solitude
solitude. a word many fear, but eventually grow to adore. a word everyone receives a taste of in their teenage years. she did. the first few sips were offered by those who called themselves her friends.
there was barely a cloud in the sky, and all the stars twinkled. the full moon shone, casting a beautiful glow on all those who ventured out. the soft sounds of the waves crashing and the muffled ripples of the water filled her with a sense of calmness- the kind one can only experience near the ocean.
as she took a few steps forward, the waves washed away her sorrows. drowning her tears in the salty water, she let go.
she was numb, and she knew the water had nothing to do with it. as she returned to the shore, her olive skin glistened with water.
she returned to the fire and sat on one of the logs. a few stared at her, but she was blind to all those around her. she looked straight at the fire. the one good thing she could keep going, she ruined.
maybe curses are real, for it felt so to her. her heart was happy, but her soul crawled. her eyes held a glimmer that never died. not when she set sail to the darkest of oceans, nor when she cried dark clouds of tears. the fire roaring in her soul was reflected in her deep brown eyes. she got up, her legs a little less numb.
her house was a little far, but under a moonlit night and stars in the sky, who needed a roof?
~ @avocadosupremacy ~
(praseeda)
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Release what other people think of you
You are absolutely not in control of others' perceptions of you. You cannot control what they think of you and how they perceive you, no matter how hard you try. They can judge, criticize, and say really nasty things about you, maybe because you see things differently than them, maybe because you have different beliefs and opinions, maybe because you dress differently and are indeed very different from them.
I am here to remind you not to let their nasty words bring you down. Of course, you are free to set boundaries and not cultivate relationship with people who judge and diminish you.
You can choose people who are on your same wavelength, people who are respectful and tactful. It doesn't mean you have to think the same things, it means you can have a respectful conversation when sharing different opinions and beliefs.
Your tribe starts with you. Your soul family starts with you. Choose wisely, choose people who honour you and respect you, choose the ones who love you and don't just tolerate you. You deserve the world. You deserve the very best. We all do.
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matt weekends were filled with partying and beer he was in love with the college nightlife but Matt was steadily increasing his waistline without him realizing it I mean all that beer and getting high which would lead to a pig out at the end of the night Lucky for Matt the first 5 Ibs he gained went straight to his ass only making matt hotter.
Matt had managed to gain a respectable 15 pounds, covering his formerly shredded abs with a bit of a belly but no one would have called him fat or probably even noticed
Matt's love of burgers and pastries was steadily increasing his waistline without him realising it the ex-jock’s belly grew steadily each day he was growing inch by inch how could he not when Matt's diet slowly turned into one of beer, pizza, pasta, McDonald’s, Dunkin’ Donuts, and burritos. And all the partying Matt did Left him with little time to work out not that he gave it much thought
Matt said to his roommate ''am getting pizza you want anything''
Roommate “Shouldn’t you be laying off the fast food?”
Mate “Sure beats having to make my own dinner”
The roommate walked over to Matt lifted his shirt reached out and gave Matt soft layer of extra pudge a squeeze
Roommate “Maybe you ought to think about laying off the pizza a bit.”
Matt lowered his shirt “ Yes, fine Whatever Um, yeah, I’ll take 2 large meat lovers with extra cheese and the dessert cookie cake …. You want anything''
Roommate ''“That’s all for you?”
Matt “Yeah bro what do you want?”
Roommate '' am good''
Mate '' oh and a bottle of diet coke''
Roomate “Haha you enjoyed yourself.''
and enjoy himself he did Matt quite happily and stuffed himself with pizza lifting piece by piece, watching the multitude of cheeses stretch away from the rest of the pizza. He used his finger to sever the excess and toss it back into his mouth.
Matt would be meandering about the dorm room with his bare beer belly on for show. Matt would belch and rub his way around the room. Matt's roommate walked up to him and patted his belly which was starting to droop a little over the elastic waistband “Careful buddy, you’re gonna get fat.” Matt shrugged, taking another sip of his beer “I’ll still hit the gym and run, you know? It will all balance out in the end.”
Matt didn't listen to his roommate's warning and continued pigged out in every sense of the word and his belly grew wider and wider, drooping lower and lower, his once flat chest was developing into a heavy pair of moobs.
Matt kept convincing himself that his 36" pants still fit he’d suck in his growing belly and grunt and groan “Damn it,” he grunted, attempting to get the button in his jeans to reach the hole. Matt tried buttoning them but they wouldn’t close ''Just suck in. Just suck it in''. These fit the last time Matt wore them.
Matt tossed himself against his bed pushing himself onto the bed. Sure enough, he managed to get the ends to meet and do up his pants. Sitting up was a little uncomfortable, but at least his pants were fastened.
Later that night Matt and his roommate kicked back watched TV down some beers and got high. Time melted away as they talked and In what seemed like no time at all, Matt had downed two beers The button of his shorts groaned audibly but didn’t give. As Matt leaned forward to reach for his third beer but suddenly he heard the button on his shorts groan. There was a pinch at his waist, then a loud snap, and the pressure dissipated immediately from his waist as his button went flying across the room. His zipper gave under the pressure of his surging belly and jiggled wildly on his lap, jutting forward even farther than it had before, leaving his belly completely exposed, pale, flabby, and jiggly right before his roommate's eyes.
“You’ve gotten fat, man Looks like you could use some new shorts I can't believe you just busted out your pants. You need to lay off the burgers and beer, big guy.''
“Man,” Matt gave his belly a jiggle, “I am getting’ fuckin’ fat dude. I need to hit the gym. I didn’t notice how big this puppy was getting!”
Matt stood shirtless in front of his 3-sided mirror with his shorts busted open and gave his belly a squeeze and grabbed a handful of his flesh. He gasped and he felt his fingers press deeply into his soft stomach. It felt like bread dough being kneaded between his fingers. It was then that Matt realized that the Fat Gut he saw looking in the mirror was his. He screamed aloud in shock when he realized that he was fat.
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I was meant to lose /
My first, it was fate, written /
What must be shall be
I still miss him so much ❤️ he was such a special boy to me and we went through so much. Internship, residency, FIP, Covid, engagement and subsequent break up, losing cypres, losing Ezra, getting Enzo, starting the clinical job, attempting to make the offers on the houses… he was my little support through it all
Oddly enough I knew I was meant to lose him… oddly enough I had a feeling it was going to be then… but as all in things in life we must not cling, not even to the most precious pieces of our heart
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