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emmettsmantiddies · 3 years

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what does emmett do when high school health teacher has them carry around eggs to see if they'd be good parents

Ok I mentally wrote this in the middle of the night, enjoy.

Emmett came into class not knowing what to expect. The one thing he hated about high school the most, besides not being able to use his full strength in PE, was unnecessary classes. “Life Skills?” “Health?” He hadn’t had so much as a cold in nearly one hundred years, but in order to graduate, he had to take the cursed life skills class. On his blue notebook, he had written the prefix un- before the label naming the class. Of course, so as not to draw attention to the already obvious Cullen family, it was written with invisible ink from a spy kit he got from Esme on his last birthday.

Upon entering the dingy classroom, Emmett’s nose was assaulted with axe body spray and sweat that seemed to cling to every male student at the school. His nose wrinkled, and he hoped that the smell would dissipate, though he knew it was unlikely. Taking his seat at the back, Emmett glanced up at the whiteboard in the front of the class. In blocky handwriting, “Welcome to Parenthood!” was written above a drawing of an egg? The health teacher’s artistic skills were lacking, to say the least.

“Alright folks,” Coach Douglas said, clapping his hands together in an effort to quiet down the rowdy students. “Today we are starting a new unit on parenthood. Since abstinence education has been failing miserably, the state has taken it upon itself to try to use another way to try to prevent teenage pregnancy.”

“With condoms?” A kid in the back of the room shouts, causing fits of laughter.

“No,” the coach sighs, wiping his hand over his face, questioning his life choices as he does so. “By having you all raise a child--an egg.”

Emmett perks up. Finally, finally an assignment that he hasn’t done before. The vampire raises his hand, waiting for the coach to call on him.

“Yes, Emmett?” Coach Douglas asks after the initial buzz dies down.

“Can we BYOE here?”

“Bring your own--”

“Egg.” Emmett responds.

“Do you have extra eggs that your family won’t eat?”

“Yeah, I’ve been raising them for a while now.”

“Emmett, eggs don’t--” The coach trails off before sighing. “No, we have to use school-issued eggs.”

Emmett sighs. It was worth a shot.

Passing out egg cartons for the new “parents” to pick out their new child, when the styrofoam carton reaches Emmett, there’s one egg inside that’s slightly smaller than the other remaining 4. Carefully picking up the small egg in his giant hand, Emmett uses one hand to turn his hoodie around, placing the egg in the hood.

Emmett goes into what his siblings dub “mama bear mode” in regards to the egg. He chastises Edward for driving too fast, Alice for trying to put makeup on his “child” and Rosalie, the person he thought he could trust the most, for tossing Eggsme (named after his mother) and catching it when he left her in charge of the egg while he went to grab a blanket to wrap around the egg.

After the weeklong experience, some students had suffered accidents, the endless suffering of eggs bringing Emmett emotional pain. Jasper had to use his ability to calm him down when he saw his classmates purposely throwing their eggs on the ground after they got their mediocre grade.

Emmett, of course, passed the assignment with flying colors, and Eggsme was added to his “flock” of eggs, nestled between Carlisle Jr. Jr. Jr. Jr. and Eggward (taking the previously empty space of Carlisle Jr. Jr. Jr. who suffered an untimely end).

Holy cow what has my life come to? why am i writing Emmett’s eggs fanfiction? is this what my purpose is?

The Emmett’s Eggs Shitpost List

The Beginning AKA the Naming of the Eggs

Easter eggs

How to Summon Emmett

#yall these are getting more elaborate #i cant stop tho #i see a request and i must fulfill it #thank you anon #i need to come up with a good tag for these #Emmett Cullen #mine #emmett's eggs

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