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#leave me and my ao3 fics alone
retrogradedreaming · 2 years
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“Ao3 needs an algorithm” no it doesn’t, part of the ao3 experience is scrolling through pages of cursed content looking for the one fic you want to read until you get distracted by a summary so cursed that it completely derails your entire search
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aemelia · 1 month
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me with pet names in real life: cute, have used myself, no problemo
me when I read pet names in fanfic: I am going to KILL SOMETHING with my BARE HANDS
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mountinez · 4 months
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i would like to see if the loyalty would be the same if charles was the frequent p1 and your guy was the one struggling. the story is amazing in theory but as a charles fan it really sucks seeing people celebrating every p2 he gets because "they are on the podium together" like be fucking for real. you feel happy for charles terrible results because it feeds your agenda maybe stop calling yourself his fan? if you can't see charles as a driver and how terrible it all has been for him, and only care about him as an avatar for your ship you shouldn't even perceive him.
this is why i have most of you blocked and the list will continue to grow. i swear i was chill about this ship but y'all are insufferable
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purefandomonium · 2 months
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It's The Thought That Counts-Chapter 1
***Monday Night***
Vince had said his favorite food was lemons. Not lemon meringue pie or lemonade or lemon cake. Just... raw lemons. Rody was no chef—hell, he couldn't boil water without starting a fire. He was unfit and unqualified to be telling someone such as Vincent Charbonneau how to eat. The man obviously ate well enough to stay alive, so Rody really shouldn't have felt so obligated to stick his nose into Vince's lifestyle choices.
As he removes the fourth failed baking attempt from the oven, all smoldering char and dust, Rody starts seriously contemplating his. He lets out a tired groan as he sets the ruined baking sheet aside to let it cool so he can dump the contents into the trash with all the rest. Maybe he should just save up and buy something from a local bakery. 
The thought is dispelled immediately. The whole point would be lost if he just went out and bought the chef dessert. No. He needs to make it himself. He has to surprise Vince with something special. He wants to show the chef his appreciation with a homecooked meal. It's the least he can do, after being given the job and fancy leftovers at the end of each shift. Even if they were a bit on the bitter side. So he flips back to the start of the recipe and gathers up the necessary ingredients once more.
***Wednesday***
Rody can barely hide his irritation anymore. It's not terribly obvious to the customers, but by the end of the day any pretense of friendliness has been drained from him and he's been a tad snippy to the cooks and even Vince himself on occasion. He's stayed up late every night trying to get the hang of this whole baking thing. Cooking isn't worth it; he tried it after screwing up countless baking attempts and after two close calls with a pan fire he decided it would be best not to work with open flame. 
He wants to tear his own hair out. He's bought a bunch of cook books and supplies, learned how to use a mixer, and has put so much time and effort into this and he still can't get it right. The lack of sleep and immense frustration is really starting to catch up to him. Maybe he can pry Vince for alternative recipe ideas and try those. They might be easier than baking lemon-flavored dishes. Or maybe he should just buy a basket of lemons and slap a bow and a 'thank you' note on it.
Ugh. No, he can't do that either. He's already spent the money on the kitchen utensils and books, he might as well make the most of them. He just needs more practice, more time to get this right.
***Friday Afternoon***
Vince still can't bring himself to question Rody about his strange behavior as of late. Whatever has the waiter so high strung, it's clear he's taking it to the grave. The most he can be bothered to do is shrug and remind him he should be working when the questions become a bit too personal. So long as it doesn't affect his ability to do his job, Rody can stress about it all he wants. Even if Vince feels a little uncomfortable seeing the youthful man so restless and tired.
Locked in his office, the chef hums as he goes over this month's budget. He hates this, really he should just hire an accountant. If it weren't for his stubbornness, he'd have found one already. However, he's nothing if not meticulous, which is why the moment he sees something odd with inventory he's lighting a cigarette and cursing.
***After Closing***
"Lamoree."
Rody yelps and spins around to see his boss standing in the kitchen doorway, arms crossed and frown looking a little deeper than usual. Unease bubbles up. "Uh, yeah?"
His voice is firm. "I need to speak with you about something."
Painfully aware of the time and bummed he can't head straight home after a long day, Rody nods and follows the chef. He's quick to realize they're the only two left in the restaurant; all of the cooks must've rushed out as soon as the last customer of the day paid. He can't blame them, both he and Vince were especially short-tempered today. If his stiff strides are anything to go by, whatever's got him so irritated is still present.
"Um... What did you wanna talk about?" Rody says as they stop at the prep counter. Several papers are laid out atop it. There are a lot of numbers and hard to read scribbles that must be Vince's writing. If this is supposed to mean something to him, Rody doesn't get it.
Vince takes note of the blank look Rody gives the papers. Uncrossing his arms, he points to one. "This is the budget for this month. I was going over it and the estimated inventory costs when I noticed something."
"...Ok?"
"It seems we've been going through certain ingredients faster than anticipated."
"Well, it has been pretty busy lately." What is he getting at? Does he expect him to help budget? Rody glances at Vince and decides that, no, that is not the face of someone looking to give a promotion.
Vince pinches the bridge of his nose and tries not to sigh too loudly. "None of the dishes this week have featured lemons, copious amounts of sugar or," he checks one of the papers, "almonds. Those are for next week's menu. As you know, we make everything fresh here. There's also quite a bit of flour missing. More than expected. It seems someone has been 'borrowing' ingredients..."
Rody hopes the heat in his face doesn't turn his cheeks too red. Awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck and avoiding Vince's intense glare, he stammers, "O-oh... Funny that... M-maybe it went bad and one of the cooks... threw it out and ordered more?"
"Lamoree..."
"Or-or maybe it was rats! Yeah... We should, uh, call an exterminator."
Vince has to resist the urge to slap the idiot. The annoyance makes him momentarily choke on his words. "Y... You're not seriously going to stand there and suggest that my restaurant is full of rats and old food."
Oh... Shit. There's no way he's going to come out of this unscathed and still employed. The words begin pouring out before he can make them coherent.
Vince brings up a hand to silence Rody's panicked backpedaling. "Since it isn't obvious enough, I'm asking you about this because one of the cooks saw you shuffle off with eight pounds of lemons this past Monday. I noticed the weird discrepancy with the supplies and costs and asked around." Nevermind how in the hell he'd managed to ride his bike all the way home like that, or how or when he smuggled everything else out. It would've been more impressive if Vince weren't so annoyed at the blatant theft. Does the fool have no shame?
"I can explain!" Rody blurts out.
"I'm listening." He leans back on an adjacent counter and waits for the explanation he's sure will get the idiot fired.
Rody's face feels like the sun. "Ah... Well, it's kind of stupid now that I think..."
"Keep in mind your job is riding on this," Vince supplies, lighting the proverbial fire beneath him. He's almost amused at the way Rody sputters and trips over his own words. Almost. The faint smile vanishes in an instant.
Rody sucks in a deep breath, halts his wild thoughts, and says, "It was for a surprise for you." It's hardly above a whisper. When Vince lifts a brow and leans in with an ear turned to him, Rody curses the universe at having to repeat himself. He forces his voice to be a little louder this time. "I was trying to make something for you. Like you always do for me?" His ears are burning now. He has half a mind to drown himself in the nearby sink.
Vince blinks. Once. Twice. "I... beg your pardon?" Rody wanted to prepare something for him? He can't even remember the last time someone wished him a happy birthday, let alone made something for him. Not that he cares; no, it's just...  The fact that Rody would go through all the trouble. Still...
The awkward squeal he lets out isn't much of a reply, but the poor waiter can hardly save his words from the embarrassment. "Do I really need to say it again?" he manages, hugging his arms tightly across his chest. "I just... thought that I could return the favor. I know you're a chef and all and you don't need me to cook for you and you probably do just fine on your own and-"
"But why lemons?" The look Rody gives him make his chest feel funny.
"...You said they were your favorite."
Oh.
Oh...
OH.
That... well, it did make more sense but... Ok, it was still stealing. He should... He should... Well he should definitely not be feeling...
Why does Rody have to look at him like that?
Fuck.
Cursing, Vince throws a hand over his face at the ridiculousness of it all. He hates the way hope blossoms in his chest. "Let me get this straight," he begins, the appendage still covering his features. "You stole ingredients from the kitchen to take home, all so you could cook something for me?"
"...Yes?"
"Lamoree..." The sigh isn't angry or indignant, only mildly disappointed. Like a parent annoyed their child jumped into the mud because they thought it would be a fun idea. Somewhere beneath that, however, is a small twinge of endearment.
"I'm sorry! Please don't fire me! I promise I'll stop. It was stupid anyway, I can't cook to save my life."
Vince removes his hand to meet Rody's nervous gaze. "What did you try making?"
"I-huh?"
"Forgive me for being curious as to what one could do with eight entire pounds of lemons in the span of a single week."
"Well, burn them mostly..." Rody rubs his arm as he recalls the many molten piles of former food he's pulled out of his oven these past several days.
Vince shakes his head. "You really are something."
"Man, cooking is hard! And baking too! You have to mix everything a certain way or it just ends up gross. Not to mention lemon pies. So many steps to make sure it turns out right..."
A small chuckle comes from the chef as he shakes his head again. "It usually helps to follow the steps, you know." Knowing Rody, he likely skipped a few key parts of the process due to his impatience. 'What's the harm?' he probably thought.
"Ugh... Well you don't have to worry about me stealing anymore ingredients," Rody says with a small groan.
"No. It seems not."
The two stand across from each other, one with an unreadable expression and the other slowly growing worried.
"Wait... Are you gonna...?"
Vince thinks about it, sighs, and pushes himself off the counter. "I'm not going to fire you, Rody," he says to the other man's wide-eyed terror. "I think whatever state you left your apartment in is punishment enough."
It did smell like burnt lemons and sugar in there. He's pretty sure it's seeped into some of his clothes by now.
"However... I do have one condition in exchange for your employment." He lets himself smirk at the waiter's bewilderment.
"...What's that?" Rody questions the sudden look of mischief.
"I'd like to see something by Tuesday next week." His smirk turns into a rare smile at Rody's shocked expression.
"I... I mean, I can try?" Vince... isn't mad at him? Looking back, eight pounds of lemons, a large bag of almonds and several bags of sugar and flour smuggled out of the restaurant probably is a lot of money. And yet, Vince isn't just letting him stay; he also wants Rody to bring something in for him?"
"I think it's the least you can do after you raided the supplies, no?"
"You're not gonna be upset if it's terrible?" While he hasn't made a successful batch of anything as of yet, he can at least say he's gotten better with his failed attempts. Tuesday is a bit of a stretch but maybe he can pull a rabbit out of the hat.
Vince shakes his head. "Just... don't steal anymore ingredients, got it?'
"Yes sir!" He turns to leave.
"Lamoree?" He waits for the waiter to face him once more. "Perhaps try cookies this time. I think you'll find they're much simpler than a pie, especially with your inexperience in the kitchen." He watches Rody nod before exiting through the back door. His mind drifts back to the lemons and he imagines the young fool pedaling down the street, bicycle swaying awkwardly as he tries to keep his balance. Vince supposes he is fit enough to manage.
...The idiot.
***Tuesday Morning***
"Hey, Vince?"
Vince jumps at the sudden call, dropping the chair with a thud. He lets out an annoyed grunt in response and goes to pick it up before positioning it at the table. He'd been too lost in his thoughts to hear the door. "You're awfully early today," he says as he turns to face the waiter. He quirks a brow and glances at the small aluminum tray he's holding.
Rody chuckles uncomfortably and lifts the tray. "You wanted me to bring something, remember?" He tries to settle the shakiness in his arms so the contents stop rattling. "They're lemon cookies. You were right; it was a way easier recipe to follow once I found one." He swallows the lump in his throat as Vince approaches. "They're not the best," he blurts as a hand reaches for the foil covering them. "They're still a little burnt. And I didn't really know how much lemon you liked but I added more than the recipe called for so you could maybe taste it more."
Silencing the rest of his nervous rambling, Vincent lifts the foil off and inspects the cookies. A dozen of them are stacked neatly in the tray. On the top they look completely fine. As he picks one up, however, the bottom is an almost-black that suggests too dark a baking sheet and far too much time in the oven. Still, the consistency is fine and as he takes a bite there's the faintest tingle on his tongue. He can't tell what it tastes like but knows it's lemon because that's the only thing that's ever given him the sensation. Burnt bottom aside, the cookie is chewy and somehow the perfect level of moisture.
To think, the young waiter did all this for him.
If Rody has to stand here and wait for Vincent's thoughts a second longer, he thinks he might explode. Watching him swallow the final bite, he speaks. "Well? How is it?"
For the first time in a long while, Vince smiles warmly. "It's good, Lamoree. A little burnt, but you did very well otherwise. I'm impressed. You did this all by yourself?" Something like happiness fills his chest.
He stands a little taller at the praise. "Yeah! I bought some cookbooks and just kept trying different things. I went through a lot of failed attempts though." And a couple ruined baking sheets.
"That's to be expected. Nobody learns anything overnight and practice makes perfect." The smile doesn't fade as he grabs another treat. This is the nicest thing anyone's ever done for him.
"So?" A confused hum is his answer. "The cookies, can you taste them?" He highly doubts that his miserable baking is enough to spark Vince's long-dead tastebuds, but part of him hopes it's true. He's never seen the chef actually smile before and his heart buzzes at the fact that he was the cause.
Ah, right. The entire reason to all of this. Vince's good mood deflates a bit as he contemplates how to break the news to Rody. The waiter is just so proud of himself that he feels bad about having to crush his joy. He takes his time finishing the rest of the cookie. "...Actually..." He buys himself a couple more seconds as he swallows the last bite. "I almost can. It's not entirely there but... I can discern there's something compared to the nothingness I usually get." Perhaps he doesn't need to be fully honest. As Rody's face lights up with glee, he can feel his own face grow warm.
"Really?! You mean it?"
"Yes, Rody, it seems not all hope is lost on your baking skills." A startled grunt escapes him as Rody hugs him tightly. He'd been so quick to set the tray aside and close what little distance there was that Vince had no time to react. By the time his brain catches up to what's happening, the waiter's already releasing him and gushing with excitement.
"I'm so happy you like them! I'm gonna keep practicing until I make something perfect! I'll bring in all my good attempts and maybe you can even put one on the menu!" He pauses as his brain processes what he just said. "I mean... If that's ok? I'll be buying my own ingredients, of course." He hopes he didn't upset the chef again. The look he's giving him is... indescribable.
Vince spends several seconds staring at Rody before realizing he has to respond. The gears churn as he formulates his reply. "I'd be fine with that," is the best he can come up with. Rody seems to take it fine, if a little more subdued than before. Still, he wants to see the excitement decorating his features once more. Even if it's for a moment.
Rody says nothing as Vince picks up the tray of cookies, letting him walk away. He's glad he likes them.
"I'll tell you what, Rody," Vince says as he carries the tray to his office. "If you keep practicing in the kitchen, I'll let you take a few ingredients here and there." For half a second, he debates teaching the newbie baker/cook himself. The thought of working alongside him, helping him, is alluring. But he's not so foolish as to think it would work out. 
He's thankful his back is turned so that the blush remains hidden. It seems Rody isn't the only idiot present today.
"Seriously?" To say he's stunned would be an understatement. He can't believe Vince is being so generous about it, and all because of some cookies? He can't help but wonder if there isn't more to it, but the thought is easily dismissed. Surely, Vince isn't... doesn't...
Nah. He's just happy to have something he can taste for once.
"If you've got time to stand there like a lost puppy then you have time to help get things ready," Vince says to the statue that is the waiter.
Rody snaps out of his thoughts and it's only now that he realizes they're the only two in the restaurant. They had another ten minutes before the cooks shuffled in and another thirty before opening. He should take the time to help get things in order and plan out the seating arrangements, should they get hit with more big parties like the last couple of days. The garbage probably needed to go out too; he'd forgotten last shift.
***
Vince spends most of the day in his office, no doubt gorging on cookies, while Rody spends his time between customers deciding what he should bake next.
Despite the not insignificant amount of ingredients missing, Vincent is quite happy Rody went through the trouble. If it were anyone else, he'd have half a mind to pin them to the wall with knives. But Rody isn't just anybody and the gesture is as sweet as he's sure the cookies are.
He can't wait to see what else his waiter brings.
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27-royal-teas · 2 months
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crying the only emails I get anymore are from colleges asking me to sign up for their mailing lists
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misc-catgirl-anatomy · 3 months
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ao3's tagging system has me so spoiled bc i go basically anywhere else (like tunglr) and it's like you can execute a burnt-dogshit-quality search along a single term
so i'm sitting over here dying from lack of good f/f omegaverse stuff because nobody tags shit consistently and i can only search via tag and the ''omegaverse'' tag is mostly m/m by volume which is fine there's a market for that but it's not what i wanna read
i'd be interested to read more original (ie non-fanfic) f/f AOB but it's hard to find so.... i don't.
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pending-dope-username · 8 months
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I have an absolutely splendid fanfiction idea! Hear me out, it's a modern-day high school AU. The year is 2023, and there's this kid who's really into fandom. They read fanfiction, participate in the discussions online, they might roleplay if that's what you're into, etc., etc. (Also, they probably have a Tumblr account, just sayin'.) They're in a new school for whatever reason when they hear some kids talking behind them in class. They're only paying attention to the conversation because they heard the words 'fanfiction,' 'fandom,' and 'Wattpad' thrown around. Then the kids start talking about one of their past partners. A Wattpad boyfriend/girlfriend when they were 13. Now Character A is super intrigued because they, too, had one of those. B goes on and on about their partner when it's revealed that they never really got over Wattpad Lover because they didn't actually end things. B has been trying to find them all these years! And then A is hit with a sudden and shocking realization: They are the Wattpad Lover! And then it's just a story about falling in love with your first love for a second time.
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b4ll4d33r-06 · 4 months
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KZSCR SHIOPERR SPOTTED WHO BOOKMARKED MY SCARAXIAO FIC. INSERT THAT ONE IMG OF A GUY W A RAID INSECT SPRAY BOTTLE........
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it's a little disheartening when you have a relatively small (canon & queer) comfort ship and barely get any interaction from fans of either actress when you post about it or even create fanfic for it but when people use the scenes/images of one of the characters for a whole different straight ship from another show, it gets all the hype
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inrainprose · 2 months
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gonna whine again sorry please put comments on stuff come on
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chocolatecakecas · 1 year
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yk what. maybe i WILL write again
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pastafossa · 1 year
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Tagged by @teigo-the-explorer! Thank you!
3 Ships: Gonna go wild and do outside the Marvel fandom! FemShep x Garrus Vakarian, Rick O’Connell x Evy O’Connell i would die for them, Finn x Poe Dameron
First ever ship: First ever ship was prob... Casey Jones x April O’Neal from TMNT, maybe? It’s either that or Iolaus x Gabrielle from Hercules/Xena until i got a little older and found out girls can like girls and went HEY WAIT A SECOND. If we’re talking first ship I ever wrote, oh god, I apologize to anyone who witnessed the Jesse x Emma fic young Pasta dumped into the Mutant X fandom community, you did not deserve that. i found a remnant word doc with a scrap of a chapter once that was hidden inside like 15 transferred folders and i read it and was like tiny pasta what did you do and now i keep it to remind myself i got better
Last Song I listened to: according to spotify: Broken by lovelytheband!
Currently Reading: *muttering* a soul to keep, leave me alone
Last movie I watched: Black Adam!
Currently consuming: Wasabi and soy sauce almonds! Which I should not be eating since I need to sleep, but it’s better than snarfing shredded cheese out of the bag and scaring the neighbors again
Currently watching: take a guess, rhymes with Bearbevil
Currently craving: the aforementioned shredded cheese currently sitting innocently inside the fridge
_____________________________________________________________
I tag: @wonderlandmind4 @your-not-invisible-to-me @letterfromvienna @abbyhaslongshorts and anyone else who wants to go for it
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izzielizzie · 1 year
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It's really upsetting to see that you write Maeve with a guy on AO3,,, just saying bc Maeve and Janae are the canon couple,,, love your natewyn work though keep it up !!!
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source: luis santos' wiki page
see also: the same exact thing on ash's page
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paint-music-with-me · 2 years
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so like
all i want in ep 14 for VP is this: 
- vegas telling EVERYONE and their mother that if ANYONE lays a finger on the main family’s head bodyguard or even so much as LOOKS at him the wrong way, their ass is grass like no mercy whatsoever on that unfortunate soul 
- no VP resolution - like they cannot be “okay” or anything close to that. im sure they won’t go for a resolution since they’ve greenlit an s2 but still i’ve seen worse come to pass. but yeah they cannot be resolved. at least in this episode. i need pete and vegas to go through like metamorphosis shit within themselves (not necessarily redemption) but just....oh shit i’ve changed into something that i cannot recognize and the only one who does...is...him *dun dun DUN* 
- also obvi pete needs to fight vegas and win - whether it’s hand to hand combat (which i prefer) or something else, i need pete to fight vegas - i get the whole “you can’t shoot me and you know why” scene which was great yeah fs but now? i need pete to completely rage - like he’s mad - he saw vegas with porsche, he’s confused, he’s angry, he’s tired, he’s shaking - the man’s whole foundation has crumbled to the very rock bottom and he doesn’t know how to get back up again so i want him to rage out on the one person who did it to him. 
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poorgay · 8 months
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had the mortifying ordeal of recognizing a fic someone was describing but that person not having anon asks on
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gayredshoe · 2 years
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What if Hunter and Willow had met when he was trying to make it down that mountain alive that he mentioned in ASIAS?
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