#lesson learned: keep trying

[lunadove]

I feel like 10/14 will take Rose on day trips in the TARDIS to beautiful, safe planets.

And then 15 “The Fun Uncle” will just crash into Donna’s backyard every once a while and come out of the TARDIS going “Who wants to stop an alien dictatorship on a planet where all the plant life wants to eat you?”

#15 loves rose and is protective of her when they go on adventures #but he also thinks she needs to learn important life lessons like how to stop a dictatorship #rose is having a GREAT time and meanwhile the rest of the noble family are having panic attacks #15 is always welcome at donna’s home for a chat or dinner #but she’ll also yell at him for taking her daughter to a planet where robots are shooting death rays #10/14 and rose are keeping track of her record for how long she can yell #15 is also aware of the record and is trying to get her to five hours so he can win 50 pounds #doctor who spoilers #dw spoilers #donna noble #fifteenth doctor #fourteenth doctor #tenth doctor #rose noble #doctor who #dw

[kimbapisnotsushi]

okay no see the thing that made me really, really sad about hinata and the thing that made me really, really root for him and love him and want to see him win it all was how, like, people kept DENYING him. and i'm not talking about spectators in the stands going "omg he's so short haha, can he really do anything?" i'm talking about how his own team and how everyone who knew them in some way - as much as i love them - could never really separate him from kageyama. they were the freak quick duo, karasuno's number nine and number ten. they were amazing! so brilliant, the two of them. and hinata thought it was a way out, at first. he thought it was a way over the summit. he thought it was the key to being someone better.

but a key goes both ways, you know. it can lock you up just as much as it can set you free.

and hinata had to be so, so frustrated. everyone was finding ways to move forward except him. everyone expected him to stay stuck. and you could argue that that's not entirely true, sure, that he was always training, always trying to catch up, and they encouraged that. but nobody ever expected him to be more. nobody ever expected him to go beyond what he had with kageyama - they all thought that was enough for hinata. they thought he was fine like that because it worked for the rest of them. they underestimated how much he wanted to be capable. they didn't get how much he wanted to stand on his own two feet.

and that wasn't fair to hinata! it wasn't fair that hinata, who loved to play and loved the game and loved volleyball so so much, was the only one being left behind! he wanted to change that but nobody was trying with him!!! so of course he got impatient!! of course he was reckless!!! of course he was carving his own opportunities!!! there was no way forward otherwise!!! because if we take a minute to think about how training would have gone while kageyama was at tokyo, let's be honest — it probably wouldn't have gone well. nobody else can do with hinata what kageyama could do with him. hinata would have been held back. he would have felt useless. practicing serves and receives was stuff he was already doing constantly before that, and it wasn't teaching him anything. yeah hinata was a little bit selfish and a little bit shameless but being so finally got him somewhere!!

all hinata ever wanted to do was fly, even if it meant straying from the flock to do so

#anyways lesson learned: when you've exhausted all other options then just fucking go for it #what's the worst that could happen #you either get shit done or you don't #ball boy arc is sooooo important and i hate when ppl treat it like hinata was just being stupid #he was FED UP!!! #washijo sure as hell wasn't going to let him prove anything so he had to do it himself #and hinata actually showed a LOT of restraint for how he actually is imo #he accepted washijo's decision so easily. i think he knew in a way. that he wouldn't have been accepted #but he had to try SOMETHING bc he wasn't getting anywhere with everyone else!!!! #and my heart breaks whenever i think about taking suga taking kageyama's part in the early part of the story #about them not needing to try anything new or do anything risky so close to the tournament #hinata was so fucking shackled and that's why brazil was so good for him #it gave him a chance to grow into himself #ALSO EVERYONE KEEPS ACTING SURPRISED WHEN HE GETS BETTER AND BETTER WHEN THAT'S ALL HE EVER WANTED HELLO #hinata shouyou #haikyuu #haikyuu!! #haikyuu meta #sou says stuff

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Hi!! I love this series so much, and as someone who hasn’t really drawn since they were a kid but wants to start as a hobby, do you have any advice for sort of learning to doodle on paper and get better at it? I want to start but I don’t really know how/where

The most important step in getting better at any skill is Persistence and Consistency. Practice and keep practicing! The best way to do that is to keep it fun! Picking a project helps generate ideas (e.g. drawing Pokémon, or characters from a series you like). There are also a ton of monthly prompt lists out there!

I also highly recommend scheduling in a 'drawing/practice' time in your day. For me, I started with 30-60 min before bed (bonus: its a good 'no screentime' activity), and the habit took root there.

There are a lot of 'technical' things to study but find the fun first. At a certain point you will discover you've hit a wall, and have a specific aspect/goal you want to target (colour theory, anatomy, lighting, comic layout). Then it's time to go looking for resources.

Once you have the habit and some goals, go collect some inspiration! Find people who inspire you and study their work!

Another little 'art skill builder' I recommend is the Shrimp Method! Only if you find technical challenges like this fun though (Example of one of my studies below)

#art faqs #TL;DR: Step 1 is 'Just start drawing'. Step 2 is 'Keep on drawing'. Step 3 is 'Hit a wall and start studying only as much as you want' #Step 4: keep it fun and keep drawing. #I think this is where artists who start young have the advantage over adult learners #because adults try to tackle art at the technical point first! #AND THAT JUST FEELS LIKE A CHORE!! #When I got into piano & string instruments I started by just doodling around. Banging out the tunes and experimenting. #The low pressure made it fun! I started lessons because I wanted to learn more! #I personally own quite a few art textbooks! Some are workbook/prompt-based (to help me get started) #and some are actual textbooks! But I certainly didn't start by reading a textbook. #I *highly* recommend Scott McCloud's 'understanding comics' for anyone trying to get into comics #its also a comic in of itself so its a fun read! It breaks down a lot of the key aspects of what's in a comic. #And tbh you don"t HAVE to trace for the shrimp method to work. Just take the time to do a study of a subject! #Good luck on your art journey! B*)

[lollytea]

Huntlow situationship gives me such intense brain termites you don't get it

#no i dont think its because Hunter needs time to heal first #i think if it was up to Hunter they would plunge into a committed romantic relationship immediately after the events of the finale #he would propose to her in like. 3 months probably #i know that sounds intense but i think this is what ''i literally died and came back to life'' mania does to a guy #he is so carpe diem minded hes become a little insane. he wants everything #no more waiting around. no more hesitating. he cant afford to do that anymore #would it have been the wise decision to enter a romantic relationship immediately #who's to say. but Hunter would have done it without thinking about it #its Willow that makes the decision to slow down and wait a while before they make any committments theyre not ready for #i dont think she's entirely learned her lesson about letting herself be emotionally reliant every once in a while #shes made progress but the events of ftf were such heat of the moment responses #once things are semi-stable she still needs to adapt to acknowledging that her feelings for Hunter are like. serious. and scarily intense #so like. yea Willow is slamming her pedals on the breaks for both their sakes. shes thinking about how this would effect Hunter too #but also. she scawwed. #when Willow tells him she wants to talk and she's like ''i think we should just be friends'' oh the face he makes is DEVASTATED #he didnt expect it was going in this direction at all. but like. once Willow explains how this is the most reasonable decision for now #he DOES agree. he understands what shes saying and he agrees that it's the best decision to take a breather before they jump into a romance #anyway even when theyre not officially dating the flirting continues insistently. they are very obsessed with each other and cant stop #Willow keeps trying to insist to herself that its just messing around. nothing serious. they find each other hot. its fine to kiss a little #but Hunter makes it very hard when he looks at her with big brown labrador eyes. looks at her like shes the entire world #i think if it was up to Willow they would have been trapped in that uncertain limbo forever. shes too scared to take the plunge #even if she wants to. she badly wants to #but Hunter just wont let that happen. every so often he says ''im ready whenever you are'' #he makes his intentions very known. he is not the shy boy from Camila's house anymore #Willow cant just playfully flirt with him without worrying that hes gonna reciprocate. he talks now. he expresses himself #shes a little afraid of that. but she adores it too. he makes her feel safe but also he wont let her stay in this comfort zone #hes giving her the push she needs to pursue this relationship. gives her to push to feel like she can go after what she wants #because god knows HE knows what he wants #they make me so insane

[azuree1733]

DC I SWEAR TO GOD 😭

#they better not make these two get together #didn’t they learn their lesson with Talia #i get he has mommy issues but he really doesn’t have to get with his older brothers ex’s and his fathers ex’s #I don’t even care if there’s some manipulative plot reasoning #STOP #leave him alone 😭😭 #dc I’m begging you to let Jason leave the batfam #he doesn’t even have to leave the family he can just show up sometimes if there’s big problems #let him be free and have a personality #he can be a mercenary somewhere #like they are trying to hard to keep his ass involved #we love him but no ❤️ #batman vs catwoman #batman #dc comics #jason todd #dc #robin #red #catwoman #gotham war #gotham #art #red hood #comicart #dick grayson #Gotham war is so stupid #grrrrrr

[stiltonbasket]

lxc meets xiao-yu and is ☆:.｡.o(≧▽≦)o.｡.:☆? tiny nephew? tiny adorable nephew who loves cuddles and snacks?

Lan Xichen, fifteen years earlier: A-Yuan, what if I gave you a snack?

Tiny A-Yuan, LWJ in miniature: I'm not supposed to have too many sweets. *gets cuddles instead*

Lan Xichen, present day: *without much hope* A-Yu, what if I gave you a snack?

Tiny Xiao-Yu: >:3!!!!

#asks #lan xichen #lan sizhui #lan xiaohui #the secret behind this is...lxc is not a good cook #he has TRIED to make things that are not red-bean buns #and he keeps trying #but it has...never worked out #xiao-yu however does not learn his lesson and keeps trying the ruined snacks

[ironinkpen]

I just have a lot of Big Feelings about the fact that Leo and Raph, on their first Real Serious Missions as Leaders (the movie and Bug Busters, respectively), both mess up in almost identical ways

They both ignore their brother’s advice to be more cautious (Raph ignores Leo’s warnings about Big Mama, Leo ignores Raph’s warnings to take things more seriously), have to then be bailed out by said brother (Leo saves the team from being thrown into the Battle Nexus, Raph saves Leo from getting impaled), get Donnie and Mikey captured/almost killed (trapped in the Battle Nexus, crushed in the Turtle Tank), lose an important item to villains (the oozequitos and the key) that releases monsters into the world (the mutants and the Kraang), and nearly get their brother killed (Leo gets thrown off a skyscraper, Raph gets taken over by the Kraang).

But then they both own up to their mistakes, unlock their powers, and save each other. Raph throws himself off that roof right after Leo without even thinking of his own life, and Leo throws down his weapons knowing Kraang!Raph might kill him. Because they love each other, are willing to die for each other, and now get what it means to be responsible for the team’s lives after seeing just how easily they can lose each other.

Rise said “the only way to truly understand leadership is to almost kill the one guy who’s looking out for you” and it hits me hard every time

#rottmnt #rise of the tmnt #leo #raph #god i just. love parallels #raph was just as goofy and careless as leo at the beginning of the show #he was just a kid playing hero #but then leo gets thrown off a roof and it hits him that his brothers could DIE if he's not careful #and we see him getting more and more responsible over the course of the show #the movie is raph trying to keep leo from making the same mistakes he did #but ultimately leo has to learn that lesson the hard way #because it's one thing to be told you're responsible for people #and another thing to really REALIZE it #leo isn't being uniquely stubborn or stupid #he's just a kid who's still riding the high of beating their worst enemy #and who gets uncomfortable with serious conversations #why stress out when they could stack pizza? #they both need to almost kill their brother to fully grasp their new responsibility #and become what their family needs #and i'm gonna cry about it forever goodbye

[alilsakurablossom]

sometimes I think about valjean owning a little bookshop and then I smile :)

#javert who is a regular customer who keeps complaining about the books valjean recommends but he just wants to see valjean #valjean who also does free tutoring lessons for kids who need a little extra help learning how to read #combeferre and jehan also work there #so does cosette #cosette who also jelps with the store marketing and branding #i was also tjinking a little cafe attached to rhe bookstore #or maybe a little bakery #jean valjean #les mis #les miserables #just had the thought of r trying to find fhis book tjay enj mentioned once

[nobodysdaydreams]

I have a crack fic vision of Curtain living in the Benedict house where he’s relieved Nicholas is alive and happy to be living with his new family, but he then he starts getting bored and doing supervillain schemes™️ again.

He doesn’t want to hurt his family or anything, but he is still, driven by his own curiosity and lust for power and success, very tempted to do a few little semi-unethical science things from time to time.

And then it almost becomes a family game where whenever something suspicious starts happening, the question is not “did Uncle Nate have something to do with this?” but rather “What did that idiot do this time?” (/semi-affectionate).

#Nathaniel keeps building new secret lairs into the Benedict house that keep getting discovered #Every time the kids catch him Nicholas wags his finger and makes Nathaniel clean up the mess but still refuses to kick his brother out #And Nathaniel is like “ok fine. I learned my lesson” but they all know he’s just gonna try something else next time #Nathaniel has to do their chores as punishment for when they catch him do semi-unethical science #nathaniel benedict #nicholas benedict #mbs #tmbs #the mysterious benedict society #mysterious benedict society #mbs disney #tmbs disney

[damistrolls]

i decided to redraw this piece since its been a year and a half and like...... wow the difference is crazy

#art #sicklefin #lyydia #im not loving the colors but futzing with them only makes it worse #i keep trying to color on my ipad and it just does not work as well as on the computer #i need 2 learn my lesson already

[freakadr0id]

Anyone want another Tang screenshot redraw? No? Too bad, you’re getting one anyway.

(Minor S4 Special Spoilers under the cut)

Now that the season 4 special has officially released in English I finally get to share this. I’ve had this in my back pocket since I was spoiled from the China release and I’m happy to finally share it. I just love our resident nerd boy so much. I’m obsessed with his new fluffy hair and, I swear to god, if they don’t let him keep it I’m going to riot.

#lego monkie kid #lmk tang #monkie kid #HE’S SO PRETTY I LOVE HIM #LOOK AT THE FLOOF #HIS HAIR GOES POOF #I’m holding onto the hope that they’ll let him keep the hair #it seems stupid to give him a whole new haircut for all of like #8 minutes of screen time #then never use it again #ESPECIALLY WHEN HE LOOKS SO AMAZING WITH IT #I’m not as happy with this one as I was with the last Tang redraw #but whatever #I realized like halfway through coloring this that I fucking hated the brush I used for line art but eh #lesson learned #I’m just trying to improve one step at a time #lego monkie kid spoilers #lego monkie kid season 4 spoilers #lego monkie kid season 4 special spoilers #lego monkie kid s4 special spoilers #spoilers #monkie kid spoilers #monkie kid season 4 spoilers #monkie kid season 4 special spoilers #monkie kid s4 special spoilers #monkie kid s4 spoilers

[obstinatecondolement]

Catching up on Quantum Leap, because I dropped the ball after the S1 mid-season finale last year and S2 is like five episodes in now, and oh my god... bawling my fucking eyes out at the episode about the trans high school athlete in season one.

The QL reboot doesn't centre around on individual episodes being focused on social issues in the same way the original show was, for the most part, which I think does work because it can avoid the implication of a person who is not part of a particular group coming in to take over a marginalised person's life and save them from a tragedy resulting from bigotry they face that they otherwise wouldn't have been able to save themselves from. And even without being About social justice, it's still moving the needle forward in that the show is very diverse in its ensemble cast in a way that is so seamless that I didn't notice for several episodes when I started watching it that there are no white male recurring characters.

But I do sometimes miss the focus on social justice of the original show and how it didn't lean away from social injustice as a show where time travel was the main conceit and... oh boy. This fucking episode. Tears. Non-stop tears. I don't think there was an episode in the original show that hit me this close to home, but Jesus Christ. This one got me right where I live.

I was obviously never an out trans kid on a sports team who faced that specific kind of harassment and who was turned into a hot button issue in a culture war when all I wanted was to be on a team with other kids, but in some ways having not been out as a kid made the scenes where Gia's peers loved her and accepted her hit all the harder. I wish we all got to be happy, normal kids. I wish none of us had to go through what trans kids—out, or stealth, or closeted, or questioning or not even aware we were trans yet—went through in the past and what they are going through right now. I want Ben Song to be all of our dad 😭

#I think making ben leap into the dad was absolutely the call here #especially since the ultimate lesson gia's parents had to learn was that even though they accepted her and helped her access care and be ou #trying to keep her safe by controlling her and what she could do was making what they were trying to protect her from worse #ben wasn't a put into a trans kid's shoes to save them from a tragic death #creating the implication that they couldn't save themselves because they weren't as smart as him #and that with no knowledge of their life he was able to step in and fix it when they couldn't #instead he was her parent: trying his best and figuring it out as he went and not always getting it right #I fucking love this show #quantum leap

[phoenixcatch7]

Love how LBH bonded with all the Batkids. And being technologically illiterate. The protagonist halo is not helping for once XD! But it’s ok, he can always go to SQQ for help UWU. Also, yes, I would like to hear more about Batman! SQQ cross dressing for infiltration purposes 👀 👀.

All the protagonist halo in the world can't make you technologically literate lol.

*slams hands together* SO! I had this thought a couple days ago that there is a lot of things sqq would have mastered by living in an alternate pidw, archery and painting and music and horse riding and hair care and all sorts, but most importantly - wife plot/gay idiots hunt demons plot starters. A lot of fanfic and heist movies and adult 'coming of ages' and all sorts LOVE crossdressing as a trope, and I I do love me a good oblivious gender queer sqq!

He has 100% had to infiltrate a brothel or club or gathering or acted as demon bait at some point in his long life, and with his already lean and pretty figure, his own appearance perfectionist tendencies for the role of sqq, and his husband's refusal to let him out the house looking anything less than stunning, he's put a good effort and practice into it. Nanda parbat (or the other places he studied) is also well versed in disguise as a job. Canonically he uses stage makeup to create other identities, most famously matches malone. SO! By all logic batman would be EXCELLENT at disguising as a woman!

Also in this au I headcanon that cultivators are rarely super muscled, with agility and flexibility also being very important. Think more swimmers and barbarian and lumberjack builds - the muscle isn't for show at all, but some can lift more than the body builders twice their size! Unfortunately for sqq, system demands an imposing presence, and so he fills the bats suit out with fake padding and extra armour and tech. He tucks his long hair in the cowl. It helps emphasise the difference between Bruce Wayne and Batman, and the first time Jason saw him undress after patrol he thought batman was peeling his own skin off lol.

And what that means is he is completely unbothered when a pair of women are needed to infiltrate a club to gather information, and wonder woman is the only one free. She gamely volunteers to go herself, but is vetoed on grounds of safety and efficiency. So then the solution is Martian manhunter but he's off world.

So batman volunteers.

He's met with confusion and disbelief, and for good reason?? He's huge! Buff! Deep voice! Aloof! Batman is a very manly man!

But no, he can do it, are you doubting that he can't? It's fine.

Diana is very excited. Also very curious. Sure, there are amazonians bigger than him, but he is very much a guy and they're not going to a place known for inclusivity.

But despite their misgivings they set a time and place.

And as they're talking, waiting for batman to arrive, a bombshell of a woman walks past. Long dark hair, boobs peeking out of a window, glittery earrings, six inch heels, long and painted nails, big puffy jacket, trousers that flare at the knees, the whole works.

She walks past them again a minute later, and stops. Greets them with a low and sultry voice.

It's batman. Wtf.

Sqq rather thinks he's done a good job with the outfit. The trousers hide his calves, fake boobs are so much more realistic in the modern era, he took his voice changer out. Makeup changes his whole face. He's got contacts and brush through hair due so he doesn't look like Bruce Waynes sister. His voice probably sounds a bit funny but it's close enough! It'll pass!

The group of veteran heroes are choking on their tongues. Diana is delighted.

It's still early days for the league, they're still feeling each other out, seeing if they can trust each other with matters outside of heroism.

For Clark, it's the first of many existential crises.

#Sqq absolutely has a boudoir for this btw #He goes through so much makeup on a daily basis to keep batman and Bruce looking as separate as possible #Besides he's a cultivator! Rich and gorgeous and classy! Both the bamboo house and demon Palace have a huge dressing table defy me on that #Superman was supposed to be the main check in during this mission waiting outside #He spends most of it trying not to stare. Even if batman wasn't aware of it its rude!! #But he likes Lois! Just because batman looks like a girl now... But wonder woman? He's not too bothered about?? #Nowhere Kansas is not the place to learn the intricacies of gender expression but it's fiiiiiine as soon as the mission is over it'll go #(spoiler alert: it doesn't) #It's the succubus rose pool mission v.2. Poor guy. Never stood a chance. #Batman!sqq au #batman #svsss #shen qingqiu #bingqiu #bruce wayne #And yes Diana has a group female disguise lesson planned for after they learn each others identities #Ahhhh anon ur the best

[sysig]

Hey! For requestober, would you please draw something cute with Jake and Scriabin (once Scri gets his own body)? Maybe in a Wish Fulfilment kind of AU where Jake sticks around for Edgar/Scri? I just love the idea of a setting where they get to really meet and have it go well, esp after reading Scri's reaction to Jake in Convalescence. <3 If Edgar was involved in the piece too, that would be lovely, but I'd really appreciate it with just the two, as well. Thanks so much!

Day 1 - Satisfaction

#Requestober #My art #Vargas #Jake #Edgar #Scriabin #Hey <3 Hey anon <3 <3 You made me think about this a lot how dare you <3 <3 <3 #It's a little funny 'cause I have actually written Scriabin and Jake interacting After but I reworked it for Before for various reasons #So actually stopping to think about it for more than .2 seconds suddenly exploded my brain lol thanks for that #This was a pretty fun one to scribble down ♪ #I did try to think of something with just Scriabin and Jake but I really couldn't imagine them without Edgar at least supervising lol #I know Scriabin kissed him Convalescence but for a ''first'' meeting that seemed like a bit much lol #Scriabin has just as many reasons to be very familiar with Jake as he does to be cautious of meeting up IRL haha #Learning his lesson? Hardly ♪ #Having his own body really changes the dynamic hhh he's not just moving through Edgar now ♥ #So yeah I'm interested in this concept a lot now lol thanks #Oh yeah and keep an eye out for the VLH reblog - there'll be a bonus

[ceph-the-ghost-writer]

Writing Log Aug. 23

This seems like a fun and neat habit that the more responsible writblrs I follow have. So let's give it a shot.

Word Count Roundup

Apophenia Rewrite Attempt #1: 10,521 (like 3k more than the original! :O)

Phagophobia Rough Draft: 39,714

The Primrose Path: 7,291

Target(s) of the Week

Finish sketching out final chapters of Phagophobia

Write a little bit of Primrose Path. Something. Anything. It's been too long.

Some spoiler-y rambles for Apophenia/Phagophobia under the cut

What I naively believed would be just a little polishing or adding a few scenes to Apophenia has completely changed the entire story. Oops. This isn't a bad thing, mind you. It just means there was a lot more work to be done than anticipated.

Renato's motivations have been the biggest driving force behind all the changes. Ever since he stopped just wanting to drink Isaac dry I've had to come up with a lot more complex worldbuilding and personal history. His cruelty towards Isaac in the rewrite comes from his job as one of the Unseen Hand's thugs. As does his guilt when he realizes he grabbed the wrong agent.

This revelation is rapidly setting in on Part 5 of Apophenia. After escaping from the shapechanging ouroboros, the boys have holed up in a motel room while Renato calls for backup. Which is where my outline went careening off course yet again. Rather than let Isaac go for various reasons (one of them being so Apophenia can link up with what I'd written for Phagophobia), Renato has decided to hold on to Agent Soto. It looks like they'll be going on a messed up roadtrip a lot sooner than expected.

Which means most of Phagophobia is moot. I mean, the general shape of some events will remain (Kinslayer showing up to bail Renato out, Renato going to Dorian for help, etc.). But pretty much everything is going to have to be redone. Again, not a bad thing. I can already see a lot of ways this will improve the story.

In light of all this, I've gone ahead and replaced the next chapter or two of Phagophobia with simple explanations in brackets. I simply don't want to spend time on writing out scenes I don't have clear motivations for. However, I am writing the final scenes of the story. While these may completely change in the future as well, I think the general concept is solid enough to give it a try. Anyway, I'd like to at least say I brought Phagophobia to some type of conclusion before continuing with any more rewriting.

Or outlining rather. Which, if you couldn't tell, I'm terrible at.

Anyway, have the first tidbit of that final scene.

They took him out to the woods to die. Isaac wondered if it was meant as an extra layer of cruelty or just the most practical place to murder somebody. Maybe a little of both, he decided. Zamora sat with him in the backseat, gun in her lap, while Quinn drove. The sound system remained off. Nobody talked, not even to gloat. Isaac wished he could come up with some last words. An epitaph that would haunt them forever. Empty fantasies, of course. At best, the enforcers believed they were doing the Coven, the world, a favor. At worst, they just didn’t care. No matter where their reasoning fell, he was trash to them. Something to be buried and never thought about again. So, he stared out the window at the dark trees flashing by and didn’t waste his final breaths. “Seatbelt.” Isaac started at the voice. His eyes darted to Zamora, then Quinn, but neither were looking at him. He tugged on the strap across his chest. The connection point. Both secure.

#writblr #writing process #dysthanasia #all I can do is keep trying #I'm bound to learn my lesson someday #maybe

[craycraybluejay]

If I wanted to, I could, and worse, you would let me

#and my delusions and aches need healing #and i need you #to love me enough for me not to want to force my love on you #and my rational mind wherever it is knows you do it knows it does #it knows #but. the irrational mind wants some kind of Proof #it wants to force to feed to get inside and look around #nothings ever enough for me i want inside #soft and warm like the womb #you know it #the sick me wants you to somehow prove everything ever #proof of love. proof that im not the only monster. proof of protection of care of empathy of trust of acceptance #its never enough but to be fair you and i both know who made me this way #of course there were many but there are catalysts and then there are nothing-people #prove it to me #i look at you and i feel like youre slipping away someone else has their guts on you someone else has convinced you they are worth your tim #but theyre pathetic and not poetic about it. weak and spineless. they USE YOU to make themselves look strong they USE YOU to talk shit at t #they are useless so they use you like me. and i know i cannot rush it cannot learn your lessons for you #i can't convince you of whats dangrous or cruel until you live it until it breaks your golden heart #but i wish i could protect you from all that somehow #and too i wish a million years would pass and you were as dark as me and as kind as you #its selfish but i hate to see you truly hurt i hate it. it makes me so violently angry. my brain turns off i cant help it #you hurt so Easy you're so very soft but every tiny cruelty that hurts you i want to completely erase off this earth #i dont care if its alive if its helpless if it doesnt know better i dont care if it didnt mean to all i want to do is prove to you show you #keep you safe and cared for #its irrational. i'd put away honour and hurt someone weaker than me if it made you happy if it made you feel safe #i wish i could eliminate the real threat but i cant im trying #you make me crazy and you make me feel normal and simple and human. i know everything about you-- i want to know more #my irrational brain doesn't even register accepted right and wrong only what it considers significant and important. my rational brain read #it like a million page rulebook. be normal be good don't hurt anyone don't get dead don't act before you think