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#let me post it before i change my mind abt it tho
bones-of-a-rabbit · 1 year
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pov ur nervous abt ur new job but feel a little better when u think ur coworkers will be nice and friendly but then they aren’t and it sends u on a downward spiral bc ur just quirky like that
A retelling of ‘oh my god. You hated me. You’ve hated me this whole time.’, taken in a DIFFERENT mental-illnesses-go-brrr direction! Continued below the cut,
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Haha yikessss! That’s cringy! I’m surprised you’ve scrolled down this far! Mostly I’ve been hoping people would see the first bit of this post and go ‘oh hell nah’ and pretend like it didn’t just plague their innocent mind with the knowledge that self insert cringe of this level still exists! So congrats! I’ve committed many crimes and you’re here to witness them
To answer some question you might have:
Who is that???: SURPRISE IT’S NOT VANNY!!! that is Babbit! Or Rabbit, or Bones, whichever you prefer. It’s a self insert of me!
Why are they a rabbit one second then a person the next?? Are those even supposed to be the same character??: Yes, they are the same person, just drawn in different ways! Why they change is a little more difficult to explain bc it,, depends, honestly sjdhdjd. A lot of the time, the rabbit is like,, an inner version, the more honest and vulnerable version of Rabbit, the ‘you’ that YOU see in your own mind. The regular human version is, normally, what the world sees, the actual, physical person that is Rabbit.
But why tho: Idk I just like weird stupid metaphors and weird wonky character designs!
What’s happening??: Rabbit has a job at the daycare! Rabbit is an anxious, stressed out and socially inept person who worries a lot about what other people think! Sun and Moon dislike them, bc this was inspired by some of those AUs where Sun and Moon are just mean for no good reason LMAO. Rabbit is crushed by this bc they thought Sun and Moon, who are PROGRAMMED and DESIGNED to be likeable and friendly and caring, would HAVE to like them!! It’s their job! It’s what they’re supposed to do! It’s what they’re built for: to like people and to be liked by people! To be disliked by them means there is something so fundamentally and ineffably wrong with them that it breaks the laws of physics- at least in Rabbit’s mind. Before they could disregard everyone who disliked them as people being people and them just having a disliked personality! But to be disliked by something designed to like people? Holy mothballs, bat man, you must be REAL KINDS of fucked up!
They think there is something so wrong with them that even the ones who like everyone do not like them, and it is THEIR FAULT that they are disliked, not anyone else’s- not even Sun and Moon’s. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. And it hurts more when Sun and Moon fake being kind and friendly under a heavy layer of passive aggression. So, at the end of their rope and believing there is nothing that can be done to help them or fix their situation, they start to loathe Sun and Moon and start to lash out at them whenever feeling especially slighted. Is this reasonable? No! Does it make them feel better? Absolutely not!!! Do Sun and Moon deserve it??? No not really!!! And the farther it goes the more Rabbit let’s themselves sink into being as bitter and hurtful as they always tried so hard not to be. And it’s not anyone’s job to fix them but theirselves. But right now, for the first time in a long time, they really don’t want to.
Does Rabbit actually just need a hug and a warm blanket???? Idk probably!!!!
This is a self insert????: Yup!
So this is based off you??: Unfortunately!
Does that mean-: haha!!!!!!!!! Don’t worry about it!!!!!! :) Next question!
Most people’s fantasies are about their faves liking them, yknow: Haha yeah!
Why did you even make this: I’m going to pretend like I’m not just completely nuts and say, it helps me process my feelings and also ✨catharsis✨
Do you want to talk: HAHA no definitely not this is embarrassing enough as is!!!!!!
U good?: Yes actually! Just weird! Sorry sjdgdjshdnvdndbdhd
Why are you sharing this: idk tbh maybe validation on some weird fucked up level lmao
Anyway thank u for ur time and I apologize for the death of so many of ur brain cells. Idk why ur still here but holy shit man idk if I should be proud of u or scared of u. I’m mentally giving u a gold ribbon tho congrats on,, reading this abomination of a post ig
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wormswurld · 2 months
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hey dude! i love love love your posts! I dont wanna come across as pushy or anything but i loved the ftm oliver headcanons, and i would love to see how felix helps him and such! Not to mention, i know a lot of people love asshole felix, but I physically cannot get over sweet and loving felix oml its amazing!! thank u sm!! 🩷🩷
you're not pushy at all!! i've actually been meaning to write more ftm ollie but ive been so swamped w schoolwork and different asks / projects etc but i got u!! also sweet love-y dovey felix is my fave felix, he is a big sweetie when it comes to his ollie 😇💖 !!!!!!!!!!!
- after felix finds out abt ollie being trans everything goes pretty smoothly! he helps ollie w his t-shots, bandging him up and disposing of the needles in the sharps bin etc,, tho one time ollie forgets to take his t-shot and he gets his period and he feels Awful... absolutely isolating himself from felix and hiding in his room as felix, fairleigh, and venetia enjoy the hot summers sun outside of his window...he just feels too dysphoric to go out of his way to talk to anyone let alone felix (the literal love of his life he came out to yet still feels obligated to keep him uninformed abt the things that happen to him etc...)
- soon enough felix has enough of being shut out by ollie so he goes to confront him but he finds ollie curled in a ball on the bathroom floor :( poor ollie is probably crying as he grips at his stomach his cramps are unbelievably painful and he feels so stupid that he forgot to take his shot,, obviously being worried felix instantly rushes to ollie's side, petting his hair and softly hushing him as he inquires what's wrong..."oh ollie, ollieollieollie what's wrong mate, you okay? you hurt?" and all ollie can do is nod his head as he just clutches his stomach harder curling more and more into himself until he is fully in fetal position..."hey, what is it? what's hurting ollie, can you show me?" and ollie just mutters out the words "period" and felix completely understands,, he's grown up around venetia so hes definitely semi-well versed in this sort of thing
- opening his mouth to then quickly close it felix nods his head in silent agreement "right, right, yeah" he says now rubbing small circles on the small of ollie's back, he's seen his mom do this to venetia all the time whenever she would have her cramps so he figured this could do the trick, at least in this very moment...."okay ollie, im gonna run and get some things from venetia i'll be right back okay? i'll just be a second mate" and felix plants a little kiss atop ollie's head as he quickly sprints out of the bathroom, loud footsteps being heard as he makes his away around the house,, soon after he comes back to the bathroom holding two large boxes of pads & tampons in one arm and 5 different kinds of pain medications in the other. and ollie can do is smile because he's never had anyone care about him like this. "i didn't know which ones you used... o-or if one was better than the other so i just brought the whole cabinet with me" felix chuckles as he sits down, now situating the items he brought with him next to ollie's curled up form
- "i-is this okay? i can always go run back and get-" and felix just gets cut off by ollie throwing his once curled arms around felix's middle holding him as tight as he could as if this might be the last time he'll ever see felix again,, and ollie just starts to cry because his hormones are going crazy but seeing felix so caring and eager to help him makes his heart melt !!!!! hes never experienced love like this before and its so new and foreign to him he doesn't know how to react !!!!! but its as if felix read his mind because he starts to caress ollie's wet cheek, slowly prying him away from his damp shirt so he could hold him in his lap..."ollie, its okay, you're okay with me yeah? this doesn't make me think any less of you alright? you're still my ollie, my boy, and nothing's gonna change that" and felix just brushes ollie's tears away before softly kissing him on the lips.
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ourflagmeansgayrights · 5 months
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ofmd s2e4 rewatch where i pause to jot down my thoughts and other random shit
it's been a busy week since last thursday and shit's only gonna get busier for me after tomorrow so hopefully i can get through these two episodes out before i go to bed lol!!! anyway once again these posts are just me rambling so i can process the insane amount of information in these episodes and if u want to read them too that's fine.
s2e1, s2e2, s2e3, s2e4, s2e5, s2e6, s2e7, s2e8
rip everyone who wanted homoerotic sword fighting in the gentebeard reunion. have a headbutt as a consolation prize.
obsessed with stede holding raw room-temperature meat against his bruised face bc that's not even a little bit how that works. i love this show.
ok so jim saying "he'll probably get around to killing you after he's rested" in response to stede saying ed needs to regain his strength actually gives some pretty good context to why they want ed of the ship so bad. bc they DID fully try to kill ed and now he's here and alive and like. if i were jim i would be pretty worried abt ed holding a grudge abt that.
wont lie stede being like "we dont just banish people, that's not us!" makes me thinkg abt how they fully banished izzy from the ship in e6. i mean technically izzy banished himself on accident but. lol.
also izzy's absence in this scene indicating he is not yet considered part of the entire crew
roach: i need that steak back, it's dinner stede: (pulling the steak away) oh, right fang: maybe let's put the banishment to a vote? stede: (steak back on his face, apparently having forgotten he was literally just about to give the meat to roach) aw do we have to :(
ed chained to the ship is doing. a lot for me. i wont lie.
buttons saying he's been to the gravy basket a few times... how many times has this man almost died??????
it is deeply funny to me that they edit the split second flashback of the drowning and mermaid hallucination to look all creepy as if that whole scene wasn't set to an incredibly sappy 80's love song (said with immense affection)
OBSESSED with stede trying to be like. encouraging to izzy. and being like "he cant hear you he's got no head" about izzy yelling at the ruined figurehead. this fucking dork.
so ive seen ppl talking abt how the crew's in a deadlock abt banishing ed and which ppl they think were pro-banishment and which were against, but the scenes with the crew make it look like everyone's voting for ed to get kicked out. so tbh i think like either of the following interpretations are pretty valid: the crew is split 50/50 on if they should banish ed OR the crew 100% wants to banish ed and stede was gonna try and leverage izzy's vote to try and get more ppl to change their mind. doesnt rlly matter either way tho
also the fact that izzy was the one to keep ed's body is. interesting. the others must've known abt it and helped izzy hide the body in the secret room. but izzy being the one to be like "no we're not throwing him overboard" is. something. no conclusions abt this atm im just rotating this fact in my brain.
i also just have a lot of thoughts abt the mutiny and the fact that like, jim's a trained assassin and the others are also pretty experienced killers and they probably knew they hadn't completely finished the job. and there was plenty of opportunity for them to do something about that. but instead they hid his body and waited for ed to succumb to his injuries. it feels kinda like ed's "technically i outsource the big job" rule. idk. thoughtssss.
frenchie in this scene is so funny bc he seems both actually apologetic abt kicking ed off the ship but also very relieved/vindicated to see him go.
didnt realize olu almost said smthng to ed lol i thought ed was just saying "fuck you" to him for no reason ghfjkghjkfh
"first time i've ever been on this side of a walk of shame" wee john i have so many questions. how many times have you been banished from a ship.
obsessed with archie just being like "way to make this awkward brah." her shitty boss put her life at risk in an attempt to make her and her coworkers kill him in a weird roundabout suicide attempt and her summary of the situation is "well, this is awkward :/"
"shitty sailing with you" sick burn, jim
"you're making it really hard to look up to you, man" LOVE how black pete is still a blackbeard stan. despite everything.
just ONCE i want someone to appreciate roach's sandwiches :(
"dont you want your sammy" STEDE I WOULD DIE FOR YOU
also i disagree with the subtitles here im like 99% sure says "you're no fuckin mermaid" not "you're not a fuckin mermaid" but that's just me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
stede looks SO sad abt not being a mermaid
love how everyone in this episode just sort of nods and is like "yeah okay" every time buttons tells them he's turning into a bird
altho with stede in this scene specifically im convinced that he's just jumping at the chance to follow ed to the island. he was absolutely gonna come up with some shitty excuse to go ashore anyway but it's nice of buttons to give him plausible deniability
i love how much ed hates nature
why do the subtitles say "gyp-" this has been bothering me all week. the line is "like a drifter"
i also love ed's line delivery of "a wolf?"
anyway dumb posts abt the spider tattoo backstory: 1, 2, 3
i love to see ed getting hugs... wish i could give him a hug :(
ok also buttons talking abt the gravy basket made me think ed needed like some sort of spell or smthng to snap out of it but instead it just kinda wore off by the end of the episode (maybe, depends on how you read the whole buttons turning into a bird scene). this is very funny to me for some reason
anne rubbing the cup she's holding against her tit. queen.
stede bonnet idiot dumbfuck moments
i LOVE anne's line delivery of "eddie motherfuckin teeeeach" like yeah that's cj's girl alright. or was cj's girl. who knows.
SECRET HANDSHAKE im cryinggggg. i love them.
stede's voice sounds so weird when he says "i wasn't looking for you" and that's because he's fucking lying through his teeth
LOVE how anne and mary look at each other after the "shipmates" "former" interaction like they are immediately on the same wavelength. and that wavelength is fucking with ed and his ex. they sniffed out a messy relationship dynamic and were like "oh hell yeah we need more of this in our lives"
ed is SO bitchy this whole scene i fucking love it. ed's face when he says "him?" fdhjksgfjhdgkj
ed: whatever 🙄 anne: whatever? 👀 mary: whatever! 😈
wee john getting more goth is so good
drunk izzy rambling at the ship's figurehead is so funny to me tho i miss drunk izzy
ed's crew lady macbeth "out damned spot" moments
i like how there's a goat in the background of this scene in anne and mary's house and it is unexplained and also never seen again.
ed's face after stede says "that's romance" is soooo good this bitch is so pissed. like oh would you have met me at the docs if i peeled the guard's face off instead of just paying him off? is that what fuckin does it for you???? not that it matters bc i dont care. but. cunt.
yeah im just focusing in on all of ed's faces in this scene. "quite the shift going from wearing people's faces to antique collectors" gets ed to freeze in the middle of bringing his drink up to his lips and just kinda stare off into the distance.
"how did you meet" has ed kind of frowning for a split second before stede starts answering and then he rolls his eyes very dramatically and sighs deeply
ed immediately being like "actually i was gonna kill him myself!" trying to undermine stede's meet-cute story. also anne and mary nodding along in complete unison bc this is just normal pirate conversation to them.
~~~
also as someone who has been team "no ed was dead serious abt the plan to steal stede's identity" this was very vindicating for me. it's a bad plan and it doesn't make any sense but logistics literally dont matter in this show. what matters is giving this story the "falling for the mark" trope makes ed's character arc in season 1 that much tastier!!!!
ed and stede going back and forth telling their story i cant fucking wait until theyre happily together telling this story and instead of ed trying to downplay it and ruin the meet-cute-iness of it they're just building on each other and being sappy and adorable
"more like i relented" one of the biggest lies i've ever heard this man say fjhkgjkfdhk
"until he completely boned it" SAY IT. FUCKING SAY IT. SOOOOO TRUE ED.
auauhghgh the beard bit......... crying
THE!!!!! QUIETEST LITTLE "thank you" OF ALL TIME. TIED MAYBE WITH ED SAYING "thank you" AFTER "i think you're very sophisticated" IN 1.05
i dont blame stede for trying to get ed to open up right after that bc that was the first bone ed's thrown stede's way since he woke up. unfortunately ed is not in the mood to talk abt his near-death experience and mermaid hallucination sequence.
LOVE anne's little gesture when she says "rabbit" and the little hip cocking
stede being like "uhhhh we could leave" during the knifeplay exhibitionism moment
i giggle every time at the way the crew is instantly like "fuck closing our eyes we're doing any fucking surprises"
ngl idgw the crew yelled abt the piñata reveal. but ok
loooove stede's half of the crew just blowing past all the screaming and tension from ed's half. jim screams "STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!!!" abt the blindfold and roach is like "you won't want to stay the fuck away from this caaaake!" like roach fdhsjfgdhfjkghkj read the room?????
i love how much stede just. completely misses all of annie's flirting
ed coughing during the blunt session i love himmmmm
ok but ed's trying to be like "im totally over stede i dont even like him" and then ed reminiscing fondly with a distant smile abt the 1.06 stabbing scene
"and that was the... second time you left your wife?" underrated line
love how annie's been all quiet and seductive and then when she goes to make her move she's just like "WOUND THIS" and aggressively sits in stede's lap
also ok. "they're gonna be so jealous" is that annie talking abt ed and mary or is that annie using they/them pronouns for mary.
BUTTONS JUMPSCARE
also i love how they have that one medusa painting just. in their kitchen. im obsessed with the interior decor of this lesbian antique store that annie and mary live in
the way she's so touched by the poisoning attempt hjfgfjksghskjhgjkh
buttons being like "aahhhhhh do i give her... this bowl......????" fhjkghkfsjhk
"yeah, babe" TEALORANGES WIN
im honestly sad izzy's pathetic wet beast moment only really went for like three tiny scenes in one episode bc this shit was so funny to me. crawling away saying "you're born alone you die alone" over and over again. sir what are you even doing.
god buttons in this episode is so fucking funny bc i keep forgetting he's there. also why is he even there. like was he even invited to dinner or did he just sit down and annie and mary were like "oh ok i uh. guess we'll go make another plate??"
ed's face after buttons says the bit abt "i can tell this rabbit was intelligent" is soooo funny why is he so fucking pissed fdhsjkgyjdfkghjk
NO WAIT HE'S PISSED BC THAT WAS HIS FRIEND. THAT WAS HIS FRIEND THE WOLF HE WAS TELLING HIS SECRETS. NOW IM KINDA SAD :(:(:(
stede talking abt the sea when what he's actually talking abt is ed part 2 electric boogaloo
ed very calmly. standing up. and smashing the chair. im obsessed with him.
stede bonnet stupid dumbass moments
IMPROMPTU BLANKET FORT TIME
ed's voice is so quiet at the start of this scene he's not even yelling at stede until stede says "it's not fair" ohhhhhh my babygirl is so fucking sad........
"you ditching me without a note or anything" ed's literacy confirmed
"expecting me to just melt back into your arms" eddie my man. stede has not given literally any indication that he expected this at all. you are telling on yourself fhdjskghfkjshd
this scene is so fucking good i barely have anything to say abt it. just. u can rlly tell david jenkins wrote this ep himself lolll
"i was all in, mate. i was all in." IM SOBBING
oh nooooo i forgot that ed's line delivery of "im sorry my horrible naked chin disgusts you so much" isnt actually as sarcastic as the words itself make it seem. like it feels like ed wanted to say that all angrily and bitter but instead he just sounds sadddddd
ok ok but the way stede says "i love your chin naked or otherwise" and then after a pause (during which ed is keeping INCREDIBLY still bc u know otherwise he's just gonna burst into tearssss) stede whispers "ed" and ed is immediately like "don't" and then. stede going in for the "i love you" but like the way he's so slow with it?? he's literally like "i. love." and idk if it's bc he's trying to make this as clear as possible or if he's giving ed enough time to cut him off if he doesn't want to hear it
and ed DOES he DOES cut him off with "you don't get to say that to me" and he like. keeps glancing at stede out of the corner of his eye but not quite looking at him directly bc he knowwwwws it's like staring into the sun baby and ed knows if he looks at stede's face it's literally all over.
but also ed's face after stede pivots to "i love everything about you" he's SO pissed. he quietly groans and rolls his eyes bc this bitch. finding stupid loopholes to not being allowed to say "i love you." fuck this guy ed hates him so fucking much (lying)
oooooh when stede says "you don't have to say it back to me" ed's mouth opens and closes a bit before "not about to" bc this man is trying. SO hard not to cry (so am i but it's not working sorry there are tears on my face right now)
idk idk idk smthng abt "it's nice. feels good." makes me hurt so fucking bad bc the entire time since ed's woken up stede's been getting headbutted and snarked at passive-aggressively but stede's still like "i love being near you it makes me happy :)" brb i need. a fucking moment.
honestly tho how did annie and mary even overhear that bit bc they were on the other side of the room and stede was whispering SO quietly. opposite of when ppl in this show dont hear things despite the things being said like two feet away from them (1.03 geraldo and jackie talking abt how blackbeard was looking for stede, 2.01 zheng saying the indigo was worth way more than she spent on it)
LOVE how anne being like "stede likes the ladies" is how ed figures out "ohhhh wait ok theyre just fucking with us, got it" bc this guy??? liking women????? lmao
this also HAS to be why he gets over mary like his brain mustve gone "wait hang on why the fuck would he go back to her he doesn't even like women. guess maybe he really did panic huh" hdjksghfckghkjsh
obsessed with these TINY tiny details abt the ed/jack/annie/mary polycule dynamics we're given. ed would've expected as much from annie bc she's a fucking psycho. mary apparently used to not be like this. im putting the pieces together im connecting the dots.
ed and stede's knowing smug looks at each other. im obsessed.
annie being rlly sensitive to the word "bitch" im considering that more hints abt the polycule backstory
yayy fanny newspaper
"really? i mean she stabbed you, you poisoned her, and then she jumped on my face" stede this is all part of their very elaborate and deeply toxic sex life ok stop kinkshaming them
~~~
curious if ed and stede are too distracted by mary spelling out their worst fears to comment on all the smoke coming into the room
"everything must go" like a fucking clearance sale. this is such a silly line. this is a silly show. i love it here.
WHY DONT THEY MAKE OUT SLOPPY STYLE HERE THO
wait are they crying while they hug??? bro these girls are so fucking messy i love them
ed saying "see you guys" before he leaves them in their burning house. i would die for him
ok team arts and craft time while making a prosthetic for izzy. obsessed with how the b plot of this episode is literally "the crew struggles to get along but they eventually set aside their differences and work together when they realize there's someone even more cringe and pathetic than any of them"
"YOU ARE!!! HARASSING A CRIPPLE!!!!!!" is suchhhh a funny line im sorry im gonna miss izzy at his lowest fhsjkhjksf. literally they just knocked on the door my dude calm downnnn
obsessed with izzy being genuinelly touched and expressing it by saying "fucking cocksuckers." this man is allergic to having feelings.
stede and ed painfully talking over each other bc everything is awkward and difficult. i love them.
ed's face when stede offers to let ed stay. his very quiet "yis." the way he says "might be nice" and then VERY QUICKLY looks away
stede yelling GREAT at the top of his lungs fhdsjkguydfgfjkhl
i love when these guys try to play it cool bc theyre so fucking bad at it hgdfgvjfxdkgjjdkkgjhfdkh
stede bonnet dumb idiot moron moments
ed staring off lovinglyyyyyy
buttons jumpscare
also is that fucking sage. are we doing cultural appropriation here
buttons saying "Earth Wind and Fire i wanna go higher" hfjkhgfdjkhgjkh
i love how ed. does not question this "fuck yeah, brother. fly."
ed teach lovesick fool moments
i love how happy ed sounds telling stede abt buttons he sounds like his old goofy self for the first time all season.... im gonna cry
also i like how the crew adopts izzy as their new creature. 10/10
post credits scene is annie and mary at dinner with buttons. i guess it's after stede goes to comfort ed but before they go eavesdrop on that convo.
buttons enjoying his last meal as a human. and also he's like "there's too much fucking on that ship i need to get away from it all." and his way of doing this is becoming a bird. love that.
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gxnic · 2 years
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general kento nanami headcanons
cw: gn! reader. there’s nsfw stuff but that’s separate from the sfw stuff
a/n: hey y’all, so this is my first *real* post here on tumblr. i’ve written fanfic b4 and have posted it before (albeit i’ve deleted everything i’ve ever posted fanfic wise) but i’ve never posted on tumblr! i wrote a small drabble and posted it to test the waters and that’s about it. since this is where i read most of my fanfic i figured lol why not writing is one of the casual hobbies i’ve always had anyways. about the headcanons, ive seen the jujutsu kaisen volume 0 movie three times already and it hasn’t even been out for a week, so i’m in a jujutsu kaisen writing mood. i have a nice one shot planned for both yuji and gojo (separately. obviously.) so if u want u can look forward to that, but for now i thought i���d start off lighter. hope u enjoy! :)
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ok so
starting off strong
coming from a plus size woman herself anybody who’s ever said nanami wouldn’t like a plus size partner is completely fucking wrong????
like omfg
he would love the feeling of your soft body in contrast up against his hard and rough muscles
this man definitely tries to live a healthy lifestyle. work out regularly, eat healthy, the whole shebang
however he’s the type of man who finds it extremely classy when somebody isn’t afraid to indulge in the simple pleasures of life
and he just wants u to be happy while doing it
don’t get me wrong he would encourage u to be healthier but when u ask if that was his way of trying to politely say you need to lose weight he would be genuinely flabbergasted bc no that’s not what he meant at all that thought literally never even crossed his mind he just wants you to be healthy and live a long life
doesn’t mean he won’t also indulge himself with u tho lmaoooo
like i feel like he acts all committed to this super strict diet and routine but in reality he doesn’t stick to it that often regardless of the fact he feels like he should bc life is short who cares? certainly not nanami
anyway pls never talk negatively abt ur body bc he will ask why it even matters every single time before complimenting u cause ain’t no way ur ever gonna talk badly abt urself and him just let it slide
long story short no matter what ur body looks like he thinks ur beautiful like weight ≠ beauty in his mind
anyway on a completely unrelated note
he snores lolllllll like rly loud
and he sweats in his sleep a lot too idc
it’s cute tho
blanket stealer too and when u guys wake up and u tell him he was hogging the blankets in his sleep he gets all embarrassed and won’t look u in the eye and denys it even tho he knows he does it he just can’t admit it
which usually isn’t that big of an issue cause y’all are glued together in your sleep anyways
cuddling alllll the time deadass
he always likes the air conditioning to be set pretty cold D:
like he’s definitely the kind of person who knows immediately if someone changes the temperature even one degree
he’s a good cook tooooo omg
for some reason i feel like he excels at italian food don’t ask me why i don’t know
like nanami would make the most fire pasta
but yeah he’s a good cook
he’s also rly flexible
i mean for the record think of what he has to do for his job of course he’s flexible
but he in particular is super flexible like he can do all that cool contortionist shit if he tried (which he won’t cause he’d be too embarrassed)
also he spoils u
like duh that much is obvious ofc nanami spoils his s/o but like….
yeah he totally spoils u.
he’s not really a religious dude tbh
like if ur religious that’s cool he’ll accept that he’s not gonna shame u and he’ll happily listen to u talk about it
but most of the time he’d just rather talk about something else
most of the time he’s just calling you by your first name but on the rare occasion when he does call u a pet name that’s when u know he’s feeling affectionate and wants ur attention
he doesn’t call u very many pet names either he’ll call you “sweetheart” the most, “beautiful” too and also maybe “darling” on the days he’s feeling extra affectionate
like it’s super easy to tell when he wants to just say f everything and be all over you
he doesn’t rly like pda so he’s super touchy at home
he likes to hug you from behind
his favorite cuddling positions either consist of him being the big spoon or him laying down on your chest
like i can see after a rly long day he wants nothing more than to come home get dressed comfortably and crash right on top of you laying his head in ur chest and putting his arms around you and feeling your hands through his hair
he would find the rhythm of your breathing and your heartbeat very comforting
especially after the horrors he’s forced to witness on a daily basis
you’re a comforting reminder that he’s alive
he’s just really obvious with how much he loves you
like even b4 y’all got together it was really obvious he thought he was super badass and hid it rly well tho LOLLL spoiler alert he didn’t
the thing that sold it the most pre your relationship was the way you’d always feel and catch his eyes glued to you
+++ it’s not easy to fluster nanami, but considering even the simplest of gestures from you turned his face and ears pink? yeah duh ofc he likes u
he tries to cover his face when he blushes too but he’s rly bad at it LOL like he’ll put his hand over his mouth and extend his thumb and fingers over his cheeks to try and hide the redness but it never works
like he’ll stay composed but his body’s reactions give it all away
hear me out i feel like he’d like a friendly talkative s/o
like maybe not somebody who’s as eccentric as gojo 24/7…
but definitely somebody who’s lively as long as they know when to be serious and is capable of remaining composed in a situation that calls for it
he would appreciate it to no end if you were able to get him to lighten up a little and be less of the stick-in-the-mud that he knows he is
he’s the slow dance with you in your kitchen in your pajamas type guy
but honestly no matter who u are
just one glance at u and he’s smiling to himself thinking abt how in love with u he is
you’re his biggest motivation, after all, and no matter how long the two of you are together you never stop giving him butterflies
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nsfw
oof oof oof oof oof
oh to engage in the devils tango with this man
whenever mappa animates him loosening or taking off his tie it’s always so focused on and detailed like whatchu tryna say huh?
yeah he ties your wrists together with his tie lolllll
like ok listen
i don’t think he’s sex dungeon level kinky
but i also don’t think he’s completely vanilla either
he’ll blindfold u, tie ur wrists together, maybe your ankles if he’s rly feeling it
he can be reallyyyyyyy rough too
generally he tries to be gentle but if he’s ever really pent up or angry or frustrated abt something he wants to rid himself of that anger in a healthy way and sexual release is a go to for him
those are the circumstances where he’ll be rougher with u
he usually apologizes after though
and if u were the one to ask him to be rougher he’ll do so with pleasure but he’ll definitely still seek reassurance afterwards and ask you if what he did was to your satisfaction
he’s generally the more dominant one
he likes obedience
he’s okay with you taking the lead too but he prefers if it’s nothing too extreme
he feels bad asking u but god he loves getting sucked off so much :(<3 sweet baby
especially after work when he’s feeling especially exhausted and he’s had a bad day and he’s lazing around he loves nothing more than some good ass head and then cuddling to sleep
he’s a giver too don’t think anything less
he’s always between your thighs before he’s actually inside of you whether it’s his mouth or his fingers
he’s cool with using toys on you too, he actually really likes it
he doesn’t see sex toys as a threat he sees them as his best friend god healthy masculinity is so hot
u can use ur imagination to think about how he’d use them on u >:)
also nanami isn’t a one night stand guy
like hear me out i don’t think he sees sex as some crazy sacred act or anything
it won’t take all that long after you guys get together for him to be okay with dicking you down
but he doesn’t fuck anybody he’s not in a stable relationship with
meaning that, yeah, he isn’t a virgin, but he probably has some awkward first time story with somebody he slept with once and since then he’s only slept with one other person he was in a relationship with
like… he has experience, but not a lot of it
don’t get me wrong tho his stroke game is crazy
he 100% puts in the effort to figure out what you specifically like and don’t like
it’s definitely always a focus of his to first and foremost please you
he teases u but also praises u
like full on degradation? no not his style
but teasing yesssssss he loves it he loves seeing you squirm from just his words
like god just imagine his chest up against your back with his arms running down your sides and hips while he’s whispering teases into your neck goddddd i wish i wish
he also likes it when u scratch up his back hehe
he likes it when you leave marks on him and he leaves marks on you in places people can’t see
he doesn’t think it’s classy when people walk around with hickeys and such on full display however knowing he has marks/you have marks on your bodies that only the two of you know about is something that turns him on
also, if you’re fem bodied, he’s a hardcore tits man. i will die by this.
boobs in his face yesssssssss
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lovebvni · 4 months
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i got love! (motivations)
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oopsies my bad guys i know eyes r like scary to some people but for some reason, recently they’ve been a sign (the left is an older one from like a week ago, the right is from today) (that was as or typing the blog.. which was almost 2 weeks ago as it has been posted. i’ve seen more tho)
anyways! i wanted to make a blog on the things that have kept me going through the three years of being a reality shifter and working towards that goal of shifting
one thing i do want to say before we start, is the universe provides help, guidance and support when we’re feeling down. i genuinely believe i would not be this far into my shifting journey if it wasn’t for the universe + the tools they have given me. these are things that may also help you, but are not 100% guaranteed as we are different souls with different interests and understandings <3
anyways long blog ahead blah blah blah… 💀💀 LMAO OK
so, i’m neurodivergent and a really driven person. it isn’t easy for me to let things go either, but whenever i did feel like giving up or leaving shifting behind, here are some things i keep in mind.
love
wow i sound… dumb as hell 💀😔 LMFAOOSF OK BUT FR HERE i don’t have a good relationship w my parents, nor have i had… good experiences w exes (WHERE R MY BITCHES THAT ALWAYS FALL FOR THE TOXIC ONES🗣️💯‼️) anyways yeah. i remind myself that that’s the main reason i started this. i mean with love comes happiness, right?
2. my inner child
dude i feel like i’ve been having dreams abt shifting since i was a kid. i remember i was first introduced to daydreaming by my 2nd grade teacher, i’ve deffo had dreams abt being in different worlds, i’ve manipulated my daydreams, and more! there’s always been a “one-up” thing in this. dreams -> daydreams -> shifting. and i eventually learned/im learning how to do each of them.
i know i’ve been damaged since i was a child, i want born into a great place, but i can change where i am. plus, i’m someone who has always wanted to have superpowers n shit so like…. why the hell not?
3. friendships 🤭🤭
girl i lose friends like every other year, so why not have some i can talk to every day? i mean i wanna have fun, right? i want to be happy and talking to people and friends makes me happy
4. for others
dude i want people to be able to experience it he change, transformation and growth i have — along with sharing the successes. i believe every soul has the ability to change and mold into a better soul, so everyone should have that opportunity. i want to be able to teach and guide to goals and success. that’s one of the main reasons i stared this blog.
5. for understanding
i want to spiritually ascend, and get over my fears of it. so i want to experience it. that’s why im doing it, that’s why i do a lot of things. to experience and see the outcome.
that’s all i got for now! i may add to this blog, depending on what happens or if i think of anything else. but for now, im sleepy n i wanna get my drafts cleared. this is my last one 🤭
i love you all!! i hope this helps someone <3 666
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Gilbert Feinze || the vampire doll's first master
he who is known as the master of the dream world
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A/N: So I kept mentioning Maya's first master in my posts without even introducing him formally omg my bad. Shoutout to @whitechocolatemochaasblog for encouraging me to post abt this hot daddy vampire lol
Gilbert Feinze is actually a true friend of Karlheinz. As in friends. Like they confide in each other and even use each other.
Swear to God they don't ask each other's permission like "hmm I think my bestie Karl can handle this job for me"
But their trust towards each other is so strong that even if Gilbert becomes a pawn in Karl's plans, he doesn't mind cause Karl returns all his favors
So they're like even in this game 😏
If you ask Karlheinz how they became friends, he'll just tell you that it's bcos Gilbert's surname rhymes with his name lol
As the head of the Feinze clan, Gilbert is actually responsible for governing the dream world. Like anything about dreams is his main territory. Whether it's eradicating nightmares, providing sweet dreams, mentally scarring someone by showing them visions of horror—ANYTHING!
He can even summon skeletons and bat familiars to his liking (he even makes them show up during Halloween just for fun)
Another fun fact: The Feinze clan is known for having a selective blood. This means, no one can know the taste and scent of their blood except for the "chosen one" (hence why Kanato is the only one who knows the taste of Maya's blood)
He can even create a spell that makes a human blood "not interesting" to another vampire
His powers also even came close to predicting the future like Karlheinz. But nah Karl is still the most powerful bcos Gilbert doesn't make an effort to top him
Plus he doesn't like added responsibility like hello he's been guarding the dream world his whole life and now you want him to govern the whole demon world? Troublesome.
Ofc Gilbert drinks human blood, but unlike other vampires, he doesn't cause too much trouble in the human world while doing so.
And this leads us to another fact abt him, which is: he's a flirt.
But he doesn't flirt with a girl twice. He's like "I only do one-time thing" and that's it. Like bye, girl. I will never see you again btch
It only changed when he was staying in one of the places in Paris during the 1890s and met this mortal woman. And guess what, she's working in one of those post mail offices where they deliver letters to your loved ones.
Tbh Gilbert was quite smitten bcos she was a girl who likes to run her mouth, blow bubble gums and make them pop before chewing them again, and put red on her lips even tho her manager says it makes her look unapproachable
But nonetheless, he visits her everyday, sketches her face on paper whenever he's in the mood, and writes her letters
They actually hit it off, despite her knowing he's a vampire like they married, settled down. And yes, no kids bcos Gilbert feared that she would die giving birth to a half-blood vampire.
However, just like all mortals, the woman died of old age, smiling at Gilbert as she tells him not to cry because one day the two of them will meet again in another life. To be honest, Gilbert asked her if she wanted to be like him, but she couldn't let go of her humanity, so he braced himself for this day.
Since then, Gilbert has never drunk any human blood. He only feeds from animals, to be exact.
The other vampires thought he was being foolish but he didn't care. He loved that woman, and not drinking human blood is his way to show her how much he cared for her even when she was gone.
This actually inspired Karlheinz for his Adam and Eve project. But yeeeaaahh his methods are all wrong ngl 'cause Gilbert changed for himself and he didn't have to have a rough childhood (it's what we call true redemption daddy Karl haha)
Then after a few years, he moved to Japan bcos of Karlheinz
"Gil, there's so many hot springs here! Plus the technology is great. You should come."
And yes, he's like only a few yards away from the Sakamaki manor. However, his traditional Japanese mansion is hidden in the forest so they didn't know abt him.
He also donned a fake name so he can build a business there, and yeah he became this multi-billionaire with high-class hotel resorts and condominium buildings.
One day, Karlheinz visited him and told him he needed an heir bcos apparently Gilbert's family relatives are fighting over the head position of the clan in the demon world. Plus, he needed someone from the Feinze family to serve him for his next plan.
"Is this a part of your Adam and Eve whatever shenanigan? 'Cause I am rejecting it now."
"Fortunately, it is not. It's a different one. It's a plan to make a double-edged sword, someone who will make sure no creature from the demon world wreaks havoc in the human world."
But the thing is, Gilbert does not plan on having an heir. Like he planned on ending the Feinze clan. Even his brother, Edward, who insists on taking over the dream world, got rejected for his plans. Like nope, no one is suited to be the new master of the dream world.
Besides, he knows how evil his relatives can be. They might even reject Karl instead of obeying him
So Karlheinz told him, he'd look for his heir in the human world. So Gilbert just waited for him for like a good amount of years until Karlheinz showed up on his doorstep with a little girl (probably around 7 to 8 yrs old) bundled up in his arms.
"What the hell? Are you kidnapping little girls now?"
"No. This one's your heir."
Gilbert tried talking to the human girl, but she just kept on hiding behind Karl's leg, almost tearing up even when he assured her that he won't do anything
So one day, Gilbert tried to coax her out of her shell by giving her marshmallows. And that's when it all began.
"What's your name?"
"Ma... ya. Maya."
"That's not your real name."
"I know, but... I want to abandon my old self."
Gilbert was a strict teacher to Maya. But he ain't the type to punish Maya if she wasn't doing great. He's just the type to push her to her limits. Like some of the familiars are worried that he was overworking the kid but nah. He just wants her to learn
At least he ain't drowning her in a lake when she messes up
He actually rewards her with a big bowl of cherries if she manages to complete her training
Call him daddy but he paid for Maya's homeschooling education, as well as her other needs. He even taught her how to save up money and how to manage his hotel and condominium business.
Ofc Gilbert knew he was going to die one day, that's why he did everything he could to tell Maya how it's gonna play for her.
However, he just couldn't directly tell her that she would be having the vampire life someday since Maya believes that he is the last Feinze, and no one will inherit his throne in the dream world. And he didn't want to have an argument with her before he dies.
But the thing is, Gilbert didn't anticipate that his death was just around the corner.
Karlheinz sent a letter to his sons regarding Gilbert Feinze's gift, which is Maya. And he added that they will be coming there for a formal introduction, w/c never happened.
Because on their way to the Sakamaki manor, a vengeful vampire hunter shot Gilbert in the hip with his silver arrow. And bcos of the blood loss, Gilbert lost control and sucked Maya's blood
In short, he almost killed her dry.
And when he realized this, he was frantic so he had to turn her into a vampire while running away from the hunter. When things didn't work, he conducted a blood transfusion spell.
This way, his blood is running in her body, which makes it easier for her to turn into a vampire.
However, Gilbert still died bcos the hunter got them, leading Maya to run toward the manor, grieving as she tries to accept that a part of her is not human anymore. In short, she's an incomplete vampire.
If you're asking abt the hunter, Kanato burned him to death. And yes, Maya stole his silver bow and arrow bcos he "stole" Gilbert's life
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mik0is0bored · 4 days
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Here we go again... With another rant...
Time for another post abt my opinions abt twd 🥲
Negan.
(Sighs)
Hold on.
I ain't simping but just let me say what I gotta say-
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Yall know that episode where Carl kills 2 of Negans men, and they sit in that oddly tidy and organized room for a dirty little factory?
But besides the point, I'd actually own a room like that. Yknow, if I wasn't broke🥲
Well yeah. Let's first talk abt that.
Negan goes off on a rant abt how Carl killed a ton of his men. Like dude you said he shot 2 whatchu talking abt a lot of your men?
Then he proceeds to tell Carl to take off the bandage.
AND MIGHT I ADD,
it doesn't look like the bandage wasn't even changed out. It just looks like it's been the first and only bandage.
But bro.
In that episode I fully agree when Negan said it made Carl look badass like nah I wouldn't mess w Carl if bro just didn't wear an bandage
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(I wouldn't mess w either of them for that matter)
But Negan literally started bullying Carl abt it😭
"Can I touch it? Please?" Like bro Carl was lowkey crying
ALSO
since fucking when was Negan a fucking gym teacher💀 but when negan was basically saying "mb bro" and like tried to make him feel better or whatever
That honestly made me assume he would've been a teacher
But when he forces Carl to sing while he's swinging Lucille around made him seem like he didn't really give a fuck what ppl thought💀
But when Carl was singing? That was sad😔
It's weird tho. Cus like negan could be like "nice" to someone but kn a matter of seconds can become a asshole💀 which is good for an antagonist in a show.
Also when Spencer died. I mean womp womp but he was a jerk.
"You don't got guts." *proceeds to slice him open* "I couldn't have been any more wrong in my entire life" now that in a way was funny.
Also.
Dude Gabriel
The priest
Dude literally sweared💀 I can't remember if he swearwd any other time before this but
Yk the scene when Spencer asked if hating someone was a sin and then Gabriel said no so Spencer went on a rant abt how he hated Rick?
Well yeah what Gabriel said had me laughing.
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"What you're saying doesn't make you a sinner. But it does make you a tremendous shit"
No but I love when people say like a positive word (ex: tremendous, fantastic) then adds an insult after that.
Also this has no bearing on anything I'm talking abt but rn I'm listening to "Yours" by Conan Gray
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And somehow it makes me think of Rick and and Judith
Like here me out.
Rick admits to Michonne that he knows Judith isn't his. He admits that she isn't his daughter, but he loves her (like a daughter ofc) and like I Said in a post like a million years ago- Judith is technically an orphan. Shane and Lori are dead.
But unfortunately no matter how much Rick tells himself he knows Judith isn't hid.
so thanks for listening to that rant.
But also when Negan was in Rick's house?
And he was holding judith bro😨
I literally said
"Poor little girl"💀
But Olivia(???) And Carl loom like they're being held hostage by Negan💀💀💀
Well negan also looks like he's being held hostage but whatever
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Also
When Rick and Dayrl were reunited at the hilltop🥺 they're bros for life dudeee
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Also the fact that dayrl found Rick's signature gun?
THEYRE LITERALLY BROS YOU CANT CHANGE MY MIND
But besides that? Me and my friend are literally Rick and Dayrl tbh💀
Ok it's like almost 4 in the morning I better stop😭😭😭
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havoc-bloom · 1 year
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General Headcanons For (Most Of) The Dreams of An Insomniac Characters!!
(Excluding Lankmann cause I’ve already posted about him more than enough)
HC’s under the cut!!
Clyde:
- He’s so fucked up /pos
- Enjoys metal/rock, would listen to Mindless Self Indulgence
- If he tries hunting/chasing you I feel like you could distract him with candy
- Scary on the outside but an absolute sweetheart, especially with Winfrey (they’re boyfriends /hj)
- Prankster man, would place a banana peel on the ground and wait for you to comically slip and fall over it
- Eeeevil evil mischievous fellow
- About as straight as a curly fry
- Me, seeing Winfrey and Clyde: “oh my god, they were roommates :0”
- He has an evil laugh that he practiced in the mirror. Please tell him it’s cool and evil and maniacal.
Winfrey:
- Winfrey, my sweet baby boy. You poor poor thing.
- I CAN FIX HIM I SWEAR
- Winfixed AU gives me life (thanks Tigera)
- Plays violin extremely well, but can also play the piano
- If you ask him to play Megalovania he will bite you.
- Yes, he bites.
- His “theme song” may be Your Consenting Mind from Spooky’s Jumpscare Mansion according to Pastra, but damnit his anthem will always be Because Dreaming Costs Money, My Dear by Mitski in my heart and soul.
- Unironically used to not really acknowledge him because the other characters felt like they overshadowed him BUT THEN I MET @/tigerarainbowra-blog and my worldview has been CHANGED in the best way possible
- Me: (slaps the top of Winfrey’s head) “You won’t believe how much angst you can fit in here.”
- Really really heavy British accent, at least before he Went Feral™
- If the floor is being straight, then this man is crawling on the ceiling.
Klaus:
- What a douchebag /lh
- Reeks of birthday cake (he uses it to lure in kids to kill; I headcanon that Veldigun can change the way they smell and either completely nullify it or amplify it to make whoever they’re hunting more afraid or unaware of them) but also smells like blood and death.
- Absolutely vile, both in terms of personality and physical appearance
- Buried childhood trauma (he dares not talk abt it)
- Literally just needed some emotional help as a kid and if he got it he would’ve turned out fine, but somehow he got more fucked up with no thanks to the Lankmann Foundation.
- I can make anyone have sympathy for any character. Making people feel bad for Klaus is proof of that.
- Listens to Insane Clown Posse and Melanie Martinez
- He’s angry. He’s so, so angry, all the time. I wonder what put that anger in him.
Jack:
- GET HIM THERAPY JESUS FUCK
- I can fix him I promise
- We need to get him OUT of his toxic-ass relationship with Klaus, like right now. Let him be happy. Please.
- Looks up to Klaus even though he knows he’ll never be respected in the same way.
- He likes breakcore lmfao, also he listens to 100 gecs unironically /pos
- I like to think he makes kandi bracelets and he made matching ones for him and Klaus. Even tho Klaus is a bitch he still never takes off the bracelet, and neither does Jack.
- Sends the most cursed of memes at the most unholy times of night. You’ll get a notification from him at 6:06 AM and it’s just a radically blurred image of a cockroach with the caption “daniel.”
- Really truly just wants to continue making toys for kids.
- Has ate drywall and will do so again
Simon:
- Pleasant little farm boy
- He constantly smells like he just walked out of a barn, probably because he did. You get used to it (eventually).
- LOVES ANIMALS SO SO MUCH
- Animals > people, would rather chill with Flock for the day than actually socialize.
- Suppresses his Southern accent a lot but when he gets angry or super excited you’ll hear the Country™ in his voice.
- Kind of jarring hearing a Texas accent come out of a Canadian tbh
- I want his hand in marriage /hj
- autistic  /hj
- So far back into the closet he may as well be that one sweater from the 3rd grade you could never find again. Fruitier than Froot Loops but completely oblivious about it.
The Flock:
- BIRD MOMENT
- Yes, it can fly.
- Yes, it can purr.
- No, you cannot pet it.
- Does that thing snakes do where they curl up into little coils and rest their head on the top. Yeah that.
- Also does that thing hognose snakes do where they’ll play dead if they feel threatened, but instead they do it to lure in prey into thinking they’re an easy meal.
- Like a parrot it can mimic voices.
- Jack taught it to say curse words and now anytime someone gets near it’s just “BITCH”
- Will eat Cheez-Its out of your hand
Mortimer Gray:
- Oh, this poor motherfucker. This unfortunate fellow. He has been through so much.
- Overworked, underpaid artist.
- Serious burnout, but dammit if he’s getting paid he’ll get it done.
- Artblock 24/7, creatively exhausted. Just leave him alone for a while, please.
- Had a sparkledog phase, is now definitely a furry /hj
- Self esteem issues? He’s got all of them. Every single one.
- Anxiety to the fucking max
- I relate a few songs to him, namely Bag Of Bones by Mitski (burnout central haha) and Against The Kitchen Floor by Will Wood (honestly I was listening to it while drawing him and now it’s just kinda,, a thing I relate him with now.)
- Help me I kin him
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yonemurishiroku · 1 year
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hey I just read your post abt where you answered an anon abt how even tho u kinda hate him u don't shit on him intentionally but would if promted or asked .that you would put it under percy hate tag and I just.....I respect so much rlly Ily and I'm can be like rlly pity sometimes and I wanna like u teach me ur ways
oh. wow. uhm. Thanks for your compliment, I guess? 😳 LOL I just think that letting people enjoy things was the least respect I can give to other media consumers.
Actually no. I just think that I don't have to waste my time hating something when I clearly can be dedicating my time and effort to those I love.
I hope I can teach you my ways but to be honest, since the day I came to know of the fandom culture, I've been instructed to respect others' choices of consumption. It came as a way of life, I think? Like basic manners in fandom space. I suppose it does have something with the fact that the Asian fandom, where I come from, has always been more lenient, dare I say respectful, and open in comparison with the Westerners, by which PJO thrives.
If I have to give you any advice though, I think I have a few that would help:
Before you send any hate, ask yourself if this is really worth your time, and if you'd be really feeling better if you engage with what you dislike.
Most of the time, it's just not worth it. Yeah maybe at that time, shitting on something you hate might sound fun, but at the end of the day, you'd only have burdened yourself with a sense of frustration and ruined others' fun. Try scrolling away the second you feel like you're not enjoying yourself. Pretend they don't exist. You'd forget about it like three minutes later. It helps a lot.
This is not real life. You can hardly (if ever) change someone's mind by arguing with them online. There's no need to trouble yourself, right?
Accept that whatever you like, there's always someone who dislikes it; and whatever you hate or feel disturbed at, there's always someone who's into that.
Because we're humans. and humans are self-centered at birth. we're not saints. we love and we hate as we'd like. it's just how we are. And it's fictional anyway. Who caressss. Let us love and let us hate.
This is... really a very simple thing in the Asian fandom, actually, but somehow the Westerners miss out. I've seen Twitter accounts condemning those who support pairings they disapprove of. I find it stupid and meaningless. Just. Don't. 😔😔😔
Which also means acknowledging your dislikes btw. You might figure out your reasons, but don't try justifying them. You hate whatever you don't like, that's all. Rant as you want. just avoid the fan's space. Don't jump into their sanctuary and commit blasphemy.
As I usually do, I might dislike Percy as he is, but I'm aware half of the fandom's in love with him, and that's okay! I know I don't like him though, so I stay away from his tag, and if I'm ranting I'm putting it somewhere fewer Percy fans can see. You wouldn't want to see hate in your blorbo tag now would you? It's just respect in its simplest form.
Fictional characters don't have rights. The only right they have is copyright. Just remember that the next time you feel offended in your blorbo's place.
However, I'm aware most of these just... don't apply to the wester fandom. yeah I don't know why either, everybody has this need for justice (their justice) somehow...
I suppose it'd be hard for you, but if you'd like to change your perspective to have a better, more peaceful fandom experience, I strongly recommend following the above.
I hope you have great experiences in this fandom culture. With love.
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ghostboyjules · 1 year
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about me
omg tagged first by @mathomhouse-e and then right as I was abt to post this @wordsinhaled tagged me too!! so delighted and honored to be in this wonderful group of mutuals, y'all make my heart warm 💖🥰
Nickname: Jules, I guess, counts? other than that I don't really have a current one... @weirdfishy has been calling me ghostie tho, which I absolutely adore 🥺💕
Sign: Aquarius Sun, Aries Moon, Gemini Rising (Cap Mercury, and if y'all wanna talk astrology my dm's are always open lmaaoo)
Height: 5'7 or 5'8 on a good day (a.k.a when my sciatica isn't elbow dropping me to death)
Last thing I googled: "piercing places" and before that, "images of a shrimp" which I'm including because I thought that was very funny
Song stuck in my head: surprisingly I don't have one up there right now?? well.. I guess kinda,, but it's like a mix of a couple. All Up In Your Mind by Beyoncé, Genghis Khan by Miike Snow, Go Your Own Way by Fleetwood Mac, and In a Week by Hozier.. weird combo of songs but they're kinda cycling through my brain like a weird spirit box-esque radio station
Number of followers: 713 (😳, most of these are like, weird bots or deactivated blogs but still woah..)
Amount of sleep: hmm generally I get anywhere from 3-7 hrs, but as of right this moment (10:38pm) I've had 4hrs 36mins of Actual Sleep (from last night to when I woke up for work this morning) and then a 2 hr nap (before I started dinner this evening)
Dream job: Archivist of Some Sort™ in the Library of Congress,,, with a specialty in Thanatology?? I don't really know the specifics yet but something along those lines ig, if at all possible
Wearing: ..... a gray Cowboy Garfield t-shirt with the phrase "when I die I may not go to heaven. I don't know if they let cowboys in." and black underwear (THESE ARE MY PAJAMAS, OKAY? had to include the undies so you would get the Look™, I can't just say I'm wearing a t-shirt and leave it at that obvi... ajdjakfkg)
Movies/books that summarize you: my brain can't decide which way it wants to take this, so I'm just gonna answer with the Books/movies that I feel has shaped who I am as a person, currently. LOTR & the Hobbit trilogies, The Raven Cycle series by Maggie Stiefvater, the Conjuring (only the first one 🔪), Spirited Away, and The Labyrinth. OH SHIT almost forgot, Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children.
Favorite song: this changes daily 😐 rn tho I think probably Blood Upon the Snow by Hozier and Bear McCreary
Favorite instrument: Pipe Organ, Cello, Bass Clarinet, and the voice
Aesthetic: uh... weird goth gay uncle who is lazy and also a witch? is that anything?
Favorite authors: oof alright, well. Maggie Stiefvater, Neil Gaiman, Nora Sakavic, Gege Akutami, Lemony Snicket (Daniel Handler), and a handful of Fanfic Authors that I won't list here because I'm terrified of forgetting someone, but know that I am absolutely counting them and will forever remember their names
Random fun fact: I really love playing guitar hero games but I've never once really tried to learn how to play the guitar
thanks again for tagging me, you two 🥺🥰🥰 y'all have already tagged a lot of the peeps I would have tagged in fandom (so if I tag you again, my bad beloved homies just ignore me lmao), but let's see here... @weirdfishy, @watermelon-mafia, @rabooots, @aquilathefighter, @leave-me-alone-doctor, @eel-divinity, @an-asuryampasya, @pacospandora, @rainbowvamp, @runningheadless, and @howlittleweare <3 WHEW no obligation to do this at all obvi, but if you don't, this is just a reminder that ily 😘 if you do tho, I also love you 💖 okay g'night, loves
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coolbananas143 · 2 years
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“I feel bad that no one sends you these when you revolve them, so can I maybe ask for 1-35? Only if your comfortable with all of them! Don’t feel forced to-
-🫡”
I accidentally deleted the ask! I’m so sorry, but I’ll still answer this! Also, don’t feel bad loll it’s not a big deal at all, thank you so much for sending this <3
1. Why does tickling matter so much to you?
It’s partly bc I didn’t get tickled much as a kid, but now, I’m actually getting tickled more often loll! Ig it matters so much bc I didn’t get to have this kind of experience when I was younger, so now I kinda cherish the moments I have involving them.
2. Would you tell your S/O about your love for tickles? How would you start that conversation?
I feel like if I’ve been w my s/o for a while, I may tell them? But if it’s a relatively new relationship than I won’t loll! Also I may not have like a convention, but if let’s say they poked me and apologized I would just be like “it’s ok, I don’t mind it”, but again, only if I’ve known them for a while lmao
3. What is your greatest fear involving tickling?
Probably my family and classmates/peers finding out. Or if I tell the wrong person and they interpret it in a s3xual way and either stop talking to me bc of it, or tell one of my close friends abt it like that. Basically ppl I know finding out abt this loll!
4. Do you have a favorite place to be tickled/to tickle? If so, how would you want that spot tickled/to tickle that spot?
Be tickled: Probably either my ears/neck or my stomach lolll and preferably lightly/poking
To tickle: S i d e s. Always so venerable and unprotected. And either light squeezes or pokes.
5. What “type” (or “types”) of Ticklee/Tickler/Switch are you? (Goofy? Sadistic? Ruthless? Shy? Etc.)
I’ve actually never thought of this! Maybe for lee, maybe sarcastic but shy? And ler… I wanna say goofy!
6. Describe the your laughter/the sound of laughter you crave to hear.
I’ve heard my laughter be described as very hiccup-y and squeaky lmaoo! I also snort a bit, and go into silent laughter quickly loll
7. Do your friends know about your love for tickles? If so, how did they react? If not, what’s holding you back?
I wrote a post abt me telling my friend abt it and she reacted w so much support and was asking me questions abt it! Ofc she also said that she’ll “get me later if I’m not too careful” which is… scary to say the least lmaoo
8. What do you wish you could change about the Tickle Community?
how ppl interpret it! Like I wish it wasn’t seen as “weird” or “unusual”. Some ppl just wanna be free and laugh man!
9. Who is someone in the Tickle Community you admire or wish you could get to know better?
I truly admire @soft--dragon! She’s an amazing writer, and an even better friend! She’s always so kind when responding to people, even tho she’s a bit of a pickled dicklet/hj
And if honestly like to get to know @fizzthelee, @veryblushyswitch and @mountain-dew-tickledpink a lot better! They seem very cool and I’d like to talk to them/talk more w them :)
10. Do you have a favourite tickling scene from a movie/book/TV show/fanfic/etc.?
If I’m being honest, I don’t really remember a lot of tickle scenes from movies/TV shows lmaoo! I do remember this one I watched when I was in grade like 5 and it had 3 fairies (or witches idrk) playing “tickle tag” and one of them got caught in like glue or smth on the floor and the other two cast a “tickle spell” on her, and that’s what made me think abt possibly liking tickling loll!
And for a fanfic, I really like Blanket Burritos and Inspiration Blocks by @soft--dragon, also Switch!Robin and Steve and The Nellie Debate by @veryblushyswitch <3
11. Favorite memory involving tickling?
There’s two-
1: I told my friend (I’ll call her Susie) and she was actually apart of the tickle community too! When Susie came over to my house, I brought up how I’ve never had a pillow fight before (fun fact) and she said we should have one! During it, there was one point where I grabbed the only 2 pillows and held them above my head (don’t ask why I thought that would do shit bc I was laying down-) and Susie like tickled my foot so I would give it back, but when I did she didn’t stop. It ended up being a full ass tickle fight until she had to leave. It was honestly one of my favourite memories w her.
2: I just told my other friend (I’ll call her Charlotte) that I liked it and she was, like I said before, very supportive. I hung out w her again later after I told her, and she actually asked me if she could tickle me afd;hjsv so I told her she could and she asked me if I could tell her what to do??? Bro I don’t know if it was genuine or not, but I did loll! She said that she thought it was fun, and that she sees “why you (I) like it, but it’s like, the giving, not receiving” so I explained to her was a Ler and Lee was and she was like “so I’m a ler?” And I was like really embarrassed but said “yup. And I’m more Lee.” It was honestly a fun day overall loll!
12. Who is one person you would love to tickle/tickle you the most out of EVERYONE in the world (real or fiction)?
I feel like I can speak on behalf of everyone in the dsmp tickle community, but we can’t deny that we’ve all wanted Ranboo or Wilbur to tickle us. I don’t do like self- inserts or anything, but I have thought of it before loll
13. What is the most important thing to know about tickling/being tickled?
KNOWING. PEOPLE’S. BOUNDARIES. AND. LIMITS. I’ve seen tuns of people where one person would go by the traffic light method and say “red” when they’ve had enough, but when they did say “red”, some people have been like “oh, polIce cars don’t stop at red lights!” And continue tickling the person even though they were asking them to stop. Tickling/tickling someone is supposed to be fun, and if your making the person genuinely uncomfortable, that takes the fun out of it.
14. How does tickling affect your relationship with others (family, friends, lovers, companions, etc.)?
Whenever I tickle someone(or vice versa) I feel more comfortable around them, especially when they know that stop means stop/they can trust me to stop when they say stop. I like it as a good bonding activity, and it makes me feel closer to the person than before.
15. If you could create any kind of tickle invention, what would you create?
I honestly don’t know loll imma pass this one
16. If you had the choice: Would you choose to be ticklish or not ticklish at all? Why?
I would probably chose more ticklish, bc I kinda like it on the receiving end more, and I’d be kinda sad if that was taken away from me loll
17. What would be your most ideal tickling scenario?
I don’t really have an “ideal” scenario, but a few “tropes” I really like are; blanket burrito, stuck in t-shirt/hoodie, arms up, and gaming(either winner being too cocky or winner says loser gets tickled).
18. Do you enjoy bondage/restraints/etc.? Why or why not? (And if you do prefer them: Which is your favorite way/position of being restrained or restraining someone else?)
I don’t mind being pinned, but restraints make me uncomfortable but I can’t really explain why loll!
19. Do you enjoy tickle tools? Why or why not? (And if you do prefer them: Which is your favorite tickle tool AND on which ticklish area(s)?)
I don’t prefer them, but makeup brushes do wonders loll
20. What is your greatest hope involving tickling?
Ig that sooner or later I’ll be able to tell my close friends and they’ll be fine w it and maybe do it more often. That and having it be more accepted in society.
21. If you could give one message to the entire Tickle Community, what would it be?
Keep doing what you love! And don’t let anyone bring you down bc of this, and don’t be afraid to reach out to me or anyone else about this stuff if you’re comfortable! Keep on being you so you can live your best life <3
22. The BEST thing about the Tickle Community is…
How kind everyone is here! Everyone’s so supportive and open abt things, it almost makes me feel safe and like we’re all the same. Yes, there’s the nsfw side of this community, and although I don’t follow those accounts or like that content, I know I would never judge someone for liking it in a different way than me. This is just a safe space for all of us to interact and hang out.
23. What makes tickling so unique from other forms of touch?
Ig that it makes me genuinely laugh. It’s the only form of touch that I would go out of my way to “ask” someone for, other than something like a hug. I live the feeling of being able to laugh free w the ppl closets to me :D
24. If you could have the ability to tickle yourself to the point of laughter, would you?
Probably loll it would make Lee moods a lot easier
25. Do you prefer gang tickling or one-Ler-one-Lee tickling? Why? (And if gang tickling: How many Ler’s and Lee’s is “ideal?”)
Maybe gang tickling just bc I find it more fun! Also the “ideal” is maybe 2 Lers? If not 3 or 4! I just like the idea for some reason-
26. For TICKLER’s: What is the most important message you want to get across to your Lee/Lee’s by tickling them?
Establish a safe word before we tickle you, that way we know when you’ve genuinely had enough. Also, it’s not best to make it something like “stop”, bc you might accidentally say it and then you may be upset if the Ler actually stops but you could take/want more. Maybe make it something that both you and your Ler would remember but is not just a word you would say in a regular sentence (examples; colour, sport, fruit/veggie(I personally like cucumber), etc.)
27. What makes tickling so addictive?
For me, probably just the feeling of being loved and free at the same time.
28. What kind of tickles do you prefer giving/recieving? (Silly, intense, sexy, gentle, etc.) Why?
I prefer both receiving and giving gentle tickles bc 1, they tickle me more, and 2, I don’t know if the lee could handle rough tickles, or if they don’t want them.
29. (Feel free to omit if uncomfortable answering.) What ticklish spots/tools/methods of tickling/etc. are OFF-LIMITS for you? Why?
I don’t like tools, but if someone were to like drill into my hips roughly, it may start to hurt more than tickle, also why I like lighter tickles more. And for spots, I’m not comfortable w my inner thighs being tickled, don’t ask why bc I honestly don’t know loll! But everywhere else (other than cleavage/privates ofc) I don’t mind!
30. What about tickling makes you the most embarrassed/flustered?
A lot of things shbahsn
For Lee, saying the word irl, air-tickling, teases(“you’re (laugh is) so cute!” “Oh? Is this a bad spot?” “It tickles? Well, does it tickle here? Or here? What about here?” “What was that? I can’t hear you with all your giggles” etc.) THE FUCKING RIB COUNTING GAME- u wanna get me to break, do the rib counting thing and I’ll fucking give up lmaoo
For ler, probably tickling someone on my most ticklish spots (knees, neck, ribs, etc.) especially if they don’t give as big of a reaction as I did when I tickle them there lolll
31. Who do you think you could beat in a tickle fight from the Tickle Community?
Oh, @soft--dragon and @veryblushyswitch, definitely. Easy W.
32. How would you react if you were suddenly approached by someone in the Tickle Community? AND/OR: How would you approach someone that you suddenly knew was in the Tickle Community?
I’d probably deny it if I was in a public setting, but privately I would wanna talk to them abt it bc it would honestly be nice to talk to someone who gets it loll
33. How would you best tease someone else (self tickles, waving tickle tools, saying “tickle,” tickling them in public, wearing tickle-spot-revealing clothing, etc.) from the Tickle Community?
Lee: Oh jeez, lee moods hit hard lolll! I would probably wear a crop-top, if we were sitting, put my feet in their lap, stretch a lot in front of them, poke them, etc.
ler: I would probably wiggle my fingers at them and say “tickle” a lot in a sentence lmaoo!
34. Best song to tickle/be tickled to?
Pass bc idk/I don’t have one loll
35. How do you feel when tickling/being tickled?
I feel very loved and free when I’m being tickled bc it’s one of the few times I get a break and gets to genuinely laugh w the ppl I love most <3 all and all a great feeling :)
Tysm to the anon who sent this and I’m sorry I deleted your ask 😭
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tigertofu · 1 year
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Trevor would laugh as well and say of course he was right; he knew Michael better than anyone else did, after all. And, caught up in the truth of this statement, Michael would agree, and he’d reach out to place a friendly hand on Trevor’s shoulder. There’d be a beat of awkward silence, both of them equally surprised by this small display of affection. And Michael, his mind scrambled by the heat he’d been baking under all day every day for the past week, would let his hand trail down Trevor’s arm. He’d let his fingers loosely interlock with Trevor’s, the way Patricia’s did when they went on their walks together. He’d give his calloused hand a firm, quick squeeze. 
Michael opened his eyes. A heat separate from the one the sun was pouring down on him had suddenly appeared. This heat seemed to be radiating from somewhere inside him, deep within his chest. It pricked at his heart and, suddenly dizzy, Michael leaned forward in his chair and buried his face in his hands.
Fuckin’ A. The sun was making him sick. Or maybe Patricia’s Stockholm Syndrome was so intense and odd that it’d morphed into some sort of never-before-seen contagious disease that had infected Michael.
i swear i wasnt ignoring this ask i just completely forgot i got it and just now re-saw it cuz i got another ask abt smth else 😭😭😭 guessing this is in response to the thingy i posted saying i'd give a lil commentary type moment on 500 words of a fic ive written,, thank u for sending this in i was hoping someone would ask me abt this fic so here we go !!!
ive written a shit ton abt trevor pining for michael and rlly wanted to change it up to the opposite so thats where i was coming from when i wrote this fic. now i kinda dont see michael as someone to *pine* over anyone really. personally my fav flavor of trikey is the kind that isnt very overt; sure trevor wears his heart on his sleeve but michael is a lot more complicated. hes got some extremely complex, difficult feelings and theyre all buried deep inside himself in a place hed rather not visit. so when i went into writing this fic i was kinda thinking like... whats a situation that would make those feelings surface?
decided to use the sandy shores trailer husbands arc. michael's out of his element. hes got a lotta stress over a ton of shit. hes miserable. hes confined in a small space with trevor for an extended period of time. hes witnessing trevor and patricia be all sweet together and tho he thinks its ridiculous and kinda gross, he cant help but get a little affected by seeing this softer side of t. so difficult feelings start to bubble up and with nothing better to do, michael faces them (kinda).
he allows himself this cute little daydream moment of him and trevor but then that urge to make excuses, to repress and tell himself that these feelings arent real, he's just being irrational, rears its head. so he makes excuses for himself. its just heat sickness, its just him going crazy, its patricia's stockholm syndrome wearing off on him, etc etc etc.....
mike lies a lot, especially to himself.
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earthtooz · 1 year
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hi earth! i was wondering if you possibly had any advice for anyone who wants to start a writing blog or general tips. if you’re comfortable with it, it would also be cool to know what your writing process is like! you write very well so i’m just curious. thank you for taking the time to read this and i hope you have a lovely day!
first of all, this ask was what got me out of bed in the morning to go to my laptop where i did nothing for like 2 hours.
ANYWAYS I’ve been awake for seven hours now and i still haven’t answered it LOL, but thank u for taking the time to pop into my inbox anon!! so honoured u thought of me 🤭🤭
i’m more than happy to answer any questions u may have!! i’ve only been writing here for like one and a half years but I’ll gladly share some tips for new writers <3
tips for new writers - writing on tumblr in general:
formatting and your writing style is very important!!! people most of the time will like stories that have good grammar and are easy to read, so know your punctuation- duh, i mean, most people know where to put their commas, full stops, and shit, but as even a native English speaker i still need to double check sometimes 😭😭😭
ALSO, figure out if you’re a writer who likes to write with proper punctuation or in lower case like i am rn. people on tumblr don’t care which one you opt for so it’s a matter of personal preference!!
personally, i like to use proper punctuation for longer fics with more plot, and lower case writing for normal drabbles, headcannons, etc, all up to you :3 depends on what i feel like tho, i just like the look of lower case hehe
also, you can totally write drafts on tumblr or another platform - i switch between docs and tumblr. shorter pieces on tumblr and longer pieces on Google docs !!
how to get attention on tumblr as a new writer - the importance of tags:
USE THE TAGS - DON’T BE SHY !!! USE A VARIETY !!!! it’s so easy to get reads on tumblr if you just know your tags. i also will say: be mindful of whether or not you stay in tags bc your post can suddenly just disappear- this has happened to me so many times 😭😭 to do that just search if your fic is still popping up in the ‘recent’ section of the tags AND EVERY TIME AFTER U POST SOMETHING, TAKE THE TIME TO SEARCH IF IT’S IN THE ‘RECENT’ TAGS.
(this part might make zero sense, but if it’s been a couple hours and your post still is not popping up, you can either edit it again, make no changes, and press ‘save’.)
general tips:
have an aesthetic layout.
obviously it’s not ‘essential’, but i always find myself more likely to follow blogs that are pretty or have an aesthetics
it takes so long to do but it’s so worth it 😭 if you looks at the fics that do very well, the formatting it very beautiful and pleasing to the eye.
if you’re struggling with a layout, there are so many inspos available on tumblr, just search up ‘blog inspo’ or ‘layout inspo’ and you’ll generally be pretty successful. if all else fail just go to your fav blogs and see how they set up their blog/navigation/aesthetic!!!
having a set colour for your blog can also look nice and less chaotic. for example; mine is red and it’s my (usually) go-to colour for a lot of stuff. just make sure u like the colour tho ☝️
also don’t be afraid to talk to people! AUTHORS LOVE WHEN YOU COMPLIMENT THEIR WORK!! getting mutuals is such a great feeling so PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE !!!!! MAKE FRIENDS 😮😮
my writing process:
i am that writer that likes to have a plot before i start anything, but it’s never complete. normally when i’m going abt my day, i suddenly think of a piece of dialogue or scenario that makes me go ‘hold on. let me write that down’.
for example, recently i thought of a piece of dialogue for an angst fic (that i don’t know if i’ll use) that goes:
‘no i’m not upset that you forgot about our anniversary, in fact, i already predicted you would.’
another idea i had was: you don’t ever want to leave nagi seishiro hungry.
sometimes I get these ideas when i’m in bed like bro 😐 let me rest…
if i feel inspired enough to continue said ideas, i do, but i never force the fic from happening bc then it’ll be mediocre and just… okay. not something i want on my blog 😭
but then i decide the wordlength, how many scenes i want to be in there. for example, my mistletoe todoroki fic i set out for 4k and met my goal. but my itoshi rin Xmas fic only met around 1k when my goal was 2k - sometimes this happens and i cant be mad if i think the story is done there.
it’s never that organised though, if you look at my drafts, it’s a scrabble of words. i jump from scene to scene with big gaps in between that i need to fill in later 😭 but that’s just how i write LOL ! you may be totally different from me which is a-okay :3
then i grind til the fic is done, reread then bam 💪 ! do my usual formatting on tumblr, tags, and then you’ll see the final result!! easier said than done bc when you want to be done with a fic and just post it, you then need to do all the actual presentation of the fic 😭😭😭
anyways yeah, that’s my process summarised lol!! hope it helped u get a little bit of an idea for what the earthtooz blog grind looks like 🫡
so yeah, i think that’s all i rly need to say!! if you wanna follow my advice or not, up to u, but once again, thank u for popping in my inbox anon and asking me!! gave me something to do whilst on my walk 🤭
cant wait to see what you write, always feel free to come back and ask if you need some ‘extra help’, but i believe in you! good luck and have fun writing, and i hope to see u in the tags someday :D
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sewercentipede · 2 years
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long post ignore meee
the annoying thing is he never tells me when he’s upset with me he just doesn’t say anything. like .. last time i knew he was probably upset bc i hadn’t messaged him in kind of a long time so I was like fuck I better msg him—and then ig right before I did msg, he hinted to my husband that he was bothered by it. but he refuses to msg me more than once so if I don’t see his message he thinks I’m ghosting but wont put out a feeler message.
so I was like “hey man.... if I don’t reach out and you’re feeling neglected , or if there’s anything I’m doing that bothers you , you can and in fact should - and I urge you to - msg me multiple times, even spam the shit out of me. And just let me know what is bothering you and I can adjust n get better at it” in response he was like.. “but I don’t want to annoy you:(.” and i said “dude I won’t be annoyed. and jsyk, you never have annoyed me b4 and probably never could annoy me, so feel free to try annoying me on purpose. im genuinely curious to see if you even could lol.” and he was like “oh shit really? When we first started talking I thought I annoyed u all the time and that u didn’t like me much..” like yeah brother that’s what everyone thinks about me at first lol but you know me better by now, I should hope !
so I said “what no I never felt that way. I always liked u and specifically always would initiate convos with you and keep reaching out to you when convos died, bc I knew u were dope, and , i wanted to become friends w u. essentially i went out of my way to establish a friendship with you because I had a rly strong good gut feeling about u immediately, and acted on it. like fr i don’t do this with anyone else ever. usually im on the receiving end of that type of friendship”
And he seemed to be much more reassured by all of it in the moment ..... but ! it’s not translating to him actually taking my advice by changing his behavior based on what I said.
i think for one he’s deeply insecure so, those insecurities end up winning out even with my verbal reassurance, plus he’s also the type to have his guard up all the time based on his past relationships. n that’s a bad combo for resolving stuff like this. but he also is always willing to open up n be honest abt what he wants from me, if I bring up these topics myself. so it gives me more to work with.
i think if I just accept that he won’t reach out without my encouragement and that he’ll close in on himself without me “annoying” him and showing up (physically and emotionally) i may be able to both salvage and improve our friendship going forward.
I don’t want him to get to the point of resenting me for all the things I didn’t know to do, thinking falsely that I don’t care about him, all bc i couldn’t read his mind to know what things I did/didn’t do that were important to him and therefore hurt him - ie things i need to work on - since he’s too naturally scared/guarded to confront me abt them due to his own past experiences.
bc that right there is exactly why my last two closest relationships bombed and failed without me knowing anything was wrong until their breaking point, where it was too late for me to do anything but let them leave or leave them. and i don’t want to have that happen again if I can help it— and especially not have that happen with him specifically.
like I’m so sick of the cycle of my friendships failing when I think I’m doing my best but the other person is silently thinking I don’t care about them so I need to use a different approach otherwise it will keep happening
OH FUCK I FORGOT HE HAS ASPBERGERS/AUTISM .... like I knew but idk how I forgot that???? That explains so much regarding like. all of his antisocial self-conscious behavior even with me. like he doesn’t give a fuck but when he feels he’s bothering someone he does give a fuck. and I think he’s been getting the sense that he’s bothering me (even tho he isn’t). so this gives me such a sense of relief because like now I can actually remember to take that into consideration and adjust my behavior accordingly (within reason ofc)
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sunshinezei · 7 months
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hello back on episode 5764 of people getting on my nerves except today i almost reached my limit - held it together tho and now i get to go prep for my study session!
since i'm rly excited i'll tell u abt it :)
rn i'm back sitting in my bed but i'll put my earphones in and listen to music :) <3 from my upbeat club type songs playlist bc it gets me hyped up and usually it's those songs that work when the rest of my music doesn't like idk there's a barrier that they can cross idk why
oh i changed my mind i just saw my wallows playlist and that sounds rly comforting to listen to so i'll listen to a song from the first playlist then switch to this one :) <3
then i'll get up and prep my desk and get myself water and a snack then bring all my study stuff and get started :)
getting started is difficult so i'll start up the youtube videos queue then take my time to start :) (i'm starting over bc i tend to need to do that like 7x to get something done like my bioreactor design assignment last semester i restarted it 6x then could get it done it made me feel insane ngl but i got it done)
then i'll sit at my desk and study with my earphones in :)
[i was interrupted so excuse the tangent i'm going on here]
dude i am so good at calming myself down like kinda deep breath champion over here bc people provoke me and i just am silent, walk away and take deep breaths and get back to what i was doing
it's way easier to blow up at someone but i never felt right doing that when i did reach my limits and accidentally did like even when i was growing up i remember feeling like everyone else does it why can't i but it doesn't help it just makes things worse and i kinda don't care what happens to me anymore as long as it ends then i can have some time to myself and help myself move on and feel better slowly
damn this is depressing sorry
hi i'm back :) i hopefully will stop making these posts where i keep getting interrupted
this song is also relaxing (not from the playlists i was talking abt i just unpaused the playlist i had on last time)
helps bc yk how i try to just calm down and move on after something happens? well when things keep happening after and i feel myself being pushed past my limit further even after composing myself multiple times idk i'm just grateful for music for having this effect on me
like it's distracting and i can close my eyes for a bit and try and breathe normally and before i know it my brain is already distracting me with the nice study plan i decided to do and what i'm doing rn (writing on here <3) which both make me rly happy so breakdown averted haha
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<3
listening to this song always reminds me of that scene from the bear that i love so much :) it has a special place in my heart idk watching it made my heart happy (hence the playlist cover :) <3) sad i don't rly remember much of what i watched ugh but maybe i'll rewatch it all sometime i love it sm
ok i'm back :D i'm into the song i'm rly happy (kinda forcing it but part of it was real and idk i have to i feel terrible)
sad it's ending but it's ok bc bss got me lmao
this post is kinda rly derailed :/ sorry
<3 (def listening to this too loud rn but hey my phone isn't giving me a volume warning yet so allgood and idk feels like that's the right way to listen to halazia)
:) <3 instant mood lifter
anyway yeah i'll get started on my study plan bc just because things happened doesn't mean my plans have to be canceled it's actually the opposite i need this more now and i don't have anything else that'd help that i can do so let's do this :)
it sucks that i have to go through this stuff but it's over for now which means i can do this plan of mine under the pretense of studying - while i will try to study i'm not putting pressure on myself to do that super well or anything i just want a break and to watch my gameplay videos and have some time to myself
i do need to study but i'm not gonna force myself to study seriously and stress myself out when i can feel that i'm on the verge of a breakdown that doesn't make sense
sidenote idk what i lifted but my right arm rly hurts whenever i move it
it's fine anyway i'll share the posts from yesterday and update after i start up my plan
i hope it works :)
i hope you're having a good day
if not i hope you can do some stuff to have a break and feel better <3 u got this
take care of yourself
18:34 26/08/2023
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sambuckyrises · 3 years
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Sambucky Appreciation Week: Day 7
Sambucky + lyrics/quotes
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