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johnsbleu · 2 months

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Hold My Hand: John Wick x Reader Chapter 167

warnings: a little long and nsfw hmh masterlist

Today has been frustrating to say the least. John has been talking a lot more about Helen lately, and usually it doesn’t bother you but lately it has been. Her birthday is coming up soon, so you’re sure it’s just that which is causing him to talk about her so much. You don’t mind hearing stories about her since, at the end of the day, John is married to you and the two of you have a child together, but there’s only so many Helen stories you can hear before you start to feel a little jealous in a way.

John had told you about three different stories in the past two days, and you tried to gently tell him that you’re a little sick of the stories, but Ronan threw up everywhere and ruined the moment. Babies, right? You ended up getting so frustrated with John’s stories that you’ve been pretty much ignoring him all day. If you do talk to him, you’re usually pretty short with him, and he’s obviously picked up on it that something is wrong with you since he’s keeping his distance.

Or maybe he just doesn’t care.

Ronan is at your parents’ house for the night, so you’re hoping that you can get a little dressed up and try to take John’s mind off of Helen and put his focus back onto you. You dropped Ronan off, then you went to the mall and grabbed a few new pieces of lingerie in hopes that John will finally give you a little more attention.

Again you’re aware that John is married to you and that Helen isn’t…coming back to steal him, but it sucks that his mind has been so preoccupied with Helen lately. Your marriage is starting to suffer a little bit, and now you’re even getting into little spats over nothing. You literally yelled at him over something that usually wouldn’t annoy you at all.

Inhaling deeply, you get out of the car and head inside to hear John talking on the phone. You left your bag in the car since you knew John would be around the house, so you just walk into the kitchen and see him at the kitchen table.

John looks over his shoulder at you and waves, then he turns back around, “Yeah, man, sounds good. Alright, bye.”

You set your purse on the table and look at John as he gets up, “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, Aurelio asked if I wanted to go play some pool tonight, so I said yes.” he says as he opens the fridge to get something to eat.

“Oh,” you slouch a little, “Okay.”

John looks at you and raises his eyebrows, “Is that okay, or…”

“You don’t need my permission.” you say as you look at him, then you shrug, “Have fun then.”

“Well, what are you going to do tonight?”

You inhale as you shrug, “Uh, I don’t know. There’s a lot that I can do. I need to go through Ro’s closet and pack away her clothes that don’t fit. I need to do some laundry. I mean, I’d hang out with Tess, but they’re up at the lake house with Jimmy’s family for the week.”

John nods, “Yeah, I thought about that.”

“I’ll find something. There’s plenty I can do around the house. I do have a new book that I’ve wanted to read, so…” you say, putting a fake smile on your face.

Nodding his head, John looks down at his bottle of water, “Uh, do you think you’ll manage the dogs tonight? I might not be back in time to take them for a walk. Sadie can be a handful.”

“Yeah, of course. I was thinking about taking them to the Oyster Bay dog park.” you say as you shrug, and John nods his head. “I don’t have anything else planned, so…”

“I better go shower. Aurelio is going to pick me up. He’s got a new car he wants to show me.” John says, and you nod as you look up him.

John leans down and kisses your cheek before he leaves, and you slouch a little since you’re going to be spending the night alone. There are several things that you need to get done around the house, but they won’t take more than an hour. Maybe you can surprise John when he gets home though.

“Well, I might as well get started on laundry.” you say to yourself, then you head upstairs to your bedroom as John shuffles though his drawers. You take the laundry basket and set it aside before you head into the bathroom to grab any dirty towels and clothes, then you come back out to find John looking at you.

“So, are you just going to continue to pretend you’re not mad at me?” John asks, and you look at him. He gestures to you and shakes his head, “I know you’re mad at me.”

You wave it off, “It’s nothing.”

“It’s something. You’ve been giving me the cold shoulder all day.” he says, and you shrug as you walk over to the laundry basket. “Tell me now before I leave.”

You furrow your brow as you look at him, “You--”

“Not leave,” he says, shaking his head, “But I mean before I leave in a bit.”

“Nah, it’s all good.” you say, and John huffs as you look at him, “God, fine. I just thought we’d hang out tonight. Since you know, it’s been a few nights since we’ve been alone, but I get it. You have friends too.”

John shrugs, “I haven’t hung out with Aurelio in a while. Thought it’d be fun.”

“Hey,” you reach out for his hand and smile, “It’s all good.”

Obviously it hurts your feelings that John doesn’t realize that you’re hurt that he’s been talking about Helen so much and not really spending time with you, but you’ll let it go for now. You’d hate to upset him before he goes out for some fun. You had an ex who did that to you all the time and it’s not fair--you refuse to do the same to John.

Squeezing his arm a little, you smile at him, then you grab the laundry basket and head down to do the laundry, but John calls out for you.

“I know you’re mad at me.” he says, and you shrug. “Can we talk about it later?”

“Of course.” you nod, then you head downstairs.

Bleu and Sadie had so much fun at the dog park and they tired themselves out, so you dropped them off at home before you decided to take a long drive. You got yourself a greasy cheeseburger, some fries and a chocolate shake, then you drove around aimlessly for about two hours just listening to music. You have to admit that it was nice to have an evening to just yourself. You needed it more than you even realized, and you’re feeling a little bit better than you did earlier. That is until you look down at your phone to see that you don’t have any texts from John.

John’s been gone for about five hours now, and usually he’ll just text you a simple little message, even just a heart emoji to let you know that he’s thinking about you. Today you’ve gotten nothing. Either he’s ignoring you now or he’s having a lot of fun.

You pull into the driveway and open the garage to put your car in, then you sigh as you get out of the car. You’re greeted by Bleu and Sadie as you walk inside, and you lean down to pet them before you let them into the backyard for a bit.

Whenever your mom has Ronan, you always call her before she goes down for the night, so you sit down on the couch and pull your phone out, pressing it to your ear.

“Hello?”

“Hey,” you sigh softly, “How is Ro?”

Your mom laughs, “She’s good, like she always is. She’s laying in Dan’s arms right now getting her bottle before she goes down. She’s been an angel today! We went for a nice walk this afternoon and played with some bubbles, then she had some steamed chicken for lunch.”

“Oh, she’s a big fan of chicken.”

“She gets it from her mom,” your mom says, and you smile a little. “Ro, say goodnight to your momma and daddy.”

The smile fades from your face when you realize your mom thinks John is with you. You hear Ronan babbling on the other end of the phone, and you smile to yourself.

“Goodnight, baby!” you say to her even though she probably can’t hear you, then you sigh as you sit back on the couch.

“No goodnight from dad?”

You inhale deeply and sigh, “Uh, no, he’s out with Aurelio tonight. They went to play pool or something.”

“I bet that’s been nice to just have a day to yourself.”

“Yeah, it’s been alright.” you shrug, then you get up and head to your bedroom. “I’m probably gonna crash early since Ro is with you and John is out.”

Your mom laughs, “Nothing wrong with that, honey. Get some rest. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Give Ro a kiss for me and her dad. Love you.” you say, then you sit down on the bed and look down at your phone as you hang up with your mom. You look over at the drawer where you have the lingerie tucked in, then you get up and grab it before you head to the bathroom.

Fixing the lace on the garter belt, you look at yourself in the mirror and smile, then you poke your head out to the bedroom when you hear the front door open. You quickly fluff your hair up and fix your makeup a little, then you peek around the corner as John walks in and sits down on the bed.

“Hey,” you say, and he barely glances over his shoulder, “How was your night?”

“Pretty good. We played a couple rounds of pool, a few of darts, and I unfortunately had too many drinks since I feel a little tipsy.” he says, keeping his back to you as he pulls his shirt off and kicks his shoes off. “It was a good thing I didn’t drive.”

You lean against the wall seductively since you’re expecting John to turn around and see you, but he just lays back to pull his pants off. He groans as he sits back up and tosses his pants carelessly onto the floor, and you slouch a little.

Walking over to the bed, you crawl onto it and kiss John’s back up to his neck in hopes that it’ll get him in the mood. He looks over his shoulder at you and smiles softly as you move to kiss his neck, then he leans back a little to look at what you’re wearing. You move closer to him as you kiss his face and move your hand to his crotch, but he pulls your hand off of him.

“We need to talk.”

“We don’t need to talk it out right now,” you whisper as you move closer to him, “We can just…work our way through it first.”

John gently takes your hands and pulls them off his chest, “Not tonight, baby.”

You hold his gaze for a moment as you grow sad and embarrassed, tears filling your eyes, then you pull on your robe that you left on the bed. You kick off your heels and pull your robe shut as your chin wobbles, and you grab your pajamas from your drawer before you grab your pillow and phone.

“I’m sleeping downstairs.”

John sighs, “You don’t have to sleep downstairs. It’s fine, peach.”

“No,” you look down to avoid his gaze since you’re so damn embarrassed, “I want to sleep alone tonight.”

Holding tight to your pillow, you head down to the guest bedroom, then you close the door and lock it since you know John will probably try to come talk it out at some point, and you’re so embarrassed that you don’t even want to see him right now.

You pull off the lingerie like it’s infected and leave it on the en suite bathroom floor, then you pull on your pajama shorts and shirt before you crawl into the bed and pull the blankets over your head as you cry.

It’s Thursday, which means John works the morning until about noon, then the two of you would usually go and get Ronan. You’re planning on getting her and dropping her off with John for the rest of the day. You’ve successfully avoided John before he left for work--not that it was really that hard. You just don’t want to even see him right now, and apparently he’s fine with it since he hasn’t tried to talk to you.

Looking into your mirror, you see that your eyes are a little swollen and bloodshot from crying so much last night, but you put on a brave face and head in to get Ronan. You open the door and smile when you hear Ronan squealing and babbling, and you wave at her as you walk into the living room.

“Hi, bug!” you smile, leaning down to get her, and as soon as she’s in your arms, you begin to cry softly. You sniffle as you lean back to look at her, and you smile when she tugs your hair, “I missed you!”

“She’s been so good,” your mom says, then she looks over to the door in confusion, “Jonathan isn’t with you?”

You hold her gaze as you shake your head and start to cry, and she immediately reaches out and pulls you to the couch. She holds you in her arms as you cry, calming you down and telling you that everything is okay, and you cling to Ronan a little tighter.

“I don’t know what’s going on. I know this is just normal marriage stuff, but I never thought John and I would be affected by it.” you whisper as you sit up, “We just haven’t been ourselves lately.”

Your mom nods, “Maybe you two need some time alone to talk things through.”

“I really need Tess right now,” you say, and your mom nods. “It’s just…a little awkward talking about sex with you, mom.”

Your mom laughs softly, “Okay, I’m sure.”

“Is it okay if I just leave Ronan with you for the rest of the day? I can get her tonight before dinner.”

“Of course!” your mom smiles as she rubs your back, “If John shows up…”

You nod, “He can take her. I’m sure he’ll be confused to not see her when he gets home or whatever. I don’t really know what he’s thinking lately.”

“That’s new.”

“It is!” you laugh as you set Ronan back down on the floor so she can play with her toys, “In all honesty, I just don’t really want to see him right now. Not while my emotions are so intense. I just…”

Your mom wraps her arm around you and rubs your back as you cry, “It’s okay.”

You sigh as you look over at her, “He’s been talking about Helen a lot more lately. It just hurts my feelings. Usually I don’t care, but him talking about her all the time and then not really giving the usual amount of affection is just weird. I just feel like there’s a disconnect and I’m not sure if it was intentional.”

“I can promise that it’s no intentional, honey.” she smiles as you look at her, and you inhale deeply when you realize John has talked to her. “I promise you. Just go home and talk to him.”

Nodding your head, you look down at your wedding ring as you sniffle, then you inhale deeply and exhale as you get up to hug and kiss Ronan, “I love you, bug. I’ll be back to get you later.”

You wave at your mom as you walk over to grab your purse, and she gives you two thumbs up as you laugh.

Sitting at the table as you flip through a magazine, you hear the door open and the dogs both get up to greet John. You clear your throat a little as you sit at the table and wait for John to find you, but there’s a part of you that feels like maybe he doesn’t care that you’re even home.

“Hey,” John walks in the kitchen and furrows his brow a little, “Where’s the bug?”

“Uh, at my mom’s still. I’m gonna get her later.”

John looks at you for a moment, then he nods his head and looks down, “Uh, I have a book I need to get done by tomorrow, so I just really need to focus on that. It’s just that there’s a deadline and I haven’t been focused so much on it lately, so…”

“Okay.” you bite your cheek as you look at him, then you slouch when he leaves the room.

You’ll just have to talk to him later.

Since John was still downstairs working on his book, you decided to just sleep in the guest bedroom again. You haven’t talked to him at all, and you even called to ask if Ronan could stay the night again. Your mom took it as a good sign, though it really wasn’t.

You sit up in bed as your stomach growls and look over to see it’s nearly 2 in the morning. You stretch a little, then you get up and quietly open the door to find John laying back against the wall as he sleeps. You smile to yourself as you look at him, then you kneel down and gently brush your thumb over his cheek.

“John,” you whisper to him, then you smile when he opens his eyes, “Go up to bed. Go to bed. You can’t be comfortable here.”

“You locked the door.” he says softly as you nod, then he sits up a little, “I can’t do this anymore.”

You look down as you tear up, “I know. Me neither.”

John reaches over to touch your cheek, “That doesn’t mean what I think it means, does it?”

“Well, what did you mean?”

“I miss my wife.” he whispers, then he rubs his thumb over your cheek and down to your bottom lip, “I miss my best friend.”

Tears roll down your cheeks as you sit down on the floor, then you look at him and nod, “I miss mine too.”

“I promise that we can talk through everything in the morning, but for now, can I just hold my wife?” John asks, and you nod your head. He gets up and reaches for your hands, then he helps you stand up.

Holding hands with John, you head up to your bedroom with him and smile to yourself, feeling your hand in his for the first time in what seems like weeks. You crawl into bed and lay down on your side only to realize you left your pillow down in the guest bedroom. John lays down on the bed and moves his pillow over to share with you, then he smiles when you get under the blankets with him.

John gently rubs his thumb over your cheek as you look at him, “I love you.”

“Do you?” you ask as you tear up again.

“I do.” he nods, then he pulls you closer until you’re inches from his face, “I will never stop loving you. It’s a promise.”

You nod your head as you look at him, “We’ll talk in the morning?”

“Of course.” he whispers, then he leans forward to kiss you. He pulls you closer as he lays on his back, then he holds you in his arms, “I love you more than anything.”

“I love you too.”

You feel John pressing kisses to your face and neck as you lay in bed, and you slowly open your eyes and smile when you see him next to you. You inhale deeply and roll onto your side, and you’re a little taken aback when he leans over and kisses you. He slips his tongue into your mouth as he crawls on top of you, and you laugh when he buries his face in the crook of your neck.

“God, I’ve missed you,” he smiles, then he sits up to look at you, “Missed that laugh.”

“We still need to talk, so don’t start getting all lovey-dovey. I’m not sure you’re going to love me after this conversation.” you say as you tuck his hair away from his face.

John gives you a blank stare, then he shakes his head, “You could tell me that you hate my guts and wished I was dead, and I’d still love you.”

“You know I’d never say that though, and I definitely don’t hate you or wish you were dead.”

“Well, I would hope not.” he says, and you both start to laugh.

Taking a deep breath, you sit up in bed and cross your legs before you look down at your hands and spin your wedding ring. John sits up next to you and wraps his right arm around your waist, then he presses a soft kiss to your shoulder.

“I don’t want to hurt your feelings.”

“I hurt yours the other night…” John whispers to you, and you look over at him, your cheeks growing warm and red when you remember how embarrassed you were, “You could kill me and I’d think it was justified because I hurt you.”

You bite your cheek as you look at him, then you look down and frown, “I know that Helen’s birthday is coming up, and you know that I usually don’t mind hearing stories about her, but lately it’s just been one story after another. You haven’t been giving me the same amount of affection as usual, and I just thought…maybe you weren’t all in with me anymore. Like the novelty of me wore off or something. Like…like you were just over me and you were ready to move on to the next.”

John moves your hair away from your face and nods when you look at him, giving you more time to get out everything that you need to say.

“Lately it has been painfully obvious who you wish was still here with you.” you whisper as John’s eyes grow sad. “You swapped out kissing me for telling me stories about the time you and Helen went to Fiji. You stopped holding my hand and replaced it when the story about the time you and Helen took a roadtrip. You stopped having sex with me, showing me affection, giving me even just an ounce of your love, and I noticed that I’m not the main focus anymore. I’ve completely been replaced by a ghost from your past. And…unfortunately, between you and me, if I can’t be your main focus anymore, then…”

“Stop!” John shakes his head as he looks away, then he looks back at you with tears in his eyes, “So, you want a divorce?”

“So, you’re admitting that I’m not your main focus anymore? Your dead wife is?” you get off the bed and laugh as you grab out something to wear, “It’s funny how you promised me that I was always going to be your main focus. You always reassured me that it was me who you cared about most. And yeah, if you can’t see what you have in front of you and you’re going to continue to live in the past, then yes, I want a divorce! I’m not going to feel inferior in my relationship again. I did it before and I refuse to do it again. I deserve to be put first. I deserve to be someone’s main focus.”

John gently touches your arm and shakes his head, “She’s not my main focus--you are! You’re my main focus. You and Ronan are everything to me, you know this! I know you know this!”

“Then why can’t you stop talking about Helen?”

“Because I want her to see how happy I am and I’m sad that she’s missing out on it.” he says, and you shake your head as you walk away. “Baby, I promise that you’re the only one I want. I need you. I need you more than I’ve never needed someone before. I can’t function without you!”

You look over at him and shrug, “I don’t believe you anymore.”

“What can I do to make you believe me?”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe stop talking about your dead wife all the time.” you say, and John immediately nods his head. You groan as you close your eyes, “I’m hearing the way I’m talking, and I hate it. I hate that I’ve gotten to this point--being jealous over her, but I can’t keep pushing aside my feelings just to protect you. I used to push aside my feelings for other people and I refuse to do that now.”

“And I don’t want you to. I want you to tell me how you’re feeling.” John says as he walks over to you, reaching out for your hands. “I want you to be honest with me. We’ve always been honest with each other about things, we’ve always talked things through. It’s always worked for us. Why change that now? Come here. Please.”

You walk with John back over to the bed, and you sigh loudly as you sit down with him, “I’m scared that we can’t come back from this.”

“Yes, we can.” John whispers, rubbing his thumb over your cheek, “You found guns in the basement and we came back from that. We got into a huge fight about that pregnancy test, and we came back from that. We can come back from this. We can come back from anything.”

Wiping away the tears on your face, you look down as you cry harder, “I’m scared you don’t love me as much anymore, like all the love you had for me in the beginning has dried up and you don’t have any more.”

“Listen to me,” John tilts your chin up and smiles at you, “It’s because I love you so damn much that I’ve been talking about Helen. I know it doesn’t sound like it makes sense, but just hear me out.”

You laugh tearfully, “You better make it make sense, Wick.”

John takes a deep breath and exhales as he holds your hand, “I think there’s still this part of me that feels a little guilty. I’m married to this amazing, beautiful, smart, kind, everything-under-the-sun-that-is-wonderful woman, and we have a beautiful daughter together. We live this amazing life with each other, and every day is an absolute dream. So, I think there’s this part of me that feels guilty because I feel like I’m truly giving my all to you, and I didn’t do that with Helen--she didn’t even know my past. I’m so sorry that I’ve been talking about her so much, and I’m so sorry that I’ve made you feel like you’re not important to me. I promise to you that you are my best friend and the only person I can see myself with. You’re the love of my life, and I’m so fucking sorry that I haven’t made you feel as important as you are. You have given me so much: a great marriage, our sweet bug, an amazing fucking life. I owe everything to you. I am so sorry for how I’ve treated you.”

You reach over to hug John as you cry, then you bury your face in the crook of his neck as he holds you. He pulls you closer until you’re almost in his lap, and he clings to you like his life depends on it.

“And the implication that you’re just some novelty or trophy wife hurts.” he whispers into your hair, “You’re everything, Y/N. Everything to me. I don’t want you to ever think that there’s a time limit on my love for you. It’s never going to go away or wear off. If anything, my love for you gets deeper every day.”

You nod, “I know.”

“I love you so much, baby.” John says, then he leans back and cups your face, “And I’m sorry for embarrassing you the other night.”

You immediately look down as your cheeks turn red, then you sit back and shrug, “It’s okay.”

“I want you to know that I thought you looked fucking amazing.” he smiles as you look at him, and you shrug again. “I just…didn’t want you to think that I was not in the mood to talk but I wanted to have sex, you know? I didn’t want you to think I was using you or anything.”

“But I was the one initiating the sex…”

John nods, “I know, but I just didn’t want you to think I was just using you to have sex and that I was going to go back to just treating you like shit.”

You shrug as you look over at him, “I just wanted to know if you still found me attractive.”

“Oh, trust me, I do!” John laughs as you start to smile, “And I definitely realized that we haven’t had time alone, and I’m suffering.”

Looking up at John, you hold his gaze as you smile softly, then you look down and exhale, “I still feel a little stupid.”

“I’m sure,” John nods, then he tilts your chin up, “But it’s nothing compared to how I feel. I’ve treated the one person who loves me endlessly like shit. I’m embarrassed and shocked--shocked that you didn’t pack a bag and leave me.”

“I wasn’t going to leave you, John. I just wanted us to get back to the way we were.”

John reaches over for your hand and kisses the back of it, “And we will. I promise that I’ll work harder than ever to prove that to you.”

“I believe you.” you whisper as you hold his gaze, then you gesture to the bathroom, “I better shower. I need to get Ro soon.”

“Can I come with? When you pick up bug?”

You nod as you get up from the bed, “Of course, John.”

John sighs as he looks up at you, then he reaches out for your hand, “I really am so sorry.”

“I know,” you nod, then you squeeze his hand, “I love you.”

“I love you more.” he whispers, then he lets go of your hand as you walk into the bathroom.

Ronan was so excited to see her daddy when you picked her up earlier, and she’s been clinging to him all night. You’ve been clinging to him too, well, more like he’s been clinging to you! He’s been giving you an explosion of affection but you’re not complaining about it at all. He’s definitely not doing that toxic love bomb thing though--John is always affectionate.

“Dada!” Ronan squeals loudly as John pushes her stroller, and you lean down to look at her. She reaches out to touch your face as she giggles, and you playfully chew on her fingers.

Holding tight to John’s arm, you walk with him up the driveway and smile when he leans over to kiss your head.

“I need to finish that book tonight, but I think I’ll be able to finish it quickly. Probably within 45 minutes.” John says, and you reach down to get Ronan out of her stroller, “Then I thought we could watch a movie.”

“Sounds good.”

John smiles as he folds up Ronan’s stroller and rests it against the wall when he gets inside, then he turns to you, “I do wanna come with and say goodnight to my favorite bug.”

You hold Ronan in your arms as you walk up to her room with John behind you, then you set her down while you grab out her pajamas and the lotion she needs for her skin so she doesn’t get too dry at night. She has a fan that she’s been sleeping with to keep her cool at night, but sometimes it dries out her skin.

“Why are you getting so big, huh?” John says as he sits down to change Ronan’s diaper, and you turn around and smile as he tickles her tummy. Ronan laughs as John blows raspberries on her tummy, then she puts her hands on John’s face when John lifts her up and kisses her. “Our baby is growing up so fast.”

You frown as you sit down on the floor next to him, “I know. I can’t believe how big she’s getting.”

“Time is flying,” he whispers, watching as Ronan walks over to get a toy, “I feel like I’ve been saying that since the day you got pregnant. Makes me sad how fast it’s going by.”

You nod as you look over at him, “But it really hasn’t been that long. Seems like it, but it hasn’t.”

“True,” John smiles as Ronan walks over to him with a toy, and he smiles wide and playfully grabs her and makes a loud chomping noise on her stomach as she squeals with laughter.

John is the best dad ever, and Ronan is always laughing non-stop when he’s around. He’s always playing with her on the floor and encouraging her, and you’re so happy that she has such a great dad.

“Okay, okay, let’s not get too crazy.” you laugh as you stand up, “We’re trying to get her to sleep, remember?”

John laughs as he gets up from the floor, then he reaches down for Ronan and cradles her in his arms. He bounces her a little and smiles at her as she sucks her thumb, and you walk over to get a better look at her sweet face. Ronan looks over at you and reaches out for your face and she smiles when you playfully nibble on her fingers. You watch Ronan’s eyes growing heavy with sleep, and before you know it, she’s out.

“Babies,” you laugh as John leans down so you can kiss her, “I wish I could fall asleep that fast.”

John chuckles, “Give you a few cocktails and you do fall asleep that fast.”

“Yeah, true.”

“Goodnight, bug.” John whispers as he kisses Ronan’s cheek, then he lays her down while you turn on her nightlight and fan. He reaches for your hand and walks with you out of the bedroom, then he pats Bleu’s side as he trots in to stand guard all night. “Okay, I’m gonna head downstairs to finish up the book real quick, then I promise you have my undivided attention all night.”

You wrap your arms around John’s neck and lean up to kiss him, “Okay.”

“I promise that I am going to make up for the other night.” he whispers against your lips, and you nod your head. “I’ll be back up soon.”

You kiss John once more than you watch as he quickly heads down to the basement. You know that John will most likely take 30 minutes to get everything done, but you honestly want to join him. He doesn’t mind you hanging out with him while he works but he usually gets distracted by you since he always offers to let you help. Tonight you want to distract him in a different way.

Taking a deep breath, you head into your bedroom and open your drawer to get out the lingerie that you tried to wear for John, and you stare down at it.

“You can do this.” you whisper to yourself to get yourself hyped up, then you exhale shakily as you run a marquee of bad thoughts through your head.

What if John doesn’t like it? What if he doesn’t want to have sex with you right now? What if he gets mad at you for distracting him?

“Stop,” you whisper, silencing the thoughts clouding your head, then you stand up and look at yourself in the mirror, “He loves you, he thinks you’re sexy. He’ll love this.”

You head into the bathroom to get changed into the lingerie, and you grab out your make up bag to touch of your makeup that you’re already wearing. You exhale shakily as you stand in the bathroom and continue to get yourself a pep talk in your head, then you begin to undress.

Standing in front of the mirror, you turn to the side a little and smile as you check yourself out, then you fix the bra straps a little more. You look really good, and if John doesn’t think so, he’s out of his mind. You grab your robe off the hook and put it on, then you decide to forget the shoes since John will immediately turn around when he hears you’re wearing heels.

“Okay, you can do this. Who knows? This could be the best sex of your life…” you whisper to yourself as you walk down to the living room. You place your hand on the door handle as you try to calm yourself down, then you open the door and head downstairs.

John still has his back to you when you get to the bottom of the stairs, and you walk up behind him and lean against his back. He glances over his shoulder at you, then he leans back a little to kiss you.

“Bored upstairs?”

“Yeah, a little bit.” you say, then you wrap your arms around his waist, “Thought I’d come join you.”

John chuckles, “Well, you might be just as bored.”

You let go of John to pull off your robe, then you toss it on the couch behind you. Your hands shake as you stand there for a moment since you don’t know what to do, then you tap John’s shoulder and watch as he looks over his shoulder. He furrows his brow a little and spins around in his chair to get a better look at you, and his mouth instantly drops open as he stares at you.

“Do I look okay?”

John lets out a laugh in disbelief, then he grabs you and kisses you hard on the lips as he lifts you into his lap. He tosses the tool he was using over his shoulder as he kisses your neck, and you laugh when it rolls off the table and onto the floor.

“Should we go upstairs?” you ask as John continues to kiss your neck.

“No,” he shakes his head and sets you down, then he walks over to the sleeper sofa and pulls out the bed with little to no effort that makes the ache between your legs throb, “I’m taking you here. I can’t wait any longer.”

You shrug as you look at him, “Probably a good idea considering I think I might a little too loud.”

“No such thing.”

You smile as you watch John getting the bed all set up, and you laugh when he walks back over and grabs you to pull you into his arms. John carefully lays you down on the bed as you smile at him, then he crawls up to you and leaves kisses along your body. He tugs the garter belt that you’re wearing as you let out a small laugh, and you lean up to look at him as he gazes at you.

“So beautiful,” he whispers, pecking you before he gives your body more attention, “You look so fucking hot, baby.”

John continues to kiss all over your stomach and thighs, and you smile when he spreads your legs apart and gently rubs you over your underwear. You whimper softly as he slides his hand into your panties, then you prop yourself up on your elbows as you look down at him.

“You make me so wet, John.” you whisper as he smiles at you, then you lay back down so he can pull your underwear off. John loves a garter belt and stockings duo, so of course he doesn’t dare touch those. You close your eyes and bite your bottom lip when you feel John’s tongue sliding between your legs, and you arch your back and moan loudly when he sucks on your clit, “Oh, shit!”

John sucks on his finger before he slides it into your pussy, and you grip the mattress as he pumps his finger in and out slowly. He crawls up to you as he continues to finger you, and you grab him to pull him down to your lips.

“Fuck me,” you whisper to him as you frantically unbuckle his belt, and you smile when John lets out a small laugh, “What? I want you!”

“I want you too.” he whispers as he kneels on the bed to pull his shirt off, then he quickly kicks his pants and boxers off before he lays back down on top of you, “I always want you. Always.”

You wrap one arm around his neck and place your other hand on his cheek as he lays down on top and gets himself situated. You hold his gaze as he leans closer to your face, his lips brushing against yours and his breath hot against your skin, and you moan softly as he slips between your legs. John lets out a small breath as he pushes himself in deeper, then he swallows hard and shudders when he moves as far in as he can get. He says something about the feeling but it gets caught in his throat, so you’re not sure exactly what it was. You’ll take it as a compliment.

John slowly begins to thrust his hips as he holds your gaze, then he leans down to kiss you before he continues looking at you, “God, you’re so beautiful. I love you so much.”

“I love you,” you whisper to him as he smiles at you, “I love you more than anything.”

Digging your nails into John’s biceps, you arch your back and moan loudly as pleasure courses through your body, electrifying every nerve. The sound of John between your legs grows louder as you become wetter, and you cling to him as he picks up speed.

“Does that feel good?” he croons in your ear, and you whimper loudly, nodding your head, “You want me deeper?”

“Oh, fuck!” you scream loudly as John sits up to get a better angle, and you reach down and rub circles on your clit as John watches. He pats your thigh a little to get you to roll over, then he holds your hips as you kneel on the bed and wait for him to slide back between your legs.

John’s right hand slides up your back to your neck as he slowly pumps his hips, then he helps you sit up to lean against his chest. You look down as John pulls your bra off and tosses it to the floor, then you close your eyes and smile when John caresses your breasts and sucks on your neck. He immediately begins to fondle your breast with the piercing, and you let out a small laugh.

“Fuck, yes…” John whispers as he thrusts his hips, and you feel his hand sliding between your legs. You lean your hands on the back of the sofa as John grips your hips tighter and pounds into you, then you smile when he leans down to kiss your cheek. “My girl. My favorite person on this planet. Fuck, I love how you feel.”

You whimper as you lean back more to kiss John, then you squeeze your eyes shut and feel John’s breath against your neck as you both moan loudly. John jerks his hips harder one last time, then he lays down and smiles when you crawl on top of him. He holds your waist as you slide down every inch of him, and you place your hands on his chest as you roll your hips.

“You feel…” you shiver as your teeth begin to chatter, then you grip John’s chest harder, “You feel so…good! I need you to fuck me harder!”

John bends his knees and wraps his arms around you so you’ll lay against his chest, then he kisses you as he thrusts his hips. You cling to John as you let out a loud string of moans, then you grip his bicep as you nearly scream his name.

“Oh, shit! Oh, fuck, John! John!” you scream into the crook of his neck, then your body begins to jolt as you come.

John’s hips begin to move faster as he brings on his orgasm, and you cling to him even tighter since he’s losing his rhythm. He holds tight to you as he jerks his hips one last time to fill you up, then he frantically moves your hair out of your face to kiss you.

“Oh, god!” you moan loudly as John holds tight to you and rolls you onto the bed, then he kisses down to your chest, taking your nipple into his mouth. “Mm…”

“You…are so good.” John whispers, and you open your eyes to finally look at him, “So good, baby. I love you more than anything in this world, and I can promise that that will never change. You are the only person I want, the only person who I think of. You are a constant thought in my mind. No one else. Just my favorite girl.”

You reach up to touch John’s cheek, then you nod your head when he wipes away the tear slowly sliding down your cheek, “I love you so much, John. I just don’t want to lose you.”

“You are never losing me. I am with you until our last days.” he whispers, then he gently kisses you, “You’re the love of my life. The absolute love of my life, and that will never change.”

You sit up and pull your knees close to your chest to cover your breasts since you always feel a little self-conscious after you and John are intimate, then you look at him and tilt your head a little as you try to unscramble your thoughts.

“I’m sorry for being so blunt about Helen,” you whisper as John reaches over for your hand.

“Don’t be,” he shakes his head and moves closer, “Sometimes it’s okay to be blunt, especially when your husband is being clueless.”

You shake your head, “I don’t want you to think I’m still here always worrying about your love for me, or thinking that you’re still in love with Helen. Helen hasn’t been a subject of conversation for…a long time, then all of the sudden every story is about her. I know her birthday is soon…”

John nods as he sits up, then he looks over at you still covering yourself up. He lets out a small laugh, then he reaches over for his t-shirt, offering it to you. He grabs his boxers from the floor and pulls them on, then he smiles when you pull your hair away from your face.

He used to never be this comfortable around you. When you first started dating, he wouldn’t dare be completely naked in front of you. Obviously he was naked when you’d have sex, but after he’d usually put a blanket over his waist. Not anymore. Nope. He’ll just lay right there in front of you, completely naked. You certainly don’t mind. John is very well endowed, so you definitely don’t mind when he wants to…let it all hang out. He’s confident and it’s sexy.

“You know you don’t need to cover up around me.” he says, and you chuckle as you nod. “Why do you do that?”

“Just self-conscious, I guess.” you shrug, looking at him, “I’ve always been like that after sex though.”

Probably has something to do with your ex. He’d love your body during sex but he was usually pretty critical of it afterwards. John has never been like that but sometimes it’s hard to let go of trauma and rewire your brain. John definitely makes you feel sexy though and you know he’d never say a bad thing about your body.

John nods, “I know. But you should never feel insecure around me. I love your body.”

A smile spreads across your face as John lightly brushes his fingers over the stretchmarks on your thighs that you always worry about, then he moves closer to kiss you.

“Your body is…” John whispers as you hold his gaze, “Incredible.”

You laugh loudly, then you shove John’s shoulder a little, “You’re full of shit.”

John shakes his head as he lounges out next to you, “Not at all, Mrs. Wick. You look great.”

“Thanks,” you smile and lean down to kiss him.

“I know that I’ve been talking about Helen more and like I said the other night, I just wish she could be here to see how happy I am.” John whispers, and your eyes soften when he looks down at your hand in his, “We have the life that Helen and I would have wanted; quiet, simple, relaxed. We also have this other life that you and I want which is just chaotic and loud and unpredictable.”

You laugh as you nod, “Well, that’s life with a baby.”

“And it’s great!” he smiles, then it slowly fades a little, “I just wish Helen could see how happy you and Ronan make me. It’s all so confusing to me, so I’m sure it is for you as well.”

“No, I get it.” you nod when he looks at you, “It’s a great life, why wouldn’t you want her to see that?”

John nods, “Helen wasn’t just my wife, she was my friend. She was my only friend. I didn’t have Jimmy and Aurelio then.”

You reach over and cup his face when his chin wobbles a little, “I know.”

“She’d be happy for me.” he says, and you scoot closer to him, “I know there was a part of Helen that knew I wanted a family. I didn’t even know it until I met you, but maybe it was always there. She just figured it out before me. Having a family was something that she couldn’t give me. Only you could give me all of this.”

You smile tenderly when John looks up at you, and you lean over to kiss him a few times as he rubs his thumb over your cheek. You hold his gaze for a moment, then you look down at his hand on your thigh.

“She would be so happy to know that I’ve found my peace,” he says, and you look at him, remembering the words from Helen’s final card to John. “You’re my peace. In this chaotic world we live in, you give me peace. You calm me, you settle my brain and unscramble my mind. There is no one in this world that can give me that but you. I know this and you know this. You’re my soulmate.”

You sniffle as you look up at him, “I’m not asking you to never speak about her. I have never asked you to not speak about her or tell me stories about her. I’m well aware that you were married once before and you had a pretty good life with her, and believe it or not, I am so happy that you had that.”

John smiles softly, “I know you are.”

“I’m glad that you had her and had a beautiful life while it lasted.” you smile as you reach over to cup his face, “I’m glad you had someone to take care of you until I got here.”

“Me too,” he whispers, kissing the palm of your hand.

You sigh a little as you hold his gaze, “Maybe you want Helen to meet Ronan…”

John looks down and nods his head as he holds your hand, “I was thinking about asking you, but I wasn’t sure. I don’t want to cross any lines.”

“Maybe if she meets her…”

“I’ll stop talking about her,” he says, and you slouch and look down as you tear up, feeling guilty about being so upset. “Hey, hey, look at me.”

You look up at John as he tilts your chin up, “I feel bad now.”

“Don’t.” he shakes his head, “Don’t feel bad. I apologize for how I’ve made you feel, okay? I’m sorry.”

“I know,” you smile as you look at him, “And I am too.”

John smiles as he wraps his arms around you to hug you tight, and you melt in the warmth and security of his arms. You bury your face in the crook of his neck and inhale his cologne sticking to his skin, then you lean back and smile when he moves your hair out of your face.

“Why don’t we go out and see Helen tomorrow?” you say, and John nods his head. You get up from the bed and grab your lingerie that is thrown around the basement, then you smile at John as he grabs his jeans. “Sorry I distracted you from finishing your book.”

“It was a much welcomed distraction,” he whispers against your lips, then he stands back as you trade out his t-shirt for your robe since he’ll need to finish his work. He pulls his shirt back on and smiles as he sits down on the stool and pulls you between his legs, “I’ll be up in about 20 minutes.”

You wrap your arms around his neck and look into his eyes, “Okay.”

“I love you more than anything in this world. I want you to know that,” he whispers as you tear up, “You’re the only one for me.”

“I love you too.” you lean forward to kiss him, then you gesture to his book as you sniffle, “I’ll let you finish that.”

John pats your side as he smiles at you, “I’ll be up soon. Please don’t go up there and cry.”

“I wont,” you say, despite the fact that you’re tearing up. John tilts his head and gives you a look that makes you laugh, “I won’t! It’s just a little extra leftover tears from our conversation.”

“I mean it, peach,” he pulls you back to him, “If you’re still feeling upset, talk to me. I want to make sure you’re okay.”

You cup his face and hold his gaze, “I am. I promise. I’m okay.”

John looks into your eyes for a moment longer, then he kisses you gently, “Okay. Just keep checking in with me, okay? I don’t want you to feel upset or anything.”

“I know.”

He’s truly the best man. He really, really is.

A smile spreads across your face as you watch John turning back to finish his book, and you head upstairs to take a shower.

John stopped by the florist to get some flowers for Helen, and you laughed when he came out with a huge bouquet for you as well. You’re certainly not upset with him anymore, but it is nice that he has apologized and acknowledged that he was talking about Helen too much.

You would never ask him to stop talking about her since you know he’s not purposely doing it to hurt your feelings. He’s just happy in his life and he feels guilty that he’s so happy and living a great life. It’s a hard thing for even John to wrap his head around half the time, so he doesn’t expect you to fully understand, but you understand enough.

Leaning against the tree, you smile as you watch John kneel down in front of Helen’s tombstone as he holds Ronan. You’re too far from him to be able to hear what he’s saying, but you can see his mouth moving. He bounces Ronan in his arms a little and kisses her cheek, then he looks at the granite tombstone as you tiptoe closer.

“Best thing that has ever happened to me, Hel, I swear. Being a dad is…amazing. It’s better than anything I could have imagined.” he whispers, and you stand back a little, “I still don’t know how I got so lucky. I’ll never understand what I did to deserve them. First with Y/N and now with Ronan. Still don’t know if I even deserve them. I’m trying my best not to let them down, but I might have failed lately with Y/N, but I’m trying. I’m trying every day to be better because that’s what she deserves. She’s…so amazing.”

Ronan looks over John’s shoulder and waves at you, and you smile as you wave back at her. She reaches out for you and causes John to look over his shoulder, and you grimace.

“Sorry,” you point at Ronan, “I can take her.”

“Nah, come here.” he sits down in the grass and reaches for your hand.

You sit down next to John and take Ronan to set her in your lap, then you look at him, “When was the last time you were here?”

“When we came here and her sister showed up,” he says, and you scrunch your face a little as he laughs, “Yeah. Well, I just wanted Helen to meet Ro since this is the last time I’ll be coming out here.”

You furrow your brow and shake your head, “John, I--”

“I know. I know you’re not suggesting that,” he nods as he looks at you, then he smiles, “But I think Helen would understand. I can already hear her yelling at me and telling me to stop coming to visit her when I have you and this chunky bug at home.”

You look down at Ronan as John pinches her cheek, then you look up at him as he continues.

“I have such a great life with you, peach.” he whispers, then he shakes his head as he gestures to the tombstone, “I’d be upset too if the tables were turned, so don’t ever think you’re wrong for feeling the way you feel. It’s just you and I now.”

“Us and the bug.”

John chuckles, nodding his head, “Us and the bug. And I love it.”

“We love you.” you smile as you meet him halfway to kiss him.

“Let’s get out of here,” he says, groaning a little as he gets up. He reaches down to help you up, then he brushes away the grass on the back of your pants before reaching for your hand, “I think we deserve some ice cream.”

You chuckle softly, “I’m not trying to blame everything on it because it obviously wasn’t all me, but…I got my period this morning.”

John looks down at you and laughs, “Really?”

“Yeah…” you blush a little as you nod, then you look at him, “I know I was being a little…dramatic, but now it’s a little more obvious as to why. My periods since having Ro have been…rough, so to speak.”

“That’s okay,” John smiles as he wraps his arm around your shoulder, “I was mostly to blame though.”

You stop at the car and watch as John gets Ronan in her car seat, then you smile at him and wrap your arms around him tight. He smooths your hair away from your face with both his hands, then he cups your face and kisses you tenderly as your eyes roll shut. He wraps his arms around your waist and places his hands firmly on your ass, and you both start to laugh when he squeezes a handful a few times.

“So grateful for you, peach.” he whispers, and you tilt your head as you smile at him. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” you peck him again, then you get in the car and watch as he looks over at Helen’s tombstone one last time, which causes you to tear up a little. You smile as John gets in the car and reaches for your hand, and you let out a small laugh when Ronan squeals loudly in the backseat. “Yeah, you tell him, Ro. Hurry up, dad!”

John leans up to look in the rearview mirror at Ronan, then he laughs, “Okay, okay! Let’s go get some ice cream!”

You wander around the house and look for any of Ronan’s toys that might have been snuck away by Sadie, who is notorious for stealing toys, and you smile when you walk past the office and see John looking at the computer screen.

“Hey, you…” John says just as you walk past, and you lean against the door frame and look at him, “What are you doing?”

“Well,” you take a deep breath and cross your arms, “Tess called me a little bit ago and told me to keep an eye on Ro’s toys since Sadie likes to chew on baby toys, so I am currently hunting any lost toys down.”

John chuckles, “Found any yet?”

“Nope,” you shake your head, then you walk in and look around the office, “Oh! Spoke too soon.”

You bend over and find a toy hidden under a pillow, then you hold it up and look at it. It’s not one of Ronan’s most played with toys, so you’re not too upset about it. You’re not upset with Sadie either; these things happen.

“Ro never plays with that anyway,” John says, and you nod as you toss it into the garbage can next to him. He turns in the chair a little and smiles, and you walk over to sit in his lap as he wraps his arm around you, “You smell good, like…vanilla.”

“It’s the perfume you bought me.” you smile, then you inhale deeply before you look at him, “Look, I know the conversation has moved on, we’re all good, it’s been hours, but…I don’t want you to not go see Helen anymore, and I know you’re probably thinking ‘she’s just going to be upset when I go’, but I won’t. I don’t want to take that away from you. Seeing the way you took one last look at her grave just broke my heart. I can’t take that from you.”

John rubs your back and shakes his head, “You’re not taking it from me. I’m choosing you. I’m choosing to put the past in the past.”

“But she has no family here,” you say as John wipes away the tear on your cheek, “She has no one here to tend to her grave or come out to give her flowers for her birthday. I can’t stand the thought of that. I’ve always tried my best to respect your relationship with Helen because I know if I ever say anything bad or negative about her, you’re gone. You’d leave.”

“I would not.” John says, seeming hurt by the accusation.

You look down at your hands and swallow hard, “Or you’d hold resentment towards me for it.”

“No. I know you,” John whispers, rubbing his thumb against your chin, “I know you better than I know myself, so I know you’d never say anything bad about Helen. You’re not that kind of person.”

“I would never say anything bad about her,” you say softly, and he nods as you inhale deeply, “I’m not saying we need to go have picnics out there for her birthday and every holiday, but...”

John smiles, “How about this? How about when I feel like going out there, I will?”

You hold his gaze for a moment, then you look down at your wedding ring, “Um…”

A small laugh escapes John’s lips as you look back up at him, “You think I’m going to go there all the time now, don’t you?”

“Well…” you look at him and laugh a little since he caught you.

“I’m not,” he shakes his head, then he sits back a little and looks at you, “I think this is where I should spend most of my time, and I like that. I like it here. Just the three of us.”

You nod, “I guess there’s this part of me that knows that if it were you that…passed, I would sleep on your grave.”

John chuckles, “Well, I’m flattered.”

“I am so desperately in love with you that I can’t imagine moving on and marrying someone else.”

“That’s good…” John nods, raising his brows, “Considering I’m alive and healthy.”

You playfully roll your eyes and shove his shoulder, “You know what I mean!”

“I do,” he nods as he holds your gaze, “And before I met you, I felt the same way. Who knows, maybe after I--”

“Oh, fuck no!” you get up from his lap and put your hand out, “We are definitely not going there. You’re living until you’re 160.”

John laughs as he reaches for your hand, “As long as you’re here with me, I am totally fine with that.”

Letting out a small sigh, you walk back over to him and stand between his legs as you cup his face, “I love you.”

“I love you,” he smiles, leaning up a little to kiss you, “I’m not going anywhere. You’re gonna be sick of me soon.”

“Impossible.” you whisper, then you kiss his forehead and smile at him as you lightly rub your thumb over his beard, “Popcorn and a movie?”

John gets up from the chair and nods his head, then he wraps his arms around you from behind and walks into the kitchen with you still tight in his grip. He buries his face in the crook of your neck as you get a bag of popcorn out to pop, and you laugh when he doesn’t let go.

“Not letting go?”

“Never,” he whispers, and you look over your shoulder at him and smile when he tightens his grip.

You close your eyes and wrap his arms around you more, then you lean back against his chest and feel the warmth he radiates soaking into your skin as you smile.

“Good.”

taglist:

@sakurachan-9 @beingnerdyissupercool @tnu-ree @ruby-octo @scream-queen-25 @ladyren33

#john wick x reader #john wick x you #john wick imagine #john wick x y/n #fic: hold my hand #she's a better person than me lemme tell u that #i would have made some enemies lmao bc my self esteem could never #but at the same time john wasn't being intentional and doesn't ever want to hurt her or make her feel like she isnt loved #theyre just perfect for each other IM SORRY I KNOW IM BIASED BUT IT'S TRUE #anyway im rambling #ok i hope u enjoy

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