to hang out with everyone she ever wanted to hang out with, formed her own independent film studio.

She would want you to remember her standing next to her husband Arthur Miller at the house of un-American activities committee. No one supported her then. They thought she was an idiot for doing so.

While many are focusing on reimagining this fantasy of Marilyn Monroe’s natural beauty, I remember I know what Marilyn would want. She would want you to lead a happy life. In whatever field you want. And that you have agency over your work.

Do you want to see the saddest place on earth? Go and visit her grave. See the hordes of people taking happy selfies next to the body of this the greatest movie star ever known to mankind. Westwood is a beautiful cemetery with many stars who clearly died with funeral plans in order.

Marilyn was simply exhausted by playing so many different roles in her life. She was the greatest actress ever. She had the ability to make anyone who was in a room with her feel like they were the most important person. When you know that skill, you know that skill.

She turned on Marilyn whenever she had to. But that was a personality that had no agency for herself. Whose survival depended on playing dumb while being very smart. No one didn’t like her. People can say she did it better or worse. No one will ever do it like it her.

Marilyn Monroe was the most beautiful American creation. Based on lies and a false narrative.

Listen to the final interview of Marilyn Monroe. You have yet to see her portrayed like that in any film. Smart and over it. And ready to share her true story. She rarely shared that side with anybody. The male commentary is a real gas. Filled with victim blaming.

Marilyn Monroe did not die alone out here for you to remember & renarrate her studio sanctioned, & talent at achieving/freezing in a state of unnatural physical beauty.

Marilyn weighed 118lbs when she died, baby. She did a whole photo shoot with Bert Stern flaunting her new “fabulous” figure. The press was not kind to her. The press fat shamed (during some like it hot) her while she was pregnant with Arthur Miller, after she had a miscarriage, during the filming of and release of Let’s Make Love. Countless times. I have a book of every magazine covers she was ever on. They were not nice to her.

Fat shaming is not a new concept to the entertainment industry. It is always been done. It’s been done on everybody. Jane Fonda has documented to her lifelong struggle with body image issues. Barbarella, baby.

Marilyn’s story is famous, but it is not original. If you ever watched E!’s Mysteries & Scandals it’s the same story. The tactics monstrous man have used go back directly to Darryl F Zanuck. He started when he was 23.

Bill Cosby has nothing on Darryl Fucking Zanuck. The fucked up sexual protocols and studio control of human lives was because of Darryl.

Darryl Fucking Zanuck destroyed so many careers and lives, follow his associations.

But that doesn’t mean that I want to destroy work Darryl F Zanuck touched. To do so is abhorrent and disrespectful to culture and history.

I want everyone to know that’s where it started. Everyone needs to stop this faux shock about how dirty my industry is. If you have seen who framed Roger rabbit, it’s all there.

Stars have power. Shine your light for truth. Acknowledge humanity and perseverance.

Blessed Cardi B,

Faye

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shadow-light19 · 6 years

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Te Amo y Más

Summary: “Gwen? I have a confession to make. I’ve been in love with you for a long time now. I know I sometimes get on your nerves with how happy and overzealous I can be but that’s because whenever I’m with you, my heart beats so fast and all I feel is happiness. I love everything about you.”

Notes: I wrote this fic for my friend @smallwheeze on Tumblr. Love ya Sie! Let me know if you have any other requests! I’m pretty sure the Spanish and English versions are different so the English version of this song will be written beside the Spanish in (). David is NOT singing both. Only the Spanish version.

Also thank you @nyanbacon, Violet, and @smallwheeze for helping me write this story.

English Version: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uyS7KKF6I3Y

Spanish Version: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7Ng4vxAWQE

“Night, David.” Gwen yawned.

She grabbed her phone and headphones off of her desk and laid down in bed. David turned and smiled at her.

“Good night, Gwen!”

He smiled and turned the lights off in the cabin. Gwen opened the YouTube app on her phone and pulled up an episode of Seinfeld.

If I watch Teen Prison Mom Wars or Cheryl & Penny I know I’m going to miss out on whatever’s been keeping David up for the past week. I’ll keep one earbud in and one out so I can catch him.

Gwen stared at the wall and listened to the episode she had pulled up. It didn’t take long until she heard rustling and the sound of footsteps.

Aha! So, you’ve been sneaking out. Damn, David.

Once she heard the sound of the cabin door closing, Gwen quietly tiptoed out of bed. She cracked the door open and peeked out to make sure David wasn’t nearby.

Now, which way did he go?

She shut the door softly and looked around.

There! By the lake!

David was walking towards the lake with his guitar in hand.

Really? He’s been making himself tired in order to play his fucking guitar? He has plenty of time during the day to practice.

Gwen could feel her fury start to rise.

Oh, that’s it! I will NOT put up with another day of having to watch over stupid, fucking children and all the campers.

She silently stalked towards David, who was standing at the edge of the shore.

“Gwen?”

She froze.

Fuck! Does he know I was spying on him?

Just as she was about to speak he continued.

“I have a confession to make.”

He took a deep breath, still facing the lake.

“I’ve been in love with you for a long time now.”

Wait, what?

Gwen felt her heart sped up.

Fuck! It’s back, the crippling anxiety and regret!

“I know I sometimes get on your nerves with how happy and overzealous I can be but that’s because whenever I’m with you, my heart beats so fast and all I can feel is happiness.”

Why?

“I love everything about you. You have this glimmer in your eyes whenever you talk about the things you love!”

That’s because I’m trying to escape my shitty ass life through other mediums.

“You are always so passionate about your decisions, even when your upset.”

Because I’m a fucking cunt.

“You always look beautiful but you look like a goddess with your hair down.”

I’m so fucking ugly.

Gwen clenched her fists.

“It’s so cute that you slouch when you’re exasperated.”

Because I don’t know how to fucking deal with anything.

“Whenever you cry, I feel my heart break and I want to do whatever I can to cheer you up.”

Because I’m the ugliest crier in the world and even criminals don’t deserve seeing that.

“You mean so much to me. I feel like I can get through anything with you. I feel like I belong with you.”

How the fuck did you come to this image of me?

She clenched her eyes shut and bit her lip. David started to strum some notes from his guitar.

“I know I can always depend on you when I need it and I hope I can be someone you can depend on as well. I just- I need you to know…”

I’m so fucking incompetent, I struggled to even get this nightmare of a job.

“Te amo y más.” (I love you too much.)

Gwen’s eyes shot open.

How long has he known Spanish?

“de lo que puedes imaginar,” (To live without you loving me back.)

Heat pooled across her face.

“Te amo ademas como nunca nadie jamas lo hará. (I love you too much. Heaven's my witness and this is a fact.)

En esta canción, va mi corazón. (I know I belong when I sing this song.)

Amor mas que amor es el nuestro y te lo vengo a dar.” (There's love above love and it's ours ‘cause I love you too much.)

I’m a bitch, I’m going nowhere in life, I’ve hit you with your guitar on multiple occasions!

Tears slid down her face.

“Te miro y más... y más y más te quiero mirar. (I live for your touch… I whisper your name night after night.)

Te amo y sabrás puro sentimiento y no hay nada más. (I love you too much. There's only one feeling and I know it’s right.)

Y sueño llegar a tu alma tocar. (I know I belong when I sing this song.)

Amor mas que amor es el nuestro y te lo vengo a dar.” (There's love above love and it's ours ‘cause I love you too much.)

David looked up at the moon. He stepped forward until he was at the very edge of the lake. The water lapped lightly at his feet.

“Ruego a Dios tenerte a mi lado y entonces poderte abrazar. (Heaven knows your name, I've been praying to have you come here by my side.)

Si no estás aquí algo falta, (Without you a part of me is missing,)

Yo por ti pelearé hasta el final.” (Just to make you my whole I will fight.)

Gwen wiped at her face with her wrists.

Why me, why all of this for me?

She quietly walked forward until she was right behind him. He still didn’t look back.

“Y sueño llegar a tu alma tocar. (I know I belong when I sing this song.)

Amor mas que amor es el nuestro y te lo vengo a dar. (There's love above love and it's ours ‘cause I love you too much.)

Te amo y ¡más!” (I love you too much!)

She couldn’t keep the smile off her face at his shout.

“Te amo y sabrás que nadie como yo te amará. (I love you too much. Heaven's my witness and this is a fact.)

En esta canción yo veo quien soy. (You live in my soul. Your heart is my goal.)

Amor mas que amor es el mío y lo siento. (There's love above love and its mine cause I love you.)

Amor mas que amor es el tuyo y presiento! (There's love above love and it's yours cause I love you!)

Amor mas que amor es el nuestro si tu me... lo das.” (There's love above love and it's ours if you love me… as much.)

David closed his eyes. Gwen could feel her heart beating so fast it felt like it would burst out of her chest.

“David…”

He jumped and turned around. His expression was full of horror.

“G-Gwen?! H-How long w-were you standing t-there?”

He fiddled with the guitar. Gwen’s eyes widened in surprise.

“You mean, you didn’t know I was there?”

“N-No! I wouldn’t have had the nerve to say or sing any of that if I knew you were listening!” He blushed even harder.

Gwen stared at him. Then she started to chuckle.

“You’re a fucking idiot. You know that, right?”

David’s face fell. He looked like he might cry.

“…I guess you don’t feel the same then.”

Gwen laughed loudly. David gasped as she started to cry.

“Oh no! I’m so sorry! What did I do?”

She laughed harder.

“David! How could anyone not love you? You’re such a fucking sweetheart. You care about everyone, you see the best in everyone, and you always try your damned hardest to make everyone happy.”

David untied his old camp shirt off from his neck. He bunched it up and gently wiped tears from her face. It only made her cry harder.

“See? You’re a fucking angel! Why in the ever-loving name of God would you ever love someone like me?”

Gwen wrapped her arms around herself. David guided her down so they were sitting on the lakeshore.

“What do you mean? If you heard everything then you already know why I love you.”

Gwen snorted.

“All I heard were delusions you came up with about me. I’m a cunt. I have no future. I have no money. I’m never going to amount to anything and I know I won’t be able to treat you the way you deserve to be treated. I don’t understand you.”

David started to cry. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close.

“Gwen. How long have you thought of yourself like this?”

Gwen buried her face in his shoulder. She gripped his shirt in her hands.

“… Does it matter?’

David hugged her tighter.

“You matter to me. Please tell me whenever you feel like this. Give me one reason why you dislike yourself and I’ll give you a hundred about why I love you.”

Gwen wrapped her arms tighter around him.

“You’re such a hopeless romantic.”

David laughed.

“Yeah… I am.”

Gwen stared at the lake.

“Since when did you know Spanish?”

David pulled away. He rubbed the back of his neck with his hand.

“I’m not completely fluent but I spent the past year learning it. I wanted to learn it for you. That’s how I was able to write you that song.”

Gwen smiled at him.

“How’d I get so lucky with you?”

David looked at her with such affection it made Gwen blush.

“I’m the lucky one Gwen. You’re way out of my league.”

Gwen started to laugh.

“Fuck you, David. You’re too sweet.”

She took a deep breath and looked David in the eyes.

“Gwen?” He questioned.

Gwen leaned forward and kissed him. David made a choked sound of surprise before he wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed back.

I can face any future as long as I’m with you.

#camp camp #camp camp fanfiction #cc david #cc gwen #cc gwenvid #book of life

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shirlleycoyle · 4 years

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The Post Office’s Relationship With Dogs Is No Joke

This article was sent on Tuesday to subscribers of The Mail, Motherboard’s pop-up newsletter about the USPS, election security, and democracy. Subscribe to get the next edition before it is published here, as well as exclusive articles and the paid zine.

Hey everyone, I hope you enjoyed the long weekend. We’ve had two pretty long editions of The Mail to start, so I figured this was a good week to keep things on the shorter side. This also gave me more time to report on something more substantial for next week which I’m excited about.

Speaking of things I’m excited about, we’re hard at work wrapping up the first edition of the zine. It’s going to be great. Subscribe now to make sure you get it.

And if you’ve been liking The Mail, please share it with others who might like it, too.

The first time I was introduced to the dog-chasing-mailman comedy gag was in a Seinfeld episode that aired in 1995. I didn't see it for the first time in 1995. To be honest, I have no idea when I first saw it. Probably sometime in the early 2000s when I realized I could watch three consecutive hours of Simpsons and Seinfeld reruns every weekday between the hours of 5:30 and 8:30 p.m., something I did far more often that I care to admit.

In any event, in the Seinfeld episode in question, Kramer is mad at Newman for eating the last of the delicious Mackinaw peaches. In retaliation, he releases the local English bulldog Buford, who we are led to assume has long wanted to chase the mailman and will now finally get his chance.

"Look, Buford, it's the mailman," Kramer says as he undoes his leash. "You remember the mailman, don't you?" And off Buford goes.

One of the things I was most surprised to learn when I started to report on the post office is the dog attacking the mail carrier issue is no joke. According to the USPS, 5,803 postal workers were attacked by dogs last year, down 400 from 2017. Every June, the USPS has Dog Bite Awareness Week, although I must admit I wasn't aware of it until I started reporting on the post office.

Motherboard's official position is that there are no bad dogs, just bad owners. The USPS seems to agree, calling dog bite attacks entirely preventable.

"Training, socializing and taking safety precautions with your dog can help ensure dog bites and attacks do not occur," the USPS stated last Dog Bite Awareness Week. Basically, if owners did a better job training their dogs and didn't put them in positions where they could charge at mail carriers, this wouldn't be a problem. But, we do not live in a perfect world.

You were probably told as a kid not to pet strange dogs. The USPS has a similar policy, in that it instructs mail carriers to "consider all dogs as potentially hazardous," according to rural letter carrier training materials I obtained via a Freedom of Information Act request. If there is a neighborhood dog "known to interfere with delivery of mail," postal workers are to place this postcard just ahead of the dog's home in case someone other than the usual carrier is delivering mail that day.

Screenshot from USPS training document via Freedom of Information Act request

At the bottom, you'll see the instruction for postmasters and station managers to "immediately forward this form under separate cover to the receiving office postmaster" if the customer moves "to alert carrier of new dog on route." So these warning cards are, in theory, supposed to follow the dog its entire life.

Many letter carriers also carry dog repellent, which as far as I can tell is just pepper spray. The USPS has a manual for letter carriers on when and how to use this dog repellent. If a dog attacks, "Spray the repellent directly at the eyes, nose, and mouth of the attacking dog by pressing the control on top of the container," the manual states. "Direct application must be made. The effective range is up to 10 feet. Effectiveness against trained attack dogs is not established."

Like with pepper spray used on humans, the effect fades after 10 or 15 minutes. The manual also notes the USPS consulted with The American Kennel Club, the American Humane Association, the Popular Dogs Publishing Company, and the Humane Society of the United States to make sure there were no objections to using the repellent to ward off attacks.

The training materials include another piece of helpful advice: "When delivering to a mail slot, refrain from sticking your fingers through the slot. A dog may be located on the other side waiting for an opportunity to bite."

That sounds like an absurd scenario to me—as the USPS itself acknowledges, dogs tend to bite for protective reasons, so it's hard to see how it would feel threatened by a finger coming through a mail slot—but the underlying advice seems sound. Never stick your fingers in strange slots.

All that being said, many mail carriers have wonderful relationships with families they get to know over the decades they deliver mail to them, and that includes their dogs. Here's a story my mom told me after the first newsletter edition went out:

“Speaking of superhero mail carriers, when I was a kid, our mail carrier, Mr. Wren, walked his route with a big leather bag. He was usually accompanied by Rex, a lovely Belgian Shepherd dog and, on occasion, by Pushkin, a German Shepherd, as well. The two dogs, in those days when dogs ran loose, followed him on his route just for the hell of it. So for all those carriers who have had to deal with mean and aggressive dogs, I'd like them to know about Mr. Wren, Rex, and Pushkin.”

Do you have any good pet and letter carrier stories? I'd love to hear them. Maybe we'll include some in future newsletters. Email me at [email protected] or write me a letter (address below).

The Week In Mail

Last week, Trump encouraged his supporters in North Carolina to commit a felony. He told them to vote by mail and then go vote in person on election day, too. Knowingly voting twice in an election is a felony. His framing was very clear: if they don't let you vote twice the system works, if they do let you vote twice that's two votes for Trump which is good for Trump. He later tried to claim this wasn't what he meant but it absolutely was. Aside from the fact that the president just told his supporters to go try and commit a crime and see if they get caught, I've said from the beginning that one of the vexing things about the vote-by-mail/USPS issue is Trump now has the power to claim an agency or process is illegitimate and then make it so even if it wasn't true when he first started saying it. Plus, the very perception that he has that power and influence can, in itself, delegitimize our institutions even if he doesn't actually do anything, because many people will stop trusting it, and trust is the cornerstone of robust public institutions. The fact that documented cases of attempted voter fraud by mail are astronomically low might change if Trump encourages his supporters to commit mass voter fraud. What would that mean for future elections?

Louis DeJoy used his company to reimburse employees’ donations to Republican candidates, a violation of state and federal campaign laws, according to the Washington Post. This is the kind of thing people go to prison for, in theory.

I vehemently disagree with the assertion in this other Washington Post story that politics is akin to logistics, but otherwise there is some useful background here about Louis DeJoy as a boss. Basically, he's exactly the kind of boss you suspect he is.

More DeJoy news: his former company made $286 million from USPS contracts since 2013.

The USPS Office of Inspector General came out with a report about the USPS's readiness for the upcoming election. Although some of the findings may sound alarming, they're remarkably similar to ones from previous years' audits and mostly have to do with getting local election officials to use trackable barcodes and earlier deadlines for mailing ballots back.

I have started to notice a trend of articles pointing out that America has fucked up some other core infrastructure service in the same way it's fucked up the USPS. This week's edition is Amtrak.

My colleagues at VICE reported on how the USPS has been a lifeline for independent music artists, although that doesn't include the band Postal Service. However, The Mail officially extends an open invitation to Ben Gibbard to talk about the USPS.

Trump's campaign has taken out $200,000 in Facebook ads telling people (incorrectly) voting by mail is fraudulent and also has taken out $650,000 in Facebook ads encouraging his supporters to vote by mail.

Two contrasting takes on how vote-by-mail went in last week's primaries: thousands of Georgia voters say they never got their absentee ballots (although it's not clear whose fault this was) and a Boston Globe columnist said vote-by-mail in Massachusetts was "how an election should be."

Among the many things that rely on the USPS to function: immigration proceedings.

Postcards

A big THANK YOU to everyone who sent in postcards! I picked up a nice stack of them on Friday. They were such a treat to hold and read. Keep 'em coming!

Also, we have plans to do a mailbag Q&A somewhere down the line, but obviously we will only be taking questions via letter. We’ll do a more prominent request for questions later, but if you have any, feel free to start sending them in. Our address is:

VICE Media c/o Aaron Gordon 49 S 2nd St. Brooklyn, NY 11211

Look at these good dogs.

Obviously, given today's newsletter theme, I had to include the dog one. Also please note the five stamps adding up to 36-cent postage. Love it!

I also really liked this one of the post office in Albany. Thanks, Peter!

The Post Office’s Relationship With Dogs Is No Joke syndicated from https://triviaqaweb.wordpress.com/feed/

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mayursk · 4 years

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Best Live Streaming Services

Hey guys i am sure these days you were could have been experiencing the most bored time ever and most probably looking for the online content, would you like to watch series but confuse which platform is better to watch it? I am sure this article helps you to find best solution of your problem. Let us see.

Netflix

Netflix is still the granddaddy of streaming services, and although in recent years its movie library has been affected With many titles being transferred to Hulu or Amazon, they have made up for it through their television catalog and an almost absurd amount of original content.

Although the interface is not ideal, it is much better than that of its main competitors, and the $ 14 subscription allows you to create up to five different profiles, so that the whole family can customize their queues (sorry, "lists") with your own picks from your diverse content.

Netflix is not the service for you, however it can come in handy if you are always eager to watch movies or cable TV shows as soon as they arrive on demand.

Amazon Prime Video

Amazon Prime Video works best for those who plan to take advantage of other primary benefits through the e-shopping site, such as free shipping or same-day delivery. Their movie selection is estimated to be four times greater than Netflix's in 2016, and they've bolstered their original programming with hits like "Transparent." Unfortunately, its user interface is largely useless for finding all those titles.

Crackle

It's hard to beat "free" when it's good, and Crackle is just one of many services (including PopcornFlix and Tubi TV, among others) that allows users to access content for free, in exchange for one constant rush of advertising.

Movie and TV offerings are usually recognized but rarely award-winning, however, and the Sony-backed service's most recognized original show, Jerry Seinfeld's "Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee," was recently sneakily acquired by its older competitor, Netflix.

Hulu

There is no denying the importance of Hulu in television broadcasting, with over 75,000 episodes of 1,700 titles on the service and much more that has been added since the day of its first transmission. Its original content has improved with notable success on "The Handmaid's Tale", but its movie library is still missing and website issues are common.

Crunchyroll

Like many of the above services, Crunchyroll is good only if it's within your taste. In this case, that means no-dub Japanese anime and live Asian television series, with thousands of episodes to choose from and some streaming from overseas. They are associated with a similar service called Funimation Now, the content of which is generally dubbed in English.

These are the name of some best live streaming services.Apart of this there are also some good services I would like to mention like twitch, Disney plus, hotstar download easily on your mobile. Hope this article clears your doubts about live streaming platforms. so, choose wisely and according to your convenience.

For more amazing reads and exploring do follow me Mayursk to have fun learning with new tricks.

#onlinestreaming #netflix #amazonprime #online #guide #watchingmovie #movies #webseries

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a-common-nook · 7 years

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Get to know me?

Tagged by @bucketofchum. 1. Coke or Pepsi: I usually go coke. It sounds like cocaine and I'm still juvenile enough to be amused. 2. Disney or Dreamworks:  Disney is my childhood. Dreamworks does some really great things though. 3. Coffee or Tea:  Coffee is my crack. 4. Books or Movies? I usually prefer books to movies unless I'm in the mood for a thriller. I've never been scared during a book. 5. Windows or Mac:  Idk 6. DC or Marvel:  I grew up loving DC but Marvel is winning me over. 7. X-box or Playstation:  PlayStation 8. Dragon Age or Mass Effect: Dragon Age! 9. Night Owl or Early Riser:  I'm a Night Owl 10. Cards or Chess? Cards. 11. Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla 12. Vans or Converse:  Converse 13. Lavallan, Trevelyan, Cadash, or Adaar: Trevelyan Mage every time. 14. Fluff or Angst:  Both. The angst makes the fluff more rewarding. 15. Beach or Forest:  Forest! Less people. More calm. 16. Dogs or Cats: Cats! 17. Clear Skies or Rain:  Rain soothes me. 18. Cooking or Eating Out: I tend to like eating out. I'm still learning to cook. 19. Spicy Food or Mild:  I tend to favor a sweet heat or a mild flavor profile. 20. Halloween/Samhin or Solistice/Yule/Christmas:  I love Halloween Costumes and giving Christmas gifts. Buying presents for people is my favorite thing. 21. Little too cold or little too hot:  I sleep better when I'm a little too cold. It makes snuggling under covers more pleasant. 22. Superpower:  Teleportation. The most convenient of powers. 23. Animation or Live Action:  Animation for sure. 24. Paragon or Renegade: Paragon 25. Bath or Showers:  I can't remember my last bath but I loved lounging in the tub. I take showers now. 26. Team Cap or Team Ironman:  I understand Tony's side completely. But I too would do anything to protect Bucky Barnes. 27. Fantasy or Sci-Fi:  Fantasy! 28. Fav Quotes:  "To the world you may be just one person; to one person you may just be the world."-Motivational Poster on a teacher's wall in grade school. "The universe is a cruel uncaring void. The key to happiness isn't a search for meaning. It's to keep yourself busy with unimportant nonsense and eventually you'll be dead." Mr. Peanutbutter 29. Youtube or Netflix:  Netflix 30. Harry Potter or Percy Jackson:  Harry Potter 31. When I Feel Accomplished:  When I’ve helped make someone happy (: 32. Star Wars or Star Trek:  Star Wars. Carrie Fisher is my princess. 33. Paperback Books or Hardback:  I usually go with paperbacks because they're cheaper but I prefer hardbacks. They last longer and are aesthetically pleasing. 34. A world without literature or music:  We need both. But I'm a literature nerd so my allegiance is clear. 35. Who was the last person to make me laugh:  Jerry Seinfeld. I just watched A Bee Movie. I finally get the hype. It's deliciously weird. 36. Sour or Sweet Candy:  I lean towards sour. 37. Believe in aliens?:  I believe. It's too much space to be just us. 38. Dawn or Dusk:  Dusk. I like the way the word rolls off the tongue. 39. Piercings or Tattoos:  I have neither but I love to look at tattoos. 40. Girls? Hot?:  Yes. So are boys. 41. Snow or Fog:  Fog. I love being alone outside and just looking into the fog. 42. Sleep facing the wall or room? It doesn't matter. 43. TRC of AFTG:  Hm? 44. Horror or Drama: I prefer horror. Give me a supernatural monster or a crazy hill billy family over some family drama. 45. Orcarina of Time or Majora’s Mask:  I've never played any of the Zelda games. 46. Living in nature or city? Living in the city would make getting a job easier due to mass transit and a range of opportunities. But the woods would be soooooo nice. 47. Any addictions:  Love and books! 48. Languages:  English 49. What music do I listen too:  I love musicals and their soundtracks. I love oldies, alternative, pop. I'll listen to country and rap. I don't care. I'll give anything a chance. 50. Fav mythical creature:  They are all beautiful. Griffins for no particular reason. Mermaids are my favorite humanoid. 51. Safe zone:  I don't have one? I guess my room. 52. First fandom:  Harry Potter and Supernatural were the first two series I got REALLY into. 53. Cartoons or Adult shows? Adult cartoons. Bojack Horseman. 54. Current music:  I have a Placebo song stuck in my head. 55. Favorite starter?:  Is this a pokemon question or relating to appetizers? Charmander. And onion rings. 56. What would your familiar be? Oh, a cat. Beyond doubt. @bucketofchum @everythinginmylifehasgonetoshit @zombieapocalypseisnow @the-winter-knight

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thatsnotcanonpodcasts · 4 years

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Virtual meetings, Wonder Woman, WarriOrb & Austism Studies

Welcome, to the World of TOMOROOOW!

What does listening to a podcast have to do with listening to your boss? Science is now showing benefits to virtual meetings. Which means one day, even your boss might be replaced by a voice over the wire. This still doesn't mean you can get out of wearing pants.

Wonder Woman's director thinks DC shouldn't follow the tried and true MCU formula. Sure, it worked for them, but can it be pulled off twice? Let us know if you have a good argument for there being room for two comic cinematic universes.

WarriOrb is a new game that's just been released on Steam. But following a highly popular demo, WarriOrb's initial sales have been disappointingly low. The devs have posted their own analysis on Reddit, and they're understandably confused.

Wrapping up, we have a discussion about scientific studies involving Autistic people.

We played Crysis and Legends of Runeterra this week. Professor's computer didn't melt playing Crysis, and DJ isn't any better at counting cards.

Wait around to hear from us next week with another great episode.

Scientists love virtual meetings

-https://science.sciencemag.org/content/368/6490/457

- https://science.sciencemag.org/content/sci/368/6490/457.extract.jpg

Wonder Woman Director: Do Not Copy the MCU

-https://www.gamesradar.com/wonder-woman-director-patty-jenkins-marvel-had-such-success-doing-a-shared-universe-but-that-shouldnt-be-the-status-quo/

The Story of WarriOrb

- https://www.reddit.com/r/gamedev/comments/gbgg6t/over_16k_wishlists_we_were_listed_in_popular/

Autistic people take the helm of studies

-https://science.sciencemag.org/content/368/6490/460

- https://science.sciencemag.org/content/sci/368/6490/460.extract.jpg

Games Played

Professor

– Crysis - https://store.steampowered.com/app/17300/Crysis/

Rating: 4.75/5

– Legends of Runeterra - https://playruneterra.com/en-us/

Rating: 4.5/5

Other topics discussed

Doctors trapped in cruise ship off Chile during Coronavirus

- https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/mar/17/coronavirus-covid-19-australian-doctors-dentists-stuck-cruise-ship-coast-chile

Apple iPhone 4 presentation fail

- https://www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/apple/7809941/Apple-iPhone-4-technology-fails-Steve-Jobs-during-presentation.html

Birds of Prey : Harley Quinn movie…a box office risk

- https://www.forbes.com/sites/scottmendelson/2020/04/06/box-office-birds-of-prey-harley-quinn-sequel-margot-robbie-ghostbusters-solo-alita/#4f474e367274

Studio Interference ruined 2015 Fantastic Four movie

- https://www.indiewire.com/2015/08/its-a-mess-details-of-studio-interference-emerge-in-behind-the-scenes-fantastic-four-debacle-261010/

WarriOrb (action platformer game)

- https://store.steampowered.com/app/790360/WarriOrb/

List of Renaissance artists (Renaissance artists ended in the late 14th century and includes famous painters and sculptors.)

- https://simple.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Renaissance_artists

Walking Simulator (An adventure game focused on gradual exploration and discovery through observation, with little in the way of action.)

- https://store.steampowered.com/app/1214280/Walking_Simulator/

Crysis Remastered coming to Nintendo Switch

- https://www.theverge.com/2020/4/16/21223384/crysis-remastered-nintendo-switch-leak-website

Crysis Minigun Scene

- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OCrLBTR0ay0

Kizuna AI (Japanese virtual YouTuber and self-proclaimed artificial intelligence)

- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kizuna_AI

2002 Spiderman : upside down kiss scene

- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aBpwrORhKWU

Irrfan Khan filmography

- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irrfan_Khan_filmography

Royal Flying Doctor Service (The Royal Flying Doctor Service of Australia (RFDS, informally known as The Flying Doctor) is an air medical service based in Australia. It is a non-profit organisation which provides emergency and primary health care services for those living in rural, remote and regional areas of Australia who cannot access a hospital or general practice due to the vast distances of the Outback.)

- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Royal_Flying_Doctor_Service_of_Australia

Lego Masters (Australian reality television show based on the British series of the same name in which teams compete to build the best Lego project.)

- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lego_Masters_(Australian_season_1)

Lego Masters ((stylized as LEGO Masters) is an American reality competition television series based on the British series of the same name.)

- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lego_Masters_(American_TV_series)

Felix Baumgartner (Austrian skydiver,daredevil, and BASE jumper. He is best known for jumping to Earth from a helium balloon from the stratosphere on 14 October 2012 and landing in New Mexico, USA as part of the Red Bull Stratos project.)

- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Felix_Baumgartner#Main_jump

Flight altitude record (This listing of flight altitude records are the records set for the highest aeronautical flights conducted in the atmosphere, set since the age of ballooning.)

- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flight_altitude_record#Balloons

Grand Moff Tarkin (Governor Wilhuff Tarkin is a fictional character in the Star Wars franchise, first portrayed by English actor Peter Cushing in the 1977 film Star Wars.)

- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grand_Moff_Tarkin

An Assemblage of Grandiose and Bombastic Grandiloquents (TNC Podcast)

- https://thatsnotcanon.com/grandiloquentspodcast

The Mistholme Museum Of Mystery, Morbidity, And Mortality (TNC Podcast)

- https://thatsnotcanon.com/themistholmemuseumpodcast

Shout Outs

30th April 2020 - Scrubs co-star Sam Lloyd passes away at 56 - https://ew.com/tv/sam-lloyd-scrubs-actor-dies-at-56/

Character actor Sam Lloyd, who played recurring character Ted Buckland on the sitcom Scrubs, has died at the age of 56. The nephew of Back to the Future star Christopher Lloyd appeared in more than 60 films and TV series during his three-decade career, including Seinfeld, Modern Family and The Middle. He was also a talented singer who was a member of the a cappella group the Blanks and Beatles tribute band the Buttles, although right-handed, he learned to play bass left-handed like Beatles bassist Paul McCartney to maintain authenticity. He died from an inoperable brain tumor and metastatic lung cancer that had spread to his liver, spine, and jaw in Los Angeles, California. His death was not announced until the 4th of May this year.

03 May 2020 - Kizuna AI Hosts #StayHomeWithAIchan Project - https://www.crunchyroll.com/anime-news/2020/05/02/kizuna-ai-hosts-stayhomewithaichan-project-streams-first-concert

With everyone looking for a creative way to have fun at home, Kizuna AI is here to help. The virtual idol has officially kicked off the #StayHomeWithAIchanproject, highlighting her desire for everyone to have more fun at home. It all started with a live stream of Kizuna AI's first live concert, "hello, world," which is now available to watch in its entirety for free for one day. The two-day solo concert was held on December 29 at Zepp Diver City in Tokyo and on December 30 at Zepp Osaka Bayside. The second part of the project is a new lineup of goods themed after "Matching with Kizuna AI."

03 May 2020 – Sam Raimi’s Spiderman turns 18 years old - https://www.forbes.com/sites/scottmendelson/2020/05/03/spider-man-succeeded-batman-failed-marvel-box-office/#254383ad2b3e

The well-reviewed Marvel adaptation rode a wave of anticipation, buzz and post-9/11 populism to become the first movie to A) earn $40 million in a single day (after a $39 million Friday) and B) gross over $100 million in its Fri-Sun domestic launch. It followed up that $114 million weekend debut with a $71 million (-37%) second weekend, also a record at the time, legging out to $403 million domestic (the fifth-biggest grosser ever in 2002) and $821 million worldwide on a $130 million budget. Spider-Man ushered in a new wave of big-budget, present-tense comic book superhero movies that featured characters whom audiences wanted to see.

Remembrances

29th April 2020 - Irrfan Khan - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irrfan_Khan

Sahabzade Irfan Ali Khan known professionally as Irrfan Khan or simply Irrfan, was an Indian actor who worked in Hindi cinema as well as in British and American films. Cited in the media as one of the finest actors in Indian cinema, Khan's career spanned over 30 years and earned him numerous accolades. Khan made his film debut with a small role in Salaam Bombay!, which was followed by years of struggle. He had supporting roles in the Hollywood films The Amazing Spider-Man, Life of Pi,Jurassic World, and Inferno. His other notable roles were in Slumdog Millionaire and, New York among other movies. Khan was described by Peter Bradshaw of The Guardian as "a distinguished and charismatic star in Hindi and English-language movies whose hardworking career was an enormously valuable bridge between South Asian and Hollywood cinema". He died from neuroendocrine tumour at the age of 53 in Mumbai,Maharashtra.

4th May 1938 - Kanō Jigorō - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kan%C5%8D_Jigor%C5%8D

Japanese educator and athlete, the founder of Judo. Judo was the first Japanese martial art to gain widespread international recognition, and the first to become an official Olympic sport.Pedagogical innovations attributed to Kanō include the use of black and white belts, and the introduction of dan ranking to show the relative ranking among members of a martial art style.

In 1915, Kanō gave this definition to judo:

“Judo is the way of the highest or most efficient use of both physical and mental energy. Through training in the attack and defence techniques of judo, the practitioner nurtures their physical and mental strength, and gradually embodies the essence of the Way of Judo. Thus, the ultimate objective of Judo discipline is to be utilized as a means to self-perfection, and thenceforth to make a positive contribution to society.”

In his professional life, Kanō was an educator. Important postings included serving as director of primary education for the Ministry of Education from 1898 to 1901, and as president of Tokyo Higher Normal School from 1900 until 1920. He played a key role in making judo and kendo part of the Japanese public school programs of the 1910s. Kanō was also a pioneer of international sports. Accomplishments included being the first Asian member of the International Olympic Committee (IOC) (he served from 1909 until 1938); officially representing Japan at most Olympic Games held between 1912 and 1936; and serving as a leading spokesman for Japan's bid for the 1940 Olympic Games.

He died from pneumonia at the age of 77 aboard MVHikawa Maru.

4th May 2008 - Fred Baur - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fred_Baur

Fredric John Baur, Americanorganic chemist and food storage technician notable for designing and patenting the Pringles packaging. Baur filed for a patent for the tubular Pringles container and for the method of packaging the curved, stacked chips in the container in 1966, and it was granted in 1970. His other accomplishments included development of frying oils and freeze-dried ice cream. Some of Baur's ashes were buried in a Pringles can at his request. Baur's children said they honored his request to bury him in one of the cans by placing part of his cremated remains in a Pringles container in his grave in suburban Springfield Township. The rest of his remains were placed in an urn buried along with the can, with some placed in another urn and given to one of Baur's grandchildren. He died at the age of 89 in Cincinnati, Ohio.

Famous Birthdays

4th May 1655 - Bartolomeo Cristofori - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bartolomeo_Cristofori

Bartolomeo Cristofori di Francesco, Italian maker of musical instruments famous for inventing the piano. During the remaining years of the 17th century, Cristofori invented two keyboard instruments before he began his work on the piano. The spinettone, Italian for "big spinet", was a large, multi-choired spinet (a harpsichord in which the strings are slanted to save space), with disposition 1 x 8', 1 x 4'; most spinets have the simple disposition 1 x 8'. This invention may have been meant to fit into a crowded orchestra pit for theatrical performances, while having the louder sound of a multi-choired instrument. The other invention was the highly original oval spinet, a kind of virginal with the longest strings in the middle of the case. It was thought for some time that the earliest mention of the piano is from a diary of Francesco Mannucci, a Medici court musician, indicating that Cristofori was already working on the piano by 1698. The first unambiguous evidence for the piano comes from the 1700 inventory of the Medici mentioned in the preceding section. The entry in this inventory for Cristofori's piano begins as follows:

Un Arpicembalo di Bartolomeo Cristofori di nuova inventione, che fa' il piano, e il forte, a due registri principali unisoni, con fondo di cipresso senza rosa..." (boldface added)

An "Arpicembalo" by Bartolomeo Cristofori, of new invention that produces soft and loud, with two sets of strings at unison pitch, with soundboard of cypress without rose..."

The Medici inventory goes on to describe the instrument in considerable detail. The range of this (now lost) instrument was four octaves, C to c″″′, a standard (if slightly small) compass for harpsichords. He was born in Padua,Republic of Venice.

4 May 1852 - Alice Liddell - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alice_Liddell

Alice Pleasance Hargreaves, was, in her childhood, an acquaintance and photography subject of Lewis Carroll. One of the stories he told her during a boating trip became the children's classic 1865 novel Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. On 4 July 1862, in a rowing boat travelling on the Isis from Folly Bridge,Oxford, to Godstow for a picnic outing, 10-year-old Alice asked Charles Dodgson (who wrote under the pen name Lewis Carroll) to entertain her and her sisters, Edith and Lorina, with a story. As the Reverend Robinson Duckworth rowed the boat, Dodgson regaled the girls with fantastic stories of a girl, named Alice, and her adventures after she fell into a rabbit-hole. The story was not unlike those Dodgson had spun for the sisters before, but this time Liddell asked Mr. Dodgson to write it down for her. He promised to do so but did not get around to the task for some months. He eventually presented her with the manuscript of Alice's Adventures Under Ground in November 1864. The extent to which Dodgson's Alice may be or could be identified with Liddell is controversial. The two Alices are clearly not identical, and though it was long assumed that the fictional Alice was based very heavily on Liddell, recent research has contradicted this assumption. She was born in Westminster, London

4 May 1966 - Jane McGrath - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jane_McGrath

Jane Louise McGrath, England-bornAustralian cancer support campaigner, and the wife of former Australian cricket fast bowler Glenn McGrath. In 2005 Glenn and Jane McGrath founded the McGrath Foundation, a charitable organisation dedicated to raising money to fund breast care nurses in rural and regional Australia, and to increase breast awareness in young women. As of December 2018, 120 McGrath breast care nurses have been placed in communities throughout Australia, supporting over 67,000 Australian families experiencing breast cancer. The third day of the first Sydney test cricket match at the Sydney Cricket Ground each year is now known as Jane McGrath Day, where money is raised for the McGrath Foundation. Spectators at the SCG wear pink to show their support and sponsor logos in various places are also recoloured pink for the match. On 5 January 2013, Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard announced an $18.5 million donation to the McGrath Foundation from the Australian Government. The funding allowed all 44 existing McGrath breast care nurse positions to continue and expand the program by 10 full-time equivalent places. She was born in Paignton, Devon.

4 May 1970 - Will Arnett - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Will_Arnett

William Emerson "Will" Arnett, Canadian-American actor, comedian and producer. He is best known for his role as BoJack Horseman in the Netflix series of the same name and George Oscar "Gob" Bluth II in the Fox/Netflix series Arrested Development, receiving a nomination for Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series. He has appeared in films such as Blades of Glory, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows. His performance as Devon Banks in 30 Rock earned him four Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Guest Actor in a Comedy Series nominations. His deep, smooth baritone voice has landed him prolific roles within animation, including Ice Age: The Meltdown, Ratatouille, Horton Hears a Who!, Monsters vs. Aliens, Despicable Me,The Nut Job, and as Batman in the Lego Movie franchise. His involvement with The LEGO Group continues as Fox Network announced him as the host of their show LEGO Masters, which premiered on February 5, 2020. He was born in Toronto, Ontario.

Events of Interest

2nd May 1970 - 50th anniversary of Hunter S. Thompson and Ralph Steadman at the Kentucky Derby - https://theathletic.co.uk/1783460/2020/04/30/an-inside-look-at-how-sports-shaped-hunter-s-thompsons-gonzo-journalism/

“The Kentucky Derby Is Decadent and Depraved" is a seminal sports article written by Hunter S. Thompson on the 1970 Kentucky Derby in Louisville, Kentucky, first appearing in an issue of Scanlan's Monthly in June of that year. Though not known at the time, the article marked the first appearance of gonzo journalism, the style that Thompson came to epitomize through the 1970s. The genesis of the article has been described by Thompson as akin to "falling down an elevator shaft and landing in a pool of mermaids." Accompanied by Ralph Steadman's sketches (the first of many collaborations between Thompson and Steadman), the resulting story, and the manic, first-person subjectivity that characterized it, were the beginnings of the gonzo style of journalism. The article is less about the actual race itself – indeed, Thompson and Steadman could not actually see the race from their standpoint – but rather focuses on the celebration and depravity that surrounds the event. Thompson's depiction includes the events in Louisville (his home town) in the days before and after the Derby, and Steadman captured the debauched atmosphere in his surreal drawings. Thompson provided up-close views of activities in the Derby infield and grandstand at Churchill Downs, and a running commentary on the drunkenness and lewdness of the crowd, which he states in the article as the only thing he was focusing on with the work. The narrative ends with a bittersweet anagnorisis, somewhat common in Thompson's work; after several days of immersing themselves in raucous partying and alcoholism to get a sense of the event, Thompson and Steadman realize that they have become exactly the type of people they originally planned to caricature.

4th May 1961 – Malcolm Ross and Victor Prather attain a new altitude record for manned balloon flight ascending in the Strato-Lab V open gondola to 113,740 feet (34.67 km). - https://www.patriotspoint.org/news-and-events/world-record-balloon-flight-set-by-navy-at-113739-9-feet/

On 04 May 1961 Navy balloon pilot Commander Malcolm Ross and flight surgeon Lieutenant Commander Victor Prather (MC) ascended to the world record height of 113,739.9 feet above sea level in their open gondola Strato-Lab. This record still holds today in 2011 for manned balloon ascent. The record-setting flight on 04 May 1961 from the USS Antietam was scheduled to test the new Navy Mark IV pressure suit. The Mark IV suit’s performance impressed NASA scientists and a modified version was selected for use by the Project Mercury astronauts. Strato-Lab remained in the air for 9 hours 54 minutes, and covered a horizontal distance of 140 miles during its flight. The research goals of the flight were successful, unfortunately LCDR Prather drowned when he slipped into the water and his pressure suit filled with seawater.

4th May 2013 - Dr. Who And The Daleks enjoyed a rare theatrical re-release - https://www.scifihistory.net/may-4.html

On this day in 2013 (in the United Kingdom), 1965's Dr. Who And The Daleks enjoyed a rare theatrical re-release. The feature starred Peter Cushing as the signature Timelord, and here's the plot summary as provided by IMDB.com:

"An eccentric inventor and his companions travel in his TARDIS to the Planet Skaro and battle the evil menace of the Daleks."

It was followed by Daleks' Invasion Earth 2150 A.D. Filmed in Technicolor, it is the first Doctor Who story to be made in colour and in a widescreen format. The film was not intended to form part of the ongoing story-lines of the television series. Elements from the programme are used, however, such as various characters, the Daleks and a police box time machine, albeit in re-imagined forms. The Daleks were redesigned slightly for the film. They had larger base sections, which made them taller and more imposing than the TV Daleks, which were only about five feet high. They had large, red dome lights and some were fitted with a two-jawed mechanical claw instead of a plunger. They also had more colourful paint schemes. Standard Daleks had blue domes, skirt balls and fenders, and gold collars. A Dalek leader was painted predominantly black and a second-in-command in red. Originally the Daleks were to be armed with flamethrowers, but these were vetoed on health and safety grounds and because they were considered too frightening for a young audience. Instead, the guns produced jets of CO2 gas from internally mounted fire extinguishers. Some of the Daleks used in the background for crowd scenes were constructed from moulded fibreglass, and can be distinguished by the slightly different shape of the collars around their midsections.

Intro

Artist – Goblins from Mars

Song Title – Super Mario - Overworld Theme (GFM Trap Remix)

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push511 · 5 years

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Dec. Member of the Month

Congratulations Gabe Tupper!

Gabe will show up for my 7:30 pm Wednesday night shift religiously and WOD with Chris and Prashant and Zach R and Lindsay. He jumps right into very hard workouts designed for much smaller athletes and complains way less than I want him to.

He attacks heavy squatting sessions with great excitement and gets the rest of us excited too. Gabe has put in great work consistently and deserves every bit of his hard-earned fitness

***** Gabe is an honest, hard-working guy. Gabe is an instant comfort to anyone new who shows up for the 6:30/7:30 pm classes. Gabe has come a long way in a short period of time and the dude is just strong. He pushes himself and he listens to his coaches and as a result, he moves well. Not only is a he a badass rugby player with a super cool accent, he's a goofball with a good heart. I can't remember a time when Gabe came into the gym with a bad attitude.

***** Gabe has been working really hard and pushing himself to always be better. He is very supportive to everyone in the gym and brings a fun and positive energy to each and every class.

***** Not sure which I love more about Gabe his infectious fun-positive attitude or accent! I know one thing for sure I would NOT want to be on the other side of the rugby field from Gabe. Based on his tenacity in workouts, I can only imagine what happens to his opponents who get in the way.

Drop in for a Free Class and meet Gabe!

Now a few words from the man himself!

Started CrossFit: July 2017

What is your fitness background: I played a little bit of football (soccer) when I was really young! Otherwise, I have played rugby and cricket all my life. I played cricket all the way through high school for my local cricket club and my school team. Post high school graduation, I played for my school's old boy cricket team during my gap year and whenever I went home to London for the summer. I always took rugby more seriously though. I played rugby for my high school team, a little bit for my county team Middlesex, and also played for Penn State where I captained my senior year. I continue to play for my local men's side, Baltimore Chesapeake!

Favorite Movement: Deadlift! The fewer reps and more weight the better!

Least Favorite Movement: Double Unders are cruel and unusual punishment.

Occupation: I work in Sales for Coastal Sunbelt Produce, which is the largest wholesale produce vendor in the Mid-Atlantic. If you work in the restaurant industry and are looking for a new produce vendor, let me know!

Tell us a little bit about yourself and your family: I am the oldest of three. I have a younger brother who lives in DC, and my little sister lives in London with my parents. Fingers crossed my sister will be going to Penn State next year! My father is originally from a small village in England called Castle Combe. My mother is from Blue Bell, PA which is just outside of Philadelphia (Go Birds!). This makes me half English and half American, which means I am very conflicted on the 4th of July... JK I slam Buds and sing "Party in The USA" like everybody else!

Tell us something we don’t know about you: I was born in Belgium and could speak French fluently until I was about 4years old.

Words to live by or Favorite Quote: If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success? - Jerry Seinfeld

How has CrossFit affected your life outside the gym: CrossFit got me back into shape after college, and continues to make me strong and fit for rugby! The workouts are a great combination of the different elements of fitness that any athlete would benefit from.

What do you enjoy most about PUSH: The people are amazing! Everyone has been very supportive and helpful in my CrossFit journey. The support is only matched by the high quality of coaching. The PUSH coaches have taught me so much since I have started, and I cannot wait to continue to learn from them! Learn more about The Coaches

Fill in the Blank: I like… Watching sports, working out at the gym (obviously), Netflix documentaries (Dirty Money is a must watch), cold weather, and coffee! I eat… Lots of carbs. Fixing my diet is probably the next step in my fitness journey. I do... Drink too much coffee. I probably average 5-7cups a day. I am… Always happy to talk about the Phila. Eagles! Favorite Cheat Meal… Chipotle with double steak and guac! Favorite Real-Life Hero/Athlete… Andrew Flintoff.

Schedule a Free Consultation to learn more about all the fun that goes on inside PUSH511

#crossfit #memberofthemonth #domoresucklesslivebetter #push511

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thejustinmarshall · 6 years

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Learning To Be Funny

Probably every other time my friend Lee and I came to the end of an approach hike at the base of a climb, dropped our backpacks and looked up, he cracked the same joke:

“I think we’ll bivy here and go for the summit in the morning.”

I laughed the first time he said it, and chuckled every time after, even though I’d heard the joke before. It was funny because when he said it, we’d never walked more than three hours from the car, sometimes only a half hour, and the climb itself would only require a few more hours before we’d start walking back to the car. Bivying at the base of the climb would be ridiculous because a) the climb wasn’t nearly a big enough effort to require sleeping for a night at the base; b) it was usually 8 or 9 a.m. when he said this, and we had 10 or 12 hours of daylight to complete the climb; and c) of course neither of us had brought sufficient food, water, or gear to spend a night at the base of a climb.

Lee and I were a good match as climbing partners for many reasons, but largely because things almost never got so serious that we couldn’t regularly try to make each other laugh. We both wanted to be climbers, and we both wanted to be funny. And really, climbing and being funny have something common: In order to succeed in either of them, you fail a lot, and both are lifelong processes.

I don’t think anyone is born funny, just like no one is born a climber. You can be born into a funny family, which some people might assume is genetic. I don’t believe that’s correct. I think you’re just surrounded by people who are trying to be funny, and you join in, just as you are not born loving asparagus, but if your family cooks asparagus all the time, you might develop a taste for it. Except being funny is a much more universally useful life skill than cooking asparagus well (just my opinion), though I’ve only started to learn how to cook asparagus very recently, because my family focused on other things.

We got together with my mom’s side of the family as often as we could, seven brothers and sisters raised with an Irish Catholic sense of humor. I can’t say I remember much about the food my grandmother served at dinner, but I remember my face hurting from laughter, and being very young and thinking, “Someday, I’m going to make my Uncle Dan and Uncle Steve laugh.”

This goal took years. I probably started speaking up every once in a while at family dinners when I was seven or eight, saying things that young kids think are funny but adults don’t, and my uncles didn’t laugh. For a long time. In my head, this didn’t mean that I was not a funny person. It meant that I wasn’t funny yet.

—

I probably learned how to tell jokes mostly from my dad, who could find something clever to say in almost any situation, and was a fan of classics like this one:

Dad: Does your face hurt?

Son: No, why?

Dad: It’s killing me.

My dad spent most of his weekday hours working with people, managing the meat department of a grocery store. His job was, of course, to maximize sales of a product for a company, but from what I saw, his No. 1 goal was to make sure people smiled or laughed when there were within 20 feet of him. No. 2 was sales. He seemed to believe that work is work, but we might as well have a good time while we’re doing it.

In his 1993 book SeinLanguage, comedian Jerry Seinfeld wrote about growing up in a family that valued humor:

When I was a kid my father used to take me around with him in his truck. He was in the sign business on Long Island and he had a little shop called the Kal Signfeld Sign Co.

There were few people as much fun to watch work as my father. There has never been a professional comedian with better stage presence, attitude, timing, or delivery. He was a comic genius selling painted plastic signs that said things like “Phil’s Color TV” and cardboard ones like “If you want to raise cattle, why do you keep shooting the bull?”

The thing I remember most about those afternoons is how often my father would say to me, “Sometimes I don’t even care if I get the order, I just have to break that face.” He hated to see those serious businessmen faces. I guess that’s why he, like me, never seemed to be able to hold down any kind of real job.

Often when I’m on stage I’ll catch myself imitating a little physical move or certain kind of timing that he would do.

“To break that face.”

It was a valued thing in my house. I remember when Alan Kind would walk out on the Ed Sullivan Show, hearing my mother say, “Now, quiet.” We could talk during the news but not during Alan King. This was an important man.

My father lived to see me start to make it as a comedian and he was always my most enthusiastic supporter. He taught me a gift is to be given. And just as he gave it to me, I hope I am able to give it to you.

In elementary school, I cracked jokes whenever I could: in answers to teachers’ questions, in classrooms where teachers didn’t mind the occasional wisecrack (or just completely ignored me), at the lunchroom table, to the person sitting next to me or in front of me. In school, you always have an audience. When someone laughed at something I said, it was like getting a test answer correct, only better. Everyone could study and get a test answer right, but landing a joke was creative, too. It was something I could do that was unique.

Students laughed often enough that I kept going. I continued through junior high, and my 7th grade geography teacher, Mr. Button, asked if I would like to write for the school newspaper, which was at that time about 20 xeroxed sheets of pastel-colored paper stapled together. I said yes, and was given a monthly column—in which I tried to be funny—and some article assignments, in which I also tried to be funny first and convey a story secondly.

In writing for the school newspaper, I discovered a new audience of people to try make laugh, without the risk of being there when a joke fell flat. In writing, if no one laughs, you don’t hear the awkward silence.

—

In high school, I tried hard at a lot of things: sports, getting good grades, padding my academic record with lots of activities so I could get into a “good” college. But I always stayed focused on trying to be funny in every situation I could force it into: lobbing jokes up from the back of the class, in the locker room, washing dishes in the back of a restaurant, at the lunch table, in the hallway between classes, in my English writing assignments.

High school can be a tough audience. Even if you’re funny, lots of times your fellow students are focusing on learning and don’t appreciate your wisecracks (this is a 100 percent appropriate response). Other times, they don’t feel like they should laugh in class or they’ll get in trouble (also true). And lastly, your teachers’ job is to help students learn, not to provide the best audience for your jokes that can’t wait until after class, so they often get annoyed at the smartass in the third row (again, 100 percent appropriate), and sometimes to the point of removing a student from class (also appropriate). I spent a lot of time in detention and in the principal’s office. Looking back, I think a lot of people like myself probably owe a lot of teachers apologies.

“I used to think that humor was the only way to appreciate how wonderful and terrible the world is, to celebrate how big life is. … But now I think it’s the opposite. Humor is a way of shrinking from that wonderful and terrible world.” —Jonathan Safran Foer, Everything Is Illuminated

The thing is, constant humor can be a way of distancing ourselves from dealing with the real world, or internal sadness. The world is wonderful and terrible, and our constant access to news and viewpoints can sometimes make it feel like it’s growing more terrible every day. But creating humor can also be a way of dealing with personal suffering.

In 1975, in a study published in The American Journal of Psychoanalysis, Samuel S. Janus interviewed and psychologically tested 55 full-time comedians, who had been working in the field of comedy for an average of 25 years. In the study’s conclusion, Janus wrote:

The early lives of all the subjects were marked by suffering, isolation, and feelings of deprivation. Humor offered a relief from their sufferings and a defense against inescapable panic and anxiety. The presence of these same needs and fears almost universally accounts for the success of these particular individuals as humorists. The fact that humor is a language of protest appears to mitigate their anxiety and permits them to function. However its role as an aggressive expression in its own right is particularly appropriate for this age.

It is felt that comedians are able to convert their rage from physical to verbal assault and that for many their comic routines are a form of acting out. For the most part, comedians are shy, sensitive, fearful individuals, who fight their fears constantly and who win for only short periods of time, needing repetitively to do battle with the enemy both within and without. They are keenly sensitive people who have an uncanny perception of the needs and fears of their audience. For the most part they are men and women who are empathic and are able to convert fear to humor and terror to laughter.

Everyone has darkness in their lives, no matter how happy their personal story appears from the outside. My life has certainly been no exception, and although the down times have come and gone and it’s definitely not been anything like a Dickens novel, I’ve always used humor to change situations. If I’m uncomfortable, I joke. If I’m anxious about something (often), I joke. When I’m doing a public speaking gig, I joke to try to take the temperature of the crowd: Are they listening? Do they like me? How about now, two minutes later? Do they still like me? At the root of all of it is probably a deep insecurity or lack of self-confidence, and because of that, I joke. If you laugh, I feel OK about myself for a few minutes, and we both win.

My 86-year-old grandmother was literally on her deathbed in June of 2014. I was in the hospital room holding her hand and watching the cardiac monitor, along with my mother, my Uncle Dan, my Uncle Steve, and my Aunt Nora. We all knew that it was probably going to be it for Grandma, and I spent most of the afternoon alternating between trying to swallow a softball-sized lump in my throat and laughing at my aunt and uncles and my mom joking about colonoscopies and Catholic school.

No one was sure if Grandma could hear anything, but we talked to her anyway, and Aunt Nora made up ridiculous song lyrics and sang them while holding Grandma’s hand. For once, I was a little shocked that no one seemed to be taking it quite seriously enough. “Don’t you think I have a lovely singing voice, Brendan?” Aunt Nora said, after one of her songs, and then laughed, and I laughed too.

When I was a kid, I didn’t really understand that I came from a family of goofballs until I had been out of my parents’ house for a few years. I kind of assumed everyone’s dinner conversations were sort of a contest to see who could tell the best story, or make everyone laugh harder than they did at the last person’s joke. Eventually I found out that not everyone acted the way my mom’s family did, which was kind of a bummer. I don’t know how other people handle deathbed situations, but apparently in my mom’s family, we can’t even cry without trying to make each other laugh. There was plenty of crying, but plenty of laughing too. And even if it seemed a little inappropriate, it felt right.

—

In college, I started writing a weekly column for the campus newspaper. I didn’t have a beat, or a theme; just whatever I thought was funny that week. At some point, a fellow student recognized me on campus or at a bar and told me they liked my column in the newspaper that week and it made them laugh, and my marketing career went away just like that. Eleven short years later, I became a full-time writer, finding a space where most people weren’t trying to be funny—climbing and the outdoors—and writing essays about it.

I started a blog and wrote a post every single week whether I felt like it or not, trying hard to give people something to laugh at. Just like in elementary school, some people laughed, and some people didn’t. I always stuck to one principle: Always make fun of “us,” not “them.” I figured we all had enough negative stuff to pull us down on a daily basis, and I didn’t want to be another source of that.

Some weeks, it really took off, and thousands of people read my blog. Some weeks, crickets. I learned to just shrug it off and come up with new stuff for next week. With humor, you’re never going to please 100 percent of the people 100 percent of the time. Some people are going to think you are funny, and some people are not going to think you’re funny. Some people are going to think you are funny, and some people are not going to understand your jokes. Some people are going to think you are funny, and some people are not going to be in the mood. And sometimes, your joke is only funny to you. Which is a learning opportunity. But if people don’t think you’re funny, at least try to keep it so they don’t think you’re an asshole.

—

A few weeks ago, I sat at a table at the Monday night jazz jam at Denver’s Meadowlark Bar, watching the drummer in a four-piece band: a youngish man who was in absolute command of the drumset, never looking at where his sticks landed; only at the bass player, guitar player, or trumpet player. Awed and a little envious, I wondered how he got that good, and how long it took him for the drumset to become an extension of his body. Probably hours of playing every week, for years. I imagined dedicating myself to something so fully. Maybe instead of playing high school football I should have stuck with band, picked up a guitar or a trumpet, and kept practicing through my adult years. Imagine: being able to walk into a jam session with an instrument, sit down for a minute or two to get the feel of it, and then just joining a sort of conversation. That seems like a pretty magical way to live life. If only I had spent more time on learning to play music over the past, you know, 35 years …

Then I thought: I probably spent all that time trying to learn how to be funny.

Humor, I believe, will always be important work, and not just for professional comedians, writers, and actors. Weekly staff meetings need humor, and so do meals with friends and family, and transactions with clerks and servers. I don’t know the meaning of life, but bringing joy to other people seems like a decently noble pursuit. At the end of the day, not much of what we do in our daily lives adds up to much more than folly. Being a goofball, although it may seem like you’re not taking life (or your career) seriously enough, is no more ridiculous than most of the things that take up our time.

Here’s my favorite joke ever, appropriate for all ages and all situations. It’s somewhat dependent on confident delivery and timing, so it’s a great joke to use to practice on people if you don’t think of yourself as particularly funny (but maybe would like to be someday):

A polar bear walks into a bar. He goes up to the bar and says to the bartender,

“I’ll have a gin and ….

…

… tonic.”

The bartender looks at the polar bear and says, “What’s with the big pause?”

The polar bear says, “I don’t know. My dad had ’em too.”

—Brendan

The post Learning To Be Funny appeared first on semi-rad.com.

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friendlypoolguy-blog · 7 years

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Space Ranger Rantings

I found some old photos, laying in storage. I asked Lindy if she brought them. She said she didn’t (Station Three-Three). I miss you, Matt. Miss you Luke. Justin. Fro-man (Alex). And Braden (I hope all of your dreams came true). I wish you all the best. I miss you, guys. I miss all of you.

Books, video games, exercise, television. These things keep me busy. Keep my mind off the human being that I’ve ignored for nearly a week, now. The same human that hasn’t spoken to anyone (maybe to Lindy, when I’m asleep) except her dogs. Caliman, and Ming. Caliman is a black and tan Chihuahua mix, of some sort. Ming, a Brussels Griffon mix (again, the remaining half- undecided). The enjoy nipping at one another; growling and making draw-out dog noises. I admit, it’s entertaining. They keep themselves company, and, create their own happiness. I’m learning from them both.

So sometimes I have a beer, or two- or three, when reading. Or when writing, or, when playing video games. I still love watching Seinfeld. Giddyup! Kramer, Jerry, George, Elaine- Puddy. Gotta support the team. I love reading crime/mystery fiction; some horror splashed in, with a nice dousing of science fiction and fantasy. Graphic novels are a must. Can’t do without the classics. Contemporary novels, though, are by far my favorite (genre may vary). Images appear larger than they actually are. So there’s that. And, oh! Sometimes I’ve been reading to Ming; she loves to listen, and I know, fuck- she gets into the stories.

“I find myself alone when each days through”… Johnny Cash, you rock. But even though you think I’m nothing, I feel like a million bucks (kudos to you, Josh Homme). Contemporary authors such as Tom Leevin. What a great writer. My wishes are that he still exists, somewhere on Earth, in a colony with fellow artists. Writers. What a guy. Matthew 16:16. I thought that was such a brilliant way to put it. We’re doing are best; we always have, regardless of how well we do what we should. Oh, and by the way, fuck him. Yeah, that ass-face. The one who destroyed the world Earth, with his embodiment of hatred. So what, we’re all alone, when you really think about it. No one but ourselves. He gave in; he submitted to the forces that be- the ones that didn’t care for carelessness. Again, we don’t know what were doing. And that means in all ways. Let it go. There was this show once, with a princess who became… And there was this snowman who… And… Let it go.

Yeah, I wish I had kids. I wish I was married, above the kids. That I had a badass sidekick, or, rather- I was a sidekick to her badass-ness. Either way would work just fine with me. But, it is what it is (and no, I’m not keeping it stoic). I’m good with what it is; with, how things turned out, for me. I’m… Content. I’m still kicking, never eternally breathing in the shit off the ground where I often lay. Shit, I’m no good at riding horses. But fuck it, I keep getting back in the saddle, again (Gene Autry, you sexy beast, you). I wear a pirate ring on my left pinky. Pirates stand tall, against the brutal establishments who told us they were absolute. Free Masons, carry on. I mean, people are fucking idiots. Moronic dumb shits. Completely relentless in guarding their ego’s. There not rangers, nor were they trained to become such. Their just fucking, careless. I feel a much better justice would be a glass bottle through the rear window of the vehicle they own, but hey- that’s just me. Or blowing out all four of their tires. Or breaking… A… Never mind; I’ll keep that one to meself.

She’s pretty. In-shape. Strawberry blond hair (redhead). She has a few freckles around her nose and eyes, cheeks. I bet she hates them. I think…. Stop it, D. Stop it now. Any possibility of what I wanted happening is in the past. That’s it. Nothing more. Never again.

Smoking Pipe tobacco is a pass time. It tastes so amazing, when it’s fresh. I guess they have tobacco crops on Station Three-Three. Good for them, better for me. I’m the one flying in space with a pain in my ass, her two immensely laughable (in a loving way) dogs, and a goddamn machine, made to look like a human (no offense, Lindy- you know I love you). Drinking beers is so much fun. It’s so easy to just, have like, a lot. And guess what? I’m on a space craft, so- no one really cares! It’s all good, in the space hood (and there’s so many of those, its ridiculous when trying to count). I do play the guitar to keep my mind off the stupidly sexy… The woman who’s a jerk, and… I play blues chords, and keep it to an A scale. Sometimes I wander off into other scales, so, you know, that’s always fun.

Five decades of plumbing. Who fucking cares, commercial? Oh… Wait. That’s Love it or List it. They’re re-runs, but hey. It works. (Setting that kitchen into success (some words omitted due to the intake of beers)) chyeah. Hilary is not magical; she does not have a wand. I think Shannon understands where I’m coming from. It’s a nice area… Who gives two dog shits? Oh, I like cussing. I enjoy it. Always have, since I was just a wee little wanker. It’s fun to make fun of English people (from the G.B.). They’re so polite, while at the same time being so snarky (all in good elegant manner, my dears). Dear reader, I haven’t spoken directly to you, in a fresh minute. Well, that’s all I have to say to you. Have fun with that. Tell me more when I’m back on here, and- oh that’s right. I won’t receive your nonsensical message. HA! Well, not ha. It’s kind of sad to only have Lindy to speak with. I speak with Ming. Sometimes Caliman. That slut I mean that woman in the room down the hall. I probably should talk with her. Not her fault she’s a floozy. Ah hell; I’m way more of a floozy. I’m just hoping she’s also… Never mind. Better that than some irritating princess. Fucking princesses; make me want to strum strings that make my room jostle. But another floozy, well. I’d hit chords that made the crowd scream until their throats became hoarse, and raw. Lose your vocal chords kinda stuff. That’s what I want. That would be aces, sweet tea. A little extra help for a fellow floozy. Because she’s move-in ready. So am I. And what the fuck, who else besides Lindy and the dogs? I’m not jealous. Ming can get it if she allows her to. So can Caliman for all I’m concerned. Lindy you dirty robot. I knew you were more than a bunch of mechanical bits and pieces conformed into a shapely piece of metal. Take a walk big guy.

I walk down the hall towards the little lady’s room. “Hey, I wanted to ask you about.. You, and, uh.. See if you wanted to, maybe, have a beer or two, or three?” She smiles. That’s all I need to know, for now.

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skymarkventures-blog · 7 years

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Why is Entrepreneurship Hard

“I can’t possibly do that,” quipped the bartender. “Entrepreneurship is hard.”

After coming back from my consulting engagement in Madrid, I settled down to have a cerveza at my favorite tapas bar in Barcelona. Yoda’s words still echoed in my mind, and on the plane back to Barcelona, I sketched out my business idea on a piece of napkin.

“Muy duro, my friend. Muy duro.” He smiled politely and went back to cheer on the local soccer team with the rest of the crowd.

I held onto that napkin, which had the greatest idea in the world for a startup - at least in my mind. But this bartender thinks it’s too hard. Why bother?

I pocketed that idea of mine. Sipping my beer, I watched the crowds go “ooh” and “ahh” at the soccer match between F.C. Barcelona and Real Madrid. Not only was Yoda’s Spanish voice ringing in my ears, but now it got me thinking:

Why do we think Entrepreneurship is sooo hard?

I get that there’s a lot of financial and business risks to entrepreneurship, especially when you have to quit a good paying job:

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But it’s like anything else we think at that moment is hard. Once upon a time, I really thought it was hard to get up and take my first step as a baby. Once upon a time, I really, really thought, writing a 500 word essay for 4th period English was hard. Once upon a time, I thought leaving New York to study and work in a Spanish-speaking country (when I didn’t speak the language) was sooo hard. But guess what? I did it.

According to a published work in the Forum for Research in Empirical International Trade (FREIT), we develop a biased perception of entrepreneurs. Non-entrepreneurs “maintain laudatory portraits of ‘entrepreneurs’,” when in fact they are like everybody else. Hence, we develop this self-defeating attitude of “why me?”

I kept sipping my beer and watched the crowd cheer the local team. Questions in my mind only led to more questions:

Is entrepreneurship really any different? Why are we afraid of change?

Formal education breeds conformists

“Things were getting to me. Just how people are. How they always expect you to be a certain way…”

-- High schooler Angela Chase from My So-Called Life (1994)

Rise and shine honey - it’s time for school. Eat your bacon and eggs. Don’t forget your bologna sandwich! Don’t be late. Come home right after. Do your homework! No more TV after 8:00. Goodnight, sweetie.

Sound familiar? It’s a typical day in a student’s life in America. Kids all over America are thought to wake up at a particular hour in morning, be at school at 8:30 and leave at 3:30. Yearbook activities from 4:00 to 5:00. Go home. Then homework. Dinner at 6:30ish. Bed. Wash, rinse, repeat. You can’t blame the parents - they’re even more predictable:

Wake up the kids. Drive kids to schoolwork. Work at desk job from 9:00 to 5:00. Pick up kids. Make them do homework and cook dinner. Eat. Seinfeld and Friends. Turn off TV. Sleep.

We are taught as kids and as adults that there are grave consequences if we deviate. If you don’t get an A, you won’t get anywhere. If you don’t show your face from 9:00 to 5:00, then how can you possibly retire by age 65? You have to be a lawyer. You have to be a doctor. Why don’t you want to be a doctor? Do you wanna be poor?!

According to the New York Times, education is a path to conformity. Pre-college kids are programmed for twelve-hour days, and taught that going to Harvard and having the initials M.D. at the end of one’s name are the ONLY keys to success. Parents ignore how Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and Michael Dell boot-strapped billion dollar businesses from their garage.

Granted, Gates and Jobs are exceptional thought leaders. But the first step - even for Jobs and Gates - was a mental one. They told themselves: I can do this.

I won’t critique how to fix the American educational system, as that would take a research paper that would rival War and Peace. But what we can start doing is telling and believing these four words:

I can do this.

It starts with breaking from that hive mentality from 4th grade. Success is NOT linear.

“The secret of life is to fall seven times and to get up eight times.”

-- Paulo Coelho

We fear the unknown

We laud entrepreneurs because they are fearless. I can’t possibly do that!

Our fear of the unknown stems from our fear of the dark. There’s an evolutionary reason why we fear the dark. Back in the age of cave people, men and women didn’t have flashlights and iPhones, and they had to hunt for a living. This meant hunting in dark forests, where bigger predators could be hiding in a dark corner.

Moreover, as humans we have five main senses - sight is one of them. Darkness impairs our ability to see; hence, we fear anything that blinds us from assessing our environment.

In psychology, Sigmund Freud posits our fear from darkness stems from the childhood trauma of separation anxiety. Parents would abandon their kids at night (to sleep in their own rooms), leaving their kids to sleep alone. This separation is why we invent monsters under the bed, or the boogie man that will jump out of the closet.

In history, explorers were afraid to sail west to reach India and China. They didn’t have established routes across the Atlantic making navigation difficult. It took the courage of Christopher Columbus (and the Vikings before him) to sail west and discover a whole New World.

We praise entrepreneurs for their fearlessness because of our inability to overcome our own fears. Hence, our own self-doubt leads us to this inevitable conclusion:

Entrepreurship is hard.

Just like we looked up to our big brother who would check the closet for the boogie monster. Just like we loved our mothers for checking under the bed for that oogly, boogly bed monster. In time, we learned how silly we were for having these fears because we learned this:

“Only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” -- Franklin Delano Roosevelt

Entrepreneurs are no different from you or I. We all have the same five senses.

Why am I special?

We watch movies and read tall tales about Bill Gates, displacing IBM in the 1990s. Then we watch movies of how Steve Jobs resurrected Apple, Inc. to become the world’s most valuable company. We watch Social Network, and wonder in awe at Zuckerberg’s development of Facebook.

Indeed, these entrepreneurs had exceptional skills. Gates was great at software. Jobs is a legend in design. Zuckerberg had the technical know-how to build a social network. Non-entrepreneurs create self-doubt because they think they have no skills.

I can’t possibly do that!

Consider this guy with a niche for reviewing fast food.

In today’s Youtube and Pinterest world, you can do almost anything and build an entire business around it. You can be a Star Wars channel, an SEO blogger, or a fashion maven on instagram. What’s the common theme in all these successful entrepreneurs?

They found their niche.

Do you think your ability to put on make-up without using your hands is silly? If done right, a video on this unique ability could go viral on Vine or Youtube. Do you like eating decades old military rations? Guess what - there is someone out there making money on it.

In this blog article for Skymark Ventures titled “What Startups can learn from ‘shock’ Donald Trump win,” the section ‘Know your market’ details Trump’s path to electoral victory. Peter Thiel suggests “start small and scale upwards.” In other words, Trump picked a niche (populism for middle-America and blue collar workers) and built an entire marketing campaign around it. He didn’t care about the liberals on the east and west coast; he used populism to win the battleground states that helped him secure a victory in the November elections.

Lack of knowledge is no longer an excuse in today’s world. There is a WEALTH of information in how to take action steps to build a business around your niche. How to build a website? Try this. Need SEO help? Go here. How to budget and raise money? Try Skymark Ventures’ FREE budget tools.

At one point in their lives, Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, and Mark Zuckerberg were just like you and I. For them, it just clicked. They identified what they’re good at, what they’re interested in and had the courage to build it.

In short, they had dreams like everybody else. Do you have dreams?

As I sip my beer in that fateful day in Barcelona, thoughts of dreams, fears and wants swirled in my mind, like cream melting in an expresso.

I watched the crowd in that bar go “ooh” and “ahh,” even though the game was at a stalemate at 0-0. THEN - almost at once - everybody stood up...

Barcelona star Lionel Messi broke free from the pack. He zig zagged down the field… Twisted around a defender… Shot a fastball past the goalkeeper for the winning goal. It was a beautiful display of finesse and courage.

Indeed, not everyone can be Lionel Messi. But once upon a time, Messi was just a little boy, like everybody else. He had hopes and dreams, like everyone around him. He had a unique talent, like you and I. He believed in himself.

That last part is muy duro.

In a world, where we’re taught to be like everybody else… where we’re all expected to get Harvard degrees and have the initials M.D. at the end of our name… where we’re expected to go 9-5 for forty years until we collect social security… It’s hard to think we can be different.

This is why we laud entrepreneurs. They think different. They actually believe!

To enact change in one’s life, it’s first important to believe you can be different. You have a unique talent that’s waiting for a global audience. Consider these words from Jobs in a PBS documentary:

“When you grow up you tend to get told the world is the way it is and your job is just to live your life inside the world. Try not to bash into the walls too much. Try to have a nice family life, have fun, save a little money.

That’s a very limited life. Life can be much broader once you discover one simple fact, and that is - everything around you that you call life, was made up by people that were no smarter than you. And you can change it, you can influence it, you can build your own things that other people can use.

The minute that you understand that you can poke life and actually something will, you know if you push in, something will pop out the other side, that you can change it, you can mold it. That’s maybe the most important thing. It’s to shake off this erroneous notion that life is there and you’re just gonna live in it, versus embrace it, change it, improve it, make your mark upon it.

I think that’s very important and however you learn that, once you learn it, you’ll want to change life and make it better, cause it’s kind of messed up, in a lot of ways. Once you learn that, you’ll never be the same again.”

I finished my beer and said my goodbyes to the bartender. I walked out of that bar, and realized the napkin was still in my hand. I looked at it again, thinking it was the greatest idea in the world.

I glanced up at the Spanish sun. I remember thinking: here I am, a New York native, living and thriving in a non-English world.

Who’d have thunk it?

Why is entrepreneurship hard? I guess I’m about to find out.

#entreprenuership #entrepreneur #consultant #why is entrepreneurship hard

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