#leeym talks

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So. Update bc Idr if I gave ya'll one. We found out Sparkles is diabetic, he got his insulin and is going into the vet tomorrow morning for an all day appointment to check his glucose curve. Here's some pictures of my boy being very happy since we found out what was wrong and he's had his insulin:

He is an incredibly happy boy, now and his weight has improved! He is just. A Very Large Cat.

Also, update on me bc hecc I have been feeling so much better since doing this. But I'm Nonbinary and this morning, I cut my hair due to having a major dysphoric meltdown and. man. It feels so much fucking better not to have a lions mane anymore.

#personal #sparkles #tw: pet health #tw: gender dysphoria #leeym talks #update #update on my cat and me #bc i dont remember if I had given yall a update on sparkles #and i didnt realize just how much my hair was affecting me before today

[babblable]

A fact that my brain can't let go of atm: Jackie can't speak, but they can whistle. Their whistles sort of sound like tweets a lot of the time! Depending on pitch, speed, length and volume, it can mean very different things!

A series of short and loud whistling at a high pitch and rapid-fire speed means Excitement! Joy! Or maybe even Panic!

A single short, highpitched whistle at a loud volume means surprise, good and bad! Or perhaps they were hit with a projectile? Ouch!

A single, long whistle that goes from a middle volume to a low volume slowly means sadness, embarrassment, rejection or the equivalent of "oh shit..."

A series of low pitched, low volumed, slow whistles means they're asleep.

A series of high pitched, low volumed, slow whistles though?

Saving that explaination for something ;)

#ajaxx mackeller #leeym talks #i realize this is standard for birbs but like #i think its fun that jackie is a penguin and whistles #cause they cant honk!

[babblable]

me??? have brainrot???? in this chilis tonight????????

Its more likely than you think

#leeym talks

[babblable]

Update on my cat, Sparkles:

He's diabetic, which explains his behavior and weight loss. He's been on insulin for about a week and. I think he's been improving but also, we have another vet visit on the 23rd to see how well it's really been doing for him.

Thank you guys who have been there to support me, either through commissions, asks and on discord and also thank you to all of my friends who gave me a helping hand in this emergency. It really means a helluva lot.

Bc of work and some stuff at home as well as keeping up with Sparkles' care, I've been inactive and as I still have one commission left to complete, I will be for a bit more, especially as this new routine settles, bUT!

I have some things I've been slowly chipping away at in my freetime, which I hope will suffice as a thank you. I'll see ya'll again soon!

#leeym talks #update #tw pet health

[babblable]

Collapses

I am done with planning 1 thing!!!! Sort of. 90% of it!!! It is outlined, the clues and easter eggs for part 1 are done, etc!

I just. Need small break. Small one.

#leeym talks

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Tell me about Jackiiiiiie i love them: 4, 14, 20, 38, 59

Ccslvjsjvksnvksk askin the hard questions I see XD

4. Dancing lights! They would never admit this but they are.. Afraid of the dark. Dancing lights would be such a warm comfort.

14. Their weight! They're very happy with that!

20. Touch, ironically. Their sense of touch is hypersensitive. Granted that means they feel pain a lot more intensely than most people, but they can feel things that most people don't too.

38. They usually smell like a combo of mud, fresh rain and cold ocean air. An odd scent, for sure.

59. Oh boy. Uhh. Well, besides dancing, they enjoy clay sculpting! They're not. Great at it. But they think it's fun to smack around clay and turn it into shapes nonetheless! They aim to make the perfect sunbathing rock for them to laze around in when they can get a house one day.

#ajaxx mackeller #leeym talks

[babblable]

for ask meme - 8 for Jackie?

At this very moment?

Cold -by Jorge Méndez

The Arctic Warrior -by John Frizzell

Heart Of The Ocean -by Gaelic Storm

#ajaxx mackeller #leeym talks

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YELLOW SALMON

AAAAA!!! SAME TO YOU!!!

yo, we should shout at each other in dms sometime-

#leeym talks

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SALMON!!~ for the color thing!!!~

A!!!!! You too!!!!

#leeym talks

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You think angst will kill me??? NO. It makes me scream and I love it, ye-

but somft? gentle fluff???

that murders me. that kills the frosty. that will make me bawl incoherently. I HAVE BUT A GENTLE SOUL HALP.

#leeym talks #Me: It weepy wednesday #my brain: no angst #me: h- #my brain: but I have... SOMFT #me: OOOOUGH HOW DARE YOU WHERES MY TABLET IM DYING I WILL CRY #my sincerest apologies #i had to let that out #i have many emotions this fine wednesday #and have had them since sunday

[babblable]

Jackie, at any given time while outside: I feel a strong desire to burrow and roll around...

Jackie, inside: Not A Speck Of Dirt Is Allowed- HoW DaRE YOu?

#ajaxx mackeller #leeym talks #the duality of this druid is #Astounding

[babblable]

52, 55, 57 & 58 for Jackie please! Love that little guy!

Oh! Hello! Sjfksjkcskv I'm glad you enjoy my tiny blue birb XD Although I am so sorry.. Ya picked some loaded question and ima give ya some loaded answers, bud ;W;

52. Oh BOY that is a LOADED question. Uhhh. Well.

It. Used to be their Grandfather. Back before they had some sense talked into them. Now they're just confused. They want validation sort of, sure. But they also don't? They're... Terrified. There's a tug and pull there that's kept them quiet about a lot of things. I think it's fairly obvious who they internally seek it from nowAbbigull, but again. That damn tug and pull. They're heavily in denial.

55. ANOTHER LOADED QUESTION WELL SHIT ALDJCAKFKSKGK uhhhhhh

Hm. This one's... Harder but also easier to answer? Because the tug and pull I mentioned earlier is so much more aggressive on this subject. They don't know who to reach for. And If I am to be honest, they wouldn't reach for anyones atm. The one they married isn't around to meet them half way and they're so afraid of dragging the rest of those they care about down with them that they won't reach for them. They'll just keep swimming on their own. That's what they're used to anyways, so how hard can it really be to just continue to do so????

57. Oh god what does make them angry??? They're not an angry person! But! Peoples lives being threatened is one of the quickest ways. Also scientists. Automatic distrust. Touching them without their consent is a wild card. There's 1/3 chance they'll turn and try to bite, but they'll also be pretty sour towards whoever did so for a while too, regardless of initial knee-jerk reaction. Jackie can hold a grudge and does the silent treatment pretty damn well.

58. Hm. They don't have a party atm, but uh, they want to think they're the captain of their own ship. Unfortunately the reality is that they're the Navitgatorbait or just a janitor. They really shouldn't be in the captains seat when it gets to that point.

#ajaxx mackeller #ask meme #leeym talks #yall making me REALIZE THINGS #and THINK #I AM LOVING THIS

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Me, with literally any goofy or fluffy idea:

#liam talks #yes ik this isnt toonkind related but I actually liked these doodles so im postin em here #leeym draws

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This is my life. My life with a haunted music playlist. First it was Stitches by Shawn Mendes when I first drew Ungie, now this.

#liam talks #im so tired and I havent even been up 10 hrs yet #leeym draws

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23, Honestly:

On one hand, I never thought I'd be 23. On the other, I'm told I have my whole life ahead of me. I'm not saying their wrong but... it feels a little like it's invalidating the 23 years I've already lived.

And sometimes, I think I've wasted those years.

No. I know I've wasted those years. I wasted those years believing lies that I had been told about my dreams and followed the wrong one. It's only now that my real desire has been reignited and I feel an odd sense of shame in it for reasons I can't place.

I do a lot of art on this blog. Play a lot of dnd and reblog a bunch of random things. And I do a lot of drawings or doodles for those random things and dnd. This is because art was the One Thing no one questioned me doing, or told me that I "had to do/be x to be/do this thing." I spent decades drawing because of that, went to a college that screwed me over because of it. I have done so much sacrificing my own happiness for art. All because that was the dream everyone around me supported without giving me ultimatums that even as a small child, I knew I couldn't live up to. It was my freedom. And don't get me wrong, I do love doing it!!!! I love it a lot! The joys of creation never die for me!..... but it isn't what I want. It isn't The Dream that I wanted to follow.

No, that dream was sailing. My curious brain was enraptured the moment I laid eyes on her when I was 4 years old. The second I touched her, surrounded by her, swimming with dolphins, I was hers. Sailors love her, but they fear her all the same. I felt that since then. I have longed since then. Quietly. Every quieter with time passing, I have longed for the ocean.

I used to live in a state where the ocean was merely 4hrs away. Now I live in a landlocked state, due to parental reasons before I became of age. However, as I have no means of moving yet, I long still.

The funny thing is, I know it would be easier to achieve if I just. talked to someone about it.

But unfortunately, I have no idea how. You see, when I told my family, as a small 5 year old, that I wanted to be a sailor, they looked at me and said "You'll have to join the Navy for that. You won't last long." and desiring to prove them wrong, I pouted and waited.

Funny thing about that too. Military doesn't take people with disabilities, for a variety of reasons, some of which I can actually understand. Some. Not All. *Some*. Regardless, I was diagnosed with Autism at 7 and from the way they made it sound back then and family starting to tell me instead "You can't be sailor. They won't let you into the Navy, now.", I thought- I believed- that that dream was dead. So I chose something else.

Veterinarian.

They destroyed that dream instantly by telling me I'd have to put down animals. I understood the reasons it was such a necessity, but I knew myself well enough to know that no matter how much time went by, even if it was necessary and I understood why and AGREED with it, I would never be able to do it. It would hurt me too much and I'd be in constant emotional pain from the sadness and guilt. You would think that's a small price to pay, but I knew then that I wouldn't last long in that field due to all of that turmoil. Trying and then leaving in a field that involved? When I know I won't last? What an unfair thing to do.

I tried many different dreams. Constuction: "You're too scrawny, you'll need stronger bones for that". Scientist: "Your grades are terrible and it requires a lot of math. You'll need much better scores for that." Farmer: "You'll need lots of money and with your status, you'll have a hard time." Policemen: "You'll have to be ready to kill people."(No, I am not joking with you on this one. I wish I was. And looking back now, as someone Very ACAB? Catch me looking back at tiny baby me like: Just wait 3 more months and you'll never wanna interact with a cop again and your hatred for them will only grow with time)

I listed many dreams and interests until I finally threw up my hands and said "I wanna draw cartoons!" and was surprised when... no one said anything bad had to be done to do so. Instead of "You have to do/be-", I heard "Aw, that's adorable! What kind of cartoon do you wanna make?" and "I think that's great! You're already so talented for your age!" and "You can do it! I bet you'll be as famous as Walt Didney!"

It was. disappointing. It wasn't what I really wanted. But the validation I got. It was like a rush of relief and energy that I dove further into my art.

Right into a pit of depression.

Granted, my depression wasn't caused entirely by this. Nah, this was honestly a very small part of it compared to the other things. But it certainly has a weight to it and it definitely has done a number on me.

A number that I am only now realizing is actually.. quite large.

I've spent my whole life chasing a dream that isn't mine, all because people who don't know what they're talking about told me I couldn't follow what I wanted and me being young and trusting, believed them without question.

I'm 23 today. I question more. I question perhaps a little too much.

My love and longing for the ocean and to sail never died. It was just... subdued. I've had nautical/ocean themed rooms ever since I came back from swimming wjth the dolphins at 4. It changed sometimes, but it always went back to her. I used to swim like a fish until I nearly drowned at 13 bc an ex-friend fooled me into following her into her pool. I'd dream of it, almost constantly. Loved movies centered around it or marine life. Loved lakes and picking up shells and making things with them. Loved collecting sand from all the lakes I went. I may need to relearn how to swim, but I'm willing and ready now.

Still, I thought it wasn't possible for me to be a sailor. All because my birth family told me I had to join the Navy to do so.

It wasn't until recently that I learned that that was a lie. Perhaps it wasn't intentional and merely a statement made in ignorance, but I can never be sure, given my birth family's history.

And yet, here I lay, in my bed, age 23, knowing now that I can just. Be a Sailor. longing so desperately, the desire reignited and growing with each passing day.

but not knowing where to start. or how. I'll be the first to admit that I know jack shit about it, but I am willing to learn. I want to learn.

Google is always an option. But I don't think it's a smart one?

Perhaps when I am 24 I will achieve it.

#leeym talks #dreams #sailing #art #tw: depression #tw: drowning mention #tw: cops mention #tw: military mention #been thinking about this for months now #debating #its getting hard to debate and not just ram myself into it #the passion burns #which is ironic #but i want to be smart about this