It seems October is going to be the hardest month I ever had in this job... I know myself and I know that the hours I've got are going to fucking kill me. Instead of enjoying the best month of year - October, I will be only working and sleeping
I have no idea what kind of new job I should looking for. Because it turned out I can't work in loud places, I can't work in the places where it's a lot of people, I can't work in customer service because I'm not only anxious but also my brain process any information too slow and it tooks me too long to guess what in fact do they want from me. It seems there's no job for people like me ;/
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anyone want to feed a hungry puppy?
four days from my big bday…
$xxxLizziexxx
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apparently my coworker has been joking (or "joking") every thursday that "it's friday! last day of the week! tomorrow is the weekend!" etc etc, and what i think he means is "yay we don't have to get up early and drive to the office tomorrow," but I'm pretty sure my boss overheard and misinterpreted and that's why they're suddenly so obsessed with time tracking etc.
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when i told gringas to follow random lesbians from their country on instagram they acted like i was insane so maybe this is a brazilian thing but. every lesbian feminist follows each other on instagram here even if you don’t know them but you see “⚢” on someone’s bio you just know. we communicate just like that. i followed so many lesbians bc of that. followed back my ex gf (at the time not ex ofc) bc of that too. instagram works better than a dating app and i hate it.
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me: *learns someone i know tried to kill themself a few days ago*
me: well this couldn't get worse
me: *is forced to listen to a 10 minute spiel from a terf about how mentally ill men brought it upon themselves because ‘who invented gender roles? huh?’ barely a few hours later*
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so i have creative writing for one of my classes and it looks like i'll be having to write a story or two but the last time i wrote a story for school was in 5th grade and it was about this pack of wolves who lived in a pine forest near a beach and low-key worshipped this beautiful angel peacock who lived in the ocean and she only came out at night and basically the leader had to save one of the dumb-ass omegas from drowning in the ocean and kinda ended up having a nightmare about his pack being possessed
i'm hoping i can make my stories a little less terrifying this year
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a lot of times i seriously doubt i have ocd, since i don't struggle with sudden intrusive thoughts
but then i'll be reminded that i Hate making circles with my whole being. literally. if i move in a circle, i physically Feel the need to reverse it so i "undo" it
i'll turn around, and my brain will say 'ok we have to turn the opposite direction next time.' or i'll be walking back home and go around something in the other direction, and my brain will be like 'you have to retrace where you came from you can't go around the other way!! ok well. then next time you go out you have to go around that way too and reset the path.'
and i will Feel the Wrongness of the Circle as a sensation in my entire body, and it'll only go away if i manage to ignore it long enough to forget it's there (until/unless i'm reminded of it) or if i undo the circle and "fix it", even though i'm well aware that my movement pattern is actually totally inconsequential
i'm not afraid of anything terrible happening if i don't undo the circle, the circle just has to be undone bc it's a circle and circles are Wrong. i think it's a balance/symmetry thing. like, i feel like i need to be in a Neutral state??
so weird and so absolutely unnecessary and so ocd, in the legitimate 'I Have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder' way and not the stupid 'teehee i'm sooo quirky 🤪' way
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