#let's just ignore 15.20

[dotthings]

Interesting to see it sink in for certain stans that their anti-Saileen arguments such as "Saileen is non-con" and "Dean didn't want Sam to be with Eileen" are not convincing or holding up against canon, and so they switch over to bashing Eileen and elevating Sarah. Ignoring Dean in the process, since Dean very much made it known he thought Eileen would be great for Sam. One claimed Dean liked Sarah so much more than Eileen.

Convenient, isn't it, how many times that lane has evangelized women who died as the best girlfriend for Sam. While putting down the woman who was deeply in Sam's hunter life alongside him, and their relationship.

Because if they see the Eileen for what it is then they have to admit that Sam had someone who wasn't just Dean. Eileen survived the run of the series, she was right there hunting with Sam until near the end, Sam very clearly wanted something that was even deeper, and he was over-protective, while Eileen, who is very independent-minded, needed her space more, and wanted to hunt on her own as well as her sometimes hunting with Sam and Dean. They had an "arrangement," but they were together. This is all expressly indicated canon. Eileen who in the build-up to that relationship often had bunker sleepovers, drank too much tequila with Sam, fixed breakfast with him, had research study dates with Sam, was part of the hunting team, part of their lives, a regular in Sam's home, all this even before the canon indicated they eventually were sleeping together.

Saileen is exactly the type of relationship Sam had in mind when he talked about Not marriage or whatever. But . . . Something? You know, with a hunter? in the episode "Baby."

Eileen herself and Saileen were disrespectfully dropped like a hot potato by 15.20. Along with the other significant plates left shattered on the floor due to willful neglect.

Look who has control of the narrative now. And look who he hand-picked as showrunner.

Who created Eileen.

Who wrote Baby.

Who is bff's with Bobo, the main architect of resurrecting Eileen and having Saileen happen.

Let that simmer.

I'm not sure when or the context, but I think it's a surety Eileen is going to return, Shosh's schedule contingent, or at the least, some major mentions to try to repair the erasure 15.20 committed on her, and even if she's not revealed as Sam's blurry wife, with 100% surety in canon, then something that recontextualizes and gives an actual explanation why Sam somehow abruptly forgot her existence in 15.20, after he nearly fell to his knees in grief when she was snapped.

(Also note, that lane of antis have also concern trolled and erased Soshannah Stern's actual comments so they could fake woke virtue signal that it somehow "demeans" Eileen, a deaf woman, to be in a romance, that it "reduces" her somehow, Meanwhile Sosh did an interview where she talked about why Eileen being a hero is important and why Eileen being depicted as a love interest is important, for deaf rep).

#Eileen Leahy #Saileen #the antis can feel what's bearing down on them on multiple things and they don't wike it #The 15 Year Show

[milfmacbeth]

From Ur post about wasted potential in media... What r some of your fav examples of this ^__^

hi anon! 

so when i made this post i was thinking about supernatural. other stories that are still rotting my brain even though they ended years ago and i really should be over it by now include (but aren’t limited to) the magnus archives, game of thrones, naruto, and pirates of the caribbean. all of these are stories i love(d) but they either ended badly or have some massive but easily fixable flaws which is why they drive me insane. 

the short(ish) version: (disclaimer that this is only my opinion which is of course objectively correct and should be taken as gospel)

supernatural went on for too long, ended badly, and only ever scratched the surface of everything it could’ve been

the magnus archives seasons 1-4 are damn near perfect and season 5 is… there. 

game of thrones season 8. (do i even need to say anything about this one!?)

naruto suffers because of kishimoto’s misogyny and because the wrong characters die/survive

pirates of the caribbean should’ve been a trilogy and we all know elizabeth should’ve ended up a pirate 

the unreasonably long and extremely spoilery version under the cut (you have been warned)

supernatural: by tumblr standards i’m downright normal about spn but i did watch every episode at least once and i was obsessed with it as a teen so i’m not really one to talk. i’m following someone who’s just now getting into it and who has some very good takes (specifically about dean and john), and i’m being dragged back into the fandom kicking and screaming…

 ANYWAY

supernatural starts out as a monster of the week thing but then the plot thickens and you’ve got angels and demons and lucifer and the end of the fucking world and even though the later seasons have their moments, i’m a “supernatural should’ve ended with season 5” truther. 

and don’t even get me started on the winchesters. it’s like… you have a deliciously fucked up family dynamic, including codependency, incest-subtext, and two brothers who would end the world for each other. god as an absentee father-figure who will not save you. free will. characters that have witnessed history. an angel who almost stepped on the first fish crawling out of the sea, who dragged a man out of hell and fell for him in every sense of the word. the humanity of the monstrous. the inhumanity of the divine. magic. americana. mythology. empty roads and neon signs and dilapidated motels. Death who tells dean that he will reap god when the time comes. i know i’m not being particularly coherent but no one can tell me that what we actually got was the best they could do when they had ALL THIS to work with. and the fandom gets it. the fic and meta writers get it. i’ve seen so many transcendent takes by supernatural girlies whose third eye is wide fucking open. i know it’s possible. supernatural’s problem is that it was written by straight us-american men and aired on the cw. in conclusion, make it darker and grittier and let dean say fuck. 

that being said, even though it was garbage storytelling, i will never forget the wonderful night of mass hysteria that was the 5th of november, and i almost choked laughing when i saw dean get nailed by a vampire clown and sam in the shittiest wig imaginable. probably not the intended audience reaction though. (you’re better off just ignoring that 15.20 happened at all)

the magnus archives (season 5): oh boy where do i even begin? i rarely talk about this anymore because it just makes me so angry and i’m not having any fun. i like to pretend that season 5 doesn’t exist which works excellently because while the first 4 seasons are a cohesive narrative whole, season 5 feels like it’s tacked on at the end. (“do i like this story more if i just ignore the ending happened” is a very good question to ask yourself regarding the quality of a finale).

the magnus archives season 5 has several problems, some of which don’t even concern the narrative but are instead fuckery related to the story. i’ll get those out of the way first.

first of all, the fandom is the most vile cesspit of people with no media comprehension i’ve ever had the misfortune to be in. among such hits as “why is Bad Person treated with sympathy” and “why is the horror podcast about horror and not about gay shipping”, what bothers me most are the headcanons treated as law. 

i’ve personally witnessed takes like “daisy is bad representation for butch lesbians” (daisy is not canonically a lesbian or butch. the fandom made that up), and “jon is brown therefore xyz portrayal is racist” (again, jon’s skin color is never mentioned. him being brown is just the most popular HEADcanon). why am i telling you this in this already way too long post? this might be conjecture but i really believe that if the fandom wasn’t so godawful, the story could’ve been better. the creators caved to fandom pressure. this is one of the best examples of why there needs to be a boundary between audience and creator and why the fandom should have absolutely NO say whatsoever when it comes to what happens in the story.

the other thing that’s a bit meta and not in the story per se are the promises the creators made. jonny sims said two things: 

1. the story will end in tragedy: it didn’t. the ending was ambiguous and i wanted it to leave me devastated the way the s4 finale did. instead it left me indifferent and vaguely confused. 

2. there will be no romance and if there is, it’s not going to be the focus of the story: so that was a fucking lie. season 5 is nothing but jonmartin shoved into your face for 40 episodes. a lot of aros, aces and people who were there for the horror and not for the shipping were understandably disappointed

now, as for the actual story ,i’m a “jon should’ve had a corruption arc” truther. (here's a thing i did). i think it would fit with his character development since he’s been getting more monstrous with every season. elias has been manipulating jon into becoming an avatar of the Beholding and ending the world, and jon hates him for it. jon kills elias and takes his place and if they just stuck with that, with elias being destroyed by the god he created and jon ascending to be the fucked up evil king of a ruined world. fuck, it would’ve been so good. it would’ve been so delicious i’m going insane every time i think about it. this is the secret good season 5 that lives in my head.

instead they went with parallel universes, which is a concept that you probably shouldn’t introduce 3 episodes before the ending. it’s not a bad concept at all. they could’ve done it justice. but making parallel fucking universes the thing on which your finale hinges even though you’ve barely introduced them? yeah i’m gonna go ahead and call that an ass pull. it turns out that the Web has been manipulating everyone blah blah who cares the important part is this: the Web wins. the Web gets what it wants and this could’ve worked if it was framed and presented to us LIKE A TRAGEDY. it’s not. it’s presented like a bittersweet ending. the morality of the finale is extremely protagonist-centric (and by season 5 i started to hate everyone except jon). the protagonists decide to release the Fears, dooming a potentially infinite number of people to a life of horror, but fuck those guys, right? the important thing is that the protagonists are okay. i’m going to fight jonny sims in a parking lot.

one last thing. jonmartin fucking sucks. but it doesn’t have to. jon and martin don’t know each other. they’re completely incompatible. they’re together out of guilt and circumstance. they’re dysfunctional and they’re very realistically dysfunctional. i personally ship jonelias. don’t worry this is not about a shipping war, but one thing i’ve noticed is that jonelias is fucked up in an “i’ve made you a monster and then a god. i’ve used you to bring about the apocalypse” kind of way which i’m guessing not many people have personal experience with. jonmartin is fucked up in a “we’re not communicating and we’re only together because neither of us wants to be alone” way. that’s relatable. hell, that’s depressingly common. jon doesn’t love martin, he just wants to cling to his humanity. martin doesn’t love jon, he loves the idea of jon. THAT’S POTENTIAL! take that and work with it. what did they do instead? gave me a pairing of two people who absolutely should not be together, shoved it into my face for dozens of episodes, and then portrayed jealousy and miscommunication like something cute and romantic. literally what the fuck are they on.

game of thrones: *deeep sigh* ok there are about a billion 3hour video essays detailing everything wrong with season 8 but the main things for me are:

jon is a targaryen. he’s azor ahai. his is the song of ice and fire. and NONE OF THAT FUCKING MATTERS OH MY GOD  AT LEAST LET JON DO SOMETHING LITERALLY ANYTHING EXCEPT STANDING AROUND REPEATING THE SAME TWO LINES AD NAUSEAM.

daenerys descent into madness and villainy could’ve been great if it had been properly set up instead of done in a minute (this is not an exaggeration. her character goes from “slightly mentally unstable” to “war criminal putting a city of innocent people to the torch” in ONE minute. i counted.)

i read the books and euron greyjoy is so fucking cool in the books. i don’t know who the fuck that other guy is but it certainly ain’t him.

arya killing the night king and bran becoming king. i wish i could say something funny or insightful but i genuinely have no words.

naruto: it’s been a while since i watched naruto. i’ve seen plenty of male writers being shitty but i’ve never seen misogyny drag a story down quite this much. personally, i’m done making excuses for this shit. if you can’t write women, you’re a bad writer. period. 

the problem with naruto is that the women are literally just... there. doing absolutely fuck all and being generally useless. this is not even a matter of social justice, this is a matter of storytelling. even if you’re the biggest macho dudebro around you’ll have to admit that one third of your cast standing around and being incompetent doesn’t make for a very interesting story, does it now?

and then there’s the matter of madara being nerfed in favor of kaguya. yeah… that one was an ass pull.

but what bothers me most is that the wrong characters die or don’t die respectively. some examples:

hinata should’ve died (instead of “almost died”) when pain attacked konoha. it would’ve made her sacrifice more meaningful and she would’ve come back one way or another. in my opinion she should’ve stayed dead for good because her arc was mostly done by that point and she doesn’t really do much after that except cheer on naruto (see misogyny above)

when madara fought the five kage, he almost killed all of them. keyword almost. i get that tsunade is a good healer but that fight would’ve been more meaningful if someone (literally any ONE of the kage) had actually died.

gai should’ve died. listen, you can’t build up the 8th gate as this super special technique that you can do only once because it costs your life and then not have gai die. it cheapens the entire thing. what was the fucking point? 

neji should’ve LIVED. a monumental part of his character arc was realizing that he’s worth just as much as the main family and that he doesn’t have to be subservient to hinata. and then he sacrifices himself for hinata. yeah that felt like one step forward two steps back. 

in conclusion: kishimoto needs to drink his respect women juice and learn when to kill characters and when to let them live.

pirates of the caribbean: i tend to ignore that part 4 and 5 even exist. please let the franchise die i am begging.

i don’t have that many examples of wasted potential but you can’t tell me that PIRATE KING elizabeth swann would stay on land being a good housewife. fuck no.

so yeah. i’m done. thank you for asking, this was a lot of fun to answer and i hope you enjoyed Do You Love The Color Of My Incoherent Ramblings

#i think one of the biggest sources of wasted potential is telling the audience something but showing them something else #you can often guess what the narrative wants you to think #and how something is framed/presented by the narrative is just as important as what actually happens #if something fucked up happens then i want the narrative to either acknowledge it's fucked up #or (much better) stay neutral and let me make up my own mind #but don't give me something fucked up and then act like it's Good and Righteous

[katya-goncharov]

I just had the most HORRIBLE thought. What if after the events of 15.19 when Cas got rescued from the empty by Jack, he tried to get back in touch with Dean? He's too scared of how Dean will react to approach him face-to-face, after the confession, so he calls him on the phone at first. But the last time Dean got a phone call from Cas, it was Lucifer and it was all a trick. So Dean tells himself that this time it must be a trick too, because it has to be, and good things don't happen to him anymore, and he won't be able to bear it if he answers that phone call and it's not Cas. So he ignores the call, ignores everything Cas sends him.

And when Dean doesn't pick up, Cas thinks that Dean doesn't want to speak to him, that he doesn't want to see him, doesn't want him in his life, not now. So he stays away, lets Dean keep thinking he's dead. Goes back to heaven to help Jack, because he thinks Dean doesn't care. And by the time Jack finally manages to talk him round, convince Cas that maybe it's okay, maybe he could just visit Dean, just to let him know he's alive, just to see, well. By that time, it's been six months. Those crucial six months between 15.19 and 15.20. And it's too late.....

#i'm SO sorry this just came into my head and it broke my heart so you all have to hear it too #destiel

[caranfindel]

Take these broken wings and learn to fly (15.20 coda)

het, but Wincest-compatible | about 2300 words | PG-13 for language | characters: sam winchester, sam’s blurry wife |

Julia has been widowed (God, what an awful word, widowed) for three years when she meets Sam. It’s a work-based friendship at first. She’s kind of lonely and sad, he’s kind of lonely and sad, and they gravitate toward each other. And then one evening they’re at a bar, the last ones left from an after-work happy hour, both of them drinking more than they should, and she thinks he’s kind and thoughtful and smart and he may be 10 years older than me but he’s still hot as hell and I enjoy being with him and I look forward to seeing him and maybe I should just… and she kisses him. He’s shocked; shocked enough to confirm that he wasn’t just hanging around hoping to make it out of the friendzone. And then he’s holding her face in his hands and he’s kissing her too.

It’s good. They’re good together. It’s not the earth-shattering, all-encompassing romance she had with Shaun. Julia knows she’ll never have anything like that again. Most people don’t even get one soulmate in their lives; no one gets two. And she knows Sam doesn’t have that same desperate love that Shaun had for her; she knows she’ll never have his whole heart. (She knows the woman he intended to marry was killed in a fire, she knows another woman he loved went back to her ex. She doesn’t know which of these women still owns that last piece of Sam’s heart.) But she loves Sam, and he loves her, and they get married.

(The sex is amazing. Sometimes he’s gentle, almost reverent, as if he’s afraid he’ll break her, and other times he’s fierce and passionate and almost tries to break her, and she loves both ends of the spectrum.)

She suggests they melt down her old wedding band to make a new one. It was an heirloom from her grandmother, a plain wide band of yellow gold that she loves, that she thought she’d wear for the rest of her life. But Shaun is the one who put it on her finger the first time. It doesn’t seem right to ask Sam to accept it now. A new band from the old gold seems like a good compromise. No, Sam says, I couldn’t ask you to do that. I know a way we can make it ours. He has the inside of the band engraved with the same symbol he wears tattooed over his heart, and makes her promise to never take it off. Bad luck, he says.

He’s such a contradiction. Scary smart, but as superstitious as an Appalachian grandmother. Calm and unflappable, but with a weirdly hyperactive startle reflex. Kind and empathetic, but capable of extreme violence when pushed to his limits (seriously, don’t walk your drunk ass up to Sam Winchester’s wife and lay hands on her, and don’t get mouthy when she tells you to back off) and just really, frighteningly skilled at that violence.

(A little frightening and also very sexy. Julia’s always had a thing for the hero type.)

They both have nightmares. One night Julia watches Shaun’s face melting under his gear and wakes with a cry of horror. Sam holds her as she tearfully describes living on the knife edge of constant fear that comes with loving someone whose job is literally running into burning buildings. I know, he says, over and over, even though he can’t possibly know. The irony of their first loves both dying in flames is not lost on her, but it’s not like his college girlfriend was a firefighter. It’s not like he watched her go to work every day and prayed she’d make it home alive.

Julia’s pregnancy is a wonderful surprise. She and Shaun had tried for over a year before she was widowed, and she just didn’t count on it happening with Sam. They agree not to name the baby after anyone they’ve lost. Let’s not name him after our pain, she says, and Sam is okay with that. (Or he isn’t. But ever since she showed him the positive pregnancy test, she’s known she could ask him for anything. She’s known he would rip out his heart and serve it on a platter if she asked for it.)

But they haven’t decided on a name yet when her water breaks four weeks early. When their perfect baby boy is born at 12:10 a.m., the nurse announces the date and time and Sam looks up at her in shock and blinks away happy tears and says it’s the 24th. It’s my brother’s birthday. Julia is flying high on endorphins; she loves this baby and she loves this man and she even loves his dead brother she never got to meet, and she says it’s got to be a sign; let’s name him Dean.

She takes off her wedding ring, just this once, to have Dean’s birthdate engraved on the inside. Sam does the same with his own ring. He insists they go to a jeweler who will engrave while they wait, rather than leaving the rings there. She waves a hand at her lumpy postpartum body. You afraid someone’s gonna make a move on all this if you don’t keep a ring on it?

He laughs at her and says you’re onto me, even though he’s the one who needs to be locked away, still with that long lean runner’s body and the amazing shoulders and the goddamn dimples. I just don’t like us being without them, he says. He is a sweet, sentimental fool and she adores him. He bends down to kiss her, carefully maneuvering the baby he’s wearing in a sling, and Julia looks at this man and this baby and this life she didn’t think she was get to have and knows she’s happier than she has any right to be. And she’s relieved when Sam slips the ring back onto her finger, this ring imbued with the men she loves, so maybe he’s not the only sentimental fool.

(One thing she loves about Sam is that he understands why she feels guilty that Shaun didn’t get to share this life with her.)

In July they light a little candle for Dean’s six-month birthday. When Julia wakes the next morning, Sam’s side of the bed is empty and cold. She finds him cuddling their sleeping baby in the living room. I got up to give him a bottle, Sam says. I guess I just fell asleep out here. His red-rimmed eyes and empty coffee mug suggest he didn’t actually sleep at all, but, well. They’re both battling their own private demons. If a night cradling the baby gives Sam some peace for whatever reason, she’s glad of it.

Sam’s fierce love for their child takes her by surprise. If Julia has 90% of his heart, his son has 110%. He parents with a vengeance, is the only way she can think of to describe it. Like he’s making up for something. She doesn’t feel slighted, but it’s impossible to ignore that ever since Dean was born, Sam’s prime objective has been to make sure the boy is happy and safe. Everything else comes second.

(When she notices Sam has been carefully marking his tattoo symbol onto Dean’s clothing, hidden near seams and always in a color that almost matches the fabric, she decides not to say anything. He gets a little funny about his superstitions sometimes.)

Sam desperately wants Dean to have a sibling, and they try for another one, but it doesn’t happen. Julia reminds him that they’re lucky to have even one child. That having a sibling is not a lifetime guarantee of companionship and love. She should know, after all, since Stephanie cut her off after she married that asshole Scientologist and decided she couldn’t have a relationship with anyone who wasn’t also in their stupid cult.

Dean has plenty of friends and tons of activities, which Sam encourages with an almost religious fervor, but he never pulls away from his parents. They have so much in common, Sam and his son. Instead of rebelling as a teenager, Dean seems to grow even closer to his father. They spend hours together, paging through the ancient books in Sam’s study (she hates them, they smell musty and make her sneeze) or driving in the old Chevrolet. They even travel together sometimes, visiting those friends of Sam’s that live up north somewhere. Julia met them at the wedding and they were perfectly nice, thrilled to death that she and Sam had found each other. But she always feels like an outsider when they’re around, like they’re part of something she’ll never understand. So much history, with Sam and the brother she never got to meet. They absolutely dote on Dean though, and he seems to love them too, so the boys’ trip to Sioux Falls becomes an annual event.

(Dean is 14 years old when he comes home from one of these trips with his own version of the tattoo.)

When Julia is diagnosed with cancer, Dean is 16 years old. Sam does his best to ensure life goes on as normal for their son but somehow never neglects Julia’s needs. He throws himself into research and is always on top of the latest treatment, always at her elbow with the top internet-recommended remedy for her side effects, making sure both she and Dean have everything they want and need, all the attention and support they can tolerate. She doesn’t know when, or if, Sam actually sleeps. When she feels up for it, he arranges experiences for the three of them. A week lying on the beach, a weekend in New York City, a night in the mountains looking at the stars. When we look back on this time, he says, I don’t want us to only remember how much it sucked. I want us all to have good memories too.

(She doesn’t know why he’s concerned about her memories. There’s a good chance she won’t have much time to enjoy them. But it’s good for Dean. She doesn’t want this to ruin Dean’s childhood.)

Sam insists Dean go away to college as planned. Julia agrees, although she’s kind of surprised he’s willing to let the boy out of his sight. Aren’t you going to miss him? she asks.

So much, he answers. But this isn’t about me, and what I need. It’s about him. They drive Dean to school in the ancient Chevrolet. Supposedly because the trunk has room for all of his stuff, but Julia is pretty sure it’s just one last sentimental road trip in the old thing before Sam retires it. When they pick Dean up at the end of the school year, it’s in her SUV. Dean promises his father, more than once, that he’ll restore the Chevy someday.

Five years after Julia’s diagnosis, she’s sitting in the doctor’s office learning that her last remission was her last remission. There are no more options. She has months, not years. Sam clutches her hand and nods, once, as if to say I should have known this would happen; I should have expected something like this. Then he takes her home.

It’s a blessing in a way, he says late that night, after a little too much to drink. Knowing what’s coming. Having time to say goodbye. You don’t always get that. And yes, she knows this as well as anybody does.

Sam has always been supportive of her choice not to contact Stephanie, but one day he says Jules, I promise I’ll never bring it up again. It’s just that I don’t want you to have any regrets. I don’t want you miss the opportunity to say things that you’ll wish you’d said. Julia isn’t sure Steph will speak to her. She’s not even sure she’ll have the same phone number — they haven’t spoken since Dad’s funeral, a year after she was widowed — but she makes the call. And Steph answers. And cries. And comes to visit, where she hugs and cries some more. Sam watches it all with a sad smile for a while, then disappears into the garage to sit in the old Chevy.

When Julia takes her last conscious breaths, Dean is holding one hand and Sam is holding the other. She squeezes her son’s hand and thinks I love you, dear boy, and I’m sorry I have to leave you. She squeezes her husband’s hand and thinks thank you for giving me this, thank you for taking care of me, thank you for loving me and letting me love you. Then she closes her eyes and lets the soft, warm darkness take over.

And then. Then she wakes to a cool breeze and the sound of chirping birds. She’s standing at a lake she recognizes. It’s Shaun’s favorite fishing spot. And Shaun is there, waiting for her. And everything is okay.

Sam does show up eventually. Julia’s sitting on the porch of the cabin with Shaun, enjoying the perpetual nice day (sometimes a spring morning, sometimes a fall afternoon, but always nice) when she hears the familiar rumble. It cant be, she thinks. It can’t be that old car. But it is.

I’m glad you found someone with good taste in cars, Shaun says, as Sam unfolds himself from the driver’s seat. He looks exactly as he did the day she met him; no glasses, only a little grey at his temples. Still tall and strong and beautiful. She runs to meet him and embraces him as Shaun watches from the porch.

You found Shaun, Sam says. I’m so happy for you, Jules. I really am. He doesn’t seem to have any intention of joining her (their) Heaven permanently, but he doesn’t seem to have anyone else with him either. Where is the dead girlfriend? How is this fair?

They talk about Dean, and Julia’s heart swells with pride over her strong, smart, kind, brave son. He’s like you, she says. He’s just like you.

Sam shrugs. He’s a Winchester.

But what about you? she says. You’re not — you’re not alone here, are you?

Nah, he says. I’m good. I promise.

(Eventually Julia meets the first Dean, and she understands.)

===

I know a lot of people have mocked Sam's blurry wife, but I actually have grown to love the concept. Because it means she can be anything we want her to be. And yeah, initially I liked the idea of her being Dr. Cara, or Eileen. But now I don't think that would happen. I think Sam would have to start fresh to have that kind of relationship. And I also like the idea of Sam's wife having her own soulmate somewhere, waiting for her, so she's not a huge part of Sam and Dean's shared Heaven. I mean, they're gonna visit, obviously. And then they'll go home to their soulmates.

The title is from "Blackbird" by the Beatles.

#spn #15.20 #my fic #episode coda #sam winchester

[katsidhe]

Wow I really really dislike the tumblr saileen wedding thing.

Like, way more than I was prepared to. Maybe because it’s making something that is so quiet and unspecified in canon for Sam into something so specific and loud? Something private and vague into something boisterous?

I just have a LOT of protectiveness over, I guess, the privacy and the disconnection of Sam’s eventual peace.

Let Sam marry someone we don’t know! Let Sam make new relationships! And I CERTAINLY don’t want Dean involved, at least in the specific and charged context of fandom ignoring 15.20.

#fandom wank #i guess #sam and romance #let him be alone! #and I certainly don’t want Dean involved #15.20 #this is making me dislike saileen tbh #which is a shame because I think it’s generally pretty sweet #but it’s getting that cloying taste of having been colored too heavily by fandom

[remythologise]

I don't even watch SPN but all the rants got me super intrigued, is it possible to get a layman's summary of what's going on? I think I understand why the Destiel canon confession thing got everyone mad but what happened after? What's the meta narrative everyone's talking about? Was there an expectation of something and they didn't deliver? Just super curious feel free to ignore if you don't have the time x

Hey anon! Sorry for flooding your dash haha. Layman’s summary is as follows:

Of the people watching SPN and shipping Destiel in season 15, most don’t expect it to be canon. A small group of people are providing meta being like it’s DEFINITELY going canon, but 500 times bitten 600 times shy, most don’t believe them. Now I wanna say, this meta - on the most part - makes sense. It does. It just assumes a smarter show than I think Supernatural is.

Season 12-15, from when Dabb takes over as showrunner, is emotionally about building a family around ‘Jack’ a nephilim child who considers Sam, Dean and Cas his ‘three dads’. They love him as a son, textually this is stated many times. 

Season 15 is a meta narrative in which the characters face off against God, ‘the Author’. The Author also represents the SPN writers. Many people believed that this meant the end of the show would be Sam and Dean being ‘free’ of the narrative that had chained them, which is, to SPN’s credit, exactly what happened (if executed extremely fucking poorly.) The defeat of God is the one plot point in 15.19 I liked, even if I don’t like how it was done.

During this season and to be honest, many previous seasons, there’s a really subtle Dean/Cas narrative being drawn, and when I say ‘subtle’, I mean like, it’s loud for an intelligent show, but quiet for a CW show where nothing is written subtly. And this season, there’s a beautiful line being strung through about free will, about how Castiel had free will, how he fell for Dean, outside the narrative. Outside of the author’s intention. It matches up with the meta arc.

15.18 airs, Destiel goes canon with Cas’ confession, suddenly everything is on the table. The show REALLY IS intelligent enough to understand that amazing meta narrative; the characters falling in love outside the author’s plan. They really bring it into canon. Suddenly, all the bi flag lighting and weird tap dance scenes in this season make SENSE. And I mean that sincerely; it was like the arc of the season was completely locked into place with this. Everything had a place to fall into. Everyone is very excited for the end, because surely, surely, this being a grand epic narrative where one main character confesses to another, Castiel would not stay dead. The narrative had showed us that Dean loved him, through mixtapes given and unmatched grief for his death and choked off prayers. And tap dancing with lamps, if you read into that.

I think the problem is that the Dean/Cas arc was written subtly by the talented writers who love it, and for that reason it’s far better than anything else in season 15. And I think people wrongly assumed that Dean would be allowed to love a man in return, despite the narrative imperative he return Cas’ love (Cas being a character who has never really been treated the way he deserved, and a happy ending being the antithesis to Chuck/The Author’s desired tragic ending) Which brings us to

15.19 airs, and it’s a complete clusterfuck. The episode itself is the worst I’ve seen, hands down. The writing is terrible, the ending is anti-climatic, they have montages that are supposed to be emotional but just seem like random clips of random characters to completely incorrect music choices. Not only that, but the characters end the episode emotionally OOC in a way I’ve never seen before. At the start of the episode, Dean begs God/Chuck to bring Cas back to life. Chuck has the power to do this; we see this when he resurrects Lucifer from the same place Cas is. At the end of the episode, Jack, despite having acquired God’s powers, resurrects EVERYONE IN THE WORLD, but not Castiel. Castiel is not mentioned, by Jack - the son who adored him, and who he adored - and not by Dean - who had just received a love confession from him, and had not twenty minutes earlier begged God to kill him and Sam and bring back everyone especially Cas. Hello?

There are so many plotholes and canon continuity errors and dropped plot points with 15.19 but let me say the most glaring wrt Cas; in s15, Ruby asks Cas to free her from the Empty. She says it’s eternal suffering for demons and angels there. We know the Empty hates Cas. Lucifer, in this ep, mentions the Empty being a fucking nightmare. And yet DESPITE ALL OF THIS, Castiel is left there to suffer. And the writers it seems are pretending that the Empty is meant to be ‘peaceful’, despite this being mentioned nowhere in text. 

At the end of the episode, Sam and Dean toast to Jack and Castiel, to the ‘ones they lost’ and then just seem to be happy and fine with everything. Sam doesn’t even mention his love interest, Eileen, who he had been panicking over being dead. And full smile coming from the man, Dean Winchester, who was textually suicidal last time he thought Castiel was dead. What??? But it really does seem like the family was just broken up without any emotional catharsis and Castiel’s confession won’t be addressed.

As far as we are aware, Misha Collins is not returning and the next ep is a Monster of the Week brother-centred ‘classic’ episode finale.

So basically; everything intelligent we thought was happening in the story was mostly a lie, Dean/Castiel was no-homo’d out of being a beautiful never before seen meta narrative love story (well, a reciprocated one), the family dynamic of Team Free Will was horribly broken up with no emotional coherence or catharsis, and most of this seems to be a poorly written excuse to have the two brothers alone again. Oh, and also, Castiel is an incredibly tragic queer figure who spent the whole show suffering, dying, and serving the man he loved, and got sent to super-turbo-hell for it. And NONE of the dropped plot threads or emotional threads are gonna be picked back up, barring a miracle surprise appearance from Misha Collins in 15.20 - but even then, how do you excuse Jack walking out, and forgetting to bring Cas back to life? How do you excuse Dean suddenly giving up on Cas as soon as it’s possible to revive him again... what, because he’s gay for Dean now? How do you excuse any of it? 

#ask #anonymous #spn spoilers #supernatural spoilers #anon really like 'only if you have time' and I'm like. an excuse to rant about this shitshow? you indulge me #boys I swear if I am wrong about next week you can all charge me $100 each in damages I will be so happy I won't care

[hot-tea-gardenparty]

SPN 15.20 Reaction

Okay finally watching it live here on the West Coast, albeit I’ve been spoiled by Tumblr so I already know the episode is utter trash. I am very upset. Do not read ahead if you’d rather feel positive.

-          Pie Festival. Sam brings up Cas and Jack and Dean just pushes past that like it doesn’t fucking matter. “We gotta keep living for them” FUCK THAT SHIT. I hate it. So we are just going to keep ignoring the whole Cas confession? Gotcha. Pics or it didn’t happen?

-          Where’s Eileen too? Does she matter nothing to Sam now? What was the point of bringing her back to life and the kiss and whatnot….if she doesn’t matter in the end.

-          Now we’ve got some rando family that I don’t care about and these dollar store mask wearing creepers. I don’t want to see this in a SERIES FINALE EPISODE.

-          So you got all these extras and all these other random actors on set….but you couldn’t include Misha in the finale? Wow.

-          Interrogation of the dollar store creepers. Boring. SO BORING. 15 minutes into this episode and I am BORED. Who cares right now about a VAMPIRE NEST in the FINALE EPISODE. Why was this put in here?

-          A barn….where Dean is supposed to be meeting Cas again but we all know that isn’t going to happen.  No….why would we actually bring back a character that has kept this show from cancellation over and over…let’s just have the brothers fight some stupid vampires that no one cares about.

-          Oh great a fight with the dollar store vampires. The fight choreo is a bit wonky….but if I was honest it’s always been a little wonky on Supernatural (at least the past few seasons).

-          HOW DID THE SPN WRITERS THINK THAT BRINGING BACK JENNY FROM S.1 WAS MORE IMPORTANT THAN CAS? LIKE SERIOUSLY…WHAT THE EVER LIVING FUCK.

-          Fastest cameo ever. What the hell was the purpose of that at all?!

-          This is where Dean is gonna fall on a spike or something and die. Oh…nope…impaled by a vampire.

-          Seriously. Dean is gonna die here? HERE? NOW? He literally just got his free will. ARE YOU SHITTING ME?! Seriously….WHAT IS THE POINT OF DEAN DYING NOW? AND THIS IS WHAT KILLS HIM?  Dean deserves more than this. This isn’t the right way for him to die. Impaled on a spike by a shitty, second tier vamp. He deserved a life. This is just CRUEL.

-          Dean’s goodbye to Sam is kinda squicky. This is crossing into Wincest territory and it’s kinda disgusting. SERIOUSLY DABB WHY DID YOU FEED INTO THE WINCEST BULLSHIT.

-          This death is taking a while.

-          Sam doesn’t deserve this shit.

-          God, I would have been fine with a death like this for Dean if it had happened LATER ON DOWN THE LINE. BUT LIKE THIS? NOW?

-          Serious question. Why did Dean have to die in a barn? A link to Cas maybe? Fuck…why am I doing this to myself….I know now this show isn’t that deep.

-          Hunter funeral. Hey…Sam….question buddy….why didn’t you call ANYONE? No Donna. No Jody? Just you and the damn dog? WTF? Where is your found family? Apparently they don’t matter anymore.

-          The dog is the best part of this episode. It’s cute.

-          So now Sam is going to go on a hunt? Sure. Fine.

-          Dean is in heaven now I guess.

-          You cannot tell me that Dean arrives in heaven, where Cas is now residing, and Cas just doesn’t pop in at all to say HI? BULLSHIT.

-          All Cas gets is a fleeting mention? Thanks. I hate it.

-          “What are you going to do now?”   “I’m gonna no homo this shit-pony into the diarrhea smear sunset!”

-          Sam marries an unknown woman. Has a kid named Dean. Thanks….I hate it.

-          WHAT IS THAT WIG?! OMG NO. AHAHAHAHAHA! They didn’t even fucking try. Jared doesn’t even look aged…jesus christ.

-          Sam dies in old age. Fine. Whatever. I am already fed up with this shitty finale.

-          Why couldn’t supernatural just give us a happy ending in 2020?

-          Carry On My Wayward Son TWICE….IN A ROW. JESUS CHRIST. HAMMER IT HOME HARDER GUYS I HAVEN’T FELT ANYTHING YET.

-          Are you seriously telling me Cas hasn’t come by to say hi to Dean ONCE. NOT ONCE? Fuck I hate this finale. I hate it so much.

Final thoughts: This finale was a mess. Every single emotional thread they had strung was left hanging. I am honestly deeply offended that Castiel wasn’t in this episode. That he was barely even mentioned. I cried about that during the final scenes, not because Dean and Sam died. This finale was a cheap, slap-dash ending…it was the epitome of “rocks fall they all die”. I haven’t felt this hurt and angered by a finale since GOT. I had so much faith in Supernatural and it’s writers….I put faith in the meta readings and I tried to stay a positive fangirl with a sunny outlook. This finale just dashed most of my respect for whoever thought this finale was good enough. For whoever deemed these endings were going to make us fans happy. This was a slap to so many of our faces. It dangled multiple carrots in our face, “it’s not a good ending without Cas” or “Cas is an important character, we can’t leave him out” and “family don’t end in blood”. WELL…apparently family does end in blood…because Dean and Sam literally cared about no one else in 15.19 and 15.20 other than themselves. It’s like the entire ensemble cast was shoved to the side to make sure that the Wincest and brother lovers got their happy ending. I am so beyond heartbroken.

THIS IS NOT MY SUPERNATURAL FINALE.

IT NEVER FUCKING WILL BE.

#spn #supernatural #15.20 #destiel #episode live reaction #thoughts #personal #i don't give a fuck anymore #this finale was a raging dumpster fire #it didn't even give us the bare minimum #it was so hurried and slapdash #it was insulting

[adhdeancas]

A Bump in the Night

Dean and Cas are finally together and the world is finally at peace, but neither one can shake their anxieties that everything could fall apart at any second. Or sleep. They’ve been through a lot, but they’ll get through it together.

(fluffy, post 15.20, talks about anxiety/anxiety attacks) read on AO3

The first thought Dean had when he woke up was that it was happening again. His heart was pounding, and something in the back of his head was screaming alarm bells at him. The rest of his head was still heavy and disoriented from sleep and whatever nightmare had so obviously caused this. Again. He took a deep shuddering breath, trying to slow down his heart, but the second he thought about it, it sped up again. Oh, the life of a hunter was glamorous.

His hearing was alert up from the anxiety flowing through his veins, so when he heard a noise coming from somewhere in the bunker it sounded significant. A dull thud, maybe the sound of a boot coming down the stairs, or a body against a wall. Could be the sound of someone falling, or maybe it was the sound of the kitchen door shutting in its heavy frame. Someone was in the bunker.

“No, Dean,” he scolded himself quietly. “Nobody can get in, nobody even knows this place exists.” 

But what if someone did? Was he just gonna sit there in bed like an idiot and wait for them to barge in? Kill his family? Dread gripped his chest and he eased out of bed with a sigh. It happened every night. But there was always a chance that this time… this time it would be real. He grabbed his gun from under his pillow and padded into the hall, being careful to shut his well-oiled door quietly. It was the only door in the place that he’d ensured was silent; all the others squeaked like an old bird. For protection. Nothing better to alert you to an intruder than a squeaky hinge.

Okay, so he was a little paranoid. Dean crept along the hallway, keeping a careful eye on all the shadows he saw move in the dim lighting of the wall sconces. Nothing yet. He could hear Sam snoring through his bedroom door. “Jeesh, thank god Eileen is deaf.” He snickered to himself. Next came Jack’s door. Jack slept like a freaking rock, so Dean felt alright peeking into his bedroom to check. Safe and sound, a book folded on top of his chest and his lamp still on. Dean tiptoed to his bedside, turning it off and laying the book on his nightstand before he left. Dork. He was gonna turn out just like Sam, a little bookworm. He’d been really into this nerdy science-fiction series, something about aliens and pirates, maybe. Cas really was the better listener when it came to that kind of thing.

His heartbeat picked up again the second he got out the door, so much that Dean had to lean against the wall and force himself to breathe. There was nothing even happening, goddamnit. 

The kitchen was clear, the Dean Cave was empty and dark, but there was a dim light shining down at the end of the hallway. The library. “Sam probably just forgot to turn off a lamp again.” He told himself, so quietly he could barely hear it. He raised his gun anyway, sneaking up the hall until he could turn the corner and have the element of surprise. That would be the first room someone searched if they’d broken in, after all. He jumped out from the corner, gun pointed…

At Cas. 

“Dean!” Cas gasped. He put the book in his hand down, looking up at Dean. “It’s just me.” 

Dean let out a breath which felt like a relief. He was pretty sure he’d stopped breathing about halfway down the hall. For stealth, you know. He relaxed the grip on his gun and let it drop to his side. “Sorry, Cas,” 

“Did you think I was an intruder?” 

“No, I-” That would be ridiculous. No one could get in here. No one knew this place existed. “I heard a noise.”

“And you thought it was trouble.” 

“No, I just… I wanted to make sure.” He hoped his face wasn’t getting as red as it felt. “This place has all sorts of weird stuff,” God, that excuse was lame. He silently begged Cas to agree. They’d just started dating. This was not a hot look. His heart beat agreed with him. He felt nauseous. 

“The bunker is safe, Dean. We searched through everything.” Cas beckoned him over, and Dean reluctantly sat down. With his boxer briefs, t-shirt, and gun, he felt a lot silly sitting next to Cas. Cas, fully dressed and lounging in the middle of the night.

“Yeah, I know.” Dean ducked his head, hoping Cas wouldn’t hear how hard he was trying to keep his breathing even. “Old habits.” He huffed and set the gun down on the table. “What are you doing up, anyway?”

Cas shrugged. “I couldn’t sleep. I guess I’m not quite as used to human processes as Jack yet.” 

Dean grinned slightly. “Yeah, well, the kid’s a teenager. He needs it.”

“The kid’s three.” Cas corrected. He crossed his legs and faced Dean on the couch like he was the kid.

“Makes my point even better then.” Cas just smiled at him in reply. Dean fidgeted, uncomfortable with the attention, even though he was sure Cas was just as tired as he was.

Cas seemed to recognize it. He frowned and took Dean’s hand in his, running his fingers over the creases of his palm. Luckily he either didn’t notice or ignored how clammy they were. “Dean… do you feel okay?” He spoke softly and calmly, but Dean recognized the tone. It was something new they’d developed since Cas had come back from The Empty, since they’d started dating. It was this tone that they used when they wanted the truth, even though they knew it was uncomfortable.

Dean felt dumb answering. “Yeah, I mean… I’m fine. I mean… look at me, all my fingers and toes are there and everything.” he wiggled his fingers in Cas’s grip, which earned him a little smile. “I just… I don’t know what’s wrong with me, Cas. I know it’s all over, but…  I still get nervous. Over nothing.” He rubbed at his eyes tiredly, letting the anxiety settle into place. “I’ve woken up every night this week and cleared the bunker.” 

The admission didn’t take Cas off guard at all. At least, not that he showed. He squeezed Dean’s hand and put another on the back of his neck. His hands were cool and steady, and they made Dean feel a little more anchored. “Are you anxious right now?” Dean took the hand away from his face and nodded. He gripped Cas’s hand and raised it to his chest so he could feel his heartbeat racing away. Cas nodded. He leaned in to Dean, kissing his soft and sweet.

“I haven’t been able to sleep because I keep thinking I’m going to come out of my room and it’ll all be gone.” He admitted quietly. “You, Jack, Sam, Eileen. It feels like if I stay out here, in the open, there isn’t a chance for it all to disappear.” 

Dean furrowed his eyebrows. He understood, of course he did. But the thought of Cas staying out here all night feeling bad, it made him hurt. “Why didn’t you come get me?” 

Cas smiled, quirking an eyebrow. “Why didn’t you?”

Dean shrugged and kissed his knuckles. “Touche.” He couldn’t tell if touching Cas like this was making his anxiety better or worse. On the one hand, getting to touch Cas and be soft with him made him feel giddy and scarily lucky. On the other hand, it also made him feel all kinds of butterflies, the sense of disbelief that this man loved him still lingering. He decided it was worth it either way, and knocked his knuckles against Cas’s leg. “Come on, come to bed with me.” 

Cas paused, eyebrows raising.

“Oh come on, I don’t mean like that.” he grinned easily. “At least, not right now.” The blush crept up his cheeks again. Flirting with Cas was his newest extreme sport. “Just, maybe if I’m there you won’t feel like everything’s about to disappear.” 

Cas looked way too flattered at the proposition. God he was cute. “On one condition. Wake me up if you hear a noise?” 

Dean laughed. “Are you sure? You need your beauty rest.” 

Cas scowled at him. “Is that an insult?”

“Eh, you’ve looked worse.” Dean quirked his lips. He was almost cuter when he was annoyed.

“Oh really? Like when?” 

“Like that one time in the barn when you told me you loved me?” 

“Oh, you mean the time I was dying?” Cas scoffed.

Dean nodded. “Yeah. You looked like shit.”

Cas shook his head and seemed to remember their conversation. “I mean it. Wake me up.” 

Dean’s smile faded as he thought it over. Maybe he could wake Cas up with a few kisses, convince him to go for a night drive or something instead of stalking around the house. “Okay, fine. But no being grumpy.” 

“Me? Dean, you are a nightmare to wake up.” 

“Is that an insult?” 

“Yes.” 

Dean laughed and grabbed Cas by the hand, leading him to his bedroom. That sleep was the best either of them had gotten in weeks.

#i can not be stopped #destiel #fanfic #fluff #post canon #post 15.20 #anxiety #supernatural #dean winchester #castiel #cas #deancas

[mpregbillypilgrim]

2, 11, 59 & 63

i don't know why i reblogged that ask meme right before a weekend when i knew i would be busy. thank you.

2. when do you think the climax of the show is?

okay rem wrote this list and i know they're in the opinion that 4.22 lucifer rising is the climax of the show with everything else as falling action. i agree, and i don't know if i could refute it. 5.22 concluded the story, and every apocalypse after that comes from cleaning up the messes made after the apocalypse was started, then thwarted (and then the messes made from cleaning up messes, and so on).

(i will add that one thing that frustrates me in the later seasons is how messy the storytelling is, and how little structure there is to it? like michael feels like he's going to be the big bad in season 14 but he gets killed after the mid-season finale, and before the season finale. and it's not like breaking away from the regular tv format does anything groundbreaking in this case. anyways please stick to one villain per season, it'll really focus your story telling.)

11. do you have any favourite writers? do you have any least favourite writers?

i really don't pay attention to the writers at all. buckleming write bad TV though. although i have a good memory of the slice girls.

59. should have cas have forgiven dean in season 15?

i mean sure, it could say something interesting about cycles of abuse and how castiel never really learnt free will, he just learnt how to follow someone else's orders. the writers were just interested in making us suck dean's dick though so i don't care either way.

63. ideal supernatural ending if only changing the last couple of episodes, or going off the full canon?

i mean i would've really liked an ending where there ended up being no god, but i think it would require more changes in season 15 to make that work. by season 15 i just want an ending where i know sam's going to be okay. so my ideal ending isn't different it's basically 15.18 through 20 if they weren't supbar TV.

billie's plan of killing everyone who'd come back to life wasn't necessarily evil, but if we want the protagonists to survive, let's say she was just aiming for no more resurrections, or at least no more chuck, and she wanted the winchesters' help. then from the beginning she would've wanted to turn jack into a power vacuum. then jack eats god's powers, and he, amara and billie watch over the world. imo the empty should be an extension of the darkness, so i think amara could solve the problem of it being loud. castiel goes off to rebuild heaven i guess. 15.19 was a clusterfuck episode so i'm ignoring most of it.

i liked the concept of 15.20, but i think i would've liked it better if it was split in two? the first half is a good bare bones motw, which ends with dean being deadly wounded, and we see sam realize he's not going to make it. dean's speech is at the beginning of the next part. we see him get to heaven, and we see sam begin to decide what his next steps are going to be (building the pyre, maybe talking to a friend, taking the hunt), but we don't see the montage with his son. jack and cas can't be there because i need him to be deeply grieving & with the blankest slate possible ahead of him. i'd end it with him leaving the bunker but we can have the heaven reunion scene for people who care about the brothers or whatever.

#asks #long post #thanks again!

[averygroovymutant]

My Way Home is Through You

Summary: Dean doesn't cope well with Castiel's death.

Pairing: Dean x Castiel

Warnings: (Temporary) Main Character Death, Internalized Biphobia, LOTS OF ANGST, Spoilers for up to 15.19 - ignores the dumpster fire that was 15.20

Words: 5,221

(A/N: I wrote this pre-finale because I was terrified about what would happen in it, turns out I was right to be. I'm heartbroken. Supernatural really said 'fuck the LGBTQ community', huh?)

(Read on AO3) “I love you.”

Dean stood, rooted to the spot, in utter shock. Cas loved him? Cas loved him? His head was spinning and, honestly, he had no idea what was going on. His best friend was sobbing in front of him and confessing his love while Death was literally banging on the door. There was too much happening and Dean's brain was not working fast enough to process it. Cas' gaze flickered to something behind Dean and he turned to see a dark, gloopy-looking portal had opened.

On the other side of the room, the clumsy warding Cas had applied finally gave out and the door burst open to reveal Billie standing there, scythe at the ready. Dean looked back to Cas in panic, knowing this would be his last chance to say something, anything, to the angel. “Cas, I–” he began, but Cas stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.

“Goodbye, Dean,” he said, and before Dean knew what was happening, he was thrown to the floor.

In a flash, The Empty was on Cas – and Billie – devouring them in a flurry of darkness, and Dean was left alone, in the silence of the bunker, with nothing left of his best friend but a bloody handprint on his jacket.

The world was ending, but Dean couldn’t bring himself to get up. His world had been ripped from him, and he had never even gotten the chance to tell Cas how much he had meant to him. Ten years Dean had wasted, hiding his feelings for the angel, when he could have just been happy. A sob ripped its way free from his throat, and once they started, Dean found he couldn’t stop them.

 ~

 Dean awoke with a start, shaking and sweaty, with tearstained cheeks. He had not meant to fall asleep; he had not slept more than a handful of hours since they had returned to the bunker, after stripping Chuck of his powers, as every time he allowed himself to drift off he was greeted by the same nightmare. He wondered if he would ever be free of the memory, of the pain and regret he felt at the words he had left unsaid, despite the fact he had nothing to lose by finally speaking them out loud.

“I need a beer,” he muttered to himself.

In the kitchen he found Sam, on a video call to Eileen, which he promptly ended once he looked up and saw the state Dean was in.

They sat in the war room together, Dean on the floor, leant against the wall, and Sam at the table. They drank to their newfound freedom, to the people they had saved; to the friends they had lost along the way. But no matter how much Dean drank, he couldn’t stop thinking about Cas, the look on his face as the Empty swallowed him, the words he had uttered to summon it–

“What really happened, Dean? With Cas?” Sam asked suddenly, shaking Dean from his spiralling thoughts. “Jack told me about the deal; Cas was only supposed to be taken when he felt true happiness. I know there’s something you’re not telling me.”

Concern was written all over his brother’s features and Dean was just the right mix of tired and drunk and fucking heartbroken that he didn’t even try to stop the words from spilling out of his mouth. “He said he loved me,” he muttered, looking up at Sam with glassy eyes.

“Oh,” was all the younger man said. No hint of confusion, or surprise - or disgust, Dean noted - just understanding.

How can he just accept that? Dean thought, My entire world has been shattered and he says ‘oh’? How does he not have questions?

Dean had questions – so many questions – but there was one that he had been simultaneously desperate and terrified to ask, ever since Cas had said those words; a question to which he was sure that whatever the answer was, it would break him.

“But what did he mean?”

Sam looked at him, one eyebrow raised in confusion, an invitation for Dean to continue.

“Angels… They don’t feel things like humans,” Dean stated, trying to keep his voice even. “So, what did he actually mean when he told me he loved me?”

“It’s been a long time since Cas was like the rest of the angels, Dean,” Sam said patiently, placing his beer down on the table and looking at Dean seriously. “I’m pretty sure he meant exactly what you think he did.”

Perhaps Dean should have expected that to be the answer – Cas had, after all, said that Dean’s love was 'the one thing he knew he could never have’ – but he had been so deeply in denial that Sam’s answer still shocked him. Shocked him, and broke him, like he knew it would; he had let Cas die thinking his love wasn’t returned because, for all these years, he had been scared of what people might think. Scared of disappointing a father he could never gain the approval of anyway. Scared of losing the adoration of his little brother - but the look on Sam’s face made it very clear that he had had nothing to fear.

“You- you knew?” Dean asked, his voice breaking slightly as he held back the tears threatening to fall.

“It was obvious,” Sam replied simply, a sad smile gracing his features, before adding. “You mean to say, you didn’t?”

Dean pressed his palms against his eyes and shook his head, unable to form any more words as sobs wracked his body.

 ~

 Sam looked down at Dean, sprawled on the floor, whisky bottle still in hand. He had sat on the floor most of the night with Dean as he cried, and drank, and cried some more; he had held his brother as he sobbed into Sam’s shoulder, soaking his shirt through with tears. They weren’t usually huggers, but Dean wasn’t usually a crier either – a lot had changed over the last few days.

Sam had watched as the broken man eventually passed out from sheer exhaustion. He hadn’t wanted to move him for fear of waking him up, knowing the state Dean was in he would never sleep by choice, so Sam grabbed some pillows from his room and placed them under Dean’s head.

He thought back to his call with Eileen earlier, when he had explained to her everything that had gone down. He was desperate to see her but he didn’t know what Dean would do if left on his own right now, so had told Eileen he needed to be there for Dean and Eileen had understood, of course. She had assured Sam that she was fine and he could take all the time he needed to look after his brother, and Sam loved her even more for her compassion. In the days that followed, Sam pottered around the bunker attempting to restore some of its power with spells from the books Rowena had left him. He managed to get the monster radar and alarm system back online and was pretty pleased with himself for that.

Dean was like a zombie, only sleeping when he absolutely couldn’t stay awake or when he drank himself unconscious. Sometimes he started crying over the weirdest things, things Sam never would have even related to Cas. Before, Dean would have tried to hide his pain from his brother, considering it a weakness, but it seemed to Sam as though this sadness was so vast he simply didn’t care anymore.

 ~

 Cas did not know how time worked in The Empty, but he thought it had taken Billie a long time to die. The infection seemed to spread through her body far slower in The Empty’s domain than it had when they had both been on Earth; possibly the creature’s punishment for her unforgivable betrayal. Cas had watched, frozen in place, as her body finally gave out and she dropped to the floor, immediately sinking into a pool of darkness, leaving only her scythe behind.

And then The Empty had turned on him. “I’m so happy I will finally be able to go back to sleep,” it told him. It had been wearing Meg’s face previously, but as it spoke, its form quickly shifted to that of the man Cas had given his life for. “But first, I think you deserve a bit of pain,” as it spoke, The Empty twisted Cas’ insides until he was screaming in agony. “Was it worth it?” The Empty snarled through Dean’s face. “Sacrificing yourself for one man who doesn’t even care about you? Giving up a millennia for a human who will be gone in the blink of an eye… Or sooner than that, even. What you did made no difference; you probably bought him a day, at most. He can’t stop God.”

On and on this went, the taunting, the torture, the constant talk of Dean’s death while the creature wore his face. Cas had no idea how long he had been there, it could have been hours, could have been days – time meant nothing in The Empty. The more The Empty talked, the more Cas started to believe what it was saying. He didn’t regret giving up his life for Dean but maybe, maybe if he had found another way to save him from Billie, he could still be there to protect him, keep him safe from Chuck - help him win.

I shouldn’t have left him.

The Empty threw Cas across the endless stretch of nothingness and Cas collided with something solid.

Curious, he thought, Surely I’m the only thing here?

Another wave of intense pain hit him and he clenched his fists, trying his best to contain the screams threatening to burst out of him. In a brief painless moment, while The Empty taunted him more about Dean’s inevitable death, Cas looked at the item he had collided with.

Billie’s scythe. Suddenly, Cas had an idea. A stupid, crazy idea, but what did he have left to lose? Surely he was dead either way? Picking the scythe up, he turned to face The Empty.

“That won’t kill me,” The Empty cackled, flicking its finger and sending a jolt of pain up Cas’ spine.

Cas gripped the scythe tighter as he grit his teeth, riding out the pain.

“I… don’t need… to kill you,” Cas growled, lifting the scythe towards himself.

Realization dawned on the creature’s version of Dean’s face.

“No,” it screeched. “We had a deal!” It dived towards Cas, sending an intense wave of pain through the angel as it did, but it wasn’t enough to stop him.

With all the strength he could muster he cut into his throat and let his grace drain from him.

There was an explosion of light and Cas felt himself being thrown backwards, through some invisible barrier, as if hitting the surface of water. And then, he finally fell asleep.

 ~

 Dean had been dreaming, for the first time in days, of something other than The Empty taking Cas. Barn walls were shaking around him, light bulbs shattering above his head, and a figure approached with the bluest eyes he had ever seen.

I’m the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition.

Dean was ripped from his slumber by an alarm blaring throughout the bunker, Cas’ words still playing in his mind. Dean stretched as he stood up from the kitchen chair he had accidentally fallen asleep in; that dream had been the closest he had found to peace since Cas had been taken from him, yet even in the dream he had not been able to shake the sense of loss and regret.

Dean was unsure how long it had been since they had defeated God – it could have been days or weeks – and he hadn’t left the bunker since they’d returned to it. He knew Sam was worried about him; his random meltdowns over the smallest of things were so out of character it was unsurprising, but he simply didn’t know how to be normal after what had happened.

Dean groaned, reaching for the bottle of painkillers sitting on the kitchen counter as the alarm finally stopped and Sam rounded the corner.

“What was that about?” Dean growled, popping a painkiller in his mouth and downing it with a swig of whisky from the near-empty bottle on the table.

Sam shot him a judgmental look, but didn’t comment on it. “Massive energy spike in Illinois, not sure what it could be but I’m heading to check it out,” Sam said breathlessly, and from the panicked look in his eyes Dean could tell this was something big.

“Okay, give me a minute to get ready,” Dean said, attempting a grin. From the look Sam shot him in return, he didn’t get close.

“I didn’t think you’d want to come,” Sam responded, his eyebrows knitted together in confusion and concern. “You haven’t left the bunker in days…”

“Is that all it’s been?” Dean asked quietly. “Seems like an eternity…" He trailed off as his thoughts wandered back to tear-filled blue eyes and heartfelt confessions. He shut his eyes, willing the pain to go away but knowing it wouldn't. "Anyway," he continued as if nothing had happened. "If it’s that big, you’ll need help and it’s probably time for me to get back to what I do best. Killing things.”

Dean knew he was being less than convincing, but he was hoping Sam would just go along with it.

“I thought that wasn’t who you were?” Sam said softly, and Dean held back a sob as he thought of Cas’ words.

You think that hate and anger, that's what drives you – that’s who you are. It's not. And everyone who knows you sees it.

“Let’s just– Can we just get going, please?” Dean begged, and Sam nodded sadly.

“Meet you by the car in ten,” he said.

 ~

 When they reached the location the monster radar had given them, the sun was setting, its golden rays peeking over the horizon as they exited the car and trudged across the field towards the location pinpointed on their GPS. When Dean finally saw where they were heading to, a sense of dread crept over him. He ran ahead slightly, just to make sure this really was what he thought it was.

Straight ahead of them, framed by the setting sun, was a large barn.

“What the hell is this?” Dean growled, angry, but not sure at whom.

“What?” Sam asked, stopping a few meters behind his brother, worried all of a sudden. “Dean, are you okay?”

“This barn!” He shouted as he gestured towards it. “This goddamn barn, Sammy!” He turned on the spot and fixed Sam with a look that made his heart break a little, before falling to his knees.

“Dean!” Sam shouted, running towards the older man and sinking to the ground next to him. “What’s wrong?”

Tears streamed down his brother’s face as he gripped at Sam’s jacket. “It’s the barn, Sammy. It’s the barn!”

“The barn?” Sam questioned, completely and utterly lost.

“It’s where I met Cas, the first time, after he freed me from Hell. This is where we met.”

 Shit, Sam thought, There’s no way that’s a coincidence.

Dean noticed the panic on Sam’s face and tried to calm himself down.

“This is a trap, isn’t it?” He sniffed, rubbing aggressively at his eyes with the sleeve of his jacket. “It’s gotta be.”

“Yeah,” Sam said, helping Dean back up. “This is definitely not normal.”

 ~

 They entered the barn, slowly, carefully, with their guns drawn and their torches raised. The walls were still covered with the warding Dean and Bobby had painted all those years ago, and there, lying in the center of the devil’s trap they had sprayed on the floor, was a body.

“Is that–?” Sam began, before Dean let out a breathless cry.

“Cas?!”

He rushed towards the lifeless body immediately, ignoring Sam’s shouts for him to wait. Collapsing on the floor next to Cas, Dean cradled the other man in his arms. He looked unharmed apart from some dried blood on his neck, and Dean let out a loud gasp when he realised Cas was breathing, slow and rhythmically.

“Sammy!” Dean tried to shout, but it came out as more of a sob. “He’s alive.”

Sam was still standing by the entrance to the barn, his gun still raised as if he expected an enemy to jump out at any minute which was, of course, a logical assumption.

“Let’s get out of here, Dean,” Sam shouted, worry evident in his voice. “We don’t know who else could be out here, just grab Cas and let’s go.”

Dean gently gathered the angel in his arms and followed Sam out the barn, and back to the Impala. Surprisingly, they saw no-one on their way back to the car, a fact which only caused the boys to grow more suspicious.

“It’s definitely him, right?” Sam asked, as Dean placed Cas in the back seat before throwing Sam his keys.

“I’m as sure as I can be,” Dean replied. “We can do all the normal tests when he’s awake but… I think it’s really him, Sammy. There's just something about him... It... smells like him.”

“Smells like him?” Sam smirked, as Dean got into the back seat and laid Cas’ head gently in his lap.

“Shut up.”

 ~

 A couple of hours into the drive, just about when Dean had started to get really worried about Cas not waking up yet, the other man began to stir.

“Dean?” He said, in a voice even raspier than normal, as he gazed up at Dean in amazement.

“Cas,” Dean choked out, running his hand through the angel’s hair, brushing it from his forehead. “Is it really you?”

“Yes,” Cas replied, a pained expression on his face. “But I–”

“Don’t talk,” Dean said, concern lacing his voice. “It looks like you mighta been injured. We’ll be back at the bunker soon enough and Sam’ll have a look at you.”

Cas looked like he wanted to argue but did as Dean asked and stayed quiet.

When they got back to the bunker, Dean helped Cas to his room and left Sam to do the normal tests, and take a look over him with some of Rowena’s spells. Dean waited in the corridor outside, pacing to start with but after a while he sank to the floor, leaning his head back against the wall.

Cas was alive. He couldn't quite believe this was happening, he had been so sure that this time the angel had been gone for good, but somehow he had managed to pull off one last miracle.

Somehow, he had managed to save Dean one last time.

 ~

 Sam exited Cas’ room about thirty minutes later, a worried look on his face.

“Well?” Dean asked impatiently, jumping up from where he had been sitting on the floor.

“It’s definitely Cas,” Sam told him. “And he’s doing okay... but I think you’d better go talk to him, Dean.”

This did absolutely nothing to ease the knots in Dean’s stomach but he approached the door nonetheless, eager to see for himself that Cas was okay.

When he entered Cas’ room he found the other man sitting up in bed, a white t-shirt on his upper half and blankets pooled around his waist. He looked different without his usual attire, more approachable - more human. There was a small mark on his neck, where the dried blood Dean had seen earlier had clearly been cleaned away from, and a cut on his arm where, Dean assumed, Sam had done the silver test.

“Dean,” Cas said, and he sounded much better than he had when he had last spoken on the drive back to the bunker.

“Cas,” Dean answered shakily, trying to control the mix of emotions that had been building in him ever since he saw Cas’ body lying in that barn. Sam had told Dean he needed to talk to Cas but Cas didn’t seem to be offering up any information as to what they needed to talk about, so Dean took the initiative and asked, “How did you escape?”

Cas’ eyes flitted down to stare at his hands and Dean thought he looked almost ashamed…? He said nothing for several minutes, but Dean waited uncharacteristically patiently.

“Dean,” Cas began eventually. “I know I’ve not been of much use to you recently, since I lost most of my powers–”

“That’s not true, Cas,” Dean immediately interrupted, suddenly feeling sick with guilt about how he had treated Cas over the last few years.

Cas gave him a look and continued. “So it may upset you to know… that I am now human,” Dean looked at Cas, wide-eyed and confused, so Cas elaborated. “The Empty is where angels go when they die,” he explained slowly. “Apart from I wasn’t dead, I had just been taken by The Empty. It wanted to put me into an endless sleep, same as with my deceased brothers and sisters – what I had experienced the last time I died, before Jack woke me up... But Billie’s scythe was there and I thought - it was stupid really – I thought that, as I was technically still alive, if I was no longer an angel The Empty wouldn’t want me… So–”  

“You cut out your grace?” Dean finished, his mouth agape in abject horror as his eyes fixed on the small cut on Cas' neck and he finally put two and two together.

“And The Empty ejected me,” Cas nodded. Dean's heart pounded in his chest as panic and guilt spread through him, he had caused this. “I am sorry, Dean; I didn’t think it through. I was just trying to get back to you all – to help – but now I realise what little help I’ll be. Even now Chuck's gone - even just as a hunter - if I wasn’t of use to you with my significantly reduced powers, what good will I be to you as a human?”

“Is that what you think?” Dean asked fiercely, swallowing down bile as he thought about all the things he had said to Cas to make him feel this way. “Cas, I don’t care. I don’t care whether you have your powers or not. I just care about you. These last few days, I’ve been a mess. I thought you were gone for good and I couldn't cope. Seriously, man, I’m just so, so glad you’re back,” Dean was close to tears at this point so he trailed off, not wanting to start blubbering in front of Cas like he had been in front of Sam the past few days. Cas shot Dean a small smile as Dean gestured awkwardly towards the door, “I’m jus’ gonna… leave you to get some rest for now,” Dean was sure that Cas would need some, and he was hoping that now Cas was back he would finally be able to get some peace himself.

“Thank you, Dean,” Cas croaked, as he shut the door gently, and Dean got the impression he was being thanked for more than just leaving Cas to sleep.

 ~

 For days, Dean had been acting weirdly around Castiel; unable to find the courage to mention the words spoken before The Empty had claimed him, waiting for the other man to bring it up first, but knowing he would not. Why would he, when he believed his feelings to be unrequited?

Three days after Cas had returned to the bunker, Sam pulled Dean aside and told him he was finally going to visit Eileen.

“You need to sort this out while I’m gone,” his brother told him quietly, gesturing to where Cas sat across the room, reading one of Rowena’s old books on astral projection.

“Sort what out?” Dean replied, trying to act innocent.

“Don’t pull that shit with me, Dean,” Sam growled, eyes flicking briefly back to Cas to check the other man hadn’t heard him. “I saw how you were after Cas died,” Sam muttered, and Dean felt a jolt of pain go through his heart at Sam’s words – even though Cas was back, it still hurt Dean to think about the time they had spent apart. Sam raised an eyebrow at him, clearly noticing the change in Dean’s demeanour. “There you go,” he said matter-of-factly. “I saw how you reacted to him being gone, and the words he said to you before. Don’t pretend like they weren’t said, just because you’re scared,” Dean opened his mouth to protest but Sam just kept talking. “I know you’re scared, Dean, don’t try to deny it. I know it’s hard to admit what you’re feeling, but you have to know that I will always support you? That I always have?” Dean’s eyes widened at this and Sam’s features softened slightly. “You’re not as subtle as you think, Dean. I’ve known for a while.”

Dean wasn’t sure if Sam was talking about Cas specifically, or if he meant on a wider scale, but he was too overwhelmed to say anything in reply. Overwhelmed with love for his baby brother, overwhelmed that someone he cared about so much accepted him for who he truly was.

“Dean,” Sam continued, placing a hand on Dean’s shoulder comfortingly. “You’re my brother, you raised me. I will always look up to you, and love you for who you are. I just want you to be able to accept this part of yourself, because it has never changed how I view you.  None of our friends – our family – will see you any differently for who you love, surely you know that? Me, Jodie, Donna, Eileen – we all just want you to be happy. So please, Dean, just sort this out. I know it’s hard for you, but just let yourself be happy. Let Cas be happy.”

Dean didn’t know what to say, but he knew Sam was right – and deep down he had known Sam would support him, of course he would – but that didn’t make it any less scary. Teary-eyed, he looked at Sam and nodded.

“Thank you, Sammy,” he said shakily as his brother pulled him into a hug. “I’ll do it, I’ll make this right.”

Sam beamed at him as he pulled away.

“I’ll see you day after tomorrow,” he told Dean quietly, before raising his voice to shout a goodbye to Cas.

Cas looked up from his book and waved as Sam exited the bunker, a bright smile on the former angel’s face, and Dean’s heart skipped a beat.

He knew he wanted to see that smile every day for the rest of his life, and he knew how to make that happen.

He just had to be brave.

Let Cas be happy, he told himself.

 ~

 “Cas,” Dean said, sitting down at the table, opposite the man. “I think we need to talk.”

Cas looked up from his book, his eyes wide. “If this is about what I said before I, uh, left–” he began but Dean interrupted him.

“It is,” he stated, placing his hands on his knees under the table, so Cas wouldn't be able to see how much they were shaking. “I need to know – did you mean it? Did you mean it how I think you meant it?”

“You still doubt you deserve love?” Cas questioned in reply, placing his book down on the table and leaning forward in his seat.

“Don’t dodge my question with all your cryptic shit,” Dean snapped, but there was no real heat behind it. “Just tell me if you meant what I thought you meant.”

“You know I did,” he said seriously, looking Dean right in the eye.

“Okay,” Dean said with a deep breath. “I just didn’t know if we were on the same page, y’know, with you being an angel. I didn’t know if it meant something different to you.”

“I’m not an angel anymore, Dean. And I meant it- I still mean it. I love you.”

It was no less overwhelming the second time Cas said it. Dean felt his heartbeat speed up and his palms grow sweaty – was he really going to do this? After years of shame and guilt and fear, was he finally going to let himself be free? Let himself be happy?

Dean slowly stood and made his way around the table so he was standing next to where Castiel sat. Cas looked up at him, confusion gracing his beautiful features before he stood too. It felt as though his bright eyes were boring into Dean's very soul.

Cas was so close, his face just inches away from Dean’s. They had stood this close many times before during the ten years they had known each other, but never before with the knowledge that Dean held now. His eyes flicked down to Cas’ lips and back up again, all it would take would be leaning in just slightly…

“Dean,” Cas murmured, and he was so close Dean could feel Cas' breath against his lips.

“Cas,” Dean breathed out, reaching up to cup the other man’s cheek, “I’ve felt this way for so long, Cas, but I was just so used to hiding it. I was so full of shame - of fear. I buried this feeling so deep that when you told me you loved me I just– I didn’t know how to react. But now I know, Cas. I just want the chance to make you happy," Dean took a deep breath, preparing himself to admit something he had spent years living in fear of. "I hope you can forgive me for everything I've said, everything I've done in the past to make you feel unappreciated. There's a lot I wish I could take back - a lot I should have said instead - but I wanna try my best to make it up to you. I'm sorry I didn't have the courage to say this sooner, Cas... But I love you,” Cas’ eyes widened, as though standing there, mere inches away from Dean, with Dean’s hand pressed to his cheek, he had still not expected to hear him utter those words. “I’m sorry I made you think that my love – that I – was something you couldn’t have, but I want you to know, Cas, I’m yours. If you still want me, I’m yours. Always have been.”

“Dean,” Cas whispered, his hand coming up to cup the back of Dean’s neck gently, tears of happiness glistening in his eyes. “I’ve never wanted anything more in my life.”

And with that, at last, Cas pressed his lips to Dean’s, and Dean didn’t feel scared any more.

He was finally happy.

Finally free.

 ~

 From the place where he stood, invisible, in the corner of the room, Jack smiled. He had promised not to meddle in human affairs, and he had kept his word, but he had needed to see this through to the end. Just to make sure that these two people he cared about so much got the happiness they deserved. Now that Cas was human, he and Dean would be able to grow old together, and when they died both their souls would be able to ascend to Jack’s new Heaven, where they could all be together as a family, once again.

***

(A/N Thanks so much for reading, this was my first Spn fic in like five years so I really hope you enjoyed and thought they were in character enough. I know Dean was insanely angsty but I just hated how unbothered he seemed to be by Cas' death. And I don't know if logically Death's scythe should have killed Cas even though he was already in The Empty but I don't really care tbh, my fic makes more sense than those last couple of episodes the CW tried to feed us...)

#destiel #dean winchester #castiel novak #spn #supernatural #fuck supernatural #they really just said 'fuck the lgbtq community' #didn't they #destihellers #bi dean #bi dean winchester #bisexual dean winchester #tw internalized biphobia #tw internalized homophobia #my fics

[spiritclusters]

Thoughts On SPN Finale (Both Positive and Negative)

As a fair bit of warning here, this post is going to be a mix of both positives and negatives on the finale. I am happy to agree to disagree about this, okay? So no hate, pls. <3

After letting the finale sit on my mind for a week, spinning between frustration, tears and aching loss, I think I’m finally ready to say something about it. Honestly, with the way that the fandom has been kinda murderous the last few days, I haven’t been brave enough to take the heat yet. 

But yeah. Here we are. (This is both a mixed review of kind of 15.19 + 15.20)

Thank you for *giving me a meltdown so we could be here.

Firstly, from the standpoint of a fan, I was satisfied. Sam, Dean, and Cas were given rest. It wasn’t the rest that I’d wanted, but these characters that I have watched struggle with battle after battle for fifteen seasons (or eleven) were finally allowed to sit still and just be. No pressure on them to save the world, no one yanking strings; they are, for the first time in their lives, perfectly safe in a heaven controlled by their adoptive son. Ergo: an environment that will never, never try to backstab them. 

Cas wasn’t stuck in the Empty. Jack, who said that he’d be here and there, immediately went and rescued his angel father from the end. The duo can now be happily influencing creation for eternity to come. Cas can, at last, be happy, knowing that by raising Jack, he has atoned for everything. Heaven is fixed, the Winchesters are safe. Cas can rest. 

Jack is finally at peace with himself. He has no doubts about his character. He is happy. Jack has always wanted to be good, and he finally has the means to do it widespread. He is a balance of both light and dark with Amara, and he is finally capable of keeping his family and himself safe. Jack can rest. 

Sam got a family. Sam was able to be the one thing that he wanted when he was twenty-two: a family. A wife. (Of which I will fight for my dying breath that blurry woman in the background is Eileen.) Stability. The ability to step away from hunting. Sam was able to put himself first. Sam can rest. 

Dean was given peace. Dean has always had an incredible guilt complex about leaving hunting. He’s wanted to from as far back as season two, probably before, but he’s never been given a chance to stop. Chuck kept pulling him back in, over and over, because any peace that Dean had the chance to capture was taken from him. Dean was able to stop filling the void from Cas’s death and Jack’s disappearance by not having to hunt anymore. His death was bittersweet, but by being finally forced to stop hunting, Dean Winchester was finally able to rest. 

Am I happy that the only way the writers decided to give the characters rest was to kill them? No. But I understand that it was nessercary in the world of SPN that they move on. If they kept hunting, the show would have felt compelled to continue. I think we all knew that the finale was going to be one final sweep of the board to kill everyone.

I am deeply, deeply grateful for the effort that JA and JP put into the final showing of their characters. The performances were very alive and beautiful. I will forever be in awe of Dean’s death. The raw emotions between the two was absolutely gorgeous. I’m not a crier, and there have been very little scenes in SPN that have made me cry, but Cas’s goodbye and Dean and Sam’s were absolute beautiful. MC, JP, and JA gave their all into these characters write offs, and they were momentous. 

That said, from a writer’s stance, 15.19 and 15.20 were an absolute disaster. 

Random cameos that serve very little to the plot, fan services, and awkward conclusions that weren’t as well put together as I would have liked. Unconcluded dangling loose ends that can almost tear the entire season (series) apart because though we spent so much time building up to something--nothing of consequence really...happened. Yeah, Chuck destroyed creation, but Jack reversed uno’d that. That’s just the first one of many that comes to mind. 

I will say this only once and only once, but--a writer’s job is not to please the fans, it’s to tell a story. 

Yes, I’m happy that we got fan services, but I would have been happier if they had kind of...ignored us, and just told the story that they wanted to without fear of repercussions. As a wrap up to the series, I was deeply disappointed. Y’know what would have been better? (for all of s15, honestly, because s15 was a mess) Actually caring about growth and healing. If we had seen Sam recover from mental health issues (cage trauma, cough, cough), Dean recover from alcoholism + adjoining anger issues, and Cas manage to find healing from the loss of his family and the mistakes that he’s unwittingly stepped into. 

I guess, for me, I was hoping to see the boys + Cas actually...recover. For the writer’s to acknowledge the crap that they’ve put them through and see them to the end of it in life. Death is not healing, okay? Death is an escape for a writer to use as loophole. I know this firsthand. 

I also know, writer-wise, that angst and trauma are much easier to write and easier for an audience to follow, but I still. Frustration. 

And to those of you who might argue that Sam did heal--he...didn’t. Sam and Dean are soulmates. There is a connection that we cannot simply cannot understand or fathom there. (It is why, I believe, Dean made the deal for Sam in S2. It is almost physically impossible for them to live without each other.) Sam’s soul died when Dean’s went to heaven. What stayed on earth was little more than a grieving shell. 

Look guys, I’m not frustrated because of a lost ship. I’m not frustrated because the boys deserved better (even if they did), I’m flustered because we did. We deserved to see them heal and get better + move on from hunting while they were alive because that would have been incentive to always keep fighting. A promise that things do get better. For me, the ending didn’t feel like a promise to carry on it was just...disappointing. 

So yeah. Mixed feelings. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only non-destial (even though destial shipper’s feelings, like any other fan’s, are completely valid) shipper out there who wasn’t satisfied. I don’t know. I guess...after so long of watching these characters suffer, I wanted the peace to see them let go. For the ending to feel like a new beginning instead of the end. Still. I’m not going to go hate on CW, the directors, or cast. I’m still very, very grateful for the work they did put into the show. 

With that. 

Thank you Supernatural. Thank you Misha Collins, Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles for Castiel, Sam and Dean Winchester. You will forever hold a special place in my heart. <3 

#spn #spn final #spn final thoughts #spn final thoughts postive #spn final thoughts negative #15.20 #15.20 spoilers #review #episode thoughts

[incarnateirony]

Ooh okay I had heard about the San Jac thing, just didn't know it was called the San Jac incident. Honestly not surprised about it, it's typically them (fucked up)

My mood @ fandom reaction in general, Concerned Parents and all, at the current public face of this.

Tag urself I’m Assertive Nurse.

Sam: Half offended, half confused realizing he’s walking backwards

Cas: Generally going with it but looking to Dean, who

Dean: Is trying to debate (ir)Rational Parental Concern™

In the end Jenneel and everyone will be fine, and safe, and it’ll work itself out as it should. Frankly should have a long time ago but the costs of public image on a cult show like this can run pretty high. It’s been brittle base management until the end, and now they just don’t give a fuck – See: The Literal Show Plot Right Now. EVERYBODY. CREATIVELY. KNOWS.

They’re about to be freeeee.

Look if I was going to bank on any DeanCas wants it’s like, literally guys, for the spite. Whatever CW lets you do, do it out of *raw, unadulterated spite*. Please. You already wrapped up all their demands and Favorite Seasons into LolChuckWriting as the villain let’s just go the whole fucking nine, knock this shit out of the park and past the sixteenth wall.

Andrew Dabb penning 15.20 like Yeah They Been Fuckin Since S12 But Chuck Just Didnt Focus On It Cuz Its Not What The Show Was About

** please be advised that’s crack spec/a joke** mostly** at this point** who fuckin knows

Jensen’s lesbian aunt dragged a tinhat (they often like to use her as a narrative prop in their spngoss whispering); Danneel, Jensen, Clif, Mitch, literally everybody has told them to back down. The show has open blasted them. The authors have started blocking them. And yes it’s literally all the same “them”s. This isn’t hard. Now if only fandom can really rip out the roots in the infested wound and figure out how deeply scarred their conversational line in the fandom at large is in the old pandering to these demographics in some “every kind of fan is a valid fan” narrative that just chose to ignore the invasive… I don’t even know what to call it. Something I’ve been speaking of often lately on how skewed online discourse has put fandom even a few years behind GA curve on a lot of things by engaging in undue social equity towards certain fan and behavior types advantaged by anchored fansite narrative holdings, and excessive consideration and condolences for those who just dropped tents in digital spaces and made noise.

TPTB have cut through the din, especially with Dabb’s whole creative crew being considerably more “plugged in” than Carver’s was. If you think for a second they don’t know how the Winbros mods talk about them on their personals, or what they ask for, and that they just whipped up Chuck’s POV vs post-therapy kentuckyBecky by fluke – I don’t know what to tell you. Everybody. Knows.

And while the show is mostly addressing *that* bundle, let’s also be mindful that there’s a whole-assed crew of clout-chasing – idk, kpop stans tbh if I had to bundle the group off for what they were beneath their 20k name changes – that love to literally shop horrible things about Jensen, claim they’re real, and say “issa joke” – and like, they might wanna chill out too.