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medusapelagia · 2 days

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Learning to Love 4

(Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5)

Rating: Mature Relationship: Steve /Billy Tags: enemies to lovers, internalized homophobia Words: 1143

Billy hasn’t seen Steve since the day of the test. There isn’t any need for them to study together anymore, and the pretty boy had left the basketball team months before, so the only way Billy had to see him is looking for him in the parking lot. But he is not always so lucky. More times than not he has to pick up his stupid step-sister and bring her safely home, losing the only occasion he has of seeing Steve.

He doesn’t miss the time they spent together. And he absolutely does not miss getting cozy on Steve’s couch and drinking beer while watching a movie. And he is definitely not still thinking about that night when Steve fell asleep and his head slid onto his shoulder and he felt his warm breath on his neck.

It's not that.

It's just that he is worried about him.

"Are you still moping?" Max asks, opening the car's door.

"The fuck do you want?"

"I'm tired of seeing you moping around, ok? You are still an asshole but when you were hanging out with Steve you were a little bit less of an asshole."

Billy glares at her. "What are you saying?" He replies in an icy cold tone.

"Nothing. Just that it was nice when you were friends with Steve. So, tell me, how bad did you fuck up?"

Billy pushes on the gas pedal, "I didn't fuck up."

"So why is he avoiding you?" Max insists.

"He is not. We don't have any more classes in common and he passed his test so now we have no reason to meet."

Max remains silent for a long moment, then she whispers "If there was an opportunity to meet him, would you be an asshole as usual?"

Billy lifts an eyebrow "What are you talking about?"

"The party wants to go to the arcade on Saturday and Steve is Dustin's friend, they searched for Dustin's cat together or something like that. Anyway, Steve is going to drive Dustin and you could drive me and Lucas."

"Lucas?" Billy growls, "Are you still hanging out with him?"

She sticks her tongue out "He is my boyfriend! Get over it!"

"You are too fucking young to have a boyfriend! You are thirteen for Christ's sake!"

"Come on! Everyone at school has a boyfriend! Why do you hate Lucas, huh?"

Billy doesn't reply, his eyes fixed on the road.

It's not true that he hates Lucas. Well, he doesn't like him very much, to be honest, he is sniffing around his sister after all and Billy is fiercely protective of his pack, but that's not the true reason behind his attitude. The true reason is that Billy knows that if Neil would even suspect that the girl is having a relationship with a boy he will lock her in the fucking basement.

That's what he did to Billy the first time that he saw him holding hands with Thomas; he beat him with the strap and locked him in the basement for two days, giving him just water and bread. He is pretty sure that Neil will not beat her, not if he wants to keep his shiny new wife, but he is pretty sure that he will not let her go to the skate park or arcade anymore. So, no, Billy doesn't like Lucas.

“Think about it. Driving Lucas and I and finally talking to Steve, or ruining my weekend and staying in your room all day.” She says while she gets out of the car, leaving Billy staring at the front door of their house on Cherry Lane.

***

Saturday afternoons Neil and Susan go to Indianapolis to spend the day, leaving Billy in charge of Max, which is something that annoys both of them, but this time Max is determined to convince Billy to drive her to the arcade

“Come on! If you don’t drive me I’ll go on my skateboard!”

“You will not do such a thing!” Billy snarls, grabbing her arm harshly.

“I deserve to have some fun, Billy! The only reason I asked you to drive me is because I think that Steve’s friendship is good for you and I wanted to help you make peace, but if you are going to be an asshole as usual I’ll skate to Lucas and then I’ll ask his parents to drive us to the arcade!”

Billy glares at the girl, he wants to talk with Steve more than anything but he doesn’t like to be used like that.

“Fuck you, Maxine. You don’t know shit! So stop acting like you have all the answers in your fucking pocket.”

“Oh, I don’t know shit? I know why we moved here, Billy!” She retorts, covering her mouth as soon as those words come out.

“You… what?” He growls, grabbing her and pushing her against the wall.

“I didn’t tell anyone!” She assures him.

“Because there is nothing to say!” He screams, freeing her from his grip. Billy goes back to his room, slamming the door so hard that the poster above his bed wobbles.

Nobody can know what happened in California. Nobody. Not even Maxine.

A soft knock on the door breaks the seething silence in Billy’s mind.

“Fuck off!”

“I’m sorry. Billy, I’m sorry, for real. I didn’t mean… please. Come with me to the arcade. I saw the two of you together…” She whispers behind the door “You looked… you looked nice together.”

“I don’t know what the fuck you mean and I’m not going to drive you anywhere. You are grounded!” He replies, lightening a cigarette between his lips.

Max stays outside his room for a few moments before walking away and Billy finally relaxes. Did he start to feel something for the pretty boy he tutored? Maybe. But there is no way he is going to admit that, not even to himself.

He is lifting some weights, his body covered in sweat, when he hears the roar of a car that stops exactly in front of his house. Surprised, he looks out of the window and sees a familiar Beemer and immediately screams “MAXINE!” but the girl is already running toward the car with her backpack on her shoulder and Steve is holding the car’s door open for her when Billy gets on the porch.

“Maxine, come immediately back, you know that you are grounded.”

She sticks her tongue out “My mom is not here and she didn’t tell me I was grounded, she just told me that I should stay with you, not where. So get your shit together and come with us because I’m not getting back inside.” She replies bravely and if Billy’s look could kill she would be dead by now, but no, she is still there, smiling triumphantly at him.

Steve lifts an eyebrow “You coming or what?”

#stranger things fanfic #steve x billy #harringrove #medusapelagia #Billy Hargrove #Steve Harrington #Harringrove #Billy x Steve #Stranger Things Fanfiction #Harringrove fic #medusapelagia fanfic #my fanfic #learning to love

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to-the-stars8 · 2 years

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Learning to Love Slowly

Pairings; Jason Todd x Female Reader A/N- Hello guys! This is my first time, like, ever writing Jason Todd, just bear with me if his characterization is a bit wrong at first. Nonetheless, happy reading, and love you all so much! Ao3 Summary; Just you and Jason learning to love each other, and the small moments in-between.

1- Pride and Prejudice and Hair

“Your selfish disdain for the feelings of others made me realize you were the last man in the world I could ever be prevailed upon to marry--”

“No, pause it! Pause it!” You yelled from the kitchen.

Jason scrambled for the remote to stop the movie and eventually found it under the couch just as the scene had ended. He looked over to see you hurrying to make more popcorn and drinks--all to which he had said he was good without, but you had insisted on the full movie theatre experience. When he looked back at the screen he could still hear you mumbling off a checklist of everything you had.

He had come to visit you the first night he could take off after not seeing you for a good week. Jason had heard from you, every phone call and text conversation lasting long enough to close the distance just a bit, but it wasn’t enough. He felt like he wasn’t enough; that you deserved to be in a relationship with someone who wasn’t as fucked up as he was.

You two were taking it slow, he reminded himself. Again. You had assured him that when you two first became official, which he could hardly believe was a little over a month ago. Much less that it took nearly half a year of him showing up at your window at midnight for you to finally ask him on an official date. And that it took him a whole two seconds too long to accept

“Here you go, my darling,” You said, juggling a bowl of popcorn and two bottles of pop. You paused, pulling back the bottle to look at it. “Wait, did you want grape or orange?”

Jason bit back a smile. “It doesn’t matter.”

The answer seemed to please you and he ended up with the grape. He hated grape soda but drank it anyway, just to see you happy. When you sat on the couch, it was next to him, but just far enough to respect his space.

You had started the movie again after getting comfortable, curling up in the middle of the couch with a blanket over you, and handing the bowl off to Jason. He tried to focus on the movie, but you were distracting him.

Jason had sat with his arm thrown on the back of the couch, and he was close enough to smell and feel your hair against it. Cautiously, his hand played with a loose strand of your that hung over the back, watching it twirl around his finger and liking the way it gleamed in the TV light.

It was soft, and, for a moment, he felt wrong for touching it with his dirty, calloused hand. Jason thought of taking his hand away, but when you leaned back into the touch with a sigh of relief, he kept it there. Slowly, his hand moved to massage the back of your head, earning a soft smile from you. When he pulled it away, Jason watched as you tried to bite back a wide grin.

“That felt nice,” You whispered.

Jason didn’t know if he would touch you like that again soon, but he was glad to know you liked it. It was a step, he knew that much.

#jason todd #jason todd x reader #batfamily #dick grayson #batman #red hood #robin jason todd #batfam #romance #falling in love #learning to love

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sakura-hayashii · 2 months

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dear lonely soul,

after some time… being alone becomes a normal thing in your life… once it becomes a habit it becomes so hard to feel like you have a place with others… then eventually sharing who you are and opening up feels like a lost cause… and by that point… being alone has basically become an addiction… its so easy to get out of practice at sharing who you are because by that point… being on your own is a habit and normal aspect in your life… it becomes part of your existence… and you feel you cant explain it cause its a constant feeling and habit… and you start to feel like no one in your life would understand… like its a feeling that only you have to go through… it aint shit… but good things never come easy… people aint shit… but not all people in this world are shit… so you gotta find the people willing to put up with and help you through your shit.

life hurts… it hurts like a bitch… its like youre happy one minute and then the next youre slapped in the face with reality… the people who go the furthest in life and who succeed… their lives are never easy… they never were… you just gotta find yourself… if you cant… find your person… or people… and they will help you and be there for you… i promise.

- S.H.

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coffeexxcigarettes · 1 day

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Hard Truths

-

You saw me as I was,

In innocence and laughter.

You craved my mess,

The raw taste of humanity

I offered.

Sometimes I am gifted things,

I hold in my hands.

No shelf to store it on,

I was never taught to accept love.

It can break your heart.

Love can break your heart,

When you were taught how to

Stitch exit wounds

Instead of how to be held.

If your touch is too gentle,

Will I be able to feel it?

How can you possibly feel so much like home,

When you're the complete opposite of

How I was raised?

x

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itslenagain · 6 months

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Relearning

Once upon a time, I believed I knew what love was.

I played the part well. I learned the lines, I followed the script. I thought all I had to do was stay in character.

Right now, I am relearning.

You see, the problem with believing that all love is a performance is that when the performer takes their last bow, when the lights go off, when the props are in the trunk and the makeup is off and the crowd has gone home, the performer becomes themself again.

Yes, as a thespian, I believe performances can change you. But, undeniably, you're still your own person underneath. And if love is just a performance, does it mean anything when you're off the stage?

I'm discovering a love that exists when the marquee is empty, when the stage is dark. There's a love that is real when nobody is watching.

My love? Her smile is on my mind no matter what costume I put on. But honestly, around her, I don't want to wear one.

Loving her comes with me everywhere I go, it colors everything I see, it is the underscore of everything I do. I go off script because no play that's been written could sum it up.

Could any of the great playwrights have written the way your hands feel on my skin?

Or penned the night I took off my mismatched socks so you could wear them to help your aching feet?

Could any choreographer recreate the steps to the dancing we've done together in loud concert halls when all I could focus on was you next to me?

Could any director give the right notes to replicate how I hugged you tight enough to momentarily forget about the hospital walls surrounding us?

Sometimes I forget how to act when I'm not performing.

But for you? I'm passionately relearning.

#i just love her so much #lesbian #late in life lesbian #late bloomer #relationship #wlw love #sapphic #lovecore #writing #learning to love #lgbtqia+#my girlfriend <3

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loveerran · 1 year

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Whose side are you on?

#3rd picture courtesy of artist Arawn Billings #jesus #and the woman taken in adultery #queerstake #tumblrstake #true christianity #is love first #lds #mormon #lgbt #lgbtqia+#learning to love #as god loves all of us #you don't have to be on my side #but try to be on jesus' side #and not that of the haters #who throw stones every week #without realizing that many of them are landing

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07-induraj · 7 months

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Learn to love..

We are all taught to love

But never been taught how

Its a journey and we are on the drive

And we keep on going without knowing the routes

We all want to be loved

But we don't exactly know what we need

And in the end we are left with nothing but a heart soaked in fake blood

Cause love can never be guarunteed

We think of it as love, and reciprocate whatever we gets

To someone who don't even know what love means

And in this rush, we get left with many wounds and cuts

We want our love life like those movie scenes, but it won't make us come clean, not even heard or seen

But nothing is like what it seems

No one ever says what you wanna hear

Especially not the person of your dreams

And so we just let them keep that part of us as souvenir

Love is neither easy nor tough

But there's nothing as right person wrong time

No, the persons' only right if they know how to love

And if they do so, then its never the wrong time

Love is different for everyone, so sometimes it gets rough

But there's nothing such thing as wrong person right time

It ain't about timing or who you're loving, but, its about you feeling enough

Don't you worry, you will find someone for you so you could call them mine.

Written by 07-induraj

#poets on tumblr #original poem #poemsbyme #female poets #love poetry #twcpoetry #smittenbypoetry #poeticstories #learning to love #art #teen poet #teen outlook on love #poetry reruns #original writing #creative writing #i wish you would #delicate

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sebadztian · 3 months

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Yeah, so I posted a new story.

I struggled with the title. Not sure what to name it. Is it allowed to change the title later on? Yes? No? We'll see. For now though, it's called Learning To Love (That's the link to the story, btw).

It's a slow burn Sebaciel love story set in the modern AU where everyone is human and everyone shows up at one point or another. Lots of fluff, plenty of angst, with a sprinkle of drama.

Sebastian is still Ciel's butler although he isn't a demon (not in the literal sense) and there's no contract (well, not the Faustian kind).

This is my first time writing a multi-chaptered story set in a modern era, so I hope that it won't suck.

I first wrote it a year ago for fun and worked on it bit by bit in between my other works. By now, it's about halfway done, but I still need to edit it and write the rest of it, of course.

#sebaciel #my fic #learning to love

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thestuffiammadeof · 6 months

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I don’t feel like you’re real. You could be just an apparition before my eyes. A “blink twice and they’re gone”. A firefly in the night. I tricked myself into thinking I didn’t miss you at 8 p.m. yesterday evening, when just at 6 o’clock I had been thinking I needed you to come home every even tide. You’re an apparition in my mind. One wrong move and you could disappear forever. So fear takes over and I don’t even let you see the love in my eyes. How trite. To be myself. A pattern re-emerging from one year, six months and three days ago. A pattern I made in my childhood. “Let’s play hide and seek”. But no one ever could find me. And so I write to assuage the fear, build some resistance to my own mind, remember that I used to be aligned. And maybe this even tide I will tell you.

You’re probably,

most likely,

surely

the love of my life.

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divine-sunlight · 6 months

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I feel like I haven't appreciated Lady Aphrodite enough in this page, and that just cannot be.

Thank you my Lady for helping me through my self-love journey and for making me prioritize myself, my body and mind.

Thank you for letting me explore myself and my style in a safe space in which none of my desicions are judged.

Thank you for aiding me when I feel unhappy, for showing me the beautiful sides of life, friendship and love.

Thank you for helping me understand that love comes in many shapes and it's not always romantic. Thank you for answering my prayers, not always with what I asked for, but with what I needed the most. Thank you for gifting me the opportunity to find friendship in new places and enjoy my life to its fullest.

I can't wait to continue on this journey with you in which I can explore myself, the world and others learning to care and show I do, and love deeply without any restrictions.

#aphrodite #lady aphrodite #aphrodite deity #love #self love #hellenic paganism #paganism #hellenic deities #greek polytheism #greek gods #self love journey #learning to love #a little thank you post #Spotify

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medusapelagia · 11 days

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Learning to Love 1

(Part 1, Part 2...)

This fic was supposed to be a pinch but in the end wasn't needed anymore so it collected dust in my Scrivener’s file for a few months. A HUGE thank you to @mystrade-lecroft that was my beta ages ago!

Rating: Mature Relationship: Steve /Billy Tags: enemies to lovers, no upside down Words: 1117

Billy hasn't talked to Steve since the fight they had at Byers’ house, when he found his little step-sister alone in a stranger's house with the other two boys and Harrington.

There was a reason they were all there. Lucas and Max had gone on a little nerd date and the kid's bicycle got a flat tire so he called his best friend, Dustin, who called his best friend, Harrington, who picked them up with his car and drove them to the Byers’ to fix the bicycle.

Billy knows Max and he knows she may have gone with Lucas even if she was grounded just to piss him off, but his father wasn't going to listen to any kind of excuses so Billy had to defend Max's honor, she was his sister after all. It doesn't matter if they don't share the same blood, she is family now, and even if most of the time Billy can’t stand her, he was not going to let anyone put his dirty paws on her, ok?

That’s why he got so mad at Harrington when he lied to him about his sister. Pretending she wasn’t there when he could see her staring at him from the window.

They fought hard, and Billy took Harrington by surprise, crashing a plate on the side of his head and punching him in the face until he laid on the ground unconscious. Then he took Max's arm, who was still screaming something about him being crazy or some shit like that and dragged her to the car.

"Never do something like that again, are we clear?" He hissed in her face. And since that day she didn't, or at least if she did, she became sneakier. Billy doesn’t really care, the important thing is that his father is satisfied, and if Neil Hargrove is happy everyone at home is happy.

Does Billy feel guilty about punching Harrington? Maybe. But he did what had to be done and now the rich boy is keeping his distance from him and his step-sister, which is good.

Nobody knows exactly what happened, everyone assumed that they had a fight about some girl and even if the chief of police insisted, Harrington didn't file a report against him. Billy should be grateful, a report on his record would not look good, but he wasn't wrong assuming that the pretty boy was going to do something inappropriate with his sister, well, step-sister. After all, he is the one who took her to that house in the middle of nowhere when he could have just driven her back home. It doesn't matter that Max probably begged the high school boy not to, Steve should have known better and drove her home the same.

Billy takes his seat at the back of the class. Hagan on his right is complaining about something Carol did during the weekend when the teacher gets in the classroom and announces that she is going to give them a pop quiz. Everyone starts to complain loudly, while the woman gives them the tests telling them that they should already know the answers and that the test is to help them get prepared before the final test.

Billy doesn't complain, he was always one of the best students in every school he attended so he is not worried at all. He quickly fills the test and gives it back to the teacher who smiles at him and tells him that he can go out to grab a smoke if he wants, but he has to get back before the class ends because she wants to talk to him.

The blond guy raises an eyebrow, confused, he knows he did well on the test, why did she ask him to get back to class?

"Nothing to worry about." She keeps smiling and Billy nods, going outside, the cigarette in his mouth as soon as the door closes behind him. The blond boy loves smoking, he loves everything about smoking; he loves the rituality of taking the cigarette, putting it in his mouth, taking the lighters, and inhaling.

The first drag of smoke immediately calms him down. It doesn't matter if he is fidgeting, or anxious, or scared, when he inhales the world stops spinning and all his worries and insecurities disappear.

Billy stares at the parking lot, wondering how he ended up in a shit place like Hawkins, where the more exciting thing to do is go to the quarry, stare at the cliff, and wonder if to jump or not.

After smoking the cigarette to the filter, Billy gets back to class. There are just a few students left and Harrington is among them, still sitting at his desk with a big frown biting his pen anxiously.

"Time is up. Please give me your tests."

Harrington sighs, reads the questions one last time, and gives the test back to the teacher.

"Could you wait for a moment, Steve?"

The boy shrugs, his arms crossed in front of him to protect him from whatever the teacher is going to say to him.

When the teacher has collected everyone's assignment the only two students in the class are Billy and Steve.

"So, Steve, I know you are having some difficulties this year, but even if you left the basketball team to concentrate on your studies, I must say that it's not enough. I think you might take advantage of some tutoring. And I think that you and Billy could be a good match. So I wanted to suggest to Billy to tutor you to see if this can help your grades, what do you say?"

The chestnut-haired boy glares at the other guy "I'm sorry Mrs. Johnson but Billy and I... we can't study together."

"I'm not saying that you have to become best friends, but Billy is the class's best student and I'm sure he could help you. And some tutoring would be good for you, Billy. You are really intelligent but your behavior is a little bit... explosive."

The blond-haired guy nods, he knows that his behavior is not the best and that tutoring someone would definitely look good on his college application. But he also knows that he can't stay in the same room as Harrington, it would be like putting two lions in the same cage.

"Overcoming your differences could benefit both of you.” Mrs. Johnson insists “Would you like to give it a try?"

Steve shrugs and glares at Billy, "Whatever he says."

If Harrington thinks that he is too coward to accept the challenge he is fucking wrong. "At your place, tonight, after basketball practice." It sounds like a threat, and maybe it is.

#stranger things fanfic #steve x billy #harringrove #medusapelagia #Billy Hargrove #Steve Harrington #Harringrove #Billy x Steve #Stranger Things Fanfiction #Harringrove fic #medusapelagia fanfic #my fanfic #learning to love

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env0writes · 9 months

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A Gust of Wind Vol.3, 8.7.23 “Let Me Practice"

There is an itch about the wee hours Of the night that light the kiln of passion Sending me onward to claypots of yearning To mold my life with the very mud of the Earth Even in the mess of it – those eyes– Stir with creative wonder Even if I was never any good At pottery, Let your shape guide my hands Art requires practice, and I Am prepared for tutelage

@env0writes C.Buck Ko-Fi & Venmo: @Zenv0 Support Your Local Artist! Photo by @mynamemeanscloud

#writeblrcafe #poeticstories #poetryportal #love poem #love quotes #learning to love #august of words #a gust of words #a gust of words vol.3 #august of wind #burningmuse #poetselixir #poetswhisper #twc #spilled ink #wutispotlight #writtenconsiderations #env0 writes

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the-witch-of-saturn · 1 year

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5 months sober!

This year is off to a really good start. My boyfriend and I worked things out and we’re both really happy, this was the first big fight/bad patch we had to deal with and I’m glad we communicated well and are working on it together. I don’t really have the best communication skills because growing up and still now I grew up in a very toxic and abusive environment, it’s super weird getting diagnosed with ptsd from all the trauma I went through and never realized how traumatic and detrimental it really was on me. I still feel stunted when it comes to a lot of things, there was a lot of yelling and fighting with my parents and I developed coping skills like staying silent when something bothered me, not to talk back to avoid getting screamed at and belittled, never really feeling comfortable as a person and having boundaries respected, never feeling good enough. This is the first healthy and long term relationship I’ve been in, and it’s really bringing out a lot of insecurities and fears.

It feels like I’m fighting my learned coping mechanisms and anxieties, trying to break the old bad habits and thought processes is fucking hard. Is anyone else here learning to heal from their trauma and process it to be able to move on and be happier? I’d love to hear from you. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk.

#life update #happiness #enjoying life #recovery #sobriety #learning to live #learning to love #personal growth

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sakura-hayashii · 2 months

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02.24.24 - 1:47 pm

her perspective: because i once loved you… i would hope that the next person you love is your last. i would hope that she becomes your first thought when you wake up in the morning and your last thought before you fall asleep in the evening. because i once loved you… i would hope that you smile to yourself everytime someone mentions her name. and i would hope that she is the first person you look for when you enter a room. because i once loved you… i would hope that every love song you hear reminds you of her. and i would hope that the world around you stops every time she calls out your name. because i once loved you… i would hope that you lose your breath a little everytime you see her smile. and i would hope that the sound of her laugh and the sparkle in her eyes becomes the reason you live. but there simply is no point. because i once loved you… i know that the only thing you love is your own damn misery. so instead… because i once loved you… i hope you learn to love yourself before you try to love anyone else. his perspective: because you once loved me… i hope you find someone who love you just as much as you love them. i hope that youre his first thought when he wakes up in the morning and his last thought before he falls asleep in the evening. because you once loved me… i hope he never lets you cry yourself to sleep. and i hope he treats you no differently when he is around his friends. because you once loved me… i hope that he goes along with all your crazy spontaneous ideas. and i hope that he remembers everything about you down to the smallest detail. because you once loved me… i hope that he falls in love with you all over again each time he looks at you. and i hope his arms will feel more like home than any house ever has. but there simply is no point. because you once loved me… i know that its impossible to not love you back. so instead… because you once loved me… i just hope that the next guy shows his love for you every damn day and doesnt mess up like i did.

- S.H. // things ive never said #11 (via 2amthoughts)

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maybe-in-another-universe · 18 days

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i like learning things to love about myself

i love my laugh, and i love that it’s loud and unapologetic. i love that when something startles me into laughing i throw my head back and clutch my stomach and heave for air afterwards.

i love soothing others. i love knowing that i can help calm someone down. i love that i bring drinks to my crying friends and that i turn down the radio in my car when my friends get overwhelmed.

man i just love learning to love the parts of me i never paid attention to

#self love #laughing #caring #learning to love myself #learning to love #learning

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bookwormbeat · 1 year

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Hate is the most effective tool to loving. The more you hate what you're supposed to love, the more you crave loving, the more mediocre things you'll accept in its name.

The Writer Who Never Felt Love: a story, B. Sobreira

#book quotes #quotes #book #book recommendations #books and libraries #bookworm #love #hate #writing #The Writer Who Never Felt Love a story #B. Sobreira #loveless #learning to love

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